Where is she?
by AleciaB
Summary: Castle and Beckett receive a tip off that lead them to a alley way. But something happens in the alley. Something bad. A story with lots of angst, dealing with conflict and the progression of life. Then something good happens. Then revenge occurs.
1. Chapter 1 - Abduction

_This story is about a terrible event and subject, of how people deal with it, heal and move on with life. There is also plenty of revenge. It has many twists and turns on both emotional and physical levels. It took me almost 18 months to write it from the original version of it to what is posted on this sight. _

_The topic is provoking and I hope it causes readers to think. In the time it took me to write this story there have been numerous accounts of reports sex crimes in Australia alone. Its devastating to write this and to see news reports of women who have died from being bashed and raped in a bus in India or an inner city alley in Melbourne, Australia or been held hostage for years in houses. So here is a very long journey ... _

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**Chapter 1 – The abduction**

"This is the address they gave you?" Castle asked peering out the window of the Crown Vic down towards the alley as they drove past it in search of a place to park to car. He looked around the shabby neighborhood, thanking himself it was more than a stone's throw from where he lived.

"This is it," Beckett confirmed glancing to the alley then continued driving to find a place to park the unit.

"You know if I was writing this..." he began with trepidation in his voice.

"Yes." Beckett's lip curved in amusement that he was already onto a story. She waited for him to continue whilst she found a spot to park the car and pulled in as he carried on with his in depth analysis of the situation.

"Well the alley, it's a venue where the story is about to suddenly change, to twist," he explained.

"Twist? Which way?" She asked curious for him to continue.

"Usually for the worst," he replied seriously, his eyes turning to her face as she put the car in park then killed the engine. He looked about the neighborhood, taking it all in. A reasonably quiet area, a low income district and everything he looked at needed repairs of some description. His gut had migrated from nervous butterflies to awkward twists and somersaults that he was unable to understand the reasoning of at the moment. He decided he would follow his instincts and talk it through.

"Well, this is not one of your stories Castle. We're just checking on a lead, then we can go grab some lunch because I'm starving," she stated with a tone that told him they were going to check out the lead no matter what he said to dissuade her.

"Me too. But this is an odd place for a lead." He decided to persist. "My gut is telling me something's not right." He looked again to Kate, his partner, seriously and directly to her hazel eyes and she responded with a smart ass stare then a roll of those large eyes her eyelids closing half a second. "I'm serious Beckett!" He stressed annoyed she wasn't taking on board what he was feeling.

"I have my gun." She smiled. "You're hungry. I did eat your bear claw this morning." She reminded him and unbuckled the seatbelt as he did. She placed the police card on the dash to avoid a parking ticket.

"I don't know where you put all the food you eat in a day." Castle commented checking out her slim body. "It sucks."

She snickered in response. "Good genes."

"They're great jeans, really make your …"

"Genes, as in genetics," she impatiently interrupted but also couldn't resist adding, "And yes, my ass does look great in these jeans."

"Sorry." Castle humbly submitted with a coy smile, thinking about how much of his undivided attention that nice piece of tail had had that very morning, "Shall we go check this lead out? Then we better feed you before the sugar levels get too low. We know what you're like when that happens." He commented sarcastically primarily to mess with her head, knowing full well she was irritable when she was hungry and would snap back at him.

"I have a gun Castle," she replied glaring at him also noticing his expression, "Wipe that look of your face, Castle."

"Sorry, again. I was thinking about this morning," he cheekily looked to her seeing the little sparkle of humour in her eyes, then climbed out the car as she did.

"Ha! Trust you." She remarked over the roof of the vehicle, but I have to admit it was good."

Rick chortled at her comment, "It was more than good."

They met at the front of the car on the sidewalk. Both immediately felt the cool breeze and pulled their jackets across their chests to cut the wind out as they commenced walking along the sidewalk to the alley in question. They were a good looking couple and by the manner in which they interacted were clearly dating.

Castle was solid man with broad chest and shoulders, strong arms. He was ruggedly handsome and easily attracted women. Beside him, Kate was a few inches shorter very slim with legs that compared favourably to super models. She was an intelligent woman, physically attractive but it was the character that glowed from within her that made her a beautiful woman. She should have been anywhere but on the streets working as a homicide detective. But here they were, in some derelict neighborhood wondering what they hell they were doing.

Especially today, Rick had wanted to keep her at home, to have her to himself, to continue what they had had most of the night. It had been so special.

They arrived at the corner, both of them staring down the long secluded alley. It was a standard inner city alley. Bricked walls, old bitumen surface, a few doors and windows, rubbish and bins.

Castle looked back at Kate then around them, "Do the boys know we're here?" He asked thinking they should let them know prior to venturing down the alley. "You know what Gates said."

"You afraid Castle? You can wait in the car," she bullied by using her tone of voice.

"I'm ok. I just don't feel like wrestling tigers today," he hinted, choosing to ignore her usual tactics.

"Me neither. Don't want that again." She agreed her tone softer. In any case, she unclipped her holster enabling quick access to her gun. Castle's unease over the environment was prickling at her nerves. He was, as a general rule, jumping into situations right beside her, but today he was creating stories, a sign she knew he was not happy about the situation. It was unusual for him to be reluctant.

"This is all wrong." He interrupted her thoughts. Kate looked to his eyes and saw the signs he really was not happy at the situation they were in.

"Ok Castle, you tell me. What do you think we should do?" She crossed her arms pretending to be impatient but she was listening. She wanted from Rick a substantial reason for his hesitation to assess whether they should proceed with their original plan to investigate the lead. He fidgeted on his feet glancing from Kate to the alley several times, trying to sort out in his mind what he was sensing in his gut. The whole neighborhood didn't feel right. His instincts were signalling to him that something was very fishy, but he knew Kate would push it. "Castle." She hinted impatiently.

His sight flickered between Kate and the entrance of the alley, "You got the call directly that there was a good lead down there." His arm pointed into the alley. "It all looks too solitary." He dropped his arm. "Like a trap. Why did _you_ get the call? Why didn't it go to switchboard and get passed in via an email to Gates to delegate?" He finished, then looked about them, trying to figure out in detail what was bothering him enough to influence Kate to follow him.

Kate processed what he had said. "You're letting your writer's imagination take over Castle. I think you should have had that bear claw this morning. It's made you anxious." She sighed, and squinting into the sunlight, looked about the quiet and hellishly rundown neighborhood. "Let's take a quick look then go buy lunch." She seriously suggested.

"Let's get lunch first," he counter suggested hoping she would change her mind just this one time.

"We'll be five minutes," she stated looking at him seriously.

"C'mon, Baby, you're hungry. So am I," he genuinely urged, even reaching for her hand but she didn't respond how he wanted her to so he kept trying, "I'll buy you a big lunch and then we can come back here, with back up."

"We can wait five minutes, then go eat," Kate firmly stated then started striding into the entrance of the alley ahead of him. Castle waited, counting the seconds in his mind, thinking that maybe if he stayed put, stood his ground, she would change her mind. Not a chance. Ten seconds later she didn't even fault in her pace. She wasn't afraid of anything and simply continued down the alley without looking over her shoulder once, her heeled shoes sounding on the bitumen. He knew she wouldn't stop. He hurried after her at a jog, quickly catching up. "Decided to join me?" She asked with a smart ass tone of voice as he fell in beside her to continue down the alley.

"Under objection and duress, yes I'm joining you, to keep you safe," he replied and as they arrived at the first doorway to the left side of the alley.

Kate glanced at him, amused by his comment to protect her, "I do have my gun on me."

"I know, but please allow me my masculine pride once in awhile," he replied and he heard her hum a response.

They began to search each doorway and window for any irregularities, separating and coming back together as they progressed, making little comments to each other over what they saw. The further they walked, searching for the subject door, the more Castle started to relax and focus on detective work. His eyes that were always able to pick up tiny changes or discrepancies in things were kept busy. He was aware Kate had moved ahead of him as usual. She was as a rule, quicker to observe and move on. She was at a doorway further down already and trying the handle. It was locked as most of them were. She took a couple of steps back peering up to the second floor then turned her gaze back to Castle who was still on his way to catch up with her.

She turned her head towards the end of the alley, distracted by a noise coming from around the corner then glanced back to Castle to see where he was. She looked back hearing further sounds. Inquisitive, she headed in that direction.

Castle approached the doorway she had been at. He checked the number on the door. This was the address the phone call had come in about. He noticed a small window to the left that wasn't boarded up and stepped closer to it to see inside. He shielded his eyes with his hands against the window to prevent the light reflecting his own image in the glass and peered inside. It was dim and difficult to make out much, but he was also able to sum up quickly that it was just an old empty shop. The floorboards were long gone and the front room was full of crap and dust. No one had been inside the building for years he speculated by the filthy appearance of it. He stood back, unconsciously wiping his hands on his jeans.

"Beckett, there's nothing here. Let's go." He stated backing up to take a look at the second floor. They were investigating a dead end, an abandoned building that once upon a time had been a shop with a dwelling upstairs. Nothing had taken place at this address in years, especially not in the past twenty four hours. Having heard no response from Kate, he turned and looked to the end of the alley to where it T-boned another alley. Kate was nowhere and must have taken the corner ahead of him. "Beckett!" He called wondering why she always had to be ahead of him. No response. "Beckett?" He called louder and looked to where they had come from. No Kate in either direction. His heart rate quickened. "Kate? Stop with the fucking around!" He hollered and hurried to the end of the alley. He looked from left to right and back. She was nowhere nearby. In fact there was no one around. "Beckett!" He yelled, spinning about searching for her, "Kate?"

He heard the sound of tires squealing on the road not far away and sprinted down the alley in the direction of the noise, his legs pumping hard. By the time he reached there, he caught the glimpse of the back corner of a black SUV as it turned left onto the adjoining street.

Frustrated, he held his head, his heart pounding in fear, "Beckett!" he called again spinning around looking everywhere. He started jogging back up the alley his eyes searching every door, garage door. About half way along he sighted the jacket Beckett had been wearing lying on the ground in a doorstep. With it was her badge, gun, holster, wallet, keys and her cell phone. He went to pick them up but stopped. "Don't touch it." He pulled out his phone and hit quick dial for Esposito. It seemed the phone rang for an eternity.

"Yo, Castle! Beckett giving you a hard time?"

"Yeah. She's gone Espo. Someone just kidnapped Kate."

"Are you sure?"

"She's gone."

"Where are you?"

Castle gave Esposito his exact location as he continued to pace up and down the alley search in vain for any sight of Kate. He couldn't lose her today. Not today.

Esposito said, "We're on our way, man. Stay on the phone. You sure she's been taken?" His voice was surprised. He could hear Rick's heavy breathing in the phone.

"She's gone. I have her jacket, cell phone, badge, gun and wallet. No Beckett!" He yelled angrily into the phone. Black SUV, man. That's all I have." He could already hear Police sirens coming towards him. The Police were already on their way. "I'm sorry Espo. She just disappeared man!"

"She didn't scream?"

"Nothing. Not a sound, Espo. She walked around a corner that's it." Castle frantically searched the alley trying all the doors in the hope one would open and he would find her hiding from him. It would be her to pull a stupid prank like this.

"We're on our way.

"Tell me Espo that this is not a prank you guys have pulled on me."

"It's not a prank, Rick. I have a squad car on its way."

"I heard it," he replied, but then realised the siren had stopped, "Maybe another unit. Hurry!" Castle hung up and continued his hunt he now knew was in vain. He understood they had just walked into a trap. He returned to her belongings, finding it odd that whoever had taken her had left all her personal belongings at the scene. She had been stripped her of her identity. Kate was now a nobody, an unidentified woman. Castle stopped breathing the second it occurred to him what was taking place. His stomach somersaulted. He felt horribly ill. If he had been with her would she still be with him or would he be dead? She had been their target for sure and they had known she would stray from him.

He placed his hands over his face in sheer frustration and anger. She had disappeared in his company, had been snatched from under his nose. She must have heard something that had attracted her interest around the corner, a noise he hadn't picked up. He leaned against the wall feeling the coldness of the old red bricks. He was feeling extremely ill right now.


	2. Chapter 2 - Hunt begins

_Over 1000 people read the first chapter inside 12 hours. Kind of impressive. Speak up readers and let me know how this chapter pans out. This chapter was a bit of reviewing and updating, and my writing has improved since I originally wrote this (thank god!). Least, I think it has. I can read the statistics very easily but what's most important to me is knowing whether: am I making you hold your breath, sit on the edge of the seat, making you cry, laugh, panic, feel things, feel emotions? Some of you tell me you are, and that's what I love to hear. Am I provoking your emotions and making you want to read more? If so, read on…. _

**Chapter 2**

Although still far away, Richard was able to hear the sirens of uniform units approaching and closer still, he thought and hoped he heard the sound of Esposito and Ryan's car. It was quite close. The alarm had been raised within the New York Police Department that one of their own had been taken, not only one of them, but one that was so prominently featured as the face of homicide detectives nowadays because of his novels. As a consequence, every officer and his dog was going to be at the scene in no time.

His iPhone rang. Espo's face showed on the screen. "Castle." He answered angrily.

"Where are you?" Esposito asked.

"Drive into the alley. I'm at the end of it. I'm waiting by Beckett's belongings."

"Has she turned up?" Espo asked in pure hope she had been playing a stunt on Rick, a bad stunt.

"No. She's not here any more. I've searched everywhere." He sighed. "Every fucking where." He spun about as the Crown Vic's nose appeared at the t-intersection. It was too tight for the car to turn with the rubbish container nearby. Castle disconnected the call as the boys stepped out the car. Their faces were serious. No joking he hoped. Ryan caught up to Espo with a jog, also checking his hand gun to ensure it was loaded.

"Where's her stuff?" Espo asked his brow knotted and Castle stepped back a few feet along the bitumen pointing a hand to the pile of belongings. "We have to check fast as everyone is going to be here soon and it will be crazy."

"Yeah." Ryan agreed. The radio went into a meltdown when it was announced over the air that Beckett had been snatched.

"We gotta find her." Castle said seriously. "Its damn important that we find her."

"We know." Ryan replied. "We'll find her Castle." He reassured. The boys gloved up and handed Castle a pair so they could search. The boys firstly looked about the area, for any evidence on the ground, any doors that would open. Rick knew it was all in vain. They returned to Kate's belongings and picked them up careful not to over handle each item. Castle had her work wallet that fitted in her pockets. "Cash is in here." He told them and checked her plastic cards. Everything he had seen her pack in there that very morning was still there. He took a plastic bag from Esposito and placed Kate's wallet inside it. He sealed it. He was trying not to think about that morning in their bed, what she had been talking about, the sparkle in her eyes. He shut it out. "We have to find her." He muttered.

"Bullets are counted." Ryan said, checking her spare cartridge. "Not a shot used." He too used a plastic bag he sealed the gun in.

"They stripped her of all identification." Espo remarked his brown eyes moving between Castle and Ryan. They clearly understood the ramifications of this. "I've called CSI unit down to see if they can lift any prints but I think we'll be pushing our luck."

"We might get something off these things. Someone pulled them from her." Ryan replied looking up and down the alley hoping like hell his boss would just pop out of a door way laughing because she had punked them. But it wasn't in her personality to do such a thing, not with the job they had. "Why the hell would someone take Beckett in broad daylight like this?" Ryan asked scratching his head. He was looking around the alley, recalling why she had decided to check out the call in herself rather than send somebody else down to report it.

"I'm not answering that." Castle replied his fist clenching. He had two answers swirling around in his head and he didn't like either of them.

"Me neither." Esp said. "You ok Castle?" He touched Castle on the shoulder.

Castle looked to him. "Not really. I let her out of my sight, for a few seconds." He confessed.

"Hey, it's not your fault. You guys were set up. We just need to find out by whom."

"I had a feeling and I tried to talk her into having lunch first but she thought I was messing with her head, as usual." He sighed. "I was being so serious but she wouldn't listen to me."

"Well, she might listen to you next time." Esposito replied his lips pursed with worry. He knew that ditching all her identification made her a no body and this produced a grave fear in Esposito she was going to be found dead in a ditch during the night.

"If we get the chance of a next time Espo." Rick replied with a tone that told both the men he knew Kate was doomed. "Come on, we know why they left all this here. It's simple." Castle stated fully aware of why her identification had been left where they had snatched her.

"Then we have to find her before it gets to that stage." Espo's lips straightened his brow creased. "I want you to walk Ryan and I through exactly what happened. Every detail." He specified, seeing Castle was reluctant to because it was wasting time. Rick took a deep breath knowing he had to tell them as boys needed to see what they had.

Uniforms turned the corner with the guys from CSI team just as Rick was about to launch into speaking. He stopped and turned about to see the police and CSI agents. Esposito started giving directions to the group and handed one of the CSI guys the evidence bags. He then said to Castle. "Show us what happened." Castle then lead the way around their car to the subject door way.

"Kate basically walked ahead of me as she usually does. We were checking out all the doors, and she came to this doorway, which is the address reported in to the precinct by the anonymous caller. She finished with looking around and I followed. Peered in through that window." He pointed to the small window by the door. Kate went ahead of me to the t-intersection. She had heard something but didn't say anything to me and I didn't hear her draw her gun. I stepped back over to there." He pointed to the place he had stood and looked to the top floor of the building. "I dismissed this so called evidence and called to her for us to go eat. Went to follow her as she didn't answer me, and when I get to the corner, she's not here and there's no sign of her in wither direction. I heard a tire squeal up the end and saw the SUV driving out to the left. I ran up there trying to catch up with the SUV. On my way back down I tried all the doors and found her things."

"Let's get back to the precinct. We're no good here." He passed the keys of Kate's car to Ryan. "You drive Beckett's car back and Castle come with me. We'll go through the place they went to look at before we go."

"Good." Ryan replied. They walked back to the doorway that had been the main reason for their visit to the site. The guys kicked the door in and with guns and spotlights poised, went inside. Amongst broken floorboards, rubbish and god only knows what they found no evidence of a crime or a body. There was absolutely nothing to warrant a phone call to the police. They called for Kate several times and checked each room but found nothing. Castle and Esposito moved back outside and climbed in the Crown.

"There was nothing in there." Esposito stated really pissed off. "She was totally set up Castle. She should have called the uniforms to check on it." He stated as he gunned the engine.

"Slow day so she thought it was a good excuse to get out. You know how much she hates the paperwork."

"That I do." Espo replied and turned about to look out the back, to reverse the car out of the alley.

He almost spat. "I wish she'd done the paperwork. I wish she had been hungrier." He hit the dash angrily. "I wish she wasn't so fucking stubborn."

"It may be that stubbornness that keeps her alive." Esposito replied with a matter of fact tone.

"I know. It may have also got her killed." Rick replied.

"We will just hunt till we find her Castle."

Ryan waited for them in Kate's car and once they were out on the road, they headed back to the precinct in convoy style. After several silent minutes Esposito took a breath. "You know what they're gonna do." Esposito warned Castle, his voice quiet, fearful.

Castle took a deep breath. "They're probably at it now." He barely said his stomach doing a massive somersault. He felt nauseas. "But if I think about that I will lose control. We, I have to think about who took her." Castle replied, knowing she was doomed to die.

"We'll find who has her. We'll focus on that." Espo reached over to Castle's shoulder and put his hand there.

"Not what they're gonna do to her." He swallowed. "I wish I had died trying to save her." He stated barely hanging in there. His throat ached, his chest was tight and his heart was thumping fast and furious.

"Castle, don't think like that. When we get back you're going to go through every file we've worked on with us and we will see if there is anyone she really pissed off."

"Take a number Espo. There's at least one a week."

"Yep" Espo agreed. "Could also be a random event the way it's being played out. Someone who knows her, knows how you two work."

"The siren." Castle suddenly said. "I heard a police siren go off when I was on the phone to you. The SUV had no plates on it. What's the chance it was pulled over?"

Esposito picked up the CB radio and called into dispatch. He requested a trace on any cars pulled over for not having plates in the past half hour. Kate had been gone 27 minutes according to Castle.

Several seconds later, a voice came back with the answer they wanted – a SUV had been pulled over by Senior Constables McKenzie and Bell. The owner had stated he didn't know plates were gone. 2011 Ford SUV. Registration number taken from police inquiries was read to them. Owner was let go with a warning and an order to obtain new plates. Esposito ordered an active search on the SUV.

"What about her mother's case." He asked of Castle.

"Nothing. Since she made that arrangement with the Senator she's completely dropped it." Castle replied.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. She's right off it. She proofs my writing, she does stuff with me and Alexis. She's busy with living."

"Domesticated." Espo remarked. "How often does she stay at her apartment alone?"

"We move between the two Espo. We don't want to be alone at nights anymore so we're together every night nowadays."

"You really are domesticated." He glanced to Rick who wasn't in the mood. "You do know that you will be the prime suspect here." He reminded Castle who just glared at him, gritting his teeth. The muscles in his face twitched in frustration.

"Nice Espo." He replied. "But yes, I do realise that, but why would I kidnap what I already can have?" He asked.

"Point." He agreed.

"If they find her dead, my finger prints will be on her, my DNA is inside her, my hair is probably on her clothes." He offered up. "Ryan, yourself, my mother and my daughter are the only people who know we're together. I will be the first suspect, but I'm here with you now."

"Let's find her alive Castle. You two waited long enough to be together. Its too soon for this to have happened." Esposito swung the car into his car space outside the precinct and the boys got out. Ryan met them.

"Ryan, Castle said he thought the car they snatched her into got pulled over. He was right."

"I heard the call out to find the SUV."

"Yep." The three men hurried up the steps into the 12th precinct. In the bull pen, the three men were called into Gate's office, door closed. They were thoroughly questioned by Gates who had already put a detective on Senator Bracken.

Gates hammered Castle which questions each of which he answered honestly, knowing Gates was solely asking so she was apprised of the case evidence so far and could effectively deal with internal affairs staff. Castle was willing to give them any information if it meant he would get Kate back. Gates agreed with the detectives and Castle that the cold call had been a lure in order to trap Kate, that someone had been watching Beckett and Castle for a while. Castle sat there wondering whether it was the time to tell Gates that he and Beckett were in a relationship. At the same time he could hear Kate's scary voice telling him to forget it.

During the meeting Esposito received a phone call to tell him the SUV had been located in a back street. He told the group and Gates ordered they leave immediately. Prior to them leaving they set up Rick's cell phone and landline at his apartment to be traced if any calls came in. They also transferred Kate's extension to go to Rick's cell. Castle had phoned home because Martha was there to let her know what had happened and that if Kate rang the house to get her location. If Kate had been abducted for the purpose of holding her to ransom they had the processes installed to find them. Richard also phoned his bank manager to put him on notice that he may need high amounts of cash fast. He was willing to hand over every thing he owned to get Kate back. He knew he could make more money, but he couldn't replace Kate.

The three packed up and left the precinct. That SUV was about nine minutes from the precinct in an old industrial area on the east side, parked by an abandoned warehouse. Police and CSI officers were already on the job when they arrived. The CSI had gone over the car thoroughly by the time the detectives and the writer had arrived. However there was not a spot of evidence in the vehicle to prove Beckett had been in it. Instincts screamed at each of each of the men that Beckett had definitely been transported in that vehicle.

They stood by the SUV arms crossed thinking for several minutes. Castle was looking at the car, his brow heavily creased, his lips straight, firm. "They threw her in the back of it." He stated. "There's no marks, nothing she would have done to help us find her. This means she was knocked out. She didn't make a sound at the alley, not even a muffled sound, a squeal. Nothing. They must have grabbed her by surprise, they muffled her, somehow completely disabled her and put her in the car. The only problem I have is I didn't hear a car nor any footsteps. So how did they get her to the car without me hearing them?"

"Sneakers." Ryan replied. "They just wore shoes that wouldn't make a noise."

"Lets take a look around here." Esposito said. "I get the feeling she's close."

"Me too." Castle replied. "If she thinks I was also taken she will be likely to panic because you guys, in her mind, wouldn't know we are missing. She will be so scared now." He stated. "And she will think we've been separated, that I'm being held somewhere else."

"If she's scared enough to scream we'll hear her." Esposito said mainly in reference to the fact they all knew she was very capable of screaming extremely loudly. The detectives drew their guns then they walked in the direction of a narrow road between warehouses. They checked the blocks with several uniformed officers joining them. Some warehouses were opened for business so they questioned the workers to see if anyone had noticed anything.

Together they searched the surrounding areas for any signs she was close by, for any bit of evidence she would have left had she been given any opportunity to do so. They thoroughly searched, never separated so they had combined views of everything, but after several hours of penetrating abandoned warehouses and questioning anyone, they finished up with nothing but headaches of frustration and anger. They were losing time rapidly. There wasn't a piece of evidence or a lead they could clutch at to follow. As Esposito said when they were returning to the Crown, dark SUV's were a dime a dozen and it was very easy to move large items in and out of warehouses without raising much attention.

Late afternoon, the men returned to the bull pen to start going through Kate's emails, recent work, anyone who had been released from sentencing or jail. Anything that may lead them to finding her was reviewed. They also found out the car had been stolen that morning, that the driver had not been the owner. The owner had called in the stolen vehicle when he had come out the house to travel to work. His car had vanished.

They and anyone who offered to help, combed through every file Castle and Beckett had run with over the past two years to start with. All of them kept their phones near them. They all worried. Other cops had dropped their cases to come in on the case to help out in order to find their fellow detective but nothing was coming up.

To Castle, none of it was making sense, nor could he find any connections to cases they had worked on. Gates was right. Some one had been spying on them, getting information so they could swiftly take Beckett. Whoever had taken her had known he was beside Kate all the time, so they had planned to snatch her away from him. It had been an intelligent but risky plan to take advantage of her natural inquisitiveness. If he had challenged them, he probably would have been shot dead in an alley and it would have been determined by the cops to be a hold up, hostage situation gone bad.

Rick rubbed his face, trying to concentrate on his task. He had to find a connection, to help them find her. His mind kept wandering back to that morning in their bed, when she had simply been his Kate, listening to her excitedly talk, staring into her glistening hazel eyes, touching her, making love to her. He held on to that, not the Beckett and Castle bickering they had been doing most of the morning from the moment they walked out of his loft.

He feared the pending darkness of the evening and what the night would bring to them. Swore to himself that if she was returned to him alive he would take her from this life. It was time to change their lives for the better.

_Ok. Wanna work on the other Always 0423 story for awhile as I'm almost done with the latest chapter on that one too. PLEASE let me know if you want me to continue with this one. My original version of this story takes a very dark path from now on, which I'm going to re-write it so it correlates more with today. This will most likely mean it will be awhile (a week) before the next chapter up._

_I get an absolute buzz out of the feedback. I love it and cherish every comment that has been made, so please appreciate that I do read the reviews numerous times. In fact I get excited when they land in my inbox. Some of the feedback I have received has been extremely touching. It does have a positive effect. So thank you to those of you who have taken the time to express how my writing makes you feel – because I get those feelings too._


	3. Chapter 3 - hiding from Castle

_Big thanks to Fitch for his enormous contribution and time into assisting with this story. Hang on to your seats readers … I will let it speak for itself … my wrists are killing from all the typing and reviewing, so please take a moment to send us a review to remind us why we do this …. Seriously !_

**Chapter 3**

_**7.42 pm, Day 1**_

Richard pulled the Ferrari into alley that evening just as the last of the daylight was fading. He idled deeper into the narrow way in first gear and unconsciously slipped the clutch a bit to compensate for the Ferrari's tall first gear as he looked around. His senses were filled with both hope and fear. Hope he was right, that Kate was in the area in hiding for some reason he currently didn't understand. His soul was full of fear and self-doubt that he might be wrong, that she wasn't hiding and had actually been abducted as everyone else believed.

He glanced to Kevin, who from the passenger, seat was looking about them. He met Rick's eyes whilst he pulled his powerful Maglight from a pocket then his Glock from his holster. Rick returned his focus to where they were headed and steered his sports car around the rubbish container. He turned left at the T-intersection and braked the Ferrari just beyond the intersection and left the engine running.

"You sure about this?" Ryan asked patiently and, setting down the flashlight for a moment, reached down to his ankle holster, pulled out his backup piece and handed it to Rick who took the baby Glock.

"I've never been more sure in my life, Kevin." Castle replied looking right at Kevin. He slipped out the magazine, saw it was full and palm slapped it back into the grip. He felt the extractor protruding that told him there was a round in the chamber and rested it carefully on his knee, finger off the trigger

"Well, there's a chance." He agreed grimly.

"She never got in that SUV without making a noise, she knew I was here, and there is no evidence in the SUV that she was ever in it," Rick said and turned off the car's engine but left the lights on. "C'mon Ryan, even you know Kate would do anything to alert one of us. You know how loud she can be."

"I agree with you Castle. But I think she'd be gone by now," Kevin replied, "Let's go look for her." He said seeing the expression on Rick's face. Esposito had refused to come with them stating it was a waste of valuable time regardless of what Rick told him.

Rick turned off the lights and the two men stepped out of the car. Rick knew he had screwed up that morning. He hadn't searched far enough for her. She'd hid, and she would continue to hide until she knew it was safe to leave. He thought that maybe, just maybe, she would cave in and appear with him and Ryan calling for her.

Every police officer in New York and New Jersey were on the hunt for her. If she moved she would be seen. They stopped at the front of the car. Rick carefully slid the Baby Glock into his back pocket and looked around.

"Shall we call for her or search for her?" Rick asked. "If we call her she won't answer."

"If we call and search we might chase her out of the hole she's in if she really is here." Kevin looked about the abandoned buildings. He pushed on the first door way they walked to.

Above them, Kate stood and carefully peered over the side of the building when she heard the familiar noise of Rick's sportscar pull into the alley. Her breathing shallowed when she recognised the vehicle. Rick, damn him, had shown back up just as she was preparing to leave the confines of her hiding place. The last of the police had left about an hour earlier. She leaned over the building a fraction to get a better view but stayed low to avoid being silhouetted against the night sky. She noticed Rick had the roof on the car. Inside the car she recognised the shape of Rick's arms at the steering wheel and a smaller man she recognised as Ryan from the movement and posture as he stepped out the vehicle. They were engaged in a discussion about how to proceed based on their stance and gestures.

She held her breath again when she saw the two men leave the car, She heard the sounds of their conversation but couldn't hear what they actually said. She squatted back in the corner of the roof she had been hiding in for the past seven and a half hours. She hugged herself. She was hungry, thirsty and very cold. No food, no water meant no reason to need to use a bathroom. She had just had to suck it up and wait. She also desperately wanted to go to the man below her so he could hold her and take her home, but she stayed where she was. Choppers hadn't sighted her at all during their constant flyovers during the day. The police hadn't brought in the dogs because they thought she had been taken in the SUV. The decoy had worked.

The burner phone in her pocket buzzed and she pulled it out to check the SMS. It simply said. _Your boyfriend has turned up. I will wait till he leaves._

She held the phone to prevent the light showing and texted back _Ok. He is below me now. _ She hid the phone in her pocket. She heard one of them smash open the door directly beneath her. She had to stay low. She listened not able to hear anything at first then heard them walking on floorboards, the doors being closed once they cleared a room and her name constantly being called along with the word _clear_ every time they finished searching any room. She identified the desperation in both their voices, naturally wanted to respond to their calls, but even after all this time alone waiting to be picked up, nothing had changed. She knew she had to escape to save her life. She buried her face in her knees trying not to cry, clutching her ankles. She heard the door to the roof being kicked at. They were going to find her. She squealed inside her throat and pushed herself into the corner as tightly as she could. The door gave and she heard Ryan and Castle come out on to the roof. The only chance she had was the darkness. She closed her eyes holding her face down behind her hair so their flashlight beams wouldn't catch the reflection of her eyes and her face wouldn't show as a light spot in the shadows.

"Kate?" A pause. "Beckett! Please come out." Castle called desperately.

Kate held her breath, listened to their footsteps, heard them moving things around. She was tucked in behind a solid wall, and an old potted plant containing the skeleton of a long ago dead tree. Her eyes opened as one of them stepped close to where she was hiding. She saw the flash light pass over the black top she wore but he hadn't seen her form as the shape of her shoulder and arm. She guessed it was Ryan as Castle would have recognised the conformation of her arm and shoulder he was naturally more familiar with than Ryan.

"If she's here, Castle, she doesn't want to be found." Ryan said. "Why the fuck would she hide now? It's over with her mother's case."

"I don't know why, Ryan. But my gut tells me she's here, that she has concealed herself somewhere here, waiting for the scene to close down. She wouldn't have tried to move out before now."

The combination of his certainty and pain in his voice hurt Kate to the core. It took all the willpower she had but she closed her eyes, suppressed her urge to cry, restrained herself from moving, from saying she was right there. She only wanted to be with Rick, for him to take her home and protect her.

"We'll go check the other rooms." Ryan said and they walked away. The second she heard the door close, she heaved a sigh of relief and let her body relax, stretching out her legs. When she was sure they couldn't hear her she started to weep softly, constantly wiping her eyes because she was ashamed of herself for hiding on him, on both of them. She wanted to die in that moment just to end the pain that seemed to be the only constant in her life. She had deceived the most important people in her life. She had forced them to believe she had been taken but Rick's instincts, his soul in perfect sync with hers as her partner and lover, made him doubt what had happened. His instincts told him she was within that alley somewhere, and his unwavering trust in his own instincts, told Kate he was committed to them, had pure faith in her and above all faith in himself that he really did know his best friend, his girlfriend.

They went through the same routine with the next building and once again, Kate was forced to wait it out, blaming herself for their thoroughness due to her constant nagging at them to be superior detectives. It was sheer luck she hadn't been found already. She heard the noise of the doorway to the roof in the adjoining building squeak open and they appeared directly before her with only about 15 foot between them. Her breath hitched in her chest, her eyes wide. She shifted so her bare skin was concealed by the shadows. As she moved, the heel of her right boot unexpectedly slid along the concrete floor making a scraping sound. She ceased moving her eyes looking to Ryan and Castle. They'd heard the noise. Both of them stopped and looked in her general direction their torches flashing around on the roof. As luck would have it she was shadowed by the dead branches of the tree she was hiding behind.

"Did you hear that?" Castle whispered.

"I did." Ryan replied, and the two of them waited for another sound. "There's nothing." He whispered. "A cat?"

"Cats don't make scaping sounds." Rick walked towards where the sound had come from and shined his torched about the neighbouring roof slowly. "Did you check behind that plant?" He asked of Ryan.

"Yeah. Nothing." Ryan replied, now looking in the opposite direction.

Rick continued to stare into the little alcove which was almost invisible to the eye with the pot and dead plant there. The roof they were on didn't have one. His eyes were constantly drawn back to the spot as though it was the place.

"Come on Castle. Keep moving." Ryan urged and Castle reluctantly following him back inside the building.

Kate released a heavy sigh, having held her breath the entire time Rick had been focusing on where she was. She had stared right at him, and she swore she had felt that connection with them as he stood there intently searching the area. She knew he had sensed her presence just by the expression on his face. It had spooked her. She rested her head on the wall behind her a moment closing her eyes, thinking about what a bitch she was being to Castle by deceiving him as she was. She didn't move as she heard them walk along the alley to the next building.

_**8.17 pm**_

It was another 20 minutes before she heard the men return to the car. Kate silently cried as she heard Castle continually call for her, beg of her to come out of hiding one last time. He sounded crushed, well beyond disappointed, and his tone continued to tell her he truly believed she was able to hear his calls. His tone had grown more intense since her shoe had scraped along the ground. She bit her own finger to suppress her sobs, so they wouldn't hear her in the seconds of silence he gave to listen for a response. In the end, Ryan softly summoned Castle back to the car. Kate heard Ryan say she was long gone. She then heard the chirp when the alarm on the Ferrari was turned off and they climbed into the sports car. She heard the doors close one after the other in a quick succession. The engine started and the car rumbled slowly forward following the same path the SUV had gone earlier. It left her more alone than she would have thought it possible to be. Half her soul, her hopes and dreams, had driven out of the alley in that car, maybe forever.

When the lights of the Ferrari faded away and the alley fell back into darkness, Kate sobbed hysterically clutching her legs to her chest, rocking herself, wishing him back to her. She was afraid, tired from the stress of hiding all day, and cold beyond tolerance levels. She simply wanted to go home and sink into a hot bubble bath, preferably with Rick. That vision nearly broke her..

The burner phone vibrated and saved her, for the moment. She pulled if from a pocket and answered it stifling her cries.

"Hello?" She timidly murmured after a second or so.

"They're gone." He heard the fear and despair in her voice, in a single word, and said. "You have to go through with this."

"Why do I?" She asked sniffing. even though she already knew the answer. It was no secret she was reluctant to go ahead with the plan.

"Because you will be dead by the end of the week if you don't, and you know it."

Kate sobbed hearing his matter of face tone. She took a shaky breath. "Is it safe to move? I'm very cold."

"Be at the front in two minutes. I am in a grey Taurus."

"Ok." Kate hung up, returned the phone to her pocket and stood directly from the crouch. She wiped her eyes and cheeks of tears then wiped her fingers on her jeans. The blood rushed to the expanding vessels in her legs after crouching so long and she put out a hand to steady herself till the moment of vertigo left. Her body shook uncontrollably with the cold. She pulled on her black leather gloves to prevent leaving any fingerprints, then with care, stepped over the pot and around the dead tree to the roof. She walked to the doorway and opened the door. Once inside, she switched on the torch and hurried down the stairs to the door that was now broken. Moving similar to a cat seeking its prey, she cautiously opened the door, checked quickly for danger, and emerged, a slightly darker shadow moving in the alley. She kept her back to the wall as she silently slinked to the corner, checked that it was clear, straightened up to her full height and ran as fast as her heeled boots would permit along the alley to the entrance where she had stood with Castle that morning. It seemed like it was days ago. The Taurus was waiting, its engine idling in neutral. She opened the door and fell into the car looking to the driver.

_So, what emotions this provoke in you?_


	4. Chapter 4 - Taurus

_The Taurus was waiting, its engine idling in neutral. She opened the door and fell into the car looking to the driver…._

**Chapter 4**

"Put the heat on. I'm fucking freezing." Kate said matter of fact at Special Agent Will Sorenson who frowned recognising the mood immediately from months of dating her, and flicked the heater on. She pulled off her gloves, blew warm air onto her hands then rubbed her palms up and down her thighs. "So cold." She whispered under her breath. "Fuck, I'm cold." She was wishing she was at the loft, warm and comfortable on the couch with Castle watching some silly movie he liked, whilst fending off his advances.

"You look like shit, Kate." He stated just as bluntly and hit the accelerator. He had to get her to a safe house for the night even if he wasn't happy about doing it.

"Well, what do you expect? I just hid from my boyfriend and one of my best friends. I've hidden on that roof, squatted in a filthy corner for nearly eight hours. I'm hungry, thirsty and cold." She replied heatedly pulling the seatbelt out. "I'm doing this because the CIA has leaked to the FBI there is a bounty on my head of unknown origin. I am so damn tired of living under threats. I thought it was all over with." She said thinking about the day she had finally resolved her mother's case.

"They couldn't confirm it was a bounty Kate. They just overheard bugged conversations that gave them enough information to know someone is after you and has a nice reward on your head. Who that someone is has yet to be determined."

"Well, maybe I should just stand in Times Square and wait for them to show up." She bitterly said, then took a breath. "I'm sorry Will. I'm not angry at you. I'm angry at the world right now." She muttered.

"I know." He said and kind of smiled to her in understanding, seeing her eyes in the darkness of the interior of the car. She was terrified and additionally agitated about something. Afraid, Will knew she could deal with, but terrified was more than she could do on her own. The agitation was probably due to Castle turning up. "There is a bag of sandwiches and beverages in the back. Eat and try to get some sleep. We will be on the road for a couple hours now," He told her. He reached for her hand. When he touched it her fingers were icy cold. "I'm sorry, Kate." He offered up sympathetically, stroking her hand just as he did when they had dated and instantly he heard Kate start to cry.

"I can't do this." She whispered, barely able to say the words she was so upset. She was staring at Will's hand, wishing it was Rick who was reassuring her. "I want to be with Castle." She confessed after a few seconds of crying. She dropped his hand and he returned it to the steering wheel.

"Kate, we have been through this. They showed you and me the evidence. I'm only doing this to protect you, because you wanted me to help you. I don't want to take you away from Castle, from your life. But I don't want to see you murdered either. Keeping you alive takes priority."

"You know, if there is any doubt in Castle's mind, he will not stop looking for me, he won't give up. It will destroy him. I will need to get back to him before that happens."

"If it goes according to plan he will stop hunting for you." Will replied, knowing she understood the subtext to his comment. She understood alright and Will almost regretted saying it.

Kate immediately squealed from deep within her throat, clutching her head, crying in pure unhappiness. She was distraught to the point Will started to think he would need to abandon the plan and return her to Castle. He had never seen anyone so distraught. He was unnerved by her emotional state. She usually held it together remarkably well, but not tonight. She was an awful mess. If he didn't take her home, alternatively, he wondered if the FBI could arrange to have Rick kidnapped to stay with her. Not likely, but he humoured himself with the idea of kidnapping the writer to be with his muse. He tried to touch her in reassurance but she made a noise of objection and jerked herself away. She tried to open the door frantically pulling on the handle but Will had locked her in the car. She started to pant with panic, struggled to escape the car and swore at the door.

"Kate?" Will called, having never seen her so hysterical. "Do you want me to stop the car?" He asked loudly and seriously over her cries and senseless words. She fell quiet verbally and physically as though she had just been slapped across the face.

She sat back in the seat, glaring angrily at him, still panting heavily. "No," she firmly stated. Will understood she had just remade the decision to move forward with the plan no matter how much it hurt. It took all the willpower she had to not beg him to take her home but she was not able to stop the tears because she felt so heart broken and afraid. She had been ok, until Castle had turned up in the alley had relentlessly called for her. His tone of voice had struck at her already frayed nerves, her heart severely ached to be safe with him. She also sensed she was being taken into a horrible situation.

Will recognized the tone of surrender to their course of action and said, "Please eat something, Kate." She stared at him a little longer then gave him a single nod of absolute acceptance to the situation. He reached into the back seat, brought the bag to the front and put it on her lap. He accidentally touched her hand. She was still very cold. He turned up the heat.

"William?" She said as she fished around in the bag he had given her. She had to admit she was very hungry and knew she needed to eat something.

"What's up?" He asked, trying to keep a calmness to his tone

She pulled out a sandwich she recognised as one of Will's homemade ones, his famous salad sandwich she used to love him making her. "Your salad sandwich."

Will smiled. "Especially for you." He told her. She was all over the place with her emotions, but thankfully calmer at the moment. He was pleased to see her unwrap the sandwich and take a bite, a good bite. She found a bottle of water and twisted the lid, taking a few mouthfuls.

"I'm so hungry." She murmured after swallowing.

"I can see that." He glanced to her. She was looking at him, her eyes large and very dark, her skin extremely pale. She looked almost haunted. He saw her put the sandwich in her lap, which was not where he wanted to see it. "Pick it up." He suggested.

"I will." She replied chewing what she had. She swallowed. "William?"

"Yes Kate?"

"I found out last night I'm pregnant." She stated quite calmly, seconds before she started to cry again.

"Is that happy cry or unhappy cry?" He carefully asked.

"Happy, scared." She admitted.

"So Castle knows?" He queried almost rhetorically. He quickly realised the impact the pregnancy had on the situation in many ways. He glanced to her seeing her head nod, as she wiped the tears from her face with the backs of her hands.

"Mmm Hmm. He was so excited and happy. He was crazy about it and then we had to pretend nothing is going on when we arrived at work."

"Jesus Christ Kate." He sighed now completely unsure about what he was taking her into. "How far?"

"About six weeks." She replied. "I didn't know. I just did a test last night because I didn't get my period for so long …"

"But you were like that …" He said remembering she'd had irregular periods, particularly if she was stressed. "You sure?"

"I pissed on half a dozen sticks I think to prove it to myself I was pregnant. I didn't believe them because we have been trying for so long."

He took his eyes from the road a moment longer than normal, seeing how pale she was even though she sounded excited about the pregnancy. He had often contemplated whether she was the motherly type when they had dated. "Congratulations Kate. I wish you were telling me this under more normal circumstances."

"Me too. That's why I'm saying Castle won't cease the hunt for me if he knows I'm alive." She said.

He took a breath resigned she wasn't going to let go of that hope, her belief in Rick's determination to be with her. "You had better finish that sandwich then Kate. You're pregnant and you haven't eaten for a long time. Drink that water too."

"I'm eating."

"Why did you tell him when you knew about this?" He asked thinking it was strange when she knew she was going to disappear that very next day.

"He's a writer Will, and spent the past four or so years following and studying me. He knows me better than I know myself, which is really creepy by the way, but it's true." She took a bite.

"I tend to agree."

"Mmm." She finished chewing and swallowed. "He's the one who bought the tests."

"Seriously?"

"Mmmm. He brought them home yesterday and told me to use them when I was ready to. He mentioned he already knew I was pregnant later one, but he also knew that I wouldn't believe him, that I would need the evidence in in black and white before me. He figured six pregnancy tests and a trip to his doctor friend tonight would have provided me with enough proof."

"I would have thought so."

"It was enough." She agreed. "He was euphoric, exuberantly happy." She smiled timidly as she recalled Rick's romantic behaviour the entire night. Whilst she had been doing the tests one after the other throughout the evening, not able to believe the results 100 per cent every time, Richard had been writing at his desk calmly waiting for her to bounce back to him with the next piece of news. When she had finally crawled into bed with him he had smothered her in his endless affection, showing his pleasure and excitement over their creation. They had spent hours focused on each other. It had been a special time for them as a couple.

"It is creepy he knows you like that." Sorenson replied. "But least you know he's the real deal."

Kate nodded silently in agreement, studying what was left of the sandwich. She looked back to Sorenson. "He is so in sync with me William, that he will know in his heart I'm alive. He will keep looking for me." She honestly stated.

"Jesus Christ." Will hissed glancing to her impatiently, "Castle will stop searching for you after tomorrow." He pressed annoyed at Kate's persistence that Castle would never give up the search for her. "He won't keep looking."

Kate grunted a response of denial and continued to eat the sandwich. She felt ill, but forced herself to eat the rest of the food mainly because she was already starting to feel better, at least physically warmer. A cup of coffee of soup would have been desirable. When she finished she slumped down in the seat feeling emotionally drained, extremely tired and fell quiet for awhile. Her eyes stared out the front window assessing all the traffic. It wasn't long before the movement of the car and the heat caused her to doze off. Will continued to observe her, and once she was fully asleep, he cut the heating down and continued to drive them to the safe house he had been ordered to take her to.

**11.06 pm**

Very late that evening William drove the car into a garage and put the car into park. He looked to his passenger who was fully asleep then peered through the front window screen to a door way as an agent came out to meet him. He stepped out of the car and gently shut the door so as not to disturbed Kate. He moved to the hood and shook hands with the agent he didn't know. They didn't even bother to exchange their names. The safe house agent wasn't quite as tall as Sorenson. He had bright blue eyes and dark brown hair. Irish ancestry. He was probably aged in his late twenties.

"Cargo is in the car. She's asleep." Sorenson stated.

"Keep her that way." The tall agent said, peering through the front window of the vehicle. He smiled to Sorenson. "She's a looker." He exclaimed with a whistle.

"Yes she is." Sorenson agreed. "Keep your eyes off her. She's taken. You're the safe house keeper and her guardian until she leaves here." Will reminded him, as his senior agent, and walked to the passenger side of the car, now worried about leaving his ex-girlfriend, who remained a great friend, with a total stranger. He looked to her through the glass to her sleeping face and was overcome with a powerful urge to protect her, even more so than he had ever experienced when they had been dating. He wondered whether it was because he knew she was pregnant, that some mysterious primordial instinct to protect her struggled to be heard from within him. It felt odd to experience, particularly as she was carrying another man's child, not his. It wasn't his place to be her protector the way he was feeling he should. He blinked several times hoping he could suppress the instinct. She wasn't his girlfriend anymore.

He opened the door expecting Kate to wake but she didn't stir. He concluded being pregnant was going to cause her to sleep more. What frigging unfortunate timing for her to get pregnant, not that she could have anticipated this mess winding up. Will assumed it was writer boy's way to get her out of police force. Will made the decision to carry Kate inside the house instead of waking her up. He unclipped the seatbelt, put one arm behind her, the other beneath her knees and lifted her easily from the passenger side of the Taurus. He felt relief she wasn't aroused by the movement as he didn't want another scene from her whilst he transferred her into the safe house. She remained limp in his arms, a total dead weight, but thankfully not heavy.

"Follow me." The agent said and led Will into the old house. Will checked out the room he was taken into, an old style kitchen with the aged décor of the eighties. He stepped through the kitchen, into a hallway layered with worn down carpet that had seen far better days about 20 years ago. They turned into the second doorway on the right, a bedroom with a single bed pushed into a corner. "Let her sleep there. I will hear her if she wakes in a panic. They normally do when they wake in this place. I'll have you sign the papers, then you need to get out of here. You made sure no one followed?"

"Do I look like an idiot?" Will replied and laid Kate on the bed.

"I've seen everything." The agent replied.

Will grunted. "I need to collect her bag." He spread a blanket over her, as the agent left the room, and brushed back her hair from her face. "Be good Kate. I'll see you soon." He whispered, knowing she was going to be scared out of her mind when she woke up in that strange room alone. But his orders from above were to transfer Kate Beckett to the designated safe house, leave her there and return immediately to New York City. He had to continue life as normal so no one would notice his absence. He backed out of the room knowing if she was to wake right now, she would struggle to keep him with her. He gently pulled the door to and walked back through the farm house to his car. He found the back pack with her belongings in the backseat and reluctantly passed it to the agent. He leaned on the hood of the car to sign the multiple forms and took one copy of each with him.

Sorenson reluctantly slipped behind the wheel of the Taurus and turned the key in the ignition. The engine started and he turned off the radio not in the mood to listen to music. His gut instincts were at him to return Kate home to Castle, that something was very wrong with the safe house. He struggled to understand why he felt as he did. He wasn't green, wet behind the ears with the process of protective work. He had transported people to and from safe houses numerous times and tonight wasn't any different to every other time, but he had a foul taste in his mouth, in his throat.

The garage door behind the sedan started to roll up. Sorenson disregarded his intense visceral reaction to the situation as he put the car into reverse and backed out of the garage. It was then he realised Kate still had the burner phone. He decided to leave it with her, just in case. He'd been told to take any form of communication from her, but it wouldn't be the first time he'd disobeyed an order and it probably wouldn't be the last. He pressed his foot on the accelerator and reversed right out deciding to tell anyone who asked she had lost it. The Ford in drive, he pointed it in the direction of the long track to the gates of the country property. What was to happen to Kate now, he had no idea but he imagined she would be out of the country within a day or so.

Outside the gate, and about half a mile down the road, he pulled the car over, opened the door and threw up because he felt that sick about leaving Kate at the safe house. He sat there a few moments dwelling on what he had just done. He reached for the bottle of water she had been drinking from and took a mouthful swishing his mouth of vomit. A part of him felt totally stupid but most of him was in a free fall panic over leaving her there. He took a drink, threw the bottle to the passenger side and started to drive the car head back to New York, to his apartment.

He had virtually handed Kate's life to an unknown man's control and it wasn't wearing right with William at all.

He felt as though he was the bastard who had carried Kate to the doorsteps of hell and laid her before the devil himself.

_Well, I hope the tension in starting to build up on you all. It all about conflict and how the characters deal with it_

_There will be angst (my nails have all been bitten off), there will be a very bad period of violence and struggling, so we can get on with the focus of this story between Castle and Beckett. Once again, thanks Fitch for your unconditional support and assistance. I promise I will bite the bullet and keep it full of unexpected twists and turns and shocks. _


	5. Chapter 5 - First night

_Next one … _

**Chapter 5**

At the loft, in the middle of the first night Kate was missing, Castle concentrated relentlessly on typing a list of the places and times he and Beckett had been to and from in the past two weeks, along with any strange observations either of them had noticed. The list included their favourite coffee shops, cafés they bought their breakfast and lunch, restaurants they ate dinner at, particularly if they had been together at the precinct late any evenings or entire nights. He listed places they had visited for work related reasons. He also drew up a list of as many names of places he could remember she had been to alone, if she had told him all of them. He doubted that as she preferred to keep her personal life to herself a lot even though they were together. Names of people they had spoken to were included. Collectively the list was extensive, but as they also happened to be creatures of habit, the daily routines of life, the list was reduced to about a third of its length by adding columns with multiple dates and times for locations off to the right side of the page.

All the time he worked on the list, he experienced nausea, a feeling of dread that refused to settle in his stomach. His writer's imagination was creeping him out, tossing the most sinister images and ideas it could possibly think of, haunting him as he worked. It also drove him into a state of incredible focus on the task at hand. He had resigned himself to accept Kate had been abducted even though his instincts continued to nag at him to follow what he thought had happened all along. After the trip back to the alley with Ryan, he had conceded to the boys that Kate had been taken in the SUV. He reluctantly agreed the kidnappers had wanted her enough they had been willing to take her in broad daylight. It hadn't been a high risk scenario when he looked at it realistically. She was virtually there alone, with an unarmed partner. They'd known that. Because of that fact, his guilt caused him to hardly drink water or coffee. Even the thought of food made him feel ill, and although he desired it to take the emotional edge off, he did not allow himself any alcohol. He needed to be mentally as sharp as he could be for her, for them. So long as he maintained control of his emotions, he could continue to concentrate.

His mother tried to settle him but her words, her compassion, were unable to ease his mind, to persuade him to rest or to eat. She had assisted him for a couple of hours, and realising he wasn't going to stop, had retired for the evening, making him promise to wake her if anything happened.

Once he was satisfied he had thoroughly completed the list, Castle showered then restlessly roamed the loft for some time with a glass of scotch in his hand, unable to slow his thoughts down.

What Castle wanted as a matter of urgency was all the surveillance footage that would perhaps show them if someone had been secretly watching them. That was another thing he didn't get. Beckett was very quick to pick up whenever someone was onto them and usually ended up being the one who went to the follower. She hadn't mentioned anything at all to him.

He couldn't face laying his head on his pillow when Kate was not there, was most likely fighting to survive. He hated to go to bed alone nowadays without Kate alongside him, so even under the best of circumstances, so under these conditions where time was of the essence, where minutes might count, he knew he was going to find it hard, almost impossible to sleep without her.

Everywhere in the loft he looked there was a bit of Kate. Before they had started dating, his loft was virtually absent of her presence, but now she existed in his loft all the time simply by her belongings and little habits. At his desk for instance, stuck to the small wooden box, was a pink post note from Kate that read _Keep working writer boy_ and beside it another that read _Your muse does love you!_ He loved her writing him these notes. He would leave each note stuck where she left them for a few days then would take them down and hide them in a tin box in his desk drawer to keep. She would always write him something new and leave it for him to find and he was now into the habit of anticipating them and looking forward to receiving them. It was one of her many little quirks he really loved to share with her.

His bathroom that had been a total bachelor's room a few months ago was now housed with Kate's extensive make up, perfumes and hair products. The room pleasantly smelt of her perfumes, soaps and creams. He loved to walk into the room and inhale her scent, her femininity the things that enhanced her natural beauty.

In the kitchen on the fridge there were photos of all of them smiling in various poses, stuck on the door at untidy angles held up by fridge magnets. On some photos she'd placed bubbles putting statements inside them. Whenever he went to the fridge he smiled at her collection of pictures. Kate and Alexis, the three of them, himself, his mother, all of them together, stuck over the fridge. As much as Kate didn't realise it, he'd seen her gradually changing the loft into a home. She left her runners by the door, her heels by the couch, her hand bag dropped on the floor at the end of the couch. Scarves hung over the backs of chairs. The kitchen counter had become a second home for lip sticks, tubes of hand creams and unfinished bags of gummy bears being mainly green ones she didn't care for. Even Alexis had mentioned to Castle during one her visits home from college that the loft was very homey with Kate staying there. Everywhere he looked, Kate's presence was before him and he embraced all of it. But tonight it was difficult to be in the middle of a place where she was truly at home with him. Until tonight he had adored that she had been like that.

In the dimness of the loft, the city lights preventing entire darkness ever, Castle retired, feeling helpless and filled with fear they would not be able to find Kate in time. He had his cell phone, Kate's cell phone and the house phone on the bedside table in case they had progress on the case. He tried to fall to sleep that night at least for a couple of hours in a bed that had Kate's scent in the sheets and on the pillow case.

His head was full of images and memories of Kate, being sweet, a smart ass, laughing, pinching his ear or nose, sprinting after and chasing criminals through the streets, staring into his eyes as she did and kissing him so hard that he was left breathless and immobilised. He thought about how her hands felt in his hair, the softness of her lips on his, the way her body trembled whilst they were making love. There was her laughter, her giggles, her girlish squeals, her cries, her screaming and her seductive voice in the dark telling him what her desires were. He thought about her love of strawberry shakes, cherries and berries, gummy bears and bear claws, her fetish for coffee, her scent, her smile and the way she constantly teased him when she wanted him to pursue and court her, to participate in foreplay with her. He knew she was alive, could feel it in his bones but he feared knowing that every minute that passed reduced their chances of finding her alive.

Castle wondered where Kate was, whether she was being hurt, whether she was cold or hungry, whether she was trying to find him or the boys, if she was running for her life or lying dead in a ditch. He wished repeatedly that they would find her, that she would call his phone and the whole horrific event would all be over. He just wanted her back at home with him. He thought about how hungry she'd been when they had entered the alley and whether she was still hungry. He repeatedly imagined having simply grabbed her by the hand that morning and taken her to a café for lunch. Knowing what they knew he should have taken control and bought her lunch.

Esposito had said it tonight as they were parting, that he was almost expecting a call during the night telling him her body had been located. Castle had punched him in the face. Twice. He now had a sore hand and Esposito probably had a smarting jaw. Espo could have flattened Castle but instead, he had taken the punches, patted Castle on the shoulder then the two had shared a man hug whilst Ryan watched on in disbelief.

He was due back at the precinct at 6.00 am to take over with Esposito and Ryan. Gates had demanded they rest for at least six hours and she had promised the investigation would continue without them. There was no question that Gates was committed to the mission of finding Kate. The boys had followed up a couple of potential leads before they called it a day but hadn't come up with anything. Gates had people watching Senator Bracken but Castle felt that was a waste of manpower. It wasn't his style. He would have had her assassinated.

It was as though Beckett had fallen through a hole in the earth that had closed up as soon as she was through it.

_**2**__**.23 am**_

Kate woke up in the dimly lit bedroom, alone and chilly. She sat up sleepily and, looking about her surroundings in the dim lighting, trying very hard not to become anxious in the unfamiliar room. The smell of cigarette smoke was strong. The house smelt stale as though it was never opened up to fresh air. She could hear a radio running with music from the nineties. She didn't care to hear it.

Earlier a thump and voices had aroused her from sleep, but she concluded she must have just drifted off again. However, presently, she needed to use the bathroom which is why she had woken on this occasion. She also wanted to find out where the hell she was. She dropped her feet to the floor and stood sizing up the room. She had been left in a basic room containing a bed. No pictures, curtains were pulled, no closet or built in robe. Still in her boots, she wandered into the hallway to where she could hear a male talking quietly. She approached the room the noise was emanating from, to find she was in the kitchen of a farmhouse bare of the usual kitchen utensils and homely fillings. The fluorescent lights caused her sleepy eyes to squint. "Hello?" She called softly.

"I gotta go." She heard the male say. "No, it won't take long. Soon." She heard a chair get pushed back on floorboards and next thing a tall male appeared from what she thought might be a dining room if the house was lived in. She timidly smiled to him, instinctively backing up a little towards the hallway. Her fingers unconsciously searched for her gun. It wasn't there. This agent was huge. Her instincts of fear already on alert were prickled. As Rick would say, her spidey senses were tingling. And they were. She visually assessed her escape routes. Her conscious thought process reminded her she didn't have her gun, her badge, not even her wallet. She had to be nice, observe and assess the situation a bit more. Try to trust him she reminded herself aware she had been left in a safe house by Sorenson. She must have been asleep when he dropped her here and decided not to wake her.

"Hi." She greeted nervously.

"Hi. You're awake." He said scratching his head. "You slept a long time.

"Was tired." She replied.

"Do you want anything?" He asked pointing to the fridge.

"No thanks. Where's the bathroom?" She asked noticing a slight foreign accent mixed in his American accent. She thought she heard a hint of Russian in his pronunciation.

"Back down the hall, third on the left." He replied his green eyes looking her up and down without concealing the fact he was doing it. Kate chose to ignore it. "You're tall." He commented as she turned to leave him.

"So are you." She replied glancing over her shoulder at him. He was probably the same height as Rick but bigger in build. He was dark, in his mid to late thirties, about 6 foot 2 and massively built, wearing an impressive scar down his right cheek. He had the edges of tattoos showing where his clothes didn't cover him which she thought was odd for an FBI agent. Maybe he worked undercover. With him as the safe house keeper she kind of felt safe, but at the same time it was a scary fact that he was the keeper. She felt a pang of fear when it occurred to her he would look right at home in the criminal world. It was almost as though he was a double agent. Odd person to be securing a safe house. She shook off the tingling senses and continued along the all until she found the door he had directed her to. She locked herself in the bathroom not willing to trust the male agent just yet, or maybe ever. She heard his voice through the walls talking on a landline for a bit whilst she was in the bathroom but couldn't make out words. He was also moving about the house then fell quiet and still. Kate studied the bathroom her focus moving to the old decor. Nothing had been done to the house in years. The room she was in was decorated in yellow and white. It had an old heat lamp outside the shower. The shower cubicle could do with hell of a makeover but the bath was an antique clawed foot iron tub in excellent condition. It was a really nice one.

As much as she concentrated, Kate was not able to hear anything outside the bathroom. No cars, traffic. Just silence. Not like being in the city that's for sure. She flushed, washed her hands and dried them on a towel hanging by the sink. She checked her image in the mirror. She looked so tired and felt every bit of it. She unlocked the door and opened it, started down the hallway back to the bedroom she had come from. She needed desperately to sleep. The past few days it was all she wanted to do.

Kate was only four or so steps along the hallway when her body was swiftly snatched from behind. Her arms were pinned to her body. She was lifted off the floor and held with a tight grip against the large frame of the agent. She barely had time to inhale and couldn't scream because her mouth was clamped shut by his massive hand. She saw the red cloth go over her face blocking her nose. She tried not to breathe in the chloroform. The assailant was relaxed and too strong for her to overpower. She kicked and thrashed.

Sick of her feeble fight, a sudden hard squeeze beneath her ribs abruptly pushed the air from her lungs. She coughed. He quietly waited for her to gasp for air. Kate panicked and fought as hard as she could to escape refusing to breathe. Her lungs wanted oxygen but she refused to inhale.

The male tolerated the fight and thrashing in the woman knowing her subconscious would force her to take in oxygen any second. Her instincts to survive would kick in. He held her firmly against him, felt her first attempt to breathe, heard the cries from her throat. He felt her struggle rapidly weaken until there was nothing but the odd muscle twitch. Her thin body hung limp, her head slumped against his right shoulder. He kept the cloth over her mouth and nose to ensure she wasn't faking it, as he carried her back to the bed he dropped her on.

He left her there to make the phone call, then made his way to the garage to open the roller door. He stood waiting, watching the car drive up the hill toward the farm house. He had the cargo, he just needed his finder's fee. The job was running according to plan. So smooth and easy.

The black car pulled into the garage, the engine remained running. The driver's door opened and the male in his forties, dressed in black stepped out of the car unconsciously cracking his knuckles. He smiled, exposing a gold tooth reflecting the lights. "Do you have her?" He asked gruffly.

"She was delivered directly to this safe house courtesy of the FBI. We waited till it was safe to breach the house."

"Is she still alive?"

"Of course. Unharmed. She's a stunning woman." The detective replied. "What a shame."

The driver laughed. "Stunning yes, but lethal as hell. Bring her to me. Ensure she has her wrists and ankles cuffed firmly." He ordered.

_Ok. Let me know …. _


	6. Chapter 6 - security videos

_Alright, the next couple of chapters will come up relatively quickly …._

**Chapter 6 – surveillance footage**

_**2.57 am**_

Castle sat bolt upright in his bed impatient with trying to fall asleep. He was wide awake and knew all the time Beckett was missing, his chances of even succumbing to a drowsy doze was unattainable. His heart pounded with worry and his mind refused to settle. As an alternative to trying to sleep, he made the decision to vacate his bed and promptly threw the blankets off his body. He headed to the bathroom to shower and prepare to leave.

As Beckett and the detectives had reiterated to him over the years, in order to find the evidence, they had to commence with the basic investigations and then follow the evidence. Bearing this in mind, his next step was to use the list he had created the night before to study video surveillance of the places he and Kate went to. He needed to thoroughly view every second of video Detective Ryan would be able to locate. Surveillance footage was their highest chance to find something, to find a clue. If Kate hadn't hidden in that alley and had been taken in the SUV, then he and the detectives needed to determine if anyone had stalked them. Rick desperately wanted that second chance with Kate, longed to hold her hand, touch her face, stroke her hair and make love to her many more times in his life with her in it. Most of all, he wanted to share her pregnancy, to watch their creation grow within her belly.

Outside, in the earliest hours of a crisp fall morning, Castle drove his sedan to the Precinct as fast as he was legally permitted. During the ride in the elevator to the parking lot, he had texted Ryan and Esposito to let them know he had left the loft and was on his way to the Precinct. By the time he was in the car, he had received a text from Ryan that read they were already at the Precinct and to get a shift on it.

At the Precinct Rick noticed stepping from the elevator that all the lights were on in the bull pen and the place was buzzing with activity as though it was the middle of the day. He paced to Beckett's desk where he left his laptop bag.

"Morning Boys," he greeted and received grunts of response. He continued straight to the boys and slapped a sheet of paper with his printed list down on Ryan's desk. "I created this list last night," he started, "and I have it on a flash drive with me." Rick pushed aside a pile of papers and sat upon the edge of Ryan's desk.

Ryan picked up the list and cast his eyes down the columns. It was in table format and contained details such as dates, times and places Castle and Beckett had been in the past few weeks. "This is great." He glanced to Castle his brow creasing. "Geez you two are easy to find if we want to do so." He passed the list to Esposito who stood next to Castle.

"Exactly," Castle agreed. "We _too_, like most humans, are creatures of habit. Whoever took Beckett, has been stalking her, us."

Esposito grunted in dissatisfaction, then disappointment. "Castle! A dummy could figure out where you two are on any given day," he commented in disbelief. "You need to broaden your horizons man! Take your woman to places a little beyond these boundaries." He returned the paper to Ryan.

"Let's hope I get the opportunity to broaden our horizons Espo," Rick quietly replied. "However, I'm not all that confident given the time that has passed."

"You will," Esposito reassured, "The thing is they knew you, knew her too well, how she would behave. This is of course, if she was forced into the SUV." Esposito touched Rick's shoulders. ""I'm sorry I said you were out of your mind. I'm not sure she got in the SUV either now I've had time to think about it. Even the CSI supports your theory more than ours. "

"Me neither." Ryan confessed and looked to Rick, his brow wrinkled in concern once again. "I'm with Castle's theory, somehow."

"My theory makes more sense if we take into account we know Kate and what she is capable of," Castle muttered, his eyes staring at his fingers in thought. He looked up as an idea struck him. "She didn't use perfume on that morning," he stated.

Esposito made a noise of thought. "So you wouldn't smell her if she was hiding," he said. "She knows you are attracted by her scents."

"She does. Since we've been dating she only wears the perfumes I'm fond of." Castle agreed, feeling he had been deceived once again. It gave rise to once again ask why she had deceived everyone, whether it was a choice or had she been forced into it.

"Even Jenny said she knows Kate would have fought with everything she had to prevent being taken and that she would have made any noise possible to alert you," Ryan said and saw Esposito nod in understanding.

"Lanie said the same thing," Espo stated. "Lanie said the Kate she knows would have fought hard and made quite a racket." He took a breath. "Ryan and I know how serious she fights us when we're training. We don't understand why she would have gone so quietly."

"The girls are both right and she wouldn't have succumbed to anyone easily." Rick assured. He sighed heavily. "She's noisy with all her emotions," Rick stated thinking about how boisterous she was at times when they made love. He shook it off. "Regardless, the fact is she's gone and we have to find her. Why I will consider the SUV theory is because Kate must always be the leader, be the first through the door. She constantly walks or wanders off ahead of me if I get distracted. If they knew that about her they could have prepared themselves."

"They could have relied on all we know about her to snatch her from you." Ryan finished.

"Circling the question of whether she hid in the alley which I think she did, we need to drop it and focus on the theory she was thrown in the SUV," Castle said "We agree to move forward on that assumption," he suggested.

"SUV theory is good with me," Ryan replied. "So somewhere, we are hopefully going to find suspects in surveillance videos in these places," Ryan said tapping his index finger on the sheet of paper before him.

"I will sift through the footage so long as someone gets it for me." Castle stood anxious to get on with the job.

"I can do that." Ryan said and turned to his computer.

Esposito patted Ryan's shoulder. "I will check to see if she has turned up in a hospital. I will also do a scan and see if any reports of violence came in during the night. Beckett can scream pretty loudly so if someone heard her they may have reported a domestic call to the police."

"Good place to start," Castle replied. "What can I do in the meantime?"

"Get Beckett's computer up and going. The videos will be streamed in as soon as I get the guys at the public surveillance and protection office to send them. Someone will be there." Ryan replied. "Grab a coffee too. You will be searching hours of footage."

"Ok." Castle went to Kate's desk, switched on her desktop computer and left it to start up. He took off his jacket he hung over his chair and made his way to the staff kitchen where he thoroughly cleaned the coffee machine mainly to fill in time whilst Ryan set about requesting the videos. Kevin's task could take some time. Once the coffee machine was cleaned and back together, Castle made three Café au lait and delivered them to their desks.

Esposito suspiciously studied the coffee mug then looked to Castle. "Café au lait?"

Ryan smirked peering at the café au lait he had been given. "Thanks Castle. You missed your calling."

"Mmm. There's more to me than writer boy," Castle retorted and sat at Kate's desk. He took a sip of his hot drink. Whilst he waited for the surveillance videos to download he browsed Kate's emails to ensure they hadn't missed any clues. Other than work related emails, Kate hadn't received any correspondence he would consider suspicious or personal. In fact he noticed Kate's inbox was virtually absent of any personal emails with the exception of emails between the group. Even her deleted folder was empty and purged her deleted emails completely. Even if Kate had received any emails that may have help them, she would have disposed of it.

By the time Rick returned to Kate's desk with his second latte the first surveillance video had finally downloaded to Beckett's computer. It was security footage of the street where he and Kate walked on a daily basis to buy lunch. He noted the quality was black and white and considerably grainy, but good enough for recognition. It was all he needed to find any evidence.

**6.56 am**

The sound of strangers' voices brought Kate to a groggy state of consciousness. Her neck was stiff and in an awkward position. She rolled her head back seeking the comfort of a pillow, to sleep a bit longer. She found head support was not available. There was however something at the back of her legs, a tightness about her ankles and wrists. Kate's brain sparked to life when it occurred to her she was restrained to a chair. Her heart picked up its pace and she gasped for oxygen.

She physically tested the strength of the restraints on her ankles first. No give. The situation was the same with her wrists but her elbows rubbed slightly against the arm rests. She was firmly strapped in. _Too soon to panic,_ she internally told herself. Kate opened her eyes and blinked a number of times to moisten her eyes only to find her usual crystal clear vision was severely compromised. Her stomach was nauseas. Her brain was disorientated. She inhaled deeply and steadily to satisfy her body's desire for oxygen. A quick self-assessment of her senses established her sense of smell was still keen. She mostly smelt cigarette smoke. There was also the sweetness chloroform that she had been drugged with, the side effects of which were still affecting her senses.

She tried to recall the last clear memory she had. It was that morning in bed with Castle came to mind. _No_. She knew things had progressed considerably since then. But right now she couldn't remember anything and her brain wanted to stay in that safe place. A small smile crept over her face as she recalled the time she was beneath the bed sheets warm and cosy, with Rick's gorgeous face inches from hers grinning proudly. She touched her finger tips to his lips. She bit her lip then whispered. "We did it." He responded excitedly with the same words. The palm of his hand had spread over her abdomen, directly above her womb and he had kissed her passionately. She loved his hands on her, the way he touched her was indescribably satisfying and addictive. She longed to be back there.

_Stop, stop, stop!_ Kate repeated to herself and continued to breathe deeply making a decision not to think about that right now. She blocked the image of that moment. She was shit scared she would never have another moment like that, but she had to ignore the fright within her to help her survive. But her semi-conscious mind took over once again, but this time slipped her back to the car with Sorenson consoling her, then to the safe house. She could hardly recall the safe house other than a bathroom. Something had gone horribly wrong at the safe house. She took a deep breath and put her head up.

"Castle!" She called weakly in an effort to find some sense of security in this mess. She had limited comprehension of her real situation.

In Russian, "He won't fucking help you." He laughed mocking her insecurity.

Startled by the loudness and close proximity of his voice, Kate cried out in alarm. Feeling a little less drowsy she sat up straighter. In Russian she asked. "Who are you?"

"She understands Russian." He told someone.

"Good," the other replied.

"Let me go." Kate demanded and immediately wished she hadn't said it. She felt the clout of a hand across the left hand side of her face. Her head was whipped to the right. She stifled a cry regardless of how much it had hurt. Her head lulled backwards as vertigo spun out of control. She closed her eyes and waited out the wave of nausea and pain.

"You are not in a place to demand Detective Beckett," the first person stated. She heard him crack his knuckles which fired a nervous tingle down her spine.

"Why have you taken me?" She asked in Russian after a spell of silence. "What am I to you?"

"You have something our client wants."

Kate laughed. "Then why didn't he just ask me for it? He's gone to incredible trouble to take me hostage." She remarked sarcastically. She was able to now remember clearly that she had woken in a safe house to use the bathroom. The last activity she could recall was being snatched from behind in the hallway, but didn't know how long ago that event had taken place. Hunger and thirst was quite extreme but she didn't need to relieve herself. She also considered she had only consumed minimal food and water in the last couple of days, all of which led her to believe she had been unconscious for at least three hours. She also understood she had totally been set up by someone within the CIA or FBI.

"You won't play nice." The male before her stated in English.

"Arrrhhh…" she purred, then said in Russian, "So I guess Matthews and Bracken sent the dogs after me." She was annoyed she was unable to focus visually on the asshole in front of her. She took a deep breath. She needed her senses to return to normal. There was light source from a window ahead of her, but it was a long distance between her and the wall.

Luckily her hearing was working perfectly. She knew from noises in her environment there was the man present before her, another behind her and both were within close proximity. She also knew there was a male a fair distance away to her left and she could also hear several others who were talking in another room somewhere behind her. She knew the male further away was nervous solely by his shallow breathing and the way he anxiously moved his weight from foot to foot.

She sensed she was in a large room. Their voices didn't really echo. She guessed they were in a warehouse or an old building by the way sounds were resonated but didn't muffle like they would in a furnished room.

"This situation you have us in is hardly a fair game," she muttered drowsily, "A slight, drugged woman tied to a chair in a room with what six or seven men?"

"Just tell us where they are," he politely responded.

Kate released a contemplative moan that was barely audible. Another deep breath. "What is it you want?"

"The files."

Kate smirked. "Oh," she murmured. Moments later, she sighed in understanding and closed her eyes, thinking about that. Her head drowsily rolled back. Last time she had seen Montgomery's file it was in a 1000 pieces. For a few long moments she dwelled on the fact that a plastic evidence bag containing bits of paper was her big secret to keep her safe. The bag was hidden in a drawer at home. It was a surprise she had been abducted because of a file that in reality, had been blown to bits.

She felt a finger tap on her forehead five times. It was bloody annoying.

"Wake up Kate Beckett," he ordered in English.

Kate lifted her head and opened her eyes. She saw fuzzy dark figures. "I'm here." She smiled.

"Be a good girl and tell me where the files are hidden."

"If I tell you what you want to know, I will become the sacrificial lamb." She tried hard to visually focus on the man before her by squinting. She grinned like a smart ass. "Where's the fun in that?" She asked with a giggle.

"Don't you worry your pretty little head about fun. There will be plenty of fun soon," he stated his tone full of anticipation.

Kate kept still. That last sentence prickled her nerves. His tone of voice spooked her. She felt her heart quicken in fear and her stomach rolled. It wasn't the first time she had heard that tone in her life. She made the decision to pretend the drug was still in her system. She had to buy herself time. Her head rolled back again, and she stared at the roof. She heard them move about her. They whispered in Russian. She heard them determine she was still in a semiconscious state. They then stated it was time to wake her up. Her heart skipped a beat. A hand went to the back of her head, lifted it up.

She felt hot breath on her face. The smell of tobacco, morning breath and definitely coffee filled her nostrils. She coughed and screwed up her nose. She whispered, "Mint?"

Kate's jaw was grabbed. "Smart ass bitch!"

Kate smirked in satisfaction. She squinted again to see the blue eyes of her captor and released a sound amusement.

"Tell me where the files are and we will end the discussion."

"What files?"

Her jaw was dropped. She didn't see the hand coming. Just felt its impact on her cheek. Her head fell to the side but the hand that held her head kept her steady. That one hurt. She felt the sting on her skin then the tears formed in her left eye. She blinked them away and psychologically dismissed the fear creeping up within her. She had to stay alive long enough for Castle to find her. It was then she remembered the staged car accident.

Kate's world shattered in an instant. Her hope of being rescued diminished to almost zero chance. She knew if Castle had heard she had died in the accident he would stop searching for her. She had to find a way to let him know she was alive.

"Keep hitting me, I won't be able to tell you," she spat.

The third strike was a punch. She felt the impact and then there was nothing.

_The next chapter gets rough, and I'm glad I'm through it so I can get on with the revenge… _


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 – because of the file**

**9.37 am**

The bear claw Esposito tossed to Castle satisfied the hunger that had taken over the nausea. He ate it in several large bites barely tasting it. A half mug of luke warm coffee chased the bear claw down. Castle's mind was too focussed on his investigation to find the evidence he needed. Diligently, he had scanned hours of video searching for his girlfriend in the footage whether she was alone, with him or had been in the company of the boys. Every time Kate entered the video, Castle focussed on the individuals about her, behind, beside, whoever was stationary that she passed. Each person who appeared multiple times was noted, a still image was printed and saved to a folder, and Rick wrote an identification number on each image. He moved from day to day to roughly the same time each day and searched for any common denominators.

He thoroughly filtered through the times Kate crossed paths with the same people day to day. It was exhaustive work as she passed many people who worked in the same area or made the same journey every day.

Almost four hours later, he finally found what he had comprehensively searched for in a print he had casually cast his eyes over during a break he took to drink another cup of coffee. It was simply a glimpse of a Caucasian male who had been behind Rick and Kate over two consecutive days that caught his attention. The male wore a different coat and cap, but it was the same person who observed Kate. He left his coffee unfinished and moved to the video footage he had already checked. He soon found the person again, but this time, the first time he was in the video with two other men.

Rick used the spare office to lay out all the stills he had printed and spread them over the entire desktop in accordance with the days. It was then he saw a pattern emerge. It wasn't just one man who had stalked them. He identified four in the end, on the same path every day he and Kate travelled to buy lunch at their favourite cafe. They had even had the audacity to follow them inside the cafe. The men's presence had ceased the day before Kate had disappeared. Initially he considered it to be a coincidence but then reminded himself there was no such a thing as a coincidence under these circumstances.

He understood with the evidence at hand why they had failed to notice or sense the men who had stalked Kate. Detective Beckett was excellent at spotting anyone on to them, but with four of them, it was like walking past the same people day in and day out. Some you noticed and others were just faces in a crowd.

Absolutely certain he had good evidence, Castle stepped around the desk to the door way where he could see the boys at their desks. "Espo, Ryan. I have something. Please come take a look at it."

The boys glanced to each other then immediately pushed back their chairs, rose to their feet, and strode rapidly to join Rick. They stopped inside the office to study the immense number of photographs laid out over the desk, faces circled with red marker pen on every image. It took then only a few moments before they saw the pattern.

"There are four of them," Ryan said thinking aloud.

"Yes. Four of them." Rick confirmed "That I could identify". He sat back in his chair and rubbed his face, weary from lack of sleep. "What fucking chance does she have against four of them?" He asked and both men looked to him with expressions of horror falling over their faces. Internally, Castle was in a free fall panic. His imagination flashed images of what may be taking place with these men and Kate. The closed his eyes to make it go away by seeing nothing only caused the images to be vivid. He opened his eyes terrified to the point he forced himself to cease thinking about it.

"We'll find them." Ryan said, his voice barely registering in Castle's consciousness.

"It might be in her favour to be dead," he commented, "as she had no idea they were stalking her. No idea." He fell silent unable to maintain his enthusiasm any more.

****************************************Strong warning. Sensitive contents ******************************

_This section I have argued with myself endlessly about whether to leave it out or keep it. However, the following is the conflict they are all challenged by for the rest of the story, so without it, the reader may lose the impact of what happens later. Please appreciate it was difficult to write and to write properly. Two writers wrote and reviewed it until we were fully satisfied it was acceptable to put up._

_I removed the following section and since receiving private messages, have decided to put it back for the following reasons. This is the voice for the girls and women who suffer in silence. I sourced on experience to produce this story. Violence against women is a subject that is a worldwide taboo! It is important people know about it, and know it can happen to anybody: even to a kickass detective. It is important people know it's not the girl's fault if she gets raped, it's not because of the way she dresses, the way she talks or act. _

_The following is FICTION and the story is fiction, but we are dealing with real topics. _

_Thanks to those who communicated and encouraged me to be brave enough to put it back up._

**9.47 am**

Kate woke because her right arm was abruptly and painfully jerked. She squealed in alarm and pain. With a single hand, her body was lifted off the cold floor. She struggled to place her feet to the floor and she landed awkwardly. She just about gained her balance when a hand to the back of her head shoved her forward. She stumbled. The same hand grabbed her upper arm keeping her on her feet. She felt nauseas from thirst and hunger. Her vision remained poor. She knew it was daylight. She saw light and shadows, dark shapes, and people who moved about them. Orientation was out and she had no idea where she was at all. It was cold and felt damp. She still smelt chloroform, filthy body odours, dampness and the common odours of an industrial warehouse. The stench of sweaty bodies was the worst, a smell she would never get over.

The hand returned to the back of Kate's head. His fingers clutched a chunk of her hair and pulled her backwards in a direction he wanted her to head. She cried out, shifted her weight to her toes to ease the pull on her scalp.

She was pushed forward again several steps with a shove between her shoulder blades and it was quickly followed with another push, her body thrown forward by and she stumbled into something hard. Her knees collected a solid surface with a loud clunk against steel. She made a cry of surprise. Her fingers rapidly felt over the surface. She identified it as the fender and hood of a late model car. The hood was still warm from the engine. She didn't remember the last thing that had occurred with any clarity, but she was sure she hadn't been in a car. Her state of mind was severely confused and she felt weak. The chair, she recalled. They wanted the file. She must have been knocked unconscious.

She expressed a panicked cry and called. "Castle! Help."

Laughter from behind her was the only response. In Russian a male said. "You still call for him and he can't help you."

Kate replied in Russian, "Let me go and I will not hunt you down." She blinked hard in an attempt to regain her vision. She could see daylight ahead of her coming through the windows she had noticed earlier. However, they were set in the brick wall too high for her to access if she was left alone unbound. She needed to find an exit in the event she got the opportunity to escape. Silence had fallen over the room which allowed her several seconds to regain her composure, her breath a little. It was the issue of time she had been dwelling on whilst she had been tied in the chair. She had determined she had to buy time for Castle to find her.

"You won't be leaving here alive." The voice came from behind her. "You won't hunt me down, you won't forget this, you won't survive. You need to tell us where the file is."

A chill ran through Kate's spine. She was doomed. "No!" She screeched.

Kate instantly felt the weight of a heavy body against her buttocks and legs. She was pinned to the side of the car. She kicked as hard as she could manage given the pressure against her. At first her hands reached behind her to attack the male but she found nothing to injure. She abandoned it. Her fingers then reached out over the surface of the hood to find anything to grasp. There was only the smooth waxed surface of new paint on the panel. He pushed at her jeans to get them below her hips. She heard the laughter of men. She chose to ignore their noise and stretched as far as she could. She found the edge of the hood near the window. Her fingertips gripped it and she pulled as hard as she could, sliding from between him and the car. She twisted her hips in order to bend her knees. She kicked at his torso. He grunted. She was free.

In pure flight mode she scrambled up onto the car, her bare toes finding some traction on the paint. She was on the centre of the hood and had her fingers clamped to the frame of the windshield. She had to go over the roof to the other side of the vehicle. She had identified a door in her peripheral vision.

A hand planted at the back of her head. Fingers grabbed a chunk of her hair. Kate cried out at the tension placed on her hair. It was so painful on her scalp. Kate cried in pain and terror trying to hang on to the car with her fingertips, but her fingers slipped as she was pulled. She was thrown backwards, through the air. The back of her head hit the concrete with a loud whack, her shoulders taking some of the impact. She saw bright spots of light and felt excruciating pain in her head. She squealed, gripping her head in agony once the pain kicked in and rolled to her side. Her peripheral vision saw movement and in reflex kicked out as the Russian came after her.

Without a thought other than survival, she rolled to her stomach, scrambled to her feet and stumbled forward. One of them clutched at her left leg and violently pulled her down to her knees. She collapsed to the floor as she was dragged several metres over rough concrete, her t-shirt barely enough to protect her skin. She constantly kicked at the arms of the man her dragged her. She was dazed, dizzy but the vision was becoming clearer. She refused to stop fighting. It was down to survival and she was willing to die fighting them off her. As she was dragged, her fingers blindly searched for anything to take a hold of to stop or protect her with. Her jeans gave up the fight and started to slide down over her hips. He yanked them hard and they pulled free of her body. She used that release to escape and clambered to her feet again. There were constant dark shadows moving about her and she heard their voices, their words all in Russian. She cried, very scared of her vulnerability and her inability to protect herself. Her stomach rolled with terror.

She ran blindly forward, straight in to a solid object the corner piercing her right thigh. She fell onto it crying in pain. Her palms struck the hard surface. She swore. They laughed. She blindly felt its shape. A table. It was a god damn table. Although she struggled as hard as she could to scramble around the edge of the table, the attacker suddenly had her legs under his control and he hauled her off the table top with incredible strength. She struggled to grip onto the table. She hit the ground hard, her chin hitting something. It hurt! She screamed in pain and rage.

Seconds later her arms were taken hold of. She was turned over to her back and restricted by two other men. They lifted and carried her by her limbs. She was thrown crudely on to the car, flat on her back her head cracking on the hood. She cried in pain and defeat. She felt lightheaded and incapable of fighting or breathing. The hood of the car felt cold on her hot back, the air was damp.

"God! Please stop!" She cried out. Tears streamed from her eyes. She stared at the roof for several moments in an effort to regain control of her fears. The room that had been spinning out of control was easing once she kept still. There was light in the roof. A skylight. She was inside a warehouse. "Castle!" She called helplessly. Hands held her tightly down. She cried in pure terror. Panic started to rise when she realised no one would be looking for her anymore. They would have heard by now she had died in the staged car accident. Where would Castle be? Would he be mourning her death? She wished he was there to save her. She felt her arms being pinned to the hood. She understood perfectly the situation she was trapped. There was nothing she could do.

She listened to the men speaking in pure first generation Russian. There were an indistinguishable number of them around her. She stared at the skylight, trying to calm down enough to think straight. They knew her name and already had planned what they were going to do to her. She thought back to the attack at the Hamptons months ago, when she had shot David Matthews. This was payback for their comrades who had been arrested for attempted murder of her at the Hamptons. In Russian she pleaded. "No, please don't," several times. She waited, trying to think of a way out of the restraint they had her in. She knew there wasn't a chance in hell she could over power the men holding her down. Her ability to fight was diminished due to her physical weakness and concussion. They were all too strong for her to successfully defend herself she had to be smart.

Kate's few seconds of thought ended abruptly when she was pulled across the car her legs held so she could no longer struggle and her arms were out over her head held strongly from the other side of the vehicle. She smelt tobacco smoke and alcohol. A hand felt up her inner left thigh. Kate screamed piercingly loud, straining her vocal cords out of pure survival instinct. Maybe someone would hear her outside. She prayed someone would hear her. She could hear city sounds beyond the ringing inside her ears and the voices of the men she could not see.

She took a deep breath and screamed as loudly as she could. A hand clamped about her neck, gripping enough to choke her and took away her ability to make a noise. She was barely able to breathe. To conserve energy, to maintain oxygen to her brain and to the life within her, Kate stilled and relaxed her muscles.

Kate stole oxygen from the atmosphere by breathing shallow and laboured. She was terrified. She wasn't able to think of a way out. This was it. She wished her neck would be released of the massive hand that gripped it. She would keep still for them, do as they wanted so long as they let her have air. She struggled to maintain the airflow. She repeated to herself, _in, out, in out, in out_ blocking out all other thoughts. No amount of training in self-defence had prepared her for this situation. Her neck was released when they pulled her top offer over her heads. She inhaled her throat rasping as she sucked in as much oxygen as her lungs would take. Three, four deep breathes. She promised herself not to make a noise to just let them kill her. They cut away her underclothes. She didn't care. She had oxygen. She felt fingers on her between her thighs again. The panic within peaked when her body was dragged over the hood to the edge of the car. She knew with without a doubt she was about to experience hell before they would end her life.

The hand returned to her throat. She cried. The grip tightened on her windpipe. She squeezed her eyes shut. The pain was unbearable. She was suffocating. She couldn't even make a sound when the hand tightened further about her neck. She couldn't stop him. It hurt. It was agonising. She was immobilised. Her vision was fading to shooting stars, her ears rang loudly, the room turned extremely bright.

She thought about Castle, his beautiful eyes, the way he looked at her. She was glad he hadn't heard her screams. She prayed he would never learn what was to come of her, how she was really going to die.

All this for a file she didn't have.

Kate's imagination rescued her and extracted her from reality by catapulting her onto the beach at Coney Island with her mum and dad, walking along the shore on a cold January day. Castle was holding her hand and carrying their child. She was so happy.

She passed out unable to draw a breath.

**10.11 am**

Esposito's cell phone rang. He looked to the caller id, saw it was Lanie and picked up. "Hey Chica. What'sup?" He greeted and then listened. "You sure? Ok. See you in five." He hung up and turned to Rick and Kevin. "Lanie is on her way over. She has something for us she couldn't tell us over the phone," He informed them soberly, his chin tightening in thought. He knew Lanie well and by the tone of voice she wasn't bringing them good news.

"She's on her way here?" Castle asked in surprise. He almost collapsed in Kate's desk chair in sheer terror. Lanie only attended the Precinct when the news was horrific or she didn't have a body to exhibit her evidence. He would normally change the height of the chair but on this occasion it never entered his mind. "I'm worried," he murmured. His palms pressed together and his index fingers rested on his bottom lip in thought. "I'm really worried," he whispered staring at Kevin who was seated at his own desk.

Esposito who sat in Castle's usual chair, picked up one of Kate's white elephants and studied it, turning it over in his fingers. "Me too," He eventually replied. "Lanie sounded like she was crying." He glanced between the elephant and Castle then returned the elephant to its rightful place on Kate's desk.

"Seriously? Lanie has been crying?" Kevin carefully asked looking to both men. Esposito gave a nod. "Wouldn't we have been called if her body had turned up?"

"She might be in another jurisdiction." Esposito replied quietly as he slumped in the chair.

"Don't anticipate," Castle ordered. Silence reigned for almost a minute. "This is gonna be the longest fucking five minutes of my life."

"Maybe she has evidence," Esposito suggested.

"She's an ME," Rick replied. The only evidence she would have would related to a body.

The three men waited in silence, staring vacantly at the clock on the wall that continued to tick in seconds then minutes. Almost eight minutes later the elevator doors opened and Rick saw Lanie, in a dark suit appear. She glanced to her right then left and stepped from the elevator. Rick nodded to the boys indicating she had arrived and they all stood up and turned toward her. Lanie walked at first then rushed to Esposito, not stopping till she was in his embrace. She was sobbing. Esposito rested his chin on her head his eyes moving between his two friends, understanding perfectly what news she had come to give them. It took a couple of minutes for Lanie to regain her composure and she stood back moving toward Rick who was falling to bits in front of them. She swallowed seeing how much his hands trembled. He swallowed nervously, his adams apple showing.

"Tell us." Castle ordered.

"I had a call from a New Jersey ME just before. They identified the victims of a vehicular accident in which the car exploded very early this morning. They identified one of the victims via dental records. Rick I'm so sorry to have to tell you. It was Kate Beckett. She was in the passenger seat."

"No!" Rick murmured. "No! Do you have the ME's report?"

"Not yet." Lanie replied.

"How do they know it was her?"

"They had her dental records first thing." She replied glancing to each of the boys, silently questioning them why Rick was asking these questions.

"I want to see the postmortem report." Rick ordered. "As soon as you receive the report, I want it." He demanded.

"It won't change anything Rick." She sobbed and allowed Rick to pull her close for a hug he needed so much.

Kevin leaned against the desk. "My god." He murmured no sure what to say or think.

"How did they get her dental records so fast?" Rick asked. "How did they know who her dentist was? It takes you ages to find dental records and some ME in Jersey just happens to locate them before office hours even start?"

"Castle!" Ryan shouted to shut him up.

Esposito picked up a book he violently threw, then sat back in Castle's chair putting his hands to his head. "She's dead Castle."

"Just like she got in that SUV yesterday," Rick replied and grabbed his jacket and laptop bag. He lifted the shoulder strap over his right shoulder and headed out of the bullpen. He stopped and turned back.

"Please Lanie, call me when you have the ME's report. I need to read it." He requested very calmly. Lanie stared at him giving him her response by shaking her head no. He stared at her calmly and mouthed _please_, as he slowly stepped backwards. He raised his left eyebrow, half smiled and turned away from his friends. He quietly descended the stairs.

Outside the Precinct, Castle stood motionless on the pavement for minutes, his head tilted to the blue morning sky, feeling numb. He didn't know whether he should be angry at Kate for dying or angry because he felt he had been deceived by her. Should he be frustrated by the confusing information and evidence or just plain out upset over the news her body had been located. Numbness is all he had. After some time, he lowered his eyes and started down the street that he and Beckett and travelled along on many occasions. He commenced his walk towards his car, during which time his heart slowly dislodged itself from the cavity of his chest. It gradually rose to his throat painfully lodging itself there. The further he walked the more it hurt until he felt nothing put pure agonising grief.

On autopilot, he found his car and sunk behind the steering wheel tired and broken. It was dark beneath the Precinct in the car park, so quiet peaceful. His phone constantly vibrated in the back pocket of his jeans but he ignored it, not wanting to speak to anyone. He lifted it out of his pocket, checked who had called, He slipped it into a side pouch of his lap top back to cease the disturbance of it.

He started the car and drove out of the Precinct towards home


	8. Chapter 8 - Night 2

_AU and fiction _

**Chapter 8 **

**3.28 pm Day 2**

Rick had no real recollection of returning to the loft, nor what he did after he closed the door, shutting himself off from the world for a good couple of hours. He thought the house phone had frequently rung. Since Kate had changed her records to have him as her next of kin for emergencies, Castle considered it was his responsibility to contact Jim Beckett to let him know about what had happed to Kate, but an unwillingness to accept Kate's death stopped him from phoning or visiting her father just yet.

He knew he had a glass of scotch for Kate and her life. He remembered throwing the glass violently at his Nikki Heat novels on the shelf once he took the last mouthful of scotch. There was also a time he had stood in the closet staring at Kate's clothes and accessories that left him in a state of devastation. He fell on the bed, exhausted and resigned to the fact he had lost her.

Sleep must have overcome Castle at some stage during the time he mourned. He woke up on Kate's side of the bed, his face against her pillow, comforted by her scent, her delicious scent; a mixture of her, her shampoo and perfume. It was such an important sense to Rick's relationship with Kate. Her scent had been the very first thing that had aroused his desire to have her the night they had met. He had never told her but the smell of her in the Crown Vic during the trip to the Precinct had nearly killed him with want of her. He lay there awhile assessing how he was feeling. He hadn't cried, hadn't shed a tear but the emotions he experienced were extreme and overwhelming. Currently, there was an awful emptiness, a hollowness within him. Simultaneously a voice constantly nagged at him to get up. It was rejecting the news that Kate was dead and was telling him to follow the evidence, to return to his job. Unwilling to chase the evidence, he stayed on the bed, just existing, breathing in her scent and permitting his mind to imagine how Kate was the morning they had woken knowing she was pregnant. How cute she had been with him, how happy she was that she had finally fallen pregnant. She had told him and shown how much she loved him. She had been so happy that morning and comparably happy to the day he had finally asked her to marry him.

As Castle recalled it, he had been calm and content the morning he had taken her to their usual Saturday brunch restaurant. He'd had the whole day planned, all the while letting Kate make the plans for the day as she usually did. Rick had imagined that they would have breakfast, where he would ask her the big question, and if all went according to plan, it was a trip to the airport and a flight to Montreal for three days. He had kept it simple.

Their usual breakfast had been served but the waiter had done what Castle had asked him to as part of his grand scheme. When Kate had been served her mug of coffee she had peered at it, grinned and had looked up to Rick her face full of surprise. Rick had innocently asked, "What?" And seeing her eyes, he had stretched over to look at what she was speechlessly pointing at.

_Please marry me_ had been sprinkled onto the milk froth with chocolate powder.

He'd smiled, stood and knelt before Kate. He'd asked if he could take her hand and with her left hand tightly gripping his, Rick had asked her to marry him. She had cried happy tears. As she had once mentioned, she wanted her proposal to be simple and romantic. He had considered their usual restaurant on a Saturday at a quiet table where they were not noticed by others had been simple enough. She had said yes with a lot of tears, had accepted the ring. She had thrown herself into his arms as he had stood up. They had a photograph of the coffee too.

"The ring!" He exclaimed.

Rick shot his head up as it occurred to him. He rose to his hands and knees and crawled over the bed to the jewellery box Kate kept at the loft. Something was amiss and he had totally overlooked it the entire time. She hadn't put on perfume that morning. He also realised something else she hadn't put on, and kept on. He carefully pulled open the drawer at the bottom of the box and found exactly what he had suspected. Kate's mother's ring on the chain and her father's watch were in the jewellery box but more importantly, the engagement ring he had given Kate two months ago was tucked into the corner.

She wore the watch and the necklace most days at work but she always took them off at home. She wore her engagement ring to work, locked it up whilst she was on duty and wore it home. In fact the engagement ring was only ever off her finger when she was on duty. The ring was never in her jewellery box when she was at home. She loved it as a piece of jewellery, but more so, for what the ring meant to her in terms of her relationship with Rick. He reached for the white gold diamond ring and studied it momentarily, recalling with affection the day he had bought it. As he had promised Kate at the Hamptons, he had taken the ring to her father's home and had asked Jim for his permission to marry Kate. Jim had been keen to finally hear his daughter was going to settle down. Even mentioned he may have a chance to become a grandparent. Rick had almost choked at the time, knowing he and Kate were actively trying to conceive.

Rick went to return the ring to the jewellery box, when he noticed something else. He slipped her ring along his left little finger to slightly over his top knuckle, nearest his finger nail, and as far as it would go. Reminded him of how slender Kate's fingers were.

He pulled the drawer out a bit further seeing the corner of a bright pink sticky note. He pinched the corner of it with his thumb and index and plucked the small piece of paper out of the drawer. He recognised Kate's hand writing. It read in capital letters. _Castle, I'm so sorry. I had to. Look after our ring. Kate_.

He laid on the bed and rolled to his back not able to stop staring at the post it note. It was definitely Kate's messy handwriting. He constantly picked on her for her lazy technique of writing. If he thought he was confused by the information before, he was totally unable to comprehend this clue. He held two odd socks in his hand and there were another two in the jewellery box.

He was distracted by the sound of a key in the main door of the loft. It opened and closed. No doubt it would either be Alexis coming to raid the fridge or do her laundry, or his Mother returning home.

"Richard?" He heard his mother call, her voice worried. "Richard, are you home?"

"I'm in here." He called back. He heard the drop of her handbag and coat on the white chair by the door, then her heeled shoes on the floorboards as she approached the bedroom. His mother appeared, and she stopped when she sighted him on the bed. He dropped his hand and turned his eyes to his mother who was in a bright red blouse and denim jeans with boots.

"Richard," she softly murmured, "I'm so sorry."

"She's not dead, Mother." He replied almost sounding as thought he was trying to talk himself into believing it. He reached for her hand as she came to the bed and sat on the edge of it.

"Kevin rang me, worried about you."

"I'm ok," he confirmed.

"Richard."

"Mother," he murmured tired of proving his instincts right. "She didn't put on perfume, she didn't wear her jewellery, her ring. And she left me this. She probably figured I would look in the box in a week or two." He showed her the note and waited as she read and absorbed it. "I missed the odd behaviour that morning, because we were so caught up in her being pregnant."

"Kate was pregnant? Oh Richard."

"Mother. Seriously. Stop. I will prove it to you she's alive." He said hearing her tone that she thought he was in denial over Kate's death, more than the words she had actually said. He sat up on his elbow and passed his mother Kate's engagement ring. "You know she doesn't take it off except at work."

"She adores it," Martha agreed and took the ring. "Why would she leave it home on the day she disappears?" She asked and saw Rick shake the paper in reply.

Castle sighed thinking it all through. "Ok. She told me to take care of the ring. She was therefore afraid she might risk losing it if she took it with her. Kate truly believes this is the only engagement ring she will ever have. That's why I wanted to be sure I bought her the one she really wanted, why I had you go with her to find the exact ring she wished for. She told me when we first met, that she was a one and done type of girl. That's why she was so scared to be with me, because I had been married twice already."

"So this ring is extremely symbolic to Kate and she didn't want to risk losing it. It's a forever thing for her."

"Exactly. So she left it at home that day. She did hide in the alley. She didn't wear perfume so I wouldn't smell her if I searched for her. She wore clothes that would keep her warm when she disposed of her jacket. It all makes sense. She also left her hand bag here that day and took a small wallet." He took a breath. "Simple things I should have noticed on the day."

"Why would she run away and fake her death?"

"There must have been good reasons." Richard laid back down thinking about why, and for a short time was comforted by his mother's presence and her hand held over his.

She broke the silence. "I believe you are right Richard. She left you hints that would tell you she was alive. Nobody else would know these little things but you. You know her extremely well and I can't argue with what you have here."

"I can't go to the NYPD with this information," Richard stated and sighed. "They would laugh at me. I will go and talk Lanie into giving me a copy of the ME's report. I should be able to find evidence in that."

"Richard, what if it was Kate who was in the vehicle? Are you prepared to accept that she may have died in the wreck if the report proves it?"

"I am." Richard replied, "so long as I can prove beyond a doubt that the ME's report definitely refers to Kate."

"Then go work your charm on Dr Parish and get a copy of the report." Martha encouraged and patted him on his chest. "My dear boy, I do hope you're right. You finally have her and she's gone."

"I know Mother. It's fucking hard." He replied and sighed heavily.

**4.50 pm Day 2**

Once Castle had recovered enough from the horrific punch to his soul, the news that Kate had died in a car accident, he surfaced from his state of total despair with a new found hope that perhaps Kate was alive. It was possible she died in a motor vehicle accident but he needed proof of that. He had a couple of questions he needed to be answered accurately. Especially with his own evidence, he was fired up and determined to find the truth.

He attended the Office of the Medical Examiners later in the afternoon to coerce Lanie into providing him with a copy of the ME's report on the deceased Kate Beckett. He found Dr Parish in her office wrapping up tasks for the day so she could go home. She rolled her eyes as soon as she sighted him and ordered him to turn right around and go home. Castle persisted with Dr Parish who initially refused to even entertain the idea of giving him access to the ME's report, no matter how hard Castle tried to persuade her to change her mind.

In a last ditch effort to win the battle, Castle had finally fallen silent and had sat himself in the spare office share from where he calmly stared at Lanie who sat at her desk ignoring her visitor by reading through emails received that afternoon. She figured he would give up and leave if she waited it out a little longer. She wanted to go home to mourn the death of her best friend and couldn't understand why Castle was so keen to have a copy of the report. Every time she glanced to him, he was staring at her like a Labrador puppy waiting for attention. His eyes that usually held a sparkle were almost grey in colour. He looked so emotionally burnt she wanted to hug him, to comfort him. Simultaneously, she was not going to give into to his persistence to have the report.

Rick repeatedly glanced to the clock on the wall ticking loudly. With each second that passed he didn't have the report. He was struggling with the fact that somewhere Kate might be fighting for her life hoping he would find her soon. He clenched his teeth, pursed his lips in frustration at the doctor. She could be so stubborn. He reached into his right jeans pocket and found what he needed.

It was when he held out his hand for her to take something that she gave him her full attention.

"Open your hand," he requested using a soft tone. He intensely looked into Lanie's large brown eyes. Lanie paused, rarely seeing this softer side of Rick that Kate had told him about. She held out her hand slightly below his and he opened his fingers letting the ring fall into her palm. She closed her fingers around it to save it from falling then picked it from her right hand with her left fingers.

"Kate's engagement ring," she murmured studying the white gold ring with the large diamond. It was a beautiful ring. Rick leaned an arm on the desk and remained silent to let Lanie internally process what the ring meant. Her brown eyes widened and her mouth partially opened in thought. "Castle." She whispered, Rick hearing a 1000 words in the tone of her voice.

"Will you keep this between you and me?" He asked and saw her nod in response. He reached into his jeans pocket and lifted out Kate's watch and her mother's ring on the chain. He showed her what he held. He saw she understood what he had implied with his show and tell.

"Richard Castle." She started to cry and instantly he pocketed the jewellery to comfort Lanie who miserably stared at Kate's engagement ring. She wiped her eyes. "Kate would never have left this ring at home."

"I know." He murmured.

"She is crazy about it and you." She reached for a tissue to wipe her eyes. "You know her so well Castle."

"I know Lanie. That's why I need to follow the evidence," he explained and waited for her to think a moment or two. "Will you please let me have a copy of the report? I need to know it really was Kate in the accident. That's all." He decided to hide the fact he was looking for evidence to prove otherwise. Lanie was not in a state to read her best friend's autopsy report. He would use an independent ME if he needed a professional opinion.

She finally caved in and saved a copy of the initial findings report to a USB stick for him. If the report provided Castle with a sense of closure then she was more at ease with having provided it to him. Lanie couldn't look at it because even the thought of it upset her.

Castle returned home and locked himself in his study to be alone for the evening. He hadn't picked up any calls as yet and had no intention of doing so until he had the energy to talk to people. He spent the evening in complete solitary, studying the entire report with undivided concentration, highlighting bits and pieces on a new print of it the three times he read it. He wrote notes as he went. He thoroughly viewed the images provided, studied the dental records and analysed the tests they had been able to run from the remains of the body. The only way he knew he would get through it without breaking down emotionally was to pretend he was undertaking research of someone he didn't know. By the time he was finished, he was satisfied with his reviews of the report and was certain he was looking at a stranger's report.

In a final step to prove what the evidence was presenting to him, he opened his laptop and spent a couple of hours partially researching and reminiscing. He browsed through the hundreds of photos they had collected of themselves over the past four and half years. He was grateful they both loved capturing their lives with photos and videos, but he found it painful to look at the images of Kate, most of which she was pulling silly expressions or grinning at him. A lot of images were of Kate holding his body, his arm over her shoulder with his free arm holding the camera to take the shot. The photographs he had of her since they had been dating were very difficult for him to view. He had images of her in the loft, her apartment, in their respective bedrooms, at the Hamptons, their weekend away on her bike, many of her sleeping which he taken the nights he was up writing. He would sneak back to watch over her whilst she slept never growing tired of looking at her. Having spent so much time with Kate, Rick was easily able to conclude that based on his knowledge and the material he had collected, that his instincts were still on the ball.

By the time the clock struck midnight, Castle was mentally exhausted and emotionally drained, but hopeful once again. He was sure he had undeniable proof the woman in the burnt out wreck of a car was not Kate Beckett.

He only needed one final piece of evidence to prove his instincts and knowledge were correct, but that would have to wait till morning.

**3.48 am Day 3**

The coldness caused Kate to return to a state of semi-consciousness. Initially she thought she was in bed and Castle had had once again kicked off the blankets because he was too hot. Reality soon brought her to full consciousness. The floor beneath her bare skin was hard and cold. She opened her eyes a little to darkness, the only light available was of the city coming in the windows. There were shadows. Her vision was clear once again. Her fingers touched the surface she was lying on. It was a dirty and gritty concrete floor that could do with a thorough sweep.

She rotated her body, rolled her head towards the roof and immediately regretted doing so. Her head spun out of control. She ceased to move, her hands palm down on the floor in a subconscious effort to stop the vertigo. A quiet assessment of her physical self was disheartening. Her head was in agony, worse than a migraine, and her ears constantly had an irritating high pitched ring. Her teeth, her jaw and throat caused incredible pain. Every attempt to move caused her body to protest. She hurt everywhere. She was so cold, her body shivered uncontrollably. She listened for any noises and the presence of anyone else but she was alone with only the far away noises of the city to comfort her.

Tenderly her finger tips felt over the back of her head at the place where it was smarting, soon finding the coagulated blood on her scalp and stuck in her hair. She shook in disgust not keen on how sore it felt under her touch but it was dry and not oozing. She moved her hands to her face to feel where she had taken the impact of a number of hits that day. She was positive her jaw was fractured it hurt that much, similar to when she had fractured it years ago participating in martial arts. Her left eye was swollen and puffy, the other was visually compromised. Her neck was tender to touch and internally injured. There were also various grazes she felt over her torso and limbs but like the wound on her head, they were dry and already beginning the process of healing. The grazes were just deeper where protruding bones had been pressure points against the floor. They were stinging and swollen around the injured areas but minor compared to the trouble the wound on her skull was giving her. Worst of all she could smell blood that in the light available she wasn't able to assess for its severity or origin. The fact she easily smelt it indicated to Kate she had lost more than enough. It could also be attributing to her dizziness. It was an estimate, but she guessed the last time she had eaten was over 30 hours ago. Lack of food and water wouldn't be helping her at all.

Kate remained still for sometime after her physical assessment, in a drowsy state, trying to recall what had happened to her that day with some trepidation and fear. Where the hell was she? Where was Castle? Had he believed she had died in the car wreck? There were flashes of memories of her day, but not much of it was making sense.

She tempted to roll her head a little more to be comfortable and immediately regretted it as the room once again spun around her. She kept still till the vertigo subsided to the minimum. She experienced an overwhelming wave of fear she struggled to control. Being so disabled by the impact to her head, it was going to be challenging for her to escape when she couldn't even stand up without losing her balance. Then there was the physical exhaustion from physical exertion, lack of food and water that all greatly contributed to her inability to escape. She knew however she had to move, to at least find her clothes, to get warm somewhere off the cold floor. She didn't want to die of hypothermia in cold warehouse during winter.

Determined to survive, Kate sat up on her right elbow, the room spinning like crazy and she steadied herself with her hands flat to the floor. She closed her eyes tightly trying to keep upon her elbow. Her stomach muscles convulsed wanting her to vomit what little there was in her stomach but she restrained it, crying from the pain the motion caused. Noises of fear and frustration escaped her, because her body was not able to respond to what her mind wanted it to do.

She was forced to remain still once again, to wait for the worst of the nausea to pass. Her simplest survival instincts placed her brain to neutral for awhile, to permit her body to restabilise itself.

Time passed in drowsy periods in which she wished she was at home, or she tried to figure out how the hell she could manipulate the situation she was in to her advantage. Eventually she attempted to sit up to take a look about, made it part way. She placed her fingers to the floor for support and waited out the dizziness. It was during the wait, she thought she heard her name called. She made a sound of fear.

"Castle," she timidly attempted to call but her voice gave out. If he was looking for her, he might hear her. Every part of her knew that he would continue to search for her and this belief was the very reason she struggled to survive this experience. She coughed because her throat was extremely irritated and sore. She sat motionless, wondering what he would be doing. She tried to think what she would do if it was him who was held against his will, but her brain just wasn't able to function clearly enough to find an answer.

She contemplated initiating her escape once again. Then she thought about the burner phone that had been in her pocket when she was at the safe house. She needed to find it, but needed to firstly locate her clothes because she was freezing. She attempted to stand but the dizziness caused her to fall back on her ass. She cried in frustration.

"The shark stops swimming it will die," she partially whispered, "Move Beckett." She wasn't sure she was going to be able to stand to her feet but she was determined to move.

Kate could see her clothes in a pile about three metres from where she sat. She stared at them, wanting them so much. She was freezing, wanted to dress, but the slightest movement of her head caused enough vertigo to unbalance her. The temptation to find the cell phone was pushing her to move too. She gradually proceeded forward until she was on her hands and knees, ignoring the pain in her hips, the world spinning around her. She paused and immobilised her head when the spinning became unbearable. Her body shook in pain, her muscles protested, and her skin perspired.

"No!." She cried out. She squeezed her eyes shut and waited for the spinning to pass. When she opened her eyes she focused on her clothes and limb by limb slowly crawled to them. She chose to ignore the pain, the uncontrollable shaking. She repeated to herself in a whisper, "The shark stops swimming it will die," all the way to the clothes. When she was there, she sunk her buttocks until she kneeled, panting from extreme exhaustion. She found her top and pulled it on not the least worried whether it was inside out. Her jeans she worked on next. By the time Kate had dressed she was crying in relief to feel some warmth on her skin. She laid down, curled up in a ball in an effort to keep as warm as possible. She cried weakly so scared and alone she couldn't think. The cell phone was in the hip pocket of her jeans but she didn't have the energy to retrieve it. She decided she would take a nap, when she woke next she would retrieve the phone and turn it on.

**6.15 am**

Rick woke from the several hours of restless sleep and erratic dreams that morning completely sure of the evidence he had found during the night. He had faith in himself, in his instincts and he understood what he needed to do, what steps he needed to follow that day.

After he showered and once the hour was more acceptable to make calls, he telephoned the medical examiner, Dr Clark Murray who agreed to meet with Rick. They arranged to catch up for a breakfast coffee in a local café. The next thing he did was contact the dentist at the Hamptons he desperately needed records from.

Castle was at the café ten minutes early, anxious to get on with the meeting. He was sitting at a small table inside nearby the window. He kept his sunglasses on, so people were not able to see the evidence of his lack of sleep, of the emotional torture he had suffered through the past 24 or so hours. He sipped on water, willing himself to consume at least one glass of water without being sick. The continual nausea was weakening him. Over the past couple of days he had consumed limited food and fluids and he was seriously sleep deprived.

He had the large manila envelope on the table before him containing the information he had secretly obtained. As usual, he had pulled a few favours. He soon sighted Dr Murray as he walked along the front window between the outdoor tables to enter the cafe. He raised his hand that the doctor immediately saw and approached the table as Rick stood to shake hands.

"Thank you for coming." Rick greeted holding out his hand. "How are you?"

"I think I might better than you. I'm very sorry for your loss, Rick. I was extremely sorrowed to hear the news." Dr Murray grimly greeted placing his left hand over Rick's right hand.

"Thank you. Please take a seat Clark." Castle returned to his seat and fiddled with the envelope as Clark made himself comfortable. "I have something I want you to check for me Doctor. Coffee?" He asked as the doctor briefly looked about their environment then returned his attention to Rick.

"Please. And Rick, have something yourself. You look shocking pal." He gently said.

"I know. But I think I will be ok," he admitted with a coy smile. Castle raised his hand to a waitress who smiled and approached the table. She took their orders and disappeared within a minute. Rick turned his attention to the doctor. "I have the ME's report on the female body they found in the car wreck. Before you say anything, I've already read it and yes I did obtain it by coercive action."

"Rick." He scorned but also knew there was no point in chastising Castle. It was in the writer's nature to chase the evidence even if it meant taking risks to obtain it. The ME recognised the anguish in Castle, but there was something else, a flicker in Rick's eyes that told Dr Murray things were not as they seemed. "Talk to me," he urged.

Every time Castle started to speak he squinted a little, perhaps a nervous habit because he wasn't sure the ME would accept the information he was about to uncover. He saw the squint as Castle shifted in his seat then leaned forward talking quietly, "You know how well I know, knew Kate," Rick hinted hoping Dr Murray was also interpreting the subtext.

"Yes, I know the situation with you two," he confirmed. "Go on."

"There are at least two things I have identified that are not exactly correct in this report," He stated carefully, ensuring he didn't sound cocky. Castle was completely aware he was on the edge of accusing one of Dr Murray's colleagues of misleading information by making any brash statement so soon in the conversation. For all he knew, Murray might play golf with the other examiner. He had to apply tact.

"I'm listening." The ME saw in Castle there was a hint of hope. He knew Castle was an incredibly observant man, a man with world class analysis and critical thinking skills.

Castle fidgeted, tried to hold back his enthusiasm so he didn't get ahead of himself. "I think I'm best to present to you what I wish to verify with you. Some of it is straight forward and other's a bit tricky." Rick looked to the envelope and pulled out a clean colour copy of the medical examiner's autopsy report he then handed it to the doctor. Rick cringed at the name he sighted type on the front page of the report, knowing in his heart that it wasn't Kate's body they had taken from the wreck. He found the dental records of the victim and of Kate's dated 18 months before, and held onto them whilst the doctor read the report. "I will start with the tricky."

Whilst Murray was reading, the waitress returned with their coffees she placed before them. Rick thanked her and put two sugars in his latte. It took the doctor about five minutes to read the full report, accustomed to quickly scanning such documents and noting the important findings. He turned his eyes to Rick's, putting down the report on the table between them. "It is an initial report." He commented.

"Yes. Agreed it is." Castle replied. "This is where it gets interesting. These are the dental images of the victim found in the car, allegedly being Detective Beckett." He handed the sheets of paper to the doctor who inspected the images as Rick continued on with his findings. "These images are allegedly Beckett's dental records dated 18 or so months ago received by the ME yesterday, sent from Beckett's dentist who is in the city. I disagree with the images," he confidently stated giving the records to the ME who studied and compared both records.

"Why do you disagree? They are identical," Dr Murray stated confused.

"I agree they are identical," Castle replied. "I do not agree they are Kate's records."

"They have been certified as Kate's official dental records. Certified and signed by her dentist." He pointed his right index to the certification clause and signatures.

Rick inhaled deeply and looked about them silently, shifting in his seat. He pushed aside his coffee and leaned forward, murmuring adamantly. "I don't care if it's signed off as authentic. They are not Kate's teeth."

"How do you know?"

"It's obvious to the naked eye to begin with. First of all, Kate's front right top tooth was slightly indented. She consequently hit it in an accident a couple of years ago which prompted her to get it properly corrected. I remember clearly because it was one of the first times I saw her really cry it hurt her that much. There was a lot of blood loss. Anyway, the tooth in these images isn't out of alignment with the other teeth. Kate had it corrected over a period of time. The date of this record, the day it was meant to be." He pointed to the date. "Her tooth would have been indented further than this one is. I have photos of her to prove this. I studied them last night. Also, she injured a molar in a fight she had about five months ago. The victim's tooth does not have evidence of repair to that tooth," He pointed to the subject tooth on the image taken of image taken that day of the body. He got a little excited when he saw the doctor was carefully studying the scans of the teeth.

"Kate would laugh at me if she heard me say it, but my spidey senses have been tingling madly over this." He stated and presented the doctor with a third set of scans. "Four months ago, I took Kate to a specialist dentist in the Hamptons to have her teeth examined. She had been complaining about her teeth being sore after the fight. This morning I phoned the dentist and he emailed me copies of the x-rays he took of Kate's teeth four months ago, being the latest taken out of all of these. Nobody but Kate, the dentist and I know about these. Now you. Nobody else would question these images if they didn't know Kate's teeth as I do." He handed over all the sheets of paper.

The doctor thoroughly examined the images. In the most recent images, the front right tooth was slightly indented as Rick had described, and there was definite repair work where he had indicated on the molar. Rick had also provided him with printed photographs taken over a period of time, from before the accident on her tooth, to about the time of the injury and to more recent pictures where it was easy to see the tooth had been repaired to its original setting.

"Rick." He murmured. "Do you realise what you are saying?"

"I do." He confirmed. "I also have something else."

"What is that?" The doctor inquired.

"The blood results, what they could get." He began.

The doctor searched the report until he found the analysis results. "Yes." He inquired.

"Is there anything in those results that should have been flagged in the report?"

The ME scanned the numerical results, checking the ranges of hormones, white blood cells, red blood cells, everything they had tested. "She was in the normal ranges. There is nothing."

"There should have been." Rick replied.

"Why?"

"Her progesterone levels should have been off the scale. She was pregnant."

The ME scanned the sheets of paper and the written report carefully for any indication the autopsy had reported a pregnancy. "The person in this report was not pregnant. In fact hormonal levels indicate she had low progesterone, that she was either pre or post menstrual." The ME confirmed. "How far along was Kate?"

"At least six weeks." Rick replied, watching as the doctor re-scanned the entire autopsy. "Nobody but Kate and I knew."

"Then no, if you are sure Kate was pregnant, then these are not the results I would expect to see." He thought about things for a moment or two. "So it was Kate who was identified in a burnt out car, and you are claiming the information contained in this report is incorrect in regard to Kate."

"I know it's incorrect and fabricated, based solely on her teeth. I know those teeth Dr Murray, and know beyond any doubt that the images I have brought here myself are her teeth. The teeth in the autopsy report are similar, but definitely not Kate's."

"Based on the evidence you have provided me, I cannot argue with you. The person this report relates to was a female," Murray offered, "she was of similar age, height and size to Kate. My only other comment I can give you is I believe the woman in this report, at some stage in her life, was obese and far heavier in weight that Kate has ever been. As a result of the obesity, she had degeneration in both knees, had at sometime sustained ligament damage in her right knee and as a consequence, would have found it aggravating to run." He advised looking at Castle with a smile creeping over his face.

Rick's eyes lit up. "Kate is a runner," he exclaimed. "She sprints for a long time. She can sprint as fast as the boys from the precinct," Rick excitedly stated. "So long as I have known her she has never complained of any knee problems Doctor. In fact she ran and completed a full marathon with Ryan a couple of months back at the end of the summer."

"The female in this autopsy report could not have done any of that." He closed the report and turned to his coffee for a drink. "Drink your coffee Rick. You must take care of yourself. You need the energy to find Detective Beckett."

"Thank you Doctor." Rick smiled picked up his coffee and took a few sips savouring the flavour.

"Who was the last person to see her?" The ME asked.

"I was."

"What happened?"

"Kate walked around the corner and disappeared. I saw an SUV drive out of the alley and she disappeared. We received a call from Lanie Parish yesterday morning advising us that Kate's body had been identified in a vehicular accident. Car was burned out."

"What do you think happened?"

"My theory is she took cover where I lost her and hid there until the crime scene was closed up and vacated. Somebody picked her up and she has gone into hiding or perhaps the witness protection program for a reason I don't know about _yet_." He offered verbally sitting on the last word as he was determined to find out what motivated her to do this. "Especially now I have this report I favour these stories. I haven't told anyone else about what I found. They think I'm crazy, just grasping at straws, in denial."

"But you're not. You have proven the person you have here is not Kate."

Rick's phone started to vibrate in his pocket so he reluctantly pulled it out in case it was important. He saw the name connected to the caller id. "Excuse me. I have to take this call. This is an odd sock." He said to Clark. He accepted the call. "Castle."

"It's Will Sorenson, Castle."

"I know. What do you want?" He asked almost sourly, hoping he wasn't just phoning to offer his condolences.

"We need to talk. Not on the phone. Can we meet?"

"When?"

"Now."

"Alright." Rick listened to where he needed to go to meet Sorenson and hung up, looking back to Dr Murray. "I'm sorry, but I have to meet someone who has to urgently talk to me."

"Go. If you need anything, anything at all, call me. And good luck Rick." Clark said. "I will take care of the tab. Drink your coffee." He reminded Rick who did pick it up and drink it. There was hope on the man's face since the call he had just taken. He watched Rick hurry out of the café.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**8.30 am – Day 3**

Outside the café, after he abruptly left Dr Murray, Rick hailed a taxi and gave the driver the address he needed to be driven to. His heart pounded in excitement the entire trip, because Sorenson claimed during the brief phone conversation he had information about Kate. The ME had confirmed what Castle already knew and perhaps Sorenson was going to give him a better lead to follow.

It was almost 10 minutes later he strode inside a second coffee shop. He was quick to sight Sorenson seated in a stool towards back of the bar and with a wave, walked up to him. Things were always awkward between them because of Kate. It had been further tested between the men once Sorenson had found out Kate was with Rick. Even Castle had to admit, he like the guy and had it not been for a woman they both loved, they would probably be good friends. He shook Sorenson's hand, noticing he looked as bad as he felt. He sat on the stool to the left of Will and ordered himself another coffee, this time a flat white.

"What's going on?" Rick finally asked.

"We have a major problem Castle." Sorenson said seriously, almost fearful of the repercussions he was potentially going to receive from the writer.

"I know," he replied and waited for Sorenson to continue.

"Two nights ago, you went back to the alley to look for Kate," he cautiously said to Castle, noticing how drained the writer looked. He fiddled with a corner of the serviette beneath his coffee cup anticipating that Castle was going to strong react to the news he was about to give him.

"How do you know?" Rick asked surprised by Sorenson's admission.

"I was there, waiting for you and Ryan to leave." He glanced at Castle, wary to go on. Castle who had been staring at Sorenson's coffee shifted his eyes to Will. He was shocked and angry that Sorenson had been in on it.

"What the fuck? It's true? She was there? You were in on it?" Rick was angry. He felt deceived.

Sorenson unconsciously shifted to face Castle more squarely, in an attempt to increase his size against Castle's, "Just don't hit me Rick. Promise me you won't hit me." He requested carefully, holding up a palm to keep Castle calm.

"I'm not making any fucking promises." Rick snapped back. He breathed hard, trying however to control his rising temper. "Proceed." He ordered shifting on the stool.

"Kate was there, and was hiding from you. We waited for you and Detective Ryan to leave."

"Why didn't she come out?" He squawked.

"Just let me finish alright?" Will cut in and waited for Rick to relax a bit. "The CIA advised the FBI there was a bounty on Kate's head. Someone wanted her alive, but she doesn't know that. I only learnt this fact this morning before I phoned you. Kate thought the bounty was to assassinate her. Kate was contacted by the FBI and she secretly met with several agents. She was told that if she wasn't put into the witness protection program she would not survive the week. My job was to pick her up and take her to a safe house. I also leant this morning that when she saw the evidence and finally agreed, she had specifically requested that it be me to take her to it as she said she only trusted me. I drove her to the designated safe house and left her there close to midnight with the safe house keeper." He paused, and swallowed nervously. Sorenson was finding it difficult to continue because of his own guilt over what had happened after he dropped Kate off and fear of how Castle was going to react. The guy was obviously in love with Kate, had always been and that made it hard for Sorenson to continue.

"So where is she?" Rick asked sounding hopeful. He nodded to the bar tender who passed him a fresh coffee.

"I'm getting there." Sorenson took a deep breath and fidgeted in his seat. He came straight out with his first piece of information which he thought was going to blow Rick's mind. "The car accident was fake," he confessed.

Castle laughed in mockery, "I know," he replied with a tone that told Sorenson he was insulted they tried to trick him, of all people, into believing it. "There are too many flaws in the ME's report. A first year med student would have figured it out."

"Trust you to notice. Kate said you wouldn't believe it." Sorenson replied. "But glad you did challenge it. Least you know there's a chance she's still alive." Sorenson offered.

"What do you mean a chance she's still alive? You took her to a safe house." Rick stated, his mind reeling in response to the subtext in Sorenson's words. He was feeling like he needed to start panicking.

"I signed her in. She was asleep when I left her there." Sorenson put his head down a moment, hating himself for what he had done.

"Why didn't you wake her, make sure she wanted to go through with it?" Castle asked in frustration. "You know what she can be like."

Sorenson searched Castle's face getting a feel for why Kate sometimes said his curiosity and desire to find the answers was exhausting. "She told me she was pregnant Rick." Sorenson replied matter of fact. "So I let her sleep and I carried her into the house because she had been so upset. I never said goodbye to her. I left. I thought she would cause a scene if I woke her. Now I wish I had woken her, believe me."

"What happened next?"

"I got about a mile down the road and threw up I felt so bad. Maybe it's because she told me she was pregnant and some stupid instinct made me want to protect her. I don't know, but I wanted to go back, but I had my orders."

Rick frowned, slightly annoyed about him admitting he wanted to protect Kate. He found an instinct within him had been pricked by Sorenson's admission and he couldn't help by way. "They're mine to protect."

Sorenson sighed. "I know. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry I said that." Castle replied. "Please continue."

Will shifted on his stool and took a sip of his coffee, thinking about things. "Last night, I checked up on her via the FBI and found out the safe house was breached after I vacated it. When the shift change was to occur at seven yesterday morning, they found the agent unconscious and Kate gone. Her back pack is still at the house and the agent I signed her to is in hospital." Sorenson stopped talking and waited for the information to be absorbed by Castle.

Rick sat back in disbelief, his mind blown by the news he had just been given. He blinked, shook his head and fisted his hand. He wanted to smack Sorenson, but instead he hit the wooden bar several times. "Are you telling me Kate was abducted from an FBI safe house? A safe house, that you took her to and left her there alone?"

"Castle!" Sorenson warned. "I'm sorry. I'm so sick with worry man. I thought she was going to be taken out of the USA within twenty four hours. I thought she was going to be safe."

"Oh my God!" Rick dropped his head into his hands. He lifted his head seconds later. "You knew where she was, she told you she was pregnant, with my child, and you let her do it." He said between gritted teeth. "And now she's been kidnapped?" He wanted to punch Sorenson's face to a pulp but he knew he needed him to find Kate.

"I'm sorry Rick. Look, Kate didn't have time to think it through as they used scare tactics to make her run. I know that now."

"So what do you know about who took her?" He asked trying to maintain control of himself.

"We don't." He replied. "She has vanished into thin air."

"Take me to the safe house."

"I can't. There's no point. The security cameras caught footage of when a car arrived, and when it left all done within ten minutes. The number plate was a New York tag, but stolen. We know she was carried out to the car unconscious and that she was in restraints. We can only guess that she is back in the city, or in the State by the tags. It's a fucking mess Castle." Sorenson stated, "And I'm very sorry I was involved in it."

Rick swallowed unable to believe what he was hearing. "Can I tell Ryan and Esposito?"

"We have to. Can I join you to find her?" I've put in for a few days leave to help you find her. I will do whatever I can to help." He stared at Castle's eyes for several seconds. "Hell, I loved her too man. I know how you feel."

Castle fisted his right hand. Sorenson saw it and held up a palm. "Don't ever say that again." Rick demanded.

"It's the truth." Will bravely replied.

Rick let it go. He savoured a mouthful of his coffee to take a moment or two to lower the anger within him. He suddenly asked. "Is Jordon Shaw on the hunt for her yet?"

Sorenson nodded. "She knows already. She was one of the agents insisting Kate be protected to the full extent of our powers. She's willing to do anything to help get Beckett back. We need to find a piece of evidence."

"I have something already." Rick offered. "After I left the alley I concentrated on the assumption she had been taken in the SUV and yesterday before we received the news they had found her body, I had identified four people following us over a period of weeks. I have them on video. Maybe we need to go back to that, start there." He looked to the time. "We have lost a day because of that accident."

"I know. Let's go." Sorenson said and threw money on the bar. Castle gulped down his coffee and followed Sorenson out of the café. As they got to the door, Rick put a hand on William's right shoulder.

"If we find her alive, I am going to hunt you down and hit you so fucking hard for taking her from me." Rick stated matter of fact.

"I will let you hit me Castle." Sorenson replied, "but you will only get one crack at it. I'm so sorry I took her there, but it was Kate who asked for me to do it." He honestly said. "Let's work together with Esposito and Ryan to find her. She was very upset because of you going back to the alley to find her. Frankly, she was a fucking mess and in hindsight I should have listened to my instincts and driven her to your place."

"I knew she was there." Rick said following him out the door. "I damn knew it." They walked to Sorenson's car in silence and headed to the 12th Precinct.

Castle and Sorenson hadn't taken six steps into the bullpen at the 12th Precinct when Rick felt his phone vibrating. He found it and looked to the caller id. All his calls were being monitored and automatically traced. From across the bullpen he saw Ryan signal him to take the call. Immediately Castle hit accept and put the phone to loud speaker, touching Sorenson's shoulder to signal to him to follow.

"Castle," Rick greeted. The men met with Detectives Ryan and Esposito in the vacant office where Castle had set up shop yesterday. They closed the door.

The voice was electronically altered and said. "We have Kate Beckett."

"I'm listening." Rick held the iPhone in a position to enable each of the men to listen in.

"If you want to see her alive we want five hundred thousand in unmarked bills in a back pack."

"By when?" Rick glanced to his watch. It was 9.46 am. He then looked to Sorenson well aware of his extensive experience with hostage situations. He had trust in the man to lead the investigation. He nodded.

"Midnight tonight." The voice replied after seconds of silence.

Rick waited for Sorenson to scribble a message on a note pad before him. He read it then said it, "I want proof of life she is alive." He cleared his throat, wishing he was writing that line in a novel and not saying it in reality.

Seconds passed again. The men waited in silence their eyes locked on the phone. They heard distorted sounds then the squeals of a woman who was being hurt. They all fidgeted recognising the distinctive sounds of Kate. Rick's stomach turned. He nodded at Sorenson. They heard Kate call Castle's name. She spoke in French the words. "Warehouse, the file, ransom, they're going to kill me." They heard the desperation in her voice. Rick took the pen from Sorenson and wrote what she had said in English so everyone understood.

The male was back. "Do we have an agreement?"

Rick once again looked to Sorenson seeking his approval. This time Will picked up the pen and wrote beneath Castle's words to ensure they had a time to confirm the place of exchange. Rick read then replied nervously, "Yes. I will get the cash. Call me at three o'clock this afternoon with a place to make the exchange."

"Three pm. Agreed." The line went dead.

Rick released a long held breath of air and ran his hands nervously through his hair. He looked to each of the boys and smiled. "She's alive." But he refused to admit even to himself, leave alone to the others that he had heard the terror in her cries. It took him back to the day Maddox had the gun at her head and she had been screeching at him to close his eyes. He shook it off.

Sorenson smiled with the same expression. "She's alive," he repeated, "We have a chance."

Seconds later Ryan's cell phone rang. He picked up. "Did you get it?" Ryan listened, nodded, his eyes brightened. "Thanks." He hung up and pocketed the phone.

"Well?" Castle asked as everyone was waiting for Kevin to inform them.

"Good and bad," Detective Ryan took a breath, "Bad as the call wasn't long enough to identify the antenna it pinged off but it was long enough to know she's back in the city."

"Good enough, for now," Esposito answered. "What is going on with you Sorenson?"

Sorenson glanced to Castle who nodded. Sorenson started. "Guys, we need to talk. I need to fill you in on what's been going on."


	10. Chapter 10 - ransom

**Chapter 10**

**12.30 pm - Day 3**

After some serious deliberation, everyone broke for a lunch break. They bought sandwiches from a café close by and ate together at the Precinct. Whilst they ate they updated Captain Gates who had returned from a meeting at IPP. Lunch over with, Sorenson and Castle paired off and left the Precinct. Ryan and Esposito stayed at the precinct to follow up the searches of any of the suspects that Castle had picked from the security footage. Agent Shaw was running her own searches from her office across town. Nobody was having much luck.

Castle and Sorenson drove twenty blocks to meet with Castle's bank manager who, earlier on in the day had almost choked on his coffee when Rick had phoned him stating he needed half a million in cash by 2.00 pm. Although the person holding Kate captive was going to phone at 3.00 pm Sorenson had decided he going push him to arrange the swap earlier than midnight as they were extremely fearful Kate would be deteriorating too quickly. All the men knew Kate well enough to be fretful she didn't have the long distance stamina to survive much longer. She was strong, but not as strong as she liked to think she was. Esposito had even said that if they didn't find her before midnight they would be looking for a body the next day. Sorenson and Castle chatted about it in the car, both of them reluctantly agreeing that Javier was right. They soon dropped the subject but started to share a few secrets about Kate they would never have discussed that very morning.

"I carry gummy bears for her." Richard confessed. He gazed out the window at all the people moving about their daily lives free to do as they please, just another normal day for them. "Mainly to stop her sugar levels dropping to low."

"Nice one. She loves them."

"Except the green ones." Castle glanced to Sorenson with a smile.

"She used to leave half empty bags of them everywhere. That explains it." Sorenson smiled back. "What about the way she eats her food? Picks at it to the point she used to drive me crazy. I was like just eat it already."

"Oh yeah. She still does that. Grazes." Rick explained. "Have you noticed how she eats like popcorn or nuts, or grapes? It's always one by one." He moved into narration mode as though he was writing one of his novels, his voice carrying a little humour for the first time that day. "Picks it up delicately with her long slender fingers and gently puts it to her lips. It's so sexy and seductive." He play acted. He cleared his throat and said with a deeper voice quite matter of fact. " I just grab a handful of whatever and throw them in my mouth."

Sorenson chuckled over the image Castle had put in his head of the way Kate did eat. He couldn't help but say, "Writer boy." He grinned, glad the heaviness of the day had been broken a little. It was refreshing, so he carried it on a bit. "Does she still have that insecurity in the morning where she asks if what she's wearing looks ok?" Sorenson asked.

Rick laughed aloud. "Every morning without fail." He proceeded to mimic Kate. "Does this look alright? Not too sexy?" He paused, watching the pedestrians hurry over the walkway on amber lights. "How on earth am I meant to answer that, for God's sake?"

"Yeah. Is this the bank?" He pointed to the bank on the corner and double parked out the front.

"Yep," Rick confirmed and pointed ahead to car space that was available. Sorenson saw it and drove forward.

Inside the bank they had to wait for the bank manager to finish up preparing the paper work in relation to the money Castle was withdrawing from one of his investment bank accounts. As it was unusual of Castle to make such a request at very short notice he waited patiently with Sorenson. The bank's investment manager was being extremely compliant to meet Castle's request and behind closed doors he and a couple of employees were finishing up the transaction in order to hand over the cash very soon. Sorenson and Castle sat in a couple of chairs nearby the manager's office. They had been advised by a female employee that the manager would be a quarter hour. Both of them were quiet for awhile watching the customers come and go from the bank. Rick played a game of Angry Birds but it wasn't keeping his attention. He wanted the cash and wanted out of the bank. Having sat for a good ten minutes he discovered he was not in the frame of mind that day to be sitting with nothing to do when he could be working on finding his girlfriend. He fidgeted.

Sorenson, noticing that Castle was growing impatient every minute that passed, sat back in the chair and asked quietly. "Does she still bite her nails whenever she's nervous?"

"Yep. All the time." Castle pocketed his phone. "Did she ever hide in closets with you? Like, during her sleep?"

"Once. We had a bad case, you know the one," he paused and Rick nodded recalling the child who had died in a hostage situation, "and for a week or so after she was dreaming and roaming the apartment. She's done it with you?"

Castle nodded. "At the beach house after the fight she had with Maddox. Found her in various closets or walk in robes under the clothes. She occasionally does it here." Rick looked from his hands to Sorenson, "This might be too personal, but was she scared to be with you?"

Sorenson looked at Castle's eyes and nodded with a frown. "It's what broke us up in the end. She was too scared to move in with me, to move to Boston with me. I needed the transfer to get the promotion and she wouldn't follow me."

Rick grunted. "I understand you," he offered. "She won't give up her apartment, but she won't sleep without me beside her."

"But you got her." Sorenson remarked. "She will kill me if I tell you this, but she got through her mother's murder reading your books. She has always liked you."

Rick smiled, a warmness fuelling up inside him. Will's comment was a reinforcement of what he already knew about Kate. "She made me wait long enough."

"That she did," Sorenson agreed.

"Here he is." Rick saw the manager come from his office. The men stood and walked towards the older man who reminded Castle of Morgan Freeman. He always had an urge to talk about horses with the manager as well for some reason, but not today. They had been doing business now for a good fifteen years, which had caused Castle to trust him with this task today. They shook hands and followed the manager back into his office. On the desk there was a plain black back pack. The men sat in the chairs facing the desk and the manager took his side of the desk.

"Rick Castle, what on earth are you up to?" The manager inquired, opening a manilla folder. He picked up the sheets of paper and tapped them on the table so they were neat.

"I am doing some serious investing for the sake of my future." Rick replied glancing to Sorenson who smirked. Nothing like dark humour in a bad situation.

"Serious is correct." The manager replied. "We have another half a million that will be here by 4.00 pm today."

"Good. I probably won't need it, but if I do, I will most likely phone you sometime after hours. If we come for that, we will bring security."

"You have my number. I will need an hour to gain access to the cash." The manager took a breath and said. "I moved the money around as you instructed in your email. Should this not go ahead you will return the cash tomorrow, is that correct?"

"Correct. If it's not me, it will be the police who return it."

"Sign away." The manager handed the paper over his desk to Castle who took the papers and pulled a pen from the chest pocket of his sports jacket. He signed on the dotted lines as indicated. He also read over what he was signing for. Happy with everything, he picked up the bag and checked inside. "Do I need to count this?" He smirked, secretly wondering whether he and Sorenson should have counted the cash.

"We have counted it ten times. If you want to, go ahead."

"I trust you Gordon. Hopefully I will have it back to you in full tomorrow." He shook hands and the two men left the bank.

**3.31 pm - Day 3**

"That's it." Rick stated. "Enough with waiting." He dropped the biro on the desk he had been playing with for the past forty or so minutes. He had consumed two cans of cola in the past hour and was most definitely feeling the effects of the sugar.

"Maybe she's dead." Javi said. "No point phoning if they can't make the exchange."

"Do you want me to hit you again?" Castle flatly asked.

"You won't get a chance." Javi replied just as fast but decided to let it drop as he probably would have said the same thing had someone else commented she was dead.

"Try me." Castle replied dead serious. For the first time, Esposito realised that maybe Castle did have it in him to fight.

"Guys." Ryan interrupted. "No point fighting. We have to think of something. Shaw."

"Dead end." Sorenson replied. "There has to be something."

"Why would they hold her to ransom and not follow it up? Maybe the guy who made the call can't get to a phone," Castle commented, then almost said to himself. "A ransom."

"Castle?" Ryan inquired seeing his expression change. The writer had an idea.

Richard stood and pulled his phone out of his jeans pocket. "I have an idea. I just need to find out if I can do it." He told them as he walked out of the meeting room. He stopped and turned back. "How hard would it be to lay our hands on some old drug money from evidence or wherever they keep it, say enough to look like I have a lot of cash on me?"

Ryan and Esposito looked to each other. Esposito smiled. "I can get it.

"Marked money so we don't have to take the real money." Rick specified.

"How much to you want to look like you have?"

"Oh. Say a million. That will do." Castle smiled and walked off towards Kate's desk with the phone to his ear.

Esposito looked to Sorenson then Ryan. "Do you think he was serious?"

Sorenson pursed him lips. "He was serious. Can we get the cash?"

"I'll call my buddy who will do me a favour." Esposito replied and found his phone.

Two minutes later Castle returned. He walked in the door and said. "It looks like I really will be needing that cash guys." He smiled. "The game is on."

"The game?" Sorenson queried.

"We have an hour to get the cash. I will be back in a minute to discuss what I have in mind to end this saga once and for all." Castle told them and he walked out the room to use the bathroom.

**4.59 pm - Day 3**

Rick had the photographs, the best pieces of surveillance footage, the money and the connections to undertake the plan he had discussed with the Captain Gates and the Detectives earlier when the kidnappers didn't call at scheduled time of 3:00 pm.

After heated discussions, a brain storming session to find an alternative plan everyone had agreed that although it wasn't a great plan it was the best given the current circumstances. Special Agent Shaw had backed up Rick telling Gates over a conference call it was their best option. With Shaw's approval, and Sorenson's reluctant agreement that it was the best idea, the NYPD gave Castle the go ahead.

He sat at the news desk in the TV studio with the journalist beside him. He had declined to wear make-up as he had been given a minute of air time. He was anxious as time was not on their side anymore and as a result he perspired. He knew he had to calm down within the three minutes he had left before he was to go to air on the 5.00 pm news. Sorenson stood in the background of the stage with Esposito and Ryan, none of them sure Rick's idea was going to be effective. But they had all conceded they were at a point of desperation and understood they had nothing to lose any more. Even Captain Gates had agreed it was their best approach under the circumstances which had surprised all of them. They had lost a lot of time searching in the wrong places to find her alive.

The make-up girl returned to Castle and wiped his face with a towel. "Mr Castle, you need to look calm for this. Please allow me to put on a bit of make up for the camera." She requested.

Rick nodded his consent and sat so she was able to apply enough make up to have him look better than he felt. Before him on the desk, he had the photos, the cash. The technicians had the rest of the information the police wanted to go on the broadcast. He knew he had to pull this off. It was their last chance to find Kate alive he repeatedly reminded himself. He quietly recalled the hour they had waited for the 3.00 pm call to come in but it had never eventuated. They were still waiting for the call to direct them where to meet with the cash. The fact the call had not occurred was causing them all to think Kate had died, and it was too late to put up the reward.

Castle had noticed, since the call hadn't come in, Sorenson's mood had darkened considerable. He had said little but had agreed with Castle's idea as they had nothing else to go on. It was Sorenson's change, his loss of hope that was unnerving Rick a lot.

The floor manager advised Rick it was less than a minute before the show was to start. The news reader was to commence the news report with breaking news and would then introduce and throw the news Rick. It was 5.00 pm and in excess of sixty hours had passed since Kate had been taken from the safe house. Castle knew her chance of survival was slim, but he had to take the risk.

The journalist drew his attention to her. She had known Rick for years and it was their friendship and an old favour owed to him that had allowed him the opportunity to get on the air. He knew the television was still the fastest media to use to create the storm he planned to start. The music commenced and the head news reader started to read the viewer as Rick silently did. All he had to do was read the words off screen once he was put on camera.

He listened, breathed deeply and tried to focus of the progress. The newsreader ran the story that a police detective had been taken hostage. They had a photo of Kate being broadcasted. He heard his name and a hand touched his forearm. Rick cleared his throat and focussed on the camera before him. Experience in the industry suddenly presented and he began by leaning toward the camera, his blue eyes intense.

"My name is Richard Castle," he started calmly. "I am the author of the Nikki Heat novels and am here today as a representative of the New York Police Department to seek your help. Two days ago, Detective Kate Beckett, was kidnapped while on duty with the NYPD." Rick paused noticing a photograph of Kate appeared on screen. He swallowed and continued to read. "There was a bounty placed on Kate Beckett for her to be captured. After extensive investigations, we believe the men in the video surveillance you are currently being shown, know of the whereabouts of Detective Beckett. This morning, I was contacted by the people who hold Detective Beckett hostage. They have a ransom they demand I pay. However, they have failed to contact us to arrange an exchange." He paused to control his emotions, but had to continue as the viewer kept scrolling. "I have before you one million dollars that I will personally give to the person who safely returns Kate Beckett to me. One million dollars reward for Detective Beckett's live return, no questions asked. If anyone has any clues, saw anything, please contact the New York Police Department on the number shown on the screen." Rick held the photograph of Kate in his hand to the camera. He sat up as the show went to an advert. He dropped the photo as soon as the camera was off, He stood up for the crew to take away his microphone.

Esposito approached the desk. "This could be the end of her," Esposito stated, "But that looked impressive through the TV," he offered.

"I hope it was impressive enough," Castle replied. He and Esposito returned the old drug money to the bags they had brought the money to the studio in. All the money was marked as non-usable but the camera would not have picked it up. Viewers would have simply seen a million dollars bundled into packages. The second half of the real ransom money was currently being organised at Rick's bank.

To upstage the ransom was a huge risk, but he had an inkling Kate had been behind the ransom call this morning. She had managed to bait those who held her and that by making Castle deliver a ransom she knew that he would have contacted Sorenson for help. It was also of way of keeping herself alive, that maybe she was playing them against each other because she knew Rick could come up with the cash. He sensed she was buying herself time, and also buying Rick time he needed to find her with the breadcrumbs she was managing to drop.

"Maybe, and based on the fact they asked for half a million, my reward is more than the original bounty on Kate to take her life. It's definitely more than the ransom. Someone hungry for money who knows where Beckett is held, might squeal Javy. We've got nothing, so let me use the power I have to perhaps find her. We just need one hungry fish." He squinted as fast as a blink.

"Well, we have under seven hours until the original drop off time for the ransom." Sorenson stated. "Let's hope your Mel Gibson moment works Castle." Sorenson said. As a detective, he totally disagreed with what Castle had done but at the same time understood they were backed into a corner. On a personal level he fully understood why Rick had done it. Only Castle had the nerves to take the risk, the money to lose and the shoulders to accept the blame if his plan failed. Sorenson also had to agree that Kate may have set up her kidnappers to seek the ransom from Castle. It was a survival tactic regardless of how slim it seemed. It was still a chance even if a fleeting one.

With the bags of useless cash in their hands, the men walked out of the studio straight to the police units that waited at the entrance. During the trip back to the Precinct, Kevin punched his way through the radio stations over and over. Most DJ's were either talking about or replaying Richard Castle's moments on the evening news.

"Famous again." Esposito stated.

"For all the wrong reasons again. Last time I made the five o'clock news you bastards had put an APB out on me for escaping police custody."

"It wasn't us." Esposito objected strongly. "We were trying to save your ass from 3XK."

"Wasn't all that bad in the end, as, if I recall correctly you sold more books," Ryan commented.

"I did." Castle grumbled in reply.

"As I seem to recall Frozen Heat shot up the New York Bestsellers List because of your in discrepancies with the law."

Castle chuckled. "Yeah, it did. Beckett was so pissed at me for that. What did she call it?"

"I recall it may have been negative advertising." Esposito replied.

"Something like that. She's happy about it now of course. She likes her Nikki Heat royalties I give her."

"Bet she does." Sorenson replied, "even though she hates being your muse."

"It's all a façade. She loves the attention." Rick said. "Should have seen her at the book launches."

"We did." Ryan replied. "She loved getting her photo taken with you man."

"Same here with her." Castle replied.

Esposito laughed. "Any man with a pulse would have, the way she looked in that dress."

Castle smiled in recollection of the cream dress she had worn to the New York book launch, then he thought about the red one she had worn in LA. That had been a sensational outfit as well. "Well, I'm sure she would let you borrow it Espo." He teased trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere.

Before their conversation could progress, Castle's phone sparked to life. Everyone silenced waiting to see who it was. Rick looked at his phone and hit accept. "Mother." He greeted rolling his eyes at Sorenson's. Everyone relaxed. Rick's mother excitedly advised him, not only had his message gone to air multiple times on the original station he had been to, it had been picked up by other commercial channels who were playing it. Castle was somewhat relieved to hear it had gone viral on commercial television. His mother also advised him that journalists were referring to the movie he had virtually taken it from. It was exactly what he had wanted to occur, to make his appearance a subject of conversation, in order to gain maximum attention in a very short period of time. His thirty seconds of air time had multiplied like a virus and was reaching to the public faster than he had anticipated it would. After hanging up on his mother, he checked the internet only to find it had hit the newspaper websites and his fan sites.

"Well boys, it seems my plan to hit the masses has worked. Hopefully someone will be feeling like he wants to win the Richard Castle lottery tonight. We might just have Kate back."

"Let stay positive." Kevin replied.


	11. Chapter 11

_Yes, I like having Sorenson in the story. Thanks for all the encouragement and reviews. Thanks to those who have provided inspiration to continue and to the person who is constantly reading and rereading the writing to make sure I get it right. This story is hard to write and there have been many times I have nearly abandoned it. But I want her to kick some ass, so I keep going._

**Chapter 11**

**5.43 pm Day 3**

The increased volume of voices and general activity in the warehouse aroused Kate from drowsiness to lucid consciousness in a matter of a minute mainly because she feared they were going to come after her. She opened her eyes, momentarily startled, to see the blue material of the old soiled mattress she had spent the better part of a day on now. She soon realised the noises were distant and forced herself to calm down. Her initial thought once she knew she was being left alone, was she could really do with a drink, as in a gallon of water. Then she focused on where she was. Experience kept her dead still, with the exception of her eyes that glanced about the dimly lit warehouse in an attempt to pinpoint exactly where the men's voices were coming from.

A quick assessment of her own state of well being told Kate her body was deteriorating at a rapid pace. In a nutshell, she knew that her vision and hearing were good, her entire body suffering pain at various levels and she was completely starved for food and water. They had denied her nourishment and very little water for the better part of three days which had rendered her lethargic and drowsy. Lack of sustenance had made it hard to remain conscious for long or to think with clarity. The only water she had been able to drink was captured mouthfuls during the minutes they had hosed her with cold tap water to wake her and had then left her wet and freezing cold.

Kate was aware she was almost down to preservation of herself only, and as much as she hated to do it, she had forced herself to let go of the hope she was still pregnant. The delicious memories of the first evening they knew she was carrying their future baby tried hard to invade her conscious thoughts, but she pushed harder to suppress them, no longer strong enough to deal with the emotions that came with them. Flashes of herself when she had excitedly bounced and hopped between the bathroom and Rick to tell him each test was positive, or the way he had treated her that entire night, poked at her but she shut those memories out, suppressed them and thought about nothing other than which one of them she was going to kill first.

The activity hub of the warehouse was always a small office in the back corner. From the office, she heard cell phones constantly sounding with their various ringtones more frequently than they had been and the conversations in broken Russian indicated there was a big problem. So busy were they with their problem they had forgotten to handcuff her to the down pipe.

Kate slowly rolled to her back so she could generally get a better view of where the men were and what they were up to. She kept her eyes partially closed and moved as though she were just restless in her sleep. She was aware it was late afternoon, maybe early evening, by the degree of light that streamed through the windows she looked toward. The poor light in the warehouse conveniently favoured her to conceal the fact she was more conscious than usual even though she drifted between different states of full and semi consciousness. She mainly felt incredibly drowsy but wasn't nauseas anymore.

It was impossible to estimate how long ago their problem had arisen but she figured out fast the core of their problem was a single person. Someone had the men in a fluster but the untimely interruptions to her state of consciousness prevented her from consistently receiving information of what troubled them in a short time. Every time she dozed off their raised voices brought her back to consciousness at which time she would once again listen to them and pick up more bits and pieces until she was able to use her detective skills to fill the blanks herself.

The arguments of four male individuals present at the warehouse were focused around what someone had done as a consequence of what one of them hadn't done. She was sure she heard them refer to Richard Castle as a smart assed American bastard and she hummed in satisfaction to herself when she frequently recognised the sound of his name spoken with thick accents thereon after. Although they spoke in Russian, their conversation was littered with English words which conveniently assisted her to understand them, particularly when they argued shouting rapidly and crudely at each other.

She understood from what they fought over, that they had contacted Castle earlier in the day as she had suggested they do. They had demanded a ransom in exchange for her being returned to him alive. Castle had taken the bait. She had hoped he would.

It seemed that none of them had rung Castle to set up an exchange place after their initial ransom demand. They blamed each other for not taking the responsibility to make the call as planned at 3.00 pm. It had been due to poor communications between them. Three of them singled out the individual who had made the initial call to Castle as the person who had failed to continue progress for the group. They were extremely aggressive towards him.

Once Castle had not received the expected call within a given time frame, he must have brazenly and publicly offered a million dollars cash for Kate's safe return. His reward doubled what she had told the captors to ransom her for and it was well over the original bounty for them to kill her. Rick's reward had caused them to consider dumping her in exchange for the cash. They weren't concerned at all whether she heard them discuss it.

Kate laid still, almost relieved to hear that someone had leverage on them to keep her alive and viable as a bargaining tool. All day she had hoped that her knowledge of Castle and his behaviour would work in her favour. She didn't know whether he had figured out that she had set the Russians up to make him pay a ransom for her return but he had responded as she had guessed he would. He simply wanted her back and had the resources to do it. He had been challenged, they had failed to commit to their own plan, and now Castle seemed hell bent on playing the game his way. Regardless of what her extremely intelligent partner had concluded and consequently planned, his character had typically decided to boldly take them on. She wanted to believe he had received and understood her communication and was doing his best to rescue her alive.

The men complained and argued constantly because Castle's broadcast was repeated on newsbreaks on every TV channel and had gone viral on the internet. The fact he had shown surveillance video of them had also caused their anxiety levels to spike. Even Kate hadn't expected his counter response to be so assertive.

As the intensity of their arguments escalated she in turn felt increasingly vulnerable that she was at risk of being the object to vent their frustrations on, in revenge for what Castle had done. She chanted to herself that a million dollars was enough money to almost guarantee they would return her to him still breathing. She remained quiet, curled up in a tight ball to keep as warm as possible on the smelly bare mattress. She pretended to be asleep, but listened and waited for her captors to take action.

She was completely aware that her body was at the end of its ability to survive another day, even another session of the brutal treatment it had already suffered. She had made a pledge to herself that if she survived the ordeal she would take revenge into her own hands. It would be a personal vendetta, gloves off and ruthless. She already had her first target in mind. He would never see her come at him. Tonight she just needed Castle, Ryan and Esposito, any one of them, to find her within the next few hours as she lacked belief she would be strong enough to survive the exposure of another cold night. Her body was already cold dressed in her jeans and top, and the night was only going to cause the temperature to drop further.

Regardless of whether they would accept Castle's offer, Kate decided that the best thing she could do was let them think she was on the brink of death. It would hopefully prompt them to react sooner if they wanted her to be alive if and when she was handed over for the money. She tried not to dwell on the fact they could come after her any second so she could control the anxiety within her and relax. She slowed her respiration to begin with. She needed to be calm to enable her heart rate to drop as low as she could manage, to preserve her energy. An instinct nagged at her she was going to need energy soon.

She succeeded in lowering her vitals to the point she drifted into unconsciousness. It was too easy for her to sleep now and being so exhausted, it was all she wanted to do.

**8.47 pm**

The call they hoped for occurred just as they were beginning to give up.

At first, they had considered him to be a hoax, but then he had described events that hadn't been released to the public. The male who called himself George had stated he knew Kate Beckett had been snatched from a safe house. Sorenson had pushed George to provide proof that Beckett was alive but the male had said he wasn't at the place she was being kept. Instead he had described Kate's body with details so specific that Rick had plugged his ears with his fingers unable to tolerate hearing him anymore. Will had continued to listen on as the only other person who could positively confirm or deny what the caller described. Freckles, moles, blemishes, scars that all proved he had seen Kate's body. He jotted down everything George said, whilst Esposito noted on his pad any sounds they heard in the background. Ryan was kept busy trying to obtain a trace on the call.

Sorenson had stretched the call as long as he could manager and had arranged a time and place to meet to make the exchange. They had agreed to move fast because George had said several times the others were in a panic to get rid of her and to end the situation.

At the end of the call, Sorenson hung up the desk phone and sunk into the chair at the table. They waited in silence for Ryan to hear whether the call had been long enough to trace. In the meantime, Will stared silently at Richard Castle who had his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. He sighed heavily, in an attempt to control his personal feelings and keep them out of the situation especially. He could see how much the problem was affecting Castle tonight who had worn down within the past hour.

His fingers continued to tap lightly the table, his mind taking a bit of time to absorb the conversation they had just had. He cast his eyes over the table to Ryan who hung up.

"No luck." Ryan stated and sat back in his seat. Esposito slumped in subdued silence, also tired from the long days they had spent on the case. Sorenson sighed, and returned his eyes to Castle who still had his face in his hands.

"Well Castle, you fucking pulled it off," Sorenson said to the writer, still in a state of total disbelief the bluff had worked. He glanced to the detectives who remained motionless and silent. "I don't believe it." He sat up. They would have to prepare themselves to depart for the exchange soon.

Castle sat up straight, inhaled a huge amount of air. He fidgeted in his chair. He looked to Sorenson, his face dead pale and clammy. He stood up and took several deep panicked breaths of air and walked around the table in an effort to burn off some of the stress and frustration. He punched the air, he gripped his head and growled. He looked to each of the guys in disbelief. He was full of anxiety and relief.

"Oh God, I thought I had killed her doing that jackass, cocky move." Richard exclaimed seriously between deep breaths.

"Me too." Esposito replied, sinking further down in his chair trying to calm his own nerves.

"Oh fuck!" He held his head. "I really thought I had killed her," he confessed.

"Castle, she's alive." Ryan reassured, not able to believe they had just received confirmation she was still living, even if barely. One of them, and it was all they had needed, had taken the bait Castle had put out to the public.

They watched Castle leave the room and pace the bull pen in an attempt to wear down his state of anxiety. He stopped at Kate's desk and leaned on it, inhaling and exhaling very deeply, still trying to calm himself.

"We have ninety seven minutes to make the half million look like a million." Esposito reminded them.

"Easy." Sorenson replied."We still have the marked money." He pointed over his shoulder in the direction of Castle. "I'm going take him outside for some fresh air. He's losing it." He stood. "He's going to need all the strength he can source if we find her alive. She's going to need him to be strong for her." He followed Castle out of the room

"Do you think he will be ok?" Ryan asked and looked to Esposito in concern for Castle who was obviously wearing down mentally.

"He will be right when he needs to be." Esposito replied. "He's pretty tough. Right now he's a mess. Better now than later."

Sorenson approached Castle and patted him on the shoulder. "Come on man, walk with me." He ordered and took another few steps before he stopped and turned to ensure Rick was going to follow. The writer looked to Sorenson. Castle was worn out, tired and emotionally drained. Will concluded the light hearted conversations he had periodically engaged Castle in during the course of day to keep his spirits up were not going to keep Castle's head in the game now. Gummy bear conversations would not be of any benefit at this point in time, at the business end of the deal. Sorenson smiled. "Come," he ordered and waved his hand to encourage Castle to follow.

Rick stood up straight and ran a hand though his hair. "I can do sit and rollover too," he replied, with a crooked smile and caught up with Sorenson.

"Yeah?" Sorenson inquired surprised he had received a humorous response. "I will try it out one day and see how obedient you actually are," he commented and hit the elevator button.

The elevator arrived seconds later and they stepped inside it. "Where are we going?" Castle asked as the elevator doors closed on them.

"Get some fresh air." Will replied. They stayed silent for the rest of the trip to the ground floor. They walked outside and stopped at the bottom of the stairs to the entrance of the Precinct. They looked up and down the street, and pulled their coats closed over their chests. It was cold tonight.

"Wanna a hot dog?" Sorenson asked pointing to the hot dog stand still operating, a short distance down the road. "Because I sure do."

"I do." Castle replied and fell in beside Sorenson. The thought of eating did not particularly appeal to him but the moment he smelt the hot dogs his stomach grumbled with hunger.

They bought a couple of hot dogs each and returned to the Precinct to sit on the steps at the entrance. Between bites they mentioned how dark and cold it was already. Winter was really setting in early this year. They ate with a bit of small talk. Castle had discovered he was bloody hungry and ate the hot dogs fast. He chased it with a bottle of soda he had also bought. After he was finished eating, Rick zipped his coat up and peered up and down the street. New York never slept.

"Listen Rick." Sorenson started. "We need to talk about what is going to happen when the exchange takes place." He looked to Rick who remained silent so he continued. He opted to keep straight to the point as Rick would appreciate him being direct rather than dancing around the truth. "Kate is going to be a mess if and when we get her back alive. You will need you to be like a brick wall for her."

"How bad will it be?" Castle had to ask.

"You heard the guy. He said she was nearly dead already, and it had been two hours since he said they had all left where she is." Sorenson rubbed his hands together brushing the crumbs from his hot dogs off his clothes and wiped his mouth with the back of a hand.

"I know." Rick swallowed finding that hard to hear again. He stared over the road at one of the black and white police cars that a uniformed officer attempted to park. Whoever it was, the driver was doing a shit job at parking. He returned his focus to Will. "How do you think she will be?" He bravely asked not actually sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"Based on my experience and how long she's been held, she's not going to come out of this too well. Tonight, be prepared for the worst," Will warned, "No matter what, this guy is gonna get caught. We will have so many police around us."

"We'll get him." Castle replied. He sat quietly for awhile, listening to his body, taking a moment to feel the rawness of the emotions he had suppressed all day. Sorenson had been his brick wall the entire day since they had met at the cafe. Will had stepped up and proven he was an excellent FBI agent. On a personal level there had been many times when Sorenson had engaged him in superficial conversations just to keep Castle's over imaginative mind from taking over. He swallowed and pushed away the urge to lose control of his emotions. He was so afraid for Kate even if they did know she was alive. He was afraid for her now, for her tomorrow and in the future. This ordeal had the potential to not only affect Kate for the rest of her life but could potentially have a great impact on them as a couple. He took a deep breath and murmured, "I am very afraid Will on so many layers."

Sorenson thought about Castle's remark for a moment or two. In a single stressful day, he had grown to admire the writer a lot and now understood why Kate liked him, well loved him. Underneath all the jokes and boyish behaviour there was a genuine, strong, honest man who thought the world of his friends, his family and his girlfriend all of which he generously put before himself. Castle exhibited values that Sorenson would be proud to have himself. He gave Rick's knee a healthy pat. "I know Rick. I am too, but we will get her back alive."

"What if she's so messed up she would better off dead?"

"She's not better off dead." Sorenson strongly objected. "She's young and she has plenty of years of life ahead of her, hopefully with you. We will just have to wait to find out how she comes out of this Castle." Sorenson took a deep breath of the cold night air feeling it fill his lungs. "I just hope we find her before it gets too cold."

"Same here. The elements are not in her favour." Castle looked up to the clear starry night. It was going to get cold tonight.

"You ok?" Sorenson asked.

"As ok as I can be." Castle replied.

"Just be there for her. We will do the rest."

"Let's go inside. It's freezing out here." Castle suggested and stood. "We need to go get her back."


	12. Chapter 12 - excape

_Next instalment. _

**Chapter 12 - escape**

**9.20 pm – Day 3**

There was complete silence in the warehouse when Kate sat up panting heavily in fear. Her heart raced. She wasn't sure what had startled her to wake up abruptly as all was quiet and dark about her. Her muscles painfully complained over the quick movement. She rode out the dizziness sitting up had also caused, by propping herself up using her long fingers on the floor for leverage. She gasped in shallow painful breaths and waited for her body and balance to adjust to being vertical. Her eyes were able to see relatively well in the dark warehouse. It was so cold she uncontrollably trembled. Maybe the temperature had aroused her but she could have sworn she heard a sudden bang. Her clothes were gone again but right now she didn't have any recollection of them attacking her.

Once her body had stabilised, she searched for her clothes that she spotted fairly close to the end of the mattress, piled on the floor.

"Move," she whispered. "Move and get the phone." She had to escape. She didn't want to die in a warehouse. She shifted her weight to her feet and stood up. Immediately, she searched for something to hold for support, feeling the onset of nausea in her stomach. Blood rushed from her head to her legs that brought on temporary light headedness. She stood still, clutched her abdomen and stubbornly fought back the urge to vomit and the desire to collapse back to the floor. There was nothing in her stomach to vomit and she refused to lie down for fear she wouldn't be able to stand up again. The nausea passed once her body adjusted to standing. She carefully stepped to the clothes, choosing to ignore the sharp pains in her hips and legs. She cautiously crouched to prevent falling over and picked up the clothes. She wanted the top on first. God she was so cold. Filled with the need to be warm, she quickly pulled on her top gritting her teeth against the pain it caused over her skin and in her muscles. Stepping into her jeans was harder but she managed. It wasn't the time to be hesitant over a bit of pain when she had the chance to run, to escape. The car was gone and all the lights were out. There weren't any human noises other than her own and the area was absent of cigarette smoke. She was really alone and they had been gone for awhile. She had to escape whilst they weren't there as she didn't have had the physical or mental strength to defend herself from them anymore.

Having become familiar with the layout of the warehouse, Kate walked bare footed to the wall the windows were on, in search of the doorway she had spotted earlier. At the wall, she slowed her progress and placed her left hand on the bricks for support whilst she pulled the cell phone from the hip pocket. It was a surprise it hadn't been taken from her and smashed to bits. She needed to turn it on and continue her escape whilst it found the service provider. She fumbled over it to find the on button at the top left hand side. Because Kate was certain she was alone in the warehouse, she could afford the seconds it took to turn the cell phone on. She wanted to get the hell out of there as soon as she could but she would need the phone to call for help outside, once it was on the network.

Gripping the phone in her left hand, Kate then continued to feel her way along the brick wall for the emergency exit until her sore fingers found a cold horizontal bar. It was the emergency door she had seen earlier that evening she guessed. She had seen the door when the car hadn't been there. She had always known the roller door was there but it was always locked.

The car not being there, caused her to remember what had happened earlier. The group had become dangerously dysfunctional and volatile after Castle had gone to air. They had been under pressure to make a decision. A raging fight between the men had ultimately led to the final time one of them had attacked her, solely because Castle had challenged them using the media as his communication platform. The male with the gold tooth and a dragon tattooed over his neck who had been the instigator to most of the attacks started the final assault. Kate had believed he was going the finish her. He had almost scared her to death, screamed at her to tell them where the files were. He had dragged her about the floor and several times she had thought he was going to kill her. The last thing she clearly remembered was staring down the barrel of a gun pointed at her forehead. The only thing that had stopped him from shooting her was a phone call he had received. She guessed it had been from Bracken. The second he was off the phone he had demanded once again she tell him the location of the file and they would release her to Castle. It must have been about that time she lost consciousness. Maybe they thought she had died of fright. She had to admit there had been a point where she had wanted to die.

Her instincts and the memories spurred her on to escape and she promptly pushed down on the bar. Surprisingly, the emergency door way swung out into an alley. She released a cry of relief, then stifled her noise. She looked to the left, then right, no one. She listened. Heard nothing. She checked the phone. It had a signal but minimum battery life. Quickly she found the last text she had received from Will. She hit reply and tapped in 911. She pressed on send. Kate looked up into the night sky to see if she recognised any building or heard any familiar sounds. She saw one building she thought she knew to her left.

It got in Kate's internal dialogue that Sorenson would not understand the text she had sent. For several seconds she walked towards the end of the alley attracted to a street light, too afraid to head to the nearest street. She continually asked herself why would William would understand her text particularly if Castle hadn't contacted him for help. She needed to contact Castle or the boys but she could not remember numbers that were on auto dial on her iPhone. What the fuck was Castle's iPhone number? Kate thought about it. It was on a post it at her desk taped to her monitor in his neat handwriting for the occasions she used her desk phone. He had even signed it for her, being a wise ass at the time he'd done it. She concentrated as hard as she could to recall the number she sometimes stopped and stared at. She pressed the digits she believed made Castle's cell phone number and waited for the call to connect. It rang.

**9.33 pm**

The time Castle and Sorenson had spent together during that day had created a bond between the two men that in all honesty Castle, in his wildest dreams, had never imagined would happen. Over the day, Castle had increasingly appreciated why Kate liked the guy, why she had dated him and wanted him to remain a friend. Castle hated to admit it but two of them were similar in personality with the exception that Sorenson was far more serious. Under the circumstances however, with Castle being quite responsible and focussed on the case, the two of them had experienced a remarkable working relationship.

The four men, Gates and most of the detectives who worked on the floor remained at the Precinct into the evening filtering through the high number of phone calls they received because of Castle's appearance on TV. It had rapidly infiltrated TV and radio stations globally, his fan sites, the police website and the internet generally like a crazed virus. Castle had even received texts from friends overseas wishing him the best.

The phone call to set up the exchange from the male who had named himself George, had not stopped them from investigating every call they received. It was possible another caller could provide them with vital information. As time grew closer however, they had no choice but to proceed to the meeting with him. The detectives and Castle had the back pack of cash ready for the exchange which was to occur soon,

They were packing up ready to leave for the meet when Ryan's cell phone rang. Without a thought each of them picked up their own phones to check for calls or messages. Ryan answered his call.

Sorenson was first to check his phone. He had received a text. He unlocked his phone and immediately saw a name he hadn't expected at all. Kate's name was on the screen. Simultaneously he heard Rick's phone ring. Rick looked at his phone screen not recognising the number. He showed it to Sorenson who in turn flashed Castle the text message. It said, "911".

"Answer it," Sorenson said. "It's Kate's burner." He looked questioningly at the phone unsure how she had gained access to her burner after all the time that had passed.

Ryan chipped in. "Kate's burner has been turned on. They're tracing it now."

Rick hit accept and put the phone to his ear. "Kate?" He stood up, his anxiety levels peaking.

"Castle!" She cried, desperately frightened.

"Kate!" It was Kate. He put her on loud speaker. "Kate where are you?"

"I don't know," She cried, "Please find me!" They all heard her rapid breathing, the terror in her voice.

"What can you see around you?" He asked leaning in with the boys to the phone, listening for any background noises that would help them identify where she was.

"I'm in an alley." She panted. "I just escaped." They barely heard her say.

"How much power does your phone have Kate?" Sorenson asked.

"It's nearly flat."

Sorenson looked to Castle and made a hand signal across his own neck to cut the phone call. They needed to conserve the battery power of the phone to find her.

Richard swallowed, making a hard decision to obey Sorenson's instructions. He took a nervous breath, not wanting to let her go. "Kate, I want you to hang up. Leave your phone on and hide somewhere till we come and find you." He calmly told her.

"No!" She squealed in a panicked objection.

"Fuck!" Castle swore under his breath. He had to be hard in order to save her. "Hang up and hide Kate." He firmly ordered.

"No Castle! Please!"

"Kate, its Will." He paused, "Hang up so we can use the phone to find you."

"Will, no," everyone heard her plead.

"She's scared." Ryan whispered, wiping his face with his palms in anxiety and frustration. He then glanced to the time.

"We will find you with the phone." Castle followed softer than Sorenson. If they lost her phone they would not be able to find her. She cried no over and over.

Castle looked at his phone, agonised over the decision and hung it up. He looked at Ryan and Gates. "Find her." He ordered sharply and turned to Sorenson as though he had once again just sent Kate to her death.

Gates replied, "Go! Get to the car. We'll find her and call you the moment we have her location."

Ryan, Esposito, Castle and Sorenson ran to the elevator, grabbing their coats and weapons on the way out.

Kate cried in absolute frustration at the phone after Castle hung up. As hard as it was, she understood why he had done it, even if she didn't like the fact he had. He was with Will Sorenson which was good. Kate pocketed the phone in her jeans.

Kate heard a car somewhere down the end of the alley from where she had come and turned about to see the car lights on the brick wall. She gasped. Her heart started to pound in fright they had come back. Terrified, she turned to continue in the same direction she been going and ran barefooted as fast as she was able. Adrenaline had been released. She broke into sprint of pure fright. She didn't care whether she cut or impaled her feet with stones or bits of glass. She no longer felt the pain raging in her pelvis, her ribs and from the muscles of her thighs. It was her last effort to escape, at the expense of what energy she did have. She fleetingly thanked years of martial arts training in which she had been taught to push through pain to fight.

At the end of the long alley, almost at the point of exhaustion Kate came upon a street filled with small industrial stores and a few parked cars. She slowed down to a jog, hearing her breathing was unusually laboured. She firstly searched for anyone to help but the stories were closed for the night and nobody was walking along the sidewalks. It was quite an isolated area. She spotted a public telephone against a brick wall under a street light and came to a halt contemplating what to do next.

Would she use that phone or keep running? She chose to get help. She cautiously crossed the street and made her way along the wall to the phone, all the time trying to remember Castle's phone number once again her mind having forgotten it was recorded on the cell phone she carried. At the phone she picked up the receiver and checked her pockets for change. No money. She cried, angrily smacking the receiver against the phone box several hard times. She was forced to stop that because it hurt her more than it damaged the phone. She checked the change slot on the phone for disregarded coins. No luck there. A thought crossed her mind. Reverse charge. She read the list of numbers available and reset the receiver. She dialled the reverse charge operator and a woman picked up the call within two rings.

Kate released a cry of pure relief. Another voice. She shakily but urgently spoke. "Please, I need a return call to Richard Castle from Kate Beckett." She gave the operator the phone number praying it was Richard's cell number. She waited an eternity, holding on to the phone for support as it was extremely painful to stand. All the time she checked for anyone who may have followed her. She felt her lips trembling with cold. It could have even been caused by pain or the adrenaline rush. All she felt was pain and cold. Her fingers were trembling and the receiver shook against her ear. Then she heard the call connecting to dial Castle's cell phone. She cried softly, hoping he would pick up, praying he would be able to find her and save her very soon. He picked up. She heard Richard's voice within seconds greet with, "Castle."

"Castle!" she cried hysterically,

" … will you accept a return call Mr Castle from Kate…" The call operated continued through Kate's panicked voice.

"Yes! Put her through. Kate?!" He urgently replied. "Please put her through. Now!" His voice was frantic.

Hearing his voice, Kate sobbed uncontrollably, "Castle. I'm at public phone number 324 1298. Help me!"

"We're on our way Kate. We are on our way babe." In the back seat of the Crown Vic, Castle smoothed Kate and scribbled the number she had said on a scrap of paper rested on his lap. He threw the pen on the seat between him and Sorenson, picked up the paper and passed over it to Ryan who was riding in the front seat. Ryan looked at it in question and turned to Castle. They listened momentarily to Kate's cries down the phone, Castle mouthed at Ryan "She is at that public telephone."

Ryan immediately turned about in his seat. He was straight on his cell phone dialling the telephone company to find the location of the phone.

They were still waiting on the trace of her cell phone. Esposito had driven the Unit out of the underground car park and was waiting for the call from Gates to give them a location.

They all silenced listening to Kate who was on loudspeaker. She cried desperately into the hand piece, her head falling against the side of the phone. "Please, I'm so scared!" She could hear the boy's voices. She wanted them with her.

Sorenson and Castle stared at each other. Sorenson whispered. "Where is the guy who rang?"  
Castle shrugged his shoulders. "Is there anyone with you?" Castle asked confused as to why she wasn't with the guy who had phoned them to make the exchange. According to the time, he should have collected her by now.

"No. I'm alone. Please please please." She begged.

"You're completely alone?" Sorenson asked.

"Yes. Why?" Kate stopped her cries and looked about her suspicious by their questions.

"Is there a street sign?" Sorenson asked Castle but Kate must have heard him as she replied.

"No!"

"We're coming Kate." Castle reassured. "I promise we will find you."

Esposito, who had already started to drive towards the industrial areas in the south east on a hunch that's where she was, passed his ringing phone to Sorenson who picked up the call. It was Gates. She gave Sorenson the address where the cell phone was stationary. Sorenson grabbed the notepad from Castle and found the pen he'd tossed aside. He wrote the address Gates gave him and hung up.

"Here." Sorenson gave the paper to Ryan. "Hang up Ryan, we have her location."

"Where am I going?" Esposito asked Ryan. In perfect sync with his partner, Ryan slapped the bubble on the roof and started giving Esposito the directions.

In the back seat, Castle closed his eyes and blocked his left ear to drown out the noises of the siren and the guys talking so he could focus on Kate who was going crazy at the other end of the line. He had taken he off loudspeaker. He soothed her between each time she fell silent, "We are coming Kate. I have the guys with me. Stay with me Kate." He begged desperate not to lose her again. "Don't go anywhere."

"Castle, Castle… Keep talking to me." Is all he heard coming down the line as Esposito pushed the police unit towards her as fast as he was able. Sorenson and Ryan checked their guns ensuring they were loaded.

"I'm coming baby. We are on our way." Castle lowered the phone. "Ryan, get an ambulance over to her. She needs an ambulance."

Ryan contacted dispatch to ensure an ambulance had been requested. Captain Gates already had one dispatched.

Castle continued to listen to Kate and put the phone back on loud speaker, "Please … please …." She continued to cry, begged him to find her as fast as he could. He was catapulted back to the day she had almost been shot by Maddox and had screamed at him to close his eyes. This time she pleaded him to find her. She was more afraid this time. He sat up and rested his head against the back of the seat, listened to her cries. He felt he was living minutes of his life delivered straight from hell.

Esposito told Castle to tell Kate to get off the phone and to hide, that they would find her. Castle told her but she cried harder, told him she wanted to hear his voice. The men could hear acutely how terrified she was. Castle sat forward and dropped his head between his knees. He felt re, crying in relief she was alive and because he could hear the terror in her voice and in her cries. Not quite their worst case scenario had occurred, but he could hear what she had lived through. He could also hear her hunger to survive, to be alive when they found her. He grasped at the hope they would get to her in time.

In the back of the unmarked police car Castle and Sorenson heard Kate release a scream of absolute terror that was subdued quickly. Castle thought he heard her hit the ground.

"What the hell was that about?" Sorenson asked. They waited for further sounds, for her to return but seconds later the call dropped out.

"I think she passed out." Castle suggested. "But I'm not sure it was that either."

It took them just on five minutes to get to the address Gates had told them, all of them pissed off about the fact Kate had been held captive reasonably close to them the entire time. The Crown Vic came to a quiet and smooth halt nearby the phone and the four men cautiously stepped out of the vehicle, three of them with the guns ready. Esposito unclipped his spare hand gun from his ankle and passed the baby Glock to Castle. "The extra piece." He murmured.

Castle popped the magazine, checked it was loaded, swept his finger over the extractor, felt it protrude so he knew there was a round in the chamber and grabbed it in his right hand. He looked in Espo's direction, received a nod of approval, and the men began their search.

"Beckett." Esposito called loud and clear as they walked to the phone. The handle was hanging but she wasn't there. He hung up the receiver. "Where the fuck is she?"

"This is weird." Sorenson commented.

"Be on guard. She's either hidden like Castle told her to, or worse." Esposito murmured.

"Worse?" Castle asked, "Can it get worse?" He shined his Maglite towards Esposito who didn't respond for fear he might get shot by Castle.

The searched for Kate her using their mini Maglites and the available street lamps. They kept reasonably close, guns poised, and had only Castle call her name. The others listened for her. They spoke to each other only when necessary keeping in low tones whilst they searched the area surrounding the phone. They continued beyond the phone and searched every doorway, any stairs or behind any trash cans. She wasn't there.

The four men walked over the street and checked under and in every parked car for her on their way to sweep the alley. Kate could make herself small enough to fit in tight spaces so they thoroughly searched believing she had passed out. As they reached the sidewalk by the alley Sorenson stopped and held up his hand.

"Shhhhh." He sounded.

The others stopped and fell quiet to listen. Within seconds they heard what Will had. Kate was squealing to gain their attention but the sound was muffled. They held their guns up and silently progressed into the alley. All of them had their Maglites rapidly scanning about them searching for the woman they had definitely heard.

It was Ryan's flashlight that caught sight of the white faces looking back at him in the alley.


	13. Chapter 13 - rescue

_Readers, this chapter was difficult to write and get right. Many hours of research and review has gone into this next piece. Thanks goes to those who know they were involved. Also appreciate the encouragement to keep going by those of you brave enough to send me messages. I love getting them. Without your comments and encouragement, I would have stopped this story at chapter , I do hope I provoke the emotions too. _

"_Shhhhh." He sounded. _

_The others stopped and fell quiet to listen. Within seconds they heard what Will had. Kate was squealing to gain their attention but the sound was muffled. They held their guns up and silently progressed into the alley. All of them had their Maglites rapidly scanning about them searching for the woman they had definitely heard. _

_It was Ryan's flashlight that caught sight of the white faces looking back at him in the alley. _

**Chapter 13**

"Police!" Ryan shouted. "Put down your weapon!"

Sorenson, ahead of Ryan spun to his left in response, holding his gun ready to use with both hands. His flashlight followed Ryan's across the alley. He quickly spotted Kate. Castle and Esposito's Maglites shined in the same direction to find Kate was held hostage by a tall Caucasian male not much older than twenty five years.

There was a rapid succession of voices yelling to the male to drop his weapon. They saw Kate struggled in a panic with all the noise. The men fell silent. Castle said. "You need to do this Will."

"Put down your gun!" Sorenson ordered at the male once again but calmer. He could hear everyone breathing rapidly including the male. Muffled noises of pure fright escaped Kate.

"Now!" Ryan demanded within seconds Sorenson's order.

The male lowered his left hand from Kate's mouth and hooked his arm tightly about her neck. She gasped for air finally able to breathe again. Quickly he lifted and clamped Kate's body against his chest. Her head was forced to tilt awkwardly over his left shoulder. A gun was pressed hard into her back by her liver. She shifted to the balls of her feet to prevent being choked by his grip and height. Her eyes were wide with the terror. The detectives heard the cries she made and saw she struggled with his height as he partially dragged and carried her along the alley near the wall.

"Drop your gun." Ryan shouted again and glanced to Sorenson at his right. Ryan tried to avoid any visual connection with Kate's eyes so he could focus on the male but he saw her bloodied hands shook terribly. He knew she was having a reaction to adrenaline and was possibly going into shock. Ryan took a single step to the right closer to the FBI special agent.

Sorenson, who was trained to negotiate with criminals more than the detectives and Castle, remained still and decided he needed to be the one to take over the conversation. "I got him." Sorenson whispered to Ryan who nodded. "I'm Special Agent Will Sorenson. I take it you are George. We spoke on the phone earlier." He began calmly. He glanced over to Esposito who had the prime position and the best skills to take the shot amongst the group. Castle had the next best place but Will wasn't so sure about the writer's hand gun skills.

George twisted towards Sorenson as they had hoped the man would. Kate tried to release his arm so she could breathe better. With the flashlights directed at them, Kate and her captor would be lucky to see the detectives' faces.

"The million dollars." The man called out his attention now on Sorenson and Ryan. "I'll give her back alive for the million dollars." He yelled and stepped back with his left foot, shoving Kate about with him.

Sorenson held his breath. Every degree this guy moved his body to the left exposed him more for Esposito. Will smoothly slid further to his right about half a foot. He replied, "You'll get the money. You need to let her go. She's dying and she needs medical attention."

"She's alright." He replied and pulled Kate higher, which caused her to cry in pain. "She still makes a lot of noise. The money. Where is the money?"

Castle had the gun aimed at the male but he didn't have a good shot with the way Kate's body was held. Castle's peripheral vision saw Esposito had lowered his flashlight and switched it off. It must have been put in a pocket. The male hadn't noticed. Esposito had his gun aimed at the male. He continually stepped to the left and crept closer to Kate step by step, hardly noticeable. As an army trained sniper, Esposito was not about to play around especially when someone held one of his best friends hostage.

Sorenson maintained the conversation. "The money is in the vehicle. You need to fulfil your part of the deal."

Ryan and Castle were aware of what was going to take place during the next few minutes. Castle knew he couldn't do much in the situation but he saw Ryan progressively migrate towards Sorenson so the male was encouraged to concentrate on them. Four people pointing guns was a lot for George keep track of in addition to controlling Kate who was being resilient. The four of them had practised this procedure time and time again in the Precinct gym. Castle usually portrayed the villain and had on numerous occasions held all the detectives captive in training. Sometimes he teased them by using his height but had never deliberately used it as a tool to hinder their training. He would from now on. He would also use his strength and calculating mind to test them.

Castle wondered whether Kate was conscious enough to be fully aware of what was happening and then most importantly was she going to be strong enough to do what she had been trained to do. She hardly had her feet on the ground and appeared physically and mentally exhausted. These types of problems were never factored in when they trained.

He was confident Kate would give it all she had when the time came but the question was did she have enough energy in her to be successful. She usually nearly killed him when they trained she was that strong well trained to fight. But her strength was definitely compromised right now.

"We'll give you the million, but you need to let the woman go right now." Sorenson repeated. Sorenson was aware the detectives and Castle were working as a tight group and were planning their moves. He let them do their job. He replied clearly and calmly. "Just let her go."

"No," he laughed, causing Kate's eyes to close in terror. "Show me the money."

"Why don't we discuss an exchange George. Let's get back to the car. We will set up common ground and make the swap. The money for Kate." The FBI agent said. Castle looked over at Sorenson, not believing he'd just heard that.

"Kate." Ryan called. Kate's eyes opened instantly and turned to Kevin. She was crying. "Do what we do. Can you do it?" He said in French.

"You need to release her," Sorenson stated directly after Ryan spoke mainly to turn the man's attention to him. He hadn't understood Ryan's French but it seemed Kate had.

Castle swallowed nervously. He'd understood Ryan. All he saw was how afraid and frail Kate was, how close she was to giving up. She had her right hand on the man's forearm, still fighting to stop him choking her. Other than the shaking her body experienced, she didn't move and wasn't making a noise any more.

She looked to Esposito a second or two, then to Castle and Ryan. Her eyes then glanced down towards the road and looked back up. Esposito put his finger over the trigger aware she understood what Ryan had said. He had faith in Kate that she could do it. He simply needed her to move.

The sounds of the ambulance and police sirens were growing louder.

Sorenson spoke up again, maintaining the attention of George to him. "We had a deal George. We have the money."

Esposito stared into Kate's eyes, breathed deep and slowed his heart rate. He waited for her. He saw Kate rapidly blink twice.

Kate suddenly cried out and forced her weight to the ground with all the strength she had. She unbalanced the assailant. Most importantly, and even if by sheer luck, as he attempted to regain his balance he placed his head right where Esposito's needed it.

Detective Esposito pressed the trigger once. A wound blossomed at the assailant's right temple. With her eyes clenched shut, Kate heard the gunshot and felt his body violently jolt when the bullet hit him. His head was propelled to the left, blood and brain matter spattered over the brick wall. His body fell sideways to the ground totally limp.

The stranglehold ceased and Kate was free. She inhaled. She fell heavily to the ground. A grunt of pain escaped her as she hit the bitumen winded. The fall hurt because she was already was in so much physical pain. Disorientated, she heard the boys run and shout at the male, but they echoed from all directions scaring her.

She cried when she identified the only voice she longed to hear. His voice called her name just before she felt his hands on her. He repeated her name, said something about her being alive and he picked her up from the cold ground. She finally felt the familiar arms of Castle about her body then his large strong body against her. It was over. He was so warm and soft. She was safe.

The sound of the gunshot almost shattered Castle. All he saw was Kate collapse with the excessive force she had applied. For a split second he thought she had taken a bullet from the gun pointed at her liver. He then saw the man thrown into the brick wall in the opposite direction that Kate had fallen.

The boys were yelling after that. They rushed forward, ensured the assailant was relieved of his hand gun and cleared the surrounding area.

Castle followed his instincts from that moment on. He pocketed the gun and rushed to Kate. He unconsciously spoke her name as he crouched down and searched her body using his flashlight for an entry wound and any blood. Relief flooded him. He didn't find any gunshot bleeding. She wasn't shot. He gently took her into his hands, heard her whisper his name and reach to his chest. He slipped his arms beneath her, lifted her up into his arms and stood.

Esposito said the guy was dead as he'd picked Kate up. Relieved, he gently hoisted Kate up higher against his body and carried her away to put distance between her and the scene. He felt Kate's body shake and shudder out of control, heard her weak sobs and her teeth chatter. Her lips trembled against the side of his neck. Her fingers gripped his sweater as tightly as she could.

Ryan hollered after him and told Castle he needed to keep Kate close until they declared the area was safe at which time the paramedics would then arrive. Castle turned about. He glanced to Kate's face then glared at Kevin who swallowed.

Ryan lowered his gun when he saw Castle turn about to face him. There was so much anguish over Rick's face. The first time Ryan saw Kate held high in Castle's arms, her head slumped over his right shoulder against his neck. Her small hand clutched Rick's sweater just below his throat. Her toes where curled up cold.

"She's not gonna die in an alley like her mother did Kevin." Castle stated and bit his lip in an attempt to conceal his anguish. "It's Kate." He said barely audible. He stared solemnly at the detective for a number of seconds and saw he nodded in understanding. Castle turned and continued to walk to the Crown Vic. He stopped, again and called Ryan's name. They faced each other once again.

"Someone needs to phone her Dad to let him know we have her back. Let him know I will call him from the hospital."

"I will call him now." Kevin replied. "Get her covered up. Will, can you secure them? We'll stay here until the uniforms show up."

"Sure." Will replied. Now his job as a negotiator was over, he followed Rick who was on his way back to the car. He kept behind Castle and maintained a vigil on their surroundings.

When Castle had picked up Kate he wouldn't have recognised her had it not been for her hair, the contours of her legs he was quite familiar with and the jeans she had been wearing the day he lost her. Her clothing was filthy and in tatters. Her face, particularly the left side had been beaten. Any where her bare skin was exposed, was covered in dirt, wounds and blood. She was incredibly light in weight, extremely cold and she shook terribly. She also smelt of soil, oil and a mixture of things he didn't even wish to think about. As he carried her to the Crown Vic, he listened to her cries by his right ear. The sounds she made he knew were words but he initially had no idea what she said. Aware she was conscious he spoke to her in a whisper all the way to the car, in an effort to sooth her.

At the car, he opened the back door behind the passenger seat and sat on the edge of the bench seat to wait for the ambulance to arrive. He held onto Kate and listened to her senseless chatter. He felt how cold she was and the times the fingers of her right hand kept finding new places to grip on to him. Her head was pressed against his neck and laid over his shoulder where she was close to his face, his ear. She could not get herself close enough to him so he held her tighter, tried to warm her. He leaned his head toward hers. He wanted her to be warmer.

Sorenson joined Castle and Beckett at the car and once he was certain they were alone and safe. He found a couple of emergency blankets in the trunk of the unit that he wrapped about Kate's body. He tucked the blankets around her feet, then touched her face with the back of his hand. He saw her lips move and heard her sounds.

"She's very cold." Sorenson murmured glancing to Castle.

"She's freezing." Castle replied. "Feels like she's dead she's so cold."

"What is she saying?" Will asked.

Castle shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he lied and tried to shut out the rambled words she cried close his right ear. It was too difficult to listen to her now that he comprehended what she said. He swallowed and looked up to Sorenson remaining silent. He wished he could wipe the tears from his own eyes but instead he blinked hard, reluctant to let go of her.

"She might be trying to tell us …."

"She's saying she's sorry," Castle quietly interrupted, "She's sorry for running away."

The two men stared at each other. Will then closed his eyes momentarily to concentrate on listening to her. After a few seconds he understood the rambling.

"I'm the one who should be saying I'm sorry." Sorenson said and laid his palm over her forehead without another word to sooth her. Rick felt her relax a little and she quietened for several moments.

Castle then heard her say _water_ several times. "Do we have any water?" Castle asked.

"Yep." Sorenson stepped to the front passenger door of the unit and reached to the middle console where Ryan's bottle of water was. He grabbed it and unscrewed the lid thinking Castle was thirsty.

"Not me. Kate's thirsty," Rick said and tilted his head to the left. He shifted, letting Kate's body down to his lap. She moaned with the movement.

Will took hold of Kate's head he gently tilted back. "Kate, I'm going to give you water." Sorenson said and saw Kate instantly react. He put the bottle to her lips and tipped it enough to allow her a little. He waited to ensure she didn't cough it up.

Instead she rasped out, "More." Will tiled the bottle to her mouth and she drank thirstily and blindly reached for the bottle desperately wanting water. She gripped the plastic bottle. "Steady." Will warned but Kate swallowed as though she hadn't seen water in a week. "I can feel a nasty wound at the back of her head." He whispered to Castle.

"Not surprised. I can hardly recognise her."

Sorenson visually examined her face. "She has been to hell and back."

"Yep. She has. Stop her. She'll be sick." Castle warned.

Will attempted to take the bottle but she fought to hold onto it. Her eyes opened momentarily to Will, silently warning him to leave her. "Slow down." He said to her. Kate did as he told, but she continued to drink. Sorenson ended up taking it away from Kate when Rick said it was enough. Will wrapped the blanket about Castle's shoulders to ensure Kate was thoroughly covered.

"You ok?" Sorenson asked of Castle.

He nodded in response. "Brick wall time." Castle replied. "I have to be strong now." He whispered and looked to Kate's face. He met the FBI agent eyes, his expression fearful. Sorenson glanced from Castle to the ambulance that had stopped down the end of the street to await confirmation the area was safe. His eyes returned to Castle who looked like a terrified boy.

"Be strong Castle." He whispered and left him to fetch the ambulance.

Castle carried Kate into the ambulance and laid her on the trolley. She had lost consciousness shortly after the drink of water at which time her body ceased to tremble and she fell limp. He sat on the opposing trolley and the ambulance promptly left the scene for the hospital. They drove to the hospital without lights and sirens. The paramedics were concerned about head injuries but as she was stable, they focussed on administering fluids via IV to replenish her body. They regularly reminded Castle that she was stable which calmed him. Castle stayed near her head out of their way. He held her hand and, tried without success the entire trip to stimulate her to wake up. He watched them cut her clothes off her body. She had nothing beneath the jeans and black top she had been in three days ago. There wasn't a clean part of her. Her body had been exposed to trauma even beyond what he had imagined. The paramedics asked a lot of questions about her medical history. He surprised himself with his ability to answer most of them based on his knowledge of her. He did pay attention.

"She was pregnant four days ago." He told the paramedics between the questions they asked of him. The paramedics glanced to each other and Richard caught it, knowing what they had silently communicated. They set up the IV and connected fluids to Kate.

"Are you her partner?" The male paramedic asked.

"Yes. Professional and personal partner. She's my girlfriend, my fiancé." He replied. They attached a brace about her neck. They had examined her limbs and body for any puncture wounds or fractures. Once they were satisfied with their examination they covered her in blankets.

"We have to keep contact limited on her as she will have evidence on her body and clothes." The female paramedic told Castle. "We just need to ensure she isn't bleeding anywhere. But the impacts to her head are a concern for us."

"Me too." Castle confirmed."Someone wanted to know something she does."

"For sure." The male agreed.

The following hours were fairly intense. Rick was immediately recognized by the hospital as Kate's next of kin for treatment decisions. Captain Gates had anticipated Detective Beckett would not be competent to make decisions and had emailed the appropriate power of attorney to the hospital prior to their arrival. Castle was therefore required to be present to sign off on medical paperwork on behalf of Kate.

Not long after Kate was admitted to the emergency ward, and whilst Castle waited with her, Lanie arrived. She went straight to Castle who stood to greet her. He had been texting Alexis who was up late studying as usual. He didn't tell his daughter where he was, but she knew what he'd done on the TV that evening. So did all her friends apparently. She wasn't happy.

The moment he stood up for Lanie, the doctor hit his shoulder then hugged him tightly. "I wanted to kill you when you went on air and pulled that stunt. I cannot believe you pulled it off."

"Sometimes in hindsight stupidity is genius. Not that I'm saying that was a genius thing to do. It's the only thing I knew to do." He hugged her hard. "I'm so sorry I took such a big risk."

"Have you spoken to her Dad?" Lanie stepped back and went to Kate's head.

"Yes. I said we had found her. I asked him to stay away from the hospital. I told him she was ok and that one of us." He pointed to himself and Kate, "will phone him in the morning." He sighed. "I lied. She's not ok at all."

"No, she doesn't look ok." Lanie replied and placed her hand at the top of Kate's head. She was unconscious, hooked up to a heart monitor and they were pumping fluids into her as fast as her body would accept them. "Why aren't they treating her?" She asked.

"They've just gone to determine whether she is pregnant." He replied and swallowed nervously, mainly because it was Lanie he was telling. This was all meant to be a secret, but hell with it as Kate had told Sorenson.

"Pregnant?" Lanie looked to Castle who nodded. "You and Beckett?"

"Yes. Beckett and I." He replied unsure who else Lanie might be thinking about.

"Oh my God, Kate Beckett. I never thought…."

"It was planned Lanie." He interrupted. "We did decide to make it together." He added and looked to Kate. "I just don't know whether she's kept it. They took blood from her and will be back with an answer soon I guess."

"How far?"

"About six or seven weeks," he answered, "They want to give her an MRI scan of her brain but want to know whether she's still pregnant for treatment purposes." He sat down on his chair again, thinking about it all. Lanie saw his depleted expression. Her heart ached for him.

"Castle." Lanie murmured. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, I'm ok. It's Kate," He admitted, "and what she has to go through now with all the tests, the questioning…." He waved his hand through the air.

"Castle, you know that Kate's body is the most important source of physical evidence we have. She is in essence, a walking and talking crime scene. To be beyond hearsay evidence that she will provide, she needs the evidence recovered from her body during the forensic examination to be thoroughly obtained and stored so we have concrete evidence." She paused. "Kate knows this."

"I know." Rick replied. "But, look at her. The mess they made of her." He wiped his face. "She's been in and out of consciousness since we rescued her."

"She exhausted." Lanie stated. "She's been beaten. These marks on her face are the result of torture. She was sitting up when she was hit." Lanie checked Kate's wrist nearest her. "She's been tied up, there will be traces of duct tape. The hair on her wrist has been ripped out." Lanie straightened and looked to Castle. "They wanted something from her. This is simple evidence. She was bashed to obtain information. What does she know?"

"I don't know." Rick replied. "The only thing that relates to Russian, which is what the dead guy was, was when the two guys were arrested at the beach house." He shrugged his shoulders. "What does it matter? If this is about the files, then we cannot keep her safe anymore."

"We'll help her through this Richard."

The curtain moved and the doctor who had been there twenty minutes ago returned. He recognised Dr Parish and they greeted each other without Castle being involved. The doctor paused to gather his thoughts, holding a sheet of paper in his left hand. He looked to Castle. "Do you mind me talking with Dr Parish present?"

"Please. Dr Parish is Detective Beckett's best friend." Castle offered.

The doctor smiled to Dr Parish then focused his discussion to Rick. "Mr Castle, I don't know how to tell you under the circumstances, but the blood results indicate Detective Beckett is pregnant."

"Lanie." Castle said taking her hand in his. He smiled to the doctor. "We have something." He said and stood up to hug Lanie. "I have something to keep her alive. To make her want to live."

"You do." Lanie responded.

The doctor leaned on the bed and continued. "We need to have Kate undergo an MRI scan to accurately diagnose the degree of injuries she had sustained. The MRI is safe for her. I will be back shortly to transfer her for the scan. Then we will need to undertake the forensic exam. Hopefully she will be conscious when we do that."

Detectives Ryan and Esposito arrived at the hospital just prior to midnight after they had wrapped up the scene and provided their statement. They sat with Lanie in the waiting area, periodically catching Castle between rooms to receive any news.

Castle watched on when they performed an MRI scan of her entire body.

He silently prayed that the doctors concerns with brain injury were not going to be a fact. If it was present, then she was in serious trouble. There was little the doctors would do until they had a thorough understanding of what injuries she had sustained. Of less importance, he also didn't want her come to in the middle of the procedure. He was present in the viewing room in case she did. Kate had been coming in and out of consciousness most of the time they had waited for tests. Much to his relief, she remained unconscious throughout the MRI scan and was then transported to another examination room for the forensic exam.

Kate woke up semi conscious in the room whilst Castle waited with her for a doctor to return. She was calm, knew he was with her and squeezed his fingers she held. He heard her whisper as she breathed out, "Castle."

"Hey." He greeted in a whisper and squeezed her hand back. She moaned in response and rolled her head towards his voice. Her eyes stayed closed.

"What's happening?" She whispered

"We're waiting for the doctor to do the forensic exam." Rick murmured having made the decision to be honest with her all the time. She was a cop, so she knew the process. She made a noise of understanding.

"I'm so thirsty."

"You will be able to have something soon."

"I'm cold."

"I know. You will get warm soon." He offered. Her hand was warm from him holding it but when he felt her arm she was cold.

"Is Lanie here?" She asked.

"She's in the waiting room." Rick glanced to the heart monitor. Her heart rate had picked up its pace a little. She was anxious.

"Please touch me." She almost mouthed. He barely heard her but had understood. He stroked his thumb over her temple, noticing her skin there was also well below normal temperature.

"I want to hold you babe but I can't until they take the evidence from you." He whispered close to her ear.

"Mmm… Please get Lanie. She's got to be here when they take the evidence." Kate swallowed. "She knows best."

"You want her with you?" He sat up straight.

Kate hummed her response. She briefly opened her eyes and found his. "I don't want you to see it."

"I'm ok, Kate. I'm with you." He reassured.

"No. Lanie." She let go of his hand she had been gripping and closed her eyes once again too tired to keep them open for long. Castle stared at her for several moments then glanced to the doorway and back to Kate.

"I'll go get her. But if you want me …"

".. ok."

Castle wanted to touch her face but he knew he couldn't interfere with her until they had lifted the evidence from her body. She had already been handled enough.

In the hallway moments later he met with Lanie and the detectives who all stood, anxious to have the latest news. He hugged Lanie tightly, whether it was to reassure himself or her he didn't know but he needed it.

"The MRI technician made the comment she was looking good." He whispered in her ear, "but I need you to stay with her for the forensic examination. She asked you be there and for me to go." He pulled back and looked to Lanie's face. "Will you do it?" He squinted a little, finding it awkward as he felt he should be person in there.

Lanie frowned. "That is so like Kate. I'll do it. But stay close. I know that girl and I know it's you she trusts." Lanie said.

"The detectives from sex crimes want to speak to her." Ryan said, pointing to the two suits further down the hall.

Castle followed their gaze to see a man and a woman patiently waiting. "Tell 'em to go home. She won't talk to them tonight. She's barely registering that I'm there Kevin."

"They won't go." He replied, "Particularly because she's one of us."

"She's hardly there when she wakes. She says my name, she's cold, she thirsty." He turned to Lanie. "Go. I will be here if you need me." He let her go. Lanie briefly looked to Javier who was seated in a chair, not pacing for the first time in a long while. She gave Castle a final glance then walked down the hall to the room he'd exited a minute earlier. Castle sat in a chair alongside the boys, ready to wait out the next couple of hours.

They didn't talk much, just discussed that maybe they should have been back at the precinct searching for the bastards who had done this to Beckett. It was almost 5.00 am. Ryan stared sleepily at Castle for awhile, which Castle noticed and prompted him to speak.

"It's nothing." Kevin quietly said. "I was just thinking about the last time we were sitting in a waiting room like this and you were writing like a mad man in that notebook. You hardly raised your head for hours."

Castle smirked and scratched his head. "Oh yeah. Well that was crazy…"

"Mmm. What did you do with what you wrote?"

Castle looked to Kevin thinking a moment about the day he had disposed of it. "I burnt it when we were in the Hamptons. It was too sinister." He shifted in his chair feeling something hard dig into his side and reached into his jacket. "Javy."

Esposito looked over to see Castle held his spare hand gun. He stretched out as Castle did and holstered it in his ankle holster. "Thanks. I got my spare back. They asked me who had it. I said I left it at home."

"Thanks." Castle replied. "Gates would kill us if she knew."

"She might have looked the other way." Esposito said. "She was very happy when I called in to tell her we had Kate back. She was down at the scene straight away." He explained which caused Castle to glance to Ryan who nodded he concurred with Espo. There was a silent pause. "So Kate's pregnant?" Esposito asked rhetorically.

Castle leaned back in his seat resting his head on the wall. "Yeah, she pregnant. We were going to keep it a secret until she was over three months, but it's out now." He replied, a little disappointed that their exciting news was being exposed given the circumstances.

"Only seven weeks." Kevin murmured.

"Yes. She did tests the night before she took off. We were meant to go to the doctors that night." Castle leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. "The doctor confirmed she still is earlier." He fell quiet recalling the night Kate had gone through a gallon of water and six pregnancy sticks. It had been amusing to watch her, but it the memory was darkened by the fact she had deliberately deceived him, that she had known all along she was going to disappear the very next day. Thinking back, there hadn't been any signs at all in her behaviour, that he could recall, were indicative she knew she was going to disappear the very next morning. Now he had time to dwell on it, he felt their trust had been compromised, but he pushed it aside for now.

The three men sat in silence for almost a quarter hour only disturbed by the movements of the two officers further along the hall who waiting to question Kate. Kevin had been down to talk to them and they had advised him they needed to speak to Detective Beckett. Castle knew she wouldn't speak to them in the next few hours.

The familiar sound of Kate's voice caused them all to sit up and listen. They heard her initially squeal in surprise and then she commenced to cry in objection. They all shifted in their seats not comfortable with the cries she didn't normally make. Beckett was rarely emotional and if she was, it lasted maybe a couple of tears. Moments later they heard her cry the words of "No" and "I can't." The men could clearly distinguish Lanie along with a couple of strangers' voices attempting to calm Kate. Their voices remained steady but Kate's voice was escalating rapidly with rising fear. She cried in objection for a good part of a minute, then the cries progressed to sounds of pure defeat and surrender. Those cries started to form words that the men understood. Ryan leaned over covering his ears, clenching his eyes shut, unable to listen to the pleading words of stop and no over and over. Esposito was up and pacing the hallway once again wishing he could kill these guys. At times, they heard Lanie's voice trying to sooth Kate but her efforts were not in the least effective. Of all the times she had woken, Castle thought this occasion was her worst.

Castle leaned back in his chair trying his hardest to stay on it, to remain calm in front of the guys, but inside he wanted to smack his fist through something. He was split between two emotions. There was a horrible pain in his chest and throat. He experienced an overwhelming urge to protect Kate and at the same time he wanted to run as far away from the hospital as he could. He wanted to run until his lungs exploded. But his connection, his love of the woman who constantly cried, kept him anchored on the chair, that he was where he was meant to be. Her cries formed his name. The guys understood her as well and shifted in their seats, their eyes directed to Castle.

He turned his gaze to Kevin and Javier. "She told me she doesn't want me in there." He struggled to say without his voice breaking. He swallowed his emotions and turned his head to look down the hall where she was. She screamed his name. It was immediately followed with Lanie's voice attempting in vain to calm her.

Esposito stood and stepped to Castle looking at his blue eyes. Rick sat up and fidgeted on his seat. It was impossible to continue listening to her voice and cries.

"Go to her, Castle. She's changed her mind." Javier ordered. Their eyes locked for several seconds before Castle stood up and faced Esposito. They touched hands then Castle hurried along the hallway to the door nearest them on the right side. He glanced back at the boys as he stepped into the room.

He stopped dead seeing the sight before him. Kate was sitting on the side of the examination table with Lanie standing to beside her. Kate's eyes were closed and her body was shaking as much as she cried. Her hands gripped Lanie's.

There was the doctor who had been in attendance since she had been admitted and two female technicians, he assumed. They were patiently waiting to do their job but it was obvious Kate wasn't being compliant.

The first person he locked eyes with was Lanie who had turned when she heard the door swing open. He saw the relief flood her face. She must have seen the panic that rose in his because her eyes suddenly changed to worry.

Regardless, Lanie said. "Thank God! Get over here now!" She turned back to Kate, who was determined to be left untouched. Lanie said to Kate very clearly. "Richard is here Kate," and she stepped aside as Castle approached. She pried her hands loose from Kate's clutch so Rick could take over. He hesitantly approached the place Lanie vacated and stood before Kate. He took a nervous breath. Reminded himself of what Sorenson had told him earlier.

He stepped closer again to Kate, found her left hand he took hold of. She gripped his fingers. He looked to the doctor and to the two nurses with them. "What are you trying to do to her?" He calmly asked.

"We need to take forensic evidence from her body." The doctor replied.

"Castle, the doctor woke Kate up so he can complete the examination. She had a fright when she woke." Lanie explained. "She's afraid and won't let us touch her."

"Mmm." Castle had heard enough. He held up a hand to make everyone give him a minute but firstly looked at what the doctor held and saw the other instruments laid out over the bench behind the doctor and the technicians. He understood they needed to take DNA swabs from her body and would perform a number of examinations. He saw the IV was in Kate's arm and she was hooked up to a heart monitor that was rapidly at work keeping up with Kate's vitals which were about the same as they would be if she were sprinting. He didn't want her to fight and rip the needle out of her arm.

"Give me a second. I need a moment with her." He requested and turned his attention to Kate who had quietened to a cry in his presence alone. He took both her hands in his and looked directly to Kate's face. Christ she was a mess.

"Kate, I'm here. It's Castle." He murmured so only she could hear. She would have to be quiet to hear him. "Shhhhh… it's safe now." He stroked her head noticing she soon quietened to listen to him. Her body had ceased with the fighting and he felt her tightly grip his fingers. "Open your eyes. It's safe." He requested in a murmur and waited to a count of three seconds before he saw her bruised and swollen eyes open, full of tears. But she focussed on his face and sniffed.

She whispered. "Rick."

"I'm here." He kind of smiled, but internally he was agonising over the sight of her once again beaten to an inch of her life.

"Please touch me." She whispered.

"I can't." He paused. "You know the doctor has to get the evidence off you first huh?" He caressed her hands with his thumbs, wishing he could just pick her up and hold her. He saw her shake her head a little in agreement. "Then let him do it and after that I will hold you and touch you as much as you want. Ok? Will you do that?" He put a finger beneath her chin and lifted it so she looked back to his eyes. "Babe?"

"Don't leave me."

"I here." He put his hand back over hers. "You need to tell the doctor where they touched you."

"I can't." She cried.

"Yes you can. Where did they touch you?"

She cried beginning to panic. "I don't remember."

Rick took a deep breath, and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Did any man put his mouth on your mouth?"

"Castle, please."

"Kate, we need evidence off you Honey, to catch them." He paused. "You know that." He smiled and lightly squeezed her hand. He had to remain patient because he knew what she could be like when she was upset. It was like walking a tight rope without a net coercing her into something when she was distressed.

She looked around the room, her eyes falling on the man who waited to start his work. "I don't remember anything." She croaked, and looked back at Rick who turned to the doctor.

"Just be thorough." He suggested, and returned his attention to Kate. "You promise me to keep still and let the doctor take the evidence off you." He requested and saw her nod.

"Stay with me." She requested.

"I am here." Castle stood straight and turned to the doctor. "Go ahead but let her know everything you are going to do first."

The doctor nodded in understanding. In silence, now he had her under control, Castle relaxed a bit and watched on as the doctor took a cotton swab from a pack. Rick glanced to Lanie who gave him the thumbs up, and an expression of disbelief that he had managed to take control of Beckett so easily. He shrugged his shoulders at Lanie, not able to understand how he managed to be able to make Kate see reason under most circumstances. The doctor stood beside Castle who felt Kate's grip tighten but she stayed calm.

"I'm going to take a swab from your mouth." The doctor began. "Would you open your mouth for me?" He waited and Kate opened her mouth, her eyes opening once again to look at Castle. The doctor did his first task and slid the cotton swab into a cylinder he clearly marked. Whilst he did that Kate whispered to Castle there would be DNA on her ears, jaw and neck. He told the doctor who took further swabs. She then told Castle her hands had lots of DNA on them. Rick peered down at her hands in his. They were plenty dirty. As the doctor progressed, Kate calmed down enough to let him take over and follow the evidence they could clearly see. He took swabs from various places on Kate's naked body. Any place there was a bruise, a blemish, blood, the doctor swabbed and marked each cylinder. The doctor spoke quietly to Kate the whole time and constantly told her what he was doing. She gripped Castle's hands. She knew she had to remain calm but there were moments when her body shook in fear.

The technicians required Kate to stand for almost ten minutes whilst they swabbed the back of her thighs and calves. They also took a number of digital photographs. All the time Rick physically supported Kate to stand. Initially she stood still and quiet, but then she started to complain about the pain in her pelvis. By the time the doctor said it was ok to sit back on the table she was shaking and crying from pain. Rick lifted her back on the table concerned about the level of pain she had expressed she experienced. As soon as she was seated again, one of the technicians took two vials of blood from right arm. The second technician scraped under each of Kate's nails.

Once they were finished, the doctor spoke to Castle who maintained control over Kate. "Can you please get her to lie down on the table. Just a few more tasks and it will be over."

"Katie, will you lie down for us sweetie?" He whispered taking her upper arms in his hands. and physically held the back of her head until she was fully reclined on the table. She was exhausted and let go of a deep breath once she was still. She shook.

"I'm cold." She whispered. The technician heard her and instantly spread a blanket over her body.

"Is that better?" The woman asked. "I'm just going to check your eyes Kate." She said and opened Kate's right eye, she flashed a light in.

The technician looked to the doctor. "She's going pass out soon."

"That will be ok if she does." The doctor responded.

Castle sat on the stool at her head, his palm going over Kate's forehead in the hope it would sooth her. She was tired, sore and scared. He looked to Kate's face and moved his head closer to her left ear taking her left hand in his. He continually whispered, soothing her all the time.

He watched what the doctor was doing and glanced to Lanie questioningly. She had taken a seat near the wall, having let Rick take over but she stood and came over. Rick looked from the doctor to Lanie. "Are they hurting her?" He whispered and Lanie shook her head. He stopped looking, and tried to block it out as he didn't want to see any of it.

"She won't remember any of this Rick." Lanie murmured and stroked his back. "I promise." She added and saw his attention turn back to Kate. He focussed on her face, looked to her closed eyes and waited for them to open if only for a second. Instead, he saw streams of tears running down the sides of her face. He wiped them away repeatedly. Her bottom lip was quite swollen and split in two places, one was still fresh and quite large almost like her tooth had done the damage. On her top lip there was a split near the left corner of her mouth. Both her eyes were dark with bruises and she had a couple knocks and grazes on her cheeks. Her neck showed strangulation marks. There was a cut on her forehead that was going to leave a scar for sure. Another scar.

"Katie." He whispered. "Stay with me Kate." She rolled her head to the sound of his voice and opened her eyes finding his. He smiled and whispered, "Kate." She focussed her eyes with effort, holding his hand tightly still.

"You found me." She whispered, "You're here," and passed out her hand losing its grip on his. The monitor beeped overhead, causing all the doctors to stop what they were doing to study the screen for several seconds.

"She passed out." Lanie said calmly. "She's ok." She told Castle who softly caressed Kate's face trying to bring her back for almost a minute but she was gone. Lanie patted his shoulder. "I'll go wait with Espo and Ryan."

"Ok." He said. As he promised, he stayed with her whilst the technicians continued their job. At almost 6.00 am they finished cleaning her wounds and had Kate transferred to a private ward.

Rick was soon asked to meet with the doctors to report on what they did know. Lanie joined him well aware Castle would not want to be alone. He sat with Lanie to his right at a desk in a consulting room. The doctor, who was maybe around 40 years of age, was on the other side of the desk. He was the doctor who had stayed with them from the moment he had met the ambulance at the hospital. His medical notes file was open on the desk and his desktop computer had images from the MRI scan up and it was angled so everyone could view the scans. He started with them. Injuries sustained included cracked eye socket, a fracture of jaw, several broken ribs and concussion. They had stitched up five cuts on her body. She had superficial wounds basically everywhere they looked, bruised kidneys and a stress fracture in her pelvis. Castle closed his eyes when the doctors listed all the physical evidence they had gathered to indicate what had taken place. He put his head in his hands, Lanie stroked his back acknowledging to her colleague she understood everything they had found.

They left the consulting room holding hands, and found Esposito and Ryan waiting for them down the hall with questioning looks.

"How is she?" Esposito asked Lanie, taking her in his arms for the hug she asked silently for. He looked to Castle who was extremely upset.

Lanie replied. "I don't think they were planning on letter her live." She sniffed.

Castle shook his head. "Let's go stay with her."

Together they walked down to the room. They found Kate asleep, barely recognisable. Castle sat on a chair to her left holding her fingers loosely in his. Everyone sat silently for some time, not able to find words. Once Ryan, Esposito and Lanie were satisfied they could do nothing further at the hospital, that there were police stationed outside Kate's doorway, they left Castle to go home to get some rest. Once they were gone, Castle made himself comfortable in the blue arm chair beside the bed Kate slept in. He took a long nap, not even waking when doctors and nurses checked on Kate.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

It was the phone vibrating in his shirt pocket that finally brought Castle back to the conscious world. His eyes opened with several blinks to the sight of a hospital room, reminding him of cold harshness of reality. Natural light peeked through a small break in the curtains behind his left shoulder causing a sunny spot at the end of the bed in an otherwise dimly lit room. He sat up straighter, feeling his body protest from being in the chair for so long. He cast his eyes briefly over Kate who was asleep then reached into his pocket for the phone. He flipped it to see who the caller was. It was Ryan. He hit answer. "Hey." He greeted in a murmur so he wouldn't disturb Kate, "How's it going?"

"Ok we got a few hours of sleep. Where are you?"

"Still at the hospital. I just woke." Castle yawned and wiped his eyes. He heard the weariness in Ryan's voice and felt the same thing in his body.

"Oh. Sorry man."

"It's ok." Castle took a better look at Kate. She was in a deep sleep.

"How's Kate?" Ryan asked with genuine concern.

"She's asleep." He murmured. "Like in a sound sleep."

"That will be good for her." Ryan remarked.

"Yep. She must feel safe."

"Of course she does. You're with her."

"I don't think so." Castle replied in disbelief.

"I know so." Kevin replied. He was telling the truth but was making it sound like he was messing with Castle.

"Maybe." Castle ended up stating. "Have you had any luck finding the others who did this?" Castle asked as he stretched his body, then rotated his neck which felt stiff from sleeping awkwardly in the chair. He checked his watch. It was almost midday.

"We've had a good run on the preliminary evidence the technicians pulled off Beckett and her clothes. They gave us initial findings earlier but need more time to give us the final report. But anyway, Kate put up a good fight."

"I can imagine." Castle agreed.

"There was DNA of at least four males under her nails and on her body. Yet to be confirmed with numbers," Ryan paused and Castle could hear him shuffle paper. "They weren't related. Umm… Castle, its all pretty shit what happened to her. I would rather you not know."

"I already know." He replied. "I saw enough and heard enough during the exam earlier."

"Mmm." Ryan paused. "Castle. I have to ask you something. The sex crimes unit will also ask you."

"Ask." Castle encouraged hearing the tone of worry in Kevin's voice..

"They need to know if you and Beckett ummm.. engaged in …"

"The morning of the day she took off we made love." He paused. "So my DNA will definitely be on her." He rubbed his forehead with his left hand, partially in weariness, but mostly in fear he was going to be put through hell because his own body fluids would have been taken from her body earlier and identified in the results. He sincerely hoped confidentiality was maintained and it wasn't dragged up against her.

"Ok. I will let them know. Your DNA is on record so I will let them know that as well."

"That's fine." He replied remaining calm. "Who was the dead guy?" Castle asked.

"His ID has him as being Markos Plotnik. The uniforms found his vehicle at the other end of the alley we were in and up about half a block. But I'll talk about that later…."

"Yep." Castle glanced to Kate, to ensure she was still unconscious. "Kevin, we have to protect Kate. They must have thought she was dead. Maybe it's why they didn't phone us for the reward."

"We think so. Sorenson is here with us and he thought that. He offered up that Kate may have acted dead to stop them messing with her, and with her being so cold …."

"He has a valid point. She was so cold even after all the drama in the alley." Castle stated. "Maybe that's how she got out on her own. She could have broken out when she was stronger. Maybe she was tied up before then and couldn't escape."

"Mmm." Kevin acknowledged. "We think they will come after her again when they find out she's alive." Ryan took a breath. "Listen, Gates made an executive decision this morning, but I need to tell you before you hear about it on the news.

"What's that?" He sat up suddenly awake when he heard that Gates had made an executive decision. That alone worried him.

"Ummm…" He paused, and Castle sat up in response. "Gates has informally leaked it to the media that Kate was found dead last night." Kevin rolled out like he was going to get into serious trouble for his confession.

"Shit! She what?!" Rick stood up. "She didn't?" He paced across the room, his hand forming a fist. Why on earth had she done that?

"Yeah, she did." Ryan waited a bit then continued. "We need you to go home, pack your car and clothes. Tonight we are going to get Beckett out of the hospital to a safe place."

"No." He flatly replied. "I'm not doing what I did last time Kevin. I will take her to the loft where we can keep her safe, until she's strong enough to travel with me." He paused. "She will need Lanie's help. Kate's weaker this time and pregnant. If she gets worse, I won't know what to do with her pregnant. I would be ok if she wasn't pregnant. I'm not willing to risk two lives. And before anyone says it, there is no chance in hell I'm letting Kate go to a safe house."

"Ok. Well, we need to move her. We can have your loft secured. Hang on Castle, Espo is saying something…"

Castle waited hearing the muffled conversation of the two detectives. He also heard Sorenson's voice. He looked over to Kate. He noticed the nurses had kept up the fluids with the IV whilst he'd been asleep. He gently stroked her hair off her face. Against all the odds, he thought she looked better than she had at 3.00 am. Perhaps being rehydrated helped. Ryan came back. Castle wandered about the room as they talked.

"Esposito and I will stay at your place tonight with Lanie. That way we are all together and we can protect Beckett."

"Deal." Castle replied, instantly feeling relief wash over him. "I have spare rooms, can provide anything you need. We just have to move Kate."

"You need to come to the Precinct so we can talk off the phones." Kevin suggested.

"Ok. I will head down now. I will also see if she's stable enough to discharge."

Ryan okayed his comment and the two hung up. Castle returned to the bed and stroked Kate's forehead, softly brushed his fingers over her right cheek. The bruising had come out more in the past few hours over her face. He easily recognised then she had been attacked the previous evening shortly prior to the time they had found her. He figured it was probably an attack done as a result of his actions on the media.

"I will be back soon to get you." He whispered and kissed her forehead. No response at all. The last thing he wanted to do was to leave her, but he forced himself to depart. He ensured she remained asleep then vacated the room. There were two police officers right outside her doorway.

Outside the hospital, he hopped in a taxi directly to the precinct. He contemplated dropping by his apartment to take a shower and change his clothes but decided he could do that once they got Kate back to the loft. He had a four day growth of whiskers, needed to shave and was excessively tired. He could do with a few more hours of sleep.

He checked his phone. It was on the brink of having a low battery but would last the distance to the Precinct. Kate had a charger at her desk he would use. Alexis had hammered text messages at him earlier on in the morning, none of which he bothered to read. The last message he received from her indicated that Martha had been in contact with her and all was ok. He had phoned his mother very early to let her know he was ok and that they had found Kate. The latest development by Gates however might trigger off another onslaught of texts once his family heard via the media that Kate was found dead. He leaned his head back on the seat of the taxi, and contemplated whether Gates had done the right thing. He was unsure. Granted, it gave them the opportunity to conceal Kate and let her recover without being on the run but it also created a mass of problems with friends and family. Had Special Agent Shaw been involved, he was positive the media would have been kept out of the situation.

At the Precinct, the boys waited for him in the war room, with drinks and Chinese food they had ordered in. Sorenson was still with them, in casual clothes. He looked as tired a Castle felt. Ryan and Esposito were weary but they had been home, showered and changed their clothes.

"Excuse the appearance." Castle said as he sat at the table. Rick's clothes were soiled, with dirt and blood.

Sorenson lifted up a plastic bag and threw it towards Castle. "I thought you might want a change of clothes. It's one of mine."

Castle caught the bag and peeked inside it. He smiled seeing a blue knitted sweater. "Thanks dude. I will take a shower once I've eaten."

"Hope so man." Esposito said.

"I have personal stuff you can use in my locker." Ryan added referring to his deodorant.

"Thanks." He smiled. "I'm starving." He took a can of soft drink from the middle of the table and opened it, nearly downing it in one session.

"What a night." Sorenson stated.

"Could say that." Castle replied thinking about the experience in the hospital. He didn't know what was worse, the waiting and the desperation to find Kate, or sitting through the examinations and discovery of what had been done to her.

Whilst they ate, they discussed and finalised the plan they would follow in order to protect Kate. Castle listened in and ate hungrily polishing off what the boys didn't eat.

"I spoke to the doctor before I left the hospital." He finally said. "They will reluctantly discharge her so long as she's with someone. But that is subject to change of course. The doctor said there's not much they can do for her. She has to rest and he says she will sleep a lot because of the concussion."

"Good. We can hide her and keep a low profile whilst she's gets better. Lanie said she will stay with us as long as Kate needs her." Javier replied. "She has a few days owing in time if she needs to stay with Kate."

"That's fantastic news." Castle replied, relieved that he would have a doctor to support Kate. "So how are we going to get her out of the hospital without her being seen?"

"How else?" Esposito replied. "But straight out the front door?" He replied like a smart ass. "With you holding her. No one will be looking for that."

"Funny Javier."

"Straight into the back of the Coroner's van." Ryan replied. "We have already arranged it with Dr Parish. You just need to get back to the hospital and sign your life away once again to have Kate discharged."

"We'll move her tonight." Sorenson clarified. "We need time to secure your loft. Can we have the keys?"

"Sure." Castle reached into his jeans pocket and handed them over. He scribbled a number on a post it note and handed that to Sorenson. "Security code." He offered and Will nodded. "Has anyone been to Kate's place?"

"We have security on it." Ryan replied.

"So what have you found from the dead guy?"

"We got his family in for questioning earlier. Total dead end. He was living in an apartment alone. He didn't show up for work this morning of course and his colleagues said he kept to himself. Sorry Castle, his DNA was on Kate." Kevin softly said and held his eyes on Castle a moment longer hoping he understood the man's DNA wasn't just about Kate's head. By Castle's expression, he understood.

"But we don't know where they held her." Castle queried dismissing Ryan's subtext. He wasn't ready to deal with what had been done to Kate today. He was already experiencing overwhelming emotions over the fact he had her back alive. Mentally he knew he had to prepare himself for later in the loft.

"Not yet. But it has to be relatively close to where we found Beckett." Ryan said. "And where the uniforms found his car."

"Mmm… I'm going to take a shower. Can one of you guys give me a ride back to the hospital when I'm out?"

"I will." Esposito replied.

Ryan chipped in, "You also need to see Detective Cahill before you go back to the hospital. She has a few questions for you. Your DNA was on Kate so they need to rule you out as a suspect."

Castle smirked in disbelief. "Seriously? I'm her boyfriend. She is carrying my child – which everyone now knows. What did Gates say?"

"Arrr… she wants to speak to you as well." Ryan replied scratching his head and smiled at Castle.

Esposito added. "She wasn't that surprised to hear you two are together either. Muttered something about it being inevitable and obvious."

Castle stood, "Ok. Well, I will clean up and when I get back I will do the rounds." He picked up the plastic bag and Ryan's locker key. He headed off to the showers.

Castle knocked on Captain Gates' office a half hour later. He was uncomfortably nervous as usual in her presence but also because he was unshaven and dressed casually, when he usually presented in business attire at the Precinct. At the sound of the knock on the door Gates looked up from her paper work and took off her reading glasses.

"Mr Castle. Please, come in and close the door."

Castle swallowed his anxiety levels going up. He glanced through the glass to the boys who all gave him the death stare mimicking Gate's usual expression. It made him feel worse. He turned away from them and faced the Captain. "Sir."

"Take a seat Mr Castle."

Castle sat in the chair nearest the door and leaned forward pretending to be relaxed and interested in partaking in the conversation. "The boys said you wished to see me."

"Yes, that's correct. Firstly, how is Detective Beckett?"

"She was sleeping when I left. I won't lie, Sir. She's hanging in there but I don't want to think about what she's going to be like in a week or two." He took a breath. "She pretends she's all tough and strong, but beneath all the tough exterior she is as vulnerable and afraid as the next person."

"Yes. I understand. We can only be there for her." Gates sat back in her seat and put her glasses on the desk. "I know you two are together. Evidence provided from the hospital this morning identified you as one of the identified DNA evidence on Detective Beckett but they dismissed you as you were with her last night at the hospital as her next of kin. I've known for awhile now but chose to keep quiet about it, ignore it whilst it hasn't been a problem."

"Thank you. We try to keep work and personal life separate." Castle calmly replied his mind too tired to care or to try and cover up their relationship. It was too late and would have become known in a matter of weeks anyway with Kate being pregnant. He was kind of relieved it was out in the open now. Kate wouldn't be working for much longer and they could simply move on. "Is it a problem now?"

"No. Not at all. You have no doubt heard I leaked it to the media that Kate had passed away. I did it in consultation with Special Agent Shaw once we learnt that Kate is pregnant. Shaw considered it and she believes it gives us time to find out who is behind it and arrest them."

Castle thought about that. He was surprised Shaw would have agreed to make such a decision. He would have appreciated being told beforehand however. "We know who is behind it, Sir." Rick replied, opting not to address the media topic at this time. "It's a politician, and his sidekick we couldn't nail, who wants her dead. I simply outbid him to keep her alive. They want the file they think Kate has." He paused. "But that's all my speculation, and until Kate tells us who is behind it we have little to prove there is a link."

"Do you think she is at risk of holding back, not giving us any information?" Gates asked, "I fear Kate will take revenge into her own hands."

Castle tapped his fingers on his thigh thinking about it. His instincts told him one thing, his conscious told him another. Lie. "If she has evidence she will give it to us. She's a detective and she follows the evidence wherever it takes her." He was happy with that response and it seemed Gates was also satisfied with his response as she took a breath.

"Well, you had better get down to see Detective Cahill and go back to the hospital."

Castle stood and smiled to Gates. "Thank you Sir." He left the office and found the boys in the war room. They had paperwork spread out over the table. They stopped what they were doing and waited for Castle to tell them how it had gone with Gates.

"She knew about us for awhile." He told them. "She's ok with it too."

"Cool." Javier replied.

"I'm going to see Cahill. Do I need to phone my lawyer?"

"No. She wants to just speak to you." Javy replied, "but if you get locked up, I will get you out."

"My man Espo." Castle called out as he left the war room.

The meeting with Detective Cahill only took about ten minutes. She was a tall woman, blond blue eyed with a similar approach to being a cop as Beckett had. She offered him a coffee, but took the opportunity to point out they didn't have the fancy coffee machine that some writer had bought the homicide branch. He declined the coffee fully aware it tasted like monkey piss and battery acid. He didn't need a second try of it. He nearly said it aloud but decided to keep his mouth shut.

Detective Cahill strictly wanted to write him off the suspect list and asked him questions that, although they were extremely personal, were very important in establishing his relationship with Kate and her nature in general. Castle didn't care whether a few people knew when he and Kate had last made love, and what Kate was traditionally like with him. He honestly answered, regardless of how much he knew Kate would be annoyed about someone prying into her personal life. He knew she would hate it. The only time Castle became annoyed with Cahill was during the questions she wanted answered that implied things about Beckett's personal sex life before he was on the scene. He knew Kate was not a woman who slept around and he made a point of emphasizing the fact she didn't, that it had taken him four years to lure her in. He made it very clear to the detective that he wasn't going to have Kate defending herself or her reputation.

When he left the Detectives' office he also made himself a note to phone his lawyer to obtain the name of a bloody good attorney for Kate. He wasn't going to permit the system fail her. He was fully conscious she was going to need legal representation beyond what the police department would give her and he was going to make sure Kate was appropriately compensated. He would just keep quiet about hiring a lawyer for her until he needed to say something.

When he left the Precinct with Esposito and Ryan, he took Kate's personal belongings with him along with her handbag. In the car on the way to the hospital the men were silent a few blocks, having just had a bit of a laugh in a situation that didn't really have a place for jokes. But it was how the detectives coped with stress. Laugh it off a bit. Castle still struggled with police humour.

At the hospital entrance, Esposito brought the Crown Vic to a stop. Castle opened the car door. "No way man! Get outa here!" He squawked at Esposito in response to the detective's smart ass statement and pretended to throw something at him. Castle retreated out of the door smiling to the boys. "Let me know when Sorenson has it organised." He closed the car door. As soon as he turned his back to the vehicle the smile disappeared. He was sick to the stomach with worry about Kate. But he had a job to do and he had a place he wanted to be.

_Will be more soon, but I want it to be right so please be patient. Thanks to those who have sent messages. Greatly appreciated._


	15. Chapter 15

_Next instalment of creative fiction for you below. I have the initial phase to get through, how it affects others. It may be a little slow going but it needs it for the story. However, I keep being told you all like LONG chapters. So here is one for you to sink your teeth into. Spent many hours reviewing and reviewing this to have it written appropriately. It's a hard subject to write about and chapter 16 was even harder to get through. Oh yes, personal experience on the concussion and it really is a horrible experience. Thank you to those of you who have helped out._

**Chapter 15**

It was just prior to 5.00 pm when Castle approached the police at the doorway to the private room Kate was hospitalised in. He didn't recognise either of the uniforms and both of them signalled for him to stop. He carried a couple of Kate's bags, a drugstore carry bag and a Starbucks coffee all of which he placed on a chair to produce his driver's licence to both officers. His wallet also held a photograph of himself grinning boyishly, surrounded by the three beautiful women in his life taken during their first Thanks Giving together a couple of weeks earlier that he looked at for several seconds. He really liked the photo.

"I'm her boyfriend." He offered pointing a finger from the image of Kate in the photo to the doorway they guarded. He still got a kick out of referring to Kate as his girlfriend almost seven months in their relationship.

The first cop stepped forward, suddenly interested. "Are you Richard Castle? The writer?" He asked and held out his hand to shake Rick's.

Richard half smiled in response, even though he was keen to get inside the room. "Yeah, that's me." The younger guy had a nice firm handshake that Rick liked. The officer casually chewed gum and produced a smile, a little in awe of who stood in front of him.

The second cop, a fair haired guy asked whilst he held out his hand that Rick also shook. The first guy had the better handshake. "You're also the guy she's been crying for all afternoon?"

That's not the sort of question Castle had expected. "She been what?" He was surprised.

The first officer pointed a finger to the door that Castle eyes followed. "She calls you Castle?"

"Yep. That would be me." He scratched his whiskered chin. "All afternoon?"

"Well, on and off. First we thought she was being attacked which scared the hell of us, but now we know what she's saying."

"Is she ok?" He asked a little concerned.

"Bit rock and roll. She's wakes up asking for you and the nurses go in and calm her but they said they don't think she's actually waking up … that she's dreaming."

"Great. Good to know." He commented and patted the first cop on the shoulder. "I'd better get in there." He collected his belongings and walked through the doorway held open for him, to find Kate just as she had been when he left. On her back sound asleep. He shrugged his shoulders, shaking off what the officers had told him. He placed the bags on the second chair and sat in the chair he'd been in earlier that day. He drank his coffee whilst he waited for her to move or wake up and quietly stared at the IV drip gradually but continually emptying into Kate's arm.

He talked with Alexis on the phone for almost a half hour. She had finished classes for the day and was worried about her Dad and Kate. Numerous times during the day, had been contacted by some of his friends and his agent who hadn't been unable contact him. He had chosen to ignore their calls so he didn't have to lie and Alexis had done exactly the same thing. Gate's decision to announce Kate's death had consequently placed them in an awkward situation as Kate had been introduced to many of their friends in recent months as his partner. Friends were naturally phoning when they heard the news about Kate.

He was just finishing up with Alexis when the door opened and a doctor entered the room to check on Kate. He saw the police wave their approval of his entry which Castle acknowledge with a nod. Rick pocketed his phone and sat up, briefly checking on Kate who was still quietly sleeping.

The doctor smiled and greeted Castle with a handshake. "You're Rick Castle, Kate's partner?" He asked after glancing over the papers attached to the clipboard.

Rick knew it wasn't hard to figure out who he was as his name was all over the paperwork at the end of the bed, "I am," he replied calmly with a smile and wondered whether the doctor was going to take the same path as the cops had earlier.

The doctor wrote down the time and his name on the notes, then glanced to Rick, "Has she been ok? The nurses advised me she's been restless." He inquired as he scanned the notes that Castle had already thoroughly studied.

"She's been quiet the past 45 or so minutes." Rick replied, checking the time. "Maybe an hour." He corrected. "But she knows I'm here."

"Mmmm. Ok." The doctor acknowledged and proceeded to complete a routine examination of Kate, during which time Rick silently stared at her, wishing she would wake up, that they would wake up and it would just all be a dream. That would never be the case however.

The doctor checked Kate's eyes with an optical pen torch. She didn't physically react but the doctor seemed satisfied by her pupil dilation response. He listened to her heart rate, and took her pulse and temperature. After he finished, he leaned against the bed and faced toward Castle.

The doctor reminded Castle of Josh, tall dark brooding and muscular. He wondered whether this was the guy who would be willing to discharge Kate into his care.

"Kate, is doing reasonably well." The doctor began. "She is stable. If she wakes up tonight or in the morning, there's no reason she can't go home. But she would probably be safer and better off to remain in hospital until she wakes."

"Her head injuries are ok?" Castle inquired.

"She's stabilised. Has concussion, and there are a couple of cracks – one near her left eye socket and her skull, the doctor touched the top of his head near the back. She has an open wound there. All of which you would already know about."

"Yes."

"Well, she may feel light headed, suffer vertigo or be dizzy on and off for a couple of months but she should be ok." He paused. "The hairline fractures to her ribs and pelvis will give her discomfort but they will heal quickly with appropriate rest and she really needs to have the rest so her body is able to carry the baby later in gestation. Keep her quiet and she will heal faster." He said. "She needs to eat to maintain the growth of the embryo and I would suggest she has an ultrasound at ten weeks. You said you thought she was seven weeks."

"That's right. We were meant to take her to the doctors the day she ummm… " Castle waved his hand in the air, dismissing his sentence because it was a reminder she had lied to him. "I will have her see a doctor as soon as she is back on her feet."

"Good."

"So I could take her home…if I sign the discharge forms?"

"More likely you can tomorrow. She needs to wake up and be eating. She has been started on a course of antibiotics she will need to finish."

"Sounds good." Richard smiled and shook the doctor's hand. "You have a nice evening Doctor and thank you."

The doctor left shortly after and Richard relaxed in the chair. He had established he wasn't going to be permitted to have Kate discharged into his own care until she was conscious. It just meant they would have to proceed with their original plan of just taking her. He sent a text to that effect to Ryan. A text came back seconds later stating that Sorenson had security set up at the loft and they were on track to be at the hospital soon. Another text came minutes later from Lanie to confirm she would be able to stay with them the night to care for Kate. He sent Lanie back a text in relation to the antibiotics and Lanie responded she was ok with all of it. Satisfied all was in order, Rick decided to rest for awhile. The last thing he wanted to do was risk her health removing her from the hospital. Having Lanie present the night was extremely comforting to Rick who was constantly worried already about removing Kate from the hospital. He also knew Sorenson was organising the best security they could obtain to keep her safe at his loft.

He leaned over toward the bed and rested his forearms on the mattress, his chin on his wrist. He stared at Kate. She breathed, inhaled and exhaled. She had a beating heart, a pulse he could see in her neck and her eyes had rapid eye movement. He didn't dare touch her for fear he would scare her in her sleep, even though he longed to take her hand, kiss her face, hold her in his arms. He worried she wouldn't let him near her anymore. Some instinct deep within him told him he would need to stay close to Kate from the second she woke up so she wouldn't be afraid of him or refuse to permit him touch her. He was content right now that she was before him breathing rather than lying in the morgue dead.

He was only there for five of so minutes quietly staring, when he heard Kate's breathing grow shallow and fast. Her muscles started to flex in response to a dream. She moved from her back to her side and whimpered. Rick watched on ready to wake her if she got worse.

Similar to what the cop had described, the noises changed to words she spoke in Russian, something that Castle wasn't accustomed to her doing. She spoke words Rick could not translate to English beyond the one word he did understand which was "no".

Kate woke with cries of "Stop it and no." As soon as she was conscious her eyes opened briefly and her cries changed to Castle's name being called. Rick told her he was there but he didn't think she was fully conscious. He stood and placed his hands to each side of her head as he often did, hoping she would recognise his touch. His peripheral vision saw the door open and one of the cops poked his head in the door

"Is she at it again?" He whispered.

Rick nodded in response. "I've got her," he replied with a smile and stayed close to Kate. She rolled to her side to where she faced him, aware he was in the room with her as her hand wrapped around his wrist. He continued to stroke the side of her head and sat back in the chair continuing to soothe her.

"Castle?"

"I'm here." He murmured deliberately to quieten her so she would be able to hear him. He kept his hand to the side of her head he caressed firmly enough to arouse her into full consciousness. "I'm here Katie."

"Castle," She whispered, "I wanna go home." She clutched his right hand to her chest.

"Soon. I promise. We will get you home soon." He promised and squeezed her hand.

She blinked, trying to open her eyes. "Please take me home. I wanna be home, be safe."

"I'll take you home soon," He answered.

"Mmmm. Home." She sniffed, trying to stop the cries she made. Kate wanted to look at Castle but her eyes refused to open due to the brightness of the room. She struggled against them and blinked but tears in her eyes made him blurred. "I can't see you." She cried and immediately felt his hand leave her head. He wiped her eyes of the tears. She looked to his smiling face, "Rick." The light was too much and hurt her brain. She shut her eyes crying in frustration. She felt his hand in hers. It was warm and secure. His hand caressing the side of her head was extremely comforting. "Where am I?" She asked in a whisper.

"In the hospital."

"Please take me home."

"You will be home soon. Just promise me you will keep quiet when I move you."

"Promise." Kate answered unsure of what he talked about. She would keep quiet for him. She would do anything for him.

Castle watched Kate for minutes. She was obviously in pain but didn't mention it. She trembled in waves and timidly cried harder in correlation with the shaking. The only words she really said for the next twenty minutes related to going home and how cold she was.

A nurse entered the room just as Kate lost consciousness. The nurse stayed with Castle for almost twenty minutes. She was a fan of his novels and started up a conversation about writing. Castle took advantage of it, took his chances and told the nurse he was prepared to take Kate home that night, because she wasn't safe from the people who did this to her at the hospital. He explained to the nurse he would accept all responsibility for his girlfriend, and that he would have a doctor at his residence all night. The nurse accepted his reason and left the room, stating she would be taking a coffee break about twenty past the hour. She returned a few minutes later and silently handed Castle a bag with the drugs Kate would need administered over the next few days along with the dosages and times of administration. Then she removed the IV line and PIC. She gave him a list of what Kate would need in terms of care over the next few days. Castle thanked her and handed the drugs to Ryan when he arrived at 7.00 pm.

It all started to unfold rapidly after Ryan and Esposito arrived. Outside the room they told the cops they would take over for the next hour or so, to go take a meal break. They were hit hard by the sight of Kate when they entered the room.

As soon as the nurse took her break, Castle grabbed the cotton blanket over Kate and wrapped her firmly in it with help from the detectives. The boys took the bags and medication Castle passed to them. He finally picked Kate up not disturbing her sleep at all. With the detectives to each side of him they carried Kate down the hall to the stairway. The guys supported him as he carried her dead weight down four flights of stairs down to the morgue. He mentioned half way down it may have been a better idea to take an elevator.

Lanie was waiting for them in the hallway, having been texted by Javier they were on their way. Castle was breathing hard when they reached her.

"Did you all take the stairs?" She asked in surprise.

"We forgot about a thing called elevators." Castle replied sarcastically.

"She ain't heavy." Esposito commented.

"Yeah? You do it next time. She may be light but she's a dead weight."

Lanie rolled her eyes, "C'mon Castle, not much further." She encouraged and quickly checked on Kate who was fully unconscious. She ushered the boys through a doorway to a loading bay. A black van was deliberately backed right up to the doorway to minimise security vision. Lanie hit the remote to unlock it and swung open the back doors with Javier's assistance. Castle stepped straight up into the van. Lanie, who followed him, directed Rick to lay Kate on the gurney to the left side. It wasn't exactly where Castle wanted to see Kate, but it would do for the short trip they were about to make. He obeyed Lanie's request. He shook his arms and shoulders loose and caught his breath back.

"How is she?" Lanie asked the guys quietly as they settled down in the back together on a second gurney. She assessed the three men sitting side by side. They were all worried.

"She woke before and was upset, wanted to go home. I told her we were taking her home and made her promise to keep quiet. I am hoping she will sleep through this." Castle replied.

"I feel like a criminal." Kevin commented.

Lanie grunted a response, checked Kate's eyes and felt her pulse as the men talked about their little kidnap adventure. "I feel like a criminal too." She replied to Ryan's comment.

"We could all be charged with kidnapping." Esposito replied.

"Cool. Let's go. We are in this together." Satisfied with Kate's stable condition, Lanie jumped out the back of the van, then closed and locked the back doors. Within a few seconds she was in the front of the van and had the engine running. "Hang on boys. I know there are no seatbelts."

"Just go Lanie." Javy replied and hit the wall of the van a couple of times to get her on the way. All their jokes aside, he really didn't want to be stopped by hospital staff for kidnapping a protected patient.

During the trip to the loft Ryan, phoned Sorenson to advise him of their estimated time of arrival. Kevin reminded Special Agent Sorenson to clear their actions with the hospital to prevent a panic and to keep the uniformed officers who had been guarding Kate out of trouble. None of them wanted a manhunt started for an already dead detective, it would trash their plans and be waste of police hours. None of them wanted the two officers disciplined for failing to properly guard Kate – it wasn't their fault Kate had disappeared.

When the call was over, the men then sat mostly in silence all of them staring solemnly at Kate.

"Dudes." Esposito said looking to each of the men who were to his right.

"Yeah?" Ryan asked and Castle who was sitting by Kate's head looked to his left to the boys.

"We stick together and we promise to take care of Beckett, protect her and keep her safe." He held out his right arm palm down.

"Promise." Ryan replied and put his left arm out to meet Espo's.

"I promise." Castle said and extended his left hand over Ryan's.

"Sorenson will too." Ryan added and placed his right hand over Castle's "For Sorenson." He explained. Esposito and Castle frowned at Ryan's last comment but accepted the subtext of it.

"Me too." Lanie called out and all of them looked to her as she glanced over her shoulder at them. They all stated "Agreed," and dropped their hands.

Almost fifteen minutes later the van pulled up in the car parking lot of Castle's loft by the elevator entry. Kevin hung up on Sorenson who had ordered a couple of Feds to meet them at the elevator. Once the van was stationary, Ryan said, "Let us clear the area first," and he nudged Javier who was closest to the door. They checked their weapons and produced their police badges. Javy hung his about is neck, and Ryan clipped his to his top. The detectives exited the van their pistols at low ready for use. They took a side each of the van and made a thorough inspection of the car park. Satisfied, they both returned to the back of the van, kept watch, their eyes constantly moving. Esposito rapped on the side of the van several times.

Castle patiently waited inside the van with Lanie and Kate whilst the guys cleared the car park. He heard them move away into the distance. Not a minute later one of them rapped loudly on the side of the van, which not only caused Castle and Lanie to jump in surprise but also caused Kate to jump on the gurney. Castle wanted yell at them for doing it but he remained silent and still hoping she wouldn't wake right now. Not a good time for Kate to wake. She would freak out if she found herself in the back of the ME's van. Further away out of the van he heard the ting of the elevator bell.

"Wait here." Esposito ordered and the van doors closed. Rick waited. Lanie who had far better visibility saw the elevator doors open and what appeared to be two suited Federal Agents stepped out, their pistols ready. Ryan and Esposito were there ready to greet the Feds. "The Feds have turned up and the boys are playing cop." She remarked with a smile.

"I'm sure they are." Castle stood and leaned over so he could peer out the passenger window. Lanie hit the button and cracked the passenger window open so they could hear the conversation. If things did turn ugly and they weren't FBI, she was ready to put the van in drive and get the hell of the place.

Lanie and Castle strained to listen. They heard one of the Feds start up the introductions. "Detectives." The agent to their right greeted, ignoring the fact the detectives had their guns poised at them. "Agent Sorenson sent us down to bring up the subject." The boys glanced to each other. Ryan and Esposito produced their badges and Ryan could be heard politely but firmly requesting they view the agents' IDs. Rick always found it amusing that Kevin braved up when he needed to. He was a gentleman generally and a little quirky but when the pressure was on he was as tough as Esposito. An exchange of identification was performed and everyone relaxed. Only when they were convinced the men were real federal agents did they return to the van to collect Rick and Kate.

"We're on." Castle said to Lanie when he saw them approaching. He returned to the back of the van and prepared himself to pick up his girlfriend who was once again totally out of it.

The van doors opened and he saw the boys peer inside. "We're ready." Esposito said and holstered his pistol. He carefully accepted Kate into his arms when Castle, unable to take the high step down, passed her out of the van. Rick then jumped out of the van and closed the back doors. He walked around to the driver's side of the van to Lanie and leaned in the window. "Thanks Lanie." He said taking her hand.

"I will be back as soon as I return the van to the morgue." Dr Parish said. "Get her upstairs. I will be back in about half an hour and we'll get her cleaned up. She smells bad."

"Tell me about it." Castle replied. "See you then."

"I will text Espo when I'm on the way." Lanie replied and drove off.

The van gone, Castle returned to Ryan and Esposito. "We got her here." He remarked with confidence.

"We need to get her in the loft." Esposito replied quietly and passed Kate back to Castle so he could work with Ryan and the agents to ensure Kate was safely delivered to the loft. As soon as his hands were free again, he held is hand up to the men to be quiet. "Boys, please be conscious of what you say. Kate is listening. She started moving when she heard Castle go to the front of the van." He said pointing at Rick.

Everyone nodded in understanding. The FBI agents proceeded to lead the way to the elevator with Castle directly behind them. The detectives followed up the rear. Castle stood to the side of the elevator doors whilst they waited for one to return. The space was cleared and determined safe before he stepped inside it with the detectives behind him keeping them safe.

Castle stood quietly in the elevator. The muscles in his arms and back were burning from holding her awkwardly for such a long time. He knew Kate was light but she was a continual dead weight in his arms as opposed to when he carried her whilst she was conscious and partially supported herself. Unconscious, she hung limp her limbs thankfully kept close to her body by the blanket he'd firmly wrapped her in at the hospital. He gave a jump and jostled her into a better place higher against his body.

"Kevin, would you lift her head to my shoulder please?" He smiled as Kevin lifted and rested her head to his right shoulder. "Perfect." She looked more comfortable as well.

Kevin studied Kate's face and swept away a piece of her hair off her face, momentarily forgetting he was protecting her. He saw the muscles twitch where he touched her. He smiled and glanced to Rick, "She's listening. She may not be conscious but she's not fully unconscious either." He observed.

"She knows what we're doing." Castle replied feeling her left arm flex against his stomach. "She may not remember in days to come but she's in there."

"Agree." Ryan glanced to the FBI agents who remained sober, no expressions. When he made eye contact with Esposito however he grinned at Ryan who was intimidated by the agents. Both men were taller than Castle and big guys. They waited for the elevator to get to the top floor in silence.

Ryan and Esposito went on full alert as the elevator stopped on the penthouse level, clearing the hallway through the door from the time it first cracked open till it was full open. They emerged into the hallway, each cleared his direction. Espo maintained a visual in the direction away from the entry to Castle's loft whilst Ryan led the way to the loft accompanied by one of the FBI agents. Rick, with Kate in his arms, followed Ryan. The other agent joined Espo as part of the rear guard and they retreated covering the hall behind Rick.

Shortly after, Ryan knocked on the red timbered door to the loft. Seconds later the men heard Sorenson call out at the other side of the door. Since they had experienced a guy being shot through a doorway answering a knock on the door, none of them were game enough to look through peak holes. Ryan replied identifying himself, his badge number and waited.

Sorenson swung open the door seconds later knowing Ryan's voice, and stepped back, the gun in his hand pointed in a reasonably safe direction. He saw Ryan and Castle and holstered his gun. He stepped back clearing the entry to allow everyone inside quickly.

"Take her upstairs Rick. I have fixed up the room, first door way to the right." Sorenson ordered as he passed by. Castle obeyed and headed to the staircase. He heard Sorenson lock the door as he carried Kate directly upstairs to the room he knew was the real master bedroom and the room Kate preferred to sleep in. He also heard the five men gather for a brief discussion, all of them holstering their weapons, now they had their subject safely transported.

On the way up the stairs, Rick was thinking about how elevated Kate's body temperature felt when he considered she was unconscious and had, on the whole, been cold and not eaten. At the bedroom he pushed open the door with his right foot. The lights were on in the room. He delivered Kate to her destination to wait until Lanie arrived. He laid her upon the bed on her back and immediately stood up shaking his burning muscles loose. He swung his arms around in big loops and walked about the room feeling light on his feet for a minute or so. As he roamed the room recovering, he took in what Sorenson had done to the room to prepare it for Kate. The windows were boarded up and the curtains were closed.

When he returned to the bed he cast his eyes over Kate's body once again. She was a mess, barely recognisable as the person, the woman he knew and loved.

He sat on the edge of the mattress and took a deep breath, finding it almost impossible to cope with what he saw. He leaned over her to find the edge of the cotton blanket which was just beneath her right shoulder blade. "Kate, I know you're hearing me." He murmured. "I'm gonna get you out of this so you can move." He tilted her body toward him from her right arm to release the blanket then proceeded to unwrap her body of the hospital blanket all the while talking to Kate. He knew she heard him and was aware of his presence. The hospital had dressed her in a restrictive hospital gown he decided to take off her, to give her unrestricted movement. He once again lifted and rolled her over to her side, untied the gown ties and returned her to her back. He threw the gown on the floor and turfed the cotton blanket with it. For a minute or so he silently examined her body visually without touching or making a sound.

"Christ Beckett, this is so not fair to have done to you." He whispered. "You will need Lanie to be with you this week." He had virtually stopped breathing when he saw what her body had suffered. From her hips downwards he clearly saw bruising to the point her flesh had been broken particularly where her bones protruded. It was easy to see how her pelvis had been fractured. He saw the bruises the tell-tale signs she had fought until she had been worn down.

It made him feel sick to the point he stood and rushed to the bathroom, where he vomited unable to keep the contents of his stomach there any longer. Afterward, he stared at himself in the mirror, recognising the agony in his eyes. He looked away, avoiding his reflection, and made up his mind he had to be strong. He swished his mouth out and took a drink of water. He then brushed his teeth.

His mind, regardless of the circumstances and the way he was reacting, needed to know what had happened, what she had suffered through so he would understand her behaviour in days and months to come. He would never need her to tell him, as like the victims they had seen time and time again working on cases, most of the evidence was on her body.

He returned to the bedroom. He examined her feet to begin with, looking for any abrasions and moved up her legs noting the bruises, the cuts, the dried blood, dirt, and he guessed all sorts of crap smeared over her body. Her skin was filthy and she smelt to the point of being putrid. He ensured he examined every bruise and graze and particularly checked for any infections. He made a mental note to ask Lanie to inject Kate with the antibiotics she required.

With no hesitation in his movement, Castle rolled his girlfriend over to her tummy amazed she slept through everything he was doing. Once he was touching her, he maintained the contact at a minimum his finger tips on her skin to a maximum of his body leaning over her at any given point. He quietly and gently examined the grazes mainly over her buttocks and hips, particularly at points where her bones or large muscle were prominent. He understood the deep grazes were caused by being dragged over course-grained solid ground which to him resembled unswept concrete. Grass stains were absent, but dirt and oil were evident visually and by wafts of old oil he inhaled. He checked the places where the doctors had stitched up cuts. The stitches were neat but the skin would scar much to his dislike.

He then rolled her until she was lying on her back. He inspected both her forearms noting the multiple defence wounds, worse on her left arm. This supported the conclusion the attackers had on the whole been right handed. He finally examined her face, the injuries once again more to her left. He finally lifted her legs from beneath her knees to adjust her pelvis to ensure it was aligned with her spine, that her back was as straight as he could manage. He set her head on the pillow as well. He knew her pelvis was fractured but he wasn't sure how much pain it would produce.

Next, he found a clean blanket from the wardrobe and spread it over her body to keep her warm until Lanie arrived. He left Kate in the room to meet with the guys downstairs.

In the kitchen, Castle immediately grabbed a beer from his fridge and offered them around. Everyone rejected the offer saying they were all on duty. However, he ended up handing around a number of bottles of water.

Lanie had returned to the loft during the time Castle had been with Kate. Once the doctor was in the apartment, Sorenson and his team placed the loft into total lock down. He even had people on duty to watch the rooftops on neighbouring buildings via remote surveillance. All the curtains were drawn. Sorenson had determined that Kate was safest in the upstairs bedroom Castle had carried her to. The bed had been pushed to a position in the room that made it impossible to see her through the windows which he had consequently had boarded up, and anyone who penetrated the loft then had to get past the body guards.

Sorenson advised Castle that Martha was safely tucked away at her companion's apartment for the night. Alexis was in her dorm room studying for an exam with a federal agent outside her door, much to her objections. Castle thanked him for taking care of his family. He leaned against the counter quite for a minute as he had a few mouthfuls of the beer.

"I will organise dinner once I get Kate settled in upstairs." He offered up to Esposito and Ryan who sat on stools at the counter. Esposito was fiddling with his hand gun.

"I'll cook." Ryan replied. "Go take care of Kate." He glanced to Esposito who had paused what he was doing and wore an expression of what the hell? "What?" Ryan inquired. "Yeah, I can cook."

"It's ok man." Esposito replied and returned his attention to his weapon especially when he copped Lanie's dark stare.

Rick waited out the awkward moment between the boys then said. "Make yourselves at home. There is plenty of food in the fridge and the cupboards Kev." He took a couple more mouthfuls of beer, watching Lanie who came over to the kitchen. She had her medical bags which she placed on the counter. He opened his spare arm to Lanie who, without a word approached Castle and gave him a tight hug. He held her firmly and kissed the top of her head. He murmured. "Thank you for doing this for Kate."

"Anything for Kate." Lanie held onto him feeling his body was trembling and his body felt cool. "Shall we get this over and done with?'" She stroked his chest.

"Yep." He replied and let her go.

"Did you get the cream I suggested?"

"I bought everything off the shelf for first aid, and now I've seen her, I'm glad I did." Castle replied. "Just let this beer soak into me a bit." He requested and drank more. "I could do with a Scotch. You should see her." He took another mouthful and hit his chest. "I didn't see much of her when they did the examination this morning. I mostly looked the other way and concentrated on keeping her quiet." He was trying his damndest at the moment not to emotionally break down in front of the boys and Lanie.

"She will look better after a wash." Lanie replied gently.

"I agree." He reached over the counter and with his pinky finger dragged Kate's handbag closer to him. He put the beer down a second and reached inside the handbag where he located the bag of medication the nurse had provided him with. He passed it to Lanie. "Nurse slipped me these."

"Antibiotics for everything." She murmured as she inspected each bottle and box through the clear plastic.

"Yep. We won't mention the blood tests she has to have and the wait she has to go through for the next three months." He sourly replied, recalling what the doctor had told him when he had brought up the statistical risk of her contracting sexually transmitted diseases.

Lanie dropped the medication in her bag and turned to Rick, a finger to his jaw to gain his full attention. "Whatever you do, do not let Kate Beckett even sense this repulses you." Lanie warned clearly and gave him that look.

Esposito cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. Ryan looked to Castle in concern. "She's right Rick."

Castle took a deep breath, "I'll do it. It's different when I'm with her." He looked down at his bottle picking at the label on its side. "She's a mess Lanie and we have to clean her." He finished his beer and dropped the empty bottle in the recycling bin. "Let's go." He stated.


	16. Chapter 16 - home

_This chapter was hard to write, hard to review and I'm pretty damn sure it will be hard to read. It's been extremely tiring and difficult to write. Its raw, it's getting through the worst of it. I hope I have effectively expressed the impact, the raw emotions people experience. I have to post it online or I will just keep working on it more and more. Have to move on to next part where Kate gets it back._

_It's also damn long and a lot of time has been spent on it so I hope I got it right. Words cannot express the gratitude of have for Fitch who tirelessly reviews and keeps me honest. Also thank you to those of you who make the effort to send me PM or reviews. They really do keep me going. Love reading the reviews so fire away guys. Finally to the girl who keeps sending me PM's hounding me for the next chapter and answers all my midnight questions she receives as she wakes up. You know who you are. Appreciate your endless support and, I enjoy giving you the chance to practice English!_

_I was going to break this chapter but couldn't find the place to do it so you all have a long one to read._

**Chapter 16**

Dr Parish and Castle were in the master bedroom. Rick had dimmed the bedroom lights to the minimum to keep Kate quiet. First hand he knew that lights would bother her eyes whilst she had concussion. He rested in the armchair whilst the doctor gave Kate an examination.

Lanie spoke to Castle once she was done with her initial inspection. "She's stable. She is above average temperature at almost 98 so we may have a problem. Her pulse rate is currently 80 beats per minutes, also a little higher than her average. Respiration is shallow consistent with having cracked ribs which will compromise her oxygenation saturation that is probably at a minimum for someone as fit as she is. That will improve as her ribs heal and once she's moving. I'm not concerned about it, but we need to monitor it over time. She has no signs of unexpected internal trauma and at this point that's as good as it gets for someone in her condition." The doctor finished glancing to Rick who nodded silently. Lanie then mumbled she didn't think the hospital technicians had been thorough enough with the examination and that she was prepared to undertake one for Kate. She searched inside the medical bag for a mini Maglite to assist her in the poor lighting to thoroughly examine Kate's body. She initially jotted downs Kate's vitals on a small note pad then retrieved a large note pad from the medical bag she clipped to a red plastic board. She also made herself a couple of piles of paper envelopes and plastic bags.

The ME drew a schematic map of every frontal, lateral and saggital abrasion, blemish and bruise on Kate's body taking her time to ensure she was accurate with her descriptions. Castle soon noticed Lanie used the same template forms she worked with in the morgue, which although he understood was completely practical, in his opinion was kind of creepy.

With gloved hands, Lanie held up Kate's left arm by the wrist and scanned the flash light over the wounds along her forearm. "Look at the defence wounds. There were some serious attacks. Whatever they wanted to know, I don't believe she told them. Whoever attacked her was right handed." She said glancing to Castle. "Everything is worse to her left side."

"I noticed that." Rick sat back in the seat and wiped his eyes in weariness. "My conclusion is she knew if she did give in and tell them what they wanted to know she would have been killed." He swallowed. It hurt that his girlfriend had been subjected to such violence. He wasn't surprised she had been strong and stubborn enough to fight them to survive it because he knew her character. She would have died rather than told anyone the information they wanted from her. He dwelled momentarily on the state of Kate's body, extremely upset by it all particularly when Lanie pointed out the defence wounds. Kate had tried to defend herself until she'd been worn down. Concealed by the poor lighting in the room, he didn't think Lanie noticed that the time that she spent detailing Kate's injuries he quietly dealt with the emotional affect of it. He knew once Kate was conscious she would need him for everything, because she was so broken down and weak.

The doctor had Rick assist to roll Kate to her tummy so her posterior was visible and she started on the next diagram. At some stage, Rick saw Lanie sitting on the edge of the bed as she filled in the form, quietly weeping. She took a few moments break and softly stroked Kate's hair back from her face and felt softly down Kate's spine. "Kate Beckett." She whispered. "I will not have you on my table at work."

Rick almost stood up and left the bedroom, feeling he was not able to cope any longer with the emotions he experienced. He didn't want to see Kate on Lanie's examination table either. But he glued himself in the armchair because of what she did next. Lanie took Kate's hand in hers and whispered. "No more cop work Kate." She paused, "It's your time to be a wife and mother."

Rick swallowed and patted his chest for another time that night. It was almost too much painful. He saw that Lanie silently continued with her task unaware of what Rick that moment caused him to experience in the corner of the room. Minutes later as she finished up, she murmured to Rick. "We are going to keep these records and give them to the lawyer you instruct to act on behalf of Kate."

"How do you know I'm going to engage a lawyer for her?" He inquired in surprise, his left hand going to his chin in curiosity. He was feeling a little better than he had earlier.

"I know you Richard Castle. You may be .. what is it? An immature, egotistical, self centred …"

"…. Jackass at times something like that .. yes," he filled in waving his hand in the air in a careless manner. "But…" He was more interested in hearing the next bit.

"You are also one of the most intelligent, caring men I've ever met and I know you will hire a lawyer for Kate, that you would do anything for her. So I will give you what you need to help Kate."

Rick smiled secretively, and saw a sly smile spread over Lanie's face. She understood him more than he ever gave her credit for. He took a breath and calmly replied. "She's going to get the best lawyer I can find to protect her interests in this. No living creature deserves what happened to her."

"I agree." Lanie tore off the second sheet of paper and moved to the third sheet. She passed the sheets to Castle who cast his eyes over the schematic diagrams. They were so detailed, set out in different colours and she had thoroughly written a corresponding description of each injury sustained in medical terminology he understood. He'd read enough of Lanie's reports to be thoroughly familiar with her style and attention to details.

"Thank you. This is excellent." He placed the sheets on the table beside the armchair.

"Of course. You're welcome." Lanie replied without looking up from her final sheet she worked on.

"Lanie, have you read the autopsy report yet, the one that was meant to be Kate?" He curiously inquired.

Lanie paused from her task, tapped her pen on the notebook in thought several times then looked over the room to him. "Yes." She answered and took a breath, "I should have read it when you asked me for a copy of it. I would have known it wasn't Kate. The subject had degeneration in her knees." She glanced to Kate's grazed and bruised knees as Richard did from further away. "Her's are perfect. You knew that, like you knew she was pregnant, so that would have been evident in blood tests. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you."

"Don't apologise. You thought she had died. I was just too stubborn to believe that was the case." He calmly responded.

"Well, I should have listened to you. You were right with what you said at the time." Lanie admitted and looked at him I silence momentarily. She glanced back to check on Kate who made a sound, then slipped the red clipboard in to a side pocket of the medical bag. "Would you help me roll her to her back again please?"

"Sure." He stood and stepped over the room to the bed. Without any fuss he alone carefully rolled Kate to her back which enabled Lanie to finish her job given a further minute or so. She wrote on a post it note. "Remind me to take blood from her in the morning. I will run a few blood tests to ascertain how she is and to determine whether her stress levels are decreasing by analysis of her cortisol levels which were through the roof in the bloods taken from her at the hospital. It's what I expected. I will also check the embryo is producing enough progesterone." Lanie explained to Castle choosing her words carefully in relation to the pregnancy particularly now she understood why they had decided to make a baby. "But for now let's get her washed and back in bed." She wrapped the cotton blanket about Kate to keep her warm.

"Would you please wake her up before I carry her to the bathroom? I don't want her to wake in fright halfway to the bathroom." He requested. He would also rather have a woman wake her at this stage.

"I will do that." Lanie sat on the mattress alongside Kate and commenced to arouse her friend in to consciousness with a determination that only Dr Parish could. Inside a minute, Kate came to somewhat spooked and instinctively fought Lanie's hands on her to begin with. "Kate, its Lanie." She clearly said, planting her hands firmly on Kate's upper arms to hold her still. "You're safe Honey, you're at home." She glanced to Castle who nodded approval for the home reference as Kate did refer to his loft as her own home nowadays even though they still divided their time between the apartments. Rick just saw and loved how she was able to convert their apartments into homes wherever they spent the night. Once Kate recognised Lanie's voice the fight stopped. Her eyes partially opened. She fell still and drowsily stared at Lanie not saying a word. "Hey girl." Lanie greeted.

Seconds later Kate kind of smiled. "Lanie." Kate rolled her eyes letting them close.

"How are you?" Lanie asked intentional on getting Kate to talk. She also stroked the side of Kate's head in an effort to keep her friend conscious.

"Sore and tired. Thirsty and hungry." She mumbled. "Where's Castle?"

"He is right here."

She hummed, swallowed and seconds later, whispered the annoyance quite clear, "Why did you wake me?"

"To wash you." Lanie replied shooting her eyes to Castle who stood beside her.

"That would be good." Kate swallowed, "Shark dies if it stops swimming." She whispered.

Castle smirked. "I told her that one day during personal training," he explained to the doctor. "She nearly killed me on that day."

Kate moaned in acknowledgement of his comment and lifted her arm, which Castle understood from previous experience to be Kate's beckoning signal to him, same as whenever she summoned him by calling his name using a seductive tone. He took her hand in his, instantly feeling her arm relax. She whispered. "Castle."

Castle looked to Lanie and murmured. "This is how she asks me to pick her up."

"Beckett likes to be picked up?" Lanie asked in surprise glancing between them.

Castle nodded. "Loves it," he whispered and held his finger over his lips, "Our little secret," he hinted, so pleased Kate wasn't afraid to have him handle her.

"Castle." Kate weakly warned, which caused him to chuckle in amusement, loving the tone she used. The stubbornness and her preference for personal things to be kept that way, was quite evident.

"That's my girl." He rewarded, more than happy to hear she was already reprimanding him. He bent over and hooked her arm around his neck. He said close to her ear, "Hang on."

"Will you be ok?" Lanie asked stood and moved out of their way.

"Yes, she's light and she knows what to do." Rick picked Kate up, momentarily anxious when she released pained sounds, but she gripped him and moved herself so she was against his body. He carried Kate into the bathroom and held her in his arms as he figured out what he was going to do with her. Kate was mumbling something that Rick couldn't understand. He simply grunted in agreement every so often. Lanie suggested he sit her on the chair she moved to the middle of the room.

He spoke to Kate as he sat her on the chair and she let go him, still chattering senseless words. She raised her arms to shield her eyes. Using the better lights of the bathroom, Lanie firmly held Kate's wrists so she could properly examine the wounds along her forearms.

Kate dropped her head to avoid the brightness and lost her balance that Castle corrected. It didn't stop her from crying out and she fought Lanie's hold so she could reach for something to steady herself. Once freed her left hand found Rick's leg she grasped. "Will you please switch off the lights?" She asked. "It's too bright."

Castle looked above them, squinting at the heat lamps which had been switched on to help keep her warm. He stepped over to the doorway and switched them off leaving only the lights on by the mirror.

Kate gripped the chair with her left hand and having regained her balance, she fought stubbornly against Lanie's hold on her right arm.

Rick waited by the door to assess whether the light was dim enough to allow Kate to be comfortable. Lanie was determined to examine Kate eyes under brighter lighting but Kate who was moderately conscious and terribly incoherent was as determined to prevent the doctor succeeding. She fought the doctor, quite clear with the fact she didn't want her eyes messed with, particularly to being subjected to bright flashlights being shined in either of them. Kate constantly complained about the brightness of the bathroom lights. Lanie with a firm hold of Kate's head, tilted it back maintaining support, so her eyes were directed upward.

"Lanie, please, no." Kate broke down to cries, repeatedly saying no. She was tired of the hassling. The doctor ignored Kate's verbal and physical objections.

"Kate, keep still." Lanie ordered. "I need to examine your eyes."

"No." Kate acting purely on instincts swung her head from side to side and squeezed her eyes shut against the lights. She cried like a kid her hands trying to stop Lanie.

It was then Rick knew he had to take over the care of Kate because he could see she was growing excessively agitated and upset.

Lanie unintentionally upsetting her shook Rick into a sudden sense of reality. This treatment of her and the wash they were about to embark on could very well have a long lasting impact on his future with Kate; his life, her life and their life. He most importantly needed to maintain her trust. This all meant he couldn't make a move that would frighten her when she was in such an exhaustive state. He needed to intellectually and physically protect her from every type of threat until she was strong enough to once again defend herself, starting now.

His instincts caused him to switch off all the lights in the bathroom which he knew would prevent Lanie from continuing. He swung open the bathroom door so the lights from the walk in robe partially lit up the bathroom. The room was now dimly lit. He saw Kate started to settle and she partially opened her eyes, still squinting. She attempted to search the room.

"Kate, please keep still a moment." Lanie requested persisting with her examination.

".. 'kay." Kate obliged and kept still having given in, but the second she glimpsed the optical light to the left side of her vision, she promptly clamped her eyes shut and whined, tightening her jaw. She sucked in oxygen loudly, and cried, "Castle, please!" She panted heavily.

"Lanie, that's enough." Castle intercepted tired of seeing Kate distressed. "She's got concussion. There's no way she will tolerate the light right now." Castle returned to Kate and touched her shoulder first then the side of her head when Lanie let her go. He put both of his hands on her head, soothing her. "I'm here." He murmured and glanced to Lanie who stood back resigned to the fact Kate had had enough. "You won't win." He whispered to Lanie who shrugged her shoulders. He returned his attention to his girlfriend, "Do you want anything?" He asked, stroking Kate's face. He needed to settle her down and keep her as calm as possible from this moment on.

Kate took a deep breath, "You."

"You have me. I'm here Babe." He wiped her eyes of tears with his thumbs and put his palms to each side of her head. He leaned over to her pressing his lips on hers for several seconds. He didn't care whether she was filthy or clean. She needed the affection.

She cried timidly and searched for his hands at her head. She placed hers over them clutching his fingers. "Don't leave me." She pleaded.

"I'm not going anywhere." He assured softly. She understood that Kate was very afraid.

"I can't see, I can't stand. I can't protect myself." She cried.

"You're safe." He whispered his close to hers. "I'm here. You're safe." He repeated and heard, felt her cry harder. She trembled. Her hands gripped his fingers tightly, Rick surprised by the strength in her grasp.

"I'm sorry." She cried.

"Babe." He put his right thumb gently over her lips to hush her aware she would understand his signal.

"I lied to you." She persisted.

"I know." He accepted honestly.

"I didn't want to."

"I know Baby, I'm not mad at you. We'll talk about this later Katie. Concentrate on getting better." He whispered and went to straighten up, but immediately felt and heard Kate's anxiety level increase. She cried, clearly emotionally wrecked in Rick's opinion. He could see she was totally burned out and depleted of everything. Rick sighed heavily full of worry. He knew her apologies were just an excuse for her to cry because she was reacting to everything that had happened. The concussion would be adversely affecting her as well but he knew he had to force her to keep moving.

He crouched down, not letting her head go so it was kept as stabilised as possible. He knew from firsthand experience with concussion, and had the scar on his forehead to remind him, that movement would cause her world to spin out of control. It was a horrific sensation to live through. "Open your eyes Kate." He requested very softly. He waited for the message to go into her traumatised mind first of all, then waited for the message to be processed. She made a whimper, opened her teary eyes and tilted her head to find him. He smiled, dropping his hands he placed to her thighs. "Good girl. We're going to give you a wash Kate." He slowly said. "Do you want a bath or a shower?"

Kate thought about it, stared at Rick's eyes, hers quite glassy and dilated. Rick could see she was thinking but also taking a moment to calm down now she was confident the flashlight wasn't going in her eyes. She made a noise and swallowed. "I would like a shower." She whispered and then requested, "Please come with me?"

Castle glanced to Lanie, now thinking he had to strip in front of the doctor who happened to roll her eyes. "Just leave your boxers on Richard." Lanie suggested. "I will run the water." She moved to the double shower and fiddled with the shower valve until she had the temperature of the water running not too hot.

"Let me go Kate so I can undress." He requested and waited for Kate to release his wrists. She dropped her hands to her lap gripping the blanket and kept her head still. Rick stripped himself of his clothing with the exception of his boxers. He returned to Kate touching her shoulders. "Lanie, she's a bit warmer than earlier."

"I noticed that before." Lanie replied, "Let's get her washed and back to bed."

"Agreed." Rick turned his focus back to Kate. "C'mon Babe." Rick dropped the cotton blanket from around Kate and felt her forehead. She was warm compared to what she had been earlier. "Stand up with me." He patiently requested and once again took a hold of her upper arms. He waited and heard her murmur she was ready. Once he felt her attempt to stand, he lifted her to her feet. She cried a little from pain. She reached to his shoulders to steady herself, her fingers gripping his biceps. "Good girl." He whispered. "Now step with me when you're ready."

"Ok." Kate replied. They locked eyes and she stepped toward him and continued to the shower. "My pelvis is fractured?" She asked half way there.

"Yep." Castle answered. "But you can still walk on it."

"Nice." She muttered. "It hurts."

"Uh huh," he agreed, "but more importantly, how is your head?" He could already feel she was totally reliant on him to stand regardless of the fact the doctors had told him she could be encouraged to walk a little. He figured if he was to let her go she would collapse.

"Spinning out of control."

"Handy." Castle commented and looked over his shoulder to Lanie who guided him around the glass screen of the shower with a hand on his right shoulder. Kate was beyond trembling and was shaking uncontrollably. He wasn't sure whether it was from pain or cold. Once he was near the shower water he reached out and felt the temperature then adjusted the shower valve. "This is gonna sting Baby," he warned, "Maybe we should have opted for a bath."

"No." Kate replied. "Shower. I stink and need fresh water." She hung on to Rick who half lifted her into the flow of the water. She closed her eyes as the shower of hot water fell over her head soaking her. It initially felt great but then the pressure of the water flow penetrated the cuts and grazed patches over her skin and she shuddered, gripping Rick. "Fuck!" She cried. "Fuck, it hurts!"

"I'm sorry." Castle apologised but held her under the flow of water no matter how much it bothered him to do it to her. He felt her body shudder through the seconds it took her to pass through the pain barrier to where it didn't sting so much.

"It's not your fault." Kate responded. "God!"

"Be brave." He encouraged gently.

"I don't have any brave left in me." She cried.

"Yes you do." He replied. "You are the bravest person I know." He affirmed. He observed how quickly the water had started to breakdown the dirt and blood from her torso. Blood streamed down her neck, body and thighs. He smelt the iron in the steam mixed with other smells he didn't want to identify.

"Blood." Kate cried, obviously smelling it as well.

"I know." He replied and stroked her head. "Ignore the smells."

"I can't. I can smell the oil." She jiggled from foot to foot, released pained noises and squeezed her eyes shut. "Castle, it hurts on my head," she cried gripping his arms.

"Breathe deep, Katie. It will stop." He encouraged, finding it hard to hear her cry like a little kid. She was worn down to the point there was little left in her but to behave with instincts alone rather than learned behaviour as an adult would. He was witnessing the rawest behaviour and emotions he'd seen in a long time.

Regardless of the situation they were caught in, Lanie saw the extremely tight bond between Kate and Rick, a very personal side of them as a couple she wasn't accustomed to being a part of. Kate had told her about the type of experiences she had with Rick, but it wasn't in her character share very intimate moments with a third person. Castle's consistent and unconditional love of Kate was plain to see. He had been honest when he'd told Lanie he would be ok with Kate once he was in her presence. He was exceptional with her.

Lanie relaxed no longer fearful Castle might be repulsed by the injuries she had. He was dedicated to her in ways that reflected the type of stories Kate did share over a wine or dinner. Kate moved her hands up to Castle's neck and physically asked him to hold her. He glanced to Lanie as he took Kate into his arms and held her against him under the shower. He lifted her off the floor right up into his embrace.

Lanie bit her lip in worry for Kate. She was shaking and timidly crying. Rick held her for a long time beneath the hot flow of the water. Kept her there no matter how much it hurt her.

"Are you ok with her?" Lanie asked feeling a bit like she was intruding on them. "I mean, would you like some time alone, just you two?"

"No, stay here." He replied, "I feel like a total ass doing this to her." He commented. "I'm gonna need you to wash her Lanie. I'm holding her up. She can barely stand."

"I know it's hard. Let the water soak her skin. We have to clean the wounds."

"Ok. Can you grab the chair please?"

She looked to the wooden chair. "It will get wet." She replied.

"I don't care. I will buy a new one." Rick said.

Lanie lifted the chair to the shower and placed it behind Kate. "You keep going Castle."

"Sit please, Katie." He gently requested and immediately felt her body weight drop so he lowered her to the chair. Kate sat up straight and put her face in the flow of the shower. He held her steady from her left shoulder and adjusted the shower rose so it was right over Kate. "Can you stay there?" He asked and heard her hum a response that she was able to. He let her go, grabbed the soap and Kate's favourite sponge and rubbed the two together under the water flow until he had a foamy sponge. The honey scent of the soap smelt good compared to what they'd had earlier. Even Kate commented in a murmur. Soaped up, Rick touched her jaw with his finger tips and saw she didn't flinch or react at all with fear. With the sponge he thoroughly and gently washed her face, seeing she enjoyed it. He saw her muscles over her face and neck relax and there came the hint of a smile. He smirked, brushed her lips with his thumb mindful of the splits. He whispered. "I love you."

Kate smiled and blinked her eyes open to his when the water stopped falling over her face. "Me too."

"Mmm." He smiled. "Close your eyes Baby." He requested, his eyes staring into hers for several seconds before he pecked her chin just below her lip. It was almost the only place on her face there wasn't a bruise or cut. He then switched the shower from the overhead one to the hand held shower and took the hand held from the wall. He rinsed her skin of soap and checked to ensure he had cleaned her efficiently. "Tilt your head back and I will wet your hair to wash it." He said. He saw Lanie return to sit on the edge of the bath where she observed what he was doing. Kate did as he requested and he soaked her messy hair. He then had her hold the shower. She drank water from it as he squeezed an excessive amount of shampoo into her hair and washed it with both hands conscious of all the abrasions and bruises she had. She didn't complain at all but stared up at his face. Happy he had all the dirt, blood and oil out of it, he took the shower and rinsed her hair then rubbed conditioner through the ends leaving it there to soak. He had passed the shower back and she took a further long drink from it. Back with the sponge he commenced to wash her neck and continued down her body. With a soft nail brush he scrubbed her dirty hands and feet determined to remove every grain of dirt from her body. The very last place that needed to be washed he stopped and looked to Kate's eyes.

Sensing something she opened her eyes and held the stare with Castle a few seconds then looked down to her groin. "I'll do it." She whispered. "I need to stand up. Will you hold me please?"

"Of course."

With his assistance Kate stood up and Castle stepped behind her, putting his hand to her waist. "Use me to support yourself." He murmured.

"Thanks."

"You're not afraid of me." He said quiet enough that Lanie wouldn't have heard him.

"I would never be afraid of you," Kate replied, "Not you."

"I hope not." He stared at the tiled wall whilst Kate washed herself, altering his hold on her as she moved. She was quite weak and he often found he was almost fully holding her on her feet at times. He was not only surprised she let him near her but that she permitted him to touch her wherever he wanted or needed to.

"I think I drank too much water." She fearfully stated and stopped washing. She suddenly clutched her stomach. He pulled her to his body for support.

"You ok?" He asked when his hand felt her body temperature soar.

"I'm gonna be sick." She reached for the wall for support and promptly vomited the water she had drunk.

Rick held her up when her legs gave out beneath her. He looked to Lanie in concern. "Only water." He commented. Lanie waved it off and indicated Kate had been drinking water. She then touched her own tummy and head signalling to Rick it could be the pregnancy or concussion that caused her to vomit. She mouthed to Rick. '_Has she asked_?' He shook his head no and turned his attention back to Kate who had another drink of water from the shower.

"Slow up on the water Babe," he requested.

"I'm so thirsty and hungry." She muttered as she put the shower in its slot.

"Good," he said and grinned to Lanie "She's hungry Lanie," he exclaimed.

"I will go make something for you that you will hopefully keep down." Lanie offered.

"Please Lanie." Kate replied, "Concussion is a bitch! I have to eat," She said and swallowed a few more mouthfuls of water. She leaned against Castle's chest, needing the support for a moment or two.

"Lucky you're alive girl with the whacks your head sustained," Lanie stated. "Anything in particular you want?" Lanie asked as she was leaving the bathroom.

"I will eat anything Lanie" she called after Lanie. "I'm so hungry I feel sick," she said to Castle and rested her head against his chest because her head was spinning from the movement. She closed her eyes.

"You ok?" He asked firmly embracing her body, his palms against her skin. He deliberately felt her body as a boyfriend would so she wouldn't forget or be afraid.

"I'm dizzy," she whispered, "the room is spinning."

"Just keep still," he muttered and moved his right arm across her chest like a seat belt to hold her steady against him. He lifted her beneath the shower to keep her warm and waited. He felt her head move. "Better?"

"Mmm hmmm. Am I too heavy?"

"Kate you are half my weight. Hush." He gently squeezed her body and heard her moan in partial discomfort, perhaps her ribs. Rick held her firmly and sat on the chair, leaning on the back on it. He sat her against his pelvis and laid her against his body. She took a deep breath when he softened his embrace and relaxed against him, her legs dropping between his thighs. "Better?" He inquired. He checked the water was still on her.

"Uh huh, a lot." She responded and waiting out the vertigo. "I'm so scared Castle." She said with a high voice.

Rick softly caressed her chest nearby the scar, his eyes stared calmly at the tiles on the wall, whilst he patiently listened to her shallow breathing and the meek sounds coming from her. He closed his eyes. "How are you scared?"

"I cannot protect myself. I'm helpless." She put her hand up to his forearm she held.

"It won't be for long. You need to sleep."

"I can't even stand up. It scares me."

"You don't have to be scared anymore. You are protected." He kissed the side of her neck. She was calming down. "We have six guys in the loft protecting you." He murmured and heard her cry.

"Six guys?" She asked fearfully.

_Shit! You idiot!_ He swore internally when he realised his error. He felt her heart rate increase beneath his palm along with her respiration rate. He hugged her, kissed her neck. He knew she couldn't escape his hold, but he had to keep her feeling secure. "You're safe. You're with me. Say it." He confidently whispered.

She breathed, then whispered. "I'm safe." She repeated. "I'm safe. I'm with you, I'm safe. Safe."

"Good girl. You're safe. I'm here."

"Stay with me." She pleaded.

"I'm here." He kissed her neck again. "I will always be here."

"Don't leave me. I'm sorry."

"Hush." He hummed against her ear. "I won't leave you." He kissed her again hearing her timid cries. Total exhaustion and her own fear of not being able to protect herself was her current issue. He knew it would be something else in a few minutes. She was at rock bottom and in his company was letting herself grieve now it was over.

Castle held Beckett until she said the world wasn't spinning anymore and she was calmer. He released his embrace and moved his palms to the sides of her torso to support her when she tried to sit up. He lifted her to a sit and steadied her when he felt her lose her balance. She stayed still, sitting on his lap, holding him to keep herself upright.

"I'm so sorry Castle." She whispered.

"Katie." He stroked her lower back. "Concentrate on getting better, huh?"

"Ok. I'll finish washing."

Kate stayed on his thigh and continued to wash herself finding it difficult to satisfy her sense of cleanliness. She was on the third wash of her crotch when she was once again sick, this time using his left leg to hold herself. Rick stayed silent understanding it was her movement with concussion that caused her to vomit. This could go on for days. She didn't talk but as soon as her muscles finished retching, she drank again seemingly determined to swallow water and keep it down.

Kate knew instinctively that if she was pregnant she needed to keep up an intake of fluids. She didn't know how many days had passed now. She was afraid to ask Castle how many days she'd lost, how long she'd been without food and water, and the hardest question to ask, whether she had kept the baby. Her instincts told her she still carried their future child. However the pain coming from her hips, abdomen and the external region of her genitals caused her to question whether her body had been violated too severely to sustain an embryo. Whether she had the strength to maintain the needs of it, if it still lived, she didn't know. Right now, she wasn't ready to hear she had lost it. She had to save herself first. She resumed washing herself trying to get rid of the whiff of iron.

"Kate, That's enough. That's four or five times now." He said.

Kate immediately stopped. "Right." She replied. She dropped the sponge in its cradle. She drank a few more mouthfuls of water and rinsed herself. She then turned about to face Castle who continued to effortlessly support her body with his hands. She hung on to him her eyes looking to his. He looked so tired and drained. She would do everything she could to keep it for him.

Rick gazed down at Kate's body, battered and bruised so much it made him hurt. Her abdomen was hollowed from lack of food but she seemed determined to fill it with water. She rinsed her hair. He held her back a moment to see there was blood that continued to trickle down her thighs. She already knew it was there and was rinsing it repeatedly becoming distressed once again. It was time for him to interrupt the path she was on. "Sit on the chair Babe." He said. "Let me move you."

"Ok. Not too fast."

"Trust me." He replied and heard Kate cry in response. He glanced to her face understanding she would be finding it hard to trust anyone. Such a simple statement for him had greatly impacted on Kate's emotions. He paused. "It's ok."

"I'm still bleeding Rick. It's not ok. Everything hurts. Nothing is ok."

Castle realised his mistake. Swore at himself. "God babe. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"I know."

"Let me put you on the chair." He physically moved himself off the chair and held Kate steady until he had her safely sit on the seat. "I didn't mean to say that." He repeated.

"I know."

"I'm sorry." He said. He reached to the hand held shower and brought it down with him as he sat on the floor before Kate and made a brief visual inspection over her body.

Risk stayed silent trying to choose his words carefully. "You're still bleeding from a few places. The water has opened up a few cuts. They're not deep but there nonetheless." He murmured. "Will you let me take a closer look?" He asked carefully, seeing her eyes were full of tears. He gently urged her to part her thighs.

"It stings there." She sobbed and relaxed her legs trying to see for herself where she bled from. "Castle."

"Kate, just stay still. Keep your head still. I won't hurt you. I promise." He touched her right knee then turned his eyes to her groin. The moment his fingers made contact with Kate's inner thigh she jumped and held her breath, but she stayed there and so did he. She kept her eyes on him and observed everything he did. He carefully examined her, gritting his teeth. "Oh babe." He whispered. "Can I wash you?"

"Please." She wiped her eyes and blinked several times.

He directed the water to her groin and rinsed her skin. As soon as he stopped the blood ran from several tears on delicate flesh. "You have tears that would cause the stinging and the bleeding." He told her. "Bruising." He also inspected her abdomen. Below her belly button there was a gash that was weeping blood. Both points of her pelvis where the bones were prominent had wounds that were bleeding. "You have some general bruising, some cuts over your tummy and down your thighs." He murmured and instantly heard her cry, her hand going to her mouth.

"What else?" She asked sniffing.

He looked from the bruising over pelvis to her eyes, reluctant to proceed. She was a cop and had to know. If she had her vision fully available she would be inspecting everything herself. He sighed. "Umm. I can see that you were dragged and you have pressure wounds and bruising on the skin over your pelvis from being hit repeatedly against something hard. Your knees are badly bruised and grazed. That's what your body is showing me. But you know this already. You know what happened and how you got injured." He said straight up. That was enough. He took his hand from her, unsure about what to say or do to comfort her. He felt many emotions he'd never experienced before because of what he saw. Rage was one of them but he had to keep calm. His eyes shifted to hers. He swallowed and tried his hardest not to break down or go in a rage in front of her.

"I'm sorry." She cried.

"Kate." He touched her thigh.

"Rick. I'm so scared."

'_She called me Rick'_. He thought to himself. He knew she was terrified with that. "I know you are Babe." He replied, done with washing. He stood and turned off the faucet. She needed to sleep. He needed to rest.

"They're going to kill me."

"They think you're dead already. Give me your hands." He waited for her to respond and when he had her hands in his, he lifted her to her feet. Once she was standing, she put her hands to his shoulders and followed him to the bath mat. He reached for the large white towels one of which he shook out and wrapped Kate in. He dried her face and ears. She cried. He didn't attempt to sooth her. He didn't know what to say to reassure anymore so he just took the care of her by drying her body.

He finally met her eyes, hated to see the tears in them and what caused her to cry. He touched her chin. That was enough. Kate started to sob and fell against his body wrapping her arms about his neck. He embraced her and held her against him as she cried it out. He kept quiet, but found he dwelled on wondering why she had decided to run away in the first place, why she hadn't told him and sought his help. Why had she runaway especially once she knew she was pregnant? A part of him felt the turmoil of being deceived, but he couldn't say anything to anyone at the risk he would sound as though he blamed her for it all happening. He kept quiet because common sense told him someone had coerced her to leave for her own safety. The person who was responsible was going to wish they were dead the day he learnt who it was.

She eventually repeated in a whisper. "They will kill me."

"We'll protect you. The loft is in lockdown." He replied, recognising she was circling with her fears. He pulled back cradling her jaw and looked into her eye. He gently wiped away the tears with the towel. "Was it the files they wanted?" He asked as he stroked back her wet hair. She nodded once in the affirmative. "What do you remember?" He asked.

"I remember them asking me where the files are hidden. I was hit and a lot. Knocked out, woken up."

He squinted. It hurt for him to hear she'd been hit. "Did you tell them where they are?"

"No." She smiled. "I was a right smart ass."

Rick smirked. "Why does that not surprise me?" He commented.

"I had to be tough. I couldn't tell them. They were paid to kill me and said they could do whatever they wanted so long as I died. I simply delayed death by not telling them. So they did what they did." She then said something very clearly in Russian mimicking a male voice. Rick didn't understand a word and decided not to ask her to translate. He figured it was a repeat of what she had stated in English already.

"Well, I moved the bag. About a month ago I took it." He informed her. "So it's not at your place."

"Oh." She knotted her brow in confusion.

"What else to you remember?"

"Umm." She sighed. "That's it. I woke up at the hospital."

"You remember more than that, but I will let it slide for now." He whispered back and gently rubbed her hair dry.

Back in the bedroom he had Kate sit on one of the arm chairs whilst he browsed the various types of creams he had bought at the drug store in search for one that was safe to use on her broken tender skin. He had almost cleaned out the drug store of its first aid lotions. He found one. A tube of non-irritant cream. Nothing to buy over the counter to apply to injuries sustained during brutal bashings and rapes, he thought as he sat on a clean towel laid over the bone coloured ottoman in front of Kate.

Lanie returned with a plate of toast with butter and jam sparsely spread over the top. There was enough for both of them. Kate gratefully accepted the plate and took a small bite of the toast and nibbled at it. She knew because of the concussion she had to eat very slowly.

Rick placed the creams on the floor to his left and waited for Kate to consume some toast. He didn't want her getting upset and being put off her food. He was conscious she would be struggling to keep it down with concussion making her nauseas. Whilst he waited he took a piece of toast and ate with Kate to encourage her.

Lanie sat on the end of the bed and waited for them to eat the toast. It was plain to see Kate had been crying and was almost to the point she was going to fall to sleep eating the toast she was that depleted of energy. They kept basically quiet at first until Rick noticed Kate was passing out and trying her hardest to fight to remain awake. Rick kept her conscious and engaged by talking to her. He discussed anything that came to mind and asked her questions to keep her listening and answering him. Every so often he'd remind her to keep eating. She obeyed without an argument.

Minutes later, he turned to the doctor. "Lanie, she's bleeding here and there." He murmured and checked to ascertain that Kate still bled. The shower had opened a few wounds, most noticeably a stream of bright red watery blood seeping from her, which he cursed under his breath about. Lanie rose from the bed and briefly check it following Rick's hand to where he pointed. She glanced to Rick, then Kate.

"I'm just going check on your wounds Kate." Lanie told her. It was good to see Kate was nibbling the toast. Lanie dabbed gently at the bleed with a damp cloth then inspected the cloth, hoping like hell she wouldn't see signs of an infection. "It's clean." She stated with relief. "Do you feel ok Kate?"

"Reasonably." She responded. "Better now I'm eating."

Rick noticed that since the last solid cry, Kate had settled and seemed to be over the emotional release for now.

"Ok." Lanie replied having assessed the creams available, noting Castle had selected the tube that was the best.

"Let me do it." Castle requested politely looking to Lanie who nodded and silently agreed that it was Rick who needed to keep up the physical contact with Kate. He started to dab Kate dry with a clean towel then very gently applied the cream to every wound he found starting between her thighs. She was a mess. There were red marks, bruising down her entire body, her elbows, wrists, knees and chin had been grazed when she had been dragged over the ground. There was a prominent bruise on her right thigh with a wound in the middle. It looked like she'd run full throttle into something hard and solid. He continued all the way up her body until he had applied creams or cleansers to the wounds trying his hardest not to think too much about what he was looking at.

Kate ate two pieces of toast and had a further few sips of water. She felt full and little better with having eaten.

Once he was done and saw Kate had finished with eating, he asked her to lean forward and he started on her back. He had the larger, deeper grazes there to inspect with Lanie, most of which had been inflicted when Kate had been physically dragged over a coarse surface. They picked a couple of tiny stones and glass out of her wounds using a mini Maglite. They searched for reflecting light until they were certain each wound was clean of debris.

"She has been treated worse than a tortured animal." Lanie whispered and immediately heard Kate whine. Lanie touched her shoulder in comfort. Rick passed a look at the doctor. "I'm sorry Kate." She apologised and parted Kate's hair until she found the open wound at the back of her head. The doctor closely examined it with the Maglite. Because her hair had been washed the wound appeared raw, but it would heal fast. Lanie dabbed cream to it.

When Rick finished up, Lanie checked her once more for bleeding and found a couple of places she once again wiped clean. Lanie stated she would check on her later to see how she was recovering. At the moment Lanie was more than happy with the fact Kate had eaten and kept it down. The doctor left them alone to return downstairs.

Castle found an oversized old t-shirt he dressed her in and he carefully brushed her hair so it was tidy. He tied it back in a loose pony tail high up on her head where it wouldn't get in the way in bed as Kate guided him to do. It reminded him of the times he'd played with Alexis' hair when she was a little girl. He helped his big girl to the bathroom basin so she could brush her teeth. By the time she finished with the brushing, she was at a point where she barely had enough energy to stay awake. She leaned to Castle, made a cry he seemed to comprehend and waited for him to pick her up. He carried her to the bed he laid her in and ensured she was comfortable. She was almost asleep. He spread the blankets over her body and sat by the edge of the bed to stroke her head. She looked so tired and worn out. She took his hand

"Castle." Kate whispered.

On her tone of voice alone, Rick stood and stepped about the bed pushing himself out of his damp boxers. He laid down on the top of the bed alongside Kate and threw a blanket over himself in case Lanie returned. Kate moved toward him and pushed her face against his bare chest.

"Go to sleep. When you wake up in the morning things will be better." He promised.

"Ok. Don't leave me."

"Never."

"Our ring?"

"I have it." He smiled and stroked her hair. "I found it. I found your note."

"I knew you would." Kate laid her fingers on the side of his face, feeling his whiskers. "Castle."

He pressed his lips against her forehead. His lips felt she was running a temperature. His eyes opened and looked over her face. "Are you ok?" He asked. "You feel too warm." Castle checked her face, stroked her hair.

"I feel cold." She replied. "It was so cold."

"You're warm now." Castle reassured. "Go to sleep. I will be here."

"Ok."

It only took a couple of minutes for her to drift into unconsciousness. Once he was sure she was soundly sleeping, Rick slipped quietly off the bed and went to the bathroom to dress.


	17. Chapter 17

_Another long chapter post and another hard one to read. This one focuses on the initial stages of recovery still and then. AU of course and references to past events make more sense if you have read my After Always story moving forward. Picks straight up after Ch 16 and covers only a short period of time but in depth. I originally split it to two chapters but joined it to be one long because I want to get the story moving along. Posted it because I'm getting bogged down with deliberating with myself as to what should be in and what should be out. Hard story to write, believe me. Just be patient with the next chapter, as Christmas, work etc is keeping me busy too._

**Chapter 17**

Every hour Castle had revisited the bedroom to check in on Kate, each time wary he would find her awake disorientated or afraid. The one thing he had done early in the night that he attributed to keeping her unconscious was his little addition to the bed. Like he once did with Alexis whilst she was a young child, he took a shirt he worn and had placed it close to Kate where she could smell his scent, his aftershave. Every time he'd checked on her since doing it, he had found her asleep, just in different parts of the bed. She was restless, moving to and from either side of the bed but he always found her curled up, her hands near her mouth or tucked in by her neck, his shirt held firmly in her fingers. The concept worked with one little girl he used to know who was now grown up, but he hadn't anticipated success with a woman especially this one regardless of how vulnerable she was felt. But her nose was almost pressed against the shirt. He thought it was adorable.

He sat on his side of the bed close to where the shape of Kate had migrated during the last hour. He wasn't sure which way her head was until he unburied her from beneath the blankets. She was there, her hair spilt over her face, his shirt beneath her head that he stroked once to sweep away her hair. He felt her hair was damp and stuck to her face that perspired. She shivered and made whimpering noises he wasn't sure if it was caused by pain or emotions. He lifted the blankets and folded them down a little to expose her shoulders. She slept with her head to his side of the bed and her body was sideways across the middle of the bed. He felt her shoulder. She was burning up but trembled with cold. She had a fever.

"Fuck this. Kate we don't want you sick on top of all this." He cursed in a bit of a panic but maintained control of his emotions in fear she would sense his change of mood. He listened to her teeth chatter, felt her body shudder beneath his hand. Her respiration had shallowed since he had lifted the blankets off her. He checked the time, almost 11.30 pm. He had to alert Lanie who was downstairs with Esposito playing a rugged game of Scrabble that he had excused himself from to complete the hourly inspection. They had set the game up on the big flat screen. Lanie was a competitive player, almost as strong as Kate but Rick still had it over all of them. He continually won the games with very little effort and found it funny that they all wanted to take victory over the master of words at Scrabble. Alexis was Castle's strongest opponent and she would kick their asses without much effort as well.

Forgetting the game, he laid is palm flat over her forehead. The fever had to be broken. She must have caught a chill in the warehouse. Kate moved and moaned, tightly hugging herself.

"Castle, I'm so cold." She stated. Castle looked at Kate, his eyes wide with surprise, that she had spoken so clearly.

"Kate? Are you awake?" He leaned over her and stroked her hair waiting for a response.

"Castle." She half opened her eyes. "So cold. I don't want to die freezing."

"Oh…" He recalled the night they had been locked in the shipping container and had nearly frozen to death. "You're there, maybe." He whispered. He knew from personal experience, that a fever was not good for a pregnant woman. With that in his mind, he hurried downstairs to fetch Dr Parish who immediately forgot the Scrabble.

In the kitchen Lanie listed off the items she wanted Castle to deliver to the bedroom and with her medical bag and the medication, she hurried upstairs to treat Kate. Castle collected a tray of ice cubes, a jug of iced water, any cold and ice packs he had in the freezer and several damp hand towels.

Whilst Castle gathered the items, the doctor brought Kate back to a sluggish state of consciousness. She took Kate's vitals, found her temperature was peaking at 101 degrees Fahrenheit and began to work with the sole intent to cool Kate's body.

When Rick joined Dr Parish in the bedroom he set up all the items on the bedside table. Lanie administered antibiotics into Kate. Rick noticed she had also used an additional drug he didn't bother to question her about. He trusted her to do her job.

Kate was drowsy but oddly calm, aware she was suffering a fever and that Lanie was there to care for her. He was asked lift Kate from her askew angle curled up on the bed to a sitting position at the head of the bed. He moved Kate gradually, to limit the nausea she complained of until she was settled comfortably partially against his large frame and the collection of pillows. He understood he was there to support Kate and to do as he was told. He stroked Kate's damp hair initially feeling her shiver, then as directed held a cold pack to her forehead that was wrapped in a towel. The blankets were pulled down and cold damp cloths were laid over her wrists.

Rick felt Kate burning up but at the same time she muttered to him how cold she was. She drank the iced water as he tipped it to her lips and in between mouthfuls she sneakily snuggled closer to his body for warmth. He let her do it and didn't say anything to bring it to Lanie's attention.

He watched Lanie once again became a doctor to Kate. Castle gained a whole new appreciation of the doctor's skills and professionalism that night. He was only accustomed her role as an ME but he felt privileged to see her provide medical attention to a live person that had him wondering what the hell she was doing dealing with the dead. What was Lanie's story that had led her to working in a morgue when she had excellent skills as a doctor that could save lives, prevent deaths. Right now, she concentrated solely on dropping Kate's temperature back to safe levels. When Javy appeared at the doorway she stopped. She stared silently at him for several seconds.

"Is she ok?" Esposito inquired quietly.

"She will be ok." Lanie replied. "But she will beat the shit out of you when she's better if she finds out you're here right now Javy." She stirred.

Esposito smiled, taking on the challenge Lanie had put out there. "Serious Lanie, is there anything I can do?"

"We're ok." She said softening, and returned to Kate with fresh cold hand towels. "Stay with us if you want."

Esposito nodded and sat in the armchair Rick had been in earlier.

Rick murmured Kate's name to her beneath his breath when he heard her start to whine. He hushed her. He felt the wave of pain or a chill roll through her nervous system. She was still dreaming, perhaps a little delirious with fever.

Rick was extremely proud of Kate's efforts to do everything Lanie asked of her. She tolerated Lanie repeatedly bringing her back to consciousness, didn't shake off the damp cloths placed on her face and wrists, and she sucked on every ice cube Lanie pushed in her mouth. She sipped the water he regularly tipped to her mouth from the bottle. Rick wasn't sure whether Kate was compliant because Lanie had threatened to use an IV line to get the fluids in or because somewhere Kate knew she was pregnant and was doing whatever she could to ensure the survival of the life within her. He guessed she wasn't ready to know, or had made up her mind to concentrate on her own survival. She was also not conscious enough or emotionally stable to really comprehend much beyond simple sentences.

Lanie checked Kate's temperature from her ear, read the instrument's results then took the time. She wrote down the data on a note pad she had been using. She looked to Castle with a small serious smile. "We're good. The medication is starting to work."

"Thank you Lanie." Castle said and smiled over the Esposito who sat forward relief over his face.

"She's my friend." She put the stethoscope to her ears, the drum to Kate's chest and listened for several long seconds. She finally took Kate's blood pressure. All the data recorded on a pad she packed the instruments in her bag.

"Mine to." Javy added. "I'm going downstairs. I'll see you down there Lanie."

"Ok." Lanie watched him leave.

"Took an hour." Castle whispered after Espo was gone, and he passed Lanie the cold pack. Castle softly stroked back Kate's hair aware she was asleep and reasonably stable. He moved her down the bed and stood off it

"Hop into bed Rick. Stay with her." Lanie ordered.

"You seriously want me to go to bed?"

"I do. It's after 12.30. You need to rest or you're gonna get sick. I will stay awhile to make sure she's ok."

"Ok. I will get into bed." He stepped out of his jeans and left them at the end of the bed.

"Oh by the way, what's with the t-shirt Kate's holding?"

Rick grinned. "You like it?"

"Well?" Lanie smirked.

"I did it with Alexis when she was little to stop her having nightmares so she thought I was in the bed with her. I tried it on Kate. It seems to have work."

Lanie smiled. "It's a damn crazy Castle idea but it's worked. I can't argue. No nightmares tonight."

"Exactly." Castle agreed. He pulled down the blankets and slipped beneath the sheets. He made himself comfortable and covered Kate up, relieved he was able to lie down and close his eyes. He soon forgot Lanie had taken a seat in the armchair.

Castle awoke hours later his face against Kate's dark hair. He was hot. His shoulder ached from sleeping in the same position for an extended period of time. His shirt was damp with his own perspiration, but Kate was comfortably warm against his body. He hoisted himself to his elbow and with the use of the available light, he peered down at the side of her face to confirm she was sound asleep. He loosened his arm from her hold and glanced to his watch for the time. It was gone 5.00 am. The bed sheets felt damp from their sweat. He would change the sheets during the day. At the moment it didn't matter. Kate's fever had broken whilst they had slept.

He crept out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He stripped himself of the sodden clothing. His cotton boxers stuck against his skin and felt awfully uncomfortable. His chest was sticky. He had a quick shower, dressed in fresh cotton boxers and a sleeveless shirt. Refreshed, he took the stairs to the kitchen for a drink and snack. Most of the lights were on and two Federal agents were sitting on his couch watching TV. Sorenson, Esposito, Lanie and Ryan had gone to bed at long last. He grabbed a bottle of water and a muffin from the fridge then sat at the bar to eat. The FBI agents had acknowledged his presence but didn't engage in any conversation with him. That suited him as he didn't believe his mind was capable of much more than eating.

Not long after he wearily climbed the stairs with food and milk for Kate, hoping she was hungry and would eat. If they could get her to consume food she would recover faster. Sorenson had indicated earlier he wanted her back on her feet fast for her own sake. Rick knew he was right as the more mobility Kate had, the easier they could keep her protected. He returned to bed where Kate remained as he had left her. For several long minutes he silently stared at her. He reminisced about the nights he sat up writing whilst she slept in his bed, the times he'd woken her to make love when she was still so sleepy, her emotional barrier lowered. How adorable she always was making love with him in those drowsy, contented states. She was tender, affectionate and incredibly girlish, compared to the assertive woman he made love to when they went to bed after a day on the job.

He crawled over the bed to be with his favourite person in the world and like he always did in the night, when he wanted her to wake up to talk or make love to her, he commenced to gently shake her by the shoulders. With his large masculine frame over her, he smothered her face and neck in caresses and kisses, murmured her name, groaned and moved her until she started to come around. She whispered his name just as she always did. He loved the way she said it when she was relaxed.

Castle smiled and kissed her humming contentedly against the skin on her neck. "Katie. Open your mouth." He touched her lips softly with his finger tips and saw her part them. He pushed a small piece of blueberry muffin in her mouth trying not to spill crumbs and waited for her to taste the sweetness of it. She moaned in appreciation and opened her eyes to his. Her fingers touched his sleepy smile. "Good?" He asked softly and pinched her fingers between his lips releasing a lovable moan.

"Mmm. How did you know?"

"That you were hungry?" He asked.

"Mmm." She took another piece he offered her. "Nice."

"Because I know you, Baby."

Kate nearly smiled, but the split on her top lip stopped her. She hummed. "Thank you." She whispered. "Baby."

"You're welcome." He replied cutely and offered her a third piece, she willingly accepted. As she slowly chewed he gave her several delicate kisses on her forehead feeling physically she loved it. "You remember the night at the Hamptons when you wanted the water?" He asked her and brushed his lips over her ear, "And we were hiding from my mother and Marley?"

"Mmm. I made you get me the muffin." She murmured. "That was so funny watching your Mum kiss your Dad. You totally freaked out."

"Wasn't funny at the time. I had to have therapy to get over that." He chuckled, his hand cupping her head momentarily.

Kate made a noise of amusement. "Can we laugh about it yet?"

"I guess so." He recalled her vivacious giggles when they had returned to their bedroom. He kissed her cheek. "I would give anything to be back there now Katie."

"Me too."

He said to her. "More?"

"Please." She said and accepted a bit more. "Did you bring milk?"

"Of course I brought milk." He reached for the drink bottle he'd poured a cupful of milk into that had a twist top and passed it to her. She took it and slightly twisted the lid in her mouth. She drank slowly whilst she stared at Castle's eyes barely blinking. He spent the same time stroking the side of her head or twisting her curls around his fingers. She closed the lid and dropped the bottle to the bed between them. "You're so beautiful." He said.

She swallowed, "I will get better," she promised.

"I know." He offered her another bite of muffin. Surprisingly she took it and slowly chewed on it. "You're going back to sleep aren't you?" He noticed her eyes were closing and she was fighting to stay conscious.

"Castle?" She opened her eyes.

"I'm here." He put the muffin on the bedside table, pleased she had eaten a quarter of it.

"Protect us, because I can't right now."

"You're protected. You …" He stopped realising she'd asked him to protect us not just her. He smiled to himself and kissed her forehead with a moan of affection. "Drink a bit more Kate." He requested and put the bottle to her mouth. She took it and lazily waited for him to twist the lid. She drank quite a bit and gently pushed at the bottle when she'd had enough. He tipped it back and shook it. "Good girl." He stated, noting half of it was gone. "I'll wake you up later for a bit more."

"Ok. If I keep still I might keep it down." She said.

"You kept the toast down."

"I tried my hardest." Kate felt him draw himself closer to her and with her eyes now closed it wasn't long before she drifted off to sleep.

Rick laid his arm around her waist and he too fell back to sleep. For awhile to come however, every sound she made aroused him from sleep to check she was ok but then he must have fallen into a deep sleep. They slept undisturbed for hours.

Maybe it was daylight when it happened, he wasn't sure with the boarded up windows but Castle was suddenly woken by Kate's rasping scream, followed with choking coughs. She wheezed loudly for air.

Startled from his sleep, Castle sat up and flicked on the bedside light. His heart was racing. His brain was rushing to catch up. It took him a couple of seconds to register what was going on. Kate was sitting up in the bed clutching her neck with both hands. He shook his head to wake up and looked to her terrorised face. She was crying and repeating what he thought was "no". She struggled to breathe. She was caught inside a dream.

"Kate! Wake up!" He watched on helpless as she fought to take in oxygen. "You're safe." He touched her arm. She squealed in terror, jumping away. "Kate wake up! It's Castle. I'm here." He touched her arm again. She squealed less desperately then stifled her cries. This time she looked to his hand then to his face. She was awake.

Kate inhaled a huge gulp of air. "Oh God!" She cried. She inhaled deeply again. "God! I can't breathe." Her hands dropped from her neck. She shook and searched for him with her left hand he held firmly. He waited.

"Breathe." He softly said sitting close to her body. He clutched his hand with her fingers wrapping about his. Security she sought from him. Her entire body shook. "Are you awake?"

"Yes. I couldn't breathe. I was being choked." She explained panting. She laid against him, feeling his arm go about her body in support. Her head was spinning again. He drew her to his body holding her tight as she cried. Rick waited it out and found she calmed down quickly in his arms and fell to sleep without a word. She wouldn't let go of his wrist. He tried to pry it loose but she wasn't giving it up. Too tired to bother, Castle dropped back down alongside Kate, pulled a cotton blanket over them and switched off the lamp. He too fell back to sleep. Neither of them were aware a Federal Agent had stood at the bedroom door observing all that took place. At the sound of her scream, the agent had taken the stairs by two fearing someone had penetrated the loft. It was only when he was fully satisfied all was ok, he silently retreated and returned to the main room of the loft.

Later in the morning Castle was sitting with the group at the breakfast bar on his third coffee. He ate cereal with lack of appetite for food. In fact his appetite was right off that morning. He didn't say much because he was exhausted from the long hours and lack of solid sleep. His brain was also in a state of confusion and worry. It had been a rough night. A rough week for everyone.

The boys and Lanie ate a breakfast they had cooked up whilst they watched the morning show. Conversation was low, limited to remarks about what was occurring on the news. The main news mentioned the fact that a Detective Kate Beckett had been found dead. Every time it was repeated they all fell silent. Rick had his head in his hands resting his eyes and trying his damndest not to listen to the TV each time they mentioned her name. Captain Gates had declined to comment of course. They all discussed the only benefit announcing her death was the fact it gave them the time Kate needed to recover.

The second coffee was waking him up. He sat in silence with Lanie at the counter sipping. His mind was in neutral. The adverts were one. Everything was about Christmas sales. It was during that time they heard Kate's terrified screams. They all stopped what they were doing and waited a few seconds to see if she calmed. The federal agents were already on their way up the stairs to investigate. The boys and Lanie exchanged looks watching the feds do their job. Lanie sat upright looking to Rick. They heard her again. They could hear in her cries what was going on in her mind. It was the sounds of agony. Castle stomach rotated. He felt ill. He'd never heard a woman make that sound. Esposito stood and walked to the stairs, pausing when he heard her screams quieten. But then it occurred, a scream that terrified all of them. The men and Lanie rushed up the stairs to the guest room. They stopped at the door way in sheer shock. Her body, face down, struggled against restraints that weren't there.

Castle's heart thumped in his chest, his mind swirled in disbelief over what he saw.

"Jesus Christ!" Esposito murmured.

Kate cried "No" in Russian over and over caught up in a nightmare she was not able to escape.

"This is wrong." Castle stated. He rushed forward to the bed and knelt on beside Kate. His palm slid to the side of her ribs to turn her over. The second he put pressure against her body to move her, she screamed. She spun over and sat up, her eyes wide open. Her arms lashed at him, fists flying in a wild effort to punch him away. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms about her body, locking her arms to her body. She screamed and struggled.

"Kate wake up, wake up." He repeated. "Beckett, wake up, please wake up." He firmly restrained her fighting body trying not to fight against her. He struggled to keep her under control. She suddenly ceased, but sobbed uncontrollably.

"Castle?"

"I'm here."

"Castle." She cried collapsing against him.

"I'm here Kate. It's Castle." He soothed and felt her arms that had been fighting him reach around him, holding him tight. She continued to cry, to say his name, Castle actually unsure whether she had even woken at all. He moved up the mattress and leaned against the bed head clutching her to his chest. She trembled, her body was cold but she started to calm down listening to his voice, feeling his hand caressing her.

"Castle." She whispered. "Castle."

"I'm here." He repeated, feeling her heart rate slow from 150 odd beats a minute it had been doing a minute ago. He stared across the room at their friends who could not believe what they had just seen. He tried not to get upset. Tried not to think about what the pricks had done to her. He now understood how the cuffed bruises had been created on her wrists and ankles, why she'd had blood smeared down the length of her thighs and over her back. Little did he know at that time, that within the next few days he would learn a lot more from her dreams. He stayed still, stared at the guys and Lanie. He whispered to Kate, held her tight until she fell asleep and he could let her go.

The boys had retreated to the living area of the loft but Lanie stayed with them, sitting at the end of the bed. When Castle released Kate he gently let her go so she sunk back down to the bed and pillows. She curled up in a ball her head pressed against his hip.

"I will start to video these episodes." He said.

"Good idea. Videos and photographs of everything she does in her sleep, so you have evidence of how it affects Kate."

Rick grunted in response, his hand stroking Kate's back over her shoulder blades. He knew one day she would have to face the men in a court room and he wanted her to have the best evidence against them. From that moment on he decided he would record the dreams on video.

Lanie interrupted his thoughts. "I will take the blood from her now. I have to go to work. Will you be ok with her until I return tonight?"

"I should be. I have you on speed dial." He smirked then sighed. "I'll stay up here with Kate and try to nap. I'm tired."

"Ok." Lanie found the needle and vials she needed. She had Rick hold Kate's arm and she quickly took two vials of blood slightly fearful Kate would wake in the middle of it but she remained asleep. She left Rick minutes later to go to work.

Castle spent most the day in the bedroom. When Kate slept soundly he wrote, either from a desk he had temporarily moved into the room, or on the bed where he was close to her during the times she was restless. He wrote a journal about the dreams he watched her sleep through, how she slept or what she said whenever she woke up.

He sometimes worked on his latest manuscript but found he was focussed on a second story that was far darker and sinister than his usual style. His reality was migrating to his creative side and it worried him. It also concerned him Kate wasn't waking and staying conscious, that she was stuck in a bad place and her mind didn't look like it was going to release her any time soon. She only woke coming out of nightmares or the times when she became conscious because she was in unbearable pain. That one day, she experienced horrific episodes of headaches where he'd find her clutching her head, complaining about her jaw, her back and her hips often got a mention. The headaches frightened Rick as there were occasions she would be screaming and crying to the point she would pass out. Even Ryan and Esposito had been with him a couple of times and Espo had phoned Lanie for reassurance she was ok. Castle would hold Kate, sooth her, hoping like hell the doctors had been right with their assessments. The times Esposito had called Lanie he'd nearly begged her to return to the loft, but on each occasion Lanie had encouraged the boys to rely on their instincts to help Kate through each episode. As the day progressed to the evening, the intensity decreased and Kate slept for longer periods.

That evening Rick sat with the guys eating a meal that Ryan had once again cooked up. Captain Gates visited the apartment on her way home from the Precinct to check in on everyone. She was offered dinner but declined as she needed to meet her husband for some early Christmas shopping. Christmas. That caused Castle to start thinking about what their Christmas was going to be like.

After dinner, Jenny dropped by to see Ryan and decided to stay the night particularly once Lanie arrived. The girls went upstairs with cups of coffee and sweets to stay with Kate a couple of hours to allow Castle time with the guys.

Castle stared at her sleeping for a long time during the second night, from the arm chair in the bedroom. He was relaxed, tired, but not able to sleep. Sorenson had sat with him until past midnight. They had shared a couple of glasses of Scotch and quietly continued an easy conversation over topics like travel, work and books.

They were over the fact they had courted the same woman and were intellectually well beyond it. The woman had made it abundantly clear she belonged with Castle, so that issue was out of the way. In less than ideal circumstances they were becoming friends. Their conversations were broadening and they were laughing and starting to plan events. As Sorenson had recently returned from six or so months of work in Europe, they shared stories of their individual experiences whilst travelling as single men.

Sorenson had gone to bed an hour or so before and since, Castle had his laptop on the make shift desk and was pushing himself to write but the words weren't coming to him. In reality he hadn't been able to write a word for most of the day. He was so happy that Kate was safe in their bed for the second night, and she had been sleeping deeply until a few minutes earlier. In the last two or so hours she had been sleeping less and dreaming far worse than he had ever seen anyone dream in his life. She would come to, say some senseless words and would pass out minutes later. It was those conscious seconds that were like the trips to hell and back for Castle. Slightly prior to midnight, when Sorenson had been with him, she had come to and for the first time that night had been calm and pain free enough to have a short conversation with them. That had been almost two hours ago and he felt she was about to come out of another nightmare. She moved from her side to her back, mumbled sounds and spoke words in another language.

Familiar with the telltale signs she was about to wake up, Castle rose from his chair and made his way to the bed. She looked so small in it, only taking up a slim portion of the side of it she usually slept on. She had become very restless and started to thrash her arms about to protect herself. If he wasn't with her when she woke, if she didn't see him close, she would scream the loft down and wake everyone up as she had earlier. He needed to prevent her vocalizing too loudly, because the detectives desperately needed their sleep. Tonight was the first night they had gone to bed rather than stay up the almost the entire night. Lanie and Esposito were sleeping downstairs in Rick's usual bedroom, closest to the front door. Javier was keeping company with an intimidating array of weapons, totally prepared for any attempted invasion.

Sorenson had elected to use the spare room downstairs that Kate had used when her apartment blew up years ago, and he still had a couple of Federal Agents at the front door.

Ryan and Jenny used Alexis' old bedroom directly across the hallway that was also the room nearest the doorway to the roof. Ryan was prepared to defend them if anyone broke in from the roof, but they had to get past two agents sitting inside the fire exit to the roof. Rick and Kate were in the master bedroom, the room he didn't usually use for privacy reasons with his mother and daughter being nearby, but it was safer to have Kate upstairs. She was hidden from windows, and if they had to, they could secure her in the bathroom as a last resort to protect her.

At the moment, as far as the world was concerned, Kate had died being held hostage. Until they could find out who had organized it and who had taken her, they had no choice but to keep her secluded

He carefully laid himself upon the bed to a position where he faced Kate who currently slept on her left side with her arms tucked to her chest, her fingers near her mouth. She was definitely in the thick of a nightmare and she would wake soon, but he had to wait it out. Only when she knew he was with her, would it be safe to touch her.

He felt her legs kicking beneath the sheets and her hands were going up to protect her face. In the dim light he could see the bruises and abrasions up both of her forearms where she had protected herself on so many occasions. Her breathing was rapid. She started to cry, to squeal.

"Kate." He murmured calmly and kept still. Again he said her name. He felt the mattress absorbing the movement of her body shaking out of control. She was saying no in Russian, then English. She gasped and violently jumped. Her eyes opened wide and she released a distraught cry. She soon found his eyes, and reached to his chin with her fingers. She breathed as hard as she would had she sprinted a couple of blocks in her heeled boots.

Rick smiled at her and softly asked, "Kate? Are you awake?"

"Castle." She reached for his neck and pulled herself towards him. She was crying, but for the first time since they had recovered her, he thought they were real tears and not tears of a nightmare, pain or sheer fear.

"Are you awake?" He put his arms about her drawing her close to his body. She was shaking so hard and her fingers weakly gripped his shirt. Castle gently held her jaw with his fingertips, feeling her warmth, his forehead pressing against hers. He looked to her face. He listened to her cries, tried to sooth her state of mind. Her eyes had closed and tears flowed from them, running over the bridge of her nose from her right eye to the pillow. Her long lashes were wet. Her nose was running. She cried like a little girl but hardly made a sound.

Unexpectedly, Rick was reminded of the few times Alexis had been distraught as a small child, particularly after her mother left them to go live in Los Angeles. She wasn't even of school age when Meredith had left. As time had passed, Alexis had accepted it, but the first few months were hell for a little girl who wanted her mother. Meredith hadn't seen what caused their daughter to harden against her own mother. Castle felt he was back in those moments in the middle of night. He had picked up Alexis and her soft toy and had carried her to his bed to sleep with him night after night until she had no longer cried for her mother. The emotions he had experienced so long ago were being exposed once again to the same heartache listening to and seeing Kate in such a state. He could only be there for Alexis, and it was just the same now. He only had to be there when Kate woke.

Kate muffled her cries a little and moved so her lips brushed against his. Her hands found the back of his head, her fingers playing in no set manner in his hair a habit he had learnt she mainly did when she was afraid. He felt her hot breath on his mouth, over his jaw. She clenched her teeth momentarily, released a whimpering noise and her body shuddered in response to pain.

"Castle." She whispered.

"I'm here Babe." He murmured. "I'm here." He pressed his lips to hers, feeling her stay there, sensing she was not afraid of him being so close.

"Tell me." She barely whispered her lips moving against his. Castle took several deep breaths knowing the moment had come to answer her question he had been waiting for. His fingers moved to the side of her head and held her firmer in comfort. He pressed his lips to hers several times. She cried starting to panic, "Please …"

"Shhhh… You're safe now." He soothed and smiled, his thumbs wiping away the saltiness from her lips. He shifted back a bit when he saw her eyes open and she looked directly into his eyes her pupils clearer and better focused than he'd seen it all day. "It's still there Kate." He whispered and smiled a little more. "The baby is still there." He reinforced.

"I didn't lose it?" Her eyes stayed on his searching his for the truth. They were full of tears.

"No. Its …" He paused feeling her tremble had increased significantly. "Honey... " He stopped talking when she cried, her eyes clenched closed. Palms to the sides of her head he held her firmer, ignoring the way her body shook. "Honey. Look at me." He ordered and she returned her eyes to his. "You are still pregnant." Rick clearly reassured starting to panic himself over her reaction.

He heard her stammer out. "It's alive?"

He nodded in response, "Yes," he whispered against her ear and moved his hands to her body. He pulled her in close to him so she was in the embrace of his body. "It's alive." He confirmed and she cried hysterically. "You were too frightened to ask me weren't you?" He asked thinking about the times she could have asked in the past day but hadn't. She nodded and made a noise that answered his question. He held her firmer. "You are such a silly girl at times." He whispered. "Just talk to me."

A minute or so later, Rick saw the bedroom door open a little further and Lanie's head poked around the door with a worried look. She locked eyes with Rick who signaled they were ok. Lanie must have heard Kate and had come up to check on whether Castle had control of the situation. Unlike last night and most of the day when they had ended up repeatedly calming Kate, tonight he thought she was better and able to settle herself. Lanie mouthed the works, "Are you ok?" He closed his eyes slowly in response. Lanie understood but stayed a moment to ensure her friend was ok. The crying was intense, something Kate had never really done before but she wasn't crying in fear.

Kate said something amongst the cries but Castle didn't comprehend what words she had used and asked her to repeat. She said it again and this time he caught it. Kate had cried, "I tried so hard to protect it."

"I know you did Honey. It's all over you how much you protected it. You were brave Katie. So bloody brave." He whispered so quietly that Lanie wouldn't be able to hear, but he knew Kate did because the instant he said it, her crying changed. He whispered. "You're safe now. You're being protected."

Kate accepted the value of his comments. She didn't need to be brave any more. Instead she cried harder and simply allowed herself to grieve.

Lanie, seemingly aware there was an extremely personal moment occurring between Kate and Rick, pulled the door to and left them alone, for which Rick was thankful. As much as he needed their help to take care of Kate, this was a moment he needed to have with his girlfriend alone.

Rick patiently waited out the emotional release, stayed still and held her firmly for the time it took for her to regain composure. She quivered in his arms and felt so small and frail. The news she was pregnant had hit home enormously within Kate and he prayed this news would be a stimulant to her progression to being healthy and strong once again. Tired and run down, he almost fell asleep comfortable with her in his embrace, but when name escaped her lips in a whisper it brought him back to a sleepy consciousness. He inhaled deeply and stroked her back, flexed his muscle about her.

"Yeah baby?" He placed his hand to the back of her head, conscious of the wound she had there. He waited for her response but she wasn't moving and her breathing had evened out again. He pulled his head back enough to see her face, her closed eyes and her lips parted. She was drifting back to sleep. He wiped away the tears from her eyes. She mouthed his name, her fingers that had been clutching him finally relaxed on him. He watched her fall to sleep wondering whether she would remember what he had told her next time she woke. Nature, the inherent robustness of the human reproductive process and a great dose of pure luck had preserved the life that was growing within her, but he had to wonder what would have happened to her, to them had she lost it. There wasn't an ounce of doubt that Kate would have been devastated by such news and would have most likely blamed herself for it.

He laid there thinking about the weeks after they had returned from the Hamptons to New York. He had talked about it the evening before with Lanie when she has asked why he and Kate had decided to make a baby when she knew Kate was the type of girl who wanted to be married first. Telling the story to Lanie and Javier had brought it all back to him.

Upon their return from the summer in at the beach house, Kate had resumed her work at the Precinct and he, as usual, had returned as her partner. Captain Gate had elected to accept it and allow them to continue as they did. Everything had been ok on the surface. Work created normality in their lives. They divided their time between apartments and generally were progressing. They functioned well together. Their relationship had been good, and to anyone else in their lives they appeared rock solid without a problem. In reality they had been similar to a duck on the water. All had looked calm and under control on the surface but below the surface they had been paddling like mad to stay afloat. They had lived through months of Kate feeling unwell whilst they had pretended to everyone that she was in perfect health and had fully recovered. Because Kate preferred to keep her private life to herself, no one but Rick and his mother were aware of the problems.

The fight with Maddox in the loft had caused more long term issues than anyone had anticipated. They were both aware that Kate's psychological recovery had impacted on her physiological state initially. The physical healing had been intensive enough even with the extended rest she'd had at the Hamptons. After the fight, her body took a couple of months to resume its cycle. Kate had then experienced irregular painful periods. Cramps were so painful that there had been more than one night Castle would have carried her to a hospital to give her relief had she consented. He and his mother had eventually talked her into consulting a doctor about it. She had finally agreed to do that. They learnt her ability to conceive naturally had been compromised. It was strongly suggested by the specialist that if Kate planned to have children she would be best to plan it sooner rather than later. The news had rocked Kate to her foundations.

Castle knew she was committed to him and to their relationship, but to be told she had to make a decision about creating babies when she had only recently accepted the idea they were together, had totally spun her out. Kate had become caught up in an internal debate. She had expressed to Rick she felt her biological clock was consequently out of her control but simultaneously she held strong personal beliefs about dating for awhile and getting married before planning to create a family. She had already restrained Rick's desires to get a puppy stating they needed to be living in the same home before owning a dog, so to be told she had to make a decision about having children had virtually blown her mind.

For days after the consultation, she had struggled to deal with the fact a choice had been taken away from her. Castle knew firsthand how important it was to Kate that she remained in charge of her life. Boy did he know. The first time for everything in their relationship was a big deal for Kate and they weren't even at their first Christmas together. He looked forward to celebrating their first anniversary together but he somehow knew that event was going to be met with internal debate within Kate. He was perfectly fine with it, even had plans to take her away and knew what he was going to buy her already. It was simple to Rick.

For days Kate had been upset to the point Castle had finally packed clothes in the car and had taken off with her for a few days to enable them to think about what they would do. He knew if they had stayed in the city she would have runaway. She'd already shown signs of being suffocated and wanting to escape. He had taken her to the Hamptons, where she could ride her horse. Their time out riding was one of their activities they enjoyed doing alone and they were often gone for the day. The horses and the beach earthed Kate every time he took her there. It was the only place he knew she would be herself. She also had spent time with a couple of close girlfriends who lived in the Hamptons all year round. They were friends he appreciated were good for Kate as they weren't cops, didn't have the pressures she hand and they took her places she had fun.

They also had spent time alone with the horses riding out in the fields where they had been totally isolated from the world or had walked on the beach. One night on the beach, where they had most of their intense conversations, they had talked it out without arguments. In the dark, beneath the stars, she had shared she wanted to have babies with him and had known that for years. She just wasn't ready to be told she had to make a decision so early in their relationship but by the time they talked it out on the beach she was committed.

Castle on the other hand had remained calm, already comfortable with the idea they would have kids some day. After all, Kate had hinted about it at the Hamptons a few times, had tested him out and had told him she would marry him. He hadn't been panicked by her hints, as in reality he knew she was not in a rush to be pregnant. She had been busy enough getting accustomed to the fact they were sleeping together and was simply testing him so she could then adjust to it in her own time. He figured she was healthy, in her early thirties and still had a few years to think about marriage and babies, until they had been to the doctor's clinic of course. He had briefly dwelled on it, was confident he could support Kate and another child and had made a decision to go with what life delivered to him. It took Kate more time to cease the fight and just accept it and then she had fully embraced the idea and they had settled down again. Luckily, given a few months of trying, she had conceived. It had taken the pressure off them.

At two thirty in the morning he dozed off, holding onto his frail girlfriend, who was fighting like hell to regain her own strength whilst she provided sustenance to a life beginning within her. She needed Lanie to keep her nutrition levels and fluids up, and needed the boys to unselfishly provide her with 24 hour protection to keep her safe. Castle considered himself to be the one she needed to prevent her from drowning in a deep pool of terror. He could only provide her with his safe home, his presence and his love.

_Ok, please let me know how it's going. I love receiving your feedback. Puts a big grin on my face and inspires me to keep going. I think there are a few answers in this for some of you asking me questions in what is above as well. Keep safe during your Christmas celebrations. _


	18. Chapter 18 - breakfast

_Ok, next chapter. Thank you sincerely for all your reviews and comments. This chapter is hard to explain but to get the story moving had to write it, whilst I'm figuring out the rest – a buffer chapter? It's focusing on the transitional stage and I'm still making decisions further along in the story. This one is longer and perhaps the next one will be shorter. _

_I was trying to get these out before Christmas so I could do my Christmas chapter but life and illness got the better of me. Hope you all had a love Christmas._

**Chapter 18 **

Early the next morning Rick silently rested on the bed alongside Kate, staring at her face. She was sleeping soundly as she had done since about 3.30 am. He noticed the bruises on her face were fading quite rapidly and her lips, although dehydrated, were healing well. He wanted her to wake up to give her water as she'd had very little during the night. She also wasn't eating enough as yet to maintain her weight. If she didn't start coming around in the next day or so, he knew Lanie would make a decision to return her to a hospital, even though they wanted her to remain hidden. But Lanie had to give him and Kate a little bit more time to get their act together. It was the start of the third day she was home and he knew Kate's strong will would soon be fighting to have her back on her feet. She simply needed recovery time, good sleep to rejuvenate and Rick prompting and teasing her to keep up with him. He stared at Kate and played with her fingers that were pressed softly against her chin.

"Katie, please wake up." He whispered. "You need to wake up, Kate." He waited, intensely studied her face for the slightest twitch of a muscle to let him know she was listening to him, but there wasn't a response from her. He closed his eyes thinking about all the ways he could wake her up and then keep her engaged long enough to remain conscious for even for a half hour. Maybe if he made a lot of noise, if he tickled her, smothered her with kisses of affection or if he started to make love to her, all things he could have started had she not been so traumatised. Doing any of them beyond how he'd woken her earlier he feared would freak her out. He remembered momentarily how he had in the night managed to wake her with his onslaught of affection. Maybe he would try that again to arouse her. He opened his eyes to her sleeping face.

"Katie, wake up baby." He cooed cutely and waited. No response. A big sigh escaped him. He let his eyes close again his face feeling her regular breathing that he also listened to. Beyond their sounds of life, he heard the noises of the loft and outside further away the city below them. He dozed, unable to stay awake, his mind drifting into a semi state of sleep where he dreamt, with the feel and comfort of Kate's hand, her long slim fingers within his gentle hold.

The grip tightening on his hand woke Rick maybe twenty minutes later. At first he remained still with the belief he had dreamt it, but then he heard Kate's breathing rhythm change and once again felt her fingers squeeze his. He drowsily blinked open his eyes to see two hazel eyes staring back at him. He smiled and whispered, "Kate," and in response he saw Kate blink once. A tiny muscle twitched beneath her right eye. "You're awake," he murmured and saw her eyes fill with tears. He touched the side of her face, "What's wrong?"

She cleared her throat. "Castle," she cried, tears streaming from her dilated eyes.

"Hey Katie." He soothed, stroking the side of her head. "What's up? Talk to me Babe."

"I have a terrible head ache. So bad." She whimpered.

"It's the concussion Sweetie. Do you want a painkiller?" He already suspected the concussion was only partially the cause of the headaches she had experienced during the night. He held a strong belief the physical bashings she had suffered through were more the cause of the problem. Her neck and spine had suffered tremendous impacts and her spine had miraculously suffered bruising and muscle injuries. He would have her book an appointment with a therapist as soon as she had physically recovered enough to tolerate treatment.

She murmured in the affirmative about the painkillers, taking hold of his wrist quite firmly when he went to move away to fetch them. He stilled and turned back to her in question of her tight grip on him. "Castle." She whispered.

"Yeah Babe?" He leaned back over and kissed the back of her hand.

"Don't leave me alone."

"I have to, to get the pills, Honey."

"I will come with you." Kate said. "Honey."

"Arr, humour is coming back." He stated proudly, but he also heard the determination in her tone. "Kate, you have a fractured pelvis. I doubt you will be able to walk." He stood off the bed to leave but paused to momentarily observe Kate who struggled to sit up. He wished she wouldn't be so stubborn. "Bloody hell, Kate." He muttered at her. However, he was internally glad she made the effort, because it was the stubbornness he saw in her even now that would eventually get her out of that bed earlier than most people.

"I'm coming with you." She replied, regardless of his comment. Kate sat up unsteadily taking a tight hold of his hands he had held out for her. She ignored her body that trembled with the exertion, the obvious pain and the change from lying to sitting up. Within a short time, she slipped her lower legs over the edge of the bed, her toes just touching the carpet.

"Give one hundred per cent then." He encouraged.

She took several deep breaths, looked to him tearfully and sat quiet, keeping her head perfectly still as the room started to spin. "I need shorts." She said keeping her eyes to his, aware she was only clothed in his shirt.

"Can you stay there?"

"Yes." She murmured. "The room is spinning.

"Continue to keep still and it will pass." He said and let her go. Her arms dropped to the edge of the mattress she gripped for support. He waited to ensure she didn't lose her balance and potentially fall forward off the bed then fetched from a bedside drawer pink cotton panties he thought covered enough skin. He held them out for her to step her legs into. They weren't exactly what she had requested.

"I said shorts Castle," she pointed out but conceded they would do the job by putting her feet through them. He ran them up her legs and she wriggled into them like she had done it a million times before.

"Come on, Kate," Castle gently encouraged, lifting her arms to wrap around his neck. "You're not even standing yet and you have already gone dead white." He picked her up and gently hoisted her into his arms, ignoring her noises. She hung on to him as strongly as she could manage. "We'll go watch TV for awhile and get you out of this room." He said and felt her clutch him stronger than before to support her own weight.

"Castle." She cried in pain. "Please go slow." Her head rested against his collarbone, as he carried her from the dimly lit bedroom.

"Shhhh." He hushed and stopped walking a moment to check her face thinking she had passed out on him because her body went limp and heavy in his arms, but her eyes were open and her eyes directed at his face. "If you weren't so stubborn..."

Kate groaned in objection to his comment which caused him to smile. "Keep going, even if I faint. Take me with you and wake me up." She told him in a whisper.

"Are you gonna pass out?" He inquired, solely to keep her engaged in conversation.

"Not yet. I just feel light headed."

"Oh. Stay with me." He encouraged.

"I need the pills. It hurts so much I want to vomit." She explained and continued, gripping his shoulder.

"Not a good time to be sick, Babe." He warned."I might drop you."

"I'm stronger than that." Kate replied but gripped his neck. "Can I have the pain killers being pregnant?" She asked.

"Yes. Lanie got you some you can take. Let go a bit Kate. You're too tense." He felt her tremble increase with the grip she had of him.

"Sorry." She once again relaxed her grip.

"That's better. Lane will also give you the medication you need later." He squeezed his fingers on her which caused her to wake up a bit more.

"Ok." She laid her head against his shoulder again.

"Stay awake, Kate." Castle ordered as he continued down the hall to the stairs.

"I'm trying." She replied.

At the top of the stairs he paused. "Keep still for me, ok? It may hurt a bit going down the stairs and I don't want to fall. Just do it like you did at the Hamptons."

"I will. I don't wanna fall either." She reached with her right hand up to this shoulder so she was supporting herself. He slowly continued, never doubting he could carry her weight as she was extremely light, but it was keeping her still whilst she was in pain. She did exactly as he had asked of her and at the bottom of the stairs he carried her to the lounge room where she was lowered to the couch, into a heap of soft pillows. He sat on the edge of the couch facing her and tidied the shirt to cover her body. He spread a couple of throw rugs over her trembling body and ensured she was completely covered. He finally looked to her face stroking back her messy hair. Her eyes remained fixed on his now absent of tears.

"You ok?" He softly asked noticing how dry her trembling lips were.

"Yeah." She whispered. "Are you ok?" She asked tilting her head to the left towards his hand that caressed the side of her head.

"I'm fine Kate." He curled his fingers against her scalp.

"I'm sorry." She said and swallowed.

"Hush." He brushed his thumb over her lips. "We'll talk about it when you're better. You hurt now."

"My teeth hurt, Castle." She stated, but couldn't be bothered telling him how much her pelvis and head hurt.

"Just the teeth, huh?" He inquired in amusement.

"My head wants to split in half." She half cried, half laughed at her own situation. She noticed the scar on his forehead was pinkish in colour and beneath his eyes were dark. His eyes were not as bright and open as usual. He simply looked extremely tired and stressed to the maximum. Even his personality was dull compared to his usual persona.

"I'm not surprised." He replied. "I'll get you the pills. Stay awake." He ordered and leaned forward to press his lips softly against her forehead to feel if she had a temperature. She felt ok. He stood and walked to the kitchen. The two FBI agents who were seated by the main doorway quietly watched on. Kate hadn't seen them and Rick wondered what sort of reaction she would have when she did realise they were there. The agents understood the situation and would most likely keep quiet.

Once he was gone, Rick heard her give in releasing weak cries of pain. He glanced back over his shoulder to see she hugged her knees to her body in an attempt to control the shaking. She was hanging in there. Barely. She tried not to cry but was failing. He found the pills, filled a large glass with orange flavoured Gatorade he diluted with water and grabbed a few sweets he was going to encourage her to suck on. She needed to start actively eating for the sole purpose of having energy for her body to source. He micro waved the water so it was warm and returned to the couch sitting beside her hips. Kate was still conscious and huddled into the pillows, sitting up enough to be able to drink. Her eyes were once again filled with tears that he gently wiped from her cheeks using a tissue.

She tried to be strong in his presence which was a coping mechanism she had mastered over the years that had also become part of her personality. As he organised himself, he said quietly, "It's ok to be yourself in front of me, Kate." He considered she needed a gentle reminder she could be herself with him as he sensed she was trying hard to be tough. "If it hurts and you want to cry, then cry."

"I'm crying." She replied. "It does hurt a lot." She wiped her eyes and reached out for the glass with a trembling hand.

"Let me do it." He ordered softly seeing she wanted to take control. He held away the glass as he said, "have a drink first." He then waited for her to open her mouth. She tucked her hand away so she couldn't see how much it shook. Once she focussed on the drink, Rick held the glass to her lips and tilted it. She trembled so much, it was challenging even for Rick to keep the glass to her lips and the liquid from spilling over her, but she persisted as equally as he did. Working together, Kate managed to take several noisy slurps until she had enough water to moisten her mouth. She swallowed and looked cheekily to Castle who was smirking at the noises she made. "I should have got you a straw."

"Now you say it," she remarked, "it's hard."

"I know. You're shaking to death here," he said, "but it's kind of amusing too."

"I can appreciate the humour in it." She agreed. Kate drank several more mouthfuls when he tilted the glass and held her head still with his other hand. She liked the drink being lukewarm as it warmed her body. He showed her the pills and she instantly accepted them wanting relief from the pain. With more fluids, she swallowed the pills. He put the glass to his lap to give her a break.

"Is that better?" He asked trying to read her face but she was pale and tired.

"It hurts." She replied. "But I'm so tired of crying."

He caressed her hair. "That's my girl." He whispered and smiled in understanding. "You are so strong."

"I try to be. More please." She murmured and waited for him to return the glass to her mouth. She swallowed most of the drink.

"Your headache will probably improve with food and water as well. You need to eat with the pregnancy."

"I know." She softened her expression at the reminder she was pregnant. "I can't believe it's still inside me."

"Me neither. But I'm thrilled it is." Rick's face broke a huge smile that Kate just about replicated."

When she was done with the drink, he placed the glass on the coffee table then produced a red sweet he tempted her with aware she loved red candies. If he had offered her a green one he would be fighting her to accept it. But red was a sure thing.

"Put this in your mouth and just suck on it, ok? No chewing. It's a little thing till I make breakfast." He slipped it in her mouth when he saw her slightly light up about it. He then relaxed gently stroking her upper arm, over the blankets. She laid back, resting her head savouring the raspberry flavoured sweet.

Kate looked to her belly and with a hand beneath the blankets she felt herself below her navel. "It doesn't feel like I'm pregnant, like it felt the night we did the tests." She muttered.

"Probably because of lack of food. You have lost a fair bit of weight. You will get back there. I will make your favourite breakfast whilst you have a nap, huh?"

"Mmm. I want to eat. I want to get up. My head is the only thing stopping me."

"Be patient."

They fell silent as they often did. Kate let her eyes wander to Castle's face, staring at him for a long time, enjoying his caresses over her face, head, her neck and shoulders. Her mind was recalling the day in the alley. She clearly remembered his urges to go for lunch and she had made fun of him for being afraid. He'd pleaded her to go for lunch, but she had stood her ground. She remembered a couple of times she'd looked at him, had thought about how handsome he really was whilst he had stood by the old red door. He had reiterated adamantly to her they were wasting their time. He'd looked so cute, his brow creased in concern, his hungry face obvious. She wondered at momentarily whether their kids would inherit his or her physical features. A boy like him made her feel warm inside.

Even before they had entered the alley Kate had recognised that Castle had wanted her to follow him in the opposite direction, to let him make their next decision of action but as usual, she'd made the final decision and walked off on him. That morning she'd had no choice but she wished now she had followed him. She wished she had talked to Rick about what had occurred days earlier to make her go down the alley that day and disappear. She took a deep breath, looking over his entire face. Her body had ceased to shake at long last and she was in less pain. She swallowed, loving the taste of food in her mouth. She searched his face again seeing how tired he was. He hadn't shaved in days. The whiskers emphasised his jaw. She loved it when he had a few days of stubble, enjoyed the roughness on her skin especially when he deliberately rubbed his face over her. Reminded her of the times when she was a child when her father's whiskers had brushed against her face when he returned from work at night. She had squealed and giggled at her father, and did the same thing with Castle nowadays, a learned response.

"Whiskers are cute." She commented and immediately saw him smile. He unconsciously felt them.

"Mmmm.. I need to shave." He replied.

"Still cute." She saw Rick was reasonably calm, but she could also see he was very worried. Her mind wandered back to the entry to the alley, to his hair in the sunlight, moving in the gust of wind as he had urged her to have lunch first.

"What happened after you left the alley?" She queried her forehead knotting. She saw him sit up and look directly at her with worry, his eyes uncomfortable and his caress intensified. "I don't remember leaving the alley." She offered him.

Castle's heart pounded in fear and confusion about how to respond without upsetting either of them. "What do you remember?" He decided to find out where she was, what she remembered.

"You at a red door, telling me we were wasting our time." She thought about the long agonising hours she'd hidden from them. Then he had turned up later. "I waited for hours for everyone to leave. I listened to you and Ryan call for me. You left in your car. I was crying because I could hear the distress in your voices." She took a breath and swallowed what was left of the sweet.

"Mmm …" He grunted and seeing one sweet had been consumed, he held out another for her. She silently opened her mouth and he slipped it between her lips. He momentarily thought about the hunt he and Ryan had completed through the derelict buildings to find her.

"Thanks." She mumbled.

"I have more." He told her and shifted himself so he was a little closer to her, his arm relaxing over her hips. He could feel she was cold, although she no longer trembled. She stared off into the distance, thinking about something.

"I wish you had answered our calls." He whispered so quietly she barely heard the words. "God I wish you had answered me." His fingers found hers.

Kate stared at him processing what he'd said. She glanced to their entwined hands. "Me too." She squeezed his fingers. "But we can't change what happened."

"That we can't. We will get through this Kate. Together."

Kate nodded. She said. "You looked straight at me. I thought you saw me."

Rick creased his brow in thought. "You were hidden behind the dead tree in the pot."

She hummed her affirmation of that. "The heel of my boot slipped on the rooftop and you heard it."

"How didn't I see you?" He passed her an orange sweet this time and she accepted it pushing it to the right side of her mouth so she could reply.

"I made myself small and I was wearing black, hid my face and eyes, but I could see you searching. You knew I was there didn't you."

"I had a strong feeling you were. You didn't wear your perfume that morning, so I wouldn't smell you."

"That's correct." She affirmed. "I know how alert your sense of smell is and how in tune you are with it. I knew you would pick up my perfume if I wore it that day." She paused, "I was worried you would notice I hadn't put it on, same with the engagement ring."

"So you remember all that part ok." He confirmed.

"Yes. I cried my heart out when I was in Sorenson's car." Her eyes widened. "I now remember that bit."

"Yeah, he told me you were really beside yourself. I nearly punched his lights out for not bringing you home to me." Rick swept a strand of hair off her face then inspected the wound on her forehead. "Another scar." He said stroking just at her hair line where the scabbing wound was.

"I'm alive." She responded. "A reminder I won."

He grunted, then asked, "What do you remember next?" He put a sweet in his own mouth.

Kate kissed the heel of his hand that stroked her cheek closing her eyes briefly. She replied quietly. "The safe house. I woke up alone at a safe house." She looked back at him. "What happened there?" She asked but sensed by his behaviour he was not keen to continue the conversation much further.

"Kate, I don't know what happened there." He said in a tone that told her he wasn't going to answer her right now even though he said he didn't know the answer. She continued to watch his eyes, aware he generally knew the answer to her question, but she decided that maybe she wasn't prepared to hear what had happened just yet. She constantly heard screams, flashes of fighting and running, of being grabbed and thrown on her back. It was all very confusing.

"Can I please have more to drink?" She asked and Richard immediately responded. He lifted the glass from the table and this time she took it with her left hand and drank what remained unassisted. The glass empty, she handed it back to him and relaxed into the pillows closing her eyes. She tucked her arms up to her chest. The pain in her head was fading gradually and the pain in her pelvis was gone. She actually felt pleasantly numb and found she was able to relax. "Castle?"

"Yes Kate." He whispered.

She felt his palm on her forehead once again. It was so soothing. "I'm sorry I messed up." She whispered and swallowed.

"You didn't mess up. They messed you up." He replied. "I know enough to know you were set up."

She hummed her agreement. "I was so stupid to trust the FBI."

"That's not stupid. You should be able to trust the FBI." He replied with bitterness in his tone. He suddenly felt a lot of anger.

"Not anymore. I can always hear screaming." She swallowed, "Me screaming like I never have before." She opened her eyes and found his again.

Castle remained silent, suppressed the anger and caressed her. She was gradually losing the battle with remaining conscious. "It's just you dreaming." He replied.

Kate opened her eyes fully to his. "Where's your mother?"

"She is staying at her friend's home for a few days."

"Oh. I would really like to see her."

"You want to see my mother?" He asked in surprise. "What about your Dad?"

"Not my Dad. Your Mom."

"I'll call her and tell her you wish to see her." He responded. "She wants to see you."

"Please." She swallowed the sweet. There was some serious internal fighting going on to remain awake but her body was taking control. He guessed she wouldn't remember much of this tomorrow. He glanced to the time, calculating she had been conscious for about twenty five minutes in total. In that time, he'd managed to get a full glass of fluids into her and three sweets. Better than nothing and he hoped the drugs would help her sleep soundly. He reached out his hand and entwined his fingers in her hair to caress her head. No reaction. She usually purred a little whenever he did that. She was relaxed and asleep.

He stood to find the TV remote which he located on a chair, and turned on the flat screen. He chose a station to watch then made his way to the kitchen where he grabbed the house phone and dialled his mother's cell phone.

Whilst he waited for the connection, he rubbed his face to help wake up. He'd had a good sleep since about 3.30 am and felt a lot better this morning. They hadn't been woken by Kate's nightmares, so the sleep had been beneficial to both of them.

The connection was made and his mother greeted quite brightly. "Hello Richard."

"Mother." Rick smiled. "How are you?"

"I'm good. More importantly, how are you and Kate?"

He noticed his mother sounded quite bright and cheerful. "She's doing alright. Has just fallen back to sleep and I'm about to make my big breakfast for everyone."

"Ok. It's very early Richard."

"I know. Were you awake?" He asked now unsure whether she was so bright. He wandered over to the couch to check on Kate when she made a noise.

"Of course. You know I wake early." Martha paused. "How are you doing? You sound tired."

Once Rick saw Kate was ok he turned about and headed back to the kitchen. "We had a few hours of solid sleep which was better than the night before and yesterday." He stuck his head in the fridge assessing what he could use for breakfast.

"Has she been dreaming?"

Rick leaned against the fridge door, staring absently into the fridge as he listened and talked. "Dreaming is an understatement. So is nightmare. I've never seen someone dream like she has. Each dream is a terrifying experience. It's like trips to hell and back when she comes out of these dreams. We have collectively been through a lot of _never before_ experiences this week." He stressed the words.

"Mmmm… well, just do what you do with her Richard. You are good with her. No, you are great with her." She encouraged.

"Thank you, Mother. We are great together. Apart we are hopeless." He remarked. "Mother, Kate asked if you would come home. She wants to see you."

"To see me?"

"That's what she said." He confirmed and grabbed the eggs and bacon. He carried them to the kitchen counter.

"I'm happy to come home."

"I think she just wants to see you." He finished unable to put into words what he had sensed from Kate when she has asked to see his mother. "Girl thing."

"I will see you soon then."

"I will let the FBI guys know you're coming."

"The boys I have here know we're moving already. Nice looking agents I have today Richard…"

"La la la la." He hollered, blocking his ears and then heard his mother laugh as he chuckled.

"Richard, for crying out loud." She expressed in exasperation and chuckled at his behaviour.

"I will see you soon Mother." He hung up, with a smile. Teasing his mother was one of his favourite things to do.

Rick commenced to prepare all the food for cooking whilst the coffee brewed. Once the coffee was ready he poured himself a large mug of it and stopped to have his first coffee for the morning. He returned to the couch by Kate's feet to watch the morning news whilst he checked his emails on the iPad. He was surprised to see the death of Detective Kate Beckett was still making the headlines on the half hourly news. Police hadn't come any closer to finding those responsible. Gates had released to the media there would be a primate ceremony. Rick gazed turned to the sleeping victim, still alive but totally out of it, her head tilted right back and the lips parted as they usually were whenever she slept deeply. She was even snoring a little. Rick smirked and softly laid his hand on her right thigh he then rubbed, eventually moving his palm over her tummy. She didn't stir.

"Hurry up and get better Kate," He muttered. He soon finished his coffee and rose from the couch to return to cooking breakfast. He cooked the bacon in a pan. The eggs he prepared so everyone had a choice of poached, fried and scrambled and he had the toaster creating toast the whole time. All the food was kept warm in the oven whilst he prepared everything. He cleaned the kitchen and in between watched the morning program on TV. As Kate slept through all the noises and appeared comfortable, Rick decided to leave her there so she could spend time with everyone when they woke up rather than be isolated in the bedroom. He set up the plates, utensils and condiments over the coffee table, making the decision to have an informal breakfast in the lounge area where Kate could join in.

Esposito and Lanie were the first to appear because of the smell of cooking that had drifted to the bedroom they slept in. They strolled out looking over to Richard surprised he was up so early. They had showered and dressed.

"Gee Castle." Lanie greeted and sat on the stool. "You have you been busy."

"Morning Lanie." Rick kissed the side of her head and offered her a mug of hot chocolate he had specially prepared for the doctor once she had appeared from the bedroom. "Swiss chocolate for you, Dr Parish." He said. "Alexis loves it as a treat."

"Morning Richard, thank you." She smiled, not surprised at all he remembered she didn't drink coffee.

"Morning Javier." Rick passed Esposito a glass of fruit juice aware neither of them enjoyed coffee.

"Yo Castle. Thanks Man." Esposito peered at his juice.

Castle nodded at the juice. "Californian OJ." He muttered. He left the container of juice out in case Javy wanted more.

"Support domestic farmers." Javy replied and drank half of it.

"That is correct." Castle replied.

"How's Chica?" Javy inquired expecting to hear she was upstairs sleeping.

"Take a look for yourself." He pointed to the couch

"Kate's down here?" Lanie asked in surprise and Rick nodded. Esposito physically followed in the direction Rick had pointed.

"She's asleep on the couch Lanie." Rick replied quietly.

Javy peered over the back of the couch to see Kate drowsily looking back at him. He glanced back to Lanie and Rick. "Correction Castle. She's awake." Esposito said smiled at Kate..

"Cool. That's a good forty five minutes sleep she's had." Castle replied.

"Hey Chica. You coming to work with us today?" Esposito inquired.

Rick listened in as he took a couple of pieces of toast to the oven he place them in. He heard Kate say stubbornly "No." The tone she used when she replied with a definite _no_ was present in her voice which caused Castle to chuckle.

"Why not? What lame excuse do you have this time." Javy teased, and reached for her hand he took in his. "Good to see you're awake girl." He commented.

She hummed her agreement then replied, "I might stay home today with Castle. Maybe take a run later on. If you think you can keep up with me I will let you join me." She replied. This time Castle heard the weariness in her voice.

"Mmm… well, maybe I will." Esposito replied and stroked her head. He had agreed with the boys to ensure she didn't experience fear of them and he was determined Kate was not going to be afraid of him. Their job demanded they trusted each other so he had to keep her trust. "Look what your boyfriend has done." He said pointing at the glass coffee table.

Kate smiled in response and looked curiously over the coffee table prepared for breakfast. "Cool. I'm kind of hungry." She forced herself to sit up a little.

Lanie hopped off the stool, and with her hot chocolate in her hand she walked to the living area. A grin appeared over Lanie's face seeing Kate was conscious and looking a little better than yesterday. She glanced to Javy who also seemed equally happy about it. Kate smiled timidly when Lanie appeared in her vision and she reached to Lanie's hand as she sat facing her on the edge of the couch.

"Lanie." She croaked and smirked at the sound of her own voice.

"Hey girl." She greeted. "You're awake."

"Yeah."

"Are you in pain?" The doctor inquired, and quickly inspected Kate's eyes which were a lot clearer than the last time she examined them about 12 hours earlier.

"My head was." She swallowed. She was thirsty. "It woke me up so Castle brought me down here for pills. He said you got me some that are safe for the baby." She smiled.

Lanie grinned. "So you know."

"Mmm." Kate responded. "I had a feeling. Castle told me during the night."

Castle approached and passed Kate a glass of milk that she had several keen mouthfuls of.

"Lanie knows." Kate said to Rick who smiled. She watched as the doctor held Kate's wrist taking her pulse rate.

Rick replied. "She did the blood tests again yesterday to make sure." He smiled.

"How you feeling?" Lanie asked, very pleased she was having a drink. Kate's pulse had become stronger overnight as well.

"To be honest, I feel really weak." She responded. "But better than I felt yesterday." She held the glass and laid back resting her eyes.

"I will give you your medication once you eat."

"So Kate Beckett is going to have Richard Castle's child." Esposito stated. "Who would have ever guessed four years ago when you guys met that one day that would happen."

"I knew." Rick replied.

Kate smiled a little. "Yep, I knew it. I'm stuck with him forever now." She finished the milk and passed the glass to Lanie who placed it on the coffee table.

"Will be hilarious if you have a boy like Castle. Imagine you trying to control two of them." Esposito laughed aloud amusing himself with his sense of humour.

Richard too chuckled devilishly in the kitchen recalling various moments in his youth. "A boy like I was? Will be enough to topple Beckett over the edge." He remarked. "Don't scare her Espo and don't let her talk to my mother."

"If it's a boy Javy, I will personally guarantee you will be his god father." Kate remarked, keeping still whilst Lanie continued her examination.

Lanie laughed. "Javy would love the opportunity to corrupt a kid."

Castle cleared his throat then stated, as he brought a couple of boxes of cereal to the coffee table, "A girl like Beckett wouldn't be a nice walk in the park either. Mr Beckett has told me a few stories about baby Beckett too." He informed everyone very cutely, grinned at Kate mischievously and made his way back to the kitchen. Kate giggled remembering herself as a troublesome teenager.

Rick stopped in his tracks when he heard Kate's spontaneous laughter. He turned and walked to the back of the couch and leaned over it. He grinned to her eyes, cradled her jaw and planted a keen but gentle kiss to her lips, conscious of the injury to her jaw. "That's my girl!" He declared behaving similar to an excited Labrador and kissed her forehead.

Lanie watched him walk away the looked to Kate who was still smiling. "What was that for?" She asked surprised by his spontaneity.

Kate glanced to Lanie. "I understood," She replied.

"Kate knows exactly how bad she was as a kid." Esposito commented and sat himself in the armchair closer to the study.

"I fear raising a child like Kate. Especially a teenager like she claims she was." Richard shouted from the kitchen. "What's our chance of having another Alexis?"

"Nil." Lanie replied. "By God its going to be funny watching you two raise your children."

"Children?" Rick queried. "Let's start with one."

"One Lanie. There is only one isn't there?" Kate inquired cautiously.

"Hormone levels indicate one but its early day's girl. You need to have the ultrasound in a week or so."

"She needs to see a doctor." Rick threw in.

"I am looking at one." Kate said matter of fact.

Everyone looked over to the guest bedroom when the door swung open. Sorenson appeared out of the bedroom wearing navy track pants and a white t-shirt. He sleepily wandered across the room surprised to see Castle up early and cooking. "Can't you guys keep it down a bit?"

"Good morning William." Castle greeted and reached for another mug to pour Sorenson a coffee.

Sorenson inspected the kitchen counter. "It's you cooking Castle? I thought Ryan was up."

"Sure is me." Rick passed Sorenson a mug of coffee. "Breakfast will be in the living area this morning."

"Sure. Thanks." Sorenson replied. He took a sip of his hot beverage. "How did Kate go during the night?" He asked Castle.

"Pretty good. She's over there with the Javy and Lanie." Rick replied as he placed four more pieces of toast in the oven to keep them warm. Rick looked directly to Sorenson a silent message passing between them. The evening before, the men had made an agreement to continue physical contact with Kate, to not be wary of touching or going near her. Rick had kept it up and he needed the guys to do the same. None of them wanted Kate to be afraid of them.

Sorenson nodded in understanding and scratched his head, taking in what was going on in the living room. He followed Rick's arm pointing toward Espo. He was surprised to see almost everyone up early. The FBI guys near the front door received a casual wave as he walked in the direction of the couch,

"Morning." He greeted Esposito and Lanie and took another mouthful of coffee. "You make great coffee writer monkey." He remarked.

"Thank you special agent." Rick replied with a smirk.

"He hates me calling him that." He murmured to Lanie cheekily as he approached a chair to sit in, then pretended to be surprised to see Kate on the couch. Without a thought, he leaned over and placed his right hand softly to the side of Kate's head. He pressed his cheek to her right cheek noting she wasn't afraid of him. He murmured close to her ear. "Hey Kate, how you feeling?" He briefly stroked her cheek and smiled as he straightened up letting her go. He'd heard her little hum.

"Hey Will. Better thanks." She replied and reached for his hand she lightly squeezed.

Sorenson looked over her face, seeing how pale and weak she still was. But she was out of the bed, even if only for awhile.

"You look better." He replied.

"Hate to imagine what I looked like yesterday because everyone is saying that." She replied.

"That was yesterday." He replied and returned to the chair he sat in. "I would like to weigh in on the baby conversation here…"

"Go on." Lanie replied.

"If I were Castle, I would prefer the baby be more like him than Kate." He said and grinned to Kate. "She's a handful."

Castle laughed. "Boy it is then. We already have a home full of women. Would be nice to have another guy in the house."

Lanie and Kate stared at each other for several seconds. Kate finally whispered. "I hope it's a girl like him. That would send him crazy."

"Would be hilarious. You are a lot better Kate. You need to rest, drink and eat." Lanie assured.

"Doing that." Kate replied.

Shortly after Jenny and Ryan came down the stairs. Ryan did exactly as Esposito and Sorenson had previously done. He crossed the physical barrier with Kate. Jenny followed him but gave Kate a big hug very pleased she was out of bed. The conversations rolled out easily over their coffee. With the trays of toast, eggs, bacon and cook tomatoes on the table everyone started on breakfast. Not a lot was said whilst they ate. Rick sat with Kate on the couch. He initially passed her a bowl of cereal he'd made up for her in the kitchen, exactly what she preferred to eat first thing. Surprisingly she ate it all and then a piece of toast. Rick was very pleased Kate had virtually eaten her regular first meal of the day. She huddled herself at the end of the couch and listened in on the conversations.

Once breakfast was finished and the dishes had been cleaned up, Castle disappeared into his bedroom for a few minutes then returned to the couch. Kate half dozed, half watched the morning program. Everyone else had gone off to clean up. Rick had his laptop with him and sat down to relax for several minutes. Kate, who had her legs tucked up close to her body, pushed herself forward and rolled to her knees. She crawled along the couch until she was sitting against Rick, his arm wrapping about her. He pressed his lips to her hair and stroked over her ribs.

"You ok?" He asked and heard her hum in response in the affirmative. He spread the blanket over her legs then found a place to rest his arm, his hand to her right thigh he spread his fingers over. "Comfortable?"

"I'm good." She wrapped her arm about his torso, her head to his shoulder and closed her eyes when he stroked away her hair with his left hand so it didn't tickle his face.

"How's the head?"

"Better thanks, a lot better. Good drugs."

Rick smirked. "Yep." He said. "Hold your hand out for me, Honey." He mainly called her Honey to tease her.

"Honey?" She repeated. "Where's my way back machine?"

"Mmm." He smiled and waited for her to lift her hand. He slipped her engagement ring on her wedding finger. Instantly he saw her grin and she kissed his cheek.

"Thank you." She whispered, inspecting the ring she also adjusted to its correct position. It was a bit loose. She smiled to herself so pleased to have their ring back on her finger.

"You're welcome, fiancé." He kissed her forehead then brushed his lips over her ear. "Tell me you love me." He requested with his seductive voice.

She dropped her hand to her lap and bit her lip holding back a smile, then purred. "I love you."

"Always, Honey?" He playfully queried.

"Always." She whispered, paused then asked. "For you?"

Rick glanced to her eyes, fully aware she was starting to respond to him better even since they'd had breakfast. "Forever and ever." He kissed her lips when she physically asked him for the kiss. "Have a sleep. I will stay with you."

"I am ok. Is your Mom coming home?"

He stroked her hair, wondering what the fascination with seeing his mother was about. He whispered. "She's on her way."

"Cool."

"I will have to visit Alexis today. When you take a sleep I will go visit her."

"Ok."

"Mother will be here as well as the boys."

"I will be ok." Kate murmured. "When I can protect myself again I will be ok Castle." She affirmed and lightly squeezed his body, having a little hum to herself.

Castle accepted her little noises as signs of content something she seemed to do more frequently in his presence as time moved on. "If you wake up in our bed and not where you fell asleep, don't panic ok?"

"I won't. I know I am at home."

"Home." He whispered. "And you're safe here."

"I'm safe here." She repeated. "Nice trick with the t-shirt by the way." She murmured.

"You liked it?"

"I thought you were there all the time, that I had hold of the shirt you were wearing."

"So it worked."

"It did." She snuggled in closer. "You smell so good, safe."

Rick smiled to himself thinking about what she had said and above all else, he allowed himself to enjoy that warm fuzzy feeling her comment produced within him. It satisfied the masculinity in him, the primordial need to protect what was his. "That's good." He whispered, the smile not leaving his face.

He opened up his manuscript to commence a review of it whilst he kept Kate company. He ended up moving the laptop so she could ready as well. She didn't read much as it bothered her eyes but he read aloud little bits to her that he thought could be written better and listened to her responses. Even in her drowsy state she came up with a few good responses that he inserted as mark ups. Once she was improved in her health he would ask her to proof read his writing as she was proving to be great at it and enjoyed doing it.

As she grew sleepier over the period of about a half hour, he felt her gradually slide down his body to the couch until she was bunched up in a ball beside him unable to remain awake any longer. Rick stayed with her, continuing to caress her having made a decision he had didn't have a single excuse to move when he could productively work where he was. He smirked over the fact he was able to sit beside his best friend on the couch at home and still earn a living. He had even realised in that time that since they had been dating, his writing and the time he actually dedicated to writing had improved.

Lanie and Jenny left the loft for work and the boys migrated to the study to work from there. They had access to the police network and Rick's flat screen murder board. At some stage, he heard Sorenson on the phone to the FBI. He was verbally ripping shreds off of someone for a few minutes. Rick leant there and then that Kate's hearing was fine even though she'd had blood in her ears when they had found her. At the sound of Sorenson raised voice she whimpered in her sleep in response. Castle cupped her right ear to block her hearing and kept it there until Sorenson had hung up on the call and finished his bitching with Ryan and Esposito. She wasn't going to handle yelling anymore by the looks. He glanced down at her bruised face, wondering how many things they were going to learn she no longer enjoyed or could tolerate. Today, she finally accepted she was safe in the loft and he had to maintain that situation for her, otherwise she had no sense of security. She was still too physically weak to feel she needed to protect herself.

The loft quiet again he lifted his hand back to the keyboard and continued to work on his story satisfied she was in peace. The more she was to sleep the faster she would recover.

_The next chapter will follow soon. I hope this chapter is portraying a shift in character. Another chapter that has has a lot of time spent on it._


	19. Chapter 19

_Tick Boxes – requests to include more of Martha (ticked), Alexis (ticked), Sorenson (ticked), angst (ticked), Kate getting better (tick, and still working on that next chapter), baby stuff (big tick), guys being involved (ticked) …. Fluff and "smut?" (do I write smut people? Coz I'm not sure), (not ticked), but there is intense moments (ticked). Yeah, I'm having fun writing this bit._

_Enjoy everyone … I have questions I want answered at the end of this very, very long chapter!_

**Chapter 19 **

A good half an hour later, Martha arrived at the apartment flanked by two FBI agents who gave a noticeable sigh of relief when they sighted the familiar faces of two of their colleagues on duty inside the loft. Relieved of their duties now that Martha was within the boundaries of the loft, the agents elected to take a coffee break, and left after a brief chat with the two agents guarding the apartment. Rick felt empathy for the men who had the task of following his mother, momentarily reminded of the movie _Driving Miss Daisy_. He smiled to himself picturing similar situations to the movie, that the agents may have incidentally found themselves in of late with his flamboyant mother.

Upon entering the loft and disposing of her coat, and accessories, Martha greeted everyone with her usual dramatic flair that reminded Rick of his ex-wife, Meredith and her most recent visit. Rick lazily lifted his arm and pointed his fingers downwards in the direction of Kate asleep on the couch. A finger of his other hand rose to his lips to silence his mother who glanced to the bundle on the couch beside her son as she approached them.

"Morning Richard," she greeted her voice subdued compared to when she had arrived moments earlier. She gave him an affectionate kiss on the cheek then gently held his jaw inspecting the condition of his complexion and expression as only a mother could do. She touched his cheek, "you need more rest, my Dear."

"I know. Good morning Mother." He replied and hit save on his laptop.

Martha peered at the side of Kate's head assessing the bruises and wounds, then gazed down to her thin body huddled into a ball beneath the blanket. Richard had been quite accurate with his description of her wellbeing. "How is she this morning?" She whispered with a glance at Rick's eyes to gage his reaction. She noticed how protective he was of his girlfriend, his hand continually on her.

"A lot calmer this morning. She has experienced God awful headaches but the concussion is healing." He shifted his eyes to Kate's head and tenderly swept the hair from her face with a finger.

"She looks so small, so fragile." Martha commented. "Are you sure she's ok?"

Rick softly smiled to his mother thinking about how tough and strong Kate usually was compared to the way she was huddled into a small bundle beside him. "Fragile she certainly is, and she can make herself appear small. But compared to the night we brought her home here..." Rick waved it off and shook his head wishing he didn't remember. He lifted his laptop from his lap and transferred it to the coffee table, shifting the power cord so no one tripped on it.

"She looks like she should be in hospital." Martha whispered.

"I agree. But there's nothing the hospital can do that we can't, so she's okay here. Happier here, and safer." He replied. "In the shower she was totally broken down emotionally and physically to virtually nothing. She was so scared and helpless. Like a terrified child…" Rick choked on his words and blinked hard. He unconsciously continued to stroke Kate somewhere getting security from her.

"Darling." Martha murmured in understanding and compassion. She touched his whiskered jaw seeking his attention, "You have her back. She has you with her." Martha encouraged softly.

Rick wiped his eyes and blinked, looking to his mother. He tried his hardest not to get overly emotional but it wasn't working. He was tired, physically and mentally. It was beyond any words to describe how he felt. "Broke my heart," he whispered, "watching and feeling her cry like she does. I can't do anything for her, can't take it away for her." He swallowed, looking back to Kate.

"Richard, I'm so sorry." She stroked his jaw and glanced to Kate thinking to herself about how much she needed to settle her son down. "Is she asleep?"

He nodded. "Deep asleep."

"C'mon." She waved her hand in gesture, "Come to the kitchen and have a coffee with me. If she wakes up you're right there." Martha encouraged and took hold of her son's large hands. She tugged on his arms to pull him up from the couch. It wasn't often her son was upset but when he was it usually had something to do with the woman on the couch with him. Martha had never seen him as attached to another person his entire life which the exception of Alexis.

Rick followed his mother to the kitchen where he leaned against the counter by the wall. He stared at the opposite counter where he had seriously made out with Kate for the first time, the night she had turned up at the loft and given herself to him. He'd virtually stripped her of clothing on the counter to see her entire beauty, make love to his detective. He recalled how hungry they had been for each other, felt the emotions he'd experienced that night, the evening he had clumsily carried her to the bedroom where they had finally made love most of the night. It was only six months ago but seem so long ago now.

His attention returned to the present and he looked to his mother. "I'm sorry." He said having forgotten about the coffee machine, but his mother was already busy with it. Unlike Kate, Martha had the coffee machine worked out. Kate had no idea of how to use a coffee machine and only used the one in her own apartment when he stayed with her.

"It's alright. Just relax. Let me do something for you." Martha patted his chest with the palm of her hand then continued to fix up the coffee machine for a fresh pot. She paused a moment and decided to ask. "Is Kate okay with you?"

He glanced to his mother and nodded, "Yes, so far. She said when we brought her home she would never be afraid of me. We, the boys and I, made a pact to physically maintain contact with her. She has to trust us and not just me."

"She still may not, Richard." Martha replied with a serious look at her son. "It's a good idea but it will have to be intensely maintained over the next few weeks and may not even work."

"We have to take a crack at it as she has to be able to trust at least us." Rick stressed to his mother, and continued in a whisper, "If we fail, if she decides to go," he shrugged his shoulders, "… at the minimum, we tried everything to keep her with us."

"Kate is a very strong woman, Richard. She may take awhile to return to normality, to resembling her usual persona that you know, but she will become a stronger person for this experience." Martha reassured, making an effort to sound sure of herself even though she did wonder whether Kate would ever be the same confident woman she was before being abducted.

"I hope she does." He murmured lacking certainty. He crossed his arms over his chest feeling his emotions had escalated in intensity, more so because the person he was able to talk with openly and honestly was in his presence. He felt extremely upset, destabilised by his mother's arrival.

Martha glanced to his face and immediately recognised how drained of energy he was. "Oh Richard! You're exhausted!" Martha went to Richard and hugged him tight, feeling her son's large frame hold her body firmly. She understood why Kate, Alexis, in fact most women, loved his embrace. He felt safe and secure, even when he was the one seeking security. Richard held his mother a lot longer than he usually would, internally feeling his emotions settle the longer he stayed there. She was right. He was tired, in so many ways.

"I will be okay Mother, I promise." He took a deep long breath. Castle let his mother go, so he could finish making the coffee as they continued to talk.

"I know you will be Richard." She affirmed, "but I want you to be aware that based on what you have told me, what she experienced and how private she is, that Kate may walk out the door one day and never come back because she cannot take it anymore. She may simply have to put it behind her by doing it alone. There may be hundreds of reasons she makes that decision. So please do not take it personally if she cannot stay with you."

"No." Rick shook his head. "She won't do that. She's stronger than that. She was fearless and she will be again." Richard replied. "She might leave me because I can be irresponsible and a jackass, whatever it is … but not because she can't cope with it psychologically. She would seek help." He glanced to the lounge when he heard the boy's brief laughter. He whispered seriously. "She won't hurt herself."

"Make sure she doesn't." Martha replied. She hated to be the bearer of the facts but she wanted her son's mind in the right place to take care of Kate. He had to stay grounded.

"I will. I promise." He replied and thought about what his mother was implying with the subtext.

"And do not wear yourself out Richard Castle." She warned.

"I won't. I promise." He replied as he collected two mugs from an overhead cupboard he passed to Martha. "I would like to visit Alexis this morning, if you could stay here with Kate. Alexis has class this afternoon but she is free for an hour or so this morning."

"Yes. Go see her. She is stressed to the max because she has an FBI agent constantly following her, she has exams, and she hasn't had her regular contact with you. She is just so pleased the agent looks like a fellow student, that other students haven't noticed him."

"Well, the FBI is staying there. If anyone decided to come after either of you it would be my fault. It was extremely brazen of me to go on TV and put up the million dollars to have Kate returned alive. It was met with a lot of objections when I suggested doing it, even though it ended up being successful in closing the deal. It still may come back to bite me on the ass."

"Yes, your plan worked. You obviously caused the group to become divided and dysfunctional."

He nodded. "Agreed, but one day I fear Kate may tell me that she was hurt because of what I did. Then I have to accept that." He stated. "I made a decision and acted upon it, a decision that could have been met with disastrous consequences."

"We'll have to wait and see, but I don't think she will." She replied. "Will it be okay to wake her?" She asked.

Rick thought about it as he passed his mother a mug and leaned back against the counter holding his. "She's jumpy if she is woken from a deep sleep." He replied and stretched his free arm.

"Understandably so."

"Mmm… it seems they delighted in attacking her when she was unconscious, waking her with violence." He sarcastically said. "The gutless bastards."

"Jesus Richard."

"Exactly." Rick replied. He walked around the counter and sat on a stool to check his iPhone. "Alexis is free at eleven." He glanced to the time on the phone. He almost had two hours. He texted her back confirming a time and place and put the phone down. His attention turned to his mother, "I suggest you let Kate wake by herself. If you could just stay with her while I'm visiting Alexis, I would be ver thankful. The boys are working in the study."

"Yes, I saw them."

Castle breathed calmly for several moments thinking about what his mother needed to know to take care of Kate in his absence. He scratched the back of his head and returned his focus to her. "Mother, Kate's biggest issue at the moment is her vulnerability. She's has been behaving terrified and emotional because she cannot physically protect herself so you will need to remind her she's safe if she gets angst about it. She has concussion which causes her to be very dizzy and nauseas at times but both have improved as has her vision today. She may complain about the brightness of daylight. She was calmer this morning but the headaches and general body pain upset her when they become intense." He slid a box of tablets over the counter towards his mother. "She is allowed to have these. Two only between now and when I return. They were quite fast and effective earlier." He scratched his head again in thought as his mother inspected the box. "Oh, I give her milk intermittently, because she likes milk and is food for her right now, or she has diluted Gatorade or water both of which are in the fridge in her drink bottles. Whatever she prefers and if she wants something to eat, then feed her because she needs to eat." He rubbed his face then stared at his Mother a few seconds before he continued. "Don't be surprised if she wakes up screaming or crying. Once she's awake she calms down really fast or falls back to sleep. A warning Mother, it can be quite stressful and confronting to witness what she does and says in her sleep. The guys have seen it and know what to do with her. It's been quite intensive at times." He scratched his head making a decision to tell her something important. "Oh, this is a really bad time to tell you …"

"Go on…"

"You're going be a grandmother, again. She's still pregnant by some miracle." He kind of smiled as a warm buzz rippled through his body. He immediately saw his mother grin and she exclaimed his name as she hurried to him for another hug.

"She kept it!" She said excitedly.

"Yep." He chuckled and accepted his mother's enthusiastic hug. "I don't know how but yes Ma'am, it's still there."

"That is such good news Richard. Does Kate know?"

"Yes, I told her during the night. But I think she knew. She's been trying her hardest to drink and eat."

"Are you going to tell Alexis?"

Richard squinted in thought. "I will try and wait Mother, until Kate is over the three months. These guys know about it but are keeping it quiet. If something does happen …"

"I understand."

"Also, I would like Kate to be there. She also needs to tell her father. She won't let him visit at the moment."

"Is it okay for me to stay here tonight?"

"Of course! It's perfectly fine. This is your home." He tapped the counter. "She is reluctant to talk to the special crimes unit Mother. She says she doesn't remember anything."

"Give her time. She doesn't look like she's in any condition to stay awake long, leave alone recollect what happened yesterday."

"She doesn't remember what happened yesterday. She wakes up, she conscious for a bit and falls back to sleep."

"Concussion. You were like that when you had it as a boy." She responded looking at the scars on his forehead that had come with the concussion.

They were interrupted by the sounds of Kate's whimpers. Martha silently looked to Richard as they both listened. Kate muttered senseless words. Rick drank his coffee. "You may get to talk to her in a minute." He shifted off the bar stool and walked with this mother back to the couch where Kate was restlessly sleeping. He sat back down where he had been and his mother sat on the edge of the coffee table. Rick didn't touch Kate at all. He had learnt not to do that yesterday. He said, "She will wake up soon."

"Good. I will try and keep her awake for a while."

"It's doubtful she will stay awake long but it would be good to keep her up for awhile." He watched as Kate started to come out of a dream. The intensity was lessening each day he noticed. She moved in reflex to whatever was going on in the dream then suddenly woke with a start her body jumping. She cried out a little and opened her eyes. Her hand reached to Rick's thigh giving it a couple of tight squeezes.

"My God!" She muttered in frustration.

"Kate? You awake?" He asked and waited for her response.

"Yes" She took a breath and slowed down her respiration. "Please touch me Rick." She requested and instantly felt his hand on her shoulder.

"You okay?"

"Uh huh." She responded. "Bad dream." She pushed herself up to a sit, paused a few seconds searching Rick's face then leaned against his body wiping her eyes with the back of a hand. She gave her body time to adjust to the recent movement then focused on who sat with them.

"Martha." She murmured and smiled. "You're here."

"Yes. Good morning."

"I'm not so sure about that today, Martha." Kate replied. A groan escaped her when she adjusted herself to be more comfortable. She felt the pain in every muscle that accompanied any movement.

"There's always something good in a day. You look sore."

"I thought I was sore yesterday but today it's really bad." She admitted and glanced toward the windows pleased the natural light wasn't bothering her too much and her vision was quickly returning. It was even better than before she had taken the nap.

"Your world still spinning?" Richard inquired feeling Kate's body waver.

"Yes but not as bad." She closed her eyes. "It will be a problem for ages. That's what they said in the hospital." Kate said which caused Castle to look to his mother in surprise.

He stroked Kate's head, gaining her attention, "You remember that?"

"Mmm. I also remember pleading you to take me home and a lot of bright lights." She squinted at Castle.

"You definitely begged me to bring you home," he replied, "and you're at home."

"Safe at home." She murmured.

"True." He agreed hearing in her tone that she believed she was safe. He stroked her back, "Kate, I'm going to visit Alexis. Mother is here and the boys are in the study," he reassured.

"Okay." She nodded a little and took his fingers in her hand. "How long will you be?"

Rick glanced to his mother in concern about how he was going to answer. This was the first time he was going to leave Kate alone since they had retreated to the loft to be secluded. _Be honest_ he thought to himself. "I'm not sure Kate. Maybe, I will be a couple of hours and I will bring back lunch for everyone." He gave her the quick smile he used to reassure her, the lines at the corners of his eyes deepening, then kissed her close to her lips. "Stay here," he whispered, "you're safe here."

"I know." She felt his gentle squeeze on her fingers. "I'll be fine." Every time he touched her he was consciously gentle and careful, as though she was made of fine china and she was of the belief he was a little afraid to touch or hurt her. Many times over the years she'd heard victims mention that people were consequently cautious to be physical with them, but right now and most of the time she only craved human contact and affection. She mostly longed to be held securely and to not be left alone. Whenever she woke and found herself alone, it was more frightening than anything especially as she was physical incapable to physically defending herself. She came back to the present when he pressed his lips against hers.

"Be good. Kev and Javy will be here."

"I'll be okay." Kate held him there by his shirt and quietly spoken "Say hi to Alexis, and it's okay to tell her, because I know you won't be able to keep it a secret." She bit her bottom lip, touched the side of his face with her finger tips and accepted another kiss.

Rick beamed like a boy, "I will try not to, but yes, it's very exciting." He replied openly enthusiastic. He pressed his lips to Kate's once more staying there a little longer this time, his hand going to the back of her head. He then stood, breaking their physical contact.

Rick kissed his mother's cheek goodbye and Martha heard him whisper. "Call me if there's a problem." She silently nodded. He walked to the study where he spoke briefly to the boys. Sorenson left the study with Rick. They progressed to the cloak closet to retrieve their coats. Sorenson checked his Glock and holstered it whilst he spoke briefly to the FBI agents who were given strict instructions to not let Kate out the front door or anyone in it without thorough security checks.

Kate sat on the couch in silence unsure what to do. She heard Will direct the agents and watched him leave the loft in Castle's company. The door closed behind them, she then began to mentally process the fact she had seen her boyfriend and ex-boyfriend vacate the loft together. It was difficult to accept and reinforced the fact she had lost a lot of time over the past week or so. It had been obvious to see that Rick and Will were finally getting along as friends, good friends in fact, and she had missed that huge shift in their dynamics. It was confusing.

Martha distracted Kate's thoughts quickly when she filled the space her son had left. She wrapped a throw rug around Kate's shoulders when she felt how cold she was. "It's so good to see you darling." She softly rubbed Kate's upper arms noticing that the younger woman was already anxious over Castle's departure.

"Same here." Kate replied with a small smile and leaned into Martha to be held. "Thank you for coming."

"You are welcome, Darling." Martha held Kate firmly. "Do you want me to do anything?"

"Just this for now, please." She quietly replied. "I just want to be held."

"Alright." Martha relaxed on the couch, realizing the younger woman simply needed motherly love. She was marginally surprised by Kate's request because she was usually so independent, but from what Rick had described earlier, she had been beaten down to a shadow of herself. So Martha gave Kate the affection she asked for.

Kate let her eyes close, relaxing a little in silence for almost a minute. She then opened her eyes and found Martha's. "I'm so sorry I upset Richard."

"Kate, he's okay now he's found you. He understood you did it for a good reason."

"But I lied to him."

"He knows you did. He knew. Kate, you need to understand how in tune he is to you. You have no idea how much he loves you, how crazy he is for you and how crazy you make him." Martha paused, taking a moment to feel that Kate's temperature was warming up. She placed her palm against the side of Kate's head and swept back her hair. "He told me about the baby," she told Kate and instantly felt Kate smile against her hand.

"Yeah? He told you? It's …" Kate shrugged. "There aren't words to describe it… I never thought I would be so…." She shrugged her shoulders.

"Maternal, Dear. I understand. You're a tough cop …."

"And I had to make a decision about having one."

"You made the right one. It's your time and Richard is still young enough to run around with kids."

Kate smirked and sat up looking to Martha. "You make him sound like he's old." She took Martha's hands in hers. "What's he like as a dad? He's told me some things but he's quite humble about it."

"He's a great father. But this time, he will want a dog. It's one of his biggest regrets, not providing Alexis with pets to care for."

"Alexis cared for him like a pet, left him out food." Kate replied and received a cackle of laughter from Martha. Kate moved until she sat cross legged on the couch beside Martha, facing her. "Tell me what he was like as a boy." She invited.

"How much time do we have?"

"All the time it takes." Kate smiled. "And then when the time comes you can share the stories with whoever is in here." She put a palm over her lower abdomen and grinned to Rick's mother. "I can't wait to feel it inside me. At the moment it's surreal, just an instinct that I'm pregnant, except the blood tests prove it."

"Oh yes but when you do feel it move inside you, Kate, it will make it very real."

"I can't wait." She grinned and lifted her top a little, lowered her shorts to show Martha. "No signs of it yet, but it's very early." She said glancing between her boyfriend's mother and her navel.

Martha glanced down, seeing a very flat abdomen, wounds and bruises but she chose to ignore them. Kate was smiling, talking and had forgotten about the past week even if it only lasted a few minutes, she was thinking about something positive. "You have a long way to go, Dear." She placed her palm against Kate's abdomen, immediately feeling how taut her muscles were. "You've still got to give us a baby bump!"

"I know!" She put her palm over Martha's hand, "But I can't wait to see it!"

"A few more weeks and it will start to show. We'll get Richard to take photographs of you growing."

"He will. He started the night we did the pregnancy tests. I took about a dozen pictures."

"Oh!" She touched Kate's cheek, "Will you stay here a moment Kate? I want to show you something."

"I'll be here." Kate replied and watched as Martha walked to the study.

A few minutes later Martha returned from the study with a couple of old photo albums. She sat alongside Kate and opened what she knew was the eldest album containing photographs of Richard across their laps. "You browse, and ask away." Martha suggested. Kate grinned excitedly and turned to the first page. She found black and white photographs of Richard as a newborn baby.

"Oh Gosh!" Kate whispered glancing to Martha. "He was adorable."

"He was a beautiful strong baby."

"He was chubby." Kate giggled placing a finger over his legs.

"Still is." Martha replied, "Well, he's solid."

"Yeah, but that's what us girls like." Kate replied. "I was a small baby, but my mother told me I had long limbs even then."

"I would love to see your baby photos."

"I will ask my Dad for them when I see him next. He will be going to the cabin for Christmas soon so I may not see him until after Christmas."

"You need to see him, Kate. Soon."

"I'm a mess Martha. He will go crazy."

"Richard says he wants to see you. Desperately."

"I know, but I'm too stubborn to let him see me like this. So, no." Kate turned the page to see more photos of Rick growing older but still a baby younger than three months. Martha had a mixture of colour and black and whites. Many photographs had been taken by professional photographers on the sets of various jobs she was working at. He had initially been brought up backstage or on sets by the looks. Kate asked many questions as she browsed the album. Every photograph of Rick had him smiling cheekily at the camera. She saw him change from an infant to a small boy, an individual. He was growing in the photos and at the time, her parents hadn't even met each other.

The hardest act Rick had done in days was close the door of the loft behind him. He had stopped, had almost turned around and gone back inside to Kate but he had forced himself to follow Sorenson, to continue on his journey to visit his daughter. Sorenson had noticed Castle's initial reluctance to proceed so he deliberately maintained a path to the elevator without hesitating in his gait at all. He'd simply beckoned Castle to follow by calling his name as he walked. Like Castle, Sorenson also needed to get out of the loft for some air and free time, as much as Castle needed to see Alexis. The boys and Castle's mother were with Kate and two FBI agents were at the door. Both men had to trust them to keep Kate in one piece until they returned and anyway, Kate was stubborn enough to control herself in Rick's absence. The men walked the couple of blocks to the subway and caught a train in the direction of the college. Their conversation was limited to brief sentences, the pair mostly commenting about other people they passed on their journey. They chose to walk to the café Rick was meeting Alexis at, mainly to get some exercise and fresh air. For early December it was certainly fresh but still reasonable enough to enjoy a good walk.

At a table about half way down the café Rick found Alexis with a textbook open on the table in front of her, studying as usual. A smile spread over his face when he sighted his beloved daughter. She must have sensed his presence as she looked up from her book in search of him. The second she saw him she stood and hurried to him for a hug. He met her half way and lifted her off the floor to his body. It had been way too long since he'd seen his child.

"Baby girl. How you been?" He pressed his face against her cheek and held her tight.

"Worried about you."

"I'm good, now I have you in my arms. God I have missed you." He held her longer than normal then released her to the floor to take a look at her. She was a little pale, but it was exam time.

"Missed you too Dad." She smiled. "Exams are keeping me busy."

"Can imagine. Where is the FBI?" He asked quietly as she led him back to the table they sat at.

"Behind my right shoulder. Dad, one of them is really cute."

"La la la … don't you have a boyfriend anyway?"

Alexis smiled shyly. "There may be someone." She replied coyly.

"Oh. The FBI guys are too old for you…. " He stopped short of finishing his sentence when he realised he dated a woman quite a few years younger than he was, although it never really was a subject of conversation between them.

"I know you are older than….I won't say her name in case someone is listening in. How is that someone?"

"Improving but she has a long way to go. Alexis, Christmas this year." He said in order to steer the conversation. He had a sip of coffee that Alexis had already ordered for him.

"Yes?"

"If you want to make other plans please accept my blessings to do them."

"Why? What are you and," she then continued in a whisper, "Kate, doing?"

"As soon as she is strong enough to walk, we are leaving the city."

"She can't walk?"

"She can't do much. It will be a week or so before she is strong enough to protect herself and be independent. She took a nasty knock to her head that caused concussion. That is hindering her recovery a lot." He murmured. "Look Alexis, you can join us for Christmas if you want but also feel free to stay with your friends. We will make it up to you next year." He smiled. "I will also increase your allowance so if we need money, will you transfer it to me via Western Union okay?"

"Okay. And what are you telling people?"

"I'm going to Europe for the Christmas period alone to write."

"Alright."

"When do you finish exams?"

"Tomorrow is my last one."

"Good. You're awfully pale. Are you okay?"

"I think so. Just a bit of a sore throat but otherwise I am okay. Exam time Dad." She reminded him.

"And partying."

"Dad, I'm not like you." She smiled.

"Don't I know it! One of me is enough." He coughed, recalling the conversation they'd all had in the kitchen that very morning over Beckett having a baby similar to him. He really wanted to tell Alexis the news but he wanted more so to share that moment with Kate.

"When will you set a wedding date?"

"Oh Honey, that's not even on our minds at the moment."

"She wants to marry you, Dad."

"I know. I want to marry her, but not right now. She wants to but she needs time to get used to the idea as well. It's complicated."

"Well, make it less complicated Dad. I would like a little brother or sister." Alexis replied matter of fact. "Preferably before I have my own kids."

Rick choked on his coffee and sat up straight. "Alexis, you're not having kids for ages."

Alexis giggled especially at the expression he pulled when he looked to her eyes. "Sorry Dad, but it's not complicated if you love each other."

"You really would like a baby brother or sister?" He asked sobering, quite surprised by her comments. She had been subjected to meeting numerous girlfriends over the years and had developed a good relationship with Gina. He figured his daughter may have thought that Kate was just another in a long line of females in his life initially but over time had come to accept that eventually they would get together. Although, he hadn't dated regularly since he'd met Kate, Alexis would have never have been sure until her father had asked Kate to marry him.

"Would love one." Alexis replied instantly and almost clapped her hands with excitement. "Does she want to have babies? I hope so."

_Oh God!_ He thought to himself, leaned forward to quieten Alexis and took her hands in his. He almost whispered. "You will get a baby brother or sister. I promise."

"Yes!" She excited shook his hands beaming at him from across the table. "Have you discussed it?"

"Alexis," He warned, but smiled to her face and took a breath making a decision to tell her their news. "I …" He paused.

His daughter sobered seeing her father was on the edge of telling her something important. "Dad?" She encouraged. "Tell me" She softly shook his hand.

"Promise me you know nothing until it's official."

"I promise." She quickly said, "Dad! Please tell me!" She pleaded excitedly.

"Kate is about eight weeks pregnant."

Alexis' hands shot to her mouth to keep quiet but Richard could still hear her squeals of joy. "Oh Dad! Awesome! Are you excited?"

"Of course! Nervous too."

"You nervous? You raised me."

"Yes. I did." He looked over her. "And look at you."

"Yeah, I turned out alright."

"Are you sure you feel okay Sweetie? You look awfully pale."

"Dad, I'm okay."

Richard creased is brown in concern, well aware his daughter was not one hundred per cent. "Well, I hope you would tell me if you were." He touched her forehead. She was a little warmer than usual but the café was very warm.

"I'm good. I'm very excited."

"I know Baby Bird, this is very exciting. I wish you would come back home so you would be a part of our lives and the baby's." He stated, honestly.

"Dad…"

"I know, you're grown up and all that but you're still my baby and I like you being at home."

"Dad…"

"I know, you have a boyfriend and you're doing stuff…."

"Dad! Listen!" She squeezed his hand. "I have to move out of the dorm over summer and when I do, well, I will need a home over summer and I may not want to move back to a dorm life, that isn't as much fun as people say it is."

Rick beamed in happiness. "Ok, so you need a place to stay over summer. I have just the room you can stay in."

"Of course you do."

"There are just a few boxes in the room that the last tenant left there." He grinned. "Come home Alexis so you can be a big sister."

"Dad." Alexis murmured and smiled. "So happy for you both."

"Same here Alexis. Very happy. We will be able to spend the summer in the Hamptons with the new addition, and … " he beamed. "Guess what I'm gonna get?"

"What Dad?"

"We're getting a puppy!"

"Finally! How many years have you wanted a dog?"

"Many! Its gonna finally happen." Rick declared triumphantly. "At last!"

Alone in the bathroom of Richard's bedroom, Kate stared at the reflection of her body in the mirror, naked from the waist up. She whispered, "My God! What happened to me?" She lifted her gaze to her own eyes and stayed their spooked by the person she saw. Dark dead eyes, frightened eyes, pale skin that was blemished by bruises and wounds. Her dark hair hung in messy curls. She'd seen that look on many people before but never herself. "Where the hell was Kate Beckett?" She dropped her gaze to view her shoulders to her lower back via the mirror. She pushed the pink panties over her buttocks to reveal the extent of the wounds. She gasped but remained silent, letting her mind absorb the information she was seeing first hand. A mental comparison was made of the various types of abrasions over her body. "I was dragged." She whispered, recognising the type of grazes and assessing the severity of each of them. They were particularly worse at the points she was heaviest or where her bones protruded beneath her skin.

She twisted her head and spine to see her body, to view the wounds directly, ignoring the pain the movement caused. Although they were healing well with all the care Castle and Lanie had been giving her, they still looked nasty. She glanced back to the mirror, noticing the weight loss was also significant with her hip bones prominent. The outline of ribs clearly showed and her jaw bone was distinctive, her cheeks sunken. She turned a little further. "What is that?" She touched a bruise then moved to a reddish circular wound on her left buttock her brow knotting in concern. Her breathing stopped the second her brain recognised the circular shape of the wound. "It's a burn." She replied flatly to herself. "You have few." She found another on her inner thigh. She slowly turned about examining every part of her body.

"Get into the bath Kate." She reminded herself and turned from the mirror. She sat carefully on the edge of the bathtub that Martha had filled with water. The bath was filled with bubbles and a bottle of water was within Kate's reach. She was silent, still deep in thought about the condition of her body and how it had got that way. Her memory was similar to a movie where the screen was showing white noise or a dark screen with rapid flashes of images and sounds. Lights, bright lights, water, being so damn cold. The violence, the yelling voices. Kate blink hard and murmured no. She bent over to lower the panties down her legs, maintaining her head at a level so as not to compromise her balance. She saw all the cuts and grazes, the dried wounds. They were itchy. She had stitches about her left knee, a puncture wound with a surrounding bruise her outer right thigh. The memory of running blindly into a table and spilling over it entered her mind. She cried, running her fingers gently over the wound. "I remember this." She saw her hands trembling and mentally tried to calm her emotions to stop the shaking. She lifted her legs from the panties and once she had removed them she threw them to join the shirt in the wash basket.

Kate wiped her eyes, tired of crying. "Let's get you in the bath Katie. Enough with messing around here." She said and lifted her legs over the edge. The temperature was good. She lowered her body into the water, only letting go of the edge when she was safely in the water. She relaxed into the warmth of the bath allowing her sore tired muscle to enjoy the heat. She was lucky to be in the bath. Martha had been reluctant to let her have one and had ultimately bargained to allow Kate to do it. Now Kate understood where Castle got his negotiating skills from. He'd dealt with it his entire life. Martha had proposed that if Kate ate two pieces of toast with honey spread over each slice, then she could enjoy a bath. Deal. Kate had been equally hungry and desperate to wash. She'd also taken two more painkillers which had made a vast difference in her physical state.. The boys had said they would help her to the bathroom so long as she didn't lock herself in it and had a phone with her in case she wanted help. Kate's condition had been that she be left alone unless she called for help. She didn't want anyone seeing her body.

She soaked her hair then completely sunk beneath the water and remained there in total silence until her lungs run out of oxygen. She surfaced enough to access the air and stayed mostly submerged for a long time. She could hear her body pumping blood at first, her pulses and then as she listened harder, she heard the vibrations of the building sounding through the water, perhaps the boys moving about the loft. She wasn't sure. The water moved quietly about her body and silenced her mind. It was a peaceful state to her mind.

Kate sat up carefully conscious of her body's aches and pains and reached for the soap and sponge. She washed her body, frequently scrubbed, cleaning every inch of it in the hope she would feel clean again. Every cut was inspected, the stitches were fussed with, the bruises and grazes were assessed. Her entire body was like a crime scene, telling her of everything that happened even though she barely remembered things over the past week. The evidence was there and over ten years of experience following the evidence, she understood exactly what she had lived through and survived. Her memories were not sharp or crisp, but there were enough injuries to upset her. Alone, she let herself cry, huddled at the end of the bath. She didn't want to burden anyone with her emotions and pain, because she accepted she had done this to herself, that she had unknowingly walked into a trap.

Kate washed her body again before the water became too cool, then pulled the plug out. Her fingers were wrinkled from the extended time she had rested in the water. She stayed in the bath as the water disappeared, briefly thinking about how much this bath retained the heat longer than the bath did at her apartment.

Whilst she carefully stepped out of the bath, she thought about the fact that she would most likely never live in her apartment again nor have the seclusion and privacy of her own home. She wrapped herself in a towel and sat on the chair by her basin to give her body a minute to recover from the shift from the bath to the chair. She stared absently at the basin. Over time, make up, perfumes and everything else she needed had slowly migrated from her place to the vanity before her that Richard had said was hers to do as she pleased the first night she slept in his bed. His basin was to her left and was neat and tidy with only a few items on it he used. Kate's was scattered with make-up and girl stuff. She sat still for a little while longer staring around the large bathroom. Upstairs, in the master bedroom the bathroom was perhaps a little bigger. There was plenty of room in the loft for Kate to move in, and she was certain Rick would point that out, particularly due to the fact she was pregnant. It was obvious Rick would expect her to move in, and that he would not permit her to live alone anymore after what had happened. She was also sure there would be a dog coming soon as he desperately wanted a pet dog. Kate had to also admit she didn't want to be alone right now, but she had repeatedly wondered whether she would be a good partner for Richard now.

After drying herself off and wrapping her hair in the towel, she carefully and thoroughly inspected the wounds over her stomach, hips, arms and legs. She applied the creams left on the basin for her use and dressed in the clothes she had chosen with Martha's assistance. She knew the wounds would heal, but scars would always remind her and Rick of what had happened.

She blow dried her hair straight using the last of her energy to do it but she wanted to take care of herself. By the time she had done all that she stood, opened the door and walked over to the bed Lanie and Espo had been sleeping in. Her usual bed of late. She laid upon it, dragged down a pillow she put her head to and closed her eyes. She thought about Castle, wondered if he was ok, when he would be home. She soon passed out, exhausted from the bath and unable to stay awake any longer.

The moment Castle walked in the loft alone he hung his coat, ditched his keys in the bowl, hung his jacket and strode to the couch expecting Kate to still be with his mother. He kissed his mother's cheek enthusiastically and with wide inquisitive eyes he inquired, "Alexis knows Kate is pregnant! Where is she?" He searched about the loft, then cast his eyes back to his mother.

"She's in your room, Richard." She pointed through opened doorway. "She rested in the bath, must have walked to the bed and fell asleep there." She led her son through to the study where the boys were still working.

"Hey!" Kevin greeted sitting back in his chair.

"Yo Castle. It seems that Kate prefers this bed." Esposito commented pointing through the open doorway.

"Hey. Yeah, she does." Castle followed his gaze to where he could see a bundle in the middle of their usual bed that Espo and Lanie had been using.

"Where's Sorenson?" Kevin asked.

"Picking up the lunches we ordered."

"Cool. We're starving here. She's been quiet all the time you've been gone." Kevin glanced to Martha for her support.

"Yes Dear, she had a big talk with me. She will be okay. "

"Good. Thank you for coming home to see her." He squeezed his mother's hand, not expecting to hear about what the ladies talked about. It was between them. "Excuse me. I would like to go check on her." He said and dropped his hold on her hand. He glanced to the boys then quietly walked to the bedroom.

Rick firstly checked the way she was sleeping. Almost sideways across the bed, and someone had covered her with the blankets folded over her. He also found her awake, drowsily staring up at him. "You're awake Babe." A smile spread over her face when their eyes connected. He crawled over the bed, grinning and pressed his lips against her cheek as she reached around his neck for a hug. "Hey Kate." He whispered and laid upon the bed beside her.

"You're back." She whispered.

"Did you miss me? I sure missed you."

"Yes, I missed you. You're back now." She hummed, looking over his face. "It's cold out. Your skin is cold."

"It's getting chilly out. Christmas is coming."

"Snow soon." She murmured, feeling the coolness of his skin on her finger tips.

"Yes. There will be snow this year for sure." He replied. "But you are warm and you smell gorgeous." He cooed. "You straightened your hair."

"Mmm…" She smiled, humming that he had noticed. "How is Alexis?"

"She's good, studying hard." He held her head and gave her a kiss. "I missed you." He repeated pressing his lips to hers. "I was so worried about you."

"I missed you too but I was okay. I ate toast. Your mum got out your baby album." She smiled coyly and pinched his cheek. "You were so adorable!"

"I still am." He replied smugly.

"Ya think?" She stretched out her fingers across the side of his face. "I'm in our bed." She whispered.

"Do you like to sleep in our baby making bed?" He intimated his fingers caressing her hair.

Kate hummed a response then smiled. "Baby making bed?" She touched his chin. "It could have been my bed we made it in."

"Nah…" He cooed "it was definitely this bed."

"Maybe it was." She agreed and accepted several successive kisses on her lips.

"Spidey senses tell me it was this bed." He seriously said.

"This bed?" Kate tried not to laugh, but a smile was forcing its way out at his boyish charm. "Your spidey senses tell you that?"

"Of course." He grinned then sobered and looked intensely into her eyes, "I told Alexis." He confessed. "I wanted to wait but she was on the subject of nagging me about keeping it simple, marrying you, baby brothers and sisters and…"

"… you had to tell her.." Kate smiled. "That's okay. "

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine. We need to tell my Dad."

"When you're feeling up to seeing him."

"Mmm. Was Alexis happy?"

"Ecstatic about it. By the time its due we will also be due to be in the Hamptons for the summer."

"Do you want me to have it in the Hamptons?"

"You could!"

"Hang on! Go back… Alexis told you to keep things simple, marry me…"

"… and give her a baby brother or sister. We have ticked off one of those boxes." He said nodding in satisfaction they'd accomplished something.

"Simple?" Kate inquired and immediately saw his frown.

"Haha Kate! Baby brother or sister. She was hysterical when I told her. If I had known she wanted that I would have tried harder chasing you." He teased, wriggled closer to her and breathed in. "God, you smell really good." He murmured seductively. "So beautiful."

"I had a bath." She replied contently.

"Nice?"

"Yes." Kate pressed her forehead against his, stroking the back of his head, "I saw what they did to me. But I don't remember. I really don't."

Rick sighed, "You'll remember soon enough, Baby." He replied and heard the front door open. He heard the voices of the FBI agents talking to Sorenson.

Kate's head shot up to see over Rick's shoulder towards the front door. "Who is that?" She asked in fear not recognizing the voices.

"Your FBI body guards and Will. They're here to protect you." He took hold of her head and brought it back down to the bed. He kissed her forehead. "Lunch is here. You want a ride to the table?"

"I will commit to walking there, if you promise to hold me." She proposed.

"I will hold you. Can you smell that lunch?" He almost squawked. "I didn't know what I could buy you off the menu. This baby making period is going to test my creativity skills in the kitchen."

"So what did you get?"

"We stopped by that restaurant we have breakfast at on Saturdays and we ordered take away meals. I bought you the fresh chicken salad with dressing on the side." Rick sat up and stepped off the bed. He turned about and took Kate's hands in his. "Stipulated the chicken had to be freshly cooked."

"Sounds good." She replied. "But I don't know much about the food I can eat either." Kate sat up slowly so as not to disturb her vertigo using Rick to keep her balanced. She was getting more tolerant of it, understood what made her head spin and how to move to avoid it.

"We'll find our way Kate. Our mothers didn't know either and look how we turned out." He said as she made her way to the edge of the bed on her knees.

"Well…."

"Okay Beckett." Castle pulled a face at her. "So how strong have you got? Can I lift you up by your hands?" He asked and saw her nod. However, the moment he started to lift her to a stand and placed tension to her arms, Kate squealed in her throat and struggled against him to release her hands. He let go instantly surprised by her reaction. Kate retreated back to the head of the bed. She sat back kneeling, totally disorientated her hands going to her mouth but her eyes went to Rick's worried face.

Confused, Rick followed her, "What happened?"

"Castle," she said in confusion and reached to him.

"Come here." He knelt and crawled calmly over the bed to her. He had to minimise the space between them. He placed his left hand to the right side of her head. She was afraid but he understood she was logically thinking it through. "What did it remind you of?" He decided to prompt her in the hope she would remember.

"I was dragged by my arms." She looked at the bruises about her wrists at the scrapes down her legs, thought about the ones she'd seen on her buttocks in the mirror. "I was dragged over concrete. I saw the grazes."

"But do you remember, or know because of the wounds?"

"I remember being lifted to my feet, running into a table, gripping that and being pulled off it. Then I was dragged until my jeans came off me. I was then picked by my wrists and ankles and carried back to the hood of a car." She fell silent searching his eyes for any sign of disgust, but there was nothing. He simply expressed how much he was upset by her being hurt.

"It's ok to talk about it."

"I remember that now." She shakily stated and wrapped her arms around it his neck seeking security. He embraced her firmly. "I'm gonna remember a lot worse aren't I."

Rick held the back of her head a moment, thinking about how to answer that. _Be honest_, he thought. "Yes, but it will be okay for you to remember. You will be better for it in the long run." He said, as his fingers played in her hair. "Okay?"

"Yes."

"So I won't pull on your arms again," he murmured, "until it's alright for you." He reassured and stroked her entire back.

"Castle?"

He stopped moving when he heard her tone of voice. "Mmm?"

Kate paused and took a breath and murmured, "I saw my body before when I took a bath."

"And?" He asked, well aware this was the second time she had brought it up in the past few minutes which told him she had a problem with what she had seen.

"You've see me?"

"Yes. Of course." He stroked her back waiting for the bomb to drop. "Tell me." He requested.

"I've been so violated, so damaged. This could destroy us." She whispered fearfully.

"You will heal." He affirmed confidently.

"You really want to stay with me even when you can see what other men have been done to me? These wounds don't repulse you?" The disgust at her own body was evident on her face. She was in disbelief that he didn't feel some repulsion.

Rick took a firm hold of Kate's head with both his hands and pushed her back to look directly into her eyes. Her breath hitched in her chest but her eyes, as large as saucers, locked on his. "Kate Beckett, never think like that! I fought like crazy to get you back!" He stated in a frustrated and partially angered manner. He breathed hard, but his voice softened as his mood cooled. "I'm not letting you go." He declared. "Never. We are in this together."

Kate sobbed, turning her eyes to the ceiling and her hands gripped his wrists her long fingers holding him as tightly as she could. "Never?"

"Never." He confirmed and dipped his head to be at her height. He regained her focus. "Always together. We get through this enormous mess that has been thrown at us and we put it behind us huh?" He asked, his thumbs stroking her cheeks.

"You've seen what they did to me. You cleaned me." She stressed and cried, "I saw everything before." Her eyes left his glancing to the bathroom then, back to the ceiling. "They even burnt me Richard!"

"Katie." Rick pleaded. She'd called him Richard.

"Burnt me!" She almost yelled.

"Yes they did! Nothing will change that Kate. We have to learn to live with it." He replied and wiped her cheeks with the cuff of his shirt.

"Is everything okay? Lunch is here." Esposito called.

Kate's eyes returned to Rick's and she muffled her cries. Rick held the stare a moment then glanced over his shoulder to Javier. "Yes Javier. We need a minute." He called back with a tone that told Esposito to back off. Rick's peripheral vision saw Javy leave them alone. He returned his attention to his girlfriend who was right on the edge of losing it. He took a breath, made a decision to keep calm, and smiled, his fingers stroking her hair. "Katie." He swallowed, feeling emotions in chest pushing to come out.

She sobbed. "I'm ruined."

"No you're not, Baby."

"I am." She stressed. "I feel like I won't repair even given time."

"No no no! Please don't think like that." He begged.

"He did this to me Castle." She stressed and lifted her top exposing her torso. He dropped his eyes to see the bruises and wounds. They were fading. The wounds would heal a lot faster than the brain would recover from the traumatic period. He doubted she would ever be the same as she used to be but he had to ignore that for now and just help her get physically and mentally better. He sighed, and managed to successfully camouflage his response to seeing her wounds. At least the thought he had, as he watched her eyes road his face reading his reaction. He swallowed, the lump in his throat moving. He knew Kate recognized it as a sign he was really worried.

"Kate." He pleaded.

"What will he do to me next?" She asked in resignation she was doomed.

"Nothing, you need to tell the detectives who was behind it."

"I can't prove it was him." She sobbed.

"We can. I have hired the best lawyer I can find for you." He argued, trying desperately to make her see reason.

Kate shook her head. "No! There's no proof. None. They wanted the file, wanted to know where it was. They still don't have it. He could kill all of us if we keep going. He has the power. I have a stupid file that doesn't even exist."

"That stupid file," he stressed, "is with a software designer right now being put back together by his computers. We just need a small break, a small piece of evidence and we have him. Have proof he murdered your mother." He briefly explained to her. Right now it didn't matter to Kate where the file was and as far as Rick was concerned, it was being worked on in the background whilst she was getting better. Keeping her head in the game, maintaining her desire to survive was all that that mattered to Rick right now. To keep Kate alive was all that mattered.

"I have nothing." Kate cried. "Other than the evidence the technicians took off me at the hospital."

"You remember that?" He asked in surprise.

Kate nodded, "That it was a horrible night," she murmured and closed her eyes as he wiped her cheeks. "They have enough evidence to arrest the men who did it to me?"

"Yes." He softly replied.

She rolled her eyes around the room, blinking away tears before she looked back to him. "And I remember touching everything I could to leave my finger prints." She sniffed.

"We just have to find where you were held." He offered using a positive tone of voice.

"We will. Something will come up." She replied, calming herself down again.

"That's right, the detectives will find a clue or you will remember." He encouraged.

Kate shuddered with a deep breath. "You don't have to stay with me." She whispered "I won't blame you."

Rick recognized she was psychologically turning in cycles and was back on giving him an excuse to leave her. She needed a bit more reassurance that things were good with them. "Katie?" He whispered and waited for her dark eyes to look at him. He smiled, "I'm not going to let you go, Sweetie. We have a baby coming, we have a family. You and I have a future, a great future. Why would you give that up? We are great together."

She glanced down, then looked back to his eyes, his entire face and she thought about what he said. "I would give it up for you. Let you go because I made stupid decisions that may render me a ruined, broken woman, and I don't want you to have to live with that. You like women, Castle."

He put his finger softly over her lips to hush her. "No, no no… We need to talk about this when you are better." He stated very adamantly, accurately visualizing where this conversation was going. "Enough of this for now. I have a decision in this relationship as well. I will marry you and I will put up with everything that is flung in our path to stay with you. But …" He brushed her lips with his thumb when she tried to object. "Hush Kate."

"Rick. I'm sorry."

"Kate. Shhh." He kissed her, attempting to calm her down. "We're gonna get your stuff out of your apartment so you can have it all here and be at home here. Renovate the whole loft if you want, with the exception of the study. Do anything."

"My stuff." She smiled and cried. "I miss my stuff."

"I know, Katie. You've been missing it for a long time." He wrapped his arms about her when she leaned to him for a hug. He was fully aware of how much it was affecting her living between two homes. She tried, but she liked her home, preferred to live in the one home. With working long hours, experiencing a new relationship and living between two homes they were both aware it had been tiresome. He stroked her head. "Will you let me move your stuff in here?" He asked softly.

"Can we keep the apartment for a little while?"

"If you want to, yes."

"Ok." She gave him a timid smile and opened her eyes to his. "My stuff," she whispered and touched his jaw.

"Yes, I'm a piece of your stuff." He smiled and brought her back to his body to hug tightly. He was comfortable with the conclusion that he had theoretically won a round of psychological debate and discussion with Kate. It was going to be one of many he imagined he was going to experience. There were definite signals already she was thinking of taking off but he was of the opinion it was simply the fear within her speaking out.

"Let's get something for you to eat." He let her go to step off the bed then placed his arm about her waist as she used his body to stand up. Maintaining a vigilant hold of her, he followed her out of the bedroom using the door nearest the front door. Kate stopped dead in her tracks seeing the two oversized FBI agents. As they had been instructed to, they maintain a calm demeanor and didn't acknowledge either Rick or Kate. Rick squeezed her and said. "It's okay. They're here to protect you," and he pointed her in the direction of the kitchen he also subtly encouraged her to continue towards. She kept going. At the kitchen counter the boys were already eating with Martha. They had placed Rick and Kate's meals side by side. Rick sat Kate at the stool and sat himself down.

"Eat up Kate." Javier encouraged. "You have our future God child to feed." He teased glancing to Castle who gave him a look. Javy understood Rick had just experienced another strenuous moment.

Kate chose to ignore the Esposito's teasing. She was tired and couldn't be bothered thinking up a verbal retaliation. She reached for a paper napkin, which she used as a tissue to wipe her eyes and nose. Everyone ate mostly in silence as all of them hungry and tired from work. Kate inspected her chicken salad that looked fabulous. She sprinkled it with dressing the restaurant had supplied in a small container and gave it a good mix. After the first mouthful her appetite sparked into life. She then ate every bit of her meal, discovering she was hungry. She finished everything then sat quietly, sipped on her drink and rested her head on her hand, elbow on the counter. Richard had ordered a pasta meal that he was thoroughly enjoying, so much so he ate in silence.

"Richard?" Martha murmured and when he looked up to his mother she pointed to Kate. He looked to Kate.

"Fallen asleep." He stated. "She's exhausted. So bloody exhausted."

"Careful she doesn't fall off the stool." Martha warned, amused by the way Kate's head repeatedly fell backwards and each time she would lift her head back up to her hand.

"I will take her back to bed in a minute. The more sleep she has the better she's getting." He swapped his fork to his other hand and put his hand to Kate's shoulder to hold her steady on the stool whilst he finished his meal. He looked everyone laughing at what he'd done. "What?" He inquired.

"You, and what you are like with her." Will Sorenson replied grinning. "You are so funny with her."

"Well?" He grinned. "We can't have her falling off the stool."

"They're always like this." Ryan said to Sorenson. "Is she sleeping?" He then asked. Will and Castle simultaneously replied with nods, both recognizing by her posture she was asleep. Will stepped off his stool.

"I'll take her upstairs." He offered. "Let you finish your lunch."

"Sure." Castle dropped his arm so Sorenson was able to move in. Rick continued to eat his lunch but protectively watched on as Will easily scooped Beckett up in to his arms. She rolled her head to his chest, moaned a bit and fell silent and limp.

"So far so good," Sorenson murmured to everyone, raising his eyebrow. "For God's sake if she starts screaming, hurry up." He pleaded to Castle and left the group to carry the unconscious woman upstairs.

_Ok, my turn, question time:_

_I'm happy with simple answers here guys, or detailed ones. I'm not fussy._

_How do you think Kate will get her "revenge" – by the rule book, go rogue, be spiteful, work within law … I would like a bit of a poll on what sort of Kate you would like to see when it's down to the wire._

_Next question I need help on here, because I usually write way ahead of where the story actually is. Boy or girl? I can't decide at all. Help me here._


	20. Chapter 20

_Next chapter is submitted. A lot of time has been spent on this chapter as its setting up the rest of the story. Thanks to the editor once again. Thanks for your reply. We're all consistent on keeping Kate working within the boundaries of the law but do we have some good answers for the sex of the baby! Make it hard for me! _

**Chapter 20**

Kevin finished the phone call and stared at his iPhone for several seconds processing the news he had received, before he looked up to the men who watched him, both impatient for him to talk. "Where is Castle? He needs to hear this."

"Upstairs with Kate." Javy replied. "What's going on?" He glanced to Sorenson who lightly tapped the kitchen counter.

Ryan gave a contemplative look between his phone, Sorenson and Esposito and shifted on the stool, "Arrr…that was Gates," he began and glanced to the ceiling in thought of Beckett and Castle. "A body has hit the ground. A Russian. He's not far from where we found Beckett."

"I'll get Castle." Javy said and hurried to the stairs that he ascended two steps at a time. He quietly pushed open the door to Castle's bedroom where he saw Castle lying on top of the bed close to Kate who was beneath the blankets, in his embrace. Kate's irregular breathing sounded as though her sinuses were congested and Castle's light snore sounded like he was exhausted. Javy was tempted to leave them alone because it was the first day Kate was finally getting good quality rest without the dreams and Castle was consequently catching up on sleep he'd missed out on lately. However, he was certain Castle would want to know the news. Esposito walked to the bed and knelt on it reaching to Castle's shoulder. He gave Castle a gentle shake so as not to wake Kate. "Wake up man." He murmured.

The snoring was interrupted when Rick woke, peering sleepily over his shoulder. "Dude! I just get her to sleep and you wake me." He whispered.

"You should come downstairs. Ryan has news." Esposito whispered. "Don't wake her. She's having good sleep today."

"I won't." Rick put his hand to the side of Kate's head and stroked back her hair. He checked her eyes to ensure she was sound asleep. Satisfied she was right for the next half an hour or so, he swung off the bed and followed Espo downstairs. "She cried herself to sleep. When she took a bath she saw her body in the mirror which has devastated her, but she's also happy and emotional about being pregnant." Castle explained to Javy as they descended the stairs. "She's crying for all sorts of reasons. It's confusing for her with things being at both ends of the emotional spectrum."

"She has a lot of things to deal with." Esposito replied.

"I just hope she focuses on being pregnant and refrains from conjecture about what I currently think of her body, then we'll be fine."

"Same here. That's one of the reasons I keep bringing up the Godfather of the baby subject." Javy said smiling to Rick.

"Keep doing it." Rick encouraged.

"I will. I can't wait to be a Godfather." Javy grinned and Rick slapped him on the shoulder.

"You will be great at it man." Castle replied.

"Hopefully, she will be better soon. We might need her to help us shortly. We may have a lead."

"She'll help." Rick answered with confidence. "She's robust and will be on her feet tomorrow or the next day. She's already frustrated because she wants to be up, but it's the concussion holding her back, not the fractured pelvis."

In the kitchen, Rick poured himself a large mug of coffee and sat at the kitchen bar. Ryan was back on his cell phone talking calmly with Captain Gates for several minutes. Sorenson and Esposito sat with Castle all of them anxiously waiting to hear further news about the subject of the conversation.

Rick waited for the conversation to finish. Although it was a little past three in the afternoon he felt like he had been woken in the middle of the night. After Sorenson had carried Kate to bed he had promptly returned to work with the guys in the study. Within a half hour they had all been interrupted by Kate calling for them. Martha had responded and stayed with Kate for awhile but ultimately, she had insisted on seeing Rick. Since viewing her body in the mirror, it was clear to Rick that Kate had become fixated on how wrecked her body appeared, what she physically tolerated with pain, but mostly how Rick felt about it. Nothing Martha said had even swayed Kate's mindset so in the end Rick had taken over to change her mind. It was a period of time in which Kate's vulnerable mind was being hounded relentlessly by her own doubts and insecurities, exacerbated by her physical condition.

To maintain his own sanity in the meantime, Rick hadn't permitted himself to dwell for a second on what other men had done to Kate, because he knew if he did let it mess with his head, he could potentially go crazy with jealousy or fly into a furious state of rage. It was the risk of losing control with rage and anger that forced him to maintain a quiet demeanour. Also as much as everyone made every effort to keep Kate focussed on the fact she was pregnant, it benefitted all of them. It was better than dwelling on the alternative.

Ryan hit end call and sat on a stool putting the phone on the counter. Realising he had centre stage, with the guys waiting to hear the latest news, he commenced to update the rest of them. "There's been a shooting near the alley were we found Kate. The victim is a forty three year old Russian male named Sergei Davydoff. Gates sent a couple of uniforms to his house to bring his family in for questioning. The body is currently on its way to the morgue. Lanie took the job as soon as she heard the body had dropped so she will be the ME who does the autopsy."

"Good." Espo replied. "Least we won't have to deal with Perlmutter."

Everyone but Sorenson shifted in their seats and Rick was edgy, the discomfort obvious, "He seems to have a problem with me."

"Don't feel like you're the only one Castle." Ryan replied. "He's like that with everyone."

"So who is this guy?" Sorenson inquired curiously.

"One of Lanie's colleagues, an ME. He's thorough, but he doesn't particularly like cops."

"Or writers." Castle interjected glancing to everyone.

Ryan chuckled. "Yeah, he doesn't hold back picking on you. Beckett tells us what he says. She thinks it's funny and says that Perlmutter really _gets your knickers in a knot_." He emphasised his last words, grinning.

The men looked oddly to Ryan over the term he used.

"No! What?" Castle squawked, "Knickers in a knot? Whoa there Nancy Drew!"

Sorenson and Esposito laughed out loud at Castle shocked expression.

"Well, he does get them in a knot!" Ryan defended.

Rick slapped his chest, "Me? No!" He then thought about past experiences. "Kate always laughs about it later but knickers? C'mon!" He exclaimed. "She's so supportive."

"Constantly supportive." Ryan remarked, recalling to himself the way Beckett relayed the interactions that occurred between Perlmutter and Castle, then cleared his throat as he had to concentrate on a more serious matter. "Let's get back on the dead guy." He suggested and everyone sat up to continue with listening. "He was shot at close range. Took two bullets to the chest. The first one went through him and the second bullet is still in his body. Lanie is going to send us a photo of the victim as soon as she is able, so we can show it to Kate. Castle, Gates has said that the special victims squad want to interview Kate this afternoon. They will be at the door here in the next hour or so. You will need to wake her up when they arrive."

"Alright, I will, but I don't think she is in a place to provide them with useful information." Rick stated honestly. "She just says to me she doesn't remember much, but as she can easily read the evidence on her body she may relate that."

"We'll work on her. Make her understand anything may help." Sorenson replied.

Castle looked to Sorenson and nodded, understanding what he meant. He also knew Kate wasn't going to give anyone names if she knew the evidence wasn't there to support her claims. He rubbed his hand over his chin and sat up to move. "I'm going to go clean up and get changed. I'll wake her up once you have the victim's image and then have her ready to talk to the detectives." He went to the fridge and collected a small container of yoghurt then a spoon from a drawer.

In the bedroom he found Kate exactly as he had left her, peacefully sleeping, and he decided not to disturb her until he had cleaned up. It had taken considerable time to calm her enough to sleep earlier, so he was reluctant to disturb her particularly when she was getting good quality rest. He continued to the bathroom and pulled off his shirt which he tossed in the clothes hamper as he passed it. He stopped at the vanity, rested his palms on the counter and stared in silence at his image in the mirror for almost a minute. What he saw reflected back at him was not a man who generally appeared ruggedly handsome, reasonably attractive, with cheeky bright eyes but a very tired, incredibly worn out and worried to death guy. Alexis had commented earlier that he looked older with his four or so day old whiskers. It was time to shave the stubble clean before it became a beard. After, he would wake Kate. He smeared the shaving cream generously over his face and using even spaced strokes with his razor, he shaved taking his time to do a neat job.

Just beyond half way through the shave, he saw the door move slowly inward behind him. Kate's figure appeared standing there using the door frame for support. He stopped what he was doing and looked directly at her eyes via the mirror. He instantly gained a new appreciation of the expression '_looking like death warmed over'_, as that is exactly how she appeared under the bright bathroom lighting.

"Hey." He greeted with the hint of a smile.

"Rick." She replied.

"What you doing out of bed alone?" He inquired, worried she could have fallen and hit her head again. Before she had time to reply, he saw her waver as though she was about to collapse. He dropped his razor in the sink and spun about to capture her, clasping his hands around her upper arms safely rescuing her from a potential collapse to the floor. He dipped his head to her height, meeting her glassy eyes. "You ok?" He asked softly. "You should have called for me." He brought her close to him and gave her a hug, feeling her push her body into his embrace.

"I did. You didn't hear me." She replied with a frown.

"I'm sorry."

"Gotta use the toilet." She whispered.

"Alright. Let me help you. I can't believe you got his far." He remarked and held her back to see her face again.

Kate looked into his eyes momentarily then said, "Gotta move Castle. I don't want to die."

He grinned. "Good girl. That's one of the things I love about you, Baby!" He encouraged with excitement and spontaneously pecked her lips. He instantly heard the usual happy sounds that emanated from her when he was close.

She held on to him. "Need to pee badly!" She pressed.

"Uh huh." He helped her step to the toilet where she sat heavily. Once he ensured she was safe he returned to the basin to resume shaving. Soon he heard Kate humming a song he didn't recognise as yet as she wasn't quite in tune, but he didn't care what she hummed so long as she continued. It was a sign that the Kate he knew was on her way back, which caused his own inside to hum in happiness. The day she started to sing again whilst she was engaged in activities within the loft, he would be a very happy man, because he would then know she was content. Having lived with her particularly in her apartment, he'd discovered she sang along to songs or made them up whenever she was in a good mood. He thought it was a really cute side of her personality. He glanced to her to check she was alright. Beyond the fact her lips were pale, her skin white and that her eyes large and dark, she seemed to be quite content. She clung to the edge of the shower screen with her left hand and had her right palm pressed firmly to the wall for balance. The sight of her reminded him of his college days, parties, alcohol and the countless drunk women he found in the bathrooms of various houses. The good old days.

"Your posture reminds me of my college days, or should I say nights." He nervously cleared his throat. "Did I say that a loud?"

Kate snorted. "Yeah. All the pissed women you rescued from bathrooms, because I bet that's exactly what I look like right now."

Rick chuckled. "Geez, do you have some sort of psych line to my brain?"

"No. You're just so predictable, Castle." She replied.

"I will need to work on that."

"You do that." She closed her eyes. "Concussion is a bitch."

"I hear you, Honey." He replied aware she would hate the term of endearment he used.

Her response was quick. "Honey?" She queried pulling a face of disgust. "So it's a Honey day." She kind of sang.

Rick smirked in amusement, trying his hardest to ignore her smart assed comment, simultaneously pleased that her sense of humour was returning. "Sure seems that way."

"If we must." She responded, gazing lazily over his bare chest with obvious appreciation of the sight of him, as it showed over her entire face. He caught the flare of physical attraction from her. Another good sign.

"Do you still feel nauseas, _Hon_?" He asked glancing to her to see she had her eyes closed again. He figured her world was spinning like crazy by the way her body wavered as though she was fresh off a boat and back on land. He shifted his focus back to the shaving.

"Mmmm. But I haven't been sick and I'm hungry, _Hon_."

"I know. When I had concussion I couldn't eat for days so you are doing very well." He replied. He was quite pleased she had an appetite and the humour was definitely resurfacing during the times she wasn't upset. He briefly assessed the vertical scar on his forehead in the mirror. Whenever he was weary it was pinkish and prominent. It would be ok in a few days. "I brought up a tub of yoghurt to feed the two of you." He muttered casually.

"Thanks."

Rick looked over at her again seeing a little smile appear on her face in response to his reference of the baby. She hummed contently to herself. Her eyes were still closed against the lights and her fingers gripped the walls.

"Did my skull get fractured? It sure feels like it did. Is that why the headache was so bad this morning?"

"It's cracked, yes." He answered for the about the tenth time in several days. "You don't remember things do you?"

"No. Memories are quite random. Time is all mixed up."

"Mmmm."

"I just know my head is out of control. I felt better this morning than I currently feel. It's hard dealing with what's going on with my head."

Rick grunted his understanding and glanced to her to ensure she was ok. "You're lucky you're not dead, not in a coma and not in a vegetative state." He replied. "If you happen to hit your head again you risking being in serious trouble so next time, Katie, do not get out of bed alone. Call out for one of us to come and help you, ok?"

"Good idea." She complacently agreed, lacking the energy to display her usual stubbornness solely to annoy him. "What about my left eye? That hurts like hell right now."

"Fractured eye socket. They weren't messing around." He stated matter of fact. "Same with your jaw."

"Yeah, I feel that too when I eat. The boys didn't play nice with the girl, Castle." She commented quietly and candidly. She shuddered at the memory that flashed into her mind but suppressed it. They remained silent a minute or so. Her body began to perspire as she felt the blood rush from her head. "Castle?"

"I'm here." He stopped shaving and visually assessed Kate. "You ok?" She had lost colour since he'd seen her at the doorway, if that was at all possible.

"My body has just realised its vertical. The blood has rushed from my head." Her body trembled in response to the change in her blood pressure caused by being upright rather than lying.

"Finish up and I will carry you back to bed." Rick saw she wasn't fairing as well as she had been earlier in the day. He quickly finished with the shave and grabbed a towel to wipe his face clean of shaving cream.

"Castle!" She was panicking. "I'm gonna faint. I can't!"

"It's okay. Breathe deeply." He said, hearing her respiration had shallowed with panic. He stepped to her. "What are you feeling?" He asked mainly to keep her engaged in conversation. He touched her arms. She had clammy skin and felt cold. She inhaled air deeply as he had requested her to do.

"I'm gonna pass out and I don't want to." She was panicking and clutched his arms.

"You finished?"

"Uh huh." She nodded a little.

"Breathe. Stop with the panicking." Rick ordered with a quiet tone but firmly all the same, and heard her breathe deeper. He thought about where she was in the process of elimination. He decided to just ask fully aware she wouldn't appreciate his inquiries. "Wiped?"

"Castle!" Her eyes opened wide at his, aghast that he had asked her that. "Geez!" She pulled the shorts up to her thighs.

"Well, have you Miss Private?"

"Yes!" She stubbornly replied and blindly reached up to his neck with both arms. She was immediately lifted off the toilet seat to stand and she used his body for support. He pulled up her shorts to their rightful place then hoisted her by her legs off the floor.

"You do realise we crossed the line of privacy some time ago." He stated as he carried her back to the bedroom.

"I know." She replied.

He grinned, "One night, the night I finally got that knock on the door." He whispered and kissed her forehead.

Kate made a sound of total adoration, thinking about the moments before she'd knocked on his door, how afraid she had been he wouldn't answer her summoning sounds. But she muttered, "I'm too tired to argue about the lines of privacy, Honey." She let go of him reluctantly and laid back into the pillows exhausted.

"Don't call me Honey." He whispered, smiling to her eyes that found his.

"So eighties." They said together then laughed. He covered her with blankets. They smiled to each other and she reached to his body with her right hand, holding him at his side over his ribs.

"We still have it." She murmured happily.

"We never lost it." He replied as he fetched the yoghurt he'd left on the table by the armchair. When he returned he sat on the edge of the bed beside Kate who was smiling, her eyes looking to his bare chest, her face full of fondness. She placed her finger tips to the centre of his chest. He glanced to her fingers then looked to her eyes that lifted to meet his.

"Do you feel better?" He saw a little colour had returned to her face.

"Mmm. Thanks. I didn't want to pass out."

"No."

"I hate that loss of control." She said quietly.

Rick's eyebrow rose over her comment and he tried not to smirk, "I can only imagine," he remarked. He knew she totally feared loss of control in every aspect of her life. "Can you do this on your own?" He asked, glancing down to her fingers touching his chest so gently.

"No. I need you to help me, Ricky." She replied her dark eyes shifting back to his, her tone implying she was toying with him.

"Alright, already." He frowned slightly, in recognition she was humouring him, but he also noticed she was being a little needy. He chose to play along as he wanted to care for her, allow her to feel safe and he desperately wanted her to eat. "Slow. I don't want you being sick."

"Me neither." She took a small mouthful from the spoon he offered to her. She did as she promised and slowly ate, her right hand touching his chest all the while.

"Feels nice." He whispered, and her eyes shifted back to his, her fingers pausing over his breast bone.

She smiled and whispered, "Looks nice."

"You like it?" He whispered back and fed her another mouthful.

"Mmm."

"Good. Me too." Richard continued to feed her.

"What if you hadn't answered the door?" She asked, biting her bottom lip.

"But I did answer it."

"Mmm. That you did." They connected eyes and smiled, both of them thinking about their first night together.

"Geez you can be so cute." He whispered and smiled, listening to her responsive hum.

They remained silent for a few seconds before Rick decided it was time to prepare her for the visit she was about to have from the detectives . "The detectives from SVU want to ask you a few questions."

"I don't remember enough to tell them anything of use." She replied looking at him seriously.

"I know." He agreed. "But they are still coming. I've held them off as long as I could." He gave her another spoonful.

"They're wasting their time."

He considered she was being honest with him. She didn't sound defensive in her tone of voice. "They're still coming soon. Do you want to stay in here or go downstairs?" He inquired, persisting with the fact they were coming whether she liked it or not.

"Stay here. I'm too dizzy."

"Will Sorenson offered to be here with you when they speak to you."

"Will?" She looked to him in surprise. "Won't you be here with me?"

"I'm not allowed to be because my DNA was found on you. So although I'm not a suspect…."

"You can't be here. I get it."

"But any of the guys can be." He offered.

"I would like Will to be with me." She answered immediately. "Is he still here?"

"He's downstairs." He watched Kate's face as she digested all the information. He fed her another spoonful of yoghurt. "You ok?"

"Mmmm. You?" She inquired seriously taking a finger of his left hand that held the container, in her right hand.

"I'm okay," he responded, "I have you back."

Kate sat up and pressed her forehead against his shoulder wanting to draw strength from him. His fingers felt so good in her hair, caressing her scalp. She was aware she gave him as much strength as he provided her. Together they were great, apart they hardly functioned.

She pulled away and looked up to his eyes with the hint of a smile. "I'm glad to be back. I am so sorry about the things I said earlier. I guess I'm gonna be crazy at times."

"It's ok, I understand why you said it." Rick let her go and fed her more yoghurt. "But I meant what I said." He touched the side of her face, shifting a strand of rogue hair that had fallen over her eyes. She had tried unsuccessfully a couple of times to blow it away.

"I know."

"Mmm." Rick dug around in the container with the spoon, and said, "Gates leaked it to the media that you died."

"Nice." She remarked and then mumbled. "I remember you telling me that. I hope she warned my Dad."

"He knows, and I let him know that you're here. He wants to see you BTW." Rick cleaned out the container and gave her the last mouthful. "He phoned me when I was on my way back from seeing Alexis."

"Mmmm. FYI, I can't let him see me like this." She replied firmly.

"You are such a smart ass." Rick stated in reference to her acronym.

"WTF, you started it!" Kate replied.

A smile spread over his face, "Well, I don't have an acronym for he'll be banging the door down soon to see you. He shared with me, from one father of a daughter to another, that he's really worried about you,"

Kate sighed, understanding Rick's statement. "Alright. I will phone him later."

"Good girl. I would be going off the planet if Alexis was doing this to me."

Kate hummed in response. "When are the detectives coming?" She inquired, effectively pushing the subject of her father to the back burner until she was ready to deal with it. She knew Castle was satisfied now she had said she would phone her dad. She tended to forget Rick understood how her dad was worried because he had Alexis.

"Soon." He replied and Kate grunted in dissatisfaction. He knew that split second she wasn't going to provide them with much. He decided quickly she needed a gentle reminder of who she was. "You're a cop, Kate. You know they need you to give them something to help them find a lead." He saw her shrug her shoulders in response. The action annoyed him, and caused him to question whether she really had amnesia. She had concealed the fact she remembered his confession of love for her for almost a year so there was the chance she was pretending now.

"AAMOF Honey, you will have to do it sooner or later." He reminded her.

"I know! But why does it have to be today Castle? I don't remember anything worth telling them." She stated again with a touch of agitation in her tone. "All I'm saying is it could be tomorrow. I don't have an acronym for that."

Rick smirked at her comment as he considered her reluctance and decided to continue with the conversation. "Why don't you tell them who is behind it?" He gently asked trying to keep the pressure off her.

"Because I can't prove it was him. It will be his word against mine, but you already know that. We talked about it this morning."

"Yes, you have basically said it to me." He leaned toward her, his arm going to her shoulder briefly, "They could investigate him, find evidence. I have the file being put back together." He encouraged.

"The SVU snooping around him will just cause him to realise that I am still alive because it's not the homicide squad on him." She hissed. "I will find the evidence to put him and the FBI leak away myself when I'm better."

Rick sighed and tapped impatiently on his lap. He rubbed a hand over his face nervous about what he wanted to say but he bit the bullet and spoke. "You're pregnant. You won't be looking for evidence. You're going to be lying low."

"I will have to go back to work, Castle, even if I'm chained to the desk."

"No you're not and you can't all the time he thinks you're dead." He replied adamantly. "Furthermore, we're committed to taking care of you and to protecting the baby. Shaw is investigating the internal FBI problem and the detectives have the rest of it."

Kate sighed, recognising that the conversation was going deeper than she wished it to right now. She assessed his expression and saw it was mingled with concern and frustration at her. She touched his cheek and brushed her thumb over his lip. "Castle," she murmured patiently, "this is not about us or the baby. Don't make it personal. It's about there being nothing for me to tell the SVU without risking my life, our lives."

"Kate, you need to trust the detectives to do their job discreetly."

"They're not me, not our team, Castle. I don't want anyone else to screw this up." She replied. "And I really don't remember very much, Babe."

"Well, you can tell your colleagues all that." He firmly stated and stood.

Kate dropped her hand and watched him walk away, obviously annoyed at her. She understood the depth at which he was thinking, anticipating and fearing her future actions. He was worried and with her history of action, she appreciated why he was. She called, "Castle! Acting pissed at me doesn't help me remember. It's in my head, but not where I can access it, yet. I want to remember so I can put them and him away."

"I sure hope you do think that." He replied on his way to the bathroom to finish cleaning up. "Because you sure sound like you have your own agenda and I'm pissed off about it."

"Castle!" Kate frustratingly replied, the humour well and truly gone. "I don't want any cop screwing it up. We have nothing on him and you know that."

"Whatever." He responded as he continued to the bathroom. It was that moment he made his mind up he was taking her away as Sorenson had suggested.

"Espo?" Have you received it?" Ryan asked and looked at the photo that appeared on the screen of his cell phone.

"Yep. Got it. He's dead!" Esposito replied having inspected the picture Lanie had sent them and looked at Ryan seriously. "Which of us is going show it to Beckett?" He asked. He knew he had control of Beckett to a certain degree like a big brother to keep her head in the game, but he was aware that since she had been dating Castle she had put a little distance between them, had shown an unwillingness to engage in personal conversations. Ryan on the other hand had that softer side to him that mellowed Kate.

"I'll do it." Ryan elected and frowned, the creases in his face making him appear more worried than he actually was. He tapped his phone in thought and looked back to Espo. "Come with me man. We all need to be there for her." He paused. "After what we have seen, if Bracken is behind this, I want to kill the bastard as much as she probably does."

"Yep." Esposito agreed and stood off the stool. He quietly said so the feds wouldn't hear. "We know Beckett well enough to know she has him lined up as a target."

"We have to catch him out before we have to stop her from going rogue." Ryan replied. "We can't have her ruin her life anymore." He nodded his head at the stairs. "Let's go. Hopefully Castle has brought her back to the world of the living by now. He's been up there at least twenty minutes."

Ryan tapped on the door to the bedroom and instantly Castle looked over his shoulder. Kate was half sitting up, resting against multiple pillows. Castle, who was on the edge of the bed close to Kate, waved them in.

"She's asleep." Castle told them as they quietly approached.

"Wake her in a minute." Ryan said and held out the phone to Castle who took it. He inspected the image. "This is the dead guy?" He inquired glancing to the boys who nodded. "You want her to identify him?" He muttered and saw them nod again. He studied the photo of the dead guy. Greyish hair, possibly a little older than Castle, a tattoo around his neck only partially shown in the image but it was enough for him to know it was the tattoo Kate had been talking about in her sleep that day. "He sure could be one of them." Castle replied. "With that tattoo of the dragon …." He passed the phone back to Kevin.

"You know this how?" Kevin asked.

"She talks in her sleep about it almost non-stop. She keeps saying dragon in Russian. I had to google it to translate what she was saying."

The boys all glanced to each other, the detectives shifting on their feet in discomfort. Ryan said. "Least we will have something to go on when we interrogate his family."

"Yeah, but these guys all have tattoos." Esposito replied.

"Well, you will soon know if he's one of them." Castle commented and shook Kate from her state of sleep.

Slumberous, she blinked with heavy eyelids to look to him and took his hand."You still pissed at me?" She whispered, then saw the boys. She mumbled their names. Esposito and Ryan looked at Castle waiting for the reply.

"As much as you were at me." Castle answered and squeezed her hand.

"Kate," Ryan drew her attention to him not understanding the conversation between Rick and Kate. "I'm going to show you a picture of someone. We want to know if you have seen this person before." He hesitated pressing his lips together in anxiety, then held the phone in front of her so she would see the image of the dead man.

Kate's eyes shifted from Castle to the image on the phone. As soon as her eyes focussed and she saw the face she started to shake and pushed Ryan's hand away. "Castle?"

"It's over." Rick said taking her hand. "He's dead." He said to try and ease the reaction.

"She knows him." Ryan said seeing her expression of sheer fear. He leaned over towards Kate to regain her attention. "Tell us Kate. Do you know this man?" He asked with clarity and calmness in his speech.

Kate searched the men's faces with pursed lips. She nodded and looked to the armchair at the other side of the room. "Yes. I know him."

"Do you know his name?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Did this man hold you against your will?"

"Yes." She glanced to Rick to ascertain his reaction but she couldn't read his poker face.

"Did he hurt you?" Ryan persisted.

"Yes, a lot."

Ryan swiped the screen of the phone until he found the image of the guy Esposito had shot in the alley. He showed the picture to Kate. "Do you know this guy? He's deceased."

Kate, more willing to look this time scanned the photo of the dead guy with a hole in the side of his head. She looked at Ryan, dismissing the phone, "He was one of them. I don't know his name. He hurt me as well." She said. "He was tall." She knotted her forehead in confusion. Images of being held by him flashed through her. "I remember he choked me, holding me up. He was yelling."

Ryan nodded, glanced to Esposito and smiled encouragingly as he looked back to Kate. "Good. This is good. His name was Markos Plotnik. He's a dead end because he has no family in the US and lived alone."

Kate murmured in thought, "Markos." She looked over Esposito's face recognising he was experiencing a strong emotion. "There was nothing at his home?"

"He lived in a single rented room on the west side, bare necessities."

Kate grunted in thought. "I don't remember much, but feeling a lot of intensity associated with him." She said and saw all the guys glance to each other. "What?" She assessed each of them clearly seeing they all knew something. "What happened Rick?"

"Another day we'll talk about it." Risk replied.

"Can you tell me where they held you hostage? Please Beckett, try and give us something." Kevin pleaded.

Kate squeezed her eyes shut, biting down hard on her bottom lip, thinking hard. She heard Castle say her name and he nudged her arm to keep her responding. "It was a warehouse. There was a car inside. A window in the sky. Windows up high. Very cold and damp."

"Where was the warehouse?" Esposito asked. "When you ran to the phone where did you run from?"

"I didn't run to a phone." She replied creasing her brow in confusion. "Least I don't remember doing so."

"Kate, you found a payphone and called me from it." Rick said, then decided to take her back a bit to hopefully prompt her memory. "Do you remember talking to me on the burner phone?"

She thought about it and looked to Rick shaking her head. "No."

"Do you remember me hanging up on you?"

She opened her mouth, still thinking. Her finger lifted in his direction. "I was angry at you for hanging up! Yes! You did it because the battery on the burner was low." She took a moment. "You told me to hide, that you would find me using the burner phone."

The guys got excited and glanced to each other.

Rick asked again, "Do you remember being at the payphone? Did you remember telling me where you were?"

Kate searched Rick's face for anything she could draw to help her. However, she knew none of the guys were going to tell her a thing to prevent contamination of her memory. She had to tell them her account of what happened. She had flashes of sprinting, finding a payphone. She closed her eyes momentarily. "I remember was afraid they would find me. I heard your voice. I was angry because you hung up on me. I ran. I just ran as fast as I could. I ran so fast." She closed her eyes letting herself think about it. "Your voice again." She whispered. "I could hear you telling me you were on your way, to hide … then there's nothing." She opened her eyes to their faces. "What happened? How did you find me?"

"We'll tell you another day." Esposito replied, conscious it was not the time to discuss it. He knew she mostly like would never fully remember the situation in which they had found her because she had been too traumatised, pumped full of adrenaline and in a state of terror.

"We're going to the precinct to interview the family." Ryan said to Castle and Beckett. "We'll come back as soon as we can."

"Wait for me." Castle said. "I will come downstairs." He glanced to Kate and leaned to her for a kiss. "I'll be back soon. You have rest."

"Uh huh." She sunk down into the bed more than willing to go back to sleep. Satisfied she would be alright, Rick stood and ran after the guys who had already left the room. He pulled the door to as he left the bedroom.

Downstairs, Ryan phoned Captain Gates and asked her to retain the family until he and Esposito could interview them at the Precinct. They used some excuse that Kate had told them a snippet of information and Gates accepted that. Before they left they sat with Sorenson and Castle for a discussion in relation to anything either of the men thought was worthy of asking. The only thing Castle suggested was to search the males of the family for two specific things. He reiterated to the guys that Kate was talking in her sleep in Russian and English, repeatedly saying dragon and gold.

The reaction from Kate at the sight of the picture of the dead man had been enough to spur them on, to investigate the dead Russian a little bit deeper than Gates would.

At the same time Esposito and Ryan departed for the Precinct to interview the family of Sergei Davydoff, the detectives from the special crimes unit appeared at the entry of the loft. The boys ensured the identifications of the two female detectives were authentic before they permitted the detectives in the loft. They had a brief discussion regarding Kate's identification of the two dead Russians and generally debriefed each other before they parted.

Not bothering with formal introductions between the detectives and Castle, Sorenson escorted the detectives directly upstairs to the bedroom.

Castle stayed in the living room with his mother and waited, quite certain the SVU detectives wouldn't be up there for very long. As a subsequence of their earlier discussion, he knew Kate would conceal her real level of recollection of events until the time she was ready to talk, when she would also have the evidence to back up her statements. Rick was certain she was experiencing amnesia, but there was a tiny thread of doubt based on personal experience with her, that she remembered more than she was letting on. Being such a private person, it would take her a long period of time, therapy and a large amount of internal processing for her to get to the place where she would be willing to tell others what had happened. She still struggled to talk with him about the day she was shot without becoming stressed and flustered, so talking about what she'd been through this time was going to need an enormous amount of courage on her part.

Almost ten minutes later Sorenson came downstairs and sat with Martha and Castle. Initially he was silent, with a very tense expression over his face. Castle and his mother watched on, the two of them silently communicating. Things obviously weren't going very well upstairs with the detectives. Sorenson was brooding over it as his jaw was set very square, his facial muscles taut. He eventually looked to Martha and Rick, biting his top lip.

"She's is sticking with the line she doesn't remember much." Sorenson advised them as neutrally as possible.

"No surprise." Castle replied calmly. "You know her well enough too."

Will sighed, heavily agitated. "She knows we can't prove who is behind it. She knows the police can charge the men on the evidence taken from her once they're found and she can positively identify them, but she knows the person behind it remains untouchable." He lightly hit the arm of the seat with a closed fist. "I know her well enough to know what she is up to and it's so damn frustrating."

Castle sighed, glanced to his mother then back to Sorenson. "So what did she tell them?" He inquired placing emphasis on the positives.

"What she told us, and described things she remembers about individuals. She was becoming irritable when I left." He tapped the leather with his fingers tips. "She's stubborn, but she's very tired."

"She has amnesia and it's frustrating her that she can't remember." Rick said. "If and when she does remember, it will hit like a freight train. And that's when her coping mechanisms are really going to be challenged. You know how close she keeps things to her chest, Will, how hard it's going to be for her to admit what she lived through even to herself, and then everyone will expect her talk about what happened."

Martha rubbed her hands on her pants and leaned forward, fiddling with a long necklace that hung to her waist. Both the men looked at the large bluish stone she absentminded played with. "This morning, Kate was talking to me quite candidly. She said there are many snippets of memories that aren't making much sense to her. She clearly remembers being on a car, climbing it to get away, a skylight and being pulled by her hair, and dropped backwards off the car. After that it's messy." Martha said.

"The memories are there until her head struck the concrete. She has a blunt force wound at the back of her head." Castle explained to his mother then turned to Will. "Sorenson, you know she has amnesia. She may never remember. Earlier, I pulled her up off the bed by her hands and she reacted in fright. Although she knew she was dragged, by the indicative wounds she saw this morning, she said she remembered being dragged only after I pulled her up, so it may come back."

"Or she's lying about how much she remembers." Sorenson replied with his jaw clenched tight, "but I don't believe she is."

"Me neither. We know her Will so wait and see. She wants to end it. If she had convicting evidence I'm sure she would tell us."

"True." Will conceded.

"If it becomes absolutely necessary, I will prompt her to remember when she is strong enough. I know how to do it." Rick replied.

"Don't scare her, Richard." Martha warned. "You are the only person she trusts at the moment."

"I would never deliberately do that Mother." Rick replied and took a mouthful of his Scotch. "I will simply get her the help she needs to learn to deal with it all."

Kate stared at the bedside clock, watching the seconds hand complete a full circumference. Another minute had ticked by almost filled with silence between the three women. She knew Detective Cahill from the Academy years ago but not the younger woman. The detectives had pumped her with the standard questions, were polite, patient, and respectful of her at all times. When Will left the room about five minutes ago Cahill had attempted to push Kate, by repeating questions she asked of her earlier in a different way, but being a seasoned interrogator, Kate expertly neutered the detective's strategy. Kate replied once again that she didn't recall clearly who had abducted her, or who had violated her.

The events prior to hitting her head were quite clear and Kate answered their questions honestly. It involved a lot of repetition of what she had already discussed with Rick and the boys during the past few days which was wearing her down. The detectives had it on record that Kate had been subjected to violence and had incurred a head injury which had virtually rendered her physically unable to defend herself any longer. They understood that as a consequence of the head trauma, she had amnesia.

"I'm very tired, Detectives. Would you please ask Mr Castle to come up when you leave?" Kate used a tone that strongly implied she was finished with the interview and their presence.

Detective Cahill received the message loud and clear. She closed her note pad and stood, motioning her partner to do the same. She sighed, "Detective Beckett, if you do happen to remember any more details, please contact me. I will leave my contact details with Special Agent Sorenson and Mr Castle. Phone me any time of the day or night."

"Thank you Detective." Kate replied politely and slid down the bed to her side beneath the blankets. She curled up in a ball closing her eyes, clutching her head. She heard them leave.

Kate's mind churned with thoughts about the past week. It was speckled with flashes of violence, angry men, of Rick giving her bounteous love and affection, the boy's providing her with endless security.

Every memory tunnelled to the lynchpin in a blind swirl of anger, fury, pain and frustration rooted deep within her being. At the same rate she felt her strength returning she also felt the fire building up within her to put an end to the war once and for all. His name was constantly poised on the tip of her tongue but the moment she allowed that name to be carried on her breath and passed between her lips, she knew it would be the end of her life. If she admitted to anyone outside of her group that she knew who was behind her abduction, who had paid the Russians to take her, her hands would be tied and she would be sacrificing herself like a pawn. And on the flip side, if anything were to happen to that man over the next few months the finger of accusation would be instantly pointed at her.

If the SVU detectives even circled him with surveillance he would be suspicious that her death had been faked, as she had pointed out to Rick prior to the detectives' arrival at the loft. Kate knew if Bracken learnt she was alive there would be another attempt to have her assassinated. To prevent this and to protect her, any investigations of him needed to be done by the homicide squad.

The proposition of a million dollars had saved her on this occasion because the Russians' hunger for money had influenced their decision to deal with Castle, but she was certain Bracken come after her again and wouldn't ceased until she was dead. To survive, she couldn't say anything until she, Esposito or Ryan discovered at least one piece of convicting evidence against him. She wouldn't be safe until he was powerless. Even from a prison cell he could arrange her death with the right connections. She needed him dead to be safe.

Kate shuddered and forced herself to drop the thoughts, to concentrate on practising the coping mechanisms a psychiatrist had taught her to do years ago in order to control fears and manage anger, shortly after her mother was murdered. Throughout the day whenever she had needed to, she had mentally guided herself through the same steps. Even when Rick had pulled on her arms to lift her off the bed and spooked her, she had rapidly recited the steps that had settled her enough to cope with him immediately coming close to her body. She mentally scribbled at the images of violence with an imaginary thick black marker until there was nothing but black ink in her mind. She breathed deeply and slowly and thought about things that made her happy.

By the time Rick responded to Kate's request to go to her in the bedroom, he was mildly frustrated with the opinions of everyone, particularly those who weren't witnessing Kate's behaviour over the duration of her recovery. The detectives had been disappointed in her lack of information when they considered the fact she was a colleague. After a short discussion with Rick and Will however, they soon realised Kate consistently relayed the same details which reinforced it was perhaps all she remembered. The detectives had also elected to listen to Rick relay his experiences with her during the night. They had taken notes and said they would follow up with further investigations.

He quietly approached the king sized bed, forever fascinated by how small his girlfriend was able to become when she curled up in the position she preferred to sleep whilst alone. She was barely a lump beneath the blankets with her dark wavy hair untidily spread over her face and the pillow. His stubborn, strong woman was so insignificant in his bed. If he was in bed with her she would be stretched out with her body against his, her ridiculously long limbs somehow entwined with his solid frame. Assured she was at peace, he left her alone confident she was secure in bed and returned to the living room to phone her father.

_No questions this time… the next chapter will be up soon. It's basically done. _


	21. Chapter 21

_Next chapter for you. _

**Chapter 21**

"Look to your left" The doctor ordered.

"Left." The patient responded and curled her lips into a small smile.

"Good. Look right." Dr Parish watched Kate's hazel eyes playfully roll to her right. "Up. Mmm. Down." She lifted an optical light to Kate's eyes. "Look right at me." Lanie quietly requested. She shined the light to her left eye then right then turned it off. "You're a lot easier to treat today than the night we brought you home."

"It was painful."

"You remember?"

"Of course! You were trying to stick the light in my eyes but it hurt me too much."

"I'm sorry." Lanie took a gentle hold of Kate's head. "Keep your eyes on me." She requested and slowly rotated Kate's head observing both her eyes and the manner in which they stayed on Lanie's eyes. She paused a moment glancing between Kate's eyes. She smiled. "Do you know you have more brown in your right eye than in your left?"

"Mmm." Kate acknowledged and narrowed her eyes playfully at Lanie's.

"It's cute. Josh always said you had brown eyes."

"You have brown eyes. Anyway, Josh took more notice of Josh and his career." Kate replied without a second's thought. "That's one of the reasons we broke up."

"He still does, girl. He hasn't had a long term girlfriend since you two broke up."

Kate grunted then smiled devilishly. "I told you I was a good girlfriend."

"Kate Beckett." Lanie scorned playfully, then examined the wounds on her face and stroked her fingers over the part of her eye socket she knew was fractured. "How's it there?" She seriously asked.

"It's tender to touch." Kate murmured maintaining eye contact with Lanie's large brown eyes. She felt the doctor feel over her jaw. "There too." She quietly said.

Lanie smiled. "You are so lucky girl." She let her go. "I seriously don't know how you survived and how fast you are recovering."

"I was fit to begin with," Kate replied, "and Castle feeds me like I'm an Olympic athlete since we stayed the summer in the Hamptons. He likes to cook." She sat quietly as Lanie picked up a syringe full of antibiotics. Kate shifted and twist her hips and pushed down her yoga pants so the doctor had access to her left buttock.

"Good thing you were fit, do take care of yourself and that he does care for you so much."

Kate smiled warmly. "He loves me. He also has an underlying agenda Lanie. He wants us to be healthy, _so we have plenty of energy_." She mimicked facetiously with heavy emphasis on the subtext and glanced between Lanie and the syringe.

"Did Castle tell you that?" Lanie asked suspiciously holding the syringe clear momentarily. "Really?"

Kate released a loud noise of amusement that Lanie was so surprised. "Yes he did!" She continued to mimic Castle's voice, "_Best food I can give you Baby so you still have lots of energy at the end of the day … hohoho_! I told you what we were like at the Hamptons." She reiterated to Lanie who was laughing at Kate's interpretation of Castle.

"Yes, I recall that. It's a wonder you didn't get knocked up in the Hamptons."

"That's what we thought, that we were playing Russian roulette, but then we came back here and found there was something wrong with me." Kate sobered then seriously looked to her friend wanting to talk seriously

"What's up girl?" Lanie quietly inquired noticing the worry on Kate's brow. "Talk girl. I don't want you getting an ulcer."

"Lanie, he's really into me… was really into me." She looked down her body to the blemishes even on her hips where Lanie was about to inject her.

"Rick still is totally into you, Kate. He's crazy about you." Lanie took a deep breath. She decided now was as good as any time to discuss the insecurities Kate seemed to have about her injured body. Castle had approached her last night to talk about it and Lanie had subsequently agreed to have a chat with Kate, girl to girl. "He told me last night that you saw yourself in the mirror yesterday."

Kate nodded in agreement. "It's pretty bad."

"And you think he is turned off by it and repulsed by the abuse you experienced." Lanie said straight up as she laid the syringe on the top of her medical back for a moment where it was safe.

Kate looked directly up at Lanie who stood before her and nodded again, turning her eyes down to her bruised hands and scabbed knuckles and fingers. "Other men have …" Kate waved it off, knotting her forehead. There was a pool of confusing but powerful emotions fighting to push their way to the surface of her consciousness but she held them down, held her breath against them. She swallowed the pain in her throat.

"Talk to me Kate." Lanie urged, taking hold of Kate's right hand that reached to her. Kate's hand felt so cold in Lanie's.

Kate tissed, "… I may not remember but I can feel and see what happened to me and Rick knows. He's seen it all. Been totally exposed to it."

"He understands, Kate, that you need time, a lot of time to recover."

"But …"

"Look at me Kate," Lanie insisted in a tone that made Kate turn her eyes to her. There were many issues going on in Kate but she needed to address the problem she had with Rick because they were relying on her trust of Rick to keep her from withdrawing into herself. "Richard knows you think he has a high libido and he is well aware of the little insecurities you have, and don't deny them." Lanie paused, thinking about how she could say what Rick had said the night before, without going straight to the point as he had. "He knows it's in the back of your mind that he will stray from you. He said he only has a strong desire to make love with you, that he only wants you," she paused to think a second about how best to talk to Kate. "He also said that you understand that it's more than just the act of making love that he's referring to. It's what you two have between you that makes it so great, you know that stuff I'm always teasing you about." She waved her hand around, and saw Kate nod in understanding. "He doesn't know how to make you believe that it's only you that matters to him."

Kate wiped her eyes. "Don't make me cry Lanie." She felt Lanie's hand on her head.

"He's afraid he will lose you Kate. He fears you will think he won't want you anymore as his partner."

"Funny. That's what I'm feeling no matter what we say. It's silly I'm like this, because when I see him everything makes sense."

"You have a lot of shit to deal with Kate. Just trust him."

Kate nodded and fisted her hands in an attempt to restrain herself from toppling over the edge, to suppress the anxiety, frustration and total turmoil inside her. She was so frightened by things she couldn't remember… things that were lurking in the shadows of her memory, constantly haunting her. "I feel like I'm standing on the edge Lanie."

"Edge of what?"

"Of remembering what happened, of not wanting to remember, of wanting to be alone, letting no one near me, but at the same time, I can't bear to be alone, I want to have people touch me, to reinforce its okay," she paused, "it's very confusing!"

"Let it all go for now, and stop trying to control your emotions. Focus on you and Rick. Lean on us, Kate, for anything. You need to rely on other people and that's okay. We are all here for you."

"I know. I feel bad because you have all stopped your lives to keep me safe."

"Of course we have." Lanie reassured. "Esposito will hold you for as long as you need it." She smiled when she saw Kate blush. "I know you like his hugs Girl."

"I do." She uncontrollably smiled at the thought of being hugged by him. "Javy has the best hugs."

"Uh huh!" Lanie agreed with a coy smile. "Well, he's waiting for you, just like we all are."

"Lanie." Kate squeezed her hand. "I'll beokay."

Kate looked to the needle and syringe of antibiotics that Lanie had picked up as she processed what Lanie had said. "How many more days am I on the injections?" She asked changing the topic. She wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater, internally harassing herself about crying.

"A few. You will experience side effects, such as being a little angst and upset,"

"Ya think?"

"Mmm," Lanie agreed, "it's because they're strong doses to kill just about everything. That's why Rick is always feeding you the yoghurt." The doctor swiped Kate's skin with a sterile swab.

"Mmmm. I'm potentially a walking disease factory." She muttered. "Another put off."

"Don't say that Kate." Lanie replied, ignoring the face Kate's mood was changing from moment to moment, "Take a deep breath."

Kate obeyed and felt the needle prick her in the butt. "Twice a day." She winced when Lanie pushed down on the syringe and pulled it out.

"Yep." The doctor replied. "Done. Good girl."

Kate pulled her yoga pants up and pushed her top down. "Castle also has to deal with the fact I could have contracted diseases from them."

"The results are so far, so good." Lanie replied and disposed of the needle into her portable yellow container. "You already know that. Negative for everything, at the moment."

Kate sat still, concentrating on trying to control her emotions, which was exactly what Lanie had just finished telling her not to do. Everything was confusing and the smallest of issues were eating at her, but she was almost going crazy with the internal dialogue that battered her about these problems. Lanie sat on the weight bench across from Kate and stared directly at her to drawing her attention. Kate blinked and looked about the fully set up gym uncomfortable with Lanie's demand for her to focus because she knew Lanie would coerce her into spilling her thoughts. Mirrors, state of the art equipment, floor area. She took several deep breaths, feeling the anxiety bubbling away again. Kate decided she couldn't continue to avoid Lanie. Their eyes finally connected.

'_Finally'_, Lanie thought to herself and leaned toward Kate reaching for a hand. "What is the real problem here Kate? You're dancing circles around the real problem." She saw Kate take a deep shaky breath.

"I'm going to have to let him have sex with me Lanie." She whispered rapidly before she decided not to confess, her tone and expression full of stress, "I'm not afraid of him at all but I'm already anxious just thinking about sex even though I don't remember much of what they did."

"Whoa, Kate!" Lanie sat up and held up a hand signalling Kate to stop. "Please girl! Please stop thinking about sex right now. He doesn't …"

"… want to have sex with me." Kate finished starting to weep.

"No! No! No!" She waved her hand in Kate's face. "You are not in an appropriate mental or physical place to have consensual sex Kate. You won't be ready for some time and he knows that. He is willing to wait and do anything he can to help you through this. You both need to recover and get through it."

Kate breathed awkwardly in response to Lanie's words, struggling not to get upset, but the emotions she felt were extremely powerful and confusing. "God! Stop crying Kate!" She growled under her breath in frustration at herself and quickly wiped her eyes. "How long will Castle wait, Lanie? What if he meets another girl and things happened?"

"He could have dated a stack of girls while he waited for you, but he didn't. He waited for you, Kate! Why are you so afraid of him leaving you? Or do you want to push him away because you're afraid of yourself? Do you still want to be with him or are you afraid to be with him?" The doctor asked suddenly, in an attempt to piece together what Kate was specifically thinking.

"Lanie." She pleaded under her breath.

"Talk to me, Kate. What are you afraid of?"

"Everything. That he does want me and I won't be able to give him what he wants. That he won't want me and we will split up. I'm sorry, I'm just tired, so tired." She hunched over and covered her face with her hands. Lanie's hand caressed over her back in big smooth strokes. Suddenly, Kate sat up straight and wiped her eyes. She looked to Lanie and said, "I don't want him stuck with a broken me but I can't bear the thought of life without him. He's everything to me."

"Kate." Lanie drew Kate to her for a hug. She was surprised that Kate wasn't crying more. She was upset but mainly talked candidly and honestly with her. She heard Kate inhale deeply several times settling down. "We are great together, useless apart, and I have to remember that so I'm not afraid." She concluded.

"Let yourself heal, Kate." Lanie replied. "Why did you come into the gym?" She asked.

"To exercise." She smirked embarrassed by her determination to return to normality, "I know, I should be in bed still asleep and recovering."

"Yes very true, but okay, you must feel capable of exercise to be here." Lanie thought about that a moment and decided it would be beneficial for Kate to participate in a light activity. She was after all an extremely active and fit person. "I want you to get on that bike and do a very mild workout. Nothing too strenuous."

Kate sat up, and sniffed, smiling to Lanie. "Thanks Lanie. I needed to spill that."

"You're welcome. I just don't want you bottling that shit up inside you. It will only cause you to get an ulcer."

"Funny Lanie. It hurts." Kate stood and took a few steps, physically moving in a large circle to shake the tension from her body. She caught a glimpse of the FBI agent outside the doorway, not having noticed him earlier. She stepped to the exercise bike she carefully mounted very aware of the injuries. She started pedalling slowly so the machine's screen lit up. She touched the screen until she had the bike on a low resistance then focused on pedalling consistently to elevate her heart rate steadily. Lanie packed up her medical equipment into her bag and joined Kate stepping onto the other exercise bike.

"Castle sure has it set up in here." Lanie commented noticing Kate had regained her composure quickly. "Better than the gym I go to."

"I know right? He didn't tell me he had a gym. One morning, I happened to take a peek to see what was behind the door and discovered all this."

"Does he use it?"

"He does since we came back from the Hamptons. Now it's colder we workout in here more than at the park."

"Speaking of … where is Castle? He has barely let you out of his sight."

"He was still asleep when I woke up so I let him be. He's extremely tired from taking care of me and the broken sleep we have been having."

"So he doesn't know you're here?"

"No. I sent him a text. He will check his phone when he wakes up and finds I'm not there." She was starting to pant a little, noticing her fitness level was significantly below normal. "How come you were up?"

"I woke early and got up. When I heard you I came up." Lanie replied and looked about the large room. Luckily for Kate there were no external windows or doors so she was safe in the room. There was a flat screen TV on the wall but neither of them had thought about turning it on. The FBI agent outside the door kept a relaxed observation on the women, fully aware they were safe in the gym. Kate discreetly maintained a visual on him.

"Don't you work out too hard, Kate." Lanie reminded Kate when she heard her respiration was laboured.

"I won't, Lanie. I will do enough to raise my heart rate and to get the blood pressure up." Kate thought about the agent as she pedalled. She sensed that if he were to walk in the room she would have a total meltdown. So long as he remained where he was, Kate felt alright but she knew she would have to face up to fears and overcome them. She wasn't about to succumb to fear. She switched her thoughts to monitor her condition. She assessed the pain in her pelvis the rotating movement created, but continued to pedal. She understood enough about bone remodelling and maintaining her bone density to ensure she was back on her feet fast. Sorenson was right. She needed to be capable of moving as soon as possible. The most positive physical change which had occurred was the concussion had virtually resolved itself during the night even with the interruptions in their sleep. She had surprisingly woken early feeling reasonably all right, and was definitely stronger mentally and physically.

"So why were you up so early, Lanie?" Kate inquired sitting upright on the bike, arms of the rests. She wiped her eyes once again with the sleeve of her top wishing she had a tissue.

"I couldn't sleep. Javy wasn't there because he and Kevin worked most of the night and they crashed at the Precinct. The last text I received said they had made huge developments with your case during the night."

"Really? I hope so. It would be good to get it behind us so the boys and you can return to your lives."

"We'll find out soon enough and anyway, it's fun playing doctor to the living." Lanie replied grinning to Kate who also smiled.

Rick's cell phone playing the Spider Man theme woke him from a deep sleep. He blinked several times whilst humming to be beat of the tone, and reached for the iPhone to silence it before it woke Kate. Using his hand's knowledge of his phone, he blindly slid his thumb over the screen and put it to his ear. He mumbled sleepily, "Hello?"

"Castle? It's Ryan."

"Hello, Ryan. Why didn't you knock on the door?" He stretched out his arm and felt over Kate's side of the bed for her body he couldn't locate. He opened his eyes searching for her but she wasn't in the bed or within his vision. He lifted his head in search of her.

"Still at the Precinct. Can you and Beckett meet Detective Cahill at the alley where we found her? We have the address they kept Kate at but we need her to confirm it so we can use the search warrant."

"What time?" He dropped his head back on the pillow and rubbed his face in partial weariness, but mostly in worry.

"Say in an hour or so, nine thirty?"

"Alright." Rick sighed rubbing his forehead with worry. "Ryan?"

"Yep?"

"Will you guys be there?"

"I think we should be there for Kate and you. She won't go in there alone. I know her well enough to know she will need us there."

"She will. Alright. I will tell her and Sorenson. We will see you soon." Castle hung up the call and sat up in the bed, searching about the dark room and to the bathroom. She wasn't there. He checked his phone for a text message on the screen. There was one from Kate that stated she was in the gym and okay.

Minutes later, he padded out to the hall way in his shorts and shirt and stopped, looking at the FBI agent who stood outside Alexis's bedroom. They silently acknowledged each other with a wave and smile and the agent pointed toward the doorway to the gym. Rick nodded.

"She sent me a text." He muttered and continued down the hall to the gym. He paused at the open door and peered inside to see that Kate and Lanie were using the exercise bikes. He smiled when the women looked up as he continued into the room, quite surprised to see Kate had found the energy to be on the exercise bike, particularly after their night of interrupted sleep with nightmares haunting both of them. But on the up side of all that, in the earliest hours they had laid together for a good half hour, face to face, their noses touching. Her fingers had lightly rested upon his jaw and he'd had his hand over the side of her head softly caressing her. They'd intermittently kissed but mostly just stayed still, silent, existing together. It had been a half hour in which he had been strongly reminded of how much he loved her and why he was willing to live through anything to be with her.

He greeted Lanie first, kissing her on the cheek. "Morning, Lanie."

"Good morning, Castle." She gave him a look he didn't quite understand but assumed it had something to do with Kate.

He stepped over to Kate and softly greeted. "Hey, Kate." His chest buzzed when he saw the smile she kept for him and he couldn't restrain the smile that broke over his face as he took the final few steps to her.

"Hey." She slowed the pedalling to a halt and stood off the seat balancing on the pedals. He leaned to her for a kiss on the lips and wrapped his arms around her waist as she reached about his neck.

"Katie." He whispered and assisted her from the bike to hold her tight against his body sensing she needed to be there. He turned so he could see Lanie who indicated he and Lanie had to talk privately soon. He nodded once in response, closed his eyes and held Kate firmly to satisfy what she obviously wanted from him but also what he needed from her. He inhaled the scent of her, of her hair and savoured how his body internally reacted with a soft ache in his chest, a yearn for more of her. She didn't want to let go and that pleased him enormously.

"You okay?" He eventually asked.

"I am now." She murmured pressing herself into him.

"Ahhh … my girls, redhead or brunette, you're both the same …love my hugs." He kissed the side of her head and stood her back to inspect her state of health. She was still tired and pale, and didn't appear too happy, but on the whole the bruises had faded significantly overnight, and the side effects of concussion had diminished significantly. He gave her another kiss, satisfied with her overall progress and playfully patted her ass before he let her go. "I heard from Ryan a few minutes ago." He stated to both the girls.

"Are they still at the Precinct?" Lanie asked.

"Yes they are." He turned to Kate and said, "Ryan has asked you and me to meet him and Esposito where we found you."

"When?" Kate asked and knotted her forehead, feeling the anxiety turn her stomach. She had a sudden urge to use the bathroom but kept up the appearance she was okay.

"Nine thirty. We will need to get ready soon. I will tell Sorenson so he can organise the FBI protective detail. We can't have any media around but more importantly we need to get you there and back safely."

"Ok. I'll take a shower."

"Will you wait a minute for me?" Castle asked sensing a need to have some bonding time with Kate prior to their departure from the loft. He caught Kate's glance of warning to Lanie before she looked at him and nodded. He senses immediately picked up that the women had been engaged in a heart to heart and Kate wanted Lanie to keep it to herself.

"I'll go choose some clothes to wear." Kate replied and headed toward the door.

Rick watched her take careful steps. "Plain clothes and flat shoes." He suggested and smiled to her as she glanced over her shoulder at him. She then continued on her way. "Be careful," he called.

"Yes, Castle. I will see you in the bathroom." Kate hollered back. She paused in the hallway when she spotted the FBI agent. He smiled to her but kept still. Kate hugged the wall, trying not to make it obvious she did, as she passed him then hurried to her bedroom.

In the gym, Lanie looked to Castle. The two of them waited and listened until they knew Kate was out of hearing range.

"You spoke to her already?" He asked in a murmur.

Lanie nodded and whispered. "It came up. She's afraid of having to have sex with you. Clarify here. The act of sex is her concern, not you. She feels she should not be with you but says she can't imagine her life without you. It's upsetting her, that she may not enjoy that part of your relationship any more. There are other things in addition to the sex issue, but that's the major problem."

"Geez, Lanie." He quietly replied, surprised the subject had come up so soon. Once he gave himself a moment to think it over, he figured it was quite within Kate's typical behavioural range to be insecure about their relationship. She frequently looked for excuses, listened to what others said about their experiences, poked at weaknesses or flaws in their relationship that may end them. Every time, he found he was reassuring her that they were not other people, that they had strong bonds and great chemistry that kept them together. It was part of her nature to over think things. He rubbed his right palm over his jaw in thought, thinking the sex was only a small part of their partnership. "It's only been a few days. She needs stop over thinking stuff and to give herself a break."

"I told her that."

"It's just sex that is worrying her?"

"It's a catch 22 Rick. She is afraid of having sex with you, but also fears you're not attracted to her any more, and may seek out other women. It's complicated."

"Complicated?" He scoffed, "Shit!" He scratched is head. "I will still go with the plan we discussed last night. Let her lead the way. But I will remind her of what we have, like we were at three this morning." He muttered to himself. "I will need to show her I still want her." He rose an eyebrow to Lanie. Kate really needed to stop over thinking things. "Ok. I'll deal with it." He said with a frown.

Almost ten minutes later, Rick followed Kate to the bedroom after he had spoken with Sorenson downstairs to arrange the trip to the site. He closed the bedroom door for the first time since they had brought Kate home. He found her waiting for him in the bathroom, sitting on the wooden chair with her legs folded up against her body, huddled inside her oversized pink bathrobe, only her toes sticking out a little. She smiled in response to his presence, acting like everything was all right, but he recognised she was in the middle of an internal battle. He gently shut the bathroom door closing the rest of the world out of their life for the next half hour. He leaned against it, his palms against the door, behind his back. He swallowed, imprinting the image of her in his memory. She was still a shadow of her former self but she was alive, moving, breathing and so adorable bunched up on the chair. It triggered a warm surge of emotions within him that he strongly had the urge to physically express, but he held back to avoid the risk of spooking her with too much too soon especially after the conversation with Lanie.

"So," he began, visually assessing her state of mind, "how are you this morning?" He inquired with genuine concern.

Kate's heart quickened when she saw him moisten his gorgeous lips. His eyes shone brightly. She lifted her shoulders and her body huddled cutely as she smiled shyly and replied, "I'm okay. Not so weak."

"Mmm." He swallowed again, still dwelling on how adorable she looked, incredibly girly compared to the tough, relentless cop he was accustomed to being in the company of. "Can I stay here with you?"

Kate bit her lip in an attempt to restrain a smile that his charm and the manner in which he looked at her caused, "Of course. I waited for you, my super hero," she teased and directed her eyes to his shirt that he glanced to. She felt her cheeks blush.

"Oh! Alright!" He grinned and pushed himself off the door, instantly feeling at ease. He lifted off the Lantern Man shirt he'd slept the night in and hung it over the back of the chair Kate was sitting on then pushed down his shorts he stepped out of with his left and with an expert kicked, tossed them to the clothes hamper. "Scored!" He exclaimed boyishly under his breath, also catching Kate's roll of the eyes and her bemusement of why a grown man would be so easily entertained.

Kate let her feet to the floor and stood, looking at Rick who stopped in front of her leaving a small gap between them. His light brown hair was all messed up from sleep, strands of it falling boyishly over his forehead, matching his light mood. She smiled in adoration and reached up to it gently brushing it aside but it fell straight back over his forehead long enough to almost interfere with his eyes. "Your hair looks cute." She commented and had another attempt at pushing it back.

"Yeah?" He asked and heard her hum a response as he took hold of her hands firmly in his and continued to breathe deeply and calmly, reciting to himself that he was alone with Kate and she needed to trust him. It was all about the girl who stood before him and keeping her mind in the game.

Kate's eyes dropped to Rick's bare feet and slowly made their way up his legs, to his limp cock, his stomach and broad, masculine chest all of which she loved so much. "Castle?" She whispered lovingly and saw his shoulders straighten as his chest expanded. She saw his intense expression, his eyes darkened with affection. She felt herself start to relax and calm down in his presence, in a quiet room, uninterrupted by others. Unlike when she was away from him, when her internal dialogue caused her to suffer anxiety, right now everything felt at peace, quiet.

Rick smiled softly, visually taking in her whole face, her changing moods and the numerous expressions that crossed her face as she settled down. He combed her hair with his spread fingers. "I love you." He said and she responded instantly with her eyes looking into his.

"I love you too," she whispered, "my best friend." She rose elegantly to her tip toes leaning towards his lips she tenderly kissed, tasting him, feeling the softness of his lips. Her hands laid against his chest, feeling the strength of the muscles across his chest beneath her fingers. She stepped a little closer to him staying on her toes to meet his height. In the pit of her stomach she felt the pleasant tingling as her senses awakened. Then there was the sweet rush of blood to her loins, the welcome light headedness confirming he was all she wanted.

As they kissed, he untied the belt of her robe and gently pushed it off her shoulders letting it fall to her elbows. His hands softly swept around her bare waist beneath the robe, drawing her body closer to his from the small of her back. His fingertips roamed to the tip of her buttocks, felt the surface of her sacral and wandered aimlessly back up her spine as soft as a feather against her skin. He loved the small of her back the dip her pelvis caused especially when she wore heeled shoes. He breathed deeply, concentrated hard on keeping his anatomy from responding to her proximity and affection, but he couldn't stop the wave of emotions, the sparks that flared through his nervous system like electric shocks. It would be impossible to stop feeling it and he didn't want to ever lose those feelings the closeness her body caused him to experience. They were as addictive as a drug, but felt far better and left him trembling with the desire for more. No one else in the world did that to him, had ever made him feel like she did. The buzz between them was fascinating and addictive. He thought he'd been in love before but he'd been fooling himself; no, he'd been naïve, simply hadn't experienced true love.

They parted and Kate dropped her arms to allow the robe to fall to the floor. He once again took hold of her hands, but this time his eyes wandered her body, his face wearing a natural unforced expression of love and desire. Kate was the same, but on this occasion he saw she was more confident and comfortable. She released her little hum of contentedness and nibbled on her bottom lip.

"You're getting better." He stated and heard her hum a response. He leaned down and kissed her again, just to taste her to satisfy his own hunger.

Seconds later, he reached over to the taps he turned on, mainly to distract himself from her a momentarily so he could regain control of his desires. Once the water was the right temperature, he encouraged her into the shower ahead of him.

Beneath the flow of the water, Kate really found him, zoned in on them and completely let down her guard. They had always had fun in the bath or shower and even now she was taken back to that place of safety with him. She encircled her arms about his body and held onto him, his hands going to the back of her head. She kissed his lips her hands flat against the sides of his rib cage.

She stood down flat footed beneath the hot water and smiled to his face. "We'll be okay, Ricky."

"I know." He confirmed, noting she was in a good mood whenever she called him Ricky, unless of course she was being sarcastic. "Can I hug you? I want to hug you so much."

"Our hug?" She inquired her eyes shining.

"Of course!" He replied excitedly.

"Yes!" Kate exclaimed and instantly wrapped her arms about his neck, hopping to his height, as his arms grabbed her buttocks. She lifted her legs to his hips and held on tight feeling one of his arms go to her waist pulling her close as possible to him and they stayed that way beneath the shower, took the time to regroup. They were silent, but they both felt the intensity of the moments they stayed there. When she slid her legs back down his body to return to the floor, he gently let her down, then cradled her jaw, returning to her mouth. They kissed seriously, left breathless when they parted. Kate coyly smiled, looking down to his groin.

Rick smiled boyishly lifting her chin with a finger to see her eyes. "Sorry. I can't help it." He shrugged his shoulders. "It's you."

Kate grinned, went back to his mouth and kissed him again, her fingertips brushed the stubble over his jaw. "You love me. I know you can't help it." She hummed internally contemplating that if he hadn't reacted to their proximity and behaviour she would be worried. In fact she knew she would be crying, totally heartbroken. Internally, she quickly assessed how her body had reacted to him, mentally listed the things she had felt within when he'd held and kissed her. She followed his gaze to her breasts to see her nipples were erect, then looked back to his eyes with a smile.

"You obviously still feel something for me." He beamed smoothing her wet hair off her face. "I was worried you wouldn't want me anymore." He pulled her back to his body for another hug and her arms went around his torso holding her body tightly against his chest.

She felt safe, so safe. "Never." She said, feeling him pulsing hard against her belly. It provided her with relief that he wasn't repulsed by what he saw on her body. She'd been crazy for even thinking it, but it had been bothering her almost an entire day. There he was right there, not at all ashamed of the fact he desired her and was making it obvious he did. "I just need time." She said, feeling his chin rest on top of her head, his hand cup the back of her head.

"You can have as much time as you want. Just remember this moment." He kissed her forehead and lingered in their embrace a few moments longer before he gathered himself and said, "Alright, we need to wash up and get ready to leave. You have a big task ahead of you." He let her go and handed her the shampoo, content that he had her back, at least for a few hours.

Absent any make up, pale skinned, her dark hair with copper highlights tied back in a firm pony tail, wearing a plain pink hoodie and jeans with runners, Kate appeared much younger, plainer and drastically different to how she usually presented herself. Sorenson, Castle and Martha had Kate turn a circle before them, inspecting her for anything that would cause her to be recognised in public. Martha, a woman who prided herself in being detailed, closely studied every aspect of Kate from head to foot. Her clothing, hair, everything needed to look un-Beckett. Kate was still frail and thin compared to the woman she knew, different enough that people would be lucky to recognise her outside the way she currently appeared. Her clothing was loose instead of fitted and her hair was styled in a way Kate never wore it. Martha pursed her lips having noticed one particular part of Kate that people would recognise if they were close enough. It was an obvious point of reference to confirm her identity.

Martha glanced to her son. "The beauty spot on her cheek." She mentioned, touching her own left cheek, and instantly saw Kate's reaction, that she was conscious of it. "Sorry, darling." She stroked Kate's upper arm in reassurance.

"It's gorgeous!" Castle replied to his mother, "but I appreciate what you mean."

"Someone would have to be close to her to notice it." Sorenson remarked, thinking how it was so much a part of Kate that he didn't even notice it. "It's a stretch."

"We also can't do much about it." Kate said, her eyes widening.

"Perhaps we can." Martha said. "You will be wearing a hat because its cold out and we need to hide your hair."

"Not a hat." She groaned.

"No arguments. It's cold outside and you are a long way from being well. You could catch anything out there." Martha stated in a tone that told Kate not to bother arguing.

Sorenson and Castle glanced to each other in understanding. Castle, his eyes wide, mouthed to Kate. "_Do not argue,"_ and shook his head in the negative. The second Martha wasn't looking Kate gave him a look of frustration, her eyes narrowed.

Sorenson chuckled in amusement and leaned against the wall. He was beginning to understand why Castle was so animated and imaginative. He knew the big personalities in Rick's family would regularly freak out a more conservative Kate who was also accustomed to living alone.

"Hold still, Kate." Martha requested and Kate stood still. Martha freed up Kate's hair around her forehead allowing strands of it to fall softly around her face. Once the beauty spot was basically concealed she stood back and took a further scrutinising look. "You should do some modelling." She suggested noticing the contours of Kate's face would look great in black and white photographs with the right photographer.

"I do, did, for photographers." Kate admitted. "Be quiet guys." She also said shooting a look of warning to both men before the temptation to tease her took over.

"I would like to see them." Martha said.

"Richard has a lot of them on his laptop." Kate informed Martha in a tone that immediately had Rick on alert. She added, "I'm sure he would love to show them to you." She narrowed her eyes at Rick who retaliated with an expression of counteraction. She pouted her lips to stop a smile of cheekiness escaping her. She checked herself in the mirror also glancing at Rick's reflection as he indicated physically that she was going to pay for that remark to his mother. She ignored his bantering behaviour and focussed on her image. She rarely wore her hair as she had it now but it looked fine and Martha was right, it was difficult to see the spot on her left cheek, a definite feature of her face, when strands of hair were allowed to hang around her face.

Martha, who also ignored the good-humoured raillery taking place, took one more inspection of Kate. She passed Kate a woollen red and pink hat and a scarf from her own wardrobe, both different to what Kate would purchase for herself. Kate found it very difficult to keep the dislike off her face.

"Come on. We have to leave." Will reminded them. "You got the protective vest on Beckett?"

Kate patted her chest in response, all of them hearing the sound of the bullet proof vest beneath the clothing. She looked to Martha, her lips pursing in response to the sudden anxiety swarming within her stomach.

"Thanks Martha." She said and hugged her firmly. Once again the boys glanced to each other, neither of them accustomed to Kate being girly.

"I will have lunch ready for everyone when you all get back." Martha said and gently pushed Kate to Richard. Kate pulled on the hat and hung the scarf over her neck. Rick took hold of Kate's hand.

"Thanks Mother. We'll see you in a couple of hours. The FBI guys will be here." He nodded to the two agents who were staying. The two who were escorting them were waiting on the other side of the door. Sorenson opened the door, giving Kate one last glance.

"Okay Kate. Let's do it." Sorenson said and nodded to Castle who urged Kate through the front door into the security of the FBI agents. She was unable to walk with her normal stride because of the fracture to her pelvis, and the extra weight of the protective vest but she kept up.

In the elevator, everyone was quiet. Castle was surprised the elevator didn't stop at any of the floors on the journey to the car park level. He noticed Kate positioned herself in a back corner of the elevator so he and Sorenson were between her and the FBI agents who had been instructed by Sorenson days ago not to acknowledge Kate until she settled down. They were solely there to protect her. Sorenson had made it clear to Kate on several occasions that the guys were not going to come near her and Rick thought she seemed comfortable with that so long as they didn't come too close. All the way down Rick noticed Kate repeatedly peered over his shoulders at the agents, like a kid would observe strangers. It would be a humorous act of an adult if he didn't understand the reason she did it. It was an act that would soon disappear. Once they reached the car parking lot, the agents went ahead of Sorenson, Castle and Beckett to ensure the area was safe for Kate to enter. Kate walked between Castle and Sorenson, tightly holding Rick's hand as they headed towards the vehicles.

They had just stepped out of the foyer and were crossing the car park when Sorenson made a decision and ordered. "Carry her, Rick. She's not fast enough."

"Will!" Kate objected glancing to her left at him, but also let Rick hook her right arm around his neck as he scooped her up, she partially hopping up for him, and he jostled her up high enough against his body to be comfortable. "I can walk." She stipulated clearly hanging on to Rick.

"Not well enough." Rick replied. "Keep quiet. You're dead, remember? And you'll be walking when we get there." He quietly reminded her, which caused Kate to narrow her eyes at him. "I'm ignoring that look." He remarked. "You are almost your regular weight with the vest on." He muttered.

"It's heavy to wear." She replied. She had to concede that even with Castle carrying her weight in addition to his own, they did progress across the car park to Rick's sedan faster than Kate could have managed on her own. She understood Will wanted her across the car park and into the safety of the vehicle as quickly as possible.

Sorenson unlocked the vehicle and opened the passenger front door, scanning the car park. No one outside of the four men knew where Kate was going. He hoped that Cahill's party kept it discreet to ensure Kate's safety once they arrived at the site.

Castle let Kate down to the ground so she could get in the passenger side of the vehicle. He held out the seat belt for her then closed the door once she was safely inside. He turned to Sorenson.

"Williams and Sanchez will drive in front, and I will stay behind your vehicle. Do not let Kate get out the car until we are at the destination. She had a crack at escaping when we were one the way to the safe house so she may attempt it today."

"Understand." Rick replied clenching his jaw to stop the anger escaping him that she had been taken from him in the first place by the FBI. He briefly wished she had escaped Sorenson's car that night.

Sorenson handed Rick a radio transmitter that he quickly inspected. "We communicate via them if we need to. We will be able to hear you guys in the event something goes haywire we will know." He paused looking from the car where Kate patiently waited to Rick. "If she starts to lose it, try and keep her head in the game."

"I'll keep her together." Castle replied and swallowed nervously. "What if we need to abandon?"

"Just let me know you need to turn back and we will escort you home." Sorenson said and looked to Castle in understanding. He nodded. "She could well lose it. Understandably so. She lost control the night I drove her to the safe house but this is far worse."

"Agreed. All right." He clapped his hands once. "Let's get this show on the road." Castle took the keys and walked to the driver's side. Inside the sedan, he sneaked a glimpse of Kate who was remarkably calm. She had removed the hat and had it, along with the outrageously coloured scarf, resting in her lap where her hands rested. "Ready, Babe?"

"Yep." She replied slapping her lips on the '_p_'. "Let's do it." She said and looked to Rick with a forced smile. He threw the car into reverse and looked over his shoulder.

The convoy of vehicles slowly left the apartment block and turned right into the traffic flow keeping together. They now had to ensure vehicles didn't come between any of them.

"Thanks for nominating me to show my mom your photographs by the way, Honey." Rick said. He heard Kate chuckle in amusement. "Nice one."

"Yeah." She patted his thigh in consolation, "I thought you and Martha could do with some lengthy bonding time." She smirked aware he had hundreds of professional photographs of her on his laptop.

"We'll see. This is not over." He warned his tone full of challenge.

"You're nominated, _Honey_." Kate replied placing heavy emphasis on their pet name. "Anyway, it's payback for the photo you took of my ass."

"Oh! I knew that would come back to bite me, if you will pardon the pun."

Kate pouted her lips to prevent a smile breaking over his response. "Well, you deserve it." She replied under her breath.

Castle thought about the photo he had snapped of Kate one morning in the Hamptons when she been asleep. "It's a good photo." He defended. "You had underwear on."

"A g-string, so my ass was right out there!" She objected and grumbled glaring at him in disapproval.

Rick, ignoring her, expressed a groan of appreciation of the photograph he also mentally pictured, of Kate who had been sound asleep face down on the bed with a nothing but a pink g-string concealing her stuff. Her tanned bare buttocks, the shapely contours of her body which at the time had been strong and fit from all their exercise. He loved it. "It's a damn sexy photo." He glanced to her seeing her expression. "What? You have photos of me in next to nothing!"

"I don't…. "

The transmitter beeped stopping Kate. "You do realise we can hear you?" Sorenson interjected.

Kate and Rick looked to each other and giggled like two kids who had been caught out misbehaving.

"Sorry." She said sitting up straight and playing with the hat. "This colour is so not me." She stated forgetting the picture Rick had of her. She was sure he had more than he ever let on because he was often up writing during the night while she slept and probably had plenty of occasions to snap photos of her.

"I agree. You look far cuter in your red hat."

"Uh huh." She agreed. "This is so …."

"Martha."

"Yes." She scrunched it up in her hands. "They are very soft to touch."

Rick didn't respond but glanced to her, recognising she was nervous and trying to act normally.

Kate soon lost interest in the hat and began to channel surf the radio stations, skipping through the channels repeatedly, unable to find a song she was content to listen to. This nervous habit of hers always had and still did annoy the hell out of Rick. On most occasions, he let it go fully aware it was one of Kate's coping mechanisms. She did it whenever they were travelling to a risky situation on the job and he usually chose to ignore. She also did it if they were arguing and then he would always switch off the radio so they could resolve their disagreements. Over the five minutes Rick estimated he heard twelve different songs, three conversations and sixteen advertisements, most of which he heard twice because of the rate she was shifting from channel to channel.

The VHS transmitter beeped and Sorenson's inpatient voice sounded. "Kate, will you fucking stop with the radio? I can't believe you still do that shit!"

Rick coughed in surprise. Kate glared angrily at the VHS transmitter sitting in the drinks slot in the middle console. She hissed impatiently but put the radio back to their mutually favourite station and dropped her hand to her lap saying nothing. Castle laughed unable to hold it back any longer. She shot him a narrow eyed look. He shut up.

"I hear you." Sorenson said.

Kate glared at the transmitter and barked. "You know too much, Sorenson!"

They heard Sorenson laughing hard. Castle chuckled. He felt her eyes burning through the side of his head. Braved up, he glanced to her. "What?" He squawked.

"Nothing!" She responded and turned her eyes to the road ahead.

"I didn't say it. Your protective detail did!" He defended his voice higher than normal. "Sorenson, help me here!" He squawked at the transmitter. All they heard was Sorenson's laughter. Kate and Rick glanced to each other then Kate's eyes narrowed like a cat's at the transmitter. Rick put his hand on Kate's thigh and gave her a long gentle stroke as he continued to follow the FBI's vehicle wondering why the hell the lead driver had chosen the route they were on. If he'd been in the lead he would have travelled two more blocks before making the turn they'd made a block earlier. Too late. He let it go. The moment between Sorenson and Beckett had lightened the mood in the car enough to let him relax a bit. The nausea in his stomach had consequently eased a little.

The next thing Rick heard was the sound of Kate biting the nail of her right thumb. His anxiety level increased. Once again he glanced to her, but chose to remain silent. He felt nervous about what they were about to do, and he hated to even contemplate what was going through Kate's mind the closer they got. The only plus presently was that that Kate didn't know the location of where they had found her. However, he guessed she would soon figure it out. The nail biting was a definite indication she was anxious. The next thing that caught her attention was the song on the radio. Guns and Roses. She changed stations before the song had even played for four seconds. He knew she disliked the band but she usually wasn't so temperamental about it. He shot another glance at her.

"Castle!" She growled.

"Really, Kate?" Rick sighed heavily, growing impatient with her snappy mood.

"Don't say a word, Will." Kate ordered at the transmitter and shifted in her seat ignoring Rick's comment.

Rick passed her his iPhone. "Connect it Babe. Play something off that."

Kate took his phone and connected it to the stereo. She searched through his music collection in his application and chose Andrew Belle whom she really liked.

As soon as he heard the song, Rick smiled. "The Ladder. Good choice."

Kate didn't reply, but listened to the song and turned her attention to all the people going about business in the city, the trucks, vehicles and the couriers on their bikes. The car blocked out most of the city noises making it feel like she was in some sort of bubble looking in on the lives of others.

And then there was her life that had been on track until recently. She glanced down at her engagement ring and straightened it to its correct position. She loved it, how it looked independently as a piece of jewellery and how it was on her long slender finger. With the length of her fingers, Rick had had the freedom to choose any size setting to place on her finger. He had listened to Alexis and Martha's advice and picked a large solitaire diamond. It was the only ring she had accepted and the only one she ever wanted.

Martha and Alexis had managed to extract from Kate the type of rings she liked when the three of them had gone on a shopping trip in search of a ring for Alexis. She later found out the whole day had been a hoax simply to learn Kate's preferences in rings. Everyone at the time thought it was funny that the detective had been outdone by civilians working together to conceal their plan of action. Regardless of the fact she had been tricked, she loved what it meant to her sentimentally, that his whole family and her father had worked together to learn something about her. She had the story behind it, the fact Rick had given it to her and been resourceful in eliciting from her what she liked. Rick had told her he already had the matching wedding band for it, she simply had to make a date to marry. She looked to him and reached to his hand she took a hold of.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"It's okay." Rick replied easing her, and smiled briefly preferring to keep his eyes on the road.

She once again looked around the neighbourhood recognising they were now entering the industrial region, south west of the Precinct. She let go of his hand so he could manoeuvre the car around a parked truck and returned hers to her lap. Her heart was thumping out of her chest.

"There won't be anyone there?" Kate asked.

"Detective Cahill and her team will be. Ryan and Esposito are meeting us there. I will be right beside you."

"I mean, will any of the men who took me be there?" She put her hand to her neck, coughed feeling constricted. Her mouth was dry.

"I don't think so. But there will be quite a lot of guys there, Kate. Will you be ok with that?" He asked, having not thought about the chance she would be afraid to be near men in general. He also hoped Sorenson was listening to their conversation and would ensure all those present would be kept well away from her. They had all considered close contact may be a problem but not day to day interactions whilst moving about.

"I think so." She swallowed. "Do you have any water in the car?"

"In the back on the floor there's a bottle." He replied. "Did you hear that Will?" He inquired.

The VHS transmitter beeped. "Roger that. Will radio forward to ensure they maintain a buffer between them and you."

"Thanks." Rick replied and glanced to Kate who looked relieved.

She then reached back and found the bottle of water. She took a mouthful, swished her mouth and swallowed. She offered it to Rick but he declined so she lidded the bottle and placed it in the console.

"You will be safe with us." He reassured, having now contemplated what the scene could possibly look like through Kate's eyes. She had after all been violated when she had assumed she was in safe custody at the safe house. Why would she feel safe in public?

He glanced to her hearing her respiration had shallowed. She was no longer breathing from her abdomen as she was too tense He pulled up at a red light behind the FBI car. He heard her try the door handle to no avail. He'd locked all the doors before he had left the car park. He also laid his hand over the button on the console that would release the door, just beating Kate to it. She growled under her breath but said nothing,

"Stay here, Kate." He quietly said and saw her huddle her hands to her chest and look to him. She was severely afraid and wanted to run. He silently asked himself at what point this strong, independent woman had finally been broken by them, what event had caused her mind to block her memory, but still allowed her to behave and react to situations as though she could recall every second. He feared every day there was going to come a time or an event, which would make her afraid of him, of all of them and she would simply disappear.

With the lights green again he accelerated behind the FBI vehicle. They were about five blocks away from their destination.

"Rick?"

"Mmm?"

"Please take me home. I can't do this today." She stated staring at her shaking hands.

"You're not going to do this alone. You can do it." He encouraged when in fact he wasn't sure at all whether she would get through it. He couldn't predict what he was driving her to, which worried him greatly. He followed the lead car through an intersection. "Get this over and done with and we're going somewhere you can be safe."

"When?"

"As soon as we can pack and get the hell out of the city. Do you want to go away with me?"

Kate nodded and looked over to him as he happened to glance to her. "I'll go anywhere with you."

"Then we'll leave as soon as we can." He confirmed and reached for her face he lightly brushed with the back of his hand.

"Fine." Kate replied and looked out the front window sensing they were getting close to where she had been found. "Promise me you will take me away, Castle." She said a minute later.

"We'll go as soon as possible. I already have a place in mind." He reached to her head and caressed her hair, sensing the anxiety levels were rapidly on their way up within her. "We'll go where you will be safe and can recover." He reassured once again.

She nodded. "I just have to identify the place, tell Detective Cahill anything I can remember and that's it." She recited.

"Correct." Castle replied. "You can do it." He encouraged and found her hand again he held firmly, feeling her tremble. Her hand was ice cold.

"I'll do it. I'm a cop remember?" She stated, her tone almost bordering on being cynical.

"I know, and as your partner I will be right beside you." He stated and lifted her hand to his lips to kiss the back of her hand. "Always."


	22. Chapter 22 - warehouse

_Finally done. The following has been extremely hard to write and I feel I have walked the on the edge for this one. I have split the chapter because it became too big. This, and the next chapter, are raw … Remember, the story revolves around recovery, growth and of course revenge. _

_I learnt this week at work that revenge is truly best served cold. I've watched the demise of a very nasty person unravel before my eyes. There really is karma. It has impacted on how I will write and how Kate is going to finish this story. And I won't be following what is going on in the show – I have already basically drafted the end of this. It was outlined before I began the story. Thanks greatly to my editor in chief who provokes me to think about how I communicate and how to do it better. I spend hours going over his reviews and trying to come up with better ways to express what I'm trying to convey as he does reading my drafts. Thank you to all those who take the time to write reviews as well. They are all appreciated and are similar to little hits of chocolate to my system. Your reviews have often knocked me flat on my ass and left me speechless. They put a massive grin on my face even the little one. I'm sure people wonder what I'm up to when I read them and grin stupidly. _

_Hold your breathe_

**Chapter 22**

"C'mon Baby. It's gonna be ok." His right hand stroked her thigh. His left was gripped by her hands that were not going to let go anytime soon. She stared at the payphone in silence, her lip trembled when she didn't bite or hassle it with her teeth. Castle knew she was thinking about many things, but in particular was probably trying to put the pieces together in her mind as to what had taken place the night she had escaped the warehouse. Her chin tightened and relaxed with the times she clenched her jaw, the small scar on her chin dimpling. He usually thought it was cute but not today.

Her eyes fluttered with trepidation between the bins at the entrance of the alley and the payphone against the wall. She looked hauntingly at Castle's face, blinking several times her thumb stroking his hand back and forth, reassuring herself. "This is the place." She merely whispered and in response, he gently squeezed her thigh and leaned forward to press his lips against her cold cheek.

He nodded in confirmation of her statement and pointed his hand towards the dumpster. "We found you up in that alley." He told her. "We didn't know where you came from. We do now. On the night, we only knew that you called me using that payphone after we hung up on you on the burner phone."

"I came from down there." She replied staring down the narrow street, permitting her mind to recall when she had sprinted as fast as she could to the intersection. Unlike that night, the area was presently bustling with activity. The intersection had been cordon off to the full extent by police cars, and temporary barriers, with pedestrians restricted to using a single path through the area. The emergency lights strobed everywhere, reflecting in windows of buildings and cars and continually flashed in Kate's eyes, which bothered the lasting symptoms of the concussion. Some members of the public searched to locate the cause of the high level of police presence. However, most people kept to their business, accustomed to police involvement in the city.

"Do you remember the payphone?" He inquired, hoping to keep her engaged in conversation.

"I remember being afraid to cross the street to reach the payphone. I couldn't decide whether to run or phone you. I only wanted to hear your voice. I struck the phone handle in anger because I didn't have any money, and hurt myself doing it. That's why I phoned you reverse charge."

Rick considered what she explained and concluded silently it probably would have been better had she made the decision to keep running than to use the payphone to call him. But he quietly encouraged, "Good," and squeezed her hand. It suddenly occurred to him how the Russian had located her at the payphone. He would have easily heard her crying at the payphone. He once again rested his right palm over her left thigh, noticing the slenderness of her thighs. His hand's span was as wide as her upper thigh. Because she was such a strong minded woman and reasonably tall, he usually pictured her a physically bigger than her actual slight build. Today she appeared tenuous even though she was bulked up with heavy clothing and a protective vest. Reminded him a weak flower flailing against the bitter environment, struggling to survive. "Just promise me you will keep calm, ok?"

"Mmmm." She replied looking at the hat in her hand. "Your mom's hat, it's ridiculous."

"I agree, but no one would expect to see you in a hat like it." He replied, following Kate's gaze to his right, to where she was watching two uniforms down the street turn two media people around. They reluctantly left. The uniforms had not been advised of why they were patrolling the area, who they were protecting. With Kate's now famous face for firstly being his muse and secondly for being pronounced dead, he thought they were pushing their luck to keep her continued existence a secret by exposing her here. He looked over Kate's face assessing her overall state. She was once again focused on the corner.

"Hey." He interrupted her thoughts. "Will you come out here with me?" He tried cutely with his boyish charm to coerce her and shook her hand a little. He had spent the past five or so minutes with her, trying to lower her anxiety levels, but he was finding it difficult to do when he was extremely anxious as well about the next half hour.

"I can't." She swallowed, letting her head fall back against the headrest in an attempt to conceal the edginess she was feeling.

Castle sighed in resignation, and looked behind his car into the morning sun, squinting to see the vehicle that had parked at the curb behind his car. He glanced to the vehicle in front of them where Sorenson and the two FBI agents patiently waited for NYPD to get their act together. He and Sorenson recognised the Crown Vic as Esposito and Ryan's unit. The boys had turned up as they had promised they would. Rick stood up releasing Kate's hand and leaned on the roof of his car with his right elbow to greet the detectives.

"Do we really have to do this today?" Castle asked when they were within hearing distance, conscious of the consternation Kate was experiencing in the car.

"You're sounding unusually pessimistic," Ryan remarked as he and Esposito approached, adjusting their clothes to be comfortable after having been seated in the vehicle.

"That I am." He admitted and straightened up off the passenger side of the Mercedes to check on Kate who remained in the passenger seat. He closed the door and leaned on the side of his car again, folding his arms over his chest. It was quite cold and he wished he had brought a jacket to wear over his knitted sweater. He was growing weary with everything and felt as thought he'd been through enough today already. All of them were on the fifth or so day of despair and he was aware patience was wearing thin with everyone. He was almost ready to topple over the edge. Problem was that even internally admitting he felt worn down caused him to feel selfish as it was Kate who was the victim in this, and their friends that were tirelessly helping them. "Just wish we had her a little stronger to go through with it."

"We have to do it, especially if you're taking her away from the city." Esposito replied as he checked his handgun to make sure it was loaded. He wasn't wearing his protective vest but was ready if he needed to draw a weapon. Ryan did the same.

"We have to leave, Espo, to keep her safe. She wants to go with me." He sighed. "And if anyone finds out she is still alive, we're cooked."

"How is she now?" Ryan asked, looking through the glass at Kate. He attempted to gain her attention but she stared vacantly out the front window. He followed her gaze to the dumpster and bins.

"She's a mess and internally shitting herself, but on the outside she's in reasonable control." Castle replied folding his arms over his chest. "You know her. It can be hard to figure out what she's thinking until the second she snaps."

"Thought as much. Keeping it close to her chest as usual?"

"Sure is at the moment, but she was fairly twitchy and overstrung on the way here. Within about three blocks of here, she started to really come unstrung. She shook like crazy and started to go to pieces. She's hardly said a word since we pulled up to the curb other than she knows where she is, that she came from over there. She just keeps staring between the phone and the alley."

"What are we, five or six yards from where we found her?" Esposito pointed to the dumpster with bins standing next to it, back where they had been when they found her being held hostage. "She remembers here?"

"She sure does. She knows we are where she was found. She remembers smashing the phone with the hand piece because she had no money and phoning me reverse charge. It's coming back slowly." Castle fidgeted his weight from one foot to the other trying to ease the anxiety, recalling the drive to the warehouse. Although he had successfully pulled off being calm and in complete control, he had been distressed and fraught during most of the drive. He was able to conceal his emotions better than Kate managed to. As he'd told the boys, Kate had been on tenterhooks most of the ride, until the last several blocks when she had almost become overwrought to the point he had nearly turned the car around to take her home. Sorenson had intercepted at a crucial moment and had talked to Kate over the transmitter, calming her enough by reminding her to detach herself from the situation. She had eventually agreed to keep going semi-confident she could remain objective. In those few moments, Castle had gained a new appreciation of Sorenson's ability to keep Kate's head in the game when it was necessary.

"Here comes Detective Cahill." Ryan said seeing the blond detective from SVU approach them from a white van. Accordingly to Ryan's explanation, Detective Cahill was there to talk Kate through it and to elicit from her the information they needed to progress the case to closure. The problem they had, was that Kate only remembered flashes, bits and pieces. They were moments in time that kept her awake during the night and caused her complete exhaustion during the day. The detective was hoping identification of the location would jog Kate's memory.

"Morning, Gentleman." She greeted and the boys responded. "Glad you could all come. We have the search warrant. Is Detective Beckett present?"

The men stepped aside and pointed toward the car door, providing a clear view of Beckett. The detective leaned forward slightly to avoid the reflections on the window and sighted Kate inside the car. She pursed her lips in thought, understanding immediately what was going on in her colleague's mind, which was undoubtedly made worse by the fact the homicide detective was able to visually analyse evidence left at a scene. To be able to understand and explain how evidence was created would make it all the more difficult for Beckett to proceed with the job she was expected to shortly undertake.

Castle said. "She refuses to come out." He glanced to Esposito and Ryan for support, "But one of us will coerce her into leaving the vehicle once we are ready to proceed." He added, seeing the not so happy expression on Cahill's face.

"Well, we're ready." She confirmed directly to Castle, then addressed all of them. "We'll require Detective Beckett to locate and confirm the correct building before we do anything else. Once she's done that, the team will ensure the building is clear. Then, once we get her inside, I will have her talk us through it. It has to come from her to be valid. You may ask her questions, provide her with support of course, but please refrain from asking her any leading questions. Also, do not prompt her based on what your senses experience. We will have CSI agents collect evidence, but to begin with, we need Detective Beckett to confirm the correct site."

"Will she know when she has amnesia?" Ryan asked.

"She will know." Detective Cahill replied. "It may not be immediately or it may be something small such as smells, odours, lights or simple inanimate objects. They _always_ remember."

"Jesus." Castle whispered crossing his arms over his chest again. "She'll remember the odours. I still remember them on her." He commented screwing up his nose at the memory of the putrid stenches coming off her before he had washed her. He saw Sorenson chatting quietly with the FBI agents. He was going to wait outside to ensure the media was kept clear of the site.

Detective Cahill turned directly to Rick and said with compassion, "Mr Castle, this experience may also cause Kate to recall everything in a sudden, and potentially overwhelming manner. You will need to be prepared to deal with that if and when it does occur. It may occur as close as today or months away. It can be quite confronting to those closest to the victim."

Rick nodded. "I understand."

Cahill pursed her lips in thought wondering if this guy was the type of man who would be able to cope with the experience. She saw so many couples break up after living through similar traumas. She hoped for them and their coming family that they would survive it. She snapped her mind back to the present, dismissing what she was thinking about and asked the men, "Was there anything missing from her body when she was found?"

"Her underclothes and boots were missing." Esposito quietly replied.

"Ok. Let's go. I'll have my team penetrate and declare the building is cleared as safe, once Detective Beckett has identified it, then we would like her in there." The woman touched Castle's upper arm in support, glanced in the car then stepped back. "Ask her to join us, Mr Castle."

Castle pushed off his car and turned about peering through the window. He opened the car door its full extent and crouched down to Kate's height seeing he'd startled her a little. "Sorry." He said and looked to her eyes as he took hold of her left hand that was resting in her lap. She was still trembling. "It's time." He told her and immediately saw her bite her lip, her troubled eyes shifted to his. He took a shaky breath recognising how hellish this was on her.

She shook her head a little from side to side and looked down to her lap, fiddling with his fingers. "I can't."

"Kate?" He waved her hand and touched her knee with his other hand. "Please don't get upset. If you do this, we have a strong case, Babe. We can then leave the city." He wasn't above bribing her.

Immediately, she started to weep and dabbed a tissue over her cheeks. Castle looked over his left shoulder to the boys and shrugged his shoulders. He indicated he wasn't getting anywhere and he was resigned to the fact he was in a dilemma as to how to proceed. He knew if he grabbed her by the hand and forced her out of the car she would become incontrollable. He would have to coerce her into leaving the car under her own steam, but he also knew Esposito had the ability to get away with being a little heavy handed with Kate to shift her. It's how those two communicated.

He looked back at her. "If you don't do it today, we have to stay in the city and come back to do it again tomorrow, Kate." Rick explained hoping that would force her to decide to get it over and done with. She looked to his eyes again. "Just pretend it's a crime scene of someone else. You're a cop." He encouraged. He saw her draw a breath and nod. "You should put the hat and scarf on. It's cold and we need to conceal you." As he finished speaking, Ryan and Esposito's faces appeared in the doorway both smiling at her.

"W'sup, Chica?" Esposito asked.

"Hey, Beckett." Ryan greeted his bright blue eyes smiling to her.

Kate broke a smile, crying a little, at the sight of her three guys peering into the car at her. She pulled on Martha's pink and red woollen hat.

"You like this car that much?" Esposito inquired. "He finally has you as a girlfriend and he brings you here in a Mercedes? You deserve to ride in the Ferrari."

"Hey! It's a safe vehicle," Castle retorted, "and it's way too cold for the Ferrari."

"It's warm and nice in here." Kate commented in support of Castle and wrapped the scarf about her neck.

"It's a bit brisk out here, but its nice in the sun as well." Esposito replied then reached out, took a firm hold of her arms and said, "C'mon, Beckett." He didn't mess about any longer as they had to move immediately. There were many people waiting for her to do her job. Castle and Ryan moved aside as Esposito physically lifted Kate out of the car without hurting or scaring her at all. She only objected a little with the sudden movement of her sore body, but she grasped Esposito's arms to prevent herself from falling if he happened to lose his balance. As soon as Javy had Kate standing on the sidewalk, Castle shut the door and locked the car with the remote so she was not able to retreat. Esposito and Ryan stood before Kate, both taking her hands in theirs and they all looked to Castle inviting him to form a ring. He stepped into the circle between Esposito and Kate, their hands together.

Esposito began. "We are a team. We stick together. We will protect you, Kate." He paused and looked to her from her shoes to her hat. "Love the hat."

"Martha's hat." Kate growled clearly not happy with it being on her head. "Scarf too."

"Mmmm. Totally not you." He replied.

"She won't wear them again." Castle stated. "I promise."

"God's sake you need a good feed. Doesn't Castle feed you?" He said looking at her jeans that were usually tight. They were almost falling off her.

"Baby is using it." She joked.

Esposito smiled, "Let's face it you need to be with us boys more." He stated. "Put some weight on, toughen you up a bit."

Ryan laughed with Castle at the way Esposito related with Kate and eased the tension in the group. Kate stood there a second or two reflecting on the week she'd endured so far, at least what she remembered of it. "I'm burning nervous energy." Kate replied.

"Agreed." Castle said and turned Kate toward him. He made sure her hair concealed the beauty spot as Martha had pointed out and pulled the hat firmly down over her head deliberately to tease her. She retaliated with a dirty glare and shifted the hat back up. He smirked and touched her face with the back of his fingers. "She eats like a horse when she's stressed." He added and zipped up her coat. As much as he pushed to keep her head in the game to get through the next half hour, he could easily see she was vulnerable and too frail and weak to protect herself. He was worried about her being out in public in the city. The only real consolation was the FBI agents were present to protect her and they had managed to keep her concealed so far. They were also forced to trust the uniforms who identified her to keep it quite that she was alive.

"The vest is heavy." She murmured so only Rick heard.

"It's there to protect you." He replied in a tone that told her the vest was staying no matter how much she complained about it.

"We'll go for lunch after this." Ryan said, already hungry and anxious to get it over and behind them.

"My mother is cooking lunch for all us to have when we leave here." Castle replied and got Kate's attention, "Now, Kate, we have to remain calm. You're pregnant and you can't afford to get too upset, ok?" He waited for her to nod, wanted to kiss her so much but he refused to do it in public when she was meant to be deceased.

"Let's get this over and done with." Ryan kept hold of Kate's right hand and Castle took her left hand. Esposito commenced to walk ahead of them, the boys having unconsciously formed a very protective barrier around Kate.

The group walked down the street at pace Kate was comfortable with. Detective Cahill and her team had fallen in behind the small group of three detectives and a writer. The NYPD had a warrant for the address Davydoff's family had given them, but they needed the victim to identify the property. Everyone silently waited for Kate to advise them they were on the right path. They hoped like hell she would remember.

She didn't need to talk or tell them she sensed that she was close to the subject property. They felt physically as the further they walked the worse her hands trembled and her already reluctant progress slowed dramatically.

The group was almost at the end of the alley when Kate stopped near a single exit door situated at the side of a large single storey red brick building. She studied the colour of the dark brown door, contemplating how dark it had been the night she had escaped. She scanned her eyes about the surrounding area, including a search of the opposing building. She turned her whole body to view the billposters glued to the red bricks. It all looked different in daylight and in colour. In particular, a large red and white poster advertising a boxing event a couple of weeks ago jogged at her memory. She recalled thinking at the time she had seen it, that she felt as though she had been through a dozen rounds in a boxing ring. Her eyes moved back to the door, then to Castle whom was patiently waiting for her. She blinked, considered the scene a few seconds then looked to each of the guys one at a time finally stopping at Esposito.

She dropped Castle's hand briefly to point to the closed door. "Espo, Ryan. This is the building." She stated, and saw the boys glance to each other. "I escaped through this exit." She pointed across the alley to the billposter. "I distinctly remember the boxing poster, particularly the amount the red on it." She turned back to the brown door. "There is a place for vehicles and tools on the other side of this brick wall and there is a skylight somewhere over the parking space." She explained and took Rick's hand back, clutching it tightly. She could see by their expressions they already knew they stood outside the correct address. They had known all along. Esposito looked to Detective Cahill and nodded.

Cahill stepped to the group as she waved her team of detectives and uniforms forward with the signals to commence penetration the warehouse. Ryan directed Kate a short distance further into the alley to protect her while they waited for the property to be penetrated and declared safe for entry. Kate stood shielded by Rick's body, nervously peering over his shoulders to observe what was about to take place. Her body was prickling with nervous energy. Her poise showed she was ready to take flight if there was even a hint of danger to her herself.

"Do you think any of them will be in there?" Kate asked quietly, the fear in her tone.

"No. It's all locked. But even if there is anyone, they will be arrested and gone before we will enter. You're safe Kate." Ryan replied, noting she still stepped closer to Rick seeking his security regardless of his verbal reassurance she was safe. He could feel her buzzing with nervous energy. At this rate of energy expenditure, he figured, she would be exhausted by mid afternoon.

There was a short burst of high activity as the team moved to all warehouse entries and gained access. They were inside the building with a minute. There was a loud commotion, including men's voices regularly shouting, "_clear_" until all fell reasonably quiet again.

Within another minute, a detective came out the emergency exit and confirmed with Detective Cahill that the building was safe for the CSU and the witness to enter. The SVU detective approached the group and mainly addressed Kate, although her eyes glanced between everyone.

"Detective Beckett, it's time for you to tell your story, if you wish. We can rely on the evidence we find inside. But, if you could manage, it would be beneficial to your case if you could come inside and provide us with anything information you may remember," Cahill invited and then patiently waited for Kate to make a decision and reply.

Kate fidgeted on her feet looking as though she was cold to others, but it was really caused her anxiety over her indecisiveness whether to proceed or go home. She squinted into the sunlight towards the emergency exit then glanced to her team thinking hard. The boys faces were all neutral, all of them aware she had to make the final decision.

The cop, the determined detective, inside her wanted to enter the warehouse to investigate, analyse and follow the evidence within the confines of the law.

The timid girl deep within, was purely terrified to enter the property to the point it rendered her speechless. All she wanted to do was to leap into the security of Rick's embrace so he could carry her to a safe place and make it all go away.

However, the strong willed woman who demanded justice, who wanted to put the men away for a long time for the atrocities that had been done to her, had the final say. This woman wanted their balls for trophies.

Kate took a deep breath, stood up tall and erect and nodded at Cahill in confirmation she would proceed although she was unable to verbally provide a response. He chin set higher, her jaw tight, she glanced to each of the guys, Rick last and he squeezed her hand. He understood and a thousand words passed between them in a split second. He was beside herm, would remain there, and gave her the strength to take the first to step forward.

Ryan and Castle silently glanced at each other both of them feeling what the tall, slender woman was really going through.

"You feel it?" Castle asked Ryan quietly, noticing Kate didn't even hear him she was so focussed on coercing herself to keep going.

They felt her tremble in fear, winced at how tightly she gripped their hands and heard the sounds of fear coming from her throat and the shallow, rapid way she breathed. Everything they sensed was in contradiction to how she confidently poised her body prepared to go ahead. It was painful for them to see her living it.

"Her hand is gonna break my bones." Kevin replied, looking down at his hand Kate clenched. Her hands were white at the knuckles. It crossed his mind in those seconds he walked with her how much their relationship had changed in the past week. He was accustomed to working with an independent strong willed and extremely dedicated woman always pushing the boundaries mentally and physically. He now walked alongside an entirely different woman whose spirit and strength had been completely broken. She fully depended on him, on them, to take care of her each day. Her dependence was diminishing as the days progressed. Almost a week ago, she had been incapable of walking and today she was standing and facing her worst fears. Ryan knew she had summoned the courage from within to do what she was about to embark on.

"C'mon." Esposito encouraged when he saw Kate was following him, and he stepped onto the step to the doorway. He disappeared inside the warehouse ahead of them.

Kate suddenly stopped on the side of the street broke hands with the guys and bent over dry retching. Rick and Kevin turned away but could hear her body was working on reflexes.

"Has she eaten this morning?" Ryan asked screwing his nose up in readiness to see the results of her actions.

"No. I wouldn't let her." Castle replied. "And it's a good thing I did stop her." He took a breath and waited for Kate to recover. He knew there was nothing in her stomach to bring up except a mouthful of water. As he expected her to, she soon straightened up the urge to be sick having passed. She looked at Rick momentarily and found his hand again. He thought she looked bloody dreadful. "You alright?"

"I don't feel so well." She told him reluctant to admit honestly how bad she felt.

"Only that? Are you hungry?" He asked wondering whether she should have eaten earlier. She really looked a lot worse than she admitted.

She shook her head no in response. She stepped closer and whispered, "I'm really scared, Castle."

Rick assessed her comment. It meant she was terrified. "I know. But nothing is going to hurt you in there. You are safe with us."

Esposito reappeared from the doorway and glanced between the three of his friends questioningly. It was when he saw Kate that his jaw fell open. She looked shocking. "Kate?" Espo voiced and she turned her eyes to him but didn't say anything.

Castle turned about to Esposito and said. "Give us a minute, Javy. She's not doing well." Rick returned his focus to Kate and felt her face. She was in a cold sweat. He gently put his palms to each side of her neck beneath the loosely wrapped scarf, to make her concentrate on him. "Breathe." He reminded her and she took a shuddery breath of air. "Do you want to do this? You have identified the building. You don't have to go inside."

She took hold of his wrists and bit her lower lip in deep thought. She blinked. "No, I don't." She replied. "But I have to. I have to put them away. I need the evidence to finish him."

"That we do."

"So I have to." She murmured, he tone lacking any confidence.

"Alright. I'll be with you." He didn't want to go in the building either.

"It might help me remember. And, I need to see it, face it and get over it."

Castle shrugged his shoulders, not sure about whether that was such a good idea. She was experiencing enough traumas in her sleep without remembering. He kissed her forehead then held her at her shoulders. He decided upon what he needed to do as her partner. "Detective Beckett, go do your job." He ordered with an acidic taste in his mouth. He knew those words would snap her into detective mode so she would do her job but he felt lousy using it on her under the circumstances. But she nodded her head and took his hand.

With a lot of trepidation, Rick followed Javy, leading Kate up the steps into the warehouse also feeling her resistance to follow. He knew Ryan was behind her, encouraging her forward so he continued without looking back, maintaining a firm hold of her hand. Inside, he paused to allow his eyes to adjust to the poorer lighting, and felt Kate stop behind him, her body softly nudging against his arm and back. Ryan stepped up beside Esposito not letting go of Kate's hand. Castle already recognised the smell that had penetrated the clothing Kate had been wearing when they had found her but he refrained from making a comment, as she had to be the person to say it. He could feel through his hand, the way she gripped him and trembled, that she was well aware of where she was. She stayed silent, hardly breathing and her eyes were wide, scanned slowly and absorbed everything. They also looked frightful and so dark.

Esposito went ahead of them a little way, looking around the spacious area. The warehouse was damp and smelt damp. The blended odors of alcohol, humans, smoke and motor oil hung in the air. The concrete floor hadn't been swept or hosed in a long time. Dirt, stones and oil stains littered the entire area. Based on the grazes sustained over Kate's torso, it was evident they were standing on the correct type of surface to have caused such wounds.

There was a roll-up double door vehicular entry point at the front of the building that opened onto the main road. Maintenance tools, stained with grease, were haphazardly dumped in a corner where it was also evident vehicles had been maintained. Drums of new and used oil were collected along a wall. The workshop was not exactly kept within OSHA guidelines to ensure work safety. The mechanics who had used the area were careless with their equipment. There wasn't sufficient evidence to indicate a healthy business was being run from the workshop.

The group had crossed the drive way area when they had entered through the side entrance. Looking back it was easy to see the emergency door would have been obscured from Kate's view if vehicles had been parked there.

Once he'd made a quick visual pass over of the area, Esposito stood several yards away, to observe Kate who scanned the entire warehouse from roof to floor, taking in the whole environment. Ryan and Castle diligently kept her positioned between them. It was obvious to any person in the warehouse that Kate was fighting an internal battle not to run outside. The fear and anguish was obvious in her posture, in her frightened expression and her mind was rapidly processing and analysing the available information. She had continually maintained she didn't remember what had happened but Esposito was happy, as a detective, to see she was currently trying hard to piece it together.

Simultaneously his brotherly instincts roared at him to remove her from the warehouse instantly, but the cop inside him knew she had to provide evidence because she was a cop too. By her nature alone, she needed to see tangible evidence to assist her to remember and accept what the men had done to her in the place they currently stood. Esposito made sure the video guy had the camera rolling to capture Kate's words in the event she did begin to speak.

With the internal war raging within her, Kate found she was incapable of forming a word even in her mind. Her jaw hung open and her brow was creased. She felt her heart pounding inside her chest at a hundred miles an hour like she was sprinting a full marathon. She heard her own breathing was shallow and rapid like a panting dog on a hot summer's day. She fought the internal battle between the frightened girl who wanted to run from the warehouse and the fearless woman who needed her to stay and fight the demons. She kept repeating to herself, _no fear, no fear._

Detective Cahill approached the group. "Kate?" She touched Kate's lower arm causing Kate to jump in surprise and look to her arm then her attention shifted to the Detective. "Are you able to confirm you have been in this warehouse?" She gently but confidently requested.

Kate opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. She turned her face away and cleared her throat then looked back to the detective. "I .." She stopped surprised she had made a noise. "I have been here," she whispered, "Castle?" She stepped closer to him, feeling him swap hands so he could place his closest hand to the back of her neck. He stroked her skin by her hairline behind her ear in reassurance.

He leaned toward her putting his head close to the side of her head and once he was close to her ear he whispered, "Be brave Sweetie." He felt her lean into him and nod once in response. Much to his relief, although she was exhibiting clear signs of fearfulness, she managed to maintain her composure. Beneath the ridiculously bright red and pink woollen hat her complexion was ghostly and dark rings surrounded her large spooked eyes.

"The smell." She murmured more confidently now she could rely on her voice to function. "This is the place." She said and made contact with Cahill's large blue eyes.

"Tell us anything." Cahill stated calmly and stepped away, noticing that the boys were going to keep Kate moving better than she would.

The boys then lead Kate toward middle of the workshop. It was larger and brighter than Kate remembered. She once again looked about the warehouse, her body turning a slow circle as the men circled with her. She remembered the area reasonably well and soon distinguished the exact skylight she had stared at the first time she had been raped on the car, the men following her gaze.

"What is it?" Rick asked her, not able to pinpoint exactly what she was focused on.

"The car was beneath that skylight." She murmured pointed to the one over the driveway. "I was on the hood beneath that skylight. It was daylight, bright blue sky." She looked over the space where the car had been parked. The cameraman also caught her attention momentarily when he moved to better do his job. She identified as being harmless and forgot about him. She glanced to Rick, explaining it all to him. "I climbed onto the hood, gripped the edge of the windscreen to climb onto the roof. My vision was out of focus. I had just been woken up. I tried to escape, but one of them grabbed me at the back of my head, and pulled me backwards off the car. My head hit the ground hard somewhere there. That was when they cracked my skull, hurt my shoulder." She looked to the concrete floor before them, as they all did. "After that, I was too physically compromised to protect myself. That happened only minutes after I woke up. After they had me tied to the chair. Before it all started."

She blew out a big breath of air and glanced to Rick eyes. She saw how distraught he was seeing and hearing what had happened to her. "I'm sorry." She whispered and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, bringing his hand with hers. He mouthed to her it was ok, but she could see all over him it wasn't at all. She didn't want him to see any of it but she couldn't do it without him being with her.

They both turned their attention to Esposito who stepped to the area she was referring to. He thoroughly scanned the ground and soon saw something the others didn't. He waved down a CSI agent and pointed to a specific spot on the ground. There was dried blood and hair the same colour as Kate's. "Good girl, Chica," Javy murmured, "Keep going," he encouraged looking to her eyes in support although in reality he didn't want her exposed to this scene any longer.

Kate saw the single chair near Esposito. "I woke up restrained in that chair when I was first here. They knocked me around trying to get information out of me that I didn't have."

"What information, Detective?" Cahill inquired suddenly interested.

Kate swallowed nervously and looked to Cahill. "A file they wanted, but I don't know about it." She quickly replied in a tone that dismissed it as nothing.

Esposito, Ryan and Castle all glanced to each other sending silent messages. Kate caught them and silently told them to keep quiet using only her expression. Esposito understood but mouthed to her the word 'later' and she blinked in response.

Kate gave the chair a brief check over then disregarded it. "There's a table. A wooden table I ran into that I couldn't see." She told them. "I hurt myself on it. My thigh." Kate shuddered recalling the seconds she had scrambled to her feet and ran without clear sight to guide her, straight into the table. Things had gone drastically downhill after that.

Castle thought about her striking the table. Explained the massive bruise she had on her right thigh when they found her. They all turned about to find a worn out hardwood table absent its six chairs near an old couch, both pieces having seen far better days. Kate ceased to breathe the second her eyes fell upon the furniture, her hands gripping both men.

"Breathe, Kate." Ryan reminded her. She inhaled a little.

"My DNA and fingerprints will be all over the table and the couch. I clung to both that much. Put my hands everywhere I could." The boys lead her toward the table, feeling her anxiety soar. She was shaking incredibly and was so cold.

Castle was first to see the state of the table top. He was a couple of steps ahead of Kate and stopped dead in his tracks, holding her by the hand behind his shoulder as his mind processed what he saw. He was dumbstruck with horror and the tale the evidence told him. Within seconds, he blindly reached to Kate with his free arm and gently pulled her head into his shoulder to prevent her seeing the table. "Close your eyes," he ordered. His stomach rolled with nausea and his anger attempted to surface.

The top of the table was covered in bloodstains and vomit. The sight of it caused all three men to gasp in disgust.

Detective Cahill's disposition remained controlled and neutral, but she was pleased Castle had prevented Beckett from sighting the furniture. Cahill signalled the CSI team over to the furniture. She caught Rick's attention and signed him to remove Kate. He nodded and kept her shielded.

"Don't let her go." Esposito said to Castle stepping to a strategic position so Kate could not see the table at all.

Immediately, Castle felt Kate attempt to escape his hold but he kept her there, preventing her from seeing anything. "You don't need to see it." He whispered into her ear adamantly and felt her cease the struggle. He was damned if he was going to let her see the table as she had been bad enough since seeing her battered body. The couch was also covered in stains beyond regular wear and tear along the top of the headrest. He couldn't believe what the men had done to her and that no one had cleaned the mess. Their suspicions were confirmed to the state of the property. The warehouse had been abruptly abandoned.

"Oh my God." Ryan mumbled. "No wonder she screams in her sleep." He said so only Esposito could hear. They heard Kate's cries muffled by Rick's chest. "She's shaking like crazy." Ryan said and glanced to Rick who was also trembled and had turned a ghostly white.

"She shouldn't be in here now." Javier said and commenced to walk over the warehouse. Ryan let go of Kate's hand to follow Esposito to a basic bed frame and mattress that the CSI agents were already taking evidence from. The detectives rapidly assessed the state of the mattress, trying to remain neutral, professional. Although it was old and generally dirty, they could easily see relatively fresh bloodstains. Having seen enough, Ryan turned away and saw that Rick and Kate had followed them. "Take her away." Ryan ordered at Castle and saw him lift Kate with one arm about her waist. He shifted away a few yards, setting Kate back down to the ground. He held her close to his body, gently restraining her from moving.

"What the fuck did they do to her?" Esposito whispered, seeing the filthy mattress. He glanced over his shoulder to ensure Castle kept Beckett under control.

"Too much. She should not be in here now that she's confirmed she was held here. She's gonna lose it and we can't risk her losing the baby. That will finish her." Ryan replied. "Castle shouldn't be here either."

"No." Esposito looked to the corner of the room near a garbage bin. Lying beside it were several pieces of clothing and a pair of discarded boots. He crossed the space with determined strides and without touching anything he visually inspected them. There was a cut up black bra, torn panties and a pair of black leather boots. Strong evidence. He turned to the CSI cameraman. "This needs to be photographed please." He waited for the guy to take the photos then put on the gloves now that he needed to use his hands. He lifted a boot and carried it back to Kate and Castle.

Castle saw the boot and nodded at Esposito. "They're Kate's." He confirmed keeping a tight hold of her. Kate turned to head to see the boot, her tear filled eyes recognizing her favourite boots she never wanted to wear again.

"They were mine." She whispered. "My DNA will also be on the ground. I woke up over there. They cuffed me to that down pipe." She pointed to the far wall to the right of the bed remembering the fire hydrant on the wall. "Near the hose." She referred to the standard cold tap with a concrete drain beneath it. A green garden hose was attached to the tap and lay gathered in a loose loop on the ground.

Kate pushed herself apart from Castle's hold and walked over to the spot she recalled she had slept noticing the blood stains in the cement resembled the shape of her body. She saw stains of vomit and recognised the scratches she had made into the concrete with a stone.

"I did that." She told Esposito and Ryan pointing to the scratches on the ground. Her throat constricted when she remembered what the scratches on the concrete meant, which caused her to feel as though she was choking. She coughed several times. The smells were also making her feel gravely ill and lightheaded. There were flashes of memories racing through her mind but everything was scattered, confused. She remembered stupid or insignificant things like holding the table, or being cold and in the dark. Memories were clearer before her head struck the ground. The major events her mind had blocked out and she was well aware of this by the evidence she saw around her.

Castle let her go a little pleased she was maintaining her composure reasonably well. He stayed behind her letting her lead the way. It seemed to him she was remembering events, or more likely was figuring out things based on evidence, without the rush of panic he'd half expected her to experience.

She approached the bed, leaving a healthy gap between herself and the foot of it, unable to go any closer. A rag on the floor caught her attention and catapulted a memory into her consciousness. She abruptly stepped back crashing roughly into Castle who took a careful hold of her body and prevented a blind stumble to her ass.

"What is it?" He asked once she was steady on her feet.

"I've been here. The rag. The rag." She paused, "They gagged me with it…. Smells of oil." She released a cry of distress from deep within her throat. "They… pressed my head down. I couldn't breathe…" Her hand went to the side of her head where she had been held down against the mattress as her eyes moved to the room in the corner …. "It hurt because they'd injured my eye and jaw." She shifted her gaze to an office in the corner and pointed at it. "They drank in that room… they came after me from there… I can hear myself screaming, because it hurt…" She glanced back to the bed then over her shoulder to the Castle. "I tried to get away but I was cuffed." She whispered.

"Good girl." Rick murmured rubbing her upper arms over the coat trying to ease the shaking.

"Take it easy." Esposito said to Kate concerned she was looking worse than she had a minute or so ago. He waited for the rag to be photographed by the CSI guy then picked up the soiled cotton cloth with his gloved hands and waved it in front of his nose instantly screwing up his face. "It stinks of oil." He confirmed and pushed it into an evidence bag the CSI officer held open for him. Espo turned to Kate. He saw her eyes roll upwards. "Castle, grab Kate. She's about to pass out." Esposito warned and instantly Castle reacted.

"Hold on to me, Kate." Castle said and spun her about to scoop her up before she hit the ground. She cried out at the sudden movement, "Guys! Help me!" He called, as Kate lost consciousness. He caught her in time and lifted her up into his arms.

Ryan walked over to him and lifted her arm to her lap. He checked her eyes. "She's out cold." Ryan confirmed.

"I'm getting tired of carrying her around guys." Rick complained, not feeling up to carrying her very far right now. He felt awful.

"She's not heavy for you. Let's get her out. Neither of you should be in here. You look bloody awful yourself." Ryan replied.

"I have felt better." Castle replied carried her outside behind Ryan. They walked a short distance along the alley to the first police unit that Rick sat Kate in the back of. He and Ryan waited outside the car for her to come to, their arms crossed, both deep in thought.

"She should come to in within a minute or so." Ryan said. "She only passed out."

"You hope." Castle replied and turned to Ryan, trying to hold back the emotions rising within him.

"We'll give her a minute or so before we phone the paramedics." Kevin said and checked his watch.

"I don't blame her for passing out. You saw it!" Rick said his voice higher with stress.

Ryan looked at Castle, his brow knotted, and he then looked down at his shoes and kicked a small bitumen stone away. He shifted his eyes back to Rick's and they stared at each other intensely several moments with nothing to say. Kevin nodded in response, re-crossed his arms tightly over his own chest. He thought about what he would be feeling had it been Jenny.

"How did she survive that ordeal, for days?" Ryan asked.

"I don't know." Rick glanced to Kate to see she was still unconscious on the seat. "No wonder she wakes screaming. They were fucking worse than animals." He wiped his eyes trying to suppress his emotions. He looked back to Ryan. "How does she let me close to her after going through all that? She even lets you guys near her." He asked in disbelief. "This morning …" He fell silent recalling their time in the shower earlier that morning.

Ryan sighed. "She is smart, sensible most of the time, she loves you, always has. She trusts you." He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. She's strong, brave."

"I don't get it." Castle stated. "She lives through that, and all she wanted was to know is I still want her."

"She doesn't remember much of what happened in there, Rick. Her brain is protecting her. She still has a basic need to be wanted and loved I guess. Like all of us. Probably needs us more so as she is so defenceless."

Castle looked at Ryan always surprised as how sensitive he was and openly so. He was very talented at interpreting body language. "Makes sense when you say that."

"Rick, she has seen her wounds, feels the injuries. She can comprehend how they got there. She has told us bits and pieces she can recall and she interpreted the evidence in there to know exactly what she lived through. She was relaying that."

Rick nodded in agreement. He sat on the doorstep of the car near Kate and sarcastically said, "There's gonna be some _fun_ times when she does remember everything."

"She might get through that experience easier than this one. This has shocked the shit of her. She knows what happened, so if and when she does remembers she might be more prepared, maybe." Ryan replied. He silently and sincerely prayed this experience would not cause Kate to miscarry. He saw Rick turn into the car and feel her cheek. "She is warmer than earlier."

"She's ok?" Ryan asked.

"She's getting better." Rick noted and came out of the car again. "She'll wake up soon." Castle shuddered, thinking about the condition of the warehouse. "She was probably hungry too." He crossed his arms. "Why the hell did they do all that to her? They could have …"

Ryan cut him off. "Castle. We may never know what happened and why, unless she remembers and is prepared to talk about it or they spill when Cahill's team arrest them." Ryan said checking down the alley to where they had come earlier. The police lights were still flashing as they were at the intersection they were at now. "The statement she gave SVU was very general to what we just saw in there."

"I can imagine." Castle replied. "What she tells me she remembers and what I see in her dreams are two different things." He stood and walked about swinging his arms, trying to shake off the ill feeling he had inside him.

Esposito came out of the exit looking to the two men before him. "Where's Beckett?"

"In the unit." Ryan replied. "Out cold."

"Let's get out of here. She did her job. Now we need to take care of her."

"Is Detective Cahill happy with what they found?" Ryan inquired once again checking Kate through the open door. He wanted her to wake up very soon or he was calling for paramedics.

"Very happy. The CSI agents will be awhile bagging and collecting evidence. They've done an initial test, which indicates the blood matches Kate's blood type. They've also confirmed they have lifted her fingerprints from inside so we have proof she was in the warehouse. The techs won't confirm anything until they have formal results in the lab. Kate certainly ensured she touched every surface she could. They've lifted a high number of fingerprints already but need to analyse them at the lab. She must have believed she was going to die so she left evidence everywhere she could." He said, following Ryan's gaze into the car where he could also see Kate. "What a little star." He regretfully stated proud of her for all the wrong reasons. He stuck his head in the car door focussing on Kate who was semi-conscious. He smiled to her and softly said. "Come on, Chica. Let's go feed you. You look starved." He assisted her arm around his neck then lifted her out of the car. Kate hung on to his shirt collar. She closed her eyes against the sunlight, letting her head fall against Espo's chest.

"You ok with her?" Castle asked just seeing long limbs hanging off Esposito's shorter frame.

"Yeah, she's easy." Esposito replied.

"Let me check her." Rick requested and felt for her pulse. He also checked her eyes listening to her moan in objection. "She's ok."

The men walked back down the street to Castle's Mercedes. Once Kate was comfortable inside the car, Esposito clipped up the seat belt. He pulled of her hat when she moaned about it and brushed her hair back, making her look in his direction. "Kate?" He murmured gently holding her jaw.

Kate focused on Esposito's face, her mind numb, devoid of any logical thoughts, except the fact that Esposito was in front of her and she trusted him. She half smiled and murmured. "Espo."

"Kate. I promise you that no one is ever going to hurt you like that again. No one." He touched the side of her face ensuring she kept her eyes on him. She was in shock.

"I would kill myself first," Kate replied very quietly, "rather than live through that again."

"I promise. I will protect you."

"Please." She almost pleaded.

Esposito suddenly felt he needed space. He stood and closed the car door, looking to his two friends extremely upset over this. "Fuck!" He said. He wanted to punch something, but he wasn't' about to hit a Mercedes. Instead, he fisted his right hand and smacked it aggressively into his left palm a couple of time. He looked around the entire scene. Police lights were flashing everywhere, probably adding to their anxiety in some ways.

"Hard." Castle replied.

Ryan added. "It cannot happen to her again. To no one." He stated strongly. "We must promise we will protect her."

"Promise." Castle said.

"I definitely promise." Espo confirmed.

Sorenson joined the group and glanced into the car to see Kate resting. "How did it go?"

"Bloody awful experience." Rick replied.

"Agreed, not a good one at all." Ryan added, "but Kate did an excellent job under the circumstances."

"Did she remember anything?"

"She has a good recollection before her head was struck, after that incident it's vague. She remembered bits and pieces prompted of course, by what she saw. She pointed out places she left her DNA. She passed out. It was all too much at once for her." Esposito answered. "You said before, Rick, about her knowing something she may holding on to. I figured there maybe more of the assholes than what the hospital technicians identified through DNA evidence. I checked the room in the back Kate said they hung out in and it had evidence of more than a few individuals coming and going. I think she fears there will be more out on the streets even after arrests are made." Esposito said.

"It's certainly a possibility." Rick replied.

"Yes, quite so. The CSI guys will collect more DNA in there. Just don't let her know we have a hunch." Sorenson replied. "If she settles down once it's all over we know we have arrested all of them. If she doesn't settle we continue looking for the rest of them."

Esposito said. "Meanwhile, we have to keep her moving as normally in life as possible. Let her focus on and enjoy her pregnancy."

"I agree." Ryan replied.

"Me too." Castle agreed, "Let's take her home. I'll follow you guys." He left them on the sidewalk and stepped around his car to the driver's side.

_I know, I stopped in a frustrating place…. Next chapter picks straight up…._


	23. Chapter 23 - going home

_Like I said, picks up right where chapter 22 left off…. This one is a necessary element of the story, as it's a story about recovery from an ordeal, and took a LONG time to finalise. You guys have no idea how challenging this story is to write. My Always story was so much fun compared to this …. However I've already worked on the fun/cute chapters with this story too … so stick with it. They're coming. Yay! _

_Thanks very much to the editor in chief, of course. Yes, Miss Canada, keep hassling me! Special thanks to you._

… _Esposito said. "Meanwhile, we have to keep her moving as normally in life as possible. Let her focus on and enjoy her pregnancy."_

"_I agree." Ryan replied._

"_Me too." Castle agreed, "Let's take her home. I'll follow you guys." He left them on the sidewalk and stepped around his car to the driver's side. _

**Chapter 23 – the trip home**

With a silent prayer of thanks for it being over and done, Rick sat on the leather driver's seat and closed the car door shutting out the world. He was unusually quiet, internally occupied with taking stock of the unique and, he sincerely hoped, never to be repeated hour they had just experienced. He stared at the payphone, inhaling deeply and slowly, mentally retracing the steps he and the guys had taken less than a week ago to find Kate. It was over. Within his soul there was a modest sense of confidence that given time they would steadily progress and leave the entire ordeal behind them. He understood it was going to take variations of time for them as a group and as individuals to process, accept and deal with what they had been exposed to with Kate's abduction and the crime scene. More importantly to him was how Kate, being severely compromised both psychological and physically, was going to handle the extraordinary experience. He could only guess at. She had a tremendous journey of healing and growth ahead of her that would also be impacted on by her pregnancy. He was not willing to engage his weary mind to contemplate how she might potentially behave and react in the future. There was barely enough energy remaining for the present, and any attempts to predict the future would only result in an ulcer, he was damn sure of that. After the day they'd shared so far, he keenly looked forward to a quiet afternoon at home resting with Kate to regain some strength. He was also going to enjoy, at the least, a generous glass of Scotch. And it would not be cheap Scotch.

He slid the key in the ignition and turned it, starting the engine to idle. He wanted to bring the heat up inside the vehicle as he felt a little chilly, having forgotten to bring along a coat. It was a sure thing Kate would be cold as well. He set the temperature and turned up the fan. While they waited for the detectives and agents to return to their respective vehicles, he lulled his head against the headrest taking several more deep long breaths in an attempt to ease the muscle tension in his back and shoulders as well as the throbbing headache. Forgetting the guys, he slowly rolled his head in Kate's direction to see how she was coping under the circumstances. She sat erect and stared solemnly through the front window, her hands tightly grasped together on her lap. He lifted his head and glanced between the seats to see the hat and scarf had been thrown over the back. He returned his gaze to her. She had loosened her hair enough that a few strands hung in ringlets around her face and neck. She hated having it pulled back tightly as it had been styled. As much as she preferred her hair straight or controlled into a style, he liked it carelessly wavy as it now hung.

It was an odd thing to find he was unable to think of an appropriate word or sentence to say to Kate, to find neutral ground to converse with in the hope he could bring her back from the shocked state of mind she currently resided in. As a professional writer, he found it annoying he was lost for words even those of reassurance. Perhaps it was because he was too emotionally destabilised and tired. _Just be yourself_, he thought.

"Kate?" He began. "Are you alright?" He asked timidly, cautious of upsetting her when she was in such a delicate state of mind. He longed to reach out and touch her because he couldn't make an oral communication with adequate words to help her feel better. He was certain that to just hold her hand, or better yet, gather her slight body into his embrace to assuage her grief and provide the comfort she needed, that he needed, would be far more beneficial than any prose or words he could offer. However, because she was tense and withdrawn he was wary to touch her. Her protective wall was up. "Katie?" He whispered. "Please Babe, answer me." He clenched his jaw and waited.

He saw her blink. His heart skipped a beat, that maybe she was there and listening to him. To his pleasure, she soon shifted her eyes to his.

"I'm ok," she whispered and maintained her attention on him.

"Do you want to talk about it? I would like to." He thought telling her he wanted to talk would provide her with a sense of security, that she wasn't alone.

She looked down. "I can't talk about it, Richard."

_Richard. She used Richard._ "Ok." He answered slowly in acceptance and took a breath of uneasiness, as his instincts prickled with nervous energy. Kate's eyes returned to look out the front window. He followed her gaze.

Esposito and Ryan's unit had its indicator light flashing, prepared to pull out when traffic cleared. Rick flicked on his indicator, shifted his car into drive ready to follow Esposito's unit and glanced over his shoulder. Sorenson, who was at the back of the convoy, had pushed the hood of his vehicle out deliberately to stop traffic to allow the four cars to move together. As he waited for the cars to pass them, Rick thought about how gravely disappointed he was with Kate's unwillingness to talk about recent experiences, especially the bad ones. The proverbial wall was up again.

As soon as the last car past Esposito's leaving them with a clear path to proceed, he drove on and Rick followed right behind him. The convoy was on its way once again.

Resigned to the knowledge she would take awhile to let down her guard, he drove in silence behind Esposito's car. His disappointment soon transformed to frustration caused by the inconvenience of New York traffic congestions and number of times they became caught in traffic jams caused by idiot drivers. He turned off the radio not in the mood to listen to any form of music right now. Kate had not hassled the radio. In fact she hadn't moved a muscle. He figured she was still in some level of shock.

The third time the traffic jammed, on this occasion because of a double parked car, Ryan stuck the bubble on the roof and hit the siren to alert the driver to drive his vehicle forward. The traffic commenced to flow again and Castle stayed close to the rear end of the homicide car to push it through the traffic. The FBI vehicle was glued to the back of Rick's car and he saw via the mirrors that Sorenson's car was coming up the rear of that too.

Rick sensed the mounting tension within Kate the whole trip. It kept growing with intensity. Tiny alterations in her demeanour, her posture and an increase in the frequency of her blinking and changes in her respiration indicated loudly and clearly that her mind was slipping out of the foggy haze of shock. He was pleased she was very close to rejoining him in the real world but worried about the mood she was going to bring with her return to reality.

The car doors were locked the second it occurred to Rick that Kate might become upset and attempt to escape. Sorenson would hit the roof if Kate made a run for it. At least if she did happen to bolt, Ryan and Esposito were there to help him chase her. However, he didn't believe she would attempt anything now that the worst of it was over and she was going home. She was more sensible than that and wouldn't risk harm to herself.

Kate finally shifted from her reposed condition and stretched her legs out further, releasing a heavy sigh. She glanced about briefly as though waking from a nap, then returned her gaze to the front.

In acknowledgement of her arousal, Rick instinctively reached his arm over to the passenger side for her hand, but she uncharacteristically didn't respond by taking hold of his fingers. In an alternative sign of affection, he found her leg and stroked her thigh. Kate promptly burst into cries of pure distress.

"Babe." He cooed in an attempt to sooth her and gently squeezed her thigh.

"Castle, please! No!" She sobbed and lifted her leg, not wanting him near her.

"Kate, please don't go there." He pleaded. He glanced to her, surprised by her response and tried to maintain the physical connection with her.

She had other ideas. She huddled closer to the door of the car, lifting her knees to her chest, thereby ridding herself of his hand on her leg.

Disappointed and fearful he was losing her, he reluctantly returned his hand to the steering wheel. "Babe, what's going on?"

Kate sniffed and between cries spluttered out defensively, "You saw what they did! All the blood from me!"

"Yes, there was a lot of blood. I saw what they did." He acknowledged growing a little worried about her state of mind. Kate cried a little harder. He refrained from mentioning how much he had seen or how in depth his knowledge was of what she had been subjected to. He had already been there that very morning dealing her physical wounds and had been living with the psychological scars ever since they had found her.

It was evident Kate was experiencing the aftershock of being exposed to the scene in which she had been violated. The sudden outburst of temper was Kate simply venting her emotions, but in his opinion, her reaction wasn't severe enough to be due to her memory having been recovered. Rather, it indicated his detective had efficiently utilised her expert skills and years of experience to critically evaluate the available evidence and to then deduce what crimes had occurred. Combined with her scattered memories of events it was enough information for now. The sheer brutality of the evidence alone was enough to break anyone down to tears. Hell, he wanted to cry. "Do you remember what happened?" He asked with caution and waited for her to perhaps calm down enough to respond. However, much to his dismay she cried harder. He waited and drove.

She wiped her eyes and nose with a couple of tissues she took from the console. "I could see what they did."

Rick glanced to her, signalling his support she had responded. "But do you remember or have you deduced what happened by analysing the evidence?" He asked even though he was irresolute over whether he should continue the conversation in the car or hold off until they were back in the loft. He considered the fact she was locked in the car and perhaps would be willing to work through the process of her reaction there rather than at home. She certainly couldn't run from him in the moving car, and they would not be interrupted other than by the fact he was driving. He decided she needed to get it out of her system now. "Talk to me, Babe." He pressed.

She sobbed. "I saw it there, I've seen it on me." She wiped her eyes again, her breathing quite constricted. "I'm suffocating, Castle." She whined and in pure frustration she started to aggressively pull at her brown coat until she had the brass zipper undone. She ripped off the coat and threw it over the back and then commenced to attack the NYPD protective vest. She tugged aggressively at the Velcro straps, releasing robust noises of impatience and anger.

Rick was going to object to her taking off the vest until she was safe within the confines of the loft but he abruptly stopped himself from voicing his opinion. He loved life and wanted to live at the least for the remainder of the day. His mother regularly remarked he didn't understand women but he did when he really needed to, like now. Instead of hassling her about the vest, he opted to stay in conversation and concentrated on that. Yet again, he found himself absent of anything to say and groping for common ground, something that would require her to actually engage in conversation rather than a few words to satisfy his questions. "You don't remember much?" He inquired, deeply aware he walked a fine line with her by asking the same question an alternative way. She was the master of interrogation and would be swiftly on to his strategy.

"No! I don't!" She snapped back. "I want to get this off me, Castle!" She growled furiously. "I'm fucking suffocating in it!"

"Well, take it off already!"

They heard the transmitter beep, both of them having forgotten it was on. Kate cried and swore under her breath again with the realisation Sorenson and the feds were able hear them. She looked to Rick as he glanced to her.

Seeing her expression, Rick grabbed the transmitter. It was time for privacy. "Sorry Sorenson, we need privacy," he stated and switched it off. The hand size transmitter was carelessly tossed to the back of the car. It clattered and fell with a soft thump to the floor of the car. He glanced to Kate. "It's ok. It's just us now." He reassured.

She grunted in response then grumbled under her breath as she fought her way out of the vest. His peripheral vision soon saw the hefty vest flung in anger over the seat into the back. It hit the leather seats with a heavy thud. Several disgruntled noises emanated from her throat as she fidgeted to make herself comfortable. Once she found the spot, she seemed to quieten a little particularly with the vest gone.

Kate shuddered, feeling cold without her coat on. She dropped her feet back to the floor and reached over to the console to adjust the heating on her side of the car then adjusted the direction of the fan so the warmer air would blow directly on her. She felt close to freezing.

"You cold too?" Rick asked, perhaps finding common ground.

"Uh huh." She replied and changed position once again so she was against the door but kind of facing Rick. She took several breaths in an effort to regain control of her confused brain that was flooded with mixed emotions and a foul mood that lingered below the surface. She had a burning but irrational desire to lash out at anything in her path and an overwhelming urge to punch and kick. Simultaneously she wanted to run and hide and cry her heart out like a terrified child. It was too confusing and complex for her to figure out. God only knew what Rick was thinking.

She recalled that Rick had asked her twice whether she remembered her abduction and she hadn't as yet answered him properly. She thought about that whilst she assessed where they were. About half way home and much to her relief, they were finally out of the industrial region. Traffic in the commercial district was hectic and Rick was being uncharacteristically impatient with other drivers. She returned to the simplest place to remember. There was no recollection of her leaving the warehouse. She vaguely remembered seeing Esposito talk to her before he shut the car door but she couldn't recall what he'd said. Next thing, she vaguely recalled telling Castle she didn't want to talk to him about the warehouse.

With a confused expression and her eyes hidden deliberately by her lashes, she glanced shyly at Rick then lowered her gaze to her fingers. She didn't know how to reply. Out of respect, she needed to answer his question appropriately but she held serious doubts he would want to hear what she did remember. He wasn't the type of man who would want to hear what other males had forcefully done to any woman, particularly her, what belonged to him. She was convinced telling him what little she could remember would send him into a blind rage either immediately or later once he'd had time to think about it. She made up her mind she would never tell him, even when she did remember everything. In fact, she promised herself she would never share details with anyone. It wasn't something she wanted to even think about, at all. She looked over to him again as he drove. He was fretting with worry. His lips she adored the curves of, were pressed hard together. His facial muscles and jaw were tense. It made her feel bad, horrible that she had put him through this experience. She shifted a little and inhaled a little to speak, having made a decision how she would reply. "I remember a little more, like bits of what happened on the bed." She admitted in a solemn tone. She saw him blink and shoot a quick look to her.

Rick watched the road ahead. _Jesus! _He thought hearing the subtext, recalling the state of the mattress, the entire warehouse, the way she dreamed. "Is that why you passed out?" He asked in concern.

Kate travelled a very fine mental line between staying composed and totally losing it. She was so on the edge and her mind, prompted by his question began to reel off images, sensations, emotions and a thorough analysis of the condition of the warehouse. Her mind was certainly out of the haze of shock and throwing information at her in a rapid sequence of images and sounds.

"Mmmm." She reached for another tissue. "I couldn't breathe. It was too overwhelming." She started to cry again, unable to block the pictures, the violence.

Rick listened aware it was vulnerable Kate who sobbed. He maintained a watch between her and the road he drove the car along. He wanted to pull over to deal with her slightly delayed reaction to the warehouse but they were in an awkward spot on the road that didn't permit a convoy of four cars to safely pull over to the side of the street. They should have caught a ride to and from the warehouse so he could have focused entirely on keeping her head in the game, but everyone had thought Kate would be more content in the car alone with Rick. She was better, but her guard to behave in public was also down because they were alone. Because he also had to drive, she had his divided attention rather than his much needed undivided attention. Had the boys been with them she probably would have suppressed her emotions until she was at home.

"It's over, Kate. I will take you some place safe now." He reassured compassionately.

"Nowhere is safe, Rick." She sobbed in resignation.

"We'll find a safe place." He reassured.

She suddenly thrashed her right leg out striking the floor several rapid, vicious kicks, growling angrily. "No where's safe! You should have let them kill me. I'm so broken! So tired. Fuck it!" She suddenly screamed at him. The unexpected outburst shocked Kate as much as it did with Rick. She saw him jump in surprise. "Why didn't you just give up?"

Rick's temper flared. He glared at her. "Never!" He shouted back. "Fucking never!"

"You should have let me die!" She cried.

"What?!" He squawked. "Don't you dare! You never gave up, Kate! You baited them to challenge me! You sprinted with all those injuries to live for fucks sake! Don't tell me now that you wanted to die!" He shouted abrasively right back at her. "You have a life inside you and you say that!?"

Kate ceased crying, clearly spooked by his sudden angry outburst. She sat up straight, speechless.

Rick cleared his throat as it hurt from the sudden strain on his voice. He rarely shouted or lost control of his temper. If he did, it usually had something to do with the woman in the car with him. His outburst must have unnerved her. His response had obviously been unexpected to Kate. She was clearly incapable of determining what to do or say, or how to continue. He decided to save her from her state of dilemma and muteness and said less bitterly. "I will _never_ give up on you." He glanced from the road to her shocked expression. He saw her brain was working overtime.

Rick spotted a place for the convoy of cars, indicated and pulled over to the side of the road, braking hard. He threw the car into park. He had to trust the other vehicles to stop with him. It was an immediate priority that his concentration be directed at Kate. Her welfare and their relationship were all that mattered to him. He continued stubbornly, determined to make it clear he was in this with her, "The Kate Beckett I know would never give up on wanting to live."

Kate sobbed, struggling to think straight. Her fingers unconsciously grabbed at anything for security. Her chaotic mind was switching between the violence she had lived through, the precious private moments they shared together, the concept of baby within her that was still surreal. She was grasping at reasons to stay, when her flight instincts were firing at her to run away and hide. And then it hit her what he'd said.

Rick saw a tiny muscle flex beneath Kate's left eye. His breathing stopped in fear.

Beckett snapped.

Kate rapidly scrambled up in her seat towards him, now aggressive, "She!" Kate screeched pointing a finger at her chest. "She died on the fucking hood of a car staring at a skylight being raped!" Kate panted hard, glared angrily at him. "She fucking died!" She then cried in pure anguish, retreated and hugged herself, heaving for air. "She died on that car, Castle! She died screaming your name!" She sobbed her entire body shaking violently.

"Oh Jesus, Kate!" Devastated, Rick fell back in his seat. He was shattered. An agonising pain, a knot in his chest and throat overcame him. He couldn't breathe. Couldn't think or talk. His chest was tight. He heard her cries of pure terror. He wanted her far away. There wasn't enough room in the car. His brain numbed with shock. There was a want to save her, a greater urge to run, an even bigger urge to grab hold of her. He couldn't do any of them. He managed to look at her. She howled so desperately she couldn't breathe. He had to turn away.

He focussed on breathing deeply until he was able to internally rationalise what she had yelled at him. He fumbled internally to find something reassuring to say to her. Words didn't come. He had nothing. His palm gripped his forehead in distress. He cringed with the onslaught of an agonising headache and clenched his eyes shut. He slacked his jaw open to say something but there was nothing.

Kate cried out of control, talking senselessly. Her hands tried frantically to open the car door. Amongst an incomprehensive babble of words, he heard his name. She had totally snapped. If she managed to unlock the door he would let her go.

Seconds passed. He opened his eyes looking to her, to see she continued to struggle to escape the car. He glared at her, his nostrils flaring, his expression that of raw pain, anger and of being at wits end. He'd heard more than enough in her spiteful words.

Then it occurred to him she had exhibited a monstrous spurt of undeniable, pure rage. She had defended herself for the first time since she had been saved. She'd verbally punched him hard. He realized the anger she had expressed was a good sign. He blinked. She was still angry.

With a new found confidence he said straight up, "I disagree," loudly and clearly so she would hear him over her cries. "Kate Beckett still there. She didn't die at all." He confirmed.

Kate quit trying to escape and stifled her cries. Her tearful dark eyes glared at him with horror mingled with what appeared to be partial intrigue. He also caught the anger flash across her face again. "She died!" She spat defiantly.

He scoffed in objection. "Oh no, she didn't!" And he continued with clear and concise delivery of his opinion. "Kate Beckett is more woman than any other woman I have ever met and that's why I fell in love with her."

Her lips lifted exposing her near perfect white teeth, her nostrils flared and her tearful eyes narrowed. She put her legs down and sat up straight. "Well good luck with that, Rick! What you see here is all that is left of the Kate Beckett you fell in love with." She retorted with a bitter tongue.

He tried again. "I love that Kate Beckett so much, I am willing to work through this with her no matter how hard it gets." He stressed and paused in an attempt to catch his breath.

"You just don't get it. I don't have a life, Rick. He will kill me."

"No! He won't! I will do anything to keep you alive! Anything! I will move to fucking Tasmania to keep you safe! I will not give up on you, Kate." He panted fearful he was losing her. "Anything to keep you alive."

"Like I said Rick, your girlfriend died on that car." She snapped back.

He tissed extremely peeved by her comment. "Kate. You're feeling sorry for yourself. It won't get you anywhere!" He gave himself a second to compose his mood, "You need to give yourself time to recover."

She grumbled at his comment, then seconds later sneered at him, "You're a lady's man Rick! I'm too damaged to be able to give you that anymore, _even with time!_" She heavily stressed

"So we're back there now." He complained sarcastically, tapping the steering wheel in frustration. "I thought we resolved that issue this morning." He remarked.

Kate sobbed a little, considering his last comment and recalling their time alone. However, feeling defensive she responded with the same tone he had used. "I'm sorry I'm not all chirpy, zesty and bright and ready to just get over it and on with life!"

Rick sighed, recognising that she was intentionally hell bent on heading straight towards a devastatingly dangerous situation. He needed to abruptly curtail it. "Kate, what is going on in your head? Come on! You just experienced a horrific hour. We all did! Don't turn this into a fight about us. I thought we were tight, Baby."

Kate's mouth clamped shut. His last works stung. She physically shook off the anger and wiped her eyes with a tissue. "Tight." She muttered under her breath. "I thought so too." She cried again, partially because she felt bad at having a go on Rick, who hadn't provoked it, but mostly because she didn't understand what her brain was currently putting her through, or why it was for that matter. She was confused by mixed feelings of anger, fright, disgust, grief, weakness and vulnerableness. She felt she was a Molotov cocktail of pent up emotions about to combust. He'd given her the match to fuel it. If she continued on as she was she understood she risked losing him.

She looked over his face recognising he wasn't willing to fight at all. She saw how afraid he was that she was going to persist with provoking him to argue. "How do I get over this?" She asked softer and seriously. She sobbed, letting her guard down enough to let him know she was feeling vulnerable and scared. "I'm so confused, Castle!"

His hands let go of the steering wheel, not realising the extent of his grip until he flexed his fingers and he felt the ache in them. His head pounded in agony. He thought about how to answer her question, her statement. His own emotions were in overdrive in response to what he had been exposed to in the warehouse and by what she had said to him a moment ago, but he had to keep them under control. He looked to Kate's eyes, feeling threatened he was going to lose her.

"I don't know Kate, but I'll be damned if I'm giving up on you now. After all this time? And I will be right beside you to help you get through it." He reassured, hoping she would calm down soon. She usually did recover with minimal time he kept reminding himself but he'd never seen her behave like this. In fact he hadn't seen anyone do this. The way her eyes stared at him haunted him, gave him the creeps. She was frightened and extremely mixed up emotionally, but something had died within her. He could see that now. He glanced out the front windscreen to see Esposito was reversing his vehicle back to them. Rick undid his seatbelt and turned further to face Kate. "Kate?" He attempted to touch Kate on her thigh but she rejected him.

"No! Please!" She cried.

"Sweetie, please calm down. It's me. I'm meant to be your boyfriend." He urged patiently, focused on trying to sooth her. She was never easy to talk around and today she was the worst he'd ever seen anyone. She stopped and looked at his eyes.

"I am? I was." She panted. "Richard?"

"You are, Baby." He confirmed hearing the panic and fear in her voice. His peripheral vision saw Javier and Kevin approach Kate's door. He could really do with their help. He continued. "But please come back. It's over now. Let me touch you Kate, because I don't know what to say to ease or help you." He put his hand out but she was physically telling him to stay away.

"I can't."

"Please, Kate, please let me." He pleaded but saw in her eyes she wasn't going to change her mind. He made a decision. He instantly hit the switch unlocking the doors. Kate had the option take off. She needed support from someone she wouldn't lash out at. He was too close to her and she had made it too personal.

Esposito opened the car door fully within seconds, scaring Kate who squealed and spun around on the leather seat. She backed up toward Rick who unclipped her seatbelt releasing her.

Esposito leaned in the car. "Kate, what's going on?" He asked, rapidly analysing the situation. He was shocked by the expressions of Kate and Rick. "Are you two having …." Before he had a chance to say or do anything further, Kate flung her body forward in an effort to escape the car. She was out the door instantly but Esposito's quick reflexes caught her with the assistance of Ryan. The two of them bundled her into their arms thus preventing her from going any further. They carried her several feet until they were safely between two parked cars near the sidewalk. They set her back down to the ground but held her there. Rick was out of the car in no time and hurried to assist them. By the time he did reach them, Espo and Ryan were listening to her rant. She barely took a breath between sentences. Rick hardly understood a word of what she babbled. The guys however, nodded and expressed noises of understanding. Rick, who needed space between them stepped to the front of his car and leaned on the hood to recover from the stress. Sorenson soon approached him at a jog. The FBI agents were also out of their car and standing a little way off maintaining protection of their subject. Behind him, he could hear the guys were managing to quieten and settle Kate down.

"What's going on?" Sorenson asked looking over Rick's totally stressed out face.

"Kate is having a serious meltdown."

"Fuck!" He muttered, cracking his knuckles in frustration. "Great timing."

"Yeah. Sorry about that." He responded in a tone that told Sorenson it was out of his control.

"Sorry. Are you alright? You look like shit!" Sorenson touched his shoulder simultaneously glancing to the FBI guys to ensure they took control of the area surrounding Kate. He needed to concentrate on Castle who was dead pale.

"I'll be ok." Rick crossed his arms over his chest feeling cold. Sorenson stood and waited a few minutes in silence for Rick to collect himself. "What a moment that was." Rick eventually remarked. "Fuck!"

"What started it?" Sorenson asked.

"I'm not sure. I think she came out of shock, scared herself a bit. She certainly let go of a few major issues she'd been holding on to." He looked at Sorenson grimacing. "It was painful, to live through, but then I realised she got angry and that's good."

"That she did." He remarked and observed just how animated she still was with the detectives.

"She's coming back. But she's never gonna be who she was before." Rick said with remorse.

"She may."

Rick shook his head. "No. It's changed both of us forever." He said and rubbed his hands in his hair. He didn't care anymore if he appeared dishevelled. It's how he felt. "I also know she still doesn't remember." Rick quietly said to Sorenson. "That's frustrating the crap out of her. She analysed the evidence and reacted to that. This was solely a reaction to everything and a personal attack at us. She was like a fucking pressure cooker exploding."

"There's plenty of exploding still going on." Sorenson remarked watching her with the guys. She was fairly ruthless with her hand movements and talked more than he'd seen her do in days. "I'm kind of glad you turned off the transmitter. It sounded like it was headed to a bad place."

"It went there rapidly." Rick replied clenching his teeth. "When I saw Espo and Ryan approach the car, I made the decision to have them intervene. I'm too close to her for this. The boys are giving her the appropriate attention. She needs to let it go, and I will make a booking for her see a therapist once we're out of the city."

"A therapist would be an excellent idea. Otherwise you two will end up killing each other."

"I know. We'd be doomed. Don't worry. She will see a therapist. Especially after what she just spat out." Rick stated adamantly. He put his hand to Will's upper arm, indicating to him to move closer to the parked car as a vehicle was trying to pass them. Once Will was safe, he looked over his shoulder to Kate and the guys. Kate was calming down. She hugged herself, probably because she was cold without a coat.

"They're doing ok." Sorenson commented still observing the three cops talk it out. "She showed anger you said?"

"Oh yeah. She was furious at one point." He nodded. "She pissed me off in the car, but when I saw how angry she was, I gave a bit of a shove back and she reacted. That's when she snapped. Then it hurt. What she said implied I failed her."

"She didn't mean it." Sorenson reassured. "You know that."

Rick kind of smiled. "I know. But it was rough." He said and paused a moment. "The upside is when she gets angry, she then gets focused and productive. She'll stop with the crying soon. The rage was a very good sign, what went on in the car."

"Good. Hopefully she'll get back on her feet now."

"She will. She also needs to eat. We should have brought food with us. The baby is sucking energy out of her and because she's not healthy, it's a tremendous burden on her weakened system and causes her to feel miserable."

"That's why you keep sneaking her food. You start eating and hand it over to Beckett." Sorenson concluded. "You smart ass."

Rick smiled. "Yes, but keep that to yourself. And the antibiotics are sending her crazy."

Sorenson looked around them, up and down the bustling street, "And you stopped nowhere near a sandwich shop."

"True." Rick looked about the street as well. There were plenty of retail stores but not a café in sight. "I'd be happy with Macca's right now." Rick remarked.

"Yup, a cheeseburger each would help all of us."

"I would eat a lot more than that. I'm starving."

"Me too." Sorenson replied. "We'll hopefully be back at your place for lunch soon."

"Hopefully." Rick agreed. "Thanks for listening, Dude."

Sorenson grinned. "No worries."

The two men fell quiet and waited at the front of the car for the detectives to sort matters out. They heard Esposito sternly speak to Kate and she nodded in response wiping her eyes. She looked from them up the road then back to Espo. The guys weren't giving her a chance to take off nor were they being easy on her. Their conversation was heated at times but they all stayed and sorted it out.

Rick took advantage of the moment to zone out and checked his phone for messages. He sent responses to Alexis and a few of his friends then checked his emails. Sorenson stayed with him and checked his own phone. Rick soon pocketed his phone.

"Speaking of food …." Rick searched his pockets, remembering what he had done as he had walked out the loft that morning. He found a handful of gummy bears and picked out two red ones he kept in his hand. "I wish I remembered these a little earlier." He popped a yellow one in his mouth and offered them to Sorenson who took a couple.

Esposito summoned Rick over within another minute and delivered a recomposed Kate to him. "We have to continue home. We're exposed here." Esposito said and let go of Kate's upper arm but gave her a look that told her to stay with Castle.

Rick nodded in understanding of Esposito's comment, but having his eyes on Kate's he missed the silent communication between her and Javy. He smiled a little when her eyes looked to him. "Here." He timidly murmured and showed her the gummy bears. "I forgot I had them."

She took both of the sweets. "Thanks." She leaned into him for a hug. She had significantly settled down but was still tense and highly strung. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders drawing her close to his body. He heard her apologise and he gave her a little squeeze in response. He knew it was going to take at least a few hours and perhaps days for Kate to fully recover from this experience. She was as tense and cold as he was. He rubbed her upper arms.

"It's ok. Let's get you home for lunch and some solid rest. You have to get over this." He said and assisted her back to the car, this time opening the back door. She flopped onto the backseat beyond caring where she sat. He shut the door and turned to Ryan. "Can you drive, Kevin? I will ride in the back with her. She will need a bit more time."

"Sure!" Kevin walked to Rick's car. They paused a moment outside it looking at each other. "She unloaded." Kevin commented raising an eyebrow. "You sure copped it."

"Yeah, that I did. Thanks for taking over."

Ryan smiled and patted him on the shoulder. "Any time and there will be more of them."

Rick nodded in agreement. "I know."

"Hey, was she speaking Russian to you?" Ryan inquired.

Rick looked at him questioningly. "No. Why?"

"She was babbling in Russian when we started. We had no idea what she said … then just like that she flipped to English. Bizarre."

"Like her dreams." Rick replied.

They both got in the same side of the car. Kevin adjusted the seat so he could comfortably drive and Rick relaxed in the back seat, watching Espo jog to his unit. He turned about to see the FBI agents had returned to their vehicles and were ready to continue their journey home.

Kate had laid across the back seat and curled up. She rested her head on Rick's right thigh. Kevin glanced over his shoulder, firstly at Kate who had her eyes closed then to Rick who was wearily slumped in the seat with his head resting on the headrest. "We're on our way guys."

"Thanks, Ryan." Rick cast his gaze down to Kate and assessed her physical state. Her skin was ghostly, her hair loose of the ponytail it had been in earlier. He swept it off her face. "You ok?"

He saw and felt her head move in the affirmative. His body relaxed a little in relief. He then proceeded to send his mother a text message to inform her they were on their way home. He also let her know that Kate had gone through a major meltdown to allow her to be mentally prepared when they returned. Kate rested in reasonable peace. She remained shaky and tearful and complained a few times that she had an atrocious headache. Rick wondered if hers was a bad as his headache. He covered her with the coat to keep her warm and stroked his fingers lightly over her temple in the hope it would help to ease the tension within her. Whilst he soothed her, he silently rested and closed his eyes. A sudden idea occurred to him. He searched through his iPhone for a video he'd recorded of Kate acting stupid at home one evening a month or so ago, when they had been playing Scrabble. He nudged Kate's shoulder and passed the iPhone to her hand.

"Play it." He said. "I know the woman in the video is still in there." He put his palm over her forehead and repeated, "She's in there." He let her go and rested his arm on Kate's hip. Ryan glanced to him via the rear view mirror silently indicating his approval of Rick's decision to show her a video.

Kate stared at the phone a moment or two then she hit the red arrow. The video played and within seconds, Kate's recorded voice and vivacious laughter was filling the car. She robustly debated with Castle about a word he'd used in Scrabble. He laughed and defended his choice in the game and verbally indicated she only carried on because she couldn't beat him at Scrabble. He initially had the iPhone close to her face then she was standing on the couch flamboyantly mimicking Rick. He made the comment she was a better actress than his mother. She laughed like crazy. Her iPad was in her hand and as she mimicked, she searched for the definition of the subject word on the internet.

Rick closed his eyes again and listened to Kate carry on in the video whilst he softly caressed her thigh and hip, hoping she would settle. He didn't want her to miscarry from so much distress, as he was quite sure if she did, it would have a detrimental impact on her wellbeing.

She watched the next video, which had been recorded one morning when they were alone in her bedroom. He had woken her after he'd spent the night writing. She was sleepy and incredibly cute. He watched that video as it always made him ache for her. The seconds he had spent kissing her neck and face, the video went fuzzy white because he had put the phone beside her head on the bed, but the audio was perfectly clear. He whispered and murmured his silly little stories about them, laughed at her and she giggled in amusement.

Kate expressed similar sounds as she had done on the video in response to their recorded conversation and pressed her head against his thigh. He stroked the side of her face right where her dimple would be if she happened to smile. He smirked to himself when his finger tips felt the dimple appear and she looked up to him with shiny eyes, while she listened to the story he told her on the video. She reached to his hand and took it.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Me too." He said. "There's the truth, in those videos."

"In your crazy stories."

She returned to the phone and started another video that he had taken in the Hamptons. They were in the field they would regularly ride their horses to. She was lying in the long grass on her back in her riding boots, black jeans and a white singlet shirt. She was tanned and dusty. He was standing over her. She grinned at him. He asked her what she was thinking. She responded with a seductive expression. Said she wanted him to pocket his phone and be her boyfriend. Then she laughed, sat up and suddenly reached for the phone in an attempt to snatch it. He raised it high and all the video showed was a wobbling blue sky but she could hear them both laugh and joke. The next thing, both of their faces appeared on the screen, peering closely at the phone with intrigue. Kate squealed with laughter and stated it was still recording. She joked he was like an old person with technology. Rick confirmed the video was on, then strongly objected to her old person comment. Then video stopped.

She gave him back the phone. "I know the truth." She said again, "I have to remind myself."

"I will send you the videos to remind you." He replied. "And I will keep telling you all my silly stories that are the truth." He said. They were almost home. He told Ryan that the remote to the car park was on the sunshade.

Hearing they were almost home Kate sat up and looked outside to see where they were which was about half a block from Rick's building. She then queried, "Tasmania?"

"Yeah," Rick smiled in amusement that she had heard that, "I was trying to make you believe you could be safe, but I would take you there," he confirmed.

"To the bottom of Australia?" She asked in disbelief.

"Would you bother to look for us in Tasmania?" He inquired in amusement and passed her the rest of the gummy bears.

"No."

"Well, there you go. A safe place. You said nowhere was safe." He put his arm over her shoulders as she wriggled closer to him.

"You would live in Tasmania to keep me safe? That's kinda sweet." She took his hand.

He grunted and smiled at her.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said."

"I know." He touched her face, signalling his forgiveness.

The moment Rick opened door to the loft he released Kate's hand. She slinked past the two FBI agents who had stayed at the loft, and hurried inside as quickly as she could. She kept cool about it but had mentally braved up to pass them. Martha was there and in what Rick considered the perfect second, she intercepted Kate before she had the chance to escape upstairs. As he had texted his mother to tell her that Kate had gone through a meltdown on the way home, it had given Martha time to prepare herself for their pending arrival. Kate took off the coat and protective vest Sorenson had demanded she put on to make the transfer from the car to the loft. Both items were discarded on the couch.

With her arm encircled about Kate's waist, Martha engaged her in conversation. Kate answered Martha's queries the entire way to the kitchen. She soothed Kate with affection and motherly behaviour. Above all else she listened as Kate off loaded her experience. She obediently sat on the stool Martha guided her to and, in no time at all, was eating the meal served to her like she hadn't consumed food in a week, conversation completely over.

Rick was more than surprised by how much Kate leaned on his mother for support this past week, particularly when he considered she had lived independently without her own mother for a number of years now. She resented the fact the relationship between herself and her mother had been so abruptly and unexpectedly cut short. He had always imagined that resentment would prevent her from attaching herself to an alternative mother like figure in her life but here she was, quite successfully developing one with his own mother. He was also quite sure that Kate wasn't at all aware of how his mother expertly manipulated and managed her strategically all the way to the breakfast bar in no time at all. She had kept her calm, and not let her ruin her appetite by getting upset, which pleased Rick immensely.

Lead by Rick, the men followed the ladies to the breakfast bar. Martha waved to them to indicate it was time for them to join in. Eating quietened Kate and, given a quarter hour her mood began to lighten. Martha had put out a variety of dishes. She deliberately served Kate a pasta dish with chicken and snow peas and left out plates of cut sandwiches and a large bowl of the pasta for the men to choose from. Everyone one ate in silence to begin with. Kate ate the pasta then ate a half sandwich with salad filling.

"Guys?" She eventually said when the conversation between them fell silent. Everyone looked to her. She shyly smiled. "Thanks for accompanying Rick and I this morning. I wouldn't have done it without any of you. I'm sorry for the … well the meltdown I had."

The men all glanced to each other and started to laugh.

"What?" She asked sitting up, glancing to Martha who was obviously surprised by the laughter.

"You call that a meltdown?" Esposito asked.

Rick dropped his fork and sat still. Martha noticed he was uncomfortable and she caught his glance silent telling him to let them go. He disliked the cop humour, but Kate responded straight away.

"What? Not enough drama for you, Espo?" She asked like a smart ass.

"I think there was enough." Rick responded sitting back and rubbing his palm over his chest.

The guys chuckled. Sorenson stood off his stool. "Funny guys. I have to go into the office for a few hours. I am catching up with Shaw." He said to everyone. "Thanks for lunch Martha. It was great."

"Mother!' Rick exclaimed. "You have finally met someone who appreciates your cooking."

"Richard!" She scorned. "Thanks, William."

"Mmm." Sorenson glanced questioningly between Castle and his mother wondering how on earth Kate was going to cope with their antics for the rest of her life. He smiled then turned to Kate. He touched the back of her head and pressed his lips to her forehead. He whispered so she only heard. "You were fantastic this morning. Now rest."

She smiled to his eyes and nodded. "Will you be back later?"

"Of course. I need to drop by my place and then I will be here."

He stepped back and turned his attention to the detectives and Rick. "If you need anything, phone me." He saw them all nod and then turned and walked to the door. He briefly spoke to the agents then left.

Immediately after they had finished lunch and left the breakfast bar, Kate disappeared alone upstairs. Ryan and Esposito had a brief chat with Martha and Castle before they indicated they were tired from their night at the Precinct and were going to catch up on sleep for a while in their respective rooms. Rick and Martha cleaned the kitchen almost in silence. Once it was done, Rick went upstairs and checked on Kate who had fallen into bed. For minutes, he stood at the side of the bed staring at her face. She had her head resting upon his pillow, her dark wavy hair pushed off her pale face. She had cried herself to sleep, curled up in her usual position on her left side, her hands tucked up near her mouth. She still had tears in her eyelashes.

He became overwhelmed with grief he had to flee the room, unable to look at her any longer. To see such anguish in her even whilst she slept was too difficult in his sensitive state of mind. He ensured she had a dim light on and partially pulled the bedroom door to so she wouldn't be disturbed. He hurried downstairs straight to his liquor cabinet to pour a Scotch.

Castle fell into a state of emotional shock once everything settled down. He sat in his study alone for a while, totally isolated, sipping his drink and allowing his mind to clear itself of all the clatter. He eventually talked with Alexis on the phone to learn how her final exam had been. After he hung up on her call, he aimlessly wandered about the loft, until he found himself composed enough to relax. He laid up the sofa with his refilled glass and as he savoured his Scotch with regular sips, he silently stared into space. He barely thought about anything, fully content with the moderate reduction of worry and stress in his mind. It came with being within the security of the loft and that Kate was once again safe and resting.

His mother returned from her bedroom and found him. She sat in the chair nearest where his head rested on the couch. Nothing was said between them, but she leaned forward and took his hand that reached out to hers. They remained silent for almost a quarter hour, before her fingers stretched over and stroked his forehead, pushing back his hair. She didn't think she had ever seen him as distressed as he was this week.

"You're still my son." She whispered and saw him give her half a smile in response to her subtext.

"Ma..." He lazily replied and gently squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry."

"Wanna talk about it?"

Richard sighed, shaking his head and wiped his face feeling a tear leave his left eye. "Espo and Ryan found the right place, where they had her."

"And she identified it?"

"Yup."

"How did she handle it?"

"She was good there. Had a couple of moments where she was scared. She was able to convey quite a bit once she was exposed to the evidence." He replied and fell silent, swirling the Scotch inside the glass. Unlike earlier, he no longer had a need to off load his experience at the warehouse. He didn't want to go into details, as it was all too raw to his nerves particularly after the trip home. It had hurt him gravely, the entire event, and needed more time to come between him and that day before he would talk about it. He tipped the last of the Scotch down his throat, wishing he had more, but he couldn't be bothered shifting from the couch to pour another. Prompted by his mother's movement, he continued to talk. "She passed out. It was a confronting situation and overall quite horrific from the moment we left that door to the moment we returned to that door." He added and waved his hand over his head behind him in the general direction of the front door.

"What happened on the way home? Your text was quite unlike you." She implied.

"Yeah, I thought you should know before we returned that Kate totally lost it on the way home. That was also confronting. Sorry, Mother, but I'm out of words to describe this morning's events. I thought a couple of times she would need to be sedated she was so upset but she regained her composure, eventually."

"Oh dear! She looked dreadful when she came home. No wonder. How much did she see?"

He blew out a lung full of oxygen not really wanting to think about it even though he knew he needed to talk about it to someone. "Enough to understand what they did to her which is what has greatly impacted on her. On all of us really." He looked to his mother. "They left everything how it was when she was there." He said. "It was, once again, confronting and horrific."

His mother sat there, processing what he'd said, but she wasn't completely sure where he was going with it. "So are you saying that after you went on TV, they virtually just left her there and never came back?"

"That's how it looks, yes. It looked as though it all happened last night, not a week ago. Evidence was all over the place. Nothing was cleaned or concealed. It was … horrific, again, made worse to us because it was done to Kate." He sighed, rubbed his head and closed his eyes. "The only upside to it is Kate's legal case is hopefully made simple. She won't be exposed to a difficult legal battle to have them put them away for a long time. The evidence will speak for her." They stayed silent a minute or so. "I don't know if we will get through it." He whispered swallowing his emotions. "The memories she has already and will soon regain will be imprinted in her mind forever. What she experienced, it will always be there. We will always live with it." He said. "She told me that she died there. Maybe she's right. It's all a part of her soul. Forever. Maybe the Kate we know is gone forever and we are yet to find out who Kate will be now."

"Oh, Richard!" She gasped, holding his hand firmly. "She will still be the Kate you know." She encouraged. "Where is she? Is she upstairs?" She pointed at the ceiling.

He nodded and looked to the ceiling. "She is in bed asleep. She's exhausted."

"You should be there with her. So too are you."

"I'm ok here. Give her space a bit." He replied. "She comes back when she wants me."

"Give her time." She suggested. "Would you like a cup of coffee? You always like a coffee."

He held up his empty glass and wobbled it in the air. His mother sighed and took the glass from him to serve him another. He had his eyes closed, still trying to relax, listening to his mother talk. She walked to the kitchen and fished around in the freezer for some ice. He usually held the ice but the thought of it being cooled appealed to him, even though it was cold outside and he had cranked up the heating when they had returned home. He laid there thinking about events of that morning, kind of listening to his mother talk to him about what she had been doing that morning as well, obviously to distract him.

He wasn't expecting to feel the fingers that softly brushed against his right shoulder. He opened his eyes to see Kate in a pink singlet and shorts. He smiled to her and stroked her bare thigh softly seeing her face soften. She was upset, but in control. She sleepily lowered her body over his, sliding between his body and the back of the couch. Greatly relieved she had found him, had come back to him, he wrapped his left arm about her shoulder and down her back. He caressed her lower back as she made herself comfortable. Her head rested on his left shoulder, her face near his neck. She pressed her lips against his neck then settled down against him closing her eyes. He didn't think she'd noticed Martha, or she just didn't care. She was usually more standoffish whenever Alexis or Martha were present.

"You ok?" He whispered.

"Mmmm… I need you …. I'm exhausted… you?" She murmured.

"Totally shattered." He whispered holding her tight. He moaned in appreciation she was back in his arms. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there." He said thinking about the seconds she'd told him she had screamed for him.

"Shhh…." She hushed. "It wasn't your fault. I'm extremely sorry I said that." She wrapped her arm over his chest, her fingers falling near his throat, softly stroking him. "Just hold me, Castle." She whispered and he squeezed her body. "Just make it all go away. Please make it all go away for a little while." She pleaded.

"Close your eyes. Sleep." He whispered.

"I'm sorry."

"Babe." He murmured.

The way he said that single word caused Kate's heart to ache. He'd been severely battered by her outbursts in the car and he still loved her unconditionally. Although she was completely drained physically and mentally, she knew she needed to generously provide Rick with affection and love, because he also needed reassurance that she was still his and things would be better. She had barely been awake when she had made the drowsy trip from their bed in search of him on the couch. She had been woken by a dream and as a consequence of how vulnerable it made her feel, she had sought his security. He didn't need the burden of knowing she had been dreaming. She simply wanted to be with him and hoped he wanted the same. She was emotionally settled enough now to comprehensively assess the impact her behaviour earlier had had on him. She once again pressed her lips to his warm throat, feeling the roughness his whiskers prickle the sensitive skin of her lips. She inhaled his familiar scent immediately feeling it intoxicate her senses. Her chest hummed with love, her weary tight muscles began to relax and her traumatised soul found peace and tranquillity all because of his close proximity.

She focussed on the positive things in her life and shut out the negative thoughts as she had trained herself to do many years before. She concentrated solely on Rick, on everything about him. She needed him to survive, could not imagine her life without him in it anymore. She knew she had to pull herself together for him, for them. She felt him kiss her forehead and he stroked the left side of her head with long featherlike strokes that swept back her hair. He played with her curls, twirling them about his fingers until they were in tight twists. She knew he would let go of the strand just to watch it untwist and return to a loose curl. It amused him for hours. He started with another strand. Twist and twist. His body was warm, so warm and was radiating through her skin raising her temperature. It helped her to feel better. His muscles she felt against her body began to relax. The tension within him was subsiding. The fingers of his left hand that lightly caressed over her lower back felt tender and beautiful. It relieved the tightness in her back.

His mother continued to chatter from faraway, perhaps in the kitchen but Kate didn't absorb what she said as with each passing second she sounded further away. She knew Rick wasn't listening to his mother any more. Instead, he murmured beneath his breath that he'd loved her since the day they'd met, that she was his girl, his beautiful girl and that he would always love her. He murmured snippets about his version of the day they had met in his story like manner. She adored hearing his side of their story as he usually shared it with her differently and elaborately each time, but today he was saying it with raw admission of his feelings. As he spoke, he unconsciously combed his fingers through her hair and soothingly massaged her head. Kate's heart and mind slowed, eased by the soft tones of his voice. She felt the faint vibration of his voice in her right ear that was pressed to him near his shoulder. It really didn't matter what he said as it was his tone that helped to ease the tension. She never wanted him to stop any of his affection and gently squeezed against him in response. She released noises of contentment she knew he would take comfort from and held her palm to the side of his face. Using her fingers tips, she lightly rotated them over his cheek in slow circles. His heart was gradually slowing down within his chest, the continual tha-thump of it vibrating though her body. If she concentrated whenever he fell silent, she was able to hear the rapid succession of four quick beats of his heart. Her lips barely against his neck, subtly felt the regular strong pulse and the irregular reflex of his Adams apple when he spoke.

She soon lost the knowledge of where she physically ended and he began. She only felt them, together. Her breathing steadied out and slowed down as the anxiety diminished until she felt only contented. She sensed she was almost falling into unconsciousness again and permitted it to happen because she wasn't afraid to sleep when he was there. Nothing mattered right now other than how safe and loved he allowed her to feel again. He was making it go away.

Richard felt Kate drift off to sleep against him when the weight of her body increased as her body fully relaxed. He also heard his mother coming closer and opened his eyes as she approached. To his delight, she carried the scotch glass sufficiently refilled almost to the brim with ice clinking about inside it. _That's my mother to fill the glass_. A_lways the glass is full, such as her life, _he thought. Rick silently thanked her and shrugged his free shoulder in response to her questioning expression over Kate's appearance.

Martha shrugged her shoulders too, "She found you." She whispered in encouragement. "Both of you need to rest." She also said. She clinked her glass against his and they each took a sip.

Continuing to stand over them, she fondly admired the younger pair. Even under the circumstances they were currently up against they were cute together. Her son, who was a man of solid build looked all the more bigger with Kate's tall, slender body lying alongside him. She had squeezed herself into a tight place between Richard and the couch, her long leg resting across his thigh with her bare foot on a cushion between the shoes we wore. Martha pointed at the length of her leg and Richard nodded understanding his mother.

"Mmm. Great legs." He whispered.

"She should have been a dancer. Such a waste."

He smirked and replied, "That will never happen." He amused himself with the image of Kate dancing, as he enjoyed several long sips of Scotch before he placed the glass on the coffee table.

His mother sat back in the armchair with a magazine she wanted to browse. It was one of the magazines Kate had purchased and left for anyone to read. She remained silent, the magazine soon losing her interest. She found the sight of her son and his girlfriend dozing in the middle of the afternoon far more appealing to watch.

Richard was almost asleep when Kate whimpered and tensed in her state of semiconsciousness. He lifted his free hand to the side of her head, rested it there and stroked her several times to sooth her. Martha smiled to him when Rick looked over to her.

"She's dreaming." He whispered. "Her body is flexing everywhere."

"I can't see it." Martha replied. "Is she cold? I will spread a throw rug over her."

"She is. Please." Rick requested. Martha fetched a throw rug from a chair and laid it over them ensuring Kate's bare skin was covered.

She returned to her chair and relaxed a little while, watching her son fall asleep with the woman he was totally crazy about. When she knew they weren't going to be disturbed by her movement, she found her phone then standing quietly over them, she snapped a photograph of the pair to add to their collection. She knew Kate would like the photo as she did every single one she had. She swept Kate's hair gently from her face then returned to the armchair to continue reading. However, she firstly sent the picture to Kate's iPhone so she would have it when she woke.

Sitting with them, Martha learnt in a very short period of time why her son was constantly tired lately. He would fall into a reasonable state of sleep but was repeatedly brought back to drowsiness each time Kate became restless. He would stroke her head, say her name, sooth her then would relax again. It went on for a good half hour until Kate was in a deep sleep. Castle followed her soon after and for the next three or so hours Martha read magazines whilst they had a solid uninterrupted nap.

_Please be patient as the next chapter it still being written …. And I'm getting over the drafting of this one. _


	24. Chapter 24 - jim

_Ok, this may be slow in coming to you this time. Apologies, as most of my submissions are usually one week apart each. This one is two weeks since the last one, but hey its 10,600 words in length and I needed to have a break from all the typing. _

_I have a life guys. I work in a highly responsible role, study science, have horses and write. Most chapters I read from other writers are about 3000 words tops. That's the pay off guys – you get a lot more to read. Also before it's posted it goes between myself and my "editor in chief" (thank you) numerous times as he ensures it's right. He's on the other side of the world which means we are limited by time zones. He also dedicates unselfishly a lot of time to reading and rereading it._

_This is also not an action story and was never intended to be. Want action read my other story and the one that's currently forming in my head will be more action (if I ever get to it). _

_This story is about recovery and how people deal with it. Further, none of you want me to let Kate go rogue so I have had to take that all into consideration, and I have considered all your comments and have rewritten the end (I really liked my original ending but she and Espo really went rogue and he actually said it on the last episode what he would like to do to Bracken). I have written a lot further along than where this chapter finishes, which is what I have been doing for the past two weeks, so hopefully these chapters will start coming out a bit more frequently again. Be patient. I've never written a story like this one and never will again._

_Ok. This chapter is ticking off the Jim box and is the cool down after the previous intensity. I can make all the readers happy but a lot of you want the Jim box ticked off. Done. I have also held on to it to write anything in that I need down the track. So although there is not a lot of action in this chapter, there is information._

**Chapter 24**

"Kate?" Castle called, searching the loft. With the phone on mute, he hastily strode from the kitchen to the lounge where he last saw his sleepy girlfriend. Just as he was about to call her name again, Kate's head popped up from behind the back of the couch as she sat up. They instantly smiled at each other and Kate rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "Hey!" He greeted and promptly bent over the back of couch solely so he could satisfy his desire to enthusiastically plant a kiss on Kate's mouth. Once satisfied, Castle smiled to he eyes and passed her the phone. He stood straight and leaned his hands on the back of the couch and seeing her questioning look said. "It's Detective Cahill. She wishes to speak to you. It's on mute." He was excited with the anticipation they were finally about to receive positive news. It would give them a good ending to a difficult day. Kate stared at the phone, a look of apprehension clouding over her face. "Answer it, Honey. She sounded very happy." Rick encouraged and stroked his hand over the top of her head in reassurance. Her hair was messy from moving during her sleep.

Hearing that Cahill was happy, Kate hit the mute button and held the phone to her right ear. "Beckett." She greeted. "Yes, a lot better thank you. Yourself?" She studied Rick who already behaved as though he was about to self combust either with anticipation or a desperate need to use the bathroom. She carefully listened to Detective Cahill as she commenced to update her on the case.

As she glanced to the clock to see was just on 6.30 pm, Castle almost ran around the couch to sit with her. She quickly tucked her legs to her body in order to make a place for him to sit, then once he clumsily plonked himself on the couch, she stretched her right leg back out to rest it over his thighs. She relaxed her left knee against the back of the couch. Her right knee, which had bothered her most of the day, was also painful to bend too tightly as she had just done. She lifted the lycra material of her pants so it was above her knee then inspected her knee cap with Castle as she listened to Detective Cahill's progress since they had penetrated the warehouse. Arrests had been made. She was about to get to the charges.

Back to her knee, Kate saw there remained a significant bruise in the process of healing that surrounded a scabbed graze directly over her knee cap. She screwed her nose in disgust at it, not remembering the last time she had grazed her knees. Her eyes connected with Rick's, who enthusiastically wrapped his left hand around her shin and softly rubbed her skin. It seemed to Kate that Rick was satisfied with the progress of its healing.

"Uh huh. Good." Kate half smiled, her eyes staying on Rick's. She switched the phone to her left ear and leaned forward meeting him half way so that he was able listen in. Their heads touched as they Detective Cahill continued unaware she had an audience of two. The more they heard, the broader their smiles became. They joined hands.

Kate thought her heart was about to explode out of her chest it thumped so hard and fast. She lifted his hand to her chest so he could feel it. Rick smiled at her in surprise then pressed her hand to his chest. His heart rapidly pounded too.

After the detective had provided and final summary up her progress, Kate replied professionally. "Thank you Detective Cahill. Thank you….. I will." She disconnected the call and dropped the handpiece on the couch between them. Her eyes searched Rick's face. "They made the arrests." She said even though she knew he'd heard the Detective. "I don't have to identify any of them because of how sloppy they were leaving everything at the warehouse. And because they think I'm dead."

Rick grinned with relief she didn't have to go through anymore procedures, particularly today. "Come here, Baby." With the hand he held he assisted her as she threw herself toward his body straddling his lap her thighs pressing in to his hips. "I'm so happy to hear that." They hugged tightly and seconds later she sat back and kissed him several hard and fast times on the mouth. He held her back to look in her eyes and smiled. "Please don't cry."

She shook her head. "No more crying." She grinned instead. "They're locked up!" She stated excitedly and sat back on her butt, supported by his thighs. He rested his hands on her hips. They stared at each other soaking in the news. "Christ, Castle." She eventually sighed and leaned back into him for another hug, this time staying there. "What a day. I'm simultaneously exhausted and exhilarated."

"I'm too tired to be over stimulated, but I'm extremely happy." He confirmed and gently rubbed her back. "You need to tell Espo and Ryan. I think they're still asleep?"

"They're not now." She replied and climbed to her feet. Using her loudest voice, she summoned, "Esposito! Ryan! Get out here!" She grinned back to Rick who said.

"You're freaking out your detail over there. None of them have seen your noisy side yet."

Kate glanced from Rick to the FBI agent at the door. He was trying to look cool but Kate's sudden outburst had startled him. "He has now." She said. "Where are the boys? They have to know this, especially after everything they have done." She strode with a bit of a limp in her gait, across to the door to their usual bedroom and rapped on it. "Espo? Are you there?" She called.

"Come in Beckett." Esposito hollered back with a tone of exasperation and amusement.

She grinned wickedly at Rick then pushed upon the door and disappeared. Rick stayed on the couch. He smirked at the racket that erupted from the bedroom given a few seconds. The more time that Javier and Kate spent together in the loft away from their work environment, the closer they were becoming as friends. He'd seen it with Kate, Ryan and Jenny as well, that they were developing a solid friendship. In fact, if he could find something positive coming from the horrible mess, he would have to say it was the fact the entire group had significantly bonded. They were extremely tight as a group now. He heard Kate squeal then laughter broke out again from both Kate and Javy.

Kevin came down the stairs, his bare feet lightly pattering on the timber flooring. Rick peered over his shoulder to see Kevin was in track pants and a shirt. He'd showered and looked a hell of a lot fresher than he had at lunch time.

"What's the noise about?" Ryan asked when he stopped at the end of the couch looking about.

"Go find Kate. She's in with Espo. She has good news for you."

"Oh! Ok." Ryan followed Kate into the master bedroom.

Rick stayed where he was. He heard Kate make a squeal of surprise like she had been caught out and heard Ryan deliberately speak loud enough for Castle to hear him. "What the hell are you two up to? Does Castle know about this?"

"No!" She defiantly replied muffling her laughter.

Rick jumped up and ran to the bedroom, fearful he was missing some fun. He found Ryan scratching his head and Esposito was still in bed flat on his back. Kate was lying on the top of the bed hugging Esposito.

"Did you tell them already?" Castle asked pleased that Kate had gone to Espo for a hug. Another good sign their time together that afternoon had been mutually beneficial.

"Tell us what?" Ryan asked.

"Tell them! I'll go get the beers." Castle said as he took off to the fridge to fetch drinks.

"I will wait for you to come back, Castle." Kate called as he left. She yelled out. "Hurry up already!"

"Ok." He called back.

"Your lungs are still good." Esposito remarked. "I think I have temporary deafness."

Kate playfully hit him on the chest for making his comment.

Rick hurried to the fridge. He grabbed three bottles of beer and a bottle of milk that he'd made up earlier for Kate. As he was on his way back Esposito, Kate and Ryan appeared in the living room. Kate was hanging off Javy's arms, playfully hassling him as she similarly did with Rick when they were alone.

Rick handed out the bottles. "Detective Beckett has news." He declared and joined the guys to go to the couch.

Kate unscrewed the lid of her milk and had a few fast and thirsty mouthfuls. She almost bounced from one foot to another in anticipation of telling them the news. She held the bottle at her waist. "Detective Cahill phoned me to advise they arrested four men. Two of them have been charged. The other two are in interrogation now. She will call us later with progress." She sobered, then uttered. "That's six of them who left finger prints in the warehouse."

"And have been caught." Esposito reminded her.

She nodded her agreement. "Let's toast." She offered. "Detective Cahill said she will meet with you two when you're next at the precinct."

Everyone clinked glasses. Richard said. "To the future."

"The future." Everyone echoed.

They all had a drink then Rick reached out to Kate and drew her to him for a hug, pressing his lips against her forehead. It was a simple gesture to remind her to stay with them and not dwell on what she had stated. To his relief she pressed her lips against his jaw and squeezed his rib cage.

Everyone's attention turned to the front door at the sound of it opening. The FBI agent posted outside the door briefly spoke to the agent inside. He then addressed Castle. "Mr Castle, we need confirmation a visitor is permitted in the loft. He is in the foyer downstairs and he says you know him."

"Who is it?" Rick asked not expecting any visitors that evening other than Sorenson and Dr Parish who were coming by later. He glanced to Kate in question as she stepped away from his embrace. The expression on her fact obviously stated she wasn't expecting anyone either.

The agent continued. "He says he is Detective Beckett's father and demands he sees her. Right now."

Kate eyes widened. She saw Castle's surprised face and whispered. "Oh God!" She really didn't want to have to explain recent events to her father today, after everything they had gone through earlier. A quiet dinner with the guys and an early night had been the only activities on her agenda.

"I told you he would turn up if you didn't speak to him." Castle rattled off at her quietly with an _I told you so _tone in his voice. He then turned his attention to the agents. "He's ok. Send him up. He is Kate's father. Would you ask him to give us a minute once he's on the floor and I will be there."

The FBI agent nodded and closed the door behind him.

"I told you to call your Dad, Katie." Rick reminded her.

"Yeah, well." She pursed her lips then sighed in resignation that she had to deal with her father tonight. After all, they were leaving the city tomorrow for an indefinite period and she most likely would not be back for Christmas or the new year. "Ok. Let's do it." She said to all of them. "How do I look?" She stepped back and peered down at herself in her top and yoga pants. "I will get changed of course."

Rick swallowed nervously in response to Kate's question. With the support of the boys, the three of them gazed over Kate all of them creating cautious facial expressions that Kate found both amusing and insulting.

"C'mon guys." She rushed at them.

They formed a tight, huddled line before her and with hands to their chins scrutinised her, glanced to each other for support. They all considered she looked brighter than she had earlier in the day but still had a long way to go. Rick tightened his chin in thought, not quite ready to commit to saying anything just yet. He glanced to the guys seeking their support.

Ryan, who had the ability to diplomatically give his opinion and to critique her appearance without upsetting her, flexed his jaw, rescanned her face at what was left of the bruises then suggested. "Go apply some make up and use a good concealer on the bruises, especially here." He offered up, pointing a finger to her left eye. "You won't hide the cuts but you can hide the bruising, what's still there." He smiled at Kate.

"Thanks, Kev. I will do it."

"It will work." He said and shot a look at Esposito who was staring at him in question. "What? Jenny uses it." Ryan said then added. "You really need to live with a woman."

"Sure I do." Esposito scoffed.

"It wouldn't hurt." Rick added like a smart ass, then turned Kate toward the study, "Kev's right. Use lots of concealer, he won't notice a thing." He took one last look at the bruises that remained near her left eye then gently turned and said, "Hurry up," as he propelled her towards the study with a light pat on the ass, in order she would continue on her path to the bathroom.

"Put on loose clothing too." Esposito called after her. "He will notice how skinny your ass is."

"Shut up Esposito!" Kate snapped back light heartedly. They watched her scamper through the study and disappear into the bedroom.

"Will we get away with this?" Castle asked after he had swallowed a mouthful of beer.

"Don't know. She's still quite bruised and the cut on her hairline he will notice." Ryan replied. "She's skilled with make up so she might pull it off."

"She has plenty of it in there." Esposito remarked. "Her whole basin is covered with girl stuff."

"Yeah!" Castle agreed with an explosive tone and grinned continuing with his enthusiasm, "It smells delicious in the bathroom nowadays with all her girl stuff. I love it!" He stated loudly as he walked toward the door way. He paused, turned towards the guys and pulled a face then raised a hand to his mouth. "Geez! Did I say that out loud?" He asked and spun about again to proceed once again to the front door.

The guys yelled back "yes" together and Ryan added. "That's just creepy!"

Esposito looked to Ryan. "He was having a go on you Ryan for knowing all about the girl stuff."

"He may have been, Javy, but who is single here amongst us?" Ryan piped back and smiled devilishly at Esposito.

"I wanna hit you." He threatened light heartedly.

"Go on. Kate has plenty of concealer." Ryan replied. "I've inspected her make up collection. And Castle seriously does like all her stuff being in the bathroom."

"Why does that not surprise me?"

The noise of Castle's voice welcoming Jim Beckett into the loft distracted the men from stirring each other anymore. They turned as Rick approached with Jim at his side, verbally confirming everyone had previously met. The men shook hands in greeting. Rick then he offered Jim a drink mainly to fill in time whilst Kate prepared herself to see her father.

Rick was conscious Kate hadn't seen or contacted her father since the night they had learnt she was pregnant. He knew Jim he had no idea of what she had been through and if Kate had her way he would never know. Jim had only been informed of the basics from talking on a daily basis with Castle over the phone and with Captain Gates in person, who had formally told him Kate had been pronounced as deceased to the media. As a consequence of the media release he, well all of them, had been tolerating all their friends' condolences. None of them could figure how on earth the lie was going to be reversed when the time came to do it.

"I will go find Kate. She is off doing girl things somewhere." He said nonchalantly and offered Jim a seat whilst he went off to find Kate. He needed to avoid the scrutinising looks from Kate's father. It was unnerving him. At the same time he understood her father's concerns, being the father of an equally strong willed daughter. In the bedroom, he called Kate in a whisper and heard her response come from inside the wardrobe. She was fishing through her clothes for something to wear. At the sound of his presence, she stood up straight and smiled to him, still partially dressed only wearing black yoga pants. He scanned her face. In all of five minutes maximum she had transformed her appearance from bruised and tired, to clear and vibrant. "Wow!" He exclaimed. "Great make up." He grunted his absolute approval.

Kate heard the grunt she understood as appreciation of her. "Good enough?" She inquired and tilted her face from side to side so he had a good look at her.

"It's great." He replied glancing to her eyes then back to her bare breasts. "God, I so wish.."

"Castle." She lightly scorned but smiled.

"Sorry. Can't help it."

"I know. You're biologically designed to be attracted to them." She mimicked playfully. "Do you think he will see the bruises?"

"Not unless he really looks. I will dim the lighting for you. The gash on your forehead he will notice but who cares, right?" He asked

She shrugged her shoulders. "Another scar is the least of our problems, Castle." She held a red top against her body and looked in question to Rick who assessed it.

A hand went to his chin and scratched in giving himself a moment to assess her, then shook his head in the negative. "Not tonight. It's too red for you with your skin being quite pale. How about a purple top? You always look pretty in purple. Brings out the green in your eyes."

Kate's face lit up with an idea. She passed Rick her red top and instantly pulled out a drawer. The purple top she was thinking about was folded inside her drawer. She thanked herself she had left it at the loft. She held it up, turning to Rick. "Purple sweater with black jeans?"

"Perfect." He smiled. "Your hair looks pretty by the way." He complimented. She had loosely pulled it up in to a ponytail and had left curled strands of it hanging, which doubled to partially conceal her face.

"Thank you." She smiled shyly at him, still not accustomed to the way he spontaneously complimented.

He grunted in acknowledgement and leaned against the wardrobe doorframe, his arms crossed over her chest where he quietly continued to watch the progress of her transformation. She stepped out of her yoga pants, stood up straight wearing only white panties, to look at Castle and playfully swayed her hips a couple of times well aware he was checking her out. He grunted his approval accompanying it with a boyish smile.

"I still have it for you." She stated light heartedly and smirked at his reaction as she bounced into her tight black stretch jeans.

"Never lost it. In a few months, you'll be teasing me once again." He quietly said, secretly wishing he had some magic pill to clear her mind of the past week or so.

"I think so."

"You don't need to jump into them." He remarked seeing the jeans were a little loose around her waist but they were alright.

"Definitely a wasted effort. But in a week they will be fitting me snugly again." She replied.

"And in a couple of months you will be complaining they don't fit anymore because the baby will be growing." He smiled proudly, catching her similar glance to his eyes. He cast his mind back to the episode in the car that morning, to the memory of her terrified eyes, her frantic cries echoing in his mind. It already seemed as though it had happened days, not hours ago, that it hadn't been Kate in the car with him. It had been so uncharacteristic of her to behave as she had. He realised how petrified she had been that morning, how well she had handled herself at the warehouse.

It was encouraging to also figure out that as a couple, they had overcome the experience faster than he had ever anticipated them doing. He also considered that the rather spectacular expulsion of emotions had refreshed Kate's state of mind. Having had a decent sleep most of the afternoon she was a lot brighter and far more relaxed and confident than he'd seen her in days. The sudden outburst of raw honesty and thoughts may have been good for her mentally.

Her voice interrupted his thoughts. "Rick?"

"Mmm? Sorry…"

"I was just saying, I will put on weight again." She confirmed confidently to him, but mainly to herself, gazing in the mirror the full extent of her body, from her face to her bare feet. Rick was right, the shade of the purple knitted top was perfect to camouflage her pale skin and it was long enough to fall over her hips concealing the loose jeans. She lifted the sweater and twisted from side to side so she could see her waist in the mirror. She was lean, her abdominal muscles quite obvious. She tissed, not at all happy that her hip bones were prominent either. "Richard, he will notice." She murmured in concern and lifted her top a little higher.

"Kate, you're not much lighter than when those black and white photographs were taken of you." He encouraged.

"Mmm." She hummed in response, thinking about the photo session Castle was referring to. At the time she had been intensively training with her personal trainer, was ready to run the marathon Ryan and her had participated in. She'd almost had an abdominal six pack, which at the time, she had been very proud of. She preferred to look more feminine with a bit of a curve to her figure than she had then and was now and once they had started trying to conceive a baby, the doctor had suggested she quit training as hard.

"He didn't say anything when you showed him the proofs." He added followed Kate's gaze down her torso. Nothing had changed from this morning with absolutely no indication of a pregnancy and her ribs were clearly visible. However, at the rate she was healing he believed that given a month or recovery, she would be back to her normal state of health.

"You're right. He didn't mention it. He did like the photos." She muttered turning about to see her back.

Rick saw the brow crease in dissatisfaction. "Katie, let it go. I will order in tonight and you can eat up big."

"Take away?" She instantly dropped her top and it fell back into place as did her expression. "Thai?" She hinted with a smile, "I would love Thai."

"Alright." He decided against suggesting anything else when he saw how keen she was. "Thai it is." He stood up straight off the doorframe, as she came to him with her arms reaching lazily around his neck. He pulled her to him from the small of her back smiling to her eyes. "Do I have you back?" He asked casting his eyes over her dark wavy hair that she shook from being over her eyes.

"Oh yeah. You never lost me." She bit her lip, glancing between his eyes and mouth, then locked on his eyes. "Castle, I know I said some things …"

"Hush .." He cut her off and attempted to kiss her but she pulled back.

"Hey." She said. "I'm sorry I said what I did. I do want you and I will want you more. I'm just not ready."

"I know. We'll talk about this topic another day. Just not today. Go out and see you father. You need to tell your Dad his only daughter has been knocked up by some writer who is crazy about her." He smirked in response to her expression.

"Knocked up." She repeated.

"Seems like it." He pressed his lips against hers and held her there releasing a moan of contentment. He kept her against his hips. "Whilst he's recovering from the news, I will take the guys with me to buy dinner. The Feds will be here. Will you be ok?"

Kate smiled and pressed her lips to his again. She nodded. "My Dad will be with me, probably silently contemplating how he can marry off his knocked up daughter to the writer."

Rick chuckled pleased her sense of humour was returning. "Cool." He saw her dimples appear too. "It will give you time to catch up with him before we leave tomorrow." In less than five minutes he'd managed to soothe Kate's mood right down so she was calm and ready to deal with her father's. Rick knew Jim would be prying into Kate's life, and as much as she hated that, she had to live through it. Being a father of a daughter, Rick understood how Jim possibly felt.

"Ok. I guess the timing was great for us." She took his hand and with him walked out to the bedroom.

"Just reassure him that you are ok, alright? It's what he needs. He will physically scrutinise you. He will need to know that someone is protecting you. Doesn't matter how old you are, Sweetie, you will always be his baby girl and his only child." He held her close when she wrapped herself tighter around his neck. "Reassure him everything is good even if it's not, ok? He needs to know that I am taking care of you." He whispered, stroking her head, thinking that's all he wanted from his daughter's future partner.

Kate shook her head. "I will. Why do you become the adult when I least expect you to?"

He squeezed her lightly. "Hey, if this was Alexis I would have gone insane if I was in Jim's spot. That's why I ensured he was constantly kept in touch."

"You did go crazy. The guys told me you did." She relaxed her hold and stood down to the floor looking to his eyes.

"Yeah, well. It was you I was trying to save." He replied and swallowed, thinking about how close they had been to losing the fight to get her back alive.

"You did save me." She took his hand in hers. "Let's go."

When Jim Beckett saw his daughter appear from the study, walking towards him and holding Castle's hand, he stood and placed the water on the coffee table. He responded to her grin and with Castle she came to him giving him a big hug. Rick stayed behind Kate.

Jim stood her back and looked at her from head to toe. "Katie, how are you?"

"I'm good Dad." Kate smiled. "I'm just tired."

"You're so thin. No one told me how thin you are." He exclaimed.

Kate glanced at the guys in warning, and reached behind her to Rick for help, searching for his hand, hooking her finger onto one of his. "I'm ok, Dad. You know I lose weight fast."

He nodded. "Like me. You're also standing in front of Castle. He makes you look small as well." He smiled.

"Thanks Jim." Castle replied.

"Sorry." He glanced to Castle. "You got a gash." He looked at the wound on Kate's forehead.

"It's nothing." Kate replied honestly then saw he had noticed the state of her hand and knuckles. Kate pulled her hand away and placed it behind her where Rick found it. He lightly squeezed her hand reminding her to be patient with her father. "They're ok too, Dad. You should see what my knuckles did to the other guy." She joked and silenced the boys with her eyes alone.

"My daughter, the fearless Katie." Her father stated, and saw the guys all shift uncomfortably in their seats.

"Yep, not fear." Kate agreed pursing her lips and tightening he chin in response. She certainly didn't feel fearless of late. "Take a seat Dad. I've gotta sit." She said, thinking she needed to be off her pelvis, which was painful towards the end of each day. "Castle and I have something to tell you." She said then waited for him to complete his final inspection of her before he returned to the chair he had previously occupied.

Rick found a place to sit on the couch near where Jim had sat and unconsciously watched over Kate who dropped a cushion to the floor between his feet. Leaning on his left thigh and mindful of her pelvis, she squatted carefully rather than her usual careless flop to the floor, and sat on the puffy cushion. She made herself comfortable leaning against the couch and rested her arm over Rick's thigh. Rick put his hand by her neck and lightly felt by her hairline. She fiddled with the engagement ring as she glanced between Rick and her Dad then hung her arm over Rick's left leg trying to act as normally as possible in front of her father. She knew as a kid she used to often sit on the floor between her dad's feet to watch the TV. She often did it with Rick and had deliberately done it now to subliminally let her father know she was ok, even if she wasn't. She didn't want him worrying about her.

"Captain Gates told you they made a decision to let them think I died." She started.

"Yes. But Rick was constantly on the phone to me to reassure me you were alive. Do you know how much your Aunt has been freaking out? I had to tell her you were ok. She thought our whole family had ended with herself and me."

"Ok course she would say that." Kate raised an eyebrow then explained to the guys who looked confused. "I'm the only child conceived on my fathers' side. Dad's sister never had children."

"Oh." Ryan sat back satisfied with the explanation.

"Why did they let you get so thin? The gash on your head. Who held you captive?"

Rick felt Kate squirm and she stiffened, so he thought he would change the subject. "She .. kind of has a good excuse Jim." Castle said, and stroked his fingers over her neck gaining her attention. "Why don't you tell your Dad our news, then the guys and I will go buy dinner. Would you like to stay for dinner Jim? Your daughter hungers for Thai tonight."

"Her favourite." He smiled, and looked to Kate. "Would you like me to stay?"

"Would love you to stay. Of course! Yes!" She grinned then glanced to Rick, seeking his help to continue or pick up for her. She kind of wanted Rick to tell her Dad, anyway.

Rick saw her hesitation to tell her father. "Jim, we have something to tell you…" He touched her shoulder swept back her curls. "Go on, Kate."

"Dad, I know we're .." She stopped herself from explaining that she and Rick were out of order, that they weren't getting married first. She was in her thirties, Rick in his forties and they didn't have to explain to anyone why they were doing things. She took a breath, "Castle and I are going to have a baby. I'm pregnant, just pregnant." She bit her lip glancing between her father and the guys. Ryan gave her the thumbs up.

"I am finally going to be a grandfather?" He stood and took his daughter's hands in his as she rose. They hugged and Rick stood to shake Jim's hand. Once it was over Rick guided Kate back to the chair with him and she sat on his right thigh.

"Keep your fingers crossed you are." Kate replied. "It's still very early."

"How far along are you?" He inquired recalling with fondness how her own mother had looked when had been carrying Kate. The first couple of months she had lost a lot of weight with morning sickness.

"Almost eight weeks." She said with emphasis on her words. "We were going to keep it between us until I was at least three months but circumstances caused us to have to let others know. So we're telling you and just hope it stays there." She said raising an eyebrow. "I just love this thing about morning sickness."

"Have you been sick?"

She nodded. "Every day. All day. No such thing as being allocated to the morning."

"You mother was like that when she was pregnant with you."

Kate sat up and absorbed what he had said, a sudden jolt of pain in her throat. She pushed it away not willing to deal with that issue today. She was suddenly confronted with the fact she would never be able to share this experience with her own mother, to compare their pregnancies. She had instead been discreetly asking Martha a lot of questions without trying to make it obvious she had been missing her mother a lot lately. She felt Rick jiggle her hand bringing her back.

She snapped back to the present. "If I don't regularly eat I feel unwell, so Castle keeps me fed." She shook the bottle of milk she had almost finished. "I'm like a baby calf." She smiled glancing to Rick entwining he fingers in his. "Milk and water is my staple fluid intake. No coffee."

"That must be hard." Jim replied. "You and coffee go hand in hand."

"I know."

Rick considered it was on the borderline of being agonising to watch two people similar in nature try to make a conversation, especially when they had an audience. They were both partly introverted and naturally quiet together. Kate's extraverted side, her strong will and brave character was more dominant when she was in the company of big personalities such as Castle and Esposito. Alcohol also did the job and obviously her work, but when she was in the presence of her father, she always resumed a quieter demeanour.

Realising it was a good opportunity to leave them to have some privacy, Rick urged Kate to hop off his lap so he could stand. "We'll go pick up dinner." He said and waved a hand at the boys to follow him. They instantly reacted and got up more than happy to leave Kate alone with her father.

"Ok." Kate replied watching the guys keenly prepare to depart. Castle had a gentle hold of Kate.

"Beckett." Esposito interrupted. Both Kate and Rick looked to him. "Lanie is on her way and should only be about twenty minutes."

"And Jenny will be here by the time we're back." Kevin added.

Rick took hold of the sides of Kate's head and kissed her on the lips. "We won't be long. We will get enough for Sorenson as he's on his way too."

"Alright. Get my usual?" Kate queried looking over his face to see he was worried about leaving her. "I'll be ok. The Feds are there and Dad is here." She murmured and went up on her toes to kiss his mouth again.

The men left and Kate watched them all leave her for the first time in a week. Part of her wanted to run after them but the stubborn part stood her ground and acting calmly, particularly in front of her father. The Feds were both inside the front door and they locked it. They radioed to the agent up on the roof and in the foyer downstairs that three men had left the loft.

Kate sat back on the couch near her Dad and rested her elbows on her thighs. "Dad, Castle and I are leaving the city tomorrow."

"For how long?"

"I'm not sure. I have to be concealed, so Rick is taking me to a safe place until it's ok for us to come back."

"So you're still not safe?" He leaned forward in concern.

"No. Not until we have enough evidence to convict the person who arranged my abduction." She curled up into a tight position on the couch fully aware her father was about to become the lawyer dad she knew very well.

"You must have something to charge him with. Look at you for god's sake." He grumbled. "Katie, you're a mess."

"Dad." She whined. "I'm ok."

"You're not. You're hiding your face with make up, your hands are battered, you're ridiculously thin."

"Dad! Please don't talk about that. I'm eating. I was held without food or water for almost four days, I've been unconscious for the majority of my time since I came back. I had concussion so I struggled to hold food down, and nothing short of a miracle, I still have a fetus inside me that is literally sucking the life out of me. I can't eat enough and hold it down to feed it. Today is the first day I have actually kept my lunch down, because the concussion is almost completely gone and I'm learning how to eat to appease my pregnant body. So please, yes I'm thin and I know that, but give me a chance to recover and learn." Kate wiped her eyes, determined not to get upset in front of her father.

"I'm sorry Katie. I've been frantically worried about you. Rick has been terrific and has phoned me at least once a day to talk to me but it's not the same as hearing from my daughter."

"I know Dad, but I was extremely weak when they found me and I've been sleeping a lot to recover. I slept most of today on this couch." She said patting the leather. Rick had aroused her about six o'clock so he could use the bathroom and she had drifted back to sleep and been woken by Detective Cahill's phone call. "In fact, I slept the whole day. I woke up just before you got here."

"Where is he taking you?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know where you are going?"

"No. Only he knows. He says he's made arrangements to stay somewhere it will be safe." Kate put her legs down and leaned toward her father deciding she wanted to control the conversation from here on out. "He doesn't trust anyone so he's keeping it from everyone including me." She replied thinking she sounded like she was finally letting someone else take control of her life a little bit. "He's taking care of me." She added recalling what Rick had suggested she do. "Whilst I can't."

"I trust him to keep you safe."

"So do I." Kate rested her head on her hand. She was tired, hungry and didn't feel up to keeping a conversation going. However, she appreciated she had to talk to her father, but she was about to change the subject now she did have her Dad present. There were a few things she desperately wanted to ask him particularly since she had been trying to conceive. Before now she hadn't been able to ask and after today she honestly didn't know how long they were going to be done. "Dad, did Mum keep a diary of when she was pregnant with me? Anything?" She entwined her fingers, hoping her mother had left even snippets of her life via any means so Kate could learn a little about what her mother had experienced when she had been pregnant with Kate. She craved her mother's attention this week in particularly. She was no long the feisty argumentative teenager who had been crushed by her mother's murder, nor was she the cop driven to find her mother's murderer anymore. She knew who was behind it and that she had to be patient and wait for him to make a mistake. All Kate recognised about herself nowadays was she was a pregnant woman, who missed her mother and wanted her support during a time her body was changing so drastically. She may not be looking pregnant but she could already feel the changes taking place within her body to adapt to the new life she was supporting.

Jim studied his daughter for several seconds, seeing the anguish over her brow. She rarely discussed her mother unless it was about finding those responsible for her murder. He leaned forward on his chair toward her and nodded. "She did Katie." He confirmed and saw his daughter instantly smile with what looked like pure joy. He continued. "She always kept a journal even before thoughts of creating you entered her mind. Your mother had her diaries that you have seen, but she also wrote in journals as far back as I can remember. She stopped writing the journal when she bought her first laptop, but I had what she stored on that saved to a USB stick some time ago."

"Oh!" Kate was taken aback a bit. She didn't realise her mother had kept a journal, as she did. "Ok." She stroked her thighs, thinking to herself. "May I read them? I would like to read the one when she was pregnant with me? As well as after she had me?" She asked wary that he would not want her to read her mother's personal material.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Sure! When do you want them?"

"I would really like them now, Dad." She smiled feeling all emotional about it. "I'm pregnant and can't share it with my Mom." She wiped her eyes quickly before the tears ruined her make up. She sniffed. "Sorry Dad."

"It's all right Katie. I will find you whatever she left and you can have it. Keep it all."

She suppressed the emotions and cleared her throat. She nodded. "Thanks. I'll ask Castle to pick them up before we leave and I will take them with me."

"You can do that. I'll pack them in a travel bag for Rick to collect. You can keep them. She wrote them for you to read when you were ready, so I guess you're ready." Recognising it was time to change subjects, Jim queried. "Are you moving out of your apartment?"

Kate sighed heavily pleased to move on. "I guess so. Rick has been insisting I move in here for months, and now we're expecting a baby I will move in with him. We basically live together between apartments now anyway."

"What are you going to do with your place?"

"Castle paid the rent on it for the next six months just so we don't have to worry about it now. He mentioned it might be a good apartment to offer Martha, but we're not worried about whether she's here with us. But as it's the least of our problems at the moment, he said he would pay the rent and lock it up. He's going there in the morning to collect any valuables and whatever I want out of it to take with me. Then he's locking it up till we get back."

Kate heard the FBI transmitter crackle into life and the fed inside the door way replied. She didn't quite capture the conversation but looked about, inquisitive as to what was going on. Someone was coming up to the loft. She looked back to her Dad.

"Are you excited about being a grandfather?" She inquired.

"Very." He smiled. "I don't want to upset you Honey, but you look so much like your mother did. She was in her mid-twenties when she had you. She was so strong willed, like you are, but being pregnant completely mellowed her out. She would cry during movies, sometimes for no reason." He drifted off remembering things. "Then you were born and you were such an independent child. Both of you being so strong willed. I often had to intervene."

Kate smiled and giggled. "I remember I wanted to be a movie star. Mum used to tell me I was enough of a diva to be one."

Jim chuckled. "Oh yes. That you were."

A knock on the door brought Kate instantly to her feet suddenly wishing she had access to her hand gun. She turned toward the entrance see the feds had control of the situation. The guy inside waved to her to relax as he opened the door. Will Sorenson walked inside giving the federal agent a friendly pat on the shoulder. They spoke a bit. Contrary to that morning, he was dressed in casual clothes and carrying an overnight duffle bag. He dropped the bag by the door way to the spare room he had been using then made his way to the kitchen.

"Hey Kate." He waved to her. At the fridge he took a drink and grabbed a yogurt container and spoon.

He was on his way over to the couch when he saw Kate's father who had stood to greet him.

"Jim! Long time." He greeted and held out the yogurt and spoon to Kate who keenly took it. He then shook hands with Jim.

Jim glanced between Kate and William not at all sure about the situation now. He knew they had broken up years ago and that the situation had been fairly amicable. "William. How have you been?"

"Good thank you, Sir. Yourself?"

"Great." Jim looked to Kate now totally confused by the presence of Kate's ex-boyfriend. Kate took the yogurt Will passed to her. His timing was great as she was starving.

Sorenson placed his hand on Kate's upper arm and kissed her cheek in greeting. "Hey."

"Hi." She smiled.

"Castle texted me to say the Thai place is busy and will take a bit longer."

"Cool." She smiled to him.

"You look like you had a good rest." Will commented but also noticed she wore make to conceal her face from her father.

"I did. I slept all afternoon. We all did."

"Good," Will nodded his approval, "all of you needed to rest." He turned his attention to Jim who was obviously in a state of confusion over his presence. "Jim, I'm protecting your daughter." He briefly explained. "Even though her Captain decided to leak it to the media that she had apparently passed on, we still have to protect her."

Jim glared to Kate with an expression of extreme worry that consequently caused Kate to fidget in discomfort as she understood her parent's silent communication. It was loud and clear to Kate. Will saw it all unfold, saw her squirm and decided immediately to step in to alleviate the pressure being placed on Kate. He had never known her father very well, but knew him enough to know he was about to have a go on Kate in relation to her state of safety. Will was very aware Kate didn't need it tonight. She had been through enough today already and although she overall seemed to be handling things better she still had one hell of a long journey ahead of her in the upcoming days, weeks and months.

"She's safe Jim." He reassured. "We are just making sure she stays that way with protection." He said in a tone that let Jim know that Kate was fine.

"Well, you have agents downstairs, two over there, her detectives are here and now you. How serious is this?" Jim asked. "She's my daughter, my only child, so I have a right to know." He stressed, but felt about as powerless with Kate as he had since she turned thirteen. His only security was he knew Rick was probably the only person on the earth who had the power to control her, or was it the ability to successfully reason with her.

"Dad …"

Will held up his hand to silence Kate. She fell silent.

Will addressed her father. "We understand what you're saying Jim." Will glanced to Kate silently telling her he had the ability to sort this out with her father and to not waste her energy. "Look, none of us like the fact that Captain Gates and Agent Shaw opted to declare Kate as deceased but it's turned out to be easier for us to protect her while the detectives investigate who was behind it all." Will deliberately sat close to Kate as she needed emotional support. The energy level was fading with every minute that passed. Right on cue, she leaned against him, giving him a playful but subtle nudge using her elbow. He smiled then dropped his arm over her shoulders pleased she accepted him being close without exhibiting any hesitation. He checked she was getting started on the yogurt he had passed to her.

Will was fully aware Jim would be freaking out over his daughter's poor physical state, and secondly his close proximity to her but it was more important to the group that she was keep secure and in physical contact with the guys than to worry about what he father thought of it all.

The afternoon had been busy for Will and although he was in a happy mood, he was also quite weary and looking forward to a decent dinner. During the course of the day, in the company of Special Agent Shaw, Sorenson had pulled quite a few strings to obtain the documentation needed to discretely and legally get Kate and Rick out of the country. He had everything they needed for the next day. Satisfied with his efforts, he settled back on the couch and swallowed a few mouthfuls of water, noticing that Jim had calmed down a little, kind of the same way Kate did. It was funny watching him, because in little ways, Kate was similar in her reserved character to her father.

Kate, who had relinquished all responsibilities to others, was uncharacteristically obeying the men in her life and was relaxed against him, totally absorbed with eating the tub of yogurt. Rick was right. If she was provided with food, she ate it without any argument.

She paused, holding the spoon in the air. "I'm not particularly pleased Gates announced it to the media that I died. How is everyone, going to explain this to friends down the track? What will our friends say when I magically reappear?" She tucked her legs up, and shifted so she was facing her father at a better angle, her brow fixed in thought as she dwelled on what her friends would think of her for faking her death. Will relaxed his arm over her but lightly squeezed her upper arm in reassurance.

"Yes. That will be difficult." Jim conceded.

"Castle, Martha and Alexis are all lying to their friends who know me." She added scraping out the inside of the container.

"Your close friends know you're alive." Sorenson reminded her.

"True." She agreed and reached over to the coffee table to leave the empty container there.

"Did you taste that Kate?" Sorenson inquired with a cheeky grin.

Kate smirked. "Mmm. Ate it fast didn't I."

"Well, you're eating." Jim confirmed with approval.

"She is certainly eating Jim. Don't sweat about that. She may still look skinny but she's putting the weight on."

Kate sighed, annoyed by the reference to her appearance. It was already forgotten how sick she had been less than two days ago, that she had only been on her feet for a day. She drank what was left of the milk and dropped the empty bottle on the side of the couch deciding to ignore the remarks about her physical state. Her mind kept taking her back to her mother toying with her. There was an overwhelming desire to know more about her mother's pregnancy but resources were extremely limited. Unfortunately, Kate's maternal grandmother had also passed away, and over the years she'd lost contact with her mother's side of the family which left her father as the only avenue to obtain information. She decided to dig a bit further and see what he had.

"Dad, did Mom take photographs of herself when she was pregnant?"

"She took some. More once you were born."

"I would like to see them one day." Kate heard her phone buzz with an incoming text but she ignored it.

"You can have them whenever you want them, Katie."

She nodded immediately deciding she would ask Castle to collect them before they left the next day so she could take them with her. "I would like them Dad."

"All right. I will have them ready."

"Thanks." She pulled it from her pocket and checked the messages. "Lanie is on her way." She noticed there was a message from Martha as well. She opened it to see the picture of her and Castle asleep on the couch. She grinned broadly.

"Who took that?" Sorenson inquired when she flashed it to him.

"Martha took it this afternoon." Kate closely inspected it to make sure her bruises could not be seen then leaned forward and showed her father. "This was Castle and I earlier today."

"Cute." Jim remarked and saw his daughter maintain a smile as she sat back. He could see now she had a definite preference with her boyfriends. The two that he had met were similar and both remained in her life. He hadn't met the doctor she had dated for awhile as he was never around. "You've been sending me a lot of photos lately." He commented to her. "I enjoy seeing them."

"Mmmm. Castle and I take them a lot. He always has the camera going." She promptly made the picture her new screen saver then rested her phone on the arm of the couch. Lanie was about five minutes away from saving her.

"Have you hired a lawyer?"

"Yes Dad." Kate replied. "Her name is Lisa Evans." Kate heard Will's phone signal an incoming text. He read it and responded.

Jim nodded, "I know of her. A good choice."

"Mmm." Kate agreed, absolutely positive Rick would have found the best lawyer for them. "I haven't met her yet. Rick has been to see her and she's on top of it all for me." Kate stood. "Would you like another drink Dad?" She picked up the empty bottles and tub.

"Please."

She nodded and walked over to the kitchen. She disposed of the rubbish then fetched three bottles of water and a small zip lock plastic bag of protein bites that Martha had prepared for her that afternoon whilst they had been sleeping. There was, she discovered, a small collection of snacks on the kitchen counter, all for her to eat. Martha was staying at her partner's place that night but had left Kate with enough snacks to last her until the morning.

She sauntered back to the couch and returned to her place beside Will. She passed the bottles out and nursed one between her legs. Will sneaked the plastic bag from her.

"They look nice." He said.

"They are. Try one." She offered. "Protein balls that Martha made me this afternoon."

Will extracted one from the bag and then Kate offered one to her father but he declined. Kate sat back and ate the chocolate flavoured ball. She was determined to consume as much as she could to get back to normal as soon as possible.

Her cell phone rang. She picked it up and walked away from the living area as it continued to ring. In the kitchen she answered the incoming call. It was Rick.

"Help!" She whispered into the phone.

"Are you ok?" Rick asked in a panic.

"Yes. Will you hurry please?"

Rick laughed hard at the other end of the line causing Kate to glare at her phone. "Castle!" She hissed.

He sobered. "That's what you get for not phoning your father, Baby!" He teased.

"What do you want Ricky?" Kate asked in her usual_, I'm only just tolerating this_, tone.

"Jenny is on her way over. Can you tell the feds at the door?"

"Sure. I'll tell the feds. How long you going to be?"

"Oh, at least another hour." He teased and laughed wickedly. He hung up on her. Kate growled under her breath at his immaturity. She texted him a message to hurry up then walked toward the federal agent who stood inside the main door way. She stopped, leaving a good three metres between herself and the agent who remained still but looked to her with a smile.

"M'am?" He calmly inquired, surprised she had approached him as for the past couple of days when he'd been on shift she had avoided him with.

Kate fidgeted, looked about, stepped back with one foot, glanced to Sorenson who watched her then finally turned back to the FBI guy. "Jenny Ryan and Dr Lanie Parish will be coming up to the loft in the next half hour. Would you please advise the agents downstairs of their pending arrival?"

"Certainly Detective. Jenny Ryan and Lanie Parish." He remained still.

"Thanks." Kate smiled and progressed backwards until she turned and walked calmly back to the couch. She sat back where she had been earlier and listened into the conversation that had flourished between Will and her father in her absence pleased she was able to zone out for a few minutes.

"Have you written out the list? You need to before you fall asleep." Rick called from the bathroom.

"I sent you a text." She called back.

"Good girl."

Kate couldn't help but smile because of the tone of his voice, toying with her. She waited for his next query and gave a big yawn, stretching her muscle momentarily.

"Have you packed?"

She relaxed, picture the image of her suitcase sitting empty down in their usual bedroom. "Kind of. I need stuff from home still." She replied and heard him grunt a response as he vacated the bathroom. Kate noted he was only wearing his boxers, his broad chest bare exposed to her. She quietly watched him go to the door he pushed almost closed and he flicked off the main lights on his way to the bed. "Can you leave a light on please?" She requested and received an odd look from him. However, he switched on the walk in robe light but dimmed it right down.

"You ok?" He questioned a little confused by her unusual request. The bedside lamps were still on, but they would go off shortly once they were settled in b_e_d.

"Mmm… I would prefer a light be on. I don't like the total darkness." She confessed trying not to think about the hours she had laid freezing cold in pitch darkness scared out of her mind.

"All right." He softly replied and spontaneously grinned to her eyes, unable to stop himself as she looked so damn irresistible the way she was tucked up in their bed. He also was determined she wasn't going to be dwelling on bad thoughts. He could tell by the change in her expression in the past few seconds that she had been thinking about something sinister.

He landed at the end of the bed and playfully crawled up it, any thoughts of the day having faded completely from his mind. He was entirely focused on his approach to Kate, his eyes bright blue, his face cheeky. Laughter along with two hands of long slender fingers reached about his bare torso greeted him and drew him to her.

"Why, Ms Katie Beckett, I do believe you're excited to see me." He exclaimed landing on his elbows to each side of her shoulders, his body over her but not touching her. He looked into her eyes, biting his lip. He stroked her face.

"I am." She replied and ran her fingers over his back.

He smothered her with a dozen or so pecks of kisses randomly distributed over her smiling face his fingers softly touching her dimpled cheeks, listening to the sounds of contentment escaping her, so different to what he'd heard from her that morning. The evening with her father, Lanie and the boys had been very good for her soul.

"Get into bed, Castle." She ordered and let go of him when he lifted himself off her. She pulled the blankets down and then back over him as he laid to his side of the bed on his back.

Rick was further surprised when Kate clambered on to her hands and knees and with a lot of clumsiness and noise, climbed over his hips until she was straddled over him. She lifted the blanket to her waist then came down onto his body until her head was lying calmly on his breast bone, her body relaxing over his. He put his hands to her head, secretly ecstatic she had positioned herself over him. She clearly needed his affection but she was also calm and the most at peace he'd seen her in days. The result of the day's investigation had delivered some sort of closure to Kate, as it had done with all of them.

"Comfortable?" He inquired.

"Uh huh. Are you?" She replied and caressed his broad chest with her flat palm.

"I'm good." He replied with a raspy voice, his mind shifting to what was physically taken place within him. He cleared his throat, slightly fearful she would feel just how good he was. She lifted her head and kissed his chest. He stroked her hair in response. "Kate." He warned politely when she shifted her pelvis over his. He closed his eyes, concentrating on controlling himself.

Kate smiled softly to his eyes. "I know. I'm sorry."

His eyes opened to hers. "Just don't move your hips too much sweetie. He's got his own agenda." He whispered with his boyish charm and touched her cheek.

"Sorry." She laid her head back down and closed her eyes to enjoy their closeness. Today, for the first time in as long as she could remember she permitted herself to do what she desired the most without arguing with herself, causing conflict, or being too timid to proceed with that she wanted. She had wanted Rick all afternoon and evening, she wanted him close even now, so that's exactly what she allowed herself to seek.

"Are you ready to leave here tomorrow?" He asked caressing her hair. He yawned, his mind attempting to recall the last time he'd seen her so needy of him.

"A part of me is, but mostly I'm terrified that he will come after me and we won't have the protection we have here." She quietly said.

"He won't find us. I promise you. We will be under his nose, kind of, but he won't know where we are." He took a deep breath. "Kate?"

"Mmm?"

"Just trust me to take care of you." He murmured and pulled the blanket around her shoulders then switched off the lamps using the wall switch behind the head of the bed.

"I do."

He sighed in acceptance, stroked her hair back and whispered. "Good girl." He then rested his arms around his head on the pillow and closed his eyes, too tired to continue the conversation any further.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Rick, Kevin and Javy sat at the dining room table in the loft. They had unpacked mini-iPads and iPhones out of packaging, almost as excited as boys on Christmas morning, and were going through the process of starting each of them up.

"I have to tell you guys that the file the thugs were after," Rick said, "is with a software development scientist being put back together by his computers literally bit by bit."

"Good luck with that." Ryan chuckled.

"Yeah, I know," Rick agree, "but the guy who is doing it is a world class expert at computational shape analysis and artificial intelligence design."

"How do you know that will even work?" Ryan inquired, tapping on the white iPhone that was to replace Kate's. He had her existing phone he was duplicating so that the new phone was set up with the same applications.

"I hope it works." Rick replied. "We just need a small break, a small piece of evidence and we have him. Have proof he at least murdered Kate's mother."

"Even if he does find anything we still have to get somebody to agree it's admissible?"

"I will let the lawyer I engaged for Kate figure that out." Richard replied, having already decided he wasn't going waste any energy figuring out the solution. With regard to the chances of the computer guy succeeding, he felt compelled to add, "He did mention that he's assembled documents for an agency _not to be named _that were shredded and stirred with pieces from a hundred other pages of another document. He calls it something like planar shape analysis." He smiled at the two guys feeling exceptionally intelligent for being able to remember the terms and to also sound as though he knew was he was talking about.

"Yup." Ryan replied. "I've heard about this technology. They use a combination of elastic strings and Monte Carlo simulation together with an analysis of whatever ink or printed shape appears on their surface."

"That's it." Rick agreed. "He uses a parallel processor computer to do it since he can break the shape into fractals. He said he will scan both sides of every piece, then turn the computer loose to see what it can find. He is confident his computers can reconstruct the file as virtual images of the original pages. If there are pieces of paper missing, the file will look a little like Swiss cheese, but he told me he was confident he would get something."

"It's quite effective when it's finished. However, it's high maintenance in terms of the time it takes to achieve the desired results."

"Do you understand any of what Castle is saying?" Esposito asked Ryan putting down the third iPhone that was going to stay with him and Ryan. The third phone was going to be a safe form of communication between the group and would be kept with Ryan and Esposito.

"Of course. Well, I couldn't do it, but I understand the concept enough to be comfortable and to have confidence in the results when he has some."

"It's easy to understand, Javy." Rick smiled. "Ignore the technical bits and follow it generally, right Kev?"

"Yep, just follows the basics."

Rick continued the conversation, noticing that Javy was totally confused and needed to catch up, "The guy is going to contact Kevin once he has results because Kate and I won't be here."

Espo looked at Ryan for a second and said, "Glad it's you, because it makes no sense at all to me. I just want to rip Bracken into more pieces than the file and see how that works for him."

"Right there with ya Javy, but we need to get our hands on him first. We'll get our break." Ryan replied. "I can feel it in my bones, that something's gonna give us the answer."

"Hope so. We could do with a decent break in this one. Need Beckett's memory to come back and for her us to have something concrete." Rick stated, glancing to the bedroom door to ensure Kate was out of hearing range.

"We'll get it." Ryan reassured. "Kate will remember one day. Her phone is ready. Where is she?"

"Packing her case in that room." Rick replied pointing a finger in the general direction of his bedroom that Javy had been using.

"I'll take it to her, see if she happy with it." Javy said.

"All right. Have you finished with that one?" Ryan inquired noticing that Esposito was literally fluffing around the phone.

"No. But you're quite welcome to set it up." Esposito handed over the spare phone to Ryan and with Kate's new white iPhone he left the boys and sauntered into the bedroom.

When he was out of hearing, Rick quietly said to Ryan. "If Kate and I were to stay here, those two would conspire to go rogue."

Ryan looked to Castle and nodded once. "I know. If Kate had been strong enough last week, she would have put down Bracken."

"I agree. If I had half a chance I would. We need to keep them apart, keep their heads in the legal game. I know I'm known for going rogue but not this time."

"I would like to, but that just makes us as bad as him. The day will come." Ryan murmured.

"Chica?"

"I'm here." Kate replied from the wardrobe. She appeared carrying a pile of clothing and walked to her suitcase which was laid out on the bed. She placed the clothes neatly in it as Javy found a place to sit on the edge of the bed near the case.

"Your phone is ready." He passed it to her.

Kate instantly flicked it on and scanned the icon pages. "Cool. It's exactly the same. Thanks."

"Thank Ryan. He did it."

"Thanks Kev." Kate called out then locked and pocketed the phone in her hoodie pocket. They heard Kevin holler something back, then she focussed on Esposito. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure."

"Promise me you will keep this between you and I." Kate murmured. She sat at the other side of the suitcase. "I need to talk to you before we leave." She whispered looking toward the doorway to the living area.

Javier stared intensely into her hazel eyes, thinking her request through for several long seconds. "Kate." He whispered and took hold of her hand that rested on her clothes. He gently shook her hand loosely in a way that told her he was a little unsure of where she was going.

Kate reached for his fingers she held onto tightly and stopped his movement. "Javy, I only trust you." She whispered glancing through the doorway towards where she was barely able to hear Castle and Ryan talking. They were far enough away and distracted enough not to worry about what she and Espo were up to. She held his stare. "I need help to nail him. This time he dies!" She hissed, "and I will never tell anyone what happens."

He broke the stare, his eyes shifting to the wall and swallowed. "Me neither. I will help you when we have the evidence." He looked to her long fingers holding his then back to her eyes fully aware of what she was wanting him to do without her saying it. "I'll help you do it, but you'll do it my way." He paused and fidgeted. "I also have conditions and questions. You have to be straight up with me."

Kate nodded in agreement. "Ok."

"First question." He murmured and listened a moment to ensure Ryan and Castle were still out of earshot. "What do you remember?" He inquired and looked her dead in the eyes.

Kate blinked, swallowed and finally messed with her lip. She breathed in and as she exhaled she replied. "Only what you all know already. I swear. I know you all suspect I remember more than I admit but I don't."

"Yesterday, you implied in the warehouse that you were keeping it quiet that you knew who arranged for your abduction."

Kate nodded. "That I did. I didn't want the SVU's knowing Senator Bracken ordered my abduction and death. He hired the same Russian mafia connected to the ones who came to the beach house with Maddox. He also has someone in the FBI helping him."

"Why didn't you tell the SVU detectives that Bracken is behind it?"

"Because there's no proof Javy, only my verbal account. They wanted to know where the file was and I wouldn't tell them. They told me clearly that Bracken wanted the file I had and as soon as they had retrieved it I was to be killed, at their pleasure. But he was never there. He was never at the warehouse. You know he wouldn't be that stupid."

Esposito nodded his head, yes, and crossed his arms over his chest, "Son of a bitch is clever, I'll give him that."

"He's not clever. He just has others do it dirty work for cash."

"So there is no way of proving he organised it," he stated, "unless the Russians talk and so far they haven't squealed one bit."

"And they won't." She replied, "And if I do say it was Bracken and if the SVU guys even sniff around Bracken he will realise I'm alive because homicide aren't hounding him."

"We don't have anything at the moment to charge him, even if you do say it's him. Just like it is with your mother's murder. We know but we can't do anything."

"Exactly. We only have the fact the Russians are connected to the guys we busted at the beach house and they were so stupid and sloppy with all the evidence they left on me and at the warehouse."

"They planned to dispose of your body, Kate. You weren't meant to live. It's that simple. They probably would have dumped you in the Hudson where all evidence would have disappeared." He said matter of fact. "It's just you tempted them with more money from Castle and he brazenly took on the challenge. None of us thought what he did would work."

"But it did work, as much as I hated him for it yesterday." Kate confessed.

"I agree."

Kate grunted a noise that indicated she was ashamed of her behaviour then shook it off and said, "I'm really sorry I acted up like I did."

"Hey, you've been through a lot. Rick understood."

"By doing it, Castle bought me time Javy and probably saved me from certain death. Their attention was on Rick for a few hours." She paused. "The Russians had it out for me after we arrested the guys in the Hamptons. Bracken knew they were easy to bribe, that with a cash reward, he could make them come after me." She shrugged her shoulders. "I want him dead, but I can wait."

"It's like Ryan said, we don't want to lower ourselves to their level."

"I know, but that's easy to say, a lot less easier to stick to when one has been taken as low as I have been." She said seriously. "I don't remember a lot, but what I do recall and what I saw yesterday is enough to make me want to kill him."

Esposito broke their gaze at each other and looked at the massive elephant print on the wall. A raging elephant that resembled quite succinctly the internal feelings he had about what had happened to Kate. "I know. I can't understand what you went through, but I feel it, Chica. If I ever get the chance to put down Bracken for you, you can trust I will do it."

Kate gazed at him, hooking her hair behind her ears. "I will too." She murmured. "And one day I will learn who the FBI leak is. I will keep a bullet for him. Bracken has someone he's paid off in the FBI who were the first to come to me and tell me I was in danger. Now I know it was all fabricated. Sorenson was unfortunately a victim of it as well and he feels bad about it."

"Sorenson will be ok." Esposito nodded. He thought about what Kate had said. "I want you to go with Castle and stay with him, wherever he takes you. You keep a low profile. I will tell Ryan about Bracken and we will keep it to ourselves."

"Espo, you can't tell anyone."

"It's Ryan. He's us and you know he has great instincts. You stay with Rick. But the moment we find something admissible that links Bracken to what they did to you, something that will let us get a warrant for everything, if we need you, we will summon you back. At the moment, he thinks you're dead and that's ok. He will relax, and hopefully he will make a mistake, because he will think you're not watching him anymore. I want you to hide out with Rick, let that that baby inside you grow and keep a low profile. Will you do that?"

Kate nodded looking at him seriously.

"Promise me you will take care of yourself, Castle and your baby, until we call you back." He strongly reiterated.

"I promise."

"And, when you remember everything that happened, you have to tell the SVU. Everything you know."

Kate stared at him, contemplating the ramifications of that request, and nodded, "I promise, Javy, but I will leave out the bit about Bracken until we have evidence to support me."

"All right. We'll finish it once and for all when the time is right. Even if we go off the grid when it's done." He took her hands in his. "If you need us for anything just phone us."

"I will." She smiled.

"Are you ready to leave?"

"Mmmm… I just have to change my clothes and finish packing." She paused. "I'm scared to leave the security of you guys and I won't have a gun on me, but at the same time I can't wait to get out of New York."

"It will do you good to get out of this city and the loft. A change of scenery is what you probably need to put this all behind you. The reduced pressure may make it easier for your brain to let you remember."

"I agree." Kate stood so she could continue with the packing. "Doesn't change the fact I'm still scared of being alone. Kate Beckett is not accustomed to be scared." She said with a tone of stubbornness. "Castle told me to pack my warmest clothes so we're going where it's cold. Maybe he's gonna hide us in the mountains of Alaska." She scoffed.

Esposito smirked. "Could be."

"We're getting out of New York." Rick almost sang with a level of enthusiasm that surprised Kate. He wasn't making overt gestures that would attract attention, but he sounded extremely keen to go and clicked his fingers in anticipation of the trip. The plane they were about to board from LaGuardia airport was nosed up to the window where they stood, their backs deliberately to the other passengers. It was just after 12.30 pm with less than a quarter hour left until departure time. Boarding was about to commence for business class. Castle leaned toward Kate and said loud enough for only her to hear. "I guess that unlike met trains in New York, planes keep to a timetable." And he pointed to the time on the over head monitor, indicating to her it was running on schedule then smiled at Kate.

"Smart ass!" She mouthed aware he would be able to lip read. He laughed in response and calmly stroked her back forgetting she wouldn't feel it through the protective vest she wore. They were surrounded by men most of them over the height of six foot and all there to protect Kate. It was Will, Kevin and Javy who remained closest and Lanie stood right beside Kate.

At the doorway, Lanie and Kate turned to each other. Lanie started. "Remember, you have to make an appointment to see a doctor in the next week or so and make sure Castle gives you the antibiotics twice a day until you run out."

"I will. Take care of you and thank you so much for everything you have done." Kate hugged Lanie tightly. "I'm sorry for the times I was a terrible patient." She said.

"Apology accepted." Lanie said. "Be careful."

"I will." Kate then moved on to Ryan and his embrace.

"Stay low, Kate." Ryan ordered. "We will find something to convict him. I promise you."

"I know you will, Kev." She felt his squeeze. "Thank you. Please say goodbye to Jenny and thank her."

"Sure."

Kate stepped back glancing to Castle who hugged an oddly upset Lanie. She then stepped to Javy almost jumping into his arms.

He grunted in pain the protective vest she wore caused. "Your vest." He groaned.

"Sorry. I forgot." Kate went to pull back but he kept her there.

"Never mind." Esposito held Kate tightly, placing his hand at the back of her head. "You do as Castle tells you to do. He's got this under control."

"I will." She replied. "I don't want to leave, Javy." She murmured. "I'm terrified of being alone. No protection, no gun."

"You have to hide, Chica. Place your trust in Castle to keep you safe. He has a good place to hide you." Javy encouraged and gave her one last squeeze before he pushed her gently back, looking into her tear filled eyes. "Be strong. Promise."

She nodded, smirked and blinked, then brushed away the tear that spilt from her left eye. "I'll be ok."

"Give her to me, before she cries too much and then misses the damn plane." Sorenson said light heartedly and took Kate's hand drawing her to him. Without a thought she went to Will and encircled her arms around his neck feeling him lift her body off the ground when he embraced her firmly. He pressed his head against the side of hers. "If anything happens and you need help call me. I have people I know who can help you immediately." Sorenson had arranged their rapid process through customs and had also ensured the whole group, none of whom had tickets, got to the departure lounge to keep Kate at ease and protected until she boarded the plane. He was the only person fully aware of Castle's plan.

"Ok. Thanks Will." Kate felt horribly confused and emotional. "Thanks for all your help." She was leaving the city with the person she wanted to be with the most but she was reluctantly leaving the people she wanted to stay and be safe with. She couldn't help the tears flowed from her eyes, because of the fact she was terrified of leaving the protection they selflessly gave her. She knew they were about to expose themselves, risk their own safety to be out of sight and hopefully safer than if they remained in the city. They guys had to resume their lives in New York as though Kate had died. She understood that but it was still difficult to face the plan as it was becoming a reality.

As far as the public knew, a private ceremony and funeral had taken place that morning. Castle had told anyone that needed to know he was travelling to the Hamptons to stay there indefinitely. His car, driven by an FBI agent, had left the loft building just prior to midday and was currently on its way to the beach house. The car was going to be left in the garage. Castle had the spare keys and the keys to the house if they needed to access the property.

"C'mon, Kate." Castle said placing his hand on Kate's shoulder to urge her to follow him. "We need to board the plane."

Kate gripped Will tighter and he held her firmly looking to Castle with worry. "Kate. You have to leave." He encouraged and set her back to her feet.

"I can't." She said to Will. "I'm being exposed." She whispered.

"You will be safe on the plane. My guys will be there until you land." Will pried Kate loose from his neck then stood her back towards Castle who simultaneously reached around Kate's waist and drew her to him.

"Come on Kate. We need to go." Castle stated. "Let's go." Maintaining a firm hold of her he walked toward the ticket area taking her with him. He held her about the waist until she was inside the door way of the passage to the plane. Once the group were out of Kate's eyesight, she sought Rick's hand she held firmly and continued with him and the two FBI agents along the walkway to the plane.

Inside the 737 a hostess checked their seat allocation and pointed them to the nose of the plane. Rick followed Kate up the aisle inside the plane, with the FBI agents behind him. They soon found their seats. "Go to the window seat Babe." He requested and Kate stepped across to the window chair.

The FBI agents took their seats in the row behind Kate and Rick.

"This is nice." He stated looking about them. "Plenty of leg room." He took off his coat and folded it up into the overhead compartment.

"There is." Kate replied. She had taken her coat off and passed to him and was busy pulling the velcrove loose on her vest so she could get it off. He wrapped the vest in her coat and stuffed them both into the overhead. She sat on the seat, already tired from the activities of the day. She looked about at the space they did have. There was a window to her right.

"You ok?" He asked, noticing she'd already calmed down a lot since he'd pried her from Sorenson. He sat beside Kate.

She nodded. "It's just a little daunting being thrown on a plane when I have been wrapped in cotton wool for days on end protected by half a dozen guys with guns."

"Mmm… well, when you say it like that, yes it does make sense you would be afraid. But we have the two man detail until we arrive in Montreal." Rick looked about. The business class area was virtually empty and when he peered to the standard class he saw the plane was only at about forty per cent of capacity.

"And our secret identities." She replied in a whisper ensuring no one else heard her. "I can't believe Sorenson made us married."

"Maybe he thought it was more practical, as married couples tend to not attract attention."

Kate grunted in thought then asked in a quiet voice so only Rick would hear, "But what about the names? Like, Jaime and Chris Williams? Where did that come from?"

"That is simply Sorenson's sense of humour at work." Castle replied smiling to himself. Sorenson, with the assistance of a couple of very reliable contacts, had provided them with fake driver's licences, credit cards, passports and medical insurance identities all of which were usable. It was the names he'd used that amused Rick, but Kate didn't understand the context of Will's humour. "You're probably not quite old enough to appreciate Will's joke. He's showing his age by referring to an old seventies TV show. Kind of poking fun at us," he commented, "but they will get us over the border without being picked up by any rogue officers in customs."

"We got through this end." She replied.

"We did, Mrs Williams."

His comment brought the name back to her thoughts, "Where's the joke from, old man?"

Rick scoffed at her reference to his age. "Never mind! Too complicated and won't be funny for you." He retorted, pretending to be offended.

"Oh come on! You know! You've gotta tell me!"

"You, my young lady, would have understood had he used something like Mr and Mrs Addison." Rick smirked and leaned towards Kate for a quick kiss she gave him with a confused look.

"Yes, Moonlighting. But who is Jaime Williams?" She insisted in a whispered voice.

He stroked her thigh, decided to mess with her head for a while. "Never mind, Baby, but you are as strong and beautiful, if not more so, than the character he was referring to. Are you feeling alright again?" He asked as he fiddled with his old wedding ring he wore. He wasn't a fan of rings, particularly when he was fully conscious of what this one hadn't meant to him in the end.

Kate smirked. "I guess I'm ok, Mr Chris Williams." She emphasised the name and looked at his ring. "I kind of like a ring being on your wedding finger." She commented with a shy smile.

"You do, do you?" He caught her expression and grunted in thought. "Well, if you're intending to put one on me, it's not going be this particular ring." He adamantly stated. "It doesn't hold fond memories for me and should be melted down and made into a prettier creation." That gave him an idea. The plane began to reverse. Kate picked up his left hand, pulled it across his body to her and checked the gold ring giving it a soft turn on his finger. She wriggled across the seat so she was closer to him.

"I will find you a special ring from me when the time is right." She murmured and pushed her hair back looking at his eyes. "I'm sorry I was upset before. It wasn't about Will." She clarified.

"I know. You were scared and the antibiotics are really messing your emotions."

"Don't I know it! I can't wait to be off them." She paused a moment concentrating on the motion of the plane as it started to roll forward. "God I hope I don't get motion sickness." She pulled a face of disgust and looked at Rick.

"You need to eat. We brought enough food with us to last you and junior a day." He replied, still surprised at how much she was eating. Over the past day or so she had constantly been consuming food whether it was meals or snacks. He was more than keen for her to eat.

Kate reached to her handbag and dragged it off the floor to the seat alongside her. She fished around inside it until she located her bag of gummy bears. "Want some?"

Rick laughed at her not in the least surprised she had brought them along. "Please." He said. "What else you got in there?"

"Oh a bit of everything, some of which I have to eat before we hit the ground." She replied and opened the bag. She took a couple and passed him the bag, then was back in her handbag. She found a container that held pieces of carrots and celery which she passed to Rick then lifted out the mini-iPads and also passed the one in the black case to Rick. He had bought two of everything new under their fake names first thing that day and had prepared them for the flight.

He held his iPad but didn't open it. They waited in silence as the plane prepared for its take off. In less than two hours they would be in another city, alone, but hopefully save and able to move about with a little more freedom than what they had in New York. The FBI guys would depart their company at Montreal, Trudeau airport and would catch the next return flight home. He took hold of Kate's hand and looked at her worried eyes.

"We're gonna be ok." He reassured and pressed his lips to her forehead.

"I know." She smiled and squeezed his hand. "It will be like it was over the summer."

"Mmm. Best summer ever." He chuckled, his expression telling Kate exactly what he was thinking about.

"Awesome summer." She smiled and bit her lip. "But this one will be better."

"I agree." He smiled glancing to her eyes. "But that was a great summer with you."

They silenced as the engines roared to life and the plane commenced to move forward down the runway. Within a minute they were in the sky and descending fast.

"Are you tired?" He inquired when she moved closer to him so she could comfortably rest her head against his shoulder.

"A little." She replied and took out a piece of carrot and snapped a piece off with her teeth. "Who is the person Will was referring to?"

Rick glanced to her in amusement and reached over to stroke the side of her head a couple of times. "You really want to know?"

"Mmm. I'm intrigued."

"Alright. He used the TV characters of Jaime Sommers and Chris Williams but he changed it to Jaime Williams to make us married. Does that name ring any bells?" He inquired and waited for Kate to think about it. He thought it was a long shot she would figure it out as she was only in her early thirties. It all depended on how much TV she had watched as a kid and what her parents had watched.

Kate sat up and glared at Rick with a look of horror. "Are you serious?"

He laughed at her expression and nodded in response. "Yep."

"It's Sorenson's way of joking that I'm like the bionic woman?"

"I always tell you that Sorenson has a strange sense of humour." He excitedly replied. "But I Iike it because he makes me think. I had to really think about those names until I understood him."

"Oh my God! He is really showing his age."

"Told you so."

"Where does the Williams come into it?"

"I had to research that, Baby. He was the guy she was with at the end of the series."

"Ok."

"I think we can use this information in the future as material to tease Sorenson about his TV viewing habits when he was kid."

"Totally agree. He teases me enough about liking your books. So I will get even with him."

Rick stayed still, listened to her crunch the carrot down and waited for the signal they were permitted to use electronic equipment. By the time the plane had levelled out they were silently occupied with munching on their supply of food and reading from their new mini-iPads.

As soon as they were off the plane, the FBI agents bid them farewell and left to find their departure gate to return to New York City. They were on their own. Sure details were gone, Rick, holding Kate's hand very firmly, led her directly to customs. The details were of the understanding that Kate and Rick were going to a connecting flight overseas.

Rick noticed that Kate grew fidgety in the line he guessed because they were approaching customs with fake passports. No matter how much he attempted to settle her it didn't' work. However, as soon as she was face to face with the customs officer she was asking where the bathrooms were as she was pregnant and needed to pee badly. Rick watched on in profound amusement at her display of distracting behaviour that ultimately succeeded in progressing them quickly through customs. It seemed the officer feared Kate was going to make a mess on the floor if he delayed her process through customs more than necessary. The moment they were released through customs she told Rick to find the bathrooms. She ran into the ladies bathrooms leaving Rick with the luggage. He waited. Almost five minutes later when she returned she looked horribly pale.

"Sick?" He inquired.

"Of course! Passing through there made me feel ill enough. Junior here is also already giving me grief and it's not born yet." She smiled. "Your kid for sure."

Rick scoffed. "Like, you're easy to be around." He retaliated. "This is just the start of it, Sweetheart." He took her hand and with the other he pushed the trolley to the taxi stand.

"What do you mean, Castle? I was a good child." She asked with a tone in her voice that told Rick she was toying with him.

"Not what your father told me." He put the brake on the trolley then looked up to see Kate's expression of disbelief.

"He didn't say I was a bad child." She disputed. They waited in line for a taxi.

"No, he didn't use those exact words." Rick replied as he looked up the line of passengers waiting for taxis. He did a head count. They were numbers 11 and 12 in line. He peered into the distance to see there was a sea of taxis coming. In the middle of the day, they wouldn't have to wait very long.

"Well, what words did he use?" She asked. He smiled at Kate letting her know he messing with her head. He pulled her close and kissed her forehead.

"Only that he loved you a lot and is very pleased you have me to take care of you."

She instantly grunted. "He may have said the first bit but definitely not the second."

"Yes, Kate." He smiled, and encircled her waist, keeping her very close to his body. She was no longer wearing a protective vest. The agents had taken it back to the States with them. They were now totally on their own, exposed, as she kept reminding him. She was acting like she was a prey species, which in fact she was in her current condition. In addition, he had elected for them to travel as a regular couple, with a regular income, which Castle was not accustomed to doing nowadays. He would have preferred to have had a car waiting to pick them up but he didn't want any attention draw to them, any record of them travelling from point A to B now they were off the plane. He was familiar with hiring a private driver to take him places if he didn't drive himself. Inside the taxi, Castle ordered the driver to take them to the Hilton Garden Inn Downtown hotel. He paid the driver cash and they walked inside the foyer of the hotel. They watched the taxi leave.

"Leave it awhile Rick." Kate suggested.

"All right. Do you want a drink? You look like you need something." He offered and saw her nod.

"I would love a cup of coffee." She muttered. "But instead I will become a diabetic, drinking hot chocolates"

"I was going to talk to you about that." Rick replied, but thought I would give you a few weeks first."

"I know. I have to limit my hot chocolates."

"And your strawberry shakes."

"Muffins?"

Castle laughed. "Yeah, maybe I should buy you some of those to get the juices flowing when the time comes." He commented.

Kate went to have a go at him, then realised he was joking around. It was their thing to have milk and muffins in the middle of the night usually after they had made love. "Maybe you should, Ricky." She replied seductively which caused him to look at her.

He swallowed. "Then I will buy some, and I will ensure you have a fresh supply of muffins at the ready, my love."

"I think you should. It's your responsibility, as my boyfriend, to ensure we have them on hand." She smiled, her eyes glistening a second.

He caught the brief expression. It gave him reassurance they would be ok given time. "I will." He took her hand and led her into the hotel restaurant where he ordered her a hot chocolate and a sandwich. When they were confident they were safe they hopped in another taxi when one became available. Rick gave the driver of that taxi the address to the corner nearest the apartment that was about to become their home and recluse. Kate knew they were near the university where the driver dropped them off at a corner in freezing cold Montreal. They waited for the taxi to be well out of sight then commenced their short walk up an inclined road in the direction away from the city. They were only a block further along when Rick indicated to Kate to take a right turn into an apartment building. She dragged her case up the steps backwards ahead of Rick. She stopped half way up the twelve or so steps.

"Babe, I'm really tired." She whined.

Rick glanced up to Kate, aware she only complained when she was almost empty. She looked weary. "Keep going Honey. We're nearly there." He saw her pull her case up the final steps.

"I can't believe you call me that." She muttered as she struggled with her luggage. Rick already had a couple of her bags. He had told her to travel light. He hated to think how much she would have brought had he not said it. She carried the back pack full of her mother's journals and photo albums as well, which would be weighing her down.

"Yeah. Me neither." He smiled. What started as a joke years ago, he had finally used as a true term of endearment towards her. He continued to drag his cases up the steps.

"I still don't like it." Kate replied stubbornly.

"Yeah, I know," he calmly answered, "but you are my girl, so I guess it was inevitable." He reached the entry and stopped to find the security card the owner of the apartment had sent to him. He swiped it and the door popped open. Rick made a noise of happiness.

"We're at our new home." He said and held the door open for Kate to proceed ahead of him with her luggage. She waited for him to lock the door then followed him along a well lit and carpeted corridor towards the back of the apartment building. At the final doorway, he used a key to unlock the door. An automatic sensor light came on the second Kate walked in ahead of Rick who found the light switch and flicked a few until the main lights came on. As the apartment was closed up for the winter all the curtains were pulled shut. The apartment smelt stale. He closed the door and locked it. For a minute or so he screwed around with the heating until he heard it fire up. The apartment was freezing.

"Where are we?" She softly inquired, as they walked into the spacious apartment. She didn't take off her coat. She wandered into the living area and circled about taking in all in. "And don't say Montreal. I got that." She smiled to him, relieved to be in the security of an enclosed area.

"An old friend's apartment." He replied. "It's fucking cold in here." He stated rubbing his hands together.

"It's fucking freezing in here, Castle." She walked over to a large curtain and found the string to draw them open to discover they concealed a reasonably sized courtyard that would be a nice place during the summer months.

"Well, the heating is switched on. We just have to wait." Rick was busy with an investigation of the kitchen. He had already inspected a few cupboards and opened the fridge door. "It's off." He said and commenced a search for the power point.

Kate continued her tour of their new home noticing the place was plainly decorated. Whoever lived there didn't spend a lot of time in the apartment. She circled the living area and sauntered back to the kitchen where Rick was opening and closing cupboards. "Look, Castle." She waited for him to look to her then breathed out. Condensation.

He did the same thing and grinned at her, "Will be damp in here too. We will have to put the bed sheets in the dryer before we make up the bed."

"Ok." She said, scanning the cupboards. Most of them were empty or had a few items in them.

"Whose apartment is it?" She inquired again.

"It belongs to an old friend of mine." He replied again from inside the pantry. He made a sound of delight and instantly Kate heard the fridge and microwave start up.

"Male or female?" She asked and cast her eyes about the apartment again, having lost interest in the kitchen cupboards. The walls were painted using warm tones in light green, which gave the home a freshness. In the summertime the apartment would be a great place to live with the alfresco area opened.

"A woman. She lives in North Carolina during the winter where she works most of the year. She is contracted to work in Montreal during the summer months." He came out of the pantry and inspected the fridge to ensure it was operating as it should. He checked the freezer and brought out the ice tray he dropped in the sink to fill later.

"Oh." She looked to his face trying to figure out whether the owner of the apartment was one of his ex-lovers. But what did it matter? He was with her now. He never questioned her about previous partners.

"I didn't sleep with her." He added as though he was able to hear her internal dialogue. Kate gasped as though she had been caught out, but continued to listen trying to maintain and innocent expression. "She's an author as well. We met years ago when I wanted to learn about body decomposition."

Kate swallowed, not dropping the eye contact he had taken up when he finished speaking. "I didn't ask." She replied. "Is she a writer like you?"

"Yes. She is a great writer. She also writes science papers. I saw by your expression you were thinking about whether I slept with her." He said, teasing her.

Kate looked to the counter. "She's smart." She commented.

"Genius smart." He more accurately described.

That answered it. Kate was satisfied he hadn't slept with the owner. She relaxed her shoulders and saw him smirk. Bastard, that he understood her body language. She dropped it and looked at him properly, giving him a shy smile that he instantly responded to.

"I know." He said and held out his left hand for her to come to him so she walked around the edge of the kitchen counter until she stopped in front of him smiling. "One day you won't be jealous, but I kind of like it." He said to her.

"I can only imagine how its effects your ego to see me jealous, Castle."

He laughed at her and squeezed her cheek playfully, "My jealous girl." He pulled her close for a hug and gave her lips a peck. "We have to go to the grocery store as there is nothing in here. I will cook you dinner whilst you have a bath Ms Beckett." He suggested, intentionally indicating to Kate things were going to return to normal. He would now concentrate on integrating her back into civilian life.

"All right. I would like to change my clothes. Put on something warmer."

"Oh yes, she said you're welcome to wear her coats, her clothes. She said there are sweaters you may appreciate. She doesn't know who you are by the way, so don't panic. You're about the same size as her I think."

"Ok. I will take a look later." Kate dropped his hand. "I will go find the master bedroom and get changed."

"Beckett?" He questioned in surprise over her comment as they walked along the sidewalk. "Elaborate for me."

"I don't want to be complicated." She repeated quite seriously rubbing her gloved hands together. It was quite cold.

"What do you mean?" He glanced to her, then returned his eyes ahead to take care as they walked. "You're not complicated most of the time." He smiled. "What makes you say that?"

"I thought …" Kate glanced to him to assess his mood. "I thought you were telling me a long time ago, I was too complicated and you wanted someone less complicated."

"And by less complicated you are referring to the comment I made to you when I was kind of seeing the air hostess." He knew at the time he said that flippant comment to Kate that it was going to come back to bite him on the ass.

"Exactly. And now, with all this….the incident. If I'm … well, I've been having problems the past few days or so." She stopped realising she had now confessed she knew she had a problem and knowing Castle the way she did he would make her spill.

For a second or so Rick looked at Kate who was obviously tying herself up in knots about this. She was definitely trying to talk about things with him, but her introverted personality also struggled to maintain control. "What do you mean by having problems?" He took hold her hand, as they approached an intersection. They waited for the walk signal. He was well aware the closer he was to her the more vulnerable she was and the more she was willing to share and communicate with him. If he kept his distance, she remained quiet. So he now had to get physically close and pump her a bit to talk.

"I can't block out any of what I do remember and I fear it may take control of me, that I'm going to be one of those women who can't move on and get over it… I'm always scared." She glanced to him with a small smile, then to his hand and continued with him for the few moments of silence that passed between them.

"You will get over it, Babe. What are you thinking about now?"

"Besides what I'm talking abou?"

"Mm… what else?"

"How to feel safe in a new city alone with you. I'm focussing on trying to figure that out."

He squeezed her hand and looked to her. "We're ok here. You are moving on. You're walking down the street with me rather than being huddled in a wardrobe. You will move on because I will be taking you with me."

"I hope so."

"Well today you go to the grocery store with me and tomorrow we stay in and rest. They're expecting snow and by Christmas apparently there will be heaps of it."

"Cool. Hide out for a few more days."

"We will go out for a walk as well. Is there anything else you wish to share?" Castle asked her. "I don't want you holding stuff inside you."

"I think I've said enough." She replied sniffing because the cold wind was causing her nose to run. "This is between you and I?"

"If you want that." Castle responded.

"Like my rap sheet over the past few days could have me committed." She stated.

"I won't tell anyone." He promised her honestly, silently agreeing with her but decided to let that one slip past without comment or conjecture. "Anyway, I'm very proud of what you have accomplished over the past few days."

"Thank you. That means a lot."

"You had the guys make sure they stayed close to me, didn't you." She inquired.

"Of course. We all decided to do it. You're with men all the time. You can't be afraid of us, any of us."

"I appreciated you all doing that." She paused with Rick as they searched for where they needed to go to find a grocery store. He saw a sign and led her on. "Castle, I don't want anyone to touch me sexually, except you." She stepped sideways facing him a moment. "You I want."

Sometimes she surprised him and her last statement did exactly that. She had just told him several things, but he decided to address the obvious intention of her statement. "Kate, I can confirm with you right now that the only person who is going to touch you in a sexual manner for the rest of your life is me." He stopped walking and reached for her other hand he squeezed then let go. "You're mine now, so please don't be scared of me, ok?"

"For the rest of my life?" She looked to his eyes and he glanced from her to the road and back to her.

She was going with the second meaning. He shook his head and smiled. "Yep. No one else will ever touch you." He reached over, touched her face. "You're mine. Gosh you're cold." He smiled and put his arms around her for a playful hug. "Nobody else comes near you anymore." He confirmed with a protective tone in his voice.

"That's a loaded statement." Kate responded squeezing him tight. "You waited for me all this time and you get messed up Kate."

"Yeah, but messed up Kate likes to express herself, so maybe I will get the real Kate rather than Detective Beckett, Kate." He responded and let her go.

Kate stepped back and remained silent for some time processing his comment and searching his face. She said. "Maybe Kate will learn who the real Kate is too, now she's not living in her mother's shadow."

"Maybe so."

She leaned over and kissed his lips, touched the side of his head with her hand. "Thank you for listening to me."

"That's ok, Kate." He smiled. "I'm cheaper than a psychiatrist and far more effective." He lightly tugged her on the arm to follow him and he led her to the mall, both of them pleased to escape the cold weather.

Inside the supermarket Castle took the trolley and headed down towards the fruit and vegetables section. He wanted to ensure Kate was eating nothing but healthy food over the next couple of weeks. Being winter they were a little limited. He decided to make the best of what they could and started to select what they needed and could manage to carry back to the apartment. They had both brought back packs with them.

"Just get what you feel like Beckett." He offered looking to her face. Regardless of her calm demeanour, she was pale today, beneath her eyes were darkened with the weariness of a long day, travelling and the stress she was constantly and internally dealing with. She was like that he was discovering. Some days she was really good, some days ok and other days she was not good at all. Today the trip had been extremely stressful and he could see the effect of it on her face now.

"Anything?" She asked.

"Whatever you would normally buy for yourself. Just put it in the cart." He walked up to her, smiling to her face and wrapped his arm around her waist. He kissed her forehead. "You are so irresistible Katie." He whispered so no one else heard them. He followed it with a kiss to her lips.

"You're not so bad yourself." She replied quietly.

"Let's get these groceries so we can get back to the apartment and relax."

"Great idea." Kate went to her tip toes to kiss his mouth. In her sneakers she barely reached to his shoulders in height. They collected the fruit and vegetables they wanted and then roamed the aisles tossing in anything they thought they would need for cooking and living. They didn't really plan on doing another shop for a week so they loaded up the cart. "You're quite the shopper Castle." Kate remarked half way around. "You're missing nothing."

"Years of experience Beckett. I raised a daughter on home cooked food. We only ate out at restaurants. She won't eat junk food. She was too smart for that…." He chuckled. "No matter how much I tempted her." He stated searching along the bottom shelf for a particular jar of salad dressing he wanted hoping they stocked it.

"I can imagine." Her attention was taken from Rick to a large built man in a muscle top. His visible skin was decorated heavily in tattoos, his head shaven. Her heart quickened. "Castle?" She murmured touching his back.

Castle heard the fear in her voice and immediately straightened up turning toward her. She was looking fearful. He followed her sightline and saw the reason. He raised an eyebrow at the size of the guy. He had to agree he looked scary. He instantly took a hold of Kate's hand and with the other hand, he placed a finger to her jaw to encourage her head turn towards him. He locked eyes with her. "It's ok." He whispered. If he'd had a dime for every time he'd said that to her lately. This was the first time she had shied of someone in public. Her eyes focussed on his and he saw her relax a little.

"He's coming." She whispered.

"Doesn't matter. He's not one of them." But to help her, he simply stepped to the middle of the aisle and urged her toward the shelving and the cart so she was physically shielded. He held his palm against the side of her neck and decided to give her a serious kiss to move her out of the fear zone. She responded, her lips against his for several seconds. He pulled away when his peripheral vision saw the tattooed guy well past them and heading away. "There. Easy." He whispered and smiled.

"Thanks." She pecked his cheek. "Tattoos and big." She whispered.

"It's gonna take time isn't it." He asked softly stroking her face briefly. Her eyes lowered then returned to his, strength returning to them.

"You have no idea, Richard." She replied. "And the more I remember, the harder it is to control." She glanced down the aisle watching the male leave the aisle by turning to the left. "What will I be like alone?" She asked, her voice afraid for herself.

"You're not alone. Come on. Let's get this finished and go home." He took her hand and continued down the aisle in the same direction as the tattooed guy had gone. "You won't be alone till you're ready to be and it's only been a couple of weeks."

When they turned into the next aisle it was crowded. Castle checked what aisle was. Pet foods. They didn't need to buy anything there so he kept on going to the cleaning substances aisle pushing the cart along playfully. He chose a few cleaning items he thought they would need then stopped and looked at Kate.

"Anything else? I think I've covered it. Girl stuff?"

"Got what I need."

"Let's get out of here." He tugged at her hand as he shot forward with the cart toward the checkout they got through relatively fast. They packed their backpacks strategically so Rick carried most of the heavy items and then with a few bags each, they headed out of the mall to the taxi stand. There was no way they would carry their initial shop back to the apartment.

Once they were back at the apartment they unpacked the groceries jointly making decisions about where items would be stored. They discovered the heating was quite efficient. The apartment was comfortable and the humidity had diminished. They initially explored the apartment together, making a mental list of what was in the home to use. The owner had told Rick to live in it like it was his home. They found it contained two bedrooms, two bathrooms and a small study. The living area was open planned and although it was not a large apartment, it was certainly big enough for them. The bed sheets and blankets were easily located in a hall closet and together made both the beds up. Kate filled their bathroom with the toiletries they had purchased then opted to take a bath. It was time to rest.


	26. Chapter 26 -psychiatrist

_Next chapter up … thanks for your patience. Thanks again to my beta. Ticked off and introduced the therapy … enjoy._

**Chapter 26 **

The psychiatrist's office was almost homely, quite a pleasant room and entirely the opposite of how Kate was feeling. She was so bloody tense for various reasons she could rapidly list off the top of her head if she was asked to do so and she was conscious her posture reflected exactly how intrusive her internal dialogue was on her consciousness. Physically, every pulse in her body rhythmically throbbed and her heart pounded loudly in her ears with the rising blood pressure the anxiety was causing. It was particularly annoying, and she considered it to be a serious problem, that the physiological reactions her body was going through were out of her control.

Kate shifted on the edge of the large armchair and glanced about the office to establish her bearings, identify any possible threats and her means of escape and to further familiarise herself with the new surroundings.

Behind her was a wall of built in bookshelves half filled with medical textbooks and awards. Original works of contemporary art hung from the three remaining walls of what appeared to be sights of Montreal during the summer. It certainly didn't look like the snow covered streets she and Rick had just left when they had come inside the building. A desk near the window to her right was mostly bare but had a black laptop set up on it. There was one of those ergonomic chairs behind the desk that Rick had been regularly raving about. He wanted one in the study at home but he also liked, and didn't want to give up, his current chair. In fact, Kate had a sentimental liking of his office chair too and she was sure the ergonomic chair wouldn't survive the treatment his present one had been subjected to by them in the past few months. She forgot the chairs and looked beyond to the window which only showed the tops of the tallest buildings and the skyline. She would need to stand to be able to see the older region of Montreal through the window below them which was an impressive view. The snow clouds were low and there was a high chance it would be snowing again by the time they left the office.

Still absorbed her new surroundings, it occurred to Kate that right now was virtually the first time in several weeks she was alone, well, alone with a stranger. Castle, who had faithfully and constantly been at her side was separated from her by the closed door to her left. She was partially reassured with the knowledge he was in the waiting room on the other side of the wall and partially anxious because he wasn't in the room with her. On the upside, she reminded herself she didn't need to worry about him as she knew exactly where he was, that he was quite capable of occupying himself for the next hour with his iPad and as usual would patiently wait for her. The question she asked herself was whether she was capable to maintain control of any separation anxiety for the hour in this unfamiliar and therefore threatening place?

Kate's indecisiveness over whether she wanted to be in the office was frustrating. She made a snap decision to stay, at the same time the psychiatrist lowered herself onto an armchair at the other end of the long glass coffee table. The woman crossed her long slender legs right over left, smoothed out the material of her black pants and lowered her eyes to the clipboard on her lap.

On initial impression, Kate thought she was elegant, well bred and accustomed to living a self-indulgent lifestyle. She was in her late forties at a guess, as tall as Kate if not taller, slim and beautiful. Her eyes were bright blue.

She wore modest jewellery, but clearly expensive pieces and appealed to Kate's sense of taste. There wasn't an engagement or wedding ring on her ring finger but the dress rings she wore were of high quality. Her nails were kept long, polished and professionally manicured.

Unconsciously, Kate examined her hands which were now clear of battle wounds. Her fingers were longer, more slender and her nails were neatly manicured only yesterday by herself. It reminded her she wanted to buy a bottle of nail polish. She momentarily admired her engagement ring and the dress ring Castle had bought her impulsively one day they had been out shopping.

The psychiatrist was the type of woman that once upon a time, Kate would have imagined Rick dating long term, if he maintained his maturity level. Women looked good on his arm and he knew it. However, because of his spontaneity and boyish behaviour, Kate now knew she was the sort of woman he would ultimately end up with because she offered him more than they could. She was the girl who did enjoy a game of laser tag or to be chased around the house during the day, yet also liked to dress up and be taken out dine at fine restaurants. Although she was beautiful, Kate knew Castle would tire of this type of woman quickly because she would be too boring and self indulgent for him, just as his ex-wives had been.

Casting her eyes across the room, Kate saw the psychiatrist was reading the form she and Rick had completed before she had entered the office, well Rick had filled in most of it because she had been trembling too much to write neatly. His handwriting was consistently neat. They had bickered over which names to use. Kate had wanted to use their false identities but Rick had insisted on sticking with their true identities mainly because the lawyer had told him to.

The doctor flipped the page over and continued to read. Kate wished she was back at home so she could see her usual therapist, who had already guided her to learn how to deal with issues. A new person was like starting over. Her hands trembled so she held them tight in her lap to conceal them and crossed her own legs, right over left. Talking about the incident was not something she wanted to do today. She pushed her hands between her thighs, then realising how childish she must have appeared, she adjusted her posture and sat up in an attempt to present herself with more confidence than she actually had.

The doctor looked up and discarded the clipboard on her lap. "Katherine." The doctor started, "My name is Anna." Her accent was pure French-Canadian.

Kate's eyes turned to the woman immediately because she had used her full name. It reminded her of when her mother had reprimanded her as a child. Kate hummed a response, silently questioned why Rick had written her name as Katherine when he rarely referred to her by that name. Secondly, why hadn't he used her fake name for now? It could have been rectified later what her true identity was. It made her nervous this woman knew who she really was and that she was alive. Over the past week both of them had grown accustomed to hiding behind a façade of false identities. Kate focused on the doctor's shoulder length dark brown hair styled straight and parted to the right.

"Do you have any questions you would like to ask about me?" Anna asked after almost a minute of silence. She momentarily reread the notes on the form noticing the writing style changed a quarter way through the form. The doctor knew this woman had showed up for the appointment because her partner had arranged it, which meant she was most likely going to be reluctant to want help. She casually glanced between the clipboard and the younger woman. The psychiatrist rested her arms in her lap and studied her new client. She saw a nervous woman who was of fair complexion and a little underweight for her height. She wore black jeans, high heeled boots and a simple knitted black top. Her hair was long and hung in large loose curls. She had large hazel eyes, square tight jaw.

"May we converse in French?" Kate asked.

"Certainly we may, if you are more comfortable with French." Anna replied in English.

"_Oui, je le suis_." She responded confirming she was.

Anna continued in French, deciding to be also be direct. "Katherine, you came here to discuss something that has been troubling you."

"Please call me Kate. Everyone calls me Kate." She requested speaking in French and smiled. "My partner believes I should talk to someone. I agree, but I don't know if I'm ready to." Kate replied and knotted her fingers together, glancing down at her lap. She heard her own dialect sounded more Parisian French than the psychiatrist's accent.

"What would you like to talk about?" Anna asked.

Kate looked up at the woman. She took a deep breath, fully aware of how therapy worked. She'd been through enough sessions over the years. "Well, there was an incident a month or so ago that I am struggling to deal effectively with."

"Are you comfortable with telling me what the incident was?"

Kate unconsciously bit at her bottom lip and lifted her gaze toward the ceiling in thought. She longed to be outside where the air was fresh. It was so stuffy in the room. She clenched her jaw then placed her palms on her thighs. Internally there was an intense battle going on between the part of her that wanted to keep the incident suppressed and hidden and the more intellectual side of her that wanted to deal with it and put it behind her as she had done with the shooting last year. She braved up, took a deep breath and looked at the doctor.

"I was abducted and held against my will." She stopped, surprised she had managed to say it. She shifted her eyes to the window looking at the clouds and blinked several times to stop herself from crying. Her emotions were still very raw and extreme. She realised she didn't want to talk about it yet, wasn't prepared to even think about it.

"Was this recent?" The doctor inquired, her mind jogged by something she'd read in the newspaper late last year.

Kate nodded but didn't shift her gaze at all. As a matter of courtesy she replied. "It happened in late November, in New York."

The doctor shifted in her seat when she recognised who she believed Kate was. In her office sat the New York City detective who had been abducted. It had been of relatively low media interest in Montreal until a hefty reward had been offered for the detective's live return. Then it had turned into a media frenzy. The doctor understood from the news reports that the reward had not been successful, that the New York Police had found the detective dead. The woman in her presence was entirely different compared to the still pictures and video footage of a strong, happy woman that had been shown on the news. The same woman sat up nervously and leaned toward the doctor who immediately understood her expression. She was afraid.

Kate swallowed, her heart rate had picked up to a rapid speed. "You know about it." She paused, her detective skill set hard at work. "You're thinking I'm supposed to be dead."

"Yes." The doctor replied calmly. "I heard about you in the news."

Once again Kate bit her lip. She was in hiding, and the first person she engaged in a conversation with had recognised her. The doctor knew she was alive, and her location. "I don't think this is a good idea." Kate said in English. "I need to leave." Without further thought, Kate stood and strode to the door.

"Ms Beckett. I am sworn to confidentiality." The psychiatrist called after her but remained seated. "I'm not legally permitted to talk to anyone outside this room about you. I cannot even talk with your partner in relation to anything you say to me without your consent."

Kate turned to look at the woman who remained quiet and seated, her legs still crossed. The psychiatrist's calm demeanour caused Kate to assess whether she was over reacting. She was there for help and that was the psychiatrist's job. Any proven breach of confidentiality would ruin her career, true. But it could also leave Kate really dead. She pursed her lips. No, she was at high risk. She would tell Rick they needed to move to another city immediately. "I'm sorry, I can't do this." She turned to the door.

"I promise you." The doctor offered.

Kate opened the door fully and hastily stepped through it. She almost walked straight in to Castle who stood at the doorway a hand to each side the door frame to block her. She released a squeal of surprise her hands falling on his chest. She hadn't had time to see him. He sternly glared at her like her father would and ordered quietly but firmly. "Get back in there, Beckett."

"I can't. The doctor knows who I am." She argued at him.

"That doesn't matter." He urged taking hold of her shoulders with his large hands. To him she always felt so frail even though he knew the depth of her physical strength. "She cannot tell anyone you're here." He physically encouraged Kate to turn about and to step back inside the office.

"She knows I'm alive." She hissed attempting to turn about to face him but Rick held her steady and leaning over her shoulder he said.

"She knows. Leaving won't change that, so stay with it."

Kate stopped in her tracks and glanced over her shoulder to his face which was close to hers. "We have to leave Montreal." She whispered.

"No we don't." He replied and held her in the room feeling in her body that the second he let go of her she would be gone.

"Sir, please do not force her." The psychiatrist said.

Rick looked to the doctor and replied in reasonably good French, "Mademoiselle, I know this woman and if I don't physically hold her she will run." He stroked the side of Kate's face light with his finger tips and said to her in English. "Stay here. You need to talk about it. Even if it's not today, talk about something and get to know her." He then let her go. He waited a few seconds and once he knew she had accepted his compromise and was going to stay, he backed out of the room and closed the door behind him. Kate stood there a few moments, a little confused. She looked at the doctor.

"I'm sorry. He was right." She said pointing a hand over his shoulder to the space where Castle had stood. "I would have run but I need to be here."

"Please return to the chair and make yourself comfortable Kate. Would you like a drink?" The doctor pointed to the bar fridge. "There is water, soft drinks."

Kate looked to the bar fridge and nodded. "Thanks. Would you like anything?"

"No thank you."

Kate took the offer and fetched a bottle of water.

"What would you like to talk about?" The doctor asked in French once again.

As she unscrewed the lid Kate glanced to the doctor, thinking about her question and how she would answer using French. She said "I have told everyone I only remember snippets of the incident, but the thing is, I suffer nightmares directly from hell sometimes and he sees them, and is always there when I wake from them. My close friends have all seen my dreams." Kate paused to take a mouthful of water, to think a moment. She swallowed and continued. "So Rick says he knows I remember but I don't. They want me to tell them who did it but I don't have the evidence to prove he was responsible you see. He's untouchable, and the only people they have been able to arrest were those ones who did it to me. They won't talk and he will keep coming after me until I die or he does."

"Why will it end in death?" Anna asked. Where Kate had begun was confusing, but it was a start and she was talking.

Kate blinked suddenly realising that talking about what was on her mind aloud wasn't so bad so far. "Because there's nothing to bargain with anymore. The death of one of us is the only solution. It's not like before when it didn't matter. I have a life inside me that I have to protect and I cannot relax until he is dead." Kate sat on the arm of the chair looking helplessly at the doctor. "So we hide," she whispered, "to keep us alive."

"When you say us, you are pregnant?".

"Yes. About eight weeks. Very early." Kate thought about that then added. "I was when I was taken. It's Richard's." She waved her hand pointedly at the door not wanting the doctor to think that any of them could have impregnated her. The thought of that made her feel nauseas. "We are very excited about it." She commented.

"I see."

"He brought me here to keep me alive."

The doctor thought about all that for several moments whilst Kate stood and roamed the room. The woman was like an animal of prey the way she nervously strode about the room. She wasn't willing to sit. She paced the length of the bookshelf, inspected the spines of the books and items displayed. There were a number of dust collecting awards the doctor had received over the years, all written in French each of which Kate inspected. It was all going in. The doctor knew the woman was trying to figure out whether she could be trusted, and also noted she repeatedly said she was in Montreal to stay alive.

"How many days did they hold you?"

"Two or so. It's hazy."

"What do you remember?"

Kate gripped the neck of her drink bottle. "I woke in a safe house to use the bathroom. I was on my way back to the bedroom… next thing I wake up tied up in a chair." Kate replied thinking that was the easy part to relay. Her mind was constantly flooded with flashes of images, of voices, darkness, terror, screams, cold water.

"And after that?" The doctor asked and instantly Kate stopped walking and looked to the doctor with large fearful eyes. She waited for the woman to respond.

Kate held the stare and swallowed nervously, "I don't remember much more than flashes," She glanced about the room, "and of being cold all the time."

"Of being cold?"

"Mmm …. I always feel cold. I was cold for days. We're in Montreal during winter and it's been very cold."

The psychiatrist smiled. "Yes, I agree, its cold here."

"Right!" Kate agreed and slid into the chair leaning forward. "I'm in the apartment dressed in layers, fire is in the carpet and my fiancé walks around in a shirt and shorts." She tapped the bottle. "He said I was cold at night, so he bought me a heated blanket, warmer PJ's. He holds me to keep me warm. He does everything in his power to try to make things like they used to be," she said and glanced down at the engagement ring on her finger.

"But it's not, is it." Anna remarked and sat quietly as Kate remained still. Eventually, Kate leaned her elbows on her thighs trying not to breakdown. She stared at the carpet. The doctor saw it. "What do you miss about what you had?"

Kate blinked and tears spilled down her cheeks. She wiped her eyes and cheeks. "I miss feeling safe and being strong." She sniffed. "I'm tired. Tired because I have disrupted sleep, tired of being scared, tired of having the threat of sudden death hanging over me. I've had that for years, and I am so tired of being weak and holding back the truth."

"What are you concealing?"

"That I know who is behind it."

"Why do you hold it back?"

"Because they will sentence the men who hurt me, but the person responsible will still walk free."

"You don't have the proof that he organised it other than your word against his."

Kate nodded. "That's right."

The psychiatrist nodded in understanding, then sat quietly in thought, and gave Kate time to regain her composure. "How long do you intend to hide?"

Kate took a tissue and wiped her eyes. "That's the same question I keep asking Rick. A week, a month, a year? When will it end Doctor?"

"Please, call me Anna."

Kate nodded. "Anna."

"Would you like to tell me what happened?"

"I don't know where to start."

"At the beginning. What started this?"

"My mother's murder." Kate sniffed. "But that's years ago. I received a phone call from an FBI agent late November asking to meet with me. He told me he had information about a serious threat to my life. The FBI had intercepted communications that indicated my life was to be terminated, that there was an active contract out on me. They wanted me to go into safe custody, basically witness protection, vanish. Nobody, not even Rick, was to know I was alive. I heard the conversations they had recorded. Nobody I recognised."

"Then what happened?"

"I agreed to go into witness protection."

"And?"

"The FBI made plans for me to be seemingly kidnapped. It happened within twenty eight or so hours. I just had to be at the designated place and wait to be picked up. We had a car to distract Rick and the detectives, to make them think I had been abducted and taken away in a vehicle. I was driven to the FBI safe house where I was actually kidnapped." She glanced to the ceiling. "The night before, Rick and I had confirmed I was finally pregnant, so leaving him was extremely harder."

"Yes. So someone within the FBI set you up."

"That's correct."

"And you don't know who that was and you therefore don't trust anyone in the FBI."

"Well, I trust one or two agents, kind of." She wiped her eyes, thinking about Sorenson and how much she missed him right now. "One I trust one hundred per cent, and I trust my detectives, but they're not FBI."

"What occurred next?" Anna decided that she was best to be progressive but upfront with this woman. She was a detective and was trained to follow the evidence and in her situation, the detective's memory was her evidence.

"I woke tied to a chair and was interrogated about where the file I have is kept. But I refused to tell them so they bashed me senseless." Kate sat back in the armchair hugging her own body tightly. "They would wake me up and start again." She said in French.

"And then?"

"I can't talk about it." She stated solemnly and adamantly.

"Kate?"

"No." She whispered and leaned over grasping at each side of her head. She had a massive headache creeping up on her.

"How do you feel now?"

"Confused and dirty." She whispered.

Anna could see she was in a state of turmoil, but she queried the more sinister reply. "Dirty?"

Kate nodded her head still in her hands. "I always feel dirty."

"Mmm… " Anna paused, "anything else?"

"Just dirty," Kate sighed, "always dirty."

Anna continued with asking questions, but took Kate on a different path. She skilfully encouraged her to talk about the easier aspects of her life such as what she thought of living in Montreal, her professional life and the activities she like to do in her person time, all in the hope the easier conversations would relax Kate enough to trust her even a little. She observed Kate was extremely guarded with her replies, thought about everything before she answered any inquiries. If Anna circled the incident that had brought her to Montreal with questions, Kate would sway the conversation away from the topic, delicately sometimes, out rightly straight forward at other times. She could tell Kate was an incredibly experienced professional interrogator, so she avoided any approaches that had the potential to put Kate on the defence.

When the hour was up and had well and truly extended into the next, Kate virtually jumped out of the chair and left the room, almost the instant Anna said they had done enough. In the waiting room, she took a seat beside Rick who closed his iPad and silently looked to her face, holding a look of worry. He was waiting for her comment.

"How was it?" He asked when the silence stayed around for too long between them, but he really didn't need to hear an answer. She looked exhausted.

"It's hard," she whispered, "because I don't want people to know we're here."

"She can't tell anyone." He reminded her, "Her career would be ruined if she told anyone."

"That's easy to say, Castle."

"It's a fact, Baby." He stroked her hand. "We have to use your real name so you can submit her professional opinion in any court proceedings."

Kate grunted a response as she sat back and crossed her legs, knowing he was correct. She took the iPad from Rick who then stood. It was his turn. Anna opened the door as though right on cue and summoned Rick into her office.

"Will she be ok out there alone?" Rick asked the doctor as he sat in the armchair Kate had been in and out of the previous hour.

"She's safe. She has your iPad and she's listening to music. My PA is out there as well." The doctor replied.

"Ok." Richard actively looked about the room as curious as ever. His brain had lacked stimulation lately and he was feeling it. If it wasn't so bloody cold outside and if Kate wasn't so weak still he would have taken her further away to where they could have had more freedom. He was satisfied with his exploration of the office and focussed on the doctor before him. Perhaps a little older than he was but she was absolutely stunning.

"You want me to talk." He suddenly blurted out when it dawned on him he was the person to start the conversation.

"That would be preferable." Anna replied trying not to laugh at his obvious inexperience with therapists. His expression was hilarious.

"Mmm." He smirked loving her accent. "Well." He scratched his head. "I'm sticking with English. I'm not fluent in French like Kate is. She loves to practice." He was here because Kate had refused to go to therapy unless he did, so he had agreed to do it just to get her to a therapist. "I'm here because it was the deal breaker to get Kate here."

"What have you taken from the recent events?"

Rick rested his chin on his left hand and became serious. He sighed and once he started he barely paused to breathe, "Which part of it? The fact I thought she'd been taken from me while in my care? The fact we thought she'd been killed, the fact she was part of the initial conspiracy to have her disappear, the deception, then the fact she really was kidnapped, the fact she nearly did die or what they actually did to her? Then there is the recovery?"

"That's a list!"

"All of which she claims she doesn't remember very much of." He remarked bordering on sounding sarcastic but he controlled his feelings as usual. The doctor raised an eyebrow that wasn't missed by Rick.

The doctor ignored the tone of voice continued, "What do you find the most difficult to cope with?"

Rick shifted and put a hand to chin in deep thought. He quietly answered, "Waking up to her crying in the middle of the night when she has been scared out of her mind by nightmares."

"Would you like to elaborate why it is difficult for you?"

"They're horrifying to watch. She was a strong determined woman, absolutely fearless and so much fun. I've seen her take down fierce two hundred pound men and make it look easy and to see her so broken is devastating. It makes me feel helpless because I can't fix it for her. She begs me to make it go away, but how do I do that?"

"She dreams every night?"

Rick nodded. "Most nights she dreams or we go through the same issues, like her fear of being in the dark. It usually occurs unless I keep her up until she is exhausted and falls asleep on the couch. I carry her to bed around three. She sleeps until midday and then dreams all night if we go to bed earlier."

"I will help you with that. Do you think she trusts you?"

Rick shrugged his shoulders. "I work every day for her to trust me. I don't think she trusts herself, Anna."

Anna leaned forward and quietly but firmly said with a thick French Canadian accent, "May I suggest to you that she does trust you, but you need to reinforce it to her every day?"

"I will, I do."

"From what I understand you are one of a few she really trusts."

Rick nodded, feeling emotionally burdened by the psychiatrist's point of view being expressed firmly to him. He knew in his heart Kate trusted him but to have it reinforced from a stranger was overwhelming to hear. It was all he wanted from Kate, for her to trust him and feel safe with him. He didn't have faith in his voice to not break with emotion, so he nodded again in understanding and swallowed.

"In the meantime, I will teach you how to effectively interact with her, particularly when she's extremely emotional."

"That would be good. Most of the time I'm winging it with her."

Anna nodded. "I won't prescribe her any medications as she told me she is pregnant. She's also too sharp and astute and intellectual. She is capable of overcoming this and I wouldn't like her already damaged character to be further suppressed by drugs."

"She is all that and I don't want her drugged up to the eyeballs with anti-depressants. She's a very strong woman, believe me. She's just been broken. Wait until the real Kate comes back."

"But she also needs to learn to cope with what happened to her."

"I agree." Rick sighed in relief. He didn't want Kate taking happy pills. He knew she was strong enough to work through the problems with the right person. The conversation, so far, indicated he had chosen a good psychiatrist. At that moment Rick experienced immense relief.

"I won't talk to Kate about the pending court case because she strongly opposed doing so. She understands she had to use her real name so I can prepare reports for your lawyer but she asked me to speak with you about it."

Rick nodded. "It will be necessary to provide her lawyer a report at some stage."

"In the meantime, I will make myself available to Kate whenever she needs someone to talk to. By hiding her here, she feels isolated and has, in effect, been taken away from those she relied on and she will come to a stage where she will need to desperately speak to someone. It won't be you she confides in. I can tell you she has sworn to herself she will never tell you what happened. So please, take my cell phone number and if you find she wants to speak to me, give her the phone." The doctor held her business card out to Rick who took it, with her private cell phone number hand written on it.

"Thank you, Anna."

"I guarantee you that you will really thank me for giving you that number one day."

"I think I already know that. She will crash one day, won't she?"

Anna gave a single nod. "Unless she opens up to me, yes, she will. In the meantime, and to warm her up to me, I will teach her coping skills." She smiled. "We will help her through this, Rick, and she will be successful because she desperately wants to get better. She is impatient."

Rick smiled, "Impatient? Tell me about it." He stood and waited for the doctor to stand. He held out his hand initiating a warm hand shake. "Thank you, Anna."

"You're welcome. Take another session for her tomorrow."

He left the office, went straight past Kate to the receptionist and booked in daily sessions for the next two weeks. She joined him after she stashed his belongings into her hand bag.

When they stepped out of the city building Kate tugged on Rick's hand. "I want to buy nail polish and a new journal. Will you come with me?"

"Of course! We need to pick up groceries too." He pulled her back to him moving from the middle of the sidewalk. Snow was starting to fall about them. "Christ this place is cold."

"Tell me about it." She replied and watched as he tucked her scarf in snugly and did up her coat.

"Castle." She murmured.

He stopped what he was doing and looked at her in question. Then he realised what he was doing. "I'm sorry. I'm used to caring for Alexis, my baby." He smiled, feeling like he shouldn't have to apologise.

She pushed into him for hug wrapping her arms about him then let him go. "Let's go." She took hold of his gloved hand and walked with him to the mall.

Every day Rick walked Kate to her appointment with Anna and he waited. To begin with, he would follow her so he could talk and learn from Anna. The only thing Anna explained to Rick was that because Kate was consistently reluctant to talk about what had happened Anna had commenced to train Kate on how to cope with remembering the violence she had been subjected to. She also said she talked to her a lot about her mother, and wanted Rick to know that Kate was severely missing a motherly person in her life. Rick was very aware she missed her mother and was growing worse with it every day. He attributed part of it to the fact she was reading her mother's journals daily.

After the first week of appointments, and when Kate had a weekend in which to think, a change in Kate's mindset started to take place with her approach to the therapy. She began to embrace it as a beneficial part of her life, then after that she started to utilise it as a form of venting her frustrations in the sessions rather than burdening Rick. Rick waited for up to two hours for Kate to finish on the days she needed to talk. He always booked a double appointment so she had enough time. He refused to ask what she talked about and she never mentioned anything to him. She kept it separate and that was perfectly fine with him. The nightmares lessened as she learnt to cope. After each session, he would take her to café for a bite to eat then they would browse the mall or go to the movies. Every day he would buy her something small to occupy her at home. Most days he would buy a new novel or magazine to read. When they returned home, he would write while she slept or read.


	27. Chapter 27 - Trust, the dream

_Ok, have split a very long chapter into sections. I'm finished with the first part which is below. All being well I will finish the next part tomorrow and post it. I believe the title explains it enough. Yes, we're on the subject of reinforcing trust. _

**Chapter 27 – Trust, the dream**

Kate's elbow sank sharply into his ribs. Rick woke, releasing a pained grunt. "Kate, don't." He grumbled pushing her arm away so he could go back to sleep.

The sudden sounds of her terrified cries startled him enough to bring him to full consciousness fast, forgetting the hard jab to his body. She was within his embrace with her body spooned against his but in the midst of a physical struggle within her nightmare. She felt way too warm, enough to have their bodies perspiring wherever they touched. Her cries, increasing in volume, had the potential to wake other residents in the apartment building, particularly the two sleeping on the other side of the wall behind them. The apartment was not as sound proof as his loft. Kate cried "No," over and over with every bit of lung capacity she had.

She hadn't dreamed like this since they'd left home. He had no choice. His instincts acted before his brain was able to logically think through his plan of action. He swiftly and firmly covered her mouth with his large hand muffling her squeaks and cries.

"Shhhhhh, Kate." He worried about scaring her, but he had a greater fear of the police knocking on their door because of disturbed neighbours calling the police. He knew they would hear her as they often heard the neighbours through the bedroom wall.

He hissed, "Kate! Wake up baby!" He placed his right hand on her forehead. An idea hit him. Because he'd heard somewhere women were genetically designed to wake to higher pitches, he used a higher tone in his voice than normal. He repeated her name and requested she wake up. He had to arouse her. Instead, she struggled against his hand her own hands fighting his grasp, pushing with every bit of strength she had against his arm.

"Wake up, Kate." He shook her body, pressing his hand against her mouth as she gripped him trying to fend him off. He wanted to let her go but his fear she would scream if she had half a chance stopped him. If the RCMP came banging on the door there was a high risk he would be arrested and detained on domestic violence until Kate could organise his release. If that was to happened they would have to disappear again. He didn't want to uproot them as this move had been traumatic enough for her. "Please Kate, wake up." Her legs started to thrash against his.

The fight for oxygen in her panicked sleep brought Kate to a state of consciousness. Her fight subsided and her large dark eyes turned to glare at him. He softened his hold on her mouth. Her expression was a mixture of terror and bewilderment. "Don't scream." He whispered. "Please don't scream any more. The neighbours will hear you."

He saw her eyes moisten with tears in the dim lighting from the hallway. They left it on as she couldn't sleep in full darkness lately. It provided enough light she could see but it didn't interfere with their sleep.

He waited but she hadn't given him a response. "Are you awake?" He was unsure whether she had woken as yet, but she nodded. He lifted his hands off her face then laid back down alongside her full of relief and catching his breath. His body felt like it had just sprinted a few blocks. He stroked her face, and apologetically repeated, "I'm sorry," and listened to her hard breaths, "You were screaming really loudly. It scared the shit out of me." He put his hand to his chest feeling the perspiration. "I really didn't want the cops here tonight."

Kate reached for him, gripped his body, her own still trembling. "Sorry." She murmured.

He lifted his hand back down and found her hand he squeezed. "It's alright. I didn't want to scare you. Are you ok now? You had a decent nightmare." He took a breath. "I didn't want the neighbours to call the police when we're in hiding."

She nodded, "I know. I'm sorry."

"Shhhh… It's was just very sudden. You've hardly dreamt lately so it was a bit freaky."

"It really freaked me out waking up like that." She rolled back to her side pushing herself against him.

Rick responded rolling toward her and kissed her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't want Mr and Mrs Role Players in the next room waking up hearing our session." He sniggered and rubbed her upper arm.

"Mmm… they'd think we were in to B and D." She smiled in the darkness, feeling his hand lovingly caress her sacral region.

"Feels warm there." He murmured moments later.

"It's been a little sore" She lay there a few minutes to let her body and mind recover and to enjoy his touch over her lower back.

"Let me take you somewhere for a treatment."

"No. I'm ok." She reassured. Her heart thumped out of her chest and she panted heavily. Her back which was against Rick's chest, could feel how hard and fast his heart pumped as well. The dream she had experienced had been tough but waking up with his hand clamped over her mouth had seriously put the wind up her. She understood why he'd done it, that a screaming woman in an apartment was not exactly ideal at 3.00 am. She knew as a cop that in this exclusive region of the city, a woman's cries of alarm would be reported to the RCMP. Her body shuddered as a part of her recovery, and instantly she felt his hand on the side of her head, hushing her whimpers. He began to tenderly kiss her face, whispered nothings soothingly to settle her mind and, in addition, his own.

"I'm sorry." She murmured and fell silent. He did too shortly after and laid back to return to sleep. Beyond the noises of their heavy breathing, she heard the sound of a diesel train blow it's horn. At home, their apartments were virtually sound proof so city noises rarely penetrated their homes. Because this apartment was on the ground level and a newer building, they were regularly disturbed by noises from neighbouring apartments or outside. Only the night before they had giggled like crazy teenagers, listening to their neighbours engage in role playing sex. Kate rolled her head toward him looking at his worried expression. "I'm sorry I dream like that." She shakily sighed, catching her breath. This time she remembered what she had dreamed about and didn't wish to share it with anyone.

He stroked her hip. "It's only been a few weeks." He whispered back.

"I know." She replied, closing her eyes a moment. The remaining flashes of her nightmare imposed themselves on her again. She suppressed the memories, opened her eyes and looked to Rick again. There was hope that at her next appointment with Anna, she would brave up enough to talk about the dream.

"You're gonna remember soon." He stroked the side of her head.

"Why so?"

"Your dreams are becoming intense again like when we found you. You're talking a lot more in your sleep." He swept her hair off her face and sighed. He thought about the amount of chatter she'd been doing around 1.00 am, just after she had drifted off to sleep. Her Russian, although broken with some English words, had been perfectly clear, so concise, he'd asked her if she was awake but she hadn't responded. He must have fallen asleep listening to her babbles.

"I don't want to remember." She whispered gripping his wrist.

"You need to remember so you can move on."

"No." She moved her hand to hold his hand that rested on the mattress in front of her. His body was right over her, cocooning her safely against his chest. "Please just make it go away. I'm so tired of them coming after me."

"I know you are." He kissed her forehead, wondering how the hell she wanted and sought him to be close to her when she had just had a nightmare about men viciously attacking her.

She shuddered. "Please make it go away. I'm so sorry I ran away."

"Shhhhh… Go back to sleep." He whispered and felt her take another big deep breath to relax more.

"Rick?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you think it will be better for me to remember?"

Rick breathed in thinking a moment before he answered her. "Yes and no. Yes, because it will allow you to deal with it and move on. No, because if you can't deal with it, it could also destroy you. You're better now because you don't remember. The power and beauty of the brain is its unique ability to protect you, to allow you to grow healthy, to preserve you and the baby. If you remembered, things may be a lot different. Least, that's my thoughts and I may be very wrong." He kissed the side of her head as she wriggled to her back.

"I don't want to remember. I would rather recover and continue. I'm beginning to want you again and I'm enjoying that." She whispered. "I have been dreaming about you." She touched his lips with her finger tips and searched his face in the available light.

He searched her face to ensure she was being honest, and as he exhaled he murmured, "Yeah? I dream about you a lot lately too."

She wriggled closer to him and whispered, "Castle," and lightly pressed her lips to his. She kissed him feeling his positive response. She pushed herself closer again to him, her hand lying to the side of his face. Their lips parted, she leaned into the kiss, slipped her tongue between his lips and found his tongue.

His hand ghosted down over her hips to her thigh creating tingling sensations every part of her he touched. Nerves danced throughout her body. He slipped his hand beneath her top and roamed up her bare abdomen relishing the softness, the smoothness of her skin. He wandered aimlessly back down over her abdomen, only pausing when his fingers arrived at her pubic bone. He stopped there, right on the edge, daring himself to keep going. Her kisses were intense, her hands on his chest, his ribs all reinforced the intention of her kisses. Kate broke their contact, breathed deeply catching her breath. He saw her eyes were dilated, her lips full. He smiled to her, pecking her lips.

She smiled, murmured, "Don't stop," glanced toward his hand. She shifted herself so her body was more inviting for him. Her hands stroked his upper arms. "Please." She whispered and looked to his bright blue eyes that were full of desire for her. She felt his penis growing against her thigh and none of it scared her. She returned to his mouth for another kiss. "More. I want more of you."

He assessed quickly, soaked in her irresistible dark dilated eyes. Grinned. "A little bit more is good." He breathlessly agreed, also contemplating what she was asking of him. He didn't trust himself that he could stop his desires once they reached a certain point. This was all new to him making love in the situation they were in. His hand moved to her inner thigh and keeping his palm against her he felt the softness, the luscious tenderness of the flesh of her inner thigh, the suppleness of her muscles. He groaned with want, the temptation to take her almost taking control of him. She breathed harder passionately kissing his mouth, turning him on more. Rick broke the connection this time, feeling his body step up its response to her.

She stroked his faced. "I'm committed." She whispered. "Come here." With her hand on his shoulder she drew him to her. She reclined to her back as he rose over her body, his mouth covering hers. He became the dominant lover, as keen as she was. Her kisses were crazy with enthusiasm. Her hands in his hair and over the back of his neck drove him insane with want. He started kissing over her jaw, down her neck and felt Kate's lips press on his earlobe, sucking on him. He groaned it felt that good. It had been so damn long since she'd touched him like a lover. She exposed her neck to him so he nibbled his way over it, liking her skin, loving her scent, tasting her flesh.

"I can't scare you." He muttered between kisses.

"I'm ok." She panted back at him. He shifted away from her and lowered his pelvis to the bed. Now he had his hands. He ran his hand up her body to her breasts he cupped. He had longed to touch her like this again. He urged her to lift her top so he could see her, his mouth finding her nipples. "So beautiful." He whispered and smiled at her eyes.

"Tell me a story, Ricky." She requested stroking his jaw.

He chuckled. "A story? Now!?" He breathlessly asked and lowered his gaze to her breasts his palms over them, fondling her aroused nipples. "Katie wants a story?"

She laughed and smiled, hummed a response and stroked his hair, staring at his face that gazed sleepily and lovingly over her body. He fondled her. She didn't care. She wanted more. She lifted her leg resting her foot to the mattress. He glanced down towards her groin and ran his hand over her tummy. He kissed her belly button moved back to her breasts.

"Come here." She summoned her hands clasping against his head bringing him back to her mouth. She desperately wanted to kiss his mouth crazily again. He was back up there Kate's legs lifting over his thighs, his hands in her hair. Their love intensified again the urgency increased. Kate blindly searched for his cock, and when she found it she wrapped her fingers firmly around him making a squeak of approval. He was travelling back down her body, was over her breasts, her ribs, his fingers blindly and urgently making their way between her legs. He didn't pause, he didn't stop, he didn't hesitate when he guided his finger sliding into the silkiness of her lips. He groaned feeling how wet she was for him. She shuddered with excitement as he rotated her being, her thighs falling apart for him, inviting him to continue. His entire palm gave her a long, loving stroke, loving the feel of her flesh, her heat, the heel of his hand pressing a little harder against her. The curves, texture of her skin, the silkiness of her folds. He rose above her and returned to her mouth, his hand staying over her clitoris, his finger lightly circling it. He kissed her hungrily. Her hand was on him arousing him, stroking him with every intention of what she wanted in her touch. He was beneath her ears, kissing her throat, his finger slid down to her vagina, teasing her. She was very wet for him. He loved that thought, those sensations when he was interrupted by her right hand that pushed against his ribs. He paused to assess. It was just her responding to him. He went back to her mouth he kissed. She was still there, still with him but then her body began to tremble, and not the good trembling that really sent him crazy for her. He felt the push against him again and heard her whine. He paused again, this time lifting his hand away from her.

"Kate?" He laid back and looked over her face, felt her drop her legs down straight. She was shaking but the hand that had been pushing at him was now gripping his side. He understood the expression and reassured her with several light strokes of his fingers over her forehead into her hair. "It's ok." He whispered and gently lifted away her hand from him. The blankets were pulled up and rashly shoved between them to cover his groin, his erect penis. The ache in him almost unbearable but he was damned sure he wasn't going to be the one who scared her.

"Rick." She whispered and caressed his chest, "Please, Baby?" She looked to his mouth and back to his eyes, silently pushed him to continue.

He saw her lips tremble. He thought it looked cute but didn't say anything to that effect because he didn't want to reinforce her behaviour what so ever. Willing to proceed with caution, he kissed her lips, slowing it right down. She responded but nothing felt right now. She was physically reacting negatively. He parted from her and looked over her face. He stroked her cheek and shook his head no.

"I'm not going any further when you're shaking like this." He murmured.

"I'm sorry, Rick. I couldn't stop it." She stroked the side of his face then kissed him again but this time he wasn't responding.

"Let's go back to sleep, huh?" He suggested with a fair amount of reluctance that he successfully concealed. He laid down alongside her, staring contentedly at her face, happy they had finally started something. It meant to him they had a chance. She turned to lie on her side so her face was close to his.

They stared at each other for a little while both still panting from the excitement.

"Maybe," she murmured, "we could keep going," as a suggestion and bit her lip, trying not to anticipate his answer.

Castle's mind was in a heated debate with itself. His conditioned thought processes kept him dead still in the bed, suppressing the male instincts within him that were struggling to have their way with her. On the flipside, his primordial male instincts were thrashing to be released on her, to fuck her brains out and have fun with her till dawn like they used to. His senses were intoxicated by her scent, the taste of her in him. He thought about the great number of times they'd made love, where they'd done it. He desired to be closer to her, to be inside her, but he stayed exactly where he was. He knew he had to take her back to those times, to have her fully trust him.

"Castle?"

Suddenly brought back to reality, he blinked and replied, "Kate," and swallowed wishing away his erection, his desires. He felt her hand on the side of his head, her fingers stroked though his hair several times. She was already calming down. She didn't talk about it or give him any indication of what she had been thinking about when she had started to shake.

"Why won't you keep going?" She asked after a spell of silence between them.

Rick contemplated his answer as he assessed the tone of voice she used. She sounded calm and accepting to an honest discussion. "Because your hand was pushing against me and you were shaking. Not the good shake when you get all crazy excited either." He added boyishly. "I love that tremble."

She smiled, amused by his description, "I'm sorry." She paused. "I didn't want to stop."

"A part of you did."

"Sorry." She whispered, resigned to the fact she had ruined the moment. She rolled her shoulders and looked toward the ceiling, thinking to herself about how it used to be between them.

"Hey!" He stroked her hair. "Don't be sorry. We still have it." He encouraged, "But a couple of weeks here is not long enough for either of us to just forget what happened and move on."

"What does time matter?" She asked staring at the ceiling. Time. It was a precious commodity that she still had possession of. It had almost been taken away from her, and even though she still had it, time was now holding her back. Holding them back. They had to give it time.

"I know you. You will challenge your fears head on and you're doing that now. I don't want to be the person you fear because we didn't give us time. The right time will come but it's not today." He paused and with a single finger he fiddled with her hair that lay on the pillow between them, hooking a curl onto his finger watching it hang in the air and lazily loop around, the strands falling together. "And it needs to be when I'm ready too. When I know that me being inside you, on you, holding you when we make love, well, and damn it, fucking you, is not going to scare the crap out of you." He whispered.

A grunt of thought escaped Kate before she answered with, "We have to do it some time." She had stated it quite stubbornly. "I have to face it one day."

The impatience in her tone of voice sounded loud and clear in Rick's ears but he chose to ignore it. He had also heard the stubborn tone which made him smile. His Kate was coming back.

"Babe, I have you as my best friend, and this may come off sounding extremely selfish, but I also want to keep you as my lover. Before, when we were mucking around, the wall went up. I can't risk ruining losing what we had, and hopefully will have again, because we rushed it." He rubbed her thigh.

"Wow. That was deep." Kate said into the silence moments later and clicked her tongue several successive times in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Rick chuckled. "Yeah, it was." He agreed. "But I'm just saying."

"Uh huh." She smiled and rolled back to face him. She lightly brushed his swollen lips with her fingertips as she considered his words a little longer. She hummed a response of agreement. "Well, what if we negotiate a little?"

"I'm open to that."

"Will you hold me so I can fall back to sleep?"

Rick smiled. "Of course! Will always hold you!" Immediately she rolled away, turned on her side and slid back to him so she could be spooned by his body. He wriggled in closer, snuggled them into close contact, and pulled the blankets entirely over them. "It's Christmas in a few days."

"Mmm." She acknowledged. "I haven't bought you a present yet."

"How about we sneak out tomorrow and go shopping, Mrs Williams. Your husband is cashed up to the eyeballs."

Kate laughed, feeling his fingers playfully fondling on her left dimple. "It would be great to get out of here." She smiled, giving him the reaction he sought. She instantly felt him feel her dimple and he made his male groan of satisfaction. It amused her he did that with her dimples and she was sure he thought she wasn't aware of his little thing.

Rick drew her into his arms and pulled her body to his, thinking about the big surprise he had for her in two days. He closed his eyes and slid his palm smoothly over her hip, groaning in approval of her very female contours. He pressed his lips against her shoulder. "You are so beautiful, my love." He playfully crooned, because he knew romantic moments made her laugh because she considered them corny. In a typical response, Kate pushed her hips into his groin, feeling his persistent erection. She hummed her approval.

"Naughty girl," he rasped, cleared his throat, "we negotiated to do this." His hand continued a journey over her hips, reaching to her groin, between her legs.

"Did we negotiate this?" She whispered as her legs instinctively parted for him in response to his approach.

"Mmm." He was on her again slowly, softly feeling her body. "Stay there," he whispered becoming the dominant partner again. She obeyed and kept still.

Kate closed her eyes and concentrated on what Rick was doing to her body. She felt his finger, made silky by her moisture slowly circle her clitoris. His body was still with the exception of his penis that jerked against her buttock, but it was ok. He wanted her, he still wanted her. She questioned why he would still desire her when she had been ruined by them, when other men had been inside her even though it had been forced upon her. She despised even the thought of him being with another woman. Always had. So how could he want her?

_Oh God!_ She felt his rhythm change, the blood rush to her loins. All thoughts faded from her brain. Instincts shifted her concentration to what he was doing to her sexually. Her nerves started firing and dancing throughout her body. He was exceptionally adept at bringing her to a climax and his intentions were loud and clear he was taking her on that journey right now. She felt the pulsing ache for him increase.

_Oh my God!_ He slowly slid away from her clitoris until he circled her entrance awakening the nerves near her tender skin. Her feet began to quiver, muscle along her inner thighs trembled. She lifted her leg and rested it over his and relaxed her hip into his body. His mouth teased the back of her neck, lightly brushed her skin sending tingling tremors down her spine. His finger was inside her. She stilled, and as he slid in a little deeper, her hips rolled into him giving him easier access to her body.

He felt her take a deep breath and her body relax against him, succumbing to his touch. He whispered. "Good girl," and he just stayed there, stayed still with her, "my girl."

Kate laid her hand over his wanting to touch herself with him. She felt his fingers move a little and she turned her head to see his eyes. "I love you."

"Mmmm. I know." He replied and pressed his mouth to her cheek, "Especially now I know," he added surprised she had allowed him to venture with her this far. He was pleased when he felt her relax more. The willing acceptance of what he was doing to her was a big step forward for them tonight. With his eyes closed he continued to play with her. He could feel her fingers starting to move with him and he encouraged her.

She whispered. "I haven't touched myself like this in ages."

"You should. Feel how wet you are?"

"Mmm." She smiled. "It feels good, Castle."

"Me or you?"

"Both." She rolled her pelvis beginning to really enjoy what he was doing.

He released and groan of longing. "Rook is in a dilemma." He began in a murmur. "Nikki hasn't been staying over."

"Yeah? Has she been busy?"

"Immensely." He lied. In his story he really was stuck with Rook and Nikki. He hadn't been able to write much since he'd lost Kate. He was still blocked.

"So he asks her over for dinner one night, for a candlelight dinner." He improvised and moved back to her clitoris and smiled to himself. His progress was going well by the changes in her taking place. _All green lights. Keep going Castle._

"What does Nikki do?" Kate asked prompting him to continue.

"Arr.. she knocks on the door. He answers the door. She is wearing a light brown woollen coat and long black heeled boots."

"Only her lingerie on beneath it." She butted in.

"Nice one. She walks through the door." He paused his storytelling the second he felt Kate's hips involuntarily flex. Her breathing had shallowed. She had shifted right into the zone he wanted her to be in. He stayed silent and maintained his rhythm even when he felt the changes begin to take place in Kate.

Her body firstly became tight, her back flexed and arched and her head tilted back against him exposing her neck. He kissed, nibbled and licked her neck, held her body firm against his, and continued to stimulate her to and through her orgasm. She let go of a couple of squeaks, released a timid cry, gripped his forearm as she shuddered, quietly exclaiming several times, "Oh my God!"

Rick grinned boyishly, secretly chuffed he had so easily brought her to climax. He quietly stayed there, remained still and waited for Kate to return. He loved the noise of her after climax pant. He was surprised when he heard her croak.

"Don't stop."

Without a word he continued as his girlfriend requested. Seconds later she climaxed in a thunderous shudder throughout her body. Her pelvis bucked uncontrollably in its own rhythm. She gripped his wrist, her body rigid as she rolled through it. She cried out his name, this time pushing against his body. It was far stronger and intense than her first. He smiled to himself full of satisfaction she said his name in the thick of it, but more so because she'd trust him enough to let him continue.

When he knew it was entirely over, he withdrew his hand and held her body firmly against him, feeling her body recover from the orgasms. He put his hand to the side of her head a moment understanding she was going to potentially feel hellishly confused.

She held his other hand firmly and stayed quiet and still.

He laid close to her, listening to her rapid breathing deepen given time. Her heart rate dropped.

She soon fell asleep without uttering a word.


	28. Chapter 28 - Trust, working on it

_As promised here is the next bit posted for you. This one is longer and it was too awkward to split it. _

_Big cheers to the girl who figured out whose apartment they are living in. I forgot to mention it early. Having some fun with that._

_Because writing is all about exploring and learning and being creative, this chapter contains a section in which myself and a French speaking friend have written a passage in both French and English. The narrative describes what has been spoken in French so the story is not lost on those who, like me, cannot read French. Thanks for all the fun doing it with me L. It was an interesting exercise in effectively transferring dialogue into narration. _

_Also thanks to my beta for his tireless reviews._

_So this is the continuation of where we left off …._

**Chapter 28 – Trust, working on it**

… _She held his other hand firmly and stayed quiet and still. _

_He laid close to her, listening to her rapid breathing deepen given time. Her heart rate dropped. _

_She soon fell asleep without uttering a word…. _

"Castle, I wish we were up here when things were normal." She said hurrying to catch up with him as they walked along the street also conscious to be careful not to slip on any patches of ice. She took hold of his gloved hand, gently tugging at him to slow down.

Rick instantly slowed down his pace in response to her nonverbal signal and replied, "As it happens we're here now. Things are normalish." He smiled, glancing to her and slowed down even further when he saw she still struggled to keep up with his regular stride that she would usually stay in stride with. It was a reminder that although he knew she was progressing every day in leaps and bounds, she still had a long journey of recovery mentally and physically before she would be back to what he considered her normal self.

"Summer would have been a better time." She added panting from the cold air.

"I won't argue with that. It's bloody cold up here." He looked up to the dark snow clouds over them. It was Thursday, and five days until Christmas day. There was going to definitely be a fair amount of snow falling before Christmas.

"Do you think we're risking being found by coming outside every day?"

"It's a low risk. We're not doing anything to attract attention and we're all bundled up against the cold. They think you're dead and anyway, no one will recognise us in all this clothing. It's the only benefit of the cold weather." He pointed out, waving a hand at Kate who was barely visible beneath the layers of coat, hat and scarf. He had always thought she looked cute when she was dressed during the winter. He really enjoyed the skirts with the leather boots she sometimes wore.

Today her colour theme was red. The red suggested to him that she was feeling better about herself today, that perhaps their activities in the early hours of that morning had been the key to generally lifting her spirits. He understood as a writer, that red expressed joy, sexuality, passion, sensitivity, and love. She had woken in a great mood and had spent time in bed generously dishing out affection to him just like she used to do. She had played with his hair, felt over his body, climbed over him, laughed at her own clumsiness when she fell on him. He loved that softer, lovable side of her and was so glad it hadn't been beaten out of her. And he had responded in same, not wanting to leave their bed, their private universe, particularly that morning.

She had consumed an enormous breakfast with a healthy appetite. She had been keen to go out with him, regardless of how dismal the weather happened to be on that day. Wearing mainly navy blue, having only brought practical clothes and a dress suit with him, he had stepped out into the winter's day with his girlfriend dressed in red. She was definitely happier that day.

Ahead Rick saw a hot dog stand. "Want a hot dog?"

"We only had breakfast an hour ago."

"So? I'm hungry and you need to feed my kid." He replied and commenced to walk a straight line towards the hot dog stand half a block away. He could even smell them.

Kate followed, thinking the idea of a hotdog was quite appealing. "I would like one." She told him.

Rick stopped dead and turned toward her in complete shock. It was the first time in all the years he'd known her that she had said yes to ordering and eating a hot dog. "Are you ok?" He inquired with a concerned look on his face.

Kate grinned, amused by his over acted expression and lightly punched him on the shoulder. "Yes, of course. What?" She creased her brow in question.

"You said yes." He said with a tone of surprise and bewilderment.

"I know." She confirmed. She smirked. "I feel like one. I sometimes have a bite of yours."

"Agreed, but you've never said yes to having one of your own."

She giggled in disbelief he was bringing this up. "Castle! It's a hot dog! What's the big deal?"

"You want to eat a whole hotdog to yourself?" He queried, wanting confirmation.

"Yes."

"I need to tell the guys this. They won't believe me."

"Castle, seriously?"

"Yeah!" He replied. "Alright then. I will buy you your own hotdog." Rick took her hand and with a strange look on his face, continued their journey to the stand. Kate laughed the entire way at his reaction.

"What is so strange about it, Castle? I feel like a hot dog."

"You're having a boy." He muttered, hoping she didn't hear him because he felt really stupid saying it.

Kate stopped walking because she was laughing so hard at his comment. "C'mon!" She squawked. "You can't determine the sex of our baby because I feel like a hotdog. Don't be ridiculous!" She expressed trying her hardest to hold back the laughing, but her attempts were in vain. She thought it was hilarious.

In the middle of the sidewalk Rick stopped again and looked directly at Kate with a strange smile. His expression stifled her laughter. She snorted and covered her mouth.

"What?" She asked, her dimples appeared, her hazel eyes glimmered.

Rick smiled and stepped to her. He kissed her mouth and stayed there a little longer. When he stood back he cast his eyes over her entire face. She really did look happy today. He replied softly, "You're laughing," and he started to walk again, turning away so she didn't see the tears welling up in his eyes because he was so pleased to hear her joyous laughter. He wiped his eyes. "Let's get my son his first hot dog." He teased knowing she would respond.

Kate was right behind him. "It could also be your daughter's first hot dog." She replied with her tone of defiance and found his hand as she fell in beside him. "I'm ok, Castle. I eat them at the ball park when I'm with my Dad."

"But you don't eat them with me." He replied. They stopped at the stand and waited to be served. "What sort of hot dog would you prefer?"

"Like you have them is good." She replied. "Rick, I need to get a pair of boots suitable for up here. My feet are freezing."

"We'll find a pair today." He replied, glancing down to her shoes. Once the hot dog man made eye contact, Rick nodded to him and ordered two hotdogs. Paid for and received, they walked to a place beneath a tree, bare of its leaves, where they could eat.

He took a healthy bite of the first hotdog.

"I'm not being odd." She said and took a big bite of the hotdog he held out for her. That's when she realised they were going to share the hotdogs.

Rick swallowed, then reassured playfully, "You are fine Kate. I'm teasing. I'm going to drive you crazy as per usual. Within about three more days that vein in your forehead is going to be very visible." Another bite.

"Vein in my forehead?" She laughed.

"Yep. My gauge on how much I'm annoying you."

"Ok."

"You eat some." He mumbled with his mouth full of food. He held the hot dog to her mouth and waited for her to take a bite. She took a big bite. He swallowed then said in a teasing manner, "Good girl." He smiled looking to her eyes.

"What?" She swallowed and held his wrist to take another mouthful.

"Nothing." Castle lifted the food up out of her reach and gave her a kiss ignoring the fact she was still eating.

She tried to kiss him but happened to laugh. She swallowed and returned the kiss. "You are good for me. So much fun." She whispered.

"And you still have a lot to learn about me." He replied. "Hot dog?"

"I always liked the bad boys." She had another bite.

"You have one now." He smiled and she caught his expression.

"What Castle? What are you thinking?"

Rick smiled. "You're happy, alive. We had this morning. We have this. We have tomorrow. We have us. We have a child on the way. We are a family. In a few days it's Christmas." He looked about them, at people coming and going about their business, then back to her hazel eyes to see her face had sobered. She touched his coat, playing with it, her eyes searching his face.

"I hope I make you happy." She stated.

"Very happy." He took the last piece of the first hotdog then placed his hand to the back of her head and drew her to him. He kissed her forehead then let her go. "I will give you a great life, Kate. I promise. Just stay with me."

"I'm not going anywhere." She reached for the second hotdog in his hand he lowered so she could take a bite. Both of them ate quietly for a minute or so sharing the second hotdog. "I can't be anywhere but with you. I'm not so scared when I'm with you." She took another bite.

Rick studied her for a moment or two in silence. She was regaining her weight, her complexion was almost back to normal and she was clearly happier today. "You bounce back fast don't you?" He observed, thinking she was already making plans with him that morning, was moving on.

She became serious. "Every day I have two choices, Castle, and every day I try to make the choice to get out of bed and be happy, to live. I got another chance to do that and I want to be with you." She indicated to him she didn't want any more food when he offered, as she was full. "The days I don't want to get out of bed are the days it's really hard for me." She watched as he finished the second hotdog. He had heard what she had said and she knew he was thinking about it.

He swallowed and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Well, you certainly conceal your emotions well."

"Yeah?" She stepped to him and wrapped her arms about his neck. He instantly drew her close and held her against him. A kiss. She gave him a second and third. "Still think that?" She inquired looking to his eyes with a smile, messing with her bottom lip. She gave him another kiss, tasting him.

Rick moistened his lips and went for one more kiss, feeling the thoughts in her kisses. She was keen for more of him today. That pleased him, because it meant that earlier activities hadn't frightened her. It actually seemed to him it had done them good, that they had reconnected on a deeper, more intimate level.

"Mmm…wow." Kate bit her bottom lip again. "Would you like to play a game with me?" She asked as she stood down. They continued to stroll to the mall, now holding hands. Today, Kate was feeling stronger and more confident. She wanted to be with him and desired more of what she'd experience last night with him.

"Depends. Go on." Castle stayed at her pace beside her, seeing she walked with a slight limp in her gait today. She hadn't complained but he guessed her pelvis was bothering her.

"A game of control."

Castle started to laugh. "Are you serious? We play this game every day! You will win this without making an effort."

Kate smirked at his response. "Hear me out, Castle. Say for one day, twenty four hours," she stipulated, "that one of us is in complete control of the other. It doesn't matter what activity it is, where we go or what we do, one of us is making all the decisions for both of us." She explained. She saw the entrance to the mall was not far away which she was pleased about as it was freezing outside.

"But that happens every day." He replied. "Castle, do this, Castle, please pick me up, Castle, rub my back, bring me a drink, let's go Castle, you can't do that." He stirred and was promptly smacked on his upper arm. His Kate was coming back. He grinned and tugged gently on her arm. "Only a day? We could make it interesting and go for a week." Castle suggested.

"We may kill each other over the course of a week." They wandered into the mall and Kate took control. She wanted to find a shoe store to buy boots suitable for walking about Montreal.

Rick let her lead the way conscious she was focused to find the boots. He thought about her control game. "True. Let's start with a day as you suggest." He waited for more information. "Is that it?"

"Well, just to decide who controls who first." Kate questioningly looked to him.

"You take first watch." Castle suggested.

"You know what Rick. Since you always say I'm the control freak and Esposito shares that opinion with you, I'm going to hand over the reins to you."

"Ok." He agreed. "When do we start this game?"

"What's the time?"

"Arr…. Just near 1.00 pm."

"I guess we will start when we are finished with my appointment with Anna. I can't have you take control as we are about to go shopping. That won't work." Kate stated seriously.

Rick scoffed and shook his head in disbelief. "Of course. As you wish." He replied, already thinking this control game she had suggested wouldn't last long if he was put in charge. "So let's get this straight, Katie. If you're in control and I need to go to the bathroom, do I need your permission?" He asked.

"No. But food and fluid intake is controlled."

"So I could make you eat hotdogs for a day if I wanted to."

Kate pursed her lips, and snorted, "Yes," she replied stubbornly.

"Alright!" He clapped his hands and grinned.

"But, remember if you do that I have the next twenty four hours to make you eat whatever I want."

Rick shrugged his shoulders like he didn't care. "So I'm in control for twenty four hours!" He laughed. "Let's make it a week. This could do your head in Beckett, me controlling you." He exclaimed.

Kate giggled. "No! One day will be more than enough."

"We're starting from the moment we step into the apartment."

"Alright. Agreed. You're in charge for one day from when we get home."

"Deal, Baby!" He laughed wickedly rubbing his hands together.

"Unbelievable." Kate muttered and walked with him to the shoe store she remembered from a previous visit.

"Comment est-ce que tu te sens aujourd'hui?" Anna asked how Kate was feeling as she closed the door to her office.

Kate who was a few steps ahead of Anna, sat in the armchair and made herself comfortable. She rapidly cast her eyes over what the psychiatrist wore today. Classic cut black pants, boots and burgundy jacket. Her hair was dead straight. Once again, _chic_.

A secretive and contagious smile appeared on Kate's face as she leaned forward in her chair and rested her elbows on her lap. She quickly assessed her mood to be reasonably good and replied honestly, "Je me sens plutôt bien," and smiled, also thinking about her night with Rick that had lifted her spirits quite a bit.

Anna smiled, "Ah! Et en plus elle sait sourire," she exclaimed and took a seat in her usual chair. As she had said to Kate, it was the first time she'd seen Kate's natural smile and saw blushed. "Et un magnifique sourire si je peux me permettre. Qu'est-ce qui te met de si bonne humeur?"

Kate's raised an eyebrow and smiled in reaction to Anna's comment that she could smile and had a lovely smile she had finally shown Anna. Anna also inquired why she was so happy. Once again, Kate felt the heat of her cheeks blush and she rolled her eyes to the ceiling, thinking about what Rick had done to her, to those delicious seconds he'd brought her to a very satisfying and long overdue climax early that morning. She could not resist telling Anna that she and Castle were becoming intimate again, "Castle et moi avons été ... intimes ce matin." She blushed more because as a rule she didn't talk to other people about her sexual experiences with men and verbally said that to Anna, "Je ne suis pas du genre à parler de ce genre de choses mais j'ai pensé que vous devriez le savoir.", because she thought Anna should understand that she preferred to keep her sex life to herself.

"Vous avez eu des relations sexuelles ?"

Kate screwed up her nose and followed it with a timid smile when Anna asked if they'd engaged in intercourse. She held up her fingers and waved them in the negative with a shake of her head, indicating they hadn't gone quite so far as intercourse and replied "Non, nous n'avons pas été aussi loin." She searched for the right words and delicately explained that they played around. "On s'est un peu ... amusé." That was all it had been. "Just played around." She mumbled almost to herself. She and Castle had played around and had a little fun and she had thoroughly enjoyed it. Talking about it was not as awkward as she had anticipated it would be. She didn't talk about any sexual activities she had with Castle to even Lanie but for some reason, she was comfortable talking about it with Anna. She sat up and with a smile she told Anna she had really enjoyed it. "Et j'ai vraiment apprécié." She felt herself uncontrollably blushing and grinning again.

"C'est bien." Anna replied. "Je suis vraiment heureuse pour vous deux." She indicated excitedly she was happy for her and Castle, that they had been able to connect and be intimate once again.

Kate hummed a response biting her lip to control her smile. She was satisfied she had been able to discuss their intimacy with Anna, as she felt closer to her and more comfortable with continuing their conversation.

Anna asked. "Tu m'as dit que tu avais fait un rêve la nuit passée ? Est-ce que tu voudrais en parler ?"

Kate took a shallow breath. Anna had brought them back to the subject of the dream that had woken them last night. She had asked if Kate would like to discuss it. Kate reluctantly nodded, her smile instantly faded. She would rather go back to talking about the fun she'd had with Castle. However, knowing that since Anna had brought up the subject she would passively insist on talking about it until Kate would open up. Kate sat back and crossed her arms over her chest, then crossed her legs. There was a deep rooted instinct holding her back from sharing with anyone else the humiliating experiences, that it was better and safer for her to keep it all a secret, to lock it in a vault deep within her, throw the key and leave it there, but the sensible part of her questioned whether it was healthy for her to conceal it from everyone including herself. Every individual had some sort of secret to hide, but what was the right thing to do now?. In French, she asked Anna what her thoughts on this, "Anna, est-ce que tu penses aussi que certains évènements qu'une personne vit ne devraient jamais être racontées à qui que ce soit?"

Anna shrugged her shoulders a little. She believed that everyone in the world had secrets. She replied, in French her exact belief. "Tout le monde a des secrets," then repeated, "Chaque personne a des secrets qu'elle décide de garder pour elle. Mais je crois que ce dont tu parles sont plutôt des choses dont tu as honte et de par lesquelles tu te sens humiliée."

"Uh huh." Kate replied in agreement to Anna's comments. Kate thought about Anna's belief that she felt Kate was holding onto secrets because they were inglorious, obscene, that she was ashamed to tell anyone else for fear of being judged. Kate reluctantly accepted that other people, including her close friends, knew from the evidence that had been taken from her body, exactly what had happened to her when she had been abducted. It had also been evident at the warehouse. Regardless of what they knew, she found it incredibly hard to admit even to herself that she had been awfully mistreated and violated. She replied to that effect feeling uncomfortable even discussing that she was not able to admit it to herself. "Il y a certains … évènements … qui semblent s'être produits vu les preuves qu'on a retrouvé sur moi, mais j'ai moi-même du mal à admettre que ça s'est véritablement passé." She unconsciously and nervously jiggled her right foot up and down. Her shoulders huddled. She continued, explaining to Anna that she had been locked in the dream and that she had felt she was being smothered, not able to breathe. "J'étais enfermée dans mon rêve. J'étouffais. Je ne savais pas respire," and that when she had woken with Rick's hand over her mouth to stop her disturbing the neighbours. "Quand je me suis réveillée, la main de Rick était sur ma bouche pour éviter que je ne réveille les voisins." She then realised she needed to explain to Anna why he had covered her mouth and added that Rick had been afraid someone would call the police, by saying "Il avait peur que l'un d'entre eux appelle la police. Il a eu raison de le faire."

"Et ça t'a fait peur."

Anna's question whether she had been scared by Rick, caused Kate nod. Yes, it certainly had initially scared her being woken with Rick's hand over her mouth, but was better than being stuck in the dream. She told Anna that. "Mais je préfère avoir été réveillée comme ça plutôt que d'être restée dans ce rêve." She nonverbally expressed to Anna that she understood why Rick had done it, that it hadn't frightened her by a dismissive wave of her hand.

"Est-ce qu'on peut revisiter ton rêve un instant?" Anna asked if they could revisit the dream for a moment. She watched Kate shrink further into the armchair, her vulnerable expression causing her large eyes to look the colour of autumn leaves. She decided to be more specific with her topic knowing with Kate's personality that she needed to be prompted to talk by passive persuasion. Anna considered that if she asked Kate to alternatively talk about what emotions she felt after the dream, that it would help Kate to open up and discuss her sentiments. "Te sens-tu capable de m'expliquer ce que tu ressens là-maintenant ?"

For several seconds Kate's thought about how to answer Anna, her face changing expressions a number of times. She kind of smirked and that disappeared as a flood of emotions overcame her, but not a single word in French or English was available to describe the emotions and reactions she felt. So that is how she answered, "Je ne vois pas un mot en français ou anglais qui pourrait le décrire."

"Sans trop y réfléchir, peux-tu me dire ce que tu as ressenti dans ton rêve?"

_Just tell her what you're feeling as a result of the dream without over thinking it Kate._ _Yeah right!_ Kate thought about Anna's suggestion and rolled it over in her mind. _Don't over think it._

Kate replied in English finding it easier, "Shame, humiliation, pain, agony, fright, terror, darkness, I was cold, suffocating."

"Honte, humiliation, douleur, agonie. Cela fait beaucoup de mots," Anna repeated as though helping Kate with her French, then remarked that she had used a lot of descriptive words.

"Intense dream." Kate said then murmured it again. "Un rêve intense." She sighed heavily then waited for Anna to continue.

When it was over, Kate came from the therapy session in a darker mood. As was the usual case, she was considerably weary and it was carried over her face how much energy she had expended in therapy. It went without saying that each session drained her physically and mentally and she always wanted to go home afterward to sleep. She walked straight past Rick toward the exit and bid farewell to Zoe in French as she passed the reception desk. She kept going out to the elevator foyer, almost oblivious to the rest of the world.

Rick, who was quite familiar and dulled to the post therapy moods, collected their belongings and followed Kate out of the waiting room. He chose to maintain his cheerful demeanour on these occasions, and never mirrored nor responded to her mood. Anna, having recognised very early on that Castle's boyish charisma beneficially impacted on Kate's personality, had taught him to utilise his positive character to bring Kate to his mood. He was aware he'd always done it to Kate, but now he understood how to do it better, was more skilful at it. The difference now was, he didn't flap around like a fish out of water trying to find what made her react positively. He just knew through having been educated, what he naturally provided Kate to have her follow him to better places. As they waited for the elevator he fussed with the baggage. He handed Kate her handbag that she haphazardly threw over her right shoulder.

"I think you have bricks in that bag." He muttered and heard Kate grunt a response. Her black leather tote bag was bulky, but it had everything in it she might need.

They remained silent which gave her time to think as they waited. She suddenly noticed his struggle with their stuff and relieved him of a few bags when she became conscious he carried a lot. "Sorry." She murmured. "That I didn't help before."

Rick just looked at her, then indicated an elevator was coming by pointing at its light.

In the elevator he silently put the shopping bags on the floor, stood in front of Kate and wrapped her scarf snugly about her neck. He uncontrollably stared into her eyes captivated by their brilliance, their almost auburn colour. Deliberately pulling his gaze away he glanced down to her woollen hat but he was soon dragged back to her eyes. He wanted to tell her how bloody beautiful her eyes looked, wondering what on earth made them appear that colour sometimes, when her eyes were actually hazel. It wasn't the colour clothes she wore, or the lighting in their environment. It was enigmatic. Staying silent, unable to keep his eyes from the sight of her for very long, he pulled the hat over her head and hooked her hair behind her ears. Then as his mother had taught him to do as a boy from the day he was big enough, he held up the lady's coat so his lady could put her arms in it. She turned and accepted his gentlemanly offerings. She did the buttons up then turned back to him adjusting the hat.

Her eyes glistened brown as she looked at him, the hint of a happier mood returning, "Thanks, Castle, my hero." She said with a slight curve to her lips. She looked down in order to pick her bag up off the floor. She put it over her shoulder again then picked up the shopping bags. He cheekily smirked to her and hung the scarf over her left shoulder while he put on his coat.

"No worries." He finally replied quietly as he dressed for the outdoors, "I love you too." He kept a watch on her, for that little reflexive twitch that told him she was processing his words and thought the same way. Her eyes flicked to him, and he captured the expression, which caused him to smile.

Kate saw his smart ass smile, fully aware he could read her body language. She glanced back to his bright blue eyes, "I really enjoyed last night," she whispered and instantly saw his chin respond, a grin break. She looked to the floor numbers over the doorway and grinned.

Rick cleared his throat. "Me too, Baby."

They were ten or so steps out of the elevator on the ground floor when he felt her hand had found the sleeve of his coat that she tugged to make him halt. He turned about to see what she wanted and found she almost leapt into his arms her head against his right shoulder her arms about his body. Bags crashed clumsily around them. He naturally embraced her and stood quietly waiting for her needy moment to pass. "Hard one?"

"Very." She stood back and took hold of a spare finger he held out for her. "Take me home?"

"Yep. Let's get a taxi." He suggested because they had a few things to carry. He held her new evening dress and shoes and didn't particularly wish to carry them in the metro at the risk of being mugged for especially the shoes. The two walked out of the building into the late afternoon.

Rick closed and locked the front door. "In the bathtub, Beckett, for a hot bath." He ordered. "Time is four fifty five pm, well let's agree to make it five."

"I don't take them this time of the day." She replied matter of fact.

"Beckett. Not your decision. You have handed over control to me." He grinned and followed her to the kitchen where they dropped all their bags on the counter. They took off their gloves, hats, scarves and coats as the apartment was very warm. Rick went right down to a shirt and jeans. Living with women he had learnt years ago how to dress inside during winter.

"Rick, you have made the appointments with Anna at all different times haven't you?"

"Of course, Baby." He replied. "I'm not starting any routines or habits here that someone may notice." He carefully responded, not wanting to reinforce any fears she already had about being found in Montreal.

"Well, maybe we should suggest to Anna that she meets us in alternative places some times."

Rick passed her a glass and a carton of milk. She immediately poured a glass and took a drink. "I don't think we are at risk of it, Sweetie. Anna and her PA both know they have to maintain extreme confidentiality, to keep you safe and to ensure their own safety. She doesn't use your name for appointments. She has fabricated names and because I pay cash, there's no need for insurance claims."

"Oh." She reached for a bag and pulled out the clothing they had bought. Rick had insisted on buying lingerie of course. He had taken her to a Victoria's Secret store and had chosen a few items he believed she would look sexy in. As he had also stated that as he was in control, he had to also plan his day. He was buying stuff all the time they would not be able to physically carry back to the States but he had said he would mail it back home when they left. She held up a white lace baby doll against her body and showed it to Rick who smiled his approval. It would fall to just below her crotch had a sheer jacket and g-string to match it. She then brought out the next item he'd found and had insisted in buying in two colours, black and purple. A lacy boat neck tunic. She held the black one against herself and peered down her body. It was going to fit her body like a glove.

"Jesus, Kate." He groaned and shifted his jeans so they were more comfortable.

Kate put it down in her lap and kind of smiled at him. "Sorry." She whispered and looked down at the lingerie imagining how nice it would look on her if she didn't have so many scars still showing.

"Mmmm… put those away until you're ready to bring them out, Baby." He approached her, sensing she was self-conscious of herself now. He stroked her hair back, hooking it behind her left ear and pressed his lips against her forehead. "There's a bit more stuff in that bag you should look at, but I only want to see you in the naughty stuff when you want to feel sexy, ok?" He dipped so his eyes were at the same level as Kate's

She nodded and lifted her gaze to his eyes. "I will put one on for you tonight." She quietly said using her bedroom voice and smiled.

"Take a look at them, because they're not all like that. I bought items for every day too."

"I will." She kissed him before he straightened up. She put the items back into the bag, stood off the stool and picked up the bag that held her new shoes to go with the dress he'd bought her for Christmas. She lifted the lid off the box and carefully lifted out her first pair of Jimmy Choo shoes, turning them over for a close inspection. On impulse she kicked off her boots and socks and slipped into them. They were green suede and very high. Virtually on her toes, she expertly walked over to the fireplace where Rick was stoking up the fire.

"Hey Ricky." She summoned.

"Yeah?" He stood up from a crouch and turned about to see she was pointing at her new shoes. She was almost his height in them. "Nice!"

"They're high." She exclaimed.

"So when I take you on a date, you will be stunning." He remarked.

"Of course, Castle. My legs will look hot in the dress and yeah, so will I."

"Can't wait to see you in the dress." He looked at the shoes. "They should come with a mandatory helmet in case you get thrown off them."

"Think you're funny, Castle." She queried. "I have to go for a bath don't I."

"Yes." He confirmed. "This is gonna be so much fun!" He picked up a log, carefully laid it over the glowing embers and then brushed his hands clean on his jeans. Kate watched on and saw his blue eyes look to the doorway in the direction of the bathroom. She tried to hold back a smile but it was almost impossible when she saw his cheeky grin. "Beckett…. You poor girl." He teased.

"I'm scared." She admitted smiling at him and shyly tucked her chin in, looking at him through her long eye lashes, totally precocious. She walked back to the counter and packed her shoes in their box. She picked up the Victoria's Secret bag and turned about to see Castle pointed to the hallway door. Kate obediently took herself to the bedroom.

Minutes later, Castle heard music and the sound of bath water running. He was to be in charge for the next 24 hours. She was going to get spoilt. Anna had sent him a text message after they had left to remind him he needed to continually maintain the trust with her. He knew Kate well enough to understand although she was acting confident and happier today, it was his continual push to keep her going the entire day that had prevented her from crashing. With what he had planned she was going to trust him for sure after the evening was over.

He carried the bags to the bedroom and laid them out over the seat at the end of the bed for Kate to sort through and put away tomorrow.

"Castle?" He heard seductively called over the music. He followed her voice and sauntered into the bathroom to find Kate was dressed in a white lacy slip her hair loose. She wore nothing beneath it.

He smiled, his approval of her obvious over his face. "Ohhh!" He groaned from deep in his throat like he did when they made love, then crooned, "My, oh my, oh my!" He stated, inspecting her, "Lady, you are something else." He circled her without touching her.

Kate sniggered self-consciously, and dipped her body girlishly, a grin appearing with the blush in her cheeks. "You approve?" She reached for his hand pulling him to her. She thought she looked nice, but seeing his expression reassured her she still appealed to him. Given time, she knew she would be confident with her body again, but it wasn't to be today.

He drew her to his body, her hands falling about his shoulders, "I'd approve of you in anything, but when you look like this …" he was cut off by her lips over his. They kissed tenderly, Rick released another groan of approval. They parted. He saw her shyly bite her bottom lip still amazed she could be timid, with all the attitude she put out there for all to see. "Save this for later." He murmured and brushed the back of his fingers over her erect left nipple. "Ten out of ten, Katie." He let her go and backed out of the room thinking that a month ago he would have been able to pick her up and carry her to their bed without any hesitation. Instead, he left her, sporting a massive erection in his jeans that he had to talk himself down from.

Back in the living room he telephoned the local gift shop to confirm the basket of chocolates would arrive shortly. He had the fruit he needed. He also telephoned the local flower shop to ensure they were delivering the roses he'd ordered earlier. Both would arrive within the next hour. Happy, Castle opened a bottle of beer and grabbed one of Kate's drink bottles for her. He wasn't sure what was in the drinks but she liked them. He tapped on the bathroom door with his bottle.

"It's open. But I'm warning, you Ricky, that I am still trying on the things you bought."

Hearing that, Rick pushed the door open, not able to get in the bathroom fast enough.

He stopped dead, his breath stolen from him. Kate was standing in front of the mirror, this time in the silk red coloured slip. She smiled.

"Kate." He cleared his throat, feeling his anatomy once again respond to the sight of her. "You look gorgeous, Baby." He sat on the edge of the bath that was filled with water.

"Thank you."

His gaze went from her head to her feet. "Well, all this show and tell makes for a change of control plans." Castle raised his finger as she stepped toward him. "Remember, I'm in control." He reminded her.

"You sure about that?" She asked glancing to his groin before she bent over to kiss his mouth, staying just out of his reach.

"Tease." He murmured unable to take his eyes off her luscious lips.

"Mmm." She bit her lip holding back a smile because she knew that even her minimal precocious behaviour was weakening him. Trying on the lingerie before had really started him thinking and contemplating things.

Rick wanted her badly, but he wanted her full trust more. He had a drink of his beer, trying to act nonchalant. "You should be in the bath, Kate." He reminded and accepted her kisses, his fingertips touching the side of her neck. He knew if she ventured to his groin he would be unable to stop himself.

She pulled back. "God, you taste good." She enticed her eyes glancing between his eyes and mouth.

Rick looked over every inch of her face, her long eyelashes, the curve of her nose, as her hand combed through his hair. He struggled not to grab her he wanted her so much. He swallowed then said. "You relax in the tub and then you have a date with me in the living room."

"Ricky." She beckoned.

"Behave." He swallowed. He hadn't sounded very affirmative.

She made a disgruntled noise then lifted the slip off her body. She folded it up and put in back in the bag. When she was done, she turned back to him and stepped naked between his thighs so he could pull her against him and he did just that.

"Bad girl." He whispered and kissed her bare stomach, enjoying her fingers combing through his hair. He ran his hand from the backs of her thighs over her bare ass to her waist. Today, he felt like he almost had his mesmerising and alluring Kate back. He peered down to her groin, caught a glimpse of her inner thighs. Christ he wanted to take her! With his hands to her backside he drew her to him and kissed her stomach. His groin ached to have her. "The bath is ready." He reminded himself and hinted at her.

"I nearly have you there." Kate remarked and giggled fully aware his swelling cock was restrained uncomfortably within his jeans. She took her hand to assist her into the bath so she wouldn't slip.

"Get in the bath." He ordered and stood up, releasing a grunt of want as he looked at her spectacular nakedness. He was so keen for her.

"All right already." She replied and lowered herself into the water, swishing the bubbles around the surface. She gave him an alluring look.

"I will come and collect you." He said firmly, the look not going unnoticed.

"Are you leaving me alone?" She asked provocatively.

"You have your music on. I have to prepare for the party."

Kate had a laugh. "I will be ok. Do you have any copies of those Richard Castle novels?"

"Uh huh! I have something!" Richard raised a hand to tell her to wait a moment and disappeared. He returned from the bedroom seconds later holding a box he passed to her. She dried her hands on a towel and opened the box. Inside was a copy of his latest novel, pre-release.

"Oh my God!" She exclaimed her eyes glowing to his.

"I was keeping it as a surprise for Christmas, but since you like reading in the tub." He offered sitting on the wooden chair as excited as she was. "You may as well have it now." He smiled enjoying the sight of her excited face.

"Thank you!" She dropped the box. "Oh Castle. You really do spoil me." She opened the cover to the title page. He had written his dedication below the title. "To my fearless, brave and adoring KB. You own my heart." She looked to him. "Richard Castle, you own my heart always." She smiled and reached to him for the kiss she dearly wanted to give him. "Beautiful." She whispered. "Thank you." She kissed him again. "When did you write the dedication?" She asked interested.

"One of the days I was sitting in bed with you, my laptop open, pretending to type whilst I stared at you sleeping. The sample of the book arrived while you were missing but Mother didn't give it to me until the day we came here. I emailed it to my agent just after we came back from the Hamptons." He stroked her hair. "You were there and I was falling madly in love with you." He kissed her forehead and stood up. Enjoy the book and I will come and collect you."

"Thank you. See you then." Kate watched him leave. As soon as he was gone she opened the book to commence reading the story she already intimately knew it but she had to read it in its final form. To his word exactly, an hour later Castle returned. He sat on the chair.

"How's the book?"

"I like it so far. Your beta is better than the previous one." She replied cheekily.

"Of course she is. You can read it later." He extracted the novel from her grasp ignoring her protests and assisted her out of the bath. She dried off with a huge fluffy white towel he gave her and then passed her a dressing gown. "Pick a slip to wear. Follow me. You are having a massage." He told her.

"A massage?" Kate looked at him in surprise and a little concerned.

"Hurry up. You've had sore hips all day." He replied ignoring her facial expression.

He went ahead of her. A few days ago Rick had bought a massage table because Kate had been complaining of a sore back but she refused to go anywhere for a treatment. He'd set it up on the lounge by the fire place. She followed him out to find the massage table was up again. She smiled. The last massage had been really good.

"Kate, hop on the table." He said to her and encouraged her with a hand to her back to get on the table.

Kate smiled. "My, Castle! You really are spoiling me today!" She exclaimed.

"Head toward the TV." Rick responded pointing a hand towards the flatscreen.

Kate laid face down slipping her arms out of the robe as she did. She placed her face in the circular hole and made herself comfortable. She felt Rick lift away the robe and spread a towel over her bare buttocks.

"Are you comfortable?"

"Yes, thanks." Kate waited, hearing Castle rub his hands together with oil.

"I am gonna start at your spine and after that, it will basically be a full general massage."

"Ok." Kate focussed on her breathing to relax. She wasn't keen on the idea of a massage but she had felt the benefits of the last one he had given her. In fact, the first treatment he had given her she had hated it because her body had still been so sore. This time however, Kate was willing to remain quiet and enjoy it. The good day, the good therapy session and finally the bath, had all kicked in and she was the most relaxed she had been in a long while even if he was thought she was walking a tightrope. She felt Rick's hands start to work on the muscles in her upper back. God it felt good. He had strong but soft hands.

Castle took it really slowly this time and quietly observed her for any subtle changes that would indicate to him she was not enjoying it. He was a little wary Kate might react like she had the first and only occasion he had given her a treatment. She had totally lost it. Had initially cried and struggled to get up because she had said it hurt too much. He figured it had dragged up too many bad memories. She had finally forced herself to stay on the table and had psyched herself through the whole treatment. He had managed to do it, but hadn't been keen to give another massage for fear of losing her trust. At the time he had kept it a good memory for her.

Today, he provided a massage that was completely different to the last one. He had researched, read the books in the study that seemed to be relevant and he found an alternative form of treatment. The method was working. He felt the woman on his new table was relaxing and responding to his treatment a lot faster and was generally calmer. He continued on silently, and smoothly moved from one portion of her body to the next without taking his hands off Kate the whole time. It all seemed appropriate.

"Are you asleep?" He asked in a whisper about half an hour into the massage and waited for response. Nothing. He put a hand over Kate's ribs to feel her respiration. Steady and deep. "If you're not asleep, you're very relaxed. Kate." He said quietly. He waited. No response. Castle grinned putting his thumbs up entertaining himself. "She is asleep Rick. It worked." He grinned and punched a fist into the air. He silently continued working on Kate's lower back and buttocks, massaging out the main problem he could feel that was affecting Kate's movement.

Rick lifted Kate's arm that hung over the side of the table. Perfectly relaxed. "You got your wish, Rick. She's out cold." He murmured to himself and reached for Kate's robe. He calmly put her arm back in it then did the other side. He raised Kate's arm so it was over her head then gently rolled her body back towards his finally lifting her into his arms. She didn't stir at all as he carried her to the couch and laid her down that.

Castle spread a blanket over Kate and left her alone to sleep off the weariness of her day. He sorted out what he planned for her in the evening. The flowers and chocolates arrived separately, without disturbing Kate from her nap. He confirmed his arrangements for the next day. He had originally planned to tell Kate what was going on but now he was making it a surprise.

"This is an exercise of trust." Rick began.

"I already trust you, Castle."

In a mysterious tone he inquired, "But will you if I ask you to cover your eyes with this?" He waved a black item in his hand.

"Depends on what you have in mind to do with me." She answered an expression of mixed disbelief and curiosity bursting from her. They were in the midst of their game of control and so far Rick was going exceedingly well. She had played along, had given him all control for the evening and she was to have from tomorrow evening in return. Being as they had so much time on their hands they were starting to amuse themselves in imaginative ways lately.

"I want you to cover your eyes with this mask." Castle passed Kate an eye mask usually used to aid in sleeping during the day.

She took the black mask and turned it over checking it out closely, inquisitive as to what Castle was up to. The mask was made of cotton fabric, was soft, with an elastic strap. She cast her eyes back to her boyfriend as he returned to the armchair resting his chin on his left arm. She lifted her gaze to his face, his expression calm and relaxed. He checked her out for about the fifth time in the bone satin slip she had found in the bag. She could see it all over him tonight how much he loved her. "Do I have to?" She asked cautiously.

"I'm in control, remember?" He replied.

Kate smiled coyly. She was sitting on pillows in the middle of the living room between the coffee table and the open fireplace, cross legged where he'd told her to remain. "Ok." She replied. "I'll do it." She placed it over her head into position, then staring him down, lowered the mask over her eyes. Surprisingly, she could not see any light penetrating the mask so she closed her eyes.

Kate felt her heart rate quicken a little as the anxiety increased. She took a deep breath reminding herself they were playing a game, and she could end it at any moment. Her hearing picked up quickly as her vision was now blocked. She easily heard Rick breathing but hadn't heard him move. The room was also felt warm on her skin and the fire was crackling away, the heat of it more obvious on her skin.

"Feel ok?" He quietly asked but remained in his seat.

"Yes." She replied as softly.

"Trust me?"

"Trying to." She replied honestly.

"Got your safe word?" He asked with humour in his voice.

Kate sniggered and grinned. "Yes!" She bit her bottom lip. "It will be apples or I shall tap the floor, depending on my position at the time." She replied letting her bedroom voice loose.

"Tap out?" He queried with a chuckle "I will remember that."

"Hope so." Kate waited, listening to him move, breathe. She heard him stand and walk toward the kitchen. He was in the fridge. There was the sound of food trays being lifted off the shelves of the fridge and placed on the counter. He moved to the wine fridge and pulled out bottles. There was the clink of glasses. He returned and stepped around her placing the items he carried on the coffee table. He moved about a bit more setting himself up. Kate sensed he had sat down near her.

"Open your mouth." He requested seconds later.

"Rick." She murmured cautiously.

"Open your mouth Kate, please." He ordered amused to see she was struggling to obey. "Trust me." He laughed as she covered her partially opened mouth with her fingers. He was surprised she was struggling with this.

"I can't!" She giggled nervously. "No."

"Kate, trust me," he calmly whispered.

"I can't." She squeaked a little and bounced on her seat, clearly fighting her own fears.

"It's nothing bad. Trust me." He smirked watching her physically. It was endearing and simultaneously funny. He had sat on the floor beside her but didn't touch her at all.

She covered her mouth then dropped her hand. "Do I like it?"

"Just try it." He went to put it to her mouth but she pulled back when she felt his proximity.

"Do I like it?" She repeated.

He sighed and patiently answered, "Yes, you like it. Try it." He gently encouraged suddenly noticing the defence responses from her arms. She was afraid of being hit. Her vision was gone and she was in a situation she had to trust him. He was tempted to stop, but he reminded himself that Anna was always reminding him to maintain and increase her trust. "I promise you will like it," he whispered.

"Promise? I want to say apples."

"Trust me." He whispered and kept the item of food away from her nose and waited. He saw her think about the situation, then give up and once again lower her hands to her lap. He quietly placed the chocolate coated strawberry on her lips and gently pushed it in her mouth. "Good girl." She took a bite. He saw her face light up.

"Chocolate covered strawberry. Where did you see them?" She smile and moaned enjoying the taste of it. All the physical signs she was nervous dissipated.

"I found them!" He replied, "and this time of the year."

"Yum! We could have a strawberry shake. I love strawberry shakes!" She imagined how good a strawberry shake tasted, her hands scrunching up the pillows.

"I know." He thought about the number of strawberry shakes he had bought her over the past four years. "I'm gonna touch you, right now." He whispered. Kate felt his fingertips connect with her moist lips. She felt the lightness of his touch and the way he felt from one side to the other. It tickled initially but then her lips relaxed.

"Next time," he whispered, "I'm not going to tell you when."

"Ok." She swallowed the strawberry.

"Don't be nervous." He murmured seeing her response. "You're really afraid, aren't you? All the time." He commented and saw her nod, her smile fading.

"Most of the time I'm feeling it, yes," she confirmed, "If it becomes too much may I take it off?" She requested.

"You may," he replied. "It's a game, remember?" She nodded. He stroked the side of her head and felt her lean into his touch. "I love you, Katie." He whispered so sweetly she smiled.

"Me too," she replied and felt his lips brush against hers for just a second. "More," she urged. Kate, heard him break a grin and felt his mouth return to hers, his kiss stronger and hungrier this time. She leaned towards him and kissed him pushing her tongue into his mouth finding his tongue. His lips were so soft. He tasted of wine, smelt so good. She felt both his hands cradle her jaw, then his right hand moved up into her hair. She heard his moan of want for her. They parted seconds later gasping for air. He dropped his hands from her.

She heard him move again and the sound of him take something in his hand. "My God baby, you turn me on." He commented and Kate laughed. She loved to turn him on. She sensed he was facing her again and felt his breath on her chin. "Take a deep breath." He quietly said and saw her breathe in. A smile spread over her face as the scent of a rose filled her. "What is it?" He asked noticing her lips were becoming full and rosy. He loved the look of her lips after they kissed.

"A rose," she whispered in response.

"Can you tell me what type of rose?"

"Arr… its mild… the long stemmed red rose?"

"Good girl."

Kate heard the rose being put back in the vase with the other eleven red and white roses he'd bought her that day. She suddenly felt his breath down the side of her neck, smelt his expensive aftershave. Her skin tingled as her breath was stolen from her a second or two. It felt exhilarating. She felt her body respond, her neck arch toward him. His lips brushed against her skin sending a chill down her spine.

He wasn't close anymore. She heard him make a noise of satisfaction and of wine being poured into a glass. She felt her cheeks flush with heat. She smelt the wine, and something sweet.

"Take the glass Kate." She put up her hand and pinched the stem of the wine glass he placed by her fingers. "Take a drink." Kate put the glass to her lips and smelt. It was sweet. She took a sip, swallowed then took a mouthful. Fruit juice. Punch. No alcohol. Once she'd had a few mouthfuls she held the glass up and Castle took it from her hand. She let the juice stay in her mouth savouring the sweetness over her tongue. She swallowed.

"Pineapple juice." She acknowledged.

Castle's hand fell lightly on her left thigh. Her nerves made her jump in surprise but she controlled it and concentrated on how his hand felt. He slowly made his way up her bare leg to her inner thigh then pulled away. He was gone again.

"Yes, pineapple is in it."

"Uh huh." Kate found her groin starting to ache in response to his touch. She silently listened for any sound he made but he was almost stealth like. She caught his breathing at times but there were rarely other sounds apart from the fire and noises outside. He was silent for a long time. The continued silence was unnerving her. She tried to distract her anxiety by trying to smell what food was on the coffee table but it was too confusing. She sat still for what seemed an eternity trying to work out where he was, what he was doing. Her anxiety was rising and her breathing shallowed. She sensed he was close but could not pinpoint him.

"Apples," she whispered, hearing fear in her own voice.

"I'm here," he whispered back. He was right beside her. Unconsciously Kate's hand searched for him and found his arm. She felt her way up to his shoulder, his neck, to his jaw

"Silence scares me," she confessed and felt his lips kiss the inside of her wrist.

"You're safe," he reassured.

"How long were you there?"

"A while. Keep going." He encouraged and Kate's hand, her fingers, felt over his whole face. She turned her body towards him so she could use both hands. She felt every part of his face, the bristle of his two day growth of whiskers, the soft skin of his eyelids, his long eyelashes. She felt his breath on her face, the warmth of his body radiating towards her. She felt the blood pumping up his neck, his facial muscles flex beneath her fingertips. She released a moan and felt his face smile.

"Having fun?" He asked watching Kate's face change expression constantly. She smiled then bit her bottom lip. He let her take control for a few moments to be in her comfort zone.

"I am." She was reminded of the times she'd heard his voice, felt his presence when she'd been trapped in her mind just after she was rescued.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, noticing the small changes in her facial muscles.

"What I was sensing while I was sleeping."

"When we brought you home?"

"I think so. It felt like this. I could sense you were near me, I heard your voice or felt you touching me and I wasn't scared." She stopped talking as his hand stroked the side of her head. "Like that." She confirmed and dropped her hands to her lap. She leaned towards him then felt his hands take hold of her hips and he slid her on the pillows to him. Next thing, she was being held securely by him, her body wrapped in his arms against his chest. He breathed deeply, breathed in her scent and held his head close to hers, his chin on her shoulder.

"I held you like this." He murmured. "Nearly every night when you couldn't find peace. Eventually, you would pass out." He whispered. "You'd usually say my name and whisper stay with me."

"Mmm .." She almost purred. Still in darkness she let herself relax in his arms, felt his heart beat steadily, his muscles alter the strength at which they held her. His scent was delicious. "I could always smell you."

"You remember all that?"

"Lots of pain too, but remembering this is far more appealing." She replied and pushed her head gently to his.

Castle laughed and squeezed her body. "I'm not very good at this control game." He stated.

"You have me under control." She replied. "I'm blind, being physically restrained. How much more control do you want, Castle?"

"True." He let go of her with one arm and reached for the glass of punch. "Have a drink?"

"Mmm." She found her glass and drank then passed it back to him. She heard the glass was put back on the coffee table.

He picked up a prawn by its tail. "Open your mouth." He suggested.

"What is it?" She could smell a mixture of cheeses, seafood, flowers fruit and wine.

"You like it. Trust me."

"Am I allowed to eat it?"

"Yes. It's on your list of permitted food."

She opened her mouth and felt a cold texture against her tongue at first she didn't like. Then the taste buds kicked in and she keenly bit down.

"That a girl. Told you." Castle grabbed one for himself and chewed on it.

"It's good." She commented.

"That's a hint." He picked another prawn and fed it to her. She moved from his hold pulling away and made herself comfortable on the pillow. She knew she was facing Castle. Her bearings had improved. To her left was the coffee table and food. She carefully felt her way over the table until she found the edge of a tray and then felt for a piece of food. Castle laughed in amusement.

"What?" She asked with a snigger.

"What do you think you have?"

"Well, it's moist, cold, spongy. I have no idea." She had zoned in on his voice now. "Can I have a clue?" She asked deliberately to make him talk.

"Spongy?" He asked. "It could be that. Generally taken with a cracker .."

Kate's hand shot straight to his mouth and squished the cube of cheese between his lips.

He fought her off laughing as much as she did. He chewed the cheese and held her wrist gently away.

"How did you do that?" He asked in surprise. "Can you see?"

"No!" She giggled feeling the strength in his hand that held her wrist. She didn't care and trusted he would never hurt her.

"I'll be damned. You got me!" He let her go and wiped his mouth. "You think you're clever." He stated and Kate scoffed.

"I know I'm clever." She stilled.

"I won't argue with that." He grasped her head in his hands and kissed her hard on the mouth, staying there until she was responding as keenly. When he pulled away he looked to her mouth, her lips parted. She moistened them with her tongue then murmured. "More?"

"Oh yeah." He gave her another than sat back picking her up hand he put to his face.

She caressed him and leaned toward his hand that played with her cheeks. She smiled and caressed the side of Castle's neck. "Castle?"

"Mmmm?" He took hold of her hand that rested on his leg. He saw her moisten her lips again.

"Promise me you won't make fun of me."

"I won't."

"Won't promise me or won't make fun of me?" She asked confused.

"The latter."

"Ok." She nodded quickly accepting his reply. "Good." She inhaled deeply before she murmured, honestly, "I tried to say it back to you but I couldn't speak. I tried to stay awake so I wouldn't die. I kept listening for you."

Rick blinked, his mind reeling to ascertain what she was talking about. He jaw fell upon to query her but then it hit him like a sledge hammer what she was talking about. It was coming up tonight. The cemetery. Her shooting. He leaned to her and took his hands in hers. "Tell me Kate, what did I say to you?" He asked, not understanding why he did, but he needed to hear her repeat it to him after all this time. He saw she fell shy, kind of smiled with the memory.

"Castle." She whispered. "Please."

"Tell me, Kate!" He urged in a murmur shaking her hands to prompt he to keep going. "Please tell me what I said."

She hassled her lower lip. Castle's heart melted seeing her contemplate how she would say it. He could clearly see now it had meant a lot to her. "You whispered," she swallowed, "Kate, Kate, stay with me Kate. I love you." She paused, "I love you Kate, stay with me, please stay with me… something like that." She squeezed his hands that held hers. She leaned into him. "You cradled my head, held my hand, I think I cried."

"You cried." He confirmed.

"I saw you in the ambulance."

She paused, biting her bottom lip and that's when she heard he was crying. "I have replayed it a million times in my mind." She whispered. "I was so afraid I imagined it. Then too afraid I would forget it." She knew he wiped the tears from his cheeks and he held her hands tighter with a hand. Kate smirked. "You tell anyone I said that and I will have to shoot you." She added smiling.

"It's our little secret." He replied.

"Just because I couldn't' tell you I remembered doesn't mean it wasn't important to me." Kate sighed. "I loved you, Castle. I loved your books. I fell in love with you when we met. I just wasn't ready for you."

Silence filled the room for quite a while but they held each other's hands and just stayed there, letting the moment pass them.

He shook it off and wiped his face. "That was hard." He stated and kissed her cheek.

She gently tugged at his shirt getting his attention back as its all she wanted. He wrapped his arms around her bringing her closer to him. She felt so small in his large arms. "I need you more than anything." She whispered feeling secure. She felt him tighten his hold, closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"May I take it off please?" She asked seriously.

"Take off the mask, Kate. It served its purpose."

"Great!" She pulled it off blinking in the light as her eyes adjusted. She turned and looked over his face. "You're crying!" She said and wiped his eyes for him.

"Yeah. I just found out I wasn't such an idiot one day."

"Not that day." She confirmed. "Certainly not that day."

"I'm pleased." He kissed her cheek and stood up. "Next time I want you to open up, I will bring out the mask."

She watched him sit on the couch and pour more wine, his eyes staying off her. He then sat back and turned his eyes to her face rubbing his palms up and down his thighs.

"Come here, Kate." He ordered his left arm reaching to her. "You look gorgeous." He held out his hand and took in visually every move she made on her way to him. She straddled his lap facing him her face at the same height as his. Once she was comfortable he rested his hands on her hips and his head against the back rest a moment trying to tame the ache in his groin. She played with him touching him, stroking his face, her eyes swallowing up every bit of his face.

"Are you ok?" She asked her fingers combing through his hair.

"I'm good. Getting tired." He smiled to her eyes, then just stared at her, she doing the same thing. They didn't need to talk. She entwined her fingers in his resting them on his lap. He cleared his throat. "Kiss me Kate." He invited and she instantly moved to his mouth kissing his lips very tenderly, her arms falling over his shoulders, her hands in his hair. He'd never had a lover who kissed as passionately as Kate did. And then she'd stop, break away, look into his eyes and dive back for more, her lips swollen and full of blood. She was addictive. He found his hands beneath her slip feeling to her waist her back, up over her ribs. Palms flat against her skin he roamed her staying away from her breasts. He knew she wanted him to go there but he refrained himself because he wanted her to crave his touch. By tomorrow she would be going crazy for him to be in her.

They broke apart, Kate sitting up straight catching her breath. She reached for the wine glass and took a good drink of the punch then passed it to Rick who finished it. She put the glass back her eyes returning to his, fingers touched his jaw. She felt his hands around her waist.

"Thank you for today Rick. You did save me." She smiled. "How do you know?"

"You're my muse. I've studied you for four years. I know when you're crashing, I know when you need to be pushed, when you need to trust more."

"Thank you."

"Always." He whispered.

"You're not going to make love to me tonight are you."

Castle smirked. "You know me too Kate." He replied. "I want to, but no, you're too fragile today. This morning was enough for now." He told her stroking her body that was driving her crazy with want.

"Rick?"

"Yes?"

"Will you take me to bed?"

"Great idea." He lifted her back until she was on her feet and took her hand so she could pull him out of the couch. He led her to their bedroom turning off all the lights. In their bed, he made himself comfortable snuggling in behind her. He'd barely relaxed when he sensed she had already fallen to sleep.


	29. Chapter 29 - Ultrasound

**Chapter 29 - Ultrasound**

Castle had faith that like most of their mornings in Montreal, Kate would sleep in late. He wrote on a post it note where he was and stuck it to her iPhone on the bedside table. She would call him if she woke earlier. He knew she would tell him off later for sticking it on her perfectly clean screen but he also knew the phone was the first thing she would reach for. She would tease him later, that he should have simply sent her a text, that a note was old school. He would only smile in amusement in response to her comments. Later he would observe her secretly insert the note in her journal in amongst her writing as she had done all the others. He liked to give fuel to the sentimental side of Kate.

He left the TV running in the hope she would think he was in the lounge. To keep her warm and hopefully drowsy, Rick had stoked up the fire so the whole apartment was warmest possible. Everything was done to avoid a panic in the event she woke to find herself alone for the first time in a month or so. Once he had also turned the key from outside the apartment and checked the handle, he was sure she was securely locked inside the apartment.

Outside, he found the early morning was rather crisp compared to what it would be like in New York, although he had seen on the news that New York had also copped a beating with the weather this winter. It was icy cold. There had been snowfall overnight and it was definitely colder than yesterday. He'd heard it was going to be a pleasant minus one degree Celsius. But the weather was fair enough for the planes to land and take off, transport to run on schedule and for people to go about their business. The weather forecast for the next week, pretty much indicated that Christmas day was going to be dismal.

The first store he walked to was the grocery store where he picked up milk and a few other items they needed. Kate was going crazy drinking milk lately. He would return later in the day to collect more when he had Kate with him to help carry back groceries. Groceries in hand, he moved on to a store that was selling Christmas stock. He bought every matching item he could find to decorate the apartment. In under forty five minutes, he managed to find everything on his list.

With carefully chosen steps he made his way successfully along the sidewalk back to the apartment without inadvertently slipping on his ass on the ice and snow as he carried the fresh Christmas tree and bags. It was during this time he considered it might have been a good idea to have brought Kate along rather than to have let her sleep in. There were about two blocks that made up the distance between the stores and the apartment building which, in better weather, would be an easy walk. However, faced with the elements of the bitter winter, the patches of ice and snow on the concrete path and with the natural slope of the ground, it became a challenging exercise to balance. It was additionally made difficult carrying a modestly sized, but surprisingly heavy and awkward Christmas tree. All he needed was for Kate to phone him right now. He decided at this point in time he would ignore it. She had to start getting accustomed to being alone sooner or later.

Only another five or so minutes at the most and he would be back at the apartment to be there whenever she did wake. Luck was on his side as by the time he arrived back at the apartment it was starting to snow. At the steps, he shook the snow off himself and the tree, stepped inside the security door and locked it shut behind him. The warmth of the building was very welcome. He found the key to the apartment and unlocked the door. All was quiet inside with the exception of the TV that provided background noise. He dropped the tree by the front door, the last of the snow falling on to the floor from the branches. He hastily pulled off his gloves, coat and beanie and hung them at the coat stand already feeling hot. The open fire definitely kept the apartment warm, which was also what Kate wanted lately. He seriously hoped her dislike of being cold would diminish soon. Meanwhile he had to tolerate it. He stripped himself of clothing down to a shirt and rolled up the sleeves.

The buzzer sounded before Rick had even picked up the bags to continue to the kitchen. He glanced to the time. She was early. He hit the intercom button. "Yes?"

"Richard?"

"It's unlocked." He replied and released the security door. He opened the door to the apartment and leaned out, peering down the hallway to see his mother walking up the corridor pulling a wheeled suitcase. She was such a classy dame with her bright clothing, dressed up to the nines as always. She was forever on stage. He smiled to her once she was closer. "Mother." He greeted warmly. "I know someone who is going to be very happy to see you." He stated as he stepped to his mother holding out his arms to her. He gave her a big comforting hug.

"I think my son might be too." She responded. "Darling, how are you?"

"Good now. How are you?"

"A little weary, and in desperate need of a cup of coffee."

"You've grown a beard." She said touching his jaw, the light brown whiskers.

"Yes. Come inside. I was just about to make one. Did you detour like I told you to do?" He took her suitcase and gently propelled her inside the apartment.

"Yes, Dear. Added almost two hours to my two day trip already. The number of flights you had me take. My lord, Richard. I felt like a fugitive."

"Well, sorry Mother, but in some ways you are a fugitive. I hope no one followed you?"

"No, Dear. They would have given up by the time I flew in to Ottawa, after Chicago."

"Good. But you didn't fly to Ottawa, or Chicago."

"I was joking. However it felt like I did. You look different with beard." She commented and held him still a moment so she would inspect him. "It's nice." She let him go.

"Bit patchy." He rubbed his whiskers. "And a bit itchy at the moment, but makes me look different so I'm not recognised up here." He smiled to his mother. "Kate's mixed about it."

"Is Kate expecting me? Where is she?"

"No she's not, and she is still in bed asleep. I was on her all day to keep moving like you said to be. Usually, I have to wait up till her brain finally drops her body wherever she happens to be at the time then I take her to bed, but last night we retired normally and she slept all night as far as I'm aware."

"The poor girl. She's not coping is she?" Martha stated and pulled off her gloves. Richard then helped her out of her coat.

Rick shook his head, "She pretends she's doing ok, but no, she's not really. However, yesterday was a big step forward. She braves up every day. In saying that, she has a lot of things to deal with, including being pregnant. We have an excellent psychiatrist she see's nearly every day but she hasn't remembered yet."

"She's seeing a psychiatrist every day?"

"Week days she is. Her name is Anna."

"What made her want me here?"

"I don't know. A few days ago, she was all crazy and upset because she didn't have her mother and she's pregnant. She's been reading her mother's journals so that may have impacted on her. She begged me to take her home one day that she wanted to be home. I refused of course, to take her. She typically threatened to go home alone. Thankfully, she's still too scared to venture out on her own. Instead, we did some serious negotiating and she agreed that if I were to get you up here, she would stop circling the problems and make a bigger effort to talk to Anna. The thing is, Mother, she thinks I'm still organising your trip up here." He excited said taking hold of her upper arms. "This way, we can surprise her. She thinks you're coming after Christmas." He grinned excitedly because he had successfully pulled off yet another surprise on one of his girls.

Martha grunted. "You and surprises."

"What?" He replied. "Has given her something to look forward to and is making her talk in therapy." Rick crossed his arms in defiance. "You don't know how stubborn she gets."

Martha rolled her eyes at Rick, "I will make coffee. Go wake her up, Richard. She's doesn't sleep at night because you're letting her sleep during the day instead of wearing her down throughout the day."

"Is that really my only error?" He inquired in defence, thinking about the hours he had let Kate sleep throughout the day because she was so exhausted all the time. Yesterday he had kept her going most of the day and she had slept well during the night. He had to admit there had been occasions he had joined her to nap during the afternoon and then stayed up writing at night. He wasn't writing Nikki Heat but he was writing.

"Darling, you have a daughter for goodness sake. Even you knew to wear her down during the day so she would sleep at night."

"Mmm, but she was a kid." Rick scratched his head. He had to admit he was letting Kate sleep as long as she wished during the day and then she was wandering the apartment most of the night. "I try to write most nights anyway…"

"And sleep in late, I know you do, Richard and she is falling into your lifestyle habits, but that's not good for her right now." She wiped her hands on a tea towel after washing her hands. "Has she left the apartment since you got here?"

"Yes, daily, weren't you listening? There's visits to the psychiatrist, trips to grocery store which is at the mall. The only thing I cannot get her to keep is an appointment with a doctor for the pregnancy."

"Ok. We'll fix that. She needs to have an ultrasound. That will make it all very real for her."

"Like it did for me with Alexis?" Rick offered.

"Yes."

"I will go and wake her up." Richard disappeared as Martha started a search for everything in the kitchen to make the coffee. It wasn't yet lunch time. Martha hoped she would have Kate organised before sundown. It seemed her son was giving in to Kate too much. She found the coffee and was searching for mugs when she heard Richard playfully luring Kate from the hall way confirming her suspicions he was permitting her to remain stagnant, that he needed to make her more independent.

"I was asleep." She whined.

"You can sleep later. You have to see this." He encouraged and led her to the living area. Martha was leaning against the kitchen counter when she saw her son bring Kate from the bedroom. She was in her PJ's and looked very drowsy. Rick had hold of her by her upper arms. His demeanour was almost the same as he was with Alexis. There was a good seven years between them, which sometimes caused Castle to unknowingly be condescending and treat Kate more like a girl. It was perhaps that aspect of their relationship that gave him the ability to make Kate listen to him, to influence her to behave differently to how she naturally would in given situations they faced together. Martha also noted he was the only person who could praise Kate with a "good girl" or give her a playful smack on the ass without being physically knocked to his own ass by Kate. On the flipside she had perfect control of Rick, which no other woman had ever had over him.

Kate saw the Christmas tree lying by the front hall and smiled "You bought a Christmas tree." She said.

"Yes, I did. And we'll dress it up today, but look." Rick pointed to his mother, and immediately Kate followed his direction and grinned.

"Richard said you wanted to see me." Martha greeted and held out her arms.

"Martha!" Kate hurried to the kitchen and hugged Martha. "When did you get here?"

"Two minutes ago." She held Kate firmly. "Let me see you!"

Kate stood back quite proud of how far she had progressed in the three or so weeks since they had left New York. "I've been eating like a horse."

"That she has." Rick added and stood with the women.

Kate lifted her top to show Martha her virtually flat stomach. "Still nothing." She rubbed her hand over her belly, letting it relax, and followed it up with a smirk to Martha and Castle.

"That's normal, but you have gained the weight you lost. You're looking a lot better."

"Feeling better. Just tired all the time." She dropped her top. "It's been sucking the energy out of me."

"It's only starting, Dear. Look what Richard has done to me."

"Hey! Mother!" Castle chipped in.

"Yes Darling. You know just how much energy you have taken from me."

Kate grinned, holding back a laugh at their comments. She still found it odd how much they enjoyed constantly niggling at each other.

"Have you gone for your ultrasound yet for the ten weeks? I'm dying to see the ultrasound photos of him or her. Where are they?" Martha asked Kate and pretended to search for them, perhaps stuck to the fridge door.

Rick crossed his arms over his chest trying to conceal his amusement over how his mother was about to manipulate Kate to do what she needed to. Her acting didn't go unnoticed either. He'd told his mother a number of times now that he couldn't get Kate to keep an appointment with a doctor.

"What picture?" Kate inquired glancing at Rick who shrugged his shoulders. He wished he had thought of this as a form of bribery.

"The ultrasound pictures they give you to bring home. You don't know about that?"

"Well…No. Yes. I'd forgotten. But I know about them." Kate replied then looked to her boyfriend fidgeting with discomfort as she was fully aware he had been trying to coerce to visit a doctor for a week or so. _See a doctor_. She told herself. She bit the bullet because she wanted to see the ultrasound imaging, and looked to Castle. "We need to make an appointment to see a doctor. I want an ultrasound picture." She stated adamantly. She chose to ignore his '_I told you so'_ expression he threw right back at her. She switched her attention to Martha. "Will they be colour or black and white?"

"Black and white, at a guess." Martha replied glancing to her son. "Well, you might be able to get three-D. Who knows?"

Once again Rick shrugged his shoulders when Kate looked to him as he didn't know the answer. He glanced to his Mother and immediately said, "I will phone the clinic now," catching his mother's unspoken communication. He sauntered off to find the phone, looking over his shoulder to his mother's eyes.

Martha focussed on Kate. "You will love getting this done."

Kate agreed with a nod as she made herself a non-caffeine coffee and half listened to Rick's conversation with the clinic he had previously phoned about four times already. She knew she had been a pain in the ass to Rick over going to the see a doctor. They had almost had a massive fight about it, but fears were overriding her sensible form of thinking most of the time lately. She accepted her behaviour recently left a lot to be desired. There were enough problems to face every day and sometimes she needed to prioritise. Visiting a doctor in what seemed to potentially involve a physical examination was not a priority for her at the moment. Her anxiety of being physically handled by a stranger had been the ultimate reason she had refused to keep appointments. However, she really wanted to see the ultrasound which meant she had to face her fears and push herself through it. It might not be all that bad she reminded herself. The reward at the end for going to the doctors was obtaining pictures of her baby. Over the years, she'd seen many images of other women's ultrasounds and now it was her turn to see the first images of their future. Just had to get through seeing the doctor. "They won't do anything else?" Kate suspiciously asked Martha after thinking about it.

"How far do you think you are?"

"Ten weeks give or take."

"Well, the doctors will clarify that for you." Martha glanced from Rick to Kate, seeing in Kate a woman who was in a similar place she had been in when she had been pregnant with Richard. The only difference being Kate had the father with her. Like Martha, being a career woman her entire adult life, Kate was hardly in touch with her maternal side as yet. As far as Martha was aware Kate had not been regularly exposed to friends with babies or children. She knew Kate loved kids and also wanted a dog, but her experiences with both was limited. She once again spoke about what she knew Kate would want and was most interested in, to reinforce it. "And it will be time for your first ultrasound, to ensure everything is ok."

Kate contemplated again what Martha had said. She desperately wanted an ultrasound picture of the baby but there was the physical examination. She was tempted to, and strenuously debated with herself, to tell Rick to hang up, but it was soon too late. He had finished the call and was coming back to her with a cautious smile on his face, but he also seemed excited. She said to Martha, "I really want to see him or her."

Rick stopped at Kate's side and put his hand to the side of her head. He pressed his lips to her temple then said quietly, "You have a doctor's appointment this afternoon after you see Anna. It's at three forty five and after that, we can book in for the ultrasound."

Kate leaned into his affection and wrapped her arms around his body in acceptance of the physical reassurance he provided her so generously. It was only an appointment she reminded herself. She saw Anna nearly every day and she could talk to her about the appointment before she went to it. "The doctor?" She inquired.

"Female doctor. She's new to the clinic and she still has openings for new patients."

Kate nodded, and let go of him as she thought about the ultrasound. "What name are we using?"

"Williams, of course." He replied and took hold of his girlfriend from behind like an over excited Labrador dog. "We get to see him or her." He keenly whispered into her ear.

Kate wrapped her hands over his and leaned into his embrace making a noise of agreement. "Yes we will. This will be good." She smiled to Martha enjoying a really nice feeling inside her, that some part of her body knew before her brain, that the ultrasound was going to be awesome to see.

"Yes, well go get dressed Kate. I would also like to go Christmas shopping." Martha replied.

Kate looked over her shoulder to Rick. "Can we?"

"Of course! Go get ready." He let her go and sent her on her way with a tap on the ass. She had anticipated he would do it as she instinctively hopped forward to avoid it with a playful squeak. He watched Kate hurry to the bedroom then turned to his mother with a seriously devilish expression. "I cannot believe how you did that!" He hissed.

Martha chuckled. "For someone who spends most of his time around women, you still don't have a clue."

"No, no, no… that was a piece of masterminded trickery." He retorted which caused his mother to laugh harder.

"I simply pointed out what she wanted, rather than what she is fearful of." She smiled. "It works with you too."

Rick grunted. "Too simple." He commented, then lost interest and decided it was time to torment his mother a little more. "You will need to tone down the colours Mother so you aren't recognised out there as a New Yorker." He smirked like a smart ass fully aware his comment would raise a response.

"I will tone you down, Richard if you're not careful."

He chuckled. "I missed you too, Mother, and I know she is going to be happy to have you here. I'll sort out the tree." He pointed at the Christmas tree he needed to find a place for.

Monday morning and Christmas eve they had an appointment with the medical imaging clinic.

The smile that spread over Kate's face the first few moments they heard the rapid heartbeat broadened to a grin. She grabbed Rick's hand, glanced to him then gazed at the monitor full of intrigue and curiosity as the technician slid the handset over her womb. The woman was seriously focussed on her task as she searched the monitor and started to narrow down her movement over Kate.

"Arr… it's in a good place." The woman said. She didn't have a French-Canadian accent at all.

"You're Australian." Castle stated.

The woman nodded in the affirmative with a smile. "Yes I married a Canadian and let him talk me into living here."

"Cool. Nice accent."

"We should go there one day." He said to Kate with a smile.

"Sure." Kate replied, not at all interested in his conversation. She was too busy trying to figure out the shapes and shadows appearing and waving around on the screen. She studied the ultrasound screen initially not able to recognise a thing, but then gradually as the image started to form with less movement, the shadows and shapes began to make sense to her and the outline the foetus was there. Sometimes it was all a blur and other times clear and easy to see.

"Wow!" She repeated exclaimed under her breath. "Do you see that?" She asked Rick never taking her eyes off the screen.

"I do." Richard replied, calmer than Kate. His fingers were periodically crushed during her waves of excitement. "Keep still." He reminded her as he could see the technician was about to start taking measurements. Kate stayed dead still but glanced down to her belly where the woman slid the handset a little backwards then slanted forwards until she obtained the clearest image.

"Do you see Martha?" Kate asked. She had insisted Martha join them to see the first ultrasound scan, as she had never seen one done.

"I see, Darling."

"You sure are bloody excited." The technician remarked.

"I know. Ridiculously so." Kate replied, and glanced to Rick amused by the girl's accent.

"Is this your first pregnancy?"

Kate nodded. "Sorry, I moved. I forgot. Yes. My first."

"How far along do you think you are?"

"About eleven weeks, we think."

"I think you may be spot on with that. Usually it's a week or so out but you are eleven maybe twelve weeks into gestation." She muttered then began to concentrate as she made further measurements and captures still images.

"Is it ok?" Rick asked.

"I can't say much as I have to write up a report for your doctor, but yes, you can be rest assured. It's totally within all normal ranges." She glanced to Rick, thinking he looked familiar but the name Williams wasn't ringing any bells. She didn't recognise the woman at all. She glanced to her notes. Jaime Williams. Nothing there. But she was certain she'd seen the father prior to today.

The sonographer continued her examination clicking between points of reference and taking measurements without talking. Because the patient was slender and the foetus was in an excellent, the images were clear. She hovered over a spot and pushed the screen around further so the patient could have a view. Kate watched on as the ultrasonographer pointed to various places on the screen.

"Ignore that, it's you, the ultrasound just sends back sound waves of what it bounces off. If you look carefully between here," she clicked the mouse at one point creating a dot, "and here," another click of the mouse at a second point, "you can see the baby. Black is fluid."

Rick stood and leaned over Kate to get a better look at the screen, a grin spreading over his face. He really wanted to know what sex it was but it was too early. He also needed to discuss with Kate whether they wanted to find out before he asked the question. He clearly saw the shape of their baby. "Can you see it?" He asked Kate excitedly, his hand briefly going to the side of her head.

"I see it." Kate smiled and looked to the ultrasonographer. "He gets excited easily." She explained but she felt more excited. She desperately wanted to jump up and down on the spot but had to keep still so the technician didn't lose the image. Kate had hardly taken her eyes off the monitor. She could see the heart fluttering, the tiny frame of a human moving a little.

What she had gone through to keep it alive, the decisions she had made against her own instincts to preserve its life. It was all worth it to see it inside her. She couldn't feel it yet but seeing it move was quite spectacular.

"How cool is that Mother?"

"It's very exciting." Martha replied watching from the end of the bed.

The sonographer made a few more stills before she finished up. "Ok, there are tissues there to clean up. That's it. Call your doctor after Christmas to set up an appointment and good luck." She smiled to Kate and reached to the machine for the printouts and the USB stick. She passed them to Kate.

"Thank you!" She excitedly inspected each of the stills of the baby

"You're welcome. You have a little bit of video there as well on the USB stick." The technician said packed up. "Good luck with him or her and have a merry and very cold Christmas. Not like home. It's hot there." She said. They all wished her the same along with their thanks as she left the room so they could prepare to leave. She switched the lights back on as she pulled the door to.

Kate laid there a moment to have a look through the printouts of shades forming a human being. Rick stroked her head to bring her back to reality, "C'mon. Let's go home."

She passed him the photos and he passed them on to his mother to hold. Kate sat up and with a handful of tissues, wiped herself clean of the lubricant that was spread over her abdomen. She then stood and did her jeans up. She held her top up to Rick and Martha, grinning. "Wouldn't know that," she pointed to the photos, "was in there, looking at my stomach. I would really like to look pregnant." She dropped her top and tidied her clothing.

Martha assessed Kate's physical state. It would still be awhile before she would be changing. "It will happen, but you've definitely changed since you left the city. You will really notice it in the next few weeks."

"I can't wait!" She exclaimed.

"Well, there have been a couple of changes." Rick remarked looking to Kate's chest. She narrowed her eyes at him in response, then smiled.

"Yeah, you like that."

"Biologically made to, _Honey_."

"Don't honey me." She whined at him, pretending to be annoyed. Kate picked up her hand bag and took back the photos and USB stick. She slid the photos safely into her diary on clean pages. "I can't wait to get home to watch the video. I would like to send a copy of the pictures to my Dad, to show him but I can't." She said as she followed Rick out of the examination room. He stayed quiet amused by her level of excitement but was concerned because she couldn't send an image to her father. He glanced to his mother as he opened the door for her to walk out ahead.

"Why don't you take a photo from your phone and send it to Ryan and ask him to show it to your Dad." Rick suggested. Kate instantly squeezed his hand, dragged him down the hall to a chair she sat on. Castle and Martha stood nearby her as she found her phone and brought out the pictures. She laid the best one on her diary and with the phone, snapped a picture of it. Within a minute she'd sent it to Ryan on the third iPhone with a note, _Say hello to your future godchild. Please show my Dad and the girls._ She pocketed the phone in her jeans, took Rick's hand and walked between him and Martha to the elevators.

"Can you send it to me?" Rick asked Kate in the elevator.

She pulled out her phone. "Bump it?"

"Sure." They stood close together, playing with their phones then watched both screens waiting for the software to do its job.

"You two are as bad as each other with your phones and pictures." Martha said, immediately gaining their attention with questionable expressions.

Rick smiled mischievously then looked to Kate. "She has no idea, does she?" He said to Kate who squeaked in excitement.

"None, whatsoever." She replied smiling mischievously thinking about the enormous number of photos they took and passed to each other on a daily basis.

"I will send it to Alexis. She will be beside herself."

"Of course." Kate agreed. "Make it from both of us?"

"All of us." He corrected. He sent it to Alexis and wrote his text message. No one else would be able to see the pictures until Kate was permitted to resume her normal life in the USA.

Outside, the weather had turned for the worse. It was going to snow again. Christmas was forecasted to be dreadful weather. Martha, who had planned to stay in Montreal with them for Christmas was getting the impression her return to New York to re-open her school in the new year could be delayed.

"My God, Richard, what made you bring Kate to this place?"

Rick laughed. "The weather, Mother. It's the perfect place to hide out. And Kathy's apartment was vacant for the winter.

"True."

"It's also a fact that fewer crimes take place in this city in the winter."

Kate laughed. "All the nitwits are home drinking mum's soup."

Rick glanced to his girlfriend in disbelief, a smile of pride spreading over his face. It was the first real and spontaneous joke she had made in a month. She was buried in a coat, scarf, beanie and boots he'd bought her the day before. The boots were guaranteed to keep her feet warm and dry in the snow.

"Beckett! You made a wisecrack." He commented. She hit his upper arm in response. His grin broadened as he was proud as hell she'd done it. "Beckett's back!" He exclaimed.

"Castle." She warned.

"What?!"

"Stop it."

Martha chuckled with Rick and said. "Thank goodness you two are bickering again. All of us were worried."

"We don't bicker." Kate replied.

"Of course you don't, Dear. Keep thinking that." Martha said and received a look from Rick.

"We're going Christmas shopping." Rick suddenly said.

"I thought we were going home?" Kate said.

"Not now."


	30. Chapter 30 - remember

_The next few chapters have been split strictly because of the size and will be posted quickly for flow of the story for readers. Thanks for your comments and feedback. _

**Chapter 30 - Boxing day, 26 December**

Boxing day, not even 6.00 am. Rick sighed, listening for what had woken him as he stared at the clock radio. 6.01 am.

"_Geezus!" He whispered._

There wasn't a sound. Rick was totally unaware of what had disturbed his sleep. It was still very dark outside and their neighbours on the other side of the bedroom wall were quiet.

_More sleep_.

He forgot about whatever had woken him. With a drowsy lovable groan, captivated by the appeal of snuggling into his fiancé, of breathing in her delicious scent, he rolled to his side and reached out for Kate's waist. His hand didn't find her body. He opened his eyes. He was alone. He lifted the blankets to check the whole bed, in case she had migrated further down it as she sometimes did. Definitely alone. He looked over his shoulder to the bathroom. "Kate? You in there?"

No answer. He sat up and looked about.

Maybe it was his instincts that had alerted him that something wasn't right. He sighed with the realisation sleep was no longer an option, and rubbed his face in resignation he had to get out of bed to find her. Weariness still lingered from their Christmas day, which another three to four hours of solid sleep would resolve. They had been reasonably active and it had been special day, being their first Christmas together and it had been a nice peaceful day. They had gone to bed well fed and sleepy from all the food. Rick had thought until now that they had slept solidly the entire night.

"Kate?" He waited but there wasn't a sound.

Curiosity got the better of Rick. There was a history between them of Kate wandering off during the night to be alone. Once he found she was alright, he would usually return to bed.

He padded up the hallway where the light was on, into the living area, pulling on his dressing gown as he progressed. All the lights were off in the living room and kitchen. He switched on the lights. That's when he discovered the living area was a bit of a mess and it wasn't his doing from their Christmas celebrations. The fire was still burning with embers.

The ottoman and coffee table were askew, and an empty wine bottle and a broken wine glass were on the floor. He crouched over it and picked up the bottle he left on the table. He scanned around the immediate area in search of any other damage. His gaze went back to the broken glass as his sleepy mind tried to play catch up with what had happened. The worry kicked up a notch when he noticed a piece of glass with a smear of blood along an edge. He picked it up and carefully examined it. He grunted in thought, placed the piece on the coffee table beside the bottle and looked about the entire room making a decision not to panic just yet. His over active imagination was attempting to get the better of him, but he was determined to think this out logically and to follow the evidence along with his reliable instincts.

He was satisfied his mother was safe, asleep in the guest bedroom with the door shut. He forgot about her. Missing was Kate.

He stood and stepped over the broken glass, making a decision to deal with cleaning up and disposing of it later. Kate was more important. It crossed his mind that this incident had taken place whilst he'd been asleep and hadn't aroused him at all. How hadn't he heard it?

"Kate?" He called again listening for any sounds she might make in response. "Kate! Are you here?" He waited in silence. He speculated that Kate was doing quiet time in the office near the main entrance. There was nowhere else for her to be except outside of the apartment. The office was place of recluse for her when she wished to be alone. It provided her with a safe secluded environment during the periods she was really down.

He wasn't worried about her habit of hiding out, but was more concerned with the drops of blood he soon sighted on the varnished floor that he followed like a trail of breadcrumbs. It was a consistent line of drops to the office that he stopped outside, then called with a softer, caring tone, "Kate?" Immediately after he fell silent he heard the single sob. "Where are you, Babe?"

He inhaled the scent of her perfume, which came from the office. He switched on the light in the entry and used it to walk into the darkened office. He stopped before he bumped into the office chair noticing its shadow then turned about and hit the light switch before he hurt himself stumbling about in the dark. Light flooded the office. He pushed the door to behind him so his mother wouldn't be disturbed in the event they made too much noise.

As suspected, Kate was in the office, huddled in the armchair, hugging her knees to her body, her face mostly hidden beneath her messy brown hair.

Choosing to keep quiet and calm, Rick leaned his backside on the edge of the desk, rested his hands on the desk and crossed his legs at his ankles. Facing Kate, he assessed the whole situation, that she was in her hide out room, the way she was positioned and her state of mind. He was already certain he understood what had occurred with Kate while he had been asleep.

He had always anticipated she would be more upset. She was clearly distraught with a quiet demeanour that kind of spooked him. She wept but barely a sound came from her. Instinctively, he wanted to reach out to physically comfort her. Instincts also held off doing it, unsure she would be receptive to his touch as yet. He also needed a few minutes to recall everything Anna had groomed him with to prepare for this day.

Something dark and quite possibly the blood, was smeared and consequently streaked by tears down her cheeks when she had cried. The longer he looked the more he was able to see she had carelessly wiped it across her face and down her neck. She was physically sound enough for the meantime. They could deal with any first aid later.

He remained silent which gave him time to clear his thoughts so he could hopefully make the best approach with the given situation. The quiet also gave her a chance to adapt to his presence when she was in the room for solitude. Perhaps she might even be prepared to open up to him without his usual prompts, which would virtually be a foreign concept to Kate's introverted nature, her way of thinking.

What he considered to be important right now was to have Kate comfortable in his company. It seemed she was ok with him being there, but she looked incredibly sad and despondent. Her eyelashes concealed her eyes that stared tearfully at the floor. It almost broke him to the point he wanted to take her in his arms and hold her but previous experiences with her in similar situations made him conscious it wasn't the occasion to do that. So he sat right on the desk and waited for her to be ready.

Given time, he tempted fate and leaned toward her to touch her knee but even before he was near her, she whined, cringed and withdrew further into the cushion if that was at all possible. Her action was an unwanted reminder of her behaviour in the car a few weeks earlier. That wasn't happening again. He instantly withdrew his arm. More wary, he sat up straight again, returned his hands to the edge of the desk and lifted himself completely onto the desk top, his legs hanging off the side. Kate's negative response caused him to rethink what to do, not do, what to say and not say.

Every hour he had spent with Anna was suddenly very important to him.

After the experience in the car, he should have known better than to go near her until she indicated she didn't mind him doing so. He knew he had to be smarter, as he had been the night she had been afraid after the big fight with Maddox. Yes, that night, he had simply sat with her and waited for her to react to his company.

More confident, with a better plan to proceed with, he promised himself he would remain calm and patient. He actually found it profoundly hard to not do anything when he easily saw the misery over her face, the sadness reflected in her eyes. However, he stuck to his decision, sat quietly, refrained from staring at her and looked about the office. He even picked up one of Kate's magazines off the desk and browsed through it.

It all paid off in the end. On this occasion, Kate acknowledged him a lot faster. She shifted in the chair, which gained his attention, and her eyes glanced to his then she dropped her gaze toward the floor and stared at the carpet again. His heart almost stopped when he saw her expression. It was true. The event everyone had expected and had prepared for had finally occurred.

"Katie?" He whispered cautiously. She sniffed. Her arms were wrapped about her legs, her closed hands near her ankles. She lifted her hands to her knees and fiddled with old tissues she had fisted in her right hand. That's when he saw the blood up her forearm. She'd injured her right hand or arm. She moved to a more relaxed, positive position and took a deeper breath. He was sure his heart skipped a beat. "Kate…" he whispered again and waited. She lifted her gaze to his eyes. He desperately wished she would respond. "Hey, what's happened?"

Kate stared at him for a lengthy duration of time, rendering him barely capable of breathing while he waited for her to respond. He was more than anxious due to her expression. Then she blinked, just the once but didn't leave his eyes. She whispered, "I remember."

What form of smile he did have, instantly disappeared. He sobered and finally took a long needed, severely subdued breath of air. Her statement confirmed what he had suspected. His shoulders dropped in partial relief that the stage of her not knowing was over. However, his anxiety rose, wondering how she was going to react to this new knowledge. He shifted to the edge of the desk, unconsciously gripping it with both hands. There was a heavy silence that once again filled the small room that was only broken by a few quiet sniffles from Kate. She looked to and moved her fingers that were gripped about a bunch of used tissues.

"I'm here, Kate." He whispered. His entire body softened its position in response to how vulnerable and helpless she looked. He was reminded of occasions he had comforted Alexis as a small child. It's how fragile he considered Kate was at the moment with the exception she was dealing with real monsters, nothing comparable to the insignificant fears experienced by a small child. He repeated under his breath, "I'm here."

"I know." She nodded, and wiped her eyes using the sleeve of her top. She took the deepest breath he'd seen her do so far. "To make it worse, I accidentally fell over and broke the wine glass. I'm sorry but I was really giddy." She cried and little but shamefully wiped her eyes.

Rick thought about what she told him and decided to go with her topic of conversation. He quietly asked, regardless that he already knew the answer, "Did you hurt yourself?"

"I cut my hand."

"Just your hand?" He asked having noticed earlier there was a bruise on her forehead.

"That's it." She mumbled and dropped her feet, which were in her sheepskin slippers, to the floor. Her hands went to her lap.

He recrossed his ankles, looked about the room a moment, then asked, "How did your accidental fall happen?"

Kate shook her hair from her face, "I guess, it was dark, I couldn't see. I tripped on something or lost my balance. I knocked stuff off the coffee table, then fell on the glass. I must have cut myself getting up." She stated and leaning forward, she opened her hand to him removing the tissues she had used to compress the wound.

He glanced from her eyes to her hand, "You only injured your hand?"

"Well, I think I might have bumped my head on the edge of the couch. It hurts a little." She looked down at her hand. "The cut's not deep but it bled a lot. You know how blood at murder scenes always looks worse than it is."

"I do." He agreed and leaned over a little to inspect the heel of her right hand that had a cut about an inch long on it. It was still moist. Deciding not to fuss over it, he turned his attention to her face he gazed over, paying particular attention to the bruise on her forehead. He'd ascertained with ease that she wasn't concussed, that she was perfectly coherent. She wasn't the slightest bit vague. He looked back to her hand. "It's ok. You had a clumsy moment." He confirmed. "We'll clean it up soon. How are you feeling?"

"I will be ok." She replaced the tissues on the cut to act as a compression, and closed her fingers over them again. She looked to Rick and maintained eye contact. She wiped her nose with another tissue from the box. "You were right, Castle. Going to the warehouse was a bigger shock to me."

"Mmmm… but remembering is still overwhelming huh?"

Kate nodded and wiped her eyes of a fresh surge of tears. "But easier to deal with than being back there."

"So now you remember it's not as daunting?" He asked but it came out sounding more rhetorical.

Kate understood and gave him a nod. She sniffed. "It's acceptable. It's now illuminated instead of lurking in the shadows or recesses of my consciousness, spooking me all the time. I can see it all now."

"Mmmm…" Castle swallowed, feeling totally crushed to see her so wrecked. "My love." He whispered and slowly reached out to touch her cheek with his thumb the way he usually did to make her grin but it didn't have that effect at all this time, and hadn't expected it to. Her nose and eyes were red, her eyelashes wet.

The compassion in his voice, then his touch caused her to cry a little heavier. She wiped her eyes again and added, "I can face it now and overcome it."

"And you will. Just take your time."

"They were a bad few days." She commented her hand stroking the back of his hand as if she were trying to comfort him, to make it easier for him.

"And far worse than that." He suggested. He briefly touched her chin with his thumb softly like a feather.

"I couldn't stop them." She whispered. "I couldn't see. I couldn't stand up."

"No one could have stopped them." He reassured.

"How did I survive?"

"Because you did." He simply replied. He hooked a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Could call it fate, luck or simply because you're strong willed."

She grunted, not particularly satisfied with his answers. She closed her eyes momentarily in response to his hand that stroked over the side of her head. When he stopped she opened her eyes to him. "I can't tell anyone some of the things that happened in that warehouse." She wiped her eyes with the fists of her hands not caring the slightest about the cut.

Rick decided to remain silent.

Kate blinked several times and wiped her eyes with the tissues this time, keeping her eyes on Rick, observing his mannerisms. She knew how good he was for her and to her. "You know what they did, and yet you haven't abandoned me because of it." She commented to him, taking his hand in hers.

Rick accepted what she said on its face value. There wasn't any subtext or hidden connotations in her voice. She had simply made an honest observation. Anna had mentioned to him that Kate may test his commitment to their relationship at any time, but her statement was really just her assessment and recognition on his reliability and commitment. A compliment. She certainly hadn't implied he should leave her. Anyone in Kate's position would have to question another's dedication under similar circumstances. "I will never leave or abandon you, not if it's up to me." He softly reassured. "Don't fret about that."

"I won't." She gave him a hint of a smile and leaned toward him. "I feel so empty, so drained. My head hurts."

"Drained of?" Rick was constantly processing what he saw before him, thinking about all the things Anna had gone through with him. Years of playing poker allowed him to see any twitch her facial muscles made. She was far calmer than the day they had gone to the warehouse.

"Emotions and energy." She took another fresh tissue and wiped her runny nose. "I feel exhausted. Empty."

"Do you feel less burdened now you remember?" He inquired. She nodded quite adamantly. He observed Kate had continuously listened and responded well within the normal ranges of what he would usually expect from her during the time they had been talking. She was upset, clearly so, but she hadn't exhibited extreme despair or suicidal tendencies. There was a little glimmer of hope in her words, her body language. It seemed she had accepted what had happened, and more importantly, Anna's efforts the past few weeks treating both of them had paid off.

It was time to bring her in for some physical support. He leaned forward, rolled his eyes to the ceiling and pinched his bottom lip with his teeth. He tried his best to get this right. He looked back to her, letting his raw honesty, his love of her and charm take over, "Baby, will you let me come closer?" He requested as boyishly cute as he could muster up knowing, since they had dated, that usually, Kate responded by getting kind of cute with him. It had taken him awhile to learn where her weaknesses were, and he knew he had to tap into them using any means.

The start of a smile appeared when she saw how much he was trying to engage her with his charisma. He caught it and instantly knew he had her, that he had struck that weak nerve he'd been seeking, that she would now accept support and security from him.

She sniffed again. "I would love for you to hold me." A small cry escaped her as she reached out to him. He stood up and encircled her waist as she rose to her feet so he could hold her.

"You'll be ok." He encouraged, "you always are."

"_Tightly_ hold me." She stipulated.

He squeezed her harder, though a little cautious he would hurt her. "Is that tight enough?" He inquired. She grunted from being squeezed and nodded, pushing herself right into his embrace. She took several long shuddery breaths. "I need help. I would like to talk to Anna today." She whispered. "There's a lot of awful shit I have to deal with."

"We will call Anna's office when it opens to book an appointment. She will help you. Have as much time with her as you need, huh?" He put his hands to her head, combing his fingers into her hair and felt her nod, relax a little. On Christmas Eve they had jointly decided not to book an appointment for Boxing Day, but had made an appointment for 27 December. Anna had let them know she would be at her office during the afternoon of 26 December, a public holiday in Canada, if they needed to contact her.

"I would like to see her if she will agree." She took a shaky deep breath. "I'll be ok." She reassured him.

"I know." He held her head. "One day we will put it behind us and move on." He knew she was strong enough to deal with it with help from others, but he also recognised neither of them were strong enough to deal with it alone.

In response she pushed lightly against his frame. In silence, Castle lowered his arms to her back and drew her closer again. They stayed there until she prompted him to let her go. She touched the right side of her head which Rick followed with his eyes inspecting where her fingers were. He gently tilted her head so he could clearly see a bump on her forehead. "You knocked your head for sure."

"I have a headache but I think that's because I was so upset."

"It's stress. Do you think you passed out?" He creased his brow in thought. It was quite a bump when he saw it up close.

"I don't believe I did. I was sick after I woke up and I remember feeling dizzy. I wanted a drink and to sit on the couch for a while so I didn't wake you. I must have tripped. I'm sure I knocked the glass off the coffee table and then landed on the floor."

Rick nodded. It was the same story as she'd said earlier which satisfied him that she was thinking coherently. He asked her to open her fingers and turned her right wrist upward to inspect the wound.

"I remember getting up. I came here to get the box of tissues I left in here." She watched as he lifted away the tissue. There was dry and moist blood mainly on the heel of her hand. She was quite composed as usual, "It only needs a band aid."

"Looks deep enough for stitches." He muttered with closer examination. "Keep it compressed." He put back the tissues and she closed her fingers against them.

"It will be ok. We can't risk being exposed by going to a hospital to have a few stitches put in my hand." She sniffed, looking over his face for support. "But then again, we did that when we went for the ultrasound."

Rick nodded. "I agree, but the ultrasound was very important. If someone focussed on our faces they might recognise you as being similar to that woman and me with the ransom. We'll go to the doctor's if we have to."

"Still risking it unnecessarily." Kate quietly replied. "Hell, the woman in the book store thought you were some guy named Richard Castle the other day, even with the beard." She looked at his beard she was sure of. It wasn't thick but was getting longer. She liked him with a few days of growth but a full beard was different. She was very undecided about whether she approved of the beard.

Rick smirked. "Yeah, that was a close shave. You got us out of that one nicely." He looked over her face. "You're the one who has a very distinguishable face."

"Like you don't?" She responded in surprise.

"My face blends in a crowd. It's my height, build and consequently my presence that make people look." He smiled and brought her back to him for a further hug. "We'll clean it up in a minute and re-asses it." He felt her nod.

There was a sense in him that she would be up and on the move on with her life soon. However there was a real risk she could psychologically go backwards now she remembered. He figured, knowing her brave nature, that her remembering would most likely make her mentally stronger because she would now be able to understand and control any fears. It might be a bigger hurdle to recover from but it was doable, particularly with the help she was getting from Anna. There was also the possibility that now was the time he could lose her, that they all could lose her, especially if she decided she needed to cut all connections and start her life afresh.

He swallowed, trying to be rid himself of the hard lump growing in his throat. The reality of the situation had hit him, but he reminded himself she was staying, was in his embrace and rationally thinking and behaving, contrary to the day they had gone to the warehouse. She could have been anywhere else by now, but she had chosen to stay at the apartment. With his left hand he stroked her hair over the top of her head.

"Kate…" he whispered, seeing the reality of the situation over her face. She was near exhaustion.

"Rick. It's ok. I will be alright with you beside me." She soothed. Suddenly distracted she muttered, "It feels like I hurt myself here." She twisted to her right as she lifted her top. They both peered down at her side to see there was a small bruise a nick in her skin. "Glass." She murmured. "It's nothing."

"It's just a scratch." He let her know and rubbed her back. "C'mon. Clean you up, then we'll make coffee and emergency pancakes." He took hold of Kate's hand, swung open the door and led her from the office to their bedroom.

In the bathroom, he filled the sink with warm water and a decent splash of Dettol not bothering to follow the guidelines on the label. Kate sat on the edge of the bathtub and, as instructed, soaked her cut hand in the water. He drenched a clean face cloth with hot water in the second sink then wrung it out. She felt so tired and worn out that she no longer wanted to do anything but fall into bed. Too exhausted to even attempt to keep control, she let Rick take over. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back letting him wash her face and neck.

"Castle, I'm sorry I'm so tired and confused all the time." She quietly apologised opening her eyes to look at his. She noticed his eyes were stormy blue, which meant to her he was worried.

"Shhh." He soothed, rubbing his thumb over forehead to smooth the creases in her brow. "You've been tired because your subconscious keeps you awake dreaming all night. They're mean dreams you have. Maybe now you remember you will sleep better."

"I hope so. Just so tired. It woke me with the same impact a lightning bolt would have." She explained and gave a big yawn. "When I woke, everything that had taken place during the time I was in the warehouse came crashing down on me." She watched as he lifted her right arm and wiped it. "It was so detailed. I rushed to the bathroom to be sick. I sat on the floor in there for a while, thinking. When I left the bathroom I used the walls to hold myself up on the way to the living room. I was terribly dizzy and nauseas. I was gonna rest on the couch so I didn't wake you. I just wanted to keep quiet, try to stay calm so I wouldn't hurt the baby and then I tripped over anyway."

Rick let her repeat herself knowing it would allow her to get it off her chest. He glanced to her body. She had taken a fall but she was alright. He quietly reassured. "The baby would survive a tumble. Especially this one. Don't worry. It's still there."

"Mmm. It's gonna be a tough kid." She murmured.

"That's for sure. You're its mother." He smiled to her. "I didn't hear you at all during the night." He said. "You usually wake me when you get upset." He hinted, wondering why on earth she hadn't shaken him by the shoulder until he was conscious, as she would normally do.

"I didn't want to disturb you. You've been tired too."

Rick sat on a chair in front of Kate to examine the cut on her hand. When he was ready, she held out her hand for him. They both inquisitively leaned into it, Rick having a gentle prod and a thorough inspection. Kate soon lost interest in the cut, seeing it was minor, but watched Rick take care of her. It was times like this, when he took charge and care of her that she saw the difference in their ages, that he was a parent and could put others before himself. He was the first boyfriend she had ever tolerated, and secretly liked, treating her like a girl particularly when she wanted that type of security. Although she often scorned him, his references to pet names or sometimes telling her she was good she understood were his avenues, his ways of expressing how much he loved her. It was more interesting than hearing those three words of I love you repeated and over used all the time. Rick allowed her to be strong when she needed to be, but vulnerable when she was feeling that way. She could be herself with him and he accepted every bit of her. He loved the tough brave woman, chased down the seductress, or embraced the frightened insecure girl she could sometimes be. Just like he understood that her calling him Castle was her pet name for him, her term of affection for him. He also knew that whenever she called him Ricky, she was seducing him.

"Hey Baby, where you gone?" He interrupted.

Kate met his eyes. She shyly smiled at the tone of his voice. "I was just thinking about you and me." She softly replied.

"Oh." He glanced to her eyes in question.

"What did you say?"

"That I don't think your hand needs stitches, but those thoughts you're having might." He joked keeping his eyes on hers and gave her a little smile, neither of them verbally expressing what their faces did. He could see she was going to be alright.

Kate smirked. "Yeah, you have put up with a lot of Kate lately. My moods, wounds, dreams, running away."

"You're getting all mushy on me, Beckett." He said and smiled as he seriously said, "I don't want to be anywhere else. I'm just taking care of you and waiting for you to shake off those heavy woes." He murmured as he dabbed the cut dry with a few clean medical wipes.

"My woes will go." She replied

They remained silent as he applied antiseptic cream and finally wrapped her hand and wrist with a light bandage. "Life will be get better. I promise." He lifted her hand and kissed the top of it. "All better." He unconsciously whispered.

"Thank you." She was amused he had unknowingly spoken his last words to her as he would have Alexis when she was a child. "And I have you to drag me away from all of it." She leaned forward towards his head and touched the side of his head with her left hand. "Come here." She requested.

He leaned to her and pressed his lips to hers. He sat back, not letting her hand go. "Last check. Did you hurt anything else?" He quietly asked looking to her hazel eyes that watched everything he did. He could see the worry in them but she was considerably calmer and comforted. She always came back to him when he had her in a quiet place, just the two of them alone.

"No. Just there." She lifted her top and he swiped a cloth, over the nick. It would be fine to heal on its own.

"Let's get you changed into clean clothes." He suggested and he walked away to fetch a fresh set of PJ's. She lifted off her top and pushed the pants to the floor whilst he was gone. There was a bruise on her right thigh as well that she pointed out to Rick when he returned.

"You will have to start being careful." He suggested, trying to sound humorous and touched the side of her face. "I will have to ensure you keep safe."

Without a word, she reached around his hips and drew him to her between her thighs and wrapped herself about his body pressing her heard against his stomach. She felt his hands go into her hair. "Thank you," she whispered, "for always being there for me."

The emergency pancakes were prepared and cooked by Rick who had Kate sit at the kitchen counter with a large mug of hot chocolate. He made up the mix like a pro, having done it many times for Alexis or himself over the years. He dished them one large pancake each and decided today it was necessary to put a spoonful of ice cream over the top. It was served to Kate who quietly stared at it. This was the first time she had been presented with the emergency pancakes. He passed her a fork and waited for her to try it. She glanced to him, trying to work out how pancakes with a chocolate smiley face over them could be uplifting. His face said it all. Eat. With the fork she cut out a piece. She took her first mouthful.

They were good. A smile appeared. In response Rick grinned. "See! They're good. You didn't believe me." He passed her his plate she put beside her.

"Castle." She watched him enthusiastically make his way around the counter to sit beside her. Before he sat he cradled her jaw in both his hands and kissed her mouth several fast times then proceeded over her face. In response, she closed her eyes, smiling uncontrollably and waited for his enthusiastic display affection to calm down. As usual, his forehead ended up pressed to hers at which time she opened her eyes and stared at him. She smiled timidly, feeling confident she was going to be ok with him. She pushed forward and kissed his mouth. "Castle." She whispered.

"I know. I love you too, _Honey_." He replied and heard her girlish noise. He stood up straight.

"Not your _Honey_." She warned and took another piece of her pancake she ate.

"Come on." He took her plate and carried it to the couch. She followed with the mugs and sat on the couch beside him. The fire was burning strongly as he had stoked it up. They rested their feet on the coffee table and ate in front of the TV watching the morning program. Once they were finished Rick stacked the plates on the table. He put his arm over Kate as she leaned into him for a hug. He turned enough so he could embrace her with both arms.

"So, Kate, were my emergency pancakes a success?" He asked.

She hummed a response. "They were good."

"I told you." He murmured and waited for a smart ass reply but she stayed quiet and held him. "You're going to sleep aren't you."

She nodded. "For a couple of hours tops."

He rubbed her back aware it would help her relax. "Go to sleep. You are safe here."

"Thank you for taking care of me, Castle."

"Always, Kate. Sleep."

When she was in that drowsy phase of being almost asleep but still awake enough to listen, Rick walked her to bed.

Drained of all energy, she willingly crawled across the bed and literally flopped her body on the mattress, leaving it to Rick to cover her with the blankets. Rick laid on his side to stay with her for the five or so minutes it took for her to drift into slumber. During that time, he noticed that Kate other than breathing, ceased to function. She was mentally exhausted to the point she laid on her back and silently stared at him, holding his fingers in her hand. Because she didn't fight to stay conscious, her eyes soon closed and she was gone.

He too fell back to sleep for another couple of hours. When he woke, he showered, dressed and left the bedroom to make fresh coffee, expecting Kate would wake shortly afterwards aroused by the smell of coffee and toast. He anticipated she would sleep off the event, have a good breakfast and would be better for it by lunch time.

Later in the morning, Rick and his mother inspected the living area for what could have caused Kate to trip. They concluded that Kate had most likely stumbled over the ottoman when she had been unsteady on her feet and had then fallen to the floor also knocking the glass off the table. They thought she may have even been knocked unconscious.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

Not surprisingly, Kate slept for the entire day. Rick and his mother shared quiet time during the morning. They cooked a late breakfast, anticipating Kate would wake with the smell of eggs and bacon. However, when she didn't wake they ate without her, then relaxed. Rick cancelled the appointment with Anna and told her personal assistant he would call after Kate woke up.

Mid afternoon, Rick came from the bedroom after having been gone awhile and sunk himself in an armchair rubbing his forehead with his left hand.

Martha, who watched TV, asked with the intention of starting up a conversation, "Is she still asleep?"

Rick nodded. "Dead to the world." He rubbed his beard like a man who was not at all accustomed to having facial hair. He scratched his neck.

"Long nap." She glanced to the time then back to her son who was clearly suffering from discomfort with facial hair. She wondered what he would be like if it were summer.

"Yeah. Nearly nine hours. She must need it." Rick commented and scratched his head. "She was exhausted this morning. Fell asleep with her eyes open, staring at me until she passed out."

"Richard, please stop scratching. Is that beard driving you crazy?"

Rick put his hands down and smirked. "I can't stand it and I need a haircut."

"That you do. Kate didn't stir when you were with her?"

He shook his head in the negative. "She hasn't moved for hours. I've never seen her sleep longer than a few hours at a time, ever, and never this deep. I could throw a party in the bedroom and not wake her."

"Leave her be." Martha replied. "I'm sure she will wake when she's ready to. She's independent but at the same time so fragile."

"A lot of both." Castle affirmed then leaned forward looking with interest to his mother. "Here's the thing Mom." He took a moment to think, glancing to the doorway to the hall, an image in his mind of Kate sleeping as he had left her a few minutes earlier, "I always thought Kate would be a mystery that I would never find the answer to. But then I realised … that people, like you, me, people who lead a good, full life are open to others. There's nothing mysterious about those type of people. You are open and we all know you. I don't mean this in a negative way, but she was always mysterious because her personal life was empty, lacking sustenance."

"Are you disappointed realising that?" Martha asked a little surprised by the depth of her son's comments.

"No! No!." He waved his hand with a shake of his head and excited began to explain his thoughts. "To the contrary, especially since she's been my girlfriend, as the layers of the proverbial onion have peeled away, her life has become fuller. She's happier and more open to discuss her thoughts with me. She shares stories with me, trusts me." He smiled. "She's slowly been coming to life, opening up to me and the mysterious side of her is fading away. She was like a dried flower that was given water that it soaked up like a sponge would. She filled with life, became brilliant with colour and flourished as a woman, a human, in to a beautiful flower in full bloom. She was so much fun, adventurous, exhilarating, a seductress, a tigress, a strong willed beautiful, fearless woman. An amazing woman." He sat back, sober, his hand to his chin staring at his mother. "Then," He murmured, "She was taken and hurt, reduced to what is left of her now."

Martha uncrossed and recrossed her legs, thinking about what he had just described to her, wondering where the hell he got his perception of other's from. "She will come back. You should consider writing more than mystery novels. That was very descriptive, Richard." Martha encouraged with a light hearted tone.

Rick pulled a face. "Thanks Mother. Always supportive."

She waved her hand at him. "Kate is a very strong woman. She needs you for that now but it won't be like that for long. It's easy to see she is drawing strength and energy from you. She doesn't let you out of her sight." Martha took a sip of her coffee. "I find it reassuring and endearing that she trusts you enough to let you take over, as in, to make the appointments and that she has allowed you to manage her life and care for her while she's been weak."

"Reassuring." Rick thought about that. "I had a girlfriend who was constantly fighting herself to keep her independence in this relationship, which is all fair and reasonable. You're right. What I currently have is a girlfriend who relies on me to unconditionally take care of her, which is very courageous of her to do. Like, phoning the doctor the other day for the ultrasound. Old Kate would have made the appointment and probably would have gone without telling me about it. Then we would have had an argument because I would have been upset that I missed out and wasn't included as a part of it. And she wouldn't have understood my frustrations."

"You won't see that woman again. Not to the level of independence she was. Your relationship has changed forever."

"I agree, Mom. After she was shot, she recovered alone in her father's cabin. Was too bloody stubborn the phone me. She wouldn't survive this alone."

"No. She had all of you keeping her alive." She replied. "She will find her way. She always does. Perhaps we should prepare dinner earlier today in case she wakes."

"Good idea. She'll be hungry when she wakes. I'm going to write for an hour or so then I will prepare a meal." Rick said and stood. He fed the fire another log before strolled to the study.

"Doing it, Lanie." Rick murmured into the phone, choosing to ignore the impatience in her tone. He held the thermometer to Kate's left ear as he had been instructed to do by the doctor on the other end of the line. A half hour earlier Rick had walked through a what he considered to be a blizzard to the drug store to purchase the thermometer because Lanie had asked him to take Kate's temperature. He thought as he touched Kate that she would wake, but she didn't move a muscle. The thermometer beeped a few of seconds later. He walked away as he held it up to read. "Thirty six point five. How is that?"

"Thirty six point five degrees Celcius." Lanie confirmed. "She's perfectly fine, Castle."

"Ok. Accepted. Her temperature is fine, pulse is good. But why won't she wake up?" He asked as he walked into the living room. He showed his mother the thermometer reading and she nodded and shrugged her shoulders.

"How long has it been?" Lanie asked.

"Well, she fell asleep about seven yesterday morning and its now nine thirty. So twenty six hours."

"Let her sleep." Lanie replied adamantly.

"Seriously?" He looked to his mother with an expression of surprise and frustration.

"Richard, she's probably hit the wall. You said she has remembered what happened, so maybe this is her body's way of dealing with it. She's not upset. She's not distressed nor risking the baby. Call me in an hour."

"Alright. I will speak to you then. I will leave her be."

"Good."

They hung up on the call. Rick looked to his mother. "Lanie says to leave her alone and let her sleep."

"Then leave her."

"I will. But that doesn't change the fact I don't like it." He replied clearly dissatisfied with the situation. He sat at the kitchen counter on a stool, his chin resting on his hand. "I'm worried about her."

"Richard, leave her be. She's alright." Martha stressed, comfortable with what she said. She had been into regularly check on Kate and although she was concerned about the length of time she slept, there was no cause for alarm yet. She waved at arm. "Maybe she just simply needs to rest. She's hardly had time to do that because everyone wanted her up and moving quickly at the loft. She barely had time to recover and she was on her feet again. Maybe she's found a place where she knows she can relax and be safe and she's just let herself rest. She is exhausted, Richard physically but more so mentally. It's probably why she wanted me up here. She wanted a mother figure to tell her it was ok to let go instead of having to be tough around the guys all the time."

Rick grunted. Kate had mentioned she felt safe at the apartment because they were so secluded with the bad weather. He had to also acknowledge that it had been his mother's arrival and consequent time spent with Martha that had significantly settled Kate recently. He nodded but tapped the counter in thought. "Alright. But I will give her until about five tonight. If she doesn't wake by then I will call in a doctor or have the paramedics take her to a hospital."

"How about we wait? I think she will wake today." She stroked the back of her son's shoulders reassuringly. "She's ok, Richard. You have got her through the worst of it. She needs to rest." At that moment they heard her voice. Both of them rushed to the bedroom, Rick peering over her face. She was talking in her sleep. Disappointed she hadn't woken he returned to the living room. Rick was back and forth between the bedroom and the living room the entire day that Kate spent the huddled beneath the blankets unconscious.

_He was there. _

_His face came very close to hers. _

_She could see his mouth move but words weren't forming. _

_She couldn't hear or understand him. _

_She wanted to say something but her voice wasn't able to initiate a noise. Her arms refused to shift and lay heavy and useless in her lap. Her legs were limp and folded beneath her body. Her vision was blurred by the tears that flooded her eyes and constantly flowed into her hair. She had given up wiping tears away a long time ago. She thought she tasted salt and acidity. She didn't care. It was numb, every part of her being was finally without thought or feeling and she wasn't afraid she was going to die anymore. She was finally absent of emotions and pain. She'd been through the worst of it. Every moment was there. Every attack, every second of violence. They had surrounded her, hunted her, tormented her until she had almost given up. _

_The face was near her again. _

_He reached out and held her chin. _

_She couldn't move away, was not able to stop him. _

_He was out of focus. _

_She felt his hand on her shoulder. She couldn't stop him touching her. _

_Sometimes, there was a female voice but she didn't understand what the voice said. _

_The lights were bright, the lights were dull then they faded until she was in darkness. _

_His face appeared, spooking her. _

_Another face she knew. _

_She felt trapped in a dark, cold place. There was no escape. _

_She couldn't find a doorway and she couldn't reach the light in the sky or the windows up high on the wall. The bricks were cold, the room was freezing. _

_She tried to call for help but her voice wouldn't cooperate, her lungs wouldn't fill with oxygen. _

_Her hands tried in vain to reach for the lights, the windows over her head. If only she could climb through one she would be safe. _

_They were there. She heard them. _

_Their voices were as distinctive as their body odours and the manner in which they each attacked her were. The youngest one was the weakest of them, but he still hurt. _

_She heard the screams, the cries in the pitch black of the night. _

_Water, cold water hit her body and she was lifted to the table. The god awful table. It was cold, hard. She gripped it. _

_Darkness came._

_Then she sprinted behind Esposito and Ryan, the cold metal of the gun in her hands. They scrambled over wire fences. Kicked down doors. They were inside buildings, their guns aimed at criminals. _

_She was being carried by Esposito out of the dark, cold building and into the warmth of the bright sunshine. She felt cool against the warmth of his body. _

_She heard him say the words she was safe._

_She was at her desk and Rick was with her seated in his chair. _

_He poked fun at her white elephants, had them charge at each other and she told him to stop acting so childish, that they were not toys. _

_She tried her hardest not to smirk at the way he expressed his imagination, when he shared with her his ridiculously funny story about the elephants. _

_He laughed at her fully aware she knew he was kidding with her and he turned to the boys for their support. She gave them the look._

_She was with Josh making love to him, kissed him passionately hard because she hadn't seen him for such a long time and when they parted for oxygen, she saw it was Rick in front of her. His lips were full, his eyes bright blue, like when he wanted to make love to her and he drew her back to his mouth. _

_The burn through her chest was agonizing. She was thrown to the ground. He was over her, talked to her, but this time she heard him and he told her he loved her and she couldn't reply. He'd said the words always on the tip of her tongue. He'd said them first. She knew she was going to die and she couldn't reply. _

_There were images of red and white flowers, of being in a large red and black, brightly lit bedroom. There was a black and white elephant that angrily charged them. She gasped but she was not able to move. _

_In the large white bedroom, in the luxurious white bed sheets, she was tangled in his body, drowsy, his laughter was contagious, his hands were constantly on her body and he was picking her up and she was squealing and laughing. There was the constant sound of the ocean._

_Across a field, she rode a grey pony bareback, her cousin at her side. Her hair was tangled her skin sunburnt and dirty. She found herself on the back of a big brown horse with an English saddle and she was laughed because Rick was behind them on his horse and couldn't keep up with her. She rolled and tumbled playfully in long grass with him, made love with him in the field, her skin soaking in the warmth of the summer sun, the sweat glistening. He was inside her and she was beneath him, her legs firmly around him, and she closed her eyes against the brightness of the bright blue summer sky so she could better feel him deep inside. She thought her heart would explode she loved him so much. _

_She swam in the ocean and sprinted through the water after him. She rode the horse along the shoreline and swam him in the ocean, floating over his large body, gripping his long black mane as she was partially towed along in the water, his powerful limbs thrusting them through the water. She cantered bareback over the sand, gripping her long legs around the ribs of her enormous horse, the rush of the wind against her flesh, the adrenalin pumping through her veins. _

_He called to her she was going to kill herself that she was as wild and crazy as her horse. But she didn't care. She was free and so happy. The horse was fresh, the oxygen filled his lungs, his body prepped to gallop. He reared. She gripped around his neck. She pushed him forward into his arrogant Spanish canter. He bounced forward, his spirit in sync with hers. _

_There were times she was on her motorbike, but he was driving and she was behind him enjoying the rush of the wind. _

_She was lying beside him in the warmth of the sun on the beach and he was telling her secrets, silly secrets and stories she was giggling over because they were so crazy and they were the truth. _

_He threw snowballs at her and playfully tackled her to the ground, whispered insanely senseless stories in her ear. Then he was back on the truth, that he loved her like crazy and they would be ok, always. He always told the truth. _

_She knew the truth. She remembered what happened. The truth, but it was ok. He would be there to help her through it. It was safe to be there. _

_Safe to be with Rick. _

_Safe to live. _

Kate woke. She blinked several times and opened her eyes wide. The ceiling was different.

It wasn't her bedroom, or Castle's. The room smelt familiar.

_Where am I?_

_Not home. Not the loft. Not the beach house._

The last place she remembered was being at the beach house.

_But that's not making sense._

Kate gasped for air. Her eyes rapidly glanced around the dimly lit room. Her shallow pant quickened with the rising panic. She was gripped with fear but understood she had to keep calm, to think rationally. She slowed her respiration.

_Concentrate. Exhale. Inhale. Think!_

It wasn't the warehouse. Not her home. It was warm and she was in a bed, a timber four posted bed.

She was dressed.

_Thank God I'm clothed!_

She sat up. Her eyes shot around the room. Not a sound. Off white walls. Brown curtains, dark stained tall boy. A TV was running somewhere.

Within ten seconds of waking, she fearfully called out, "Castle?" Again, this time louder and more confidently. "Castle!" She stole another lungful of oxygen to ease the need for air.

_I need a second to figure this out. _

She glanced to her trembling hands, noting her right one bandaged. She remembered the cutting incident with the glass. She clenched the bed sheets with them. "Castle!" She cried out. She didn't know where she was, who was with her. She had to get up. She threw off the blankets.

"Kate?"

She stilled and looked up, a small whine of relief escaping her when she heard his voice from far away. "Castle?" She swung on to her knees and crawled over the bed towards the opened door way, needing him to hold her more than anything. She soon sighted movement at the door and Rick appeared his face darkened by the shadows.

He stopped momentarily. "Kate? Are you awake?"

A smile of relief broke over her face when she saw him with his brown beard. "Castle!" _Beard_. She knew where she was. _Montreal_. She reached out with her arms to him. "Yes, I'm awake!"

He approached the bed, cautious at first then saw she was definitely awake and clearly seeking his attention. He held his arms out to her. "Oh! Thank God you're back! Where did you go for so long?" He exclaimed. "Come here." He replied placing his hands around her waist as she hastily grappled for him about his neck. She didn't cry, but released a generous number of sounds of pure happiness. He groaned in relief that she had woken up. He hooked his arm under legs and lifted her off the bed into his arms.

Kate clutched him pulling herself up his body. He was real. He was warm and she keenly released cries of joy that she was with him. "Castle! I'm back!" She kissed his cheek.

"You ok?" He asked. She nodded. He carried her towards the bathroom. "Say something!" He pleaded.

"I'm here. I need to use the bathroom." She replied and struggled to return to the floor, so he let go of her legs but kept his arm about her waist.

He stopped walking and held her to him. "You're back." He whispered. "Thank God! I was so worried." He felt his own body shake off the sheer shock of her calling his name earlier. Her words were the first conscious sounds she'd made in almost thirty four hours. She gripped him about the neck as tightly as he did her.

She let go first and slid down to the floor so she was flat footed. "I will use the bathroom and be out in a minute."

"Ok. You feel alright?"

Kate smiled and nodded. "I feel good. Hungry though, and thirsty."

"Hurry up. I'll get you a drink." He stepped back and watched her take several steps toward the bathroom. She turned back to face him.

"I'm ok Rick. Really."

"I believe you."

"You look worried."

"You were asleep along time Kate. I was very worried."

She smiled sleepily to him, "A long time?"

"You went to sleep yesterday morning, Babe. It's been thirty four hours you've slept."

Kate paused, thought about it and shrugged her shoulders. "As my mom would have said, I must have needed it. I really need to pee." She pointed toward the bathroom and started stepping backward.

He nodded, and returned to the living room where his mother waited anxiously. "She's awake, Mom." He said looking to his mother with a smile. He was internally feeling very anxious and happy at the same time. Martha stood up and approached her son, searching for Kate.

"She's awake?" Martha asked. "Where is she?" .

He nodded. "She is. She's using the bathroom." He glanced to the time. It was 4.35 pm. "She was down to the wire, Mom."

"She was." Martha agreed. "She's ok?"

"She seems to be. She said she is."

He looked from his mother to Kate as she timidly entered the room. She stopped as Martha rushed to her. She touched Kate's head with a stroke over her hair. "You finally are awake." Martha smiled.

"Hello, Martha." Kate greeted cheerfully.

"Obviously decided to join us again?" She calmly asked. "Long nap. Did you have a good sleep?" Martha inquired.

Kate nodded. "A really good sleep. I dreamt about us at the beach house." She told Rick who knotted his forehead in response as he sat upon the couch near the fireplace where he knew she would keep warm.

"We're a long way from the beach house."

"I agree." Kate sat beside him and clutched him as though she has just been pulled from the edge of a cliff.

Rick stayed quiet and still. He held her as tightly as she did him. He was very happy that she had finally returned to the world of the living. He wasn't sure how she really was and it worried him how she was going to be in the next few hours. Nothing he and his mother had done to arouse her had caused her to respond to them at all. There had been occasions when he had sat on the bed and had listened to her babble senseless words or she had been in deep peaceful stages of sleep.

Awake and alert, Kate hung on to him quite firmly and that was all that mattered, that she was responding well to his comfort and diffusing from her sudden awakening. They waited it out for a couple of minutes after which she sat up. Sitting right next to him, she pulled away a little looking to his worried eyes. She wiped her eyes and cheeks with the backs of her hands and smiled shyly. She touched his face, seeing the lines of worry over his brow. With her finger tips she attempted to smooth them with her fingers but it wasn't met with success. She looked into his eyes and whispered, "I'm ok, Castle."

Rick glanced to his mother who raised an eyebrow. He stroked his palms over her thigh. "You have been off the radar for almost two days." He stressed, unsure of whether she was ready to hear that. "We've been worried sick about you. We were not able to wake you, even bring you to a semi conscious state."

"I …I lost a day?" Kate shrugged her shoulders, "I slept and I feel a lot stronger," cradled his jaw and pressed her lips to his, "I'm sorry I scared you."

"So long as you really feel good."

"I do." She confirmed. "So I slept a whole day?"

"A day and then some, yes." Rick replied.

"A day." She said and looked over to Martha. "When I woke up, I felt that it was good. Ok to remember." She looked back to Rick and smiled a little. "I was a little fearful when I woke because I just didn't recognize where I was. Falling asleep in one place and waking up in another is quite trying. I needed to know if you were there, so I called out. That may have startled you. Once I realized where I was, I was fine."

"Your voice, when you called out startled me. You sounded afraid."

"More confused. I didn't know where I was."

Rick smirked. "We are still in Montreal, in the middle of another snow storm." He answered.

Martha chuckled. "Yes, you haven't missed much weather wise."

"I was about a half hour away from calling paramedics to have them come and get you. Lanie has been dissuading me all day. She insisted I leave you alone to sleep, that you only needed to rest. She said she was confident you just needed solid rest."

"Castle." She bit her lip. "Rick. Lanie was right. I really feel good." She stroked the side of his head looked into his eyes. "Were you telling me it was ok for me to wake up?"

"We were both telling you that you were safe, that it was ok for you to wake up." He looked over her face. "How are you?"

"I actually feel calm. Nothing aches, there is less clatter, less negative internal dialogue in my head and I feel better than I've felt in weeks." She calmly replied, quickly assessing what she was feeling internally.

"Really?" He asked and glanced to his mother.

Kate nodded and wiped her eyes again. "Really." She glanced between them then looked around the room. "I'm hungry, Castle …. and thirsty, very thirsty." She held her palms to his shoulders and shuddered ridding herself of a mountain of emotions. It was followed quickly with a deep shaky breath.

She leaned back into Rick who wrapped his arms around her again, feeling her shake out the sleep.

"I'm so happy you're back." He whispered.

"Me too." She replied.

"You heard the lady, Richard. She needs to eat and it's almost dinner time." Martha said and stood up.

Kate pushed herself off Rick and stood up between his legs. He held onto her to support her but she was steady. She took hold of his hands and locked her arms as he stood. He drew Kate into his embrace and pulled his mother into it as well. The three of them hugged, Rick's chin resting on the top of Kate's head.

As they parted, he muttered. "I still can't believe you woke up and feel ok."

"Believe it, Castle." Kate replied and led him by the hand to the kitchen. "I seriously need to feed this child of _yours_." She stated with emphasis and walked directly to the fridge. She found a fresh bottle of water, twisted the cap off and brought it to her lips in one motion. She drank at least half the bottle without pausing for a breath. Finished with it, she put the bottle on the counter and walked away returning to the bedroom. There was no rush, no sense of urgency, just a calm stride to the bedroom.

Rick and his mother remained in the kitchen and silently but visually communicated to each other. It was quickly established they were not positive Kate was exactly as she indicated she felt. Rick mentally summed it up to himself that Kate slept through almost two days of dreams filled with senseless chatter, had suddenly woken, gone through a bit of a cry and was now quite fine. He could deal with all that.

Content with his summary of the past quarter hour, he prepared a bowl of cereal for Kate aware she would eat anything he passed to her. By the time she returned the cereal was waiting for her. Without a word Kate sat at the bar and started to eat while Martha and Rick stared silently at her.

"I have to call Anna." Kate said once the urgency to eat had passed. She checked the time. "We promised her we would contact her when I remembered."

Rick pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it to her. "She's waiting for your call. I cancelled our earlier appointment. Try her office first."

Kate glanced between the phone and the cereal that she really wanted to eat, then pushed the phone back to Rick. "Will you call her please? I'm really hungry and want to eat this." She waved her spoon at the cereal.

Rick glanced between her face and the cereal she was gulping down like a feral dog. He took the phone back. "My starved girl." He commented and instantly saw Kate roll her eyes. He dialled Anna's number, put it to loud speaker and waited. As expected, Anna's PA picked up the call. She was so familiar with his number he didn't even need to say who he was. He simply said after she'd greeted him, "Hi Zoe, Kate is awake."

"Oh! You must bring her in straight away. I will tell Anna."

"Merci, Zoe." He hung up. "You heard her. I'll take you there now." He said to Kate, who nodded without looking up from the bowl. He turned to his mother. "We may be awhile."

Martha nodded, not taking her eyes from Kate, also finding it hard to believe the woman could eat so fast.

Kate crossed her legs, swallowed. "That will be good for me. So good of Anna to make herself available like this." She said between swallowing and taking another mouthful.

"Well, you and Anna have gone beyond the normal patient doctor relationship." Rick walked to the pantry and grabbed a couple of cereal bars and a bag of gummy bears to take with them.

"I know, it's …. important to me right now that I have her. It's better than having a just psychiatrist. She honestly cares about how we are."

"That she does." Kate tried to eat as fast as she could. She knew it was getting later in the day and would be cold outside.

"How is your hand?" Rick cast his eyes over Kate's face. Her complexion was a healthier colour than she had been for weeks and her eyes were finally absent of the haunted fearful expression they usually had.

She swallowed. "Tender, but it will be alright." She turned her hand over and briefly looked at the bandage that was clean and intact. She forget her hand to finish her meal.

"Do you remember your dreams?" Risk asked. "You were quite chatty at times."

She nodded and shrugged her shoulders. She swallowed. "I remember I couldn't move or speak a lot of the time. There were faces in front of me but I wasn't able to respond or hear the words. Then I was running, or riding the horse on the beach. You were there… my parents, bombing at my apartment. It was like a senseless chaotic movie of my life and I couldn't wake from it." She took another healthy mouthful of cereal.

"That explains the times we were trying to get you to respond to us." He scratched his head and saw her questioning expression. He replied. "You had your eyes open, looked straight at us .. lights were on but no one was home scenario. You were chattering senseless shit all the time. You called the horses, me, your mother… never your father oddly enough. People I had never heard of…Josh "

"Josh?" She asked in surprise and shrugged even though she did recall she kissed him and when she looked at him it was Rick. She kept quiet about that. She did say, "I dreamt about the day we took the horses to the beach… that was a good day." She smiled in memory of it. "We should do that again." She took another mouthful of cereal.

Rick chuckled and glanced to his mother who hadn't heard about that day. "I have photographs of that day, Mom. You should have seen my daredevil girlfriend on her crazy horse! She galloped him along the beach bareback as fast as he could go. Her ass was glued to that horse's back."

Kate tried not to spray cereal all over the place as broke into laughter over his descriptive recall of her ride that day. She covered her mouth, swallowed then grinned. "Yeah, there were a few times I thought we were going to go our separate ways."

"Separate ways? Wonder you didn't break your neck."

"I was ok Castle. He loved the beach. I hung on tight that day." She thought about the way she had felt that day, totally free and how she had let herself go crazy with the horse. Regretfully, their horses were spelled for the winter, both being cared for by the owners of the property they were kept at in the Hamptons. "What I would do to be back there now." She murmured scooping the last remnants of cereal out of the bowl.

"We'll be back there soon." Rick replied.

"Can't wait." Kate stood off the stool.

"You will be busy with other things." Rick hinted.

"Yes, so will you. But I will at least be able to ride again. You can babysit." Kate replied smirking at Rick. "I will go get dressed and will be ready to leave in five or so minutes." She placed the bowl in the sink then hurried off to get dressed.

Martha turned to Richard and whispered. "Take care of her and don't let her out of your sight."

"Never. She wouldn't let me go anyway. She doesn't leave my side. But she will fighting for her independence again soon. This is Kate. She's back." He replied confidently with a smile. "Kate is back." He reiterated more to himself, quite happy about it. He searched for his phone charger in case he would need it and put it with the snacks to take with him. "Mom, we might be awhile and if it gets late we will stay at a hotel for the night particularly if the weather gets any worse."

"This is the main event, Richard. Be as long as she needs to be. Do what it takes."

"I will. We have another appointment booked for 10.00 in the morning so it probably makes sense we stay closer." His attention was drawn to the TV when he saw the weather forecast on the newsbreak. "She picks late today to wake up when we've had a record-breaking dump of about forty five centimetres of snow on Montreal." He muttered. "It's freezing out there."

"Make sure you bring me back a bottle of red." Martha replied. "Even if its tomorrow."

His mom's sense humour caused Rick to smile, that if they were going out in that sort of weather, they needed to come back with something decent. "Yes Mom. I may buy myself a bottle of Scotch to help thaw us out." He joked.

"So you should."

Rick waited for Kate whilst she prepared to leave. He was somewhat nervous about going to see Anna now that Kate remembered. So long as she opened up to the psychiatrist all the work and progress they had done would hopefully pay off.

He hoped they could catch a taxi but the weather was treacherous and had the city almost at a complete standstill. He had heard on the news that the metro trains were still running so he opted to catch the underground.

Forty or so minutes later, Rick and Kate arrived at the office suite of the psychiatrist. Rick buzzed the afterhours doorbell. They waited for Anna to answer the bell. He glanced to Kate's face. She was so cold her lips trembled. "I'm sorry." He offered, "To bring you from a warm bed to here."

Kate leaned forward and pressed her cold lips to his feeling his cool beard. His lips felt warm. "I'll be ok. I need to be here. Thank you for bringing me to see Anna."

He smiled and glanced to her hand that trembled in his hold. She hadn't complained once about being cold, but from about the halfway point of their journey he knew she had been feeling it. Neither of them had experienced such dreadful weather. "I'm here."

She saw movement behind the glass doorway and nodded in that direction, showing Rick someone was coming. Rick turned to see Anna appear from her office. She smiled to them. Her hair was tied untidily back and she wore reading glasses. She unlocked the doorway and pulled it open as Rick pushed it. The two of them shuffled inside immediately feeling the warmth of the office environment. Anna locked the door.

"You must be so cold." She exclaimed looking at the pair of them covered in bits of snow. They were pulling off their clothing as the office was very warm.

"It's bloody freezing out there." Castle commented, wondering how on earth they were going to get back to the apartment. He had brought enough cash with him in case he needed to book them into a hotel room for the night. No doubt, they would be back for the scheduled appointment tomorrow morning so it was hardly worth fighting the elements to go home.

"There are no words to describe how cold it is, Anna." Kate commented. She dumped her belongings on the chair next to the one Rick usually sat on then tidied her clothing then rubbed her upper arms. She felt cold, but also appreciated she would quickly warm up now they were inside. "It's so cold in this city." She muttered mainly to Rick.

"Come, come." Anna invited warmly her accent thick tonight. She took Kate's hands in her immediately noticing the bandage. "What have you done?"

"I accidentally cut my hand on a piece of glass." Kate replied and glanced to Rick. "It's nothing." She walked with Anna toward the office.

"I shall make you a warm drink, my darling. Your hands are so cold!" She offered very aware Kate severely disliked being cold. Anna too glanced to Rick as she was closing the door. Rick caught the expression, understanding Anna was about to have a strenuous session. She re-opened the door seconds later. "Richard, there are hot coffee and snacks in the kitchen behind that doorway. Please help yourself." She pointed to the door behind the reception desk.

He nodded in response and gave her a smile. He didn't feel like a coffee right now. "Take care of Kate. She needs you." He replied and saw her nod.

"I will." She closed the door.

He was warm enough now they were inside. He sat in the usual chair and pulled out his mini-iPad from Kate's handbag and turned it on. He sat back in the chair. He trusted Anna, who had built up a strong repour with Kate in an intense program over the past month, and in turn Kate trusted her implicitly. For Rick, his relationship with Anna remained strictly within psychiatrist and patient borders, but for Kate it had gone a lot further. The women had almost crossed the line of being in a professional relationship with each other. Kate understood it would be a short relationship but Rick had the gut feeling it wouldn't be the last they saw of Anna even when the therapy was over, or when they returned to New York. Kate and Anna had connected in ways people rarely did. It would be interesting to learn whether their relationship would continue after Kate's therapy was finished.

He was thankful tonight that Anna had always indicated she was willing to make herself available to see Kate any time, when this day came. They'd had it planned for a few weeks now and Anna had intentionally worked on breaking down any barriers with Kate over that time. It had paid off in the end as Kate clearly trusted Anna and sought her help.

It was almost 6.45 pm. He figured he was going to be sitting there awhile.

The first high pitched cry of clear objection and distress distracted Rick from the passage of fiction he was reading. Until that second he had been fully engrossed in the mystery story. Anna must have pricked a nerve and Kate was reacting. He went to continue reading when all fell silent and but paused and shifted his gaze toward the doorway the women were behind when he heard the follow up noise. He'd never heard a sound penetrate that door prior to this occasion. He heard the distinct shouting of the words "_why, why did they do all that to me_" almost as one word. Speaking English, Kate's voice was filled with agony. There was the start of that pain inside his chest and throat he experienced whenever he heard that tone in Kate's voice, in fact any woman's voice. But especially in Kate's

No longer able to concentrate on the novel, he rested his iPad on the top of Kate's handbag where it was safe from toppling, and sat forward leaning his elbows to his lap, his palms on his forehead. He was suddenly thrown back to the night they had found her and were at the hospital, waiting. Exactly the same cries and tones in her voice. There wasn't any anger, just pure fright in all the sounds that exploded in sporadic spurts from the office. She fell silent for a couple of minutes. During that period he sat up and leaned to the back of the chair. Shortly after, he heard Kate's voice start again and this time she was going through a major meltdown. She sounded a lot worse than the day in the car. He anchored himself on the chair, grabbed his iPad and tried to continue to read. He wished he had brought along his headphones. Attempts to read were abandoned within a minute because what Kate screamed was too distracting. He stood and paced the reception area, frustrated by the cries, by the sentences he heard. She sobbed. He knew she was moving about Anna's office because there were times her voice sounded closer to the door than others and was clearly audible. He never heard Anna speak, but there would be seconds of silence followed with periods of Kate as loud as hell responding to whatever the psychiatrist said.

In an attempt to escape the waiting area he turned the handle on the door, tried the lock but remembered Anna had used a key to lock it and had taken the key with her. He couldn't stand listening to Kate's grief much longer, to hearing what she more than often screeched at Anna.

It occurred to him that no matter how much Anna had explained to him that a day would come when Kate would talk and let it all out, there could never be enough coaching to soften how Kate would sound, what she would expose. He backed himself into a corner of the room and stood there pressed to the wall, his eyes staring at the doorway. It was overwhelming what he heard. He closed his eyes, listening to her in such a distraught state. He suddenly looked at Kate's handbag. He rushed to it and searched inside for the little red leather sachet she carried. He hated being in her bag but this was an exception. He located the sachet and unzipped it. Her headphones were inside it. He pulled them out, put the sachet back and retrieved his phone. Music. He plugged the headphones in, opened his music application and hit play. He put the head phones in and turned up the music. He closed his eyes and listened to the song by ACDC, Highway to Hell. He disliked the song but it was loud and less soul destroying than listening to Kate's release of emotions. His concentration went to the music. It was apparently a song written about the highway between a town named Geelong and the city of Melbourne in Australia. He'd learnt that from his daughter when they had gone to P!nk's concert a couple of years ago. That caused him to think about Alexis and how severely he missed her. It had been the last concert he had taken her to.

He stayed where he was, listened to music, waited, and worried.

Marginally short of ninety minutes duration, the door handle finally turned and the door opened. By that time, Rick was seated back in his chair, no longer listening to music. He stared silently across the room. He tiredly lifted his eyes to see Kate walk out the door followed by Anna. Both women appeared exceptionally weary.

Uncertainty about what to say or do instantly struck him hard. He was rendered speechless and remained where he was. He made a decision to let Kate lead the way. She stopped in the middle of the room, studied him momentarily then turned to Anna.

"I think he heard me." She said softly to Anna. She looked back at Rick to see he held his phone and had the headphones dangling from his fingers.

"I think so." Anna agreed.

"Castle?" Kate leaned over to look him in the eyes and waited for him to respond. His complexion was unusually pale. She stroked the side of his head. "Rick?"

"Beckett?" He murmured. He rolled his eyes to look at her and swallowed nervously. "You ok?"

Kate glanced to Anna. She could see he was hurting. She look back to him then nodded once. "I'm ok." She crouched down to his height resting her hand on his thigh. She thought it was odd he'd called her Beckett when he'd dropped it a long time ago in preference to her given name or the various pet names he teased her with, because he knew she hated the use of them.

"You sure?" He asked glancing to the room she'd come from. He swallowed.

Kate nodded again. "I'm tired, but I feel ok." She stood up again and pressed he lips to his forehead in reassurance. "You look beat." She whispered.

He huffed heavily and looked to Anna. He sat up, wiping his eyes. "Devastating." He whispered. "Absolutely devastating."

Kate glanced to Anna with worry. "He heard me." She confirmed.

"Richard?" Anna came closer and stood near Kate. "What bothers you?"

He shook his head and waved it off.

"Would you like to have a chat, Richard?" Anna asked.

Rick shook his head no. He actually wanted some fresh air. "I'll be alright. Is Kate ok? That's more important." He asked Anna but looked at Kate.

"Kate is a strong woman, Richard. She is ok." Anna confirmed.

Kate nodded. "I'm good Rick." She said, "Rick?" Kate stroked his hair. "Let's go home?"

"When do you next have an appointment?"

"Tomorrow at 10.00 am."

"We'll book into a hotel for the night. There's a snow storm happening outside."

"There is a nice one a half block up to the left when you leave the building." Anna suggested.

Rick reached for his iPad and coat and passed Kate her belongings. He needed to get outside, get some space and be alone.

He didn't say a word to Kate all the way to the hotel through the blustery winter's evening. They easily located the hotel and hurried inside to the reception desk, grateful to be inside again. Thankfully, rooms were available. Rick paid for a room with cash and he used his fake driver's licence as a form of id. He stipulated he wanted a room with a large bath, fully aware Kate would be longing for a bath. They ordered meals at the reception desk to be sent to the room, then progressed to their suite on the fourth floor. Once they were in the room he closed and locked the door. He texted his mother to let her know they were staying in a hotel out of the storm then turned off his phone.

Kate explored the main room and the en suite. It was a very pleasant hotel decorated in tones of bone and reds. She was feeling withdrawn and quiet, with little to say, mostly worn down from releasing quite a lot of raw emotions. Melancholy was how she felt she thought as she closed the curtains. Once she was satisfied with her surroundings she sat on the sofa, crossed her legs and stared solemnly and silently at Rick.

He felt her eyes on him, could feel the air between them even when she had roamed the room. Once he had taken off his coat and accessories, he'd found a place to sit on the bed and was turning his phone over and over in his hands, gazing at it. They sat in silence for a long time.

As time passed, Kate felt increasingly uncomfortable and dissatisfied with the atmosphere between them. It hadn't been like that before the therapy. She had verbally let go of some extreme emotions in therapy and clearly he had heard most of it. In hindsight, she knew he should have never been exposed to hearing her.

It was impossible to distinguish what type of mood he was in by analysing his body language or to determine what he was thinking because he sat slumped over, his elbows on his thighs, his face vacant of expression. He was also very adept at concealing his emotions. Well, she thought he just looked devastated as he had stated earlier. She was a little surprised by his response. He was the person who had picked her up off the ground and carried her away from the scene, as all of the guys had told her at various times. He'd refused to let go of her when the paramedics had arrived and had stayed with her all the way to the hospital. There had been a patch of time that was blank from when she'd been at the telephone to sitting in the hospital and his face suddenly being in her vision. But now, she remembered bits and pieces between the phone and the hospital, such as being held around the neck by the guy in the alley and Esposito shooting him dead. There was nothing after the gunshot.

But Rick had seen everything, every scratch, every cut, every bruise and seen and assisted her wrecked body to recover from all of the injuries to how she looked today. He'd been the person who had brought her back to physical health and was helping her psychologically in every way possible. He'd unselfishly held her through the screaming, crying and episodes of raw terror, had nursed her back to health, fed her, pushed her and been a tower of strength, had protected her to the moment they were now.

She recognised then, he had finally crashed.

Kate rested her head to her hand, took a breath and softly said. "Castle?"

She quietly waited for him to reply. Hearing what she had experienced had struck him down for reasons that he currently wasn't willing to share with her and, perhaps, wasn't able to put into words for her as yet. If it was her on the couch doing what he currently was, he would have drawn her into his arms by now and would be using his boyish charm to ooze out her woes. But she didn't have that charm, that natural ability to extract information from others anywhere near as well as he did. She was trained as a detective, to use finely tuned interrogation skills to extract and elicit from others what she needed to know and right now those skills were fucking useless to her. Another stabbing reminder of how removed she was from her own emotions, her feminine side, even if she had dumped a load on Anna earlier.

_Softer Kate, he's hurting_.

"Babe?" She summoned into the silence of the room with a tone aimed to draw his attention. This time she saw him shift his gaze until his beautiful sorrowful blue eyes looked at her face. She saw what bothered him in that split second. He felt guilty. His masculine pride gnawed at him because he believed he had failed to protect the woman he loved and was therefore in his mind, his possession to protect. Reacting on pure instincts, Kate stood and strode across the floor to him. He had to knock this off as it wasn't his fault. Yes, she was his girlfriend, his woman, but she still made decisions for herself.

She firmly stated, "Richard Castle, don't you dare blame yourself for what happened to me!" She stopped at his knees and lifted his chin with a finger so he was looking into her glaring eyes. His eyes flickered away to his left beyond her. "Stop it!" She firmly hissed. "It was my fault. I take responsibility."

Rick glared at her in disbelief. "You think you asked for that?" He asked removing her finger from his chin the he also kept hold of. "That you somehow invited them to do all that to you?" His voice was high. He was emotionally wrecked. He let her go.

Kate hands went to her hips and she pursed her lips determined to suppress the raw emotions bubbling beneath the surface. She was ready to explode at him for bringing this up. She breathed through her nose, exhaled a fraction. "I didn't invite them to do it, no." She flatly replied, "But I still made decisions that gave them the opportunity to take me."

Rick huffed a few times, obviously thinking about something that was on the tip of his tongue, but didn't want to say it for fear of repercussions. It had upset him and had for a long time. His eyes were greyish blue like a storm cloud.

"What Rick? Say it." She ordered and waited anxiously barely able to take a breath.

Rick lifted his gaze to her. Kate saw the disappointment, the sorrow. "Why didn't you trust me enough to come to me? I was your best friend, your partner!" He stressed.

Kate looked about the hotel room, then returned to his face, "Because it happened so fast. You have a family to protect. It was just me, I needed to get away to protect your family."

He swore under his breath and sat forward again looking to the carpet, contemplating what she said.

"What?"

He shook his head in disbelief. "You had our child in you. And you knew it."

A cry of hurt escaped Kate. She wiped her eyes of the tears that suddenly spilt from them and swept her hands carelessly on her jeans. "I'm sorry, Castle." She sniffed. "I can never change what happened. It's set forever now." Kate backed away in need of space. She sat heavily back on the sofa and huddled up. She was tired, had a headache from the outburst earlier and she was hungry. She was constantly hungry. She'd had a shit day, the part of it she had been conscious, and wanted it to be over, to be behind her. She held her head, wishing the headache would subside.

It occurred to Kate as she sat there, that life was too short for all this shit and concluded she needed to focus on something important, to look forward and to never look over her shoulder. She was able to admit to herself that she had experienced three or so days of pure hell, but the key fact was she had survived those days. To find a reason to live, she needed to find a positive in this mess of negatives. Needed to find what made her happy and focus on that.

Her eyes unconsciously lifted from the couch to the handsome guy who sat on the edge of the bed. Her brain ceased to search for the answer. Her positive was sitting in the room with her.

She stared at him seeing how unhappy he was. He was rarely so sad. Dismissing all her negative thoughts, she concentrated on what her body was doing in response to looking at Rick. There was a buzz in her chest, her throat ached a little like she wanted to cry, but cry with happiness, her loins felt warmer as she thought about them making love, the way he touched her, spoke to her when they were alone. Wherever she was he was the constant thought in her consciousness. She dreamed about him. She longed to have him be with her as her lover. Longed to have him hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright. She wanted back the night when they had learnt she was pregnant. It had been snatched away from them but she craved to have that back. She understood to regain it she had to make an effort too. Give him back what he so unselfishly provided her with without question. She was happiest when she was with him.

Kate rose from the sofa again and approached Rick, her demeanour far less assertive. "Castle." She stepped into his personal space and confidently sat on his lap wrapping her arms firmly about his neck her thighs about his hips. He was forced to sit up, surprised by her unexpected motion. He hesitated initially in responding, but then took hold of her body and embraced her tightly bringing her against him. She locked her ankles behind him on the bed and pressed her face against the side of his head. She stayed there holding him.

"It's time for that talk." She finally said as she sat back. His expression, his mood had not improved.

He pulled her hips toward him to bring her back to his body which she allowed him to do by staying relaxed. He looked at her and stroked her lower back. "It's been a long couple of days, Babe. Save it for another day."

Kate stroked his head once again. He was being unusually stubborn. "You need to know why I deceived you."

Rick tiredly stared across the room over her shoulder. He agreed with a reluctant nod of his head. "I guess it's time." He muttered in resignation having heard the tenacious tone in her voice.

The following morning, Kate was back in the psychiatrist's armchair. She was tired and her mood had flattened since she had returned to therapy.

She and Rick had been up quite late, in fact most of the night. He was accustomed to late nights and once she had eaten dinner she had brightened up. They had shared their meals and once their hunger had been satisfied they had taken a bath together where they had soaked for a couple of hours, periodically topping it up with hot water. It was the place where they had opened up a conversation and had started to really talk to each other. They had found each other again.

Kate liked the time they had been alone in the hotel room. Outside, the weather had violently stormed about them, but for her it had been a night in paradise. She had been free to open up to him, to talk to him about anything. The topic about what had happened in the warehouse had been left alone for once, but they had dealt with things around it. In the end they were almost back to the way they used to be.

Both of them had started the day feeling better about their relationship even though they were weary, completely drained physically and mentally.

In therapy again, Kate stared at her hands. As she had been through the evening before she said, "At first, when they woke me, they were thugs. They thought hitting my face would be enough to make me talk," Kate paused, "but then they used what I feared most to make me talk."

"They used what you feared most? Can you talk about that?"

Kate tapped the armchair impatiently with her index finger and turned her eyes to the ceiling. She really wasn't in the mood to talk about this today. She thought about her promise to Rick. She had agreed to talk to Anna. She replied neutrally, "They burnt me with cigarettes, they raped me. It was a constant promise they would kill me once I told them where the file was. Their contract was my death and by killing me, they said would relieve me from the pain. But they had done the worst. Death was too easy." She summed up and wiped a hand over her forehead, trying to relieve the headache pounding behind her eyes. She then fiddled with the sleeve of her sweater and stared silently at Anna who processed what she'd just said.

"So they were torturing you just for a file?"

Kate hummed a response and nodded. "That does not really exist. For that non-existent file, one of them, he would just hit me, demand me to tell him where it was. So hard and deliberate. There was another who tried to play mind games with me. He inadvertently found out I had a fear of being burnt so he used that against me. Once I overcame that fear he searched for the next one." She looked out the window at the darkening clouds, her body felt nothing, no emotions. She didn't care she was in the psychiatrist's office this morning, didn't care whether she was safe or in harm. She was talked out and now she had to sit there and talk about the worst days of her life again. She simply wanted to be at home with Rick, moving forward with the baby growing inside her and preparing for its arrival.

"What do you fear now?" Anna inquired

Kate smirked sarcastically and replied. "That's fucking easy. Nothing! I've survived a bullet to my heart, I was left hanging off the side of a high rise building to fall to my death, and I was tortured almost to death. I'm still here. Nothing scares me."

"Nothing scares you?" Anna asked sceptically.

Kate shook her head. "Nothing that I can think of." She tilted her head back, staring at the ceiling again, totally not interested in this today.

"Richard?"

Kate's attention was back on Anna. She glanced to the doorway he was behind then to Anna, her expression filled with questions as to what the psychiatrist was asking, where she was going with the conversation. She suddenly understood Anna's reference. Her eyes lowered to her lap to give her a moment to think about the doctor's subtext. Anna was great at her job, because she always prodded Kate when she least wanted to be prickled.

"Afraid he will leave me?" She hummed a response of partial amusement.

"Or that you will leave him?"

She looked at Anna, "I'm not afraid of either because he won't and I won't." She smiled a little. "We talked it through last night."

"And that's made you happy. It's made you smile." Anna observed watching a smile creep onto Kate's face.

"Mmmm … it means we have a chance of surviving this."

"Which is a positive." Anna paused. This morning Kate was behaving very neutrally, completely different to the previous evening when she had totally let go of a lot of thoughts and emotions. Earlier, Anna had anticipated Kate would be similar to how she had been the night before. Perhaps weariness had set in and she needed time to reflect a little more on her own. "Let's go back to the days in the warehouse." She suggested to gauge Kate's real emotional state. The woman didn't flinch a muscle. As Mr Castle had stated, Kate was completely able to shut down all her emotions and continue on as if nothing had ever happened. There had been major changes in Kate since she remembered. Kate was willing to talk about her abduction in English. Not a word had been said in French in the past two sessions. Anna could see today Kate was tired, mentally and physically.

"The warehouse." Kate repeated and clicked her tongue in thought, feeling impatient about going back to that rotten place. She straightened her top over her body. She glanced down at her flat stomach, asking herself how long it would be until she would look pregnant. It was more important to her that she protect the human inside her. She imagined for a second the pictures from the ultrasound on her iPhone, one of which she had saved as her screen lock.

"What do you feel when you hear the word warehouse?"

Kate searched the room, tilted her chin up in defiance and replied, "Absolutely nothing," and shrugged her shoulders. She didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"What about Bracken?" Anna suggested. She immediately saw Kate's gaze lowered, her eyes darkened and narrowed, but she replied smoothly.

"Bracken will have his day."

Anna thought about it. Kate was not interested in this today. "Ok Kate. Let's wrap this up. You're tired from yesterday. I can see that." Anna concluded, recognising Kate was not in the least bit willing to talk productively. "You need to rest."

Kate immediately stood, just like the school bell had sounded to go home. She looked at Anna for several seconds then politely said. "Maybe tomorrow I will be better."

She walked out the door to the reception. Rick stood up when he saw her. He smiled carefully and stepped to her.

"You ok?"

Kate nodded. "Your turn. I'll go to the coffee shop downstairs and wait for you there."

"You sure?" He asked surprised that she would venture out in public alone.

She pressed her lips to his and nodded. "I'll be ok." She murmured.

"Alright." Rick went into the office and closed the door.

As soon as the door was closed, Kate grabbed her coat and bag and walked out the office suite headed to the elevators. At the ground floor, she strode out the lift directly to the main entrance. She passed the coffee shop as she pulled on her coat, hat and scarf. She paused to turn off her phone and slipped it inside a coat pocket. Then, standing at the main access doorways, she took a big strong breath to shake of the fears of being alone and in public.

"No fear." She whispered to herself and then louder and stronger, she repeated, "no fear." She walked into the rotating doorway and seconds later was out in the freezing cold day. She needed to be alone. At the edge of the sidewalk she paused, feeling her heart rapidly beat, her respiration almost matching it. "No fear Kate." She repeated aloud, more confidently to herself and walked. She put on the Detective Becket stride and mentality, and kept going, one foot after the other. She was determined to walk the block alone.

By the time she returned to the coffee shop twenty odd minutes later, Kate had walked the block, turned about and had traced her steps in the opposite direction. She had lapped the block twice. The first time she had been strung out and jumpy. The second lap she had calmed down, gained confidence and inner strength the further she progressed.

Ten or so yards from the coffee shop, she unexpectedly saw Rick was standing by the entrance waiting and searching for her. She was surprised he had left his session with the psychiatrist so quickly. He had his phone in his hand and had been tapping on it, glancing up repeatedly. When he sighted Kate, he slipped it into his pocket clearly relieved to see her. A little warily, she approached him, already aware by his expression that he was almost in a state of panic over her unknown whereabouts.

"Where were you? I was worried. I tried to call you!" He barked at her once she was within hearing distance, but not loud enough to cause a scene.

"I took a walk, Castle. I'm ok." She calmly replied and stopped walking. She faced him but left a generous space between their bodies.

"Anna is worried about you too." Rick stated, duly noting the space she had put between them.

"Kate is worried about me." She replied as seriously.

"You had me worried, Kate!" He wanted to step closer but held off. He was certainly agitated, and rightfully so, by her unexpected disappearance. For nearly a month she had been by his side and then, just like that had vanished. He wasn't going to tell her so, but he had been on the verge of contacting Esposito and Ryan to advise them she was gone, had she not shown up when she did. The first thought that had crossed his mind when he couldn't locate her about five minutes earlier was she had been snatched again. To heighten his anxiety, her phone was off and she wasn't where she had told him she would be. His brain and heart were still racing with stress. "I thought you had been taken from me again." He stated honestly. "After what we talked about last night, you still don't get it."

"Castle." Kate growled and looked about them, not able to look at his eyes. She had anticipated, but could now see she was going to struggle to regain her independence. When she did return her eyes to him she saw he was huffing and puffing in exasperation but was controlling his emotions.

"You need to talk to Anna, Kate. She is always available to help you get over this mess and you clam up." He said then sighed heavily looking around at all the people going about their day, wishing he was back in New York having a regular day.

"Well, maybe I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Alright. Then I will cancel future appointments." He replied.

"I didn't say to do that." She snapped.

"Then what are you saying? Because I can see the fucking wall is on its way back up, and I don't want that to happen." He twitched his nose, dispersed his flare of anger with a snort, then more calmly he said. "I like what's beneath a whole lot better and don't want to lose that."

Kate sighed in thought not able to come up with anything to say.

Rick whispered. "Please don't shut me out."

"I'm not." Kate replied and took one step closer. She lifted her handbag up her right shoulder before it fell off, confused about what to do and say. She knew he was right but at the same time she had a need, a desire to be in solitude a while to think things through. But that was single Kate being selfish and she knew she had to consider Rick and how her actions affected him, every day. "You brought your mom up here for me. I need to stick to my promise to you." She said softening a little in her mood.

Rick smiled. "Yes, that's true. We did have a deal but it doesn't matter. We still have an hour left of the appointment now." He stated glancing to the time. He shrugged his shoulders. "You need it. Your nightmares have been going off the dial and now you remember you should talk to Anna. Get through it and put it behind you, Sweetie."

Kate glared at Rick for the use of his favourite pet name, then looked beyond him. She looked back. After walking alone outside, clearing her mind, she felt more refreshed. She had mixed feelings. She had had enough of talking about the past. Simultaneously, she thought she had sufficient energy in her to finish the session she had cut short earlier. She was completely indecisive and wished him to make the final decision. She fidgeted then looked at him, tightening her jaw. "Ok Richard, phone Zoe and ask her if I can finish my appointment." She ordered, wondering whether he would persist or take her home.

With a rapid assessment of her facial expressions Rick concluded she was calling his bluff. She was intelligent enough to pull a stunt like that. She had mistakenly used his full name which implied to Rick she was tempting him, challenging his stubbornness. He knew she had tried to provoke him into backing off, to make it his decision to leave for home rather than return for therapy. No. He locked his eyes on her determined eyes. They looked dark brown today. He decided to call her bluff. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and only looked away from her to find Anna's receptionist's number. He hit call. He stared at Kate's face, waiting for any indication she was trying to pull one over him. Seconds later, he was rewarded when Kate's muscle twitched beneath her left eye.

Rick smiled one sided, victoriously. The phone call was also answered by Zoe, Anna's PA. In clumsy, passable French, Rick asked if Anna would be willing to accept Kate back upstairs for the rest of her appointment. He was put on hold momentarily. Continuing French, in an attempt to lighten the air between them, he suggested to Kate they should start heading to the elevators. He knew it amused her whenever he tried to converse in more than basic French conversation. When he finished talking, he commenced to step backwards to the elevator foyer.

She turned her body to follow him and rolled her eyes. Now, if Anna was still available, she would have to go back up and be willing to talk. She didn't really want to return at all, but the sensible part of her knew it was better for her to go back and speak to Anna. "_Tabarnak d'ostie."_ Was cursed under her breath. She could believe he was calling her bluff. It was in his nature to push her outside her comfort zone.

Rick caught the tone, and saw her vision shift momentarily over and beyond his right shoulder, obviously pissed off with his persistence. He was quite impressed and proud of Kate's adaptation of swearing in French-Canadian style. He returned to her and replied with his own version of cursing as pissed as she had sounded. "_J'm'en crisse_," He really didn't give a fuck when Kate was in her difficult and dark moods.

For several seconds, Kate stared back at him with a mixture of expressions, as though she was offended by his profanity but surprised he knew how to swear as the locals frequently did. She almost burst into laughter but smiled, deciding there was no benefit to being pissed at him for trying to help her. She unconsciously stepped closer to him again.

He heard the hold music stop. "Oui?" He grinned at Kate as she put her hand to the collar of his coat, at his chest. "Merci. On montent."

"Shit!" Kate hissed under her breath, hearing Rick say they would be right up. The eyes rolled again.

He disconnected the call. "Let's go. Anna told Zoe to advise us that you still have fifty seven minutes left of your appointment." He said with a smile of witticism. Kate's eyes narrowed at him. He ignored her pretentious behaviour. Instead, he firmly cupped the back of her head and pressed his lips to hers then stood back. "Get your gorgeous ass up there." He ordered. "And don't scare me like that again."

Rick walked ahead of Kate, wondering whether she would follow. Seconds later, he heard her boots on the marble floor as she chased after him. The push she had needed today had succeeded.


	32. Chapter 32 - Date

_Next one … thanks always to my beta_

**Chapter 32**

The sound of the doorbell caused Kate to sit up on the couch and look over at Martha who had stopped reading. "Who could that be? Rick?" She asked a little nervous unsure of the time. It was the first occasion she'd heard the doorbell ring in the apartment.

"I think it might be Richard." Martha replied glancing to the time. "He is right on schedule." Any other time, she would have been suspicious and told Kate to ignore the bell.

She placed her mini-iPad she had been reading from for hours on the coffee table. "Will we answer it? Rick made me promise I wouldn't answer the door." She commented biting her bottom lip.

Both their phones beeped with a text from Rick that stated he forgot to let them know it was him at the main entrance. "You go Kate. It's Richard."

Kate read the text on her phone a smile spreading over her face. She dropped the phone on the couch as she hopped up hearing the doorbell ring again. "Alright already, Castle. He's so impatient!" She hurried to the intercom at the front door. "Can I help you?" She greeted on the intercom deciding to act aloof.

"I'm looking for Mrs Jaime Williams." Rick replied via the intercom with a smile in his voice.

"That's me." She laughed in amusement.

"Right. Well, I have a delivery for you." He replied with a cute tone through the intercom. Kate hit the release on the security door. "Thanks baby. See you in a second," he said and was gone. She waited until she heard him on the other side of the door speak her real name, before she unlocked the door to let him inside.

"Hey," he greeted, "Thank you." He entered the apartment, carrying a box that was quite heavy.

"Hey." Kate closed and locked the door securely.

He kissed her lips putting his cold fingers to her chin and groaned contentedly. "Hi, Kate. I missed you." He smiled as she pulled off his woollen hat.

"Hey! Good haircut." She ran her fingers through his hair to tousle the flattened hat hair look out of it. "They trimmed the beard too." She gently tugged on it still not certain she liked it.

He gently took hold of her hand to stop her teasing his beard. "Yeah. I nearly ordered a shave, but then I thought someone might recognise me if don't have it." Rick hung his coat then made his way to the couch. With the box on the coffee table and himself on the couch, the second she was within his reach, he pulled Kate down to sit upon his lap, and held her there momentarily. She was clearly happy to see him even though he'd only been absent from the apartment a few hours. "I bought something for you." He said keenly accepting her kisses. He glanced to his mother, neither of them accustomed to Kate displaying affection when they had company. He reached for the box that he then rested on Kate's lap and with an anticipative look at her glistening, excited eyes he almost begged, "Open it, Kate." He couldn't wait to see her reaction.

Kate's attention instantly transferred to the box. She pulled on the ribbon off, then the lid, letting both items fall to the floor. Two dozen long red roses lay inside the box with a card wrapped in mint tissue paper. She carefully opened the card, repeatedly glancing to Rick who was boyishly waiting for her to continue, then read aloud what Rick had neatly written.

_Dear Kate, _

_We have a date tonight. Meet me at the front door at 7.30 pm. Evening wear. _

_Always, Rick._

"Castle!" Kate hugged him about his neck excitedly, "Rick?"

"Yeah, Babe?" He smugly smiled at her very excited face so pleased he was once again seeing the bright personality of his girlfriend.

"We're going on a real date?" She inquired, almost in shock.

"Looks like that, particularly if you say yes, and meet me at the front door on time." He replied flicking his eyes to his mother.

"We've never really dated, Rick."

"We eat out, go to the movies, our hamburger nights." He reminded her pretending to take offence to her statement.

"But …"

"You said no, when I asked you the first time. Remember?" He hinted and stroked her back. "Conquest?"

"Oh! Yeah. I did." She smiled at his eyes and touched his bearded jaw. "My answer is yes. Front door. Thank you." Kate hugged him around his neck.

"You're welcome. What time is it?"

"It's nearly 5.00." She pressed her head to the side of his face. "So 7.30 pm?"

"Yep, meet me at the front door." He confirmed

"Right. I have to put the flowers in water." She took hold of his jaw and turned it to kiss his mouth. "A very cute way to ask me out, Richard Castle. Thank you."

"I'm only just starting." He hugged her tightly. "There is a vase in one of the top cupboards. I'll get it down for you." He urged her to stand up then led her to the kitchen to find the vase he also half filled with water. Kate took the roses from the box handing them to Castle who dropped them into the vase. He lifted the lot to a good spot on the counter.

"So I guess I will see you at 7.30 pm." He turned to look at Kate but she had disappeared. He looked to his mother and shrugged his shoulders. "That made her day."

"Probably her week, Richard. She desperately wants to wear her new dress." Martha smiled. "I've never seen her so girlish."

Rick grunted and scratched his head. Women. "Yeah. She gets like that when we're alone. She's girlish. Visit her wardrobe at her place and it's spilling into mine at the loft." He mumbled. "She's a tough woman, but she a feminine one too." He had spent his entire life with them and they still fascinated him, especially this one. "Well, let's hope dating her again is a good thing. She, I should say, we, deserve a pleasant romantic night. I can't wait to spend the evening out with her. She can be so 'alive'." He checked the time and decided he could squeeze in some writing before he had to shower and dress. He pointed to the study and headed in that direction with a beer in his hand as his mother waved him off.

An hour or so later Rick wandered out to the kitchen to fetch a drink. His mother was still reading and quietly stated, "Your girlfriend has been singing."

"My girlfriend is singing?" He was surprised. She hadn't sung a word in weeks. "Kate? That girlfriend?" He playfully queried.

Martha smiled but didn't look at him. "Yes, Kate. She was. She's been making up songs, singing along to a few."

Rick rubbed the back of his neck in relief and smiled to his mother, "Right, this is good news and makes me very happy." He poured himself a glass of water. "Drink, Mother?"

"A water would be lovely, Dear, thank you."

"Singing again." He murmured with a contented smile over his face. "It's been a long time since I've heard her sing."

"Me too." Martha looked to Richard as he passed her a glass. "Thank you." She nodded towards the hall as she heard the sound of Kate's voice coming from the bathroom. Rick put down his glass on the coffee table and stepped closer to the hallway door to listen. Kate was making up a song. She fell quiet then started up again seconds later adding a few more words to the bit she already had.

"That's a good sign. It means she's happy." Rick said with a broad smile. "First time I've heard her sing in weeks."

"Progress, Darling. She was fine without you here today too. A bit nervous when the doorbell rang, but okay other than that."

"Good. I'm pleased to hear that."

"Let's hope your idea of dating her again helps."

"So far so good." He replied. "She raced off to prepare herself. Hopefully she won't be like she was at the Hamptons when I tried to get her to leave the house the first time."

"Do what you always do with her. Just grab her by the hand and take her to your world."

"And that starts with our first date." He replied as he walked back towards the office, listening to the far away sound of Kate's voice echoing in the bathroom.

At exactly 7.25 pm, Castle waited with plenty of nervous energy in the living room with his mother. He had cleaned up and had dressed in his dinner suit, white shirt, no tie. He'd prepared in the spare room as Kate had commandeered the master en suite for the past two hours.

They soon heard the click clack of stiletto heels on the floorboards. His heart picked up its pace in anticipation of seeing his fiancé dressed up to go out. When he saw her appear at the entrance to the living room, he stood, smiling at her, every decent gentlemanly thought vacating his brain. Her dark golden brown hair hung in thick waves around her face. She wore the new black gown, low cut at the cleavage with a long and full dress to the ankles. She was breathtakingly beautiful, the living breathing personification of class and beauty, and she was looking at him.

She carried a black coat hung over her arm.

She smiled coyly as she stopped before to him and Martha, Rick capturing that slight hint of return of his seductive girlfriend.

Rick took a much needed breath of air. "Kate." He greeted, his voice a little high. He cleared his throat.

She walked to him, reading his expression. It was obvious he was blown away by what he saw striding toward him by the way he apparently lost concentration, his ability to think and talk. He was very handsome in a black dinner suit.

"What do you think of the dress? Isn't it lovely?" She made a turn before him and Martha.

"It's beautiful!" He spluttered. He regained his composure. "And worth every cent to see you in it!" He took her hands and kissed her cheek. "Mother? Is she gorgeous?"

"Yes, Dear, she's lovely." Martha stood up. "Do another turn, Kate."

Kate grinned and turned again. It was the first time she had dressed up to go out for dinner in months. She thought she looked stunning when she had done her final inspection. Rick's face confirmed it.

"Well, Katherine. Would you like to go out for dinner?" He asked holding her hands.

She grinned broadly her brow flexing at his use of her full given name. "Yes, Richard. It would be my pleasure."

"Mine too. Our carriage awaits." Rick hooked his arm offering to be her escort. She accepted with a look of pleasure and they left the apartment.

Outside the apartment block there was a black sedan idling in wait. He walked her to it holding her arm and hand the entire time so she didn't slip on the ice in her stilettos. The weather conditions were precarious for heels, any heels, never mind those that had her almost as tall as him. He assisted her with a supporting hand as she stepped into the car. He then greeted the driver who had exited the vehicle to introduce himself.

In the back of the sedan, the pair sat quite closely, Kate finding her hands were securely in his, exactly where she wanted them. He made her feel like she was the most important being in his life.

"Where are we going?" She asked.

"Arr.. that's a surprise." He replied, "I promise I will show you why it's so nice up here. And we are Mr and Mrs Williams tonight BTW." He lifted her hand for a few seconds to fiddle with the engagement ring.

"Ok." She agreed, glancing down to watch him with the ring. She leaned over and pressed her lips to his cheek.

The car drove them to the Liverpool House near Rue Notre-Dame Ouest, Montréal. The driver opened the door for Kate offering his hand to help her out. She stood out of the vehicle looking about at where they were being dropped off. Castle appeared at her side and offered his arm for her to take. He thanked the driver in English then focussed on ensuring Kate didn't slip in her heels on the icy ground.

"Where are we?" She peered up at the old buildings.

"Liverpool House. I'm sure we're going to enjoy it. The entrance is right over there." He pointed with his free hand toward an entry.

"Right." Kate replied peering up at the old building. Rick thanked the driver once again and let him know they would be waiting to be picked up at midnight. He escorted Kate across the sidewalk to the foyer of the Liverpool House.

Inside, Kate briefly scanned the establishment and patrons, noticing other women were wearing similarly evening clothes as she was, immediately relieved that she would fit right in. She was very happy Castle had taken her shopping before Christmas as she hadn't packed a dress when they had left the loft. Castle, ever the perfect gentleman, helped her off with her coat and handed it to the cloakroom staff. Without the coat she felt exposed more so than when they were wondering about the streets during the daytime. Up till tonight, whenever they had been out in public she had been hidden from head to toe with winter coats and accessories. In a beautiful dress, make-up and hair done, she was exposed and suddenly uneasy, very aware either of them could be recognised, particularly Rick. At least, she thought, the growth of his beard had greatly altered his appearance.

He turned toward Kate and placed his palms on her upper arms, "Stop fidgeting, Babe." He quietly but firmly told her. He lifted his right hand wrapping it softly around the side of her neck. He deliberately didn't use her real name in public tonight as they had mutually agreed. His eyes locked lovingly on hers. She stopped fidgeting and focussed on his eyes, surprised by his comment. "You're simply stunning. They look at you and want to be like you. You have a right to look like this, and I will take care of you. Nobody will recognise us here tonight. Trust me." He finished and kissed those red full lips. They parted. "Ok?"

She gave him a nod. No one else ever said things like that to her. She stood better, more comfortable with their situation, after his chat and repeatedly reminded herself there was no reason to be anxious. Rather, Kate focused on her own increased excitement about their evening out that was blossoming into an almost giddy sense of heightened sensual excitement, a type of foreplay with the man who had offered her an evening out.

A waitress confirmed their reservation then escorted them to a table towards the back of the restaurant as Castle had specifically requested when he had booked the reservation. Once they were seated at their table Castle ordered a bottle of white wine.

"This place is beautiful." Kate commented her eyes absorbing the ambiance of the restaurant. The setting was old, well kept, classical, with a muted elegance that complemented the guests without making them uneasy.

"It is." Castle agreed, although he'd been to the restaurant years before, just watching Kate take it all in was satisfying, that she was experiencing something fresh and new and enjoying it gave him a moment of intense pleasure and pride.

"Have you been here before?"

"Many years ago for lunch. But no, not for dinner." _Not with you._ He thought. It was amusing to see her so fascinated by the restaurant and its patrons. She was a trained observer, he could see her eyes taking it all in, her brain rapidly processing it all, every detail. He didn't find it too surprising she was engaged by their new surroundings as for weeks now she had been subjected to living in confined areas, going to the same places day after day, and he knew the lack of visual stimulation was not healthy for either of them in the long term. She was interested in the people about them as well, taking in their appearances, their noises. It was almost information overload for her. It was quite some time later when she finally turned her full attention to Rick and leaned over the table toward him.

She smiled, her eyes flickering from him to movement around them. "So, this is how you court a woman?" They had never really _dated_, well they had circled each other and worked together for four years. During that time they had gone out with the group, but this was a 'date'. They had started sleeping together without any real formal courtship, so this was an adventure for both of them.

"Women yes, men I take straight to bars." He replied matter of fact and laughed. "Court? What century did that word come from?"

Kate laughed and blushed. "Yeah. I asked for that. So this is how we could have dated had I said yes the first time you asked me out as you said earlier?"

"Well, yes, I would have dated _that_ girl like we are tonight. I still claim it would have been great."

"I know it would have been." Kate agreed, especially knowing what she knew now.

"But, I wouldn't change anything about the woman I ended up with, especially the night you came to me. Best night eva!" He saw Kate's cheeks blush and she blinked several times. She nodded and mouthed _'me too.' _"Now, I figure this date is to be with you, who you are today." He smiled and took her hand over the table his thumb playing with her engagement ring. "Tonight," he began, "We are to pretend we are on a first date and we can ask each other any questions or make comments like we would if we were dating for the first time. Deal?"

"Ok." Kate sat back thinking about that. "I may ask anything?"

"Of course! Pretend I am a new guy in your life. But I can do the same thing back." He reminded her as he could see her curious mind immediately contemplated whether she would dare ask questions she normally wouldn't.

Kate smiled mischievously. "All right. I'll play along."

They fell silent when a waiter arrived with their wine. The waiter opened the bottle in their presence, offered a taste of it to Richard who tested the bouquet, tried a little and accepted his choice. Rick requested the waiter leave the bottle at the table not poured.

"Would you like a glass of wine?" He asked, aware she had spent a great deal of time thoroughly researching online what she could eat and drink while pregnant. She had then given him the list of foods she needed to avoid and they had pinned it on the door of the fridge with a magnet.

"A little, please." She requested so Rick poured her an amount equivalent of a couple of mouthfuls. He then poured himself a glass. Kate took a few sips of the bottled water the waiter had served in glasses. They then held their glasses.

Castle simply said. "To us." And clinked her glass.

"To us." Kate repeated and added. "To our future together."

"Always." He smiled and took a sip.

After a sip, Kate put her glass on the table. She said his name low enough so no one else would hear, "Castle, thank you for bringing me here tonight in case I forget to thank you later."

"You're welcome." He replied. "I hope you enjoy the venue and the company."

"Oh yes! I'm already enjoying it." She leaned to him and kissed him tenderly, feeling him draw her closer keenly responding. They parted looking to each other's eyes. She then made herself comfortable back in her chair.

Castle kept glancing over Kate's shoulder as he had noticed another guy admiring Kate in her black dress. The guy's girlfriend hadn't noticed, but Kate soon picked up on the behaviour from Castle.

"Hey." She murmured drawing his attention back to her. "What?"

"It's nothing." He smiled and took her hand he stroked, looking at her diamond ring.

"Nothing, my ass." Kate turned about to see where he had been looking and caught the guy who looked away. She turned back at Castle. "Oh." She acknowledged.

"What?"

"You're jealous about that guy checking me out." She accused trying her damndest to wipe the smart ass smile from her face that she had finally caught him out playing the jealous guy.

"What?! No!" He dropped her hand. "Never!" He scoffed.

Kate laughed at him. "If you keep buying me dresses like this, Honey, you'll have to accept that men are going to admire me." She teased and then added just for fun, "Even perhaps ask me for my phone number."

"They already do that, but now you have that ring on your finger, my ownership of you is claimed."

"Ownership?" She questioned with fresh interest in their conversation.

"Possession. I have put a ring on your finger to fend other men off." He declared. "It's big enough for a blind man to see."

"Ok. Fair enough." She smiled very amused by his statement. "But I'm not a piece of land you can drive a stake into."

"I did. It's called a diamond ring nowadays." He replied seriously. "You have to reject any other men from now on." He stated.

Kate grinned, hearing partial jealousy, but a lot of humour in his tone of voice. "I will. I only want you." She whispered back seductively. "Just you. And you need to protect me from them now."

"I will always protect you." He replied, unable to take his eyes off her red lips, secretly wishing he had been able to protect her. "God I wanna kiss your mouth."

"You always want to kiss my mouth." She smiled coyly and looked at him through her eye lashes. "I want you to always long to kiss me."

Rick groaned sitting back in his chair. "You are such a tease." He moaned thinking it had been way too long since they had made love, since he had been able to touch her, to be her uninhibited lover.

She laughed recognising the signs of sexual frustration all over his face. She lifted her foot to the chair resting it between his thighs. He took hold of her foot just to ensure she didn't mess around too much in the restaurant. He was finding it hard enough now to control his desires and didn't want them gaining unnecessary attention in public. "Steady." He warned.

"I'll be good." She replied. She leaned toward him. They sat for some time in silence holding hands, both of them thinking about the past, the what if moments, and savouring their time alone together. Kate sat back, noticing their waiter approach the table. They broke all of their physical contacts and she put her foot to the floor.

"Good evening Sir, Madam." The waiter greeted with a grin and a French-Canadian accent with a hint of other dialect in it. The French-Canadians used a lot of old French words particularly when they cursed, that other French speaking countries had lost the use of over time. Kate smiled to him and responded in French. She also asked him where he came from. Castle listened in, always willing to listen to her speak fluent French. She had a brief conversation with the young waiter, polite, with a bit of flirtatious behaviour. Kate then grinned to Castle when the waiter departed.

"The waiter was raised in Montreal but he spent many years living in Paris as well." She explained to Rick. "He says we should visit Paris."

"Mmmm. I heard. Why so?" He inquired.

"He says it's the perfect city for lovers like us." She picked up her fork.

"Maybe we could to that." He replied. "We both speak French and getting to practise it up here."

"Yes. True. Maybe we could plan a trip there soon."

"We could tour Europe." He offered.

Kate grinned excited. "Yes! I could practice other languages." She replied. "I rarely get to practice them in the city," She commented and took a petite bite of her entre. "Can you speak other languages?"

"I understand a little Russian. I can carry a simple conversation in French, which has improved up here."

"Your cursing certainly has." She butted in.

"… and a little Spanish." He emphasised and cleared his throat in response to her comment. "You swear pretty well in French too, Honey. I've heard you." He teased and continued to eat his entre realising that dating Kate tonight was like meeting a new person. He had followed her for four years and she barely opened up to him, He had seen her body recover from horrible injuries, had nursed her back to health, had slept with her for six to seven months and was now finally learning about her. She was opening up to him. Very refreshing. And as though she knew, she asked.

"What colour are my eyes?" She smiled. "Don't look."

_Arr__hhhh __…she's testing me. She carries my child and she still questions my devotion and commitment to her_.

Castle put down his fork and wiped his mouth with the serviette. He casually took a sip of wine, looking about the restaurant, deliberately taking his time to reply. Her face was full of anticipation, waiting for his reply. He politely moistened his lips and finally, with a smart ass expression looked into her eyes.

Kate's heart jumped a beat at the provocative manner in which he looked at her, the way he positioned and shaped his lips when he was thinking, just before he began to speak. It was adorable what he did with the sexiest lips. His eyes were undressing her, teasing her. He was acting cocky because he knew the answer and was going to give her his typical writer boy response. She saw him take a deeper breath, his large chest rise and fall. God he was so good looking. She held her breath in anticipation of long descriptive answer that was about to come from his.

"Your eyes are hazel." He began quietly and Kate leaned forward to better hear him. "They are mostly green towards the outer edges and they have brown freckles in them that surround your pupils. If you wear green they look particularly green, if you wear brown, they look more brown. But they are hazel." He took another sip of his wine. "Oh and your right eye is browner than your left. Sometimes they look the colour of autumn leaves, so beautiful." He cleared his throat and leaned toward her, seeing he had totally enchanted her like she was a little girl listening to a mystical fairy story. "You have a beauty spot on your left cheek, a tiny one under your left eye, and a tiny old scar on your chin that dimples whenever you're pissed. It's adorable especially with your brow. You probably don't even remember how you got that scar." He smiled quite smugly, showing his dimples. He set his glass down on the table, noticed her cheeks had blushed bright red, but he opted not to point it out.

Kate laughed her hand going to her neck, unconsciously hiding her blushed skin. "I don't remember the scar." She agreed touching her chin somewhere close to it. Why did she like it so much when he started telling her stories? Was it because he was a writer, was famous and she was sometimes told his inner most secrets? She smiled, shyly and quietly said, "You're a smart ass, writer boy."

Rick chuckled, liking the sensual tone he caught in her voice. His little tease was coming back.

"Would you like my response?" She inquired watching him take another bite of him meal, feeling her heart race. She knew she had blushed. She couldn't hide it at all.

"Go ahead." He encouraged, interested to hear.

"Your eyes are easy. Blue. If you're happy, they are bright blue, but when you are sad, or worried they are almost grey, like thunder cloud grey. You have the longest eye lashes. There are impressive scars on your forehead, one to the left and another on the right side and you have broken your nose at least once. You have roller blading scars and that tattoo on your right hip you never told me about." She took a drink. "You also have a spot on your left cheek close to where mine is but it bothers you because you have to shave over it all the time." She leaned forward and whispered. "When you want me, your eyes become intensely blue." She smiled seductively and purred. "Gorgeously blue."

His eyebrow rose in amusement.

"Oh, and you would remember how you got the scars on your forehead. A major accident, like ice hockey or a car accident."

"I do." Richard smiled to her. "Ice hockey. Lost teeth too." He replied. "By the way I've always been meaning to ask, but constantly forget, where is the tattoo that you allegedly have?"

Kate giggled and bit her lip. "You didn't tell me you had one." She reminded him.

"Well, juvenile mistake." He offered up. "Regret it."

"It's cool." She commented. "I would get one for you." She offered.

"Stay the way you are." He whispered and took another bite thinking she already carried enough scars without a tattoo. "Tell me Kate Beckett." He whispered.

"Yes?" She asked continue to eat.

"What do you like to do when you're at home? With your personal time?"

Kate sat back, putting down her fork. He was really serious about asking her questions. She wasn't accustomed to being asked these types of things but she understood she had to share information with him. "I like to take photographs." She began as though he didn't know that. "I enjoy riding my bikes, reading." She replied realising they were all activities she did alone with the exception of photography. "I like spending time with Martha and Alexis. Shopping with them. Most of all I like being with you, taking the photographs of us." She placed a hand over her abdomen. Every day he took at least one photo of her and with her being pregnant he took a photo each day of her profile so they could watch her belly grow. "You?"

"Playing with my toys, with Alexis, poker, fencing, working with you. Being with you."

She swallowed, hearing his personal life involved other people, a family. "Me too. I like being with you the most."

Castle saw it on her face that she had concluded she had spent hours alone when she was single and that she now enjoyed his family being in her life. He put down his knife and fork and reached to softly stroke the side of her face. "I love being with you the most and playing with you, no matter what we're doing." He confessed. "My best toy." He teased and saw her grin and she kissed his wrist.

"What will it be like when we go back to New York?" She asked feeling a little anxious with thinking about returning there.

"Don't think about it. Just think about now. This is real now." He reminded her noticing the anxiety in her eyes. "Hazel eyes." He murmured lovingly.

"Rick." She whispered, indicating in her tone she was really worried.

"Don't think too far ahead and scare yourself silly." He warned knowing she would freak out if she thought about the big picture too much. "Focus on now."

"Ok. I'm sorry." She sipped her water. "I'm not ready to go back."

"I know. We won't till you're ready or if we have to."

For a few moments Kate thought about what Rick had said, processed how it made her feel, finally nodded and said, "Ok. But I still need longer before going home." She looked about the room for awhile thinking about being ready. There was an ache in her loins today that refused to go away. It increased in intensity every time he looked at her, was worse if he touched her. All day she had sneaked in moments of looking at him, enjoying what her body felt in response. Instinctively she leaned toward him, "Rick, you know I'm ready for you."

Hearing the words caused Rick to lean back in his seat and study Kate's expression. She was being honest. He nodded. "You probably have been for a couple of days. That's one of the reasons I asked you out tonight." He tapped his fingers on the table. "I'm am too."

A shy smile spread over her face as her hand went over his. "So when the right moment comes..."

"Agreed."

Kate lifted her wine glass up and tilted it to Rick's with a perfect clink. They both had a drink.

Much to his relief, Rick's plan for the evening to give Kate a very enjoyable night, to let her feel like a princess, to be a beautiful woman in public had worked out. She had needed the reassurance that she was still a beautiful, seductive woman. To accomplish that he'd given her the opportunity to dress up. They had been cooped up in the apartment for weeks and it was taking its toll on both of them. He thought he'd figured out how to get her back into life, into them. He treated her as though they were on their first date, that he hadn't made love to her yet and that she was totally mysterious to him. He had thrown out the bait and was hoping it would reel her in. So far she had responded as he hoped she would. She periodically played to lure him, had been subtly seducing him and generally behaving in a way that told him she wanted him.

By the time they had finished their desserts, they were both ready to return home, and it was just few minutes before midnight when the car would be waiting.

He stood up. "Come on. Let's go home, Honey." He offered his hand to support her as she stood up so she didn't fall off her shoes that almost brought her to his height.

"Honey?" She muttered, "Really? You've used it so much on our first date, Kitten."

Rick glanced to Kate then move in close right up to her ear. He murmured, "I told you to never, ever, call me that," He said using the exact words he'd used standing in that hallway after saving her life almost four years ago. Hearing her laughter, he pressed his lips to her temple. "You look ravishingly beautiful tonight, Kate." He murmured into her ear, the deep glow of confidence in her eyes when she heard it being all the reward he could have wished for and then some.

They waited in the foyer of the restaurant where they could see outside, for the arrival of the sedan Rick had booked. They were there a minute or so earlier than midnight. She wrapped her arms about his neck and moved close to his face. "Kiss me." She ordered provocatively and immediately felt him pull her closer to his body. He kissed her passionately.

The sedan returned them to the apartment shortly after. They climbed out the car and they waited in the cold night for the car to disappear. Rick had hold of Kate's hand the entire way up the stairs to the main entrance letting her go once they were on the carpet in the corridor. The walked to the apartment where he pulled her closer, stopping her at the closed door. They looked to each other producing unforced, natural smiles, instinctively moving together for a kiss, a deep heartfelt kiss of love and passion. They broke and followed it up with succession of quick playful kisses.

"Thank you for a wonderful date." She said between the kisses.

"Thank you." He replied and gently cupped the back of her head, kissing her with the same passion she had expressed moments before. They broke. "I guess this is the moment that I kiss you good night and leave you at the front door." He said, dropping back into their first date roles regardless of the depth of the kisses they had shared seconds earlier.

"Our first date kiss." She replied biting her bottom lip. She put her hand to his chest, stayed close to him and murmured, "This is when I tell you I had a wonderful evening. Maybe I should ask you in for a coffee."

"That would be nice." He handed the keys to the apartment to Kate, hearing her giggle with amusement over their play acting. He continued with it, mainly so Kate would remember the night like a first date and a good memory amongst a shit load of recent bad ones. She took his hand and led him to the front door.

"The apartment may be a bit messy. Sorry about that." She stated.

"It's ok." He replied. "I'm here for coffee with you, not to see your apartment."

"Well then come on in." She unlocked the front door, stepped inside and entered the code in the security system to turn off the alarm when she saw it was on. Martha had retired for the night. The alarm beeped off and the hall way light came on automatically. "That's still cool." She remarked and watched as Castle locked up the front door. He dropped the keys in the bowl by the door then held her coat as she slid her arms out of it. He laid it over the chair and turned to her with a huge grin, drawing her to him. As she desired to she kissed his mouth again, wrapping her arms around his neck as he tightened his hold firmly about her waist.

Sensing she was in a playful mood, he lifted her off the floor and carried her a few steps forward into the living area laughing with her over their awkwardness. He let her slide down his body back to the floor but didn't let go. Instead, he dipped her over feeling her body was limp, hearing her squeal in surprise. He kissed her throat with a playful growl, staying there a second or to captivated by the sight of her slender neck fully exposed to him. It stimulated his sexual drive in ways he'd never imagined. He stood her up so they could continue to the kitchen.

Kate pulled off her shoes and held them up for an examination to ensure they hadn't been damaged by the winter conditions. She placed them on the floor by an armchair and in her stockings, followed Rick to the kitchen. She went straight to the coffee machine and switched it on and put on the kettle to make a hot chocolate.

"So Mr Castle, how do you take your coffee?" She reached for two mugs still playing along with the game he had started. He came up behind her, his arms playfully encircling her waist, his mouth nibbling her neck.

He whispered. "However you make it. No sugar."

"Cream?"

"Please."

"Ok." She untied his arms from her waist then strolled lazily to the fridge taking a long lingering moment to look over her shoulder to the man that leaned against the bench, his arms crossed over his chest. In a black suit and white shirt he looked incredibly handsome. He charmingly gazed at Kate, and pointed a finger waving in the direction beyond her. Realising what he implied, she spun about just avoiding crashing into the fridge. She giggled and glanced back at him, her cheeks blushed.

She found the milk in the fridge door and turned about to face him, her eyes darker, her expression very seductive. She stared at him, bit her lip, listened to what her body was sensing, what her nerves were creating in response to the man who stood before her. She took a breath. "You're so handsome in that suit, your beard. I do find it sexy." She stated her bedroom voice in full effect. She smiled shyly.

Rick smiled in amusement at her timidity, one of her idiosyncrasies he found adorable when he considered how tough and bold she was as a detective. "Thank you, Ms Beckett."

She re-bit the lip and hummed a response, her eyes shamelessly continuing to check him out.

"Did I tell you how gorgeous you look tonight?" He asked her, rubbing his chin taking in the sight of her from over the room. He knew his comment would cause her to feel awkward. Any compliments directed to her like that always did. Another side of her he liked to see.

She stood up straight, holding the milk carton and let the fridge door close on its own her large eyes calmly looking to his. Her lips parted momentarily and a smile spread over her face. She wasn't so awkward tonight.

"You tell me so a thousand ways, mostly without saying a word, writer boy." She replied, recognising the tone of her own voice told him she loved him. She bit her bottom lip, and coyly looked to him.

"Oh! Really?" He queried, secretly pleased she had received the messages loud and clear. He saw her right leg unconsciously creep up, her left calf gently stroking her right, a gesture of desire she usually saved for when she was kissing him and her tongue moistened her full lips. The coffee machine stopped spluttering and gurgling and the room fell quiet.

"I had a great time tonight." She told him, not moving from her spot near the fridge.

"Me too." He tapped the kitchen counter with his finger. "Perhaps we could go out on a second date some time, see how things go between us."

Kate started towards him. "Could we? I would like that." She told him and stopped before him, reached out to play with his shirt buttons, looking from the buttons to his mouth and back. "You'll call me, Ricky?" She purred, looking up to his eyes, all gooey eyed, messing with him. He chuckled, putting his arm about her upper body and pulled her to him. A finger under her jaw, he kissed her mouth feeling her respond just how he had longed for her to do. He parted from her and stroked the side of her face.

"I'll call you soon, Katie. Set up another date." He whispered.

"That would be good." She stepped back to make their drinks, cheekily glanced over her shoulder to him when he returned to standing behind her. His arms encircled her waist snuggling her body against his chest. She liked it a lot. She stayed still and murmured to him. "Before we got together, someone told me that you and I could not remain friends, that we needed to progress in order for the relationship to continue."

"That you and I were circling each other?" He queried.

"Yeah. Exactly. But, we have progressed and I haven't lost my friend. I now have my best friend as my lover. You have been my partner, my best friend through all this. You never tire of me." She lifted his mug and waited for him to let her go then passed him his coffee. "Thank you, for being there, Castle."

"You're welcome. I will never give up on you." He didn't let go of her just yet as he kissed her neck, caressed her tummy. "I think we are doing ok. Agreed?" He asked and stepped back taking the coffee delayed and interrupted somewhat, but overall it's from her. He saw Kate nod. "I don't think it's been a hard transition for us." He commented, "It's been relatively easy and flowing, even under the most trying of circumstances. You are my best friend and I believe you always will be. I've never met anyone I feel this way about, so to me it's simple. If we don't work out, I hope you will still be in my life as a friend." He stroked her head. "We will be ok." He confirmed.

"I agree. We'll be ok." She sipped her warm chocolate and glanced to the time. "Shall we go to bed?"

"I think so. Just finish our drinks." He replied. "I will take you on another date. We didn't really date that much did we."

"Not really. We simply slept together, well, it was more than that actually, then we continued on…"

They continued with their conversation and finished their drinks. He took her by the hand and led her to their bedroom. Kate walked through to the bathroom.

A few minutes later, Rick wandered into the bathroom to brush his teeth and stopped. "Sorry. I'll come back." He murmured when he saw Kate was brushing her teeth at the basin. She was out of her black dress that had been hung on the door, but was still in her lacy black underwear and stockings.

"Stay." She mumbled through her tooth brush and paste.

He stayed and continued to take off his white shirt that he dropped in the wash basket, his eyes frequently glancing back to her unable to stay away very long at all. He could not believe that after all his time with her that he was still captivated by her beauty. "I think I have to stay. You have totally taken away my ability to think logically." He complimented without any hesitation using a soft voice. The fingers of his right hand lightly stroked down her left arm.

Kate paused her brushing and looked to his eyes, always unsure of herself whenever he impulsively and fearlessly said things like that. It made her chest hum, but awkwardness was bound to follow because she never had anything to say back, except, "Thanks, writer boy," which he understood was sincere approval and appreciation.

"No worries," He seductively responded and stepped behind Kate, wrapping his arms loosely around her waist until his palms settled over her womb. He silently drew her to him placing his chin on her left shoulder just to the side of her neck. He looked over her entire face using the mirror. "Stay with me, forever." He pleaded, his arms firming momentarily about her waist. She froze and seconds later he saw her nod a tiny amount and show him the ring on her finger. He smiled. "Yeah. I know, but sometimes the emotion just comes out anyway." He muttered and started to kiss her shoulder telegraphing his intention of taking it further.

Kate held her breath, hoping with all her heart he was finally going to respond to her sexual advances. She had been trying most of the day on and off to gain his attention in that way and he had played along to her seductive behaviour. She had doted over him all day, physically been affectionate and had showered him with the kisses she saved for when she really wanted him.

In turn, Rick had let her seduce him, had monitored her to see how she accepted his responses to her advances. It was today he had decided that their date out for dinner should be that night and it had turned out to be a complete success. He kissed her shoulder.

"God you are so beautiful." He whispered and lifted only his eyes to look into her eyes using the mirror. She blinked calmly then pointed to her mouth. He let her go so she could rinse her mouth of toothpaste.

Once she had rinsed, Kate stood back up straight and looked at him via the mirror. His mouth began to tentatively explore her shoulder, her neck to behind her ear. She closed her eyes and barely murmured, "Castle," as she leaned into his body, enjoying the feel of him being her lover.

"Mmmm?"

She smiled at the tone in his hum. So damn sexy. "Please tell me you love me."

He moaned first. "Always love you." He cooed and his hands, still flat to her skin felt their way to her breasts he gently cupped then continued until both hands rested over the scar between them.

"Tell me a story." She shyly requested of him.

"What about?"

"What you fantasize about …with me, maybe."

He laughed into her hair, kissing the back of her neck, sending shivers down her spine. "I will be here all night telling you stories like that." He responded and let his hands roam back down her body, over her hips, until he was pressing his palms against the outsides of her thighs. "I love the shape of your hips." He muttered. He moved to her lower abdomen, his left hand rose to her chest where he could feel her heart steadily beat. His right hand slid gently between her thighs, feeling the silky fabric of her panties. He heard her gasp, felt her heart rate increase beneath his hand and all her muscles stiffened. He stayed there, felt how moist she was for him and how her body soon relaxed against his chest. He released a moan of approval then began his story, taking his hand from her groin to her right hip.

"You're all dressed up just like you were tonight. We're at a party in New York. You are by far the prettiest woman there. You wore your red dress. The one I really like."

"Mmmm."

Beneath his hand her heart slowed a little. He was just able to smell her sexual scent, sensed a slight increase in her body temperature. She leaned into his body, a green light so far so he decided to take her a little further. "Your hair is loose and in big curls and you wear red lipstick."

Kate giggled and murmured. "Red lipstick. What colour eye shadow?"

"None, but you have a lot of eyeliner on and your eyelashes are long."

"Am I pregnant?"

"Arr… does it matter?"

"Mmmm. I feel sexy being pregnant."

Rick froze, quite surprised by her reply. "Ok, you're pregnant, enough to see it beneath your tight red dress." Anything to help him.

"My shoes?"

"Easy. Your long boots that we bought in the Hamptons."

Kate laughed. "Bit slutty for the party." He loved the knee high boots he'd bought her. They had been on sale because it was summer and he'd had her wear them numerous times since.

"Those damn sexy boots." He groaned into her hair. "So you're walking about at the party, mingling, chatting, doing all that. Guys have tried to crack on to you."

"You love that."

"Keeps me on my toes, yes. And you come over to me, and you whisper, so no one else can hear. What do you whisper to me?" He encouraged her to reply, pulling her hips back against his pelvis so she would feel how hard he was for her.

Kate glanced to his hands on her then back to his eyes that were bright blue and as excited as he felt pressed against her buttock. "I lean over to your ear and with my lips pouted, I whisper, I have no panties on," she paused, then purred, pronouncing every syllable seductively of his name, "Richard Castle."

Rick's breath caught in his chest momentarily. "Ohhh…. Nice." He murmured in approval with a grin, feeling his penis jolt in response. "Jesus, you're so sexy!"

Kate felt his penis throb against her buttock, his hands go down her body. This time his hand went beneath her panties and slid between her lips to the most sensitive part of her body. He groaned a noise pure want. Kate's breathing ceased. She controlled her thoughts to stay with him. She felt him stop moving but he stayed, when he felt her hips buck in his direction and she cried.

She covered his hands with hers, holding him there. "It's ok." She reassured him.

"I know." He answered confidently. "It's me."

"Keep going with the story." She ordered.

"And I respond by saying. Prove it Beckett. Prove you wear no panties."

Kate giggled, letting her hands feel up his arms, over all his strong muscles, biting her lip. He chuckled and pressed his lips against her shoulder as she continued. "So I say to the writer that if he follows me to the wall, I will prove I don't wear panties."

Rick groaned as his imagination wandered ahead of him. "Wall sex." He almost exclaimed, circling her clitoris with a finger. "But the writer has other ideas. He wants to take his time with his lover."

"What does he do?" She was inquisitive to hear.

"He wants to taste her. He can smell her scent. She smells delicious, divine and is addictive. He longs to spoil her, make her feel loved, feel like a woman."

She hummed and bit her lip in thought. "So, what does he do?"

"He uses his mouth to travel down her back."

"She's in a red dress…" Kate reminded him.

Rick grunted with the realisation his imagination had jumped ahead of his story. "My fantasy has just moved forward. The writer can change reality to suit the narrative."

"Ok writer boy." She agreed with humour in her tone.

"So let's imagine the end of the scene at the party, advert break. Now …" He released a lustful groan, "We, you and I," his voice was lowered, sexy, "are in the bathroom," he growled. He pulled his hand back to her hips and started to make his way down her bare back with his mouth.

An uncontrolled grin spread over her face in response to his rarely used guttural tones. She whispered. "So hot, Baby!" Rick laughed glancing to her eyes via the mirror. Kate continued. "In that case, she has had time to imagine what he is going to do to her, what she wants him to do to her." Kate leaned over the basin enjoying what his mouth and hands created within her body. Her nerves were waking and she felt her blood rushing to her loins. His hand roam confidently down between her legs feeling her.

"What does the little firecracker want him to do?" He inquired as he lovingly felt his way over her buttocks. He crouched down, his hands on her thighs, his mouth over her buttocks.

"What he's doing is pretty good." She breathlessly replied having pretty much lost the ability to make rational responses.

"Mmm … I can see that." He replied, grinning at the sight of her very moist panties. He felt up her inner thighs. "So beautiful, my love." He mumbled almost to himself, his hands roaming her, stroking the tender flesh of her inner thighs. She was quivering. "Tell me what she wants."

"She wants you." Kate replied. "Castle, I'm getting dizzy."

He laughed heartily. "Good." He replied and stood up. "Give me your arm." He requested and turned her about by her hips. He saw her face and laughed harder. Cheeks were flushed, her lips full and her eyes black and dilated. She was in the zone. Green lights. "Oh baby, let me take you to bed." He took hold of her jaw and kissed her mouth seriously the same way she had kissed him during the day. She responded excitedly. Her body trembled in anticipation. His mouth travelled down her jaw, to her throat, his arms encircling her body, feeling every bit of her without hesitation. He returned to her mouth, and picked her up off the floor. She grabbed him at his shoulders, willingly responding.

In the bedroom Castle, laid her across the bed and followed to place himself over her but without any of his weight on her body. As long as she continued to respond and act in her usual behaviour, he wouldn't stop loving her for a second, wouldn't hesitate to smother her in affection. She made the right noises and moves in response to him.

He let himself go. Feeling confident he wouldn't scare her, he roamed her body, full of ravenous curiosity. He fondled and explored her breasts, sucked on her erect nipples, listened to her moan. Every place he touched her, he felt encouragement in her response. The caress of his fingers, the lick of his tongue or the brush of his lips, she was accepted him doing all of it. He explored with fascination the subtle changes in her body that was preparing for the growth and birth of her first baby. Her breasts were fuller rounder, her nipples a little darker, her belly showed a slight swelling and her waist and hips were starting to show changes. The first places to show, he thought. He adored the alterations the pregnancy caused in her and his touch expressed exactly that to Kate.

Her fingers that combed lightly through his hair brought him back to the present, to them. Her mouth on his shoulder bit playfully into his flesh, her eyes then glistening cheekily at him when he glanced between the bite mark and her eyes. Her touch caused him to groan with lust, as her hands ventured down his back, over his sides. He was over the flesh of her ribs, beneath her belly button he softly acknowledged the little swelling. He smiled and looked to her eyes.

"Us." He whispered his hand taking holding of hers, watching the smile break over her face. "It's us." He heard her release a girlish sound of her agreement.

She whispered. "Us."

He moved down the bed and rose up onto his knees. He maintained a vigil on her as he lifted her legs up to his shoulders. He slid his fingers beneath her panties and felt her push her ankles against his shoulders as she lifted her hips. He pulled down her panties over her buttocks and slowly brought them up her legs keeping his eyes on hers, looking for any hint of hesitation or fear. She was still with him. His heart thumped in anticipation and nervousness. He was fearful he wouldn't be able to stop after a certain point if she became too nervous to continue, but he refused to ask her as it would prompt her to think about things. Instead, he grinned boyishly and held her panties scrunched in his fisted hand against his face breathing in her scent with a lustful moan that came from deep within his soul. He felt her legs wrap around his torso and gripping him with her thighs, she pulled him down to her body, her hands reached about his neck. She was laughing at him.

"Actor." She hissed. "Come here and smell me." Every word was articulated and expressed with a sultry, demanding tone.

Rick discarded the panties with a toss over his shoulder. He lowered himself over her body, encouraged by Kate and placed his hands to each side of her shoulders holding his weight well above her, loving the affection she showered him with. His mouth closed over hers, kissing her like crazy. He paused. "This is one hell of a first date, Ms Beckett." He whispered in her ear and immediately felt her hands around his head drawing him back to her mouth.

When he knew in his heart that Kate wanted that simple, irrevocable act more than anything in the world, he simply entered her, directly, smoothly, without fuss.

He closed his eyes so his senses would feel any change in her. She gasped once. A pleasurable gasp. She felt small, tight. Her body stilled, processing his act and only her fingers moved on his ribs. He waited, feather kissed her neck, allowed her time. Moments later, he was rewarded. Her muscles relaxed around him, then she slowly swayed her hips beneath him, unsure of herself by the way she hesitated.

She gradually gained momentum, clasped herself around him and used her body to drive him. He instinctively followed her natural rhythm lost in his own senses. They were quiet, focussed on the simplicity of their motion. She began to push him into a level of urgency and excitement. Their love making became an act of blissful ravenous entanglement they hadn't shared for so long.

Afterwards, he lay alongside her, their bodies connected all the way down, his hand firmly holding hers. He was humble, quiet, his mind overflowing with thoughts ranging from gratitude to unconditional love, to the disbelief that she had shared that experience with him as she had. His heart still rapid, his body warm. He remembered the seconds she had climaxed crying at him not to stop, her shuddering orgasm bringing his own orgasm on.

He sighed, relieved she was against him. He sensed she wasn't scared, but there was an intensity emanating from her that he couldn't describe. Her long slender fingers gripped him. Her pale face stared at the ceiling with a neutral expression, but her jaw clenched. She was almost like a black and white photo in the dimness of the room. Her complexion was a bone greyish tone, contrasting to the dark tones of her eyes, eyelashes, eye brows and her long wavy hair that curtained her face. The light that did come from the bathroom reflected on her skin near her jaw down to over her chest. Breaking the silence with words would ruin the moment. The strength of her grip about his fingers also indicated to him he was best to remain silent. It was a guess, but knowing her as he did, he understood she needed to figure out a few things that were going on internally.

Meanwhile, as he was very fond of doing in those minutes after they had sex, he smoothed her skin with the palm of his free hand, his eyes followed the path his hand created, his finger tips, as light as a feather wandered aimlessly, explored over her hip, down her thigh, lazily back up her body over her tummy to the place between her breasts. Their scar. He rested his hand there and closing his eyes momentarily, he drew a deep long breath, relaxing. She made a sound. He opened his eyes.

He saw a single tear spill from her eye and watched it disappear into her hair. He wanted to say something, comfort her but he refrained. He let her be, but stayed with her physically and spiritually. For a long time her breathing was shallow.

The way he continued to make love to her after he'd come inside her was relishable to Kate. She needed it, but was unable to respond physically when her mind tripped and plummeted into a chaotic mess, a hole of despair.

Once it was over, when he had taken himself from her, Kate found she was uncontrollably trapped between two worlds of conflicting experiences. The physical act of sex that she had always loved to do, had been barbarically demoralised chunk by chunk by the events she had survived during seconds, minutes, hours and days at the warehouse. In steep contradiction to that, she had years of memories with Rick being with her, taking care of her, and over the past few months more the intense, complex and highly emotional experiences of making love with him.

She had wanted and taken him as her lover again. She knew it wasn't just a cock that had penetrated her body. It was Rick, a part of his body, the person she loved that had been within her. It was an extension of his soul, his being, the part of him that loved her and it was how he physically and generously expressed his love. He was different to other men, or those men. The tenderness, the feelings she felt in her mind and body when she made love with him were real. They had readily returned to her and been as strong tonight as they had been before she was abducted. There had been so much violence in the warehouse to overcome.

Rick's consistent patience, his control and the manner in which he had made love to her had completely overwhelmed her senses.

He was there, and he stayed there right beside her, his breath on her shoulder, his hand on her chest. Coming back to the bedroom, to the moment she was presently in with him, she looked toward him then rolled her head to the side so her forehead was against his. She closed her eyes, whispered, "Castle?"

Rick's eyes looked to her lips so close to him, as his hand went to the side of her head and stroked her hair back. "I'm here, Baby."

She hummed, bit her lip. Internally, Kate was fighting a battle with her own demons. She focused on how close he was, how her body responded and ignored the negatives swarming around her good thoughts. _No fear, no fear, no fear._ She chanted internally. She released a small whine, knotted her brow and pressed her lips to his. "Let's do that again." She said and rolled her body over to his.

Rick put up his hands unsure he really heard her correctly. "Really?"

She leaned into his embrace responded to his kisses and knelt up to entice his attention to her breasts. She wanted him to give her body physical affection, had missed the way he chased and physically sought her for hours on end in response to her teasing. She knew instinctively that Rick needed her to give herself back to him, to lead his progress in order to get all of him back, the lover she longed for. His performance earlier had been like a taste sample and now she wanted all of him, every bit of his body and soul.

"Castle, I'm yours." She offered. He had her left breast in his right hand his mouth on her right nipple. She let his arms embrace her body and he brought her against himself holding her firmly in a delicious hug, her arms holding his head. His face was between her breasts his hands roamed from her buttocks to her shoulders. He groaned full of want of her.

"You are like a drug." He told her. Kate made a content sound in response. "Just follow your instincts Katie." He encouraged. He saw her nod and she closed her eyes to permit her senses to take over. She savoured the feel of his hands over her body.

He decided to explore her body like he used to before she'd been taken.

Kate felt like putty in his hands. He touched like no one else in the world had ever touched her leaving trails of sensation all over her body. "Baby," escaped her lips in a whisper. She felt her body trembling with want. "Please don't stop." Kate took him in visually, cast her eyes lovingly over his bare chest, stroked her hands over him. He tilted his head back as she leaned to his neck. She breathed in his scent, pressed her lips to his skin. He heard her sounds of contentment and smiled as she returned to his mouth. She held her lips just near his and whispered. "Castle."

"I'm ready." He said breathing out, his inhalation was stopped as she covered his mouth with her own. His hands went up into her hair caressing her head so gently. She pulled back, looked deep into his blue eyes and smiled as she returned to his lips for another kiss.

"Castle." She breathed, her fingers over his lips, feeling them so softly with her tips. "I love your lips." She hummed. She pressed her lips to his left eye lid then his right one, "Your long eye lashes," cradling his head in her hands. She knelt up and moved her pelvis against his. She looked to his eyes aware of where his hand was, and she felt his other hand at the small of her back guiding her to the right place. She felt him just outside of her waiting. She looked into his bright blue eyes, her face almost against his.

"You love me?" He asked in a whisper, feeling her poised right over him. She was trembling with excitement as she normally did before they made love. His little firecracker he hadn't seen for so long.

"Yes." She smiled and kissed him. "As much as you love me." She replied as normal in a seductive whisper.

He instantly adjusted his pelvis the second he felt her hips move. She lowered herself down upon him feeling him penetrate her again. She stopped, her eyes widening, her smile broadening. She rose a little then lowered herself taking all of him inside her. He closed his eyes making his unique noise she loved to hear.

She slowly rotated her hips in her own rhythm feeling him inside her, moving in response to her. He was tried hard not to scare her and she could see that. She blocked everything from her mind and concentrated only on Castle and what he felt like, how much she longed to have him back as her lover and boyfriend. She just needed to be in control of her emotions and them tonight. She gripped the bed head as her body began to naturally move as it desired. She didn't think about how she did it, just remembered him, remembered how he was with her, how she loved him, how he felt in her, the feel of his hands over her body, his lips she kept returning to for the taste of him, of herself, them, their passionate kisses. She lost herself in him, permitted herself to be intoxicated by him, by them. He was the only thing in her world.

They lay together, Rick on his back and Kate to his right side snuggled up against him. They were drowsy with endorphins flowing through their blood, an after sex glow over their faces. Kate had her face almost pressed against his neck her arm over his chest, her fingers near his throat. His hand was continually stroking the side of her head.

She felt him sigh, listening to his heart slowing down its rapid pace. He pulses were hammering and his circulatory system was still in full flow providing much needed oxygen to his body. He was drowsy already.

"Katie?" He murmured and kissed her forehead.

"Mmm?" She caressed his chest waiting for him to continue.

"You know how there are moments in your life that are the best, that nothing can come close …"

"Mmm. There are." She agreed.

"Well, those moments when I'm inside you .. Some of the best moments in my life are when we're making love. I've never felt it with anyone else, only when it's with you." He finished and pressed his lips against her forehead again. He waited for her to process what he'd said.

Kate inhaled deeply and slowly. "Your best moments." She repeated as she exhaled, pondering over his words as she ran her hand over his chest. "My favourite moments are the same." She responded. "The intimacy, the emotions I feel for you are all intensified when we make love."

He squeezed her lovingly. "Are you ok?"

"Yes, way more than ok." She sat up and looked to Castle's eyes. "I have my lover back."

"Fiancé too." He smiled softly and stroked her hair. He saw she was content, her eyes were calm and dilated from their love making.

She played with his hair and his left ear and released a girlish laugh. "All that." She agreed.

"I was afraid I'd lost you." Rick confessed his hand stroking over her buttocks.

"No, never. I didn't know how I would react. I was really ready but scared at the same time."

"You got there." He replied positively with a smile and Kate grinned accepting another kiss. He whispered. "You got there. Good girl."

"You won't hesitate anymore?" She asked after several moments of silence.

"No. I didn't hesitate the first time, Beckett."

Kate smiled coyly. "No. You did just do it. No fuss style."

"So, if I wake you up in the middle of night to make love to you, like I used to, you will be ok with that?"

She released a noise of approval. "I love it when you wake me up to do that."

He rubbed her back. "Yeah, you're all cute and girlie in the wee hours of the morning. At night you're more like a tigress."

"I think there was a bit of that tigress tonight."

Rick turned off the lamp. "There was. There certainly was."


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

Moments after his left arm unwrapped from about her slender waist and he rolled to the other side of the bed still asleep, Kate slid across the bed and put her feet to the carpet careful not to disturb Castle. Naked, she tip toed to the bathroom and once inside it, switched on the lights and heat lamp, and finally pushed the door closed ensuring the door handle didn't click or sound loudly. The door shut, her body slumped against the back of the door where she heaved several relieved breaths of air.

After they made love for the second time there was a fair amount of energy used by Kate reassuring Castle she was emotionally alright. It hadn't been entirely the truth. In reality, whilst she had been showering him with her affection, she had experienced a substantial meltdown she had barely managed to keep concealed. She knew that if Rick saw how upset she had become, he would refuse come near her again. That was something she couldn't bear to have happen. So she had hidden it from Rick who had eventually settled.

For a long time she had laid still, breathing as though she had already dozed off, waiting for Rick to drift off to sleep. He had been so good, very comforting and he had fallen asleep believing she was at peace with herself and what they had done. It had been awhile that she had anxiously waited for the chance to escape his hold. His sweet consideration and comfort she understood and appreciated but she had only felt smothered and suffocated in what he thought was his snug embrace.

In the bathroom alone she was able to inhale and exhale deep breaths of air, finally free of the constricted feeling in her throat and tightness in her chest. The primal urge to push him away and run as far as she could had eased. Personal space was something she hadn't had much of recently which was gradually causing her feel increasingly claustrophobic.

With her head against the door, she closed her eyes, trying to maintain at least some control over the powerful emotions that were welling up within her now she was alone and didn't have to pretend she was alright. She was angry at herself because she was allowing the negative thoughts to take control, and worst of all she was having trouble controlling the fear that was bubbling up within her at a rapid pace. She had promised herself days ago she would not look back and would only focus on the positive aspects of her life.

The psychological problem she unexpectedly had were the physical reminders of what had taken place in the warehouse. It wasn't the physical act of making love with Rick. It was the results of having done it. In bed, the first stimulation had been the whiff of their combined sexual scents. The additional scent of Rick mixed with her own was all over and within her body and had been enough to arouse multiple memories she could have done without. Consequently, she was able to feel the fluid from their sexual acts as his ejaculations had naturally flushed from her body to her inner thighs. It was Rick's _footprint_ on her body and that was okay but her fears and memory didn't have the same opinion or ability to differentiate. The wetness between her thighs triggered vivid recollections of the moments after she had been raped when any of them were still over her. Awful seconds when the peak of the aggression was gone, when a spent body was slumped over her in recovery and when they looked into her eyes, their hands unconsciously falling over her head, in her hair in a passing caress. It had been disturbing to feel. She had seen the regret and guilt that had replaced the anger and aggression in their eyes. It was those times she'd struggled to escape them, their stench of sweat and their unwanted hands on her body that held her where they wanted her. It had sickened her then and still did.

She cautiously peered down her trembling body with the expectation she would see bruises and wounds, but there were only scars and smooth white skin. She gazed at her fuller breasts then the slight swelling in her abdomen for several seconds, placing her right palm over it. She hummed, focussing on thoughts of the baby inside her. It was the one thing that had preserved her own life, had caused her to make decisions against her own survival instincts to protect it, to ensure its survival.

With a surge of desire for a shower, Kate pushed herself off the door. She turned on the shower, adjusted the water until it was running a little hotter than she would normally like it to be and stepped beneath the shower, not able to get beneath water fast enough. She had an impulsive and overbearing need to wash. She dropped all the things she needed to the shower floor and squatted down to a sit underneath the full flow of the water. She hugged her knees and cried. Just cried.

She wasn't aware of how long she stayed like that on the floor but she eventually pulled herself back to the present, washed and conditioned her hair then took the sponge and liquid soap. She commenced to wash herself from head to foot. Still not satisfied, she reached for the back brush and used that to wash her body again, scrubbed her skin with determination. She brushed her teeth twice, and used the mouth rinse.

What didn't occur within Kate was a sense of satisfaction that she had sufficiently cleansed her body. She washed again, paying particular attention to her breasts then more so her vulva, scrubbed it hard, inspected herself then washed herself again from her thighs to her navel. She stood and with the shower piece in her hand she thoroughly rinsed herself, completely unaware she whimpered and muttered to herself most of the time. Her logical thinking repeatedly told her she was being stupid and she admitted to herself she couldn't make sense of her own actions, but her instincts were driving her to thoroughly wash and do it again and again, because a part of her felt awfully dirty. In the end it was the more dominant and logical part of Kate's character that finally forced her to turn off the taps and get out of the shower because she had cleansed enough. It wasn't sufficient but it had to do. Her practical side told it soap and water wasn't going to fix the problem. Anna would help her through it no doubt.

She wrapped her body in one of the large fluffy fawn coloured towels and sat on the edge of the bath hugging herself. For minutes she remained still, too paralysed with fear to move. Her body shook, but she wasn't cold. Her mind wouldn't leave the warehouse, wouldn't stop throwing images of what had taken place there. The damn table and what they had done to her on that table reeled through her mind like a maddening horror film. She cried silently, unable to stop the ongoing torment her own imagination put her through. She longed to go back to Rick, to be held by him but she feared he wouldn't understand why she was so stressed and upset.

Fully aware she was spiralling out of control again, she shifted her concentration to the psychological exercises Anna had trained her to work through whenever she became panicked. Utilising every effort to maintain focus, she progressively settled her mind until she was calmer and in better control of her emotions. Her body followed her mind and settled to a level of calmness. Her respiration and heart rate slowed, her eyesight became clearer and her ears stopped ringing. She gradually reached a stage where she was able to dress in a robe and think about what she wanted to do. She quietly left the bathroom. Rick had moved in the bed again but he remained asleep. Had he woken, she knew he would have found her by now. Keeping as quiet as possible, she crept past the bed into the hallway and then the living room where she could have some time alone with a mug of warm, sweet, vanilla milk.

For a long time after she had finished her drink, Kate stared vacantly into the open fire. Her imagination was miles away from where she sat. She hadn't been able to fully clear her mind of the succession of images but she had slowed them down and limited them to the times she could keep control of. During the time she'd been held captive, she had quickly learnt to mentally switch off or to transport herself to better places. She did the same thing in front of the fireplace, persuaded herself to drift off to the beach house, the horses, the beach. Rick was at her side or trying to keep up. As she progressively calmed down, her imagination wandered far from the beach and begun to narrow in on things closer to home and to reality. She contemplated where they would be now if she wasn't pregnant. Would Rick and her have stayed together and if so, where would Castle have hidden them? They could have gone anywhere, done anything. In all seriousness, she thought she would have stayed in the city and eventually would have hunted Bracken down to finish things between them once and for all.

Her thoughts were interrupted by movement in her peripheral vision. Her eyes shifted to the hallway door as it opened and she watched Martha head towards the kitchen using the light from the hall way and the open fire to guide her. She was about half way across the room when she must have spotted Kate.

She jumped in fright. "Oh my God!" Martha exclaimed startled into a breathless state, her hands grasping her chest the instant she saw Kate on the couch. "You scared the life out of me! What are you doing out here?"

Kate took a breath. "Martha." She murmured. "I'm sorry," with thoughts she would have actually laughed any other time over Martha's strong reaction.

"Why aren't you in bed asleep with Rick?" She asked stepping closer to Kate who was buried in throw rugs. She was huddled at the end of the couch, her favourite place to sit.

"I have some things to think through."

"Does Richard know you are out here alone?"

Kate shook her head. "No. He is asleep."

"Ok." She assessed Kate momentarily and pointed to the kitchen. "I would like a drink. Do you want anything?"

"No thank you." Kate stayed where she was and listened to Martha fuss around in the kitchen. She wondered whether Martha would let her be and return to bed or join her on the couch. It didn't bother Kate at all if she decided to keep her company for awhile. Time spent with his family over the past eight or so months had helped Kate appreciate the value of family and she and Martha had formed a tight bond.

Martha returned with a drink and sat on the couch beside Kate. She made herself comfortable turning a little toward Kate. To Martha, Kate was tired and paled compared to the beautiful woman she'd seen on her son's arm only the evening before. She reached her hand to the side of Kate's face and just touched her skin. She was felt warm. She'd been crying but it appeared the worst of it was over. "What is wrong, Katherine? What has upset you?"

The side of Kate's mouth lifted a little, "I can't talk about it," she whispered but closed her eyes when Martha wiped beneath her eye with a clean tissue. She took the tissue from Martha and smiled. She felt her hands move to the side of her head to feel her hair.

"Your hair is damp and cold." Kate didn't say anything so Martha continued, dropping her hand. "It's okay to talk about things, Kate.

"I miss my mother sometimes, Martha." She stated.

"I know I can't replace you mother, but I'm here for you."

Kate released a small sound of anguish in response to Martha's compassion. No one could replace her mother whom she often missed and even more so since she had fallen pregnant but Martha did a great job of filling the role without trying. She settled quickly because she wasn't upset over her mother's absence. It wasn't about anyone other than herself and she wasn't confident she could successfully explain to Martha what she had gone through earlier, how she was affected by it. Even if her mother was alive, Kate knew she wouldn't be able to discuss it with her either. She stared at Martha's face a moment, then said, "I'm okay. My mother wouldn't be able to help me with this." She didn't feel comfortable talking about what bothered her with her partner's mother either. She was positive Rick wouldn't want her sharing too many details with his mother. Hell, Kate struggled to discuss sex with Rick at the best of times even if she did enjoy participating in it with him, a lot. But once again, it wasn't the sex with Rick that was the problem.

Martha reached to Kate's hand and took a gentle hold of it, also taking a moment to study Kate's face, She did the simple maths that was in front of her to get an intuitive grasp of what was going on in Kate's mind. Rick and Kate had gone out for dinner. Kate had looked beautiful and Martha guessed that Rick had been his typical charismatic self and had given Kate a perfect date. He was exceptional at dating women. Upon returning to the apartment, they'd had coffee, as she had seen two mugs by the sink and perhaps after that, Kate and Rick had made love, or at the least, had attempted to. Martha knew there hadn't been much going on between them prior to yesterday besides some heavy petting and fluffing around, but it was quite clear through Kate that their relationship had shifted up a gear in the past few hours. She glanced around the room then settled her gaze back on Kate having figured out a way to encourage Kate to talk, "Did you have a nice evening together?"

Kate smiled and nodded her head. "It was really good. We had fun. He does know how to treat me like a lady."

"I hope so. I raised him to be a gentleman." She smiled softly. "I know he's sometimes difficult, self-centred and childish, but overall he's a very good man."

As soon as Martha said that, Kate became weepy, "He's not so self-centred," she defended, "He's actually patient and very generous." She wiped her eyes. "I hate crying like this but it's hard, Martha. So hard for me every single day! I got hit by something I didn't see coming, that's all. It's just I always have to be strong because I'm Detective Kate Beckett."

"You're not that Detective at the moment so ease up on yourself. You are a woman who has been through an awful experience, been required to recover too rapidly. On top of it you are pregnant and full of crazy, but incredibly delicious hormones."

"This is hormones?" She asked in surprise wondering whether hormones could be so damn cruel.

"Not now. I'll show you hormones later today. You and I will go out together and leave Richard here."

"I would like that. You're going home in two days Martha," Kate started to cry again. "I'm sorry," she laughed wiping her eyes.

"That's hormones." Martha replied with a laugh and squeezed Kate's hand. "What has upset you, Darling?"

"I'm just very mixed up as you can see."

"What are you thinking about that is confusing you?"

"I'm having a hard time dealing with thoughts in my head."

Martha hummed a response unsure how far she could push her with questioning. She was slowly learning that with Kate, she had to take her time. On this occasion she felt she needed to be a little more direct and patted her knee. "Come on, talk to me, what are you thinking about?"

Kate rolled her eyes to the ceiling, stifling her cries. She blew her nose into a tissue. "Rick and I made love earlier but it's not about that. It's just so unfair. I didn't ask for any of that and now I have it for the rest of my life."

"Yes, it was very unfair what they did to you," she paused as she tried to figure out the most appropriate thing to say to her, "But it's happened, we can't change that and you are learning day by day to cope with every aspect of it. You're doing exceptionally well and you have to accept minor setbacks on this journey."

"Treacherous journey." Kate commented.

"Yes, certainly treacherous. Your internal strength, your instincts to survive will give you the mechanisms to eventually cope with everything."

She momentarily considered what Martha had said to her. Anna had explained virtually the same sort of thing only a day or so ago. She put her other hand over Martha's and glanced to the hallway door before she whispered. "I am scared most of the time Martha. I don't have a gun, I'm not physically strong enough to defend myself yet."

"But you're getting there."

"And if I wasn't pregnant," She stopped and cried a little more in frustration. "I'm impatient." She growled.

"And if you weren't pregnant?" Martha queried.

"I probably would have run away by now or done something stupid." She wiped her eyes. "But I am pregnant and I wouldn't give that up for anything."

"Oh good. You had me worried." Martha said in pure relief.

Kate smirked. "I didn't mean it like that. But I can't protect myself." She shrugged her shoulders and looked to the fire place before she continued. "Rick holds me here because I want to be with him the most. The baby, well it anchors me here because it needs to have a father and the stability of a home."

"Running away is not the answer, Kate. You need to stay where you are. You are safest with Richard, where you are now." She reinforced. "Even if you weren't pregnant, he has the resources to keep you safe."

"Today I don't feel that way," she confessed, "I feel safest here with him most days but not right now."

She stroked the side of Kate's face once. "Did he scare you when you made love?" She opted to remain direct, a little concerned that Kate was circling what was really bothering her. Kate shook her head, her eyes turning to the back of the couch where her fingers fiddled with the edge of it.

She swallowed then said. "No. It was sweet and he just …. He just knows when to do something and how far to take it… He knew when it was the right time and he took me with him as he is so good at doing."

"So what the two of you shared was good?" Martha asked and saw Kate nod.

"Really good," she smiled, "It's your son I'm talking about," she hinted, "and he will hate I'm talking to you about us."

"And he's a grown man and he's with you. I know what he's like, Kate. When you were finished, is that when you became upset?"

She nodded again. "Afterwards is what triggered reminders of things that had occurred in the warehouse. My brain can be so relentless, like its out to punish me, Martha."

"But the physical act with Richard was good for you." She confirmed with relief in her tone that Kate's problem wasn't about them but was something Kate could work productively through with help.

Kate smirked and once again rolled her eyes toward the ceiling, really struggling to talk frankly about sex. "God Kate, grow up," she muttered to herself and made a decision to be more adult about it, approach the discussion with maturity. It was one thing Anna had pointed out to her some time ago that she needed to open up a little more. She looked directly at Martha who waited patiently for her response. It seemed nothing caused Martha to feel uncomfortable. Rick tended to be reluctant to talk to his mother about private matters even if he insisted he was Alexis's _go to guy_ for anything. He couldn't talk about sex with his mother. How odd, Kate thought and nodded. "No problem with Rick. I wasn't afraid at all while we were… ummm… well, while we were doing it, everything was good, better than good." Kate admitted with a bite of her lower lip, then she focused on the real problem. "It was after." She blew air between her lips knowing she needed to tackle this issue head on and this was her opportunity to do it. No fear. She released her hands from the blanket to help her communicate what she was trying to verbally relay to Martha and looked at Martha seriously. She continued, "Afterwards .. as in what I physically felt. It's really personal, Martha but there were just things that reminded me of the warehouse that I will need to learn to deal with. They were unexpected, triggered memories and gravely upset me."

"You've had a shower."

Kate hummed a response. "Because of what bothered me. A very long shower."

"Do you still feel dirty?"

She nodded and shrugged her shoulders and her eyes widened in surprise that had Martha understood why she had washed. "I made love with Castle, but I felt dirty afterwards and I don't know how to stop that because it's not him that made me feel like that. It reminded me of what happened." She glanced to her body. "I washed thoroughly even though I knew it was stupid. I couldn't stop myself. I know I should be sensible, but my mind sends me crazy when it remembers. I was dirty for days."

"You're not being crazy," Martha reassured, "But you do need to talk this out. Do you have an appointment with Anna today?"

"Yes. Every day I see her."

Martha nodded. "That's good. Honey, it is normal for you to feel like you are. You have so many things you are dealing with. This is the first time you two have been together since the boys found you?"

Kate nodded yes. "We played around a bit but no more."

"You enjoyed it? That's what matters."

"Martha, he's your son. I …."

"Just pretend he's not, Darling. You are in a crisis at four am. You're limited as to who you can talk this out with." Martha sat back on the couch, "and you need to talk about it no matter how many times we have to rehash it."

Kate smirked and wiped her eyes. "Yes. You're right. I enjoyed it a lot. We are good together, always have been, Martha, and that's what makes it so hard for me because I want to be with him and I want him to want me. Now I have those unwanted demons in my head."

"Think of the positive things, Katherine." She smiled as Kate rolled forward then laid down on her side resting her head on Martha's lap. "You should have dried your hair. You will catch a cold."

"It's warm in here." Kate murmured not caring about her hair in the least and stared at the fire that was burning well, keeping the room warm. She had replenished it with a couple of logs earlier. She closed her eyes as Martha stroked the side of her head. It was comforting. Never in her life, since her mother had died, had she missed her as much as she had the past month or so. It had been her premature loss that had mostly affected Kate, but lately it was her absence she that bothered her the more.

Martha continued to caress the younger woman thinking that as much as Kate put on a front with everyone that she was doing okay, Martha saw the façade to see a very frightened woman who struggled to get out of bed some mornings and struggled to be a girlfriend. She was constantly coming to terms with what had happened to her and why. "You're not crazy." Martha repeated.

"I will survive this Martha." She reassured. "I'm not alone."

"Far from it. We will take care of you." Martha said and felt Kate shift.

"I know." She opened her eyes. "I probably just need to do it with Rick again." She said with a little cheekiness in her tone. "Like falling off a horse. You get straight back on."

"Yes, but I haven't seen you fall off a horse yet." Martha replied with a chuckle recalling the times she had sat and watched Kate have riding lessons during their summer at the Hamptons. "Anyway, you will wear Richard out." She patted Kate's upper arm indicating she was having a joke.

"Yeah, probably." Kate agreed, thinking about going back to bed as she was growing tired. "Do you think he will understand why I got upset?"

"Of course Richard will understand…"

"What will I understand?" Rick asked. "Where's Kate? I miss her not being in the bed with me."

Martha looked to Rick who sleepily scratched his beard. She pointed to Kate lying on the couch. "See, Kate?"

Rick looked to the bundle beneath the throw rugs, giving his mother a questioning glance. "Is she okay?" He quietly asked fixing his boxers at his waist.

Martha shook her head in the negative, looking down to Kate's dark hair. "You miss your mother, don't you?" She inquired stroking Kate face and heard her response as a noise.

"I miss her a lot." Kate replied. On a daily basis she and Martha had been reading her mother's journals together, also using the time to bond.

"This is because of before?" Rick asked but had summed up, his throat swelling with worry he had scared Kate.

"Yes and mostly no." Martha seriously replied with a shrug of her shoulders. "It's just a little set back, Richard."

Rick glanced to the ceiling and breathed out slowly before he looked down to both women. "God, Katie. I'm sorry."

"No, no." Kate pushed herself up quickly to a sit, "No, it's not you." She reached for his hand and pulled him to sit between herself and Martha. She wriggled along the couch and once Rick was seated, she shifted into his embrace hugging him tightly. He saw her face.

"You've been crying." He observed his tone sounding broken hearted, and held her firmly, "God Kate, I'm so sorry, Baby."

"It's not you. It's them, Rick. It was them in the warehouse. And I cry a lot lately." Kate stressed, "Please don't make this about us."

Rick held her head and dropped his own head back to the support of the couch staring at the ceiling in weariness. He could kick himself for making love to her so soon. He still tasted her, smelt her scent on his skin in his beard. She literally still pulsed through his veins, his being. He felt is mother's hand rest on his shoulder.

"Richard, it's what happened in the warehouse that's haunting her, not you." Martha calmly explained

"I just brought it all flooding back." He replied in resignation.

"No, you … you made love with me. We made love. There's significant difference between what we did and what they did to me." Kate strongly objected attempting to sit up but Rick kept her in his hold. She relaxed again in order to prove to him she felt safe in his hold.

"You showered." He stated and stroked his hands through her hair. "Your hair is wet." He knew she only washed her hair every other day and she had washed it before they went out.

"I was cold." She lied shooting a glance at Martha who gave Kate a sign of assurance that she wouldn't divulge their conversation to Rick. He lifted Kate's hand by her wrist and studied her skin over the back of her hand, along her forearm. It was blemished right up her forearm and dry from soap. He gently lifted her arm closer to his body and pointed at it showing his mother, quite aware of what had happened in the shower. She had done the same thing for a few days after they had moved to Montreal.

"Oh, Kate." He sighed, glancing to his mother.

"She's okay with you, Richard. I promise you that." Martha said. "I will leave you two alone and Kate, I will come with you when you see Anna."

"Ok. Thank you, Martha. Good night." Kate looked over Rick's shoulder at Martha who poured herself another drink then walked back to the hall, closing the door behind her. She then put her head back against Rick's shoulder and closed her eyes. They remained silent awhile which gave Kate time to think about the situation and how Rick perceived it. He really didn't understand the full context of her problem. Kate decided she needed to say something to ease the burden he current carried because he thought she was upset over what they had done. She could feel his heart pounding in his chest and his expression was full of worry. "Castle?"

Rick moved his head toward hers. "Mmm?"

She touched her fingertips over his bare chest and stomach. "We concluded, Martha and I ..." She began and bit her lip.

"Oh yeah? This is gonna be interesting." He chuckled stroking her head. "Go on, I'm listening."

"She makes sense sometimes."

"I know, like I do." He commented, twisting her damp curls around his fingers.

"No." Kate disagreed.

Rick sighed. "Tell me, Kate, what did you talk about?"

"It was my suggestion, but we concluded you and I need to just do it again."

Rick sighed again, said nothing but he played with her hair, processing her suggestion.

Kate pressed on. "Well?"

He kissed his lips to her forehead. "No. Not now," he whispered.

"I'm not saying now." She confirmed, "But Castle…"

"Kate, how much did you wash yourself?" He asked and immediately felt Kate push off him. He lifted his arm away letting her go. She shifted to the end of the couch and stared at him with dark narrowed eyes, her lips pursed, the jaw set square. All he saw was a Kate's scary look. He shifted uncomfortably and carefully gazed at her. "How much?" He persisted.

"Enough." She huddled up again but stared right at him seeing he wasn't satisfied with her answer. "A lot," she confessed, feeling the burden of his stare, "but it wasn't because of you or us. Afterwards is what triggered a few bad memories."

Rick gazed at Kate for several long seconds. There wasn't a hint of fear or anger in her eyes like he'd seen many times recently, but there plenty of love. She had been upset but he could see she was definitely learning to cope. To himself he thanked Anna for being such a good psychiatrist. He had blindly put his faith in an unknown woman and she had not only helped Kate but had proven how professional and talented she was. Kate was walking proof of her abilities. He put his hand to Kate's knee and smiled at her. "You really want to have sex with me again?"

Kate held off a smile, "Of course!" The smile broke, "I always want to make love with you. I want you to want me."

"Then why were you upset?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "There are post sex things I need to learn to deal with."

"Like us having sex."

Kate shook her head in objection and pointed a finger at him and his persistence it was about them having sex. "It's not about us, Rick. Please don't make it about us. I said post sex."

"Is that the truth?" He seriously looked into her eyes again noting she didn't waver.

She leaned forward and almost hissed. "It's not us. There are components of what we did that my brain associates with what happened to me but it's not us. That's the truth." She sat back, a little frustrated with him not believing her.

"Ok then." He replied in acceptance of what she said as he started at the fire place. They were silent for awhile, both of them thinking. He finally looked at her taking her hand in his. "Let's go back to bed?" Rick suggested, "I'll do it again." He shook her hand playfully, smiled devilishly, and looked down her body, "It's been awhile so I'm keen."

"Now?" She asked in surprise, her face taking on a naughty expression as she assessed his expression to see whether he was serious.

"Well, we don't have to get up for work…" he offered and peered down to his boxers and put a hand over his groin. He glanced to her, "I guess we're good to go." He smiled very boyishly.

Kate looked from his eyes to his hand and back again with a smile of serious contemplation. She had to overcome this post sex issue she had and make sure he didn't get it in his head it was because of him. She then crookedly smiled as a thought came to her.

Rick caught the expressions that crossed Kate's face with her thoughts and knew in that second she was going to follow him if he stood. He glanced back to his groin that had started to get that longing ache he'd held off for weeks. The look she had given him was enough to start him up. Not a second later she reached to his hand as she moved toward him. He tugged her over the couch toward him and took hold of her bare thigh as she straddled his lap. She untied the robe letting it fall open in front of him.

"Oh…yes. Naked." He smiled at her face then slowly gazed down her bare chest pushing away the bathrobe. She felt warm. He saw her expression her understanding that she wished to be dominant and laughed. "Yes, I'm at your service."

"Castle," she purred, "my love," she kissed him, "it's not about us, darling," another tender kiss on his lips, "never us."

"Promise me." He smoothed his fingertips around the small of her waist to the dip in spine and ran his hands up the middle of her back, thinking about how small she really was. She leaned in closer drawn to him by his caress. Yeah, she was tall, physically strong and capable, had a big personality and all combined made her seem a lot bigger than she was. Her personality was bigger than life and her vivacious personality was gradually returning. When she was on him, like now, making out with him her size was put in perspective. She was small, physically fine, of insignificant weight on his lap. She was trying so hard to be mentally and physically strong.

Her long fingers cupped his bearded jaw and she kissed his mouth, bringing him back to the present. Her voice, her bedroom voice she only used for him, was like music to his soul, "It's not about us," she murmured reassuringly, "I promise, please don't think it's us, Baby." She kissed him again and lifted her hips until she was right over his hardened penis. "Please Ricky, it's not about us."

Rick groaned at the tone of her voice the seductive way she said _Ricky._ His breathing shallowed, "Okay." He shifted his pelvis when he felt Kate rise off him momentarily. She brought him out of his boxers and he gazed down to her groin, having forgotten their conversation.

"Castle?" She lifted his chin, distracting him momentarily, so he looked at her. She smiled at his glazed blue eyes and she smiled aware he was on his way to really getting into her. "When it's over, please trust me and do what I ask of you. Okay?"

"I trust you, more than anyone. I'll do anything for you."

She bit her lip. "Good. Then do as I ask." She kissed him pressing her body against his chest, feeling his hands up her back, roam to her buttocks. He groaned his approval. She nibbled at his neck, stroked her hand over his beard, and sucked on his ear lobe, everything done softly and tenderly before she paused, "Kate is back," was whispered close to his right ear seconds before she took him as her lover again.

"I'll be okay." Kate brightly widened her eyes at Rick who stood right in front of her, his hands on her upper arms.

"Are you sure? Because …"

"Castle I'll be fine. I have Martha with me." She confirmed.

"I can grab my coat." He offered.

"Rick. I have to do this." She said, snorting with laughter at his obsessive and protective behaviour.

Rick let her go, ignoring her snort of amusement, "Alright, but both of you keep your cell phones on you. If anything happens you have to phone me right away."

Kate glanced to Martha for help, but Martha stayed quiet. Kate then turned back to Rick and leaned to him to kiss his mouth a little wary he was going to capture her as he often did. "I will speak to you when we get to Anna's office, then every hour after that. How is that? I promise you I will come back." She said coyly glancing to his groin. She bit the right side of her bottom lip and looked back at his eyes.

He grunted in acknowledgement not restraining the expression on his face that reflected his thoughts, "You promise?" He asked, fully aware she had been half expecting him to grab her up into his embrace with the look she'd had in her eyes. She was becoming cheeky again.

"I promise."

"You hear that Mother? She promises to phone me every hour and come back."

"Yes, Richard. Kate will call you every hour. And she's not going anywhere."

Kate stood back, sobering. Enough with teasing him. "He's being ridiculous, Martha." Kate stated adamantly and walked toward the front entrance to put on the leather boots she could walk comfortably in. Martha was ready and holding her coat. Kate grabbed hers along with a hat and scarf. She opened the door, checking she had her wallet in her hand bag. "Bye Castle."

"We'll see you later, Richard." Martha said waving to her son who stood in the middle of the room looking a little bewildered but more so looking like an abandoned puppy.

He looked to Martha, "Mother. You call if anything ….."

"Castle…. We'll be ok." Kate called.

"Kate!" Rick shouted after her and hurried to the door. Kate turned and smiled to him.

"Yes?" She stepped into his space.

"Do you have enough cash?" He inquired wrapping his arms around her waist.

"I have a thousand that you gave me a month or so ago." She replied playing with his shirt collar.

"Seriously?" He asked in surprise. "You haven't spent that yet?"

"I'm always with you and you always pay." She knotted her brows wondering what he was thinking this morning. He was unusually absent minded. She tilted her head to the side a little and bit her lip before a smile broke. She lightly tapped her finger tips on his chest. "I think you got too much of it last night." She commented, raising an eyebrow, her eyes looking at his through her lashes.

Rick immediately grinned. "Yeah well, maybe. But am I complaining?"

"No. Not thinking either." She went to pull away but he wasn't letting go of her just yet.

"Oh. Right. Well, so long as you have enough money, just in case." He brought her closer and squeezed her before he patted her on her ass. "I don't want you cashless out there." He let her go.

Kate glanced to Martha with a look of exasperation on his face. "See what I can do to your son, Martha? Loses the ability to think coherently."

"You've done that to him for years, Katherine. Come on. You will be late. Richard, she will be fine. Say goodbye to each other." Martha ordered, smiling, extremely happy the two of them had significantly bonded during the night. Something great had occurred after she had left them in the living room. She didn't want to know what, but both of them were happier, a lot happier.

Kate turned back to Rick. "I have to go. I will be late to Anna's." She said. "Good bye, Ricky."

Rick grabbed Kate again causing her to squawk in surprise, and hugged her tightly, glancing to his Mother with worry. She rolled her eyes at him. "Be careful." He murmured to Kate.

"I will. I will see you later." Kate pulled away, pecked his cheek then backed out the door after Martha who was already on her way down the corridor. She jogged after the older woman and fell in beside her, glancing back over her shoulder to see Rick was watching after them. "Is your son a little obsessive this morning?" She asked quietly.

"No, but he is over protective of you."

"It will fade off with time." Kate did up her coat in preparation for the weather outside. At the foyer they peered out at the dreadful weather then glanced to each other. "Are we crazy?"

"I'm not sure. I just hope it eases up for the flight home tomorrow." Martha pushed open the door. "Let's get you to your appointment."

"After that, I would like to find a hairdresser. My hair badly needs doing. I have like three months of regrowth."

"Great idea."

"I also want to have my eyebrows tidied up and …" Kate glanced to Martha, reminding herself to be open more, "well, I need to go to a waxing salon." She offered up and swallowed hoping she didn't have to elaborate any further than that. She hitched her hand bag up on her shoulder, then took hold of Martha's arm in case she were to slip on the ice. It was unbelievably cold.

"Alright." Martha smiled at Kate in understanding, more than pleased to hear she was very interested in taking care of herself, well, every bit of herself by what she had planned for the day. "It looks like we have a ladies day planned."

"Yes," Kate agreed, "a ladies day." She nodded and continued down the path that had been cleared for pedestrians. Snow covered everything. Kate struggled to remember a winter in which she had seen so much snow. Rick had even suggested they hire a car and go away for a few days to the mountains to ski.

"Are we seriously going in here?" Kate inquired containing her level of excitement. They stood outside the entrance of a baby store. She glanced between Martha and the store, a huge smile spreading over her face, her wide eyes lighting up like a child's.

"Yes, we're going in here." Martha hooked her arm into Kate's. "Come." She encouraged with every intention of having Kate experience the joys of being pregnant. Martha really wanted Kate to be self indulgent and focus on her future.

They had left the hairdressing salon four stores down in the mall from where they now stood. Martha had had her hair styled while Kate had hers coloured with highlights and trimmed. It was little lighter than the colour her regular hairdresser would colour it and she was very happy with the results.

Kate gazed wide eyed at the entrance. "I don't know if I'm ready, Martha." She said with a high tone of voice. She had been longing to visit a baby store and every time her and Rick had passed one he had urged her to keep walking, on each occasion muttering words about it not being the time for her to nest yet. "But I so am ready." She murmured.

"Kate, you are over twelve weeks pregnant. You have crossed the first trimester mark so it safe for you to look."

"I can't buy anything yet. I promised Castle I would wait until we go home. He's worried about me doing something …" She waved her hand in the air dismissing her boyfriend's concerns, because the desire to even sneak a peek at what was in the store was far more important than Rick's worries.

"Come in and have a look. I never promised him I wouldn't buy anything for my future grandchild."

Kate looked at Martha and grinned mischievously, having discovered a loophole to avoid Rick's restriction on her. "Alright." She said. "Now we have a plan." She took hold of Martha's arm as the pair walked into the store Kate enthusiastically leading the way.

"Even if you don't buy what you want today, we can write down what you want and I will pick it up in New York."

"Martha, you are so devious!" Kate laughed rubbing her hands together.

"I can be."

Kate laughed and let go of Martha as intrigue took over her sending her state of excitement to a whole new level that she tried to maintain control of. However, her excitement was becoming extremely difficult to manage. She had never walked into a baby store before and was immediately caught up in the stuff that surrounded her. Until today, Kate had kept it to herself that she had desperately longed to go baby shopping even only to have a look at what things they were going to require soon. She also wanted a baby journal to record events in. She was however instantly drawn to the racks of infant clothing.

Martha initially followed Kate, staying behind her mainly to soak in Kate's reaction to being in the store. A store assistant had approached her to see if she had required assistance but Martha politely declined, telling her that her daughter was fine. Kate, who still in her regular jeans, fitted tops, looking tall and gorgeous didn't look pregnant yet but she did have a glow. Maybe her breasts were fuller, her skin was beautifully clear of blemishes but that was about the extent of it. With her hair coloured, trimmed and styled it into loose curls she looked stunning compared to the woman Martha had found early that morning on the couch. Now, she was like a kid in a candy store. Martha wanted Kate to have an uninterrupted few minutes of exposure to the environment, to let her soak it in and have a serious grasp of reality. She wished Rick had been with them to see how his girlfriend responded, that she needed to be exposed to her future. Only even if it gave Kate a little hope and optimism to aid in her full recovery, then it was worth it. The hours spent reading online and virtual shopping she had seen Kate doing were not the same as feeling and seeing things in front of her. Kate wandered the aisles, checked through clothing and toys, her eyes barely staying on anything for much longer than a second or two. A smile was over her face and her eyes glistened with excitement every time she glanced at Martha who repeatedly encouraged her to keep browsing.

Kate was a brighter, happier woman to the solemn one who had left Anna's consulting room a few hours earlier. Rick had said she always left her appointment, looking tired and withdrawn, and she had been exactly as he had described. As Rick had suggested Martha do afterwards, they had found a coffee shop where they had ordered coffees and a snack before they had continued on to the waxing salon then the hairdresser. In her usual way, Kate had quickly moved on, her mood had lightened and she was chirpier than she's been for a long time.

"Martha? Look at this blanket!" Kate held up a white blanket that had baby elephants printed over in pink, grey, yellow and pink, interrupting Martha's thoughts. "How much space do you have in your suitcase?" She inquired as Martha examined the blanket.

"Plenty of space. Its cotton and very cute." Martha commented.

"It's very cute. I want it. White so if we have a boy it doesn't matter." Kate dropped the sample and selected a packaged blanket ensuring it was exactly like the one they had inspected. "It would be far more practical to know what we're having, but I want it to be a surprise." She said to Martha.

"Then we stick with neutrals." Martha responded. "You really don't want to know?"

"Mmm.." Kate smiled. "Element of surprise, Martha, for everyone." She followed Martha along a bit further inspecting other types of blankets. She was happy with her choice. They strolled through the displays of cots, change tables, strollers, pushers, things she didn't know the names of wondering which room they would use for the baby at the loft. Would Rick move into the master bedroom upstairs or would he still want to sleep in their bedroom off the study. How long would the baby sleep in their room? So many questions. Kate was jolted back to the present to the half dozen cots surrounding her, not having a clue as to which type would be the best to buy. She would leave that decision for Castle to make. "There's so much stuff!" She exclaimed.

"And you won't need half of it." Martha replied. "Your first baby will be the most expensive to set up and you will buy things only to find out you don't use half of them. Are you planning on having more than one?"

Kate laughed in a mixture of amusement and fear. "Rick is. I think he just wants to turn me into a baby making machine so I won't be a cop anymore." She half joked. "I will wait and see how I go with this one, but Rick is keen for more than one."

"Really?"

Kate nodded, "Uh huh. He says he wants to keep me safe. Since what happened, he's even more so, but I guess that's my fault for agreeing to go into protection." She paused, thinking about that decision and the consequences of it then dismissed it. She fiddled with her engagement ring a second or so, staring at it then picked up an item made of white cotton that was long and seemed to hang. She studied it unsure of its purpose her brow knotting in thought. "What…"

"You can store diapers in it and hang it from something." Martha explained and immediately Kate discarded it now she understood its purpose. She was amazed at how fast Kate moved past her issues, but she also knew she was just shoving them into the background. Rick was right when he said that Kate's issues bubbled to the surface at the least expected times when she would get really upset. Like four in the morning.

"I feel so naïve." She muttered. "Why not fold them in a cupboard or drawer?"

"I agree. Far more practical. You're not naïve. You just haven't been exposed to having babies. You will be now."

Kate grunted. "If Rick has his way it's all I will be exposed to." She said in a tone that told Martha she didn't mind that sort of future at all.

"I think he would like a son." Martha remarked. "He certainly has enough women in his life."

"Yes he does." Kate smirked. "He wants a boy, but he thinks I should have a girl." Kate picked up a soft toy elephant that reminded her of her collection of elephants on her desk at the Precinct. It was cute. "But I don't really care either way. It's alive." She smiled at the elephant and decided it was coming with her, feeling strangely odd that she was attracted to a soft toy. "Logical, practical Kate," she murmured to herself, "where on earth has she gone?" She stopped and gazed around the store cluttered with all sorts of baby items which a year ago her entering would have been as foreign to her as she could imagine and not at all in her conscious thoughts. "Martha, I understand what you meant about hormones earlier." She stated.

"You do?" Martha glanced over her shoulder to Kate's eyes. She was exhilarated but she barely showed it. Martha only knew it because she recognised small changes in Kate's behaviour. People who knew her less wouldn't notice in the slightest she was about ready to combust with excitement.

"My heart is almost going to burst I'm so excited." Kate said pressing her palms together and gazing about.

Martha who browsed through a rack of clothes further down the aisle quietly replied, "Your hormones are taking over Kate."

"It's amazing that being told you may struggle to conceive has the ability to change what you want in life." She said to Martha. "It changed our lives forever. We were forced to make decisions."

"For the better, Darling. It's very exciting that you are having a baby." Martha seriously said to Kate and held up several bibs that caused Kate to smile.

She started to bite her nail, "I wanna cry, Martha," Kate confessed, "I am that excited."

Seeing Kate was very excited, Martha approached her and put her arm around her waist, "See, I told you I would show you hormones in action."

She held Martha's hand, and scanned the shop, trying to figure out what her internal dialogue was saying to her and what her emotions were doing. She was feeling emotions and experiencing thoughts and images that were totally foreign to her. "I want to go home. I want to set up a nursery."

"You have plenty of time to do that."

"Not even six months. We also need to move my stuff from my apartment because I won't need to keep the apartment anymore. We need to be where Castle is."

Martha blinked and gazed over Kate's face seeing how serious she was. She realised she had just witnessed Kate had been mentally catapulted forward in a single massive leap. "I can arrange to have your belongings moved out of the apartment." She reassured.

"God," Kate blinked several times, grinning ridiculously and crying. "We are really going to have a baby aren't we?" She wiped her eyes then fanned her face, puffed air out of her lungs, wondering what the hell was going on internally. "Martha?!" She cried and laughed. "This is crazy!" She hugged Martha. "Don't tell Castle I had an emotional breakdown in the middle of a baby store. My God! He's not accustomed to Beckett having girlish emotions. Kate's not accustomed to it." She laughed and cried at the same time.

"Don't be silly. He'd love seeing you this way. Makes you human."

"Say hello to hormonal Kate," she replied and giggled, "so ridiculous," she muttered. "I want to continue shopping here." She regained control of herself and holding Martha's hand a few moments they moved on down the aisle.

At the back of the store a few minutes later, Kate found a white wooden bookcase full to the brim with books that she made an almost direct path to, only stopping along the way to inspect little items that caught her attention. She was quite overwhelmed by the huge selection of products.

It was at the bookshelves she found a baby journal that contained almost exactly what she wanted. She had seen a few journals online and been tempted to start an online type journal but being able to find one in a store had made her decision easy. She wanted a real book, not an online blog, something tangible, written in ink with smudges, finger prints and all. The journal had the places to insert the information she wanted to record plus additional ideas, places to insert photos, such as the ultra sound ones and the progress profile photos Rick took of her every day. She also browsed the pregnancy books and decided to purchase one that contained week by week information.

She returned to Martha almost a half hour later with her arms full of things she wanted. Martha showed her a couple little outfits she had picked out in neutral colours, "Summer stock on sale. You _are_ having a summer baby."

"Martha, these are adorable." She cooed.

"Aren't they? You should have a couple of outfits for when it's born."

"And they are on sale." Kate grinned. "Rick is going to have a fit." She laughed.

"He'll get over it. We'll buy him a bottle of scotch."

"He'll love this." She waved the elephant in front of Martha. "How cute is he? And these are all the things that I have chosen." Kate bundled every item into Martha's arms. "Castle made me promise not to buy anything baby related but he didn't mention using his money for you to purchase them." She grinned cheekily as she fished inside her hand bag for her wallet. She slid out three hundred dollars and passed it to Martha. "This way I'm keeping my promise." She declared and smiled at Martha.

"And you call me devious." Martha replied as they approached the register. "Have you texted him to let him know you're ok?"

"No." Kate pulled out her phone and checked the time. "It's been just over an hour since we spoke." She stopped behind Martha at the counter and texted Rick to say they were ok. "Sent him a text." She said then relieved Martha of the items and bundled them on the counter for the sales girl to process.

Once they had stopped by the grocery store to collect a few items for dinner they headed for home, and decided to catch a taxi as the day was already growing dark. A snow storm was also approaching the city according to Rick's text messages. They stepped into a taxi and in French Kate gave the driver an address about a half block from their apartment. She slid over for Martha to get in, pulling their bags of shopping in to the space between them. The car moved forward. They sat quietly, but if they spoke they conversed in French as Martha enjoyed practising French as much as Kate did. They had only mentioned the dismal state of the weather when the driver suddenly cleared his throat. He glanced at Kate through the rear vision mirror and said to Kate in French.

"Lady, you look exactly like the cop woman that American writer tried to save on TV last year."

Kate stopped breathing. She knew she wore a beanie, scarf, coat gloves. How the hell could he recognise her? She maintained eye contact with him, ignored Martha's sudden stillness and replied using a sweet tone and perfect French, "I don't know who you are talking about. You have a good imagination." She glanced to Martha and laughed in amusement, then continued. "How many men mistake me for someone else so they can ask me out, _Maman_." She queried Martha, "So old."

"You're married now, you must not accept invitations from men." Martha promptly replied in French

The taxi driver gave them a strange look. "No, you look like the woman, the cop that died."

Kate laughed and answered in French again. "Then she could not be me if she is dead." She also made sure he didn't see the beauty spot on her left cheek. It was like a tattoo. They fell silent. The driver was feeling humiliated by Kate's response and Kate was feeling incredibly vulnerable but she had to pretend to be not in the least affected by the driver's comments. Instead, she acted as though she heard lines like that all the time whenever men hit on her.

By the time the driver dropped them off at the corner it was almost dark. Kate told Martha to wait until the taxi disappeared before they moved. They stood with the snow falling around them, waiting for the tail lights of the car to completely disappear before they continued towards the apartment. Kate texted Rick to let him know they were on their way from the corner. He texted his acknowledgement.

"Please don't tell Castle that happened." Kate requested as they started to walk along the path to their apartment block. She carried most of the shopping and had made sure Martha held onto her for support. Kate wore appropriate boots for the conditions every day but Martha had her New York snow boots which weren't quite cut out for the bad weather this year.

"Why can't you tell him?"

"Because he won't want me go outside if there is any risk someone will recognise me again."

"I think you should tell him Kate. What if something happens?"

"Martha… It spooked me enough. I was trapped in a car with a guy who recognised me." She shook it off, looking seriously at Martha who glanced to Kate surprised by her comment.

"Really? You didn't seem afraid. You were so quick to respond."

"I have to think fast as a cop. I was terrified we had been found… then I thought he's just a taxi driver with a good memory, although it did cross my mind as to how the hell could he remember my face when he sees so many strangers a day driving a taxi."

"Maybe he saw the video recently. It did go totally viral. It went all around the world, Darling." Martha followed Kate up the steps to their apartment. Kate hit the intercom button, several times impatient to get inside out of the cold.

Not a minute later they heard, "Take it easy, Baby." Castle said through intercom.

"Castle, let us in. It's really cold."

Inside, Rick hit the release on the front door, his gut instincts telling him something was wrong, just listening to the tone of Kate's voice. He opened the door and stepped out into the corridor to see his women come inside. They pulled the main door closed and Kate hurried up the corridor. She didn't run, but she was almost breaking her stride to hurry to him. He held his arms out to her and she dropped her bags to hug him. It was her first time outside alone, well without him and he had been so worried about her. As he gave her the kiss she wanted, he lifted her inside the apartment then let her go and collected the bags she had dropped, glancing to his mother who shook her head dismissing her son's concerns.

"What happened?" He asked both of them watching as the two of them took of their coats and accessories.

"Tell him, Kate, or I will." Martha seriously warned.

"Tell me what? Kate?" He put the bags down inside the door way and locked the main door. He glanced to both women as he picked up the bags noting they had had their hair done. "You hair looks lovely." He said to Kate noting she'd had it highlighted. "So does your hair Mother. Tell me what happened. Someone? Kate?" He insisted seeing her pursed lips.

Kate hung her coat then looked to him. She took a breath. He needed to know in case something did happen, "We came home in a taxi and the bloody driver recognised me, said I looked like," she made quote signs in the air, " _the cop woman the American writer tried to save_. I blew it off, pretended I was French and married, playing like he was just using it as a line to hit on me."

"She's a very good actress." Martha commented.

Rick frowned in response to his mother's comment glancing between them. "I know she is. That's what makes it so hard for me sometimes, trying to figure out whether she is acting." Ricked breathed out. "Is that it?"

Kate nodded. "That's it."

"He might have seen the video last week. It's still getting heaps of hits on YouTube. I can't pull it off as it went viral."

"True, but we blew him off."

"Did you get dropped off away from here?"

"Of course and waited for him to go. It was cold."

"Good. You will be okay. We just need to be careful, always." He dismissed it and peered to the bags he held again. "Did you ladies go to a baby store?" He inquired with suspicion.

Kate grinned uncontrollably as she pulled off her boots. "You should see what your mum bought." She sprung up, cheekily snatched the bags from his hand and ran off to the living room, knowing full well he would be right on her tail which is exactly where he was. She plonked herself on the couch and shifted over to make a space for Rick who sat facing her, the bags between them. She lifted the groceries to the coffee table with Rick taking them from her half way there.

She grinned to him and lifted herself towards him to kiss his mouth, having completely forgotten the incident in the taxi. "Mmm…, I missed you," she whispered, glancing to Martha who sunk herself into the arm chair by the fire place.

"Me too. You promised me no baby items." He reminded her light heartedly.

"I bought them for her, Richard. I will take them home with me tomorrow."

"Sorry." Kate whispered as she brought the soft toy elephant from a bag and playfully attacked Rick's face with it. "Our baby's first toy." She laughed as he struggled to stop her from teasing him with it.

"Geez you are a tease, Beckett." He took the toy from her and inspected it as his left hand took control of her hand a second. "An elephant. Who would have guessed?" He laughed, looked to his mother, rolling his eyes. He held the elephant out of Kate's reach over his shoulder, loving the way she was actively struggling to retrieve it from him. She reached as far as she was able to but her fingers just couldn't quite get there. "Cute." He said looking at her cleavage almost in his face.

"Castle, give it back to me."

"What else did my Mother buy?" He asked suspiciously and gave Kate the soft toy.

"I don't know whether I should show you anymore. " She replied as she sat back on her haunches, also ensuring the soft toy wasn't injured by his boyish misbehaviour. Her dark eyes glared at him, knowing he was fully aware she had picked the items out. She coyly pulled out the blanket and took it from the packaging, spreading it out between them.

"I hope it likes elephants, like its mother." He commented and immediately saw Kate blush in embarrassment.

"Maybe it will." She held the outfits up to her body, gazing at him.

Rick pulled his phone from his pocket. "Just stay there Kate." He requested and quickly opened his photo application. He took a photo of her holding up the baby clothes, wearing a broad smile.

"Cool. A photo for this." She lifted up the baby journal that he immediately took totally fascinated by it.

"Yes! Cool! May I contribute to this?" He asked flipping through the pages.

"Of course you may."

"Remember the one I made for Alexis, Mom?"

"Of course! Where is it?"

"Alexis has kept it for years. She made me update it on her eighteenth birthday." He put the book aside. "So cool Kate, and you bought a thick one."

"Yeah." Kate thought about it, reminded once again that the baby she carried wasn't Rick's first baby that he had already been through this once before. She passed him the book she had purchased. He moved the bags to the table and patted his lap to encourage Kate closer to him as sat back on the couch. She sat closer against his side as he flipped through the pages of the book that rested on his lap.

"Oh, this is gonna get highlighted, written in and tagged for sure." He stroked her head and gave her forehead a kiss. It was easy to see the trip to the baby store had made her pregnancy a step closer to real for Kate. He had held her off going into baby stores to delay her nesting instincts until they returned to the city. Once they were home he really didn't care how maternal she became. He just didn't want her nesting in Montreal. However, he didn't know how long they would be there either. Now he considered it to be wrong of him to restrain her from enjoying her pregnancy. His mother was telling him that today. He smiled to his mother giving her that expression she understood. He hugged Kate who had made herself very comfortable against him and had pulled the book closer so she could read it. "Message received Mother." He stated softly.

"Then my mission was accomplished." Martha replied. "Would you like a wine, Richard?"

"Please. Would you like me to get it?"

"No. You stay there." Martha held her hand up to keep him there.

Rick turned his attention to Kate. He stroked her hair and took a closer look at what the hairdresser had done with her hair. She had more auburn highlights through it. "You happy with your hair?" He inquired and she hummed a response and swung her foot a little that hung between his legs. "It's getting long."

"It got trimmed too." She muttered. "I also visited a waxing salon." She smiled mischievously, keeping her lips closed.

"Oh!" He realised and grinned, squeezing her. "Cool!"

"My eye brows, Castle."

"Them too?" He laughed and received a dig in the ribs from her elbow. She swung her feet again and he was catapulted back to the afternoon they had sat in the park waiting for Esposito and Ryan to pick them up. They had been entirely new to being together, she had been content, physically affectionate towards him and had been laughing about writing fanfiction stories. He wished he could have those moments back.

"Castle?" She murmured.

"Mmm?" He asked brought back to the current moment.

"Remember that day in the park?" She spoke only loud enough for Rick to hear her.

He rested his chin on the top of her head with a smirk. "I sure do. What about it?" He inquired.

"I feel like I did that day."

"Really? Tell me why?" He was curious as to why she had thought about it, particularly when he had been reflecting on the same hour.

She sniggered, her foot swinging faster, "Well," she glanced to his eyes, "we'd fucked our brains out in some shoddy flop house…"

"Yes, we certainly had."

"Mmm. And we were blissfully drunk on pheromones and being in love and were talking rubbish about fanfiction on a park bench in the middle of nowhere on a warm sunny day. It was special." She kissed the side of his face, "Really special."

"Nicely put, Beckett." He remarked with a laugh, giving her a squeeze. He rubbed her thigh, "I can always rely on you being romantic."

Kate giggled. She pointed to a schematic drawing representing how a foetus would be looking at thirteen weeks gestation. He nodded in understanding.

"You didn't tell me why you felt the same as you did that day." He reminded her.

"Well, I feel like I did that day." She finished and rested her head against his left chest and closed her eyes. She put her hand to his throat and ran her fingers tips over his adams apple. "I have my boyfriend back," she whispered and thought about the time spent making love that very morning before they had got out of bed. It felt good and made her chest swell with the flutter of butterflies.

"That you do." He whispered back glanced to his mother's eyes as she passed him a glass of white wine.

"Is she asleep?" Martha asked.

"No, she has just finished being reminiscent about a moment we shared. My girlfriend can be very romantic."

"Castle." Kate warned with laughter.

"Oh. I warmed up a cup of soup." She disappeared and returned with a mug of soup for Kate and a glass of wine for herself.

"Thank you Martha. I'm so hungry." Kate stirred the soup and took several hungry sips. All of them remained silent comfortable in each other's company.

The next afternoon, Kate followed Martha from her bedroom, bringing with her a second suitcase. Rick who waited in the living room to escort his mother to the air port glanced to the time. "The sedan is waiting out the front." He tapped his watch.

"Yes, Richard." Martha followed him to the front door and reached for her coat. She turned to Kate. "Remember, anything that you want write it down and I will buy it for you in New York."

"I will."

"Come here, Darling. You will be safe here with Richard."

"I know." Kate smiled at Martha then gave her a big tight hug of farewell. "We will be back soon. I can feel it in my bones." She said glancing to Rick. They parted.

"Yes. I will see you soon." Martha replied.

Rick kissed Kate on the mouth. "Lock the door behind us and don't answer the intercom until I text you first. I will see you in a couple of hours." He kissed her again and followed his mother out the door. He waited until he heard Kate slide the locks and put the security chain in its slot. He then gave the okay nod to his mother and they left the apartment for the sedan waiting for them outside. Outside the main doorway Rick stopped and turned to the intercom.

"Richard, what are you doing?" Martha asked.

He held up a finger asking for his mother to wait a moment as he hit their intercom button. He waited.

"Yes?" Kate's voice sounded through the intercom.

"Geezus, Kate, I told you not to answer it."

"Then don't buzz me. Bye Castle."

"Good bye, Babe." He straightened up and grinned to his mother. He did up his coat. "Hang on a second, Mother."

"Richard, will you stop tormenting her." Martha started down the steps with her case, listening to her son mutter to himself. As she knew he would, he hit the intercom buzzer again. Martha turned on the path to watch her son. He was grinning cheekily. He hit the buzzer again.

"Yes, Castle?"

"I told you not to answer the intercom." He squawked.

"Then stop buzzing it!" She followed it with an angry growl. Rick cackled with laughter.

"Come along, Richard." Martha demanded and headed toward the sedan, but Rick waited about half a minute and hit the intercom buzzer again.

Seconds later his phone started to ring so he picked it from of his pocket and looked at the screen. He started to laugh again as he accepted the call and put the phone to speaker.

"Beckett." He greeted grinning and looking over the road to his mother who was with the driver.

"Stop it, Castle or I will personally come outside and break your offending finger." She bluntly told him.

"That's my girl! I'll call you later." He laughed and hung up on her. He followed his mother down the steps lifting the suitcase with him. "My girl is back. I'm so happy about that." He declared hugging his mother quickly from behind her.

"Just in time too. I didn't think she was going make it before I left, but she showed up yesterday." Martha said. She got in the car and thanked the driver for holding the door for her. Rick got in the other side.

Kate hung up her phone, shaking her head at Rick's immaturity and left it on the kitchen counter. She was however, still smiling in amusement at his activities on the intercom, a minute or so later. As much as she went on him because of him teasing her, she secretly loved it. Castle's troublesome personality made her more responsive and brought her out of her shell.

On a notebook she wrote out of list of tasks she felt she should do, such as clean the apartment, wash clothes and cook their dinner. She had been out with Rick that morning for her appointment with Anna and a trip to the drug store to print photographs from their phones. When they had come home she had taken a warm shower after being outside in the freezing weather, and had dressed in her PJ's. She looked over the list as she chewed on the end of a pen, then suddenly ripped the page off the pad screwed it up and threw it in the fireplace where it promptly caught fire. She didn't want to do any of that today. She had alternative plans. Instead, she wandered the apartment and collected a few pens, a tube of paper glue, the baby journal and the photos they had printed at the drug store. Her phone was slotted into the stereo. With the music playing and the remote control at the table with her, she sat on the floor at the coffee table. She opened up the first page of the journal ready to start recording her journey with her pregnancy. She knew she had at least two hours to herself. It was her first time alone in weeks and she decided she wasn't going to freak out. Generally, she liked her own company and had never been afraid to be alone. She'd always appreciated time to herself.

She wrote, and put together her journal of her thirteen weeks of being pregnant, starting off with writing about the night she and Castle had confirmed she was pregnant. She avoided any mention of her abduction and only wrote about what she had tapped out on her phone at various times.

At 4.30 she gave up working on the journal and started to prepare the vegetables for dinner. Right on time, she heard her phone ting with an incoming text message and hurried across the living room to the stereo to check the message. Not a minute later the intercom buzzed. At the door way she answered the intercom. It was Rick. She let him in and opened the door for him, poking her head around the corner. He jogged up the hall and was inside in no time kissing her mouth like crazy. He slammed and locked the door then pulled off his coat letting it drop to the floor.

"Still in your jammies, Beckett." He mumbled between their kisses. He pulled at his knitted sweater to get it off as Kate pushed it up over his head.

"Yeah, no point in changing." Kate threw his sweater over the back of a chair as he picked her up by her ass and carried her to the kitchen counter he sat her on. "I missed you."

"Yeah?" He boyishly smiled and pulled her towards him.

"Yeah." She confirmed and wrapped her lets around his body, hooked her ankles locking him against her.

"Me too. We're finally alone." He replied. "Were you ok by yourself?"

"Of course. I worked on our baby's journal. You should see it." She delightfully replied, excited to see him but also keen to show him the journal.

He stopped his display of affection and looked to her face. "Who are you and what have you done to Beckett?"

"Say hi to the new and improved Kate Beckett who is more in touch with her emotions," She smiled, "and creative side."

"Hello new and improved, Kate Beckett."

"Hello." She purred and drew him back to her mouth.

"God I love you." He muttered and kissed her like he would die that night.

**Five mornings later….**

There was a period of almost four days in which Kate was completely unable to think about the events in the warehouse, hated and refused to discuss any part of with anyone including Anna. She completely withdrew from everything. Her moods had swung from one extreme to the other. There were hours when she had behaved with aggression and anger towards any one. During those periods, Rick had retreated to the study to write and to avoid any potential fights. Those bad tempered moods would be followed with periods where she was almost in a catatonic state of depression. She didn't move, speak, respond, drink or eat for hours, she had been so severely depressed. Futile attempts to console her had been allowed and virtually ignored, but the one time he had tried to lift her out of bed to be with him in the living room it had resulted in her screaming and viciously fighting him. He'd given up. When she had lived through those moods he had stayed in the same room as her, frightened to death she would hurt herself if she had half a chance. He'd kept his distance and stayed quiet until she had finally come out of it. No one had warned him she would get like that.

Yesterday, after therapy, her mood had calmed, resorted to being within her normal range of behaviour. Two hours of therapy with Anna had resolved some deeply buried issues Rick was content to know nothing about. He was happy to see she came out of therapy exhausted but feeling better.

Then the very next day, early in the morning, in the instant that she woke, Kate opened her eyes wide and stared at the ceiling her head full of thoughts as clear as a bright summer's day. She smiled to herself and took several deep free breaths of air as she stretched her body. She was out of the foggy haze that had enveloped her head for months.

She glanced to her side to see Rick was still deep asleep. She understood he was exhausted from her behaviour. She stroked his forehead the once and he barely responded he was in such a deep state. Without disturbing him anymore, she arose from the bed, grabbed her dressing gown and hurried to the bathroom to relieve herself. Minutes later she padded out to the living room. The lights were left off as she fetched herself a drink she consequently left on the coffee table for her return, then she continued to the study. Rick's laptop was on the desk top. She pushed it aside to the left, lifted his laptop bag to the desk and pulled her red laptop from it. She hadn't so much as looked at it since they had left New York City as she had used the mini-iPad or his laptop. She found the power cord and carried everything out to the living room only because it was too cold to stay in the study. She set up the laptop and while it was starting up she stoked up the fire still finding it odd that Castle hadn't tired of using the open fire to heat the apartment. They were well into burning the pile the owner of the apartment had asked them to burn as she never used the fire during the summer months and wanted the extra space for the outdoor setting. Kate peered out the window into the darkness. They were stuck there in the middle of the worst winter in years. Daylight would arrive mid-morning and then by three that afternoon daylight would be fading once again. Although New York could be bitterly cold during the winter months, Kate swore it was far colder in Montreal. Even Rick, who rarely complained about the weather was finding it insufferable in Montreal, to the point he had bought a warmer coat. The night before he had googled information on Australia, with serious plans of them flying and living there until it was safe to return to New York City. She had laughed at him about it, but this morning she considered he was on to a good plan as she was tired of the snow and being cooped up inside all the time.

With the fire gaining momentum and the laptop ready to use, Kate sat cross legged with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders in her favourite armchair, which was the one situated closest to the fire. She opened a new word document and sat quietly for several minutes. With a notepad on the right arm of the chair, and pencil in her right hand, she concentrated on blocking out any inhibitions her conscious thinking had. She started to jot down anything her that came to her mind. She wrote until her brain determined it had done enough. She then copy typed what she had written to her laptop. When she was done with that she didn't think about what came out of her typing but just allowed it to happen. She a platform from the notes she had written and she followed that, simply filling in the dots and adding the details. From the moment her brain permitted her to proceed uninhibited, she typed almost nonstop and completely uninterrupted. The computer was set to automatically save every five minutes to ensure she didn't lose anything she typed. She had no idea of the time that passed or what time she had started but she kept going until there was nothing left in her mind to release. It was like opening a floodgate in the middle of a storm. Thoughts, memories and events came crashing from her, forming words, creating identities, describing recollections and memories until she was empty.

Rick, who had heard the clatter of nails on the keyboard from the bedroom when he woke, casually wandered out to the living room that was only lit by the light of the fire. They had been up quite late watching movies, so he had slept in later than Kate obviously. But he'd had a good sleep and felt refreshed. He was very inquisitive as to what was going on at such an early hour. She usually slept late too. He found Kate engrossed with a task on her laptop. She didn't so much as acknowledge him and he could see by the determined expression on her face that she was in another world. Her face reflected the light off the laptop screen, making her complexion bluish in tone, and her lips were pouted in that cute way he loved, her brow fixed in concentration.

Respecting her need for undisturbed time, particularly after the past few days, he left her alone and quietly made his way to the kitchen to prepare the morning brew of coffee. While the machine was gurgling away he drank a glass of milk, staring with interest at Kate. She seemed different. She'd had a cry, but she didn't seem to care in the least about that. She was intensely focused on whatever she was typing to the point it seemed she hadn't noticed his presence at all. Her depth of concentration reminded him of occasions he was on a roll with his writing and didn't want to be disturbed by anything or body for fear he would lose the energy source and flow of the words. He prepared Kate a hot milk chocolate and a very large much coffee for himself and carried the mugs to the lounge area. He placed his mug on the coffee table near the couch, then approached Kate, whose brow remained creased in concentration. She looked incredibly cute to him whenever she had the expression of intense concentration happening. Unable to resist any longer, he softly placed his palm to the back of her head and kissed her forehead, immediately hearing her give a little sound in response. It was a good sound and made him smile. Seeing she wasn't going to take a break, he set her hot chocolate within her reach, then stepped to and sat on the couch, nursing his coffee mug. It was just after 10.30 am and daylight outside.

The winter in Montreal was the coldest he'd ever experienced and gave him a new found appreciation of what it was like to be a bear in hibernation. They lived almost continually in darkness and since Christmas had been inside the apartment a lot more. He sipped his coffee unwilling to interrupt her flow, but hoped she would finish soon so they could take a walk outside. She had an appointment with Anna so perhaps they could walk part of the way to her office.

He noticed Kate barely stopped typing even when she made little noises of pain or anxiety. She was certainly in another place, another zone and it was all being recreated on the laptop. She was entirely in the zone of a story that was pouring out of her, rapidly coming out. She did pause from her job to take a drink of her hot chocolate when it was barely luke warm. She murmured a vacant thank you without looking up and kept going with the task. He didn't bother to respond but quietly smiled to himself. She looked gorgeous this morning. Her hair was all messed up and curly from sleep, her eyes were bright and alert, her skin was blemish free, almost radiant with being pregnant. She had returned to her regular weight when his mother had stayed with them and he thought she was now slightly heavier than normal. She could still get away with no one noticing she was pregnant but she was on the edge of showing. In his humble opinion his girlfriend looked more stunning with each day that passed.

He topped up his coffee and returned to the lounge with his iPad he turned on so he could continue to read the novel he was currently into.

The sound of her laptop lid snapping closed brought Rick from his novel almost a half hour later. He looked over to Kate who stood off the armchair and placed her laptop on the coffee table with two USB sticks on top of it. She stretched her body then made her way over to Rick a grin appearing through teary but happy eyes. He knew then what she had finally done. Her face, her stance told him she'd off loaded a tonne of emotional baggage. She stepped to him and reached for his hands. He discarded the iPad on the couch and accepted her hands in his. She playfully pulled him up to his feet and when he stood before her, she reached up to stroke the side of his head several times.

She smiled. "It's over. It's behind me now." She murmured. "I'm sorry I've been so awful to you at times. I couldn't help it." She urged him with a pull of his arm and a seductive gaze at him to follow her to the bedroom.

He followed of course, letting her maintain control. She'd certainly off loaded a tonne of shit from her brain. She was a calmer person compared to the woman he had gone to bed with the previous night. Something had switched inside her head during the night.

In the bedroom, she drew him to her and wrapped her arms about his neck. She shifted to the balls of her feet and kissed his mouth tenderly, had a tiny taste of him. She licked her lips and looked to his eyes and mouth. She saw the expression in his eyes change from wariness to longing and knew he wanted her. His hand lifted to her hair that he stroked back.

"It's behind you now?" He inquired softly spoken, no subtext or connotations in his tone.

Kate smiled but didn't show her teeth. She nodded and put her hand around the back of his neck drawing him back to her mouth. She kissed his lips, scraped his bottom lip between her teeth. He caught her gently by the shoulders and stood her back a little.

"Behind you?" He asked again.

Kate nodded, "Yes. Behind me."

"You've been acting pretty freaky." He carefully commented.

She closed the gap between them, "Behind us." She whispered, nibbling his lip.

"For sure." He affirmed and smiled his hands moving to the sides of her neck. "You typed out your account of what happened?"

Kate nodded again, stood back but maintained eye contact. "I woke up and had the biggest desire to type it all up." She bit her lip. "I can't let you read it, never can you read it, but I need to send the document to Detective Cahill."

"I don't want to read it." Rick replied softly so as not to offend her. She didn't know how carefully he had examined her body after they had found her. She would never know about that.

She silently acknowledged his subtext then said, "Anna offered me the use of her email to forward it to Detective Cahill. She's been grooming me to do this task for weeks, so I think Anna will even be surprised I've completed it. When I see Anna this afternoon, I will ask her to email to the Detective. I saved it to my laptop and to each of the USB sticks. You carry one, I will carry one, just in case."

"Ok. Cahill will be glad to get it. She will have more to go with."

Kate agreed and played with his dressing gown. Then she pushed it off his shoulders, admiring his bare chest. "You were right with what you said in the car that day."

"Huh?" He looked at her in confusion.

"The fight we had in the car." She reminded him looked to his eyes guiltily, "I'm sorry I was so awful. You were right, Kate was still alive, as much as I denied it at the time."

"I knew she, you were still in there."

"Well, she's completely back," She stated and bit her lip, "In fact, you have _your_ Kate back," she smiled timidly.

Rick grinned broadly. "Good. Welcome back Kate Beckett!" He enthusiastically pulled her closer for a big hug, lifting her off the floor. He set her back down. "I take it we're here for …"

"Shut up and make love to me, Richard Castle." She ordered with her bedroom voice articulating very clearly what she wanted as she urged him physically toward the bed.

It's exactly what they did. They didn't merely have physical sex, they didn't only go through the motions of intercourse. They made love uninhibited, free of any complications.


	34. Chapter 34

_The following was written some time before Christmas solely because it entered my mind and I needed to write it. I just had to wait to put it somewhere so here is a chapter that is simply for pleasure … hope you like it. Thanks to those who make the effort to let me know how I'm going review, I really do get a kick out of them … and thanks to the rest of you for continuing to read. My beta is once again largely involved in writing this. His efforts are greatly appreciated by myself firstly and secondly by all of you reading this. _

**Chapter 34 – simply for fun**

"Trust me, Kate."

"How can I trust you?" She asked in disbelief glancing to his face, noticing his troublesome boyish mannerisms. She grinned, pinched her bottom lip, her eyes sparkling as she leaned over to inspect exactly what it was he had hidden in his hand.

"You can trust me."

She straightened up and pointed at his right hand, her expression suspicious but also suggested she was totally engaged in learning what he had planned, "You're holding a packet of calligraphy pens and have an awfully mischievous expression on your face, Richard Castle! And, you want me to trust you." She snorted at him.

Rick sighed in exasperation, thinking he was going to have to really wear her down, but then he smiled when he saw she was jerking his chain. He jumped at the chance to lure her in, "Hey you! My beautiful creature! Trust me and just come here with me," he cooed, reaching to her waist with both hands that drew her close to him. His lips pressed firmly against her forehead. He held her by the hips and his eyes gleamed excitedly at her eyes. "We have to do this, Katie," he stated in an attempt to put her under his spell. He caught her secretive smile in response. He grinned, his eyes, bright blue with his mood, glistened. "Let me do this." He urged, his hips keenly moving against her.

"Why Castle?" She inquired inquisitive to hear what his over active imagination was up to.

"Because I can, and so one day our future child will see how beautiful you were when you had him or her inside you. How much I loved you and how much we wanted him or her."

Kate stood motionless, only swaying under the control of his movement, staring at her best friend, her lover. She would do anything for him, serious or what he was asking her to do now, even if she teased him a little about it. She leaned into his large frame, signalling she wanted his arms embracing her more firmly. She breath in letting his scent permeated her body. She put her hands to his chest, glanced between his eyes and murmured seductively, "Maybe you should stoke up the fire so I don't get cold …. " She pinched her bottom lip again, fully aware her eyes were dilated and provocative, "especially if I have to ummm… get naked." Her dark eyes stared at his from beneath her eyelashes.

"Yes!" He had consent. He kissed her lips, squeezed her body then rushed to the living room, leaving Kate standing in the kitchen wondering what she had given him permission to do. Her creative minded boyfriend wanted to use her as a blank canvass. For the past few days, she had watched him roam about the apartment periodically muttering to himself that he had a really good idea.

It had only been yesterday morning when they walked to the mall to purchase groceries that he had insisted on stopping at an art shop on their way home. Kate had wandered the store whilst he had filled a basket with items she hadn't taken much notice of at the time. Maybe she should have paid more attention? The bag had been sitting on an unused armchair since they had returned home. That morning he had unpacked everything and had neatly laid all the items in a display format over the entire coffee table in the lounge room. Every item had been taken out of its packaging and inspected. He'd sneaked glances at Kate as though he was sizing her up. She was curious to know what he had planned but also a little cautious about the consequences of asking what his overactive imagination had planned.

Outside it had snowed heavily for countless days in a row. They had taken their walk outside earlier, before the bad weather had returned midday. They would be inside the rest of the day. Kate spent most of the days recovering and sleeping when they first arrived. Now, with her healing nearly complete, her report written and submitted to Detective Cahill, she had plenty of time on her hands. She had been using the time as an opportunity learn about Rick and herself on a completely new level. He would often follow her to bed and nap with her, or read on the couch as she slept against him. He would tell her stories about events in his life, or would make up silly stories to pass the time. As much as she had needed the hiding time to recover, Kate knew Rick was also getting over the stress of the whole ordeal. Since they had been hiding out in Montreal, without the job and life distracting her, she had fallen deeper in love with Rick, that there were occasions she thought her heart was going to burst. It amazed her that even though she had loved him for years and had fallen deeper in love with him at the Hamptons, it was being locked in a small confined area that had really allowed her to come to terms with how she felt about him. The apartment and the weather had provided them with a cocoon. The TV and internet were their only window to the world of late and that was fine with Kate.

Castle had started writing a new Nikki Heat manuscript. With their close association and lack of distractions, especially since her recovery was nearly complete, she had become his proof reader sometimes even his co-writer. It had resulted in a few arguments in which Kate had defended the characters, or corrected police processes or records. He'd given in and together they had redrafted a few portions of storyline. She could tell he was enjoying their collaboration.

She was busy browsing through a magazine when she heard him call for her, chorusing _Katie_ over and over like an longing lover would lure a woman to his bed. His persistence made her laugh. He called her Katie more than anything lately and she adored the way he said it especially when he sounded as sexy as he did right now.

"I'm coming." She replied looking to observe him preparing his equipment. She picked up her cup of warmed milk and approached him. He had thrown a couple of logs on the fire. They still had the fire permanently burning but only had about a week's worth of wood left. They had carried most of it inside the apartment to dry it out. There had been a few nights they had slept in front of the fire place because she had been so cold in the bedroom.

Rick had spread a drop sheet over the floor to protect the carpet a safe distance from the fireplace and a large towel was spread over the drop sheet. He also had a stool where she sat and waited. She sipped her warm milk, as she checked his little set up. She saw he had several packets of calligraphy pens all laid out along with packs of washable pens, markers and paints in many colours. Then there was the collection of paint brushes, sponges, rags and a paint mixing tray. She was filled with anticipation about what he had planned.

"Have you done this before?" She inquired inspecting every bit of his collection.

"Only on canvass." He smiled to her, "I framed and hung it in the hallway upstairs outside the master bedroom."

Kate's jaw slacked open in silence. She knew the picture he referred to but she had never asked him about it. "You did that? When?" She took a moment to imagine the piece. It had words written over pastel coloured images. It was always there, in the background but she had never really studied it.

"Just after we met." He put the fire guard back in its place and wiped his hands on the jeans.

"Wow! It's a beautiful piece." She murmured.

"You like it?" He glanced at her eyes. She was looking happier and stronger each day. She'd told him she was back a couple of weeks ago, but with every day that passed he saw she was a little bit closer to her old self.

"Yes. A lot." She bit her lip holding back the grin she had only for him, but he saw it was bursting to shine as he stepped toward her.

He came over, knelt down in front of her and pressed his forehead against hers. He brushed his thumb over her left dimple and out came her full grin her eyes shining. He grinned uncontrollably."God I love you, lady. I never thought I could be more in love than I already was."

"Castle."

"Katie." He whispered caressing her cheeks to keep her smile there. They kissed tenderly. "You're gonna love me more for this, Baby."

"Ok." She replied and gave him another kiss.

He gently tilted the mug to her lips to make her drink the rest of it. "Feed baby Castle." He whispered and grinned when she glared at him with narrowed hazel eyes. She drank the milk then held out the mug for him. He checked the mug, "Good girl," he commented with a boyish smirk, his eyes expressing clearly he was wanting her to bite on the bait he had dangled in front of her.

"I'll good girl you, Castle." She warned and poked her tongue out at him.

"Right. Sure you will." He took the empty mug from her hand, placed it on the coffee table then held her hand and encouraged her to stand. She kept still as he unzipped her oversized hoodie and pushed it off her shoulders. He dropped it on the couch. She wore a white singlet shirt that he took hold of from the waist and peeled it over her head exposing her naked body, her full breasts. He couldn't help himself. He paused, looked to her eyes then to her breasts.

She followed his approving gaze. "Castle?"

"I can't help it." He whispered before she said anything further.

"I know, genetically engineered …" She replied as he delicately cupped her left breast, smiling in adoration of the way she was physically changing with the growth of the baby.

Rick thought she was gorgeous pregnant and he told he so every day, "It's not that. You're beautiful pregnant." He murmured. He saw she glowed more with each passing day and now she was really beginning to show he was getting excited about the baby. Kate stepped in to Rick's personal space in search of more affection. His hand wrapped around her waist and followed the curve of her back, sliding beneath the waistband of her track pants to the start of her buttocks. He moaned and leaned to her for a kiss, a brief one. He pulled his hands away and gave her a healthy pat on the ass.

"Don't distract me." He said and pecked her cheek hearing her guilty laughter. She stepped out of her slippers and pushed her track pants off. "Commando, Babe?" He teased and she hummed a response smiling seductively.

Kate sat upon the towel at his request. She peered down at her body, at the firm swell of her breasts and belly. The baby bump was obvious to them but nobody else would have a clue, particularly with winter clothing.

"We are gonna have so much fun, Beckett."

"Can I do you?" She asked.

"You want to?" He asked in surprise.

"Yes."

He grinned in pleasure. "Alright!" Rick unbuttoned his shirt and kicked himself out of his runners. He undressed glancing out the window to see the snow fall heavily in the court yard. They were housebound yet again and he would be shovelling snow in the morning before there was too much, so they could open the door to the courtyard to collect the last of the fire wood. He sat before Kate as naked as she was and placed his legs beneath hers. She wriggled in closer, relaxed her legs over his thighs, a naughty smile creeping over her face as she peered lovingly down at his solid naked body. She reached out to his waist, admired his strong chest she loved to be against, and stroked the side of his right hip brushing over his odd tattoo he'd got years before. All that time he'd had one and he'd never told her about it.

He reached his hands to the back of her neck and drew her close for a tender long kiss. He pulled away. "Okay Beckett. I'm your blank canvas and you are mine. All you need is your imagination and the tools spread out on the coffee table."

"You go first, Castle."

He grinned excitedly, "Of course. You just wanted me naked so you had something to look at."

Kate laughed. "Seriously? You're going with that line?"

"Yep. Was your way of getting me naked," he smiled to her eyes, "I don't mind. I know you can't keep your hands of me. I'm truly flattered!" He teased trying his hardest not to laugh when he saw her expression change to bordering on being huffy and puffy because of his allegations. Her eyes narrowed and her jaw slacked to say something then clamped shut. That's when he laughed. "Lost for words?"

"No." She replied sternly.

"That's my girl." He mumbled under his breath solely to tease her. She lightly clouted him on his shoulder which he chose to ignore knowing that would annoy her more than reacting.

He found the tub of paint he wanted and opened the lid. He dipped his hand into the off white paint and smeared a handful over Kate's chest. She shuddered because the paint was cold on her skin. He smoothed it over her breasts down her torso over her belly to her pubic bone as though it was body butter. Kate leaned back and watched him almost massage the paint over her. It was spread evenly paling off her skin to almost white.

"Have you done this on a body before Castle?" She inquired suspiciously.

"Only a thousand time in my imagination, if that counts." He leaned to her for another kiss. "God I want to make love to you." He murmured shyly looking to her eyes, licking the taste of her from his lips.

"You always want to make love to me." She replied quietly. They'd done heaps of times now and she was feeling okay, actually great about it. If the body painting culminated in more love making, she was more than good with that. Castle's touch always lit her fuse, body paint or not.

He smoothed the paint around her hips, concealing the fading scars that he always inspected without her knowing. From the collection of art tools he selected a red calligraphy pen with a large tip and with a plan in mind he was ready to commence his piece of artwork. "Now keep still and don't breathe." He quietly ordered.

"I need to breathe."

"Hold your breath." He responded glancing seriously to her eyes. Using a delicate stroke he started to sketch a heart around the scar on Kate's chest. She quietly watched him concentrate and work totally unaware Castle had a flare for painting. He had really done this before. Over the course of five or so minutes he created a beautiful heart, using her scar as the centre of it. He took another pen and over it in neat cursive handwriting wrote, _Our precious scar_ following the general shape of the heart. He muttered to himself he had to concentrate as he couldn't rub it out.

"Comm ..." She started

"Shhhh…don't move. Yes, I'm profoundly committed," he replied and smiled keeping his eyes on his artwork, "in so many ways." His peripheral vision saw her smile at his comment. She didn't move. Finished with the heart, he told her she could move again while he organised himself for his next bit. "I'm an artist of words." He informed her.

"Yes, Writer Boy." She agreed and saw him pick up a large black pen. "I'm already keeping still, with fear." She said as he focussed on choosing his next bit of flesh. She watched as he wrote in capital letters below her breasts. '_Why Kate?_'

He read aloud. "Why Kate?"

She grinned, her eyes shining. "I can't believe I'm allowing you to do this." Her voice was high, mellow.

"Why not?" He leaned to her and kissed her lips. "We're stuck in this god forsaken apartment in the middle of a city buried under record snow fall, keeping you and junior alive and we don't have anywhere to be. We have food, heating, each other and we have enough cash to live here till the summer. Time is nothing to us at the moment."

"Right. Get on with it already." She laughed.

He selected another pen and turned it over and over between his right thumb and index thinking about what he was going to do next. He asked her to lean back a little. At the point her belly was started to swell he drew an arrow around the right side of her navel, then wrote at the start of the arrow, _'You are here.'_ He narrated for Kate then looked to her calm hazel eyes. He smiled proudly, pleased with his work so far.

"Castle?"

"Hush." He reached for another pen and commenced to write along the side of her belly in neat script. She watched. He read aloud "She's my always."

"That's sweet. Can I reward you?"

"Later, perhaps." He glanced to her eyes. "I'm sorry. I thought …. You just want to give me a kiss huh?"

"Yep," she replied and leaned forward for the kiss.

"That kiss gave me a line." He declared in excitement. With another pen selected he chose a place on her body and wrote, _She kisses like she'll die that night_, "Nice!" He smiled to her eyes. "You like that one?"

She whispered, her eyes glowed, "That's a good one, writer boy."

"I'll have to write that one down."

"I believe you just did." She watched as he chose another tub of paint and commenced to spread it over her body from where he left off and proceeded down her legs. He wiped his hands on a towel then picked up a few paint brushes. He picked a pink tube of paint and squeezed some of it onto his paint tray.

"Ok, I'm going to paint a picture over your stuff," he explained, "so I can show this to our child some day." He smirked. "Okay with that?"

"Yes. What are you going to draw?"

"Paint, Kate." He corrected and caught her rolling her eyes that he shook a finger at.

"Potato, _pot-ar-to_." She muttered.

"I prefer spud." Rick smirked. Kate faked a laugh.

Over her left breast he started to paint a red gerbera, painting the petals first extending out over her breast from her areola. "This is gonna be good." He cooed.

"You're awesome at this." Kate commented honestly a minute or so later, watching the flower appear with each stroke of his brush. He was accurate and surprisingly talented. "You don't even have a flower to copy and you're getting it right."

"One of your favourite species of flower, so of course I remember." He quietly replied. "It's going to be a fresh flower. Old gerberas change in the middle as they grow older."

"Mmm…" She agreed as he finished the smaller petals inside the larger ones. He changed brushes and used a darker colour to fill in the centre of the flower. He used the brush and gently dabbed the paint over her nipple. A smiled broke over her face as her nipple filled in response. "Sorry."

"You'll do anything to put the artist off his work."

"Maybe, Castle, you should have been an artist and not a writer."

"I'm not physically able to remain still long enough to be an artist, and you've seen how much they don't sell their artwork." He paused, "In fact, I would be living on the streets."

"Keep writing."

"Actually…" He finished with the flower for now and grabbed a calligraphy pen again. With large cursive script using flamboyant loops, he wrote up the inside of her right thigh in black ink, _She makes it a beautiful day_, then admired his handy work. With a bit of wriggling, he moved to her left leg. In the same writing style he wrote down her left thigh, _She is the best…_, then down her calf he added, .. _the best I ever had_.

"It's arousing when you write along my thighs." She said. Her eyes had totally mellowed and appeared auburn with the glow of the open fire. She was content with her boyfriend's attention entirely on her.

"As arousing as when my lips and tongue explore your inner thighs?" He inquired, his voice seductive and his eyes glanced to hers then wandered the length of her thighs not hiding it at all.

"Nothing is as arousing as that," She breathed in as the back of his hand caressed it's path up her left inner thigh, "well, maybe your mouth going up a little higher…" she purred.

Rick became distracted with her leg, and found another pen, this one with a thicker tip. "My inspiration." He rattled off.

"Inspiration." Kate huffed in exasperation at his mindset to finish his artwork.

"You sure are." Rick agreed and inspected her body until he found a place to write those words choosing to use block letters. "Which reminds me."

He leaned over and reached for another pen. In a prominent place just over her belly button he wrote _Miss Chatelaine_. He sat up and looked seriously at Kate. "Because you are." He said adamantly.

Kate's expression questioned him then she followed his eyes and looked down to what he had lastly written. She grinned at him, "Castle! You're such a smart ass!"

Rick chuckled, unashamedly amused by his own sense of humour, "You like that one huh?"

Kate snorted once in her laughter. "That's your best one."

He smiled. "So many are gonna have to look that word up."

She hummed a response and stayed still for him whilst he returned to her body to paint a pale pink gerbera over her right breast. She was astounded by his ability to create such a piece of art. "You did art at college?"

"Yes, for the fun of it. It was awesome painting nude models, as in … on canvas." He clarified.

"I know what you were saying. I used to be a model for the art students at college."

"I bet you got asked out a lot."

"Yeah, but I was dating a guy who …." She faded off, unable to speak anymore as she was all of a sudden quite distracted and had completely forgotten what she was talking about. She stared vacantly across the room, internally processing what she felt.

Castle looked up from his work after a few seconds of waiting for her to finish what she was saying and studied her face noticing the thoughtful expression. She was miles away obviously trying to figure out something that had her attention. He watched her for several more seconds, captivated by her dazed expression, how beautiful and docile her eyes looked. She was pleasantly confused about something. "Kate? Come back, Katie." He interrupted and her enlarged eyes turned to his, a grin breaking over her face. She reached for his hand and pulled it to her belly.

Rick laid his palm across her skin near her palm understanding what was going on. He only had to wait a few seconds when he felt the subtle movement inside her similar to hunger rumblings.

"Did you feel that?" Kate asked excitedly her mouth agape with disbelief her eyes bright and wide. "My God!" She squealed and laughed.

"Feels like you're hungry." He exclaimed, grinning stupidly with happiness.

"Mmmm…" She agreed "But I'm not …or butterflies inside me." She responded, peering down upon her body covered in paint and Castle's graffiti, waiting and searching in expectation she would see her belly move.

Richard laughed at her expression of anticipation. "This is not like Alien, Kate," He stressed and laughed harder when he saw her face in response to his comment. "Was that the first time you felt it?"

Her eyes lifted to his face, hers now mysterious and curious, "Yes! Yes yes yes!" She squealed in pure delight and sat forward, reached for his head and pulled him to her for a kiss. She kissed his mouth excitedly several times in succession. "Our baby moved Castle. Our baby!"

Rick kissed her hard and kept her close, enjoying her exuberant response then looked into her bright happy eyes. "It's real to you now, huh?" He asked, suddenly realising why she was so excited. Kate nodded and started to cry holding his face between her fingers. "Are they happy tears, Baby?" He asked suddenly worried.

"Happy tears." Kate confirmed and wiped her eyes.

"Don't ruin my artwork with tears." He warned light heartedly.

"No, no." She replied quickly.

"Hold still, I have another line…" He excitedly said and with a new pen he found a place over her left hip, "this is from one your favourite songs…" he murmured, "and it always reminds me of how I felt when we first met." He turned his attention to what he was doing and began to write.

Kate, who continued to feel the baby's movement, watched Rick's hand neatly create the next line of words over her skin, following the contours of body ..… _She swayed her hips and stole the breath that I was taking_. She bit her bottom lip holding back a grin of pure adoration of the man. He found her eyes when he finished writing, a soft smile he kept for her spreading over his face.

"I like it more than hitched the air in my lungs…so over used." He commented.

"Mmm. You can't take credit for that one writer boy." She seductively murmured and deliberately directed her eyes to his groin. "Still feel it obviously."

Rick put his hands over his engorged penis, his cheeks flushing in response to her bedroom voice. "Yeah, I do." He grinned boyishly, his hair falling over his forehead, not a hint of shame.

"Come here." She whispered and leaned towards him for a kiss. He shared the kiss and then angled himself to her right hip.

"She'll never know how much I love her." He whispered to himself as he embarked on the next part of his creation.

"Plagiarism." Kate muttered in amusement. "But I think I do."

He lifted his eyes to her and said, "You have no idea," then returned to his art work.

Kate hummed and put her hand into his hair, caressing him.

"Uhhh… don't mess with the artist." He grumbled playfully. Once he was done, he sat back and took stock of the creation he had made. He muttered under his breath about something she didn't understand, but she leaned back on her hands and peered down at her bare body which was now almost a completed declaration of her boyfriend's love.

_Kissing her, what a lovely way to burn_. He wrote down her left leg.

"Our child will be embarrassed to read this." She commented, her voice high but soft.

"Yeah, probably. Alexis would most likely be repulsed by it all, like totally ewwggghhhh." He mimicked.

Kate giggled. "If it's a boy he won't want to know about it."

"Hopefully, as a man, he will be like his Dad and be in touch with his romantic side…. Maybe one day he will appreciate how his Dad was, and hopefully still is, with his Mom and will treat his love the same way."

Kate's breathing ceased when she heard his comment, reminded by the lyrics of a song she loved because of the way they were. It came to her attention that he was aware of what he was like with her.

"Have I rendered you speechless?" He dared to ask.

She looked to him and shook her heard no. She had always thought it was just his nature the way he was with her. "What do you want, Castle?"

"For you to be happy with me, Honey." He replied with a grin. "To be with you."

"Honey, I am happy, and you are with me, but," She pointed to her belly, "I mean a boy or a girl? Have you changed your mind since we last discussed it?"

"Oh! Glad you're happy, BTW." He replied, then looked from her belly to her eyes. "I would like a healthy baby first. You?"

"Agree. A boy maybe. You're already surrounded by girls, so I would like you to have a son."

"Mmm … yes, I would like a boy, but I still think you need to have a daughter. You're surrounded by men. It would be good for you to have a girl."

"Mmm… Interesting."

"Why so?" He inquired.

"I don't know." She replied and stretched her legs out around the premises of his body. She swung her foot from side to side.

"If you have a girl, we'll get started on the next one and go for a boy…" He replied, partially to freak her out and immediately he saw her eyes almost fall out of her head. Her jaw dropped. He chuckled fully conscious he had just shocked the shit out of her.

"You really want me to have more?" She asked once she had recovered. Last time he had implied it she hadn't taken him that seriously. However she had considered it might one day become a real discussion and a possibility of become real.

"Of course! We're not stopping at one, or two for that matter." He replied. "I know you, Kate Beckett and I know you will want more and that's okay. We come from homes of being the only child. It would be nice to raise siblings, watch them play, pull them apart when they're fighting or trying to kill each other."

"I don't know what it's like to fight with a sibling." Kate stated.

"Me neither but you and I used to bicker like kids, so I guess it's something like that." Rick replied.

"We still do." She replied.

"No we don't!" He scoffed.

"We so do." Kate stressed, "We argue over things like what we're going to eat for dinner."

"Never." He objected.

"Constantly."

"Rarely."

"Often." She pushed.

"Ok, so we bicker sometimes." He conceded.

"All the time." She replied.

"Hold still. I have another one." He ordered and he focussed on his work again. "We argue all the time."

"Bicker." She corrected.

"Too late, I've written it." He inspected his work then underneath he wrote, "She says we bicker."

He put down his calligraphy pen and stood up. "Let me see you." He requested so Kate leaned back on the floor to a position where he could closely critique his artwork. She dropped her head back and docilely stared at him. He stood awhile with his hand to his chin. "It's good." He concluded and smiled. "Stay right there."

Kate sighed and watched him patter bare assed to the study, cradling his bits as he hurried off. She heard him crash about inside his computer bag, curse a lot, then moments later he strolled back with his mini video camera up to his face trying to get it to operate.

"I will take photographs after the video," He waffled as he wandered back into the room carrying his equipment.

Kate, who was sitting up holding her iPhone called his name provocatively. He looked at her in response at which time she took a photograph. "Oh, nice one Kate. For your private collection I hope?" He commented glancing down at his fully naked body.

"I was going for page six of the Ledger." She said biting her lip. She inspected the photo, humming her approval. "Nice." She murmured to herself pouting her lips.

Rick chuckled. "That would get me back in the top ten bachelor's list for sure." He stated too confidently.

Kate scoffed in disbelief, "You are so full of yourself, Castle."

"I know! Crazy, huh? Why would I be? Imagine how full of myself I would be if I was better looking than I already am." He sat on the edge of the couch while he fiddled with his video camera, and couldn't help but grin in response to the noises she made in objection to his comments. "Now, now Beckett. I know you are physically attracted to me."

"I may be a little." She admitted. "Anyway, there is no way you're ever going on that bachelor list again." She seductively told him, and snapped another photo of him. "Not even a slight chance, Castle."

"Why's that?" He had the video recorder running and pointed it at Kate. "Kate?"

She looked at the camera, noticing it was recording. "You're not a bachelor anymore to start with." She replied with her bedroom voice.

"And?" He toyed with her, watching her through the small screen.

She lowered her gaze a second then lifted her eyes to him, "You belong to me," she clearly stated.

He raised an eyebrow. "Katie! Never figured you to be the possessive type, not."

"Shut up." She replied, as guilty as charged.

"And?" He smiled.

"Because you're meant to be my partner."

"And."

"Because you're meant to love me." She smiled.

"Seriously? Is that all you've got?"

"Mmmm." She hummed.

"God you look hot through this camera." He murmured.

Kate raised an eyebrow glancing to his groin at his almost fully erect penis. She grinned back at the camera. "Turn it off and come to me." She ordered.

He turned it off and picked up his digital camera. "No no. Not yet." He quickly set it up, quite accustomed to using it. "Pose for me, Baby."

"All right." Kate lifted her eyes from his groin and looked at the camera seductively.

"Not fair." He stated. "Pretend you're modelling, just for a minute, then I'm all yours."

"Promise?"

"Scout's honour."

"You were never a scout."

"Just model for me." He ordered looking at her directly.

Kate's entire persona changed in an instant and she became his model. She responded to his camera angles and did exactly as he asked her to do, followed his suggestions and added her own. . She ended up seated on the stool for more photos and then looked out to the court yard.

"Go out on the snow?" She asked.

"Are you crazy, Beckett? You're naked!"

"So?! No one can see us out there!"

"You'll get cold."

"Is this Castle talking, or Nancy Drew?" She teased.

He cleared his throat, realising fearless Kate was certainly back. "Your feet?"

Kate burst into laughter, "I'll put my sheep skin boots on." He studied her face several seconds, a smile creeping over his face that clearly spoke to Kate. He was keen.

He glanced out the door way, completely aware they would take some cool photos out there. He leapt at the chance. "Let's go Beckett." He took her hand. "These are gonna be awesome photographs!" He declared.

"I know." She pulled him toward the sliding door. On the way she grabbed her ugg boots jumping into them on her way. Within a minute they were outside and Rick was taking photos of his artwork on Kate on the snow. She sat on the snow bare assed and she called him over. She grinned up at him, her hair loose, eyes alive and he took the photos.

They were awesome photographs and minutes he would never forget.

_Ok, so that was my fun chapter. Hope you enjoyed it._


	35. Chapter 35 - clue

_First of all, apologies for the delay but been working hard at wrapping this story up to completion. Have also been on vacation and busy generally. Thanks to the hard work of my beta, who has also had a lot on lately. Appreciate all your feedback. _

**Chapter 35**

The interrogation room fell silent and everyone sat still digesting what had been said. Javy glanced to Kevin, who raised an eyebrow, his blue eyes glistening with the fact they may have finally struck that elusive clue they had been in search of.

Ryan leaned forward in disbelief of what he'd just heard, "Will you repeat that?" He tilted his ear in the Jeffrey Stone's direction so he could clearly hear what the man was about to repeat.

"I said I can give you evidence that incriminates the main person responsible for Detective Beckett's abduction and all of those behind it. I also have information on a murder he's linked to." He sat up straighter in his seat, wanting to get down to business. "I said I want to bargain. You're homicide detectives right?"

"Yes." Ryan confirmed even though he knew Stone's query was rhetorical. He kept calm, but internally he was buzzing with excitement that they had a break on Beckett's case.

"We are homicide detectives and Beckett's case is a homicide. We are looking for the person responsible for the murder of Detective Beckett, not who abducted her." Ryan clarified his face remaining neutral.

Stone smirked, "The last time I saw the detective she was alive." He stated and tapped his finger on the desk, thinking whilst he watched the detectives digest his statement. He gazed at both of the detectives and said in a matter of fact tone, "Detective Katherine Beckett was alive when I walked out of that warehouse the same day the writer offered the reward for her live return. Should I be talking to the SVU squad and not talking to her squad, her team? You don't want proof of who took the Detective?"

Esposito sat up impatiently and leaned over the table, pointing a finger at Stone, "You talk to us, homicide. The detective died in the hospital after we had retrieved her." Esposito stated it as a matter of fact. It was very possible they had a break in the case but if they handed this guy to the SVU squad running with Beckett's case, it would be obvious to Stone that Beckett was alive. Espo's gut instincts were tingling they had a real strong lead here and he sensed Ryan was feeling the same. "She died." He reiterated and glanced to Ryan who nodded once.

Stone sat forward a look of frustration crossing his face. His fingers tapped the table. "No! When I left the warehouse she was alive. It was after that writer had aired on TV his reward. I was sent there to ensure she was dead. They were all nervous and after that night everyone scattered and laid low for days. The warehouse was empty for days. When I left, no one died inside that warehouse and I don't believe she didn't die that night." He tapped his fingers again, clearly frustrated with the detectives

Ryan stared at Stone, noticing there was something that was bothering the man. He was poking about the detectives and wanted to relieve himself of the information he had, but he was reluctant to do so. "Why don't you give us what you know and let us follow the leads?" Ryan encouraged sensing the guy feared someone. "Walk out of here a free guy and continue your life."

For a moment Stone thought, then looked to Ryan, "Have Beckett here in front of me and I will give her what I know. I have enough evidence to put them away."

Javy leaned forward putting his elbows on the desk top. "I can't believe you have the balls to tell us you think the Detective is alive."

He laughed. "She has disappeared with the writer." He claimed and sat back placing his palms down on the desk.

"You know you have a good imagination." Esposito said and impatiently stood up. "C'mon Ryan. We'll give him time to think about his story some more."

"Hang on a sec, Javy." Ryan held his arm up.

"Why are you doing this? Why did you come in here? Why is this so important to you? Why are you insisting that Beckett is alive?"

Stone looked around the room a few seconds then came back to Ryan, "Because nobody deserves to go through what the Detective went through, especially being a woman. I only saw her for a couple of minutes, but ever since she has haunted me every single day." Jeremy paused then looked at Esposito. "She looked at me. She was so scared. Her eyes, man. She begged me to help her and I did nothing. The look in her eyes still haunts me day and night." He ran his hand through his hair. "That's the truth. I need her out of my conscience. Her eyes ….." He waved it off.

Ryan nodded and glanced to Esposito who wore the same expression of understanding, with his own recollection of what he'd seen. Ryan's dreams were still haunted by those minutes in the after they had found her held hostage by the Russian.

Jeremy took a deep breath with the decision he needed to be honest with these cops, "Look, I'm tired of his money laundering, of seeing him use people from Feds to low life criminals to clean up his messes and of watching him ruin the lives of others for his own greed and lust for power. He needs to be stopped and Beckett is the only person who has the ability to take him down, to finish his ruthless campaign once and for all."

Ryan tried his hardest not to glance to Javy. The guy knew too much to be bluffing and had the break they really did need. He sensed Esposito had picked up on it. Ryan kept quiet about that and went for the weaker, less important component to prevent Stone from believing he held all the good cards, "You said you knew of another murder that is related to Beckett's case."

Stone nodded. "The Russian in the alley a couple of days after Richard Castle went to air with his reward."

"You could figure that out by reading the Ledger. There is nothing that we don't have already."

"I know enough. You get Detective Beckett in this room with me and I will give her what she needs to put these men away."

"Ryan, he's calling our bluff."

"Wait here." Ryan requested in a tone that didn't expect a response.

The detectives stood, and walked out of the interrogation room. They closed the door behind them and stepped into the viewing room where they found Captain Gates was standing at the mirror. She had observed their interrogation but they didn't know how much. They shot a glance to each other, worried she may have heard mention of Bracken.

Gates didn't look at them but ordered. "Close the door."

Ryan quietly clicked the door closed then stepped forward so he stood beside Javy, both of them holding concerned expressions.

"How does this man know she's with Castle?"

"He's guessing." Javy replied.

"That or we have another internal leak." Ryan cautiously suggested, secretly not excluding their present company. He trusted Javy wouldn't divulge anything about Beckett and Castle with Gates who didn't know their whereabouts.

"Who knows she's alive?" Gate's inquired.

"Other than their immediate families, us and the men who protected Beckett, there's nobody else." Ryan replied and glanced to Javy, warning him to keep quiet about their friends.

"Do you believe he's guessing?"

"No, Sir." Ryan replied. "Stone knew the warehouse was empty for days. Someone must have watched it, before the Russian dropped." He paused.

"How does he know she is alive?" Gates wondered aloud.

"Maybe someone saw Kate alive the morning we took her back there."

Captain Gates shook her head in the negative. "No. I had the warehouse cleared two blocks. The only place she could have been seen was at the cars. However, I was reassured by Detective Cahill that she was appropriately concealed."

"Yes, Sir. She was." Javy replied.

"Unless." Ryan uttered, deep in thought.

"What is it, Detective Ryan?" Gates queried.

Ryan glanced between Gates and Esposito, "Unless someone happened to see Beckett when she broke out of Castle's car." He cautiously suggested, aware they hadn't previously mentioned Kate's break down on the way back to the loft to Captain Gates. He glanced at Espo, "She was loud enough to gain attention."

Esposito shook his head. "No. We carried her to a place she was hidden between two minivans and quickly quietened her down."

"True. Exposure was limited." Ryan agreed.

"He's guessing," Gates concluded, " and probably because Castle has gone off the grid."

"Castle's agent regularly updates the website and twitter account with blogs about his progress with writing." Esposito said. "Last time I checked he was on vacation in Europe."

Ryan gazed at the male who had walked into the Precinct on his own just on an hour ago. "What if he really does know? After all, he did voluntarily walk in here saying he had information." Ryan posed at them and shifted on his feet, thinking about options. "I have an idea."

"Go on." Gates invited.

"What if he is telling the truth, that they know she's alive? Say we were to get her back to interrogate him and she extracts the information out of him? He becomes a witness for us. We don't know his involvement as yet. We can do some background checks. But we know he saw her in the warehouse. His description of her earlier in the conversation was too detailed. We need to ascertain whether Kate is ready to do it however."

"True." Javy agreed looking to Gates. "Last time we spoke with Castle, Kate was doing well. But that was a week or so ago."

"What if he is bait?" Gates asked them.

"Could be."

"Ryan, Esposito, send him back out of the street, tell him he needs to bring back substantive evidence before we will take him seriously. Continue on as though Beckett is dead. See what he does."

"Yes Sir." Ryan replied.

"Put a tail on him to follow him when he leaves the Precinct. I am very interested to see where he goes and what he does as I am sure you both are. He could be a plant."

The men smiled to each other. With this support from Gates, it might be what they needed to smash Beckett's case wide open.

"Also, contact Detective Cahill and keep her apprised. She may have a better idea. Good work, Detectives." Gates finished and left the men, closing the door behind her.

Ryan and Esposito stood at the mirror staring at Stone. Ryan quietly said, "We also know he has a direct link to Bracken in Beckett's case."

"Yeah. We can't tell Gate's that. Do you think she heard what Stone said?"

"I'm not sure." Ryan replied. "Gates wasn't in the room when we started talking to him. I checked. We can only hope she came in after Stone had mentioned Bracken. Kate hasn't verbally stated Bracken was behind it to anyone yet. We're not going to Cahill yet either. Let's squeeze what we can out of this dude, cut him loose with a tail on him. When we have more we'll call Castle and Beckett."

Esposito nodded, "It will need to be solid evidence for Castle to bring Beckett home. You know what he said before he took her away and he's extremely protective of her now."

"And we don't know if Beckett is ready to come back."

Javy fiddled with his badge that hung from his neck by a chain. "No. Last time I spoke to Castle, he said that although overall she's physically healthy, she was still dealing with an awful lot of shit. He said she has mostly good days but regularly has days when she's down."

"It's only been a few months," Ryan conceded.

Esposito nodded, "And will take a few more. I could kill Bracken with my bare hands for doing what he did to Beckett."

Ryan patted Esposito's shoulder, "Take a number Espo. Let's go finish this."

"Hold still." She murmured pausing what she was doing to look him in the eyes with an expression that told Castle he was being pathetic.

"It hurts, Beckett!"

"Oh, yeah! Like, it really hurts." She whined on his behalf, mocking him. She put her legs around his knees and sat on his thighs right up against his groin, facing him. He instantly put his hands to her waist holding her there. He peered down at her body in new black cotton underwear with a matching bra, feeling the pressure of her swollen tummy against his. He smiled to her face sharing a silent second with her about the baby. She grinned and kissed his lips.

"It's growing." He said and stroked strands of her long hair that was tied loose and messy in a pony tail at the top of her head, strands of wavy hair hanging haphazardly. All that he certainly didn't mind, but what was in her hand was a different matter. Tweezers. Those tweezers were being used to tidy up his eyebrows. "Hold still" she repeated tilting back his head to gain better light. Castle, succumbing to the situation sat back and closed his eyes waiting for the next ping of pain. He felt her breath on his face the fingers of her left hand on his eyebrow.

"Owww!"

"Castle! I didn't touch you yet."

"Well, anticipation."

Then ping!

"Oww!" He squeezed his eyes shut then waited. Kate giggled.

"Castle." She scorned lightly. "You are being a baby." Ping!

"Geez!" He opened his eyes. "Nothing baby about it!" He rubbed his eyebrow with his left hand, looking at her defensively. "I should do it to you." He defensibly stated.

"I do it to myself. Just a bit more." She glanced to her hips as Castle's hand returned to her but this time he squeezed her left buttock.

"God you have a great ass." He commented keenly with a cheeky grin and gave up the fight letting her tip his head back again.

"Yeah, well if you want a piece of my ass you'd better keep still so I can finish." She warned.

"Mmm… resorting to bribery already, Beckett."

"Looks that way." Ping. This time he didn't react so Kate got on with it a bit faster. She was comfortable straddled across his lap. She gently blew over his face blowing away any loose hairs then ran her fingers over each eyebrow tidying them down. She then dropped the tweezers in her make-up bag. She kind of smirked to herself when she saw the black eye liner, and glanced back to Castle who still had his eyes shut. She reached for the eyeliner. "This could be fun." She murmured. Castle's eyes flew open and looked to her hand.

"What is that?"

"Eye liner." She replied. "Hold still, Honey." She grinned.

"Kate, not the make-up." He pleaded as she held his head. It was that moment he thought she'd drank enough wine for the night.

"Close your eyes Castle." She ordered in her usual bossy tone, then smiled sweetly, and added softly, "I had to sit through the paint work."

Without argument, he closed them. What was the point of objecting? It wasn't going to hurt and it was amusing her, them. "But I took some beautiful photos of you." He said and smiled with his recollection of their afternoon.

"Mmmm." She agreed. "They are good photos." She carefully followed the lines of his eyelids applying the eyeliner, all the time muttering to herself.

Sitting there reminded him of the times Alexis had nailed him down to play make-up, an activity she probably would have done with her own mother had she been around. He sighed, realising he had two girls in his life that didn't have their mothers for different reasons. However, this one was far more fun with her pressed against his groin, her butt in his palms. He wasn't going to complain yet. "You promise not to tell anyone about this." He quietly requested.

"I promise, Jameson Rook." She teased.

"I make up stuff in Nikki Heat." He replied. "Fiction." He blindly stroked her hips, loving the curve between her hips and ribs. He moaned his approval.

"Well, maybe you could put this in the novel you're writing." She suggested in a flirtatious manner.

He frowned at her humour, "We'll see how it ends first," he replied in resignation that he had to stay still. He was secretly enjoying Kate's company as she was right now. She was in a great mood, had been all day. She was relaxed, better still, sitting on him in almost nothing and he had her undivided attention. The fact she was applying make-up to his face wasn't so hot, but he was happy she was just playing which was an activity he rarely saw her do and he wasn't going to stop her.

"Mmm." She stated, studying her progress. She reached for the black mascara and undid it then looked over his face. "Open your eyes, Babe." She whispered and smiled to his blue eyes. "Put your head up." He obeyed. She gently started to brush his eye lashes with the brush, frequently dipping it. She did both eyes then leaned back against his hands trusting he would support her. She chuckled. "You have such long eye lashes."

"I know." He replied and watched as she reached over his shoulder to the bench for an eye shadow. He gazed at her breasts right in front of him and instantly leaned to her cleavage, rubbing his whiskers against her flesh. He couldn't help but groan approval.

"Castle." She warned.

"You pressed them in my face Beckett, what else am I gonna do?"

She sat back and rested the eye shadow on his chest and opened the eye shadow. "We'll go for the slutty look?" She asked.

"You or me? Although this bra is way too nice to be slutty." He moaned, "The girls are looking good," he declared mainly to himself.

Kate glared at him then smiled. "Slutty you're going."

"Slutty it is." He lifted his eyes looking to her highly amused face. "Can I get a kiss?"

"Arr. You have a good chance of that." She held his jaw, stroked his beard and moved her mouth to his lips kissing him hard, hearing him moan his approval again. Her eyebrow rose when she felt the reaction at his groin. "It still works." She teased.

"Of course it works." He scoffed squeezing his hands on her. "It's also hard to control when you're sitting on me like this." Kate gave him a look. She continued to apply the make up for another few minutes, obviously happy with her progress. She reached for a red lipstick last of all and applied a generous amount of it to his lips. Her fingers blindly found her cell phone.

"Take a look, Castle." She pointed to the mirror as he turned to face it. He chuckled. She'd applied heavy make up over his entire face. She laughed, pressed her face against the side of his, snapped a photograph of them, both grinning. She checked the photo and showed it to him. "I'm going to put it as your contact photo."

"Very funny," He studied his imaged in the mirror. "I look like a cross dresser gone rabid."

"A ruggedly handsome one." She added. "Beard helps with the ruggedness."

"Ha ha, Honey!" Richard pulled his phone out of his jeans back pocket, found the photo application and drew Kate to him. He snapped a photo they both looked at laughing.

"Send it to the boys." Kate suggested

"Ha! No way! This is ours." Castle replied and you're in your bra and I'm topless." He reminded looking to her pretty white bra.

"Good point." She dropped her arms around his shoulder stroking the back of his head, looking into his eyes and kissed him.

"Beckett." He whispered caressing her back

"Castle." She whispered back, smiling at the lipstick smudge now on his lips. He saw the bright red lipstick smeared over her lips as well.

"Mmm, lipstick." He commented. "It's all over you."

Kate checked her image in the mirror and laughed. "Are you hungry?" Kate asked.

"Not really but you are obviously." He read her expression.

"Been hungry a lot this week." She commented.

"I'm ok about that." Castle replied taking is eyes down her body to the obvious swell of the baby. She had gained weight eating five to six times a day. "Come here." He urged her to him putting his face to her breasts he softly kissed, holding her to him with his hands down her back. "They're growing." He stated.

"My boobs?" She glanced down to her cleavage quite proud of it. She held his head close to her, stroking his hair for several moments until he pulled back looking to her eyes in silence. She drew circles on his cheek.

"I don't need anything else other than you." She whispered. "I never knew I could feel like this"

"Katie." He softly said and kissed her mouth. "I guess it was the make-up."

She smirked. "For sure, Rick."

"You are naughty." He stated. Suddenly he held her by the butt and stood up. She squealed in surprise grabbing onto his shoulders and hanging on as he carried her to the bedroom. He let her down to the floor but held her kissing her very seriously before he patted her butt. "My phone is vibrating." He mumbled and blindly reached for it. Kate didn't pull away and checked the caller id. It was Ryan. Castle hit accept with his thumb and stepped back putting the phone to his ear.

"Castle." He greeted glancing to the time on his watch to see it was quite late in the evening for phone calls.

"Castle. Its Ryan. Hope I didn't wake you."

"Not at all. We're up. We stay up late all the time. What's up?" Rick hooked his right arm about Kate's neck as she leaned into him for a silent hug.

"It's about Kate's case. She might need to come home soon."

"Really?" He took his arm away from Kate who stepped back a little as he put the phone to speaker. "What's happened? I've put you on speaker. Kate is here."

"Hey, Beckett." Ryan greeted.

"Hi, Kev."

"A guy walked into the precinct a few days ago and told us he had evidence linking Bracken to Kate's kidnapping and another murder. Problem is he won't give it to anyone but Kate."

"But … Kate is meant to be dead." Rick stared at Kate with a bewildered look.

"I know Castle. He's figured out or guessing Kate is still alive, but he said he's keeping that to himself, that he doesn't want any more harm to come to her."

"That's big of him." Kate replied.

"I thought the same thing, Kate." Ryan said, "He only wants to relieve his own conscience of the guilt he carries for not helping you when the time was right to do so."

"Did he actually say he knows she's alive?" Rick asked staring at Kate attempting to gauge what she was thinking. She listened and was calm.

"No, Castle. He's speculating based on what he does know. He said he saw Kate alive at the warehouse the same day you aired the reward for her. He went back after we had Kate safe and saw there wasn't a body or evidence she died there."

Kate stood back in thought, her hands on her hips. "Okay. But if he went back to the warehouse after I was found, how come he wasn't picked up and brought in for questioning?"

"It was days, Kate before we found where you were held hostage." Ryan replied.

Rick nodded his agreement, and added, "If they'd had any sense they would have gone back and cleaned up."

"I agree." She looked over Rick's face that was covered in make-up, a smile simultaneously spreading over her face. He mouthed '_What?' _ Kate shook her head that is was nothing, then glanced to the phone, "How much does Captain Gates know about this, Kevin?"

"Not much. We don't believe she knows the full extent Bracken's involvement. She doesn't know where you are, only that we can contact Castle if we need to."

"What did she say?" Kate wanted specifics so she had a better of idea of Gate's opinion.

"She told us to investigate his story, to see if he is telling the truth. We did all that. The guy is legit. He works for Bracken, has for a long time and wants to see him go down. The deal is, unless he speaks directly with you he won't give us anything. He states his evidence is credible and worth the risk if you are alive because he says without you alive his evidence could have him killed even if Bracken is on the inside of a prison wall charged with your murder."

"What about serving a warrant on him?"

"We can't tell a judge you're alive and we won't get one signed because we don't have enough supporting evidence."

Rick grunted a response, watching Kate's face for reactions. She pressed her lips together, which Castle thought was really cute. "Did you consider he's trying to bring Kate out of hiding for Bracken?" Castle asked, "Because I'm not allowing Kate back if she's going to be at any risk of being hurt, even her pinkie."

They heard Ryan smirk, and Kate shot her eyes to Rick's face to see he was dead set serious. "Pinkie?" She whispered, and Rick nodded.

"Not even your pinkie." He stated.

Ryan cleared his throat, feeling like the third wheel even from where he sat, "We've had a tail on him for three days. He works close to Bracken."

Kate took a big breath, her eyes shifting to Castle's searching his face for what he was thinking. His statement that he wouldn't let her walk into any risks she found kind of sweet, "Kevin, did you pass my statement on to Cahill?"

Ryan sighed. "Arrr .. yeah. I attached it to a completely new email so she couldn't trace where it came from."

"Good man." Rick replied.

"Yeah, thanks Buddy." Kate added.

"Yeah." Ryan took a breath. "Special Agent Shaw has been briefed about Stone and she is looking into him. She is still investigating who is on the inside of the FBI. Sorenson and Shaw are secretly doing that."

Castle said. "Good. We need Shaw and Sorenson in on this."

"Yep. I agree. What do you want to do Kate?"

Rick replied before Kate had a chance to take a breath to speak, "We will call you in the morning after Kate and I have had a talk about it."

"Good idea. I'm going home."

"Thanks, Kev." Kate said. "Good night."

"Night, Ryan." Rick hung up the phone and pocketed it. He touched her shoulder. "I don't want you to rush into any decision." He took hold of her hand, looked at her eyes and suggested, "Let's sleep on it."

"I agree." She replied and smiled cheekily at his face.

"What?"

"We had such a serious conversation with you looking like that." She lifted her phone up and snapped a photo of him.

He pulled her closer, amused by her playful squeal she released, "Well I guess it's a change from the zombie look."

"Not much of a change," she laughed.

"Hey!" He scorned pulling her against him.

"If we go back, I will need to be protected again."

"That's for sure." He replied. "Ryan will phone Special Agent Shaw after we talk with him in the morning."

"We also have the ultra sound appointment tomorrow and the obstetrician and Anna the following day." Kate listed off their appointments, with a realisation that their lives really were progressing in Montreal.

"That's ok. We'll keep those appointments. This decision can wait a couple of days. Those appointments are more important than going back to the city. It will also give the guys and Shaw time to perhaps obtain further details about this guy."

Kate wrapped her arms about his bare body and stared up into his eyes. "Do you feel like our life is here?"

Rick smiled, "Yeah I do, particularly when you talk about appointments we have about our future. It's also good to hear our life is still progressing."

"More importantly we have another question we need to answer."

Rick hooked his arms lightly about her. He glanced down to her belly pressing hard against his. "Go on," he prompted with interest.

"If the ultrasound technician can see what sex it is, do we want to know?"

Rick laughed aloud, "This is gonna kill the Detective isn't it, waiting nine months without a clue."

"No!" She denied, saw his expression and blushed, "Yes," she confessed.

"Do you want to know?" He asked.

"Yes and no." She smiled. "You?"

"Doesn't worry me either way."

"Okay, well, we have until ten thirty tomorrow to decide." She reached up on her tip toes to kiss him. "But part of the fun it the element of surprise when it's born."

"True." He agreed. "I guess we sleep on that decision too," he suggested.


	36. Chapter 36 - Back in NYC

_Submitted is the next chapter. Thank my beta who, along with me has spent hours on this chapter along with the next few chapters. This is seriously hot off the press. _

**Chapter 36**

"Go ahead of me and act normal, Castle."

He thought about that. "Normal how?" He inquired unsure about whether he should act as normal Castle with Kate alive, or how Castle might be like if Kate were dead.

"Just act as normally as you can. We have this conversation all the time." She whined.

He frowned at Kate. All the detectives in the precinct, with the exception of Esposito and Ryan, would expect the latter behaviour from him but her wanted Kate's clarification of how she wanted him to be. "Like normal with you alive, or like normal with you dead?"

"Castle!" She hissed, wondering why he always had to be so specific. However, she briefly thought about his question, understanding his dilemma, "Make an entrance like you normally would and when you have everyone's attention, Sorenson and I will pass behind you, walk down the corridor the long way and meet you in the viewing room."

"Sure," he smiled, understanding what she wanted, "I can do that," then thought about it at bit more, "What happens if anyone asks how I'm doing?"

"We haven't really thought this through much, have we?" Kate concluded creasing her brow.

"No, but I'll wing it. I'm glad to be among friends, but not as happy as I'd be if you were with me." He squeezed her upper arm and glanced briefly at Sorenson who was standing about three yards away from them. He muttered to Kate, "I'll see you in there."

"Remember, be your normal self." She stipulated with her usual bossy tone.

Rick produced his submissive look, "I will." He confirmed and proceeded to walk ahead of Kate to the Precinct. He glanced back at her over his right shoulder. She was leaning against the wall of a building looking about as insignificant as the next person in the late evening. Black hoodie poking out of a black leather jacket, black jeans and practical shoes she could run in if she needed to, not that he wanted her running. Will had moved to her side as soon as Castle had gone ahead.

Inside the Precinct's foyer he hit the elevator button and waited. Beckett and Sorenson appeared in the foyer not a minute later and stopped a little way from him to wait for the elevator. They entered the same elevator with several other people. Kate moved to a back corner away from Rick and kept her face partially concealed by the hood of her top. Sorenson stood in front of her. Nobody noticed Kate. People dressed as she was, were constantly in and out of the precinct. She blended and could have been anyone. Rick noticed Kate was chewing gum and behaving totally different. She was a better actress than his mother.

At the homicide squad's floor Rick stepped out of the elevator, gave Kate and Sorenson enough time to slip out behind him, then made one hell of a noisy entrance the moment he saw Esposito and Ryan, an entrance that caught everyone's attention. Yes, Rick Castle was back to say hello as late in the day as it was. As soon as the detectives saw him, they all got up to greet him. Beckett and Sorenson walked along the corridor towards the viewing room without raising any attention with the exception of Ryan who gave Kate a wink.

Ryan nudged Esposito, "She's inside," he quietly said as they approached Castle paying him the attention. They made enough of a racket that it kept everyone engaged with Castle. Sorenson and Beckett successfully made it to the room and closed the door.

Tonight was hopefully Kate's final night as a dead person. She was so relieved to finally see a break, that perhaps she would soon be able to reclaim her life and her real identity. Even if she had become familiar with her alias in Canada, she liked her identity as Kate Beckett a lot more. She sat on the desk and pushed the hoodie off her head. She glanced to the clock. It was just after 6.40 pm. They had been in Montreal four hours ago and it already seemed surreal. Sorenson and two of his agents had met her and Castle at the airport. No one in their families knew they were back in New York City. They had elected to remain low key and stay at a hotel for the night, if they actually got out of the Precinct that evening. There were a lot of questions hanging in the air at the moment and quite a lot to do before they would know the path they were to take. It was highly anticipated by Castle and Sorenson that they would be on a plane and flying back to Montreal tomorrow.

"We made it, Will." She smiled, chewing on the gum he had given her. "I'm still alive."

"It was easy." Sorenson commented. "You both look so different." He looked over her face. "I barely recognised either of you at the airport."

"How? I'm still me!" She was surprised. "Yes, Rick has a beard which makes him look different."

"Yeah, he looks really different with the beard. Your hair is lighter, you're .. well, I guess you're looking pregnant." He carefully pointed to her tummy and face. It wasn't only that. She was different in her personality. She'd been a little more guarded and stand-offish since the moment he had met them at the airport about two hours ago. Rick was his normal self, with the exception he was far more protective of Kate, but she was more reserved and quieter than the woman he'd said good bye to when they had flown to Montreal. She was healthier, stronger physically and mentally but the confident Kate he knew wasn't completely back yet. Once fiercely independent, she had kept Rick close to her until five minutes ago. The bond between Castle and Becket had intensified with their time in Montreal. Sorenson could see they communicated continuously without words and were living in their own world that being alone for months had allowed them to develop. He felt a momentary pang of jealousy, then firmly shut it down. He'd left her for his career. Rick hadn't left Kate's side, no matter what.

"Explain it properly, Will." She requested interested to hear what he observed. She'd noticed he was different with her since they had met up at the airport. Maybe it was because he could easily see she was pregnant to another man, that it was very real for Sorenson too that she was committed to Castle. He had given her a big hug when he had seen them come off the plane. She had felt oddly uncomfortable as no man other than Rick had touched her in weeks and she hadn't warmed to it at all. She figured she only needed time to adjust to being with the guys again rather than just having Rick for company. They still had closure to make on their lives in Montreal. When they had left Canada, they had packed enough for a few days and cleaned the apartment but planned to return there to completely pack and send their belongings home once they were sure it was safe for her to live in New York. She also needed a few more sessions with Anna to finish up her therapy, although Kate wasn't ready to give up therapy with Anna yet, as she still relied on her psychiatrist to help her on bad days.

She came back to the present when Will said, "Well, this is a compliment so don't be offended. Alright?" He studied her watching for permission to continue.

"Mmm. Go on. I'm keen to hear what's different." She looked over his face, intrigued to hear what he was about to say.

"Your face is fuller, you've put on weight, but in the right places." He quickly said.

Kate smiled in amusement at the pain and anguish he was going through trying to delicately tell her how he thought she had physically changed. "I understand, Will."

He acknowledged her comment of acceptance with a grunt and a nod, secretly smiling at her in a way she understood because she's once been intimate with. After all, their relationship had only been stopped by a career decision.

"You do look really good, Kate. Writer boy has taken fantastic care of you as he promised he would." He seriously said, but also hoped the woman he knew as Kate Beckett would return. He reminded himself that for months she had been living in a completely different environment. She had been cocooned and protected for quite a while.

"I missed you too, Will." She murmured.

"Yeah sure." He rolled on the balls of his feet, acknowledging to himself that there was a little snippet of the Kate he knew just in that comment.

"I did." She stressed playfully.

He laughed with her.

Just over two minutes later there was a tap on the door. Sorenson unlocked it and opened the door slightly. Rick poked his head in with a grin and was shoved in by someone. It was Ryan and then Esposito appeared closing the door behind them. Kate stood off the desk and jumped to both of the detectives, hugging them at the same time. She had been so excited all day about seeing them again.

"Look at you, Chica." Esposito held her by her upper arms. "You look great!"

"You do." Ryan confirmed, seeing she was looking healthy and happy.

Kate glanced at Rick grinning. "He takes care of us." She beamed, so pleased to see them. "You boys are looking fantastic. Have you guys been running?"

"We sure have, and heaps faster now we don't have to wait for the girl." Esposito replied.

"Yeah sure." Kate laughed, "As I recall it, you were usually choking on the dust my runners kicked up."

"Sure Chica."

"He's still slow." Ryan said. "Jenny wants to see you when you are officially here."

"So does Lanie. Man she is missing you."

"Me too. I missed all of you. I can't wait to see them and be at home again."

Ryan smiled and glanced to Esposito, who nodded.

"Tell her, Dude." Esposito urged.

Ryan grinned. "Jenny has news for you. We have news for you."

Kate focused on Ryan, "News? ... Oh, wow. Seriously? She's pregnant?" Kate burst out guessing it by the expression on Ryan's face and saw him nod energetically releasing a big grin. Kate hugged him. "How far?"

"She's about six weeks behind you."

"That is so exciting."

"Pretend you don't know. She's dying to be the one to tell you."

"You're covered. Christmas baby?"

Ryan blushed, "Yeah, bit after maybe."

There was a knock on the door that caused Esposito to go to the door. They heard a voice say the people had arrived. Espo relaxed slightly and said, "Come on, Ryan, we need to do this."

"You stay here with Castle, Kate. We've got this." Ryan said and with a final glance to Castle to ensure he understood to keep Kate in the room, he followed Esposito out of the room.

Will said to both Rick and Kate, "I'm going out. Text me later once Special Agent Shaw has arrived."

"Will do. Thanks Will." Kate smiled at him as he left behind the detectives.

Whilst they waiting for the Ryan and Espo to bring the subjects into the interrogation room, Kate turned her attention to Castle to take in his appearance, a small smile spreading over her face. He caught her expression.

"What?"

"Nothing, Castle." She smiled thinking about how cute he looked with his beard. She had warmed to it over time. Another glance to his face and she saw it was killing him to know what she was thinking about. "It's nothing Castle, really. Sorenson said before that he didn't recognise us when we came off the plane." She explained.

Rick laughed. "No doubt he didn't. I've put on weight and grown a beard."

Kate assessed his body, "I hadn't noticed, but now you mention it."

"Hey!" He responded and laughed with her.

"Well, it's the same here, except not the beard part." She blew out her cheeks and widened her eyes then cheekily grinned.

"Cute. I'm happy with the _puffy cheeks_, but no, I don't want to think about you sporting a beard." He let his gaze wander down her body. "I do love the tummy though."

She smirked and glanced down to her body, "Yeah, that's okay, but no to the beard."

They turned their attention to the interrogation room when they saw the door open, finished with their silly conversation. They saw a reasonably built man with, dark hair, olive complexion in his late twenties and a woman of similar appearance but younger enter the room ahead of Detectives Esposito and Ryan. Ryan closed the door and glanced to the mirror. The plan was for Ryan and Esposito to question Stone while Kate observed to give her a chance to profile the guy. Kate reached over to the recording equipment and hit the record button. Both she and Rick stared at it until they were sure it had started recording. It was usually Ryan who monitored the equipment.

Kate stood beside Rick to focus on the man who claimed he had the evidence to change her life again. The detectives were about to start. "Jeffrey Stone." She murmured. "Why is he doing this? What's motivating him Castle, to insist on telling me?" She stepped closer to Rick.

"I don't know. Maybe we will find out." He replied and wrapped his right arm about her shoulders once she was standing in front of him. He rested his chin on the back of her head. "You ok?" He caressed his fingers over the side of her neck, her cheek.

"Mmmm… never thought I would say this, but I like it in Montreal." She replied softly. "We're safe there."

"Too much snow, but yeah, I understand."

They fell silent when Ryan commenced to speak. The detective was going back over why Stone was at the Precinct, in order to get the conversation flowing.

"Do you remember this guy?" Rick asked when he saw they conversation was going over old information.

Kate shifted on her feet, then leaned against Rick taking refuge in his arms, as she shook her head. "No," she whispered.

Rick took a deep breath a little disappointed she didn't remember Stone because it meant that when she went into question him, she had nothing to go on, no defining moment that she could circle with her line of inquiries. No remembering him would cause her to be fearful and had the potential to compromise her line of question. The photo of Stone the detectives had sent to Kate's cell phone when in Montreal hadn't spiked any memory in Kate. During phone calls before they had decided to come back to New York, and even only a half hour earlier, Esposito had commented to Rick that Kate had probably been too weak and traumatised to remember the five minutes this guy had said he'd seen Kate in the warehouse. They had hoped seeing him would jolt Kate's memory. The details of Stone's statements had been specific enough to prove he had seen Kate at the warehouse even if she didn't remember him. Like it or not, Stone had a more reliable recollection than Kate did. The men had made the decision to advise Kate that Stone was a reliable source but to spare her the details. The boys being in the room was a last ditched attempt to have Kate remember stone. After a few minutes of silence, he inquired again.

"There's still nothing you remember of him?"

"No. I don't think he was one of the guys who hurt me, if that's what you're asking me." She replied calmly, not moving.

Rick cursed under his breath and gritted his teeth. "No. I wasn't implying that."

"But if I had said he hurt me, then you won't be any good for me in there when we get our turn with him, because you will want to beat him to death."

"Yes, that's probably quite true, but I'm already very sure he didn't hurt you. I only want you to remember. When you remember events, you're fearless and will face them." He sighed and kissed the side of her head. "You're always brave."

Kate half turned her head towards him, physically acknowledging his comment before she also murmured, "Please keep calm with him as I need you there as my partner. He's willingly here to give us hopefully what will be a good lead. He's not a suspect, he's an informant."

"Okay. I will."

On the other side of the mirror, the conversation between the detectives and Jeffrey Stone wasn't going in any progressive direction. It was circling because everything Stone was willing to tell them had already been exhausted between the men days ago. Nobody said it, but all of them knew the only way it would gather momentum and progress was if Beckett took over as Stone wanted. It was evident to Kate the sister, Lisa Denham, had significant control over her brother and utilised that power to prevent Stone responding to the detectives. The sister was beginning to annoy Kate as much as she was irritating Esposito.

As he had said during previous discussions, Stone reiterated to the detectives he had evidence to prove beyond a doubt that Bracken had arranged the contract on Beckett, but he also repeated that he risked his own life by telling the NYPD what he knew. Stone wanted to continue to live in New York and if Beckett wouldn't show up to make it worth his while risking his own life, then there was no point in handing over information that could result in him being murdered. Esposito and Ryan wouldn't budge from their position with him. They were in a deadlock. Stone wasn't willing to provide any information without seeing Beckett. It was futile to take it any further. His sister, Lisa Denham, kept telling him to stay quiet. Ryan's more subtle approach wasn't getting around her any better than Javy's more direct route.

Ryan opened his note book and picked up a couple of photographs. He placed them face up on the table and slid them towards Denham, hoping his manoeuvre would weaken her and would prevent them having to expose Kate.

"Detective Kate Beckett looked like that when your brother visited her at the warehouse." He stressed. "Why was he there? Why didn't he help her when she was alive?"

Denham peered at the photographs, looked to her brother then to the Detectives. "If my brother gives you the information, he could end up like that." She replied, but kept glancing back at the photographs. The repulsion was obvious over her face. "They did that to her?"

"And a lot more." Esposito said.

"Jeffrey, they could do this to you. She's dead. What is the point in risking your life?" She said to her brother.

"Because I don't believe she's dead." Stone replied. "Why did you get me back here if the detective is dead?" He asked Ryan.

In the observation room, Kate was seething with anger once Ryan presented the photographs, so much so she started to grind her teeth.

"Kate." Rick simply said to stop her.

She relaxed her jaw. "That's enough." She stated to Rick in response and stepped away from him to the window, her hands on her hips in a pose of determination to get on with the job she was there for. "I need to do this." She told Rick.

"You sure?" He glanced between the group and Kate. "You don't want to think this through a bit? He's not really giving us much to trust him."

"I agree." She took a deep breath. "But his sister is stopping him. She doesn't see the point of it because she thinks I'm dead. I would do the same thing if I were her."

"Then you need to get around the sister. She's very bossy." He cleared his throat, then said feeling stupid. "I see your point." All Kate had to do was be herself, as the sister was, and Stone would buckle.

Kate made sound in response, understanding Rick's subtext about her being bossy with the men. "We have more than being bossy in common." She replied studying Lisa Denham closely. Gut instincts told Kate that Stone was their key to progress the case. By his expression alone she could see he had significant information for her. Stone's motivation, his insistence she was alive and that she was only person he would talk to had Kate a little confused but also intrigued. Why would he risk his life to give a stranger the information needed to take down a powerful person? Did he think that she was the only person who had the power to take down Bracken? She stared into his eyes. Flashes of memory that told her she'd seen his face, his eyes before today. "He was there, Castle."

"At the warehouse? Are you certain? Did he hurt you?" He asked with worry, digging his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. Her memory was jogging which is what they wanted from her, but he was suddenly fearful Kate might spiral downwards after all their hard work to get her back to her current and good state of mental health. She was reasonably confident, maybe a little backwards to where she was in Montreal, but he didn't want her progress destroyed. She had worked so hard to overcome the experience.

"No, he didn't hurt me, I'm quite sure of that, but he was definitely there, I'm certain of it. I can see him in my memory, staring at me." She glanced to Rick, noticing his posture. She touched his shoulder. "I'll be ok. I'll get him to talk."

"How are you going to do that? Other than using the bossy approach …."

Kate coyly smiled at Rick and said, "Hey, this is me, Castle. I will appeal to his weaknesses. His sister, who has control of him and his need to relieve himself of burdens he carries for not helping me when I needed it. I need to make her understand it from my perspective, and when she breaks, which she will, he will talk." She reached to the window and rapped her knuckles on the glass several times aware Rick gave her an odd stare because he didn't completely understand her comment. She had a trick up her sleeve that even Rick wouldn't see coming.

The boys looked around to the mirror, glanced to each other immediately comprehending the communication. Kate saw Stone instantly lift his gaze and stare at the window, a smile spreading over his face. His expression told her he knew it was her who had tapped the glass.

"Detective Beckett is there," he pointed with his right hand, "behind the mirror, isn't she detectives," he confidently stated. He jabbed his hand in the air several times, "She's really there!"

Both men ignored him. They cleaned up their paperwork without communicating any further then stood and left the room. Ryan deliberately left the photographs on the table in front of Denham.

Kate returned to the table she leaned on next to Rick and they waited for the boys to enter the viewing room. They closed the door once they were inside.

Kate stared into the interrogation room, her teeth unconsciously messing with her bottom lip in thought. Her brow was creased. The men waited in silence. She glanced to all of them, "It's time for me to go in there and find out what he knows."

"You'll be risking your life, Kate!" Esposito said.

"No one is going to believe Stone saw me alive. Anyway, he wants to stay in the city. He won't tell anyone I'm alive."

"What about the girl, his sister?" Ryan asked.

"She's his weakness. She controls him. As Castle said she's bossy with Stone. He doesn't want to go into witness protection because of her but I'm not sure why he wants to talk to me. What's motivating him to tell me what he knows? That's what I don't get. If he kept quiet he could continue his life uninterrupted. Why risk all that for a person he doesn't know?" She looked to each of the boys. They all had the same expression on their faces. Kate crossed her arms and glared at each of them one by one. They knew the answer. "Spill." She ordered.

Castle, Ryan and Esposito remained dead still and silent.

Kate waited several seconds and when she didn't receive a response she decided to single out the weakest man. She glared at him, "Esposito?"

Javy's shoulders collapsed, "Stone is motivated by his own selfish needs, to get the burden of you and what he didn't do for you off of his conscience. He said you haunt his dreams most nights and he wants to be clear of that. He feels bad for you."

She held up a finger, thinking, "He saw me at the warehouse." She closed her eyes a few seconds the opened them looking to Rick, "He was there when the Russians were fighting. I remember him."

"Yep." Rick said.

"And he feels sorry for me? I don't want his sympathy. I want what evidence he has." She strongly said.

"Well, go get it, girl." Esposito encouraged, a smile creeping over her. The Kate Beckett they knew was back.

"I will." She said with determination. "He's here for his own selfish reasons. Well, so am I. He wants peace of mind, I want to live. I don't want his sympathy." She made a grunt of disgust.

"He's way in over his head. He doesn't stand a chance." Rick commented, raising an eyebrow to the male detectives who returned the same expression. They all knew pissed off Kate Beckett would extract exactly what she wanted from Stone.

Kate ignored Rick subtext and stared at the sister for several seconds then said with typical Beckett determination, "Ok, I'm going into that room after her. She is the one stopping him. It's important for him to be involved with his sister's life." Kate had an equally determined expression on her face. She peered down at her body. To get in the Precinct unnoticed she had worn clothing that concealed her pregnancy, her femineity. "Ryan, would you please go to my locker… do I still have a locker?" She looked to the detectives with a questioning look.

Ryan nodded. "Yes. We kept it, like we've kind of kept your desk as it was saying we're using it."

"Good. Thanks. There are a couple of tops in the locker. Would you please retrieve them for me?"

She passed him her keys, holding her locker key so he knew which keys to use. He was gone.

"What do you have planned?" Rick asked glancing between Kate and Javy, still not understanding what Kate saw.

"The sister is pregnant." Kate replied confidently.

Castle and Esposito turned and gazed through the window at the woman sitting beside Stone. "How can you tell?" Castle asked, looking over Kate to compare the two women. He easily saw Kate was pregnant, but he had no idea the woman in the interrogation room was. Rick noticed Esposito also wanted answers.

"I can see she is." Kate replied. "Call it woman's intuition." She stared at the woman in the chair. Kate was at a minimum, a month further along in her pregnancy compared to Stone's sister but it was easy for Kate to recognise the telltale signs of a pregnant woman now she'd been there.

Ryan returned a couple of minutes later and handed Kate two knitted tops, one in red the other in a cream colour. She took off the hoodie and hung it over Castle's forearm that he automatically held out for her. He in turn discarded the garment over the back of a chair. Beneath it Kate wore a long sleeved thin top. Ryan and Esposito glanced to each other with similar expressions of captivation as it was the first time either of them had seen that Kate really was pregnant. She was still able to wear her jeans but her body had definitely changed to accommodate the growing baby.

"Stone might not notice until I point it out, but she will." Kate said glancing down her body. Her breasts had grown and her tummy was definitely showing that she was pregnant. With the red top she was now dressed in, the baby bump was quite obvious.

Rick smiled proudly when the two boys looked to him with broad grins.

"Too much beer, Beckett?" Javy asked which immediately caused the men to snigger. Kate rolled her eyes at their foolish behaviour.

"Guys!" Kate stated. "Unbelievable!"

"It's weird seeing you, arrrr …." Espo paused looking for the right word as his arm circled in the air.

"Knocked up?" Castle offered and instantly received a glare from Kate.

Esposito shrugged and smiled cheekily, "Up the duff."

"In the oven." Ryan added.

"Get over it, comedians!" She ordered ruthlessly, then smiled at the men, sharing a moment with them that words were unable to describe. Esposito and Ryan were extremely proud too. She rubbed her palms over her tummy. "When it next moves, I will let you have a feel of your future god child. But that's only if you're both good." She teased and smiled mischievously at the boys who proudly beamed at her. The banter had eased the internal stress of what was about to come. She sobered and asked, "Do you have the file here?"

Ryan said, "Yes, I have it. You sure you want to see it?"

"I lived through it, Ryan. If I need to put pressure on his sense of guilt with more photos than you put out there, I will have them at my fingertips."

Ryan nodded and handed her the thick file.

"Thanks," She glanced at the file as she tucked it under her arm with her notebook. She found her pen then turned to Rick and said, "Castle, please keep it cool."

"I will."

"And if I pull photographs out of the file, please don't look at them. I know you saw it all, but I don't want it to stimulate any retaliation from you, it has to come from me. Remember, he didn't do it to me, okay?"

"I promise."

"Let's go. I'm tired and want to eat."

"You don't want to do this alone?" He asked in surprise as even though she'd said earlier she wanted him in there, he had thought she would want to chat with Stone on her own.

"No. I need the father of this child, being you, in interrogation with me on this occasion. She needs to know I was in the same place as she is now so I can relate to her." She pulled her hair out of the pony tail she had walked in the Precinct with and combed her fingers through it. "With my hair down, I might get noticed." She thought aloud. She had made it past a few people who knew her this evening without any of them noticing her but now they would probably see her. Her hair was half way down her back in length and lighter in colour then when everyone had last seen her.

"Let's go." Castle stated and looked over her face. "We are more than ready. We'll need to close the blinds." He ushered her toward the door he opened.

_Next chapter is not far away … _


	37. Chapter 37

_Alas, Friday and it's submitted. _

**Chapter 37**

Rick pushed on the door and stepped inside the interrogation room to hold the door open for Kate who followed him then entered ahead of him, carrying herself with confidence and strength. Once she was in the room he pushed the door shut deliberately hard enough to tell the two people sitting at the table that they meant business. His face was serious, dead serious. Kate's whole demeanour declared business was underway. She carried off her don't fuck with me attitude that had the ability to make hardened criminals sweat. Neither of them said anything. Kate closed the blinds to ensure she wouldn't be seen by any officers in the hallway then walked purposefully to the table.

Rick glanced to the mirror and sneaked a tiny thumbs up and a smile, indicating to the guys he was proud of Kate's tough cop entrance.

On the other side of the mirror Ryan and Esposito turned their heads to each other in response Rick's behaviour. "He hasn't changed a bit." Esposito commented, a smirk of amusement on his face.

Ryan chuckled. "He hasn't overall, but he has with Kate."

"He's very possessive of Kate, has a right to be." Esposito glanced to the time, "If she were my chica I wouldn't let her out of my sight."

Ryan looked to Esposito, and was about to tell him that he already exhibited similar behaviour to that with Kate but he decided against it. Esposito and Beckett had a special relationship and that was okay, because he took care of Kate. In fact, all of them took care of her in their own ways as she did them. "I agree. We can only do so much. Castle will chill. But she's not the same person."

"She needs time. She's been protected and alone with Castle for what three months?"

"Yeah, about that." Ryan confirmed and turned his attention back to the room.

In the interrogation room, Kate deliberately dragged the heavy chair backwards, aware the sound of the legs on the floor was very loud and imposing. She placed her notebook and the file on the desk and sat herself on the chair. She neither acknowledged nor looked at either person on the other side of the desk, nor did she look at the photographs of her battered face and body on the desktop. She quietly waited for Rick to take his place beside her. Once he had pulled up his chair and was comfortable he silently signalled to her that he was ready. Kate lifted her eyes to Jeffrey Stone and without blinking once she stared him down. This time her eyes didn't hold any terror nor were they pleading for his help. They glared right into him, examining his soul as it was reflected in his eyes. Kate soon saw she was getting to him.

Rick stared at him exactly the same way, with intimidation and an attitude that stated _that this meeting had better be worth their while_. It radiated from both of them.

Stone's eyes dropped first, and he glanced to his sister, silent sibling communication passing between them.

Kate eventually took a deep breath, "Jeffrey Stone. You have my full attention," She stated, articulating every syllable in her words.

Stone already felt the full impact of Beckett's stare, and her partner's gaze was unnerving him. He ignored his prickling senses and braved up. He was after all the one who was volunteering to provide the information the Detective would want if she knew what it was. Even though he was relieved to see she was alive, he had the upper hand, "Well, Detective Beckett, you really are alive. I was right."

Kate noticed the relief flood his face that his long held belief she was alive had become a reality. She was in front of him, looking a lot better than the last time he had seen her. She saw his glance drop to the images of her face on the table and then back at her.

Rick followed Stone's eyes to the pictures, then discarded them. He didn't want to see Kate like that ever again. Even in pictures.

"Yes, I'm alive." She answered. Kate didn't shift, didn't move a muscle with the exception of her jaw that clenched in an attempt to keep her emotions out of the room. She remembered him now. With crystal clarity, she was able to visualise him when he had stood over her, in his dark business suit and crisp white shirt. Tonight he was in jeans and a polo shirt but it was definitely the same guy. He'd leaned over, hands to his knees and peered at her. The neat businessman's haircut as he currently had it styled, had been roughed up by his hand that had rubbed the top of his head. Oh yeah, she remembered him.

He'd stared down upon her when she had been huddled up, in pain, cold, exhausted and so scared. She had tried to talk but her voice had failed her. Words hadn't formed. But he must have lip read what she had tried to say because his eyes had looked spooked. They had locked on hers as they did now, and like last time she stared straight back, but this time without begging him to save her.

She quietly lifted her hand from the desk top to her lap to hide the wave of fear that was working its way through her nervous system. She felt hot. Pulses pumped hard and rapidly in her wrists and neck. Her heart pounded so hard she was worried they would hear it as she heard it in her ears, worried it would cause her body to tremble and Stone would see. The room was stuffy and no longer large enough for her to be in. She took a deep breath, felt the change in Rick's demeanour beside her, encouraging her to be brave. She sensed his unwavering support. He didn't touch her. _No fear, Beckett! _

Kate broke the stare and looked at the sister for a long moment.

To give herself a moment to regain control of her flight response, she dropped her eyes to the table, opened her notebook and casually peered down at what she had handwritten on a notepad, pretending she couldn't care less about finding out what information he had for her.

"Does my presence ease your conscience, Mr Stone?" She neutrally queried and looked back at him with absolutely no recognition of him in her eyes.

Her gaze was absent of appreciation that he was there for her favour.

There.

She saw she had just put him back in his place with her attitude that she didn't give a fuck who the hell he was and how her livelihood effected his life. She knew beyond a doubt she had the upper hand. She was alive in spite of the fact that he hadn't lifted a finger to help her. She heard Rick give a little puff of air through his nostril. He'd seen and comprehended Stone's physical response to Kate's comment. She'd certainly shot Stone a comment that had set his ass firmly back on the ground. Done, in one sentence. Kate wasn't going to allow Stone any sense of relief from the guilt he carried for not helping her at a crucial time, particularly when he easily could have so with a phone call.

"Yes, seeing you alive does ease my conscience, Detective Beckett."

In Montreal, she and Castle had regularly played games like poker, Scrabble or Monopoly to help pass time. In the process they had become exceptionally adept at reading each other. Castle was an awesome opponent, an excellent poker player. Given time, Rick had learnt to recognise minute changes within her and he now sensed the slightest shifts in her moods and any problems she might be dealing with. Sitting beside him she was positive he would sense small alterations equally as well as she was sensing him now. Having been together alone for a long time they were in sync with each other. It had become extremely obvious to Kate since they had come back to the city how much they were in sync. Oddly enough, she also found it easy to read the body language of Stone and Denham, easier than she'd ever found it to be.

She released a hum of deep thought then turned her attention to his sister a moment. "And you are Lisa Denham, Mr Stone's younger sister."

The blond woman looked at Kate from her face to her waist. "Yes ma'am."

Good. Kate had established with Denham that she was the dominant female and she saw the younger woman had noticed she was pregnant. "This is Richard Castle." Kate politely said touching Rick's arm lightly then turned her attention back to Jeffrey Stone.

"You're the writer." Denham said to Rick, then turned to her brother, "Now it makes sense." She said but he didn't respond.

"You demanded my presence. I'm here." Kate said. She gave it a second then leaned over the table and quietly said with a low serious tone, "I've been told you have something you wish to tell me, Mr Stone, something that you wish to unburden yourself of." She stared at his eyes then sat back.

"I do."

Kate sat up, looked down to her notebook and started reading her notes, before she continued with why she was there, "Just to be clear Mr Stone, in previous discussions with yourself, Captain Gates and Detectives Ryan and Esposito it has been approved by the DA and Federal Prosecutor, and you have agreed on record, to grant immunity on your behalf with the FBI - that wants you as an accessory to kidnapping, aiding and abetting - on the condition that once we have arrested and charged any suspects and any accomplices other than you, related in any manner whatsoever to my abduction, that you will testify against any such charged persons in any proceedings, grand jury, trial, sentencing and or any legal action whatsoever. Was that the deal?" She looked back up at him. "You are also aware and must adhere to the laws of confidentiality as was discussed with Captain Gates."

"Yes, ma'am, it was. In return for immunity from prosecution, I will tell you everything I know, assist in the investigation, and testify against any of them if and when I can provide evidence. I agree to abide by the conditions of my immunity," he seriously replied.

Kate heard a light tap on the mirror and gave a slight nod in response. "Alright, then we have a deal." Kate said satisfied that the agreement previously made between Stone and relevant parties had been clearly understood and accepted. She didn't want Gates riding her about it tomorrow in the event the agreement hadn't actually been agreed to by Stone. She scanned her handwritten notes she'd taken down during a phone conference that morning with the detectives and Gates. She had been thoroughly briefed on the progress of the case before she had agreed to fly back to New York. Gates had provided her with directions for the meeting in a follow up phone call. Kate had to cross them off her list, everything Gates had mentioned, before she could begin with why they were in the meeting. "Mr Stone, if needed, you also have agreed to attend the Precinct or nominated government office to be interviewed by the FBI and NYPD and to identify suspects in line ups? Crimes against police officers are not taken lightly and this case will be investigated to its fullest extent. Do you still agree to cooperate?"

He nodded. "Absolutely. You have my total cooperation."

Kate ticked beside a line of her own handwriting then dropped the pen on the desk. "Good. Let's start shall we?" Kate shut her notebook and sat up giving all her attention to Stone. Legalities were out of the way to keep Gates happy.

"Yes, let's begin." He replied and leaned forward. He observed the differences in her face, her hands and arms, anywhere her flesh was exposed compared to the last time he'd seen her, and to the two photographs on the desk. One was a photograph of her head and shoulders, the other of the back of her body. Without looking at them, he reached out and flipped the photos over so they were face down. "I would rather see you as you look now." He said, his eyes flicking between Beckett and Castle. He caught the flash of relief in Detective Beckett's eyes now that she was no longer exposed to the sight of herself so wrecked and vulnerable. Castle did the same thing.

Castle shifted, clearly agitated by what Stone had just done. Kate ignored Caste's protective response and continued to watch Stone. She needed Rick to keep his cool and didn't want to be controlling him.

"I would rather see me like this." Kate agreed.

"I know you don't have any connection between what happened to you here," Stone tapped the photographs, "who did it, and who paid for and organised your abduction."

Kate shifted a little in response to the raw nerve Stone had intentionally, directly and successfully pricked. In that instant she knew he had something to give her, a link. What he said had stung and she knew he was going to make her earn it. She decided to pretend he hadn't struck a nerve. She fiddled with the corner of her notebook. "This isn't a game, Mr Stone. You need to cut the bull shit and tell me straight out what you want _me_ to know. What you have volunteered to tell _me_." She said while she looked him directly in the eyes, choosing to not emotionally react. She didn't want him taking any gratification from her, to allow him to feel he was the hero who resolved her problems so he could relieve himself of his own burdens. However, he held her stare and smiled in some sort of way that indicated he was being relieved of carrying the weight of the information. Kate was immediately aware he had read something on her face that had satisfied him. "Do you have something to tell me?"

"Yes." He replied, realising his own beliefs were a fact, "It really was you I saw you at the warehouse and you do remember me. You were barely alive."

Rick was a little confused by Stone's comment. To Rick, it seem Stone hadn't been entirely sure it was Beckett he'd seen in the warehouse. Now she was there in front of him in perfect health, Stone did know. Maybe that's why he'd refused to tell anyone else but Beckett what he knew about her abduction. The man had obviously been scared to tell the detectives what he knew in case Beckett really had died.

Beside him, Kate heard the change in Rick's breathing and sensed he had picked up on Stone's reasons for giving information only to her. She understood Stone had confirmation it was her who he had seen in the warehouse, but he was also trying to make Kate feel vulnerable, to act needy, to plead for him to give her the information. She anticipated that Stone intended to personally bargain with Kate for something he needed in exchange for what she needed. He already had immunity, but he also had a personal agenda he needed satisfied. None of this surprised Kate. Negotiating for information from informants in exchange for various aspects of protection was a day to day thing for a homicide detective. Stone wanted Kate to be the needier person. Both of them were motivated to protect their lives for exactly the same reasons. However, she was going to monopolise his weakness. His sister. It had nothing to do with justice tonight.

Stone was out of his league against Beckett's negotiating skills and she knew he hadn't figured that out just yet, but he soon would. She maintained her respiration at a slow and steady pace. Stone had attempted to get a rise out of her by telling her he'd seen her so close to death, to make her feel vulnerable to give himself the upper hand. She lived with those memories every day and she wasn't in the mood to be acting vulnerable right now. She also didn't want Rick to get protective of her in the middle of this.

Kate took a deep breath before she continued, "When you saw me alive, why didn't you go for the million dollar reward that Mr Castle generously offered in return for my life?" She inquired calmly, "You could have walked away with a clear conscience and a million dollars in your pocket by making a simple phone call."

"Because I was and I still am too close to the cell, to the person you want. He would have figured it out it was me who made the call. I would be dead. He has the power to kill even if he is locked up in jail."

Kate sighed in thought. In order to give her mind time to think about his reply, she casually crossed her legs, and shifted her butt on the chair. Her body had calmed. She had waited months to get the evidence to bury Bracken, so to give or take a few more minutes, hours or days, was perfectly doable to in Kate's opinion. "Okay, so Mr Stone, you saw me in the warehouse and saw what they did to my body." She waved her hand at the photos already on the table, "That's basically what you saw there."

Stone glanced to his sister and leaned back in the chair, the smile fading. He seriously said, "Yes. I definitely saw you," and he glanced uncomfortably to Rick, a look Kate didn't quite comprehend.

"Why were you there?" She asked impatiently, her weariness and her curiosity to know what information he had momentarily getting the better of her. She knew better than to make a straight line to the purpose of the meeting. It shocked the person being questioned and they would go on the defence. She needed to take a more indirect line of questioning. She thought about the bag of gummy bears in her handbag, wishing she had grabbed a handful of them before she'd come in. "Mr Stone? Can you tell me why?"

"I was sent there to make sure you were dead. I arrived there just after the five o'clock news." Stone said and let his gaze fall on Castle in reference to the news.

However, this time not beating around the bush had worked for Kate. She asked Stone to clarify, "You were sent to the warehouse to find me? To make sure I was dead?"

"Yes, Ma'am." Stone confirmed.

Kate believed him, glanced to Rick as he did her, then she continued, "What did you see in the warehouse?" She felt her muscles instantly tense up in her stomach and shoulders in anticipation of hearing how she was, maybe even what had happened in his presence. A part of her had to know he was really in the warehouse with her otherwise she was going to be on the first plane back the Canada. Although she remembered Stone, she didn't trust her memory of those days and nights.

"I found you in a rundown, shitty, foul smelling warehouse that was full of panicked fighting Russian men, and you..." He paused, glancing to Castle who had shifted in obvious discomfort. Stone looked back to Kate, his expression relatively docile in correlation with his tone of voice, "…You were lying on the concrete floor, huddled up, barely recognisable compared to what you look like now. They had you near an old mattress and a downpipe that you had been cuffed to at some stage I guess, but you were lying on the floor. You were cold, too weak to get up and so bloody scared." He ran a hand over his eyes and through his hair in a futile attempt to relieve himself of the guilt associated with that event. He glanced to Rick again mainly with caution, then back to Kate. "Bracken sent me there to check the men who held you hostage had killed you. I saw the look in your eyes. I couldn't bring myself to tell Bracken you were alive. I left. I got right out of there as quick as I could. The tension was escalating between the Russians and things were getting messy. It made me nauseas to see what they had done to you, and death might have been merciful, but your eyes said you wanted to live. So I left and I lied to Bracken."

Kate ignored the empathy from Stone even if it was genuine, and signalled at Rick to control his flaring temper. She fought with herself about whether to ask about something she needed to know because she felt it was macabre, but the desire for an answer and to know was stronger than worrying about whether it was inappropriate. There were just things she needed to know for her own sanity and many of them would always be left unresolved. If she knew facts, she could understand and there was nothing to fear. "How many men were in there?" It constantly haunted her mind exactly how many men had been in that warehouse. In her dreams there were flashes of indistinguishable faces, arms, hair and tattoos. Smells, voices, touches also triggered her memories. Because of her concussion, complete faces and a fair amount of time was still a blur. Anna had reiterated over and over that Kate would always have missing patches of time. It frightened her not knowing and here was someone who could perhaps provide her with answers.

Stone shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe ten when I was there. A few of them have been arrested. Why don't you ask them?"

"I'm asking you. You were there and I barely remember. They don't know I'm alive ... yet."

Stone nodded his head. "There were ten men in the warehouse when I was there." He confirmed.

Kate nodded once then momentarily closed her eyes trying to recall if there had been that many men in the warehouse on the night Stone was there. The reward that had been broadcasted on TV by Castle, had caused the Russians to enter debate about what to do. The debating had then progressed to arguments and then aggressive fighting when the men had become divided with their opinions. Their voices had often been raised or they had shouted at each other. Bracken had been on the phone to one of them ordering her death be carried out. The situation in the warehouse had escalated to pure hell in the minutes and hours that followed. She opened her eyes. Castle's reward had caused them all to fight and ultimately they had turned on her. She couldn't think about that right now.

"Where did you go after?" Kate thoughts persisted in returning to the warehouse. She repeated herself to prompt her brain back to the present. "Where did you go after you left the warehouse?" It must have been after Stone had departed that the Russians' arguments and physical fights had escalated. It was also the time she had become thoroughly terrified and convinced she was going to lose her battle to stay alive. In some sort of delirious state of panic she had decided to act as though she was deceased. She had passed out and later on had awoken to the darkness, silence and the opportunity to escape.

She was brought back to the present when Rick quietly said her name. She didn't look at him, but blinked and focussed on Stone and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear that." The back of her mind was still chewing on the thoughts that the last attack had been because of the reward. It chewed at her conscience like a hungry dog on a bone. The reward had caused a ripple effect that had turned on her. She tried to stop it but her mind was insistent on replaying it all and she couldn't afford a panic attack tonight that would happen if she allowed it. It was of paramount importance that she kept her head thinking logically and objectively.

"I took a cab to the hotel to report to Bracken." Stone repeated.

_Cool. Focus on Bracken._ "What did you tell him?"

"I told him you were dead. I figured by the time I returned to his hotel that you would be dead. The Russians were highly agitated and you weren't …." He waved his hand in the air.

"…. looking too hot," Kate finished off for him, her mind going back inside the warehouse.

"And that, but I was going to say I was convinced you weren't going to survive much longer. The frenzy those men were working themselves into, I thought they were going to …"

Kate angrily sat bolt upright in her chair her finger pointed over the table at him. "They nearly did kill me!" She snapped, "You could have saved me!" She was seething because he could have contacted the NYPD if he felt that bad for her. Between gritted teeth with an intensity that had him shrink back she declared, "I was still alive when you left." She took a few breaths of air she really needed, "You could have anonymously dialled nine-one-one to save me, to have given me a better chance. But you didn't."

Kate glanced to Rick who clearly saw the veins on her forehead, all of them and her cheeks were flushed.

"No, I didn't," Stone agreed. "I just did as Bracken asked me to do."

Kate hummed softly, unsure about whether he was telling the truth. She figured that if Stone was Bracken's long term assistant, it was also reasonable to conclude that Stone had been more involved in Bracken's illegal affairs than he was currently letting on. She wondered why, if that was not the case, Bracken would trust Stone to inspect the warehouse and her life of death status if Stone had no previous knowledge of her abduction earlier than that night? Trust between the two men must have been forged a lot earlier than on that day, for Bracken to trust Stone for that job. If Kate had been Bracken, she would have made that trip to the warehouse. Then there was the question of whether this entire meeting was a set up to see whether she was alive. Would he go back to Bracken and tell him she was still breathing? He wanted immunity and had agreed to confidentiality. If he breached either, he was in trouble. Whatever they did, as soon as this meeting was over, the detectives needed to act swiftly with Shaw tonight to prepare their case against Bracken.

"You did as you were told." She said as she regained her composure, "Mr Stone, I'm not a bargaining chip in your pitiful attempt to save your own conscience. You need to give me a lot more. This is your one and only opportunity to help yourself, and you are making a mess of it." She didn't hide her scorn, but once she finished saying what she needed to, she sat back and blew out a big breath of air. She felt a little better, a little stronger. A weight was off her shoulders. She saw Castle's temper was bursting at the seams by the way his nostrils flared. She knew he had the urge to grab this guy and punch his lights out in rage and she knew her detectives behind the mirror wouldn't hesitate to help Castle if they had half a chance. She had to keep up the intensity but remain under control to keep the men calm. She tilted her head toward Rick and whispered, "Castle." She heard him immediately inhale a deep breath in an attempt to subside his aggression.

Rick shifted on his seat again having seen the scar on Kate's chin dimple a couple of times. The veins had eased off a little but were still visible. She was pissed off to the max but so was he, especially now they knew that Stone could have assisted in saving her hours earlier than she had been.

"Why were you there if Bracken was on the phone to one of them?"

"He was on the phone to them when I arrived there, telling them I was about to arrive. By the time I did arrive at the warehouse, Bracken was in a panic because the writer was all over the media. Bracken wanted you dead. I was sent there before five pm. I arrived there shortly after Mr Castle had been on the news. I heard the broadcast on the radio in the cab so I knew why the Russians were going crazy when I got there. Hell, even the taxi driver was wound up about the reward, but that's another story."

Stone sensed Rick's desire to get right in his space to deliver him several hard blows to his face. He didn't blame the writer. He repeatedly glanced to Castle, unnerved by the large man's body language, and the way his strong hands clenched and flexed repeatedly into tight fists. Castle's knuckles turned white each time his hands fisted. Stone shifted his chair backward an inch, suddenly needing more space between himself and Castle.

The move of the chair was enough to tell Kate that Stone was threatened by Castle. She let it happen. "The Russians were fighting by the time you left." Kate half asked, half stated to keep the conversation moving.

"Yeah. Some of them wanted the reward in exchange for your life. They were arguing in Russian so it was impossible to fully understand what they said."

"I understood them." She replied and crossed her arms over her chest. By that time they had been arguing over her life in exchange for the reward. She needed to get her head out of the warehouse, so she moved on with her questions. "Where was Senator Bracken when you went back to him?"

"He was campaigning in the city that day and was staying at his usual hotel so he had an alibi, in case your detectives came knocking on his door."

"I'll need the name of the hotel."

"The Grand Hyatt."

Kate nodded, opened her notebook and wrote it down. She then raised her right hand over her shoulder, hoping the guys would understand she wanted that lead followed up right now to confirm Bracken had stayed at the hotel that night. She then glanced to Rick to see if he was finding it as difficult as she was to deal with the knowledge Bracken had been in the city when Rick had gone on his radical campaign on TV to get her back. Bracken had most likely watched it all unfold via the internet and media.

"When you told Bracken I was deceased what did he say?"

"You really want to know that?" He carefully asked.

Kate nodded. "I want to know everything. Tell me."

"He was afraid that if the Russians hadn't finished you off that you would come after him and finish him off. When I confirmed you were dead he said, 'The bitch can be buried with her mother. I've finally gotten both of them in the ground and they can rot in hell."

The only reaction Kate did was she unconsciously sucked on her cheeks as her eyes drifted across the room to the wall behind Stone, unfocussed. Her imagination already had a gun pointed at Bracken's head. She envisioned Bracken's skull, his bone, blood and brains blowing in both directions from the shot. She intended to put him down the next opportunity she had and she wouldn't hesitate again. Till then she needed a truce. She needed to buy time to deliver her baby into the world. She brought herself back to the present within a matter of seconds and looked at Stone. No one had noticed her fade out.

"So with this news that I was dead, what did Senator Bracken do?" She inquired with a good dose of sarcasm.

"He celebrated with a drink. He moved on. The Russians were paid and cut loose."

She gave everyone at the table a little time to process the information and then shifted her attention to Lisa who was far more nervous now that Kate was in control of the room. It was time to start on Denham in order to get her brother to talk more. The information so far was good, and they virtually had a solid statement from Stone, but she still thought he had more, that he was holding back on the important stuff. With the boys questioning Stone, Denham had been overly dominant and had restrained her brother's responses. Kate was aware Denham knew both of them were pregnant. Utilising that avenue, Kate softened her expression and use of her voice when she asked, "How many weeks pregnant are you, Lisa?"

"I'm just over nine weeks." Lisa cast her eyes down momentarily to her tummy then looked back to Kate who saw she understood the subtext.

She smiled a little then sobered, "I was pregnant when Senator Bracken had me abducted." Kate stated. She instantly felt the weight of Rick's eyes when he turned to gaze at her in disbelief. Using her peripheral sight she swore she saw his jaw fall open in shock. It was the first time she had directly said Bracken was responsible for her abduction in his presence. She'd confessed to Anna that she knew Bracken was behind it all, but other than in the psychiatrist's room, Bracken's name had never passed her lips as the person responsible. She'd implied it a thousand times and it had always been presumed by everyone in the group that he was the person who had ordered the hit on Kate.

Lisa held Kate's stare and thought about what she'd said. Kate saw Lisa's palm go to her belly. Her eyes then lowered to Kate's abdomen, what she could see of it over the table and finally returned to her eyes. "You were pregnant when they took you?" She asked in surprise.

"I was six weeks pregnant when I was taken." Kate replied as Stone squirmed in his chair. He was certainly uncomfortable listening to details about her abduction. She observed him and thought it was guilt, but if he hadn't hurt her and hadn't been a part of it, why was he feeling guilty?

Lisa's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Your baby survived all that?" She cautiously pointed at the photographs, looking at Kate. "I can't believe it."

"I protected it. I fought my own survival instincts, made decisions to respond differently to how I was trained, to preserve my baby's life."

Denham glanced between Castle and Beckett, a little confused, "It's not ….?"

"I'm the father." Castle cut in now comprehending why Kate wanted him in there. She wanted Stone's sister to understand that Kate hadn't fallen pregnant as a result of the Russians, that Kate was just like Lisa, had a partner and they were starting a family and a life together.

Kate lifted her left hand to the table to ensure Lisa saw her engagement ring. The diamond Rick had given her was impressive to any person who saw it. Kate said, "We planned our baby. You?"

"Yes, planned."

"We tried hard to conceive." Kate confessed, finding it difficult to share such information, but she wanted Lisa on her side to get to Stone.

"Me too. IVF."

Kate nodded in understanding, "We didn't need to go to that stage. Do you want to know what you're having?"

"Yes. You?"

"Kind of, but we decided to keep it a surprise." She shot Rick an unconscious look. Whenever the subject of the sex of the baby came up he was a smart ass.

"I'm having a girl." Lisa said. "So everything I buy is for a girl." She stared for several seconds at the overturned photos then moved her attention to her brother, "Jeffrey? Tell her what you know." She glanced again at the turned over photographs of Detective Beckett that presented her as close to death rather than alive as she was now. She looked back at her brother. "The Detective never asked for that." She stated pointed a finger at the photos, "She didn't deserve any of it. You tell them everything you know and don't leave out anything."

Jeffrey nodded in response to his sister and sat forward. "Before I show you and tell you what I have, you have to promise me you haven't heard it from me until you have them arrested." He looked to both Rick and Kate and saw them nod.

Stone suddenly shifted to reach inside a back pocket.

"Hold it!" Kate ordered almost springing to her feet, but she stayed seated because Rick had remained still. Stone ceased to move with the exception of his eyes that looked questioningly to Beckett. Aware she had over reacted, Kate tried to act cool and consciously worked to calm her heart that pounded fearfully. She'd wrongfully anticipated Stone was about to pull a weapon. She knew as a cop that he would have been frisked when he entered the building. That made her feel a little silly. The knowledge hadn't stopped her instincts from reacting.

Stone kept still, his eyes stayed directly on Kate and said calmly, "I'm getting an envelope out of my back pocket. That's all." He saw Kate nod her consent after which he retrieved a white envelope from his pocket. He waved the envelope a little in the air, the movement capturing everyone's attention. "What is in here will help you to convict the people responsible for your abduction, far better than my verbal or written statements will be." He stated and placed the well worn envelope on the table. He slid it towards Beckett but his finger kept it pressed to the table. He looked Beckett dead in the eyes again. "You promise to keep me out of this? I want to live in safety with my family. You do with it what you want. I respect that you have the right to feel safe too." He glanced to his sister just as Rick and Kate did.

Kate eyes shot to Rick who nodded his agreement to the deal. She turned her eyes back to Stone.

Stone said to Castle and Beckett, "You also need to know about the Russian murdered in the alley a few days after you were saved, Detective Beckett. What's in the envelope will help you with that investigation as well."

Kate was confused and it showed all over her face. "What Russ ….?"

"Yes..?" Rick encouraged cutting Kate off. He apologetically glanced to Kate, immediately aware she wasn't keeping up with this part of the conversation. He saw her brow knot in confusion. They could just hear the guys creating a lot of noise from the other side of the glass. Rick having glanced over his shoulder at the mirror to hush them, leaned forward with intense interest simultaneously noting they needed to fill in Kate about the shot Russian. There hadn't been a reason to talk about him at all, and as Kate didn't remember much about the days after they found her it hadn't come up in conversation. He realised the omission was a simple oversight. Rick knew Kate's memories were extremely patchy before and after her abduction. Some events were crystal clear in her memory like the seconds before and after Esposito had shot the Russian in the alley, but other events and hours were gaping holes of blankness. Just like she had no solid memory from the time she fell to the ground in the alley when they rescued her, those were minutes he and boys would never forget.

Rick said to Kate, "I got this." He turned to Stone and said, "Tell us what you know about the murdered Russian."

"Bracken mentioned to me he needed to talk to someone about making such a mess of the job they did with Detective Beckett, because they didn't kill her earlier and in the warehouse. He complained they had dragged it out for days … Bracken was not happy." He wiped his chin then looked to Kate, "Then Bracken heard on the news the next day that you had died at the hospital. He immediately turned on me. He was panicking about what you might have said to the NYPD before you died, but I talked him down. I told him you were definitely dead, but they had declared you dead in the ER because it simplified the paperwork compared to being found murdered in the field," Stone explained. "There were two leaders he was blaming, one of which might be the guy who got shot in the alley."

Castle instantly asked, "Do you have evidence? This guy was a gang member but we didn't think he was a leader." He looked to Kate and explained to her, "We showed you a photo of him a couple of days after we had you back safe with us." He noticed her expression remained blank. She shrugged her shoulders a little and sat back. She clearly had no idea who Stone was referring to and didn't recall any mention of him as Castle had described.

Stone leaned over the table and quietly divulged to Castle, "Bracken was off the grid when the guy was shot. It was later when I heard about it on the news that I thought it could have been him who shot the Russian. I have nothing concrete but any alibi Bracken has would be a bought one. He had no appointments and didn't' show up till later."

"Does Bracken carry?" Rick asked.

"Sometimes. Concealed." Jeffrey Stone wiped his face of perspiration. "He carries a Glock nineteen in a shoulder holster. It has two spare magazines on the side opposite the gun. He's really proud of that holster, it was custom made for him."

Glock nineteen is all Rick focussed on. "The Glock. The bullets." He muttered as his head turned to the mirror. They had the bullets in evidence that had come out of the dead Russian. He turned his attention back to the envelope, his eyes flicking between everyone else in the room. "What's in the envelope?" He asked Stone.

"Photographs, evidence of phone calls," Stone replied to Rick.

Back in the conversation, Kate raised her hand and waved it at the mirror as she verbally requested, "Mr Stone, would you please open the envelope and take the contents from it." She was more than ready to see solid evidence to support Stone's verbal account of events.

Stone reached out and tipped the contents from the envelope. A handful of photographs and a few sheets of paper slid over the table as a bundle. Rick stood when they heard a tap on the door and he stepped to the door to retrieve two pairs of crime scene gloves passed to him through a slight crack in the door. The door closed behind him as he went back to the table.

Kate put on a pair of blue latex gloves, then picked up and studied the photographs and other documents with Rick leaning over her shoulder. She sensed Rick's excitement level marginally escalate even though his expression didn't alter at all. To Kate they were photographs of various unknown men with Bracken. That was until she saw the last photo. The image of the man standing with Bracken caused the pit of her stomach to roll and she had a sudden urge to be sick. She dropped the photos on the desk like they had scorched her fingers. She shot up to her feet surprising everyone at the table. Her heart rate shot through the roof with her temperature and her body trembled. She paced to the mirror, a growl rumbling from deep within her body.

"Beckett?" Rick said turning about. He glanced to the mirror aware the guys were there and would see how she was handling the new information.

Kate held up her hand asking for Rick to keep quiet, to give her a few moments to pull herself together. She stared into her own reflection, seeing a frightened woman staring back at her. She tried to compose herself using all the techniques Anna had taught her. It didn't work very well. She heard the light tap on the glass and her eyes attempted to penetrate the mirror to see who was on the other side. She barely heard the word _chica_ said by Esposito who had signalled her with the taps to pull herself together. _Be a cop, Beckett. _She took a deep breath and with her arms crossed tightly about her body, she strode to the other side of the room her long legs quickly covering the area until she was behind Stone and his sister. She needed time to compose herself.

Rick visually followed her progress around the room, "Kate?"

She was deep in thought, her jaw clenched. She completed a lap of the room and stopped, leaned in the corner by the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest. She had positioned herself so Rick was between herself and Stone.

Worried about her welfare, Rick watched as Kate pressed herself backwards into the corner. He looked through the mirror to the boys, wondering who the hell the person was in the photograph. He was fearful she was going to lose control even though she knew she had to keep calm. He turned back to the table and plucked out the photograph he looked at again. He held it up for Stone to see. "Who is he?" He asked firmly.

Kate stared across the interrogation room to a corner at the ceiling, struggling with an internal battle. She fought her instincts to bolt from the room and to run as far away as she could. The tiniest hint of a smirk crept over her face when she considered running as pregnant as she was would be a little too difficult to do, and that Castle would point out the irony of that if he knew what she was thinking. The smirked disappeared as she turned her gaze slowly in Stone's direction. He hadn't answered Castle question.

Her voice dripping with venom she asked, "Do you have a name for the man in the last photograph?" Once she asked the question, Rick shoved the photo into Stone's face.

"She's scared of him." Stone murmured to Castle.

"No," Rick replied quietly, "She's terrified of him." He glanced to the sister. "She was like you when they took her. She fought with everything she had to protect her baby."

Denham looked to her brother, "For God's sake Jeff, tell the Detective who that bastard is."

Rick looked directly at Stone and tapped his finger on the photo and politely requested, "Tell her the name of this man, please." He then glanced between the siblings, thinking how Denham's tone of voice had sounded similar to Kate's when she ordered him and the boys about.

Stone looked from Rick to Kate, "His name is Ivan Andropov. That's all I know about him."

Everyone looked to Kate who nodded her acceptance of the information. They now had proof of the connection between her captors and Bracken. Kate knew Andropov had been at the warehouse. She glanced to Rick. "Castle, I've gotta get out of here. I'm done." She said with a shaky voice. The door was flung open and she rushed out of the room, not caring whether she was seen. Rick heard her go straight to the observation room where he knew she would be safe with Ryan and Esposito.

"She's coming."' Esposito said to Ryan who opened the door as Kate pushed against it to get in the room, and he closed the door behind her. She went straight to Esposito who was directly in front of her and hugged him in silence. Her breathing was rapid but that was the extent of her reaction. Esposito took hold of her and glanced to Ryan. "Go finish it with Castle. We have what we need. Tell Stone the FBI will want to question him. I'll take care of Kate."

Ryan nodded and left the room to join Castle.

Seconds later Ryan appeared in the interrogation room and Rick looked to his eyes with worry. As he passed Rick he patted his shoulder and took the chair Kate had vacated.

"Is she okay?" Castle asked.

Ryan nodded. "Javy is with her. She's fine."

Castle studied Ryan's face to ensure he was telling the truth, then satisfied, turned his attention back to the questioning.

"We'll wrap this up so you can go home to your families for dinner." Ryan started. "If we could go through the rest of these photos and identify the names of each individual."

"Sure, let's get this done." Stone said and picked up the photographs. As soon as they were done Ryan warned Stone and his sister to not mention their discussion with anyone, reminded them that Stone's immunity, and probably his safety, was based on him maintaining confidentiality in relation to Beckett. Satisfied they understood they released them but had them tailed by plain clothed officers both to see where they went and to protect them. There were a couple of individuals in the photographs that remained unknown but it wouldn't be long before they were identified.

Rick banged on the door to the observation room seconds after he was released from the meeting with Stone. The door swung open and Esposito let him in.

"Where is she?" He asked with worry, stepping in the room.

"She's here." Espo replied pointed to Kate who sat on the table, not surprised at all by Rick's protective behaviour. He waited for Ryan who followed Rick. The two men watched on as Rick went straight to Kate.

He checked her face, touched her cheeks with his finger tips and kissed her lips. He saw she was pale but she had been earlier because she was tired. He was quiet when he spoke to her, questioning how she felt.

"I'm ok, Castle." She reassured, looking in his eyes. She played with the collar of his shirt and smiled. "Really. Esposito is running a search on the name of the Russian and hopefully by morning we'll know who he is."

"You sure?"

"Yes. I just wasn't expecting to see that photo. I needed … I needed space."

"I know. " He pressed his lips to her forehead. "You're okay." He said, reassuring himself more than her. "God, I was so worried about you." He stroked the back of her head, scrunching her hair in his fist.

"I know. I just had to get out." She smiled, "We have something , Castle. He gave us good leads. Let's focus on that. We are getting the photographs tested for authenticity and Ryan will run the rest of the names tomorrow." She looked to all of them. "We just have to keep ahead of Bracken, have our ducks in order before he finds out I'm alive."

"Good." He nodded and glanced to the guys. "That's really good. I'm going to pick up the file tomorrow too. It sounds promising." He let Kate go, content that she was alright. She was getting stronger each day and tonight was proof that Anna had done a magnificent job with her.

"Will you please go get me some food. I'm really hungry."

"Your snacks." He reminded her then looked at her face seeing she wanted real food. "We'll get you that food."

"Before we go for dinner, we need to hide you in the spare office." Ryan said. "Hoodie on."

"I need to use the bathroom first before you lock me in there."

"Get used to that sentence." Castle said to the guys particularly Ryan, and passed Kate her black sweater. "You will hear the word bathroom a lot."

Esposito laughed, "Project KB. Goal. Get Beckett to the bathroom and back to the office without any detectives noticing her."

Kate scoffed, "C'mon guys, I'm walking under their noses, and not one of those detectives out there has a clue I'm here. Most of them have left for the night anyway." She took Rick's hand and slid off the table until her shoes were on the floor. "Ladies, Castle. Now!"

"So bossy." Rick said and handed her over to the detectives who confirmed they would get her to the bathroom without being noticed. With that Rick collected Kate's handbag and belongings and carried them to the staffroom. He made her a cup of decaffeinated coffee, filled her bottle with filtered water and waited in the spare office for them to return.


	38. Chapter 38 - Shaw

_This is not such a serious chapter, and I had some fun writing the dialogue. You will know what I mean when you get to it. _

**Chapter 38**

The spare office next to Gate's was a reasonably good place to hide and to prevent being spotted and recognised by any of the 12th Precinct detectives on the night shift. As each person in Kate's team had commented on at least one occasion that evening, none of the other detectives had a clue Beckett was alive and literally sitting right under their noses. The guys were right. The detectives had no idea.

But! In all fairness to detectives who were not a part of Kate's team, they hadn't see her regularly enough when she had been on duty to quickly recognise her. Detectives' shifts were constantly scattered and broken over weekends and weekdays, day and night. Everyone mainly saw their own team members and those who worked similar hours.

Even Kate didn't recognise some of them on duty. The team working was fairly busy with a murder that had taken place a few hours ago. Curious and wanting to be part of the investigation, Beckett frequently peeked between the blinds to learn what the detectives were investigating. She wanted to be out there, wished she had a murder case to concentrate on. Whenever she peeked, she also checked the elevator foyer to see if the guys had returned with dinner.

She was damn hungry too. The mug of decaffeinated coffee Rick had made her before they left was long gone, her water was down to a couple of mouthfuls, and the bags of healthy snacks and gummy bears were almost finished. She had sent Castle a text telling him supplies were low and that she needed to use the bathroom, again. His reply had been she had to wait or sneak to the bathroom.

The TV was on mostly as background noise for Kate. She was aware the channel playing had a marathon repeat of a TV series about a space cowboy that Rick loved. She did ponder about why on earth Castle was so fanatical about it. The show was consistent with his wild imagination, he had previously said he liked the show's concept and she was sure his alter ego was attracted to the main character who happened to look a lot like him.

While it was playing, Kate jotted down notes in preparation for the arrival of Special Agent Jordan Shaw at the Precinct. Shaw had texted earlier to say she would be delayed by at least a half hour. It made it a very late meeting at the end of a long day, but the delay also gave Kate the chance to prepare for the meeting, to rest and eat beforehand. Time had never bothered Kate. She could work late into the night and get up early and be on the go again in the morning. Being pregnant had changed that. She could still stay up late but getting out of bed early in the mornings wasn't happening anymore. With Shaw's delay it would also give Ryan and Esposito time to run a few searches in relation to the photographs once they ate dinner. They might have the result once Shaw was present.

With Castle, Ryan and Esposito still out buying dinner and her note taking done, she rested her feet on the desk and leaned back in the chair to watch Firefly. She texted all the guys, ordering them to hurry up.

She was envious that Rick had the freedom to be out in public. Tomorrow night she figured they would either be in the apartment at Montreal which would at least give her freedom again, or at home in the loft with limited freedom. In some ways, going back to Montreal had more appeal for her as she had freedom and felt safer.

She received three messages back, each of the guys advising they were on their way back. They were probably laughing at her. She responded to all, ordering them to make their return to the Precinct snappy.

And they did. The men returned to the Precinct with dinner minutes later. They had orders from a few restaurants as none of them had reached agreement on what type of food to eat. They were loud enough that she heard their voices before they left the elevator foyer.

Kate unlocked the office door when one of them rapped on the glass. It was Castle who entered the office first, grinning at her. "Hey." He gave her a kiss on the cheek. "You look like you slept."

"I didn't but I relaxed. It's been a long day."

"I know. You should see what we bought, Beckett." He held up a plastic bag filled with food containers, smiling at her, then distracted by a sound on the TV his attention and eyes turned to flat screen. "Not one of us could make up our minds." He added as the guys followed him in carrying their own bags.

Kate shut the door. "Anything would be good." She replied.

"I knew what I wanted." Esposito said. "Your boy and boy wonder here couldn't make up their minds."

"I just didn't want your choice." Ryan replied.

Rick pointed at the screen, "Cool. Firefly is on and you're actually watching it, Beckett!" He teased.

"No!" She strongly denied, "It's just on that channel."

"I can't believe you are a fan this show." Ryan commented to Castle as he winked at Kate.

"Thanks Ryan." Kate replied acknowledging his support. "I can't believe he does either."

"It's a good show." Esposito cut in, "Castle even has the Malcolm Reynolds costume!"

Kate scoffed and giggled. "Maybe I should tell the boys when you prefer to wear your space cowboy costume, Ricky?"

"Don't you dare, Captain Chloe," Castle replied and gazed daringly at Kate for a moment recalling the last night they had worn their costumes. That had been another awesome night. "If you do, I will tell them when you like to wear yours." He warned, his tone provocative, his eyes glistening at Kate.

"Ouch!" Ryan squawked with a chuckle.

Espo laughed, "I never saw that one coming, Beckett, with you being a fan girl of Nebulla Nine and all."

Kate scoffed, "You watched it too, Espo. Never took you as a science fiction fan, when you're a special forces man." She replied.

"Laser guns. It's all about the weapons, Beckett." He confirmed.

"Too right." Ryan agreed. "Swords, Game of Thrones…."

"Swords." Kate laughed. "We carry guns and you want to play with swords."

The guys laughed like school boys, "You're a girl, Kate. You won't understand the sword thing." Esposito said which caused Kate to poke her tongue out at him. She then decided to have another jab at Castle who was once again focussed on Firefly and out of the conversation. "We all have our alter egos. How does that work, Castle, being a space cowboy 500 years from now?"

"It just does." He replied with confidence his eyes staying on the TV.

"There aren't horses or cows in space."

Rick looked at Kate confused, not by her logic, but by her comment, "Have you been talking with Alexis?" He asked, feeling a bit like he'd had this conversation before.

"No. Why would I talk to Alexis about space cowboys?"

"Cows in space." He muttered back simultaneously realising she wouldn't understand his reference to Alexis's comment from years before. He waved a hand in the air, "Never mind. Anyway, it's simple. Being a space cowboy and owning a decent spaceship has a lot more substance to it than being a cadet and the world blowing up." He glanced to her body, "Although, I don't mind the outfit you wear. It has a place in our life as long as it doesn't come with Nebulla Nine marathons."

"Check this," Esposito murmured pointing at the screen. The guys all stopped what they were doing to watch a sex orientated scene with Malcolm Reynolds and a crazy woman who was aboard his space ship. Kate rolled her eyes at how easily the men were distracted, even from food. She then peered over Rick's shoulder and momentarily watched the scene play out with Mal Reynolds whom she had to admit was quite hot. With Rick fully into the show, she went to her tiptoes, leaned against his back close to his left ear and murmured flirtatiously as her finger stroked the back of his neck, "He's so bloody hot!" She smiled the second she had his attention.

He glanced at her and cleared his throat, "I know, and he should be hot to you, Kate." Rick seriously replied, "He looks exactly like me."

She stood back and released a loud scoff. "What? No! He's not like you!" She followed up with amused laughter, "How about it's you who looks like him?"

"That too, but I prefer to look at it from the other way round."

"That broad with the dark hair…" Esposito started to say and both the men responded with noises of approval.

"Oh yeah, she's really hot." Castle replied.

"The other girl is cute too." Ryan added.

Kate rolled her eyes. "C'mon. It only what, survived twelve episodes and a movie? There are far better shows that make milestones like say one hundred episodes. This one hardly got started when it was axed."

"True!" Kevin replied, "And fans of those shows are total fanatics!"

"It was prematurely cancelled." Rick shot back at Kate.

"Agree. They should have kept it going." Esposito replied. "Women in this show are hot."

"Aren't they. Specially her." Rick pointed at the screen.

Kate huffed then impatiently butted in, "Guys! It's time to eat."

"Oh, who's playing the jealous card now?" Rick asked not taking his eyes off the TV.

"I'm not jealous. But I am extremely hungry." Kate stated.

"I thought you needed to use the bathroom." Rick reminded.

"I do! But I used that card to get you back faster. I can wait until I've eaten." She smiled cheekily as they all glared at her.

"You cried wolf!" Castle declared. "Next time we might not believe you and rush back so fast."

"Shut up …." She playfully sung, with a coy smile, then continue, "Your child is making me very hungry, Castle. I need to eat. Now!"

Those words pulled all three of the men from the TV and they placed their bags on the desk. They gathered round to eat and unpacked all the boxes and spread them out in the middle of the desk. There wasn't much conversation as the guys were busy watching the TV and eating and Kate who was starving for food, just ate without much thought or conversation.

Soon after she was sitting quietly and eating she felt the baby start to more. She got Esposito's attention and lifted his hand to her tummy to place over where the baby was moving. Ryan too reached over to feel it.

Rick watched the three of them follow the movement, thinking about the hours he sat with Kate in Montreal just waiting for the baby to move so they could feel it. It had brought them closer together and he could see it was doing the same thing between the boys and Kate now. It was a bonding experience that could not be verbally described. Esposito, who was protective of Kate like a brother, responded the strongest. Kate and Rick saw him embrace a whole new attachment to the life that was developing inside her. It was suddenly very real to Esposito and he didn't want to stop feeling it move against his hand. To make it more active for him, Kate spoke or moved her pelvis in a walking motion which provoked the baby to move after she sat still again. Ryan became openly excited at the prospect that he soon would experience the same thing with Jenny.

Shaw arrived well after they had finished eating dinner and cleaned up. She requested that she initially speak alone with Beckett, and if necessary the others could come in later. Once they were alone, Jordon sat in front of Kate on a chair she had pulled closer. She took a few seconds to familiarise herself with how Kate looked physically. She had changed a lot since the last time Shaw had seen her, "You look a lot better than the last time I saw you," she commented, "I am so happy to see you strong and healthy again. Your hair! It's grown so long. You skin so clear."

Kate smiled then said. "Thank you. It's good to be alive and see you. You look well too Jordon."

Jordon nodded, "Yes, that's made things awkward. I agreed to that decision with Gates after I visited you at the hospital only because the doctors told us your recovery would be slow."

"They didn't know me very well." Kate replied.

"No, they didn't. How is the …." Shaw glanced down to Kate's tummy hidden beneath the oversized hoodie she wore, then over her face as Kate sat up with a broad grin and lifted her top to show Shaw her expanding belly. "It's growing!" Jordon exclaimed, having never seen Kate so glowingly beautiful.

Kate smiled proudly, "Isn't it! I'm almost out of my normal clothes."

"It will only be a week or two." Shaw agreed.

"Get to go clothes shopping. Sweet!" Kate let go her clothing, sat back on her chair and picked up the envelope from the desk. It was time to get down to business as it was almost midnight of a very long day. "Earlier this evening, Jeffrey Stone, who you have been briefed about, handed over these." She showed the photographs to Shaw. "He will come back tomorrow to be interviewed by you and Sorenson, if required."

"This is the information he had to give to _you_ and only you?"

With a nod, but looking down at the handwriting on her notebook that rested on her lap she said, "Believe me, it wasn't easy for me to board that plane this afternoon. My gut instincts are still telling me to go back, which is something I never thought I would say that."

"I can understand you wanting to be somewhere else." Shaw commented completely unaware of where she had been hiding out.

Kate passed the photographs to Shaw. "I came out of hiding for these. Strictly speaking, I think Stone needed justification that relieving himself of these was worth the risk to him. He was only willing to share the verbal information and evidence in the photos if he had proof I was alive."

"Well, if you really were dead … would there be a reason for him to risk his own life?"

"There wouldn't be. Odd that he believed I was alive though."

"Maybe he saw the strength in your eyes and your desire to live. Maybe he thought you had a chance."

"Do you really think someone like him would be that sensitive to a stranger?"

"It's a fact of life Kate, that most of us will instinctively try to save another's life. Look how many times you and Castle have saved each other."

"That's different."

"Is it? Look what you did to save an embryo, barely a foetus, but you still did it."

"Mmm .." She replied, thinking about what she had done. She returned her concentration to the photographs, "Well, Stone has deceived Bracken and still has the burden of having to work for him."

"He does. Let's hope that all the screening and background checks we ran on Stone before we had you came home proves he won't tell Bracken you're alive at least for the next twenty four hours anyway. He doesn't have any infringements against him, not even a parking ticket. I hope he keeps quiet about you, for the sake of both your lives." Shaw started to look through each photograph. On the third photo she paused and looked up to Kate who understood the expression of recognition.

"Who is it?" Kate asked and Shaw flipped the photo around so Kate could see it. Shaw put a finger tip over the image of a male next to Bracken, but Kate wasn't at all familiar with the face. In fact she had nothing but she knew Shaw had identified the male and when Kate considered her expression, it was a significant clue. "He's one Stone didn't identify earlier."

"Has Will Sorenson seen these?" Shaw asked carefully.

"No. He's not here, but he will be in maybe five or ten minutes. I waited for you. The boys are running with the names on this list." She handed over a sheet of paper that she had handwritten the names on for Shaw. "Will's been off the grid a few hours, maybe taking a break."

Shaw smiled in relief. "Well, Detective Beckett, we now have an ID on our Fed mole. This is Special Agent Damien Brown. It's probably a good thing Will hasn't seen this photo. He may have gone rogue and killed him."

Kate smiled and shook her head, "Not Will. He's too calculating and by the books. I would. How well do you know Special Agent Damien Brown?"

"He used to be on my team. He transferred out about six weeks ago and is still based in New York. He knew you were taken to the safe house. He was one of the men I brought in who organised your transfer. Do you remember one of the last meetings we had before you hid in the alley?" She read through the names that Kate had provided her with then looked to Kate who shook her head no.

"I don't remember a lot of things during that time anymore. I was worried about going into protection and not telling Castle, betraying him. I was happy about being pregnant, then anxious and tired when Will took me to the safe house. After that I was drugged and took a severe hit to my head. So it's completely mixed up and apparently always will be."

Shaw sobered. "I'm very sorry, Kate, about what happened. I promise you I will continue to investigate this alone. I don't want you to tell anyone about this."

"Castle?" Kate asked.

"No. No one but Sorenson and myself. This is a good lead that we'll pick up on first thing."

Kate thought about it a moment. She took back the photographs but she decided she also would tell Castle when she was alone with him so if anything was to happen, another person knew. She also wasn't going to keep secrets from him anymore.

"Ok, so we have another connection. We also have this one." Kate held up the other photograph that she still couldn't look at.

Shaw took it and carefully studied the image of the two men before she looked to Kate. "Bracken and presumably a Russian. Do you know who is with him?"

Kate nodded, agitated by even the mention of him. She unconsciously jiggled her legs in anxiety which Jordon saw but chose to ignore.

"I recognise him but I didn't know his name until tonight. His name is Ivan Andropov." Kate crossed her legs right over left sitting up straight. "Jordon, he's a monster." She glanced through the window into the box to where there was another interrogation going on with two detectives and a guy in his mid twenties. They weren't using the recording equipment. "But he was with another Russian, a man with a creepy red tattoo on his neck, who is not in any of these photographs. He hasn't been arrested nor has he been named by any of the men already charged. Andropov and the red tattooed guy were basically the leaders. The man that was found shot dead in the alley two or so days after the boys found me was working for Andropov and the unknown man."

"And Andropov wasn't arrested either, was he?"

"No. Detectives Ryan and Esposito and also Castle told me after I questioned Stone that they had no idea know about him. The boys, especially Castle, were surprised when I recognised him. Ryan is going to follow it up with SVU in the morning to see if they have something that the guys don't know about. DNA can only do so much. DNA evidence is so overrated on TV shows." Kate commented.

"Agreed. There wouldn't be a CSI series if it wasn't for the power of DNA." Shaw replied sarcastically with a curve of her lips, and Kate smirked.

"No. DNA solves everything on that. And we need a lot more than DNA."

"We do."

"So, when I saw the photograph I remembered Andropov. I had already recorded what he did to me in my statement I passed on to Detective Cahill of SVU, but at the time I wrote it could not identify who had done any of it until I recognised him in this photo. After guys talk to SVU about him tomorrow, I will amend my statement. I haven't signed a final copy of it. If they had stood him in a line up I would have recognised him for sure as just seeing this photo of him was enough to unsettle my nerves. He was definitely at the warehouse and I will proceed with charges against him. The Detectives, Castle and Sorenson, all knew about the guys with tattoos because I constantly dream about them and Rick has made a list of any tattoos I have described to him. It's all in my statement that I wrote just after Christmas. I don't know who the red tattoo belongs to." Kate held up her trembling hand to Shaw to show how much he scared her. "I am positive would recognise him by his voice, his smell, what he looks like, his hands, well any part of him." Shaw instantly took Kate's hand and held it. "He and the tattooed man were terrifying." Kate quietly said, "And I don't talk to Castle about them because I can't let him know what happened."

"Kate, he already knows what they did." Shaw stressed.

"I know, but only based on what he saw. He hasn't heard or read the details. I won't let him."

Jordon squeezed her hand and nodded, realising that Kate found comfort in believing that Richard Castle didn't know what had happened to her in the warehouse. Her partner was a mystery writer with a vivid imagination and above average intelligence, yet she believed she was protecting him. "We'll get him, Kate. We will find the tattooed man one day too, I promise you."

"He's why I would rather go back home than stay in this city." Kate replied without a thought, then realised she'd referred to Montreal as home. "He will kill me, us."

"My dear, you have scraped death at the hands of a lot of men in your lifetime, and still survived and I am sure you will live to see this baby and its siblings graduate college. We have serious protection on you now." Shaw put the photographs on the table to concentrate on reassuring Kate but then she realised she had overlooked an obvious point. "This man, Ivan Andropov, and the other one you mentioned. Did either of them leave their DNA on your body?"

Kate shrugged her shoulders, "Maybe there is unidentified DNA that the SVU team have knowledge of, but he and the other one definitely left things like this …." She raised her hand to her forehead and touched the scar on her hairline that Shaw looked at. "…. they were smarter than the thugs Jordan, and there is this one." She then lifted her top a little and twisted her torso to show Shaw a scar near her hip that had received stitches. "There are more." She put down her top and crossed her legs, looking back at the FBI agent. "They played smarter …."

"We will get him." Shaw affirmed. She picked up the photographs again and continued to look through them. She showed Kate another photograph. "This guy here …?" she pointed, "… he was found murdered a couple of weeks ago in Washington DC. It's an unsolved case."

Kate took a deep breath and sat back in the chair thinking hard. "Stone told Castle and Ryan that his name is Russell Ingall."

"Correct. He was a lawyer."

Kate nodded. She was weary, thirsty, already hungry again and seriously wanted her back rubbed, but dismissed all that and said. "This guy's murder is not going to help me. We may however find all these things, events might lead us back to Bracken, but even then I won't be safe."

"We can't charge him with murder, and even if we do find enough evidence to say the Russian was murdered by Bracken he will most likely get off. He has the power to kill you from the inside." Shaw stated.

"I totally agree. I'm not going to lay charges against him for my abduction even with the evidence." Kate admitted to Shaw. "We have the men behind bars who hurt me and they will be tried in the justice system in due course. But we don't have anything on Bracken until one of them decides to squeal and gives us direct evidence."

Shaw nodded, her fingers pyramided to her chin. "It's not worth your while charging him with what currently we have against him. He will get away with it, he will be back on the street and you will be constantly looking over your shoulder dodging the next bullet. I will follow up on that murder in Washington and see how they have come along with that. It may give us leverage too. We needed subject Blue and now we have him."

Kate smiled. "Subject Blue?"

"The code name Special Agent Sorenson and I have used to refer to our suspect FBI mole. We had three agents constantly monitored. Brown happened to be one of them. Nothing came out of it. The second Bracken finds out you are alive and in New York we may have our opportunity to take them down."

"Could we call his bluff? Call a truce between us, a mutual agreement. We just need enough solid evidence to encourage him to agree."

"We can only do so much with you being pregnant. I can't risk your lives again."

Kate shrugged her shoulders and played with the lid of the empty bottle. "Me neither."

"If I had known you were pregnant, I would have never agreed to that plan."

"It's too late to regret decisions already made, Jordon. In the end it was my decision based on what the CIA gave the FBI."

"It was a heavily influenced decision, and one you wouldn't have made if Castle had known about it. But you're not leaving your team of men again. They are so tight with you Kate. You and Castle are the cell of the group and give the group its vitality. Those boys, including Sorenson will protect you to the death."

Kate stared at Shaw a moment, feeling her face blush. She nodded once in agreement. "I won't leave again. Do you feel confident that we'll soon be in a position to negotiate with Bracken? Let him know what we have? Rick also has an appointment tomorrow with his computer analyst to see what he has produced with the file. We will talk about that tomorrow when we know how successful it been."

"Of course." Shaw agreed. "Will and I will follow up the lead on Subject Blue first thing tomorrow. I know Brown believe he will cave quickly. If we're going to negotiate with Bracken, we need the leverage, which is the information to persuade the Senator see it your way."

"I agree."

"It's time for you to have your life back, Detective Beckett. You need reassurance that you can once again safely walk the streets without your life being under threat." She tidied up the photographs. "We'll take scans of these and I want you to keep the originals."

"They are copies. I will ask Ryan to email you them as well."

"Please. Now go get some rest. I will contact you once I have interrogated Project Blue."

Kate stood up. She peered through the blinds to see her four boys were waiting at her desk for her to come out. She also saw they were alone and she could go out in the bull pen. "Good night." Kate said to Shaw and opened the door to step out into the bull pen. She really wanted to be back on the job when she saw the boys sitting about chatting. She had missed them. She smiled to them as they turned to her, Castle's arm reaching out to bring her into the circle.

"We're done." Kate said to all of them.

"Ok. Let's wrap this up and get you to the hotel." Sorenson stated, then heard his name called by Special Agent Shaw. He excused himself and left the group. He was back just over five minutes later and herded the group out of the Precinct.

It was past 2.00 am when Sorenson departed the hotel to go home to bed. He was due to be up at five, Esposito, Ryan, Castle and Kate were seated closely around the small table to eat the pizza that had been delivered. The guys were drinking beer from the bar fridge.

Once locked safely within the hotel room, they mutually decided to drop any case talk so they could wind down for sleep. Esposito and Ryan had told Jenny and Lanie they were working an all nighter at the Precinct because they had made unexpected progress on a major case. They needed to conceal their true whereabouts because it was top secret Beckett was in the city. They hadn't mentioned Castle was there either. Kate desperately wanted to see the girls and Martha but she knew she had to wait until things were resolved.

Kate grabbed a pillow she dropped between Rick's feet and sat on it between his legs rather than beside him on the seat. She was right where she wanted to be once she crossed her legs and leaned against the seat.

"Kate, don't sit on the floor!" Rick started. Esposito and Ryan both stopped eating.

"Beckett you should be in a chair." Ryan supported.

"I agree. But she does look comfortable." Esposito commented.

"I am Espo. Really, guys, get over it, I'm okay." She replied with a tone that told them she was perfectly okay. It resulted in a silent argument consisting of facial expressions between her and the detectives. She enjoyed the light hearted banter between them. She'd missed it. She stayed cross legged where she felt comfortable and she knew that given time, she was certain Rick would massage her shoulders after he ate his portion of the pizza that he'd been pining for.

It didn't bother either Rick or Kate to be awake so late because they were often up most of the night in Montreal amusing themselves or writing together but the detectives were showing signs of fatigue.

Rick ate his pizza with a keen hunger surprising Esposito and Ryan who were both struggling to keep up. They had, after all, consumed dinner quite late. He mumbled something particularly to Kate about a comparison of the pizza restaurant they had bought meals from in Montreal. He preferred the pizza from Montreal and planned to take the boys up there just so they could try it out for themselves. They sustained a lengthy and debatable conversation on the best pizzas they had tasted. It then moved onto which brand of beer tasted the best. No one could agree.

In the meantime, Kate nibbled on a piece of pizza and half listened to the conversation between the guys who were catching up on their months apart. As they talked, her mind digested every bit of information, every clue that had been delivered to them that evening. The case was building in her favour towards completion and hopefully her freedom to resume a normal life. The case was also on the edge of digressing to a battle of supremacy between herself and Bracken. Currently, they had evidence to convict him for organising her kidnapping but overall, Bracken still held the card of power over her. They lacked the solid evidence to support her unofficial claim that what had happened to her was Bracken's doing and responsibility. They just missed that piece of evidence that gave them a direct link. Just her kidnapping and the fact Stone had said Bracken wanted her dead was good but not enough to charge Bracken. The photographs were good evidence and they were being examined for their authenticity. Their evidence to date had created one hell of a case, but it still failed to hold specific or solid material, even with records they now possessed of phone calls between the men, to convict Bracken. They needed somebody else to divulge the truth, to be willing to speak out, to support their evidence. Although most of the information was aged by three or so months old, it remained reasonably fresh and needed to be followed up sooner rather than later.

Finished with the pizza, she shifted on to one side more and leaned over Rick's thigh, resting her head on her arm. The boys were telling Rick about an afternoon they had been playing online games. She was more relaxed with Ryan and Esposito's company than she had been earlier on. She always trusted them but she had been fighting fears all day since they had left the apartment in Montreal. It felt normal again to be with the guys. She had become accustomed to having only Rick's company and to him being the single male who touched her. Then tonight, well since she had left the airport, the men were physical with her which had taken a bit of internal adjusting on Kate's part. She knew Castle had put them up to that. Every time they had come too close to her earlier she had felt a knot form in her gut that was out of her control until the half hour the boys had been feeling the baby move. That had diminished any insecurities she had experienced.

Where she had been all right walking the streets of Montreal, in New York City she was jumpy. She had spooked at nearly every noise on the way to the hotel, until Rick had silently positioned her between himself and Sorenson, with Esposito and Ryan walking ahead. Rick had held her hand firmly, muttered several words of encouragement and they had continued to walk the short distance from the Precinct to the hotel. She knew they had looked like any bunch of guys and a girl, all indistinguishable together and walking about in plain sight.

Kate sat up and fidgeted a little, looking to each of her friends, a smile creeping over her face. She felt Rick's fingers stroke the side of her neck. The boys stopped their conversation when they saw her expression.

"You okay?" Ryan asked.

She smiled, nodded, "Mmm," she moistened her lips, reached for Rick's hand she held a moment, "I'm perfectly okay. I'm not alone. We're all together again."

The guys smiled at each other.

"And remember that Chica!" Esposito stated, "Never go rogue alone again. You have us to back you up."

In the bedroom a half hour later Rick closed the door after he said good night to Esposito who had elected to sleep on the couch. Ryan had taken the second bedroom and had crashed a quarter hour ago. Kate came from the bathroom in sleep shorts and loose top, rubbing hand cream into her hands.

"This time tomorrow night we could be back in Montreal." Rick said quietly, admiring her as he walked to the bathroom. Pregnancy really had let her blossom into a beautiful woman, as Jordon Shaw had mentioned earlier to him. "Sexy," he crooned giving her a wicked smile.

She smiled then poked her tongue out at him.

"Not so sexy." He replied and heard her make incomprehensible noise in response.

"Maybe we will still be here." Kate replied seconds later. While he was in the bathroom Kate pulled down the bed sheets and crawled over the king sized bed to her side. Once she was sitting up on the bed, she checked through recent photos on her iPhone then began to fiddle with the alarm. "What time do you want to wake up, Castle?"

"Six?"

Kate growled, noting it was almost 3.00 am. Left them with three hours of sleep. "Seriously?"

"I have to be at the analyst's apartment by seven, so yeah."

"Maybe I will sleep in." She replied as she set it for 6.15 and left her phone on the bedside table. As he returned to the bedroom she said to him, "I have to tell you something, Castle."

Castle smiled boyishly, his eyes twinkling as he suggested, "That you think I'm sexy and have thought so since the moment you met me?"

"No!" She smiled at him. "Never that!"

"You will feel a lot better if you just confess your true feelings you know."

Kate scoffed and loudly replied "I've always told you my true feelings." She paused, "Now, can we be serious a second so I can tell you what I need to say?"

"I'll give you a second of seriousness. Go ahead." He replied as he undid his shirt buttons at his side of the bed.  
Kate turned her body to face him a little better. She was being quite serious but she could see Castle was waiting for her to come out with something silly, "Jordon Shaw identified the FBI mole from the photographs Stone handed us. Shaw asked me not to tell you, but in the event something happens to me, I need you to know it was Special Agent Damien Brown of the FBI."

"Nothing will happen to you." He stated adamantly as he pushed off his jeans. Rick knew there was more to her reasoning for telling him what Shaw had asked her not to, and he was going to pry it out of her. In the meantime, he held out the shirt to her in case she wanted to wear it in bed, but she declined with a shake of her head.

"Is that what you take from that?" She asked watching as he took off his shirt. His blue eyes stared at her to reinforce his statement that nothing was going to happen to her. Kate saw the questioning look on his face. Why did he have to know everything? He'd clearly heard the subtext in her statement. She sighed, her eyes not leaving his and she saw his shoulders drop. He waited for her to speak. "Geez Castle." She sighed, "I also told you because I don't want to keep any information from you as I did before. No more secrets."

"Uh huh. That's more like it." He commented and tossed the shirt over a chair with his jeans. Satisfied he forgot it and moved on, "Like I say, nobody is going to hurt you again," he reinforced, "The software guy said he has something for us tomorrow, well today, and the evidence we got last night was worth coming home for." He took off his socks then peered down at himself deciding boxers and a t-shirt were good for sleeping in.

A grin suddenly appeared on his face that Kate caught. "Castle, don't!" She squawked but it was too late.

He deliberately flopped heavily on the bed so Kate would bounce. It's exactly what happened. Her laughter made him laugh as he rolled over and got up on his hands and knees to crawl to her for a playful kiss that turned into several.

She pulled away grinning at his eyes, "Why do you do that in hotels?" She inquired still on the edge of laughter.

"To make you laugh at me acting like a twelve year old." He grinned at her and stole another kiss before he sat back on bed and pulled the blanket over his legs. He then tidied it on Kate's side. He laid on his back and stretched his arm out so Kate would come to him and rest her head on his shoulder. She did exactly that, pressing herself firmly against his body.

They lay quiet for a minute or so after Rick had turned out the lights. "Kate?"

"Mmm…?" She stroked her hand over his chest.

"The baby is kicking my side." He mumbled quietly as though speaking louder would disturb it.

Kate laughed. "Seriously, you can really feel it?"

"I can. Barely. First time I have felt it this way."

"It's been active all night. Can you really feel it?" She asked again surprised that he could.

"Yes. Slightly." He confirmed, "and irregularly." He rubbed her back, "Like right now."

"Hope it doesn't keep me awake."

"No, he puts you to sleep." He whispered and stroked her head.

She smiled, silently agreeing with him then realised what Castle had said. Louder she said, "_He_ puts me to sleep?"

"Oh yeah. It's a boy." He confirmed smiling to himself in the dark because she'd heard the one word he'd deliberately used that he knew would get a reaction.

"You are so sold on that aren't you?" She stated with a high voice.

"That's because I know, Kate." Rick confirmed smugly.

"How do you know?"

"Look at the clues."

"Like what?" She asked wide eyed.

"You eat hotdogs. That was the first one."

Kate broke into laughter, "You are still on about the hotdogs!" She declared in disbelief, "Oh my God, Castle!" She sat up and peered down to him in the minimal available light.

"Of course!" He too sat up.

"Give me a reason!"

"Well, when you made me walk you to the hotdog stand in the middle of a snow storm so you could eat a hotdog. It's saying something, Honey, and that's boy!"

"Yes, It was saying I was hungry. How pissed off was I when he was closed?" She chuckled.

"It was snowing. Who would buy a hotdog in that weather?"

Kate looked at him with an expression that said enough.

"Yeah, well, we continued on to the grocery store to buy a pack of them."

"No!" She objected.

"How many hot dogs did Kate Beckett eat when we got home?"

Kate laughed clearly recalling the day she had been obsessed with hot dogs.

"Eight!" He squawked, then covered his mouth when she hushed him, that they may be disturbing Esposito. They laughed more.

"I did not eat eight, Castle."

"Eight hotdogs in buns in one afternoon!" He stared at her a moment thinking about how beautiful she looked at 3.00 am, with her eyes shining from laughter, her cheeks blushed and grinning, totally captivated by his argument. "God you look beautiful." He heard himself say under his breath.

Kate's whole face softened in response, then she cutely said, "Still not admitting that I'm having a boy."

"But you are."

"What else do you have as evidence?"

He bit his lip, his eyes looking at the ceiling as he thought. Then he pointed a finger at her, his expression determined, "He messes with your head already." He sat back, satisfied with his response.

Kate stayed quiet waiting for him to continue his form of storytelling. When he didn't continue, she prompted him, "Well? Give me an example, Castle."

"It annoys you at night, like I do." He replied and laid down again.

"Uh huh. I can't argue with that." She agreed and returned to where she had been against his body. She moved until her head was comfortable on his shoulder. Most nights for the past week or so, once she was quiet in bed, she felt the baby move and continue to do so as she drifted calmly off to sleep. She smiled feeling it start. "It's started again." She whispered.

"I can't feel it."

They stayed silent for a minute or so. "Do you want to go back to Montreal?" Kate asked.

"Undecided … it's safer there for you." He paused then added. "There's Anna. You like your obstetrician." He paused again. "Down side there's too much snow and I miss Alexis terribly. I will visit her today by the way. Surprise her. You?"

"Yes, all that." She caressed her hand over his chest. "We continued our lives up there, wishing we were at home. Now I'm here I want to go back. I adapted to life up there more than I realised."

"Our lives are here as well."

"I know." Kate closed her eyes and wriggled her body into his for a tighter hug. "Goodnight, Castle."

"Good night." He closed his eyes, then held her head in comfort. In the darkness he murmured to her, "You did really well with Stone tonight. I was so proud of you, Baby, so proud." He pressed his lips to her forehead.

"You make me brave." She replied.

"Me too." He gave her a squeeze.

"It was a hard day, but the good that came out of is we reconnected with Espo, Ryan and Sorenson."

"Yes, we did." He pressed his lips to her forehead. "Espo is excited about the baby."

"I know."

"Today is going to be a big day. Go to sleep." Castle whispered.


	39. Chapter 39

_To keep it rolling here is the next chapter._

**Chapter 39**

At 6.20 am, Special Agent Jordon Shaw sat at the desk and opened her brief. She thanked Special Agent William Sorenson for the fresh mug of coffee he placed on the table in front of her. He then dragged a chair out to her right and sat on it. As soon as she had received the phone call from Sorenson to confirm they had arrested Brown, she had left home to meet them at the 12th Precinct. Captain Gates had also been contact and was watching from behind the mirror. The day was very early in the morning and the interview they were about to commence needed to be over and done with shortly in order to know whether they could progress to the next stage of their plan.

A moment was taken by Shaw to take a mouthful of coffee. It was her third caffeine fix for the morning and the best tasting one so far.

The coffee gave Agent Shaw a few seconds to compose her thoughts, to make a decision as to how she was going to commence the interview. How she began would have an input on how it would roll out. Brown was an older man, but he wasn't particularly difficult, so she knew not to come down to hard on him too fast. She also knew Sorenson would squeeze Brown for information when the appropriate time came. She looked across the desk at the man in his fifties who had once been a valued and trusted member of her team. With a final look over her notes she began.

"Special Agent Brown, we have retained you here for questioning under a warrant for your arrest as it has come to our attention, that while undertaking your duties as an FBI agent you allegedly breached FBI confidentiality and security resulting in grievous injury or death to a person in FBI custody. You were read your Miranda rights and signed a statement to that effect. Do you understand your Miranda rights and this charge?"

"Yes, Special Agent Shaw, I do."

"In November 2012, you were part of a confidential project team in which Special Agent Sorenson, myself and several of your colleagues were required to arrange for the transfer and protection of NYPD's Homicide Detective Katherine Beckett. Do you recall that assignment Mr Brown?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Do you recall that your role in our plan for the Detective's protection was to secure her in a safe house?"

"Yes, ma'am, I do recall that. I chose a safe house in New Jersey to secure Detective Beckett pending transfer to another country. She was driven to the safe house by Special Agent Sorenson."

"Detective Beckett was dropped at the safe house on November twenty first, two thousand twelve at approximately twenty three oh six hours. She was abducted on November twenty second at approximately zero two forty five hours from the same safe house and was then transported against her will across the state of New Jersey into the state of New York."

"I understand that is what took place, ma'am."

"Detective Beckett was then held captive and tortured for approximately four days. You worked in our team, assisted in the investigation of her abduction. We have evidence that tells us you knew exactly who was responsible for her abduction the entire time. Your failure to reveal that information has resulted in the additional charge of obstruction of a Federal Investigation and lying to Federal Officers."

Special Agent Brown remained silent.

Shaw continued after a few seconds of silence to allow for her accusations to sink in. "You knew that the FBI was set up from the beginning, that the information the FBI had received from the CIA in relation to threats on Detective Beckett's life were fraudulent and fake, that the information was created for the sole purpose of creating the opportunity to abduct Detective Beckett."

Sorenson's eyes shot to Shaw's then to Brown's. He was already tired of beating around the bush, "How do you know Senator William Bracken, Agent Brown?"

"I don't know Senator Bracken, Sir."

"Would you like to think through that answer again? Unless you want to be convicted of obstruction of justice and supplying false information to a federal officer, I would suggest you give your answer a rethink." Sorenson said.

"No, Agent Sorenson, I do not know Senator Bracken."

Sorenson muttered, "Damn it," under his breath as he opened his folder, then held up the photograph of Agent Brown with Senator Bracken in a show and tell manner so that Brown and Shaw could easily see the photograph. He saw each person at the table fidget. Agent Brown experienced an awkward moment now that the picture exposed his lie.

This interview was particularly agitating for Sorenson for two reasons. Firstly, he'd always considered Brown to be a friend and a good agent and secondly, Brown knew Kate Beckett quite well from the days Sorenson had dated her. They had spent a number of evenings at cop bars after shifts. Brown had seen him with Kate as his girlfriend. That hit a raw nerve with Will. He suppressed his emotions and continued, "The lab has investigated. This photograph has not been altered in any manner. This is you and this is Senator Bracken sharing a café latte in a nice park." He glared at Brown, then glanced to Shaw. "No one drinks coffee with strangers in a park, do they Agent Brown."

Brown was crumbling. Shaw and Sorenson watched his body drop in the chair. Shaw saw her opportunity and took it. "Tell us Damien. How did Bracken find you?"

Brown sighed, "I was on your team, Special Agent Shaw, and I was vulnerable." He confessed, "Bracken approached me. He wanted to know about Detective Beckett in exchange for cash. He said he could make things go away if I helped him out."

"What sort of things?" Sorenson asked, thinking about Brown's one bad habit that he didn't really hide from friends. Everyone who knew him was aware of his little problem.

"You know, Will, the ponies."

Sorenson nodded and tapped his fingers on the desk. He had placed Kate's life to Bracken hands to payout his own debts. That simple. "You owed money to the bookies… hence Bracken easily had you on his side."

"Yes. I was up to my eyeballs in debt. He said he would make it go away if I told him what was planned for Beckett, where she was being taken. I didn't realize that he was the source of the information that lead us to think she needed protection."

"We'll deal with bribery later." Sorenson said. "You are aware, that this falls under conflict of interest. You were working as part of Special Agent Shaw's team within the FBI to protect Detective Beckett from the threat to her life. Since obtaining this photograph, evidence has surfaced that you worked for Bracken to organise the abduction and murder of the Detective."

"No, Sorenson. I was not aware the Detective would be murdered."

"But you knew she was going to be abducted?"

"No," Brown replied. "Only that she was going to be questioned by someone for Bracken."

It was obvious to all of them Brown was prepared to lie to protect himself. Sorenson decided to simplify his line of questioning, "What was your part in Beckett's abduction?"

"I took no part in her abduction."

"Did you have any knowledge Beckett was going to be kidnapped?"

"No. Bracken didn't say he was going to kidnap her."

"But it was implied she would be." Shaw replied. She sat up and leaned forward. "Mr Brown, knowing that Beckett was going to be abducted makes you guilty of conspiracy to kidnap. You are also automatically liable for any other crimes committed by those with whom you conspired. In addition to kidnapping the charges may include, _inter alia_, rape, murder, infliction of grievous bodily injury and extortion. It could put you away for the rest of your life without the possibility of parole. At best you are facing life in a SuperMax prison." Shaw explained to him.

"Agent Shaw, please believe me. I didn't participate in any violence against Detective Beckett. I knew her."

"The picture of you with Senator Bracken ties you to him which is an association you never reported to me, even after you leaned with the rest of us what happened after Special Agent Sorenson left Detective Beckett at the safe house you allocated her to. Special Agent Brown, you are now the subject of an FBI investigation dealing with the illegal transfer of information to an outside entity and conspiracy to commit the abduction, torture, and murder of a New York police officer." Shaw stated. "Now is the time to explain your part in the Detective's abduction, in detail."

"I want to make a deal. I have information I can provide in exchange for leniency. I didn't know Senator Bracken was going to have Detective Beckett abducted by the Russians. He played me, like he plays everyone."

"What information exactly did Bracken want from you?" Sorenson asked.

"Details of the safe house she was taken to."

"Then you also gave him enough information to organise her kidnapping, her unwilling transport over state lines and of her consequent murder." Shaw confirmed then requested. "Go on, continue Mr Brown."

"I had no power against Bracken."

Shaw glanced to Sorenson and whispered, "That seems to be a common theme with Bracken." She then returned her attention to Brown, "Why didn't you come to me?" She asked in a logical, calm tone, "or to Mr Sorenson?"

"Because I was in too deep and I didn't think you would believe me. Bracken had it over me by then. He'd paid my debts, I owed him, but I wanted out. He promised me once he had Detective Beckett he would leave me alone."

"And did he do that? Did he keep that promise?" Shaw asked.

"Yes Ma'am he did, but I didn't think he was going to kill her."

"You're a seasoned FBI Agent, ex-military Damien! What exactly were you thinking Bracken planned to do with Beckett? Huh? Ask her out for a bloody coffee, a date?" Sorenson's temper was simmering on the edge of losing it.

Brown cautiously looked to Sorenson, "He said he was going to just rough her up a bit."

Sorenson gritted his teeth. "Just rough her up a bit, huh?" He fished inside his folder and pulled out and 8" by 10" colour photograph he slapped on the desk in front of Brown. Everyone looked at the photo of what seemed to be a deceased woman, barely recognisable as Kate. "That's what they did to Detective Beckett when they just roughed her up a bit." He sat back almost at boiling point with his anger. Shaw held up a hand to him, indicating he needed to cool down.

Brown looked at the photograph, even picked it up, his expression falling into a state of sorrow and confusion. "Will, I'm sorry they did that to her. I didn't know they were planning to do that."

Sorenson found another photograph of Kate's back and handed that one over to Brown who was distressed by the awful sight of her battered body.

"Would you like to see the rest of them? Would you like to see the medical reports of what those men did to the Detective when they roughed her up?" Not waiting for an answer he spread all the photographs he had of Beckett that were taken at the hospital on the table and he pushed them toward Brown who shrunk back in his chair in repulsion. In each photo she looked like she was dead. Sorenson wasn't about to get out the photos of her standing in the hospital with Castle half holding her up as Brown thought she was dead. He had enough on the table to eat at Brown's conscience.

Brown looked away from the pictures to Agent Shaw, unable to connect eyes with Sorenson. "Agent Shaw, I swear, I had no idea ..."

"Then you need to talk and tell us what you know. We need answers and we need to charge the individuals responsible for this." She touched a photograph.

"I will do everything in my power to help you arrest and convict Bracken, but I want to make a deal." He glanced to Sorenson. "I'll do whatever I can do to put him away, but I want a lawyer and I want to negotiate a plea bargain."

"You are aware you will still be charged by internal affairs." Sorenson reminded him.

"Yes, I am. My career with the FBI is over. I would like to regain a little of my self-respect. I will fully cooperate with the FBI but not until we have an agreement."

"Good. You call your lawyer." Sorenson replied. "Because, when he gets here we are going to discuss the plan I have for you. You are going to earn everything you bargain for." He said and looked to Shaw with a deadest serious expression that rendered those present to remain silent.

At 6.15 am Rick was awake as soon as he heard Kate's alarm. He reached over her sleeping body to grab the phone off the side table to silence it before it woke her. That accomplished, he dropped in on the bed at her side and laid back behind her to wait and for whether it had disturbed her sleep. Nothing. She didn't move. He wanted to stay with her and sleep a bit longer but he had the appointment with the computer analyst and needed to be on his way soon. He stroked back her hair and she moaned a little in response.

Twenty minutes later, showered and dressed, he came from the bath room and a walked around the bed to Kate's side. She was sleeping soundly exactly as he had left her. He stood there a few seconds simply to absorb the sight of her at peace and quiet with the world.

In the main room he found Ryan and Esposito drinking coffee by the kitchenette. Ryan poured him a mug of coffee and passed it to him.

"Thanks."

"IsKate still sleeping?" Esposito inquired.

"Yeah she is and she will for at least another few hours. The baby takes it out of her and we usually stay up till the early hours of the morning in front of the fire place and sleep in late in Montreal. She will wake any time after nine thirty and only because she'll be ferociously hungry." He smiled, thinking about it, "And, I really mean, ferocious. Perhaps order a big breakfast about 9.30 am before the breakfast menu closes."

Esposito nodded, "I'll do that and I'll keep her quiet."

"Thanks."

"Hey, man, what were you teasing her about when you went to bed? I could hear her laughing and yelling at you like crazy."

Rick smiled recalling his behaviour with Beckett after he'd closed the door to go to bed, "Oh that. I just do anything to make her laugh. I keep telling her the baby is a boy and it messes with her head every time. She thinks I know because I said I saw its bits on the ultrasound. It really winds her up so I have a bit of fun. I really have no idea."

"It is a boy." Espo confirmed.

Ryan nodded. "I'm going for a boy too. You have enough women around you already."

"Don't I just." Castle agreed mentally listing off the redheads as a starting point. He drank his coffee. "Ryan can you give me a lift down town to the analysts?"

"Sure, You ready?"

"Yes. Let's go."

Sorenson and Shaw waited silently in the back of a commercial van for Special Agent Brown to meet with Senator Bracken. It was almost 10.00 am. The park was quiet as most people were at work, but populated enough to dissuade any potential arguments or fights between Bracken and Brown. Sorenson glanced at his watch for the time. Two minutes before it was time for the meeting to take place. He sat up and scanned the monitors for a visual on the Senator but there wasn't any sight of him as yet. Sorenson was a little worried that Brown wouldn't be able to hold himself up against the more dominant Bracken.

"I hope he does, but don't have complete faith in Brown's ability to do this." Sorenson stated, lifting a headphone from his ear to hear Shaw's reply. He kept his eyes on the visual they had of Agent Brown waiting for Senator Bracken to show at the designated meeting place near the coffee stand. It was situated on the side walk by the park. Nearby, kids were playing in the playground and mothers and nannies were the main customers for the coffee.

Shaw replied, "I doubt his strength of character, but maybe he will come through for us. He's wired." She moved her a few rogue strands of hair from her face, "He did crumbled faster than I expected this morning, Will."

"That he did. It makes me wonder whether he will be able to successfully put Bracken on edge now. Then Brown has to stay away from Bracken after today."

"I've fixed that risk. He's going on assignment this afternoon across the country. I spoke to his manager when you were arranging this. It's only for a couple of days but he's going to be doing surveillance work somewhere else."

"Good idea." Sorenson glanced back to the monitor. "I still don't trust him. He knew Kate for God's sake."

"Doesn't matter whether we trust him. We'll hear every sound he makes and we have eyes on him. He knows that." Shaw stated pointing to the roof of the van which had cameras mounted to it. She took a moment to look over Sorenson's worried face. "You haven't told Castle or Beckett what's going on here?"

He shook his head. "There's no way I would tell them. Beckett's hard enough to contain in the hotel room. According to Esposito's text, she's been on fire since the second she got out of bed. He is keeping her safe this morning. He was glad she slept in. If Kate knew we were doing this today she would have demanded she be in this van right now. She'd be sitting beside us."

"I wouldn't have let her." Shaw replied.

Sorenson half laughed very aware of how challenging and stubborn Beckett could be, "Jordon, this is a day when I'm glad Beckett is pregnant. It's the only thing that has given her some sense of mortality, a higher survival instinct if you will. Even being shot didn't do that."

"Well that's a good thing. Anyway, Sorenson, getting shot didn't deter you either."

"True."

"You two aren't that different." Jordon commented, "I just don't want Beckett going rogue and doing things illegally."

"Castle has her under control."

"Who has Castle under control?"

"He won't go rogue. He may do his own thing but he goes by the books and he always has had that power over Becket to stop her running off on her own. It's just a question of how long can he keep control of her when she's locked up in a hotel room with Esposito." Sorenson took a breath and muttered, "Esposito and Beckett together is a different story." He pointed at the monitor. "Bracken has arrived."

"Good. He's alone. Well, if this goes to plan we will proceed with our next move soon, won't we."

"We certainly will. Presence indicates guilt to me."

"Me too." Shaw replied, "Where is Castle if Esposito is with Beckett?"

"Castle has gone to collect and assess the digital rebuild of the file that got blown up."

They fell silent as Senator Bracken and Special Agent Brown casually met up by the coffee stand. Both ordered coffees and spoke about the weather.

Sorenson glanced to Shaw, both of them hoping Brown would have the nerve to talk to Bracken as he had been instructed to do.

A rap on the door had Kate turn from the window she had been looking out of. She wanted to go outside. She looked to Esposito who raised a finger to his lips to keep her quiet. He stepped toward the door as he reached for his Glock that was on the coffee table. Kate's phone beeped so she checked it.

"It's Castle." She whispered as she walked to Esposito to show him her phone. "He's back at long last." In Montreal they had developed a process of texting each other whenever they were arriving home.

"Stay here." Espo said, then approached the door. He glanced through the peep hole to see Castle pulling a face at him. He looked back to Kate, rolling his eyes, "It's your boy, being an idiot," he confirmed to Kate as he unlocked the door.

"Typical." Kate said and smiled.

Castle almost burst into the room holding a thick envelope in addition to his computer bag. "Guys! You've gotta see this! We seriously have something!" He squawked and locked the door behind him. He rushed to Kate and gave her a quick kiss. "Morning. You are so gonna love this, Baby!"

"Hi." She glanced to Esposito who was laughing at Castle's behaviour. "What took you so long?"

"I had to go to the Precinct so Ryan and I could scan it, ensure we have something." Rick sat on the coffee table in front of Kate, "Then we produced this copy." He held out the beige file he'd taken from the envelope. "We copied it to USB drives and I then dropped one of them over at Shaw's office. Nothing is going via email. Breach of security is too high of a risk to be on email."

"It's that good?" She asked glancing between the men.

Castle grinned, "My gift to you," he offered, then added, "I think you will like it." He smiled and shot his eyes to Esposito who moved around the couch to sit beside Kate. She took the file and laid it on her lap, a little afraid to open it.

Her eyes lifted to Rick's and she asked, "Was it worth it?" She glanced to Javy who was anxious for her to open it then back to Rick who nodded.

"Definitely. Go on." He encouraged.

"Open it, Chica." Esposito urged.

Kate opened the file cover and firstly saw a page of haphazard print with small holes in it. Initially it was incomprehensible and messy but then her eyes started to adjust and she could see words and sentences, structured sentences. She flipped to the next page, which was a statement that was easily readable even with the missing patches. Real evidence that although was shabby, was enough to convict Bracken with her mother's murder.

Kate stopped reading the file and pushed it towards Esposito who took it and continued to read. She'd seen enough to know they had what they needed to securely negotiate her safety with Bracken.

"You handed this to Sorenson and Shaw?" Espo asked as he took it from Kate's lap. She pushed it toward him.

Rick nodded and confused by Kate's reaction he scratched his head but answered Esposito, "Yes kind of. They weren't at the FBI offices and no one knew where they were but I left a soft copy for them and sent a text to Will. Apparently they have been on the go since pre-dawn and they're off the grid right now. Like I said, Ryan read it with me and Gates has seen it and they're beyond excited." He was a little distracted by Kate who was noticeably affected by the file. He wasn't sure whether she was happy or upset. Esposito, who was only interested in reading the file, dismissed what they were doing. Rick continued with his update, "Kate are you okay? This is good stuff we have here." Rick said to Kate in an attempt to get her attention.

She looked at him silently communicated he had good material then stood up and walked to the windows. Castle followed her to the window hoping she was okay. She didn't say anything at all, but when he came up behind her and swept her hair back over her shoulder with a finger, she turned about to face him and put her arms around his neck. He held her also noticing her body was starting to feel awkward to hold now it was obvious she was pregnant. He had to bend over more towards her to satisfy the hug she wanted.

"Thank you for being so bloody stubborn, Castle. We now have something to keep me alive."

"We have it alright. We just have to wait for Shaw to call us, which should be anytime. Once she and Sorenson have seen it, I guess this case will really heat up."

"I don't think we're going back to Montreal to live."

"Me neither, Kate." Rick replied and rubbed her upper arms. "I think you will be safe in public very soon."

"If Bracken agrees."

"He'll agree. You have what it takes to make him an offer he can't refuse."

"You didn't tell me you were going to kill Detective Beckett." Special Agent Brown said matter of fact as he dropped his cigarette butt on the ground and butted it out with the toe of his shoe. He was inpatient with the conversation. "You told me you wanted her roughed up, spooked into giving you some information she had. Roughed up is not what I saw."

"Hang on a minute. She was only roughed up." Bracken retorted.

'You need to look up the term roughed up. The photos I saw of her were of her dead, Bracken. The only way I recognised her bloody face was the beauty spot on her cheek." He touched his left cheek with his index finger then pointed it at Bracken, "For Christ's sake, they beat her to fucking death for you. I didn't expect you to do that to her."

"You need to think straight." Bracken replied. "I didn't kill Detective Beckett. She was murdered in a completely isolated incident."

"Completed isolated? You have to be joking? Then why have I had the FBI on to me this morning? They've found out I was behind Beckett's abduction and what happened to her at the safe house. They know I set her up. My career is shot."

"How did they find out?"

"I don't know. I was woken up this morning well before dawn with a bang on my door. I've been in questioning for hours. I called you just after they cut me loose."

"Were you followed?" Bracken asked looking about the park for anyone suspicious. Kids, mums and a few walkers.

"You're looking at an FBI agent. Do you really think I would have met you here if I was being followed? More importantly, I have an appointment with internal affairs this afternoon. I'm cooked, Bracken. And for nothing."

"Not for nothing, your debt is paid and it's untracable. That's what you bargained for. They've got nothing on you …"

"You're wrong. They have. The FBI and the NYPD homicide squad were asking me questions about you. They were fishing around what your involvement was, why you had been meeting with me when I was on the team that was protecting the Detective. They're on to us."

"What did you tell them?" Bracken continued to cast his eyes around the park looking for anything or anyone that looked like they could be listening in. He wasn't sure whether Brown was on his own. The man was easily persuaded. He'd been easy to buy in the first place. A van, which he thought might contain agents, had workmen regularly returning to it to collect items. They were in and out of the truck frequently.

"I told them that they were guessing."

"Did they show you anything? Documents? Phone records, financial data? If they did, there has to be a warrant. If there is no warrant, we're good."

"No, nothing like that."

"Good. They couldn't get a warrant. They are just fishing. They have nothing."

"I thought that too. But then they showed me a photograph of you and me, the day I came to tell you the plan, of where they were taking Beckett." Brown observed Bracken who was worried but not completely influenced that the authorities were going to chase him down. Brown's instructions had been to make Bracken nervous. He decided to go a step further and said, "The FBI also told me they had solid proof they knew you met with a Russian …."

"A Russian? How many Russians live in New York City? I could have been inadvertently standing beside one."

"The same Russian who also happened to kidnap Detective Beckett from the safe house?"

"Coincidence." Bracken commented and sipped his coffee. He turned a full slow circle gazing steadily around the park,

"They have proof we've been together while we were transferring Beckett to a safe house. They know you paid my bookie."

Bracken laughed. "A picture? An alleged payment? In cash no doubt. What jury would believe a bookie? Is that all they have?"

"It's a clue. They …"

"How do you know they didn't follow you here?"

"They're not following me. They told me not to leave the city because they don't have anything solid on me." Brown ran a hand through his hair. "Did the Russians ever get that file you wanted from Detective Beckett?"

Bracken shook his head. "No, they didn't. They were idiots. She wouldn't tell them""

"So they murdered her for nothing. The file is still out there."

"I don't believe there ever was a second file. I think she was bluffing …." Bracken replied.

Brown looked directly at Bracken, "I have to agree. No one would have tolerated what I saw in the pictures and hold back giving over the information."

"If there was a second copy of the file, her boyfriend, the writer would have come after me with it."

"Maybe he will." Brown stated satisfied Bracken had confessed to the knowledge of the file, "I had nothing to do with her murder Bracken. You're on your own with that. I did what you asked me to do. Her blood is on your hands." He started to walk away backwards, "Don't call me again. I have lost my job because I handed you Beckett."

"I didn't kill her." Bracken called after him as the agent walked off. He threw his coffee in a bin and strode quick the other way to get out of the park. However, seconds later he turned about to watch Brown leave, to gaze about them to see who else was leaving the park. He had a bad feeling Brown had just tried to set him up.

Agent Shaw tissed and looked to Sorenson who shook his head in disappointment. "We have Bracken's admittance of trying to get the file Kate has, but we're going to have to go with Plan B, Will." She said and glanced over her shoulder as one of the 'workmen' opened the back door then closed it seconds later.

Shaw and Sorenson continued to watch Bracken in silence. He stopped, turned and gazed after Brown who walked without turning back. Bracken was clearly agitated but he kept it at a simmer, too aware of his status to make a scene in public. Shaw said, "He's thinking, and we've hit a nerve, but we'll keep on with our plan for sure."

"It looks like we have him worried." Sorenson held up a finger to tell Shaw to hold off a second as he pulled out his phone that had pinged an incoming text. He read it then looked up to Shaw with a smile, "Why isn't Castle an FBI or CIA agent?"

"Because he's a writer," Shaw facetiously answered, and then added, "And Beckett's partner. We need to get her in the FBI."

"She would negotiate a package deal. He's come through yet again." He held up his cell phone for Shaw to read the text message he'd just received from Castle.

Shaw read aloud, "Analyst did the job. File proves what we need it to. There is a copy of the file on a hard drive at your office and Ryan has one at the twelfth. I guess I'm taking Beckett out tonight!" She looked to Sorenson with a frown and a roll of her eyes.

Sorenson smirked, "Yes, he's a smart ass, but he's bloody good at what he does."

"What has he found out?"

"Not sure. Let's get back and see what Castle has."

"Yes. We'll cut Brown loose, make sure he keeps quiet to protect himself. He's getting transferred out this afternoon anyway. Once we have Bracken, IA will arrest Brown for his involvement in Beckett's abduction. Text Castle. Tell him to stay at the hotel and not do anything until we have read the file."

"Will do." Sorenson replied and texted Castle.

Kate paced the hotel room restlessly for almost half an hour while Castle and Esposito watched on. Since she had browsed the file she hadn't sat down for much longer than a minute. She wasn't agitated, nervous or afraid, but was chomping at the bit, ready to take after those responsible. The men regularly exchanged glances with the same look of nervousness on their faces. Castle was very pleased Kate wasn't carrying a gun and was too pregnant to take flight after a particular senator.

"She has been like this since the moment she woke up." Esposito whispered to Castle who nodded, "I fed her like you said and it calmed her for a while until she saw the file. I have never seen the girl eat so much."

"She eats plenty." Rick replied and checked the time, contemplating whether he would order lunch. It was a bit early. "She's okay. We have her contained in here and can control her until Shaw and Sorenson contact us."

"She's feeling it today. She senses something is going to happen soon. Very edgy today."

Rick nodded in agreement. "She needs a white board to occupy her mind, to map it out." He commented thinking about the hours he'd seen her in front of the murder board. He hadn't seen her as pent up as she currently behaved in months.

The men continued to wait in silence, watching the morning news on the television and Kate pace back and forth beside it along the windows. Kate eventually came and sat next to Castle on the couch. She crossed her legs and half smiled at him as he put his palm on her thigh and stroked her. He could feel it in her tense muscles how wound up she was to move forward with the investigation. The waiting to hear from the FBI agents scratched at the surface of Rick's patience. The silence meant they were either on to something and didn't have the time to contact them, or absolutely nothing had progressed since the last communication.

Not even a minute after Kate sat down Castle's phone started to ring. They all sat forward to look at his iPhone and saw it was Sorenson. Castle accepted the call. He put the call to speaker and picked up the phone so it was closer to himself, Kate and Javy.

"We're all here, Will." Castle said.

"Cool. Agent Shaw and I are heading over to the Precinct to meet with Captain Gates. We need you all at the Precinct in half an hour. Check out of the hotel. You're going home."

"What happened?" Kate asked.

"Your boy came home with what we needed. We have what you need to stay alive, to give us leverage. Give him a god damn kiss, Beckett, for us. We'll see you all in half an hour to discuss our plan for the next twenty four hours." Sorenson hung up.

**Home**

"This is it." Castle said as they stepped out of the elevator. "We're finally home."

"I know." Kate replied struggling to stay calm. She had been bouncing in her step since they had walked out of the Precinct. Her eyes glistened with the permanent grin she'd worn from the second Special Agent Shaw had told them to go home. With the arrival of two feds to protect them they made their way home. There would remain round the clock Federal protection on Kate for at least another two days.

At the doorway, Rick paused and brought Kate close, ignoring the agents' pressure to get inside the loft. He knew they were safe in the foyer. He touched Kate's hair and smiled. "I promised you I would take care of you and bring you back home safe."

"And you did it, Castle." She replied with a smile.

With a turn of the key, Rick leaned on the door handle and pushed open the door. The first person he saw was his daughter who spun around, her jaw falling open with surprise. He heard her familiar squeals of pure delight. Beside him Kate cried out in excitement the second she saw who was in the loft. Alexis was the first to run towards Rick at full flight. He dropped his suitcase to the floor to hold held out his arms for his daughter who virtually launched herself into the air and into his arms. Behind her was his mother, Lanie and Jenny. Kate rushed to them meeting Lanie half way.

The arrival of her father was a total surprise to Alexis. She was under the impression her grandmother had asked her to come home to have a late lunch with Lanie and Jenny and that they were going to phone Kate to join in part of their lunch conversation. Instead, her father had walked in the door with Kate and she was ecstatic about that. It was the longest they had ever been apart.

Kate, Jenny and Lanie hugged enthusiastically. Both of them had known Kate was on her way back to the loft and knew Martha had wanted to surprise Alexis and Kate.

As soon as Kate put down her bag and took off her coat Lanie and Jenny were inspecting her. Kate who wore jeans and a casual top was turned about several times.

"You're looking great." Jenny said as she gave Kate a hug. "Did Ryan tell you we're pregnant?."

Kate grinned and hugged her again. "Yes. He's so excited. So are we." She said glancing to Rick.

"Dad, your beard!" Alexis handled it not accustomed at all to seeing her father with a beard.

"I know, right?" He smiled, "Crazy." He gently took her hands away as he didn't like the girls playing with it. Even Kate struggled to touch him there lately.

"He's shaving it off very soon." Kate said to Alexis. "He hates it."

"It's going this afternoon." Castle confirmed.

Lanie and Castle hugged, and he lifted her momentarily off the floor he held her that tight. "I missed you, Lanie." He confessed.

"I bet you did. Has Beckett been behaving for you?"

"Oh yeah! She's been really good." He sincerely replied then laughed. "But she's missed you too."

"I know she has missed me. Espo has been showing me the messages on the third bat phone."

Rick chuckled as he let go of Lanie, "That phone was a great idea," He commented recalling the number of times they had used the shared phone to have conversations whilst they had been in hiding.

"Castle, Lanie." Kate called. She was standing with Jenny. Both of them were exposing their bellies for Alexis and Martha so they could do a comparison. Kate's tummy was almost double the size of Jenny's. They were both grinning proudly.

"You will notice huge changes in the next few weeks," Kate said to Jenny, "There was hardly anything but being sick for ages and then suddenly it started showing."

"Yes, Kate Beckett, you have made Esposito start thinking. He hasn't stopped texting me since he felt your baby moving last night."

"Sorry. He was quite captivated by it." Kate dropped her top.

"Him." Castle corrected then smiled and said, "Maybe she."

"Lunch ready." Martha reminded them.

"Did you cook, Mom?"

"I did, Dad."

"Oh good. Then let's eat shall we ladies?"

They gathered around the table to eat lunch and catch up.

Later in the afternoon Castle found Kate in the upstairs bedroom going through her clothes. The room that had been boarded up to protect Kate when they had found her had been returned to the way it originally was. The boarding had been taken down from the windows allowing the room plenty of natural light once again. It was refreshing to see it as it should be. He listened to Sorenson on the other end of the phone providing him with clear instructions. Castle stared at the pile of clothes on the floor in the bedroom. He saw another item tossed from the walk in robe and raised an eyebrow. Beckett was already nesting and she'd only been home a few hours.

"Alright. Yes. We'll see you then. Bye." Rick hung up and peered around the corner of the walk in robe. "Kate?"

Kate spun around in surprise, looked at him, smiled. "You found me."

"Arrr.. yeah. What are you doing?"

"Throwing out clothes I don't want anymore."

"Okay." He decided he would hide them in another room for a little while just in case she changed her mind after she had the baby. "I will take them to the charity bin." He lied.

"Please. But no hurry, as I might change my mind after the baby is born."

"Roger that." He looked over her face, then to the wardrobe. "Would you have something in there or downstairs that you could wear out tonight to go for dinner?"

"Dinner?" She queried in surprise.

"Yes."

"We're really going to do this? To lure him out like this?"

Rick smiled and nodded. "Sorenson will have a car out the front at 7.30 pm." He scratched his beard.

"I know exactly what I will wear. I want Kate Beckett to come back with a punch."

"That's my girl. Wear something that you can conceal your gun with." He said happy to hear the determination in her voice. He turned to walk away to go back downstairs for awhile. He called out to her, "I'll be downstairs if you want me, shaving. Be at the front door at 7.20 pm, _Honey_!" He ended with a high pitched voice.

"Stop it, Castle!" Kate yelled after him.

The instant Kate stepped out of the car Rick drew her close to his side and kept her there. He wasn't confident she was completely safe in the city even with the agents protecting her. In her faux fur black coat and her hair down she did look different. Being pregnant also caused her to look different, happy. She had that glow. She smiled at Rick who was strangely drawn to red lip sticked lips.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

Kate grinned at Rick her eyes glistening, "More than ready. Let's go, Castle. Kate Beckett wants her life back."

Rick smiled proudly at her and led her into the North End Grill restaurant. He had the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen at his side and he was once again permitted to be with her in public even if it was restricted to one place for tonight.

Kate was in a charcoal loosely fitted short dress. She had bare legs and wore red stilettos that stood her almost to Rick's height. Her hair was loose and wavy. She wore diamond earrings and bracelet and had deliberately kept her make-up as simple as possible. She looked, relaxed, casual and extremely sexy, exactly what she had aimed for. She knew she looked hot and felt she looked beautiful and confident. She wanted Bracken and the Russians to see they hadn't broken her, that she was still a beautiful woman.

Castle confirmed his reservation and with that done, they followed the waiter across the restaurant to their allocated table. He had specifically requested the safest table he knew of in the restaurant that was clear of any exposed places such as windows and exit points. Kate had her NYPD badge in his jacket pocket. Rick carried a Glock 19 and two spare magazines in a shoulder holster borrowed from Javi beneath his dinner suit. Kate had a Glock 26 stashed in a thigh holster hidden beneath the dress. The car they had arrived in was an unmarked FBI vehicle, two unmarked cars were sitting outside and seated in the restaurant were four agents also dining at two tables.

Rick took on the role they had discussed. He actually embraced it, pleased he was finally able to be himself in public again, his loud normal self. He could attract attention and show off Kate. She wore a dress to be taken notice of and had been groomed and encouraged by Sorenson and Shaw to let the world know she was back. They wanted Bracken to sweat.

Kate sat on the seat that exposed her and gave her the best visual vantage point.

"Castle, what if the Ledger photographer doesn't come?"

"He will."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because he owes me a favour."

"A lot of people owe you favours, Castle."

"I know. I only collect on them when I need to."

"Oh my God! Is that you Kate Beckett!?" A shrill voice sounded that carried over the entire restaurant finishing any conversation that was being had anywhere in the restaurant.

Kate's eyes widened beyond belief at Rick's when she heard the woman shout from almost across the restaurant. Both of them looked in the direction of the voice.

Rick said, "That didn't take long. Who needs the Ledger with a voice like that?" He glanced to Kate who swallowed nervously. "Welcome back to New York, Kate. Who is she?"

Kate glance between Rick and the woman who had screeched out her name, She was rapidly on her way over. "Arrr… a yoga friend." She stood up, noticed the waitress was on her way over. "Just order for me please, Hon. This could go awhile and yes I will have a half glass of wine. I will need it." She turned from him just her friend Jeanette stopped.

"Oh my God. It really is you, Kate! You are alive!" The brunette woman said in a voice only slightly less excited and pressed her cheek to Kate's,

"Hi Jeanette. Yes it's me."

"I thought you were killed."

Kate gritted her teeth, her eyes shot around them and her brain wished everyone would continue on with their lives instead of staring at her, "Yeah, I kind of was."

"The girls and I saw it on the TV. You … " Jeanette looked to Rick and Kate followed her gaze. "He's the man who put up the ransom for you."

"He is." Kate turned back to Jeanette. "He's Rick Castle." Kate dropped her posture to be closer Jeanette's far shorter height. "I can't talk now but yes, he did and I had to go into hiding for awhile. But I'm back." She confirmed. "Back for good."

Nearly, five minutes later Kate returned to the table and rolled her eyes. "Lanie knows her as well." She told Rick.

"Good. You've gained plenty of attention from men, and women, in this restaurant while you were standing there."

"Isn't that what you want Castle? For me to be noticed?"

"I'm definitely noticing you," Castle replied with an expression to support his statement, "and you are in for so much fun when we get home."

"Promises, promises." Kate muttered then looked at Rick in a way that told him he was going to be definitely have fun later.

The second he had Kate safe inside the apartment, Castle physically propelled her steadily backwards his arms wrapped securely around her waist. He kept her direction going toward the bedroom. She was right into him and he wasn't going to have any interruptions. Nothing was going to stop him from getting his way with her. He didn't care whether the FBI guys saw what was going on between them, and hadn't given a damn in the car on the way home either.

A switch had flicked on in Kate at the restaurant and she had turned into the seductress he hadn't seen in a long time. She hadn't let up all evening and so all he wanted now was to have her through that door and into the bedroom to continue in private what she had started in the sedan. For once she had shown indifference about the federal agents protecting her. Everything she had done in the car had purposefully been undertaken to turn Castle on. It had worked. He slammed the bedroom door behind them with his foot then leaned over and picked her up in to his arms to carry her the rest of the way to their bed. He grunted as he jostled her up and her arm that was around his neck hung on so she didn't fall.

She look at his face with a smile, stroked his clean shaven jaw, "What's wrong Castle, am I getting a little too hefty for you?"

He laughed. "I'm not answering that one Beckett, not a chance!" He smiled, looking at her eyes. "Come here, you crazy girl."

She pulled herself to his mouth kissing him hard and seriously, knowing exactly what turned him on, that her alluring behaviour over the past few hours had aroused his sexual appetite almost sending him crazy. It had been a while since they had engaged in their old game of foreplay and in doing so she'd had fun with him all evening. She felt him let go of her legs when he was next to the bed. Using him for balance and support she stood down and turned her body to him. He sought her mouth, urged her backward to the bed. She trusted him to guide her down, as he did, supporting her body until she was on the mattress. She wriggled up it as he too laid beside her and rolled to her side and started on getting his pants undone. His shoes were already kicked off and he was unbuttoning his shirt.

"Hey Castle, slow down." She got up on her hands and knees and crawled backwards off the bed. She saw he stopped undressing and looked at her as she stepped out of her shoes. She then lifted off her dress and threw it over a chair. She messed up her hair a little then stood before him showing herself off wearing a bra and panties. She heard him moan his approval and laughed a little grinning to him. Then she grabbed his pants and pulled them down his legs. She left them on the floor and crawled over his body back over the bed until she was over his groin. She peered down at his groin, then to his eyes, then mischievously back at his groin.

"Castle." She purred.

"Oh God, Kate." He answered and closed his eyes.


	40. Chapter 40

_This chapter contains a pivotal point in the storyline. I just saw how many words is it 14,450. OMG! Take your time reading it because we are still drafting the next chapter which I'm having heaps of fun with. I have some questions I really need answered at the end of this chapter. _

_Please, if you take the time to read a mammoth chapter like this, please spare the extra few minutes to send me a reply. I'm stuck. _

**Chapter 40**

By the time Bracken arrived at his New York office suite very early the following day, his patience was thin and his nerves were frayed beyond the normal range the pressures of his career caused on a daily basis. The conversation with Brown yesterday about the FBI being onto them was enough to raise his concerns, provoke him to feel nervy the feds might come sniffing around. Those concerns had caused him a restless night. It wasn't good for his public image to have homicide detectives and federal agents circling him about a murdered cop, particularly when the media was following him. He had let the information from Brown get under his skin and because he'd dwelled on the whole matter way too long he'd ended up wasting hours roaming restlessly about his hotel suite. He'd skipped both breakfast and a workout at the gym because his mind was fuelled by paranoid thoughts about Beckett's murder. He still couldn't believe that Beckett's case had been dragged up yet again.

Leaving the elevator foyer, he pushed open the door and paced past his secretary. He gave her a curt nod of greeting. With a quick tilt of his take away coffee cup he indicated she didn't need to make him a coffee. She automatically smiled, acknowledged his message then returned her attention to the laptop. Once Bracken was inside his office, he closed the door.

He took off his coat and hung it on the coat rack, slipped off and hung up his suit coat. He slid the Glock 19 out of the Galco Miami Classic shoulder holster and concealed it beneath his coat on the rack. He then placed the Glock in a desk drawer where he had easy access to it.

The hour was too early to make any business related calls, but the time available gave him the opportunity to ascertain whether Brown had been arrested overnight. It would certainly be in the NY Ledger if an FBI agent was arrested. Once he knew the latest, he could get on with reading incoming emails.

He rubbed his face in exasperation and weariness. Lacking sleep compromised his ability to think with clarity and caused him to be short tempered. His mind kept circling the Beckett case. What if the FBI had found the connection between himself and the Russians? What if one of the Russians had talked to negotiate leniency in the court? Only three Russians and Stone knew he was behind Beckett's abduction and murder. The rest of them had followed orders and didn't have knowledge of his involvement, of who had paid for the job. He'd paid them enough and they had completely fucked it up. One of the leading Russians was dead because he'd threatened to talk to the cops if Bracken didn't hand over more money. The lesson hadn't been lost on the others. Not one of them had made any further demands and Vashchencko had disappeared.

He'd heard on the grapevine what sort of things had gone on at the warehouse, what Beckett had been subject to before she died. He refused to take responsibility or accept the blame for anything the men had done. The Russians had absolutely fucked up the assignment just as Coonan, Lockwood, Maddox had done before them. He certainly knew it was his problem to bury the Beckett murders forever.

He sat at his desk, opened his laptop and hit the start button to access the Ledger's website to check the news. If Brown had been arrested overnight it would be a little online article, not breaking news as Brown wasn't anyone of public standing or significance. If there was nothing in the paper he could try calling Brown, but before he did, he would need to obtain an anonymous line to make the call. On second thought, he decided not to contact Brown in case he had been arrested. The FBI could be working under high security. They also could have suppressed the media from releasing news of the arrest to the public for at least a day. If they were following Brown they would have a trace on any form of communication Brown had access to. Bracken decided he had to keep a distance between himself and Brown. The call made yesterday would initiate inquiries by the FBI. He told himself to shut up as he had thought this all out during the night. He opened up the web page to the NY Ledger and waited for the page to load. The first thing Bracken's eyes fell upon was the name Richard Castle under the social section of the paper's home page. He hit his fist on the desk.

"Speak of the fucking devil and he shows up." He bitterly muttered. After Detective Beckett had died, Bracken knew Castle had gone somewhere to lick his wounds but obviously he too could move on with life. Bracken looked closer at what was written over a small indistinguishable picture. '_Novelist_ _Richard Castle engaged to be married._' His eyes shifted to small picture of Castle standing with a tall, leggy woman with long brunette hair. He had fallen for the same type of woman again.

Bracken sat back and blinked in disbelief at what he saw. Seconds after, he leaned forward and double clicked on the photograph of Castle and the woman he had his arm firmly latched onto. The picture flashed up large.

Detective Kate Beckett was standing in the photograph.

"You fucking bitch!" He cursed beneath his breath.

Alive, beautifully dressed, stunning and pregnant. Astounded, Bracken stared at the picture. He then clicked on the right arrow to the next image, then the next, and the next in a rapid succession. He clicked the mouse, flicking through the five pictures three times unable to believe his eyes. In each photograph Castle wore a broad natural smile and the camera just loved Beckett. She looked like a model, a celebrity and wore a diamond ring on her left hand she wasn't hiding. They both looked great and happy. Stone had guaranteed him Beckett was dead. Had Stone deceived him or had he really thought she was dead at the warehouse?

There was a knock on the door. A timid knock. He lifted his eyes to the door as it opened, a little unnerved as he half expected the police to come through the door holding a warrant. Beckett knew he was behind her abduction so why hadn't he been arrested? Relief washed over him. It was his secretary who cautiously stepped inside the office holding a large envelope in her right hand.

"Excuse me, Senator Bracken. A man delivered this urgent courier a minute or so ago. He said you would need to read it immediately." She stopped at the corner of his desk and handed the sealed envelope. It was clearly marked in handwriting '_Strictly Private and Confidentia_l'. She paused, observing his face, "Are you alright Senator? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Senator Bracken looked from the envelope to his blond assistant. "I believe I have. Thank you Melissa." He nodded.

"Mr Stone has called in saying he will be delayed this morning." She cautiously added as she backed off and left him in the office alone.

Bracken made the decision to deal with Stone later. The fact that he wasn't in a Federal Holding cell indicated to Bracken that Stone hadn't betrayed him. He held up the envelope and examined it. He wasn't expecting any documents this early, nor today. Other than the confidentiality status and his name, the envelope was absent of a return address or any corporate identification. It was too lightweight to be a bomb, and he couldn't feel anything in it except what seemed to be a sheet of paper. With a knife, he slit open the envelope and plucked out a single piece of paper. He read over the paper dated almost twenty years earlier. His heart rate had picked up speed by the time he cast his eyes to and read the handwritten note at the bottom of the page.

'_Senator Bracken, you might like to call me. Detective Kate Beckett'_

Senator Bracken roared in anger.

Slowly, teasingly, Castle laid out the Ledger newspaper over the bed on page 6 to show Kate the colour photograph taken of them at the restaurant. His gaze lingered on Kate's sleepy eyes thinking about how cute she was when she was sleepy. In a further ten minutes she would be fully awake and her usual self. Not so cute. He savoured this moment. She was definitely slower to get on the move.

"What is it?" She drowsily asked and rubbed her eyes, also letting go of healthy yawn. She was reluctant to let go of her state of sleepiness. They hadn't been out late at the restaurant but they had stayed up till the early hours of the morning messing about as was usual for them nowadays.

"Page six of the Ledger." He took a long sip of his fresh coffee, "Arr… flavour country." He muttered, closing his eyes a moment. "I miss you having coffee with me."

"Imagine what I'm going through watching you drink it. I should make you stop until I can have it again."

"No way. Not gonna happen." He looked down at the newspaper at the picture of them, a naughty smile spreading over face. "You have an exceptionally good looking boyfriend, Beckett."

Kate released a snort of disgust then smiled gazing up to him. "Good looking or ruggedly handsome? Boyfriend or fiancé? " She asked and saw him shrugged his shoulders.

"Both, for each question." He replied not taking his eyes off her.

She saw in his expression alone how much he loved her. When his comment about how good looking he was actually sunk in and got the better of her curiosity, she sat up on her elbows to look at the newspaper he had laid out over her legs. Just able to see over her tummy, she searched the social photographs until she found the image of Rick's face.

She sat right up to have a better look as it was ridiculous straining to see over her belly. She heard Rick laugh as he'd read her thoughts, watched her action. "Shut up, Castle." She warned in her usual bossy tone but was unsuccessful at keeping away the smile. The photograph she studied was of them standing together, Kate to Rick's left. His arm was possessively about her waist and her left hand was flat against his chest over his black suit jacket. The contrast of her pale hand on the black suite made the presence of the diamond engagement ring very obvious. Her pregnancy on the other hand, was hardly noticeable beneath the dark material of her dress. The photograph made her smile broaden in satisfaction because it told every woman who saw that picture that Rick Castle, the … what was he once referred to as being . arrr... the white whale .? .. was taken. He was off the market. Every bit of her posture, the expression on her face stated it loud and clear that he belonged to her.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked unsure of what she was thinking by her expression.

"White whales." She replied.

"What?"

"Never mind." She tilted her head to the side to study the image.

She heard Rick say, "You love your photos don't you," and she hummed a response as he continued, "There's more online that are very nice as well and so I've ordered you prints of all the photos they took. I thought you would want hard copies."

"Thank you, Darling. It will be very cool to have them." She muttered, scanning the other pictures. "I'm a celebrity for one night." She facetiously commented with a giggle at her own joke.

"You do take a nice photograph, Beckett, particularly with that hot dude at your side." He remarked with a cheeky grin then said with his bedroom voice, "You wanted hot and sexy, you certainly got there."

"Mmm.." She agreed, pushing her hair behind her ears, unable to stop the smile his comment produced. She looked up to him seductively and confessed, "I also went for the _he's taken_ statement. I think I definitely achieved that. You're mine for sure now." She bit her lip, slightly embarrassed by her confession but overall proud she had achieved her goals of being sexy and possessive.

"Uh huh! The white whale…. You cheeky devil."

Kate coyly giggled, unable to believe he remembered her telling him about that particular conversation so long ago.

"And you said you didn't have feelings for me when we met. Little liar." Rick said as he stared at her, her face, her provocative posture, her expression right now looking just as the camera had captured in the photographs the night before.

"I didn't like you. You were an ass."

"Well, the ass and you will be in papers right across the country today, Beckett." He peered at the picture again and waved a finger at it, "And you say you don't act provocatively …tease."

Kate dropped the provocative look. She glared at him with narrowed eyes and replied, "I don't," then softened her expression back to being a tease.

"Actress. You and my mother should practice performing together. You might teach her something."

"Castle, she's not that bad."

"Not as good as you are."

"She's better." She replied as she leaned over the paper to inspect the photo better and to read what the article said, "My legs!" She chuckled running her index finger up the length of her left leg in the stilettos.

Rick knelt on the bed, rested his chin on her shoulder and peered at the photo correct way up, "There's nothing wrong with those legs," he murmured, "You know you have hot legs. They are especially so when they are wrapped firmly around any part of me." He kissed her cheek, "Good morning."

Kate rolled her eyes, choosing to ignore his comment about her legs, but she turned her head to kiss him on his mouth, her fingers touching scruff on his unshaven chin, "Good morning, Ricky." She whispered and looked into his eyes with a smile. "Last night was really good, huh?" She bit her lip.

Rick grunted and replied, "Yes, another great performance."

He saw the dark look she gave him and laughed before he kissed her pouted lips. "It was awesome." He smiled and mumbled, "…especially that bit you did first .."

"Mmmm…" She turned back to the paper and commenced to read aloud, each word meticulously pronounced, "Novelist Richard Castle and his _stunning_," she glanced cheekily to Rick who raised an eyebrow, "fiancé, Katherine Beckett, were found dining at the North End Grill restaurant last evening. It looks like Mr Castle, who has been one of our more popular top ten bachelors of the year is officially off the list. In November 2012, the Ledger reported that Ms Beckett had passed away due to injuries sustained during a hostage situation. Mr Castle had a one million dollar reward for her safe return. The NYPD homicide detective was forced to go into temporary protection until recently. Mr Castle and Ms Beckett are expecting their first child together this July." She looked up at him. "It ends well." She smiled, biting her lip. Rick was beaming with pride. "It's out there now." She said to him and checked at the time. It was shortly before 7.00 am.

"It sure is."

"And you're finally off that bachelor's list." She commented her tone a blend of jealousy and satisfaction. She cast her eyes over the other photos displayed on page 6, a wicked grin creeping to her mouth.

"Not jealous much, are you?" Rick observed. He had a laugh at Kate's playfully angry expression. "Did you phone your father yesterday to warn him?"

She sat up and replied, "Yes. I did." She picked up the page of the paper. "It is a good photograph of us. Did you tell Martha and Alexis it was going happen, like beyond us going out for dinner, which they knew about?"

"Of course I told them! Alexis has already received enough phone calls from friends who can't get hold of me who wanted to confirm your life/death status. She texted me early to say she's not picking up any more." He stroked her hair back over her shoulder and offered her a mouthful of coffee, which she accepted. She took a mouthful and closed her eyes momentarily to savour the taste of it. She moaned in pure appreciation. Rick smirked and took the mug from her, "Mom said the house phone hasn't stopped ringing since six am. She's not picking up either."

Kate swallowed, listened for something outside the bedroom. "It's ringing now."

"It has been going to voice mail. The kbecs iPhone is also constantly sounding as is the Castle one. It seems your friends get up early and read the Ledger." He uncomfortably scratched his throat, then reached out and touched her cheek before he carefully explained, "A few of your friends are upset by your faked death."

"But it wasn't my idea to be dead." She protested.

"I know. But your friends don't know that."

"My real friends know I'm alive." She murmured thinking about the people who were in their lives on an almost daily basis.

"Yes, that is true, but you have other friends that you miss."

After thinking about the situation and Rick's reply, she rolled her eyes to the ceiling, "I guess I will be making up for a decision that Gates made. That will keep me busy until the baby is born." She glared to Rick, "Oh my God, so of course no one knows I'm pregnant either!" Exasperated she flopped back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

Downright amused by Kate's exaggerated and humorous behaviour this morning, Rick rubbed his chin, then laid his palm over her tummy he softly stroked. He stared quietly, admiring the swell of their baby for a few moments then calmly said, "Yeah, it seems that last night's reappearance of you on my arm has disturbed a hornet's nest. Maybe it wasn't' such a good idea. We wanted to get the message to a specific person, not everyone and consequently piss your friends off and my friends as a fact. Everyone had to keep it a secret."

Kate gazed lovingly up at Rick. To Rick, she resembled a contented cat, who was having its tummy lightly scratched, which she was. She smiled, then that look, her determined, stubborn and incredibly cute expression appeared. He hadn't seen it ages, since the day the cab driver in Montreal had recognised her. She had been so strong willed that day to not let him scare her into hiding again. She had made enormous head way that day. He partially smiled.

She said quite firmly, "You saw what I looked like last night, Buddy! Beckett is back and she made an _entrance_ that gives a whole new meaning to the word."

"That you did. You did look radiant."

"Radiant?" She queried. "Washing powder?"

"Ravishing?"

"Mmmm.." She laughed, "We did what we had to do to keep me alive. To quote Mark Twain, we let it be known that …" Kate began.

" ….Rumours of my demise are greatly exaggerated," they said in unison and laughed like kids.

She took his hand in hers, both them playing with their fingers, "that hopefully will put Bracken in the mood to negotiate."

"Once he receives the courier, he'll want to negotiate, I promise." He caressed her hip more excited and gave her a squeeze. "Kate Beckett is back." He declared leaving off the phrase 'with a vengeance' that originally he was going to include. He sobered and with the hand she wasn't playing with hers, touched her body. He asked, "How are you planning to tell everyone about your life status and the baby? Group email, text, phone?"

"Isn't that all old school? Maybe I'll use facebook or twitter. Maybe I will post up an invite to a party here on my facebook and invite anyone…" She teased. "We'll have massive party."

"Yeah right, Baby."

"I can use my facebook account again, Castle." She excitedly whispered.

"Your friends would have all unfriended, is that a word?"

"I think so. It is now." Kate replied.

"You would be unfriended by now. But I didn't unfriend you, because I knew you were alive. Neither did the guys, Alexis, Mom, Lanie.. you Dad."

She didn't listen to his rambling. Instead she started her own, "If they're really are my friends they will understand it was out of my control. After all I was nearly dead. They'll understand once I have explained it to each and every one of them, that is of course they are willing to listen."

"If you do it that way, you will be busy till we go to the Hamptons for the summer."

"True. Perhaps I will arrange a dinner party. Here." She suggested.

Rick thought about that. "We could have a party, a welcome back party. In the invitation you could put a brief summary of why, gain their interest enough to want to hear the whole story. In fact, Mom could stage a theatrical performance telling the entire story."

Kate snorted with laughter at the picture in her mind of everyone seated in a circle in the living room watching Martha's special performance. "Your imagination is insane, Castle! Your mother would turn it into her acting school's end of year performance."

"See, I'm not the only one who can create spectacular stories."

They fell quiet when they heard the house phone ringing again, then one of their cell phones started.

"Richard! Katherine!" Martha called from the living room.

Rick sighed. "Stay there. I'll go see what is going on that demands both of us to be summoned, my Lady Katherine." He chuckled as she went to hit him for being a smart ass. He stood off the bed and walked away, peering over his shoulder at her. She followed his progress with her eyes her head tilting so she could maintain a visual on him. She looked dreamy, so docile and sexy it almost killed him to continue increasing the distance between them. The mood she was in was the best he'd seen her in for weeks. He wanted to spent time with her while she was like this because once the day commenced her mood could turn like a hurricane. Today was going to be a hard day, but he was pleased she was starting it off so pleasantly.

When he did return a few minutes later, he was disappointed to find the bed was empty as was the mug of decaffeinated coffee he'd made Kate. He heard the shower running. He tapped on the bathroom door then walked in. She was in the shower washing her hair and her body was completely soaped up.

"That was Sorenson on the phone, Kate. We have to be at the Precinct at nine thirty for a meeting with him and Jordon Shaw." He said, not taking his eyes from her as she rinsed her hair beneath the flow of water. He loved the way the water carried soap down her curvaceous body. He realised then, they'd had too much time on their hands in Montreal, because that was something he'd never noticed on any woman. It really turned him on with Kate. He had never taken the time either to watch someone wash until recently. Until life had stopped for them.

"Cool. We have time to go somewhere for breakfast." Kate replied.

He smirked. "Of course! Sorenson made the comment that Bracken wakes up very early to read the paper. He also received the courier. Ryan dropped it at his office early. He phoned the number on the courier before Ryan was at the Precinct. Sorenson said Bracken was super pissed and abruptly arranged to meet with the FBI at the twelfth."

"Already?" She wiped the glass once with her palm so she could see Rick through the condensation.

"Shaw's idea to send him a page of the file must have made up his mind bright and early." He answered, suddenly feeling the desire to be closer to her, so resume where they had left off in the bedroom, "May I join you?"

Kate grinned and looked towards his groin, "Hurry up, Castle."

Hearing her seductive tone of voice and seeing her expression, Rick was out of his clothes in next to no time and in the shower with Kate who had started the second shower rose running. He wet his hair and stayed beneath the water for a minute. Kate continued to wash.

"Are you nervous?" He asked, expecting her to be anxious on some level but she was continuing on as though he hadn't said anything of vital importance.

"Strangely, no, I'm not. I'm eager. I'm so ready for this." She straightened up and looked at him, then stepped closer his body lovingly gazing at him from foot to head. She finally looked at his eyes and said, "Promise me when it's over and we have Bracken backed into a corner that you will take me away. We'll collect our stuff from Montreal and just stay away for a couple of weeks."

Rick grinned and took hold of her head with both hands. "Oh yeah. That's a promise I will definitely keep." He kissed her lips. "We will be in the car first chance to collect our stuff."

"Good." She replied. "We just have to make it through today."

"And we will. I will be cooking us all dinner tonight to celebrate your freedom."

"Where's Kate?" Sorenson asked visually scanning the staff room for her when he entered it. He dropped his notebook and file on the coffee table and put his hand to hips. It had been a long day for him already and the day was only starting. Everyone had gathered to wait for the briefing to commence. He scratched his nose and looked to Castle, Ryan and Esposito one at a time, "We need to brief Beckett before she goes in with Bracken." He said.

"She was just here." Ryan replied looking outside the room for her.

"Bathroom?" Esposito suggested.

"It's either the bathroom or chasing food." Rick replied. He checked her desk from where he stood to see her bag of food was sitting there untouched, but he stayed silent. He had a ill feeling in his gut. She'd been too happy and calm all morning. He would have been more comfortable had she been moody and snappy.

"I'll go check the bathroom." Gates said, as she walked out the room.

"I'll go checked the food vending machines." Rick said as a cover story. He knew damn well she wouldn't be at a vending machine. She only bought drinks from them occasionally.

"We'll check the rooms." Sorenson said, "We can't have her wandering about on her own just yet."

Rick left the staff room and thought about where Kate would go. She had been growing edgy in the past ten or so minutes but he hadn't noticed her leave the room at all. She must have gone when he and Esposito had been engaged in a conversation about the best fries in the city. The way Rick knew Kate now, he figured she would be hiding out in the smallest place she could find to compose herself. If she needed quiet time to prepare herself she would have disappeared. He walked to the elevator foyer and thought about whether he would take the elevator to records in he basement. It was a nice quiet place to think, but something made him turn left. The first door on the right was the janitor's storage room. He doubted she would be in there but he tried the handle and the door opened. The light was on. He peered around the corner and saw Kate crouched with her butt on an upturned bucket, her elbows on her knees, chin resting on her palms. She had such long limbs. She stared back at him. She was upset and afraid. "May I come in?" He asked quietly and he saw her nod. He squeezed himself between the door and the frame, deliberately being an idiot so Kate would find humour in his actions. Once in the room he gently closed the door, turned the lock and leaned against it. He had about ten minutes give or take to pull her together so she could go do her job.

"Talk to me, Sweetie," He murmured. "What's going on?"

She blinked and tears welled up in her eyes. "I'm scared, Rick. I have to go in there and negotiate with a man who wants me dead, so I can save my life. What if I fuck it up?"

"You won't." He replied, quite sure of his confidence in her to do the job. Her life depended upon her being successful. He trusted her ability to do it.

"Why won't I?"

"Because you are the strongest, most intelligent and bravest person I know. You have the evidence you need to back you up and Sorenson, Shaw and Gates are there waiting to brief you. You will go in the box with Bracken and you will verbally kick that man's ass. Do what you do best."

She studied his face seeing he really did believe in her abilities, but she wasn't so sure of herself anymore and replied, "I can't."

Rick sighed and stepped to her. He stroked his palm over the back of her shoulders briefly then sat on the floor next to her. He wanted to stroke her head but her hair was pulled back in a bun and if he messed a strand, she would be pissed at him. After he made himself comfortable he looked up at her tearful eyes, and softly asked, "What are you scared of, Baby, failure or Bracken?"

Kate studied her hands then took a hold of his fingers when he rested his hand on her knee, "I think its Bracken that scares me the most."

Rick crept in a little closer so he had her visual attention, "He's just a suit, Kate. He's a man who hired a bunch of men to hurt you. He didn't lay a hand on you." He said straight up and instantly saw her look of shock.

"Castle! He's responsible for all of it!" She objected.

"Responsible yes," He agreed, looked about the room behind her, then explained himself, "but physically he hasn't hurt you. He hired people to hurt. He hasn't laid a hand on you. He is just a man in a suit, Beckett. You can negotiate this."

She nodded, accepting his explanation. He was correct with what he said. Bracken hadn't laid a hand on her. He had been verbally spiteful to her at times but nothing more. "And if I don't succeed?"

"In this dojo there is no failure." Rick replied. "You have everything in your hands to successfully negotiate your freedom. Be strong and don't let him get under your skin or aggravate you. He will try to weaken you, but you need to stay brave."

She shuddered, but she nodded her agreement. She wiped her eyes. The two of them sat in silence for a couple of minutes, holding hands. His thumb made gentle slow circles on her skin. She was composing herself and he knew she needed the time to regain her focus and confidence. It was just them and it was all she needed.

When Rick's cell phone rang he picked it up off the floor. They both saw it was Esposito. Rick glanced to Kate seeing she was almost ready to leave the room, "He's looking for you too." He murmured then accepted the call, and said quietly, "Castle."

"Yo! Castle! You got your girl?" Javy asked.

"Yes. I have her with me."

"Where are you?"

Kate and Rick turned together and stared at the doorway when they heard Esposito's voice through it. He must have been outside the janitor's room in the corridor. Rick replied quietly so Esposito would think he didn't want Beckett to hear him, "I'm with her at the vending machines downstairs."

"Man, is she hungry again?" Esposito almost squawked. He must have been in the elevator foyer. Rick looked to Kate who was smiling with tearful eyes, amused by what was going on. Both of them snickered.

"Yeah, she's hungry." He looked over her face. She was going to be okay and Esposito wandering about in the hallway was making her laugh.

"Unbelievable how much she eats!"

"Yeah, it is." Castle agreed.

"Sorenson is freaking out. He thinks she's gone AWOL. He can't be she left your side."

"Well, so does." He replied, looking over her. She wiped her eyes which were almost dry, even though her laughter was making them water. "We'll be back in two minutes." Rick said and hung up. "Will Sorenson knows you too well." He commented.

"He does." She agreed.

They then heard Esposito shout out to the boys that Rick had found Kate at the vending machines. After his comment they heard muffled sounds from Sorenson and Ryan. Kate smirked.

Rick stood up, wiped his jeans of dust, then took hold of Kate's hand. "Come with me." He requested and urged her off the bucket. When she stood he hugged her firmly.

"Thank you." She whispered.

Rick kissed her forehead, "You've got this, Kate. Believe in yourself. As soon as it's over I will take you home."

She nodded. "Do I look okay?"

"You are fine." He dabbed a tissue over her eyes, glad she hadn't worn much make up. "Water proof mascara?"

"Of course." She replied and followed him out of the janitor's room. They sneaked along the corridor until it looked as though they were coming out of the elevator then walked side by side to the staff room. As soon as Shaw saw them she ushered them in the room and shut the door. It was time to prepare Kate to negotiate.

As they approached the end of the briefing from the special agents and Gates, the tension in Kate mounted regardless of how many times she reminded herself she was capable and had the support of everyone. She knew what she needed to do, but it was going to be met with strenuous opposition from all those present in the room with her. She was up against a group of people who had seen her at her worst and they were understandably going to be protective of her. When Sorenson did close with his last piece of coaching, he stared at Kate a moment or two then nodded signalling he was done with talking.

Kate stood up. "I need to do this alone." She said to all of them and closed her notebook in a manner that told everyone she did mean business with what she said. Her simple statement caused an eruption of responses all of them strongly objecting as she had figured they would. She stared at Rick, silently seeking his support. He was certainly thinking, but she couldn't read his body language as he barely altered his expression. Everyone but Rick was talking over the top of each other. It was almost overbearing to Kate.

A whistle sounded which cut everyone off. "You know what?" Sorenson began. "I agree with Kate. She does need to do this alone." He looked to Kate who acknowledged his support. "But wait." He warned her also very aware what she was about to do was going to be extremely stressful for her to cope with lone, "as I have a condition to that. You are to wear an ear piece in case you start of panic."

Rick sat back against the bench by the window raising an eyebrow. He was not happy she wanted to do the negotiating with Bracken without any form of support. It was him who had pulled her back together no more than a half hour earlier. Nobody in the meeting was aware Kate had been in the janitor's storage room and when they had left the room they had told everyone she had gone to the floor below to the vending machines in search of food. Nobody questioned a pregnant lady's quest for food. He stayed silent hoping Kate would logically think this through. If Gates or Shaw were aware she'd had a mini-breakdown there would be no way she would be going in the box alone with Bracken.

"No ear piece." She objected, "Instead, Castle comes in with me, but, Rick, you must remain silent."

He nodded. "I'll be quiet." He stood up. "But I have one condition."

"Go on." She said.

"The second I know you are falling apart, I will take you out."

"Castle."

"I know your emotions better than you do. If I see you spiralling out of control, then we take over."

Kate nodded, not wanting to waste time debating, "Alright."

"He's in the box," Gates stood and stated to Kate, "It's time for you to do your job Detective Beckett. I trust you will be the exceptional detective I know you can be."

"Yes, Sir. I will be." Kate then nodded once, her eyes on Gates. She stood and looked at Rick, "Let's do it." She said to him and walked out of the staff room and to the interrogation room with him beside her. Outside the door she stopped and turned to face Rick who did the same thing. She put her palm on his chest. "Castle, I'm going in there alone." She stated firmly.

"No, Beckett, you're not." Rick replied.

"You're staying out here. I have to do this alone."

"Was it you in the janitor's room with me half an hour ago?" He inquired impatiently.

"Castle, please." She pressed her lips together and looked at his eyes, "Watch from the room." She pointed to the observation room. "You will be able to see if I'm crashing."

"Seriously?"

"Yes." She replied.

He studied her seeing she was serious."You sure?"

"Rick," She looked softly and calmly into his eyes, "You've carried me a long way to get me here. I've stopped crying and I can see things with clarity again." She reassured and touched his chin lightly with a single finger. She half smiled, "I'm committed, Rick. I need to do this by myself and make it through alone."

Rick drew a deep breath thinking about her comment. She had come a bloody long way and in a shorter time than even he had anticipated. Maybe she did need to do this by herself, for her own confidence and recovery. He stroked her upper arms, moistened his lips and looked her directly in the eyes, "All right. Go in there and do what you do best. I'll be waiting for you on the other side. I know a good place called home where we can have lunch once you're done. Are you hungry?"

Kate grinned. "I am, but I couldn't eat a thing right now."

He leaned over and kissed her lips, then stood back. "Detective," he said as he backed up, "You've got this," he encouraged and followed the others who had migrated to the observation room to watch the meeting take place.

Once she was alone in the corridor, Kate turned and faced the door to the interrogation room. Through the partially closed blinds she saw Senator Bracken was seated at the table, acting more anxious than she was. She drew a deep long breath as she chanted _No fear_ in her head.

She heard the muffled voices of Castle and Sorenson arguing over whether someone should be in there with her. She then heard Gates' stern voice and the men promptly fell silent. Kate momentarily closed her eyes and took a big breath. She'd heard what Gates had said to the men. Gates had absolute faith in Kate to successfully do undertake this difficult take alone.

Anna had spent weeks prepping Kate to overcome her obstacles and fears. She heard Anna's voice now guiding her, giving her what she needed to make it through to the other side.

Kate lifted her chin and opened her eyes, wide.

With a secondary influx of confidence, thanks to Gates, Detective Kate Beckett strongly pushed open the door, walked inside the room and shut the door firmly. She stopped and stood dead still taking in the sight of Bracken who stared across the room at her. His face had uncharacteristically taken on a look like he was hallucinating.

She had dressed up, wore black pants that still fitted with a matching jacket. Her 5'-9" height combined with the 3" heels had her standing 6' tall which gave her a commanding presence, enhanced by her alpha female personality. Her hair was tied back in a bun. She was dressed for serious business.

She was silent as she strode with confidence to the chair opposite Bracken who leaned on the table with his elbows. His eyes didn't leave hers and she returned his stare confident and unblinking. She sat at the table without breaking eye contact and waited till his eyes shifted to the one way glass distracted by a noise that she ignored. It was Ryan tapping the glass to confirm he was recording the conversation. She opened her notebook on the desk. Without lowering her chin she gazed down at the paper and pretended to read over her notes as she mentally ran through all the things Gates, Sorenson and Shaw had told her prior to this meeting. Years of practising the stern expression in Castle's presence and playing poker against him had turned her into a master of bluffing. She wanted Bracken to believe that the next ten or so minutes of his life were going to be treacherous.

Inside the observation room six people watched on in silence, all of them barely able to breathe as they waited for Kate to start. Castle knew what she was doing, knew how much courage it took her to approach that chair and sit down opposite the man who was responsible for so much against her.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief when she lifted her head slightly up higher and stared right at Bracken, remaining completely quiet. Her expression was neutral, open, and fearless. She didn't appear cold, hostile, or angry. Even Castle had no idea what was going through her head. There was nothing in her expression to indicate how she was going to start this conversation. Castle knew Kate was ready to proceed. All the preparation to get her to this point had worked. He appreciated her comment now about seeing her on the other side.

"Detective Beckett, you are alive." Senator Bracken began, his tone trying to mock her.

Kate didn't move, didn't react but maintained a stare that was definitely making him uncomfortable.

"What is she doing?" Gates asked quietly breaking the quiet in the room.

"She's doing what Kate does when she's really pissed." Sorenson replied and looked to Castle who smiled back at Sorenson with a knowing twinkle in his eyes.

"You too?" Castle inquired.

"Of course." Sorenson smiled.

Ryan and Esposito glanced to each other and Esposito said, "Us too."

Gates and Shaw exchanged glances with smiles of understanding.

Everyone's attention was drawn back to the room when they heard Kate finally speak.

"I still have the file Senator Bracken. No matter how often, how hard and how much your thugs struck me, raped me and deprived me of my basic rights, they didn't get it out me where the file was hidden." She clenched her jaw, kept her eyes on his.

Bracken sniffed, brushed his nose with his right index finger, "I've have to say, although I had nothing to do with what happened to you, you look amazing for a dead person. Pregnancy becomes you. Castle must be a very proud man. That is of course, if it actually is his."

Kate chose to ignore his immature comments but her nostrils uncontrollably flared with fury. She suppressed the surge of anger within her. She refused to let him see he'd it a nerve with the subtext of his comment. Beyond the fury it had also caused her stomach to turn with nauseas. She reminded herself that his words only served to reassure her that he was nervous. Rick's masculine pride would be reacting in the observation room over Bracken's comments, but she needed to forget him right now as well. She had to rely on the boys to keep him calm. Her focus stayed on Bracken. She could feel the tension between them and found she was gaining strength from it. She wasn't afraid of him. No more fear. As Rick had told her earlier, he was just another man in a suit. He was also the man she was going to put a kill shot in one day. He was her new personal target. Her number one hit. She relaxed a little confident her reply was going to unnerve him.

"I was pregnant with Richard Castle's child when your Russian thugs abducted me, Senator. Had the baby died during my abduction we would be looking at a very different scenario. You would be looking at the death sentence on two counts of murder. It may have been three counts." She took a moment to breathe deeply, "Because of what you had the Russians do to me, not only do I have my Mother's file, Castle now has a hard copy, the FBI has a copy and the NYPD has a copy. We also have it in soft copy secured safely away. I have been briefed that you met with Special Agents Shaw and Sorenson and Captain Gates earlier this morning. Is that correct, Senator Bracken?"

Bracken replied quietly, "Yes, that is true, Detective."

"They spoke to you about the evidence we have in relation to my abduction and torture."

"Yes, Detective, they did."

"You've been given time to assess your situation, Senator. I've certainly had plenty of time to consider both our situations, Mr Bracken."

"I've carefully assessed it." Bracken confirmed, "I know I deal with a lot of crazy people Detective Beckett, but you definitely hit the top of my list if you think you can put me away and feel safe." He whispered, "Crazy," he provoked with a swirling hand above his head.

Kate rapidly expelled air through her nostrils and smirked in a condescending manner. She thought about what he'd said. She only considered herself crazy for not shooting him earlier. She still had time to do that. The Senator had always thought she was crazy and she was perfectly comfortable with him thinking so. His opinion meant to Kate that he would expect her behaviour to be unpredictable. She shifted and crossed her legs, then calmly said, "Senator Bracken. You can think I'm crazy." She shrugged her shoulder indicating she didn't give a shit what he thought. "The only thing between you and a jail cell at the moment is me."

"You? You don't have the power to have me arrested."

"I may not, but my signature certainly does." She picked up a sheet of paper that contained part of her typewritten statement. She gave it a wave. "This is the thirty seventh page of my statement and has the dotted line." She pointed to it for him. "All I need to do is sign on the line and date it. This sheet of paper will then be stapled to the rest of my statement and passed to the FBI agents standing in that room, over there." She clearly articulated and pointed at the mirror, "They are waiting for me to sign it, you see." She lowered and arm and put the paper on the desk. She began to search about her for a pen, tapped her pockets, searched the floor and beneath the table, intentionally exaggerating her actions. She produced a questioning look on her face then glanced up at Bracken. "You wouldn't happen to have a pen I could borrow, Senator?"

The Senator smirked, "The irony of you signing your convicting statement with my pen." His smile disappeared, "I see what you're doing, Detective Beckett." He produced a pen from his chest pocket and held it out to show it to her, not close enough for her to take it even if she were to reach.

Kate ceased her search and looked between his eyes and his hand that held the pen, understanding his body language. "I see we are on the same page now. That's good."

"Do you really want to sign it? To be the single person, who took on a Senator, brought him down and had him put him in jail? Do you want to have that monkey riding your back for the rest of your career? Well, let's face it Ms Beckett, there won't be many career choices for you."

"I wouldn't mind being that person at all. You know what they do in jail to cop killers, to men who have hurt women, Senator. You won't last long in there with the masses." She replied. "As for me, I will be free, I have a future and given time all this will be forgotten. I will be able to move on with my life." She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't need a big fancy job, or a career. I'm starting a family life with my partner. I'm having a child and its father is a multimillionaire. Career choices, life choices will be mine. If I sign my statement you will be condemned to live in a white cell in a Federal SuperMax prison. You have nothing but empty threats. I, on the other hand, have the ability to ruin your career."

"But it will always be a scarred future, Detective." He replied and to reinforce his statement he focussed on the fresh scar high on her forehead.

His subtext wasn't wasted on Kate "It's an important reminder of what I survived." Kate replied restraining herself from touching it. She was constantly conscious of the scars.

Suddenly Kate sat up and said as matter of fact, "Enough of the bullshit, Senator Bracken. This is the deal." She leaned forward and said with a lowered, acidic tone, "This is it. A choice." She sat back and continued. "You will walk out of this room today a free man, so long as you agree, as we are recording this conversation, to leave me alone. That agreement is not limited to me. It includes any threat on my life or to those close to me will result in you being investigated and arrested, and additionally you will then be charged for my mother's murder and my abduction. The file on Johanna Beckett's murder is there and will always be there. As you already know there is no statute of limitations on murder. I will sign this sheet of paper today and keep it locked up. In the event of my death or the suspicious death of those close to me, this statement along with the original file will be actioned on by the FBI and the NYPD. Is that clear? Do you agree to these conditions?"

Bracken put away the pen and looked about the room before he returned his gaze to Kate. He tapped the top of the desk several times. "If I leave you alone you will leave me alone and you guarantee the file will be kept sealed and hidden."

"So long as you stay away from me and everybody around me alone."

"Agreed."

Kate nodded once. "You are aware this discussion has been recorded."

"I am."

"Then I will arrange for a copy of this discussion to be forwarded discreetly to your office." She stated and closed her notebook. She waved a hand in the air telling the group in the observation room that the conversation was over. "As I now am, you are free to leave, Senator Bracken."

Kate stood, picked up her note book, quickly checked the table top to be sure she had left nothing behind and walked out of the box without another word. She couldn't believe it was over that fast. She closed the door behind her. Rick burst out of the observation room and stopped dead when he saw her.

"We're on the other side?" He asked.

Kate smiled and nodded. "Mmmm." She replied. "It's over." She smiled and reached to his hand. He instantly pulled her toward him. He saw through the blinds that Bracken was approaching the door to leave the Precinct. To protect Kate and to stop himself from physically attacking the Senator, Rick abruptly moved into action. He pulled Kate into the observation room and closed the door behind them.

In the room, she was greeted by a group of smiling faces and humbled applause. It was Rick's attention she sought. She was finding what she had done was considerably overwhelming. She felt faint, had headache and she needed Rick's physical support to hold her up. She discarded her notebook on the desk and reached for Rick who instantly drew her back to him. Her arms looped tightly around his neck holding him firmly.

"Please take me home." She requested close to his ear.

Rick heard the vulnerable tone of her voice which made him check her face, "Are you okay?" He rubbed her back feeling she was cold. "Where's your coat? You're freezing."

"On my chair."

"Espo, Ryan, can we grab a lift home? I need to get her home."

"Sure. Let's go." Ryan said and opened the door. He found it refreshing to see that Rick was really taking care of Kate and more importantly she was letting him care for her. Ryan was accustomed to an independent strong willed woman and to see her trust someone enough to allow them take over for a little while was good.

"Detective Beckett?" Captain Gates called. Kate turned about with Rick.

"Yes, Sir?"

"You did an exceptional job in there, Detective. Well done. I am, quite frankly, in awe of your determination, strength of character and skill set. You took on a sitting US Senator and sat him firmly on his ass. It's really good to have you back."

"Thank you, Sir." Kate smiled. Her mind was thinking it wasn't great to be back. She loved her job but she was moving on to bigger and better things in her life. She knew it was now time for her and Castle. She owed him a lot and she owed it to him to let him get to know the real person she was. She just had to put all this behind her.

Shaw and Sorenson approached and offered their hands by way of pure professional admiration. Kate's expression remained sober, but she nodded to them both. She gave Will a huge hug.

She whispered into his ear. "Thank you for saving me and getting Castle through it."

Sorenson stood her back and smiled at her. She saw the protective look on his face. "You're welcome. Go home and rest."

Kate nodded once then she turned back to Rick and took his hand, and murmured so only he heard, "Take me home, please."

Rick moved, immediately hearing her tone of voice. She needed time alone to recover.

The second Rick opened the door to the apartment Kate strode in ahead of him to the couch. Rick half watched her, as he closed and locked the door, and figured their plans to return to Montreal today were off the table now. She dropped her leather bag on it causing a muffled thump. Her coat followed and she stood there a moment or two, thinking. Her hair was pulled out and shaken loose as she continued to the bedroom. Rick hoped she felt she could be secure in his bedroom, in their home. He thought he knew where she was going and what she intended to do. She had succumbed to her body's needs in Montreal and didn't fight herself so much.

Rick glanced at the time. She needed water, food and rest and probably in that order. He fetched a bottle of water and a muffin he warmed in the microwave. It would suffice until he prepared them dinner.

He found Kate in the bathroom. She'd changed into her shorts and one of his shirts and was scrubbing her face clean of make up. He leaned on the door and waited for her to say something. He didn't need to wait for long.

"It was a quiet ending to a huge event." She remarked looking at him via the mirror.

"Bit of an anti-climax yes. Not an explosive ending like a movie. But that's real life. There's still the court cases with the Russians but a lot of that will go on behind the scenes." He replied, "We see the lawyers, they do their job and we focus on the baby and us."

Kate nodded as she wiped her face dry with a towel. She hung it up neatly on the fail then turned her attention to Rick and took the muffin from him. She gave him a kiss. "Thanks, Castle, for being there today."

"Always." He automatically replied watching her hungrily eat as she walked back into bedroom with him. There was none of her usual picking at her food.

"Do you think Bracken will keep his side of the deal?" She asked after she swallowed.

"He knew how many people were listening in. According to Sorenson, he copped a roasting from Shaw and Gates before we even arrived. They had the evidence displayed out for him like a showroom. He also said those two women working together are very scary."

"I can only imagine." Kate replied, thinking she wouldn't like to be up against them. "Let's hope it works Rick. If I wasn't pregnant, this would have turned out completely different."

"I know." Rick replied. "But it's over. You did it the right way, legally."

Kate sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Rick. "If he comes after me when I'm no longer pregnant, then God help him." She murmured deadly serious.

The look on her face told Rick she was not messing around with her statement.

"I'm not afraid of him anymore. He is what you said. A suit."

"But that's good, Kate. That's progress." He knelt down on the floor in front of her and placed his hands on her bare knees he softly stroked. He could also see something else in her eyes. She was on the edge of breaking down. The post trauma effect of the morning, and not only the morning but the months of fearing he was going to kill her were starting to sink in. It had been resolved in a reasonably short and civilised conversation. She had to have a reaction to it at some stage. He didn't think it had settled in her mind just yet that she was safe. He stroked her bare thighs and said, "I want you to have a rest."

"Rick…I'm ok." She put a hand on his shoulder.

"No. You're not. Just have a sleep, like you used to in Montreal. While you're doing that, I will get the car ready and we will leave for Montreal first thing in the morning. We can stay up there a few days, a couple of weeks. We still have you booked in to see Anna in a couple of days and you have your appointment with the obstetrician. You can then organise who you want to see down here."

"In the Hamptons. Can we please go and stay in the Hamptons?"

"Yeah." Rick smiled and nodded. The Hamptons was perfect. Alexis would come and stay with them, he could write up there and come into the city whenever he wanted to. "It's perfect."

"If I need to see Anna, it's a plane ride away." She offered him the muffin after she heard his stomach grumble with hunger. "But I think I will be okay, Castle. I don't have to be confronted with the Russians in court because they were stupid. I don't have to testify." She half smiled.

"Stupid? Yeah they were." He took another mouthful of what she offered him.

"Castle, we can move forward. I have you, Alexis, Martha, my Dad. We have this." She touched her tummy and smiled. We can make a nursery at the beach house."

"We can. We will."

"Cool. Let me sleep awhile then I will come with you to get the car ready."

"I'll get the car ready while you're sleeping."

"Rick, please don't leave me here alone." She requested.

He searched her face then nodded, "I'll stay with you." He stood up, and stroked her wavy long hair released from the bun she'd worn it in earlier. "I'll be back in few minutes." He said and walked away. Kate ate what remained of the muffin then had a drink. By the time Rick returned she was lying on top of the bed with a throw rug over her legs. He carried with him an enormous mug of coffee and his laptop. He sat on the bed against the head board and waited for Kate to be comfortable close to him. He opened his laptop and while he waited for it to start up he concentrated on soothing Kate right down to let her sleep. He had to keep her quiet and calm. Once there was sleep and a few hours between this morning and Kate, her logical personality would have her progress. He stroked the side of her head, combing back her hair.

"Is it moving?" He asked in a quiet voice.

"Uh huh." She smiled and felt his finger tips trace her smile lines. "She's moving." She said.

Rick leaned his head against the bed head and smiled to himself at her comment. He then looked down at her left hand resting over his left leg, at the diamond ring she wore. His hand gently picked up hers and touched the ring.

"I guess you also need to organise a date to get married." He suggested.

"I've been thinking about that, Rick."

"Tell me."

"We'll pick a beach somewhere tropical, just us and the kids."

"Simple. I like that." He released her hand and smiled happy she had included Alexis in her statement. "We'll have to invite our parents."

"Mmmm, like our dinner party with them?"

Rick chuckled, "Point taken."

"You give me the date, time and the place and I will be there to marry you."

"I will send you the details." She took his hand and kissed the top of it, understanding his subtext that he was ready to commit himself to her, that he was no longer fearful that his track record of failed marriages would be carried into his relationship with Kate. "It will be forever, Castle." She whispered and let his hand go.

Rick stared down at her face, caressing her hair, wondering when she would pick a date to marry. They had agreed that she would organise it when she was ready and she now knew he was. Hell, he'd carried her through the worst experience of their life and they were closer for it. He would never leave her for any reason. His phone was ringing again. He checked it to see it was his mother. He answered putting her one loud speaker.

"Darling." She greeted. "Where are you?"

"At home, Mom."

"Is Katherine with you?"

"Of course. She's falling to sleep." He quietly said.

"Is it over?"

Rick swallowed. "Yes. It's over."

"Martha, please come home." Kate requested.

"Does she want me home?" Martha asked uncertain what Kate had said.

"Yes. She wants you here, Mother."

"I'll be there soon. Has the phone stopped ringing?"

"No, it's constantly ringing. I've diverted it to voice mail. See you soon." He said and disconnected the call. He turned his attention briefly to Kate who was almost asleep then lifted his laptop to his thighs so he could work on a story while he kept Kate company. However, he ended up relaxing, staring silently at Kate who drifted off to sleep within minutes.

"Castle, wake up!" Kate hissed in his ear. Her hand caressed over his head her fingers coming through his hair. "C'mon, Babe." She pressed her warm lips to his forehead.

He moaned in content, moved his head a little beneath her and swallowed, "Five more minutes Kate."

She replied louder, "No, no," as she knelt on the bed and gave Castle several enthusiastic shoves on his right shoulder. "Castle, get up. Its Saturday, you have to take me breakfast. It's sun shining outside. We have to go outside."

"Of course its sun shining. It's Spring."

"It's not snowing."

"It's not Montreal either, Toto. Go back to sleep. It will be sun shining all day." He moaned in response to Kate's movement as she climbed over his body until she straddled him resting her butt on his hips.

"Wake up, Rick." She pushed on his chest, stroked his jaw.

He peered up at her smiling face through half closed eyes, "What do you want for breakfast?" He asked drowsily running his hands up her thighs to her hips, noticing she was in her night shorts.

"Why don't we go to the diner we used to go to before we went to Montreal." She suggested.

"I could take you there for breakfast for sure. Are you are feeling up to a walk? You were very upset last night. You were restless for hours in bed."

"Yes, I'm up for a walk. It would be good. It's meant to be warm today. No snow!" She joyously declared and touched his chin with her finger, pecked his lips several times making sounds of affections.

He smirked. "Yeah, I was tired of the snow." He patted her butt and moaned when she leaned in for a tender kiss. He then stroked back her hair, "You obviously feel better this morning." He commented, dwelling on the afternoon and evening he and Martha had lived through yesterday. After Kate had woken from her sleep, it had been an exhausting and emotional day. In the end he had called Lanie for help. She had arrived at the loft to help out as quickly as she could. Whatever she had done with Kate and said, she had managed to settle her down. Kate had slept restlessly for a few hours but after midnight which was about the time Rick had gone to bed, she had slept in peace.

"I'm good." She smiled and kissed his mouth. "A lot of pressure came off me yesterday."

"It did. And you are exceptional at bouncing back." He remarked.

"I know." She smiled. "Please get up. I'm …."

"Hungry, I know, you're always hungry lately." He patted her butt. "You had better go get ready then."

"Don't fall asleep." She kissed him again.

"Why don't you stay here for a little while and let me have my way with you."

Kate grinned and sat up, Rick's hands moving to her hips again. He could see she was thinking through the options, "Maybe later? I'm really hungry."

"I'm holding you to that."

"Ok. Coming for a shower with me?" She asked with a glint in her eyes. "Maybe we could have some fun in there before we leave."

"I'll be there in a minute." He let her go as she lifted herself off him. She hurried off to the bathroom calling his name. "I'm coming." He called back. "Just make the water hot." He moaned as he checked his watch. It was after 9.30 am. She had slept in already damn it. He really wanted to sleep longer or at least make love with her in bed.

"Castle." She sternly summoned.

Rick sighed and sat up. He would take her for brunch and would order a few meals off the menu to ensure she consumed enough food. He pushed off his boxers then made his way naked to the bathroom. When he entered the room, Kate had just finished brushing out her hair. The water was running and she was naked. She casually gazed at his naked body, a smile spreading over her face.

"Don't get fresh with me, Kate Beckett." He warned but checked her out with the same expression, "God you're hot pregnant." He stated.

"I know, thank you." She smiled as she wrapped her arms about his neck. "You can have your way with me now." She purred.

"Oh yeah?" He pulled her body close so she was against him and leaned over to kiss her. At the same time he backed into the shower taking her with him. He broke the kiss. "Geezus, Kate." He squawked when she felt her hand grasp his cock. "Your hands are cold!"

Forty odd minutes after their shower, Kate left the bedroom in a loose denim blue, thigh length dress with a pair of Cuban heeled tan leather ankle boots. She wore bangles and a long necklace and carried her bulky hand bag. Her hair was brushed and loose, the natural curls falling softly around her face. She still looked tired, but she was happy.

"Good morning, Martha." She greeted as she put her bag on the counter and sat on a stool.

"Wow, look at you, you gorgeous girl". Martha exclaimed.

"Castle picked this dress out in Montreal." She replied and stood again so she could turn a circle for Martha to see the entire dress. "Not bad?"

"It's lovely."

"Thank you for being there yesterday. I was a little emotional after the meeting."

"Katherine, don't be sorry. It was a major hurdle and you are pregnant. You didn't hold it in."

Kate smiled thinking back, "No, I didn't hold it in at all. I was a bit too emotional."

"It was understandable. You obviously feel better today."

"A lot better." Kate turned about as Rick stood up off the couch. She looked over his whole body as he approached. He wore a blue shirt that brought out the blue of his eyes and black jeans that just showed the outline of his naughty stuff. With fondness and an awakening in her loins she thought about what she'd been doing with his body earlier.

"Beckett." Rick said, giving her a stern look. He stopped near her and muttered, "I saw that look on your face."

"What? No!" She denied glancing to Martha. "It's time for you to take me for brunch, Ricky." She firmly stated.

Rick smirked as her comment as he checked for his wallet for cash. He looked at Kate through his eye lashes, "Don't deny that you love what you see and had fun with it." He said, then pocketed his wallet and looked to his mother. "I'm taking this Lady for brunch. We'll be back in a couple of hours." He smiled at Kate who was blushing, and held out his arm for her to take.

On the street, walking the block to the café they chose to eat out Castle witnessed how vulnerable Kate felt even though they had resolved the issue with Bracken. She had constantly been protected from danger for months and today they were back in New York City and on her own like they had been in Montreal. She was a little flighty initially and stayed close to Castle's side, clutching his hand so much he had to ask her to ease off because she was hurting him. After half a block she began to walk with confidence, her long legs striding out keeping up with his pace, her chin held high. He held her firmly. People turned to look at her as they progressed along the sidewalk. Today, Castle held on letting everyone know she was his. He was not a small man and it exhibited his size and strength even more so than usual. When they arrived at their favourite diner, they chose a table outside in the sun. As usual, the people who worked in the café knew Castle and quickly came to his table to serve him. Both took a menu.

"Would you prefer me to order a few things of the menu and we share?" He asked.

"Good idea. Will save me from ordering another meal," Kate replied somewhat distracted by the scent of coffee wafting at intervals from the doorway of the restaurant. It was sending her crazy with want for a coffee. She observed Rick for a few seconds, crossed her legs, lifted her sunglasses to the top of her head, and leaned over the table, towards him, narrowing her eyes like a naughty kid. It was worth a try and she almost pleaded him in a secretive addictive manner, "I would really like a weak latte too please.

"I don't know, Beckett. Isn't coffee off your diet?" He inquired not lifting his eyes from the menu. His peripheral vision saw her shift on her seat. She wanted coffee. He too could smell it lingering around them. It would drive him crazy if he wasn't permitted to have it.

"I can have a cup a day, 200 milligrams of caffeine. There's about 137 milligrams of it in a cup. About 78 in instant coffee but we don't like instant." She explained lowering her sunglasses as it was too bright for her eyes without them. "I looked it up this morning."

He closed the menu and looked at Kate in amusement. She was almost drooling over the coffee that had just been given to the lady on the table beside her. "Too much for you isn't it." He observed with a smirk. "You certainly did your homework." The waitress stopped at their table and he ordered. Once he passed the menus back to the waitress and she left, Kate reached to him over the table, her elbow resting on the glass. She pulled his hand to her mouth and kissed the back of his fingers.

"It's killing me watching you drink it."

"I know." He replied, "You don't have to prove it to me, Kate. You know what you can and can't have." He stood up, "I'm going to find a copy of today's newspaper."

She nodded and watched after him. He was back within a minute and passed Kate a magazine he knew she liked to browse through. She opened it up and started to look through it.

"I'm kind of nervous out here, Castle." She confessed, looking at him through the sunglasses.

He glanced up from the paper, couldn't see her eyes but guessed how they would be. "Don't be. It's a nice day. We are here together." He squeezed her hand. "You look beautiful too." He added quietly.

"Thanks."

"Other than nervous, do you feel okay?" He asked wanting to know how she really was.

She lifted her sunglasses to the top of her head again as a cloud shaded the sun. "Castle, we agreed we wouldn't talk about yesterday again …" She said thinking about how upset she had been after she had woken yesterday afternoon. She woken from a nightmare, the first one she'd had in a week or so and that had only been the start of her emotional reaction to the meeting with Bracken. Neither Castle no Martha were able to console her. Nothing they had said had resolved her feeling or reassured her that it was really over. By the time Lanie had arrived Kate had been exhausted and ready to sleep. Everything had hit her like a freight train yesterday but overnight her way of viewing the day had changed. She had accepted it as a day of success and empowerment. "I don't want to talk about it." She affirmed.

"Once you are okay with it all …" He stipulated. "We're not going to sweep what you did yesterday under the carpet. It was a monumental day. You did a great thing and it also relieved you of an enormous amount of pressure and fears."

She took a breath of air filled with impatience, then replied under her breath, "Don't I know that," giving him that mixed expression of stubbornness and impatience she was so good at. "I guess I'm feeling alright this minute. I was afraid on many levels when we walked here, but I feel safe here with you. I can't guarantee what I may be feeling later, but presently, it's all good. I'm hungry. I'm not running away or looking over my shoulder so much. I'm sitting here with you, trying to be your fiancé, your lover, and I am certainly enjoying renewed freedom, to be able to live with you again here… I'm happy." She looked to him smiling. He leaned to her lips he kissed in response.

"Me too." He replied and didn't ask again.

"Cool." She replied and put her sunglasses back over her face. The coffee arrived shortly after followed by plates of French toast and fruit, and an English breakfast. They ate slowly, picking from any plate and soaked up the time they had alone, watching the busy city pass them by. It was the first time they were in New York with nothing to do, not a plan. They reordered drinks, read the papers and eventually decided to return to the apartment.

It was almost midday when they closed the door. Kate went to the bedroom to change her clothes. She put on draw string Gap pants and a t-shirt, tying her hair into a loose pony tail. She found Castle at his desk, his laptop open and he was typing. So she grabbed one of his books off the shelf, smiling cheekily over her shoulder when he looked up over his computer to see which book she took.

"Arr… Heatwave." He observed. "Good choice."

"I hope so." She sat on the red leather chair and wrestled with a pillow until it was in the right place for her. She opened the book and commenced to read. Castle continued to write, periodically casting an eye in Beckett's direction. It wasn't long before the book fell into her lap as she fell asleep. He left her there, wrote awhile, wandered the apartment, surfed the internet and wrote some more.

The sound of the door opening made Castle get up from his work desk and hurry to the entrance to greet whoever had arrived home. His daughter. He signalled for her to keep quiet and greeted her with a huge hug. He'd missed her a lot when they had been in Montreal.

"Beckett's asleep in my office." He whispered to her.

"She sleeps a lot growing my baby brother or sister. Cool." Alexis smiled to her dad seeing how happy he looked. "She does make you happy Dad, doesn't she?"

"Yes, she does. Very happy. And thank you for noticing."

"Can't help but notice how happy you are. You're so much closer since you came home too." She said.

"That's what stuck in an apartment in winter does to you. You should have seen the things we did… " He stopped himself, "You really don't need to know that."

"No, Dad, I don't. Is Beckett alright? She was really emotional yesterday." She put her bag down and sat with her father on the sofa.

"She's ok. She had some big things to deal with yesterday."

"So she's alright .… I was really worried last night."

"She's fine. The baby makes her tired and resolving the issues with Bracken took a lot of pressure of her." He smiled. "You want a coffee?"

"Arr. No thanks. I have to meet Buttons for a coffee in twenty minutes. I will be back for dinner though. I was just dropping by to say hello because I had a few minutes."

"Okay. We'll meet say at 7.00 pm for dinner?" He reached for his wallet and found a few notes he passed to her save her finding an ATM.

"Thanks Dad." She slipped the cash into her jeans pocket. "I'll see you both later." She kissed him on the cheek, bounced off the couch and out the door. Castle returned to his study to find Beckett was coming out of her sleep. He made enough noise to let her know of his presence, fiddling around at his desk, waiting for her to fully wake.

"Castle?" She softly said. He looked over to her eyes on his and smiled.

"Hey Beckett. Nice nap?"

"Yeah." She sat up, putting the book on the desk. "I have something I want to do." She began. "Will you come with me to my place?"

"Sure. Now?"

"Yep. I'll go get changed." She got up and disappeared into the bedroom. Castle shut down his computer and waited for her by the front door. She soon showed up wearing jeans, a sweater and sneakers.

"Do I need anything?" he asked.

"No. We won't be long." She replied, looking at him then to the floor, "It's something I need to do in your presence."

"Okay. Well let's go." He glanced to the time. 2.30 pm "If we're not back by 7.00 pm we need to phone Alexis."

"We'll be back."

"Should we take the car?"

She nodded. "Yes, I could bring back some stuff."

"You need stuff for the Hamptons and then we'll pick up our stuff from Montreal."

"Let's do this first." She suggested. "There's not much I want from my place right now."

At the apartment, Kate led Castle inside and pushed the door shut behind them. The apartment was cold and felt damp. The curtains were drawn and the entire place was dark. She pulled the curtains letting the light in then continued to the bedroom and to the cupboard.

He watched as she found an old shoe box. She took the shoes out of it and placed them on another box and carried the box back out to the living room. The pieces soon started to fall into place for Rick. Kate stepped to the shuttered window and opened the shutters to expose her personal murder board of her mother's murder. There were a number of new items on it since she had last shown it to him a year or so ago which seemed like an eternity ago to him.

"We live with it no more." He commented, his eyes casting over the photos and notes one by one.

"It's over now." She replied, turning to look at his blue eyes. "It's time to put closure on it, Rick." She took a breath looking back at the numerous pieces. "This has held me back. I'm waiting for closure on my mother's murder but I'm not going to get it. My father has put it behind him and I need to do the same thing."

She reached for a photograph pulling it off the glass. She folded over the sticky tape and dropped it in the box that Rick held for her. One by one the pieces came down. She did it alone, but Castle watched and only assisted if anything was out of her reach. He was witnessing another sobering moment in his life. Most of it, like the case itself had faded in the light coming through the window. Neither said anything during the time it took her to strip the area of all the clues she had gathered over the years. After the final piece went in the box, Castle silently looked to her face and passed her the lid that she placed on the box. She took the box from him. He followed her to the bedroom. She put the box on the end of the bed and continued to the walk in robe. She reached to the top shelf she could barely get to, so Castle reached over her and grabbed the box on the shelf that he thought she was trying to retrieve. He passed it to her. She then located a bag she could stash some items in.

"We'll pack as much as we can, go home, have dinner and get ready to leave tomorrow." He suggested and saw her turn studying his face.

"This is my home." She replied.

"Yeah, but you also have a home with me and Alexis." He stated.

Kate remained silent, soaking it in that someone was offering her their place as her permanent home. In another few months she would be part of a family. She glanced about the bedroom, looking at all her belongings she's collected over the years. This was her home, but at the same time it was just a place to sleep and rest. Castle made his house a home. They lived in it as a family and she had been warmly invited into that scene from the word go. She sighed, "Let's pack and go home." She stated.

It didn't take them long to gather clothes for the Hamptons and to briefly tidy up the apartment together. Kate packed a few more personal items before they left. They stopped by the local grocery store for supplies for dinner.

No one was home when they arrived. They unpacked the groceries, made hot drinks and sat on the couch in front of the television to watch the news. Kate sat close to Castle. She was more than happy when he drew her closer, his arm wrapping around her body. He rested her head on his shoulder staring at the news as Castle sank down the couch resting his head. Within minutes the two of them were sleeping, exhausted because of the last few days.

Alexis tapped her father's shoulder, and leaned into hug him her head close to his ear. She murmured, "Dad? It's seven o'clock and time to wake."

He moaned then whispered, "Baby bird. You're home already."

"It's dinner time." She smiled to his blue eyes and kissed his cheek. "Hi Dad."

"Okay. I guess its dinner time." He peered down to Kate who was stretched down the length of the couch her head resting on his thigh. "We'll let her sleep." He said and lifted her head with a hand and shifted his leg. Alexis placed a pillow beneath her head,

Alexis and her father progressed to the kitchen. The two of them fished through the fridge to collect what they needed as ingredients. By the time they were cutting vegetables Kate joined them at the kitchen asking if she could help out.

"Relax Kate. You can watch the Castle team prepare a meal." Richard replied passing Alexis a handful of chopped carrots.

Kate sat at the bar stool, watching and vivaciously laughing at the entertainment Alexis and her father provided during their dinner making routine.

Early the following morning Castle and Beckett were in the car, on their way to Montreal both of them wanting to be out of New York.

_Here are the questions for you to consider:_

_1. The obvious question is, do you want me to keep going? (There is more to this story and the person who wrote they want 10 more chapters, that's about what there is)._

_2. I know I've asked this before but, do they have a boy or girl? I have swayed one way for obvious reasons, but would really appreciate your opinions. I am at that point I really need to commit to a sex and stay with it. _

_2. Now you have the sex, pick a corresponding name please. A name/names you think they would choose. I am really stuck on this point and what I have written so far the baby is nameless and kind of sexless at the moment. I have no idea what to use._

_I think that its. Help me here readers. Love your feedback and I am going to come back to you with the results at the start of the next chapter (if you want me to continue that is!)_

_Thanks so much for reading this and yes, I am a feedback junkie This chapter however, I just need answers …. Keep going? Boy? Girl? Name? _


	41. Chapter 41

_Thank you to all the people who responded to my questions. Greatly assisted me with where to go with the story. Apologies for the lengthy time between chapters but needed the time to write it all up and have made it a lot further than here so the next chapters should be posted more frequently once again. Have also made a list of things readers have asked to be resolved and working through them. Thanks to my beta once again. He keeps me on track. This is I suppose a transitional chapter that is setting the story up to continue ….. I guess… _

**Chapter 41 - Montreal**

Plattsburgh was the town that Rick elected to be the place he would quit driving for the day. At Rick's suggestion, Kate found a motel and booked a room. Their trip had been completely slowed down.

Travelling with Kate being pregnant was a lot different to how it used to be. Their drive had been interrupted with breaks to use bathrooms, to eat and to just get out of the car and walk because Kate's back ached if she sat in the one place for too long and he regularly wanted to stretch his legs. They took the breaks in the trip as a positive and welcome thing. They weren't in a hurry to get anywhere for once in their lives. Their only real concern they faced was whether they were being followed.

On each occasion Kate requested a stop at the next service station or town, Rick did so with enthusiasm and a fresh sense of adventure. At one small town, they found a great sweet store with imported products. Rick excitedly bought several bags mixed sweets from England he just had to try which they had been consuming most of the day.

In another town they happened upon a second hand store in which he found an old book he'd been in search of for months. Kate bought a leather jacket she thought was a classic to wear with jeans.

They both went crazy at an ice cream store early afternoon. In the same town, they hunted through boutique baby store where Kate found a photo frame and a couple of smaller items. She paid extra for it to be mailed to the Martha at the loft.

At Plattsburgh, just outside of town, Rick pulled over, parked the car and waited to learn whether they had been tailed. He had searched all day for any tails on them and so had Kate, who would be the first of them to notice anything suspicious. She had a reliable radar for suspicious things, like a bloodhound's ability to pick up a scent. She hadn't noticed anything odd all day either but that hadn't stopped her from acting nervy, and she had been ever since the meeting with Bracken. It was easing off every day. But because he didn't trust Bracken, he sat and waited a good quarter of an hour.

Long before he had stopped, weariness had gotten the better of Kate. Gently rocked by the movement of the car in motion and listening to music, she had dozed off to sleep. While he waited, he left the music running and let her sleep.

After the wait was over and he was satisfied they were on their own, Rick drove on to the town, passing the sign of _Welcome to Plattsburgh, Clinton County, New York State_. He easily located the motel Kate had chosen and braked the Mercedes sedan into a car park near the reception office. He left the engine idling and waited a minute or so to see if any suspicious vehicles passed, slowed down or stopped close to them. He hated feeling uneasy that they risked being followed, and attacked by Bracken but he had to be realistic and accept that it was possible she was at risk of being hurt or worse. He just didn't want to have Kate's fears reinforced by his. She'd had enough psychological stress and he didn't want her physical health compromised as a result. Her doctor had expressed to Kate only days earlier that she needed to maintain her health.

She was still asleep and for several moments he stared at her face thinking about whether he would wake her up or leave her to sleep. He checked around them and sensing it was safe, he left Kate asleep in the car. He went to reception to check in to pay for the room and to collect the key card. The whole time he had a clear view of the car. He thought he was no longer than three minutes. By the time he returned to the Mercedes, Kate was awake and nursing a Glock in her lap, her hand resting over it. She clearly wasn't happy she had been left alone and vulnerable.

He got in the car. The look he copped from her said it all. She didn't need to say a word, but he replied to her expression, "It is okay, Kate. Nobody has followed us."

"You should have woken me." She replied matter of fact.

"No. You looked too cute to disturb!" He objected, grinned, then said seriously, "I waited to make sure no one followed us. I promise you I did," he stressed seeing her look that she didn't believe him. "While you were having your little nana nap, we were sitting stationary and hidden on the outskirts of town for fifteen maybe twenty minutes. I would have spotted a tail. No one is following us." He handed her the paperwork and key then gave the side of her face a caress seeing she accepted his response.

She inspected what he passed to her, "Which identification did you use?"

"Mr and Mrs Williams of course," he replied watching her face for a response expecting her to find humour. She just looked worried. That made him worry. "Hey," he said to get her attention and she looked at his eyes, "I don't trust Bracken either." He glanced down to the put the car into drive, then continued driving into the motel car park.

"Me neither," Kate eventually agreed, "I keep reminding myself that they have surveillance on him, a detail on him so if he even tries anything they will come down on him like a ton of bricks," Kate replied reassuring herself that Bracken was too busy keeping his head low at the moment. She returned her gun to her handbag, "Richard?"

_Christ, she called me Richard_. "Yes, Katharine?"

She gave him a look for calling her Katharine, then her expression softened but she firmly requested, "Please don't ever leave me like that again."

Rick glanced from the road to Kate, concerned by her request, "Honey, you were okay! I was right there. I could see you the whole time and I did maintain a vigil on you." His palm reassuringly rubbed her thigh over her black tights, and he smiled at the expression she gave him, "Yes, I called you Honey. You're my girlfriend."

"Fiancé, Baby." She corrected a naughty smile forming. She knew she had to lighten up.

Rick stroked his thumb over her dimple then dropped his hand, "Ok, smartass, what number car park have we been allocated?"

"Arr… " She checked the card. "Number twenty six. It's up further on your left." Kate pointed ahead. "It's right outside room 26 which is our room. But that's more than obvious I realise when I say that aloud."

"Hope so." He smiled at her comment, "You really are tired."

"Pregnancy brain." She explained, "I'm going with that excuse."

"You do that," Rick encouraged as he steered the car into the car space. He put the car into park and let the engine idle, "Go ahead inside, Kate. I will bring in our stuff."

She nodded and looked at him, "That stuff back there …."

"Seriously? Are you going back there?" He asked in disbelief.

"Yes, I am!"

"C'mon Kate, we talked about this. Isn't this just you being a little too paranoid?"

"Seriously, Castle." She took his hand that was back on her thigh and when he looked to her eyes she continued, "Please don't leave me like that again. Don't leave me alone." She kept hold of his hand.

He felt his stomach somersault in anxiety because her eyes and voice told him she was genuinely afraid she was going to be hurt or more likely assassinated. He opted to continue with the pretence that he was alright and wasn't sharing her worries they were going to come after her. It wasn't healthy for them to live like that. He thought a second then said, "Sweetie, I'm here."

"But you left me by myself, asleep."

He searched her face as his mind rapidly reassessed all the subtext in the words she had expressed for the past five or so minutes. He accepted she was afraid. So was he, but he couldn't let her know that otherwise she might be worse. He thanked God he had listened to Anna in his sessions, because he needed her help right now. He continued, "I'm really sorry and I won't leave you again. I promise. But you are safe. He won't come after you. We have too much information against him for him to take a risk to hurt you again." He glanced to the motel room, now predominantly wishing he had pushed to keep driving until they had at least crossed over the border. However, it was just on dusk, and they were weary.

"My point is you left me alone asleep in the car when you know I'm scared."

Rick sighed, took he hand, "I'm sorry. I will wake you up next time, alright?"

Kate nodded once, "Okay." She heard Rick instantly sigh with relief she was done, as she peered out the window at the row of rooms.

"I guess we're here for the night." Rick commented, "It looks nice."

"Tomorrow, prior to arriving at the Canadian border, I need confirmation from Sorenson that I will be able to legally carry my guns across the border." They were waiting for Sorenson to organise it with customs and to give them instructions as to the process they needed to follow. Kate carried two Glocks and her NYPD badge. Sorenson had already confirmed they could use either their true identity or their Williams identity to cross the border. Kate's NYPD badge would clear under either name if she needed to show it. By the time they reached the border, hopefully the guns would clear through customs too. They only needed Sorenson to finalise the paperwork.

"So we might have to take our time, huh?"

"That's right. I was hoping he would have sorted it out by now but he must have encountered a few issues."

"We can sleep in and wait for Sorenson's call." He glanced via his mirrors to ensure they still hadn't been followed.

"Katie, we will be safe here tonight." He reassured.

"I know, but I can't help feeling insecure. I can't look after myself like I could if I wasn't pregnant." She bit her lip. "He knows I'm alive. At least before he thought I was dead and wasn't' after me."

"I agree." He murmured. That was true. At least when Bracken believed she was dead she was safer. "He agreed to leave you alone. He knows the consequences if he tries anything. The conditions were made very clear to him."

"They were." Kate looked out the window at the room, then glanced over her shoulders to scan the car park. Not a car had moved since they had been sitting there. Rick turned off the ignition and the engine died.

"Castle?" She turned her gaze back to him.

"Mmm?"

"Now he knows we're alive and I still have twenty odd weeks in which I have to protect our baby and us."

There it was. She was worried about her inability to protect their baby. It was time for Rick to be security for Kate, to protect her. He squeezed her hand, "It worries me too, but we have to continue to live. Go inside and stay in there. I will be in there with you in a minute." H let go of her hand. She held her stare at his eyes a second or two then looked about her to gather her electronic toys into her handbag. With the gun in her hand, but concealed inside her handbag she got out the car. She walked normally to the door.

Rick maintained surveillance on the car park and Kate. There wasn't any movement of cars or people.

As he waited, he thought about the situation he was in. Kate was understandably feeling apprehensive but he wasn't going to permit her fears to get to him. She had every right to be feeling the way she did. Bracken's thugs had hurt her a lot and now it was known she was alive it placed more psychological pressure on her. Even if they had reached a survival agreement it didn't stop Bracken from breaching the agreement.

Rick could only guess at the sort of things she had suffered through which remained very real to her. He wasn't prepared to make her fears seem insignificant either by telling her that everything was okay and was going to remain so. It wasn't okay for her at all and probably wouldn't be for a long time. He couldn't guarantee Kate that their lives would be safe either. Nobody could. They had to rely on Bracken to adhere to his part of their agreement and for the FBI to do their job to ensue Bracken was adhering to the agreement. His job was to keep Kate calm and relaxed, take her back to Montreal to continue her sessions with her psychiatrist. Most importantly they had to let her grow the baby.

In two days, Kate had an appointment with Anna at which time he trusted she would talk candidly with the one person who knew everything that had happened in that damn warehouse. Anna had unity with Kate and had the ability to shift Kate's mind to think logically and sensibly. He figured there would be many trips to Montreal in the future, until the time when Kate would be able to manage her fear.

He saw Kate made it safely inside the room as expected. As soon as she pushed the door to, Rick popped the trunk and got out the car.

Inside the room, Kate discarded her handbag on the small table. With the gun in her hand, she peered through the window to ensure Rick was safe. He was unloading the trunk. She closed the vertical blinds then found the light switches and turned on the lights. She walked the entire room, inspected the bathroom for windows, then scanned the bedroom taking in her new environment. It was a spacious motel room and very comfortable. They only had one large window beside the front door that went from the floor to about six feet high and four foot wide. There was a large walk in robe on the opposite side of the bed. Within a minute, Rick followed her inside with their bags. He lowered them to the floor by the bed then returned to the car to collect his phone and lock the car.

Once he was inside, Kate locked the door and slid the security chain home. She laid her Glock on the table near her bag in a place either of them could quickly grab if they needed to. She placed her NYPD badge beside it.

At the Precinct two days earlier she had deliberately not given them back to Gates and she was sure Gates had intentionally forgotten to ask for their return.

She turned on the TV set then inspected the bathroom for a second time. There was a bath and the idea of soaking in hot water was very appealing. Her lower back was aching. She returned to the bed and sat on the end of it staring at her boots so far away. It was quickly becoming a long way down to her feet nowadays and she was barely half way. She looked over to Rick who was leaning on the TV unit watching her with a curious expression over his face. A smile spread over him when he saw she was embarrassed. He looked so handsome in his blue shirt and black jeans. She thought about the day he had carried her into the motel room near the beach, when they had been in such a needy state to make love. She still wanted him as much as she had then.

"You want to take your boots off, huh Beckett?"

She smiled shamefully and made a girlish noise, "Does this remind you of something?"

"Yeah, the day after you came to the loft. We were running from Maddox. We got to the motel room the next day. We couldn't get your boots off fast enough." He grinned. "They were fun times!"

"That bit certainly was." She agreed staring down at her black boots. She looked mischievously at Rick. She sobered. "Get my boots of Ricky! Let's see if we can do it better."

"Of course we can. It's always heaps better." He declared as he pulled off her right boot. He took the left one off, then placed them neatly side by side on the floor by the wardrobe recalling the number of time her shoes had been tossed carelessly over his shoulders.

"Thank you." She pushed off her tights and bundled them up then looked to Rick as he ran his palms up her bare thighs. She wasn't quite in the mood to make love yet as she needed to take the edge of her nerves. Waking up in the car alone had spooked her, "Shall we think about that later?"

Rick shrugged, leaned on the bed and pecked her lips, "I'm happy with later. Right now I'm going to have a beer and watch a little TV. Would you like a drink?" He asked and she declined his offer, as he searched the bar fridge. He grabbed a beer then sat on the end of the bed trying out the firmness of the mattress. They were in a nice motel room. He watched Kate in her red short dress, step to her suitcase to find a change of clothes. He knew she was going for the yoga pants and long top that she would wear to bed. She took off her dress and after he said her name she carried her clothes back to the bed. She stopped in front of him between his legs in her underwear, smiling. He kissed her belly.

"Twenty three weeks." He muttered.

"Almost twenty four, in three days. Its air sacs are beginning to develop in its lungs." She looked down at his eyes and stroked the sides of his head around his ears. "If it's a boy, I hope he looks like you, has your long eyelashes."

"Me, but with your square jaw?" He suggested.

"Yeah. If it's a girl," She sat on his right thigh her arm relaxing loosely over his shoulder, "Well, it could easily be a mixture of us. Your beautiful blue eyes, my lips, though yours are very cute." Her fingertips lightly touched his lips and he kissed them, causing her to grin.

"How about your square jaw, your temperament blended with mine, and my vivid imagination, your looks. A total tornado." He softly caressed her lower back.

"No! A total handful? If we have a girl like that it will be the end of my reproductive life." She sternly stated and lightly patted his shoulders. "I'm going for a bath. My back is aching."

"Have a bath and I will then rub your back."

"Please. It will go away." She touched the side of her tummy and smiled. "Can you feel that?"

Rick put both of his left palm to her tummy where she indicated and waited to feel what she did. "What's it doing?"

She closed her eyes momentarily focusing on what she was feeling, then opened them and said, "Well, as I don't know better, I will take a guess and say the baby has the hiccups. That's what it feels like to me." She dragged his right hand over her skin to where she thought he would feel it and stared into his eyes waiting to see whether he could. "It's kind of jumping. I can waste a lot of time waiting for it to move and do stuff. It's fascinating." She whispered and seconds after she saw his face light up. He had felt something. "I never tire of it."

"It's bonding with our child. I don't tire of it either. I love doing this with you. Seeing you changing every day, taking the photographs."

"Daily photographs."

He smiled at her glowing eyes. "Yes, daily photographs. Wait till you see what I do with that. I didn't share this with Meredith like you share it with me." He said as he waited for any movement. "It's different with you."

Kate grinned, "It different for me with you too. Like the other day when we put the headphones on my belly and played music. That was fun! We have to do that again, Castle. Our baby will love music."

"Will love music for sure," he replied, "as well as air guitar and laser guns…."

"… I love it when you read to us..."

"….. it will love reading, animals, learning and lots of things.." He stroked her thighs and closed his eyes enjoying her fingers massaging his head. It felt heavenly. He often wished to himself it had been Kate he'd met so long ago but as fate would have it she would have been too young.

" … running, playing…" she added.

"…. It will love you." Rick whispered and stared up at her face, "God, I wish you had been the mother to Alexis," he admitted under his breath.

"Castle." She replied with a tone that told him not to think of what could have been.

Realising what he'd said aloud, he sat up as his eyes shot open and he looked at her eyes, "I beg your pardon. I didn't mean to say that aloud." He cleared his throat. "I shouldn't have even thought that, leave alone said it."

She lifted away her fingers and rested her hands on his shoulders, gazing into his blue eyes, "Hush, Castle, you meant it as a compliment."

"Yes, to you it was, but at the same time it wasn't a respectful comment to make about my daughter's mother, Meredith. And I will shut up now," he said and zipped his mouth.

"It's okay. I do understand what you're saying." She assured, and continued once again to stroke his head, "You did a great job of raising Alexis. She got the best father a girl could ask for."

"I hope so. I may be a self centred jackass but I got it right with raising Alexis."

"You know what Castle?" She caressed his jaw with the fingertips of her right hand the brushed her thumb lightly over his lips.

"Go on." He encouraged and caught her fingers briefly between his lips.

She smiled at his behaviour, then said, "You have proven to me you are not as self-centred as people portray you to be. You have been nothing but giving and generous with me. You risked your reputation to save me, you put your life on hold to save me and then nursed me back to health to what you have now…"

"… Beckett, what a dismal example of my generosity, and charity," he replied with a laugh and pulled her closer to his body.

"Ohhh!" She cried out, "Castle! Be serious!"

"I am being serious!" He teased.

"No! You put me first all the time!" She stroked over his ear. "You take care of me so well."

"I take care of what I love." He replied.

"Unselfishly so."

He patted her hip playfully, "Okay. It's time for that bath you wanted and some rest, Kate. You're talking crazy shit that the Beckett I know doesn't do."

She laughed, "What?" She scoffed, then firmly gripped her fingers about his chin and strongly encouraged him look at her, "Hang on a second, Castle. I pay you a compliment and you don't take me seriously." She realised he wasn't willing to graciously accept he was charitable and was making a joke of it.

He took a gentle hold of her wrist and removed her hand from his jaw, "I know you," he replied, "And know when your mean it. Thank you."

"You're welcome and you should. You know me better than anyone else does." Kate smiled, "Ricky," she whispered, leaned over and kissed the side of his head. "You give to charities, you give things to people and you never talk about it or flaunt it to others. You are not self centred." She hugged his head and pressed her lips to his.

"Thank you." He murmured sincerely.

"I'm going to soak in the bath, Ricky. My Glock is over there." She pointed to the top of the unit.

His gaze followed her hand, saw the gun and returned to her beautiful face that caused him to smile, "You will be okay, my love. Go for your bath."

"My love." She purred back as she wriggled free of his embrace. She stepped back keeping her eyes connected to his, "If the tub is big enough will you join me?"

"It's big enough. I already checked," he replied but he knew Kate was going to have to check it out for herself. She disappeared into the bathroom. He waited and seconds after heard her squeak of joy.

"Oh, Castle." She summoned seductively. He heard the bath water start to run which immediately caused him to unbutton his shirt with one hand. He downed what was left of his beer. "Castle!" She sang.

"Coming." He carefully picked up the gun to place it closer to them in the bathroom, collected another beer from the fridge then joined Kate in the bathroom.

Their bags and cases were packed hard against the door by Kate before she went to bed. She also ensured the locks on the door and window were secured. She placed her gun within an arm's reach on the bedside table beside her fully charged phone. She had given Rick her spare Glock with an extra magazine which he left on his bedside table.

In bed and comfortably beneath the sheets, she was almost fully dressed. Castle found her on the right side of the bed on the door side when he came from the bathroom. He instantly began to insist she sleep on the left side of the bed, furthest away from the door, so he could protect her and their unborn baby with his own body. To prevent her picking up on his fear that someone would try to penetrate the room to kill her and to keep her calm, he lied. He suggested she sleep on the left side so she was closer to the bathroom for when she needed to get up during the night.

He stood at the side of the bed in his boxers and t-shirt waiting for Kate to migrate to the left side of the bed, "C'mon Kate, it's just for tonight. Tomorrow you will be in the apartment and you'll be close to the bathroom there."

She grunted in objection but wriggled over to the left side of the bed, "You're lying to me Castle. I know when you're lying. You really want me to be away from the door because you're worried about the same things I am." She said watching him get in bed.

"You have to challenge me on everything," he complained.

"Just tell me the truth. Tell me you're protecting me. I'm not a little girl. I can accept the truth."

"Until you get scared and want me to …..." he stopped deciding he wasn't going to say any more, "Just let me be on this side of the bed because I'm worried too," he finished. He laid on his back and stretched out his left arm. She wriggled in close to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Being scared is okay and different to lying to me about being so." She said matter of fact.

Castle sighed. She was so bloody head strong at times. "They're white lies so you don't get as scared. Shhh…" Rick soothed in her ear while she settled down against his body, "I only want to protect you."

"I have my guns," she stubbornly murmured.

"I know, but you can't shoot me now." He calmly replied.

"Try me, but I'm saying we have the guns with us."

"I know," He was amused by her sense of security because she had a gun. It also flashed through his mind how many times he'd seen his bunch of detectives lose their guns to criminals and spies over the years. He stayed quiet and kept it a thought. He reached out and turned off the lamp. Kate was quiet and relaxing to sleep. That was fine and she seemed to be falling into a state of drowsiness. However, about five minutes later, she moved her body.

"Castle?" Sounded in the darkness.

He heard the subtext in her tone of voice, "You're safe." He reassured.

She sighed, "I know. I'm being silly."

He stroked her forehead, "Sleep or at least pretend to, otherwise you will be subjected to me making love to you, again."

"Ha!"

He smiled at her robust response, "But then, with all the stuff you're dressed in, it will take me half an hour to get all the clothes off you."

"Uh huh, but you've mentioned in the past that you enjoy a lengthy foreplay." She snickered.

Castle laughed, "Yes, that I do."

"I know." She said and they fell silent for several minutes.

"Rick." She barely whispered and squeezed his body with her right arm that rested over him.

"Katie," he muttered, "you're worried someone is going to bust in here aren't you."

"Yes. They'll kill all of us. Alexis and Martha will lose you, because you were here with me."

He knew then she wasn't going to settle no matter how much consoling he did. Instead of trying to talk her out of being scared he decided to distract her mind. "Close your eyes, Kate. Breathe deeply and slowly for me." He commenced to tell her a story of a week in which he had taken Alexis on vacation in Florida, holding off on the significance of his choice of story until the very end. He often told Kate stories about Alexis because he wanted her to know his daughter when she was a child. She listened. She made noises and flexed parts of her body at times in response. He figured it was a combination of the deliberate softness of his voice, the comfort of his fingers continually stroking her head and the distraction of the story that had her become drowsy. He was also sure that the energy the baby zapped from her, leaving her almost exhausted on a daily basis finally had her drift to sleep.

All he did was lay awake until the night was day.

He stayed close to her the entire night. He listened for any strange sounds outside. Whenever she started to dream he gently caressed her lower back and talked softly to her about nothing. She'd fall back into a deep sleep and he continued to think about his latest story.

At dawn, he fell asleep no longer able to fight of his body's desire to rest.

The door was closed with a hard shove. The sound of it connecting to the frame caused Kate to turn about with a look on her face that didn't need even a single supporting word. Rick maintained a similar expression.

Frustrating was a fitting word for how he felt about Kate's behaviour today.

He was growing weary of the continual anxiety she exhibited. It was tiring to always be looking over his shoulder because she was. If she kept it up, she would mentally self-combust, particularly if she continued to behave as she presently did. The entire journey from Plattsburgh to Montreal had been trying on them. He was impatient from lack of sleep and her mood was a lot darker than last night. She'd been on edge since she'd woken.

Rick locked the door then followed Kate into the lounge room of the apartment carrying the groceries they had bought in the outskirts of the city.

The Glock was in her hand and it had been concealed but within her reach for most of the morning. She was prepared to use it if there was any threat to her life. Her brown leather handbag was lifted from her shoulder to the stool where she normally left it but she kept hold of the Glock. She searched the entire apartment to ensure it was safe and returned to the living room within a minute.

Crossing the border into Canada, Rick had been worried Kate would be picked out for looking nervous but the customs officers had been run off their feet with high a high volume of people wishing to cross the border. Customs had hardly blinked in their direction, which had enabled them to pass by customs virtually unnoticed. The paperwork had been ready for them and the guns had been processed without any problems.

"I think you can put your gun down now. You're back in Montreal, inside the apartment and safe," Rick said in French, finding he was actually brave enough to say it as he passed by her on his way to the fridge. He ignored the narrowing of her eyes and held her stare until his neck was too uncomfortable to twist any further. He noted his French must have been correct as he received the same reaction he would have if he'd said it in English. After he turned away to see what he was doing, he listened for Kate to place her Glock on the kitchen counter top. She rested the gun on the counter as he took a beer from his six pack.

Kate remained unusually silent, but coldly stared him down as she walked toward the hallway leading to their bedroom. She was very aware he was impatient today with her mood and behaviour but she didn't understand why. They were spoiling for an argument. The air between them was static just like the atmosphere before a summer lightning storm. To prevent a fight, she pulled her suitcase along behind her to unpack the clothes. Rick needed space for awhile and she wanted time alone. She was aware he watched her leave the living room. She knew he understood to a certain point why she was fearful and acting edgy. She actually concealed quite successfully from Rick, the terror within her that anyone on the street could be the individual to assassinate her and their baby. That emotion was almost out of her control. For some reason, the apartment was a safe haven for her. It was a difficult place to access without security cards and she had her guns. She lifted the case onto the bed and opened it up to unpack.

With the beer in the fridge, Rick opened the bottle he'd put aside and took a couple of mouthfuls. He decided he would leave Kate be for little while. He took another mouthful of his drink. Canadian beer was good. He had a bit of a taste for it nowadays. He planned to drink his beer while he put away the groceries and then he was going to have a second one in the lounge. Hopefully, he would be able to relax and take a sleep. Having been up all night and with only a couple of hours of sleep at dawn, he was feeling irritable. If he wrote all night, he slept most of the day. A couple of hours of sleep wasn't enough. It was therefore inevitable that Kate's prolonged anxiety was taking its toll on his patience and was also worrying him that they really weren't safe.

He had to only keep her reasonably calm in the apartment over night. The prolonged psychological trauma would ultimately have an impact on her physiologically. That in turn might have a detrimental effect on the baby which is something they didn't want.

Tomorrow the appointments with Anna resumed and she was the one person who was able to bring back regular Kate. They had to ease Kate's mind that she was going to safe. The meeting and resolution to the long outstanding battle with Bracken had brought up many issues in Kate's mind. Before they became too big she needed to nip them in the bud. He knew she was fearful of the baby being injured or killed if she was harmed which he thoroughly understood and also fretted over, but he also wondered why she wasn't, in the least, trusting Bracken's word. She didn't have faith in the surveillance team either that were watching him. He hoped that having returned her to where she felt safe would help her relax so she could think these things out and keep the baby safe.

The trip back to New York had been way too premature for Kate. She had coped extremely well but he could see the fall out of it now. It was a sure thing Anna would recognise Kate had regressed. Rick saw her set back as a positive, a good test of Anna's therapy. Now they were back in Montreal, Kate would be able to refocus on recovery. The setbacks backward in her state of mind, could be addressed and utilised to further progress her healing

Today, he doubted he would persuade her to leave the apartment for fresh air. He wasn't going to push her to leave what he knew was her place of security. Today he would ease up, but he wouldn't give up on her, would never give up on her. He just wasn't willing to push her outside her comfort zone. She needed time to rest and given a day or so she would be more confident.

He quietly unpacked the groceries and put them away.

It was a least ten minutes later he made a decision to check on Kate because he was worried about her. He found her in their bed with her eyes closed as though she was already asleep. It caused his heart to sink a little in disappointment, but more so sympathy that she was so scared. All the work and intense efforts she had put in to recover had been compromised by the meeting with Bracken. The stress of potentially being attacked was really paying its toll on her. He needed to lighten up with her and how she was behaving. Nobody but Kate knew what she had experienced nor could they really understand why she was afraid it wasn't over.

Quietly he approached the bed and sat on the edge of it facing her. He combed his fingers softly through her hair against her scalp. She opened her eyes, blinked several times. He kind of smiled at her, his eyes focusing on her long eyelashes. The skin surrounding her eyes was dark today. She stared at him and didn't speak a word.

"Are you okay?" He inquired on his third comb of her hair pushing the loose strands off her face. He saw her nod so he continued, quietly, "Look, I know you're scared, but somehow you are going to have to put one foot in front of the other and continue on with your life." He brushed his thumb lightly over her lips when she attempted to object. "Hush, just listen to me," he whispered patiently, "I've brought you back here so you can feel safer, so you can continue your treatment with Anna. I want you to live, Honey. You got closure with Bracken, and it's time for you to accept it as that."

"But .."

"Shhhh …" He furrowed his brow, which caused Kate to look impatiently at him, "What?"

"What if he does send someone after me?"

"Do you trust William and Jordan to protect you?"

"Yes, well kind of." She blinked, then ran her hand through her hair as she rolled to her back staring up at Rick with a neutral expression, "Nowhere is safe, Rick."

"Here is safe." He touched the side of her neck.

"I wish I could forget it all, for it to be like it was for us before it happened."

"Me too, but it's a part of us now."

"It's with me every day, Rick, no matter how much I try to push it down." She took his hand, "and now he knows I'm alive and could have me killed".

Rick's heart twisted in his chest. He wanted to take her far away. Instead, he put up a brave front and squeezed her hand, "You're tired, so rest. I will be right out there." He gritted his teeth and reluctantly continued to toughen her up, "When you wake up, I want back Kate Beckett. We can stay here until the middle of May. If we need more time, we will lease an apartment. The baby is due …"

"The first week of July." She filled in, "I just need to get this baby out of me alive, Rick."

"And you will have that, I promise."

"Don't promise me something you cannot guarantee."

"Kate. Everyone has done all they can, and they still are doing it to ensure you remain safe." He rubbed over her shoulder and the side of her body with his palm. "Have a sleep. When you wake up we'll have dinner."

She closed her eyes, dismissing him, "I'll be okay," she murmured, "I always am," she reassured knowing it would ease his mind. She queried to herself why everyone expected her to instantly bounce back when she was scared out of her mind nearly every minute of every day.

He smiled, leaned over and kissed the side of her head, "That is why I love you," he said and stood off the bed. He tidied the blankets over her body and pulled the door to on his way out.

She listened to him wishing she had the ability to simply get up and live as Rick suggested. No one considered she was up against a man who had the resources to pay others to discreetly do jobs for him.

"Castle?"

Rick stopped in the hallway and waited a second, "Yeah?"

"You will have Kate Beckett back."

"I know." He replied and smiled at her determination to move forward.

"Maybe not today."

"Will you just tell her I miss her?"

Kate smiled, "Tell her yourself."


	42. Chapter 42

_Ok, this is the chapter that puts closure on the stuff going on in Montreal. Its long and I apologise for that but I stuffed everything in that people wanted closure on, plus a few things I needed to put an end to as the writer. It allows me to roll on with the good part of the story now. Yes, I am well into the baby part and loving it. After this chapter the story changes direction. Yay! We are through the recovery after this. _

**Chapter 42**

The appointment with the psychiatrist was at 10.30 the next morning.

Kate was out of bed by eight. She showered, dressed and dried her hair before Rick had even thought about waking. A cereal breakfast was gradually eaten on the couch. Most of the time Kate stared vacantly at the morning program as she mentally rehearsed how she was going to travel to and from the city via public transport for the appointment. It was travelling and walking amongst crowds that unnerved her the most but she had to learn to cope with it.

After she finished breakfast, she switched on the coffee for Rick hoping the waft of a fresh brew would arouse Rick from sleep as it usually did. She made herself a weak mug of coffee then sat back on the couch to wait. She was savouring the taste of the coffee when she began to hear the usual sounds of her writer boy getting out of bed.

Within a couple of minutes, in his dressing gown, he shuffled in his slippers from the bedroom to the back of the couch he leaned on behind Kate. He grunted about the news on the TV. Shootings in the USA. He stroked her hair then kissed the top of her head. "Good morning."

"Morning."

"You smell delicious. Come back to bed with me." He cooed his fingers lightly teasing the skin of her neck.

"We have to leave soon, Castle. You slept in too long." She tilted her head to the left toward him as his cheek pressed to hers. "You're so warm." She said.

"Of course I am. You made me coffee?" He snuggled his face briefly into to her neck, taking in a deep breath of her scent as she replied in the affirmative. Then he was gone.

Kate listened to him pour his first coffee for the morning before he shuffled back to the bedroom to shower. She continued to wait on the couch for Rick to be ready, silently psyching herself to be prepared to walk out the door.

She took her Glock from its holster countless times, checked and rechecked it, ensured it was fully loaded with a round in the chamber and ready to use if she needed to. The gun, a spare magazine and her NYPD badge were in her bag.

It was too soon since she had confronted Bracken at the Precinct. She wasn't ready to be brave but she had to force herself to go outside, to move on. _One foot in front of the other_, she chanted to herself. That's all she had to do, as Rick had pointed out the day before.

When it was time for them to leave, Kate stood near the front door, patiently waiting for Rick. She held a neutral expression and whilst she waited, she concentrated on breathing evenly, maintaining a calm demeanour and always internally chanted to remain in control.

After Rick collected his wallet, phone, laptop bag and keys he met Kate by the entrance. He smiled. "You're here already." he noted and took his tan leather jacket from the coat rack and laid it over the bag.

"Yep, I'm here. You ready?" She touched his jaw, felt and looked at his two day stubble, then leaned forward and gave him a good morning kiss.

"I'm ready." He said as his eyes keenly scanned her from head to toe, "You certainly look ready." He stated but noticed her jaw was tense, very square. All the signs indicated she was moderately anxious about leaving the apartment. He ignored it because he could see she was pretending to be full of confidence. He went in for another kiss, a sweet distraction for her anxiety, "You look lovely today, Kate, and your smell…making my chest hum." He felt her fingers respond. She loved being pampered to.

"Thank you." She smiled and stepped a little closer to him. Taking a hold of the collar of his shirt. she said with her best bedroom voice, "Your eyes are very blue today, Ricky." She bit her bottom lip then gave him back the kiss. "I love it when your eyes are bright blue. It means you want me."

"That I do," he touched her hair, smiled, "please hold that thought for later," he requested, and dangled his car keys from his left index finger. "Would you prefer we drive to Anna's? We can park beneath her building."

Kate stepped back, breathed a sigh of relief, then almost bounced with excitement because she didn't have to mix with the population by using public transport, "Yes. Yes! Let's drive there," she encouraged and reached her coat. "I would love for you to drive me there, Castle." She turned, as Rick held the coat open for her to put her arms in.

He chuckled in amusement, "I thought as much." He adjusted the coat on her shoulders before she turned to face him. He pulled her closer to him via her coat. "Does that make you happy?"

"It does." She murmured and kissed him firmly on his mouth in a manner that told him to think about what they might be doing later that day. She heard the groan of approval that he'd clearly received her message. She stood down breaking the kiss. "Thank you."

"Always." He held the door open then swiftly followed her out of the apartment so she wasn't alone in the hall. Once the door was locked, he took her hand and as her partner and protector he walked Kate to the underground garage. He utilised his larger frame to shield her slender body from the general direction he anticipated an attack would come from. His sharpened male instincts kept him alert. He only relaxed when she was in the car and he had closed the car door.

They arrived at the office suite of medical offices about half hour later. Rick released Kate's hand as they entered the reception area. The receptionist smiled and greeted them in English when she recognised who had arrived. She phoned the psychiatrist to let her know Kate was in the office.

Not a minute later Anna came from her office wearing an enormous grin. The greeting Kate and Anna shared was similar to seeing two close friends reunite after months of being apart. It wasn't anything like the formal greeting between a psychiatrist and a patient should have been that was for sure.

Rick observed the two women joyously hug each other with genuine and mutual affection best friends had. It was an odd relationship the women shared. Kate openly spoke with Anna as her psychiatrist and had progressed at an outstanding rate. A long time ago, they had broken through the barrier of the traditional doctor patient relationship to become close friends. Anna had even suggested at one stage, Kate be referred to another psychiatrist so their personal friendship could develop but Kate had strongly opposed such an idea as being ludicrous. Anna had never brought it up again.

Their busy conversation was automatically occurring in French. Rick missed most of what they said as they spoke too quickly for him to translate to English. He couldn't think in French as Kate was able to. She was exceptional at comprehending languages and consequently hilarious when she mimicked people and their accents. She spoke like she had spent years in Montreal. Her dialect was excellent.

In less than two minutes, the topics covered health, baby, pregnancy, weather, but he didn't pick up the details. He briefly interrupted them to tell Kate to call or text him when she was finished and he would come back up to get her. He left the office suite for his usual coffee shop. He had his laptop and phone and was prepared to get in a good hour of writing before he would stop to buy Kate lunch.

Inside the office and alone with Anna, Kate explained in great detail what had occurred in New York City with the Senator. She also listed the basic conditions upon which the truce between them had been struck. She sat cross legged, facing Anna who shared the couch, the two of them physically close. Beckett shared her most intimate thoughts with the psychiatrist, living without any fear that they would come back to bite her.

In detail she repeated to Anna what the Senator had said about the scar on her forehead and Rick being the father of her baby. They were things she had been unwilling to discuss with anyone until now. She also mentioned how she had felt the night at the motel.

"You're more afraid than before you left for New York." Anna concluded after Kate had finished listing off what Bracken and she had agreed to settle on. "I thought finalising it with the Senator would have assisted you to be more at peace."

"So did I," Kate agreed, "But since I sat face to face with him to resolve our issues, it feels more real to me, more confronting. I tried to hide I was pregnant but all the time he was making it clear he knew. He made me feel…" She looked down at the swell of her unborn child.

"Vulnerable?"

"Yes, extremely so and also threatened. He knows that by being pregnant, I cannot physically defend myself. I fear he will use it against me." She looked into Anna's blue eyes then glanced about the room before she returned to Anna and said matter of fact, "I just have to make it through a further sixteen or so weeks, and then my baby will be born and safe and I will be better able to defend myself. If I am harmed now, it has only a small chance of survival without me. I'm quite determined to make it safely to its due date."

"I know you are." Anna replied. As the months had passed, Anna noticed that Kate was increasingly protective of her unborn child. "Does the FBI still have surveillance on Senator Bracken?" The biggest hurdle Anna faced was persuading Kate that Bracken was not an imminent threat to the baby. She felt that would be almost impossible to accomplish. It wasn't a sure thing Bracken would leave her in peace.

"They have surveillance on him." Kate confirmed.

"Who knows you are in Montreal?"

"Umm… my Captain, my team, two FBI agents, my best friend, Rick's family, my Dad, you and my obstetrician." She took a breath, "Perhaps a few others. It wouldn't be hard to locate us."

"I agree. To sum it up, you believe Bracken remains a real threat and you feel vulnerable because you are pregnant?" Anna queried.

"That's it. Bracken."

Anna thought a moment. She was in a bit of a dilemma as to how to coach Kate to cope with her worries of Bracken being alive. It wasn't easy to determine which way to go. Anna walked a fine line of maintaining Kate's trust. She wanted Kate to know she appreciated the magnitude of Kate's fears but also wanted her to feel confident that those problems could be resolved if Kate was willing to work with Anna. The process itself was easy, but the weight of the fears Kate carried were enormous.

Anna's job was made easier because Kate wanted to overcome her fears. Kate openly stated she disliked being afraid. Being a detective, she also had a high tolerance level to stress, which enabled her to think quickly and calmly under pressure on the job. She was in effect conditioned by her career to combat fear and manage it regardless of the circumstances. The upside to that in Anna's experience was if she gave Kate the right tools and logical information in conjunction with a bit a nudge she usually responded positively in leaps and bounds.

"I understand. We can solve this Kate, but we need time and patience to overcome those fears of being vulnerable. You're still coming down emotionally from being face to face with Bracken and coming to terms with that experience. We have a lot to work through but we can do it." In light of all those issues, Anna had to teach Kate to cope with the fear and how to manage the anxiety and associated reactions. It wouldn't occur in a day or even a week. However, Anna knowing Kate as well as she did, expected that Kate would finish this session with more confidence than compared to when she had started it.

"I'll do it. I just need to stop feeling scared, Anna." Kate concluded, "Which all sounds very simple when said aloud."

"Yes it does, but we know it's not easy. We need to turn that fear into a strength you can own, Kate. Look at what you did in New York. You were empowered, were you not, when you were face to face with Senator Bracken?"

"Yes, I felt strong and in control when I was in the room with him."

"Then I want you to remember how that felt. Will you try that? Will you close your eyes and think back to how you felt when you entered the interrogation room." She saw Kate close her eyes. "Good. Breathe deeply and remember you're just revisiting the scene." She waited a few seconds for Kate to take herself mentally back to the interrogation room, "I would like you to share with me what you felt and thought." She requested. Moments later, Kate sat up taller and pushed her shoulders back, "What are you feeling?" Anna asked.

Kate face relaxed and she tilted it back a little, "I'm strong, I have the power, the control. I can win this negotiation. I need to do it alone so Rick has left me and he's gone into the observation box to support me from there. I can see Bracken through the window. I remind myself that Bracken is just a man in a suit who has never directly hurt me. He has never laid a finger on me."

Anna knotted her forehead, a little surprised by Kate's comment that Bracken hadn't hurt her, but she let it go and allowed Kate to continue. She had to agree, Bracken hadn't actually directly harmed her, after all. Indirectly, he'd done more than enough.

"The boys, my boys, are all in the next room. They are keeping me safe. I walk in the room. I feel confident because Bracken is worried. He has been perspiring. I can smell his sweat in the room."

"And when you are discussing the conditions of your agreement, what are you feeling?"

"Control, I have control of the situation. I have him under my control."

"Why do you have the control?"

"Because the evidence we have against him has been shown to him. I have my statement. We have the connection between him and the Russians. I only need to sign my statement and he would be charged."

"Did you sign it?"

"Yes. I did that night. It's sealed."

"Are you still in the room?"

"Yes."

"It's over. You have reached agreement."

"Yes. He's agreed to leave me alone and I have agreed to seal the evidence."

"How do you feel when you leave the meeting?"

"Strong, superior, relieved, overwhelmed and so tired."

"Strong, superior and relieved." Anna repeated, "Remember those emotions, will you? Let yourself feel them again."

"Okay." Kate replied and smiled. After a while she opened her eyes and looked at her psychiatrist. She did feel empowered by the image that had passed slowly and clearly through her mind. It was like a movie she often envisaged. Bracken was her target, he was in the sights of her Glock and she had her finger lightly against the trigger. She always pulled the trigger in her imagination. One day it was going to come true. She knew to the core of her soul she was going to terminate Bracken's life.

For almost five minutes Kate Beckett stood at the entrance to the café observing the writer, Richard Castle. She watched him with great fondness, her heart aching to be nearer to him, her eyes glowing in response to the little quirky things he did at the table. He was in a world of his own busy writing his latest novel. He was quite captivated by his writing and was clearly amusing himself. He chuckled on several occasions, turned serious then laughed aloud seconds later as he touch typed more. His eyes brightened with laughter. Then for awhile he was serious as he read over what he'd typed. His left hand unconsciously scratched his whiskers. She could see from where she stood that he was developing a rash on his neck where he kept scratching. He eyes dulled over with his increase in concentration.

It was a total mystery to Kate that they were together but more so how tight they existed as a couple. They didn't tire of each other. Rick never seemed to question their relationship. To Kate, he behaved as if he had total faith in their partnership. She wondered whether he was secure that she was fully committed to them.

She lowered her eyes to her baby bump, wondering what kind of child they would have. Would it have that insanely creative mind its father had, or would it be logical and analytical like Alexis and herself? With the high amount of movement she felt from it, she had a strong feeling their child was going to be like its father. Was it impatient to begin its life out of her? Did it want to fill its inquisitive mind with adventures and knowledge as its father did? She lifted her gaze back at Rick, taking a moment to really look at him. He was her life and she couldn't bear the thought of not being with him. She took a deep breath and stepped forward no longer able to stay away from him.

"Castle?"

"Huh?" Rick's eyes shot up to see Kate stood at the side of the table. She smiled at him. In her denim dress and brown suede boots she was gorgeous. She had an odd expression on her face. He sat up, looked about, glanced absently to his watch and wiped his face like he'd just been woken. "What are you doing here?" He asked in surprise.

"Looking for you."

"You didn't call me." He furrowed his brow.

"I knew you would be here." She said and altered her smile a little.

Rick observed she appeared to be far more relaxed and confident than she had been approximately two hours earlier when he had left her upstairs. He glanced about their surroundings. Whenever he concentrated on writing and shut out the world, it was literally like being woken from a dream when he was interrupted, "What time is it?"

"Almost twelve thirty. Are you alright? You look a little stunned." She commented and glanced about the café.

"Yeah, I'm good. I was just into my writing and forgot about everything."

"Uh huh. You missed my text."

"Did I?" He picked up his iPhone, checked it and returned it to the table. His attention returned to Kate, "Yep, I did. I'm sorry. I was totally engrossed in brutally killing off one of your ex-boyfriends." He grinned boyishly.

"Ha!" She too grinned in disbelief he was so intent on doing such a thing, "Which one this time?"

"Not telling. I want it to be a surprise." He replied in a tone of torment to stir her up, well aware she was impatient to know what he was writing and about whom. He cleared his throat and smiled devilishly at her eyes. To follow up his teasing, he inquired, "Where would be the fun in telling you?"

"One by one, huh? They're all being wiped out." She sat on the bench seat opposite him and leaned over the table toward him, glancing at the back of his laptop. "Who is it?" She asked, her tone telling Rick he'd better tell her, or else.

He wasn't threatened in the slightest by her pushiness. He gazed at her bright eyes were greener than their usual hazel, "Oh, I can't tell you. Once you beta it, I'm sure you will work it out." By the colour of her eyes he knew, she was in that lighter mood he hadn't seen much of recently. He was happy she was more her usual self.

"You're bad," she murmured, "And jealous."

"What? I kill off my ex-girlfriends all the time in my books," he paused realising his poor choice of words, "I mean sometimes … infrequently. I don't have that many ex-girlfriends."

She sat up and unconsciously tilted her head a little to the left, "Relax, Castle, I know what you mean."

"Do you? Well, that's good." He didn't bother concealing his relief that she understood, or did he hide the fact he thought she was adorable when she did that thing with her head. Rick's heart palpated in response and he felt a surge of love in his chest. He smiled, his mind full of thoughts and memories of her. Every time without fail, when she displayed that amused expression, sounded that tone of understanding, and tilted her head he experienced the same feelings and physical reactions. He was like putty in her hands over the simplest of gestures. And she knew he was.

"I'll find out soon enough." She commented with confidence. She lost interest in his story and scanned all the fresh sandwiches behind the glass, along with the containers of yoghurt and fruit, "Shall we eat lunch here?"

"Sure! This cafe always has nice meals." He hit save on his work again, then pushed aside his laptop so he wasn't distracted by his writing. He took a moment to study his fiancé's face. He couldn't help but smile when he thought about how much he loved her. She looked really good. She was usually tired when she came out of therapy but today she was refreshed and far more confident than earlier. He wanted to ask what had brought about the change in her mood but he'd always promised her he wouldn't pry in to what went on during her therapy, "Anna was excited to see you," he acknowledged instead, "As you were her." He trusted that Anna was successfully improving Kate's welfare and it was evidenced in her now.

"Mmm… she was." Kate smiled, thinking about how happy she had been to see Anna, "It was really good to see her." She looked to her left hand specifically to the engagement ring she wore all the time, then to Rick's eyes and momentarily bit her bottom lip.

"What's up?" He asked taking her left hand that reached to his.

"I'm sorry for being difficult these past few days about Bracken. I will manage it better."

He waved his left hand and squinted momentarily, "Forget it. I get you. Your primordial instincts need to protect the baby from any risk, no matter what, and even knowing a little of what you went through in the beginning, I do understand your reaction." He rubbed his thumb lightly over her hand. "I have the same instinct to protect you and the baby but I have to control it," He explained to her, "otherwise it would consume me. I would like to lock you away in a safe place, but I can't. You have to be free to live. Do you understand?"

Kate nodded, squeezed his fingers she had hold of. "Yes, but I need to keep a grip on reality and trust that we will be left alone." She replied and looked about them. She couldn't tell him she believed that every human being that passed by her was a potential danger. She just had to control it and conceal it from him. If he felt relaxed and reassured her things were all right, she in turn felt more relaxed.

"We'll be okay, Kate." He glanced up to the waitress who had regularly refreshed his coffee for the past couple of hours and had once again approached the table. He smiled to her. "May we order lunch please?"

"Sure."

"You order, Kate." Rick said as he pulled his laptop back to turn it off. He slipped it inside his bag as he ordered a chicken salad.

They ate lunch, not in any hurry to leave. They needed to be at the obstetrician's office for Kate's routine appointment. She had missed an appointment when they had been in New York, so they had not received the report from the last ultra sound.

Sitting in the waiting room with at least a dozen pregnant women was entertaining and stimulating Rick's imagination. He quietly gazed about the room acting as though he was lost in his own thoughts when really he was creating numerous stories about each of the individuals present in the room. There were two other guys waiting with their partners. He figured as it was a week day, the absentee fathers would be at work. The women were at various stages of pregnancy. A few of them looked like they were going to give birth at any minute and a couple he wouldn't have even guessed they were. A couple of mother's had young kids with them. One mother was having a hell of a time with her two year old daughter. Rick kind of thought it was funny. Kate wasn't so amused. He got the vibe off Kate she wasn't going to tolerate the sort of behaviour the toddler was showing.

Kate who was in her twenty fourth week of gestation, had her mini-iPad out and was playing about in a pregnancy application he saw her use every day. She had a journal page up on the screen and was tapping stuff into it. She had taken a photo of them in the waiting room and had it saved in a corner of the screen. Rick periodically peered over her shoulder to read the information on the screen, primarily to mess with her. He scanned it in a matter of seconds, just before she waved a hand through the air to slap him away.

"Castle." She warned under her breath, the third time just tolerating his boyish behaviour. She then continued feeding in data.

Rick smirked. No she would never tolerate the two year olds tantrum. "You really are having a text book pregnancy, Beckett." He said quietly so no one else in the waiting room heard their conversation.

She smiled, put down the ipad to rest on her lap, "Yeah, I am. It has been easy, thank God."

"Five and half months. Can you believe it?"

"I can. Seems like it's taking forever to be born."

"When do you go back to Anna?"

"Thursday at eleven. She knows we like to sleep in."

"Thank God."

"She's very good at her job, Rick." Kate quietly commented so that only he heard. She leaned her body against his shoulder. "She has this way of making me think with clarity."

"Oh, I know that, Kate. She's the best."

She looked about the room at all the women, particularly the woman with the troublesome kid. She then looked into Rick's eyes, and quietly said, "But sitting here with all these pregnant women is a little unnerving for Detective Kate Beckett." She placed heavy emphasis on her name. "Reality check." She added with a high but quiet voice then sniggered.

Rick laughed, taking a snug hold of her knee, "I know! Who would have thought writer boy would get the Detective knocked up, right?"

"Castle!" She hissed playfully.

"And now this. One pregnant woman is good, but in high numbers it's …"

"Overwhelming." Kate giggled, hiding her laughter behind her iPad. She shot him a naughty look, and whispered, "I thought it was just me getting nervous about having the baby."

"No, no, this is a little …."

"It's scary… I need to book into prenatal classes. This has suddenly become very real." She hid her face against his shoulder unable to hold back the silly laughter, brought on more by Rick's facial expressions. "Stop it." She ordered but it only prompted him to laugh more.

"Prenatal classes. Good Lord, Kate! We won't stop laughing." He chuckled trying to imagine her practising the act of being in labour. It simply wasn't Kate to pretend to act out such an event.

"Here is the doctor." Kate said as she saw her doctor appear at the hallway entrance. She sat up and put away her iPad. The doctor's scan of the waiting room found Kate and beckoned her to follow. They caught up with the doctor along the hall leading to her room.

"It has been awhile since we last saw you," Sarah said as she sat at her desk. She observed the couple appeared quite chirpy, as she opened the report on her computer of Kate's last ultrasound and shifted the monitor so they could see.

"It's been a couple of weeks." Kate agreed.

"How have you been?"

"Really good! Nothing to report but a lot of movement from the baby. It's constantly on the go once I stop." Kate said, feeling the baby was being its typical self now she was seated again.

"That's good. All was fine with the ultra sound and your last test results. The baby is growing and when the ultra sound was done it was twenty nine centimetres long and about 550 grams. Which for you …."

"We understand." Kate cut in, "We don't need the metric to be converted to imperial. It's easier to understand in metric, especially up here." She explained. The technician had already told them the baby was growing perfectly when she'd sat through the ultra sound.

"Swell, makes it easier for me not having to convert it. It probably weighs over six hundred grams by now and will be longer."

Kate grinned quite proudly because she knew for a fact it was growing, "Oh yeah. It's getting bigger."

"Let's measure and take your vitals."

Rick sat back to oversee the measuring tape go around her belly. She had expanded over four centimetres in nearly two weeks. Her blood pressure was within normal ranges and her blood sugar was good considering she had just finished lunch. They were out the door and on their way to the apartment within another few minutes. Both of them were way beyond pleased that Kate was having a problem free pregnancy.

That afternoon while Rick locked himself in the study to finish off killing whatever ex-boyfriend of hers was on his hit list, Kate worked on her own secret mission. She had been constantly combing any newspapers, websites and forums, restricting her search to within the region between Montreal and the Hamptons in search of Rick's very belated and surprise birthday present. She had bought him a small gift for the day, and had informed him that she hadn't been able to find what she specifically wanted for him. She had promised him she would find it eventually. Ryan had assisted her with one decision of many and now she just needed to find the right place to purchase what Rick had wanted for a very long time.

Today, she was finally having more luck. Five minutes ago she had been alerted on her phone that a new advertisement had been posted on a specific website selling exactly what she was after. The second after she read the details on her laptop, Kate reached for her phone. She listened to ensure Rick was securely locked away in the study then tapped out a number.

Within three rings a woman, answered the phone sounding English Canadian.

Kate went with the English and said, "Hello, my name is Kate. I'm calling about the advertisement."

"My word, that was fast! I only put it up not even ten minutes ago."

"I've been searching for a while." Kate said. She put her laptop to her side and stood. She quickly paced to the front door, listening to the woman described what she had for sale, to check the study door was closed. Yep! She was good to talk. She turned and walked to the kitchen answering the questions the woman asked of her. Kate took a drink from the fridge. She leaned against the kitchen counter, asked the woman what she wanted to know and continued a conversation with her for about five more minutes.

"Oh its sounds perfect. Will they be ready by say middle of May?" Kate asked. She stopped leaning and turned about to face the kitchen counter, running her fingers along the edge of the counter, hoping middle of May was good.

"You're in luck. You have first pick and can you come to my house on May 15?" Kate excitedly pumped a fist in the air and did a little dance. Finally.

"Yes. That sounds perfect." She almost replied too excitedly. "I will transfer the money to your bank account. Would you text me the details please? I will transfer the money overnight. Kate will be my reference."

"Yes. I have your cell number here. I will text you shortly. Text me your details so I have your full name and contact details. When I have received the money, I will text you a message."

"Thank you. Thanks a lot." Kate said then ended the call. She squealed with joy once she disconnected. She had finally found the present for Rick. She knew he would love it. Now she just had to make sure they left the apartment for home on May 15. She couldn't wait to leave for home now. She pumped the air excitedly, "Good planning, Kate!"

"What's the cheer for, Beckett?" Rick asked, appearing from nowhere. Kate nearly jumped out of her skin with surprise. She wiped the grin.

"Nothing, Castle. I thought you were busy killing off Josh." She replied and had a drink.

"It's not Josh." He replied near her ear as he passed by her going to the fridge. He checked her out in her short dress, her bare legs. "Sexy."

Kate's eyes followed him to the fridge as she deliberately undressed him visually, her face hiding nothing at all about what she wanted to do with him. He saw all of it.

"Tease." He replied and opened the fridge. He located a bottle of water and untwisted the lid.

"Castle, do you feel like going and getting a hot dog?"

He chuckled, "Seriously?" He glanced to the time. "I really have to get this chapter done for you to review tonight."

"Tomorrow then. Promise me you will take me tomorrow."

"I will take you tomorrow."

"It's a date, Buddy." Kate said pointing a long slim index finger at his face as he approached her. He had that look in his eyes that told her he wanted her. She waved her finger at him in objection, backing up. "No way!" She objected. "No hotdogs, no hot dog." She laughed as she was caught up in his arms, listening to him mumble something about hot dogs as he playfully attacked the left side of her neck. He laughed and let her go. He kept walking but yelled out as he continued back to the study.

"I have to go finish this chapter, Baby. I will deal with you later."

"Yeah sure. Promises, promises, Castle."

"I promise. Love you, Beckett." He called and she heard the door click shut. He really was being hammered to write, which meant she would be reviewing it later today.

They relaxed together on the couch reading the same novel on the iPad. Every page, Rick waited for Kate to finish reading, surprised she couldn't read faster than she did. She tapped the page to keep reading. He constantly stroked her head, played with her face using his finger tips, his chin resting on the top of her head. To have her quiet, calm and relaxed in his embrace was a rare thing. He figured it also had a lot to do with the quality of the book they were reading. Terrific story.

Kate finished the chapter and put the iPad down on her lap, "We could go for a walk and buy hotdogs." She suggested. She was resting against Rick's body loving the feel of his large frame, his strong chest. She smiled when he repeated the word hotdogs with a squawk. She laughed.

"Will you stop it?" She reached over her shoulder to cover his mouth to shut him up but he held her hand away playfully tackling her.

"The unborn son wants hotdogs," Rick chuckled, "You know this is going to be in a book one day."

"It won't be if the writer wants to live a long life." She pushed herself up. "I'm ready to go out for a walk, buy the hotdogs, like we used to."

"Then let's go." Rick encouraged and helped her off the couch.

They walked to the park where her favourite hotdog vendor was usually located. The entire five minutes it took them to walk there she prayed he hadn't decided to take the day off.

As they walked, they talked about the chapter of Rick's manuscript she had reviewed for him the previous evening. He had cooked dinner while she had proof read. He had gone through it this morning then had emailed it to his agent to read. Kate was happy to hear Castke was happy with her proof reading but was happier to see her hot dog man was there.

Castle didn't dare say anything while they waited in line to be served, but the expressions falling somewhere between amusement and hilarity said plenty. So did Kate's expressions of shame and excitement. She ignored him as she ordered hot dogs from her favourite guy, well the only guy she would eat hotdogs from. She had secretly been craving these hotdogs for days and couldn't get there soon enough to buy them. Even in the car during the trip to Montreal she had been thinking about them. They cooked most days with fresh vegetables and meat or bought meals from good restaurants which she loved, but it was the hot dogs that hit the spot. Castle didn't need to know how much she wanted them. He had teased her enough about it without giving him more fuel.

The middle aged chubby man gave Kate a nod of recognition, "You having the usual?" He inquired which instantly caused Rick to smirk like a smart ass. It wasn't missed by Kate who momentarily glared at him.

"Yes, thank you. Two please." She replied hearing the enthusiasm in her own voice was just a fraction over the top for her. Rick had picked up on that as well. He put his hands on her upper arms from behind her and murmured close to her right ear.

"You are so cute when you try to hide what you really want but it's so obvious you want it."

She grunted back at him. Okay, so she frequented the stand enough that even the hotdog man knew her preference, she thought as she watched him prepare the order. Her mouth was salivating and she was hungry.

"I haven't seen you here for a couple of weeks," the hot dog man cheerfully said to Kate, who only realised she was being spoken to a second after he finished talking. She looked up to his face, wide eyed, momentarily distracted from the dogs, and smiled.

"We had to go home," she replied, wondering exactly where she did feel home was nowadays. Montreal or was New York still their home? It was a serious toss up as to where she preferred to be.

"Good to see you back." He passed her the two hotdogs wrapped in paper.

"It's good to be here, thank you," Kate replied with a smile and stepped aside so Rick could make his order. A minute later they strolled to their usual place beneath the tree that was now flourishing with new leaves. They sat on a bench chair. Rick opened a can of soda, had a drink then passed it to Kate who had a couple of mouthfuls. She placed it between her thighs next to her second hot dog that sat over her legs.

"I hope our son enjoys his hot dogs." Rick teased. "You were salivating back there waiting for it." He took a big bite of his hotdog

She laughed in response, "Will you stop it, Castle?"

"C'mon! This hotdog obsession is hilarious with you."

"I wish you had never noticed."

"You're kidding me, right?" He laughed, looking at his hotdog. "Must agree with you though, he is good at making them."

"They're good. I don't know what my obstetrician would say but I'm not telling her I eat them."

"Speaking of obstetricians, have you given it any thought what you want to do?"

"Anna thinks I would be better to stay with the obstetrician I trust, which means being up here when we're due."

"What do _you_ think?" He asked again.

"It makes more sense to have it either in New York or the Hamptons. I would be fine having it at the beach house. Spend the summer there like we talked about." She took a small bite of her hotdog, "We are alone here."

"That could be a good thing. You will get the time to recover, adapt and bond and when you're ready we could head home." He shrugged his shoulders, "You wouldn't have everyone telling you the best way with the baby and you could just work it out for yourself like you always do."

"What about your Mom?"

"It's only an hour flight, Kate."

"Don't you think Alexis would be with us more during her summer vacation if we were at the Hamptons rather than here?" Kate pulled out her phone when she felt it vibrate. She read the text and half smiled in excitement. The money had been received by the person she was buying Rick's belated birthday present from. This purchase changed everything about when they were going to leave Montreal and she had to have Rick agree with her but keep the real reason a secret from him.

"She may."

"Why don't we see if the doctor will refer us to someone she perhaps knows of in the Hamptons that we could see?" She quickly typed back a response confirming she had received the woman's text, then pocketed her phone before Rick's curious mind had him asking what she was doing.

"Do your horse friends in the Hamptons know of a good doctor?" He inquired.

"I don't know. They could probably give me the names of good vets faster." She answered and Rick smirked in response. "I will text them and ask. They might be talking to me by now. I'm not popular at the barn because I'm alive."

"Make new friends, Honey." Rick replied. "A few of mine are pissed at me too. So be it. I would rather have lied to protect you than be living alone without you."

Kate looked at Rick, her mouth full of hotdog. She swallowed, "That was so sweet!"

"I know." He looked at her lap and then her hand. "Have you finished yours already?"

"Mmmm… Hungry. Best hotdogs eva!" She responded as he generally would.

Rick wiped his hands and brushed off his clothes, "You are such a smart ass, Beckett."

"Castle, Kathy is due to move up here, what the middle of May?"

"Uh huh."

"Well, I will focus on my sessions with Anna and concentrate on being ready to leave for home say fifteenth May."

"Can we think about that?"

"Yes. But that's good timing for me." She replied surely.

"Accepted, I will think about it. How about we go for a walk? It's a beautiful spring day for a walk and it looks like you might need to be worn down a little." He said and stood up. He took her hands she held out and he pulled her to her feet.

_**26 weeks**_

"We have a dilemma about where we should be living when the baby is due. Rick also wants to leave Montreal in the next couple of weeks but I want to stay up here until fifteenth May." Kate said to Anna and glanced to Castle who was sitting in on a session to sort this out. She had Castle weren't discussing the subject anymore, even though they were gradually preparing to leave the apartment. They had remained in Montreal for over two weeks. The debate was at a standstill between them as Rick wanted to leave, but Kate was pressing to stay. She still wanted treatment from Anna, but she also had to wait until the 15 May to collect his belated birthday present. She couldn't tell Rick why without ruining the surprise element. On her side, she had shared her secret with Anna, so the psychiatrist was fully aware of why Kate wanted to leave Montreal on a specific date.

Of lesser importance, they were also at odds about where to have the baby. Kate was willing to go back to the USA but preferred to be in the Hamptons. She wasn't ready for the people of New York City. Rick was keen to go home to New York but was also willing to spend the summer in the Hamptons if it made Kate happy.

"In my professional opinion, Kate and Rick, I think you would be better to have the baby where you have established confidence and trust in your obstetrician. Most importantly, someone who understands what you have been through. If you change doctors, how do you think you will react?" She asked Kate.

Kate thought about the question and gazed slowly around the room, "I'm not sure, but I know I don't want to have a male doctor. I've come to terms with moving to the beach house and going to a specialist in the Hamptons, but I am not positive we would be able to get into one now. We haven't done this before. We don't know anyone who has."

Rick took over, "We have agreed to go back to the States, but I'm thinking sooner rather than later so we can establish ourselves, find her a good doctor and go to the prenatal classes." He glanced to Kate, then Anna. He recalled a word Anna had used, "You gave us your _professional_ opinion. What's your _personal_ opinion of what we should do?"

Anna leaned forward, "Personally, I think you need to be closer to your family, Rick, particularly at the time the baby is born. Kate has a good relationship with your mother and her support will be most beneficial to Kate when the baby is a newborn. You both have done very well up here, but you've also been alone and that has always been a problem for both of you."

Rick nodded in agreement and watched for Kate's response. She glanced to him then looked at Anna and admitted aloud, "I want to stay here till the middle of May. I want to have access to you a little longer." She considered it to be a selfish response, but in reality there was no one else she could talk to when she needed help. In her mind, she was preparing to leave in the middle of May and she was putting in the work with Anna to be ready to leave then. Rick just wanted to get out of Montreal earlier.

"You can safely live back in New York now." Anna reminded Kate and saw her instantly drop her eyes in acknowledgment, but she didn't want to accept it. She even fidgeted which wasn't wasted on Rick either, "And you know you can always talk with me on the telephone."

"It's not the same, Anna." Kate stressed.

"You really don't want to go home, Kate?" Rick asked. It seemed that honesty, or opening up to him, wasn't on Kate's agenda when she was with him alone. She had been indicating to him she would be happy to go to the Hamptons to have the baby, even New York but now she wanted to delay it.

Kate looked at him. "I do want to go home, but I'm afraid of going back to New York, Castle. I get nervous up here but nothing like I felt at home, or that night in the motel room." She looked over his face, took a breath and added, "You know this already, and Anna knows it, and I struggle to manage it, but he knows I'm alive." She stressed.

"But he agreed to leave you alone, Katie. He knows what you have against him." Rick frowned, felt exasperated that she was still living in fear of Bracken.

She sighed, feeling a little better because she had once again verbalised her fears. It didn't sound so bad when she heard herself say it. "I'm managing it and I know what I have to keep him away, but I need more time. There are just too many people in New York City for me to manage right now."

"We have the evidence, Kate." Rick almost groaned.

"Yeah we do, but does it actually matter that he does know we have that evidence? Do you really think it will be enough to stop him trying to end my life?"

Rick took a deep breath and rubbed his chin in a mixture of frustration, weariness and thought about the topic. She knew the FBI had a detail on Bracken 24/7 but that knowledge clearly wasn't helping her. He thought she had been really good the past week or so. What he believed was virtually over and behind them was a long way from being so. He tripped back to the night in the motel room a couple of weeks earlier, when he'd stayed awake to protect her. He'd done that in response to her gut instincts and because he too had been fearful they would be attacked. She didn't know he'd stayed awake till dawn. If she did know, it would only aid her to substantiate her behaviour on the night.

"What amount of evidence will stop him, Rick?" She repeated.

"I don't know, Kate." He replied a little impatiently and looked from her to Anna seeking the psychiatrist's help. "I just want to know when we can go home and live a normal life."

Anna interjected, not wanting them to be divided about where and when they moved, "The key issue for you, Kate, is that because Bracken knows you are alive, you live in greater fear than you did a month ago. Although we're working on it you still require time to be able to mix with people again."

Rick considered Anna's summary and he turned his gaze to Kate to gauge her reaction. She stayed still, considered her best answer, opened her mouth to speak but stopped herself. She then nodded a little, and replied quietly, "That's basically it."

Anna said directly, "But you also fear it won't be him." It was nothing new to Anna that Kate concealed a lot of her emotions and thoughts from Rick. It was the day to encourage Kate to deal with discussing her issues with her partner. If they intended to return to the States soon, Kate needed to learn to open up to other people other than her psychiatrist. She also needed to rely on Rick, because he was one of a few who knew and understood what she had survived. "You say you fear Senator Bracken, but you're not looking over your shoulder for Bracken. You're looking at every person you see, or pass as a potential assassin. You're waiting for that stranger in the street, even a sniper to put you down, or hurt you." Anna said and glanced to Rick to ensure he was listening. He was. She had known this was Kate's biggest fear for weeks but clearly Rick hadn't picked it up. Maybe he had known but hadn't focussed on it, so she was giving him Kate's real problem and making Kate admit it aloud. "Is that what you fear?"

Rick sat up alert. The millisecond he saw Kate's physical response to Anna's comment he understood what was going on all the time. Kate's right hand lifted to her chest, fingering the scar between her breasts. How had he missed it? It was so bloody obvious. She always said it was Bracken she feared but it wasn't. It was a faceless person in the street. Anybody, any individual was potentially dangerous. Of course! It explained why she always carried the gun and her badge. She didn't care whether she was illegally carrying a concealed weapon. The fine, if she was caught, would be less than the cost of her life. She also knew that once the Canadian police formally identified her as an NYPD Detective, that the paperwork would be buried on someone's desk. So she risked it to feel safe.

"It could be anyone." Kate confirmed, "Because next time, he will be a lot smarter and I'm vulnerable while I'm pregnant."

Anna glanced to Rick who had received the message loud and clear. Anna couldn't fathom how he hadn't established this earlier or if he had, why he hadn't addressed it himself. She saw him shift in the armchair. He was thinking about more than what he had heard. She saw there was something that he knew that she didn't. His eyes glanced to Anna then he looked down to his lap, his chin resting on his left hand.

He nodded once to Anna in acknowledgment for her for spelling it out to him. He sensed Anna wanted to talk to Kate in private. There were things that went on in that warehouse he still didn't know much about and there were many things Kate talked to Anna about that he knew nothing of. That was okay. He knew Kate was holding back because he was in the room. It was the occasion for him to talk with Kate about what he had thought was becoming a problem between them.

"I understand why you want to stay here and I am happy to stay until the middle of May. Are you happy if we do that?" He asked.

"I would really like that. I am planning to be ready to go home on fifteenth of May."

"I'm good with that." He replied. Rick dropped his arm and sat up appearing quite serious. He leaned forward a little facing Kate and once he saw he had her full attention he continued. "There is something I need to talk to you about, because I feel what has been a bit of a wedge between us, is now a gaping hole."

Kate's eyes opened in surprise with her jaw as she thought about his statement. Her eyes then narrowed as her brow furrowed in confusion, "A gaping hole? I thought our bond was tight, that we were really close lately." She strongly objected then pursed her lips clearly upset and shocked by his statement.

"We are tight." Rick replied quickly.

"With a gaping hole between us?" She shot back.

Anna heard Kate's tone of voice. Kate knew what Rick was talking about. A wall had instantly gone up between Kate and Rick.

Rick saw the scar dimple in Kate's chin that told him he had taken a big bite of the Kate pie. He glanced to Anna for support. He told himself to man up and just tell Kate what he felt was a problem between them. He sat forward and carefully offered, "We need to talk about secrets and, contrary to previous agreements and beliefs between us, I believe now that we would be better to have the option or the freedom to discuss what happened in the warehouse."

"Castle." Kate warned.

Anna held up her hand to Kate. "Kate, we should listen to what Richard has to say. If there is something between you two holding you back then we need to fix it before you go home."

Kate looked at Anna then turned her eyes to Rick, consenting for him to continue. He was really getting choked up.

"Honey, the warehouse." He momentarily looked to the ceiling, thinking, "It's like an infection that won't go away. When the subject comes up in our lives we don't deal with it. You react oddly at times, wake up from nightmares and not a word is said between us."

"You promised me we wouldn't talk about it." Kate stubbornly replied.

"Yeah, promised you after we had worked through it. We agreed to put it behind, but we haven't dealt with it. We haven't discussed hardly a thing since that fight we had in the car."

Anna glanced between both of them. "What fight in a car?"

Kate shot Rick a look, then said to Anna, "Castle and I had a fight in the car the day I was taken back to the warehouse to confirm it's where I was held when I was abducted."

"It wasn't really a fight." Rick correct, "She had a total meltdown."

"Castle. It was a fight." Kate stressed.

The psychiatrist heard the reluctance of Kate to extend with any details on the topic, and decided she needed to give Kate a nudge. "You went back to the warehouse after you were rescued?" Anna wanted a response from Kate, so she glanced to Rick indicating to him to keep quiet. At the same time she noted Rick appeared surprised by her question.

Kate's fingers knotted in her lap and her eyes looked down. "I did," she sombrely answered. She was fully aware that Anna now knew she had left out vital information.

Rick leaned forward in disbelief, "Kate, am I getting this right that you've never mentioned to Anna that you were taken back to where you were hurt and that we saw what they had left there?"

"Richard." Kate murmured in a tone that strongly recommended he didn't proceed any further than he had already dared to go, but he ignored her

"Seriously?" He glanced to Anna, then continued, "You keep secrets from everyone," he accused. "I haven't talked about it because I figured Anna knew you had been back there. I can't believe it." He rubbed his head.

Kate stared at Rick, mad at him for bringing it up.

"Talk to us, Kate. You seem angry with Rick for raising this."

"No, I'm not angry, Anna." She replied and dropped the angry expression, "I simply wish every day that there was something I could swallow, or be given, that would just take the memory of it all away from me so I never have to live with it anymore." She paused, then stated, "It was far easier to deal with it all when my vision was out of focus and I couldn't see where I was."

"So by wishing it away, you keep it a secret. We can't talk about it or deal with it and we continue on pretending like nothing ever happened those days you were gone. But our whole life revolves around those days."

"That's not fair."

"It's fair, Kate and you know it." He reached out to her hand and took it. She didn't pull away. He went calmly on with what he had to say, "That's okay to pretend until I move too fast, touch you in a way you don't like anymore or do something that triggers a bad reaction, or a person in the street scares you. I'm left picking you up emotionally but we still don't talk it out." Rick let go of her hand and sat back recognising Kate wasn't happy with the discussion, "I struggle to get much out of you. But it seems you hide it from yourself as well."

Anna waited for Kate to say something, but she sat in silence. Rick's presence in the room to talk about their future had opened up a major issue between the pair. "Kate, is there a reason you never mentioned going back to the warehouse? The fight in the car?"

"I don't talk about that day at all." Kate dropped her head back. She stared at the ceiling. She felt like the walls were crashing down around her. She was fully exposed and feeling enormous pressure from both of them to talk. She wanted Rick to leave the room, right now.

"Anna, I need to ask Kate something."

She nodded at Rick who sat forward, "You know that I'm a writer, that I'm curious and that I have to know … things."

Kate closed her eyes. She knew exactly what was coming, what he was going to ask her. "No, Castle." She flatly said. He wasn't going to read her statement.

"If you can't talk about it, would you please let me read your statement?"

"No."

Rick took a deep breath in resignation and said, "Ok. I understand." He stood up and grabbed his jacket, "Excuse me ladies. I will leave you two to talk alone. I need to get some fresh air." He stepped to Kate and leaned over towards her. She was looking straight ahead and ignored him, but he lifted her chin with a single finger to force her look at him. He ignored her angry, darkened eyes and quietly said, "Text me when you're out. I will take you home. Be assured, we will stay in Montreal until Kath wants her apartment back." He kissed her cheek and straightened up, shifting his attention to Anna, "May I have time with you alone Kate's next session?"

"Certainly, Rick. Come back up in twenty minutes. We will talk then."

"I will." He checked his watch for the time, then walked from the room noticing Kate was surprised he was leaving.

On the ground floor, he walked into the coffee shop to order a strong one. He sat at his usual table with a newspaper and waited until it was time to go back up. The entire time he thought about what had occurred in the office.

About nine minutes later his phone chirped that he had received a text message. It was from Kate asking him to come back up to see Anna. He took his coffee with him, taking several deep breaths of air on the way to the elevator foyer.

Back in the medical suite he lightly tapped on the door then entered the office. Kate was still in the chair and Anna was seated on the couch. He noticed there was a beige file on the glass coffee table that hadn't been there earlier. It was thick with paper. He sat where he had been earlier then took a quiet sip of his coffee.

"Rick," Kate began. She struggled to continue and had cried, "Anna placed my statement on the coffee table. We have different opinions on this. I don't want you to read it." She glanced to Anna. "I will try my hardest to talk to you about things that happened, but there might be times when I just can't."

Rick nodded, "I understand. I take it you are leaving the decision up to me."

"Yes."

"You won't be angry at me if I read it?"

Kate stared at Rick, shifting her jaw from side to side then glanced to Anna, "I'll try not to be."

"If I don't read it, will you talk to me when events surface? Explain why you're reacting?"

"I will talk to you, yes."

Rick glanced between Kate and the file. His needed answers to questions he had. An internal debate erupted about whether he wanted to know the details of what she had lived through. He didn't want to upset Kate by reading it. Did he really want to know the awful details that his imagination already tormented him enough about? He considered that if he knew the facts, his imagination would rest, and he would understand Kate's behaviour. He leaned over, reached for the file and picked it up. He heard Kate's breath hitch in her throat. He placed it on his lap still closed and secured by a rubber band. "I don't want those days to be a wedge between us anymore," he explained again.

"I didn't think they were." Kate replied, "I thought, that after all we went through, what you did for me, that you knew, that we were closer than we ever …" She stopped talking when she felt like her throat was choking her, "You saw me." She murmured and wiped her eyes.

"I saw you." He agreed, "Kate, would you mind if I had a few minutes alone with Anna, please? I need to talk with her."

Kate immediately stood and left the room. Shut the door quite hard.

Rick wasn't concerned about Kate slamming the door although he had received her message loud and clear. Castle looked down at the file. Pandora's box. He looked to Anna. "How bad can it be, compared to what I already know?" He asked.

"I don't know. I haven't read it." Anna replied remaining still. She was a little concerned about Kate who was quite upset by Rick's request to read her statement.

Rick was quite surprised to hear she hadn't read Kate's statement. "You thought she had told you everything? I sure thought she had."

"Rick, do you really want to read her statement? She's devastated about you reading it."

He stared down at the file, then threw it to the coffee table, "No, I don't want to read it. Never did. What I do want is for her to feel comfortable talking to me when we're living in the States and you're no longer accessible to her. I won't be able to just phone you and bring her here for you to help. She will need to rely on others."

"I will be here for her, Richard. We have a thing nowadays called a telephone." Anna almost laughed, "She can phone me like she already does."

"She phones you?"

"Yes but not often. I have taken calls from her." Anna leaned forward. "You got your point across. You made her think and talk. She told me about the visit to the warehouse and she's aware that the two of you need to talk about what happened in that place. What she doesn't want is you reading that statement. She says it's full of detail information she is grossly ashamed of. I won't read it because she said exactly the same thing to me, but she has shared with me verbally what happened. She is adamant that she doesn't want you to know what the men did."

"I understand. I can appreciate that. She says little things."

"It's a start."

"Ok. So what do I do, Anna?"

"You did it. You raised your concerns and she listened. She may not like what she heard but you made her think and you aired your concerns."

"Okay." Rick stared around the room, wishing he could say what was worrying him.

"What's bothering you Rick? Something has worried you since the day I met you but you have never said anything."

Rick stared at Anna for a long time, swallowed and said, "You're right, Doctor. We all have our secrets I do too."

"What is it?"

"The Kate before she was abducted was fiercely independent, fearless and extraordinary. Love that about her character. Although she was engaged to me, knew she was pregnant, was planning to start a family with me, she chose to keep a secret and run away from me. Who's to say she won't do the same thing and take our child with her? She gets edgy like she has been up here and I'm often wondering if she's still going to be in the bed beside me when I wake up. That's my problem."

"She will never leave you. She fears you will walk out on her and the baby because you will tire of her insecurities."

"Never." He looked to the door.

"I waited four years for her. I would never give her up." He glanced to the door that she was behind. "I want her to talk to me and open up a bit. She's affectionate, loving and all that but she hides a lot when she's worried."

"I know she does."

"Bring her back in? She will be worried you're reading it." Anna stood and picked up the file. She returned it to a cabinet as he walked to the door. He swung it open and peered into the reception area. Kate was waiting in a chair. "Kate, come back in."

He returned to his chair and waited for Kate to take her seat. She looked at him suspiciously. He knew she was aware he could speed read and may have scanned her statement. She glanced to the coffee table then back to him.

"I'm not going to read it, Kate." He said, "I respect that you don't want me to."

"Thank you."

"Before you say that, there's a condition."

"Okay, what's your condition, Castle?"

"That we talk about what happened and if we have any questions, we ask." Rick replied.

"Okay," Kate agreed.

Everyone looked to each other. Rick finally said, "I'm good with that."

They were silent for the duration of the trip home in the car. They walked side by side from the garage to the apartment but once they were inside they went to opposing ends of the home. Rick shut himself in the study as soon as he had taken a beer from the fridge. Kate had gone directly to the master bedroom and had closed the door, firmly.

There may have been a wedge between them with the warehouse but now there certainly was a problem that would be resolved given time. He opened his laptop and started it up. He was soon typing and lost in his imaginary world.

A tap on the door interrupted him. Rick looked up. Hit save. They had been home and apart for a couple of hours. The door opened a little and he saw dark long hair followed by Kate's face peering round the corner. He was reminded of a photograph of her he'd taken one night at a night club. She'd been quite intoxicated and had turned to look over her shoulder at him when he'd called for her. Captured by his phone camera in a split second she'd had dark haunted eyes. Then she had recognised him. She had grinned and turned to him for a drunk hug. He had the spooky expression caught in an image forever. He saw the same expression again.

"Castle?"

"Yeah?" He closed his lap top and moved it to the side. "Come in." He held out his arm for her to come around the desk to him. She stopped by the chair that he turned so he faced her.

"You want me to talk about what happened in the warehouse."

"Yes. But it doesn't have to be today." He replied taking hold of her hands. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I have a question for you."

"Ask away."

"There are some things I don't remember. But there is something I want to know."

"I will do my best to answer you."

"Why do my wrists and ankles ache so much sometimes?"

He held her wrists out in front of him and stroked his thumb over them. He fiddled with the bracelet he'd given her for her birthday, and thought about the bruises and rope burns that had been around her wrists, what the MRI scan and the doctor had told them, and what Lanie had said. He looked at her eyes, "Do they still hurt?"

"Occasionally, yes," she replied and let him turn them over so he could inspect them.

"It was because whenever and however they had you restrained you fought like hell to get loose. You don't remember?

She shook her head. "No."

"The doctor told me at the hospital you had minor stress fractures but they would heal quickly. You had rope burns and cuff bruises. Lanie said the hairs on your arms had been ripped out by duct tape." He stared up at her face watching for her response. "You must have violently struggled to escape as they were badly bruised."

"I don't remember there being any bruising there. It's gone from my consciousness." She nodded once accepting what he said. She stroked his head, combing her fingers through his hair, "Why do you want to talk about the warehouse?"

Rick leaned his forehead gently against her tummy, closing his eyes, "Because I don't want to be sending you to a shrink every time you have a problem. I want to be able to talk with you and help you. I'm your best friend, your partner." He looked up at her, half closing his eyes in response to her touch, "You should be comfortable enough to come to me, but you don't seem to be. You keep secrets from me. I want you feel secure that you can talk to me and I don't know how to allow you to have that sense of security."

"I don't want it to be an issue between us." Kate said, running her fingers through his light brown hair to the back of his neck she light squeezed. "It's not a taboo subject. It's on the table for discussion if you ever want to know anything. Just ask me, is that fair?"

"That's fair." He groaned in response to her touch. "The scar on your forehead, do you remember how you got that?" He queried. She'd told him early on in detail how she had been injured to get that scar.

"The scar?" She touched her forehead, "I don't remember."

"You probably never will." He relaxed against her again, realising she had forgotten a lot of what had happened. It was her way of coping with it.

"Castle?"

"Mmmm? Don't stop." He requested when her hands left his head. They returned. Her touch felt awesome.

"If I have a problem, I will come to you." She said.

"I hope you will. I won't promise I will be able to solve it, but I will try my best."

"I know." She kissed the top of his head. "Can we be done for now? I don't want it to be a problem between us."

He blinked. "It's not a problem. We've been through a lot worse."

"I agree. I don't want to lose you because of that. Of anything."

"You won't lose me."

Kate smiled and kissed the top his head. She then lifted his head so he looked at her. "Will you take me out for dinner please? Somewhere nice, where I can show you off, make a statement that you belong to me." She grinned listening to his laughter.

"Yes, Kate. I will do that, so long as I can show you off too."

**27 weeks**

"Everything is fine with you and the baby." The obstetrician stated. "You are in extremely good health, the baby remains within normal weight and size ranges." Dr Sarah Jones said as she placed her tape measure on the desk. Kate dropped her knitted top and sat down next to Rick. "Do you feel good?"

"I feel great. Just experience a regular aching lower back. Sleep a lot more than normal."

"That's to be expected. You had a lot of healing to do at the beginning. You have made a remarkable recovery."

"Thank you." She took Rick's hand. "Dr Jones, we are moving back into the USA mid May. Is there a specialist you can recommend us to in the Hamptons so I can give birth to the baby there? Rick has a house there we're going to stay at until the end of summer." She smiled to Rick, crossed her legs.

"You would prefer a female doctor, yes?"

Kate nodded immediately, "No male doctors. I'm not ready, and unsure I ever will be."

"That is completely understandable." The doctor replied looking over at the woman who had changed so much in the five months she had known her. Today, she looked the brightest and happiest she'd ever been.

"I don't know anyone personally in the area, but because of your circumstances, I will make some calls, learn who is in the region and get the best names for you. If I don't find anyone in the Hamptons would you like me to recommend an obstetrician working in New York?"

"Umm…." Kate fidgeted, creased her eyebrows a moment then looked at Sarah, "Yes, but as a last resort. I would prefer to give birth in the Hamptons. We know there are a couple of maternity wards in the region. We will have it in New York if we have no other choice."

"Okay, I will sort that out. You're twenty seven weeks now and it's April twenty fifth. You will be approximately thirty weeks gestation on May fifteenth. Based on everything so far, you are having an excellent pregnancy, which under your circumstances is a big plus. You will be admitted to a private hospital?"

"Yes."

"I'm sure there is a suitable obstetrician who will be available." Sarah sat back, "Such a shame you are leaving. I was looking forward to seeing the ending of your story and to bringing your baby into the world in Canada."

"Ha!" Kate laughed, "You just want a Canadian baby."

The doctor laughed with Rick.

"We have a strange affiliation with Canada, like we belong here already," Rick said. "Except for the snow we don't mind it here."

"That's true, but we are embarking on a defining moment for our families and we should be close enough for them to enjoy it with us." Kate summed up. "The Hamptons is not a bad place to be born."

"Not bad at all." The doctor agreed. "When you next come for your appointment in two weeks, I will have a few referral names for you."

"Thank you, Doctor." Kate stood up with Rick. "We will see you in two weeks."


	43. Chapter 43 - Leave Montreal

_Here is the next instalment guys .. please enjoy. I will let this chapter talk for itself. _

**Chapter 43 - Leaving Montreal**

Morning, 15 May - 30 weeks gestation

Another room was clean. The apartment was completely done.

Rick, finished with cleaning the guest bathroom, gave the room one more inspection before he returned to the living room in search of Kate whom he found in the kitchen. He placed the red bucket and wash cloth on kitchen counter. Simultaneously, he caught an odd expression flash over Kate's face again. It confirmed his earlier suspicions. He wiped his hands dry on the hand towel he carried while he considered with mild concern the look that had flickered ever so briefly over her face. He was certain it had something to do with the bucket.

Kate was unloading the dishwasher. "You've finished the guest room already?" She asked standing up straight to sort out the basket of utensils on the counter.

"Yes. It's done." He glanced between the bucket and Kate, contemplating what could be bothering her about a bucket. There had been a few minor events in the past months where he had seen the same look from her.

"That's it then. Our room is done. The bed is made for Kath tomorrow, the bed sheets to the guest room are back in the hall closet," she said. "We are basically ready to leave and the last of our stuff is by the front door," She wiped the counter top with a tea towel, "We are ready to go home." She raised her eyebrow to Rick with a smile. She was ready to leave to go home.

In the past two weeks the two of them had overcome a number of problems with Anna's help. Any concern, not matter how minor or major, had been aired and discussed. They had accomplished so much together and were happier, a lot happier together. Kate had brought up she didn't want to return to work before the winter. It had been a big issue with her because she was so career orientated and didn't want to rely on Rick for financial support long term. Admitting her wants had changed released her of a lot of pressure. She only wanted to be at home until well after the baby was at least a few months old. He was happy with that. He wanted her to enjoy being a mother.

They planned to live at the beach house for the rest of spring and all of summer. They would return to live in New York sometime in the fall. They had also decided to continue the lease of Kate's apartment for another six months so she could take her time to move out. Rick actually didn't want to give up Kate's apartment just yet. It was located in a decent neighbourhood, was in a nice building, and most importantly was a roomy apartment that he figured might be an ideal place for his mother to live.

Rick nodded. "We are. The fridge is full to the brim with the type of food Kath likes. How hard was that to get out of her?"

"She didn't want you putting food in it, Rick. That was all." Kate replied, thinking about the real reason she and Kathy had tried to persuade him not to stock the fridge.

Rick shrugged his shoulders, dismissing it. He leaned on the counter with both hands. He looked at Kate, "May I ask you something, Kate? It's crossed my mind a couple of times, but more so the past couple of days." He explained.

"It depends." Kate answered as she picked up the tea towel to dry her hands. She could tell by his tone of voice it was a serious question, "Sorry, I should have said yes. We agreed to be open with each other."

"Yes, we did and I want to ask you this, and I will, but if you are uncomfortable with it, then forget I asked, alright?"

"Mmmm." She nodded feeling nervous because his body language told her loud and clear he wasn't comfortable about asking. As part of her progress she had to deal with this sort of stuff.

"I notice at times you react to certain things and what I'm about to ask you now relates to one of them."

Kate nodded again and fidgeted on her feet, thinking there was no way he could have seen what she had thought not a minute or so ago, "Okay, Castle, ask. It's serious right?"

"Yeah, it's serious because …." He paused and scratched his head finding it awkward to proceed as this was going to be testing recent discussions, "I think it relates to something that happened in the warehouse."

Kate nodded her acceptance, "Okay, but do we have go into details?"

"Specifics aren't necessary. I'm sorry." He saw she still struggled to talk to him about what bothered her but he had to give her credit that she was trying hard to talk with him. It was his job to push her for answers.

She put down the tea towel and looked at his eyes having seen his frustration, "You know what Castle? Ask it. You have a right as my partner to know. I promised Anna and you that I would make every effort."

"Good."

"And if I wanted to know something about you, I wouldn't let you off the hook that easily," she confessed with a coy smile.

He was surprised by what she said and smiled, "No you wouldn't. You don't give up if I won't tell you something until I do share it," he agreed and tried to take the look of surprise off his face.

"Don't push it," she warned light heartedly.

"I'm sorry. Are you sure I can ask?" He seriously inquired.

"Castle … Ask me before I change my mind." She glanced at the bucket, her gut instincts telling her it was going to be about the damn bucket. She hated the sight of it.

He glanced to the bucket following the direction of her eyes, then shot his back to her face. He pointed at the bucket as he carefully said, "There was a bucket and a towel near the table…on the floor…in the warehouse." He gazed into her eyes, his head slowly nodding.

_He knows._ "Castle," she pleaded and gripped the edge of the counter. She closed her eyes to avoid his piercing stare, "If you know, why do you ask?"

"I'm sorry." He observed her face and immediately saw she vividly remembered what he was talking about and that she was affected by it, "I'm sorry Kate. But you need to talk about it." He persisted.

Kate opened her eyes to him, and as calmly as possible she asked, "You need to know why I fear the bucket?"

"No, I don't need to know." He replied, "Yes, I would like to know, rather understand, what bothers you. Every bucket of water has copped a certain look from you that I can't describe but I see it, anyone would," He rubbed his face, "Which reminds me, I need to cancel the cleaners for the apartment. We've done such a good job we won't need them. Will you remember that too, so one of us phones them?"

"I will remember." She paused, "I'll phone when this conversation is over." She replied rubbing her forehead.

"Thanks." He could see she was stressed by the topic, "I'm sorry for prying, Katie."

"No, it's good for me to talk about it. I have to talk to you." She gazed at her fingers then looked to the ceiling and without looking at him, said, "I was held down on that table you saw with my head over the edge, over the bucket." Her peripheral vision saw him put the bucket back on the counter. "They wanted to know where the file was, as you know, so they held me down on my back, girthed the towel around my face. One of them gripped it at the back of my head and with a big jug they poured water over the towel so I couldn't breathe without inhaling water. They …"

"… they water boarded you." He sat on the stool not sure how to respond, but pieces of the puzzle were now rapidly connecting in his mind. Things that he'd seen her do were making more sense. She looked at him again, relatively calm, "That's why you wake up from that nightmare when you can't breathe."

Kate nodded, didn't tell him that he was kind of incorrect, and said, "When I say I'm choking in those dreams, I was choking on water." She also thought about the dream she had when she was being suffocated, couldn't breathe, when on the car but she let it go.

"They tried to drown you." He said and rubbed his chin as an angered look crossed his face. She often woke coughing and crying but she never said what was really going on in her nightmares. "Kate?"

"Mmm?" She stopped breathing, waiting for the next question.

"If you ever kill them, I will never say anything to anyone. I will never stop or judge you."

She stared at Rick for several seconds before she barely whispered, "I will kill them one day, Rick."

Castle had to lip read what Kate said as he strained to hear her words, spoken like a secret would be.

She swallowed then said, "They put me through hell."

"The prosecution lawyers will put them away forever," he assured.

"I know. We just have to wait for that, but they are locked up." She reached for her iPhone, checked the time then read a text message. She had just received confirmation Rick's gift was ready to be picked up. She looked to Rick, "Are you ready to leave?"

"I guess so. We're certainly done here." He stood up and grabbed the bucket that he took to the laundry. He returned moments later and placed an envelope on the counter addressed to Kathy. He had placed several cheques inside the envelope to pay for the utilities they had used when staying at the apartment.

Kate was on the phone to the cleaners. She was speaking French like she'd lived in Montreal her entire life. She laughed at something said to her. "Merci." She hung up but continued to play with the phone. "Let's go home, Castle," she said, "but on the way home, I need to you to make a stop at this address." She held out her phone with an address hovering over the GPS map on her phone.

"Why?" He took her phone.

"I didn't buy you much for your birthday but my intended present that I've been waiting a long time for is finally ready."

"A belated birthday present?" He asked in surprise. "What is it?" He checked the map to inspect where he needed to drive.

"It's a surprise." She smiled, "C'mon Ricky. Let's get your present and go home."

"It's only a half hour trip from here and on the way home." He passed her back the phone.

They did a complete scan of the apartment to ensure they hadn't left anything in it before they met at the front door. A few minutes later they met and stood at the doorway to what had been their cosy home for almost six months. They stared into the living area taking a moment to reflect.

"We've have some fun here." Kate said touching his fingers with hers.

"Like the day when I painted your body…" Rick said with a smile. "That was fun."

"The night we went out for dinner, on our first real date." She looked to his eyes, "That was a great night."

"Buying you the dress you wore."

"Making love in front of the fire place,"

"You trusting me to make love with you,"

"Me knowing you would never hurt me."

"Holding you close to me for hours while we read novels on the couch."

"While we slept."

"… feeling the baby move for the first time." Rick said remembering the expression on her face those seconds she had felt it move.

"That was very cool." Kate exclaimed. Their eyes connected. "You giving up everything to care for me all this time." She stepped to him and reached her arms about his neck. "I won't forget our time here."

"I know. Me neither." He drew her close and leaned over so he could comfortably hug her. "But it's time for us to go home and prepare for you to have the baby." He kissed the side of her head then let her go.

"Castle, I liked getting to know you up here."

"Me too. I liked watching you get to know yourself too." He smiled and took hold of her hand. "I'm taking you home. It's time for us to go home." He opened the door for the last time. "The intercom." He murmured and instantly heard Kate laugh.

"You and the intercom." She rolled her eyes. She'd long ago lost count of how many characters he had mimicked through the intercom whenever he'd had a chance.

They looked back at the apartment once more then with their belongings in their arms they walked out of it for the last time. They had left the keys inside and ensured it was locked securely before they continued to the car park.

"This is the place?" Rick asked as he braked the car and peered through the window up the gravel driveway of a magnificent country property.

"Yep, this is it." Kate stared at the property, to the horses in the field, "They have horses." She murmured and glancing excitedly to Rick, she stated, "We will see our horses soon."

"Yes, we will. You haven't bought me another horse have you?"

"No. It's something you want, Castle."

"Mmm." He responded deep in thought as to what it could be and continued to drive along the gravel track towards the house. "Would you perhaps give me a hint as to what you bought me for my birthday?" He asked.

"You will know soon enough." She teased.

"Kate, I hope ….. Well, I trust you. I can't wait." He grinned, "Model aeroplane?"

"No."

"Full size model Jedi?"

Kate stared at him. "No."

"Well, I will find out soon enough." He concluded as he drove the car to the front of an impressive brick home. He parked by another vehicle. They saw the front door open and a woman in her early fifties stepped on to the porch. Rick looked at the woman who wore an apron with a summer dress. "She appears friendly enough. This isn't some kind of kinky sexual rendezvous is it Beckett?"

"Will you stop it with the fantasies already, Castle?"

"Who wears aprons nowadays?"

"They do on Master Chef."

"Haha Beckett." Rick watched the woman for several seconds then looked to Kate, "I have to admit, Beckett, I'm nervous as hell but so excited at the same time."

"Be excited, Rick. You're gonna love this gift. I promise you."

"Give me a hint? Please tell me its kinky."

"Sorry to ruin you're fantasy, Rick but it's not kinky." She firm replied. She did however, lean seductively over the seat, reached to his shirt and pulled him close for a kiss,

"Beckett?" He squeaked and pulled a nervous face..

Kate grinned at his acting. "You really are an idiot." She laughed, then sobered. "Thank you for keeping me alive and safe. I love you, Rick." She kissed him.

"I love you too. Thank you."

She bit her lip, smiled and whispered, "You will love it."

Kate and Rick got out the car. They looked about them, Kate momentarily looking up at the bright blue sky, feeling the warmth of the sun on her face. It was a beautiful day. She waited for Rick to catch up and together they walked to the woman who was at the bottom of the steps. Rick was pumped with excitement.

"Mrs Callery?" Kate greeted smiling. "Hello. I'm Kate Beckett. Please call me Kate."

"Yes! Hello Kate? How are you?" The woman greeted in English.

"Very well. What a beautiful day it is." She greeted with a kiss to each cheek, a typical French- Canadian custom, "This is my partner Rick Castle."

"Mrs Callery, hello, nice to meet you." Rick began and greeted her as Kate had.

"Love to meet you, Rick. Please call me Helen." She looked inquisitively at Rick as they stood back, "You're the one we are surprising."

"I believe it's me." Rick replied smiling to the woman.

"You're the writer."

"That's correct." Rick nodded.

"My kids leave your books lying around the house …."

"My apologies." Rick replied raising an eyebrow at Kate who was laughing.

The woman waved it off, "I have your birthday present Mr Castle. Come." She led them around the corner of the house to a large brick garage adjoining the side of the house. They chattered as they walked, Kate asking about the horses she'd seen in the front meadow.

"They're my daughter's dressage horses. They're on vacation while she's at college. Do you ride?"

"I started last summer."

Helen looked to Kate, "You're having a baby, Kate?"

"Yes. My first."

"When are you due?"

"First week of July."

"My children have left home. The youngest who rides the horses is at college finished her first year now."

"Rick has a daughter the same age at college." Kate glanced to Rick, momentarily thinking the poor guy had only just got his daughter to college and he was starting again.

Inside the well lit garage, they were taken to a pen the woman opened the gate to. They continued into the pen and were asked to wait. Helen went to a smaller room and opened the door. She called "Molly." Two seconds later a brown Labrador bitch came from the room eagerly wagging her tail with at least eight Labrador pups beneath and behind her. Kate squealed in delight and knelt down on the matted floor to greet as the puppies bounded out. She was more excited than Rick.

She looked to Rick, "I've had to wait so long for this without telling you about it. I couldn't find any litters that were ready for first of April, then I found Helen's litter would be ready about the time we were going home." Kate exclaimed to Rick. "Happy birthday, Castle!"

"All you need to do is pick one, Rick." Helen explained to Rick who stood there in disbelief.

"You bought me a puppy?" He asked in pure shock, "A puppy?"

"How long have you wanted a dog?" Kate asked her hands unable to keep up with the demands of the puppies seeking her attention, "They are so cute!"

"How old am I? About that long." He knelt to the floor close to Kate then sat right down. Instantly the pups were over his legs, "Any pup?" He asked Helen. There were three black, two brown and five yellow labs.

"You have first pick of the litter. Kate was the first to ring when I advertised the litter so you have the first choice."

"Is that why you insisted we leave today?" He asked in realisation.

Kate grinned. "Guilty. Yes. I also got Kath to tell you she was moving back tomorrow to make sure we left today. The next buyers of these pups will be here later so we had to be here today. Kathy really won't be there until Thursday."

"Thank God I bought food that will last."

"Yes, I was trying to persuade you toward the frozen food aisles."

"Beckett, you are getting too good at fooling me."

"I have to work hard at it."

He glanced to Kate who had three pups climbing over her legs. He turned his attention to Helen who had taken a seat, "Have you sold all of them?"

"Not yet. Two left."

"Kate?" He lifted a chocolate coloured pup up and took a good look at it.

"Mmm?"

"Let's get two?" He half asked, half stated.

"Say what?" She asked wide eyed.

"Let's get two." He glanced to Helen. "May we buy a second one?"

"Of course you may."

"Awesome!" He grinned, "Kate?"

She grinned and laughed. "Two! They will be company for each other when we're not home."

"Two it is. The tubby guy here! He is my pick." Rick said tackling an actively wriggling chubby black pup that was trying to climb his thighs. He picked him up and took a good look at the pup. He was the biggest and bravest pup of the litter. He saw Kate was nursing a white pup that was calmly lying in her embrace. She looked to Rick and shrugged her shoulders. "I guess she has chosen me," she said and looked to Helen, "That was easy. I now owe you for another pup."

"Allow me." Rick put the pup into the crook of his right arm then pulled out his wallet. He smiled, very excited, "How much?"

"Best present, Beckett!" Rick declared kind of quietly so he didn't disturb their extra passengers.

"I can't believe we got two." Kate said for the fifth time in twenty minutes after she got in the car. She was nursing two puppies in a basket, on her lap. Because her belly was protruding so far she had them inside a small cane basket she'd secretly stored in the back of the car for the purpose of bringing back a pup. Both pups were sleeping, bundled together.

"Me neither, but good decision. You've locked your Glocks away, yeah?"

"Of course."

"Good. We'll need the pups' vaccination papers soon for crossing the border."

"I have them with my passport." She replied staring down at the pups. She lightly touched each of them with her finger tips. They didn't move. "Castle, we're really starting a family aren't we?"

"Of course! Does that scare you?" He asked, his fear of her leaving him poking at him a little.

"Know. It makes me feel I'm a part of something. You?"

"I just don't think you will leave me anymore."

Kate reached out her hand to his face, touched his jaw. "I will never leave you again. I promise. I like that we got two pups, Castle. It's a family we are building."

Rick took her hand and kissed her knuckles. "You, me, couple of kids, dogs. We've got the horses. Maybe we'll leave the city one day."

"Maybe we will."

"I like life being your partner with the NYPD, but I love life just being with you." Rick stated and reached out to Kate's cheek he briefly touched.

"Me too."

"I'll ask the gardener to ensure the fences at the beach house are secure and we'll have to teach the pups how to get in and out the pool."

"It has a fence around it, Rick."

"Best to be sure." He replied. "Our summer is going to be so much fun. Alexis is coming to stay, Mom will be up and down, you will be there with me, the baby is coming and we have the pups!"

Kate laughed at his clear excitement of their months ahead. She was so happy that Rick had suggested they opt for two puppies.

"What made you pick Labradors?" He asked.

"I mentioned to Kevin that I thought you would like a dog for your birthday. Straight away he told me to buy a lab, that you had gone crazy about some dog and a boy in the park one day."

"That was months ago. I can't believe he remembered."

"He did. I couldn't decide what breed, etc, thought about asking you and then he just said it." She looked up at his face, thinking about what Ryan had told her next.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing."

"Nothing, my ass. Spill, Beckett."

"He said you told him in the car on the way back how much you wanted more kids, and that you wanted them with me."

"Oh. Easy. I just want to be with you, have them with you. Everything will just fall into place with you."

"It does." She agreed and stroked the black pup's head when he whimpered. "I will book us in for puppy classes, Rick. We can both go now." She bit her lip excited by the prospect of sharing an interest with him.

"My, Detective Beckett, am I seeing maternal instincts already? Puppy classes?"

"Of course! It's a good way to meet people too. We only know horse people and remember they're still cold on us with me being dead, except for Sandra."

"She's like your best friend up there, and proving to be a good friend."

"She will love the pups. We can take them with us horseback riding."

At the Hamptons they located the pet friendly super pet store Kate had searched for online during the trip. They carried the pups inside the store with them so they weren't left alone in the car. The pups gained a lot of attention from customers and staff during the time Rick and Kate wandered the store. They bought an array of accessories and food for the pups. Kate had typed a list of items into her phone she thought they would need for the puppies and they threw in a few extra things they saw. They bought collars, leads, toys, beds and puppy pens for the living area and their bedroom and washing products. They also booked two places in the next group of day time puppy classes that were to commence in two weeks.

During the trip between the pet store and the grocery store the pair talked and agreed on how they intended to train the pups. Kate stayed with the pups at the car while Rick ran inside to purchase enough food for the night.

By late afternoon they arrived at the beach house. Rick's house keeper had opened the house to air it before their arrival and the gardener mowed the lawns. They could smell the freshly mowed grass when they arrived.

They carried the pups inside the house. Kate walked them outside on the grass encouraging them to do their business, while Rick set up the puppy pen near the kitchen counter on the dining room side. Once the pen was erected, they spread newspaper, gave the puppies food, water and toys then set about emptying the car of what they needed for that night. With six or so months of stuff they had collected the car was almost full. A lot of games, books, anything to keep them entertained when they had been locked up during the winter months.

In the garage, Kate sighted her Harley in the corner at the back of the third parking bay, where Rick had pushed it to the day they had left the beach house in October. She walked over to it and uncovered the Harley finding it hard to believe that it had been sitting in the garage untouched for months. The last time she had taken a ride on it was last summer. Because she was always with Rick, they travelled in either of his cars. The Harley was clean, like she had tended it the day before. She stood and stared at it wondering whether she would ever ride it again now that she had a baby coming. With the pups, and the baby, they would need a more family orientated vehicle. She considered for a second whether that had crossed Rick's mind. The Mercedes sedan was okay for the baby, but they needed a car with a place to transport the dogs.

Rick came up beside her and looked at the bike inspecting it for any dirty. "It's looking good."

"Maybe I should sell it." She said.

"Think about it. You don't have to sell it. You've had it most of your life, so why sell it? I'll start it tomorrow for you and let the engine idle for a while."

"Take it for a ride." She suggested.

"I might." He looked at the bike then at Kate and thought she was no longer the same woman who used to ride that bike. Her temperament had changed substantially in the past few weeks particularly since she had taken control of her fears of Bracken coming after her. "C'mon. I want to play with the pups out on the lawn before it gets too dark."

"Great idea." With his help she covered the bike once again. They collected a few items to carry inside then went back to the car for their bags and cases. They carried their suitcases directly upstairs to the bedroom talking about which room they would use for the baby. They looked about the large master bedroom. They established where they would set up the puppy pen where pups would be housed during the night. Rick had had the foresight to buy two pens so they could keep the pups secured into a small area at night and to prevent them chewing up the house. That settled, Kate pointed to the wall on her side of the bed.

"We could put the bassinette there to begin with." She suggested, "It will only be for a short period of time before the baby is in a room."

"Follow me." Rick said and led Kate over the hall to Alexis' room. He opened it and they walked inside it. Alexis' belongings were everywhere, but it was tidy.

"We'll move Alexis into one of the guest rooms and turn this into the baby room."

"She won't mind?"

"No. She's easy going. She will understand and probably prefer to further away from us. She can redecorate a new room herself. Give her a project over the summer."

"We should ask her first."

"We will, but I know she will jump at the chance as she's had her eye on a particular room for years now but I wouldn't let her move." He followed her out of the room and they continued downstairs. As they walked he said, "She's busy with exams now but as soon as she hears we have the pups, she and Mother will be up here like a flash."

"Your Mother is coming up on Monday, Rick."

"And you know that how?"

"I was texting her in the car and sent her pictures of the pups."

"Oh!" He took two bottles of soft drink from the fridge and followed Kate to the puppy pen.

"She's going to help us with the baby's room." Kate attempted to bend over the thigh high fence of pen to pick up a pup then realised she wasn't physically able to bend over and reach anymore. "Rick?"

"Yes?" He already had the yellow pup in his arms and glanced up to Kate who stood at the side of the pen. He started to laugh.

"Shut up, Castle" She sternly said, then smiled in embarrassment.

"No, no. This is too funny! Beckett can't bend over anymore."

"The pen is in my way. I can crouch." She defended trying not to laugh.

He passed the female pup to Kate, still chuckling to himself, then stepped over to pick up the black one.

Outside, they spread a picnic rug on the lawn, where they relaxed and played with the pups until after dark. The weather was warm, a beautiful evening. Rick was kept busy chasing after the black pup. The female stayed near Kate most of the time.

"I have a name for my pup, Castle." She called to him as he jogged after his puppy.

"So do I," he called back, "you say yours first." He picked up the black pup and walked back to Kate. He plonked himself down on the rug beside her. "What's your choice?" He put the puppy between Kate's thighs with the yellow one. She was stroking the female pup who was more than happy with the affection. Kate quickly took hold of the black one before he ran off. She flipped him over on his back and gently rubbed his belly.

"Who's a trouble maker for his Daddy?" She cooed, then looked up to Castle and said, "Abby. Easy, clear, and sounds nothing like the names we have for girls on our list of names for the baby."

Rick contemplated her choice as he picked up and held Kate's pup. She was smaller than the black puppy and far more laid back. Kate still had the black pup who was wriggling, trying to lick and nibble Kate's hand as she played. She was laughing at the pup and talking softly to it. It made Rick stop and stare at her for several seconds. In the same moment he realised how happy she gradually had become without him noticing. The pups had instantly distracted Kate and given her something to care for and pay attention to, other than themselves. Had he known she would have reacted so well to a pet, he would have bought her one for Christmas, well for nothing. "Abby is a good name," he agreed, "I'm going for Toby."

"Toby?" She queried.

"Well, I want Max but it's a bit too close to our top name, if we have a boy."

She screwed up her nose in consideration. "Yes and it's also Alexis' current boyfriend's name."

"Oh, then that's a no."

"Mmm…. Well, it's up to you. Toby is easy. You do realise that whatever names we end up giving them, in the end all three of them will come to us whichever name we call."

Castle smiled at Kate, "How awesome will it be for our kid to grow up with these puppies as mates. By the time he or she is on their feet, these guys will be grown up and taking care of the kid."

"I didn't have that. No dogs. I had a hamster for about five minutes." Kate said.

"No pets for me either."

"I want our kids to have pets, to be responsible for the care of another being."

"Me too! Beckett?"

"Mmmm…?"

"You said kids."

"I know what I said**,** Castle." She pointed over the expansive lawn toward two pups that were basically running away as fast as their puppy legs could carry them. Castle eyes followed her pointing hand.

"Oh shit!" He hastily got to his feet to chase the pups, "They go fast!" He squawked as he jogged over the lawn.

Kate laughed at Rick who ended up following the pups about the lawn as they ventured towards the beach. He eventually brought them both back, one under each arm. She thought then they should have adopted a pup months ago when he'd brought it up out of the blue. They had come into their lives that day and she already loved them. They would still be pups when the baby was born and the three of them would grow together. Their family.

"Come here, Castle." She called, "Right now." She knelt up as he approached her. He leaned over and gave her the kiss she signalled for.

"What was that for?" He asked.

"Because you got two puppies."

**Preparing the room**

"This is a situation when it would be handy to know what you're having." Rick remarked, his hand on his chin in deep thought. Colour! There were so many to choose from and he didn't have a clue.

"No!" She strongly objected. "We can do this! We can go with a neutral tone."

"If we paint the room pink, you will end up with a boy."

"Not pink," She confirmed

"Bl…"

She cut him off already knowing what he would say, "Not blue either."

"Well, then what? Yellow?" The two of them fell silent and shook their heads in the negative to yellow. They continued to cast their eyes over the display of paint colours they could choose from. Rick sighed, "There's so many colours. Maybe I should just call the decorator and hire her to do it."

"No. Where's the fun in that?" Kate asked. "Isn't this what pregnant women do while they're waiting for the baby to be born? Decorate the baby's bedroom." She heavily emphasised to get her point across.

Rick turned his entire body to look at Kate, all thirty one weeks of pregnant Kate. "My God, you really are nesting." He exclaimed as though he hadn't noticed it earlier.

"Shut up." She said as she glanced sideways at him, trying to keep the smile off her face, "We're going shopping once the room is painted."

"I know." He replied, grinning at the way she behaved, "That will be fun."

"Of course. The blinds are bone and they are nice so we should keep them."

"Yes. Just pick a colour, Beckett. What appeals to you?"

"I don't know," Kate replied, "The furniture we bought this morning is all white. Blinds are bone…" She looked to Rick. "Maybe I will find out what we're having. Maybe I will phone Dr Keene and ask her to tell me what we're having." She stepped toward him, facing him as he did her. Rick glanced at her unable to believe what he heard. Before he even opened his mouth to respond, she put her hand over it, clamping it shut with her long fingers. She leaned into him and said, "I know! You know we're having a boy. You will be so disappointed if it's a girl." She let him go.

He responded as seriously even though he knew she was mucking around with him, "No I won't. What's one more woman in my life?"

"Mmm…" She creased her brow, "you are certainly hen pecked enough by all of us."

"You think I am, but I'm not," he retaliated. Kate scoffed but he ignored her. "Did I tell you today how adorable you look very pregnant?"

Kate tried to hold back the smile but it erupted uncontrollably over her face, "That's the first time today," she answered her voice higher than usual, and she looked down the length of his body admiring what she saw, "It really does turn you on doesn't it, Ricky."

His hand half reached out to her as he took in every bit of the sight of her body, and he nodded, "In a non-creepy way it does, yes. I can't deny it does do something to me," he unashamedly replied. He didn't hide it at all that he was extremely attracted to her being pregnant. He had been since he'd found out she was pregnant.

"Mmmm hmmm…" Kate took his hand and went on her toes to kiss him. He leaned in for a peck on her lips and released a moan of content at the same time. They then resumed staring at all the colours both of them in deep thought as to what colour to select.

Seconds later they looked to each other with identical smiles and declared together, "Chocolate malt!"

"Yes!" Rick applauded loudly.

"We really are twins!" Kate laughed, "That's the colour!"

"Perfect!"

"When we go home to New York we will be able to decorate the bedroom with suitable colours because we will know the sex."

"By the time we go back, we will also be able to buy a cot for her or him." He carefully said, "A light chocolate malt tone will keep us in the beach house theme as well."

"Yes, just a shade or so out of white."

"Yep." Rick found a colour card he plucked from the display stand, and held it between himself and Kate. He touched the lightest shade and said, "Half strength of that?"

"Perfect. Yes." Kate replied.

With the card in his hand, Rick pushed the cart which already contained the white cans of paint to the counter to have the paint colour mixed. They had brushes, rollers and plastic to cover the floors and any other tools they thought they might need in the trolley as well.

Kate was on a time limit to decorate the bedroom at the beach house in order for it to be ready before the baby was born in almost ten weeks. She planned on redecorating after Martha arrived to stay with them.

Unfortunately by Monday, the day Martha arrived to stay with them, Kate and Rick had head colds. They had three days of staying quiet. They cared for the puppies and rested in order to shake off their colds. They had made it through the entire winter in Montreal without any colds or the flu and then succumbed to one in May. The colds set them back a few days with unpacking their stuff and sorting out the rooms at the beach house.

Alexis arrived on Thursday after her exams were over. On the day of her arrival they sat down as a family to discuss their options with bedrooms. It was quickly agreed that Alexis would move to a larger room further down the hall, on the same side as the master bedroom. Rick and Alexis emptied the quest room, then completed the transfer of Alexis' belongings. She was happy as she had a beachfront room and more privacy. They left the room empty to spend time together with the puppies.

On Sunday, Alexis returned to New York to pack up her room at college. She planned to divide her summer break between the city and the Hamptons. Rick accepted she was an adult and would most likely invite her current boyfriend to stay at the beach house during the summer. He admitted he struggled with that concept of his daughter engaging in sex, but Kate and Martha were gradually talking him round.

Kate organised for the carpet to been professionally cleaned. They ended up having the carpet and mats throughout the entire house cleaned as part of their spring clean.

Alexis' old bedroom was ready to paint and fill with baby stuff.

Every day during the middle of the day, Rick was usually shut inside his study writing for long hours. He had pressure to finish the novel for release in September. He had been writing consistently, particularly since they had arrived at the beach. He wanted to complete the book before the baby was born. Each morning before he retreated to the study, Kate and Rick sat in the sunroom and ate breakfast together. They would then walk the puppies along the beach. If it was a warm day they would swim the puppies in the shallow water and wear them down. Upon returning to house the pups were fed. They would then flop wherever Kate usually was and would sleep for a couple of hours. She and Martha would clean the kitchen of breakfast dishes once Rick was in the study. They would sit and chat each day and tend to the pups who had become the focus of Kate's life. She loved caring for them.

It took Kate and Martha four days to paint the bedroom. Rick painted the ceiling corners because he didn't want the ladies up the ladders. He then left them to paint and only tended to jobs whenever he was summoned via text message. While Martha and Kate painted the room, the pups were contained within the pen in the same room. The pups learnt quickly they had beds and if they were told to stay on them they stayed. In the pen they were left to do whatever they wanted.

Once the painting was done, Martha and Kate set about running a band of banner paper around the walls at about six foot height. The banner had cute pictures of baby animals and alphabetical letters printed on it. They also hung a few prints on the walls. They moved the furniture into the room. The cot was erected and position by the window. They finally collected all the shopping bags that had been gathering on the floor of their bedroom. They unpacked everything they had been buying collectively. There were soft toys, books, clothing, nappies, blankets, bed sheets, towels. When Kate came home from the hospital with the baby they would be set up.

Martha and Kate stood in the middle of the room when they were finished admiring their good work. Kate was very happy that the baby's room was fully set up in plenty of time.

"What do you think?" Kate asked.

"It's very cute, Darling." Martha smiled and hugged Kate about her shoulders. "We did a good job."

"I think so." She texted Rick and asked him to come upstairs. "Castle's on his way to inspect." She said to Martha and within a minute they heard him take the steps by two and appear seconds later at the door way.

"You summoned me, Ladies?" He queried as he entered the fully finished room. There was a white wooden rocking chair by the window along with the large rocking horse she had found in a second hand store a week earlier. "How did you move all this by yourselves?" He glared at the women, "Beckett?"

"It was easy. The rocking horse was not heavy."

"But it is, and it's old and heavy." He looked at it. Real horse hair on its mane and tail and it stood about four foot high. As soon as she had clapped her eyes on it, Kate had wanted it. Getting it upstairs had taken the strength of himself and the guy who had delivered it.

"We only moved it over a couple of feet Rick, you brought it in here."

He grunted, "Still, you're very pregnant now you shouldn't be lifting things."

"We dragged it." Martha replied. "Kate was fine, as it wasn't difficult."

"No dragging either." He said, "It looks great!" He opened the walk in wardrobe to find a rack of baby clothes hanging from little hangers. "God that looks cute. Did you take a picture for your journal?" He glanced to Kate, saw her face, "Of course you took a picture." He corrected. "Oh, and speaking of pictures, you remember your photographer friend is coming up here tomorrow to take the photographs."

"Oh yeah!" She looked surprised then sobered and replied, "Of course I remember. That's why I wanted to get the room finished today."

"Of course. He has been harping me for weeks to talk you into letting him take photographs of you pregnant." Castle said. He had negotiated with three parties. A magazine wanted to write an article on him, the photographer wanted photographs and Kate wanted photographs of the whole family together. He had everyone happy.

"I don't know why, but now I'm looking forward to it." Kate stepped to him and wrapped her arms about his waist. "Alexis and Dad will be here by ten to be in the family photographs as well."

He rested his chin on the top of her head, smiled at his mother. "These photos will be awesome, Mom. I've seen proofs of the sort of photos he wants to take of Kate." He rocked Kate playfully when he heard her grumble about it and murmured, "You are gonna love it."

The photographer, known as Pete Vavra, arrived just after Kate and Rick returned from their morning walk. From the second he got out the car Rick half anticipated Vavra's mind was going to self combust the man was that excited. His creative juices were flowing. The guy's personality had a permanent sense of urgency, but the up side to that was he was also focussed and decisive. He never questioned his abilities. In fact he was upfront to everyone as to how talented he was. The problem of his character was outweighed by his talent for being an exceptional photographer. He also liked to use Kate to model for him at times. Kate was alright with that so long as he came in small doses. She found his personality very difficult to be around for too long. He would put her in strange costumes, under odd lighting and scenes and would produce fantastic shot. Her alter ego loved doing that, but he wasn't her favourite photographer to work with. But she had to concede he took the best photographs of her.

Vavra was enthralled by the beach house as a place for a photographer to go crazy. The house, the beach and the pool areas all inspired him. He initially walked the property with Rick when he took a lot of photographs he uploaded to his laptop. He came with and assistant and a make up girl whose job it was to make up Kate however Vavra wanted it done.

They drank coffee whilst he assessed the landscape photographs then he turned his attention to the family photographs. They started inside the house with family photographs. Kate's father arrived on time for them to begin. The photographer captured photos of the family living, just doing general things with the whole group together. He then went for the formal photos but was constantly taking photos between sittings.

Once he had taken the family photographs they focussed on the modelling ones he wanted to specifically take of Kate because she was pregnant.

Alexis and Jim left for home shortly after they finished having lunch.

With Vavra on to his artistic photography he became intensely focused. He constantly guided Kate how he wanted her. Everything was altered and her hair was restyled over and over. They started taking alternative photographs. Rick watched on for the entire afternoon amazed at how well they worked together when he considered how much Kate complained about Vavra when they were alone. Whatever Vavra asked of her, Kate listened and positioned her body as he instructed. She had absolute faith in this guy and trusted him to guide her. She did work well with a difficult guy.

They were moved about the entire property. Sometimes he brought Rick in to be in the photographs like he did at the pool. He was asked him to get in the water with Kate. She was quite surprising with how much she did allow but then he was reminded by Kate she used to model in the nude a long time ago. The final photographs of them were taken in their bedroom and the one Kate particularly wanted done. Kate had specific shots in mind and she talked Vavra through how she imagined they would be. They seemed to have a mutual understanding.

Rick and Kate were both in all of the bedroom photos. It was these photographs that took the longest because Pete and his team of two were constantly adjusting for lighting, but the time was worth it. They had fun taking those shots.

By mid afternoon they were all gathered around the table viewing the photographs on the lap top. Kate was stunned by the quality of the pictures. Vavra was more than happy with his day of work. He and his entourage left, stating he would have the finals to them within a week. Everyone was happy. They had family, magazine and personal photographs completed.

Kate couldn't wait to see the photographs she had want done the most.


	44. Chapter 44

_It's the chapter. I hope it works for you guys. It was a tough one to write on many levels. _

_Thanks for telling me about the breaks not being shown. I have fixed it now._

**Chapter 44 - Have the baby **

She woke. Something had changed. Something was different.

Kate opened her eyes to the darkness of the room her eyes focusing on the ceiling. Initially, she thought the pups might have woken her. They became restless when they needed to go outside. It only took a whimper from one of them to wake her. She listened. They were sound asleep, probably snuggled together in the one bed like they always slept. Toby was snoring in his cute puppy way. She figured it wouldn't sound as cute when he was fully grown with the soft lips of a retrieving dog. In the distance, the waves of the ocean gently lapping the shore could be heard coming through the opened windows.

She turned her gaze to Rick who slept facing her, partially on his back. He usually woke if the pups squeaked as well. She could just see his long eyelashes and momentarily admired how long and thick they were. He was so cute when he slept, when his face was relaxed. He was boyishly handsome for a man in his early forties.

It was her own body that had woken Kate. Her body felt different. It was definitely up to something. "Castle?" She hissed and pushed herself up to a sitting position. She reached for her phone to check the time. It was just after midnight. "Castle, wake up!" She touched her hand to his shoulder.

"Kate…" he moaned and took her hand in his, "Go back to sleep."

She insisted, "Castle, I think my water just broke."

"That's okay," he mumbled, "Are you getting any cramps, contractions?"

"No."

"Then relax and go back to sleep."

She groaned and glared at him in frustration because he wasn't responding with the urgency she had expected from him. He was falling back to sleep. "No! You can't sleep now!" She shook him at his shoulder, "Castle, it's happening." She declared with a good chunk of demand in her tone.

Rick heard the tone and ignored it. He wasn't going to become too excited just yet. Instead, he gently pushed her hand off his shoulder and sleepily said, "It's okay, Baby. If you're not having contractions just stay still a while longer."

"Its four days early."

"That's okay too."

Kate glared at him unable to believe he hadn't sprung out of a bed in a panic. This time she shoved him in the shoulder. "Castle!"

"Owww!" He fully opened his eyes, his brow furrowing, "Hey! Stop that already!" He scolded as he sat up on his elbow. He impatiently glared at Kate, "Chill out, Kate! Your water may have broken but if you're not experiencing any cramps, just wait a bit. Go back to sleep. When you start having serious cramps and pains you will wake up and then we'll drive to the hospital," he stated feeling a little odd because he was being the logical person for once.

She growled under her breath but obediently laid down again when she saw the look he gave her. She moved closer to Rick. "What if they start?"

"We'll leave. If I take you there now, they will examine you, say you're not dilated enough and send you home until morning. You're in early phase of labour. You know that."

"I hope you're right."

"You heard what your doctor said." He closed his eyes. She felt warmer than usual. "Sleep a bit longer. You will wake up when contractions start, believe me."

"How can you be so relaxed?"

"I read a lot, like I suggested you should have done …"

"… Uhhh huhhh. Too late for that now."

"… and I've done this before."

"I forget that bit." She admitted and took a couple of deeper breaths. He was right. There was no rush. She had prepared for her water to break every night for nearly a week and she had read enough to understand what was happening.

For several seconds she stared over the room at the black and white portrait hanging from the wall of her and Rick lying in bed, pretending to be sleeping. She loved that photograph. They were facing each other, their faces close, his hand over the side of her pregnant bare belly, her breasts hidden by her own arm. It looked so simple but had taken them ages to perfect. Cool photo. Soon they would be able to take one with the baby between them. She snuggled into his body and closed her eyes trying to remain calm, to not get too excited. "I'm not accustomed to you being the logical one. It's a little …"

"Illogical? I totally agree."

"Not long now." She couldn't wait to meet the person inside her. It was a ten minute trip between the beach house and the hospital. She could stay at home until labour became serious.

"No, not long. You will be a mother by the end of today." He muttered and kissed her forehead. She made a cute sound in response to his comment.

"Mmm. I cannot wait to meet him or her. It has been a textbook pregnancy. Let's hope it stays that way."

"So far you are. You've had a good pregnancy. Are you feeling anything?"

"I'm kind of wet but I have that covered. I'm really excited." She said with a high voice and smiled into the darkness.

"Me too, excited I'm talking about," he squeezed her,

"I got that, Rick."

"I'm actually going to find it difficult to go back to sleep, Kate."

"Me too."

"Our last night together, just us."

Kate tightened her hold on his body. "Are you scared?"

"Of having a family? Never. Are you?"

"I'm about ready to give birth and I have no idea about it other than what we saw in class. I'm nervous but excited at the same time."

"I'll be there," Rick confirmed, "I'm too excited. Would you like a hot chocolate?"

"I would love a hot chocolate."

"Let's get up."

"Castle. Can we stay here just a little bit longer? I know when I stand up its going to get things moving. I just want five minutes of you and me. Just us."

"That sounds awesome," he whispered and held her firmly hoping she would go to sleep. They fell silent. They both dozed off to sleep.

She woke again just before two o'clock when she began to feel a tightening pressure in her in her pelvic area. Her lower back was also aching and she felt cramping like menstrual pain. Instincts had her to stay where she was and remain quiet. It wasn't time yet. She felt calmer than earlier, calmer than she had felt in months. Everything she had read and had been told was coming back to her. She counted in her head how many seconds the cramping lasted. Almost a minute and it receded to a feeling of tightness. That was the first time she had felt any cramping during the pregnancy.

Twenty two minutes later the next contraction started, a little stronger than the first and it lasted forty odd seconds this time. She tapped the details of it into a notes page on her iPhone. Rick was still asleep. She took his hand and laid still, too excited to sleep.

Contractions continued on an irregular basis, but became progressively stronger. She heard Rick move seconds before he moaned and took a deep breath. "Kate? Are you awake?"

"Yes."

"Are you having contractions?"

"Yes. About twenty minutes apart. Mild."

"Logical Kate, logical birth." He muttered and heard her snicker, "You hungry?"

"Yes. I would love a hot chocolate and some toast."

"Sounds good. Would you like me to bring it to you in bed or are you coming down with me?"

"Coming down with you. Are you good for a marathon?"

"Of?"

"Big Bang?" She suggested.

"Game of Thrones?" He counter suggested.

"Rock, paper, scissors. Best of three." Kate concluded.

"We'll do it down stairs." Rick felt Kate go tense beside him. "Another one?"

"Yeah. Each one is a little stronger." She closed her eyes momentarily. Rick rolled to his side and stared at her in the darkness.

"Are you scared?" He combed his fingers through her hair.

Kate thought about it, glancing between his eyes and mouth. She softly smiled, "No. Actually, I'm the calmest I have felt in about eight months. We have protected this baby all this time and it will be out of me soon. If anything happens to me, we won't lose him or her too."

"Kate, please don't say that. You are safe now. He's leaving you alone."

"I know. I'm safe," she sleepily murmured, "the contraction has passed."

"Do you want to sleep more?"

"Mmmm. Stay with me, Castle."

"I love you so, Baby, did I tell you that today?" Rick courageously cooed with a good dose of humour in his tone. He glanced with a mischievous grin at the nurse who silently warned him not to say that sort of stuff right now. He brushed off her warnings with a wave of his hand. He knew exactly how far Kate would tolerate his teasing, even now. She had just finished another contraction.

"That would be the first time today." Kate confirmed sternly as she walked another lap of the room. She did add a few seconds after, "But it has been a long day so far."

Rick crossed his arms and watched her thinking she waddled a bit like a duck in a lot of pain but he wasn't about to say that at all. Her hair was piled messily on top of her head with a cotton hair band. She hadn't bothered to brush it that morning. She let go of a pained noise as her eyes widened, glaring at him. He sobered, a little worried as that had been her worst sound so far. He checked his stop watch. Within seconds she said, "I'm not going to yell at you but this really hurts, Castle."

"And it's my fault."

"Ha!" She squawked, smiling. "I guess you're my baby buddy now, right?"

"I figured I was from the moment I decided to engage in intercourse with you to create it"

"That's a point."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm in this till the end."

"It could get messy." She warned.

Rick smirked, "It will get messy, Honey."

"You're a brave man, Mr Castle." The nurse chipped in.

Instantly Rick and Kate looked at each other. They turned to her and replied in synch. "We're always like this."

Kate added. "If we aren't like this there's something wrong between us." She turned to Rick, "We should have explained us to Sandra when we met her earlier." She said, "Sorry, Sandra I know you're in the room."

"I'm okay with it. How are you going?"

"I'm good, considering I've been mostly awake since midnight." She glanced to Rick. They had been in the lounge room since about four o'clock and had watched a marathon of The X-Files until well after seven. They had continually monitored and recorded the contractions and had phoned the hospital to advise them. They ate breakfast on Rick's insistence before he had driven them to the hospital. Because Rick was so calm, Kate had remained that way. She was going into birthing like she did her job. She was in control, focussed and willing to tackle it head on. She also was determined to remain calm and give birth as quickly as she possibly could. So she remained relaxed and let it happen naturally.

"We did get that extra time in …" Rick commented, "before things started happening, slowly." He moved over as Kate approached the bed. She laid down on it facing him. He put a pillow near her belly and she instantly pulled it closer. Other than that, he left her alone.

"How far was I dilated?" She asked, even though she knew the answer.

"Three centimetres, about thirty five minutes ago." He replied looking to Sandra. She was constantly monitoring Kate's vitals. Sandra nodded.

"Okay. Still stage one and a long way to go." Kate lifted Rick's hand to see the time. It was almost nine o'clock. They had arrived at the hospital at eight. "Have you called your mom?"

"I will when you shift it up a gear. You're just mucking around at the moment, Beckett." Rick said as he pulled out his phone to check for messages. He knew that comment would get a bite.

"Mucking around?" She glared at him and after several seconds he put down his phone and looked at her with disappointment showing over his entire face.

"Seriously, Beckett, is that all you've got?" He inquired in disbelief, "I was expecting a more explosive response than that from you."

She pursed her lips in frustration and thought about what she could say in retaliation, "Nuh," she mumbled, then said, "I've got nothing, Castle," and she smiled at him, her peripheral vision also seeing the nurse's expression. She was freaking out over how they communicated. "Maybe later when my hormones are raging you might get the bite you're fishing for."

"Yes, maybe I will," he replied in amusement looking down at her. Kate closed her eyes when his hand stroked her face pushing all the loose strands of hair from her face. His palm pressed to her head, "Hey," he whispered.

Kate opened her eyes and looked up at him, "Mmmm?"

"Contractions have stopped?"

"When I lay down they do."

"Get up and walk."

"Who says?!"

"Your baby buddy." He held his camera up and took a photo of her lying on the bed. "I'm going to buy a drink. Do you want anything?"

"I would really like a cup of tea."

Rick looked to their nurse who nodded her consent. "Alright, but it's conditional upon you standing up and walking down the hall with me."

Kate looked to Sandra. "Yes, you can go."

Immediately Rick held out his hands for Kate who took them. He gently pulled her up to a sit and she then stood off the bed. The two of them strolled out of the room.

In the hallway, once they were out of hearing range, Kate said. "Will you stop with the smart ass comments? You're freaking Sandra out. She thinks I'm going to react."

"You will eventually." Rick replied smugly smiling at her. He held out his elbow for her to hook her arm about his. She did exactly that without a thought. They continued their walk along the hospital corridor, "Things will get very serious soon Kate, so keep it cool and we will get through this."

"We've made it through tougher events than this." Kate replied, "I am focused on getting it out of me. Not in a rush. I just have to make a concentrated effort. I can feel it's going to get rough. It hurts already, Castle."

"Just remind yourself that you get to see our baby at the end of it."

"I can't wait." She grinned, then gripped him as a contraction began, slowing her walk, "Oh god this kind of hurts."

He felt her arm and hand grip on his, "Keep walking," he encouraged but slowed for her. He hit the timer on his phone. Another lap. They were keeping an accurate record of her contractions using the timer. In approximately twenty minutes, her obstetrician would be due to arrive at the hospital to check on Kate. He continued with her down the corridor, surprised she continued to walk. He could feel her temperature rise a little each time she went through another contraction.

"It's over." She said. Rick hit the time. "Fifty three seconds."

"Felt like fifty three hours." She replied and smirked.

"So you want a cup of tea?"

"No. I just wanted to get out of that room. I'm tired of walking circles."

"Alright. We'll just take a walk then. You have plenty of time. You're decent."

"Ha," She glanced down at the hospital gown. "Thankfully I brought my dressing gown."

"Yes that was a good idea." He picked up their pace a little. Their conversation continued as they progressed down the hall in search of a soft drink vending machine. After asking a couple of nurses they found the vending machines tucked away near a waiting room. Rick bought two cans and passed one to Kate. He also bought a chocolate bar.

"Let's stay here. Nobody is here."

"Are you hiding, Kate?"

"No."

Rick looked about the waiting room which consisted of plastic chairs, health posters and old magazines. It was empty of people. They entered the small room. Kate sat on a chair and cracked open her can. She held it up to Rick's. They clinked cans. "To good luck and to the safe birth of a healthy baby." She offered.

"I'm good with that. Cheers." They drank. "I have another one." He said and passed her to the chocolate bar.

"Go for it, Castle." Kate looked up to his bright blue eyes. "Hurry, because there's another contraction on its way." She took a bite of the chocolate.

"Ok. It's simple." He knelt down in front of her. "To us." He took her left hand in his. Her ring was at home. She wore no jewellery in the hospital. "I want you to set a date for our wedding."

Kate grinned, "I will. To us." They clinked cans and drank again. She passed him the can and chocolate that he put on a chair then quickly found his phone. He watched Kate's face and once she gave the nod, he set the timer to start the next lap.

"Here we go again." She groaned and grasped his hand he held out for her. They stared at each other the fifty two seconds it took to live through another contraction. "Don't leave me today."

"I'm here. I'm here till the end and then some." Castle assured. "You know what you have to do. We'll get through it together."

"Give me a kiss, Castle."

Rick grinned and kissed her. "I'd better take you back before they send out a search party and the obstetrician will be here soon."

"Castle?" She reached out and touched his jaw.

"Yeah?"

"Nothing." She murmured and smiled, her fingers playing with his ear and the side of his head.

Rick recognised she just wanted his attention for one more moment. "We channel our energy into getting that baby out safely. That's our task for today. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Don't be afraid." He said, his blue eyes focused on Kate's.

"I'm not afraid. I'm having a baby today.

"Always brave."

At ten am, the house phone at the loft rang out. Martha and Alexis looked to each other. Alexis who had been expecting the call on her iPhone dropped it as she propelled herself from the couch and ran for the phone. She picked it up on its third ring.

"Dad?" She excitedly greeted, staring at her grandmother with wide blue eyes and a big grin.

"Hello daughter. You're home?"

"Of course I'm home! Gram phoned me after Kate phoned, to come home. Has she had it? What has she had?"

"Not yet, Baby. She's getting closer to the business end of it. Is Gram there? Can you get her?"

"Gram." She waved her grandmother over. Alexis switched the phone to speaker and held it between them.

"I'm here Richard. How's our girl doing?" Martha wrapped her arm around Alexis' waist and held her firmly. Alexis was way beyond being excited.

"She's doing really well, Mom." He sounded extremely proud of Kate, "It's probably a good time to get in the car and drive up."

"Yes. We're almost ready to leave." Martha replied holding Alexis's hand. The girl was ready to self combust with excitement. "Settle." She whispered to Alexis.

"Good. By the time you get to the beach house and unpack, Kate will probably be in the final stages. She's moving but the doctor said the baby will arrive later this afternoon."

"How dilated is she?"

"She was dilated six centimetres about ten minutes ago. Her contractions are quite strong and coming closer together all the time."  
"How long are they?"

"Gosh." He breathed into the phone thinking, "They last about fifty seconds to a minute and she's getting only three to five minutes rest in between them."

"How is she feeling?" Alexis asked.

"Exceptionally well, she fine. She's focussed, bright and incredibly calm. I imagined she would be a little tense, panicked and loud but she is the complete opposite."

"She's being logical herself." Martha said.

"Yes, extremely so, just like she used to be." Rick smiled. He could hear Kate calling his name and by the tone of her voice she was beginning another contraction. "She doesn't like me being out of her sight." He explained, hearing her tone. With each contraction her sounds were getting more intense. "I'm very proud of her, but I have to go. She's calling me. Would you please call Jim and let him know? He might want to make plans to visit his daughter and grandchild in the next five or six hours. We have a room at the house prepared for him."

"I will call him now. Shall I tell him she's still in first stage?" Martha inquired.

"Yes, but in the past hour she's been progressing a lot faster," he replied and heard Kate summon him with a demanding tone, "I seriously have to go. She really wants me there," he stressed.

"We can hear her, Dad. Call us if anything happens. We are on our way."

"See you girls soon." He dropped the call.

Alexis looked to Martha with an excited grin then tightly hugged her. She squealed excitedly. "Let's go. I want to meet my baby brother or sister."

"I have to call her father first. He needs to know."

"Of course." Alexis pointed up the stairs, "I'll collect my suitcase and bag. Do you want yours down?"

"Yes please, Darling. And would you get my sunglasses that are on the vanity too?"

"Yes. So as soon as you have called Mr Beckett, we can leave."

"Of course! Go get our stuff. I won't be more than a minute." Martha walked to the kitchen counter to find the paper Kate had written all the phone numbers on. She soon found Jim Beckett's phone number and made the call.

"Oh my God! Dad's calling, Gram!" Alexis squealed out when she heard her Dad's ring tone. She fumbled with her phone to answer it, too excited. The call connected but there wasn't any sound of her father's voice. Alexis glanced out the window to check they were in a good signal spot. Yep, she should have been getting good reception. She put the phone to speaker. "Dad?"

Martha glanced at the time on the car. I was almost a half hour after noon.

"Alexis?" They heard.

"I'm here, Dad."

"Where are you?"

"We're ten minutes from the beach house. How far along is she now?"

They heard Rick laugh, "The doctor was wrong! Come to the hospital, Baby Bird! We have someone here that Kate and I would like you both to meet."

Rick held the phone away from his ear as the squeals erupted at the other end of the line. He looked to Kate's flushed face, smiling at the noise his daughter produced. Kate laughed, but stopped abruptly because it hurt too much. Indistinguishable words were squealed between Martha and Alexis. They managed to decipher the words 'how long ago?'

"About eleven fifty eight it all happened," Rick answered, understanding what they were asking. He continued to listen, then replied, "No, It's a surprise. You'll find out when you get here. We're in Room 305. Level 3, Honey."

"Tell us Dad! What did she have?" Alexis demanded. They could hear Martha making similar pleas to know.

"It's a surprise, Alexis. Just tell Gram to drive to the private hospital." He hung up on two squealing women.

Castle returned his gaze to Kate who was resting and still in recovery mode. He laid his hand over the top of her head, "I'm gonna take a photo, okay, and send it to Alexis."

"Yes! She'll love it." Kate replied.

Rick leaned in and pressed his head close to Kate's, his chin near their baby's head. "Smile, Baby." He murmured.

Kate kissed the side of his head then said, "I'm smiling. I can't stop smiling."

"I know. Look at the phone." He waited for her usual hum to tell him she was then he took the photo. He stood up to check it's quality. Three faces in the picture. He showed it to Kate.

"I look so flushed."

"Yeah, you are. I am so proud of you, Baby." He replied with a big grin. He wiped the perspiration from her forehead with a towel. All the veins on her forehead were still prominent. He then forwarded the image to Alexis's phone. "Shall I send it to your Dad?"

"Call my Dad first. I want to tell him." Kate smiled when Rick came close to her face again. He kissed her lips several times and stroked her face.

"I really am so proud of you, Kate. You did an extraordinary thing. Amazing." He glanced to the baby that Kate couldn't take her eyes from for much more than a second. The baby was still on her bare chest exactly where Rick had returned it as soon as the nurse had finished weighing and examining.

Rick stood and found Jim Beckett's cell phone. Once it was ringing he put it to speaker, closer to Kate. He leaned over, stroking back her damp hair. He had anticipated Kate would be exhausted but she looked fantastic, was bright and recovering quickly. She had progressed into the final stage of labour too rapidly for any drugs to be administered. She had opted to not to take anything in the end.

"Hello, Richard?" Jim greeted. They could hear the anticipation in his voice.

"Dad, it's me." Kate said and started to cry. Rick stroked her hair.

"Katie! How it's all going?"

"It's over, Dad. I had a boy! We have son!"

There was silence for several seconds, in which Kate stared at Rick's face, waiting for the news to sink in to her father. She knew to give him the time. She closed her eyes as Rick wiped the towel beneath them.

"You're still sweating." He whispered and dabbed her forehead again. She nodded. She felt like she would be perspiring for a while to come.

Her father's voice sounded, "A boy!? Oh Katie, that's wonderful. Are you all right?"

"Yes Dad. It was bloody hard work, but it was …." She started to really cry.

Rick stepped in, "Your daughter was wonderful, Jim. She's healthy, tired and a little overwhelmed but she didn't have any complications. She was perfect. The baby is perfect. He has ten fingers, ten toes, he's healthy." He grinned to Kate and wiped her eyes again. He passed her a clean tissue so she could blow her nose. She did that.

"Sorry, I'm crying Dad. It's overwhelming. I wish Mum was here."

"I do too Sweetheart. She would be very proud of you. I am so happy for you, for both of you. I'll be there tonight. Does he have a name?"

"Not yet, but we're getting there." Rick replied, listening and watching Kate cry over her mother's absence. He anticipated months ago, she was going to be upset over her mother at some stage when the baby was born. She had been noting her absence more frequently leading up to the birth. He wanted his own mother there soon, as she had over time filled a void in Kate's life as a mother figure. He didn't know how that arrangement had occurred, but he never questioned its existence. His mother and fiancé got along extremely well, and that was all that matter to him. He let it be. It made him happy.

"Is Katie okay, Rick?"

"Yes, Jim. Your daughter is more than okay. She just a little overwhelmed by it all right now." He caressed her head. His affection wasn't making much of an impact on soothing Kate. He just had to ride this one through until she overcame it.

"Go take care of her, Rick. Katie? I will see you tonight, Honey."

Rick looked to Kate who was nodding but unable to speak. "She heard you, Jim." He said.

"What time are visiting hours, Rick?"

"It starts at six thirty, but just come in when you get here. Don't worry about visiting hours. You're her father and she wants to see you and introduce you to your grandson."

"I can't wait to be there! Katie, take care and I will see you soon."

"I will send you a photo when we hang up, Jim." Rick said.

"Please do. Bye Kate, Rick."

"Bye, Dad."

Rick hung up, sent the photo to Jim's phone, then put his phone in his back pocket. They had contacted the most important people. Everyone else could wait until Kate was up to it. It was now time to be with her and the baby. After Kate had been transferred from the birthing room to her private room to recover, the nurses and doctors had left them to give them time to bond. It was time for them.

He sat on the chair beside the bed where he was close to Kate's head. He needed to focus on Kate. She felt cold compared with how she had been two minutes earlier and she was crying quietly, trying not to disturb the baby. She stared at their son, both of her hands were on him and although she was upset, all of her attention was on the baby. Rick caressed her head and stayed with her. He remained silent, seated near her. He let her be, but stared at her. A whole new respect for her as a woman entered his conscious thoughts.

He gave a few minutes of quietness to allow Kate to get her head around what had just happened, but continually caressed her temple. "You're a clever girl," he eventually murmured, "You did everything so well. You made a baby. You gave someone a life. You brought it safely and calmly into this world. So natural."

"You were with me. You believed in me and I listened to my body and responded." She pulled her eyes away from the baby to look at his eyes, and intensely gazed right into them. "I did it with you. All of it." She recalled a half hour or so earlier when he had been the person who had taken the baby from her. She had delivered his son into his arms. Rick had cried, beamed at her and told her they had a boy. Nothing else had mattered or existed but them for those few moments after she had given birth. That delivery had been incredibly important and meaningful to both of them. It had greatly impacted on her and she was sure it was a defining moment for Rick who had lifted the baby to Kate. She had instantly fallen in love way beyond what any words could describe.

"We did it." Rick echoed. "Are you okay now?"

"Oh yeah. I know she can't be here." She wiped her eyes and looked back at their baby. "He's perfect." She murmured.

"He is."

"You were right, Rick. It's a boy."

He leaned into her ear and as though it was a big secret he whispered, "It was the hot dogs that gave it away," he cheekily kissed her over her temple, tasting the saltiness of her sweat.

"Mmmm…. He needs a name, Rick."

"Option A?"

"Uh huh." She smiled and ran her finger tips over the baby's fair eyebrows. "He looks like you."

"All squished and red?" He glanced to his body.

"Stop it." She smirked as he leaned in to her for another kiss she responded to, "More," she whispered so he stayed and gave her a proper kiss. "I'm sorry if I verbally abused you in the middle of the last bit."

"I got the bite eventually."

"That you did. I swore a lot."

"You were in pain."

"A lot of pain." Kate's eyes widened and rolled as she blew air out of her lungs. "No one warned me about that."

"You know now. You weren't too bad. You were mainly swearing about the pain, not blaming me for getting you pregnant."

"It was painful, but worth it."

"Give me another kiss, Beckett. My mother and daughter will be here any moment and I just want one minute more with you and …" he kissed her lips several quick times, "perhaps you should tell me the name of our son?"

Kate who glowed, despite her weariness, reached for his hand she then held, and looked at Rick's eyes. "Our son's name is Mason Alexander James Castle."

"That's it?"

Kate nodded. "That's it."

Rick looked to the baby and touched his head. "Hello, my son, Mason Alexander James Castle. Welcome to our family."

Kate cried again. Rick pressed his forehead to hers, "Oh, Katie, it's going to be fine," he cooed, amused by the emotional roller coaster ride she was going through.

"I'm sorry. These are happy tears."

"I know," he whispered, "I know." They stayed silent, for a minute or so, both of them at peace, listening to the baby's little breaths of air. His finger was wrapped around one of Kate's.

"He's moving." Kate whispered, feeling his body flex on her chest. She had a blanket over him but their bodies bare. "Maybe he wants to feed again."

"Let him find his way." Rick encouraged. He had been amazed earlier when in the delivery room the baby had found his way to Kate's nipple and had attempted to feed. "Follow your instincts." He looked up when he heard his daughter's voice. "They're here. Are you ready?"

Kate smiled. "I'm ready."

Rick stood when he saw the door open and his daughter rush into the room. She stopped dead and his mother appeared behind her. Alexis's eyes flickered between Kate and Rick. She dropped her handbag on the floor and ran to her father leaping into his arms.

Martha walked to the side of the bed to Kate and leaned over to kiss her forehead. "Katharine! Look at you, Darling. You gorgeous girl!"

"Martha." Kate excitedly took her hand, "Say hello to your grandson."

"A boy?"

"Yes a boy … we had a boy!" Kate glanced from Martha to Rick and Alexis.

"Baby girl, you're here!" Rick picked Alexis up off the floor and hugging her tightly he carried her to the side of the bed where set her down near the chair.

"What did she have, Dad?"

"Look!" Rick encouraged and turned Alexis about to face Kate. She fell silent and stared at the sight of the baby lying face down on Kate's chest, its head beneath her chin. She felt her father take hold of her upper arms his head next to hers excitedly looking at the sight of his girlfriend and son. "You have a baby brother, Alexis."

"A boy?" She smiled, "We have a boy?" She glanced to everyone, "What's his name? Does he have a name?"

"Kate, tell them."

"You tell them," Kate replied. She lifted the baby up for Martha to take in her arms. Kate pushed herself up to a sitting position and stuffed a pillow behind her for added support. She adjusted her clothes and watched as Martha wrapped the blanket about firmly about the baby's body.

"His name, Richard?" Martha reminded her son, as she stared down at her grandson who slept undisturbed by the transfer to her arms and the noise in the room.

Rick hugged his daughter from behind and said. "His name is Mason Alexander James Castle."

"Mason," Martha repeated, "Hello Mason," she smiled and smiled at her son, then Kate. "It a lovely name for a boy who is going to grow big and strong like his Dad. He's a beautiful baby, Kate. How much does he weigh?"

Kate grinned, and unshakably replied, "He's a perfect baby, Martha," Kate then knotted her forehead in thought, barely recalling a nurse announcing how much the baby weighed. She had been occupied with the final stages of the birthing process. "Didn't a nurse declare he was eight pounds three ounces?" She asked Rick.

"I think that was it. I was busy with you when the nurses had him. Your obstetrician was with us."

Rick moved to the end of the bed and flicked through the sheets on the clipboard. He dropped it back. "Eight pounds three ounces. Kate, you did hear right," he clarified and sat at the end of the bed. He put is palm over Kate's thigh and caressed her leg several times.

Martha summoned Alexis over. "Come hold your baby brother, Darling."

"Do you think that Mason's looks like Rick did, Martha?" Kate asked.

"It's hard to tell right now, Kate. Give it a few days once he's recovered from the birth. I brought up the photo albums for you. We can sit down and look through them." Martha reached over to Kate and gave her a hug. "You're still warm." She felt over Kate's cheeks and forehead.

"Mmm… He was born only an hour ago." Kate replied, "And it's a hot day."

"Close to an hour," Rick added, glancing at his watch, "We came out of the delivery room maybe ten minutes before I called you, Mom."

"How do you feel?" Martha held each side of Kate's head, examining her for any signs of ill health.

"I'm tired, incredibly sore, but really good."

"You look great." She let Kate go, after pressing her lips to her forehead. Martha's lips felt Kate was still a little too warm but she was all right.

"You look like you've been for a run." Alexis commented, momentarily distracted from the baby to check Kate. "He's beautiful, Kate. He's perfect. Mason Alexander James. My little brother."

"I have to take a photo," Kate said looking at Alexis with the baby, "Where is my phone?" She asked Rick searching for it.

"I'll do it, Kate." Rick grabbed his phone and moved around the bed. Alexis posed for a few photographs with a sleeping baby.

"Who were you named after?" Alexis asked Kate. She sat right back on the chair almost unable to take her eyes from her baby brother.

"Ummmm," Kate thought for a moment about her mother, whose absence was greatly felt. She glanced to Rick then looked over to Alexis who safely cradled her sleeping son. "I was named after Katharine Houghton Hepburn, the late actress. My mother gave me her middle name Houghton that was Katharine Hepburn's mother's surname. My mother was a fan. But she always called me Katie. Katharine when I was being scolded at."

"Mason?"

Rick smiled. "We liked it the most."

"Alexander, your birth name Dad."

"Before he changed it," Martha butted in.

"Gram." She shot Martha a look then continued. "And James for your Dad, Kate." Alexis smiled. "I like it. A strong boy's name."

The door opened. Rick looked to see who it was. A nurse. A woman in her fifties that had been in the birthing suite with them approached the end of the bed. She took the clipboard and excusing herself for interrupting their family time, approached the bedside to consult with Kate.

"How are you feeling?" She asked Kate who held up her right arm so the nurse could read her identification. The nurse read it and ticked off a box on the paper.

"I'm good I guess," she replied and pulled a face at Castle and Alexis unsure how to answer that one. She felt exhausted, sore, excited and emotional. Simultaneously so.

"Good. You did a terrific job in there. I wish half the mothers were as focused as you were." The nurse found Kate's pulse on her left arm.

"I wanted him out. Was keen to meet him," Kate replied, broadly grinning and staring at the baby Alexis nursed. After fifteen seconds the nurse scribbled down figures then progressed to take Kate's temperature from her ear.

She checked it and scribbled that down in the right place. "You are fine, Kate. You can take a shower. We encourage you to move around as soon as you can. You haven't been given any pain killers?"

Kate shook her head. "No. I'm pretty tough."

"I saw that." The nurse smiled than then moved on to the baby and virtually did the same thing. Everyone waited in silence until she put the clip board back and left the room.

"One hour," Rick stated, "since he was born."

Martha nodded. The nurses will be back and forward for days monitoring both of them."

"Days?" Kate repeated and Martha confirmed it with a nod. "I won't be here for days," she stated.

"Yes you will be," Rick replied adamantly.

"No I won't. He's born. I've had no drugs. I'm okay. He's good. I go home," Kate stated firmly.

Rick put his palm to her forehead and pushed back her hair. "Baby, will you just relax huh?"

"You're staying in hospital, Katharine." Martha confirmed. "You can't go home until the doctor has signed you out."

Kate kept quiet, but stared at Rick's eyes. She didn't want to be stuck at the hospital. At the moment she didn't have the energy to argue. She relaxed with Rick's stroking hand that turned into a caress at the top of her head. She reached for her bottle of water and took a long drink then rested it between her thighs on top of the bed. Almost two bottle of water had been drank she had been back in her room. She was still perspiring from giving birth but starting to feel a little chilly. She pulled the cotton blanket up. Rick lifted it up and neatly covered her body.

They sat about and talked about different things. Alexis sat in the chair for over an hour cradling the baby who slept through all their chatter.

Rick glanced at the time, "I need to run home soon to check on the puppies. They have been alone in their pen since we left home this morning."

"I'll come with you, Dad." Alexis said, keen to spend some one on one time with her father. She'd hardly seen him since November. She was looking forward to spending the summer at the beach house with them.

Everyone looked to Kate who was asleep. At two o'clock the same nurse returned to check on Kate and she had slept through the entire examination of her vitals.

"You two go. I will stay with Kate and the baby," Martha said and put out her hand when Rick went to wake Kate. "Let her sleep, Richard. I'll be here when she wakes."

"Okay. We'll be back soon Mom. We'll bring back some food. Neither of us have eaten. She didn't eat the meal they gave her after she had Mason."

Everyone smiled at the sound of Rick saying the baby's name.

"Ohhh. …. This young fella is going to be a spoilt child." Martha cooed as she took him from Alexis' arms.

"You haven't seen the bedroom since you left us," Rick replied, "Kate is quite the shopper," he stepped closer to his mother and stroked his son's head. "We won't be long." He kissed his mother's cheek and with Alexis with him they left the room. With the baby still wrapped snugly in the blanket Martha sat in the chair closest to Kate. She relaxed and held her new grandson, content to sit and watch over Kate and Mason who were it seemed equally exhausted.

The baby entered its second wail of crying when Kate woke up in response. She rolled her eyes and looked about the room orientating herself. The third wail had her look directly to Martha who had the baby in her arms. Kate pushed herself up to a sit.

"Where is everyone?" She asked as Martha stood up. The baby was crying and by the sound of it, Kate assumed he was hungry.

"They went home to check on the puppies, Darling. Don't worry about them. They will be back soon." She passed the baby to Kate who took him, placing his head in the crook of her left arm.

"He's hungry?" She rhetorically asked.

"I think so," Martha agreed, and chose to sit back and let Kate figure it out. She would only assist if Kate asked for help.

"His fair hair is so cute," Kate said as she prepared herself to feed him.

The presence of Martha immediately became indispensable for Kate that afternoon. She was rapidly learning to be a mother and was constantly seeking answers from Martha. With Martha's support and encouragement, and with persistence, trial and error she managed to have the baby feed from her. Martha saw the relief wash over Kate's face that she and the baby were going somehow in the right direction.

The feeding done, Kate then laid him on the bed and together she and Martha took a good look at him. Kate photographed his feet, hands and his face. She inspected every bit of him, captivated and mystified as to how she had created this perfect little life. She held his hand, held him to her body then laid him back down and stared at him. They dressed him in a diaper, then a blue outfit Kate had brought into the hospital. She had decided to bring in one pink and one blue outfit which would be the first piece of clothing he or she would wear. She took photographs of him in his first blue outfit, with a cartoon elephant printed on the front of it.

Dressed, wrapped firmly in a light cotton blanket and asleep Kate laid him on her thighs and stared at her son for ages. She didn't want to do anything else.

In silence, Martha observed the bonding that was rapidly occurring between Kate and her son. With certainty she felt that all was going to be fine. It was as though Kate was alone in the room with the baby for a long time. She talked to him, continually touched him and then finally laid him against her chest without anything between them and rested.

She looked to Martha, "It's incredible what I feel for him," she murmured, "already."

"You, my Darling felt it a long time ago."

"We tried hard to conceive. We didn't tell anyone but you what we went through. Everyone thinks I conceived in a blink."

"Let them think it was easy for you. Your family knows how special he is."

"There's no words," she said to Rick, then took the last mouthful of a sandwich he had brought in for her. He knew she wouldn't have eaten enough since he had been gone. Martha had gone for a little while to unpack and would be back in later.

"It was worth the wait?" Rick asked.

"Yes. Definitely." She peered down at their son held in Rick's arm. "He looks so small in your arms."

Rick glanced to Kate's face. She had stepped out of bed a minute or so ago and was standing by him, hanging on to his shoulder. She gripped him a little tighter momentary and he saw she lost what little colour there had been in her face, "He does. Are you okay? You have gone very pale."

"Yes, I'm all right. It's my first time out of bed, that's all. It's a little painful." She softly replied her finger tips caressing the baby's head. She looked at Rick, "You take care of our son while I have a shower?"

"Leave the door ajar so I can keep an eye on you. You've gone dead white, Kate." He watched her walk painfully to the en suite. She pushed the door closed behind her. "Kate, open the door."

"I need some privacy, Castle."

Rick sighed. "You call out if you feel faint."

Kate stared at herself in the mirror for several moments, contemplating what Rick had shouted out. She already did feel faint but she knew that was normal. She had just consumed two chicken salad sandwiches and was feeling the effects of that already. The meal the hospital had provided when Rick had been at home, although good, had barely made an impact on the ravenous hunger she'd had. When Rick had returned he'd waved the lunch bag in her face. She had dived straight on it with a keen appetite. All she needed now was a shower. She would prefer a bath but she was restricted to a shower. With the shower water running, she stripped herself of clothing and stepped beneath the water.

Sitting in the room, Rick heard Kate release a few high pitched noises of sheer joy. She loved her showers and baths and she had really wanted a shower. He peered down to his son and whispered, "Dude, she's gonna have you in the bath with her in no time." The baby moved a little, not at all disturbed by the noise of his mother's sounds of appreciation. He must have been accustomed to her loud vocalisations already. She yelled out to Rick.

"This is so good, Castle! I needed a shower."

Rick felt the baby move a little in response to Kate. He reached to the door handle and opened the door to the en suite.

"I think Mason knows your voice, Kate."

"What makes you say that?"

"He moves every time you make a noise." He stood and peered around the wall to check on Kate who was beneath the shower still. She was getting the most out of her shower time, her face up into the water. It was an open bathroom absent of shower screens.

"Stop perving on me Castle." She warned and turned her eyes to him.

"I'm not perving, I'm making sure you're okay." He smiled, "And I've gotta say, you certainly look okay." He commented as he stepped into the room. She was looking like she was when she was about five months pregnant.

"I feel better than I anticipated I would. Tomorrow might be a different story." She turned to face him as she rinsed her hair out. "You are perving on me."

"Yeah sure I am." Rick replied letting her think that. "We should call Lanie and the boys soon."

"When I'm dressed, huh?" She spread conditioner through the ends of her hair as she looked towards her little family. Rick's expression was odd. He was looking between her and the baby. "What are you thinking?" She inquired, curious to understand his expression.

"How lucky I am, how beautiful you look. How incredible you are being when you only gave birth to this little bundle five hours ago and here you are up and looking like that." When Alexis was born, Meredith had taken a lot longer to get up and move on.

Kate glanced down to her body. She felt like she'd been through a physical punch up, was incredibly tired, but she did generally feel good. "I guess I'm lucky I'm quite fit and healthy." The hair rinsed, she switched off the taps and took the towel that Rick held out for her. He then put his arm back near the baby placing his hand about his head. Kate stepped close to him smiling at the baby. "This is very cool." She murmured.

"How lucky is he being born in the summer, Kate? No school, pool parties, cool toys he can play with outside."

"Trust you to think of that."

"Of course, I'm a guy." He backed out of the en suite, returned to the chair he'd been in earlier and relaxed back in it leaving Kate alone to dry and dress. She came out the room in a black cotton singlet top and loose pinkish PJ cotton pants a few minutes later. Her hair was combed, and damp, tied messily up on top of her head. She put her hand on Rick's head and gave him a light scratch.

"How's your son, Castle?"

"He's doing great. He needs changing." He stood to lay the baby on the bed where Kate could take over. "It's warm today."

"Tell me about it. I think it's why I was so hot after he was born. I feel better now." She said as she watched Rick unwrap the cotton blanket. He glanced to her face.

"You look a lot better since you had a shower."

"Food too. I was ravenously hungry. Thank you for bringing me in extra food."

"I know you. I knew what this place gave you wouldn't have met your standards."

"I still ate it."

"It is very hot out and the birth suite was warm with the morning sun coming in there."

"Thank God for air conditioning. You could have done the celebrity thing in that room, you know, worn sunglasses etc. It was bright."

"Funny Kate. No one has even mentioned who I am here. Private hospital."

"Oh. I see. How were our canine babies?"

"They are missing you. I left them inside. It's way too hot for them to be outside. Alexis is babysitting them for us. The guy was cleaning the pool when I left the house to come back here." He leaned into her touch and moment later felt her lips press against his temple. He then lifted the baby off the bed. "Hop back in bed, Kate. You've been out long enough." He glanced to her face, saw she wasn't even going to attempt to argue.

She climbed back on the bed and positioned her legs so Rick could continue using the bed to change the baby, "You cut the cord?" She asked when Rick had undressed the baby's bottom half.

"Of course. Love the outfit."

"Mmm." Kate smiled, "Elephant is cut. You were saying?"

"Yes, he was delivered into my arms, I laid him on your chest and the obstetrician guided me through it. It's amazing how much Dads can be involved nowadays."

"It's the way it should be. We brought him into this world together." She smiled. "I don't remember you cutting the cord."

"You were busy looking at him and crying. I was right near you."

"We don't have a video."

"You wouldn't allow it. We have a few photos and our memories. That's enough." He rolled up the diaper, searched for a bin that Kate pointed him to. He went through the process of cleaning the baby like he'd done it a thousand times earlier. Kate relaxed on the bed and watched on quite impressed with his abilities. "Reminds me of when Alexis was a baby." He said.

"Have you seen him? Like all of him?"

"Yes. Tomorrow we get to bathe him, Kate." Rick excited said and looked to Kate. She was rapidly fading and falling to sleep. She had been fighting it for a few minutes. He dressed his son back in his jump suit then lifted him to Kate who reached out for him. She laid him down upon her chest ensured he was okay with Rick helping. She closed her eyes, moaned but her hands felt the baby until she was cupping his bottom. "Go to sleep baby. I'll take him away once you're asleep."

"I've gotta sleep." She mumbled, barely audible.

"Sleep." Rick lifted the cotton sheet over both of them and tightened it about Mason to keep him secure. He lightly swept the strands of damp hair from her forehead then sat on the chair near them. He stared at them unable to take is eyes from them in the seconds it took for her to drift off to sleep. He pulled his iPhone out and took a video of Kate and Mason asleep.

He finally made the call and waited for pick up. "Lanie?"

"Castle?"

"It's me. I've just sent you a video."

"Oh my God! Richard has she had the baby?!"

Rick laughed at the squealing coming from Lanie, hoping she wasn't in the morgue. "Where are you?"

"In a coffee shop with Espo."

"Tell him."

"Kate's had the baby Javier. What did you have, Richard?"

"A boy."

"The video has arrived." She almost squealed in excitement. "She had a boy, Javy. When did she have him?"

"At noon." Castle replied, smiling.

"What did you name him?"

"Mason Alexander James Castle."

"Mason?"

"Yes."

"Where's Kate, can I speak to her?"

"She's asleep. We were going to call everyone and she literally passed out on me. She's exhausted. Come up and stay a couple of days Lanie, all of you."

"We will. How is Kate?"

"She's great. Asleep. She and the baby are bonding as they suggested she do. They are both great."

"She's bonding?"

"I'll let her explain it." Rick replied, "I will call Ryan and tell him. Kate will call you later. Just come up and stay." He encouraged as he listened to the noise from the other end of the line. He soon finished the call. He stood and lifted the baby from Kate's chest and laid him on the blanket spread out. Like he'd done it a thousand times already, he firmly wrapped his son in the blanket and lifted him into to plastic bassinette. The baby peacefully slept. He covered Kate with sheets then sat back in his to call Kevin.

_I hope you all liked this chapter. Please let me know._


	45. Chapter 45 - Hamptons, fluff, Baby

_This chapter is a is for those of you who want the baby stuff and the bit of fluff, Hamptons etc. The rest of the story after this returns to NYC for closure of the situation with Bracken etc. _

**Chapter 45**

Late on the evening if Mason's birth, after Rick had returned home from the hospital, he and Martha broke open a bottle of French champagne to share a celebratory drink. Alexis had gone out with a few of her local friends.

"I thought you would stay at the hospital for the night, Richard." Martha said as she strolled the length of the impressive mantle piece that framed the fireplace. She browsed the new photographs Kate had placed along it. There were a few photographs of the many taken on the day the photographer had visited the house. Each photograph was either of everyone including the pups, or Richard with Alexis or Kate.

"We decided I would come home to take care of the puppies." He pointed at the two of them sleeping at their designated place on a bed near Rick's feet. "We didn't know who would be at the beach house on the night of the birth. Kate said she would be okay. I left her about nine twenty and I will be back there about ten-ish."

"It will be your first night apart since November won't it?"

"Yes, it is." Rick contemplated that for a moment. It was their first night apart since November. Nine months. "Probably longer than that as we were together most of the time anyway," he replied. "She's okay. She is regularly sending me texts and photos." He held up his phone just as it tinged, and smiled. "There she goes." He glanced to it. Yep. Kate had sent him a photo of Mason sleeping in the hospital bassinette. "She's more … girlie" He waved off his sentence and looked to his Mother as she looked at the picture Kate had just sent.

She smiled. "It was beautiful to watch her this afternoon with him." Martha said. "I wish you had been there. She forgot I was there and was in her own world. She explored every part of the baby. She talked to him about his family, anything, was just being with him. He was definitely listening to her voice. It was lovely to watch. It made me cry watching them."

Rick smiled at his mother, the actress, but he could see she was being quite sincere, "That's sweet, Mom. She was good tonight." He replied thinking about the time he had shared with Kate before he had left for home, "She was very happy."

They both looked toward the kitchen when they heard a noise of someone. The puppies left their bed to greet Jim who came downstairs from the guest room. He showered the pups with attention, then took a bottle of soft drink from the fridge. He soon saw Rick and Martha in the living area. Rick smiled watching the pups ran ahead of Jim to him. Rick leaned over to pet the two pups. Kate's puppy was quite a lot smaller than Rick's pup who was growing rapidly.

"You guys think you're getting away with it." He cooed at them, grinning at the wriggling pups. He petted both of them then requested they sit. Both obediently sat. Their constant training was working well. The pups soon laid down and settled at Rick's feet.

"Well Jim, how do you feel about finally being a grandfather?" Martha inquired making room for him to sit beside her on the sofa.

"It's incredible." He smiled and sat, making himself comfortable. "I remember when Katie was born, like it was yesterday."

"I feel the same about Richard and Alexis and here we are again, nineteen years later."

"When you say it like that," Rick commented, "I suddenly feel old."

"Mmm," Jim agreed, "I was a young lawyer when Johanna gave birth to Kate. We both were. We had just bought a home to take her to. It was great, but this is different," he explained and smiled at Martha who took Jim's hand in hers.

"It's wonderful being a grandparent. We have more time for the kids, stay young hearted with them."

"Yes, I look forward to spending time with him, with them." He looked to Rick, "Mason is a beautiful strong baby," he said to Rick, "You must be proud of Katie. She will be a fine mother. Johanna was an extraordinary mother to Kate. "

"She's extraordinary, Jim. I'm extremely proud of Kate for many reasons." Rick smiled.

"She looked very well today."

"Kate took great care of herself. The worst thing she ate was hotdogs that she had a fetish for."

"She only eats hotdogs at the baseball and only because I buy them."

"I know right! She was crazy about them."

"Would have liked to have seen that."

"I have photographs I will share." Rick replied excitedly, "Mason is going to be a big kid."

Jim laughed, "Yes, he is going to be a tall and strong lad for sure," he proudly agreed.

"Like his Dad! Mason, was in one hell of a rush to come into the world as well. Impatient, like his Mother." Rick held his glass in the air, "Cheers to my impatient Katie, who I greatly miss tonight." He took a mouthful of champagne with his mother joining him.

Jim laughed at Rick's boyish behaviour, "I agree. Kate was very impatient as a child. She came into the world in a hurry to get on with life. Strong willed, independent, wanted everything yesterday, too smart, challenged her mother. I feared for Kate having a daughter like she was."

"A boy will break her down." Rick chuckled. "It's going to be so much fun seeing her being the mother of boy."

"How was she during the birth?" Jim asked.

"Amazing, Jim. She was incredible. She wasn't afraid, just focused on giving birth."

"Katie said you were the best baby buddy she could have."

"The coach, Jim. I was in charge of keeping her mind on the job, her energy channelled."

"Yes, Kate did say you were great at it." Jim commented.

"Kate was really upset when you arrived." Rick commented. "I felt bad about leaving you there with her like that."

"It was father daughter stuff, Rick. We resolved things that were long overdue."

"Uh huh." Rick replied not surprised that's what had happened. Kate had already told Rick about the conversation between herself and her father. "I'm sorry for leaving you with her upset like that but I figured she needed to talk with you."

Jim nodded. "No need to apologise. We talked and it was good for us."

"So long as you connected." Martha commented.

"We did." Jim looked to Rick. "You know my daughter, Rick. She doesn't share a lot."

"I do." Rick glanced to his mother. "It probably had a lot to do with the Senator. When Mason was born she kept repeating, he's out, he's out or he's safe, something like that. She was filled with relief. I put the baby on her body after he was born and she cried like a kid. She's been very focused on giving birth for months. Everything was done in a calm and willing manner."

"She mentioned her mother quite a bit too." Jim added. "Mason's birth has brought about closure with Kate. She's fully accepted her mother will never come back. We talked about it and put it to rest this evening."

"That's good that you both talked about it." Rick commented. He momentarily went back to the final moments during which the baby was born. It was an event he would never forget. Those seconds he saw Kate become a mother, "I just hope they keep her in the hospital tonight. I warned the nurses she might try to take off." He said with a chuckle.

Martha laughed. "She won't leave there tonight. I had a chat with her about that."

Jim chuckled, "Yes, that was certainly interesting. You certainly have a way with her, that's for sure. She wouldn't listen to me."

"Nor me." Rick replied. "But she does listen to my Mother."

"Believe me gentlemen, she will be kept busy tonight with her baby and tomorrow she will be a lot wiser."

Rick smirked as he took a sip of his drink. He lifted his iPhone up to see Kate had sent him another half dozen text messages in the past five minutes. She had also sent him images of herself and their son lying together in bed. Her texts told him she missed him and wanted to be with him but she was so damn happy.

"She is perfectly content where she is." Rick said to Martha and Jim.

At the nurses' station, Rick leaned over the counter towards the young nurse and using his charming smile he began, "Morning, I've just arrived to see my partner and she's not in her room."

"You're with?" She smiled hit her keyboard to wake her computer up.

"Kate Beckett."

"Oh yes! She is in the new mothers' morning tea."

"The what?" Rick stood up straight in pleasant surprise that Kate was mingling. He glanced at the time on the wall clock. It was almost 10.30 am. He was pleased to hear Kate was socialising already.

"She's with all the new mothers in the common room up around to the right. You're Mr Castle?"

"Yes."

"They will be out soon." She pointed in the general direction.

He thanked her and continued around to where he knew the common room was. It was a reasonably sized room with glass internal walls. A minimum of fifteen women all with their babies were seated in the room around a large table full of cakes, sandwiches and drinks. All of the new mothers were in their PJ's and the nurses were in pink hospital uniforms. He smirked at the scene that kind of reminded him of when Alexis used to have friends over for pyjama parties minus the babies. He recognised a couple of women from prenatal classes and soon spotted Kate over the other side of the room. She was in the same clothes he'd seen her in when he'd kissed her good night the evening before. It was the longest time and the first night they had been apart since he'd boarded a plane with her to fly to Montreal. She was smiling, talking to a couple of new mothers and waving around a piece of what he thought was a donut with sprinkles on top of it in her hand as she talked. She was incredibly happy. Their son was lying along the length her long thighs, locked there by the dip between her legs. Unlike most of the girls there, because she had long legs she was able to nurse the baby easily on her lap and have her arms free. Rick leaned himself against the frame of the wall and gazed in at all the women, more than content to observe them. He never tired of being around women. They were after all, an endearing and important part of his life.

He was soon joined by another couple of men who were also in the hospital to visit their partners. They all silently watched the women until Rick looked to both men and commented.

"It's kind of like having a secret window into a woman's tea party."

The guys both smirked at Rick. The guy closest reached over to shake hands with Rick. "Nice to meet you, I'm Chris Stone. Local vet."

"Rick Castle, novelist." He gave a good firm hand shake. "Your partner is one of these?"

"The blond to the right."

"Yours?"

"The brunette over the back." Rick pointed a finger in Kate's direction. She was between a blond and brunette. "The tall one," he clarified noting the number of brunettes in the room.

The third guy stepped up and shook hands with both men. His name was Robert Simpson and he was a computer analyst. His wife was another brunette but she was sitting on the left side of the room. They could hear the noise level was on the increase in there. Women chatted and laughed and babies cried.

"What did you have?" Robert queried both the men.

"A girl." Chris Stone replied, "Gabrielle. My wife is Dee."

"Lovely, a little girl." Rick replied. "We had a boy, Mason. My partner is Kate."

Robert replied, "Boy as well, Charlie." He nodded to his partner. "She's a Kate as well."

"Is yours a handful too?" Rick asked with a mischievous smile.

"Aren't they all?" Robert replied.

"Oh yeah, but she's worth it." Rick turned his gaze back to his handful who had stood to leave the group. The baby was crying and Kate cradled him up close to her chest. He knew Kate would never feed the baby in public. She wasn't the type to do it. She also wasn't in any hurry to leave. Instead she continued to talk for almost a minute longer before she excused herself from the group and walked from the room. She sighted Rick through the glass and instantly beamed with happiness. There was a rapid increase in her pace. Rick was quite surprised at how agile she moved. He met her at the door, noticed she glanced cautiously at the two men. She stepped right into Rick's embrace, not at all concerned that the baby was crying.

"I missed you." She murmured so only he heard as he pulled her in for a firm hug.

"I know. Me too. I missed you a lot." He held her head and kissed her lips several times. He then let her go and took the baby as she passed him over. "I'll see you guys later." Rick said to the boys as he started to follow Kate. They waved him off.

"He's hungry." Kate explained pausing to check their baby who was crying and wriggling within the blanket she had in wrapped in.

"Is he feeding yet?" Rick asked noting the elephant prints all over the blanket.

"Kind of," she replied. He dropped his arm around her shoulders as they headed along the corridor to her room. "He's had me up a few times during the night."

"Did he?" He drew her closer and pressed his lips to her forehead. "God, I missed you." He whispered then let her go, "I like the slippers, Beckett," he commented looking down at her tiger slippers.

"Alexis bought them for me. Martha brought them in last night." She glanced down at them. "Cute huh?"

"They are. Are you feeling okay?" He inquired. Looking at her he wouldn't have guessed she had given birth to the bundle in his arms less than a day ago.

"Surprisingly I am." She walked into the room ahead of him and when he was in she closed the door and continued to the bed. She prepared herself to feed Mason, not in the slightest disturbed by the baby's cries. Rick handed back the baby to Kate then sat in a chair. She fell silent and focused on feeding the baby. Rick watched on in silence, opting to stay out of the struggles she was going to have with breastfeeding in days to come. He had complete faith she would find her way with him. Right now, she was patient with Mason and she remained relaxed. It seemed to fall into place between Kate and their son as given a minute she relaxed against the pillows as her son fed. She had spoken softly to the baby and then she turned to Rick once she seemed to be satisfied she was doing the right thing.

"I'm in pain Castle, but it's nothing compared to what I experienced in November." She squinted. "It hurts now with my body regaining its shape but it's easy to live through."

Rick raised an eyebrow, thinking back to the night he'd picked her up off the bitumen. "Yeah, you were close to death. I still can't describe how I feel about what you lived through to survive and keep him alive."

"I had no choice, Rick. Now we have him." She smiled staring down at the baby. "Will you please take us home today? I'm fine."

"I'll take you home." He'd taken her home in worse condition to save her life so he was certain she would be fine at home. He reached for the clipboard and silently flicked through the records of their vitals. Kate was well within normal ranges. So was the baby. He slipped it back, noticing the look she gave him. "Did you check your records?" He inquired.

"No. I know how I feel."

"Fair answer. The guys are coming up tonight and will be here till tomorrow. Your Dad is dropping by here soon on his way back to the city."

"He's not staying?"

"He said he needed to go back for work." He saw her face flash disappointment. It came and went in a blink but he didn't miss it. "Try and talk him around," He offered, "If you want him to stay."

"He's a lawyer, Castle. He's probably working from your house now."

Rick conceded without saying a word. He had been at the dining table on his laptop and cell phone when Rick had left the house.

"He can come up over the summer." Kate suggested. "He's finished." She lifted Mason away to Rick who took him. She smiled. "You are quite the hands on Dad, Castle."

"Wait till you really see me get going."

"I've already see you with Alexis. We will be fine together Rick."

Kate checked the time. "C'mon Castle, It's time to bathe our son for the first time." She slid off the bed to the floor and found the baby wash bag. With Rick behind her they walked to a room that that furnished with a long bench with baby baths set up. There were two other moms already in there.

"I will take the photos Beckett."

"Ok. I hope he likes the bath. I will be able to share that with him soon."

"I warned you Mason." Castle said peering over Kate's shoulder to his son who was awake and staring vacantly about. He was listening to noises and attracted to lights above them.

"What did you warn him about?"

"Boy talk, Kate." He smiled seeing the baby reacted to Kate's voice every time she spoke. He definitely knew her voice.

"Oh, I see." She coyly grinned, "You think you finally have someone on Team Castle."

"What? No!" He glared at her then took the bag she held out for him. Curiosity had the better of him and in no time at all he was fishing about inside the bag pulling out bottles and stuff. "Is this all for Mason?" He asked noting she was filling the bath with water and constantly checking the temperature.

"Of course. It all needs to be out for him." She laid the baby on a towel and commenced to undress him. With the water the correct temperature and the baby undressed, she lowered him slowly into the warm bath, totally captivated by the reactions she was seeing on the baby. He wriggled until the moment he was mostly submerged at which time he seemed to relax. He made a few noises that caused sounds to instantly escape Kate, which to Rick sounded like motherly sounds. He raised an eyebrow in amusement at how fast she had adapted. She had spent hours talking to him, discussing how much of a change it was going to be, how difficult it would be, when in reality she'd made the change as easily as putting one foot in front of the other. He left her alone and watched her wash their child for the first time ensuring it was a half hour neither of them would forget.

"Well, we're here." Rick stated as he pulled into the driveway. "Looks like no one's home."

Kate peered out the window to the beach house. "The pups will be home." She replied with a fair amount of excitement. "I cannot wait to see them!"

"True. They will be very happy to see you too." Rick braked the SUV outside the front door and killed the engine. "Wait here," he requested as he got out the car. He glanced over the back to the baby in the car capsule then closed the door. They had leased a new Mercedes SUV a week ago and so far they were more than happy with it. He had decided to keep the sedan as well, particularly as Kate had indicated she wouldn't be riding the Harley much anymore. He crossed to the passenger side opened the car door for Kate, taking her hand as she got out showing mild soreness.

"Stay here and I will get Mason out." Rick said inspecting her face. She hadn't paled off at all. In fact she looked great in a sleeveless top, shorts and runners, with her hair down. Having babies was something she was clearly good at. He opened the back door then paused glancing back to her face.

"What?" She asked peering down at her body then back to Rick.

"I'm thinking how good you look. I expected you to be in hospital a few days to recover."

She screwed her nose up, but smiled, "Ugghhh! No hospital. I hate hospitals." She glanced back at herself, "Anyway, Castle look at me! Do I look like a need to be in a hospital?" She grinned at him, "When we can be home with you."

"You're going to be resting, believe me."

"I will. Get our baby out of the car and take us inside, Castle."

Instantly, Rick bent inside the car and reached to the capsule. Once he had the capsule containing their son, he hooked his arm though Kate's and walked her to the front door. The door opened, he moved aside to let Kate in first. As he expected, she was straight in and headed for where she knew the pups would be. He closed the door and was just turning when he heard the noise erupt in the living room. He also heard Kate squeal in surprise then laugh and squawk names in happiness. Everyone was hiding in there. There was a burst of noise that he walked in to. He saw Kate was hugging Lanie. Lanie, Esposito, Kevin and Jenny, and Sorenson had all arrived about a half hour ago. Rick had been stalling Kate at the hospital most of the afternoon since her father had left to return to the city. Rick had had been thankful Kate's obstetrician had been delayed.

Everyone was there who was important to them. He set the capsule down on an armchair and unclipped the belt. His picked up his son and with him in his arms he carried him to the group.

Kate found Rick. She was overwhelmed by the surprise and came to him grinning. She pulled him by the arm back to the group. "This is Mason, everyone." She declared smiling and then burst into tears. "Meet the person you guys helped me to save."

Rick handed Mason straight to Lanie and took Kate into his arms for a firm hug feeling her cry. She was there in his arms only for a few seconds when Esposito tapped Rick on his shoulder.

"Hand her over, Castle."

"She's all yours." Rick replied and gently urged Kate away. She moved to Esposito who held her tightly. Rick understood that the birth of the baby was closure for everyone on a dark period in their lives. Lanie and Jenny were with the baby. Kate was with the men. She was surrounded by them and all of them held her. All he heard was Kate saying thank you over and over again. It was an intense moment Rick in his wildest dreams hadn't seen coming. He knew they were tight as a group but the significance of the moment was not missed by Rick. They had saved Kate and saw they understood they had saved two people. Sorenson was the last of them to hold Kate and it got emotional between them. Rick let them be and stepped over to his mother who stroked his upper arm.

"It's finally over for them." He said to his mother.

"Yes. They've been on edge since they walked in the door." Martha said.

"The baby's birth made it real." He saw Lanie migrate to Kate and the boys to present the baby to them. He was handed over to Sorenson first who had to let go of Kate. He smiled to Kate as she checked on her sleeping son.

"He's beautiful." Lanie said Kate as they hugged each other.

Rick saw Kate then inspect Jenny's baby bump. She still had about six weeks to go. The women said something to each other and laughed. He saw Kate was completely over the moment and happy again. She sat on the sofa with Jenny and Lanie.

Rick went to the fridge and found two bottles of champagne. With the tray of fluted glasses he had prepared earlier he walked over to the coffee table. He passed Will a bottle to open. The two men stood ready.

"Thanks to everyone for coming to day to celebrate the long awaited arrival of our son, Mason." Rick said, "And I will also take this moment to thank Kate for making it possible and yesterday making it look so easy." They popped the champagne bottles. The baby cried a little at the sound but soon quietened. Rick and Will poured drinks. Everyone held a glass. They toasted and drank.

Castle and Beckett were lounging by the pool side on a hot afternoon. Kate was in the shade, in a red bikini lying on a banana lounge. She silently stared at Rick who was at the table in the shade with his laptop. She saw he was a little fidgety and repeatedly glanced in her direction at her body. His concentration on writing had severely dropped in the past quarter hour. She looked down at herself wondering what was gaining so much of his attention. Everything was in the right place as far as she was concerned as she admired herself in her new bikini that her breasts were finally filling properly. They were taking perfect care of Mason who had just been fed and was sleeping inside in the living room where it was cooler. The doctor was very pleased with the baby's weight gain and Kate's quick recovery. She had the baby monitor at her side in case he woke but she knew Mason would sleep for at least two hours. He was like his Dad, she thought with a smirk. Feed him up and he would sleep like a baby too.

"What are you smirking at?" Castle asked, and Kate looked to him in time to see his lips form that cheeky smile that happened. She thought his mouth and the shape of his lips were breathtaking.

The pups who were lying under the table at Rick's feet in the shade lifted their heads to see what the noise was about. They saw nothing exciting so they laid back down.

"Just thinking about Mason sleeping and how he's like his Dad."

"Me?"

"Smart ass. Yes you." She caught the look from him again and glanced down at her body. Her bikini was damn okay and nothing was uncovered. Well her nipples were erect but that was normal lately. She looked at her stomach. It was flat, nothing obviously wrong there. At few tan lines on her hips from wearing different bikinis but they were faint. She shot her eyes back to Rick's and he quickly looked away, back to his screen.

"What is it Castle?" She asked sitting up on the banana chair. He looked at her face then her body. He sat back in his chair and scratched his hair then shifted his swimming shorts. It was then Kate realised what was going on. "You're writing a sex scene with Rook and Heat, aren't you!?"

He knew it was a rhetorical question, "What?! No!" He pulled a face at her. "How can you tell?"

"Look at you!" She directed her eyes to his groin and saw the growth, back to his eyes, "Oh yeah. Castle is fantasising," she teased.

"Writing porn is probably a better description." He looked her up and down from toe to head and back, his thoughts obvious on his face, and he backed himself up with words about what he was feeling, "You're stunning, but when you're wearing that, it's really hard, Baby. It's a long time especially with watching you walk about the house in very little." He pointed towards her body and glanced at the bikini. He saw an expression of what he figured was amusement cross Kate's face. "What?" He inquired.

"C'mon," she encouraged, "I've been trying to figure out a way to tell you it's time, because you are looking so damn sexy and I've been having those dreams." Kate stood, also picking up the monitor to take with her.

"Those dreams." Rick fondly echoed as he closed his laptop because he didn't want her reading his sex scene just yet, "I've seen those dreams and I like you having those type," he remarked. He looked questioningly at her, "Isn't it too early?" He queried with concern.

"When has the time ever stopped you from hitting on me?"

Amused by her replied he replied, "I'm not talking about time. That's never a factor I include when sex is involved."

"Why does that not surprise me, Castle."

"I mean, since you had Mason. Isn't it too soon for us to … you know?"

"Oh! No! Who says it is?" She reached out for his hand. "I'm ready," she confirmed. He hesitated so she wriggled her fingers in encouragement, "C'mon Ricky," she purred as he sat contemplating the situation. He glanced down at his groin, then at Kate's. He abruptly stood and saw her grin. She took his hand, pulled him keenly toward the sliding door to the kitchen. He followed Kate inside the house and the pups came too. He closed the sliding door then lifted the pups into their pen where they would be secure for a little while. They didn't want furniture chewed on while they were busy. The pups flopped down on the cold tiles, too hot to be overly active.

Kate crept over to the cot where Mason slept. He was in a deep sleep, kept cool by the air conditioned house. Kate smiled, bit her bottom lip at the sight of her baby then grinned at Rick and gave him the thumbs up that the baby was asleep. She hastily returned to Rick, stopped before him leaving only a spare inch between their bodies. Her hands took hold of his forearms that she excitedly waved.

"You ready?" She asked enthusiastically, her bright eyes searching his face, flicking between his eyes and mouth. She ran her palm up the inside of his shirt against his flesh and moaned her approval.

Rick saw her expression alter from playful to total seductress and the way her hands caressed his chest strengthened the ache of want in his groin. He groaned and wrapped his arms about her waist to draw her against him, "Come here. Let you me have a taste of you."'

With a playful noise she lifted her arms about his neck and was up on her toes in no time to reach his mouth for a serious kiss, her pelvis pressed against his. She felt how much he wanted her.

Initially, they were tender, passive and slow. A wind up kiss to see if it was there. They parted and stared at each other a moment or two then threw themselves into it. The fire had ignited. It had been way too long. Kate urgently and clumsily climbed Rick's body. He fumbled at her buttocks to pick her up. In their frantic passion they bumped noses. They giggled at their awkwardness, then were back at it. Her feet blindly found the floor and she pulled at his t-shirt in an attempt to get it off him. His fingers fiddled like a school boy's with her bikini clips. He was unable to release a simple plastic lock in his hast to have her naked. When he finally released it the clip the neck strap was gone and her full breasts were exposed to his eyes. He moaned his approval and smiled at the sight of her. Tired of her attempts to undress him, he pulled off his t-shirt and threw it somewhere. Then his arms were behind her and he felt for the other clip to take her top right off. Desperate to bed her, he was clumsy and frantic. She was no longer pregnant, she was extremely fit already and they didn't have to be careful. He thought she was the most beautiful he had ever seen her. For days he had been living with the burning desire to make love to her.

The clip was released the bikini top. It fell to the tiles. Kate was hooked about his neck wanting him on her body. He felt down her body until he was at her buttocks where he easily picked her up. She wrapped her legs about his torso as he walked towards the stairs. The kissing was crazy hot. Their breathing rapid. Words hardly formed. Their tongues felt each other. He lifted her higher to cover her jaw with kisses, to taste her. He breathed in her perfume, her scantly. She was nibbling his right ear lobe and he felt her hot breath against his neck. It sent shivers down his spine. He felt shots of electrical currents through his nerves system. She was trembling with excitement.

Castle couldn't wait any long. The kitchen counter was closer than their bed. He lifted her higher and sat her ass on the kitchen counter shoving the stools either side of them aside with a kick of his feet, so they had more space. Their kissing was hungry and passionate. He felt her long hair on his body tickling his skin, heightening his senses. His fingers combed through it as his tongue pushed against hers. Her constant cries of want turned him on, insanely turned him on. He was at her neck, his hands at her breasts. His mouth followed as his hands pushed his shorts down. They were gone. He blindly found his way to her hips to get rid of the bikini bottom only to find it was already off her body. He stopped and glanced down to her groin back to her face. Her lips, nose and eyes were red. Her eyes were glistening. She was so happy.

"What?" She asked, curious as to what had stopped his ravenous exploration of her body.

"It's gone already." He shot his eyes around them and found the flimsy piece of material on the carpet where they had started. His attention was back on her and he stay off her a second as his eyes wandered down the length of her body. "Let's slow this down." He suggested, his docile eyes seductively stared at her. He saw she was turned on by his expression. She never hid her feelings when they made love which is what partially made it so great between them. "It's been way too long to just um…" He raised his eyebrows, "to just fuck you." He glanced to her groin, "Ricky wants to play." He stated and brushed the back his hand down her belly seeing her muscles involuntarily contract beneath his hand. She quivered in response and peered down her body between her thighs.

She smiled devilishly. "The last time was the night before Mason was born." She cutely said stroking her fingers through his hair.

His hands softly followed the curves of her body. "I know. I remember too well." He leaned on the counter his hands to each side of her, his body between her thighs and he kissed her slower, expressing his full intentions of what he wished to do with her by the way he delivered his affection. Her hands stayed on his head, her body pushed against his chest. She wrapped her legs about his torso and locked her ankles behind him, pulling him toward her groin. She wanted him badly and he felt every bit of it from her. He lifted and brought her body closer to his. He felt her firm breasts against his chest and ran his hand to her groin to firmly feel her pussy as they kissed. A throaty groan escaped him at how moist she was. He picked her up to continue their journey towards the stairs. He intended to have his way with her and he was going to take his time.

At the base of the stairs he let her back to the floor and took her hand. They hurried up the stairs and Kate took the lead at the top. She turned and walked backwards both her hands in his as she walked him to their room. She maintained a visual on his eyes.

"You love me, Castle?"

"Always loved you." He murmured back, "but you know that," he smiled boyishly following her eyes to his groin, "and you can see I do." He wanted to run after her like they used to play around, "I so want to chase you," he confessed softly and heard her girlish noise in response. She lowered her eyelids and peered at him from beneath the eyelashes, wearing nothing but a precocious expression.

"Maybe you should." She suggested and turned about to walk forward.

Rick wasn't sure whether it would spook her but he took a chance, particularly when he saw her bare ass in front of him. He seriously wanted a piece of it. He ran forward and wrapped him right arm about her waist. She squealed then broke into laughter as she weakly attempted to escape his grasp. He knew she didn't want him to let her go. Instead, she turned about to face him again and propelled them into the bedroom with his guidance she went to the bed.

"Lay down, Kate," he requested and let go of her body. She promptly sat then scrambled backwards over the massive bed until her feet were on the mattress. She laid on her back, tilting her hips in a precocious way, wearing her come hither look on her face. Her arms stretched out to him and wrapped about him as he responded. He was straight over her body, to her mouth.

Within a minute, Rick understood with absolute certainty he finally had his old Kate back. For several seconds his memories shot him back to that awful fight in the car, when she'd told him the Kate Beckett he had fallen in love with was dead. She was right in front of him, in the room with him and she was right into him, responding keenly, physically pushed him for more just as she used to before November. She had finally come home. For the first time since she had been taken she was reacting to him like an untainted lover. There was no hesitation or fear in her actions. Her noises were those familiar passionate sounds that sent him in to a frenzy to have her. She quivered beneath his touching hands, she chased his mouth with her own to kiss him, she writhed beneath him and giggled whenever he tickled certain parts of her body. On the expansive bed he actively sought her, she tagged him, they rolled and tumbled and a couple of times he saved them from falling off the bed. They were once again intoxicated by each other.

When the right moment came to progress, Rick grabbed Kate by the hips to hold her still and he dove into her being. She arched her back, tilted her pelvis towards his mouths and cried out pure sounds of passion. He was finally there and he was so into her. She lifted her legs, opening herself for him. Her pelvis began to thrust as though he was already inside her. The urge to grind herself against his hand and mouth was strong and the feeling it result in had her gripping his hand that tried to hold her pelvis as steady. Her body was stronger than his hands. She was quickly coming. Her hips were pushed up in the air by her legs thrusting her off the mattress. She laughed and whined strange noises, then called his name. She climaxed screaming "Oh my God!" Over and over. After it was over her hips dropped but he was still there and all of a sudden she was up, she was moaning and crying out his name, the full Richard. He laughed, as she rolled into a second climax and then she was sliding away from him as her nerves were too sensitive for him to continue. She squealed as she fell off the side of the bed. He held onto her as much as he could manage but ended up losing her. She rolled on the floor giggling then reach to the mattress and pulled herself up. She struggled to his face and started to kiss his mouth like crazy as she climbed back to the bed.

She pushed him on his shoulder to his back and crawled over his body to his engorged penis. She hadn't had so much fun in ages. She took him in her hands and with wide, excited eyes she glanced between his face and his swollen organ. She teased him, licked him and watched his face to see his response.

"Come on Baby!" He pleaded and she immediately crawled up his body to his face kissing his mouth. She tasted herself. She sucked on his nipples, felt his hands in her hair that flowed over his body like a silk scarf. She made her way back down there wishing she had ice cubes. His hand had found her and was stroking her pussy. He pushed inside her then on her clit rubbing over her causing her hips to involuntarily rock. She wanted him inside her but first she wanted to give him a treat. She took him in her mouth and felt his hand stop. His focus was on her mouth and what her tongue was doing to his penis. She circled the end of him feeling every familiar bump and crevice of his organ. She felt his fingers inside her, his thumb circling her clit. She went right down on him, took as much of him as she could listening to his groans, feeling a hand to her head, the other in her. She concentrated on bringing him to the edge, not permitting him to topple but kept him balance right on the edge until he couldn't take it anymore. He sat up and with quick lift and turn she was on her back. He turned her about put himself between her legs, pushed her knees further apart and moved his body above her. She lifted her body up off the bed to meet his and waited for him to enter her. Her eyes were closed her bottom lip bitten by her top teeth. She felt him put his hands to her butt, felt him position himself outside of her but he wasn't moving. She opened her eyes and glared up at him.

"Castle! Get inside me already," she ordered and released a squeal of surprise and playfulness when he pushed himself in her. She regained her balance and pushed against the strength of his thrusts. He closed his eyes and held them there a second. God she was tight and so hot.

"Don't move a second he ordered. I"m on the edge." He felt her move a little and giggle. He felt her muscles tighten from her laughter and her voluntary contractions, "Kate, Kate, Kate." He groaned and pulled out or her and saw the devilish look in her eyes. "I cannot trust you," he stated and watched her provocatively lick her lips.

"Naughty." She purred.

"I'll give you naughty," he smirked and entered her again watching as he eyes widened in response. She looked so hot and she was being quite the vixen, "You wanna play rough huh?"

"Yes!" She grinned. "Castle?"

"Mmmm?"

"Make me come like you used to." She ordered.

"With me in you?"

"Yeah, like when I used to scream and you would cover my mouth to hush me, come." She described and pushed against him again. She closed her eyes, moving her body in time with him, "You're so close to coming. I can feel it. Not yet." She lifted hard against him. "Deeper."

He clutched at her buttocks and lifted her closer him. She used to like the rough play and it seemed she was back in the game. She shifted herself to where he wanted her and he began to fuck her his thumb against her clitoris. He thrust himself as deep as possible inside her and pushed against her where she liked. As she grew closer to coming he felt she began to lose the power in her thighs that were supporting her weight. He brushed his palm over the flat of her lower abdomen, saw her muscles ripple in response then pushed down on her, his thumb a constant on her clit. She was tightened and then rolled into another climax. She cried out his name as her body was thrown into a convulsive wave of orgasm. He felt how tight she was on him and he had to stay there on the brink until she rode it through. The second she was finished he pulled out of her and lifted her limp body over.

"On your knees, Baby." He encouraged, laughing at her lack of strength. She moaned but when she knew what he was going to do she was up on her knees and waiting. He mounted her from behind and started to fuck her hard, supporting her body against his strength. She was laughing at his thrusts then the laughter changed to moans of pleasure as her mind began to focus on the next climax that was coming. She put her hand to her clit and brought it on. Her hips rotated, her muscles contracted as she came in a weaker climax. She heard him coming and felt his harder deeper thrusts. He came as her body clamped about him in a final weak orgasm. He laid over her body caressing her back as his climax finished, stayed inside her feeling her weaker contractions of muscles until his body was too sensitive to tolerate it any longer.

Rick rolled off Kate and slumped across the bed panting heavily. He closed his eyes feeling his heart racing like he'd just sprinted a mile. There was a smile of total contentment over his face he couldn't wipe and had no desire to lose for quite some time. He caressed his hand up the back of Kate's thigh still wanting to touch her. She perspired from their activities and the heat of the day. She was on her stomach breathing rapidly. He felt the swell her left buttock, the firmness of her muscle.

"You have a nice ass." He remarked.

"Yours isn't so bad either." She replied and rolled to her side facing him. She wriggled closer and kissed his left shoulder then lazily gazed over his chest and down his body. She could see slightly beneath his rib cage that his heart was pounding quickly. Her body was doing all sorts of crazy stuff it hadn't done in so long. Her mind had finally released the demons that haunted her mind. She had really liked what they had done. It was making love in its purest form. What she felt for him when they were making love she had never felt for anyone else. To be honest she hadn't experienced those feelings since November.

"My baby is back." Rick murmured as he opened his eyes and looked at Kate's. She saw how satiated he was. His pupils were dilated and his face was relaxed. She felt his hand over her hip, stroke down her thigh, then back up to her waist.

She smiled coyly and took his hand in hers playing with his fingers. "I think so. I'm not afraid anymore."

"I know. I felt it. It was like we used to be." He closed his eyes and swallowed as her hand reached out and caressed his forehead. She moved over his head and softly kissed his lips, his cheek,

"I feel light headed." She whispered.

"Mmm. I feel satisfied. Just like we were." He repeated and laid his arm around her body.

"Shhhh.. Let's not talk about it. We have it back. Let it be."

"Okay." He opened his eyes and looked into hers, touched her cheek with a finger tip, "But I want to tell you how proud I am of what you have overcome and achieved this year. You really are inspiring…"

"Castle."

"Yeah, I know." He smirked.

She smiled. "I couldn't have done it without you."

He grinned and accepted her kiss. "I know."

"You are so egotistical."

"I know that too." He gave her another kiss, "By the way, how do you do that?"

"What?" She furrowed her brow.

"Come that many times with so much power behind each one."

Kate grinned and bit her lip. "I don't know. I just can. But it's really cool huh?"

"It's awesome I can get you to do that."

Kate laughed. "It's not hard, Ricky. But you're an exceptional pilot." She teased.

"Ha! Well, I figure you can start horse riding again, Beckett, after that performance." Rick stated and patted her on her bare ass.

"I agree. Tomorrow. Let's go there tomorrow morning." She lifted herself to her hands and knees gave him another kiss. "I'm going for a shower. I'm really hot." She reached for the baby monitor and set it beside him. "The puppies were making more noise than Mason."

"You heard all that?"

"I was listening to them the entire time we made love." She replied as she walked to the bathroom. "The pups have gone to sleep." She called out.

Their lives that summer became a routine. Alexis stayed in the States and returned to work with Dr Parish on a part time basis a couple of days a week and she divided her spare time between the beach house and the city.

She brought her boyfriend with her several times to the Hamptons and they would come and go using the house as their base, but mainly she came to spend time with her baby brother whom she would constantly dote upon. Martha was virtually the same. She spent a great deal of time at the beach house with the family but she also met a local man she started to spend time with. The baby had become the centre of the family and had brought them even closer. Castle and Becket stayed at the house. Every morning they would walk down on the beach, with the baby and dogs. It started the very next day by taking a walk with the guests on the beach and they didn't miss a day after that.

They were on the beach in the late morning when it was warmer. The Labradors were bounding crazily around Ricks legs.

Rick held Mason safely in his arms, pretending the baby was a plane. Rick made all the noises a plane would plus mimicked being the pilot who was communicating back to base. The ridiculously stupid stuff he said made Kate laugh.

He loved being flown about in the air by Rick. The baby waved his arms about copying Kate who was showing him how to wave.

Rick continued so long as it resulted with his son's and girlfriend's laughter. He slowly turned in circles, Mason in the air. Kate ran around him hiding from Mason behind Rick's body. Each time she would peek out from behind Rick, Mason giggled.

"Will you stop it?" She eventually pleaded between her bouts of laughter watching what Rick was up to with his boyish behaviour and their son. She wiped her eyes unable to stop her laughter she shared with the baby who laughed because of what his Dad was doing. The baby's exploration of vocal noises was vivacious. He was such a happy baby. The both laughed uncontrollably at their baby who was beginning to discover the world.

"He laughs at you." Rick said, eyes admiring Kate. She was looking bloody hot of late. Every day she exercised. She was perhaps a little too lean, but her body was toned and the most muscled up he'd ever seen. Her hair was long, the longest he'd seen it and she had let it go over the summer. It had lightened off a lot with being outdoors so much. She wore a red sleeveless top and lycra shorts.

"He loves you doing that to him," Kate said as she flung the dogs' Frisbee for them. The two pups clumsily ran after it. Toby, being the stronger of the two ran faster and fetched the toy from the water's edge.

"He laughs when his mother laughs," Rick replied and brought Mason back down to his bare chest. He caught up with Kate who pressed her hands to his bare chest, leaned over and kissed her baby, making a noise when their lips touched. She smiled and the baby laughed and wriggled in Rick's hold wanting to go to his mother.

"Stay there baby," Kate murmured then went on her toes to kiss Rick's lips." The noise she made when she kissed him was clearly different. She glanced between the blue eyes of Rick's to the large blue eyes of Mason. "He laughs at what you do with him." She touched his shoulder and bit her bottom lip admiring how big his biceps had grown this summer. He had been working out with her a lot and was looking great. She glanced around searching for the pups. The two of them ran side by side about the empty beach, jointly holding the Frisbee in their mouths. They amused themselves all the time. She called them and they immediately turned and ran toward her. They dropped the Frisbee at Kate's feet. She picked it up and flung it again. They were gone chasing after it. They did this every day.

"When I had him in the study yesterday with me, and you were singing?"

"Mmmm?"

"He was laughing and wriggling on me, like he does when he wants you."

"That's because when we're alone, we sing and dance together."

"Dance?" He laughed pretending he didn't know. He had secretly spied on her on numerous occasions when she thought he was writing. She would play music, sing to it and dance about with the baby in her arms. She spent most days doing things with the baby. She lost hours playing with Mason, watching him sleep or just lying with him. If she wasn't with Mason, Rick or the pups, she worked on reviewing Rick's writing, trained the dogs or she did whatever she felt like. He'd caught her a number of times on the couch, Mason asleep on her while she was proofing from the iPad.

"We dance." She threw the Frisbee directly into the ocean. The dogs galloped after it. She watched them. She didn't want this life to end. She loved being at the beach all the time with Rick, Mason and the dogs. The dogs had become a huge part of their life. She loved having them. They ran with her when she went for runs, they plunged into the swimming pool after her, chased her on the lawn or laid on the carpet with her. She didn't care whether they carried sand into the house or caused her to have to clean more, because they were great pets, fantastic with the baby and they were fun to be with.

"Katie." Rick called and held out their son to her. She took Mason and reached to her and she sat him on her right hip, holding him to her body. She fixed up his hat and top to ensure he was covered from the sun.

Mason was content with being on her hip but he now looked to Rick to entertain him.

"We have to go back to the city tomorrow." Kate said.

"Yep. That we do." He seriously replied. "What do you think about that?"

"Indifferent, but I have to return to work. How will the pups cope? They have had a life of us being there constantly, the pool, the yard, the beach."

"Life in the city will be very different for them." Rick agreed. He sat next to Kate who had sat on the sand to let Mason play. The Labradors continued to run about the beach.

"He's three months old," she said, "Hard to believe our summer is over here." She sat Mason on the sand between her legs then carefully watched him to make sure he didn't put any sand in his eyes or mouth. He was incredibly curious and becoming more and more engaged with each day he grew older. Today, as usual he was more interested in his mother. He was almost due for a feed and a nap.

"It is. We will come back here during the winter months." Rick reassured watching Mason.

"For sure," she agreed and glanced up and down the beach. "It's quiet here again."

"School is back in." Rick laid down on the sand resting on his elbow. "Are you ready to go back to the city?  
Kate looked to Rick for several seconds, her hands not leaving Mason who was now interested in her gold bracelet. She shrugged her shoulders. "I'm as ready as I will ever be. I've been places here alone."

Rick nodded in agreement. She had taken the car a few times and gone shopping alone, met girlfriends for lunch, had gone horse riding, or taken the baby out to meet with the mother's group. The pups and the baby had given them an avenue to meet quite a number of people this summer. Rick had also kept in contact with a couple of the guys he'd met after Mason was born. They were enjoying their life in the Hamptons.

The pups returned and flopped down on the sand near them, panting heavily from their exercise. They were nearly fully grown physically but still behaved like pups and needed constant supervision.

She picked up Mason who was beginning to cry. He was hungry and due for a feed. She sat him in her lap as she prepared herself then laid him into her arms and put him to her breast.

"We have a lot of appointments doctors and lawyers." Kate said, "So we have to go back to the city." She stared out over the ocean wondering what the next week of her life would be like. The past four months she had known what her day was going to be like when she woke up. Since Mason had been born she knew the only thing she needed to focus on was taking care of herself, Rick and the baby. Mason had been her priority. She would continue to have that in New York but she had to return to work. She didn't want to leave the baby yet. "Will you come back to work with me?" She glanced down to the baby feeling his little hands on her skin.

"Of course, if Gates will let me. I'm your partner." Rick replied, amused by the way Mason flexed his toes while he fed. "He eats well."

"He's like you. Makes a right little pig of himself." She teased, and stroked Mason's head.

"May eat like me, but he's certainly got your personality."

"Ha! How can you tell at his age?" She laughed, "You're just trying to distract me from thinking about going back to the city, Castle," she said with compassion in her voice but looked at him with worry on her face. "As long as you're with me I will be ok."

"Always be with you."


	46. Chapter 46

_This chapter is to re-establish Beckett back to how she would normally be so she's prepared for the ending of this story. Thanks once again to my beta. After this chapter there are about 3 chapters to go or 30,0000 approximate words. _

**Chapter 46 – Returning to life**

A strong hand pulled her right arm behind her back by her wrist immobilising her and she was dropped to her knees with shove to the back of her legs, then forced to lie face down on the mat. The manoeuvre was made in a split second by her opponent. It felt like slow motion to Kate. She was further immobilised by a knee in her back. Her hand was pinned firmly between her shoulder blades. She pleaded, "Let me go!" Cries of frustration escaped her. She breathed heavily trying not to let the panic take over her conscious thinking. Seconds later she started to cry partially in fear, but also because she had succumbed that easily to him. She was angry at herself for letting him knock her on her ass so quick.

"Fight me, Beckett," he growled, "Stop thinking about what you're doing and just do it, because you know what to do."

"No!" She cried, "Please!"

Watching from the sideline, in the company of Captain Gates, Castle fought to refrain himself from getting involved. Kate's tone of voice told him she was freaking out from succumbing so fast. He questioned himself as to whether all the psychiatric therapy he'd paid for, and that the justice system was still to reimburse him for, was going to be destroyed in the next few feverish minutes. She cried out again. It occurred to him they might not ever see the return of Detective Beckett they all knew before she was abducted. He doubted it. She would shine soon. She cried a distressful and loud no. Rick couldn't stand it any longer.

"Esposito, let her go." Castle called from the side of the room.

Esposito heard Rick's protective order to release Kate but ignored him. He also heard Kate murmur, "Don't," and she calmed a little.

Esposito smiled. There was determination in her tone of voice. Tomorrow Rick would have to stay out of the gym so Kate was alone. Since November he'd become way too protective of Kate and she was still feeding off of that. It was understandable to everyone why Rick was like that, but it was time for him to let Kate loose.

Rick stood from his chair to go to Kate's aid, "Stay here," Captain Gates said to Castle. He turned to her to see she held her hand up and waved him back. "Sit down Mr Castle. Detective Beckett has to be able to do this on her own. At the moment, Beckett won't make it through the exercise IA has required her to complete, so we have to sort out this issue. It's to save her life, their lives. She has to be able to protect herself and her team on the job."

Rick glanced between Kate and the chair, then against his instincts returned to the chair beside Gates. He rested his elbows on his knees. "It's difficult to watch and listen to her, Captain, when I have seen firsthand how dedicated she has been to get here. At the same time I know she is trying to take over and control of her fears, which she will, I promise you that." he confessed. He then fell silent to continue to watch on their progress on the gym mat. He was a little dismayed to see Kate wasn't fighting Esposito at all.

"You told me when she was in the hospital in November she would come back to work. You didn't doubt it for a second. Do you still believe she will pass the tests?"

Rick sat up and smiled at Gates, "She will pass any test they throw at her."

Gates chuckled, "Mr Castle, you have so much faith in Detective Beckett."

"Of course I do, Captain. It's certainly heart wrenching for me to listen to Kate's cries at Esposito to get off her but I know that any minute she's gonna get pissed off at herself for being weak, and then she will seriously kick his ass. She always does when they train." He fell silent to listen to Esposito repeatedly encourage and antagonise Kate to fight him. He tried any avenue to get a rise out of her. At the moment she didn't attempt to challenge him.

"I hope she does. She's very distressed right now."

"Let Detective Esposito get under her skin. He knows how to get through to Kate."

Esposito's patience was wearing thin with Kate's inability to sort her thoughts and fears out enough to defend herself. She cried "no" at him over and over. He grunted, took his knee from her back, stood up and let her arm go. He grabbed her by her upper arms as roughly as he usually would when sparring with her, and lifted her back to her feet. He didn't hesitate with anything he did to her. She cried out not at all happy about his handling of her any more. Her objections didn't have much of an effect on the way he touched her. As soon as she was on her feet he released her and she was backing up. She maintained a vigil on Esposito who was prepared to launch a further attack.

He teasingly smiled at her, seeing she roughly wiped beneath her eyes. He could see she wanted to overcome her fears but she was struggling to, "Come on, Beckett. You can do this." He encouraged, "Play fight with me. It's a game, like we used to play."

"No. It's not a game."

"It's our thing, Chica." Esposito was determined to have Kate defend herself. He needed her to protect herself, to protect Rick, himself and Ryan on the job. None of them could afford have her collapse in a heap if she was threatened at a crucial time while on the job.

He approached Kate like a predator, as though he was going to attack her exactly as he had less than two minutes earlier. She had the drop on him this time if she thought it through, the ability to anticipate what he was going to do. She hadn't fought him at all the first time he'd done it.

Esposito lunged at Kate. She cried out in surprise and leapt backwards. He lunged again. He copped a swift smack in his face from the heel of her hand. It stopped him for a second or so. He saw the satisfaction gush over her face. He chuckled, "Good girl," then rushed at her.

Kate stopped thinking about it and simply let her body respond. She immediately dropped to the mat, swept his feet out from under him then rolled as Esposito fell onto his back. She was to her feet. She dropped her knees into his back. Next second Kate had his arm and she locked his elbow, pulling it behind him. She sat all her weight on his back, pinning him to the floor. Javy laughed. He heard Kate cry a little, felt her shake her body free of the anguish the fights were causing, and she then laughed. It was that kind of laugh one had as a result of experiencing an unexpected accomplishment. She was proud of her achievement but also surprised she done it. She sniffed and pressed his elbow harder.

"You bastard!" She pushed on his arm causing him to squawk, "Why did you do that?"

"To smarten you up, Chica. You have to find your old self," he replied and with that said, he instantly tossed Kate off him with little effort and rolled to his knees. Within another second he had her flat on her back and pinned to the mattress beneath him. His head was over hers and her arms were pinned over her head. He was in a position he knew would scare her, but he knew by experience she was capable of an easy escape. Instead, he saw she was quickly losing control again. He pushed a little more pressure on her body and saw the stress increase on her face. Her veins were beginning pulsing, her face was growing red.

"Get out of it Kate. You know how to do it." He waited, and only saw she was crashing. Esposito growled at her and pressed on her more, "Stop crying. You know what to do. Just do it."

From somewhere deep within, Kate growled in frustration at the hold he had her in. Esposito saw all the veins in her face pulsing and her cheeks and neck had became quite red. She was finally severely pissed off at him.

"Fuck you, Espo! Get off me!" She screeched and with a sudden surge of furious strength she flipped him off her body. She was free and jumped to her feet with great agility. She backed away and wiped her face with her t-shirt, kind of laughing like Indiana Jones would when under pressure and scraping against death's door. She heard a round of applause with a couple of supporting whistles and released a smile as she glanced to her small support group. She was very tempted to do a curtsy but restrained herself. Then seconds later the temptation got the better of her and she threw in a curtsy with a girlish laugh. Everyone had a laugh at her unusual behaviour.

Simultaneously, she could see and feel her nerves had eased off from making her body tremble and her muscles felt more relaxed and less resistant to movement. She was still furious about Esposito's intrusive and rather rough tackle on her. He wasn't holding back with the way he treated her but that was okay. Right now, he was circling her in a stalking manner.

"Keep at it, Kate," Rick encouraged seeing she was going to keep going and he clapped a few times. In short black lycra shorts and red singlet top she looked amazingly fit. She had returned home from their summer in the Hamptons looking like a race horse, or an elite athlete. She almost had the six pack and when they made love he was able to clearly see the definition of it when she moved.

Kate stepped in response to Esposito's movements and she concentrated on him, tried to anticipate his next approach. He took too long, "All right, Esposito," she said, "Give it to me! I need to finish this." Kate yelled at him.

Esposito smirked, "Good to see you angry, Chica," he waved a finger luring her, "C'mon, come at me," he dared and sneered at Kate. He backed up a little as she stepped toward him. "How angry are you?"

"I'm angry. _He's gonna die_ angry." She hissed so no one else in the gym heard them."

"This …" he wobbled his finger at her, "this ain't gonna kill him, girl. You need gimme more anger than this."

"Try me," she dared.

Esposito suddenly took off after Kate. He was swift and ruthless. He threw her backwards to the mat. She grunted then growled at the situation. No squeals this time. She pushed up at him, initiated and progressed her body into a roll until she tumbled herself taking him with her by using the momentum. She sprung up, dropped down and sat on his chest her thighs to each side of his head. His arms were pinned and she leaned back so he couldn't throw her forward. She glared at him not amused one bit by the sound of his intense laughter.

"Getting there, Beckett!" He chuckled and tossed her to the mattress, pinning her right leg beneath his body, her other leg held by his hand to her thigh. She was twisted and held down awkwardly beneath the weight of his torso.

This is when she would get scared and he knew it immediately. Her body was exposed to him. He glared at her eyes. "What are you going to do?"

"I've got nothing."

"Come on, Beckett," he pushed, "You know what to do." She was on the edge of panicking. He could see it all over her face she had gone to another place and time. "Beckett?" He saw her eyes refocus on him. "Stay here," he said quietly, "Don't go back there. Get yourself out of this."

"Javy," she said with a high voice and started to cry, "It doesn't work when there's four men on me and I've been hit and drugged. There was nothing I could do!" She closed her eyes.

"Kate? Open your eyes and look at me," he softly said. He waited and seconds later she obeyed him. "Good, now where's your hand?" He asked and saw her panicked eyes focus on him and his question. The panic disappeared. She was back. He suddenly felt her hand going for his groin. She had found his vulnerable spot. He was up and off her in no time satisfied she had her counter attack. He reached out with his hand that she took and he pulled her to her feet. She was as white as a ghost but they were only maybe ten minutes in to her training. They took a minute to have a drink and walk off the tension. She had to keep her fears under control. He secretly couldn't believe how well she was coping with the fighting when he'd seen what she had been through. What he was doing now was nothing compared to the sparing they used to practise before she had been abducted. They used to get exceptionally rough with each other and she had loved it.

Rick continued to watch from the sideline with Gates, both of them quietly discussing on and off Kate's progress. He knew Espo was toying with Kate, easing her into it, but she wasn't enjoying the hand to hand combat today like she once had.

Kate walked a couple of laps around the gym mats, shaking her limbs out, breathing deeply and trying to psych herself into the simulated fighting with Esposito. She was focussed on recovering.

Rick watched Esposito who had elected himself to be the asshole to bring her back to on duty condition. She had passed the psych evaluation, the guns firing and handling tests but she was still due to pass the physical. Everyone knew she would fail it presently. Even she knew she would fail that component and the NYPD fitness evaluation board had placed a special requirement on her that she had to be assessed on her ability to physically handle and arrest a difficult person before they would let her return to duty. Javy was fixing the problem. Beckett had to be able to take down someone and cuff them for the test and particularly when she was back on duty..

Stealth like, Javy came from nowhere behind Kate and clutched her around the neck and waist and tightened his arm around her neck. She screamed and started to cry. Her first reaction had been to panic but she fell silent within seconds. They practised this procedure in training all the time.

"Breathe," Esposito suggested and they all heard her gasp for air. Suddenly Kate reacted. She instinctively acted, unbalanced Esposito, dropped her weight, elbowed him and flipped him over her shoulder. She collapsed to the floor, rolled and coughed. That manoeuvre had scared her. She got up when she saw Espo was rolling to his feet. He was approaching her and she challenged him.

The sparring became more of a punch and kick fight where they were on their feet more and facing each other. Esposito knew he had given her an initial shock factor and now eased off. He knew the blows stung Kate, heck, her hits stung him, but he didn't let up. He kept pushing her beyond her comfort zone and soon saw the anger rise in her once again. He also saw it coming only seconds before he copped it. He saw her demeanour and eyes suddenly alter. When she delivered the punch, she wasn't messing around.

Esposito took her punch and fell flat on his ass on the mattress. He stayed there, cupping a hand over his mouth that she had just smashed her right fist into.

Kate hopped about clutching her right hand, half laughing, half crying out, "Fuck! Fuck! That hurt!" She checked out her hand then glanced at Javy, "I'm sorry, Man," she laughed, "I didn't mean that to be so hard."

"You lost your fucking temper, Beckett," he squawked, "I think you broke my goddamn jaw."

"I think I broke my hand." She giggled and groaned nursing her knuckles, her hands held between her thighs, "God that hurt."

Rick appeared seconds later, bent over Esposito and took a good look at his jaw. He smiled seeing the bruise was already coming out, "Beckett got you, Dude."

He then turned his attention to Kate and walked over to her, "That's my girl!" He held his hand up and they shared a high five, "Proud of you, Beckett. You really got pissed off."

"Took her long enough to get there." Ryan butted in as he approached them. He and Castle examined her hand noting the knuckles were looking sore. She flexed and turned it as they asked her to do then looked over at Esposito who was back on his feet. She jiggled on the spot.

"I think it hurt me more than him." She went to Javy and gave him a guy sort of hug.

"Sorry about that." She murmured close to his ear and snickered. "It made me feel a lot better, if that helps you."

"You did well," he encouraged, "same time tomorrow and I expect you to hit me harder."

"Ha!" She laughed, "I'll be here. I will wear my gloves so I don't break your nose. I have to do this as I don't want to be chained to a desk."

The group walked back to where Captain Gates stood waiting. She smiled at everyone. "Well done team. Same time tomorrow," she said then bid them farewell and left the gym.

It was the day of the final assessment.

Kate was in the NYPD gym but this time she was there alone seated on a plastic chair waiting for the examiners from internal affairs to arrive. It was close to ten o'clock which was when they were scheduled to arrive.

Rick, Kevin and Javy waited at their desks in the bull pen. Kate had asked them all to stay away, mainly because she was shit scared she would disappoint them if she failed the test. She tipped her water bottle up and downed several mouthfuls of water to moisten her dry mouth and throat. She was nervous. If she failed this test, she would be assigned to a desk until she passed it in another month or so. She had already discussed it with Rick. If she failed, she would resign from the NYPD. She didn't want to resign. She loved her job as a detective. She loved her family life but she still she wanted to continue her career and be financially independent. So in effect she was giving herself a no option result. She had to pass today.

She stretched her legs out and rested her head against the wall closing her eyes. All the time and effort that Esposito, Ryan, Sorenson, Demming, Castle and even a few other guys who had put in to help her overcome her fears would hopefully work. The men had been instrumental in helping her overcome her fears and they hadn't played nice. They had even engaged a few of Espo's friends from the army to come and spar with her, rough her up a bit, toughen her up as they kept reminding her they were doing. In the end, she had returned to having fun while sparring as she had done before hand. She smirked to herself about the times Castle had tried to physically fight her. He used to muck around before she was taken but during the past week he had taken their practice seriously. He'd been very hard on her but all the time he was saying he was sorry. It made her laugh. He had become cranky at her because she laughed at him when he was being serious. In the end, her laughter had made him tougher and more serious about what they were practising. She soon stopped the humour and became serious with him.

A noise in the hallway made her sit up and open her eyes. She shifted her legs then leaned her elbow on her thighs. She breathed deeply to keep calm. Only a quarter hour or so of physical sparring and dry runs with getting criminals on the ground, arrested and it would be over. She just had to do it and not think about what she was doing. She had to trust her training to respond to whatever she was presented with and her objective was to subdue the person who was acting as the criminal.

The gym doors swung inward and she heard Captain Gates' voice directing the people in her company. Kate stood and looked to see who came in the door. She didn't recognise any of them but saw how big the men were. She initially thought her legs were going to buckle beneath her. It was just the element of surprise. The IA was trying to intimidate her but the guys were big and would be slower to move than a finer built and agile guy. Gates was followed by four tall massive men and one significantly smaller one. The smallest of them was about Kate's height and the rest of them were Rick's size or larger. They were exceptionally muscular.

_I can do this._ She chorused in her mind.

The IA guys were by no means as scary as Espo's army pals. These guys didn't even have tattoos and were, in fact, more similar to Demming and Castle. All of Espo's friends had tattoos and half of them were ex-snipers who experienced various forms of PTSD. They had also been unpredictable with the way they had sparred at the training sessions. The IA guys were far less intimidating than Esposito's buddies. Esposito's friends had all turned out to be a great bunch of guys who were now a part of their group.

Gates smiled as she approached Kate with an expression of confidence. She nodded at Kate then said, "Detective Beckett, these are the pussies who are going to run you through your drills this morning. Kick their asses."

Kate smirked at Gates then looked to the men who all smiled. Gates had pre-warned the men she was going to say what she'd said to her. Kate relaxed a little and acknowledged the humour by visually and obviously sizing up each the men one more time as she replied, "Yes, Sir. I'll do that for you." She didn't show at all how nervous she was at that point in time. Instead, she pulled her lyrca shorts up, tidied her shirt and pony tail and said, "Let's get this over and done with. I have a baby son upstairs who is going to be crying with hunger in about half an hour."

The short guy stepped forward and held out his hand to Kate who shook it, "Detective Beckett, my name is Simon Blake and I am your assessor today. Please retrieve your Glock. Ensure the magazine is disassembled out of it and there is nothing in the chamber. You will also need your police hand cuffs."

Kate nodded, "Yes, Sir," and she hurried back to her sports bag to fetch her Glock. She rechecked it was vacant of any rounds, then returned to the men. Gates had sat in one of the chairs near the wall. Kate locked the slide open and presented her gun to the men to show each of them it was cleared, was absent of its magazine and that chamber was empty. In fact the Glock was clean and had not been used since she had fired it in her gun assessment.

The men were satisfied the gun was safe. It was time to begin. Simon had the group listen to how the tests were going to run. He had random scenarios of arrest situations which he read out to them and they were required to play out the various roles. Kate was constantly in her role as leading detective and the men were either members of her team or criminals. He talked them through safety procedures and made it clear it was a simulation. By the time the talk was through Kate was confident she was going to get through it with flying colours. Her friends had been a lot rougher with her than what these guys would be. It was simply an occupational health and safety exercise to ensure she wouldn't buckle under pressure out in the field.

Rick quietly rotated from side to side on Kate's desk chair and gazed over at Javy who held Mason in the crook of his right arm. For the trip, Kate had dressed Mason in a blue jumpsuit with a rabbit or something printed over the front of it. He wore a Canadian beanie that Anna had recently mailed to them just to remind them of their link with Canada. The beanie was striped red and white with a little red maple leaf at the front of it.

Rick had insisted that morning they bring Mason to the Precinct because it was the perfect opportunity for her work colleagues to see the baby. They had travelled by car to the Precinct to avoid the cold weather and so they could return with Mason directly home after the test.

Their baby was quite a placid soul. He loved being in the middle of the action at the Precinct and didn't mind being passed between the staff. Nowadays, Mason was well and truly interactive with life and the world, soaked it all up like a sponge and was alert to everything going on around him. The more activity the happier he was.

Rick smiled when Mason laughed at Javy, the baby's chubby cheeks reminding him of what he'd been doing with Kate that had made her cheeks a little fuller, "I fed Kate up to make her put on weight." Rick told the guys, "For the assessment today. She gained maybe fifteen pounds."

Javy rolled his eyes and shot a look to Ryan who smiled, "In muscle perhaps." Espo said.

"What?" Rick inquired seeing the silent communication between the men.

"It's not wrestling, Castle," Javy replied. "Man, did you see the size of those guys that walked in here? She could be fifty pounds heavier and it wouldn't matter."

"Yeah, they were big guys," Ryan agreed, "Give me Mason a bit," he requested and reached out.

"The kid is happy with his Uncle Javy."

"Play nice boys." Rick commented with a tone of fatherly authority. He unconsciously rubbed his brow with a thumb and forefinger, his mind still lingering on the size of the men Beckett was up against. They had made him feel smallish, which was a rare thing. He forced himself to drop it then continued his conversation, "or I will have to consider introducing shared custody orders," he glanced between the three boys, his visual finishing on his son who contently rested in the crook of Javy's right arm. The baby's iris's had stayed bright blue like Rick's but his eye shape was more similar to Kate's. He had long eyelashes which they both had. His hair was fair but Rick had the feeling Mason's hair would gradually go as dark as Kate's. He was a happy, content baby.

"Shared custody, my ass." Esposito replied with a sideways glanced at Ryan. "Who's gonna teach this kid how to defend himself, keep him off the streets, away from the wrong type? His Godfather."

"I think his Mother will be pretty good at that." Ryan replied, "C'mon man, let me have a hold before Beckett gets back and takes him home."

"Seriously." Esposito queried, "This sounds like a mother's club."

Castle chortled in response to Esposito's humour, "Ryan, you get to hold your baby when you go home!" Castle stated, "and she's so cute."

"She's cute for sure."

"This is practise for 'Sito for when he finally wakes up and puts a ring on Lanie." Rick teased.

The baby started to make noises, waved his arms up and down rescuing Esposito from having to respond. Rick however received a dirty look from him. Esposito then focused on getting Mason's attention and so he quietened down again.

"Will this test they're making Kate do take long?" Rick asked the boys.

"We don't know. It's an unusual request for us. Captain Gates says it's done on a case by case basis for people in Kate's position or those who have been through traumatic experiences, and falls under the psych evaluation. Gates will sit in on it to make sure it's performed fairly and that she's not roughed up too much."

"She'll get roughed up?"

"Of course!" Ryan replied, "They will just run her through a few drills, mock scenarios of arresting criminals etcetera."

"She'll do it," Rick said confidently, "She passed the psych test with flying colours."

"She will definitely pass it," Esposito replied, "We didn't hold back on her in training."

Ryan laughed, "Yeah, we'll end up protecting the next guy she arrests."

"You might get a call from me one night," Rick mumbled.

"Yeah sure." Ryan replied.

"We might." Esposito said.

The two looked at each other and chuckled then continued to tease each other.

About a quarter hour later the men heard the distinctive sound of Kate's voice carried up the stairs followed by Captain Gates'. Mason heard her as well. He began to make baby noises and wriggle on Ryan's lap.

"Someone is pleased to see her." Ryan commented as he turned in his chair to the stairs with men. Kate and Captain Gates soon appeared, coming up the stairs. Both women wore smiles.

"It looks good." Rick murmured to the guys.

"It does." Esposito agreed. The boys all stood to meet the ladies. Mason was going crazy at the sight of his mother. She grinned to the guys and held up her badge.

"I get to keep it." She announced beaming with pride, "It was easy."

Rick gave her a hug. "I'm proud of you, Kate."

"Did you cry?" Esposito asked, teasing her, as he hugged her.

"No, I didn't." She smiled at him, "Thanks for getting me ready for that," she said stepped back. She then hugged Ryan.

"Congratulations, Beckett."

"Thanks Ryan." She took Mason from him as the baby reached to her neck. She showered Mason with playful kisses over his entire face, laughing at his response. He was at that age where he tried to kiss her back. His hands played with loose strands of her hair or patted her shoulders, played with her mouth.

"Detective Beckett did exceptionally well. You boys did a fantastic job. I'm very proud of what you achieved." She touched Kate's arm. "You did do very well and made it look easy."

"How big were those guys?" Kate asked her with wide eyes.

"They were big fellas." Gates agreed as she turned her attention to Mason who stared at her,

Kate watched the way Mason gazed at the Captain and smiled, stroking his back, "New person, baby?" She asked him and he wriggled in response but his eyes didn't leave Gate's face.

"May I have a hold?" Gates asked, "He is such a cute baby."

"Sure." She lifted Mason to Gates and she commented loud enough that Rick would hear her, "Similar to his father, he does think he's cute."

"Hey!" Castle objected without looking at Kate.

"Just saying," Kate remarked.

Mason readily accepted the change of handler and continued to inspect the person who now held him. Gates wandered away with him, keeping the baby totally engaged with what she was doing with him. Kate turned to the guys and shrugged her shoulders a little surprised the baby hadn't objected. She had anticipated Mason would be upset or beginning to cry by now but he was quite content with the change of attention. Even Rick raised an eyebrow in surprise to Kate.

"Don't dwell on it, Castle." Kate said, "But I don't get it either."

"Nope. I won't."

She smiled to Rick then looked over at her baby in Gates' office. He was fully captivated by Gates and had forgotten about his parents, "Looks like he's breaking down those walls a lot quicker than you did," she said to Rick.

"He's far more charismatic than I am, even at his age. He's gonna be a ladies' man for sure." Rick declared with a confident nod totally selling it to himself, "I'm damn proud of him."

"Yeah sure. Gimme a break." Kate smirked in amusement and rolled her eyes at the boys who basically did the same thing.

"What, Beckett. I've…." He paused, "Don't worry," he said with a wave of his hand, realising whatever was about to come out of his mouth about his previous women was going to get him in more trouble with Beckett than it was worth saying.

"We're going for a coffee, want one?" Ryan asked of Castle and Beckett who both declined. Esposito and Ryan got up from their desks and wandered off bumping shoulders and congratulating each other for training Kate so efficiently.

Kate tossed her badge in the air and caught it a couple of times.

"When do we come back on duty?" Rick asked.

"On Monday morning with the boys." She pointed at her hoodie that was on top of the stroller.

"That gives us a few days," he said as he retrieved and passed Kate the hoodie. He saw she kept a constant surveillance on where Mason as usual. She slipped on the hoodie and zipped it up.

"Will we get home in time for Mason's next feed?" Kate inquired glancing to the clock. She sat in Castle chair and crossed one leg over the other. She looked at Rick and smiled, particularly because he looked extremely handsome to her with the way his hair fell over his forehead.

He saw the expression but didn't understand why he was getting it right now. "In the car we should make it." Rick shrugged and smiled back still wondering what she was thinking about. "Even if he does get hungry he can wait till we get him home."

"True."

Rick took a few seconds to study Kate who was quite comfortable in his chair, completely relaxed and calm. They had Kate back but he also knew he had a different woman. She was a mother as well and it had evened out her nature. She was a whole woman, a happier woman in many ways and by God she was a far stronger woman than she had been a year ago. Mentally and physically stronger.

"You're bloody chuffed with yourself, aren't you," he said resting his chin on his hand.

Kate grinned then covered her face with her hands a little shameful that she was so obviously proud of her achievement that morning. She then dropped her hands and with large shiny eyes she leaned over the desk. She smiled and murmured so only Rick could hear, "I am damn proud of myself." She glanced about, then continued like it was a big secret, "I accidentally gave one of them a bloodied nose. He couldn't continue."

Rick smirked, sat back and chortled, "That's my girl!" He reached over to her hand. Her four fingers wrapped around two of his fingers, "I'm proud of you for beating up the boys," he said, then continued more seriously, "You really are extraordinary."

"We are extraordinary." She stood, leaned over and kissed him, "Let's go home and spend the rest of the day with our family. I have arranged for Alexis, Martha and my Dad to be home for dinner tonight to celebrate." She straightened.

"Great. Hey!" He waved her back to him, "Gimme another one," he requested and stretched further to her.

Kate grinned and gave him the kiss he wanted not caring one bit whether she was in the Precinct. She parted, bit her bottom lip then went for a third. She then turned and walked away to fetch her baby so they could go home.

In Gates' office doorway she paused to take in what was going on with Gates and Mason. Gates had Mason seated on the edge of her desk, supporting him with the experience of a woman who has been around many babies. She was engaged in an active conversation with Mason who was expressing himself with baby noises and the dribbling. Gates wiped his mouth with a bunch of tissues and the conversation continued. There wasn't any sense to what she said but the baby responded and that all that mattered. Kate leaned against the doorway and lazily crossed her arms taking in what was going on. It was a side to Gates she rarely saw but it allowed Kate to see a fraction of what she might be like at home with her own family. How wrong she had been to even think that Mason would be upset by being with Gates. It was quite the opposite. He didn't care where his parents were as he was safe and being entertained.

Gates looked over to Beckett and sat up a little. "Your baby is delightful, Kate."

"Thank you, Captain," she smiled, "He keeps me entertained for hours," she opened her eyes wider when Mason turned his head about to see his mother. He did care where she was. He made the noises he kept for her and Rick and waved his arms about.

"Are you headed for home?"

"Yes, he will soon be hungry and ready for a nap."

Gates nodded then spoke to Mason again this time about his mommy taking him home. Kate grinned.

"Kate?"

"Yes, Sir.?"

Gates glanced at the baby, held him with both hand and looked to Kate, "What you have accomplished since November, what you did today, how you look, behave is beyond extraordinary. I'm extremely proud of you and honoured to be your Captain. I never dreamed I would see you do what you did today. I barely entertained the idea that you would return to the NYPD, but here you are and you have earned your badge back and deserve to lead your team once again. You will be back on full active duty and I trust you will be excellent as usual."

"Thank you, Sir." Kate replied and crossed her arms, "I wouldn't have done it without the endless support I have had from everyone. I owe them a lot."

"Yes. They have been there for you. I know I have given Mr Castle some hard times in the past, but he saw the strength and depth of your personality the day he met you. He's very perceptive. He sat in that chair," she nodded to the chair against the wall, "when you were in the hospital and he promised me you would be back here one day. There was no doubt in his mind as to what you would accomplish if given the time and support. He found the perfect muse. It took me awhile, but I understand what he saw in you, why he waited for you and I see how he makes you even better."

Kate thought about him, about them. She felt her cheeks blush. She was better with him. They were great together. "He's pretty good, Sir," she shyly responded.

"And you know he's more than that." She said as she glanced behind Kate's shoulder.

Before Kate had a chance to see what had Gate's attention, Rick sprung into the office like an oversized kid which caused Kate to jump in surprise and Mason to laugh. Beckett shot Gates a look that said '_are you so sure about that_?'

"Ladies! Excuse me." He began, planting a hand on Kate's right shoulder, "We've gotta go Beckett! That book I've finished writing. My agent wants to see us."

"Now?" She asked in surprise, "I'm in gym clothes."

Ricked looked down Kate's entire body, then back to her eyes, "You look fine to me." He glanced between the women who both frowned at him. "What? You look great!"

"Take me home so I can feed our baby and then clean up for your meeting? Do I need to go?"

"Oh yeah. She wants to speak with you about editing. Told you that you are good at it."

"Captain, I think I need to take Mason." She stepped towards her and took Mason as he was handed over to her.

"I will see you Monday morning bright and early with your perky side kick."

"Thanks Captain." Kate turned and followed Rick from the office. He was busy picking up all the baby stuff and Kate's bag. He put everything in the stroller. Kate continued to carry Mason but put on his coat and pulled the blanket from the stroller to wrap him in. She followed Rick out of the Precinct waving goodbye to the boys.

It wouldn't be long before they would be back at the Precinct and on duty once again.


	47. Chapter 47 - The Unknown Russian

_Guys, if you haven't read this story in the past couple of days, go back to ch 4 as I posted that up last night. _

_Alrighty, we're down to the business end of the story, where we get our justice._

**Chapter 47 - Winter**

At their regular restaurant the group made a direct line to their usual table and playfully pushed each other into the bench seats. Castle offered Kate the wall side and followed her in. He took her hands he pressed between his palms under the table. Her fingers were icy cold, so he rubbed his warm hands over her skin, glancing to her eyes that appeared very green today because she wore a brown leather coat. Esposito and Ryan sat opposite and grabbed menus they began to browse. Kate furrowed her brow at them. She and Rick glanced to each other and shrugged their shoulders, at a loss for why they did it every time they went there for lunch. In Kate's opinion there wasn't a requirement to scan a menu that hadn't changed in all the years they'd been frequenting the establishment, but more so because the boys always ordered the same meals.

"Why do you guys read the menu when you know exactly what is on it?" Kate inquired with her well known bossy tone in a deliberate attempt to tease them. Her phone pinged, distracting her momentarily. Castle recognised the sound Kate had allocated to his mother's cell phone number. He let go of her hands so she could find her phone in one of the many pockets she had.

"You know Beckett, the cook might surprise us and have something new on the menu." Espo replied.

She found her phone to check a text message then tapped out a reply text to Martha who was taking care of their son. "I doubt it." She replied.

"What's the chance of that?" Castle chuckled. "You want the usual, Beckett?"

"Please, Castle. I will have the usual." She smiled to him, "Martha says Mason is behaving perfectly," she told him, then flicked a piece of screwed up paper she'd been fiddling with at Esposito, who caught it. "The dogs are not behaving as well." She grinned to Rick and in sync they said, "Bloody Labradors," and chortled at their humour.

Seconds later, Kate's attention turned to Esposito who was still busy with the menu, "What are you having Espo? Let me guess." She put her phone on the table face up so she could see when Martha replied.

Esposito dropped the menu back in its slot then glared at Kate, "Same as your usual, Beckett." He went to toss the paper at her and she flinched then narrowed her eyes at him. He threw it. It hit her cheek and bounced back to the table. The two of them fought over the table to claim it.

Ryan was the quickest. "You two are like kids," he commented keeping the paper in his hand.

"I agree. Like squabbling siblings." Castle stated glancing between both of them. Kate's phone beeped with a new message.

"We are not." Kate replied. "I hate Espo and he hates me. Simple." She opened it again and smiled in a way that told Castle she was looking at a new image of their baby.

"That's right." Espo agreed, trying to grasp the paper out of Ryan's hand.

"Your mom is worse than us with spoiling Mason." Kate said as she leaned to Rick for a kiss he gave her.

"She loves him." Rick said, "What did she send?"

Kate showed him the image Martha had sent of Mason sleeping in the cot, "He's so cute," she cooed to Rick who smiled in amusement.

"He is," he agreed and thought about how much Mason slept like Kate. They shared that same cute expression and parted their lips the same. He had collected many photographs over the months of Kate and Mason napping together. In fact they were all as bad as each other with taking photographs. The smile Kate gave him showed how much she loved their baby. He loved that side of Kate, that she was open about how much she loved being a mother and being with him. Life was easy for them nowadays. Kate and Ryan exchanged pictures, the two of them excitedly talking about their babies.

With one hand Ryan showed Kate his picture and held the paper out of Espo's reach with his other but he didn't expect Kate to swiftly reach over the table and grab it from his fingers. She sat back in her seat staring mischievously at the men. Espo silently antagonized her like a teenage boy. They sat up as a waitress who knew them reasonably well approached to take their orders. Everyone ordered lunch and drinks then relaxed again. Castle noted the waitress hadn't jotted down any of their orders she knew them so well.

Kate threw the paper again this time hitting Espo square in the forehead. "Ha!" She laughed and sat back with a smug grin directed at Espo. She really liked to tease him.

"I think we need a body to drop." Castle commented. "Too much paperwork and not enough hands on police work to wear out the kids."

"The weather is too cold for people to be outside killing each other." Ryan replied, "Though there could be a double murder about to take place right here." He hinted as the other two tackled each other diagonally across the table. "What the hell is going on with you two today?" He asked waving a hand between them in an attempt to split them up.

"Espo started it this morning." Kate replied sitting upright and pulling her hands back to behave.

"What? You've been on me all day Beckett, because I whipped your ass in the gym this morning," Eposito said, "And that's nothing new. You fight like a girl now you're a mom," he scoffed.

"Who smacked the mat more?" She asked implying Espo had used the rule more than she for their tactical training. Whenever someone smacked the mat in combat training the other had to let go.

Rick turned and coyly looked at Beckett, glanced to the boys, "Is that why you smack the mattress, Kate?" He innocently inquired causing the men to break into chortles of laughter. "I'm constantly wondering what that's about. Am I too much for you?" He continued, glancing innocently to the men, keeping a dead straight face.

"Castle!" She warned with an attempt at a ferocious glare that failed miserably. It quickly changed to a bite of her bottom lip as her eyes shone at his. Her cheeks blushed in response to the recollection of what they had been doing early that morning before Mason had woken and before they had left the loft for training. They'd practically done an exercise session before leaving their bed. She narrowed her eyes at him, "I don't smack the mattress." She firmly stated with emphasis on the word _mattress_, causing the guys to laugh harder.

"It's the mattress." Castle corrected. "It's not me."

"I never smack the mattress." Kate declared her expression full of mischief.

"Next time I will make a video."

"No!" Everyone replied and laughed at their own stupidity.

Their lunches arrived, that consisted of bulky sandwiches served on white china along with bottles of various drinks. Everyone sat up and got stuck into their meals all of them hungry from having been on their feet in the archives most of the morning filing.

Esposito ate fast as usual. He was starved. Other than a protein shake, none of the men had eaten since their boot camp style work out that morning. All jokes aside, Beckett was one hell of a workout partner and since she had returned to work, she had become physically stronger and fearless once again.

Castle also joined in their morning workout a few days a week whenever Martha or Alexis was available to care for Mason. He also trained with Kate most days in their home gym and had become quite fit. With his view to the doorway, Espo kept watch on who entered and exited the small restaurant. He routinely observed a group of men that had sat two booths down from them a few minutes earlier. He thought they were a little noisy for a lunchtime group and their average age of about forty. They weren't youths by many years. Hopefully they would quieten once they started to eat. They spoke in broken English and something he assumed was European that he didn't recognise and didn't care.

Across the table from Esposito, Kate was eating slower than the boys. Her attention was being drawn to a conversation taking place somewhere reasonably close and behind her. A group of men conversed in Russian. She understood everything the men discussed.

Initially, she tried to block their conversation out of her conscious thoughts but their rowdiness and spontaneous bursts of noisy laughter prevented her from doing so. She put down her sandwich when her stomach began to feel too queasy to eat any more. They were talking about car racing, the NASCAR events. The men's discussion sounded too similar to the conversations she'd overhead at the warehouse.

Kate quietly sat, repeatedly going through the mental exercises Anna had taught her to do to regulate and keep her thoughts under control. Then a louder, deeper voice spoke out from the table.

Air left her lungs. The hairs at the back of neck prickled. She didn't dare turn around. She didn't even need to because she knew who the voice belonged to. Her hands trembled. Her lips wavered. She felt the panic and sense of helplessness rising within her.

She turned to look at Rick and attempted to say Castle's name beside her to tell him she needed help. She had to tell him who was behind her, but not a sound came from her throat.

The pulses in her neck and ears were thumping hard. She couldn't get enough air into her lungs. She felt hot and had an urge to use the bathroom. She fumbled at the zipper of her coat in an attempt to lower it. She needed air.

His voice sounded again and louder. She glanced to the wall to her right. Her palm slapped against the cold brick wall. She was stuck and couldn't get out. The voices of the men were the only things her brain now listened to and thought about. Her mind was terrified they would come after. She heard him again.

In her imagination, his hands were at the back of her head gripping her hair, pulling it, exposing her neck to him. He threatened her, his mouth so close to her ear.

Kate's finger's gripped the table. She shifted her head to look up to the skylight. He had found her. She heard him speak. Another glance to Rick for help, but nothing came out of her mouth. He was hungrily eating lunch. She stared forward pushing herself to keep control of her mind that was still spiralling out of control.

Kate was back inside the warehouse staring up at the man who had her pressed down. His face was close to her ear and he was breathing his foul breath over her_. Stop, stop, stop! _She tried to cry out.

Javy casually watched a couple of women having a coffee and a catch up chat. They were deep in conversation. Closer to him, he glanced at Castle who had almost finished his sandwich then at Kate who had stopped eating. She was seated bolt upright and was peering oddly at the ceiling. Her lunch, with only a couple of bites taken from it, was untouched on the plate. Her gaze came down and he saw her eyes were wide with pure terror. Her face was drained of colour. She was somewhere else. She barely breathed.

"Kate? Are you alright?" He asked, putting down his food. In response, Ryan lifted his eyes to Kate.

"Geez Kate! What's up?" Ryan waited but she didn't respond. He dropped his lunch on the plate too.

Castle had turned to Kate as Ryan spoke and immediately dropped what little was left of his sandwich on the plate. He saw her eyes, but also saw her body uncontrollably shook. She was terrified and barely breathed. She made a small cry as though she was trying to say something.

"Kate, Honey?" He tried to distract her from her internal thoughts but knew not to touch her at this instance. She would freak out. He was familiar enough with her expressions to see something had scared the shit out of her. Instincts caused him to search about them, that what frightened her was close to them. "What has scared her?" He glanced to the two men questioningly.

"I don't know," Espo replied as he glanced between the guys. "What is wrong with her?" He searched further away for anything it could be.

"She's petrified. Literally," Rick replied, noting she really was paralysed with terror. He turned about and sighted the bunch of men who had been rowdy earlier but were now quiet and eating.

At the same time Rick searched, Kate's eyes shifted to Esposito and Ryan, her respiration returned with rapid and shallow breaths, but she was getting oxygen she desperately needed. She felt like she was sprinting.

"He's here," she whispered between pants, barely audible to the guys. But they had heard her. They all looked about the restaurant. They searched but were confused by her fearful response and didn't know who she was referring to. She murmured something in Russian none of the men understood.

Rick thought a second about what she'd said and realised she had parroted the words he had just heard said at the table of men behind him. "They're Russians," Castle said to Kate leaning closer to her. He pushed away his plate.

She nodded, breathing rapid and shallow, filled with relief he had figured out what she couldn't tell him. Tears spilt from her eyes down her cheeks with relief he finally understood what was going on. She looked at Rick for help.

Castle ignored the tears and the panic he could see building up within her. They needed information out of her before she lost it. He stroked her upper arm. "I know, Kate, but stay here with me, ok?" He requested and saw her nod and maintain her gaze on him. She nodded again and sniffed. "Good. So there is a person in this diner who hurt you?" He asked, now absolutely certain what was going on. She nodded again. Her eyes went to the ceiling squinting and a small cry escaped her. He lightly squeezed her shoulder to bring her back. She looked at his hand on her then his eyes, "How do you know?" He followed her eyes and only saw the counter and kitchen staff that were always here. There was nothing that way. It was someone behind Kate and a person that only Esposito and Ryan could put a discreet visual on. "Kate, where and who is he?"

He glanced to Ryan who seemed to be focused on the group of men. He looked to Rick, "Dude, he's behind her whoever it is."

Castle nodded and turned his attention back to Kate, "Talk to me." He said putting his hand to her head he stroked. "C'mon Kate."

She swallowed nervously then murmured, "His voice. I can hear his voice. I remember his voice." She wiped her eyes and face with her sleeve then held out her hands that shook uncontrollably. She reached for Castle who took her hands firmly in one hand and stroked her hair with the other.

"Stay together, Kate," he pleaded, even though he only saw her rapidly heading towards a complete breakdown.

The men all glanced to each other. Ryan leaned to her. "Are you sure, Kate? There's a lot of Russians in New York," he said trying to make her understand she could be mistaken.

She nodded, trying to control the panic under control. She knew she had to remain calm. Castle held her hands, in an attempt to help keep her calm but even he knew it wasn't working. He could feel her growing worse. The shaking was intense. Her complexion was almost green, "It's him, the man in the photo with Bracken," she confirmed. "I know it's him."

"Which one is he?" Ryan asked visually scanning each of the Russians and thinking they all looked similar, "Don't look, just tell us when he's talking."

Ryan and Esposito discreetly observed the men as they waited for Kate to indicate when he spoke again. They could see she was losing control and they would have to get her out of the restaurant soon. It would get messy if she stayed there as they could see she was about to lose it and she carried a gun.

Kate listened to the men, feeling she was back on the cold floor of the warehouse and not in the warmth of the restaurant. She didn't have to wait long to hear him, his unmistakable voice and accent, "Now," she stated and looked to the detectives, "He's laughing now." She wanted to turn about to see if it really was him but Rick physically stopped her.

"Don't," he murmured and saw her eyes shot back up to the ceiling lights to what he knew she saw as a skylight.

The boys had the Russian identified. The subject was facing them, dark hair, in his forties, red tattoo on the left side of his neck.

Kate could smell him. Her stomach rolled. She glanced to Rick's eyes as his hand went to her neck to distract her from the ceiling. His thumb stroked her jaw. She looked back to the ceiling, as she thought she kept seeing a bright light up there.

"Look at me, Kate," Castle firmly said. Her eyes found his, "Please, Kate, keep it together." He glanced up to where she was looking.

"Sky light," she whispered.

"There's no skylight there," he reassured.

He stroked his thumb on her cheek seeing she was falling apart. He looked up to ceiling to where her eyes kept going. He looked back at Kate and said, "There's no skylight there." There was nothing he could think of to do that would make it go away for her. He saw her check the ceiling again then she looked further away, reacting nervously to the noise of the men when they became rowdy again.

"Kate, tell us what he looks like." Esposito requested calmly, observing the way Rick was trying to keep Kate calm.

"Javy, I can't," she whined, her eyes flicking between Rick and Javy.

"Tell me, Kate," Javy urged, "You need to tell us, Detective."

She stared at Rick a couple of seconds, then closed her eyes. Tears spilt from her down her cheeks and she wiped the back of her hand over her face. She took a breath and said, "Dark hair, big hands, gold ring, tattoos on his wrists, his fingers, one on his neck. A red dragon, gold tooth." She opened her eyes. "Richard, please get me outa here…" She pushed him in the chest.

Castle stood quickly. She had called him Richard. He moved as she rapidly slid across the bench seat and stood up. He grabbed her hand and commenced to lead her out of the restaurant. They had to walk pass the men. Once they were out of the restaurant, Esposito and Ryan would take the Russian into custody. In the meantime, he only needed to get Kate somewhere safe before the Russian recognised her. He walked as normally as possible not to gain attention. Suddenly, he felt Kate drag heavily on his arm. He spun about to see she was collapsing backwards. She was slowed by his grip on her, but her eyes rolled upwards until he only saw the whites of them. To Rick it happened in slow motion. Without delay, he pulled her toward him, stepped to her and grabbed her body around her ribs to hold her up. He kept her moving forward, allowing her to use his body to support herself.

"Keep walking, Kate." He encouraged.

"Castle."

"I have you, Kate, you're safe," he reassured, "Six more steps and you will be at the door. Keep walking. Stay calm." He glanced to his left as they passed the table of men who were engaged in conversation and didn't notice them. However, Rick shielded her with his body. He identified the man she was terrified of. He was bulky, muscled and strong. There was no way she would have been able to protect herself against him at full capacity, leave alone when she had been compromised with drugs and concussed. She remained exceptionally brave now as she staggered unsteadily toward the door. At the entrance he reached ahead of Kate and pulled the door open.

Kate was barely walking. As soon as he had her outside on the side walk he bent over and lifted her legs up into his arms so he could quickly carry her to safety. She hung on about his neck and rested her head to his chest, releasing cries of distress. She mumbled she was struggling to stay conscious and he could feel her body becoming a dead weight in his arms. He carried her along the side walk away from the restaurant as calmly and quickly as possible listening to her struggle verbally to stay conscious. He could not believe this man had such a severe affect on Kate. He had made it only a partial way down the street toward the Precinct when she started to struggle against him to be released.

"I'm gonna be sick, Castle!"

"Heard that." Immediately Castle stepped to the curb and let her legs go to the ground hardly with time for her to vomit into the gutter. He held her hair back with one hand and her body leaned against him. He tried not to watch or listen so he could keep his own lunch down. She was barely able to stand when she had finished. She held on to Castle in a daze. She didn't talk but made incomprehensible noises as though she was trying to form words.

Castle's attention turned back down the street to the restaurant when he heard a commotion. Esposito and Ryan pushed the Russian they had handcuffed out to the side walk. They avoided going near Kate and Rick, pretending she didn't exist. They roughly manhandled the Russian towards the Precinct. The other men followed them out of the diner. Castle seeing them, hastily shielded her with his own body by turning his back to the group of Russians. He was a little nervous they would notice Kate when he didn't have the boys to help protect her and Kate was pretty much useless to take care of herself. He did remember she carried a gun. That has handy to know. He had to move her quickly to a safe place without gaining their attention. He urged her to step back a bit, putting space between them and propelled her toward the buildings so they blended in with the pedestrians about them. "Kate, we have to move you now." He urged as he only wanted her to be protected inside the confines of the Precinct.

"Castle … I can't." She cried, feeling extremely unwell.

"Move!" He demanded into her ear so as not to raise any attention in public, and took a firm hold of her around her waist virtually keeping her on her feet. He turned her and they commenced to walk toward the precinct building again, making sure they stayed well behind the boys who were just about to enter the building. He glanced over his shoulder to see where the men were. They had hung back at the restaurant, noticeably confused about what had just taken place.

His concentration shifted back to Kate. He encouraged her to keep walking forward but they only progressed a moderate distance when she suddenly pushed him away and stumbled toward the gutter. She vomited again, this time collapsing to her knees, folding over. Rick stood right over her, not believing that after all these months she was so scared, that she reacted like this. Once she was finished, he crouched down next to her, pulling back her hair. She sobbed.

"Kate? We have to get you back to the safety of the Precinct."

"I can't Rick. I feel so sick," she cried, "It's just horrid." She held on to him, unable to believe the nausea she experienced, "I can't believe this," she tried to stare at a part of a car because the world was spinning around her out of control. Her mind was in a panic she couldn't stop. It was back in the warehouse and she was reliving everything she had experienced then. She felt cold but knew she was sweating and she wanted to badly go to the toilet.

He stroked the side of her head, "Are you sure he was one of them?"

She nodded, "He's the one who burnt me and bit me." She coughed up whatever her stomach wanted to get rid of, but there was nothing left in it. She breathed deeply listening to Castle curse. "He was violent," She said to him and tried to concentrate on the feel of Rick's hand caressing her head, "but I shouldn't be reacting like this, Castle. I had all that damn therapy."

"I know," he agreed, "but he put you through hell and you will never forget that," he replied as he checked about them to keep her safe. He then leaned back over to Kate, "You're not too bad."

"He hurt me so much."

"He will never hurt you again, Baby," he reassured, "I promise you. You weren't expecting this today. You panicked. You're in shock. That's why you're reacting like this," he replied, thinking it was the way any woman would react if she was re-exposed to someone who had treated her so brutally. He glanced about them, noting people were minding the own business. Back to Kate. She looked like shit.

"Castle?" She called in a panic. She gripped whatever part of him she found. "Castle? I'm gonna pass out…." she shook her head, started to cry in fear that she was losing control of herself, "Help me!"

"No Kate… please don't pass out," he pleaded and tried to pick her up, "We need to get back to the Precinct."

"I'm sorry …Help me…" she fell limp into his arms slumping to the ground. She was out cold.

"Fuck!" Castle stood up pulling Kate's dead weight into his arms. "Did you have to do that, Kate?" He muttered and hoisted her over his shoulder so he could carry her unconscious body the rest of the way up the street to the Precinct. The steps into the Precinct were hell on his thighs and knees with her weight in addition to his. His right shoulder she laid over was burning. Because she was lean and quite muscular he figured she was heavier than she was when she hadn't been training. He carried her into the elevator and hit the first floor to take her to the first aid room.

He lifted her off him and awkwardly laid her on the bed, then dialed the extension for the first aid officer. By the time she arrived, Rick had already ensured Kate's airways were clear and had checked her pulse which was a little jittery. They spoke briefly and the woman found a damp cloth she put on Kate's forehead. Kate looked dead pale but she would be back on her feet soon. On an old kitchen chair Rick waited for Kate to come round. His cell phone rang. It was Ryan who was upstairs.

"Hello?"

"Castle, where are you?"

"In the first aid room. Beckett passed out." He leaned over and felt her cheek. She was perspiring but felt cold.

"She passed out? Oh man! She was really spinning out. I'm coming down."

"Where's Esposito?" Castle asked, leaning over to shake Kate's hand. No reaction still.

"He's handing the guy over to the sex victims unit. They will have a line up ready for Kate shortly."

"Cool, I have to put her back on her feet." Castle muttered. "See you soon," said and hung up. He sat in the first aid room and waited the couple of minutes it took for Kate to come round.

Kate woke a little groggy and remained still, staring up at the three men waiting for her. She heard them muttering to each other, teasing her, but she didn't react. She half smiled, a little embarrassed. She took the cool cloth off her forehead and left it on a bench.

"I'm sorry I passed out," she said, "I'm ok. I will get up," She moved her legs off the bed and sat up with Espo holding her hands to support her.

"Steady." Esposito said, "you were quite reactive in the restaurant."

"Mmm hmmm," she agreed, "I was quite afraid. My mind was on a trip of its own." There were a few shaky moments but she waited out the shooting stars stage which soon passed over. She stood and once again waited out the change of blood pressure.

"You ok?" Rick asked, searching her face for the true response. She was pale but she seemed generally healthy.

"Yeah" she nodded and reached for the bottle of water Rick held. She took a good drink.

"Keep that." Castle said.

"Because I was sick?" She asked in surprise.

"Yep. We're good." Castle responded. He had to keep it cool in front of the guys, but he was really worried about her, particularly what she would behave like when she got home. This was a big moment and had hit her hard.

"Men," she muttered, "Okay. I have a bad taste in my mouth."

"Understand." Castle replied.

"Yep." The guys added. "We know."

Esposito said, "Listen Kate, they will be ready to do the line up in about a half hour at minimum. Will you be right for that?"

"I can do it. I'm only required to identify him and that's it. He can't see me and I want the bastard locked away for the things he did to me," she stated strongly, "Let's get a coffee. I'm feeling like I really need to eat something and I urgently need to go to the ladies' room."

"You sure you want to eat?" Castle asked and the two men both shook their heads no in response. "I don't think you should eat right now." He added.

She rolled her eyes, "Let's get up to the bull pen," she stated, deciding that putting on the brave front was her best option. She clenched her jaw and flexed her fists a couple of times to shake off the tension within her. Crossing paths the Russian that day had not been on her to do list by a long shot. In her wildest dreams, she had never thought she would hear his voice a couple of blocks from the Precinct. She had always believed he was long gone and they would never identify him without one of the Russians or Bracken saying his name.

She signed where the first aid officer wanted her to sign forms then walked with the boys to the elevator foyer where they caught the first elevator to their floor. She left the men in a rush to use the ladies room.

Minutes later, she returned to her desk and sat with relief on her chair. She searched her drawer for a pack of gummy bears as Castle wandered from the staff room to take up his usual position in the chair beside her desk. He passed her a mug of coffee. He sat back, put an ankle over a knee and started to stare at his phone, checking his messages.

Kate ignored Castle and checked her emails. She didn't feel like working. In reality she tried to look busy and also rode herself hard to suppress the memories and internal dialogue from overriding her logical consciousness. More so, she was determined to not let Castle know how she was reacting so he wouldn't worry, which was in reality a bit stupid given her earlier performance when she had passed out. She smirked at herself and the manner in which she had passed out. She had tried her hardest to stay conscious but it had been impossible.

The Russian's appearance had simply unearthed a large mass of bad memories she had spent a lot of time suppressing. She constantly flinched at the memories of being thrown to a table, a bench, a car, whatever it was, of being held down and strangled till she nearly passed out. She could still hear her own screams, could smell his pungent breathe and body odour. Even today she when she had smelt the man's body odour it made her stomach give quite a few queasy rolls.

In her peripheral vision she saw Castle glance regularly from his phone, checking on her, pretending he wasn't. It was a certainty he would be feeling tense as well. He shot a glance at her again.

"Castle." She warned.

"What?" He replied innocently.

"Stop it!" She hissed so no one else heard and glanced about them to ensure she hadn't attracted any attention. Rick remained silent and continued to play with his phone instead. She took another drink from the water bottle finding she was really thirsty then took a sip of her coffee. Her fingers constantly perspired and trembled and she kept wiping them on her jeans. It was annoying.

Esposito's phone rang. His conversation was short and when he hung up he looked at Beckett and said "They want you down there in ten minutes Beckett to make ID."

"Okay. I'm going to the bathroom." She stood, picked up her phone and walked away without another word. When she was gone the guys stared silently at each other, all raising eyebrows. Esposito kept his eyes on the time as he continued to work.

Kate rushed the last few steps to the rest rooms. As soon as she closed the cubicle door in the toilet, she broke into uncontrolled sobs of pure distress. Memories interrupted her conscious thoughts of what that man had done to her to find the damn file. She had fought with everything she had to stay alive, to keep them off her. The more she fought, the more they'd beaten her. No matter how much defence training she had done, how many drills had been drummed into her, nothing could hold them back, especially him. She crouched down on the floor hugging her knees, crying in fear that she had to go through the legal processes all again. SVU would require another statement, there would be more court case material to deal with and further questioning by detectives. Then there would be more therapy to get her through it.

Most of all it was the memory of the Russian's voice close her ear, telling her to fight him. He told her he'd watched her for weeks. He's made it clear that he wanted her and was going to kill her slowly. He'd been the most violent of them. She drew a deep breath. To keep him off the streets she had to identify him.

After five or so minutes had passed, Esposito looked to Castle. "She's not back, Castle."

"I noticed that Espo," he replied not looking up.

"She doesn't usually take this long," Ryan commented and both men looked to him, not believing he had said it aloud.

"Seriously?" Rick replied.

"Who's going in there?" Esposito asked.

"She'll come out," Ryan said, "Soon."

"Nope, she won't," Castle replied, "But I'll give her another minute before I go in there to get her." He mouse clicked the right buttons to shut down her laptop, knowing full well he would have to take her home once she had identified the Russian. "I'll take her home after she's done what she has to do. She will be in there crying." Once the computer was doing its thing, he walked out of the bull pen to the ladies' rest room. He knocked on the main door then pushed it open, "Kate?" He peered inside. There were three cubicles, one with its door closed. "It's time to go downstairs," he said letting the door close behind him.

"Okay." She sniffed from behind the toilet door. Seconds later she came out of the cubicle, glancing anxiously between him and the floor. She'd been crying just as he thought. She stepped to the sink to wash her hands as Castle quietly watched. He longed to just hold her and protect her. But at the precinct, at work, there was none of that. They were partners and that was it. After she dried her hands she stepped to him.

"You ok?" He asked, touching her beautiful face with the back of his hand, very softly.

"I'm just very scared," she whispered, blinking away fresh tears, "I thought I was over this."

"He caught you by surprise. You always said you would recognise him anywhere. You did good. Now let's go down, have you identify him, then we will go home and spend some time with our baby. It's Friday, you not on call, so we have the whole weekend with him," he offered hoping it would get her through the next quarter hour. He cradled her jaw and gently kissed her face tasting the saltiness of her tears.

Kate smiled, wiped her eyes, "I thought I would never cross paths with him again. Find out who he was."

"You have. You found him, even though the Russians didn't tell SVU who he was."

"I found him." She smiled then reached about his neck for a hug he gave her.

Rick felt and heard her take a deep breath then let her go, "Let's get this done." He took her hand and led her out of the toilets back to her desk. She grabbed her handbag. She took her engagement ring from the bag and slipped it on her engagement finger.

With Ryan and Esposito joining them they all caught the elevator down to the viewing room on level 2. The only person who talked on the way was Espo who reminded Kate of the procedure, that no one would be able to see her.

As a detective, she knew no one on the other side of the mirror had any idea who was in the viewing room. They were not able to see or hear anyone. But as a victim, she was very afraid of the minor distance between the Russian and herself. It was down to a wall, mirrored glass and a few metres of space between them. She was meant to feel safe with that between them but she wasn't in the least feeling safe. But she kept her cool and remained calm. She left her bag on a chair and waited directly in front of Castle who held her upper arms quite securely. Detective Cahill, who had the management of Kate's case, entered the room and greeted everyone with a friendly manner. She was a good detective and had done a great job with Kate's case. The other side of the mirror was still in darkness.

"Are you ready Detective Beckett?" Cahill asked, glancing from the woman to the three boys, who all looked to Kate for her answer. They all saw how composed she was. Only Rick felt how afraid she was.

"Do it." Kate replied with a strong voice to the woman, who then nodded to the uniform. The lights came on and there stood five men in a line up. Castle felt and heard all the oxygen leave Kate's body. She had seen him already.

"Breathe, Kate." He whispered in her ear. He held her upper arms from behind her just in case she decided to leave the real world again.

"Closely study each individual before you identify any of them, Detective." The woman reminded her. For a second Kate's eyes shifted from the men to the detective and she nodded her understanding.

Kate cast her eyes on the first person.

Blond, short. No.

Number two she recognised as one of the uniforms on level one. Wasn't him.

Person three. Dark, six foot two inches, slim build no tattoos.

Fourth person. Kate did cease to breathe. His pale blue eyes, dark hair, the dragon tattoo. She heard herself screaming when she had fought against his violence.

_Keep going. _She reminded herself.

Number five. Another blond but taller.

"Kate?" The detective jolted her from her trance. Kate gasped for air and looked to the detective.

"Number four." She responded.

The detective asked number four step forward. As soon as he moved, Kate backed up in to Castle who held her still.

"Steady." He whispered. He felt her tremble.

The man turned as directed but looked to the mirror and smiled, the gold tooth glinting in the down lights. Kate whimpered and backed up completely into Castle's space, until her body was against his. "It's him."

"Identify him please, Detective Beckett." Detective Cahill requested.

"Number four. He's the person who attacked me." She hung on to Rick's forearm that was holding her up against him. She felt so nausea's again.

"Very good Detective, thank you. We will run his DNA to see if it matches the unidentified DNA on your file." She turned her attention to the office. "Please close the blind," she ordered so Kate was no longer subjected to seeing him.

"What the hell did this individual do to you?" Cahill asked in disbelief.

Kate swallowed, her eyes dark and fearful, "What didn't he do, is a better question. It's all in my statement what he did to me," she responded, "He didn't kill me because he thought I was already dead. I just didn't have a name for him." She held Castle's shirt and reached for her handbag she lifted to her right shoulder. She looked to him and quietly said so only he could hear. "Please take me home."

With that Castle took her hand and stared out of the room. Kate pulled on his arm. "Hang on a second." She said and turned back to Detective Cahill.

"Detective?" She said to gain Cahill's attention.

"Yes, Detective?"

"What is his name?"

"His name is Gustav Voltov. He is forty three, married and he has three teenage daughters."

Rick swallowed. That last bit of information made the situation worse to him. He was shocked that a man with daughters could do what he had done to Kate.

Kate seemed to accept the information logically as usual. Nothing surprised or shocked her nowadays.

"Has he ever been charged before?" Rick inquired, curious to know whether a married man with three daughters could have a history of abuse.

"No. That's why we probably couldn't find him from the evidence we had."

Rick nodded then glanced to Kate who needed fresh air. They thanked the detective and said their goodbyes to everyone.

Outside he hailed down a taxi. Inside the vehicle they sat in silence. Kate stared out of the car window. Rick remained silent all of the way. Kate didn't seek Castle's attention or say a word. She spent most of the trip trying to block all the images, memories the day had returned to her as quick as a lightning bolt. She kept to herself, practiced what Anna had taught her to do.

Outside the apartment building, Rick paid the fare, got out the car and held his hand out to assist Kate from the taxi in her heeled boots. She came out of the vehicle and stood at the curb. He closed the car door. The afternoon was cold and he was sure it was going to snow again in the next few hours. He stood and faced Kate, pleased she was looking at him. He urged her to walk but her brow knotted and she stayed.

"C'mon Kate, walk with me." He requested.

"How many more?" She asked.

Rick shrugged his shoulders, and glanced up and down the street. The same question had entered his mind probably five hundred times that afternoon. He could see she just wanted to collapse to the ground because she was so defeated and was ready to give in. He needed her to stay together and walk otherwise they risked entering a crisis situation. He held her hands. "Look at me Kate." He said very seriously. She looked at him. "Don't withdraw within yourself. Your baby needs you. Let's go be with him."

"Castle, please don't make me see a therapist."

He was somewhat confused by her statement, "No therapist," he reassured, "You're okay and you have Anna on speed dial." He gave her a smile and touched her face. "Come on, Katie, its cold out here."

"Please hold my hand." She requested and once he did, she walked with him into the building, into the elevator to the top floor. When he opened the doorway, she dropped her handbag by the cloak closet and took off her coat hanging it up in the closet as Castle did his. Their dogs appeared from the study, happily running to Kate who dropped to her knees to greet them. She hugged and petted the young Labradors for several seconds before their wriggling bodies excitedly migrated to Castle just as enthusiastic to see him.

Martha appeared from the study seconds later carrying their son who was awake. She pointed her finger towards them. Mason's eyes followed, "Look who is home!" She said to the baby and walked over to Kate who met her half way, "He's only just woken, Darling." Martha saw Kate's upset expression and glanced to Rick, "Are you two okay? Katharine?" She asked as she prepared to pass the baby to his mother. She wasn't sure whether they had been fighting, but something had certainly occurred.

"We're okay." Rick replied and rubbed Kate's back with his palm. He saw a very sleepy baby reach to Kate his tiny fingers going to her neck as she stepped to him. She took him from Martha, all of them hearing his happy and sleepy baby sounds. Immediately Kate calmed and smiled at her son. She hugged him breathing in his baby scent, feeling his warmth.

She then glanced to Martha and replied, "I'm okay now. I will be okay." She turned to Rick so he could say hello to his son, then she carried Mason with her in the direction of the bedroom to change out of her work clothes into leggings and a sweater.

Castle sat on the couch with his mother and took her hand. The dogs sat as his feet as usual. "Have the kids been good?" He inquired.

"He's been great. Not a tear." She replied pointing down to the black dog, Toby. "Abby has been bringing socks from your bedroom. Your son, the human child, was upset when you left this morning but he settled down. He only woke from his nap a couple of minutes before you arrived."

"Lucky you for having a pleasant regular family day," he said and tiredly wiped his face with a hand. He looked at his mother with a weary smile.

"What happened?" She asked.

"Oh," he sighed, "when we were having lunch with the boys, Kate heard a voice she recognised. It turned out to be one of men who violated her. The one we haven't been able to identify. Evidence had a photo of him talking to Bracken but no one could or would give us his identity."

"Geez…. How many were there?"

"More than I think we will ever know," he replied, "that she won't ever remember. He looked up when he saw movement.

Kate returned to the living area carrying the baby. She had dressed him in a warm jump suit ready for them to go out. The dogs had stood when she appeared. She patted and scratched their heads then silently went to sit beside Castle. He dropped his arm over her shoulders so he could hug her to him tightly. She sat the baby close to both of them not saying anything for a long time. He held her head pressing his lips against her forehead, breathing in her scent. He could feel the tension leaving her.

Martha stood up, "I know what we need," she said and walked over the room to the kitchen. She firstly finished preparing a bottle for the baby that she put in the microwave. While that was heating she poured three glasses of Scotch.

On the sofa, Kate sighed and closed her eyes, feeling safe against Rick's body and loving the touch of Mason who was busy with touching her face, her fingers. She opened her eyes looking directly into Mason's large blue eyes. The baby smiled at his parents, and Kate glanced to Rick who was the cause of Mason's noises, "I love you," she said to Castle and closed her eyes as he kissed her forehead, "Don't let me fall down the rabbit hole again."

"I won't. I promise." He kissed her lips feeling her respond as he had hoped she would, "We are safe now. It's really over." He sighed with relief and stroked her head.

"Here you are, Darling." Martha held out a bottle for Mason. Kate placed Mason to his back against her right arm and took the bottle. She felt the temperature, gave the bottle a shake then tipped it to Mason's mouth. He was hungry and held the bottle. Kate then took the glass of Scotch from Rick.

"Yes, today I think it would be a good idea." Kate said and sipped the Scotch that Martha had served each of them. Rick did the same thing both of them watched Mason drink from the bottle. "It's only three pm," she commented feeling the heat of the Scotch.

"So? It's happy hour somewhere in the world," he said and tilted his glass to her glass. "Cheers. Drink it. It will take the edge off you." Surprising him, Kate swallowed the lot, shaking off the taste when she put the glass on the coffee table. It took Rick a further five or so minutes to finish his, all of them stared at Mason while he consumed his milk. His left leg constantly kicked about which amused Kate. Everyone thought he looked like Rick the most but she could see little bits of herself in her son. She was so pleased he had blue eyes. His hair was fair and he had plenty of it. The baby soon lost interest in the bottle, wanting his mother's affection more.

"I'm hungry," she stated and untied her hair from Mason's little fingers. The baby wanted to be held closely by her. He was still sleepy and sought his Kate's attention. She lifted and held him against her chest realising his body from foot to head was getting quite long. His feet pushed on her thighs as though he was trying to stand.

"Well, you didn't eat lunch." He rubbed her back, "I'm hungry too." He decided. "Shall we take the kids for a walk to the park and buy something to eat on the way home? We could sit at the park for a bit before it gets too cold," he suggested trying to get Kate to just move on. Today had happened, she had dealt with it exceptionally well and now she needed to continue forward.

"The dogs need to go for a walk so I guess we could do that….. I'll put on my sneakers."

"And a coat. Mother, are you staying for dinner tonight?"

"No Darling, you three are on your own tonight."

"Okay so we don't have to wait for Alexis and Mother. It's just us and the dogs." He smiled devilishly, pulling Kate to him by her hips.

Kate gave in to the pressure and nudged in close to Rick for one last big hug, bringing Mason closer. She needed it from Rick just to shake of the last of the vulnerability she was feeling. Seconds later she transferred the baby to Rick's lap so she could find her sneakers and get ready to leave. Richard decided he would change into track pants and sneakers as well. He carried the baby to the bedroom with him, chatting the entire time about absolutely nothing. Mason was quiet today. He studied Rick and just stared at him. Rick wondered whether Mason was going to have that part of Kate that did the same thing, those moments when she simply stared vacantly while her mind processed external factors. He saw a lot of himself in their son, but he also saw a lot of Kate in the baby as his personality gradually developed.

The air was fresh when they left the building to begin their walk to the park. Castle held the dogs' leads but he walked between them as always, and Kate pushed the stroller. Rick also held Kate's hand firmly over the stroller handle, not letting her go all the way to the park. He needed to do that and she just needed his security. At the park, Kate took the dogs' leads and swapped places with him.

"I'll run them around the park." She said to Rick.

"I'll walk." He replied.

"I will catch up with you, Castle." She said and started jogging, "Come Toby, Abby," She called, lengthening the ropes and dogs chased after her. Castle followed her at a walk knowing she would run the lap then some to catch up with him. She needed to run off the events of the day. He continued to walk through the park taking alternative pathways until he had circumnavigated the entire park once. Kate had passed him and had kept running, quite fast at that stage. When he was back where they started he found a vacant park bench he rested on and waiting for Kate. Mason was asleep and thoroughly bundled up with a coat and blankets to protect him from the cold temperature. Rick saw Kate and the dogs sprint back to him minutes later. The dogs panted but wore happy faces. Toby clearly struggled with the running but Abby, who was leaner, loved to run. They flopped down on the ground to recover when Kate sat beside Rick. She stared up into the evening early winter's sky. It was dusk.

Castle's phone beeped. He found it in a pocket and checked for messages. "It's from Espo"

"What's he say?" She asked.

"The guy you identified, Voltov, has confessed to the charges laid. His DNA was on and in your body. His dental print is a match to the wounds found on you. He's also been charged on three murders in New York and two in Rochester." He looked to Kate, took hold of her head and gave her a big kiss on her cheek. "You did a good job today Beckett. I know it was hard, but you identified a prick that is going to go away for a long time. I'm very proud of you."

Kate smiled, accepting his affection. "Thank you. If I had .." Kate stopped when his phone beeped again.

"Another one…. Espo says he had been watching you for weeks and set you up, with what Brown organised … Kate they totally set you up. Espo says Gustov Voltov thought you had died until he saw the photos in the paper from the night at the restaurant." He looked to her eyes to see she understood perfectly what he was thinking. "He didn't see you in the coffee shop, but he would have known you were alive from everything since." He concluded realising he had been walking the streets with her for months, unknowingly at risk of her being snatched from him again. He unconsciously stroked her thigh, suddenly extremely unsure of himself and how he could protect her if he had needed to.

"I told you Castle you couldn't have stopped it. Had it been different, had they not persuaded me to go into protection, you may have been killed. It may have saved your life." She touched his face. "If I had survived that and found out you had died trying to stop them … what would I have done?"

"You would have got back on your feet and hunted those guys down and probably died doing it. So I saved your life, yet again." He smugly replied looking to her eyes.

"No…"

"Kate you would have died to stop them." He put it out there. "What shall we text him back?"

"Kate is very happy to hear this!"

"Ok." He typed in, "Kate and I are ecstatic." And hit send.

He gently smacked her thigh with a cupped palm. "It's really over now." He took a deep breath letting it out.

"He hunted me down for Bracken." She stated, digesting the information. "He didn't know me. There was no personal vendetta even. He did it because Bracken paid him to."

"I know, Kate. Maybe he … I don't have anything. I don't think like those type of people. I just see you and want to be near you, touch you, make love to you and be with you. I can't speak for sick people who want to hurt others. Then the fact he has a wife and three daughters. I don't get men like him, Kate. But don't dwell on it as it will drive you crazy, okay?"

"It's not worth it, Castle."

Castle's phone beeped again. "He says, tell Beckett to be at the gym at six am on Monday. You'd better be there too." He laughed. "The way you guys deal with things is weird."

"I know, but it works." Kate replied. "Tell him I'll be there and he'd better be ready for an ass kicking."

Castle chuckled. "Kate says we'll be there and your ass is getting whipped." Send.

Toby stood up and nuzzled into Kate's hands, pushing them to move. She sat forward excitedly talking to him and stroking his face. He was a really good dog. Abby was then up and seeking equal attention.

"Come on. Let's go get some dinner and go home." Castle took hold of Kate's hand and stood. He gently pulled on her hand and in response she stood, partially pulled up by him. She checked Mason was okay. He was asleep. She took the stroller and Rick had the dogs. They strolled to a Chinese restaurant that was on their route home surprised by how many couples there were getting around in the evening with strollers. Castle sent Kate inside to order the dinner whilst he waited outside with the baby and the dogs. He watched her through the window noticing she repeatedly cast her eyes back to him to make sure he stayed there. Once she had ordered she came outside and waited with him for their order to be ready. The night was growing very cold. No cloud over so the night would end up quite cold. Kate jogged on the spot to keep warm as the leggings were not really keeping her warm enough. Someone tapped on the window inside the restaurant so Kate returned to collect their dinner. As soon as she was out, Castle took her hand, ensuring he walked closest to the roadside and walked her quickly back to the loft. As soon as he locked the front entry he looked to her face with a relieved smile.

"I don't know about you, but I wasn't feeling too secure out there tonight." He admitted.

"You say that now." She breathed out. "I thought you were ok. I was being tough because I thought you'd say I was silly. I have my gun." She pressed the elevator button and as they waited rolled the stroller backwards and forwards to keep Mason asleep.

"Never, your never silly about your fears. Crazy sometimes." He grinned and reached to her face with his hand. "I was worried tonight. We've been walking around all that time thinking they were all locked up."

"Castle, there are still some out there who were in that warehouse who saw me," she stated matter of fact and walked into the elevator pushing in the stroller, once the doors opened. He followed her in and when she turned to look at him his expression showed he was very worried.

"Are you telling me there could be more pop up?" He asked, and glanced to the dog to make sure he was safely in the elevator before the doors closed. He looked back to her, seeing she was serious.

"I know there were more men than that in the warehouse. I heard them Rick. I don't remember enough to give any more information." She glanced to the dogs then back to Rick, "I remember hearing you on the phone, hearing your voice. Time before that and after that is very vague now. The clearest memory I have after that is the day you carried me from the bedroom to the living area. The rest is just jumbled flashes of memories."

"You lost over a week in that case, that I will never forget." He responded seriously realising that he would be the one who would ultimately remember the worst week of their life even though it happened to her.

"I'm sorry." Kate whispered. She was distracted at the sound of the elevator doors opening to their floor. They shared a further second looking to each other then she followed him out of the elevator to the entrance of the loft. He silently unlocked the door and let her in first with the stroller then he let the dogs off the leads to follow Kate inside the loft.

"Maybe it's time we moved out of the New York, find a place where it's safe for you to live, to raise Mason and let the dogs have space to run." He suggested and Kate stopped in her tracks to the coat closet.

"It's an idea," she replied looking over her shoulder to him, "One that I would seriously consider."

"If I know it's going to keep you alive, I would move tomorrow," he said as he lifted a sleeping Mason from the stroller. "He's quiet today," he commented.

"I noticed that as well, like he's tired." She approached Rick and peered at their baby asleep in Rick's arms. "He seems ok."

"He is," he replied, "I'll put him down in his cot while we eat dinner."

"I'll get dinner out."

She watched Rick slowly carry their son to the study where they kept the cot. She was home, she was safe and another man was locked up. All was good.

_The writing of this story is complete. So guys, if you want the remaining two chapters posted you know what to do._

_My beta and I have spent hours upon hours writing, reviewing, rewriting and researching for this story. Your feed back would be greatly appreciated. We love hearing what this story has done for you as individuals. We thank those of you who have already shared. It does mean a lot to me. _


	48. Chapter 48 - The business end of things

_In this chapter, the man gets what he deserves. Sorry if I was too ruthless or not ruthless enough._

**Chapter 48 - Bracken**

The iPhone vibrated and lit up beside the box interrupting the task Kate was doing. Martha (_Gram)_ was written as the identification. Her eyes turned to Mason who slept safely between two pillows in the middle her bed. He was walled in so he couldn't roll anywhere and covered by her favourite blanket she'd bought in Montreal. Ever so softly she cooed to her sleeping baby, "It's your Gram, Baby, we should pick up." She smiled admiring him a second or so before she picked up the phone and accepted the call. Unable to take her eyes from her infant son, she murmured, "Hey Martha," and gently stroked her baby's forehead with a single finger

"Hello Dear, are you inside your apartment?"

"Yes. We're here. Mason's asleep." She lifted herself from the bed.

"Good. I heard up most of the night with him. I'm downstairs, Darling."

"Ok, I will buzz you in," she replied as she stepped around the packed boxes to get out of the bedroom, "I'm almost done with packing. Today will finish it."

"That's good. You will finally be completely at home with us."

Kate smiled at that thought, "I cannot wait to have all my stuff in the one place." At the front door she hit the intercom button to let Martha in.

"I'm in, Kate. I will be there in a minute."

"Okay. I will get Mason ready to leave."

"See you soon."

Kate hung up and pocketed her phone in her jeans. She returned to the bedroom and moved away the pillows tossing them to the head of the bed. She went on her knees and crawled over the bed to Mason. Again she lovingly stared at her son. On a daily basis she spent hours just watching him, devoted most of her time to caring for him. Nothing in her life was as important to her as him and his welfare. Rick and their relationship was number one in her life, but this child was something else to both of them, "C'mon Baby, it's time for you to go with Gram," she murmured, lifted him up and wrapped his blanket firmly about him. She carried him out to the baby stroller, holding him firmly against her body. She pressed her lips to his cheek. In the living room she laid him right down in the stroller, buckled him in and made sure he was tucked in and warm. This baby slept through everything. She assumed it was because of the high volume of noise he had been exposed to by his family his entire life so far.

Her phone beeped with a text message that she checked. Martha was at the door. Kate stepped to the door and opened it for her. She grinned, pecked her cheek and embraced Martha, "Hi Mom," she greeted without a thought. She was so accustomed to Rick saying it that she'd started to regularly address Martha as Mom.

"Darling. You look pale, are you alright?"

"I'm a little cold and hungry. Esposito and Ryan are picking up Thai now."

"Good. Where are the dogs?" Martha searched the apartment for the black and yellow Labradors that Kate usually brought with her.

"I left them at home today because we came in the police car. I will walk the dogs tonight with Rick."

"Okay. I will let them on the rooftop when I get home. Has our darling boy been good?"

Kate grinned proudly, "Of course. He's always good. Luckily he doesn't have my temperament and has taken after his father."

"I'm not so sure that's lucky, Kate."

"Ha!" Kate laughed, thinking back to the grief she'd given her parents over the years. "Believe me, Martha, you'd rather have Mason like Rick was than how I was."

"I don't know about that." Martha gave Kate's hair a stroke. She'd had it cut to shoulder length when she had come back from the Hamptons and had kept it that length ever since. Today she had it tied back in a low pony tail with loose strands of it hanging about her face. "What time do you expect to be home?"

"By four thirty. Rick said he should be home about five. I want to be at home when he comes back. I've missed him a lot and it's only been a couple of days. Feels like a week."

"I won't tell him that. He misses you too."

"Mason refused to go down last night. He was looking for his Dad."

"Yes, I heard him."

"I gave in and let him sleep in our bed until he finally dozed off. I was so tired."

"You look tired today."

"I am. I really miss him, and I usually don't miss people, well except my Mom." Kate confessed.

"It's mutual Kate. I was talking to Richard on the way here and he was constantly repeating how much he misses you and Mason. He's crazy about you."

"He's crazy about him." She whispered pointing to the sleeping baby.

"Yes. He's a good father."

"He's better than excellent." Kate smiled and looked to Rick's mother who was brightly dressed in a red coat, black boots, "He said the other night he wants us to have more kids and asked me to think about it," she said as she leaned over the baby to fix his knitted beanie, "How on earth do we top this one?" She laughed. "Actually, both Castle's children are top kids."

"Oddly enough, yes they are. It's got me baffled." Martha chuckled. "He was a mischievous kid and was always searching for adventures."

"He still is," Kate replied thinking about the crazy shit he did, or the things he ordered in the mail just as a starting point. His life revolved around seeking adventures.

"I'm going home. When did you last feed Mason?"

"About a quarter hour ago, timed it to work in with you. I fed him so he got a fair bit."

"Alright, so he will sleep awhile."

"I will try to be home in time to feed him again. I promise."

Martha gathered up her stuff and took control of the stroller. "I will see you soon. Make sure the boys bring you home. No heroics." She said and kissed Kate's cheek.

"They will drop me home, but I have my gun with me."

"Let the boys take care of you." Martha said as she pushed the stroller and the baby out the door. "I will see you tonight."

"Bye!" Kate returned to the bedroom to continue packing her stuff. She checked her phone on the way and put the sound back on now that Mason was gone. She built a new cardboard box then stepped into the wardrobe to pack her many pairs shoes. Rick was right. She did have a lot of shoes that varied from thigh length heeled boots to evening wear stilettos. Some were stored inside their original boxes and others were loose. One box wasn't going to fit all the loose pairs. It wasn't five minutes when she heard her phone ring again.

She placed the shoes she held on the floor, then looked to the screen and smiled at the image of Rick and her, their heads pressed together, grinning at the camera. "Hey Castle." She greeted with a smile on her face, in her tone of voice she saved for him. She sat right down on floor cross legged.

"Hey." He replied. "How's my sexy girl?"

"Ha! Sexy? Mmmm." She glanced down to herself in old jeans and a red hoodie, glad he couldn't see her. Well, she was packing the apartment ready for the movers who were meant to be there the following day. "Where are you?"

"Somewhere in Pennsylvania," he answered, "Wishing I was at home with you."

"Me too. We will come with you next time," Kate said, "I'm missing you," she murmured, "And I can't sleep without you in our bed." She didn't tell him she'd slept in one of his shirts he'd worn or that she had lain on his side of the bed with her head on his pillow that had the combined scents of him, his shampoo and his aftershave. She'd never been like that with anyone.

"Which bed?" He asked.

"Either bed. Any bed."

"Am I talking to Katharine Houghton Beckett, the one who has a ruggedly handsome partner and a gorgeous baby boy?" He inquired suspiciously.

Kate giggled and replied with a high voice, "Yes."

"Are you okay? You're getting all girlish on me, Kate." He teased, trying to charm her.

"Yes, Castle." She smirked, finding his cute tone of voice adorable, "Would you rather me not tell you I miss you?"

"No, no! I like to hear it." He quickly replied.

"Good." She answered glancing to the time. "What time do you expect to arrive home?"

"Oh, in a few hours." He replied, "Where are you?"

"In my apartment boxing my shoes so I'm it's ready for the movers. I'm packing my shoes in the bedroom."

"Shoes?" Rich chuckled, "You'll be there all afternoon packing all your shoes, Beckett."

"Ha! You will have to build me a shoe shelf like the one I have here."

"I'll phone my maintenance guy tomorrow." He replied.

"I was joking."

"I know, but I'm not. We'll trip over them if we don't have a shelf installed."

"Yeah sure, Castle."

"Don't move any heavy stuff either." Rick said, still thinking about all the shoes she already had at the loft. He was seriously wondering where she would store the ones coming from her apartment.

"I won't. Castle?"

"Yeah, Honey?"

"I really miss you but not the Honey part."

Rick smirked, "I miss you too. I can't wait to see you, Kate." He stated excitedly, "Two days!"

"Mason misses you too," she told him, "He wouldn't settle last night. He was looking for you to take him to bed like you do." She said as she walked to the kitchen in search of her bottle of water.

"Katie?"

She heard his tone of voice, indicating he was about to say something serious. "Mmmm?"

"I'm never going to leave you alone again. I will always bring you with me." He told her as he honestly missed her company.

"Bring us." She reminded him not able to hold back the smile. She spotted the water bottle, went to take a drink and found it was empty.

"Both of you." He corrected his voice full of endearment. "Is our child behaving himself, not messing with your head?"

"Uh huh, he has been good today, especially when we were taking a nap earlier." She said as she filled her bottle from the filtered tap, "We fell asleep on the bed together after I gave him a bath."

"Napping now?" He asked in a cheeky tone.

"I couldn't sleep alone." She reminded, "And he refused to go down last night. I was up for hours trying to settle him."

"Oh yeah? Well, Mason will sleep tonight because I will put him to bed and you will sleep tonight because I will be holding you snugly against me, in our bed."

"Promise me."

Rick laughed at her tone of voice. "I promise."

"Where is he?"

"Your Mom just came to pick him up. She's taking him home before it's too cold. It's cold here today." She commented, feeling a chill run down her spine. "She felt a little creeped out."

"Turn up the heating." Castle glanced to the outside temperature on his dash. "It's not warm out at all."

"I need to move. I reviewed this morning, what you wrote last night. Didn't I teach you anything when you were following me?" She teased.

"I see we're back on that?" He inquired.

"You have shadowed me for five years, Castle."

"That's why I hired you to be my proof reader. You make it real."

Kate smiled. "I'm jerking your chain, Castle. Do you think you will be home for dinner?" She asked.

"GPS tells me I should be home by four fifty six this evening."

"Right in peak hour." She laughed.

"Yep."

"Is Sorenson behaving?"

Kate smiled, hearing the subtext. "Mmm… but he's not here. He got called into work and will be here later. I have Espo babysitting me, but I sent him out to buy us something to eat. There's nothing edible here. Epso and Ryan are coming back with lunch. Well, late lunch."

Kate heard a knock on her door. "I have to go Rick, someone is at the door."

"Are you expecting anyone?"

"No. But it's probably your Mother who has forgotten something or it will be Esposito and Ryan with lunch. Call me in half an hour Babe." She offered.

"Ok. Keep warm."

"I will. See you tonight, Ricky." She purred and tapped end call.

"Did Espo text you to say he was on his way in? Damn, she's gone." Rick tissed in frustration that she had hung up so fast on him. He hoped it was his Mother or the boys at the door. He smiled to himself recalling Kate's tone of voice, her form of foreplay. She would be even more seductive when he would next speak to her. By the time he would arrive home he would be very keen to make love to her. She seduced him whenever they were apart for more than a day.

A few minutes later his cell phone rang and the car automatically picked up the call. "Hello Mother."

"Hello Richard. Mason and I are on our way home. Do you want anything at the grocery store? I'm passing by there."

"No, thanks. We'll probably order in tonight."

"All right. I guess I will see you when you get home. Drive carefully."

"I will. Hey Mom. Did you go back to Kate's apartment?"

"Only when I picked up your son."

"Okay Mom. See you tonight." He disconnected the call. Castle continued to drive towards New York City, promising himself he would take Kate with him from now on.

Maybe two minutes further along the freeway, Rick decided to give Sorenson a call to give him a bit of grief about being with Kate. He told the vehicle/phone to call Will Sorenson. Seconds later the phone was on speaker and dialling. Sorenson picked up within two rings.

"Castle! What do I owe for the pleasure of your call?" Will greeted.

Rick chuckled, "Sorenson. I hope you're behaving yourself with my woman."

Will laughed, "Sure, writer monkey, I am, but I'm not with her right now. She is locked in the apartment. Esposito should be there with her soon."

"Yeah she told me you had left the babysitting to Espo."

"I just got off the phone with him. He's in some Thai restaurant buying them all lunch and waiting for Ryan to show up with the Unit."

Rick felt his heart rate increase. "She just told me someone was knocking at her door."

"When?"

"Maybe five minutes ago."

"I'm walking back there now." Sorenson seriously said.

"Will, someone was at the door five minutes ago. Who knew she was there?" Rick stressed.

"No one knew except us. I'll talk to you soon." Will hung up, hit Esposito's number then started to run along the side walk towards Kate's apartment.

"Yo! Let me guess, you want Thai now." Espo greeted, "I bought you some."

"Thanks Dude, but not. Castle told me someone is at Kate's apartment. Is it either of you?"

"No. I'm at the Thai place and Ryan is parked out front."

"I'm on my way there. No one knew we were there!" Sorenson puffed into the phone as he sprinted up the sidewalk. "I'm a good five minutes away running."

"We'll try and call her. Go." Espo replied, "We're on our way." He hung up and started to dial Kate's cell phone. As it rang, Esposito jogged from the restaurant towards the unit that was double parked out front. He dived in it and said to Ryan, "Get to Kate's apartment. Something's wrong. Castle said there was someone at her door and we're all accounted for."

"Seriously?" Ryan swung the car onto the road and started driving towards Kate's apartment. "Where's Sorenson."

"He is running to her building." He hung up the phone and tried again. "She's not picking up her phone."

"Keep trying." Ryan ordered, "Put the bubble up."

Esposito unwound the window and stuck the police light on the roof. Ryan floored the car.

Once Sorenson pocketed his phone he sprinted as fast as he was able to towards the apartment building. It took him over five minutes to run to Kate's building. Esposito and Ryan's Unit was already parked out the front. He went to hit her intercom button but sighted someone coming out. He waited and caught the door. In the elevator foyer he hit the elevator button and peered up. It was coming. It was a toss up between the stairs and the elevator. It arrived. He jumped in. On his way up, as he got closer to Kate's floor he could hear the commotion and panicked voices.

The elevator doors opened to four or five people who were rowdily talking about the noise that had occurred in the cop's apartment. They pushed past Sorenson to get in the elevator as he rushed out of it and ran down the hall way to the apartment.

There was a further sequence of knocks on the door. Kate pocketed her phone in the hoodie and hurried to the door hoping like hell it was finally lunch time. A knock again. Why were boys so damn impatient, she questioned to herself.

"I'm coming already, Espo! Hang on a second!"

She released the chain and unlocked the dead bolt. As soon as she released the lock, the door was flung open. She cried out. The edge of the door struck her square on her forehead and sent her reeling back in surprise. She grasped a hand across her forehead as she stepped back disorientated. She struck a box with her heel, over balanced and fell backwards. What stopped her from a tumble to the floor was the back of her head that collided hard with the second glass door's frame. The met hard with a loud crack. She cried in paid. Simultaneously, she awkwardly collapsed to the ground momentarily stunned. She tried in vain to save herself on the way down. A box fell with her. From her position on the floor, she peered up and saw it was Bracken penetrating the apartment. She cried out in fear. Her heart pounded.

_Gun! Gun! Gun!_ _Computer desk._

She hastily scrambled backwards over the floor between the boxes in an attempt to flee for a larger space so she could turn and stand. Her mind noticed her right wrist was hurting her a lot. She didn't care. She had to get the gun on the computer desk. Bracken was closing in on her, and he had a gun. The blows to her head had shocked her and compromised her ability to move swiftly but she still gave it her best shot. Her shoes slipped on the floorboards and she spilt to the floor.

Seconds later, near the kitchen bench, Kate sat still on the floor staring up into the barrel of a Glock 19 pointed directly at her forehead. Bracken stood over her. She swallowed nervously, experiencing flashes of the times the Russian had held the gun at her forehead. Her mouth was dry. Her ears were ringing loudly and her head continued to smart from the impact of hitting the doors. She gradually slid her bottom along the polished boards to a better position so she was more upright. Her respiration was shallow and rapid, and her heart thumped against her rib cage. She focussed on keeping her fears under control. She had to stay in control.

She saw Bracken was enraged and that worried her immensely. It made him unpredictable. His veins pulsed at his forehead. His face was flushed. He had lost his ability to think rationally.

Finding there was nothing she could do to escape the situation Kate willed her mind to maintain control of her fears. She slowed her internal dialogue and concentrated on one thing at a time. After Rick had aired the reward on the TV the men had behaved like Bracken was right now. It had freaked her out in the warehouse to the point their behaviour had inhibited her ability to think. Every event in the warehouse came rushing back at her at light speed. This time it was different. She had Anna's training, her was alone. She had a chance, even if it was one in a million, it was still a chance. She only had to find that chance. To do that she knew she had to keep calm. That task was not so easy to do when she felt such helplessness.

It was a fact. Bracken terrified her. This was it. The life and death situation she had imagined for so many months was playing out, but she didn't hold the gun. She didn't want to die today. She had too much to lose. She pursed her lips. She wasn't going to have her baby grow up hell bent on revenging his mother's murder. It wasn't going to be. There was no way she was going to orphan her baby. Rick was not going to bring up another child as a sole parent. It was her or Bracken and she was damned sure she wasn't going to miss out on raising her baby.

_Castle, Mason, Rick, Mason, Rick … I don't want to die now!_

"So." He said.

Kate jumped in alarm at the sound of his booming voice. It was then she became absolutely determined it was to be her who would survive this experience.

"It's finally down to us. It's a question of who has the power now." His eyes were wide and he was insanely angry. He reminded Kate of Jack Nicholson in that old movie with his head poking through the door. The Shining. He held the same enraged and crazy expression. Kate shifted her eyes from the Glock to his eyes.

"You agreed to leave me alone," she said surprising herself that she sounded so in control even if her mouth was dry from fear.

"It's easy to agree," he replied, "and I would have left you alone had you not found Voltov when you did."

"Why has his arrest changed things?" Kate asked confused.

He snorted, "Do you really think I'm going to give you information…"

"I already have it. You hired him to abduct me so you could obtain the files. I have that proof. I have evidence that you ordered my death. We mutually agreed to drop it. I kept my word." She slid back a little further. Her eyes never left the gun. "I kept to my word," she repeated in a murmur, and swallowed. She was scared to death by his panicky manners. He was in a frame of mind where it was highly possible he would simply pull the trigger and kill her.

"You had to find Voltov, who knows everything."

"He hasn't told us what he knows," she said. She was lying. The Russian gang leader had spilled his guts to SVU within an hour of being interrogated. He had then been arrested and charged for unsolved crimes across several North Eastern States. "Bracken, you need to point the gun away from me." She said feeling too vulnerable to tolerate the threat of it for much longer. She fought with every bit of strength she had to stay in control, to not crumble.

"You're not in a position to tell me what to do."

"We had your word you would move on and leave us alone. If I'm hurt here today you will be the first person they hunt for," she explained then threatened, "And you will have the entire police force come down on you."

Kate heard a noise from the hallway and instantly glanced towards the door. _Please let it be Esposito! _

Bracken saw her eyes shift but his hearing failed him. When he did hear the noise from the hall it distracted him enough that he turned about. Rookie error.

Kate reacted instantly with a swift kick that knocked the Glock from Bracken's hand. He squawked in surprise. The gun flew through the air to her left and clacked against the polished floor boards sliding to a stop at a rug. Swift and without thought, her leg swung and she hooked her boot around the back of his knee. She jerked her thigh back hard to her body. It unbalanced him. With the other leg she kicked him in groin. He fell clumsily. She needed her gun. With no time to spare, she scrambled away. She heard his body hit the floor boards. It was down to getting the gun had she had left on the desk. She was up on her feet.

She lunged at the desk her eyes on the Glock. She pulled the Glock from the holster straight into her right hand and into position. She swung around to take aim at Bracken who was up and coming towards her. He had retrieved his Glock and had it pointed at her. Her mind had sharpened. She was in the zone. No fear!

"NYPD! Put down your gun!" She loudly ordered. Her eyes narrowed and tunnelled at Bracken. Every single detail of him was absorbed and assessed.

Kate saw his trigger finger flex. His gun fired.

Simultaneously, she pulled the trigger.

An unsilenced 9 mm gunshot's loudness is approximately 160 decibels. Hearing it once can permanently damage hearing. Her gun went off. The sound of it was loud enough that her whole body flinched. Together the guns were loud enough to cause her physical pain.

Her vision saw his gun jump from recoil. She also saw the front sight of her weapon settle back down.

Her bullet hit the target. Blood splattered on his white shirt and spurted out in her direction from his left shoulder.

_Bad shot Kate!_

Instinctively, she dropped to the floor and barely dodged a second bullet. Her body rolled and her arms pointed the gun at the intruder. She squeezed the trigger.

Again she hit the target.

He had two bullets in his body. By the time her gun was back from its recoil, Bracken was sprawled on the floor. His breaths were laboured. He was on his back groaning, his gun held loosely in his right hand.

Kate clambered quickly to her feet, her gun pointed at Bracken. Her right wrist was in excruciating pain but she forgot about it. All that mattered to her was the fact Bracken was on the floor bleeding out and she was alive and unharmed. He had a wound to the left shoulder and one to his left just below the rib cage. He wasn't going to get up any time soon.

_Move, Kate._

With one eye constantly on him and her gun poised, she reached for and collected the holster. She cautiously stepped toward Bracken monitoring his every move. With her right foot she reached to his right hand and nudged away the Glock. Once it was free of his fingers she gave it a gentle kick and watched it slide over the floorboards to a safe distance. She inspected Bracken. With two holes in him, he was shot up pretty good. The bullet that had hit his shoulder had gone all the way through. A pool of blood was forming on the floor beneath his body.

Feeling safer, she slipped her gun home in its holster and rammed it into the back of her jeans just in case she needed it again. A quick scan of the apartment for damage was when she noticed the bullet hole in the window behind the place she had stood when Bracken had taken the first shot at her. She thought it was too high. He had aimed poorly. Missed her by miles.

Remarkably calm, no longer Kate Beckett, she stepped to the dining area. She crudely dragged a kitchen chair over toward the left side of Bracken. She turned it and sat heavily on the seat, knees apart and leaned over towards him. The hostility, coldness and hate towards the man on the floor raged within her, but she willed herself to maintain control of those sort of emotions. The blood from the bullet wounds spread in circular motions in the places her gun had shot him. He was very conscious with laboured breaths. His eyes, full of maliciousness, stared at her. She knew one of the gunshot wounds was potentially fatal if he wasn't medically treated soon. She was filled with hate and anger. She didn't care whether he was treated. Right now he could wait.

"I guess it's over." Kate said looking directly to his eyes. She breathed rapidly but was recovering fast from the explosive moments. She roughly pushed her hair from her face and wiped the perspiration from her brow with a sleeve. She felt like she been on an exhaustive uphill run.

"Dial nine-one-one now." Bracken ordered.

An evil smile spread over Kate's face, "Seriously? You're fucking telling me to save you after what you did to me? There are two of my bullets inside your body. There is an eight minute response time by paramedics that you don't have any more, and I don't know where my phone is. Senator Bracken, you are going to bleed out." She clearly informed him, leaned over and hissed at him, "And I'm going to watch you die." She glared at him and unconsciously rubbed her wrist. It was hurting a lot and her fingers felt sticky but she couldn't afford to take her eyes from him for the time it would take to visually assess her wrist.

"Murderer!" He growled.

Kate scoffed and sat up, glaring at him with disgust and hate. She could see the life slowly draining from him. "You murdered my mother and her colleagues to hide your dirty laundry." She glanced about the apartment at the murder board she had created a long time ago and added to over the years. Her eyes glared back at him, "I hope you understand, Bracken, that justice is finally being served." She glanced to the clock on the wall. "A good two minutes has elapsed since I shot you." She listened intently to his body, gradually dying. It was going to be a slow death, but she didn't care. She would wait with him and watch the life drain from his eyes, "Are you comfortable Senator?"

Unfortunately, she also knew that Esposito and Ryan would arrive any minute with lunch. They would learn about the shootout from residents. She could hear alarmed residents now even through her ringing ears. The detectives would take the gun from her, possibly arrest her and have her down at the Precinct for questioning. They would also try to save Bracken because that's what cops did. Protect and save the community. This time, she didn't want to do that. If she was arrested, she knew she would be home for dinner because Bracken was in her home uninvited.

"You fucking bitch!"

Her expression altered. She became angrier. Her voice was low, "When you sent those thugs after me, you should have given them more money and you wouldn't be in this …" she searched for her words, "Well, this predicament you're in now."

"I should have made sure you were terminated."

"But you did have me _terminated_," she replied placing emphasis on his choice of word, "You're not face to face with Kate Beckett. You're dealing with the monster you helped to create in that warehouse." Her eyes were cold, callous and unforgiving.

"You've always been a monster. Those Russians said you were a fucking slut, a whore, that you did anything for them and liked it." He spat then groaned in pain from breathing.

Kate's jaw tightened. She growled from deep within. Not a second later her heel of boot was viciously struck in the side of his ribs near a wound.

Bracken cried out in agony. She saw the blood flow faster through his shirt. "Did that hurt?" She asked savagely, "Even if it did, you have no idea about pain."

He groaned and smirked, "Just a Russian's whore."

Kate felt as though she was going to lose control at this man with the anger raging within her.

The blows to her head and shock were starting to take effect on her body as well. She shook her head. She unconsciously stuck her finger in her right ear in an attempt to ease the loud ringing in it. She flexed her jaw to pop her ears. The constant noise in her ears was driving her crazy. "My ears." She groaned.

He drowsily smirked, causing her to refocus on him. "Your ears hurt too?" He asked. Kate looked at him confused by his response under the circumstances. She saw he was losing consciousness. She poked him savagely on the shoulder with her left index finger to ensure he remained conscious. "Wake up!" She shouted and waited. She shoved him with her right boot. "Wake up Senator Asshole!" She yelled, "They woke me a lot worse than this!" Kate sat forward listening to him moan, "Wake up Bracken. They were raping and beating me when I was worse than this and being woken up."

Kate gasped. She sat up. She realised what she'd said aloud. They had raped her, brutally abused her. She'd said it. She started to sob, looking across the room as she remembered what the men had done to her. What Bracken had organised. She was being just as bad. She had turned into them.

Distracted, Kate didn't expect his left hand to grab about her ankle with brute strength or for him to sit up.

Kate squealed, sprung up. The chair toppled over. She yanked and bucked her legs violently to escape Bracken's hold. Her mind was panicked by the memories of having been in the same situation at the warehouse. He had her right ankle too. His grip was extremely strong and he pulled at both her legs. She kicked and screamed until her left leg broke free. She second felt him release she fought to move forward. She slipped on the floor boards. She reached for the door frame to gain leverage. She overbalanced and held her hands out to break her fall. A sharp pain shot up her arm. She tried to crawl but his weight was on her.

Bracken came after her and was over her. He moved up her legs, his large hands grabbed at her slender thighs. His hand clutched her hoodie and found her wrist.

Kate, in full panic over being physically restrained, frantically dragged and tugged at the zipper to get her hoodie off. She managed to unzip it. She twisted, strained and jerked and thrashed her way out of the cotton jacket escaping his hold. Screaming, she rose up on all fours and crawled toward the bedroom. He was at her heels and coming after her.

On her feet, Kate sprinted with agility toward the bathroom. Inside it, she slammed the door and locked herself in the room. She fell against the door and slid down it to the floor. She knew Bracken would die soon. It had been a last ditch effort to save himself. She frantically searched for her phone in her jeans with her fingers. It wasn't there.

"Fuck!" She cursed and looked about the darkened room. She heard Bracken call out.

"Fucking bitch! I'm going to fucking kill you!"

Kate remembered where her phone was; in the pocket of her fucking hoodie. God damn it! She pulled the Glock out of her jeans and threw aside the holster. The darkness of the room settled her panicked mind. She concentrated on slowing her breathing.

Bullets shattered through the door over her head. They smashed into mirror and the basin. Kate dropped flat to the floor and shielded her face from the spray of glass and the enamel of the basin. She rolled to her belly and slithered to the bath. She clambered over the edge of the tub and slipped into it. She plugged her ears as the noise was deafening. The shots fell silent.

Kate was sure Bracken had emptied his magazine. She cautiously peered over the edge of the bath at the weak beams of light coming through the new holes in the door. She jumped when he started thumping his fists on the door. She could see the light coming through the holes vary as he moved on the other side of door. Kate stayed silent, too scared to make a sound. She found her gun and quickly ensured she saw the brass casing of a round in the Glock's chamber. She positioned the Glock over the edge of the bath and aimed at the middle of the door about five foot up from the floor where she estimated his chest would be.

She pulled the trigger, again and again and again. She emptied the Glock at the door. The banging had ceased. A heavy thud occurred outside the door.

She knew it was the thump of his body slumping to the floor.

Kate fell back into the bath to recover and assess how she physically was. She was aware she was bleeding somewhere because she smelt blood. Her wrist was sore, her ears were ringing loudly. There was constant pain in her ears and her hearing was temporarily poor. Her brain was in agony. No phone, but she was sure the neighbours would have heard the hail of bullets. In the poor light of the bathroom she peered down at her bloodied right hand. It wasn't too bad. She weighed up whether to stay where she was until the police arrived. Nope. She had to move. She gradually pulled herself up, physically exhausted, and peered over the edge of the bath. The mess his bullets had made of the basin and mirror was incredible. Shards of glass were everywhere. She reached out of the bath and leaned over the edge of it to grab a towel. She extended her reach for the hand towel but lost her balance and toppled out of the bath to the tiled floor. She released a grunt. Her body hurt. She lay there, knowing if she moved too much she would cut herself on the glass and bits of the basin. She couldn't remember the name of the material the basin was made of nor what day it was. It was so bloody cold. She also needed to use the toilet. That's when she understood that shock was setting in. Her body trembled. She only had the energy to close her eyes. Her mind was tired and she just longed to pass out.

The music wouldn't stop playing. Same tune over and over.

She partially opened her eyes, enough to see the stone tiles of the bathroom floor with glass scattered over it. With her left eye closed everything was tinted red. The floor was cold. She was cold. The music stopped. Then it started again. Darkness came and the pain disappeared.

_Get up._

Kate pushed herself up to a sit with her left arm. Her right arm was limp, her shoulder in pain. She stared vacantly about the room at the drips of blood on the floor. She had to lay down. Her arm slid along the tiles and she closed her eyes. It wasn't possible to be in the warehouse twice.

Voices. Men's voices. She opened her eyes to see the door was rattling. She saw movement beneath the crack. They were coming after her again.

"Clear!" Esposito called.

"Clear!" Ryan replied.

Both of them sighted the blood on the floor of the living area and pointed at it. Silently they approached the bedroom. At the door way the music from Spiderman started to play from inside a red hoodie lying on the floor. They ignored it. They progressed into the room their guns pointed into Kate's bedroom and sighted the male lying beside the bed on his back, his arms spread out. Esposito saw the gun and kicked it away. He then saw all the expelled shells.

"Jesus Christ! Where is she?"

"Looks like she finished it," Ryan said as picked up the hoodie and pulled out her ringing iPhone he looked at and saw a photo of Kate and Rick smiling at him, "It's Castle."

"Don't answer it just yet," Esposito said as he felt Bracken's neck for a pulse to make sure the bastard was dead, "He's gone. She finally got him."

"Where the hell is she? Kate?" Ryan holstered his gun. "What's behind that door way?" He pointed at the door full of holes. The phone started to ring again. He rejected the call.

"It must be a bathroom. She must have hidden in the room." Esposito replied and stepped to the door.

"Kate! Are you in there?" Ryan called as he stepped next to Esposito.

"Kate! Espo! Ryan!" Sorenson called from the living room.

"We're here." Ryan called back. "It's clear."

Both men spun about to see Sorenson enter the apartment his gun held in position to shoot.

"Yo! Its safe." Esposito said.

Sorenson dropped his arm and holstered his gun. "Who's that?" He asked still panting. He was sweating profusely from his mile or so run.

"Bracken," Esposito replied, "Well, what's left of him."

Esposito tried the door handle, then said, "She's locked herself in there." He stood back to kick the door in. It flung open but was stopped by something. The three men pushed it open.

It was dim in the bathroom. Ryan fumbled for the light switched and once the room was flooded with light the three men stopped, shocked by the scene before them. Kate was semi-conscious.

She was on her side huddled into the corner against the bath tub. Her gun was beside her lying on the tiles, her fingers barely touching it. Ejected shell casings were scattered on the floor and in the bathtub. The basin and mirror being shot to bits had caused cuts and abrasions on Kate's arms and face.

"This has only just happened." Sorenson stated still able to smell the guns as he crouched down to Kate. He hooked his finger on the Glock near her hand and passed it up to Ryan. Sorenson then felt Kate's pulse, "She's okay. She's gone into shock. She'll wake up soon with a bad case of ringing ears and a massive head ache from the gun shots in here." He glanced about the room. The damage done by the bullets was extensive.

"I'll phone it in and contact Captain Gates." Ryan said as he passed Kate's phone to Sorenson, "Call Rick. Let him know she's alive."

Will pocketed Kate's phone, even though it was ringing again, "Kate. It's time to wake up." He touched her shoulder.

Her eyes opened and she looked at him. "Steady." He said. He saw the blood in her eye. She was conscious but was deep in shock and vague. She hardly knew where she was. They needed to give her few minutes to come back to reality. She had a small nip in her skin that had bled to her eye. He reached for a towel as he held her down.

She struggled to sit up. "Let me go."

"Just keep still a second. You will cut yourself more." He ordered. She stopped fighting. Sorenson wiped the blood off her face noticing she had a few small gashes on her skin from flying debris.

She made a cry and pushed away the towel.

"Beckett?" He peered at her eyes with a smile seeing she hadn't as yet checked back to reality, "You're still alive." He brushed back her hair.

Suddenly she scrambled up to a sit and erratically smacked his hands away. She cried out in fear.

"Kate, will you stop it already? It's me, William. Look at me." He held her upper arms firmly and waited for his words to sink in. Eventually her brain heard him and glassy eyes shifted to stare at his face as though she'd never seen him before.

She cried and struggled to get loose. Her eyes shot to the three men looking down at her, all of them calm. Her mind was throwing a rapid succession of images at her. It started to come back to her quickly where she was. The last thing she remembered was being on the bed watching Mason sleep. Horrified she looked towards the bed in the next room, "Where's Mason? Where's my baby?" She screamed at the men.

"Hey! Kate! Beckett!" Sorenson looked right at her. "Mason's okay. He's safe. He's at home with Martha. You're safe. It's over."

Kate studied his face, glanced between his eyes and the boys. She cried a little still but seemed to catch up with where she was. "Will." She murmured.

"I'm here." Sorenson said then looked about the bathroom, "How did you not get shot?"

Kate looked to the bathtub and pointed her hand in that direction. Sorenson smiled. "Yeah, the tub."

"He's also a lousy shot," she said.

"I can see that. Are you okay?" He studied her seeing she was coming back to reality. She was fine. Just badly shaken up by the event but unharmed.

"I think I've hurt my wrist." She took the towel from Will and wiped her face. "Everything is red, Will."

"You have blood in your eye from a little cut. That's all." He stood up, "Hold your arms up. I will get you out of this glass before you really do hurt yourself."

Kate's body shook all over. She lifted her arms shakily towards Will as requested. With a swift hoist into his arms he carried Kate away stepping over the body of Bracken. She peered down at his corpse. "He's dead."

"He's gone now." Sorenson told her. He didn't know how she hadn't been killed. They heard the sirens now but it was too late for Bracken.

"He called me a whore," she stated, "It really pissed me off."

Sorenson raised an eyebrow but said nothing. He carried her to the living room and laid her on her couch. He sat beside her to hold her down for a few minutes to recover. "Is that why you shot him so many times?" He asked moments later with a coy sort of smile on his face.

"Kind of, but he took a shot at me first out here. He missed and it went through the window. I shot him after that. When he was lying over there by the chair he called me a slut and whore. No one calls me a whore."

Sorenson followed her pointed hand to where he saw smudged blood on floor, "That's my girl Beckett. Not a girl to have your integrity ruined."

She sniffed and kind of smirked. "Trust you to see it like that, Sorenson."

"Yup, stay there," he held her down when she tried to sit up, "Don't get up. I need you to keep still Kate and relax for me." He stroked her face, worried about the way she shook and panted. He took her pulse from her left arm. He could see her wrist was injured and she nursed it with her left hand. "You weren't shot?" He asked and she shook her head no.

"I'm ok. Like I said, he's a bad shot. He should have practised if he was going to come after me."

As he counted her pulse for fifteen seconds, he looked about the living room. Most of her stuff was packed in boxes. Furniture was tidy. There was a messy trail of blood from the living room to the bathroom. The fight had started in the living room by the evidence before him but had finished in the bedroom with Bracken dead and Kate locked in the bathroom. Satisfied with her pulse, he carefully lifted her right arm up to examine her right wrist. It was swollen, bruised and clearly painful. She whimpered at him, not at all happy about him moving it so he immobilised it to her chest and gently forced her to recline.

With his left hand he grabbed his phone and rang Castle's number. Castle picked up first ring.

"Sorenson. Have you got her?" Came directly through his phone.

"We have your girl. She's safe. She's fine." He put his phone to speaker. "Kate, its Castle."

"Kate! Are you okay?"

Kate felt her mind settle when she heard Rick say her name. "Hey Castle, I'm okay. Where are you?"

"I'm still at least an hour away, Baby."

"Don't rush. I'm with the boys. It's over, Castle. I killed him."

"You killed Bracken?" He squawked.

Sorenson put the phone off speaker and put it back to his ear. "Castle, don't hurry. She's fine. Yes, she killed Bracken. When the paramedics arrive I will have them examine her. She may have broken her wrist."

"Paramedics." He asked staring ahead at the traffic ahead. "Bracken is really dead?"

"Bracken is dead."

"Geez." Rick replied. "Is she ok?"

"I think so. She's a little shaken up. Shaking like mad actually." He studied her face. Her eyes were closed and she was focused on calming down. He moved his fingers in her hair against her head, well aware it used to calm her down. "She's gonna have one cracker of a headache and ringing ears for a few days. I will keep her quiet and call you back when I know more. Don't speed. Just stay calm, man."

"I'm calm. He's really dead?"

"Yes, Bracken's dead. She seriously emptied her magazine into him."

There was silence for a few seconds while Rick processed the news.

"Finally it's over." Rick said. "Take care of Kate. I'll be in the city soon."

"Will do. Meet us at the hospital, Castle." Sorenson hung up and turned his attention to Kate. She was breathing slowly and had calmed right down. She was going to be fine.

Kate's eyes fluttered a little before she muttered to Sorenson, "He didn't honour his side of the agreement."

Sorenson raised looked over Kate's face and said, "No, he didn't, but I promise you I will always keep my word, Kate." He felt her hand. The shaking had had eased up.

Kate smiled, keeping her eyes closed. "I hope so, Will. Maybe you should tell Castle too, huh?"

"I believe that might be a really good idea." He smirked, "Stay quiet. The paramedics are on their way up." He glanced up to Esposito who had turned up.

"How is she?" Espo inquired.

"I'm okay Espo. I was really hungry and looking forward to the Thai."

"Yeah, about that …I need to go pick it up." He raised an eyebrow to Sorenson, "I can't believe she's hungry."

"He's dead, Espo?"

"Oh yeah, Chica, he's full of holes. I don't know how you weren't shot."

Kate and Sorenson both said, "Lousy aim."

_One more chapter to go ….._


	49. Chapter 49 - Archives

_Here is the next chapter, and I'm sorry but I accidentally lied in the previous chapter. I thought this was the last chapter, but it's not. It the second last. So the story will finish next chapter. _

_Read on. The final one will be up soon._

**Chapter 49 **

There were two methods for retrieving old files now that the electronic storage system had been implemented during the past two years.

The first process was to physically attend archives in the basement of the Precinct and locate the file in the relevant archive box. It was easily accomplished and the file, with its worn edges, untidy, roughed up pages with the texture of the paper beneath her finger tips would be right in front of her. She would be able to see firsthand the hard work that had been done on the file.

The second and only alternative procedure was to log in to the electronic records management system and request a soft copy of the file. Problem with the second system, it was traceable and a record was kept of who accessed the files. Everything she downloaded would be recorded.

Patiently Kate had waited weeks for the first opportunity to shake all company off her tail for a couple of hours. Exactly four minutes after the boys had left the Precinct to follow up a lead out of the city she had locked her computer and vanished from her desk. She had taken the stairs to the basement to records. The NYPD only stored the past three years of inactive cases on site. Any files older than that were shipped out to warehouse facilities for long term storage.

It was during the later part of the afternoon when Kate arrived at the doorway to records. Luckily, the front desk wasn't being manned much to her relief. She wouldn't have the officer questioning why she was down there. She strutted around the desk, feeling the damp and coldness of the basement. She zipped up her jacket and pulled her top down over her jeans as she commenced her walk down the main aisle. She already had the case file and storage box numbers jotted down on a scrap of paper she held in her hand. She walked the main long aisle of shelves stacked with boxes checking the progress of the numbers against the one she wanted. At the third crossroad intersection of aisles, she turned left, walked two aisles and made a right. She checked her number against the boxes and wandered further along scanning the box numbers to her right until she located the box she wanted. It was stored at a height slightly over her head. She searched left to right for a stool, ladder or a chair. There was only a chair by the wall down further. Opting to gauge the weight of the box first, she reached up with her hands to see if she was be able to lift it down unaided. She pushed the box up a little with her right index finger from beneath it and found it wasn't heavy.

A little worried, and experiencing the guilt one felt whenever they were doing something they shouldn't be doing, Kate completed a quick visual scan of the area to ensure nobody else was present in archives who would see her. The situation and the emotions that came with it reminded her of when she was a teenager. There had been regular occasions she had done things against her Mother's rules regardless of the punishment she would be dealt. Home detention, no PacMan or Walkman for a week or the worst one, her mother wouldn't let her go to martial arts training. That one had curved her behaviour. She kind of smiled, fully aware of what a mischievous and strong willed child she had been to raise. She had put her parents through various levels of hell once puberty then boys had entered her life. There was every chance her own children would one day behave the same way against her parental conditions. She paused a second, glanced to heaven, touched her chest over her heart and barely whispered, "Sorry, Mom." She prayed that the kids she and Castle would end up with would preferably grow to be more like Alexis than their parents.

The moment gone and positive she was alone, she returned her attention to the task she was there to do. She pulled a pair of latex gloves from her coat pocket and slipped her hands into them.

After a further brief scan of the aisle, she peered up at the box she wanted. She determined she wouldn't need a stool. She reached high to pull the box down from the shelf with the hope it wasn't full of files. If so, it would be too heavy for her to lift down. On the edge of the shelf she balanced it to fully gauge the weight of the files within it and soon decided it was doable. She tilted the box and slowly brought it down from the shelf. With it in her arms, she walked to the end of the aisle where a chair was positioned against the wall. She wouldn't be noticed by any one if she stayed quiet.

With the cardboard box on her lap she paused to give her idea one more think through. What she was about to do was the first step of what might be a regretful plan. She took a deep breath and stared at the lid of the cardboard box. This was just the first step and it could be put to a halt right now. If she continued she was without a doubt about to commit to a journey back down an ominous path. She was filled with mixed emotions. She was didn't want to travel that route but she had to go there to put it behind her. It felt like adverse fate, but was a necessary step to put closure on the nightmare of her life.

Rick wanted more from her. She longed to just have her life back. Kate looked up down the aisle she had come from. She could put the box back on the shelf right now, walk out of archives, go home and make a decision be fully committed to her family. She looked back at the box. Curiosity and the burning determination to put an end to it made her decision. She wanted full closure. Then she would give Rick everything he wanted.

From her jacket pocket she produced her iPhone. A quick check for any text messages or phone calls showed everyone was busy with their day. Nothing. Cool. She didn't have to lie to anyone about where she was. She did stop for a couple of seconds to look the image of herself, Rick and their son bundled together as her screensaver. All of them were grinning.

The latest novel Rick had finally finished was keeping him busy as they prepared to have it published. She wouldn't hear from Rick because he was busy with agents and publishers this afternoon. He was also negotiating a deal for Kate. His publisher was so impressed with Kate's work in Rick's latest manuscript that he wanted to officially bring Kate on board and not only to work on Rick's books. She was excited about the prospect of a career change but it was early days. Rick would hopefully have a draft contract with him tonight for them to read through. The publisher had offered her a job description that she was very keen to accept. It would mean an increase in salary, a lot more freedom and flexibility with hours and the job came with far less risk to her life than running after criminals.

_Bring it on._ Kate thought.

Martha was busy with babysitting Mason while Rick was at his meetings, so Kate wouldn't receive any calls unless something was wrong with Mason. She would probably receive Martha's usual pictures of course.

She lifted the box to the floor before her then flipped the lid off it. Her long, slender fingers flicked through the ten or so manila folders in the box until she found the one she wanted. She confirmed the NYPD file cover had her name printed on the front of it with the correct file number. This was it.

She picked up the file and laid it on her lap staring at it for almost half a minute. Once again she thoroughly questioned whether she was doing the right thing. It definitely wasn't the right thing for Detective Beckett to do but it was the right thing for Kate.

Was she about to open a can of worms? Was she about unnecessarily drag up the past? Would it send her spiralling out of the control again?

Kate didn't have the answers. She concluded that she was only progressing through step one. She could make decisions after she was through this stage.

Silence reigned in the archive room. Kate took a deep breath and turned the cover over. Time was limited so she had to actively progress before anyone noticed her absence. The file was at least an inch thick, full of hand written notes, forms and standard paperwork. Much to her relief, the file contained the envelope she specifically wanted the contents of, that nobody had permitted her see all this time. She tipped the envelope, gave it a gentle shake and watched a pile of 8 x 10 inch and a few 5 x7 inch photographs slide out to the file on her lap. She smaller one she already had copies of so she slid them back inside the envelope.

She retrieved her iPhone and found her phone wouldn't work with latex gloves on her cold hands. So using the tip of her nose she unlocked the screen. Having used the phone this way whilst handling Mason, she'd become quite the expert at answering and making phone calls using her nose or long fingers. When she managed to open the camera application with her nose she gave a little squeak of delight.

The reality of what she was doing hit home. She momentarily closed her eyes and took a deep breath to prepare herself for what she was about to proceed with. She had mentally prepared herself for this experience for months.

All the while she chanted to herself to pretend she was looking at a nameless victim. She had seen a few photographs of what she had looked like, but she knew everyone had been extremely selective about what she had been exposed to. It was a certainty Castle would have a fit if he had any idea of what she was up to. But he had no idea.

She picked up the first of the dozen or so photographs that had been taken of her at the hospital. It was a head shot of the woman, barely recognisable. She ceased to breathe as her vision took in what the photograph showed. She shut her eyes.

_This was me. God help me._

She inhaled.

_Another person Kate_, she reminded herself.

The woman was unconscious. There were cuts on her forehead, lips, cheeks, chin, grazing, black eyes. Hell, her face was barely recognisable as anyone. Kate stared at it for several seconds realising it could easily be an evidence photo of a murdered corpse. She laid it on her lap and held her iPhone over it looking through the screen until there was a clear picture. She took the photo and moved on to the next original photograph which was and image of Kate's torso, taken from the front. There was hardly a place on her that wasn't bruised, grazed, or cut. Another picture taken and move on to the next photo. The following four photos caused Kate to cry tears of regressed shame, humiliation and fear. She saw the bites, the burns, up close and fresh. Her neck was bruised from being strangled her wrists and ankles had hand bruising and rope burns. Her back was grazed and cut in numerous places. She barely recognised her body. What she had seen in the mirror in Castle's loft, at home, had been a vast improvement on what she saw in these photos. How had she survived? Experience told her she looked worse because at the time those photographs were taken she hadn't been washed.

Kate wiped her eyes and continued to take pictures of each of the photos.

The tenth photograph caught her breath in her throat. She stared into the face of one of the men who had attacked her, almost paralysed with fear. She felt sick, but controlled it. She wiped her eyes again, this time with the sleeve of her sweater, wishing she could stop the tears from flowing.

"Take the photo Kate," she murmured to herself and snapped a picture of the mug shot. She moved to the next one and continued until she finished.

Kate packed the photographs sliding them back in the envelope. She shuffled through the paperwork until she found the medical report. It consisted of eighteen pages that listed and described in detail the wounds inflicted upon her body. She took a picture of each page so she could read it later if she was ever ready to. She also copied the evidence report. She already had a copy of her own statement.

There was a statement Castle had made after they had found her. He had never spoken to her about it. Kate couldn't refrain from scanning through his account of events when he had been question by the SVU detectives. It mostly related to the day she had been abducted. Because his semen had been swabbed in her and identified as his, he'd been required to establish his innocence as part of the investigation process. He'd included in his statement that they had engaged in sexual intercourse the morning of the day she had been abducted. They had. It had been an incredible night after the evening on which she had confirmed she was pregnant with Mason. Kate wept a little over the fact she had really fucked up that perfect night forever. She had scarred by her actions that day.

The statement said she had been about five paces ahead of him. He had peered into a window, she had turned the corner out of his sight and when he followed her around the corner she was gone. That simple. He'd found her jacket, gun, phone and badge on the ground. "But Kate had disappeared." She read aloud in a whisper. He and Ryan had gone back to the alley that evening in search of her again. It was said in his statement he thought she was hiding somewhere in the alley and he knew that her abduction at the alley had been staged. It was clearly written that Kate had blatantly lied to him and he hadn't understood why she had done so. That stung. To this day she still lived with the emotional guilt of having lied to him. She wiped her eyes again. What a bad decision she had made that day. How wrongly and cruelly she had betrayed him, everyone.

Kate shut the file and replaced it in the box as she had found it. She locked her phone, put it in her pocket and packed up the box. It was lifted back on the shelf in its rightful place. Kate removed the gloves and headed out of archives. On the way out she wiped her eyes several times to ensure she had dry eyes whenever she would cross paths with another person. The records officer was back at the administration desk. As she walked by him, she muttered "Hey," and continued on her way out of the basement. She didn't believe he looked up from his girlie magazine. If he had, it would only had been to check out her ass as she walked away from him.

By the time Kate returned to her desk, Esposito and Ryan had left the Precinct for the day. Without active murders to solve it was a time the group could use to be with family a little more. Kate glanced to the windows to see it was dark outside. She checked her landline phone and saw she had a missed call from Castle who had left a voice mail message asking when she was coming home. He had also sent her a text message when she was on her way back to the bullpen. She texted him back saying she was on her way home. He returned a text asking if she wanted him to come and get her or would she catch a cab as it was dark. He knew she would be afraid and it was sweet of him to try to help her out. She texted back she would catch a cab. Kate shut down her computer for the night. She thought about how she would travel home. She continued to be wary about being out in the streets at night alone and no amount of therapy had eased her fear. She knew she had to overcome it alone by simply going home alone a few times. It was something that was starting to be a real problem for her that she needed to resolve. She wrote him back that she would see him at home in twenty minutes.

Kate picked up her handbag, coat and scarf. Being the last person in the bull pen that evening she switched off the lights on her way out. She took the elevator down to the ground alone, using that time to dress in her coat, scarf and gloves. It was going to be cold outside. The cold air hit her lungs hard when she exited the precinct and took the stairs that lead to the sidewalk. This was the first time she had made the trip alone in the dark. Castle was usually with her and if he wasn't able to be, either one or both of the boys would take her home. They all silently accepted she was scared to be out in public and without saying anything to her they always ensured she had company going home. But she also needed to overcome this fear and stop the boys reinforcing it, otherwise it would overwhelm and ruin her.

Her phone rang. She pulled it out of her coat pocket and checked who it was. Esposito. She answered, breathing hard in the cold air. "Espo." She started heading down the street at a fast gait towards the subway.

"Yo! Beckett. Are you still at the Precinct?

"I just left. What's up?"

"Was just wondering where you were. You were gone for a long time. Thought you may have picked up a lead and needed some help, but noticed your vehicle was still in the park when Ryan and I left."

Kate smiled at his pronunciation of vehicle. "I had to do some personal stuff. I just dropped back there to get my bag and I'm on my way home." She paused from talking because she thought about Esposito's story. "Castle rang you didn't he."

"What? No!" Espo responded just like Castle would.

"Ha! Tell your _boyfriend_ I will be home in twenty minutes," Kate stated sternly, with strong emphasis on the word boyfriend, but she smiled appreciated they were just taking care of her. A car horn blew beside her causing her to jump a bit. Strange thing she thought she heard the horn through the phone as well.

"Hey! He's your boyfriend girl! Not mine!" Esposito replied with a smartass tone in his voice.

"You sure about that?" She replied, "The way you three carry on…"

"Watch it, Chica," Espo warned then turned serious. "Are you okay Beckett? I'm three minutes away," He said, walking along the side walk approximately two hundred yards behind a tall, slender woman in a red coat walking toward the train station or the taxi stand.

"I'm okay, Espo," she replied with a softer tone, her eyes always looking about her surroundings, worried someone was going to harm her.

"You don't sound okay," he replied, observing her. He couldn't believe it. She was going to take the subway, after she had told Castle she was going to catch a taxi home.

"I am…"

"Kate."

"Espo." She responded with his tone of voice.

"Don't you dare go into the subway," he warned.

Kate stopped walking and turned about in search of Esposito in the street. She scanned and scanned but wouldn't find him. "Where are you?" She could not see him anywhere.

"Dude, get across the road and take a cab home." He said. "Otherwise I'm going to put you in one." He threatened.

She was worried now because she could not spot him. That spooked her more than being out in the street. She knew Esposito was excellent at blending. He had been trained to do it, but if he could hide from her someone else could. "Where are you?" She asked again.

"I'm here." Esposito heard the rising panic in her voice. He moved out of the shadows and onto the side walk where she would be able to spot him.

"I see you." Kate said, taking a deep breath. "Go home Espo. I need to do this alone." She firmly stated in the hope he would hear he wouldn't change her mind.

"Let me come with you." He replied with a tone that told Kate he wasn't accepting any refusal either.

"That defeats the purpose of the exercise. You said yourself I have to toughen up. Go home to Lanie."

"She's at work Kate. I want to make sure you get home safely to Castle and your son."

"Train is faster."

"Then I'm coming too," he confirmed and hung up. He progressed at a jog to catch up with her.

She hung up the phone and put it in her bag as she waited for Esposito to approach her. When he caught up with her she stared him down her lips straight and serious. Espo shrugged his shoulders dismissing her nonverbal defiance. "I'm looking after my bro and his girl." He told her. Kate sighed and rolled her eyes in disbelief.

"Seriously, Espo?"

"Yes, seriously," he replied and urged her to continue into the subway with a hand to her elbow. Silently the two of them entered the subway station. Within a minute it became apparent to Esposito that Kate was competing against him to get down to the platform first so he took her on. She kept up. A train arrived as they hit the platform together and they ran onto the train that was crowded with peak hour workers.

"I would have been okay." Kate told Esposito as they hung on to a pole to prevent themselves falling with the crowd. She constantly visually scanned and assessed everything going on around her. Any loud noise received her immediate attention.

"Kate, I can see it on your face, in your mannerisms that you are afraid of being in crowded places, with people." He replied honestly. "You need to stop behaving like that because any predator on the hunt will see you're vulnerable and will come after you."

Kate heard what he said and stared at him processing his words, "It's been over twelve months Javy. I'm ok. I'm making myself do this sort of stuff."

"Mmmm. Well, you need to act braver than you do now."

She nodded, "It my first night home … it was."

"Tomorrow, I'll hang back and you can do it alone."

"Ok. I'll do that."

"Good. Tomorrow we start. Lanie told me what you did." He stated with a matter of fact tone.

Kate's face looked serious. "What I did?" She queried, confused and wondering how the hell Lanie knew about her going into archives.

"At the cocktail function the other night."

"Oh… well, I have reflexes and nerves," She replied recalling the little panic session she had experienced at a cocktail party two weeks ago. It was the first time she and Rick had been out to a major function since the baby had been born. A very good looking man had made a serious attempt to crack onto her. She had brandished her left hand showing him her diamond ring but that hadn't discouraged him one bit. Kate had found it hard to deal with him on many levels.

Regardless, the guy had been quite clear with his intentions. Luckily, Lanie had intercepted to help her. Castle had turned up at about the right time to claim ownership of Kate. However, it had resulted in a twenty minute stint in the ladies room with Lanie, calming down. Kate had simply not been ready to deal with men trying to hit on her. "It was just something we hadn't prepared for. I thought Rick's ring on my finger would have discouraged other men."

Esposito scoffed, "What are you talking about, Chica? Since you have been with Castle and had your baby you are more attractive than ever. You look happy. You glow. A ring is not going to stop some men from wanting a piece of that."

She looked at him not believing a word that came from his mouth. She creased her brow with the recollection Rick said basically said the same thing to her the night of the party. She dropped it. Kate and Esposito travelled on the train for three stops before they left the train taking the path out of the subway. They walked together in the dark from the subway to the loft's building.

"Do you want to come in and say hello to your boyfriend and your God son?" Kate asked as they stopped by the foyer.

"No thanks. I would love to but I am going to go meet Lanie to pick her up."

"Ok. Well thanks." She smiled. "I will see you tomorrow."

"Will do, and Kate? Don't give Castle a hard time about me finding you. I was already on your ass after you had disappeared for so long. He loves you a lot and doesn't want you hurt again."

Kate took a breath. "I know. Thanks Espo. And I will give him that kiss for you." She added, not wanting to get too sentimental with him.

"You do that Beckett." And he disappeared down the street.

Kate hit the intercom, too lazy to get the security card out. Seconds later, a weird deep voice answered. "Yes?"

"I'm looking for Mr Richard Castle." She responded with a French accent.

"Ar… Mademoiselle Beckett." He hit the security button.

"Thanks. I'll see you in a minute, Castle." Kate pushed the door open she then stepped through escaping the cold night. She made sure it was closed and locked behind her. She caught the elevator to the loft, always finding it was a long trip to the top floor in this building. It was still strange to her that she was going home to his house and not her own. When the elevator doors opened she found Castle waiting with a glass of wine for her.

A smile uncontrollably spread over her face when she saw his beautiful face and it didn't feel so weird to her any more as it was him she was coming home to. The loft was just the location. She noted his forehead was knotted with stress. Maybe his writing wasn't going so well or to schedule.

"Hey." She greeted softly, breathing in his scent and gave him a kiss. She released a moan of content as she looked at his lips she loved.

"Hey, Kate," he responded and passed her the wine and clinked glasses with her. Before they drank however he leaned to her for another kiss, a little more serious and felt her keen response. He broke the kiss a bit shorter than he normally would. He took her handbag off her shoulder so she could remove her coat as it was warm in the building.

Inside the loft she walked straight through to their bedroom as quietly as possible and peered over the cot to see her baby soundly sleeping. She stood there unable to move away and stared at him. It was so hard to leave him at home to go to work. She wanted to touch him, pick him up and hug him but he was asleep. She knew not to disturb him. Standing there she thought about the day she had lost with him. She could have been at home playing with her baby all day. Could have taken him and the dogs to the park with Castle and enjoyed the day with her family.

Eventually she returned to the lounge. Rick had picked up her bag and had put the bottles of expressed milk in the fridge.

"When did Mason last eat?" She inquired and saw Rick glance to the time.

"I fed him about eighty minutes ago. He's not happy about the bottle. He knows he gets the real deal in the evenings now." He chuckled and received a look from Kate. "Just like his old man." He added as he came in for a hug.

"He won't get it for much longer. Since I've been back to work it's hard to feed him."

He wriggled her a little, noticing she was a little bit of dark, solemn mood, "I miss not coming in to work with you." He confessed and looked right in eyes with a smile.

"Me too, and it's hard being at work and trying to express for him. It's just hard being at work when he's here and you're with him. I'm starting to rethink things, Castle."

He held her about her waist and showered her with several kisses over her forehead. "Quit. I would rather you be here for him."

"I may be soon."

He kissed her mouth again, "You won't pull that stunt again, Kate."

"What stunt?" She looked to him questioningly pulling away from him.

"Taking the subway alone late at night when you told me you would take a taxi." Castle replied his voice a little too heated with his real concerns for her welfare.

"I was okay, Castle. I was with Esposito." She replied in reassurance, "By the way, you didn't need to phone Esposito to baby sit me." She stated as a matter of fact, actually now little epissed at him about it.

"He was already following you, Kate. The boys were searching like crazy for you this afternoon."

"They didn't phone me."

"They didn't want to alarm you."

"I was okay. I had a couple of errands to run."

Rick's facial muscles involuntarily twitched. He knew what she had just said was a lie. She hadn't been on any errands but she had been off the grid for a good hour according to the boys. Rick had been busy with the baby and writing so he'd lost time that afternoon which was easy to do with Mason.

She stepped back and picked up the glass she had left on the table by the door way. She took a sip, trying to simmer her temper. She took a couple of quite long breaths and made her way towards the couch.

"I was okay, Castle. I am okay. You guys need to give me some space somewhere… and Espo and I have a plan from tomorrow so just drop it." She took a mouthful of wine and then placed the glass on the coffee table. She sat down to pull off a boot.

Rick heard what she said and processed it. He didn't like it, but he had to agree that she was right, "Ok. I understand. We'll give you the space." He nodded. "It's time for us to trust that you are safe and can take care of yourself."

"Good." Kate said glancing at him, knowing full well she was right with her argument.

He clapped this hands together once, "Are you ready for dinner? I made your favourite."

Kate grinned with that news, "Yes please. I'm hungry. Are you?"

"Yes. I missed lunch because I took Mason for a walk to the park. With the dogs." He smiled when she returned to him now bare foot. She gave him another kiss but the smile had faded with the news that he had been to the park with everyone but her.

"I will get changed into something more comfortable and check Mason."

He smiled, "You mean you will check Mason."

She grinned. "Yes. I miss my little guy so much."

She ran off to the study where the cot was kept and Rick watched after her, fully aware she was hiding something from him. He knew by her mannerisms, there were things on her mind.

When she returned she had Mason with her. He was awake, still sleepy, holding his mother's shoulder with one hand and his soft toy bunny with the other. Kate was grinning. She had her child in her arms and she was home. She was now at her happiest.

"Where are the dogs?"

"On the roof. They went out there a while ago and haven't come back inside yet." He sat at the kitchen bar and indicated he wanted Kate to join him. He had a glass of wine there for her. He reached for an envelope and pulled out a document. "The publisher gave me the contract for the job he wants to hire you to do. I dropped by my lawyer's office on the way home. He had a soft copy of it. He's happy with your conditions but jotted down a couple of minor changes. Here it is. It's pretty lucrative for you if you want to pursue it."

Kate glanced between the document and Rick and pulled it over. Her attention was divided between the baby and what Rick was talking about. "If it means I can be home with you and Mason, then I'm in."

"You really want that now." He confirmed looking at their son who was the most content he'd been all day and Kate were was clearly happy.

"He needs both of us Rick. Look at him. He's happy we're both here. After the thing with Bracken," she shrugged her shoulders, "I don't want you to have to bring him up alone and for him to be motherless."

"Okay. I understand. I'll give you the space to read it and to think it out, to decide what you want to do." He stood up and leaned over. He put his hand to the side of her head and pressed his lips to her hair. "Play with your son. Dinner will be ready in about forty minutes." He smiled to her then walked away to the kitchen. He saw her leave the contract on the bench. She carried Mason back to the living room, engaged in an in depth conversation with him. The contract would be read when Mason was sleeping.

After they had eaten dinner and cleaned up the dishes and kitchen, Richard made his way to the study to write. He wanted some space and had a story in his mind he desired to put on paper. He sat at his desk, the laptop on in front of him. He quietly sipped on a glass of Scotch thinking about what that had occurred that evening. He concluded that it was time he gave Kate the space and trusted her to manage alone out in the real world. She had proven to him tonight it was now time for her to be free to move and be allowed to be by herself in the city. Where she had been when the guys couldn't find her, he had no idea and it was clear she wasn't going to tell him.

He heard her wander around the loft alone. The dogs were on the floor beside Castle, which was odd as they usually followed Kate around when she was at home. Mason was asleep in the cot. Another hour or so and he would wake up to be nursed. Richard noticed Kate was restless which caused him to ask himself about whether she was feeling at home in his place. She often seemed restless and not able to relax like she had in her own apartment. All her belongings were now at the loft and they had given up the lease on her apartment after the bathroom had been repaired. Tonight he thought she was more restless than usual. She had consumed a glass of wine with her dinner but wasn't drinking now. Something was on her mind and keeping her withdrawn. She had mentioned a few times in as many days that she was wasn't happy about leaving the baby at home to go to work. Maybe that was playing on her mind tonight, since she had verbally expressed it again as being an issue.

On the other side of the room he heard the colour printer come to life and start printing. Kate knocked on the door which she never usually did.

"It's open Babe." He responded "you know you don't need to knock" he added as the door opened. She appeared a small smile spreading over her face.

"I just printed some stuff," she murmured. Castle looked from her to the printer.

"Yeah, I saw it come to life," he replied. "I'm going to bed soon, Sweetie."

"Ok. I have to wake Castle junior for a feed. He is zonked out tonight huh?"

"I know. He had a big morning with Dad and an eventful afternoon with his Grandmother," he said, then realised that might piss her off because she was at work and had missed out on that time with him. Maybe that's what was bothering her, maybe it had something to do with where she had disappeared that afternoon.

"I will take a shower then wake him." She went to the printer and collected the photographs she had taken with her iPhone earlier that day. Without going near Rick, she took the photos with her and carried them out to secure them in an envelope that she slipped deep into her handbag. She didn't want anyone else to see the photographs.

She then made her way to the bathroom to take the shower and brush her teeth. Not ten minutes later she was in her sleepwear and went to the study where she found Rick in a chair with a sleepy but conscious baby in his arms. As soon as Mason saw Kate he started to make noises and reach for her. He was tired and hungry. She picked him from Rick and sat in the armchair near him to feed the baby.

Rick stood, "I'll go take a shower and meet you in bed."

Kate nodded and replied, "I won't be long."

Castle was lying on his side when Kate crept into bed alongside him. She moved as close to him as she could, leaving the lamp on, and looked to his face, kissed his temple and stroked her finger tips over the side of his head.

"Do you still love me?" She asked cheekily in a whisper and saw a muscle below his right eye twitch. She smiled and brushed her hand through his hair. He rolled to his back and looked into her eyes. He smiled and hooped her hair behind her ear.

"I love you." He whispered and touched her chin with his finger tips. He saw she didn't have her sleep wear on, that she was naked in the bed, a sign to him she wanted him. "I will give you the space you want." He told her.

"I don't understand." She knotted her eyebrows completely unsure of where he was going with the conversation.

"I won't hassle you about being alone in the city anymore. You have proven you can look after yourself. We need to respect that."

"Okay." She bit her lip. "I will be fine." She responded with confidence.

"I know." He took a breath of air, "I don't want it to be an issue between us."

"It's not," she reassured, "Kiss me, Castle," She whispered and she immediately kissed him on his mouth. She paused, looked him in the eyes and said, "I don't like my job anymore."

He stroked her head and smiled. "Let's talk about that in the morning." He suggested. Kate agreed with a nod. They started with tenderness, then tender became urgent and wanting, "Beckett," he mumbled and moved down her body smothering her in kisses.

"Rick." She mouthed hardly audible to him. He didn't care. He had her and was going to make love with her.


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50 - KB goes to the jail to show the photos to her contact **

It was snowing with blustery winds the day Kate took a trip to the prison to interview an inmate. She waved Castle through the car door and smiled at his cheeky grin. It would be over and done with faster if he didn't come inside with her because of the delays getting him through security. She lifted her gaze to the dark snow filled clouds above her. Her eyes could feel the wind chill factor. The weather front approached from Canada and would be dismal for a few days to come. Normally, in weather like this she would sometimes send the boys on jobs like this but today she needed to be the one here.

With her coat buttoned right up high, a warm wool scarf secured about her neck and with her hands gloved, she hurried over the car park, careful not to slip on the ice. She had her black leather file that contained her cast notes and a large manila envelope, pressed against her waist. She had patiently waited for the day she had a legitimate case related reason to interrogate a criminal she had caught a few years ago and the day had come a lot sooner than she had anticipated. He liked her and helped out with information when he could. A body had dropped that had given her an excuse to visit the prison to investigate someone who may have insider information.

She sat across from him at desk in a private room, casually assessing how he had aged since she had last visited him about which she figured was about fifteen months ago. He was probably doing the same thing she guessed.

"Detective Beckett." He greeted calmly.

"Mr Lucas. How are you? Are they looking after you?" She was as calm as him on the surface but underneath she was terrified she was about to make a huge mistake. Her right knee jiggled which she ceased to do the second she realised she was doing it.

"I'm good. I'm looked after." He replied his hand rubbing his two days growth of whiskers.

Kate could see he was wondering why she was visiting. She laid the yellow envelope on the table her hands resting over it. "I came here about a murder, officially." She began, her eyes staying on his. She swallowed nervously then decided then decided she needed to behave more like Detective Kate Beckett and get on with her job.

"Continue." He quietly said noting where the guards stood. He knew the detective was aware of their locations by the tone of her voice. He was very aware something was bothering her.

"Briefly. I have a open case of a murdered male in his mid thirties with connections to your old gang." She paused and stopped herself from making any body language, "but unfortunately you have just told me you don't know anything about him and can't really be of any assistance." She quietly stated and waited for him to process what she had told him.

"I understand." He responded neutrally and waited for her to continue.

"Unofficially, I have something to show you." Her eyes remained on Lucas till he nodded. She then opened the envelope and slid out the photographs. She separated them into two piles, the ones she used that she knew the guards might check and the ones she wanted Lucas to see. She held them a second face down. "Are you ok to proceed?" She asked softly so the guards would not hear her.

"Go ahead Detective." He urged. Detective Beckett turned the first photo over and laid it on the table facing Lucas. He slowly picked it up at an angle no one else would see it. He studied the grainy image of the woman severely bashed. The quality was good enough for him to see what had happened. Kate laid out the next image, this one of her body, mentally telling herself it was another person. He took that and studied it equally as he had the first. She saw his expression alter to anger, not a lot but enough to know she had done the right thing. She laid out the third photograph, a feeling of vulnerability rising within her that she was showing a criminal these images of herself, but she pushed the emotions down.

Sam Lucas picked up the third photograph trying to work out where the detective was going with this. She was showing him photographs of a dead woman severely beaten and abused. He returned to the first photograph of her face and picked it up. The woman was horrifically beaten. As he was about to put it down, he recognised the beauty spot on the woman's left cheek. He glanced up to the woman before him, to her distinctive beauty spot at the precisely the same location as the woman's in the photograph. He wobbled the photo a little.

"Who was this?" He asked wanting the answer from her. He didn't move in his physical position so the guards weren't alerted to the disgust he was feeling. He waited several seconds and saw the Detective nervously swallow. "Detective?" He prodded and waited for her reply. She looked directly to him, her lips parting as she sucked in a breath of nervous air.

"Who is this, it should be. She's still alive." She meekly corrected then with a stronger voice said, "It's me at the end of November two thousand twelve." She gave him the fourth photograph which showed the grazes, burns and bites. She waited trying her hardest not to get upset. She had mentally played this out a thousand times over so she would remain calm and in control of her emotions throughout the meeting. She had to control it just a bit longer. She was fighting herself to stay there because most of her consciousness was telling her she had made a fatal mistake.

"Animals did this," he commented quietly. "You survived all that?"

"I survived," she whispered, "Somewhat."

Lucas laid the photos face down looking back to Beckett. He found it difficult to comprehend why somebody would do that, "I can see that."

"So do they survive," She continued and spread four photographs across the table of the men who had hurt her and who were co-inmates with Lucas. She couldn't look at them but kept her eyes levelled on Lucas who was still looked at her face.

"You still have scars." He observed a couple on her forehead, evidence it was her in the photographs.

"Many." She replied.

Lucas cast his eyes down to the images of the men, picking up each and holding them for several seconds each. Kate remained silent conscious he knew what she was asking him to organise for her. He pushed the photographs back to her and she returned them to the envelope, sealing it once more.

"They thought you were dead." He quietly stated.

"Yes."

"They also made sure you were conscious when they did what they did."

"Yes." Kate replied. "I should also let you know that they will be moved from here by the end of next month." It gave him almost eight weeks. She knew she was cutting it fine but it was the only opportunity she'd had to come out.

"Understand. I'm sorry I can't help you with your murder investigation Detective."

"I understand." Kate stood and waved a guard over. With one final look at Lucas, Kate said, "No luck today Mr Lucas, but I'm sure I will see you again. Thank you for your time." She smiled at him then turned to exit the interview area escorted by the guard back to the administration office. There her personal belongings were given back to her and she left the prison. Outside, she carefully made her way over the snow, shielding her eyes against the cold wind most of the way to the car. She climbed in and dropped her belongings on the back seat.

Castle grinned to her. "Did he have any information?"

"Knew nothing about it," she replied, "Not his style of ammunition and he didn't know the guy." She smiled at him and gave him the quick kiss he waited for.

"Another dead end, but it was a long shot." He replied. "Better get going Beckett or we'll be snowed in for the night."

"I'd rather die than stay here the night." She roared the police car into life and threw the heating to its highest level. She was freezing. "We'll go back to the precinct and call it a day."

"Sounds like a plan." Castle replied. "I spoke to Alexis." He began.

"And?"

"She said she is finger painting with Mason. She said she has his hands and feet prints on butcher paper." He smiled.

"That's cute." Kate replied thinking about the size of her baby's tiny hands and feet blotted forever on a piece of paper.

"It is. When she was a little girl I used to do it with her. I have a collection of paper cut outs of her hands and feet at the various times we did it. Jotted down her age, the dates we did it. She remembers me doing it with her and now she's doing it with Mason." He said with pride in his tone. He sniffed and wiped each eye quickly.

Kate who had peripherally seen everything glanced to Rick also hearing the heartfelt emotion he was experiencing. "Castle, are you choking up over that?" She asked in disbelief and amusement.

He nodded and reached out to Kate's right thigh he lovingly caressed almost the entire length of, "I am. It reminds me of when Alexis was a baby, which wasn't all that long ago." He looked to Kate whose mood had changed since she had been inside the prison. Since she had sat her very nice ass in the driver's seat, she been behaving as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders but at the same time there had been something put there in its place. "So, it went okay in there?" He inquired.

"We had a general catch up. He likes me in spite of the fact it was me that put him in there," she replied shrugging it off, "But he didn't have any useful leads, so a waste of time."

"Easy to say in hindsight, but it ties up loose ends in the case." Castle watched the road ahead as Kate drove the Crown Vic forward out of the car park and onto the service road.

"True."

"What do you say we order in tonight? Alexis has Mason occupied and she said she will stay for dinner."

"Sounds like a plan. I have to visit Dad tomorrow with Mason. Are you coming?

"Maybe I will let you have time with your Dad, and I will spend some with Alexis." He answered swiping over his iPhone.

"Good idea." Kate said, hearing in his tone that his attention had been drawn to his iPhone. Like a kid, he was easily amused by things.

Richard fell silent because he was reading off his phone as Kate continued to drive back to the precinct. He was only distracted once she was driving in the city with repeated stops and starts. When she drove into the garage beneath the Precinct, Castle closed the phone and placed it in his coat pocket. "Do you still frequent the fanfiction sites Ms Beckett? Some of the Nikki Heat stories are really good reads," he seriously commented waiting for her to look at him. She did with that _are you for real_ expression she was so good at. He nodded. She made that sound of … well it ranged from disgust to disbelief. He figured it was disbelief on this occasion. "They're good!" He implored.

"For fanfiction they are." Kate responded, shaking her head in disbelief he read it particularly when he gave her so much grief with teasing whenever she did, "Is that what you're reading?"

"Yes! Seriously. Some of them are good," he emphasised.

Kate pulled into a park and killed the engine. She glared at Castle amused. "I can't believe you are reading fanfiction after all the things you say to me whenever you catch me reading it."

"Why not? You read it, so why can't I? And baby, you gave yourself away. I know you're secretly writing Heat and Rook fanfiction." He chortled at his own humour.

Kate narrowed her eyes momentarily at him, and her voice went high as she replied, "How do you know, Castle? Huh?"

Rick laughed, quite pleased with himself that he had revved her engine so quickly. "Oh yeah! You wrote something in one of these stories that only you do and I'm the only one who knows about it." He grinned devilishly at her then leaned over and kissed her lips.

"I don't write fanfiction." She hotly denied.

"Oh yes you do. But don't worry. I won't tell anyone." He smiled, then murmured, "Kitten zero-one-two," with a smart ass grin.

"Maybe Castle, I am sleeping with another writer." She suggested with a seductive glare.

He chortled at her humour, "No." He firmly said, "You wouldn't do that and you don't have time for extracurricular activities my girl." He grinned, "In fact, I'm wondering when you get time to write."

"Yeah yeah, Castle." She smiled. "I'm not always reviewing your writing," she stated, "I need a few drinks with you like this." She teased, knowing that if he stayed in the playful mood he was in, she was going to be his playmate tonight. He wouldn't leave her alone, unless he decided to play online games.

"Taxi home?" Castle queried.

"Yep. It's so cold out there, Castle."

"Not as cold a Montreal."

"True, Mr Optimistic."

"We could go back there." He threatened, "The apartment is vacant," he said peering out at the bleak winter weather.

"No no. I'm okay.

"I thought you might say that."

"Uh huh. I like being with our family. We were so alone up there." Kate commented more seriously as she collected her stuff from the back seat.

"I agree. Okay, let's do it," he said and they climbed out the car. Kate locked it. She met Castle at the trunk and took his hand, both then headed in the direction of the street. It was already getting dark and was very cold, so cold Kate was finding it hurt her lungs to breathe. It was even harder to hail down a taxi. Castle tried for a few minutes then pushed Kate out to the curb well aware she would fetch a cab faster as she was a woman and pretty.

"Flash those legs." Castle called out. Kate turned back and stared him right down. He shrugged his shoulders, pulling a face that changed to joy. He rapidly pointed behind her. A taxi had pulled over. "See?" He declared and followed her into the car. They gave the driver directions to their home. In the taxi, Castle was back on his phone, reading on. He kept showing Kate little snippets of the storyline, to prove his point that Kate had written the story he was reading. He held her like he had done to no one else and decently kissed her. She playfully pushed him away and kept up the game against him all the way.

The elevator ride to the top floor was done alone. Kate spent the trip fending off Castle who was using the opportunity to get fresh with her. He had this thing for hitting on her elevators. As usual she found herself pinned to the wall by his body, his hands flat against the wall to each side of her head. He had her where he wanted her and playfully kissed her lips both of them breathing heavily from their minor tussle. Playful became a little more serious. Kate, who had decided to play along with his game, suddenly gave him a firm shove in his chest then used that momentum to push him to the other side of the elevator until his back was against the wall. His expression showed initial surprise then sheer pleasure that she was participating in a bit of rough play with him. It had been awhile since he'd seen Kate sexually assertive.

"Alright!" He exclaimed and drew her in for another kiss. The second he felt her weakening under his advances, he once again half carried her back to her side of the elevator, a symbolic indication in their game that he was the superior seducer. He paused and smiled at her face touching her cheek. "You know what I really like about you sleeping with me every night?"

Kate made a girlie sound then moistened her lips and smiled, "No. But go on," she replied anticipating a totally crazy reply in light of his mood. His adam's apple jumped up and down his throat. He wanted her.

He too licked his lips, smiled than whispered in an excited and animated manner, "It's like having a slumber party with my best friend every night. She never has to go home!" His eyes widened.

Kate giggled and grinned at him, loving his whole boyish demeanour. He was in a sick mood today. "But not like a deep fried twinkie?"

"Oh! You don't forget anything!" He declared. The elevator doors opened and he instantly stepped away from Kate, clutched her hands and playfully pulled her with him from the box. Using his size and strength he propelled Kate by her upper arms towards the front door of their home kissing her mouth ardently. He wanted her so much. The clunk of her heeled boots against the door stopped him from moving but he leaned his body right into hers and had a good crack at sharing a serious kiss with her. Kate responded as keenly, her fingers letting go of her hand bag that fell to the floor with a soft thump. She needed her hands on him.

When they eventually entered the loft, they opted to tone down their behaviour with mutual promises to resume later that evening. They found a quiet home with baby toys scattered about the living room. It was quite obvious Alexis had been having fun with her baby brother. The loft was also very warm. Both of them peeled off their coats and dropped them over the chair by the front door. The dogs ran to greet them as usual. Rick greeted them and excitedly asked the dogs where everyone was.

"Looks like the dogs have been included in the paint work too." He noted touching the bits of paint in both the dogs coats. It looked like small hands had been busy on Abby's coat as she was spotted in various colours.

"Look at their paws, Rick," Kate laughed pointing at Abby's front feet that had pink paint showing around the edges of her paws. She laughed when she saw Toby's blue paws. They soon heard Alexis talking to Mason.

Castle and Beckett glanced to each other then followed the voice and baby sounds. The dogs also showed them where their kids were. The floor boards had a few pink and blue paw marks but it would be easily removed with a wet cloth.

They stopped near the dining table when they found Alexis sitting on a plastic drop sheet on the floor in her underwear. Mason was sitting between her legs facing her in only his nappy. He was chewing on a teething toy. The two of them were covered in paint.

"Oh my God!" Kate squawked and squealed with spontaneous laughter at the sight of them. She covered her mouth to conceal her giggles.

"What's going on here?" Rick asked glancing between his family members, quite surprised that Kate thought it was funny. Mason looked up at his parents, his face painted with some sort of animal face, whiskers and all, his large blue eyes glistening. The baby was having a terrific time. He made noises and waved his arms. He was obviously having a fantastic time. A baby bottle lay on the floor near him that only had a couple of mouthfuls of milk left in it.

"Dad?" Alexis spun her head about and looked up at him and Kate with a big grin. Her hair was recklessly tied up on top of her head. Their nudity explained the high heating. Mason's body was covered with various coloured paints. Alexis had painted a cat's face on his face and it looked as though he had painted the rest of his body. She had painted on her own face and by the looks of the quality of painting on her body Mason had done that for her. "Is he hilarious or what?" Alexis asked, "He loves it."

Kate clapped her hands in delight, "This is awesome!"

"And you did this without telling me?" Rick squawked, "I'm so jealous!"

"Castle, how old are you?" Kate inquired in a tone that continued on with their previous stirring session with each other.

"Does it matter? Look how much fun they had. Like the day I painted you when you were pregnant!" He gleamed at Kate then said to Alexis, "Did I show you those photographs, Sweetie?"

"No Dad, you didn't. Where is your camera BTW? I searched for it before."

"I'll go get it now." He grinned to his fiancé and walked to the study. He was back in no time carrying his camera. Kate sat on the edge of her chair to watch her little family continue to play with paint. She took a few photographs with her iPhone. It could be argued that Rick took a hundred photographs with his digital camera from all different angles.

All the while she watched her son, her stepdaughter and her fiancé Kate's began to think again about what she wanted from of her life going forward. For some time now figuring out what she wanted had been a recurring theme in her thought processes. All the thinking and justifying she had done wasn't necessary. Everything she wanted from life was right in front of her and as clear as a summer's day. She loved having Alexis in her life. With the baby they had become closer. They shopped together, took the baby to the park or wasted time in the loft doing girl things. They spent a lot of time with the baby and a lot of time with Martha. Then there was Mason. With the exception of Rick, Mason was the best thing that had ever come into her life. His birth had completely changed her and her life. She couldn't imagine life without him anymore and she wanted to be there for him. She also missed Rick not being at work with her so often. Once upon a time she had thought she was immortal, but she didn't want to risk her life anymore and feared she may not come home from work to them one night.

"Kate?" Rick called again and finally caught Kate's attention. She looked to him and smiled, back to reality. "Where did you go, Baby?" He leaned over and touched the side of her face, his smile huge.

She smiled right back at him, "Castle?" She kissed him. "I have to talk with you later."

"Good talk?"

She nodded. "You will love it."

He studied her face. His smiled turned into a chuckle. He stood and pointed an index finger at her face, "I've seen that look before," he adamantly stated, then, "Oh my God! You've made a decision!" He noisily stated with a hefty dose of teasing in his voice.

"What?" She laughed at him and glanced to Mason who was excited over the additional noise. The baby loved noise. His father really was in an insane mood.

"Alexis close your ears," Rick loudly said glancing down to his daughter and waving a hand at her to obey his order. Alexis rolled her eyes at Kate then laughed with Mason.

"Castle you're going crazy today." Kate light heartedly scorned. She knew she was gonna be kept busy in the bedroom tonight. She gave him a seductive glare that wasn't wasted on him.

"No, no. Don't distract me." Rick said and peered closer at Kate's expression that retuned to how it had been.

"The last time I saw this expression." He drew a circle in the air framing Kate's face from his view, "We started trying to make him." He looked to Mason and pointed his right hand directly at their baby. He looked back at Kate.

Kate burst into laughter and nodded clapping her hands. Mason copied and cackled. Kate had made up her mind. She wanted to try for another baby. Alexis steadied him before he rolled over. Kate's face looked at Rick questioningly. She stood up and stepped to him smiling, "That's right." She confirmed getting up in his face.

"You want to make another one?" He queried seriously.

"I'm quite good at it," she replied biting her bottom lip and smiling.

"Yes you are." He smiled and grabbed Kate as she leapt to him for a tight hug. He held her tightly wondering what the hell she had let go of on that day. She had been nothing but indecisive and moody about what she wanted for weeks. He murmured, "I agree, but you know what I would like you to do."

She nodded, "I will do it. I promise." She said and squeezed him tightly then turned to watch their children play, with Rick holding her. She needed to sign the contract with the publisher and submit her resignation to the NYPD. Rick and her had talked about it, and had agreed on what they both wanted. She leaned toward his head and closed her eyes when he kissed the side of her head, her arm pulled her closer to him. If they could make another human like the two they had with them she would be more than happy to quit her job.

Alexis stood up then picked up Mason. "I think it's time for us to take a bath."

"Use our bathroom," Kate said. "The baby's stuff is in there."

"Will you come help me please, Kate?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll be there in a minute." She watched their multi coloured children disappear into the master bedroom, then looked to Rick and turned to him staying close. "It might take me awhile to fall pregnant again," she murmured.

"It might not." He pulled her closer, his hip against hers. "You're ready to have another one so soon?"

"Mason will be at least one and a half if I happened to fall pregnant in the next month."

"You don't want to enjoy him a bit longer?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "They can grow up together. I'm ready. I want him to have a sibling to play with."

"Who are you and what have you done to Kate Beckett?"

Kate laughed, "I'm Kate, happy and she's right here."

"Beckett! Come down here quick!" Castle called from downstairs.

Kate paused from applying make-up, stared at her own eyes in the mirror when she heard him call for her and waited for his next hail. It didn't take long.

"Kate! You have to see this!" There was urgency in his tone that caused her heart to quicken. She finished with the mascara, put it down on the vanity and after giving herself a rapid look over she left the bedroom. He called her again, telling her to hurry up.

"I'm coming, Castle, What's the hurry?" She rushed down stairs in bare feet to find him in front of the flat screen watching a live broadcast taken from aerial cameras.

"What's going on?" She stopped beside him. He passed her a coffee that she keenly took a sip of.

"There's been a riot out at the prison. The news reader has said that there has been several deaths of prisoners. It's apparently how the quote _riot_, unquote, started, but seems to be under control."

Kate stopped breathing, passed her coffee back to Castle no longer able to drink it. There was a sudden weight in the pit of her stomach. She crossed her arms over her chest as a finger unconsciously went to her mouth. "When did it start?" It was almost three weeks ago she had been to the prison. It looked like Lucas had done what he had implied he would, just very obviously. Her stomach somersaulted several times

"Not sure. I just turned on the TV waiting for you." He glanced to her. "You okay? You look pale," he asked touching her upper arm.

"I'm ok." She nodded, with a glance to his eyes, her lips straight trying to hide the turmoil going on inside her suddenly.

Castle saw Kate's concern, "They're out there," he said, and Kate nodded not looking at him this time.

She sighed finally able to breathe again and continued to watch the chopper's view of the prison on the TV. "Yep. They're there." She responded. There wasn't any visual activities and the reporter was a little over the top with excitement, She glanced to Rick to let him know she was okay and acting normally. "The news report is over blowing it."

"As per usual," he replied right as his phone began to ring. Kate's started. They both picked up.

Castle said, "Espo?"

Kate said, "Beckett. Ryan? You got the TV on?"

The two faced each other their eyes locked. Kate noticed Castle's whole expression altered to very straight and worried in a matter of seconds. Whatever Esposito was telling Rick, it was more than Ryan knew and serious. She saw Castle hang up the call and slip his phone in the chest pocket of his shirt.

"Hang up Kate," he said seriously, his brow knotting.

She stared at her phone then said, "I've gotta go Ryan." She disconnected the call, her eyes shifting to Rick's. "Tell me," she encouraged.

"Espo has heard that the prisoners wounded or dead are the ones who hurt you, plus a couple more," Castle stated and swallowed nervously. "Sounds like a flush of friends scenario, but yours." He pulled a worried expression, "Esposito said that IA will investigate you."

"But…" she started. "How? I'm not responsible for a prison fight." She looked over his face, "If any one of those men were harmed, they will question me, Rick. We both know that."

Castle saw the colour had drained from Kate's face. His mind spinning with scenarios given the circumstances he had to hand so far. He wasn't going to ask. He had to trust Kate hadn't organised this. She hadn't really had time to. He decided to think along the lines she was an innocent bystander, "I don't know. I just know you have been at work and at home with me and the baby." He stepped closer to her, "Esposito said you will be detained today by internal affairs. He got a tip off from one of his mates before saying they're coming here to the loft for you."

Kate dropped her arms, staring at Rick in disbelief. She snapped out of it. "Let's go to the Precinct. I can't organise a prison riot. That's ridiculous!" She stated.

"Finish getting ready. Coffee." He reminded and passed the mug back to her. He had a gut feeling she did have something to do with the prison deaths, not the riot, but he wasn't going to let on. "We need to get you to the Precinct. I will go speak to my Mother."

"Ok." Kate downed most of her coffee as fast as she was able to with it being hot, then hurried up the stairs to finish up the make-up and find shoes. She was back down inside two minutes, drank what remained of her coffee. She scuffled hastily to the study to check on Mason who was awake and playing with his toys in the cot. Martha followed her into the room.

"You leave, Darling. I will take care of him."

Kate looked to Martha then hugged her. "I will see you later." She said and ran from the study back to Rick who was at the door. He handed Kate her handbag, phone, coat and beanie then shuffled her out of the loft. As Castle locked the door he slapped a sticky note on the wood. His mother was not going to answer the front door, or the intercom.

In the hallway, they saw the elevator light come on and heard the cables in action.

"Stairs Castle, Let's go." Kate hurried ahead of him and the two fled the floor taking the stairs that would lead them to the fire escape and out the back exit. They took the stairs quickly and silently and were in the alley shortly after. They scurried down the alley to a crossing. They looked around. All clear. The pair hurried to the end of the street trying not to slip on the rainwater on the side walk. Once they were on the main road, they blended in with other pedestrians most of which were wearing black coats and beanies. They were safe for now so they relaxed and continued their journey to the Precinct not rushing to avoid attracting attention.

At the Precinct in the elevator, Kate checked her cell phone that had been constantly vibrating during the journey. Captain Gates had been constantly phoning her. Twenty three missed calls.

"I have to see Gates." She told Castle and showed him her iPhone.

He pulled a face, "I think she knows, Kate. That many missed calls from her. Wow!" He checked Kate's expression as she pulled off her woollen beanie. She was pale. "You ok?" He asked, "You kind of look guilty, Kate," he carefully said then held up a hand as she shot him a look, "I'm just saying, Baby! Don't shoot the messenger."

She softened her expression and looked to his eyes, "I have nothing to do with what happened."

"Then don't look so guilty." He replied, looking at the elevator door to avoid her death stare. He heard her grunt in response.

The elevator doors opened and the two walked out. As they walked, Kate took off her coat and passed it to Castle along with her bag, without a word. They silently glanced to each other, then Castle continued to Kate's desk where he would wait. Kate walked using her serious business gait directly to Gate's office and knocked on the door. Gates waved her in and stood up from behind her desk. "Captain, you wanted to see me." Kate started. "Sorry I missed your calls. Phone was in my pocket on silent."

"I take it you've seen the news Detective." She started seriously.

"You're referring to the riot out at the prison, Sir?

"I am."

"Yes, Sir. Saw it whilst I was having my coffee." Kate replied, and remained standing at the edge of the office by the doorway. The room smelt of the perfume Gates wore.

Gates leaned on her desk, "Detective, I've had IA on my ass since three inmates were shanked out there earlier, even before I'd had my first coffee," Gates advised her calmly. She stood straight and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Sir," Kate swallowed, mentally blocking the nerves from taking over. She stayed silent and tried to imagine how Gates would behave before her first coffee of the day. She also considered that if she acknowledged that Gates was implying she had something to do with it she would only be implicating herself. She kept her eyes on Gates who looked concerned and pissed off at the same time. Gates unfolded her arms and stepped around the desk to close the door. The door closed partially broke the strong tie the Detective had with her team who were anxiously watching on from the bull pen. ]

Gates stayed closer to the detective monitoring the younger woman who was obviously stressed to the maximum but was controlling her emotions quite well. "Kate." Gates softened. "The men shanked this morning are connected directly to you for the same event. There are those connected to you and there are a couple of others have nothing to do with you." She stared at Kate's eyes. "Detective, tell me you had nothing to do with the events at the prison this morning."

Kate swallowed, maintaining the stare. "I had nothing to do with the events at the prison." She stated strongly and seriously.

Gates crossed her arms over her chest again, "When were you last out at the prison?"

Kate blinked and looked about the room thinking about her question, "Arrr… three weeks ago. It was a Thursday." She replied immediately.

"Name of who you saw."

"Sam Lucas. A member of his old gang was murdered, so we took a drive out to visit him up to see if he had any information." She offered.

"And?"

"He had nothing. I documented the interview in my file notes."

"I hope your notes are detailed."

"Always," Kate replied honestly. She took pride in taking good notes, unlike Castle, who hated the paperwork. He would read her final version and insert anything she might have missed. "I will bring you the file."

"How long were you there?"

"Ten minutes tops," Kate said, "About twenty by the time I got through the security gates and left the gates."

Gates sighed and returned to her office chair. She beckoned Kate to sit. Kate did so, trying to appear relaxed. "Who else knows you were there?"

"Ummm … Castle was with me. He waited outside, well, in the car, because it's difficult and time consuming to get him through security with him being a civilian. Esposito and Ryan knew I was there, and that Castle was with me." Kate breathed deeply, waiting for the next onslaught of questions.

"No other visits?"

"No Sir." She replied, then held up her finger when she recalled another time, "There was a visit maybe a month prior to that. There was a follow up on a case that did have good information."

"Who was with you that time?"

"Esposito and I saw Jose Mendezna. Esposito was the investigating officer and the interview was all in Spanish. I tried to take notes based upon the little Spanish I know. Castle was at home that day with the baby."

"I will speak to Esposito." Gates paused a moment to look over Kate. She softened and took a breath, "Kate, Internal Affairs are going to interrogate you as soon as they find you," she smiled, "I know you don't completely trust me Detective, but I have your back. I know what those men did to you and I've seen how it's affected you, and these boys. If there was to be a positive come from the event, its brought you all closer. I know those men out there would do anything to protect you." She waved a hand in the general direction of the bullpen.

Kate glanced over to see her three guys anxiously waiting for her to come out. "Captain," Kate leaned forward in her seat, "Nobody knows or understands what those so called men did to me or understands how I continue to live with it day in day out, how I fight on a daily basis to suppress my fears and survival instincts. If they were killed because of what they did to me, then it was prison law that ended them."

"Yes," Gates agreed, "We all know that prisoners get shanked daily because they brought harm to women or children. They were not held in protected areas." She said to Kate who looked her directly in the eyes.

Kate's head went from side to side as she said, "Those men were left in the common detention system like bait on a line. It was only a matter of time before a fish snatched at the bait. It was a hungry fish." Kate sat back trying her hardest not to cry. She stared back at Gates who remained silent for several seconds.

"If..." Gates said then paused, "you did organise this somehow, I don't want to know," she said matter of fact and quietly. She waved an index finger from side to side at Kate, "Absolutely nothing, Detective." She finished with a stern look at Kate who momentarily processed what the Captain had said.

"Yes, Sir," Kate replied and looked down at her fingers.

The Captain sighed heavily, "Kate, I agree with you. They were left unprotected. Your name was brought up because you engaged Senator Bracken."

Kate impatiently rubbed her forehead, tired of having to defend herself. She sat up, "Sir, it has been proven that Bracken invaded my home and shot at me first. I was protecting my life." Kate replied, "He knocked me senseless when he flung the door open."

Gates processed what Beckett said and nodded her head. "Internal affairs will also bring up the fact you have resigned from the NYPD and that you finish with us in several days. They will mention its coincidence and timing with this prison incident."

"I quit two weeks ago so I can be with Castle and our son, Captain Gates. Castle is a wealthy man. I don't need to risk my life for a measly pay check when Castle pays me more to stay at home and proof his writing whenever I feel like it." Kate sat back and stared Gates down unable to believe she had no interest in a career with the police force anymore. It was odd to hear herself say it aloud. At the same time a new sensation of satisfaction began to grow inside her. She was looking forward to being home with Mason every day. She couldn't wait. She wasn't going to tell Gates or internal affairs unless she really had to that they were trying for another baby, that she was quitting the force to concentrate on her family. Similar to when they had started trying to conceive Mason, she had reduced strenuous exercise, both of them were on healthy diets and they were doing everything to conceive. If she failed to fall pregnant by the summer she would start fertility drugs, but her specialist had recommended that they try to conceive naturally to begin with. The doctor was confident Kate would succeed naturally, and not being at work would be less stressful for her. "I don't need to do this anymore, Captain."

"Yes, I can understand that." Gates thought for a few seconds, "They're going to want to know from you who you think was behind it."

"I don't have that information, Sir. I admit I have a lot of friends and acquaintances who work inside the police force, in protective services, the FBI and the prison system. There are also people I have arrested who look out for me, contacts that I have. All these people are out of my control, Sir. My priorities have shifted to take care of my life, my survival, my baby and to keep my relationship with Castle."

Gates nodded once, "Okay. Detective. I understand. I would like to speak to Mr Castle. Would you please request he come in directly."

"Sir," Kate nodded, stood and left the office. Gates watched as Kate told Castle he was wanted in the Captain's office, noting neither one of them touched the other. There was rarely affection shown between them in the workplace. Gates appreciated the fact the pair kept their personal life right out of the Precinct. Gates noticed Castle didn't hesitate to approach the office, but he glanced to the two detectives who anxiously observed the activities.

Castle entered the office, remaining serious. "Captain," Castle greeted and closed the door behind him.

"Take a seat Mr Castle."

"Thank you." He sat, trying to remain relaxed but he was worried, very worried, about Kate's immediate future. He really wanted her at home tonight with him and their son.

"Would you please tell me about the last time Kate and you visited the prison?"

Rick shifted a little and scratched his head, then looked straight at the Captain, "Arr… well, it was about three weeks ago. We decided to follow up a potential gang link with a guy called Lucas who is a resident out there. One of his murdered gang members was our case. He was a dead end."

"Did you go in?"

"The prison? No, Sir, I didn't. It takes way too long for me to get through security and as it was later in the day I opted to wait in the car. It was a cold day and bloody cold in the police unit. Kate was in and out in the time it would have taken to get me in there."

"Mmm. How long was she inside?"

"No more than twenty minutes. She had to get through security, did the interview she said was ten minutes max and then back out. We drove back to the Precinct, left the unit in the garage and we caught a taxi home. When we arrived home we found our kids covered in paint." He smiled clearly remembering that day.

"Has Detective Beckett ever discussed with you plotting a plan to take revenge?"

Castle pulled a face to cover the numerous memories of Kate telling him devious plans about how she would take each of them out. She had promised him Montreal that she would kill them all. He dismissed that as he had dismissed her stories at the time as being just stories to make her feel better. He thought about what Kate had looked like the night he had picked up her off the ground. His face then became quite serious, "Kate wouldn't do that." He almost laughed but remained serious. "It's not a part of Kate's persona to plot revenge. It's in Kate to protect herself, to withdraw within herself to protect herself from harm." He replied honestly.

Gates put her hand to her chin as she absorbed Castle's response, but her eyes stared at him, in deep thought, "You really don't think she would do it?"

Castle sighed and sat forward. He quietly spoke, "Captain, I don't talk about what I'm going to say to anyone and I don't want it to leave this room."

"I understand. Go on."

Rick saw Gates was going to keep it between them, "In the middle of the night I sometimes still find Kate in wardrobes hiding under the clothes, too afraid to come out. Last time I lifted her out of a closet and carried her back to bed was only two nights ago. It may be over, but she still lives with the memories and the scars. We both do. Some days she struggles to get out of bed or to leave the loft." He added thinking about those mornings she was afraid to leave the apartment. But she would do it. No one saw that side of her but himself and Martha. "Having the baby was the best thing that could have happened and he keeps her progressing. She has now reached a time where she just wants to be with him and she wants another one."

"Sounds like it can be difficult. She's always confident and in control here." Gates glanced out to the bull pen. No one was lingering at the moment.

"She is here." He replied. "But during the night, when sleep turns her brain loose, it can become quite challenging. She's not the source of today. She may be the cause, but she's not the source."

"She hasn't visited anyone else at the prison or made phone contact with any of them?"

"Not to my knowledge, no Captain. I'm also happy to have my phone records checked."

"It's most likely that will occur." Gates replied. "Mr Castle, Detective Beckett will most likely be detained for questioning by IA. I don't really understand why they're not here yet."

Castle smirked to himself recalling the message he'd left on the door to his loft, to Alexis telling her to meet them or breakfast at a café up the other end of the City.

"Oh, they're probably chasing a dead end lead." Castle replied with a smart ass grin.

"Mmm. Can you ask the boys to come in?" She replied dismissing him.

"Certainly." He stood. "Captain Gates." He smiled and walked out. When he met the boys he said, "Your turn guys. Listen, we can't let them put her in cuffs. She will freak out." He quietly said and walked away towards his chair. His Detective was at her desk pretending to be busy. He sat quietly watching what she did and waited for the door to Gates' office to shut.

"Are you ready for this?" He asked. "They will know by now we are not at the café."

"Any moment," Kate replied. "What did Gates ask you?" She looked to him, sitting back in her seat.

"About our trip the other week to the prison."

"Mmm… Same here." Kate chewed the end of a pen. "I may not be home tonight"

"I'll bail you out," Rick replied.

"Mmm. I just have to prove it wasn't my doing."

"Kate, what sex offenders are ever left in the prisons unprotected like those men were?" He asked making it obvious it had been clearly planned.

"Ones that try to kill cops," she replied, "like them."

"Mmm… someone kept them there." Castle had a light bulb moment but he had to maintain a poker face as he thought it through, as he recalled the words spoken to him recently. "Sometimes you need to protect the pawn, not the queen."

"You'll be fine Kate," he reassured, "You'll be at home with Mason and me tonight fighting off my advances on you to practise making more babies," he offered her sweetly so no one else heard them.

Kate smiled. "So a typical evening at home," she replied and looked up as the elevator doors opened down the hall. Her smile faded when the desk phone began to sound, "Here's the call," she said and picked up the phone, "Beckett." She listened, looked at Castle who watched, "Yes, Sir. I will be there." Kate hung up and said to Rick, "I have to be at IA headquarters at 11.00 am."

"Okay. Just go, answer their questions and it will be over," he said.

"Hopefully that's how it will be," she replied as she stood and walked to Gates' office. She stepped inside and closed the door. The three of them were in with Gates for another five minutes.

The IA officers walked into the interrogation room and closed the door behind them, cutting of the visual connection Kate had had with Castle, Esposito and Ryan.

Kate was seated on a chair, legs crossed, casually leaning with an over the back of the chair. She tried to keep her cool as the two IA officers sat on the other side of the table. Her heart pounded and she smelt her own sweat she was that anxious. Kate tried to keep calm and kept her eyes on them as she sat up properly to commence the questioning.

Kate recognised both of them by face, one of them by name, Lieutenant Russell Tolland. They ran through the formalities of introducing themselves. "For the record Detective Beckett," Tolland who was on her left said, "Please advise us of your NYPD badge number."

"Four one three one nine." Kate replied as she produced and laid her badge on the table face up so they could view it. Once both men inspected her badge, nodded their acceptance, then she slid it back over the table to her pocket once again.

The interview proceeded reasonably well. The IA guys asked questions about Kate's last visit to the prison and revolved around that day like wolves. Kate answered honestly without providing too much information. They extended their questions to learn who she knew at the prison whether they were inmates, visitors or on the payroll. They also wanted dates of the last times she had seen individuals. IA had nothing and everyone in the room was well aware of the situation. Internal affairs were fishing because Kate was the single common denominator to the deaths. Kate knew they had nothing.

Forty or so minutes into the questioning she noted they were asking the same questions in alternative ways. Kate, being a seasoned interrogator decided to mess with their heads. She answered the same way she had replied to their question the first time round.

Half way through the interrogation it dawned on Kate that she was alone in room with two men and she wasn't the least bit bothered by it. She wasn't constantly reminding herself to remain calm. Initially she had been anxious about the situation but it wasn't about the men. It caused her to be quite pleased with herself. She placidly stared at the guys from IA wondering when they were going to give up, but at the same time resigned to the fact she might not go home that evening. She focussed on the guy who asked most of the questions. After every question she counted to ten before she began to speak mainly to annoy him. She also thought about her answers so they didn't fool her.

They held Kate at Internal for hours and questioned her as they received new information. She was main left alone in the room. They significantly wore Kate down mentally. Castle, Ryan and Esposito waited for Beckett the whole day. Rick was worried because they didn't see Kate for much more than ten minutes, she hadn't eaten anything nor been given time to go outside for fresh air. He was playing with his phone, contemplating whether to phone her lawyer, well the one hired for her, when he saw one of the IA guys return up the hall. The boys nudge each other and Rick put the phone down to watch Tolland who entered the room and held open the door for Kate.

"You're free to go." He said ensuring they all heard him, "The investigators who are out at the prison have determined that the guy you questioned three weeks ago was not involved in any way with what happened out there this morning. Go home. Your boys are waiting for you, Detective Beckett."

Kate smiled and stood. She walked from the room. She looked from left to right for the guys and when she saw them she hurried across the corridor to them. Rick stood when he saw Kate and he took several steps to her closing the gap between them faster. She hugged him tightly then moved to Ryan and Esposito.

"It over! I can go home." She said flatly. She was weary.

"Good," Rick replied and handed Kate her hand bag. She had been released in possession of her badge and gun at 3.30 pm. Exhausted, the team called it day and parted for home.

Outside of the IA building, Castle and Beckett ran along the side walk to where they could shelter beneath an awning from the pouring rain. They waited patiently for a taxi. They stood there for so long with the cold wind pushing the rain on them that Kate's coat became drenched and she started to shake with cold. The rain was heavy and the wind strong. The day was almost over and darkness was coming early. Rick shielded her from the weather until they gave up the wait for a taxi and decided to take the subway home.

It was warmer underground and easier to move about than up on in the rain. They waited a short time for a train, in silence, but held hands. On the platform, Rick looked at her face under the woollen beanie she wore. She was awfully pale with tired dark eyes. He stayed silent concerned she was going to withdraw within her shell again. He didn't want her going there.

The train pulled in so he led her to a doorway and they boarded. They found a couple of seats they sat on side by side. The entire trip Castle held Kate's hand continually caressing her. His heart thumped with concern about her. His instincts told him she was going to react to the events of the day. He just needed to get her home in time. Once she felt safe again she would brighten up. Giving her time alone with Mason would bring her back to reality. Her hands were bitterly cold. He could feel they were even through the gloves she wore. He felt her cheek, saw her blink. Cold.

"You ok?" he asked putting himself in her line of vision. She focussed on his face and nodded.

"It's very cold." She replied. "And my coat is soaked through." She looked at his to see his was wet but the rain hadn't penetrated the material as it had with hers.

"We'll be home soon. It's warm there." He reminded her. When the train arrived at their station they got off and hurried up the steps out of the station. It was hard work walking through the bitter cold wind over several blocks to their building. When they finally arrived at the building, Castle scanned his security card to access the foyer and virtually pushed Kate inside the building. Heat hit their faces making them glance to each other with relief over their faces.

"Thank God we're home." Kate declared wanting to kiss the floor of the foyer. She hit the elevator button. Doors opened. The elevator was already there. They entered it and hit the top floor. Castle turned to Kate to see she was leaning against the wall. She was shaking so extensively her jaw was trembling. He went to her rubbing her upper arms through her thick coat and tops. The expression her face held stated clearly to Rick what was going on in Kate land. She was better than he had anticipated.

"Take your coat off." He said and undid his. He pulled his off as she did her. He put his over her shoulders and held her wet coat. He saw it was an immediate benefit to her. "Can I ask you something?" He put his hand to each side of her face and came close to her,

"Of course. Anything."

"Kate, this is between you and I, right now."

"Okay, ask me."

"Did you have anything to do with what happened this morning?" He wanted her admission. He bit his bottom lip and studied her face, the slight changes in her facial muscles. She was rapidly thinking. She was so good at poker and he was seeing exactly why right now.

Kate stared at Rick thinking, then seriously asked, "If I say yes, will you hate me?"

"Never, you're my partner, my life and you're the mother of my son," he replied, "and possibly have another one in you." He smiled, "I sure do hope you are pregnant." He glanced to the wall to see what floor they passed.

"Me too." She replied and bit her lip. She followed his eyes. They were two storeys below the loft.

Rick needed to hurry, "We will never discuss it again outside of this box when those doors open. It's between us, right here and right now."

Kate glanced to the light. One storey to go. She looked into Rick's eyes. She nodded. She saw his smile broaden and he stroked the sides of her wet head urgently, his fingers sticking in the knots made by the wind and rain. He asked in disbelief, "You really did it?"

She nodded again, "I did it very simply, but it's over. I showed Lucas photographs of me and then the Russians. That's all. I told you in Montreal I would get them one day and that you would then have all of me back."

"So it's over. I have you back." Rick whispered and pulled her close hugging her so tight. "It's over. It's finally over." He kissed her forehead.

They parted and Kate looked up to his eyes with a smile, "It's over, Castle," she murmured.

The elevator grinded to a halt and the doors opened. "This is the first day of the rest of our lives together." Rick declared as they stepped out of the elevator. Both of them looked over their shoulders back into the elevator. Its doors closed. They looked to each other and smiled.

"Kiss me." Kate requested and went to her tip toes to meet him half way. They parted.

Rick saw the same expression on Kate's face the evening he had stood in the alley with her and asked her on a date. She had been so into him even back then. That expression altered to the smile she now kept for him.

"Hello, I'm Kate Beckett, I'm engaged to Richard Castle and I'm the mother of a beautiful eight month old baby boy."

Rick laughed, "Hello, I'm Rick Castle, the man you're going to marry and the father of that beautiful baby." He confidently stated and gave her another kiss. He unlocked the front door. "Come here." He pulled her close, "Welcome to the first night of your new life, Kate." He said, "Hop up." He requested and Kate instantly jumped up in to his arms, "You really are wet!" He declared as he carried her across the threshold of his loft. He held her there smiling at her eyes.

Perfectly synchronised they said, "We're home."

THE END

_Writing this fictional story has brought it to my attention (and astounded me) how many women are sexually attacked and murdered in Australia alone. Since I began to post this story, in New South Wales and Victoria, two women have died and numerous others have been sexually assaulted. It's devastating that this happens._

_To those who shared their stories with me, I thank you. _


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